time_n my_o wife_n be_v great_a with_o child_n and_o before_o her_o full_a time_n be_v come_v her_o pang_n as_o of_o a_o woman_n in_o travel_n be_v fierce_a and_o sâ—rong_a upon_o she_o even_o as_o if_o sâ—e_n will_v immediate_o have_v fall_v in_o labour_n and_o be_v deliver_v of_o a_o untimely_a birth_n now_o at_o this_o very_a time_n it_o be_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o strong_o tempt_v to_o question_v the_o â—eing_v of_o god_n wherefore_o as_o my_o wife_n lie_v cry_v by_o i_o i_o say_v but_o with_o all_o secrecy_n immaginable_a even_o think_v in_o my_o heart_n lord_n if_o thou_o will_v now_o remove_v this_o sad_a affliction_n from_o my_o wife_n and_o cause_n that_o she_o be_v trouble_v no_o more_o therewith_o this_o night_n and_o now_o weâ—e_v her_o pang_n just_a upon_o she_o then_o shall_v know_v that_o thou_o can_v discern_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 195._o i_o have_v no_o soon_o say_v it_o in_o my_o â—eaâ—t_n but_o her_o pang_n be_v take_v fâ—om_v she_o and_o she_o be_v cast_v into_o a_o deep_a sleep_n and_o so_o she_o continue_v till_o morning_n at_o this_o i_o great_o marvel_v not_o know_v what_o to_o think_v but_o after_o i_o have_v be_v awake_a a_o good_a while_n and_o hear_v she_o câ—y_v no_o more_o i_o fall_v to_o sleep_v alâ—o_o so_o when_o i_o wake_v in_o the_o morning_n it_o come_v upon_o i_o again_o even_o what_o i_o have_v say_v in_o my_o heart_n the_o last_o night_n and_o how_o the_o loâ—d_n have_v sâ—ewed_v i_o that_o he_o know_v my_o secret_a thought_n which_o be_v a_o great_a astonishment_n unto_o i_o for_o several_a week_n after_o 196._o well_o about_o a_o year_n and_o a_o half_a afterward_o that_o wicked_a sinful_a thought_n of_o which_o i_o have_v speak_v before_o go_v through_o my_o wicked_a heart_n even_o this_o thought_n let_v christ_n go_v if_o he_o will_v so_o when_o i_o be_v fall_v under_o guilt_n for_o this_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o other_o thought_n and_o of_o the_o effect_n thereof_o will_v also_o come_v upon_o i_o with_o this_o retort_n which_o carry_v also_o rebuke_v along_o with_o it_o now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n now_o you_o may_v see_v that_o god_n do_v know_v the_o most_o secret_a thought_n of_o the_o heart_n 197._o and_o with_o this_o that_o of_o the_o passage_n that_o be_v betwixt_o the_o lord_n and_o his_o servant_n gideon_n fall_v upon_o my_o spirit_n how_o because_o that_o gideon_n tempt_v god_n with_o his_o fleece_n both_o wet_n and_o dry_a when_o he_o shall_v have_v believe_v and_o venture_v upon_o his_o word_n therefore_o the_o lord_n do_v afterwards_o so_o try_v he_o as_o to_o send_v he_o against_o a_o innumerable_a company_n of_o enemy_n and_o that_o too_o as_o to_o outward_a appearance_n without_o any_o strength_n or_o help_n judg._n chap._n 6_o 7._o thus_o he_o seâ—ved_v i_o and_o that_o just_o for_o i_o shall_v have_v believe_v his_o word_n and_o not_o have_v put_v a_o if_o upon_o the_o all-seeingness_a of_o god_n 198._o and_o now_o to_o show_v you_o something_o of_o the_o advantage_n that_o i_o also_o gain_v by_o this_o temptation_n and_o first_o by_o this_o i_o be_v make_v continual_o to_o possess_v in_o my_o soul_n a_o very_a wondered_a sense_n both_o of_o the_o be_v and_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o of_o his_o belove_a son_n in_o the_o temptation_n before_o my_o soul_n be_v perplex_v with_o atheism_n but_o now_o the_o case_n be_v otherwise_o now_o be_v god_n and_o christ_n continual_o before_o my_o face_n though_o not_o in_o a_o way_n of_o comfort_n but_o in_o a_o way_n of_o exceed_a dread_n and_o terror_n the_o glory_n of_o the_o holiness_n of_o god_n do_v at_o this_o time_n break_v i_o to_o piece_n and_o the_o bowel_n and_o compassion_n of_o christ_n do_v break_v i_o as_o on_o the_o wheel_n for_o i_o coulâ—_n not_o consider_v he_o but_o as_o a_o lose_a and_o reject_v christ_n the_o remembrance_n of_o which_o be_v as_o the_o continual_a break_n of_o my_o bone_n 199._o the_o scripture_n now_o also_o be_v wonderful_a thing_n unto_o i_o i_o see_v that_o the_o truth_n and_o verity_n of_o they_o weâ—e_v the_o key_n of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n those_o the_o scripture_n favour_n they_o must_v inherit_v bliss_n but_o those_o they_o oppose_v and_o condemn_v must_v perish_v for_o evermore_o o_o this_o word_n for_o the_o scripture_n can_v be_v break_v will_v â—end_n the_o cawl_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o so_o will_v that_o other_o who_o sin_n you_o remit_v they_o be_v remit_v but_o who_o sin_n you_o retain_v they_o be_v retain_v now_o i_o see_v the_o apostle_n to_o be_v the_o elder_n of_o the_o city_n of_o refuge_n josh._n 20.4_o those_o they_o be_v to_o receive_v in_o be_v receive_v to_o life_n but_o those_o that_o they_o shut_v out_o be_v to_o be_v slay_v by_o the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n 200._o o_o one_o sentence_n of_o the_o scripture_n do_v more_o afflict_v and_o terrify_v my_o mind_n i_o mean_v those_o sentence_n that_o stand_v against_o i_o as_o sometime_o i_o think_v they_o every_o one_o do_v more_o i_o say_v than_o a_o army_n of_o forty_o thousand_o man_n that_o may_v have_v come_v against_o i_o woe_n be_v to_o he_o against_o who_o the_o scripture_n bend_v themselves_o 201._o by_o this_o temptation_n i_o be_v make_v see_v more_o into_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o promise_n then_o ever_o i_o be_v before_o for_o i_o lie_v now_o tremble_v under_o the_o mighty_a hand_n of_o god_n continual_o tear_v and_o rend_v by_o the_o thundering_n of_o his_o justice_n this_o make_v i_o with_o careful_a heart_n and_o watchful_a eye_n with_o great_a seriousness_n to_o turn_v over_o every_o leaf_n and_o with_o much_o diligence_n mix_v with_o tremble_v to_o consider_v every_o sentence_n together_o with_o its_o natural_a force_n and_o latitude_n 202._o by_o this_o temptation_n also_o i_o be_v great_o beaâ—en_v oft_o my_o former_a foolish_a practice_n of_o put_v by_o the_o word_n of_o promise_n when_o it_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n for_o now_o though_o i_o can_v not_o suck_v that_o comfort_n and_o sweetness_n from_o the_o promise_n as_o i_o have_v do_v at_o other_o time_n yet_o like_v to_o a_o man_n a_o sink_v i_o shall_v catch_v at_o all_o i_o see_v former_o i_o think_v i_o may_v not_o meddle_v with_o the_o promise_n unless_o i_o feel_v its_o comfort_n but_o now_o it_o be_v no_o time_n thus_o to_o do_v the_o avenger_n of_o blood_n too_o hardly_o do_v pursue_v i_o 203._o now_o therefore_o i_o be_v glad_a to_o catch_v at_o