not only safety inviolable but peace untterable safety in life and sweetness in death And now Lord when I enquire for what cause thou givest me all this I find nothing but thy meer love unto me when I ask what thou requirest for all this I hear thee demand no thing but the return of love what is more easy what more sweet than love and what object more aimable than that glorious being that is the perfection of al love that love the beauty of al perfection Thou canst not give Lord what thou hast not the glory of thy creation is but a glimps of that grater glory of thine essence Lord who can deny thee Love how sweet is this yoak how light this burden when I love thee I enjoy thee and my self in thee I possess thee I rest in thee for ever O my God all that thou givest mee all that thou requirest of mee is to make mee happy to thee be glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord All this I joyfully confess thou hast done for mee and yet the whole course of my corrupt life hath been nothing elce but a continued Rebellion against thee mine Eyes full of Adultery my tongue of Corrupt communication my hands of oppression mine eares open to iniquity my heart full of hypocricy my feet Lame in thy paths and swift to walk in the wayes of sinners my whole man nothing elce but the very body of death and destruction I have sinned against precepts against promises against mercies against judgments against the checks of mine own conscience and the blessed motions of thy holy Spirit I have even tempted my temptations by making daily and hourely provisions for sin and have been so farr from sorrowing for all this that I have resolved to continue yet still And yet so great is thy compassion towards mee that still thou storest up new mercies for mee Lord I bewail my weakness I lament my willfulness I abhorr my filthiness I heartily desire and earnestly endeavour to unrip my soul to ransack my heart to unlock the very secrets of my thoughts that I may have all my sins continually before mee even in their worst appearances and I may loath them and leave them and obtain thy gratious pardon for them I confesse Lord that I am utterly unworthy to enjoy this blessed light which I have so much abused to thy great dishonour much more the light of Grace by which thou leadest me to that of Glory and that it were more just with thee for ever to deprive me of these happy lights and to expose me to the terrours of eternall darknesse Lord I have finned and cannot chuse but sin I am a great and grievous sinner and yet I am thy child have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery into the bosome of thy tender love I thrust my sinfull soul for safety and protection O let not thy justice triumph in my ruine but thy mercy in my deliverance so shalt thou have the glory and I the sweetnesse of mine eternall happinesse Hear me O Lord and help me for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy Sons sake Amen CHAP. 3. Vpon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for Noon Blessed God WIthout thy holy providence no creature can subsist by thine Allmighty power they were created out of nothing and if thou shouldst not sustain them they must needs return to nothing how wisely how wonderfully doest thou guide and govern these inferiour creatures All things are at once disposed of by thee and move successively to their appointed ends but above all how gratiously hast thou provided for the good of man what varieties of food how secretly how sweetly disposed it to sustentation No creature can be nourishing without thee and with thee I enjoy not onely nutriment but delectation how sweet is this thy goodnesse to my body how much more sweet thy mercy to my soul and if thy temporall refreshments are so good how ravishing is that celestiall food with which thy Saints and Angels are delighted Lord how undeserving am I of these thy many favours Thou givest rain to the earth and it becometh fruitfull thou loadest me daily with thy blessings and loe I am unthankâ—â—â— even those creatures that are insensible are daily nourisht into augmentation and man alone whom thou hast made to live for ever contents himself with daily diminution This wofully appears by my deadness and dulness in my Christian calling by my back wardness to Holy Duties by my carelesnesse and coldnesse in prayer wearinesse in reading irkomenesse in meditation by my faint Hope sick Faith luke-warm Love frozen Charity lame Patience languishing Zeal and all those other visible decayes of Goodness which are none other than the very symptomes of a dying soul Ah now Lord how miserably deformed must I needs appear in thy fight that am thus ugly in mine own Thou that hadst compassion on me when I was in my blood and then saidst unto me Live that hast washed me clean from sin and pollution and espoused me into thine own bolom wilt thou allso love me in death Wilt thou court me in the grave How justly mightest thou for ever leave me to mine own ruin that can so easily so willingly forsake thee for the pleasures of sin and yet how sweetly how affectionately doest thou order all things for me Even my very sins invite me to a more happy to a nearer Union with thee To thee therefore O my God the life of my life the very being and assured comfort of my sinfull soul and wretched body do I address my self for mercy and forgiveness I confess my self unworthy of thy gracious providence in sustaining this frail and infirm body much more unworthy O Lord of thine unspeakable love in reviving relieving imbracing my deformed soul Blessed Lord who am I of whom thou art thus tenderly compassionate When I was in the womb I was defiled with sin when I came out of it I was covered with shame the World bewitched me the Flesh besotted me the Devill beguiled me Lord when no eye pittied me then thou badst mercy on me and now at last when I am run from thee when I have adulterated my first Love when I am become poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked thou freely forgivest me thou callest me thy fair one and givest me thy love O my God I admire thy Goodness I deplore and abhor mine own wretchedness O let the sweetness of thy love in Christ inflame the dying sparks of my benummed soul to praise thee without ceasing Expatiatc my narrow thoughts with day'y contemplation of my heavenly home with joyfull expectation of the sweet fruition of Eternity O give me such a blessed raptasie of soul that I may live above the reach of humane misery and reign with thee hereafter in immortall glory CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulness shortness and uncertaintie of life A Meditation suited to the Evening
their help much more vain for who can ransome the soul of his brother surely man must let that alone for ever My substance is a meer shadow and my rest unquietness I labour for holiness but I cannot attain it I search for happiness but I cannot find it the Devill beguiles me of it the World allures me from it yea so sad is my condition that mine own soul is against mine own contentment Mine understanding cosens me mine affections betray me my memory forsakes me those things which I would doe I cannot and I daily doe those things which I would not all that I am all that I can be in this life is nothing else but extreme vanity What shall I think of all this and wherewith shall I comfort me by thy mercy Lord I have found out one that can relieve me Thou O my blessed Saviour art unto me life and by thee death is unto me advantage while my body sleeps it shall rest and that rest shall be truly blessed I shall rest from labour from sorrow from sin my sleep shall be safe my vision happy while my body sleepeth my soul shall awake when my soul is uncloathed of flesh and my flesh of beauty my spirit shall be made ready with the robes of glory while my dust is insensible my spirit is intelligible mine eyes shall be then opened and I shall see even as I am seen with purity and perfection of soul no veil of nature shall obscure me no defect of organes hinder me no clouds of sin molest me mine understanding shall be clear mine affections pure my memory perfect I shall there be satisfied in beholding ravished in injoying blessed in reteining nothing can be there wanting where I enjoy all that was that is that is to come