upon him my nature that he might become my Lord and King Saviour and Redeemer who brake the doors of Brass rescued me from the Rape of Hellish furies cast them out delivered my darling soul from the power of the Dog and barred the Gate that he could enter no more to stuff my thoughts with his detestable injections although he attempted a return Thou hast thrust fore at me oh mine enemy that I might fall but the Lord helped me many a time may I now say have these things afflicted me from my youth many a time have they afflicted me from my youth yet they have not prevailed against me The Plowers plowed upon my back they made long their furrows but the righteous Lord he hath cut asunder the cords of the weeked one I was brought low and the Lord helped me He hath delivered my soul from death mine eyes from tears and my feet from falling Oh Lord my God I will give thanks to thee for ever CHAP. V. Concluding the whole experiment with an account of the unconceivable sweetness of divine consolations the usual consequent of long and sort temptations a more then abundant reason to abide Gods leisure under the heavy load of dâ—sertions Of the cause of writing ANd now at last when the Lord my Lord of whom the Father said sit thou at my right hand until I make thy enemies thy foot-stoolâ— had set my soul at freedom by his mighty power he sent his blessed spirit the holy Ghost that most glorious self evidencing and sweet comforter whose sweetness no heart can conceive but he who hath tasted how good he is who shewed me from the Father and his blessed Son that all the miseries afore mentioned pressing me down were the delusions of Satan and whereas he intended to have made me a shame and reproach to all that should know or hear of my overthrow that now my God hath taken advantage of the greatness of my sins thereby to magnifie his mercy in pardoning thereof according to my cry in the day of my distress and that now I was of Abrahams Family numbred among the spiritual Children of Abraham a priviledge which I often especially under my troubles prized highly and desired earnestly to be partaker off The blessed spirit bearing witness of these things wrought in my soul such unconceiveable joy that in the words of Thomas I cryed out my Lord and my God so ravishing were the kisses of those divine lips of love that my heart was silled with joy unspeakable and glorious my mouth with laughter my body much weakened by the anguish and horror of my soul so that I kept my Chamber for many dayes together was now revived and my youth renewed as the Eagle that casteth her Beak so that I became as lightsome as if I had not known sorrow to the great admiration of my Friends who had known my long confinement to my Chamber by reason of sorrow and heavyness My heart my sorrowful heart of which I was wont to cry out None so fad none so disquieted as thou was now through the joy of the Lord quite altered The spirit of my God now covering me with the glorious robes of his Sons righteousness turned my mourning into dancing put off my Sackcloath and girded me with gladness gave me a garment of praise for the spirit of heavyness so that then and since being upheld by the same hand I could say I carry about me a chearful heart and a much more healthy body notwithstanding the great disappointments I in my worldly condition then met with and still lye under Being now enabled by faith to apprehend my self justified through the righteousness of God even the righteousness of Jesus Christ imputeth to poor sinners the guilt the obligation of my sins to punishment being taken away I can now through the tender mercy of God whereby the day spring from on high hath visited me comfortably give a challenge to Death and the Grave Oh Death where is thy sting oh Grave where is thy victory my dear Lord having ransomed me from the power and fear of the grave and helping me in despight of him that hath the power of death that is the Devil to look upon my self as one of those whom God the Father hath given to the Son as part of the travaile of his soul so that the Lord Christ delights in me as the gift of his Father and the purchase of his own bloud And my God loveth me with the same love wherewith he loveth his Son and all the promises of grace made to sinners in the holy word through Jesus Christ I have an interest in and expect to have fulfilled to me as far as it shall tend to his glory and my good He that gave me his Son will freely also give me all good things Well may I therefore take up the words of the Prophet Oh Lord I will praise thee for though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortedst me For the iniquity of my soul thou wast wroth with me and smotâ—st me but now thou hast healed me and restored comforts to me the Lord Jehovah is my strength and song he also is become my salâ—ation I waited patiently for the Lord and he encâ—â—ned his ear to me and heard my cry he drew my feet out of an horrible pit out of the miry clay and hath set me upon a Rock and established my goings What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits I will call upon him as long as I live I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people When the Lord Jesus is pleased to go away to withdraw the comfortable warm beams of his love and presence from the sight and sence of his poor people Joh. 16.6 like the Apostles their hearts are filled with heavyness they think every day a week and every week a month and every month a year the time seemeth tedious till he return till he lifteth up the light of his countenance till he restores comforts to them like the mother of Sisera they are putting forth their heads crying why are his Chariot wheels so long in coming But oh that such would remember what I now find that it is expedient for them that he should sometimes go away from them withholding his consolations for the holy Ghost the Comforter shall one time or other come to such as wait for it with such joy and peace that passeth all understanding of eye ear and heart of man And then long time spent in waiting shall seem but a little moment Is 40 2. and they shall receive double pay for all the punishments of their iniquities The Children of this world in this are wiser in their generation then the Children of light no discouragement of wind or rain can make them forbear their seasons of sowing in hope nor can the interposition of many perillous months delay work a dissolution of the hope that