that_o word_n which_o yet_o i_o fear_v i_o have_v no_o ground_n nor_o right_a to_o own_o and_o even_o to_o leap_v into_o the_o bosom_n of_o that_o promise_n that_o yet_o i_o fear_v do_v shut_v its_o heart_n against_o i_o now_o also_o i_o shall_v labour_v to_o take_v the_o woâ—d_n as_o god_n have_v lay_v it_o down_o without_o restrain_v the_o natural_a force_n of_o one_o syllable_n thereof_o o_o what_o do_v i_o now_o see_v in_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n and_o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o consider_v with_o myself_o that_o god_n have_v a_o big_a mouth_n to_o speak_v with_o than_o i_o have_v heart_n to_o conceive_v with_o i_o think_v also_o with_o myself_o that_o he_o speak_v not_o his_o word_n in_o haste_n or_o in_o a_o unadvised_a hear_v but_o with_o infinite_a wisdom_n and_o judgement_n and_o in_o very_a truth_n and_o faithfulness_n 2_o sam._n 3.28_o 204._o i_o shall_v in_o these_o day_n often_o in_o my_o great_a agony_n even_o flounce_v towards_o the_o promise_n as_o the_o horse_n do_v towards_o sound_a ground_n that_o yet_o stick_v in_o the_o mire_n conclude_v though_o as_o one_o almost_o bereave_v of_o his_o wit_n through_o fear_n on_o this_o i_o will_v rest_v and_o stay_v and_o leave_v the_o fulfil_n of_o it_o to_o the_o god_n of_o heaven_n that_o make_v it_o o_o many_o a_o pull_n have_v my_o heart_n have_v with_o saâ—an_n for_o that_o bless_a six_o of_o john_n i_o do_v not_o now_o as_o at_o other_o time_n look_v principal_o for_o comfort_n though_o o_o how_o welcome_a will_v it_o have_v be_v unto_o i_o but_o now_o a_o word_n a_o word_n to_o lean_v a_o weary_a soul_n upon_o that_o i_o may_v not_o sink_v for_o ever_o 205._o yea_o often_o when_o i_o have_v be_v make_v to_o the_o promise_n i_o have_v see_v as_o if_o the_o lord_n will_v â—efuse_v my_o soul_n for_o ever_o i_o be_v often_o as_o if_o i_o have_v run_v upon_o the_o pike_n and_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v thrust_v at_o i_o to_o keep_v i_o from_o he_o as_o with_o a_o flame_a sword_n then_o i_o shall_v think_v of_o esther_n who_o go_v to_o petition_v
and_o the_o practice_n of_o piety_n which_o her_o father_n have_v leave_v heâ—_n when_o he_o die_v in_o these_o two_o book_n i_o shall_v sometime_o read_v with_o she_o wherein_o i_o also_o find_v somâ—_n thing_n that_o be_v somewhat_o please_v to_o i_o buâ—_n all_o this_o while_n i_o meet_v with_o no_o conviction_n she_o alsâ—_n will_v be_v often_o tell_v of_o i_o what_o a_o godly_a man_n heâ—_n fatâ—er_n be_v and_o how_o he_o will_v reprove_v and_o correct_v vice_n both_o in_o his_o house_n and_o among_o his_o neighbour_n what_o a_o strict_a and_o holy_a life_n he_o live_v in_o his_o day_n both_o in_o word_n and_o deed_n 12._o wherefore_o these_o book_n with_o this_o relation_n though_o they_o do_v not_o reach_v my_o heart_n to_o awaken_v it_o about_o my_o sad_a and_o sinful_a state_n yet_o they_o do_v beget_v within_o i_o some_o desire_n to_o religion_n so_o that_o because_o i_o know_v no_o better_o i_o fall_v in_o very_o eager_o with_o the_o religion_n of_o the_o time_n to_o wit_n to_o go_v to_o church_n twice_o a_o day_n and_o that_o too_o with_o the_o foremost_a and_o there_o shall_v very_o devout_o both_o say_v and_o sing_v as_o other_o do_v yet_o retain_v my_o wicked_a life_n but_o withal_o i_o be_v so_o overrun_v with_o a_o spirit_n of_o superstition_n that_o i_o adore_v and_o that_o with_o great_a devotion_n even_o all_o thing_n both_o the_o high-place_n priest_n clerk_z vestment_n service_n and_o what_o else_o belong_v to_o the_o church_n count_v all_o thing_n holy_a that_o be_v therein_o contain_v and_o especial_o the_o priest_n and_o clerk_n most_o happy_a and_o without_o doubt_n great_o bless_v because_o they_o be_v the_o servant_n as_o i_o then_o think_v of_o god_n and_o be_v principal_a in_o the_o holy_a temple_n to_o do_v his_o work_n therein_o 13._o this_o conceit_n grow_v so_o strong_a in_o little_a time_n upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o have_v i_o but_o see_v a_o priest_n though_o never_o so_o sordid_a and_o debauch_a in_o his_o life_n i_o shall_v find_v my_o spirit_n fall_v under_o he_o reverence_v he_o and_o knit_v unto_o he_o yea_o i_o think_v for_o the_o love_n i_o do_v bear_v unto_o they_o suppose_v they_o be_v the_o minister_n of_o my_o god_n i_o can_v have_v lie_v down_o at_o their_o foot_n and_o have_v be_v trample_v upon_o by_o they_o their_o name_n their_o garb_n and_o work_v do_v so_o intoxicate_a and_o bewitch_v i_o 14._o after_o i_o have_v be_v thus_o for_o some_o considerable_a time_n another_o thought_n come_v into_o my_o mind_n and_o that_o be_v whether_o we_o be_v of_o the_o israelite_n or_o no_o for_o find_v in_o the_o scripture_n that_o they_o be_v once_o the_o peculiar_a people_n of_o god_n think_v i_o if_o i_o be_v one_o of_o this_o race_n my_o soul_n must_v needs_o be_v happy_a now_o again_o i_o find_v within_o i_o a_o great_a longing_n to_o be_v resolve_v about_o this_o question_n but_o can_v not_o tell_v how_o i_o shall_v at_o last_o i_o ask_v my_o father_n of_o it_o who_o tell_v i_o no_o we_o be_v not_o wherefore_o then_o i_o fall_v in_o my_o spirit_n as_o to_o the_o hope_n of_o that_o and_o so_o remain_v 15._o but_o all_o this_o while_n i_o be_v not_o sensible_a of_o the_o danger_n and_o evil_n of_o sin_n i_o be_v keep_v from_o consider_v that_o sin_n will_v damn_v i_o what_o religion_n soever_o i_o follow_v unless_o i_o be_v find_v in_o christ_n nay_o i_o never_o think_v of_o he_o nor_o whether_o there_o be_v one_o or_o no._n thus_o man_n while_o blind_a do_v wander_v but_o weary_v himself_o with_o vanity_n for_o he_o know_v not_o the_o way_n to_o the_o city_n of_o god_n eccles._n 10.15_o 16._o but_o one_o day_n among_o all_o the_o sermon_n our_o parson_n make_v his_o subject_n be_v to_o treat_v of_o the_o sabbath_n day_n and_o of_o the_o evil_a of_o break_v that_o either_o with_o labour_n sport_n or_o otherwise_o now_o i_o be_v one_o that_o take_v much_o delight_n in_o all_o manner_n of_o vice_n and_o especial_o that_o be_v the_o day_n that_o i_o do_v solace_v myself_o therewith_o wherefore_o i_o fall_v in_o my_o conscience_n under_o his_o sermon_n think_v and_o believe_v that_o he_o make_v that_o sermon_n on_o purpose_n to_o show_v i_o my_o evil-doing_a and_o at_o that_o time_n i_o feel_v what_o guilt_n be_v though_o never_o before_o that_o i_o can_v remember_v but_o then_o i_o be_v for_o the_o present_a great_o load_v therewith_o and_o so_o go_v home_o when_o the_o sermon_n be_v end_v with_o a_o great_a burden_n on_o my_o spirit_n 17._o this_o for_o that_o instant_n