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grace_n grace_n which_o notwithstanding_o too_o many_o sad_a slip_v i_o believe_v and_o hope_v he_o have_v be_v carry_v on_o ever_o since_o there_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n first_o enable_v i_o to_o set_v my_o face_n heavenwards_o and_o to_o engage_v i_o in_o serious_a thought_n about_o the_o eternal_a welfare_n of_o my_o immortal_a soul_n most_o remarkable_o observe_v upon_o a_o fit_a of_o sickness_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v there_o to_o visit_v i_o with_o in_o a_o very_a few_o day_n i_o be_v bring_v very_o low_a in_o body_n begin_v to_o be_v serious_a to_o think_v of_o my_o way_n and_o of_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n psal_n 119._o 59_o be_v then_o full_a of_o purpose_n and_o promise_v too_o that_o if_o the_o lord_n please_v to_o spare_v i_o i_o will_v through_o grace_n mind_n religion_n as_o my_o business_n and_o follow_v the_o lord_n full_o god_n be_v please_v to_o hear_v my_o unworthy_a prayer_n and_o to_o speed_v a_o answer_n of_o peace_n to_o i_o in_o a_o day_n or_o two_o i_o be_v perfect_o recover_v and_o my_o body_n be_v heal_v of_o sickness_n i_o beg_v hard_a that_o my_o soul_n also_o may_v be_v heal_v of_o sin_n the_o lord_n do_v wonderful_o bless_v to_o i_o the_o ministry_n of_o mr._n brooks_n of_o who_o church_n my_o master_n be_v a_o member_n and_o i_o therefore_o frequent_o have_v the_o advantage_n of_o hear_v he_o but_o especial_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o do_v my_o soul_n good_a by_o set_v home_o with_o power_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o conscience_n some_o sermon_n of_o worthy_a mr._n flavel_n sen_n r._n who_o i_o must_v reckon_v my_o spiritual_a father_n but_o those_o sermon_n with_o many_o other_o to_o my_o very_a great_a loss_n now_o be_v consume_v by_o london_n
flame_n mr._n flavel_n himself_o die_v a_o martyr_n for_o christ_n the_o year_n before_o viz._n 1665_o remarkable_a in_o that_o dreadful_a mortality_n by_o the_o plague_n good_a man_n he_o dare_v not_o fly_v from_o it_o when_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o that_o plague_n seem_v to_o be_v go_v out_o against_o the_o city_n he_o be_v willing_a be_v a_o minister_n to_o hazard_v his_o own_o body_n for_o the_o advantage_n of_o other_o soul_n and_o so_o true_o he_o do_v for_o be_v take_v at_o a_o religious_a meeting_n he_o be_v carry_v before_o some_o magistrate_n who_o after_o some_o debate_n with_o he_o plain_o tell_v he_o they_o will_v set_v before_o he_o life_n and_o death_n and_o leave_v he_o to_o make_v his_o choice_n they_o tell_v he_o he_o must_v either_o promise_n never_o to_o preach_v at_o a_o conventicle_n more_o or_o they_o must_v commit_v he_o to_o a_o prison_n at_o that_o time_n sore_o infect_v with_o the_o sickness_n he_o be_v too_o great_a a_o champion_n for_o christ_n and_o a_o more_o faithful_a servant_n to_o his_o lord_n and_o master_n than_o to_o stand_v long_o to_o consider_v a_o answer_n but_o ready_o tell_v they_o as_o to_o their_o former_a proposal_n he_o do_v abhor_v the_o thought_n of_o a_o compliance_n by_o desert_v his_o saviour_n service_n and_o as_o to_o their_o latter_a threaten_v he_o be_v free_o willing_a to_o comply_v with_o the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n and_o can_v hearty_o say_v his_o will_v be_v do_v so_o that_o he_o be_v o_o height_n of_o wickedness_n and_o cruelty_n commit_v to_o prison_n there_o present_o take_v the_o infection_n and_o in_o a_o few_o day_n transplant_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n after_o i_o be_v acquaint_v with_o this_o worthy_a divine_a and_o have_v taste_v and_o receive_v some_o benefit_n by_o his_o ministry_n being_n introduce_v at_o first_o by_o john_n southam_n a_o journy-man_n drugster_n in_o london_n a_o very_a serious_a young_a