where the happy humanity is eternally united to the blessed deity where I am Christs and Christ is Gods O happy condition of my sinfull body O blessed change of my immortall soul the one is sowen in corruption that it may rise to immortality the other layeth down corruption to inher it glory though I now leave it I still long to enjoy it and joy exceedingly in longing for it because I know I shall for ever be united to it But wo is me even in this happiness I am still miserable I have found out my quiet but I care not to enjoy it death offers me a crown and I refuse to accept it am I so sensless to affect mine own unhappiness to rejoyce in labour and complain of rest what doe I here any longer the world loves me not nor I it why do I thus dote upon mine enemy when it frowns it afflicts me when it smiles it betrayes me there is nothing in it but weariness and misery Go out therefore O my soul go out cheerfully from thy prison to thy palace God is thy father and heaven thy country thou art here distressedly poor and wretchedly naked bereaved of graces dispoyled of goodness thou hast there much treasure and of great price a fair mansion and a goodly heritage Christ hath purchased it and is gone before to prepare it Thou longest much in this life to behold that which thou never sawest here are great and glorious things prepared for thee such as eye hath not seen ear hath not heard neither have entred into the heart of man to conceive how earnestly shouldst thou long to see them how much more earnestly to enjoy them how willingly should this make thee to express thy self with holy David and say My soul is athirst for God yea even for the living God when shall I come and appear before the presence of my God Alass my soul thou art here but groping in the dark daily erring and mistaking hourly stumbling and salling into sin into shame into sorrow in great danger of the miseries of life in greater of the torments of eternall death All that thou knowest here is to know thy self ignorant Thou onely knowest things here by their events thou shalt there know them in their first causes thou art here wearied out in gaining this imperfect lame and empty knowledge thou shalt there delight thy self in knowing all that is desirable by knowing him in whom are all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge these drops of transitory joyes are full of bitterness those rivers of eternall pleasures are derived from the fountain of eternall sweetness thou hast here vain pomp to delight thee thou hast there a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory to encompass thee thou art here enthralled by the misery of life thou art there inlarged by the blesedness of death Blessed Lord all this by grace I know and saithfully believe and yet by nature I am still blind and ignorant unable to discern unwilling to desire those blessed things which are belonging to mine everlasting peace but when thou in thy rich mercy shalt once open mine eyes to see the beauty of my heavenly home I shall then entirely love it and unfeignedly long for it I shall then most willingly forsake these tottering walls of my frail flesh to dwel with thee in pâ—rfect holiness and endless happiness that frailty may be swallowed up of immortality and immortality may be imbraced by eternity O thou which wert and art to come who hast sweetned death by thy perfect obedience and perfumed the grave by thy blessed sufferings suffer me not in my last hour for any pains of death or terrors of hell to fall from the fast hold of a true and lively faith in thy promises to lose the precious hopes of immortality and sweet enjoyments of eternity Lord let me then say with thy blessed Apostle That I know whom I have trusted that he will keep what I have delivered to him and restore it safely unto me at that day Let me seriously consider of the misery of life and blessedness of death acquaint me every day with the remembrance of it and bless me every hour with a desire unto it that I may willingly uncloath my self of sin and misery and joyfully be cloathed upon with immortalitie O Lord prepare me for that blessed hour and in my greatest weakness and extremity even then when all the comforts of this wretched life shall fail me Lord Jesus forsake me not be not thou far from me O give me then that inward joy that blessed comfort of thy holy Spirit that may support and comfort me in all the terrors and amazements of this dark and unknown passage in all the dreadfull accusations of the devill and mine own accusing conscience Lord let thy blessed Spirit then witness to my soul that I am thy child that thou wilt purge away all my dross and take away all my sins that I am powerfully protected by thy grace and shall assuredly be made partaker of thy glory Amen CHAP. 36. Upon the great Neglect of Opportunities in doing good unto the Saints Lord WHen I call to mind the richness and the largeness of thy bounty
thee Lord as this holy motion came from thy heavenly Spirit so enable me to the performance of it by thy grace to thy glory and my soules eternall comfort I vow my self a serious and professed enemy to all ungodlinesse no sinfull thought shall surprise me without a sorrowfull sigh no ungracious word pass me without a sudden retractation and devout confession no wicked action defile me without a sincere and godly humiliation unto each measure of sin I will allow a due measure of sorrow those sins that have been reigning over me shall at set houres be constantly revenged by me and as my body hath been a deep sharer in my sinnes so it shall allso be a dayly sharer in my sufferings I will at set seasons deny my self somewhat of these outward enjoyments which thou Lord in mercy hast allowed me as a true sign of my true sorrow for that sinfull excess which I have too often taken without thine allowance Those sinfull houres which have been vainly lost in idlenesse and emptinesse shall be willingly redeemed in a constant observation of religious duties no day shall passe me without a solemn and devout task of devotion no hour without some sweet ejaculation And when at any time the troubles and disturbances of this frail life shall deny me happy opportunities for these heavenly performances what is wanting in act shall be made up in desire which thou Lord I trust wi lt graciously accept and look upon as done because faithfully intended O thou infinitely wise and for ever blessed being that art truly and eternally happy without the sinfull service of thy creature and yet commandest us to serve thee for our own sakes that we allso may be happy in thee thou that lovest not a false and fickle heart nor delightest in the sacrifise of fooles give me a wise and understanding heart that I may seriously consider of this sacred Vow give me a constant and religious heart that I may chearfully perform what I have faithfully promised give me a broken and a contrite heart that I may bitterly bewail what I have foolishly neglected that thy great name may be glorified my sinfull life amended my conscience quieted my spirit comforted thy Saints delighted thine Angels rejoyced and my soul and body eternally saved in the great and dreadfull day of the Lord Jesus to whom with thee O blessed Father and thine holy Spirit be all possible praise and honour and glory now and for ever Amen CHAP. 40. Upon the blessed condition of Gods Saints with motives and encouragements unto Godliness Lord To close up these imperfect lines as I began with that beauty of holinesse which thou thy self art and is essentially contained in thee so my soules desire is to end with that blessednesse which we thy Saints enjoy even in this vale of misery and is eternally derived from thee that so I may begin and end with thee who art the beginning and end of thy creature that I may lead thy servants from the pure fountain of true holinesse to the sweet streames of inward happinesse wherein we may securely bath our weary soules in rest and quietnesse untill thy gracious goodnesse shall conduct us home unto the full fruition of those joyfull rivers of thine endlesle pleasure I am no sooner entred upon this blessed search but I find my soul ravished with admiration at the greatnesse with apprehension of the goodnesse with contemplation of the freenesse of thy love and favour