do_v cut_v the_o sinew_n of_o my_o delight_n and_o do_v embitter_v my_o former_a pleasure_n to_o i_o but_o behold_v it_o last_v not_o for_o before_o i_o have_v well_o dine_v the_o trouble_n begin_v to_o go_v off_o my_o mind_n and_o my_o heart_n return_v to_o its_o old_a course_n but_o oh_o how_o glad_a be_v i_o that_o this_o trouble_n be_v go_v from_o i_o and_o that_o the_o fire_n be_v put_v out_o wherefore_o when_o i_o have_v satisfy_v nature_n with_o my_o food_n i_o shake_v the_o sermon_n out_o my_o mind_n and_o to_o my_o old_a custom_n of_o sport_n and_o game_n i_o return_v with_o great_a delight_n 18._o but_o the_o same_o day_n as_o i_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o a_o game_n at_o cat_n and_o have_v strike_v it_o one_o blow_n from_o the_o hole_n just_a as_o i_o be_v about_o to_o strike_v it_o the_o second_o time_n a_o voice_n do_v sudden_o dart_v from_o heaven_n into_o my_o soul_n which_o say_v will_v thou_o leave_v thy_o sin_n and_o go_v to_o heaven_n or_o have_v thy_o sin_n and_o go_v to_o hell_n at_o this_o i_o be_v put_v to_o a_o exceed_a maze_n wherefore_o leave_v my_o cat_n upon_o the_o ground_n i_o look_v up_o to_o heaven_n and_o be_v as_o if_o i_o have_v with_o the_o eye_n of_o my_o understanding_n see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n look_v down_o upon_o i_o as_o be_v very_o hot_o displease_v with_o i_o and_o as_o if_o he_o do_v severe_o threaten_v i_o with_o some_o grievous_a punishment_n for_o these_o and_o other_o my_o ungodly_a practice_n 19_o i_o have_v no_o soon_o thus_o conceive_v in_o my_o mind_n but_o sudden_o this_o conclusion_n be_v fasten_v on_o my_o spirit_n for_o the_o former_a hint_n do_v set_v my_o sin_n again_o before_o my_o face_n that_o i_o have_v be_v a_o great_a and_o grievous_a sinner_n and_o that_o it_o be_v now_o too_o too_o late_o for_o i_o to_o look_v after_o heaâ—â—n_n for_o christ_n will_v not_o forgive_v i_o nor_o pardon_v my_o transgression_n then_o i_o fall_v to_o muse_v upon_o this_o also_o and_o while_o i_o be_v think_v on_o it_o and_o fear_v lest_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o i_o feel_v my_o heart_n sink_v in_o despair_n conclude_v it_o be_v too_o late_o and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v in_o my_o mind_n i_o will_v go_v on_o in_o sin_n for_o think_v i_o if_o the_o case_n be_v thus_o my_o state_n be_v sure_o miserable_a miserable_a if_o i_o leave_v my_o sin_n and_o but_o miserable_a if_o i_o follow_v they_o i_o can_v but_o be_v damn_v and_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o i_o have_v as_o good_a be_v damn_v for_o many_o sin_n as_o to_o be_v damn_v for_o few_o 20._o thus_o i_o stand_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o play_n before_z â—ll_z that_o then_o be_v present_a but_o yet_o i_o tell_v they_o â—othing_v but_o i_o say_v i_o have_v make_v this_o conclusion_n â—_o return_v to_o my_o spoâ—t_n again_o and_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o present_o this_o kind_n of_o despair_n do_v so_o possess_v my_o soul_n that_o i_o be_v persuade_v i_o can_v never_o attain_v to_o other_o comfort_n then_o what_o i_o shall_v get_v in_o sin_n for_o heaven_n be_v go_v already_o so_o that_o on_o that_o i_o must_v not_o think_v wherefore_o i_o find_v within_o i_o a_o great_a desire_n to_o take_v my_o fill_n of_o sin_n still_o study_v what_o sin_n be_v yet_o to_o be_v commit_v that_o i_o may_v taste_v the_o sweetness_n of_o it_o and_o i_o make_v as_o much_o haste_n as_o i_o can_v to_o fill_v my_o belly_n with_o its_o delicate_n lest_o i_o shall_v die_v before_o i_o have_v my_o desire_n for_o that_o i_o sear_v great_o in_o these_o thing_n i_o protest_v before_o god_n i_o lyâ—_n not_o neither_o do_v i_o feign_v this_o form_n of_o speech_n these_o be_v real_o strong_o and_o with_o all_o my_o heart_n my_o desire_n the_o good_a lord_n who_o mercy_n be_v unsearchable_a forgive_v i_o my_o transgression_n 21._o and_o i_o be_o very_o confident_a that_o this_o temptation_n of_o the_o devil_n be_v more_o usual_a among_o poor_a creature_n than_o many_o be_v aware_a of_o even_o to_o overrun_v theiâ—_n spirit_n with_o a_o scurvy_a and_o sear_a frame_n of_o heart_n and_o benumb_a of_o conscience_n
transgression_n and_o as_o a_o cloud_n thy_o sin_n return_v unto_o i_o fâ—r_o i_o have_v redeem_v thou_o isa._n 44.22_o but_o i_o can_v not_o return_v but_o flee_v though_o at_o some_o time_n it_o cry_v return_v as_o if_o it_o do_v hollow_a after_o i_o for_o i_o fear_v to_o close_v in_o therewith_o lest_o it_o shall_v not_o come_v from_o god_n for_o that_o other_o be_v still_o sound_v in_o my_o conscience_n for_o you_o know_v how_o that_o afterward_o when_o he_o will_v have_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n he_o be_v reject_v etc._n etc._n 132._o all_o this_o while_n my_o life_n hang_v in_o doubt_n before_o i_o not_o know_v which_o way_n i_o shall_v tip_v only_o this_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n desire_n even_o to_o cast_v itself_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o grace_n by_o prâ—yer_n and_o supplication_n but_o o_o it_o be_v hard_a for_o i_o to_o bear_v the_o face_n to_o pray_v to_o this_o christ_n for_o mercy_n against_o who_o i_o have_v thus_o most_o vile_o sin_v yet_o i_o know_v this_o must_v be_v the_o way_n for_o mercy_n be_v no_o where_o else_o 133._o which_o when_o the_o tempteâ—_n perceive_v he_o strong_o suggest_v to_o i_o that_o i_o ought_v not_o to_o pray_v to_o god_n for_o prayer_n be_v not_o for_o any_o in_o my_o case_n neither_o can_v it_o do_v i_o good_a because_o i_o have_v â—ejected_v the_o mediator_n by_o who_o all_o prayer_n come_v with_o acceptance_n to_o god_n the_o father_n and_o without_o who_o no_o prayer_n can_v come_v into_o his_o presence_n wherefore_o now_o to_o pray_v be_v but_o to_o add_v sin_n to_o sin_n yea_o now_o to_o pray_v see_v god_n have_v cast_v you_o off_o be_v the_o next_o way_n to_o anger_n and_o offend_v he_o more_o than_o ever_o you_o do_v before_o 134._o for_o god_n say_v he_o have_v be_v weary_a of_o you_o for_o these_o several_a year_n already_o because_o you_o aâ—e_v none_o of_o he_o you_o bawl_v in_o his_o ear_n have_v be_v no_o pleasant_a voice_n to_o he_o and_o therefore_o he_o let_v you_o sin_v this_o sin_n that_o you_o may_v be_v quite_o cut_v off_o and_o will_v you_o pray_v still_o this_o the_o devil_n urge_v and_o set_v forth_o by_o that_o in_o number_n which_o moses_n say_v to_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n that_o because_o they_o will_v not_o go_v up_o to_o possess_v the_o land_n when_o god_n will_v have_v they_o therefore_o