man_n and_o one_o i_o must_v bless_v god_n for_o i_o become_v a_o constant_a attendor_n upon_o he_o wherever_o he_o preach_v either_o in_o city_n or_o suburb_n he_o sure_o be_v as_o powerful_a plain_a and_o practical_a a_o preacher_n as_o i_o ever_o do_v or_o reasonable_o can_v expect_v ever_o to_o hear_v he_o have_v one_o practice_n though_o exceed_v useful_a i_o think_v peculiar_a to_o himself_o which_o be_v this_o he_o will_v at_o his_o first_o entrance_n upon_o sabbath-day-publick-exercise_n endeavour_v to_o raise_v his_o people_n affection_n and_o to_o engage_v they_o to_o seriousness_n by_o a_o most_o awaken_n exhortation_n press_v they_o to_o consider_v with_o who_o they_o have_v to_o do_v the_o great_a and_o eternal_a god_n that_o search_v heart_n what_o they_o come_v about_o no_o less_o than_o soul_n concern_v and_o that_o for_o aught_o they_o know_v their_o eternal_a welfare_n may_v depend_v upon_o their_o improve_n that_o opportunity_n which_o prayer_n may_v prove_v their_o last_o prayer_n and_o that_o sermon_n the_o last_o sermon_n that_o ever_o they_o shall_v hear_v it_o be_v about_o the_o 25_o year_n of_o my_o age_n when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v again_o to_o check_v and_o stop_v i_o in_o my_o career_n of_o sin_n to_o awaken_v my_o drowsy_a conscience_n to_o give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o sin_n be_v damn_v and_o defile_v nature_n and_o of_o the_o necessity_n of_o a_o save_a change_n which_o shall_v be_v accompany_v with_o a_o strict_a serious_a and_o holy_a conversation_n if_o i_o will_v not_o eternal_o miscarry_v here_o i_o make_v a_o stand_n and_o begin_v to_o consider_v what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o what_o i_o must_v do_v now_o begin_v i_o to_o be_v sensible_a that_o i_o can_v never_o enough_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n never_o enough_o live_v to_o the_o honour_n and_o glory_n of_o that_o god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o to_o outlive_v those_o day_n of_o vanity_n who_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o not_o only_a space_n for_o repentance_n but_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n too_o as_o i_o trust_v he_o do_v about_o that_o time_n now_o it_o be_v that_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o sin_n be_v more_o grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n than_o the_o forsake_v of_o they_o the_o sin_n i_o once_o love_v i_o now_o loathe_v and_o will_v if_o that_o have_v be_v possible_a have_v give_v ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o now_o it_o be_v i_o by_o experience_n feel_v what_o before_o i_o will_v not_o believe_v that_o the_o best_a of_o sin_n sweet_n be_v real_o most_o intolerable_o bitter_a i_o now_o experience_v the_o truth_n of_o that_o passage_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o a_o reverend_a author_n mr._n hardcastle_n say_v he_o let_v every_o person_n that_o lie_v under_o a_o temptation_n to_o commit_v sin_n serious_o consider_v thus_o if_o i_o commit_v this_o sin_n i_o must_v either_o repent_v of_o it_o or_o i_o must_v not_o if_o i_o do_v not_o repent_v it_o damn_v i_o and_o if_o i_o do_v repent_v aright_o i_o shall_v find_v it_o cost_v i_o more_o pain_n and_o trouble_v and_o sorrow_n than_o the_o sin_n be_v worth_a that_o i_o do_v commit_v and_o this_o i_o have_v often_o think_v upon_o since_o upon_o any_o temptation_n conscience_n now_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n and_o be_v more_o than_o a_o thousand_o witness_n against_o i_o now_o i_o do_v by_o sad_a experience_n feel_v the_o truth_n and_o terror_n of_o that_o single_a text_n a_o wound_a conscience_n who_o can_v bear_v and_o this_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v that_o when_o i_o do_v not_o sinful_o stop_v its_o mouth_n it_o be_v a_o faithful_a monitor_n to_o