towards me I see thee the great and glorious God of heaven and earth from all eternity out of thine own gracious goodnesse without all possibility in me when I was not either of desiring or deserving this inestimable love of thine electing me in Christ of whom thou hadst no need from whom thou couldst receive no benefit unto holynesse and happinesse in this life and unto blefsednesse in that to come and as I find this love of thine to be purely simply admirably and eternally great so is it also truly necessarily sufficiently and permanently good If it were not truly good it could never make me truly happy if not necessarily good I might then enjoy happinesse without it if not sufficiently good my happinesse enjoyed by it could not afford me satisfaction in it if not permanently good what I enjoy in satisfaction I may want in perfection by being suddainly removed from it But thou O Lord hast graciously afforded me all these degrees of happinesse that I might be truly and eternally happy that I might be happy in thee because there is no attainining happinesse but by thee that I may be happy in soul and happy in body happy in life and happy in death happy here and happy hereafter Thou O my blessed Saviour art sweeter unto me than all sweetnesse thou art that blessed All-sufficiency by which I am both fully and for ever satisfied thou art my safe repose my inviolable peace my rich rest my safety in life my comfort in death my glory after death By thy patient sufferings I am more than conqueror of sin of sorrow of death of hell by thy glorious resurrection I have assured hope of immortality by thy blessed ascention of eternall glory by the one thou hast powerfully defended me against the rage and malice of devils by the other thou hast graciously exalted me in thy blessed union with me above the nature of Angels thy peace thou hast left with me thy peace thou hast given unto me even that blessed peace of conscience which the world cannot take from me and that eternity of peace with thee in thy Kingdom which thou Lord in thy rich mercy hast prepared for me O that I might now lose my self with contemplation of thine endlesse love that I might be ravished into extasie with apprehension of my present safety of my future glory that all my faculties of soul might be but one entire and pleasing sacrifise of thankfulnesse unto thee that as thou O my Saviour and the Father are one so I may be one with thee to magnifie thy gracious presence here and to be for ever where thou art hereafter to see thy great glory and enjoy mine own end lesse felicity From this for ever blessed fountain of eternall happiness doe plentifully flow those pleasant streams of comfort to the souls and bodies of the Saints even in this life by which they are securely quieted and joyfully contented even in the very worst of times which either mans malice or the Devils cruelty can study to inflict upon them if they receive injuries they return prayers they entertain them with a Father forgive them for they know not what they doe Luk. 23.34 and Lord lay not this sin to their charge Act. 7.60 And so while they lose outwardly they gain inwardly godliness is great gain for by patience they possess their own souls Their courage is undaunted for The righteous is hold as a Lion able to encounter the fiercest affliction ready to withstand the strongest
might now prevail with thee to repair the losse of thy presence in my sinfull soul Lord let the greatnesse of my folly in sinning extoll the richnesse of thy mercy in forgiving Restore me to the joy of thy salvation and stablish me with thy free Spirit so shall I have the comfort and thou the praise of my deliverance If thou Lord wilt give me understanding to delight in thy Law I shall allso have a sweet assurance that thou wilt delight in me to doe me good Accept of my desires strengthen my endeavours perfect my performances pardon my weaknesse assist my willingnesse forgive my sinfulnesse nourish the good motions of thy holy Spirit in me and for thy mercies sake remove all dangers and temptations from me that when the short and wretched race of my imperfect holinesse is ended here I may solemnize that eternall Sabbath with thy blessed Saints and Angels in thy Kingdome and rest with thee in the perfection of true happinesse for ever Amen CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due Preparation for receiving of the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper Lord WHen I look upon the inestimable value of that gift which I am this day to receive when I consider of the Majestie of thee the Giver of the misery of me the Receiver of the vast difference between corruption and eternity of thy strict commands for preparation to the Passcover under thy Law of thy blessed precepts for due receiving of thy Sacrament under the Gospell of thine own example in washing thy Disciples feet and thereby symbolizing the eternall washing of their souls of thy Saints practice in their solemn preparations unto holinesse by pulling off their shoes when they approached thy presence of thy severe judgements against Vzza for heedlesse touching of thine Ark against the Bethshemites for curiousnesse in looking in against those rash Corinthians whereof for want of holy preparation some were weak some sick some fallen asleep and lastly of that dreadfull sentence against unworthy commers to thy Wedding Feast pronounced by thine own mouth I tremble at my bold approaches to thy blessed Table I wonder at thy goodnesse that I am yet alive to say there is yet mercy with thee that thou mayst be scared How many blessed opportunities of coming to thy Table have I sinfully neglected How many abused by my sinfull resort thither by my wandring and idle thoughts there by my wicked and profane actions after I returned thence Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse How long Lord how long shall I wander in these wofull waies of wickednesse I am weary of the sins and miseries of this life and willing to embrace this heavenly comfort for my soul I confesse my self a great and grievous sinner and yet I know Lord thou camest not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance I am hungry and poor and blind and naked and miserable destitute of all hope of all help but from thee alone Lord I am unworthy of thy crums yet thou admittest me to thy Table the sinfulnesse of my corrupt nature hath made a wofull separation between us but the richnesse of thy sufferings hath for ever made a sweet conjunction of us all my sins are thine all thy righteousnesse is mine thou art now my well-beloved and I am thy chosen one and in this blessed Union is my sweet and safe repose for ever Who can enough deplore that more than wofull separation Who can enough admire this more than wonderfull conjunction this more than happy reconciliation Here is Justice undeniable Mercy incomprehensible Wisdome unutterable Love unimitable O let my soul now lose it self in the unknown paths of heavenly contemplation let me this day apprehend thee O my Saviour fasting praying weeping groaning sweating bleeding fainting dying for my sake and now pleading to my God for mercy for me Let me now tast the sweetnesse of that mercy by a lively faith the fulnesse of this sweetuesse by a blessed hope the fruition of this fulnesse by eternall love Lord how unworthy am I of these embraces if I bewail not if I abhor not if I forsake not all the wretched failings of my sinfull life past if I rejoyce not with joy unspeakable and glorious to be admitted to so great a mercy if this inflame not mine affections with unspotted love to thee my God with earnest longings for thy presence of Grace in this life of Glory in that to come And now Lord since thou in thy rich love hast freely forgiven me my pounds I will allso most willingly and heartily forgive my brother his pence I will have nothing to doe with malice that had so much need of mercy I will unfeignedly and freely and fully forgive all injuries on earth I will love all those that hate me and pray for all those that despightfully use me and all this for thy sake who hast freely loved me and layd down thy life for me to whom be Glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord God Look down in mercy and compassion on me thy poor distressed suppliant