for_o ever_o after_o he_o do_v bar_v they_o out_o from_o thence_o though_o they_o pray_v they_o may_v with_o tear_n numb_a 14.36_o 37_o etc._n etc._n 135._o as_o it_o be_v say_v in_o another_o place_n exod._n 21.14_o the_o man_n that_o sin_n presumptuos_o shall_v be_v take_v from_o god_n altar_n that_o he_o may_v die_v even_o as_o joab_n be_v by_o king_n solomon_n when_o he_o think_v to_o find_v shelter_n there_o 1_o king_n 2.27_o 28_o etc._n etc._n these_o place_n do_v pinch_v i_o very_o sore_a yet_o my_o case_n be_v desperate_a i_o think_v with_o myself_o i_o can_v but_o die_v and_o if_o it_o must_v be_v so_o it_o shall_v once_o be_v say_v that_o such_o a_o one_o die_v at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n in_o prayer_n this_o i_o do_v but_o with_o great_a difficulty_n god_n do_v know_v for_o still_o that_o say_n about_o esau_n will_v be_v set_v at_o my_o heart_n even_o like_o a_o flame_a sword_n to_o keep_v the_o way_n of_o the_o tree_n of_o life_n lest_o i_o shall_v take_v thereof_o and_o live_v o_o who_o know_v how_o hard_o a_o thing_n i_o find_v it_o to_o come_v to_o god_n in_o prayer_n 136._o i_o do_v also_o desire_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n for_o i_o but_o i_o fear_v that_o god_n will_v give_v they_o no_o heart_n to_o do_v it_o yea_o i_o tremble_v in_o my_o soul_n to_o think_v that_o some_o or_o other_o of_o they_o short_o will_v tell_v i_o that_o god_n have_v say_v those_o word_n to_o â—hem_n that_o he_o once_o do_v say_v to_o the_o prophet_n concern_v the_o child_n of_o israel_n pray_v not_o for_o this_o people_n for_o i_o have_v reject_v they_o jer._n 11.14_o so_o pray_v not_o for_o he_o for_o i_o have_v reject_v he_o yea_o i_o think_v that_o he_o have_v whisper_v this_o to_o some_o of_o they_o already_o only_o they_o dare_v not_o tell_v i_o so_o neither_o dare_v i_o ask_v they_o of_o it_o for_o fear_v if_o it_o shall_v be_v so_o it_o will_v make_v i_o quite_o beside_o myself_o man_n know_v the_o beginning_n of_o sin_n say_v spira_n but_o who_o bound_v the_o issue_n be_v thereof_o 137._o now_o also_o do_v the_o tempter_n begin_v to_o mock_v i_o in_o my_o misery_n say_v that_o see_v i_o have_v thus_o part_v with_o the_o lord_n jesus_n and_o provoke_v he_o to_o displeasure_n who_o shall_v have_v stand_v between_o my_o soul_n and_o the_o flame_n of_o devour_a fire_n the_o way_n be_v now_o but_o one_o and_o that_o be_v to_o pray_v that_o god_n the_o father_n will_v be_v the_o mediator_n betwixt_o his_o son_n and_o i_o that_o we_o may_v be_v reconcile_v again_o and_o that_o i_o may_v have_v that_o bless_a benefit_n in_o he_o that_o his_o bless_a saint_n enjoy_v 138._o then_o do_v that_o scripture_n seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n he_o be_v of_o one_o mind_n and_o who_o can_v turn_v he_o oh_o i_o see_v it_o be_v as_o easy_a to_o persuade_v he_o to_o make_v a_o new_a world_n a_o new_a covenant_n or_o new_a bible_n beside_o that_o we_o have_v already_o as_o to_o pray_v for_o such_o a_o thing_n this_o be_v to_o persuade_v he_o that_o what_o he_o have_v do_v already_o be_v mere_a folly_n and_o to_o persuade_v with_o he_o to_o alter_v yea_o to_o disannul_v the_o whole_a way_n of_o salvation_n and_o then_o will_v that_o say_v rend_v my_o soul_n asunder_o neither_o be_v there_o salvation_n in_o any_o other_o for_o there_o be_v none_o other_o name_n under_o heaven_n give_v among_o man_n whereby_o we_o must_v be_v save_v act._n 4.12_o 139._o now_o the_o most_o free_a and_o full_a and_o gracious_a word_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v the_o great_a torment_n to_o i_o yea_o nothing_o so_o afflict_v i_o as_o the_o thought_n of_o jesus_n christ_n for_o the_o remembrance_n of_o a_o saviour_n because_o i_o have_v cast_v he_o off_o bring_v both_o the_o villainy_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o my_o loss_n by_o it_o to_o mind_n o_o it_o be_v sad_a to_o be_v destroy_v by_o the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n of_o god_n to_o have_v the_o lamb_n the_o saviour_n turn_v lion_n and_o destroyer_n rev._n 6._o i_o also_o tremble_v at_o the_o sight_n of_o the_o saint_n of_o god_n especial_o at_o those_o that_o great_o love_v he_o and_o that_o make_v it_o their_o business_n to_o walk_v continual_o with_o he_o in_o this_o world_n for_o they_o do_v both_o in_o their_o word_n their_o carriage_n and_o all_o their_o expression_n of_o tenderness_n and_o fear_n to_o sin_n against_o their_o precious_a saviour_n condemn_v lay_v guilt_n upon_o and_o also_o add_v continual_a affliction_n and_o shame_n unâ—o_v my_o soul_n 140._o now_o also_o the_o tempter_n begin_v afresh_o to_o mock_v my_o soul_n say_v that_o christ_n indeed_o do_v pity_v my_o case_n and_o be_v sorry_a for_o my_o loss_n but_o for_o as_o much_o as_o i_o have_v sin_v and_o transgress_v as_o i_o have_v do_v he_o can_v by_o no_o mean_n help_v i_o nor_o save_v i_o from_o what_o i_o fear_v for_o my_o sin_n be_v not_o of_o the_o nature_n of_o they_o for_o who_o he_o bleed_v and_o die_v neither_o be_v it_o count_v with_o those_o that_o be_v lay_v to_o his_o charge_n when_o he_o hang_v on_o the_o tree_n therefore_o unless_o he_o shall_v come_v down_o from_o heaven_n and_o die_v anew_o for_o this_o sin_n though_o indeed_o he_o do_v great_o pity_v i_o yet_o i_o can_v have_v no_o benefit_n of_o he_o 141._o but_o o_o how_o this_o will_v add_v to_o my_o affliction_n to_o conceit_n that_o i_o shall_v be_v guilty_a of_o such_o a_o sin_n for_o which_o he_o do_v not_o die_v these_o thought_n will_v so_o confound_v i_o and_o imprison_v i_o and_o tie_v i_o up_o from_o faith_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v but_o oh_o thought_n i_o that_o he_o will_v come_v down_o again_o o_o that_o the_o work_n of_o man_n redemption_n be_v yet_o to_o be_v do_v by_o christ_n how_o will_v i_o pray_v he_o and_o entreat_v he_o to_o count_v and_o reckon_v this_o sin_n among_o the_o rest_n for_o which_o he_o die_v but_o that_o will_v strike_v i_o down_o christ_n be_v raise_v from_o the_o dead_a die_v no_o more_o death_n have_v no_o more_o dominion_n over_o he_o rom._n 6.9_o 142._o thus_o be_v i_o always_o sink_v whatever_o i_o do_v think_v or_o do_v so_o one_o day_n i_o walk_v to_o a_o neighbour_a town_n and_o sit_v down_o upon_o a_o settle_v in_o the_o street_n and_o fall_v into_o a_o