i_o that_o scripture_n terrify_v i_o great_o the_o soul_n that_o sin_n shall_v die_v and_o here_o be_v my_o argument_n upon_o it_o the_o law_n say_v the_o soul_n that_o sin_n must_v die_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o but_o thou_o o_o soul_n have_v sin_v and_o what_o be_v the_o conclusion_n why_o very_o dreadful_a thou_o must_v die_v i_o set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o repentance_n but_o must_v confess_v till_o the_o lord_n do_v save_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n shine_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o think_v that_o bare_a repentance_n be_v enough_o without_o consider_v that_o true_a and_o save_a repentance_n consist_v in_o forsake_v as_o well_o as_o in_o confess_v sin_n but_o here_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n such_o consideration_n as_o these_o that_o his_o holy_a and_o righteous_a law_n be_v break_v and_o satisfaction_n must_v be_v make_v that_o he_o himself_o be_v just_a and_o his_o justice_n must_v be_v satisfy_v and_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o duty_n and_o repentance_n though_o i_o shall_v use_v they_o as_o mean_n be_v yet_o no_o good_a foundation_n to_o build_v my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n upon_o that_o though_o i_o can_v shed_v a_o thousand_o tear_n and_o those_o of_o blood_n for_o one_o vain_a thought_n they_o will_v be_v no_o better_o than_o puddle_n water_n to_o justify_v and_o save_v i_o now_o do_v those_o scripture_n stâ—ir_v i_o in_o the_o face_n 1_o cor._n 6._o 9_o know_v you_o not_o that_o the_o unrighteous_a shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n be_v not_o deoeive_v neither_o fornicator_n nor_o idolater_n nor_o adulterer_n nor_o effeminate_a nor_o abuser_n of_o themselves_o with_o mankind_n nor_o drunkard_n nor_o reviler_n nor_o extortioner_n shall_v inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o that_o of_o gal._n 5._o 19_o now_o the_o work_n of_o the_o flesh_n be_v manifest_a which_o be_v these_o adultery_n fornication_n uncleanness_n lasciviousness_n idolatry_n witchcraft_n hatred_n variance_n emulation_n wrath_n strife_n sedition_n heresy_n envy_n murder_n drunkenness_n revel_v and_o such_o like_a they_o that_o do_v such_o thing_n shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n the_o most_o of_o these_o sin_n that_o do_v entitle_v to_o eternal_a wrath_n and_o vengeance_n i_o can_v not_o charge_v myself_o as_o guilty_a of_o yet_o some_o i_o can_v and_o the_o least_o of_o they_o in_o their_o own_o nature_n i_o find_v be_v damn_v and_o will_v serve_v to_o exclude_v i_o out_o of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n now_o through_o grace_n be_v i_o ready_a to_o cry_v out_o o_o what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v and_o a_o little_a serious_o to_o inquire_v into_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n by_o he_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n and_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o that_o all_o the_o impure_a stream_n of_o my_o life_n have_v proceed_v from_o that_o most_o corrupt_a fountain_n mar._n 15._o 19_o and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o bewail_v the_o outward_a act_n of_o sin_n but_o the_o inward_a principle_n of_o corruption_n lead_v to_o it_o now_o i_o