whom thou now vouchsafest to admit unto thy heavenly Banquet Illuminate my blindness by the blessed light of thy most sacred Word satisfie my hunger with the sweet refreshings of thy gracious presence inrich my poverty with the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit cover my nakedness with the precious robes of thine own righteousness swallow up the depth of my misery by the height of thy mercy that I may this day appear before thee with a sincere heart and happy soul Lord strengthen and support my feeble faith make me joyfully to trust in thee constantly to rely upon thee thankfully to sacrifise my soul in praises to thee Vouchsafe dear Lord that I may worthily approach thy blessed Table that I may this day be so united to thee that all my joy and comfort may hereafter bee for ever with thee Amen CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving Lord THis art that blessed Bread by which my soul is nourisht to eternall life thou art that fruitfull Vine from which doth flow those gladding comforts to my fainting spirit Thou wert broken for my sins thou wert bruised for my transgressions and the chastisement of my peace was upon thee Lord by thy stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Thou tookest into thy hand the cup of trembling thou drankest out the very dregs thereof and thy precious blood was poured out like water for my sake Sweet Jesus sustain me by this Bread refresh me with this Wine recover me with this Potion cleanse me by this Effusion that I may this day receive joyfully return thankfully live righteously and dye happily CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving I Am this day joyfully delivered from the bondage of Sin and Satan and happily restored unto the glorious liberty of the sons of God I have rellished the sweetness of his heavenly promises and received the seal of
his gracious performances I now enjoy that blessed Peace of God which passeth all our understanding My deliverance is wonderful my freedom absolute my peace unalterable my joy unutterable My conscience is now quieted my spirit ravished mine enemies vanquished and my God wel-pleased To thee therefore O thou blessed Fountain of eternall sweetness do I address my joyfull soul to love and honour thee to my lives end Lord Jesus accept of me and so powerfully and graciously assist me that I may savingly behold thee in thy blessed promises that I may happily enjoy thee in thy holy Ordinances that I may clearly see and joyfully confess what great things thou hast done for my poor soul that I may be dayly ravished with apprehension of thine exceeding love and hourly husied with recounting thy endless praise Lord make me to forsake the sins and miseries of this life make me more watchful over my corrupt heart more zealous of thy glory and thy childrens good that I may never willingly offend thee but wholly sacrifise the short remainder of my dayes unto thee that so my heart and my flesh may triumphantly rejoice in thee the living God Mortifie my corruptions support my weakness accept my willingness Let this my humiliation before thee be a pleasing sacrifice unto thee for his alone sake whose precious life thy rich mercie hath sacrifised to thy Justice for me Lord hear me and have mercy on me for his alone sake whom thou hast freely given unto me that I may truly love thee devoutly serve thee earnestly imbrace thee eternally enjoy thee Amen CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken and the many dangers incident thereunto I Am now going from mine own home and know not whether I shall ever return God I know hath set a pâ—riod to my dayes beyond which I cannot pass but when or where or how my life shall end I am uncertain Many are the dangers that attend this sinfull life and many more my sins that have deserv'd them I can neither number the one nor foresee the other this is the wretched and the sad condition of my body and without unfeigned sorrow for my sins the much more wofull case of my distressed soul Lord there is nothing so sweet as thy love nothing so safe as thy protection and yet I have carelessy neglected the one and thou mayst now justly deny me the other thou hast woed me to mercy and I have refused to come thou hast graciously invited me by thy continuall preservations by thy fatherly sustentations by thy gentle corrections by thy faithfull promises and thy rich performances Blessed Lord how wonderfull are thy compassions towards me when I am unthankfull for thy many favours when I am unmindfull of mine own miseries even then thou graciously providest for me and yet for all this I have not hitherto resolved seriously to come unto thee Such and so many are my sins so great is my unthankfulness that I now tremble to appear before thee and yet so tender is thy mercy to me that thou again allurest me to comfort and contentment Lord into the blessed bosom of thy love I cast my self for safety and protection and in the midst of danger even in death it self will joyfuliy rely upon thee For thou O Lord art my strong rock and fortress unto which I will alwaies resort Lord keep me as the apple of thine eye hide me under the shaddow of thy wings Strengthen my weak faith against the strong assaults of Satan support and comfort me in all the fears and terrors of mine own accusing conscience protect and keep me in this present journey let thy holy Angels be my blessed Guardians to protect me in life to preserve me in death to assist me after death O let me never grieve those blessed Spirits which though invisibly yet most assuredly are my attendants Lord as thou hast given them readyness and cheerfulness of mind to watch my preservation and further my salvation so give me carefulness and constancy of soul to joy them in my life and conversation And seeing Lord I cannot know my hour of dissolution O teach me so to number my days that I may apply my heart unto heavenly wisdom that I may obtain a sweet assurance of thy love in Christ unfeigned sorrow for my sins a sincere and constant heart to thy service and a cheerfull readiness at thy call Amen CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey I Am now by Gods gracious providence returned safe unto mine earthly home but am still travelling to my heavenly There is nothing in this life but labour and sorrow nothing in that but rest and happiness and yet I dote upon the one and neglect the other Lord if my treasure were with thee my heart would be there allso When thou givest me more knowledge of thee I shall have more desire to come unto thee When my sins have made me more sensible of mine own misery thy Grace I trust will make me more capable of thy sweet mercy Lord if this vain unquietness be so refreshing to my mortall body how truly blessed will thy heavenly rest be to mine immortall soul When thou Lord wilt wipe away all tears from mine eyes all akings from my heart when there shall be no more death neither sorrow nor crying nor any more pain when soul and body shall triumphantly and joyfully repose themselves in thee for ever when they shall drink freely of the rivers of thy pleasures and be for ever satisfied with the fatness of thy house I confess my self unworthy to enjoy this outward rest in this mine earthy home much more unworthy to enjoy that inward rest that sweet assurance of a lively hope to be partaker of eternall rest How wretched is my body without this outward quietness How much more wre ched is my soul without thee Thou O Lord art my shield to defend me my staff to uphold me my food to sustain me my wine to glad me my beloved to embrace me my pleasure to delight me my joy to ravish me my sweet and sate repose for ever to refresh me Let this teach me Lord to fix my thoughts on heaven and heavenly things to use this world soberly in thee and to thee to view it truly as it is a barren wilderness a transitory vain and empty thing far inconsistent with my reall happiness to desire nothing to enjoy nothing in the creature but onely in and unto thee the great Creator so shall no vain pleasure bewitch me no unjust profit beguil me no sudden sorrow dismay me no terrors of conscience affright me To thee O thou soveraign of my soul do I devote the remnant of my sinfull dayes to love thee to praise thee to honour thee to rest in thee for ever Lord wean me from the sins and miseries of this life and raise my thoughts to immortality Let the sweetness of thy heavenly joyes relieve the harshness of my worldly sorrows that misery may