have_v strive_v for_o a_o twelvemonth_n before_o yea_o and_o also_o when_o it_o do_v pass_v through_o my_o heart_n it_o do_v it_o in_o spite_n of_o my_o tooth_n wherefore_o i_o think_v i_o have_v right_a to_o enter_v this_o city_n and_o the_o elder_n which_o be_v the_o apostle_n be_v not_o to_o deliver_v i_o up_o this_o therefore_o be_v greaâ—_n comfort_v to_o i_o and_o do_v give_v i_o much_o ground_n of_o hope_n 174._o yet_o be_v very_o critical_a for_o my_o smaâ—t_n have_v make_v i_o that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o ground_n be_v sure_a enough_o to_o bear_v i_o i_o have_v one_o question_n that_o my_o soul_n do_v much_o desire_n to_o be_v resolve_v about_o and_o that_o be_v whether_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o any_o soul_n that_o have_v indeed_o sin_v the_o unpardonable_a sin_n yet_o after_o that_o to_o receive_v though_o but_o the_o least_o true_a spiritual_a comfort_n from_o god_n through_o christ_n the_o which_o after_o i_o have_v much_o consider_v i_o find_v the_o answer_n be_v no_o they_o can_v not_o and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n 175._o first_o because_o those_o that_o have_v sin_v that_o sin_n they_o be_v debar_v a_o share_n in_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o be_v shut_v out_o of_o that_o they_o must_v needs_o be_v void_a of_o the_o least_o ground_n of_o hope_n and_o so_o of_o spiritual_a comfort_n for_o to_o such_o there_o remain_v no_o more_o sacrifice_n for_o sin_n heb._n 10.26_o 27._o second_o because_o they_o be_v deny_v a_o share_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n they_o shall_v never_o be_v forgive_v neither_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o in_o that_o which_o be_v to_o come_v mat._n 12.31_o three_o the_o son_n of_o god_n exclude_v they_o also_o from_o a_o share_n in_o his_o bless_a intercession_n be_v for_o ever_o ashamed_a to_o own_v they_o both_o before_o his_o holy_a father_n and_o the_o bless_a angel_n in_o heaven_n mark_v 8._o 176._o when_o i_o have_v with_o much_o deliberation_n consider_v of_o this_o matter_n and_o can_v not_o but_o conclude_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v comfort_v i_o and_o that_o too_o after_o this_o my_o wicked_a sin_n then_o methinks_v i_o dare_v venture_v to_o come_v nigh_o unto_o those_o most_o fearful_a and_o terrible_a scripture_n with_o which_o all_o this_o while_n i_o have_v be_v so_o great_o affright_v and_o on_o which_o indeed_o before_o i_o dare_v scarce_o cast_v my_o eye_n â—ea_o have_v much_o ado_n a_o hundred_o time_n to_o forbear_v wish_v of_o they_o out_o of_o the_o bible_n for_o i_o think_v they_o will_v destroy_v i_o but_o now_o i_o say_v i_o begin_v to_o take_v some_o measure_n of_o encouragement_n to_o come_v close_o to_o they_o to_o read_v they_o and_o consider_v they_o and_o to_o weigh_v their_o scope_n and_o tendence_n 177._o the_o which_o when_o i_o begin_v to_o do_v i_o find_v their_o visage_n change_v for_o they_o look_v not_o so_o grim_o on_o i_o as_o before_o i_o think_v they_o do_v and_o first_o i_o come_v to_o the_o six_o of_o the_o hebrew_n yet_o tremble_v for_o fear_v it_o shall_v strike_v i_o which_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v i_o find_v that_o the_o fall_v there_o intend_v be_v a_o fall_v quite_o away_o that_o be_v as_o i_o conceive_v a_o fall_n from_o and_o a_o absolute_a denial_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o remission_n of_o sin_n by_o christ_n for_o from_o they_o the_o apostle_n begin_v his_o argument_n ver_fw-la 1_o 2_o 3._o second_o i_o find_v that_o this_o fall_v away_o must_v be_v open_o even_o in_o the_o view_n of_o the_o world_n even_o so_o as_o to_o put_v christ_n to_o a_o open_a shame_n three_o i_o find_v that_o those_o he_o there_o intend_v be_v for_o ever_o shut_v up_o of_o god_n both_o in_o blindness_n hardness_n and_o impenitency_n it_o be_v impossible_a they_o shall_v be_v renew_v again_o unto_o repentance_n by_o all_o these_o particular_n i_o find_v to_o god_n everlasting_a praise_n my_o sin_n be_v not_o the_o sin_n in_o this_o place_n intend_v 178._o then_o i_o consider_v that_o in_o the_o ten_o of_o the_o hebrew_n and_o find_v that_o the_o wilful_a sin_n there_o mention_v be_v not_o every_o wilful_a sin_n but_o that_o sin_n which_o do_v throw_v off_o christ_n and_o then_o his_o commandment_n too_o second_o that_o must_v also_o be_v do_v open_o before_o two_o or_o three_o witness_n to_o answer_v that_o of_o the_o law_n ver_fw-la 28._o three_o this_o sin_n can_v be_v commit_v but_o with_o great_a despite_n do_v to_o the_o spirit_n of_o grace_n despise_v both_o the_o dissuasion_n from_o that_o sin_n and_o the_o persuasion_n to_o the_o contrary_a but_o the_o lord_n know_v though_o this_o my_o sin_n be_v devilish_a yet_o it_o do_v not_o amount_v to_o these_o 179._o and_o as_o touch_v that_o in_o the_o twelve_o of_o the_o hebrew_n about_o esau_n sell_n his_o birthright_n though_o this_o be_v that_o which_o kill_v i_o and_o stand_v like_o a_o spear_n against_o i_o yet_o now_o i_o do_v consider_v first_o that_o his_o be_v not_o a_o hasty_a thought_n against_o the_o continual_a labour_n of_o his_o mind_n but_o a_o think_v consent_v to_o and_o put_v in_o practice_n likewise_o and_o that_o too_o after_o some_o deliberation_n gen._n 25._o second_o it_o be_v a_o public_a and_o open_a action_n even_o before_o his_o brother_n if_o not_o before_o many_o more_o this_o make_v his_o sin_n of_o a_o far_o more_o heinous_a nature_n then_o otherwise_o it_o will_v have_v be_v three_o he_o continue_v to_o slight_v his_o birthright_n he_o do_v eat_v and_o drink_v and_o go_v his_o way_n thus_o esau_n despise_v his_o birthright_n yea_o twenty_o year_n after_o he_o be_v find_v to_o despise_v it_o still_o and_o esau_n say_v i_o have_v enough_o my_o brother_n keep_v that_o thou_o have_v to_o thyself_o gen._n 33.9_o 180._o now_o as_o touch_v this_o that_o esau_n seek_v a_o place_n of_o repentance_n thus_o i_o think_v first_o this_o be_v not_o for_o the_o birthright_n but_o for_o the_o blessing_n this_o be_v clear_a from_o the_o apostle_n and_o be_v distinguish_v by_o esau_n himself_o he_o have_v take_v away_o my_o birthright_n that_o be_v formerly_z and_o now_o he_o have_v take_v away_o my_o blessing_n also_o gen._n 27.36_o second_o now_o this_o be_v thus_o consider_v i_o come_v again_o to_o the_o apostle_n to_o see_v what_o may_v be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n in_o a_o new-testament_n stile_n and_o sense_n concern_v esau_n sin_n and_o so_o far_o as_o i_o can_v conceive_v this_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o god_n that_o the_o birthright_n signify_v regeneration_n and_o the_o blessing_n the_o eternal_a inheritance_n for_o so_o the_o apostle_n seem_v to_o hint_n leave_v there_o be_v any_o profane_a person_n as_o esau_n who_o for_o one_o morsel_n of_o meat_n sell_v his_o birthright_n