of the Authour is needless read him a man he is of long standing in profession a Follower of God both up-hill and down-hill for many years one who hath not liv'd so ill as to have all men speak well of him nor common frailties excepted as to deserve the contrary If his zeal for God hath expos'd him to the reproach of some well may he bear it He desires to let the World see nothing in him but his infirmities the rest is God's and not his A man whom long diseases of Soul and many Paroxcisms or heights of distemper have annoyed but not left by the great Physitian How he came at first to any sence of Religion in truth and with how much difficulty through the strong temptations of Sathan he attained to a comfortable hope of the love of God what was the course taken by him for his relief how Faith in the promises and submission to all Gods dealings were and are to be exercised are the cheif things here spoken of The Lord make it as profitable to thee in reading as he testifies they were to him in the experiencing who after many weak fits of Faith and Faithfulness in weakness rejoyceth in hope of the glory of God That thou maist be bettered by this publication is the Authours design and the hearty prayer of To the Saints of the Most High God especially the afflicted in Conscience lying under sad desertions and groaning for deliverance Grace Peace and Victory be given to you from the Lord Jesus Christ our Saviour HAving received so glorious a mercy as to be delivered from many delusions and temptations of Sathan under which I lay for many years I look upon it as my great duty to manifest Gods gratious dealings with me to the Sons and Daughters of Men and so much the rather do I thus judge because the wayes of God to me have not been common or ordinary wayes they are but a few of Gods Children as the Authour of the book entituled Dr. Tho. Goodwin A Child of Light walking in darkness witnesseth whom their Father casts into the belly of Hell deep Waters where they feel no bottom letting out Sathan upon them and the manifestation of his glorious grace in saving such to the utmost is the main end one of them he aimeth at in dealing thus with any 't is no wonder Satan should have an access to and converse with the spirits of men and many times when they know it not for he is a Spirit or that with so much vigour and terrour his temptations in times of desertion should be accompanyed for by the evidence of Gods word ana his own ways 't is certain that his work and business is to drink up and devour his nature is not only that of a Roaring Lyon for power and terrour but also of a subtle Serpent for pollicy and poison his season and opportunity is when we are weakest and at the worst and night and day doth he keep watch and ward for taking all the advantage that may be if God for needful ends turns but his back upon his child hides his face from him forsakes him but for a little moment the enemy waiteth at the door to break in as a mighty flood If by Feavor Melancholly or other bodily distempers the natural spirits which are the â—ursitors between the body and the Soul are made uncapable of performing their Office aright then is he sure to be up and doing every affiction is an hour of temptation the dark is his delight now is the time for him to lay his delusions upon the fantasie and to charge sin upon the Soul when he findeth it most unable to resist and ready to embrace and believe it To bring the Soul in to inextricable troubles is his design to accomplish with more then conceiveable pollicy cruelty and mallice are set at work for he is the red Dragon who hath all along traded in persecution of the woman and her seed Christ and his Church For the space of fourty years or thereabouts hath it pleased the hand that took me out of my Mothers Womb to train me up and lead me along in this uncomfortable Wilderness of temptation though I cannot say that in all these years he hath left me to the violence of spiritual conflicts for then the burthen had been too heavy for flesh to stand under so long yet must I needs say my clearest day all that time was but dark and however I seemed to others in point of comfort outwardly sure I am my soul enjoyed not her rest nor could I ever say I was all that while any more then a Prisoner of hope still subject unto bondage and not discharged of the debt nor delivered from my fears 'T was but an hard shift I made to hold up my head when I was at best my worst cannot be expressed until now at last that God for whom I wâ—ited in the way of his Judgements and from whom were my expectations in the use of appointed means all this while came and was found of me when I looked not for him delivered me from my strong Enemy set my Feet upon a Rock and established my goings The same God that was my stay in the day of calamity is now my Glory and the lifter up of my head he is my strength and song and is now become my Salvation Upon the whole I may truly say as once Job said I have heard of God by the hearing of the Ear but now mine Eye hath seen him now hath he made known himself to me by his sweet Spirit and by the manifestation and operation of his glorious power in giving me deliverance And I can say by experience more then ever that now I know there is a God so also now I know there is a Devill such have been the delusions cursed injections of blasphemous thoughts and dreadful temptations wherewith he hath endeavoured to fill my Soul till the day the Lord by his great power delivered me out of his hands that I have cause to know him and to make him known as far as I am able to the World which is the endeavour of this ensuing Relation Every Child of God I am perswaded is somewhat acquainted with the wounds of conscience but God who best knows the frame of his people and what they can bear and for what work they are intended measures not to all alike Some are made to sip onely of the Cup of Trembling while others are made to drink down larger draughts every Soul hath his tast To much as will serve to make an experiment of the evil and bitter nature of sin but some have more then others and though every man is apt to magnifie his own miseries into a Non such because the heart knows his own bitterness and a wounded Conscience who can bear yet without breach of modesty I think I may bolaly affirm that few of the Sons of Men have been in greater danger or more beholden