and with thy blessed Apostle that I know assuredly that the sufferings of this life shall work for me a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory in that to come To thee therefore O thou blessed Guardian of my sinfull soul and wretched body doe I addresse my self for safety and protection I confesse O Lord there is no one minute of my whole life can be safe without thy gratious providence and yet so wretched have I been that few or none of them have been devoted to thy service Lord I am not worthy of the least of all thy mercies and of all thy truth thou hast afforded me even the very best of all my actions hath justly merited the very worst of all thy punishments and yet thou daily loadest me with thy blessings allthough I hourly sin against thee by my great transgressions Forgive me my unmindfulnesse of these thy mercies my great unthankfulnesse for all thy favours and fix my sinfull soul more willingly more joyfully more fervently more constantly on thy service Teach me to keep a catalogue of thy mercies to let none passe without a thankfull and devout acknowledgement to set some daies apart from the year some hours from each day to praise thee for them Forgive the pride of my prosperity my carelesnesse of thee my coldnesse unto thine my crossenesse unto others my cruelty to my self Lord pardon my repinings in adversity my distast of thy power my distrust of thy providence my deniall of thy wisdome my refusall of thy love my contempt of thy favour my neglect of thy grace my despair of thy goodnesse O give me such a blessed frame of heart that I may chearfully and joyfully content my self to walk in whatsoever paths thy blessed providence shall lead me to O hold thou up my goings in those paths that my feet slip not teach me to make a gratious and a sweet improvement of these outward crosses a blessed and a wise advantage of thine inward graces Lord lead me by thy counsell here and afterwards receive me to thy glory Amen CHAP. 16. Upon sinfull Anger and the great disturbance thereof Lord WHen I consider of thy patience and long-suffering towards me a miserable sinner of the lowlinesse of thy Saints and of the great humility and meeknesse of my Saviour in his sufferings I much deplore the wofull weaknesse of mine own infirmities and more admire the richnesse of thy goodnesse in admitting me to speak unto thee What pleasure Lord canst thou take in that service which is all sin how canst thou delight in that which thou abhorrest thou art a God of pure eyes and canst not behold iniquity if all my righteousnesse be in thy sight as filthy rags and menstiuous clothes how full of uglinesse and deformity will my sins then appear before thee Ah Lord thou hast often seâ—n how easily how suddenly how wretchedly I have been swallowed up of sinfull passion how I have violated that invaluable peace which thou hast given me by revengefull thoughts by despightfull words by disturbing actions I know nothing in my corrupt nature but to know my self miserable I see nothing in this misery but terrour and confusion affliction to my body destruction to my soul all occurrences of this life should have rather added to my growth of grace than disturbance of nature I have hitherto been grossely mistaken in calling that a defect of my body which is in truth an error in my soul Nature was at first created pure no disobedience was then in the passions Man hath marred it by his Fall all the Streams that are now troubled flow from this Fountain this barren excuse therefore is so far from lessening sin that it makes it bigger I am now so much the more stained by committing actuall sin as I should have been more holy and am not since original Lord let this teach me to deal truly with my soul to uncloath my self of all sinfull excuses that so sin may appear truly what it is and may become out of measure sinfull that mine Anger may be holy my application of it happy that nothing may disturb me but sin that I may be a Lyon in thy cause a Lamb in mine own that when I hate the sin I may love the person when I rebuke the offence I may pray heartily for the offender so shall I zealously enjoy thee my God religiously embrace my neighhour patiently possess mine own soul And now Lord as thou hast given me an heart to confess my sins of impatience before thee so give me a sweet assurance in my Saviour that by him I have assured pardon for them If thou Lord for my sinfull Anger shalt inflict upon me thy severe wrath and for my long continuing in my sins the long duration of thy punishments yet let not thy severitie exceed the measure of my Christian charity though thou continuest my miseries yet withdraw not thy mercies O make me more and more humble unto thee my God and more and more meek amongst thy children conform me to that blessed pattern of true piety and patience that as a sheep in thy hands my blessed Shearer so I may be dumb and not open my mouth against thee Lord banish from me all desires of revenge let Patience have its perfect work to quiet me here and crown me hereafter I confess my self to be a great and grievous sinner and yet I am thy creature my body is thine and my soul is thine both were joyned in thy creation and both are joyned in my devotion both have sinned against thee O let them both be humbled before thee not to satisfie thy Justice but to implore thy Mercy not to merit thy Grace but to magnifie thy Goodness Lord make me truly sensible of the greatness of thy misery that I may the more devoutly the more sincerely sue to thee for mercy Forgive the many violent erupcions of my sinfull passions give me a meek and humble spirit that I may happily enjoy thy presence and mine own content Lord grant that I may patiently and joyfully imbrace the wrongs and injuries of this life for thy sake who hast been patient even to death for mine Let that be made easie unto me by thy grace which by nature is impossible that nothing may delight me but thy love nothing grieve me but thy displeasure nothing offend me but thy dishonour Amen CHAP. 17. Upon mans inordinate love to the Creature WO is me that I am constrained to live in Meshech and to dwell in the tents of Cedar wo is me that I was conceived in sin that I was born in sin and that I have so long been captive to the power of sin How vain am I how wretched to beguil my self of rest and quietness O how unworthy to defile my Mariage vows to prostitute my love to these unclean and false embraces of a sâ—nfull world to dig unto my self these broken Cisterns of impure and empty joys and to forsake those living waters of
thy self for me and to me give me allso unfeigned repentance that I may heartily bewail the sinfulnesse of my life past that I may make a gratious improvement of my life present and faithfully perform the vows and promises which I make unto thee for the short remainder of my life to come O blessed and eternall Comforter of all those sinfull souls that put their trust in thee give me a sweet and full assurance of thy love in Christ withdraw my wretched heart from vanity inflame it with an earnest and affectionate desire to thee open mine eyes that I may see some glimps of thy celestiall joyes prepared for me make me often to think of them earnestly to long for them and readily and chearfully to part with all these earthly pleasures to enjoy them Lord make me able to encounter and withstand the strong assaults of Satan and this evill world give me thy saving grace and take from me what thou wilt without thy blessed presence all these outward joyes are wearinesse and emptinesse without thee even life it self is bitternesse unto me without thy love I ask it not of thee yea I rather beg thee Lord to take it from me that so I may be joyfully released from the bondage of a sinfull body that I may love thee with a pure and spotlesse soul that all mine imperfections may be done away that so I may securely dwell with thee in perfect holinesse and endlesse happinesse Amen CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleannesse with encouragements to avoid it COnsider O my Soul in what a blessed relation thou now standest