as_o if_o he_o shall_v say_v lest_o there_o be_v any_o person_n among_o you_o that_o shall_v cast_v off_o all_o those_o bless_a beginning_n of_o god_n that_o at_o present_a be_v upon_o he_o in_o order_n to_o a_o new_a birth_n lest_o they_o become_v a_o esau_n even_o be_v reject_v afterward_o when_o they_o will_v inherit_v the_o blessing_n 181._o for_o many_o there_o be_v who_o in_o the_o day_n of_o grace_n and_o mercy_n despise_v those_o thing_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o birthright_n to_o heaven_n who_o yet_o when_o the_o deciding-day_n appear_v will_v cry_v as_o loud_o as_o esau_n lord_n lord_n open_a to_o we_o but_o then_o as_o isaac_n will_v not_o repent_v no_o more_o will_v god_n the_o father_n but_o will_v say_v i_o have_v bless_v these_o yea_o and_o they_o shall_v be_v bless_v but_o as_o for_o you_o depart_v you_o be_v worker_n of_o iniquity_n gen._n 27.32_o luk._n 13_o 25_o 26_o 27._o 182._o when_o i_o have_v thus_o consider_v these_o scripture_n and_o find_v that_o thus_o to_o understand_v they_o be_v not_o against_o but_o according_a to_o other_o scripture_n this_o still_o add_v further_o to_o my_o encouragement_n and_o comfort_n and_o also_o give_v a_o great_a blow_n to_o that_o objection_n to_o wit_n that_o the_o scripture_n can_v not_o agree_v in_o the_o salvation_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o now_o remain_v only_o the_o hinder_a part_n of_o the_o tempest_n for_o the_o thunder_n be_v go_v beyond_o i_o only_o some_o drop_n do_v still_o remain_v that_o now_o and_o then_o will_v fall_v upon_o i_o but_o because_o my_o former_a fright_n and_o anguish_n be_v very_o sore_a and_o deep_a therefore_o it_o do_v oft_o befall_v i_o still_o as_o it_o befall_v those_o that_o have_v be_v scare_v with_o fire_n i_o think_v every_o voice_n be_v fire_n fire_n every_o little_a touch_n will_v hurt_v my_o tender_a conscience_n 183._o but_o one_o day_n as_o i_o be_v pass_v in_o the_o field_n and_o that_o too_o with_o some_o dash_v on_o my_o conscience_n fear_v lest_o yet_o all_o be_v not_o right_a sudden_o
grace._n abound_v to_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n or_o a_o brief_a and_o faithful_a relation_n of_o the_o exceed_v mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n to_o his_o poor_a servant_n john_n bunyan_n wherein_o be_v particular_o show_v the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n his_o sight_n and_o trouble_v for_o sin_n his_o dreadful_a temptation_n also_o how_o he_o despair_v of_o god_n mercy_n and_o how_o the_o lord_n at_o length_n through_o christ_n do_v deliver_v he_o from_o all_o the_o guilt_n and_o terror_n that_o lie_v upon_o he_o whereunto_o be_v add_v a_o brief_a relation_n of_o his_o call_n to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o temptation_n therein_o as_o also_o what_o he_o have_v meet_v with_o in_o prison_n all_o which_o be_v write_v by_o his_o own_o hand_n there_o and_o now_o publish_v for_o the_o support_n of_o the_o weak_a and_o tempt_v people_n of_o god_n come_v and_o hear_v all_o you_o that_o fear_v god_n and_o i_o will_v declare_v what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o my_o soul_n psal._n 66.16_o london_n print_v by_o george_n larkin_n 1666._o a_o preface_n or_o brief_a account_n of_o the_o publish_n of_o this_o work_n write_v by_o the_o author_n thereof_o and_o dedicate_v to_o those_o who_o god_n have_v count_v he_o worthy_a to_o beget_v to_o faith_n by_o his_o ministry_n in_o the_o word_n child_n grace_n be_v with_o you_o amen_o i_o be_v take_v from_o you_o in_o presence_n and_o so_o tie_v up_o that_o i_o can_v perform_v that_o duty_n that_o from_o god_n do_v lie_v upon_o i_o to_o you-ward_o for_o your_o further_a edify_v and_o build_v up_o in_o faith_n and_o holiness_n etc._n etc._n yet_o that_o you_o may_v see_v my_o soul_n have_v fatherly_a care_n and_o desire_v after_o your_o spiritual_a and_o everlasting_a welfare_n i_o now_o once_o again_o as_o from_o the_o top_n of_o shenir_fw-fr and_o hermon_n so_o from_o the_o lion_n den_n and_o from_o the_o mountain_n of_o the_o leopard_n song_n 4.8_o do_v look_v yet_o after_o you_o all_o great_o long_v to_o see_v your_o safe_a arrival_n into_o the_o desire_a haven_n i_o thank_v god_n upon_o every_o remembrance_n of_o you_o and_o rejoice_v even_o while_o i_o stick_v between_o the_o tooth_n of_o the_o lion_n in_o the_o wilderness_n at_o the_o grace_n and_o mercy_n and_o knowledge_n of_o christ_n our_o saviour_n which_o god_n have_v bestow_v upon_o you_o with_o abundance_n of_o faith_n and_o love_n your_o hungering_n and_o thirsting_n also_o after_o further_a acquaintance_n with_o the_o father_n in_o his_o son_n your_o tenderness_n of_o heart_n your_o tremble_a at_o sin_n your_o sober_a and_o holy_a deportment_n also_o before_o both_o god_n and_o man_n be_v great_a refreshment_n to_o i_o for_o you_o be_v my_o glory_n and_o joy_n 1_o thes._n 2.20_o i_o have_v send_v you_o here_o enclose_v a_o drop_n of_o that_o honey_n that_o i_o have_v take_v out_o of_o the_o carcase_n of_o a_o lion_n judg._n 14.5_o 6_o 7_o 8._o i_o have_v eat_v thereof_o myself_o also_o and_o be_o much_o refresh_v thereby_o temptation_n when_o we_o meet_v they_o at_o first_o be_v as_o the_o lion_n that_o roar_v upon_o samson_n but_o if_o we_o overcome_v they_o the_o next_o time_n we_o see_v they_o we_o shall_v find_v a_o nest_n of_o honey_n within_o they_o the_o philistian_o understand_v i_o not_o it_o be_v a_o relation_n of_o the_o work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o own_o soul_n even_o from_o the_o very_a first_o till_o now_o wherein_o you_o may_v perceive_v my_o casting_n down_o and_o raising_n up_o for_o he_o wound_v and_o his_o hand_n make_v whole_a it_o be_v write_v in_o the_o scripture_n isai._n 38.19_o the_o father_n to_o the_o child_n shall_v make_v know_v the_o truth_n of_o god_n yea_o it_o be_v for_o this_o reason_n i_o lay_v so_o long_o at_o sinai_n leu._n 4.10_o 11._o to_o see_v the_o fire_n and_o the_o cloud_n and_o the_o darkness_n that_o i_o may_v fear_v the_o lord_n all_o the_o day_n of_o my_o life_n upon_o earth_n and_o tell_v of_o his_o wondrous_a work_n to_o my_o child_n psal._n 78.3_o 4_o 5._o moses_n numb_a 33.1_o 2._o writ_n of_o the_o journeying_n of_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n from_o egypt_n to_o the_o land_n of_o canaan_n and_o command_v also_o that_o they_o do_v remember_v their_o forty_o year_n travel_n in_o the_o wilderness_n thou_o shall_v remem-all_a the_o way_n which_o the_o lord_n thy_o god_n lead_v thou_o these_o forty_o year_n in_o the_o wilderness_n to_o humble_v thou_o and_o