exile_n for_o the_o friendship_n of_o relation_n at_o norwell_n and_o southwell_n i_o be_o there_o beg_a pardon_n for_o sinful_a compliance_n as_o in_o sit_v late_o in_o a_o alehouse_n in_o southwell_n where_o the_o company_n be_v health_v it_o about_o though_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n i_o drink_v not_o much_o yet_o i_o be_v a_o bad_a example_n in_o sit_v and_o sip_v with_o the_o wicked_a in_o waste_v my_o precious_a time_n my_o prayer_n therefore_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v pardon_v that_o and_o continue_v mercy_n and_o give_v i_o a_o thankful_a heart_n in_o and_o a_o lively_a sense_n of_o divine_a goodness_n the_o 20_o be_v the_o sabbath-day_n through_o mercy_n i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o pretty_a good_a frame_n of_o spirit_n and_o take_v particular_a notice_n in_o my_o diary_n of_o mr._n coats_n subject_n which_o be_v come_v unto_o i_o all_o you_o that_o labour_n etc._n etc._n i_o there_o find_v a_o desire_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v work_v those_o truth_n more_o and_o more_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n that_o my_o sin_n may_v be_v pardon_v and_o my_o soul_n prosper_v the_o 21_o under_o some_o dulness_n occasion_v by_o slavish_a fear_n of_o man_n which_o i_o find_v bewail_v that_o day_n with_o this_o petition_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o live_v by_o faith_n and_o that_o i_o may_v encourage_v myself_o in_o the_o lord_n my_o god_n under_o all_o outward_a discouragement_n whatsoever_o who_o have_v deliver_v i_o do_v deliver_v and_o i_o trust_v will_v deliver_v i_o his_o poor_a creature_n o_o that_o my_o sin_n may_v not_o provoke_v the_o lord_n to_o turn_v away_o his_o face_n the_o 23d_o have_v this_o day_n be_v state_v account_n with_o my_o wife_n and_o several_a other_o with_o reference_n to_o disbursement_n the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o summer_n of_o my_o exile_n and_o trouble_v in_o the_o year_n 85_o though_o i_o find_v they_o extraordinary_a large_a yet_o through_o grace_n i_o find_v myself_o free_a from_o those_o passion_n that_o upon_o such_o account_n i_o use_v to_o be_v prone_a to_o my_o experience_n again_o there_o record_v of_o god_n gracious_a appearance_n for_o i_o 26_o mercy_n there_o again_o take_v notice_n of_o in_o the_o lord_n be_v deliver_v i_o from_o trouble_n and_o a_o petition_n that_o if_o it_o be_v the_o lord_n will_n i_o may_v be_v preserve_v from_o enter_v into_o bond_n which_o i_o and_o all_o my_o friend_n do_v believe_v will_v be_v very_o ensnare_a to_o i_o there_o i_o find_v sin_n bewail_v and_o lay_v heavy_a upon_o my_o conscience_n 27_o manifestation_n make_v of_o deliverance_n still_o from_o danger_n i_o there_o bless_v god_n i_o be_o still_o at_o liberty_n and_o hear_v nothing_o from_o the_o d._n of_o n._n of_o enter_v into_o those_o bond_n he_o require_v i_o then_o hear_v of_o dr._n temple_n execution_n and_o take_v notice_n of_o distinguish_a mercy_n that_o he_o shall_v be_v take_v and_o i_o leave_v who_o through_o man_n rage_n and_o wrath_n be_v in_o danger_n i_o there_o bless_v god_n i_o be_v not_o the_o man._n 27_o i_o take_v notice_n of_o the_o many_o comfortable_a sabbath_n that_o i_o have_v enjoy_v since_o i_o come_v home_o without_o fear_n or_o disturbance_n cousin_n billingsley_n preach_v here_o from_o these_o word_n commune_fw-la with_o your_o own_o heart_n which_o much_o affect_v i_o 28_o a_o like_a account_n as_o to_o mercy_n and_o i_o remember_v no_o actual_a sin_n that_o day_n 29_o the_o like_a account_n with_o my_o experience_n that_o god_n have_v bless_v the_o mean_n i_o have_v use_v for_o the_o cure_n of_o a_o cold_a that_o hold_v i_o 8_o of_o october_n 1685_o this_o day_n i_o return_v from_o lincoln_n where_o i_o have_v be_v some_o time_n and_o take_v notice_n the_o lord_n give_v i_o a_o very_a comfortable_a journey_n no_o sad_a providence_n occur_v in_o the_o journey_n i_o be_o yet_o deliver_v from_o enemy_n notwithstanding_o their_o rage_n and_o threaten_v and_o from_o the_o ensnare_a bond_n i_o beg_v then_o of_o the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v continue_v this_o mercy_n and_o give_v i_o to_o live_v a_o thankful_a holy_a humble_a and_o fruitful_a life_n and_o pardon_v the_o particular_a sin_n of_o this_o day_n and_o help_v i_o against_o it_o and_o to_o perform_v promise_v make_v