to thy God thou hast lately grieved for thy sins and God hath allso gratiously accepted of thy sorrow and thou art now at peace and union with him his holy Spirit is thy Comforter his holy Providence thy Guide his holy Angels thy Guardians his holy Saints thine Assistants the Creatures without thee are at league and union with thee and thy Conscience within thee is a continuall feasâ— unto thee while thus thou continuest thy safety is inviolable thy joy unutterable thy peace unalterable Who can expresse the blessednesse of this condition how ravishing is this reviving presence of the gladding Spirit by which thou art sustained sweetly here by which thou shalt be joyfully refresht hereafter Wilt thou now lose all this O my Soul for this false this foul this momentany pleasure wilt thou lodge this beastly sin where thou now lodgest thy Redeemer Consider how vain it is how bitter it will be think how many sad thoughts how many aking hearts how many wounding sighs this fall of thine will cost thee what distempers of body what disturbance of soul what unquietnesse of sleep what checks of conscience what inward sadnesse in thy greatest merriment and which is worst of all what a fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this life and wofull expectation of judgement and suffering of extremity of pains in Hell for ever Let not the vain hope of Gods mercy flatter thee for while he is mercifull he will be just yea his mercy shall provoke his justice if his patience and long-suffering doe not lead thee into timely repentance his wrath and fury shall surely lead thee out to greater condemnation If custome perswade thee let custome allso reclame thee if thy flesh murmur thy spirit will rejoyce O how happy wilt thou find this opposition how glorious this victory even but one blessed thought of amendment is of more value than an age of sin Holy Saint Augustine who was wont to nourish his lascivious flesh and thought it then impossible to live without the lustfull kisses of his Roman Dames when once he had but relished the ravishing embraces of eternity brake forth into this sweet and most divine expression How truly sweet is the losse of this earthly sweetnesse those transitory joyes which I was formerly afraid to lose I now rejoyce to banish it was thou O Lord who didst thrust them out it is thou O Lord who art entred in who art sweeter than all sweetnesse c. Lord let this example move me to a blessed imitation of this blessed Saint to take heed of holding conference with Satan to labour to repell the very first motions to sin if I delight in his discourse I shall soon consent to his counsell if he feel me resist I shall find him give ground Lord let me remember what I fight for and follow my advantage with courage and successe that when my daies of warfare shall determine I may say with joy and comfort with thy blessed Apostle I have fought a good fight I have kept the faith I have finished my course from henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousnesse which the Lord the righteous Judge shall give me at that day and not unto me onely but unto all those that love and expect the day of his appearing 2 Tim. 4.7 8. Lord Thou hast often seen the weaknesse of thy sinfull servant how willingly how wretchedly I have been yeelding to the false allurements of my sinfull flesh how basely I have given ground even upon the very first assault without desire of resistance without care of repentance I have hitherto been so far from sorrowing for this sin that I have much delighted in it and often grieved thee my God in framing of excuses for it Blessed God how rich is that peace which I enjoy by thee how glorious that hope which I possesse in thee how wonderfull that mercy I obtain from thee and yet how carelesly how coldly have I parted from thee Lord forgive what is past restrain what is present prevent what is to come O let me enjoy no sweetnesse but in thee who art nearer to me than I can be to my self who art sweeter to me than the sweetnesse of these earthly pleasures O give me such a blessed frame of heart such Angel-like integrity of soul that my thoughts may be chast my desires holy my words gratious my actions good Give me a double portion of thy blessed Spirit that I may double my obedience to thy sweet commands that I may tast the comforts of thy heavenly joyes and utterly abhor the false allurements of this sinfull world Let the sweet showers of thy distilling graces allay these motions of concupiscence extinguish these devouring flames of lust that I may constantly and happily oppose this darling sin to my last hour and joyfully triumph with thee for ever Amen CHAP. I. Upon immoderate Mirth and the sinfull inconveniencies thereof Lord IF I were this day to dye If thou shouldest now say unto me Give an account of thy Stewardship for thou shalt be no longer St ward if mine Audit were at this instant to be given up and all mine actions this present hour to be accountâ—d for how sadly should I look upon that lost time which hath been spent in sin how many vain Items must needs appear to my deserved shame and ondless forrow So many minutes wasted in
unclean and wanton cogitations so many dayes and nights in frivolous and idle discourse so many weeks and moneths and yeares in vain and finfull actions How full of horror and confusion would this Account appear even to mine own eies With what face should I dare present itunto thine What would I not now give to purchase but some small respite to redeem this wofull waste this vain expence of time What serious vows and faithfull promises should I now make of amendment What constant houres would be now dedicated to thy service my whole life would now seem too little to bewail my solly to redeem my loss O what madness is it then while I have dayes of mercy to despise them to abuse them to be utterly neglective of them What is it Lord that I so eagerly persue Even the very heighth of all mine outward happiness is but a short crackling of thorns a sudden blaze which may seem to warm me but can never throughly heat me Wo be to that soul for ever that can find no refreshment but in this momentany fire If thy Grace Lord cannot warm me thy Glory will not comfort me There can be no true joy but in godly sorrow The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning the heart of fools in the house of mirth Eccl. 7.6 The luxurious Wanton may be carnally joyfull but the penitent Christian is cordially merry There is no better tryal of this truth Lord than from thine own mouth who wert a man of sorrows thou O Lord hast told me That I shall weep but the world shall rejoyce that I shall sorrow but my sorrow shall be turned into joy and my joy shall no man take from me John 16.20 Deceive not thy self therefore O my soul for if thou walkest too far in this enticing path thou art out of thy way to Heaven and thou mayst go so far in it as to lose thy self and by a customary freedom of thy Christian liberty soon find so great an indisposition unto God and goodness that unless the blessed Shepheard of thy soul vouchsafe to find thee by his saving grace it is improbable nay it is impossible that thou shouldst ever return Canst thou be so sensless to believe that thou art Christs Disciple when thou wilt not bear his Cross Did ever any of his followers enjoy heaven without violence without beating down their bodies without cherishing their soules without much weeping fasting praying sighing groaning for their sins without being crucified unto the world and the world unto them without checking and controlling their unruly lusts without utterly forsaking all this earthly trash and joyfully accounting it as loss and dung to possess Christ Look upon the Prophets Apostles Martyrs Virgins Fathers of the Church and all the blessed company of Saints in all times places Ages of the world and thou shalt find them all to use this world as if they used it not quietly sparingly soberly Isaac at his evening devotion in the solitary fields Eliah at his private Carmel the Baptist in the desart St. Paul in his desires out of the body and with Christ holy Simeon in his Pillar Saint Jerome in his Cave all of them and innumerable more of Gods Saints were true Benonies sonnes of sorrow and affliction Lord with how much fervour and alacrity of soul did these thy blessed ones pursue thy heavenly joyes what sharp combats had they to overcome themselves And if such chosen and select vessels as these have had such great strivings such powerfull conflicts with their finfull bodies what will become of me thâ—t have obeyed sin in the lusts thereof that can find no pleasure but in folly no laughter but in madness Consider therefore O my soul whilst thou hast yet time that there is no truer character of a graeeless heart than prophane mirth thou art too ready to believe that God is mercifull that all thy sins may be forgiven thee in a moment that the good Thief was saved at the last hour and that therefore thou mayst still go on in wickedness God indeed is allwayes ready to shew mercy but it is onely unto those that are ready to repent And how knowed thou whether God will accept thee in that hour Whether he may not whether he will not then withdraw his saving grace from that sinfull soul which hath so long withdrawn it self from his service This is that which thy blessed Saviour telleth thee Not every one which crieth Lord Lord shall enter into the Kingdom of heaven but he that doth the will of my Father which is in heaven Matth. 