to_o prove_v thou_o and_o to_o know_v what_o be_v in_o thy_o heart_n whether_o thou_o will_v keep_v his_o commandment_n or_o no_o deut._n 8.2_o 3._o wherefore_o this_o i_o have_v endeavour_v to_o do_v and_o not_o only_o so_o but_o to_o publish_v it_o also_o that_o if_o god_n will_v other_o may_v be_v put_v in_o remembrance_n of_o of_o what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o their_o soul_n by_o read_v his_o work_n upon_o i_o it_o be_v profitable_a for_o christian_n to_o be_v often_o call_v to_o mind_n the_o very_a beginning_n of_o grace_n with_o their_o soul_n it_o be_v a_o night_n to_o be_v much_o observe_v to_o the_o lord_n for_o bring_v they_o out_o from_o the_o land_n of_o egypt_n this_o be_v that_o night_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o be_v observe_v of_o all_o the_o child_n of_o israel_n in_o their_o generation_n exod._n 12.42_o my_o god_n say_v david_n psal._n 42.6_o my_o soul_n be_v cast_v down_o within_o i_o but_o i_o will_v remember_v thou_o from_o the_o land_n of_o jordan_n and_o of_o the_o hermonite_n from_o the_o hill_n mizar_n he_o remember_v also_o the_o lion_n and_o the_o bear_n when_o he_o go_v to_o fight_v with_o the_o giant_n of_o gath_n 1_o sam._n 17.36_o 37_o it_o be_v paul_n accustom_a manner_n act_v 22._o and_o that_o when_o try_v for_o his_o life_n act_v 24._o even_o to_o open_v before_o his_o judge_n the_o manner_n of_o his_o conversion_n he_o will_v think_v of_o that_o day_n and_o that_o hour_n in_o the_o which_o he_o first_o do_v meet_v with_o grace_n for_o he_o find_v it_o support_v unto_o he_o when_o god_n have_v bring_v the_o child_n of_o israel_n through_o the_o red_a sea_n far_o into_o the_o wilderness_n yet_o they_o must_v turn_v quite_o about_o thither_o again_o to_o remember_v the_o drown_n of_o their_o enemy_n there_o num._n 14.25_o for_o though_o they_o sing_v his_o praise_n before_o yet_o they_o soon_o forget_v his_o work_n psal._n 106.11_o 12._o in_o this_o discourse_n of_o i_o you_o may_v see_v much_o much_o i_o say_v of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o i_o thank_v god_n i_o can_v count_v it_o much_o for_o it_o be_v above_o my_o sin_n and_o satan_n temptation_n too_o i_o can_v remember_v my_o fear_n and_o doubt_n and_o sad_a month_n with_o comfort_n they_o be_v as_o the_o head_n of_o goliath_n in_o my_o hand_n there_o be_v nothing_o to_o david_n like_o goliahs_n sword_n even_o that_o sword_n that_o shall_v have_v be_v sheathe_v in_o his_o bowel_n for_o the_o very_a sight_n and_o remembrance_n of_o that_o do_v preach_v forth_o god_n deliverance_n to_o he_o o_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o great_a sin_n of_o my_o great_a temptation_n and_o of_o my_o great_a fear_n of_o perish_v for_o ever_o they_o bring_v fresh_a into_o my_o mind_n the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o great_a help_n my_o great_a support_n from_o heaven_n and_o the_o great_a grace_n that_o god_n extend_v to_o such_o a_o wretch_n as_o i_o my_o dear_a child_n call_v to_o mind_v the_o former_a day_n the_o year_n of_o ancient_a time_n remember_v also_o your_o song_n in_o the_o night_n and_o commune_v with_o your_o own_o heart_n psal._n 73.5_o 6_o 7_o 8_o 9_o 10_o 11_o 12._o yea_o look_v diligent_o and_o leave_v no_o corner_n therein_o unsearched_a for_o there_o be_v treasure_n hide_v even_o the_o treasure_n of_o your_o first_o and_o second_o experience_n of_o the_o grace_n of_o god_n towards_o you_o remember_v i_o say_v the_o word_n that_o first_o lay_v hold_v upon_o you_o remember_v your_o terror_n of_o conscience_n and_o fear_v of_o death_n and_o hell_n remember_v also_o your_o tear_n and_o prayer_n to_o god_n yea_o how_o you_o sigh_v under_o every_o hedge_n for_o mercy_n have_v you_o never_o a_o hill_n mizar_n to_o remember_v have_v you_o forget_v the_o close_a the_o milk-house_n the_o stable_a the_o barn_n and_o the_o like_a where_o god_n do_v visit_v your_o soul_n remember_v also_o the_o word_n the_o word_n i_o say_v upon_o which_o the_o lord_n have_v cause_v you_o to_o hope_v if_o you_o have_v sin_v against_o light_n if_o you_o be_v tempt_v to_o blaspheme_v if_o you_o be_v down_o in_o despair_n if_o you_o think_v god_n fight_v against_o you_o or_o if_o heaven_n be_v hide_v from_o your_o eye_n remember_v it_o be_v thus_o with_o your_o father_n but_o out_o of_o they_o all_o the_o lord_n deliver_v
i_o i_o can_v have_v enlarge_v much_o in_o this_o my_o discourse_n of_o my_o temptation_n and_o trouble_n for_o sin_n as_o also_o of_o the_o merciful_a kindness_n and_o work_n of_o god_n with_o my_o soul_n i_o can_v also_o have_v step_v into_o a_o stile_n much_o high_a than_o this_o in_o which_o i_o have_v here_o discourse_v and_o can_v have_v adorn_v all_o thing_n more_o theâ—_n here_o i_o have_v seem_v to_o do_v but_o i_o dare_v not_o god_n do_v not_o play_v in_o convince_a of_o i_o the_o devil_n do_v not_o play_v in_o tempt_v of_o i_o neither_o do_v i_o play_v when_o i_o sink_v as_o into_o a_o bottomless_a pit_n when_o the_o pang_n of_o hell_n catch_v hold_n upon_o i_o wherefore_o i_o may_v not_o play_v in_o my_o relate_n of_o they_o but_o be_v plain_a and_o simple_a and_o lay_v down_o the_o thing_n as_o iâ—_n be_v he_o that_o like_v it_o let_v he_o receive_v it_o and_o he_o that_o do_v not_o let_v he_o produce_v a_o better_a farewell_o my_o dear_a child_n the_o milk_n and_o honey_n be_v beyond_o this_o wilderness_n god_n be_v merciful_a to_o you_o and_o grant_v you_o be_v not_o slothful_a to_o go_v in_o to_o possess_v the_o land_n jo._n bunyan_n grace._n abound_v to_o the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n or_o a_o brief_a relation_n of_o the_o exceed_a mercy_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n to_o his_o poor_a servant_n john_n bunyan_n in_o this_o my_o relation_n of_o the_o merciful_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o soul_n it_o will_v not_o be_v amiss_o if_o in_o the_o first_o place_n i_o do_v in_o a_o few_o word_n give_v you_o a_o hint_n of_o my_o pedigree_n and_o manner_n of_o bring_v up_o that_o thereby_o the_o goodness_n and_o bounty_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o â—ay_v be_v the_o more_o advance_v and_o magnify_v before_o â—he_n son_n of_o man_n 2._o for_o my_o descent_n then_o it_o be_v as_o be_v well_o know_v â—y_a many_o of_o a_o low_a and_o inconsiderable_a generation_n â—y_a father_n house_n be_v of_o that_o rank_n that_o be_v meanâ—st_v and_o most_o despise_a of_o all_o the_o family_n in_o the_o â—and_n wherefore_o i_o have_v not_o here_o as_o other_o to_o boast_v of_o noble_a blood_n or_o of_o a_o high-born_a state_n