Christians Mat. 12.33 34 35. The latter end of such is worse for sin and sorrow then their beginning wounds skinned over will become ulcerous at last the sting of the old Serpent like that of the Taâ—antula dispatcheth this kind of sinners into hell laughing 5. Moreover the proper time of discovery is not yet come judgement passing before the last act is ridiculous â—olly Mark but the end of wicked men patiently stay but a very little while and tell me then what you think of all their pleasures Follow them to death or at the furthest to judgement then will the blackness of their countenance and the loudness of their howling cryes confirm the truth of that passage now little thought of Eccles 8.12.13 Though a sinner do evil an hundred times and his days be prolonged yet surely I know that it shall be well with them that fear God which fear before him But it shall not be well with the wicked He that seriously layes to heart the sure and sore miseries that come stealing on upon the sinful sensual merry world Ez. 32. And how even they who have Pharoah like been stout hearted oppressors and reproachers of the distressed remnant of Jacob though they have caused their terror in the land of the living are nevertheless gone down to hell and how heavy their iniquities lyâ— upon their bones I say he that observes these things and layeth them to heart will find there was a reason for Balaam wish Num. 3.10 Lâ—â— me dye the death of the righteous and my laâ—â— end bâ— like to his Heb. 11.24 And that Moses was 〈◊〉 child when he refused to be called the Son 〈◊〉 Pharoahs Daughter chusing rather to fussâ—â— affliction with the people of God then to 〈◊〉 joy the pleasures oâ— sin for a season esteeâ—ing the reproach of Christ greater riches thâ— the treasures of Egypt to rush upon the poâ—â— of sufferings when a man may chuse to account pleasures to be no more then pressures reproaches to be renown and treasures to be but trash Oh! what folly doth the world judge this to be and yet such a fool was Moses and so must he be that would be wise 't is the highest wisdom to shun those short pleasures that breed long and eternal pains an eternal weight of glory will make afflictions that are but for a moment seem but â—ight and little when heaviest and greatest 't is this the end the duration of good and evil that wisdom considereth before it bestows it's names on any thing And oh that men were wise in this to employ their thoughts more upon the end of their way and the wages of their work then upon the way and work it self then would not the present delights of sin make the life of a sinner to appear delightfuâ— because such pleasures are but for a season the pleasures are but false and fading but the torments are true and eternal ones We are told concerning Witches that the Devil appeareth not to them in any terrible shape at the beginning of their contract but in the shape of a man and with many fair promises of wealth long life and power to revenge their wrongs with many pleasures besides That the hook being bid it may go down the better 2 Cor. 4.4 were but the seals of ignorance by which the God of this world blinds the eyes of them that believe not taken off the life of sinners would quickly prove a weary life and the Ministers of Christ who now are wearied with silence would find work enough to answer the question Acts 11.16.30 Sirs what shall we do to be saved There is but a thin seal over thine eye and that will not alway there abide Death or the day of judgement will ferch it off And when that drops all thy comforts drops away from thee sin will find thee out then be sure no place shall priviledge thee from its arrest Is 32.2 To be found in Christ will be the best hiding place and covert from the Wind and Tempest Sions heights and shews of holyness will stand in little stead when Is 33.14 The sinners in Zion are afraid fearfullness hath surprized the hypocrite who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire who amongst us shall dwell with everlasting burnings sincerity reall Christianity will be the best Religion then when shews and shadows shall flee away Then they that fear God walk in darkness that are wounded in spirit laden with the spirit of heavyness whose faith of adoption lyeth open to manyfold temptations troden underfoot of Men and not spâ—red by the rod of God these these I say then will have a merry day a day of redemption from sears and deliverance from every particular of their complaint Mark well Mat. 4.2 But unto you that fear my name shall the Son of righâ—eousness arise with healing in his wings and ye shall go forth and grow up as Calves of the stall Ch. 3 17. And they shall be mine saith the Lord of hosts in that day when I make up my Jewels and I will spare them as a Man spareth his own Son that serveth him Let all the world then know that if the unchecked pleasures of time be attended with eternall displeasures there is but small reason why any man should become sins advocate because of that pleasure that attends it concerning which that may as truly be said which St. Iames asserts concerning the life of all Men. What is it but a vapour which soon appeareth and presently disapeareth leaving its possessor â—n an interminable irrecoverable gulf of dismall horror and confounding distraction This is the fifth branch of my answer to â—hose that think the troubles of mind which â—arnall professors are freed from is an argument strong enough to perswade men from intermedling in the stricter and purer wayes of holyness Eternity is before us Mal. 3.18 Then shall ye return and discern between the righteous and the wicked between him that feareth God and hâ—m that feareth him not 6. Let me also add this that as all Gods people are not so happy as to enjoy the heighth of assurance of the love of God without fits of intermission so neither are they also miserable as to be cast into the depths of terrors the belly of Hell without hope of comming thence Or this is that I would say depths of terrors among professors is altogether as rare as heights of assurance 'T is but a few that fall into such temptation as may render them the wonder of others The rod of correction is as needfull among Children in a family as bread its self and of this all that belong to God are one way or other partakers but to be whipt with Scorpions to be chastned in wrath or rebuked in hot displeasure is a thing rarely to be seen among the thousands of Israel 7. Those whom God thus puts upon the wrack of unusuall â—errors have none to thank but an evill nature in themselves and that evilâ— One that is