7 21. And lest perpaps that one example of the dying Penitent may flatter thee considâ—r of the time the place the manner of his strange conversion This was assuredly saith St Augustine to manifest the power and Godhead of a dying Saciour and that upon the rare consession of an Infidell and that at such a time when all the world forsook him and even his own Disciples either doubted or denied his Godhead Alass how little comfort canst thou now reap from this example how should it rather affright thee to see buâ— one soul amongst so many millions to obtain mercy at the last hour that upon such weighty circumstances on what a weak foundation doest thou build thy hopes of happiness how easily will that devouring storm of thine accusing conscience ruin it and then how great the fall will be the fearfull horror of thy lost estate will wofully express Lord let this teach me to redeem those precious hours which I have lost O let each wanton thought each idle word be monitors to tell me how my Audit stands with heaven I can speak nothing I can doe nothing which I can recall each circumstance of sin is charged in mine account and must be reckoned for how careful should this make me of the-expense of that time that is recorded for eternity Thou O Lord art holyness it self thy Saints and Angels are holy and thy children must be holy nothing but holiness can inherit heaven no unclean pleasure no impure joy shall enter there How can I ever hope to be an inhabitant of that holy City whose heavenly language I cannot speak And now Lord seeing these things are thus by thine assisting grace I seriously resolve to allow my self no pleasure in this life but what is sanctified with moderation because I clearly see these outward pleasures to be onely so far usefull unto me as by them I am made more serviceable unto thee Moderate and honest repast sets an edge upon my soul and makes it more earnest more-active in devotion when I take up pleasure as a trade I become a Traytor to my body a Tyrant to my soul Lord I am now heartily in love with heaven and grudge at that hours liberty in outward merriment that maketh not the next more eager of mine inward comfort There is no sweetness but in goodness and there is no goodness in that mirth which is not
will be attending on thee O let this teach thee to bewail the misery of this frail life which is onely prone to evill and that continually let it humble thee for thy many failings and invite thee to a more hearty and sincere affection to thy Saviour by whose absolute and perfect obedience all thine imperfections shall be done away and lastly to a more earnest longing for thy bodies dissolution Comfort thy self in this that all the miseries of this life shall work together for the best to thine advantage nothing can befall thee without his holy providence that so dearly loveth thee even thy very sins shall further thee to Heaven if thou hast now fallen through the infirmity of thy corrupt nature God will raise thee by this fall of thine to more perfection in goodnesse to more vigilance to more holinesse to more courage to more constancy in thy Christian calling for The Lord ordereth a good mans goings and maketh his way acceptable unto him though he fall he shall not be cast away for the Lord upholdeth him Psal 37.23 24. and if that evill one be powerfully malicious the greater shall thy joy and triumph be when thou art happily victorious Lord how truly blessed is the condition of thy Saints who compellest even the rage of earth and hell to work for their advantage Why art thou then so sad O my Soul and why art thou so disquieted within me still trust in God for he is the help of thy countenance and thy God Psal 42.15 Lord how sad is my condition without thee thou who alone knowest the secrets of all hearts knowest that I love thee that I long for thee that I desire nothing in compare of thee my God and yet thou findest nothing but pollution in me sometimes I beg to be at union with thee and sometimes live as if I cared not for mercy from thee still I sin and still thou forgivest yea I am therefore the more ready to rebell against thee because thou Lord art most ready to be mercifull unto me and yet for all this such are thy bowels of compassion towards me thou bemoanest mine iniquity thou invitest thou compellest me to mercy Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse I have oftâ—n run from thee by relapsing into grievous sins and thou O Lord as often hast received me to favour and afforded me the sweet refreshings of thy holy Spirit I confesse my self unworthy to enjoy that blessed Spirit which I have so often grieved O let this teach me to be truly and sincerely thankfull unto thee to love thee more heartily praise thee more joyfully serve thee more faithfully to my lives end For thou O blessed Lord art all in all unto me thou art strength in my weaknesse love in my wilfulness life in my sinfulnesse thou alone knowest under what great evils of sin under what sad pressures of sorrow I daily groan and thou hast promised to ease those weary souls that cry to thee for succour and relief Lord save me or I perish Lord ease me of this heavy burden that I sink not to eternall misery give me thy saving grace to guide me from these wofull waies of wickednesse O let this hour put an end to this sin Lord lead me unto thy paths and uphold me there that my feet slip not suffer me not to feed upon these empty husks O satisfie me with thy mercy and that soon before I goe hence and be no more seen My spirit is willing O Lord but my flesh is weak have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery Lord cover my sins Lord pardon mine infirmities Lord Jesus accept of me and interpose thy blessed merits for me Lord raise me from this wretched fall support my weaknesse renew my repentance increase my faith quicken my zeal that so by thy gracious assistance I may be raised to more purity to more perfection in my Christian calling that where sin hath abounded there grace may abound much more to thy great glory and mine own endlesse comfort O Lord hear O Lord forgive O Lord consider and doe it defer not for thine own sake O my God Amen CHAP. 27. Upon Desertion WHile I am in this pilgrimage of sin I cannot be without this portion of sorrow why complain I of that which I have so justly deserved how often hath my God afforded me the gracious visits of his blessed Spirit and yet how easily have I regarded them Lord I am not worthy of the least of all thy mercies much lesse of this invaluable favour to enjoy the kisses of thy sacred mouth as I am now grieved for the losse of thy presence so I have too often grieved thee by mine own rebellious absence this is the sad condition even of the best of thy Saints in this life as they have had their aberrations from grace so they have had their fluctuations in woe these sad departings of thy blessed Spirit have ever been the just memorials of their present griefs and former miseries I see thy holy servant David sadly bemoaning this great losse and allmost despairing of the enjoyment of thy gratious presence I hear