according_a to_o the_o flesh_n though_o all_o thing_n consider_v i_o magnify_v the_o heavenly_a majesty_n for_o that_o by_o thiâ—_n door_n he_o bring_v i_o into_o this_o world_n to_o partake_v oâ—_n the_o grace_n and_o life_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n by_o the_o gospel_n 3._o but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o the_o meanness_n and_o inconsiderableness_n of_o my_o parent_n it_o please_v god_n to_o put_v it_o into_o their_o heart_n to_o put_v i_o to_o school_n to_o learn_v both_o to_o read_v and_o write_v the_o which_o i_o also_o attain_v according_a to_o the_o rate_n of_o other_o poor_a man_n child_n though_o to_o my_o shame_n i_o conâ—ess_v i_o do_v sooâ—_n loose_v that_o little_a i_o learn_v and_o that_o even_o almost_o utter_o and_o that_o long_a before_o the_o lord_n do_v work_v hiâ—_n gracious_a work_n of_o conversion_n upon_o my_o soul_n 4._o as_o for_o my_o own_o natural_a life_n for_o the_o time_n that_o i_o be_v without_o god_n in_o the_o world_n it_o be_v indeed_o accord_v to_o the_o course_n of_o this_o world_n and_o the_o spirit_n that_o now_o work_v in_o the_o child_n of_o disobedience_n it_o be_v my_o delight_n to_o be_v take_v captive_a by_o the_o devil_n at_o his_o will_n be_v fill_v with_o all_o unrighteousness_n the_o which_o do_v also_o so_o strong_o work_v and_o put_v forth_o itself_o both_o in_o my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o thaâ—_n fâ—om_o a_o child_n that_o i_o have_v but_o few_o equal_n especial_o consider_v my_o yeaâ—s_n which_o be_v tender_a be_v few_o both_o for_o curse_v swear_v lie_v and_o blaspheme_v the_o holy_a name_n of_o god_n 5._o yea_o so_o settle_v and_o root_v be_v i_o in_o these_o thing_n that_o they_o become_v as_o a_o second_o nature_n to_o i_o the_o which_o as_o i_o also_o have_v with_o soberness_n consider_v since_o do_v so_o offend_v the_o lord_n that_o even_o iâ—_n my_o childhood_n he_o do_v scare_v and_o affright_v i_o witâ—_n fearful_a dream_n and_o do_v terrify_v i_o with_o dreadful_a vision_n for_o often_o after_o i_o have_v spend_v this_o and_o thâ—_n other_o day_n in_o sin_n i_o have_v in_o my_o bed_n be_v great_o afflict_v while_o asleep_o with_o the_o apprehension_n oâ—_n devil_n and_o wicked_a spirit_n who_o still_o as_o i_o theâ—_n think_v labour_v to_o draw_v i_o away_o with_o they_o of_o which_o i_o can_v never_o be_v rid_v also_o i_o shall_v at_o â—hese_fw-mi year_n be_v great_o afflict_v and_o trouble_v with_o â—he_n thought_n of_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n and_o that_o â—oth_v night_n and_o day_n and_o shall_v tremble_v at_o the_o thought_n of_o the_o fearful_a torment_n of_o hell-fire_n still_o â—earing_v that_o it_o will_v be_v my_o lot_n to_o be_v find_v at_o last_o â—mongst_a those_o devil_n and_o hellish_a fiend_n who_o be_v â—here_o bind_v down_o with_o the_o chain_n and_o bond_n of_o eternal_a daâ—knâ—ss_n 6._o these_o thing_n i_o say_v when_o i_o be_v but_o a_o child_n do_v so_o distress_n my_o soul_n that_o when_o in_o the_o midst_n of_o my_o many_o sport_n and_o childish_a vanity_n amid_o my_o â—ain_a companion_n i_o be_v often_o much_o cast_v down_o and_o afflict_v in_o my_o mind_n therewith_o yet_o can_v i_o not_o let_v go_v my_o sin_n yea_o i_o be_v so_o overcome_v with_o despair_n of_o life_n and_o heaven_n that_o then_o i_o shall_v often_o wish_v either_o that_o there_o have_v be_v no_o hell_n or_o that_o i_o have_v be_v a_o devil_n suppose_v they_o be_v only_a tormentor_n that_o if_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v that_o i_o indeed_o go_v thither_o i_o may_v be_v rather_o a_o tormentor_n then_o torment_v myself_o 7._o a_o while_n after_o these_o terrible_a dream_n do_v leave_v i_o which_o also_o i_o soon_o forget_v for_o my_o pleasure_n do_v quick_o cut_v off_o the_o remembrance_n of_o they_o as_o if_o they_o have_v never_o be_v wherefore_o with_o more_o greediness_n according_a to_o the_o strength_n of_o nature_n i_o do_v still_o let_v loose_v the_o reins_o to_o my_o lust_n and_o delight_v in_o all_o transgression_n against_o the_o law_n of_o god_n so_o that_o until_o â—_o come_v to_o the_o state_n of_o marriage_n i_o be_v the_o very_a ringlead_a of_o all_o the_o youth_n that_o keep_v i_o company_n inâ—o_o all_o manner_n of_o vice_n and_o ungodliness_n 8._o yea_o such_o prevalency_n have_v the_o lust_n and_o fruit_n of_o the_o flesh_n in_o this_o poor_a soul_n of_o i_o that_o have_v not_o â—_o miracle_n of_o precious_a grace_n prevent_v i_o have_v not_o only_o perish_v by_o the_o stroke_n of_o eternal_a justice_n but_o â—ad_v also_o lay_v myself_o open_a even_o to_o the_o stroke_n of_o those_o â—aws_n which_o bring_v some_o to_o disgrace_n and_o open_a shame_n before_o the_o face_n of_o the_o woâ—ld_n 9_o in_o these_o day_n the_o thought_n of_o religion_n waâ—_n very_o grievous_a to_o i_o i_o can_v neither_o endure_v it_o mâ—_n self_n nor_o that_o any_o other_o shall_v so_o that_o when_o i_o hauâ—_n but_o see_v some_o read_n in_o those_o book_n that_o concern_v chistian_a piety_n it_o will_v be_v as_o it_o weâ—e_v a_o pâ—ison_n to_o i_o tâ—en_o i_o say_v unto_o god_n depart_v from_o i_o for_o i_o desire_v not_o the_o knowledge_n of_o thy_o way_n job_n 21.14_o 15._o 〈◊〉_d be_v now_o void_a of_o all_o good_a consideration_n heaveâ—_n and_o hell_n be_v both_o out_o of_o sight_n and_o mind_n anâ—_n as_o for_o save_v and_o damn_v they_o be_v least_o in_o my_o thought_n o_o lord_n thou_o know_v my_o life_n and_o my_o wayâ—_n be_v not_o hide_v fâ—om_n thou_o 10._o yet_o this_o i_o well_o remember_v that_o though_o 〈◊〉_d can_v myself_o sin_n with_o great_a delight_n and_o ease_v and_o also_o take_v pleasure_n in_o the_o vileness_n of_o my_o companion_n yet_o even_o then_o if_o i_o have_v at_o any_o time_n see_v wicked_a thing_n by_o those_o that_o profess_a goodness_n iâ—_n will_v make_v my_o spirit_n tremble_v as_o once_o above_o alâ—_n the_o rest_n when_o i_o be_v in_o my_o height_n of_o vanity_n yeâ—_n hear_v one_o to_o swear_v that_o be_v reckon_v for_o a_o relious_a man_n it_o have_v so_o great_a a_o stroke_n upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o it_o make_v my_o heart_n to_o ache_v 11._o present_o after_o this_o i_o change_v my_o condition_n into_o a_o marry_a state_n and_o my_o mercy_n be_v to_o light_v upon_o a_o wife_n who_o father_n be_v count_v godly_a this_o woman_n and_o i_o though_o we_o come_v together_o aâ—_n poor_a as_o poor_a may_v be_v not_o have_v so_o much_o as_o a_o dish_n or_o spoon_n betwixt_o we_o both_o yet_o this_o she_o have_v for_o her_o part_n the_o plain_a man_n pathway_n to_o heaven_n