him crying out in bitternesse of soul Will the Lord absent himself for ever and will he shew no more favour Is his mercy clean gone for ever doth his promise fail for evermore Hath God forgotten to be gratious hath he shut up his tender mercy in displeasure Psal 77.7 8 9. How grievous was this complaint how gratious thine answer even in the very minute of distresse even by the very lips of the distressed for it follows in a breath And I said this is my death but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High Jonah's extremity was thy blessed opportunity even when Jonah thought himself in most danger of perishing he then found thy mercy most ready in relieving when he thought himself cast out of thy sight even then he found himself looking to thy presence and ready to be received into thy favour Jonah 2.4 Lord if thou givest me but the least measure of true faith I shall be able to remove the greatest mountains of sin and know assuredly to my souls exceeding comfort that thou hidest thy face from me but for a moment in this life that thou mayst gather me to everlasting kindnesse in that to come Comfort thy self in this therefore O my Soul that God will never leave thee that he will never forsake thee that he will never leave thee totally nor forsake thee finally that he hath not now withdrawn his gratious presence from thee but the present comfort of his grace from working in thee as there are sad desertions so there will undoubtedly be gratious visits thou mayst be forsaken in sin in the suffering of punishment for sin in the severity of that punishment in the fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this severity but assure thy self O my soul thou shalt never be forsaken
joyfulness of heart contentedly rely upon thee Enrich my heart with heavenly thoughts give me that better part which cannot be taken from me Lord what thou deniest me of these outward comforts make good unto me by thine inward mercies that all these earthly things may work together to the best to mine advantage so shall my present poverty be an undoubted earnest of my future glory Amen CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat AS every good and perfect gift is from above so is allso every punishment for sin by every proportion of sorrow For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Iob 1.5 6. That Divine Goodness which wisely and affectionately disposeth all things to the good of his chosen by his holy providence hath suited their degrees limited their powers and appointed their ends every pain in sicknesse every pang in death have their just number weight and measure I't is the Lord let him doe what he will nothing can befall me but by his Divine allowance nothing shall dismay me that my God inflicteth on me if my visitation be grievous I am sure it is safe For He chastiseth me for my profit that I may be partaker of his holiness Blessed be that sorrow which allureth me from sin blessed be that misery that inviteth me to mercy 〈◊〉 kiss it I embrace it and with humbleness of heart I joyfully and patiently submit unto it The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh blessed be the name of the Lord Iob 1.21 I humbly confess Lord that my great and grievous sins have most justly deserved this great and grievous affliction that thou mightest long since have deprived me of my life for depriving thee of thine honour that I am most unworthy of this thy gentle visitation for I am full of rottenness and corruption and therefore can expect no other but to be fill'd with sorrow and affliction thou hast given me a body for thy service but I have defiled it with sin and wickedness thou gavest me a soul enriched with thy heavenly graces but I have defaced it with unthankfulness and disobedience no faculty of my soul no member of my body but are most impure and sinfull in thy sight Thou O Lord knowest all my foolishness and my faults are not hid from thee thou seest how vainly I have mis-spent my pretious time how carelesly abused that continued health which thou hast given me how seriously been busied on the Creature how wretchedly neglected thee the great Creatour Thou hast often weaned me from sin by thy blessed motions by thy gratious admonitions by thy gentle visitations by a wasted body and a wounded soul and yet I still sin without ceasing without sorrowing without repenting such are my faults so grievovs mine offences that I now blush to name those sins before thee by which I have so often and so foolishly rebell'd against thee and now after all this allthough thou hast with lasting patience waited my return and art inforced to withdraw thy present mercy yet thou art moved to behold my present misery evâ—n in thy very wrath thou hast compassion on me Habac. 3.2 while thou seemest by this present sickness to withhold thy favour from me thou gratiously intendest by this blessed means to shew thy self more lovingly unto me for I know Lord that thy judgements are just and that thou of very faithfulnesshast caused me to be troubled Psal 119.75 Theresore Though thou killest me yet will I trust in thee Iob 13.15 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death yet will I fear no evill Psal 23.4 Behold Lord I am willingly and joyfully and thankfully in thy hands doe with me what thou wilt if I live I shall praise thee if I dye I trust I shall goe home unto thee and be for ever blessed with thee O thou Father of mercies and God of all consolations behold me thy sick servant with thine eye of pity and compassion O remember not my former sins but have mercy upon me O Lord and that soon for I am come unto great extremity O Lord my God I am troubled I am bowed down greatly I goe mourning all the day long thou writest bitter things against me and makest me possess the iniquities of my youth O let the sweetness of thy mercy qualifie the sharpness of thy Fatherly correction consider me O Lord that I am but dust full of frailties and infirmities forgive me for thy mercy sake Remember not the sinfull failings of my youth but according to the richness of thy goodness be thou mindfull of me O righteous Father look not on the multitude and hainousness of mine offences but look upon the bitter passion of thy blessed Son he was wounded for my transgressions he was broken for mine iniquities O by his blessed stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Enable me to suffer this thy gentle visitation with that meekness and contentedness of soul that becometh thy child and so bless it unto me that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteousness that it may drive my thoughts to immortality and fix my soul upon eternity Blessed Lord my hope is in thee my soul trusteth in thee and under the shadow of thy wings shall be my refuge untill this misery be overpast O Lord consider my complaint for I am brought very low Let my present anguish more prevail with thee to move thee to compassion than my former foolishness to stir thy wrath and indignation O enter not into judgement with thy servant for no flesh is righteous in thy sight Lord I confess my wickedness and am sorry for my sin for thy Names sake O Lord be mercifull unto my sin for it is great my confusion is daily before me and the shame of my face hath covered me my heart is disquieted within me and the fear of death is fallen upon me Lord I am thine O save me for thy mercy sake into thy hands I commend my self for thou hast redeemed me O Lord thou God of Truth Forsake me not O Lord my God be not thou far from me hast thee to help me O Lord God of my salvation O spare me for thy mercy sake that I may recover my strength before I goe hence and be no more seen Amen CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessedness of Death I am a Pilgrim and a Stranger here as all my Fathers were I am wearied out with travell and long to be at rest I am lodged here but with great cost and greater danger this seeming sweetnesse hath cost me much true sorrow many bitter sighs and aking hearts disturbance of body distraction of soul I have sought for help here below but can find none no creature on earth to relieve me none to support me I have seen pleasure to be folly and laughter madness men of low degree to be vanity of high degree a lye their understanding vain their labours vain