under_o my_o affliction_n 9th_o i_o there_o bless_v god_n for_o the_o mercy_n of_o that_o day_n and_o beg_v pardon_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v cause_v i_o to_o live_v better_o the_o next_o day_n 10_o my_o sin_n stare_v i_o in_o the_o face_n be_v many_o and_o great_a there_o i_o find_v myself_o beg_v that_o i_o may_v eye_v the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o might_n through_o grace_n be_v interest_v in_o it_o be_v the_o only_a sovereign_a remedy_n for_o a_o poor_a sinner_n yet_o i_o be_o preserve_v from_o enshare_a bond_n and_o enjoy_v through_o mercy_n comfortable_a liberty_n and_o sit_v under_o my_o own_o vine_n with_o delight_n 11_o this_o i_o find_v a_o comfortable_a sabbath_n when_o mr._n coat_n do_v most_o sweet_o call_v invite_v and_o encourage_v sinner_n to_o come_v to_o christ_n o_o that_o i_o may_v not_o stand_v out_o the_o lord_n bless_v the_o sermon_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o pardon_v my_o sin_n 12_o no_o actual_a sin_n that_o i_o know_v of_o i_o this_o day_n beg_v direction_n from_o heaven_n about_o the_o oath_n of_o allegiance_n i_o and_o other_o in_o my_o family_n be_v call_v to_o take_v and_o next_o day_n i_o do_v take_v it_o have_v observe_v no_o intimation_n from_o the_o lord_n against_o it_o but_o be_v well_o satisfy_v about_o it_o beside_o i_o fear_v if_o i_o refuse_v it_o will_v be_v worse_o with_o we_o upon_o the_o account_n of_o our_o meeting_n which_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o keep_v up_o i_o beg_v the_o lord_n will_v enable_v i_o to_o keep_v the_o oath_n be_v take_v as_o a_o sacred_a thing_n i_o be_o yet_o at_o liberty_n and_o free_a from_o ensnare_a bond_n 15_o i_o that_o day_n beg_v the_o lord_n will_v humble_v i_o under_o any_o thing_n of_o sin_n that_o may_v be_v in_o my_o swear_v and_o take_v the_o oath_n the_o day_n before_o 16_o this_o day_n mr._n h._n acquaint_v i_o that_o one_o do_v say_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v lie_v heavy_a upon_o i_o that_o i_o be_v to_o give_v a_o security_n by_o bond_n of_o 7000_o l._n which_o will_v ask_v a_o great_a time_n for_o i_o to_o get_v and_o that_o i_o be_v only_a capt._n l_n prisoner_n at_o large_a well_o i_o find_v this_o hint_n in_o my_o diary_n that_o day_n that_o i_o can_v trust_v my_o god_n who_o have_v deliver_v i_o and_o that_o he_o will_v deliver_v i_o still_o from_o the_o fury_n and_o rage_n of_o man_n and_o the_o effect_n thereof_o 17_o this_o day_n i_o have_v a_o encourage_v letter_n from_o v._o l._n as_o if_o the_o duke_n have_v do_v with_o i_o which_o i_o beg_v then_o the_o lord_n will_v grant_v and_o enable_v i_o to_o live_v up_o to_o so_o great_a a_o mercy_n for_o several_a other_o day_n after_o i_o be_o blessing_n god_n for_o the_o comfortable_a and_o quiet_a abode_n in_o my_o house_n and_o petition_v that_o the_o lord_n will_v keep_v i_o from_o sin_v away_o such_o mercy_n 20_o waste_v time_n the_o great_a sin_n acknowledge_v this_o day_n and_o a_o petition_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v please_v to_o make_v i_o more_o active_a and_o diligent_a in_o soul-concerns_a every_o day_n as_o be_v every_o day_n near_o death_n 22d_o this_o day_n i_o observe_v from_o joh._n 7._o 44._o in_o my_o read_n this_o passage_n some_o of_o they_o will_v have_v take_v he_o but_o no_o man_n lay_v hand_n on_o he_o upon_o which_o mr._n baxter_n have_v this_o note_n god_n binder_n bad_a man_n from_o do_v what_o they_o will_v do_v and_o they_o know_v not_o how_o he_o do_v it_o i_o have_v have_v great_a experience_n of_o this_o myself_o the_o lord_n be_v praise_v 25_o this_o day_n god_n make_v a_o very_a comfortable_a sabbath_n to_o i_o and_o i_o trust_v will_v do_v my_o soul_n good_a by_o it_o and_o set_v home_o another_o sermon_n i_o then_o hear_v from_o mr._n cotes_n concern_v the_o ease_n of_o christ_n yoke_n i_o be_o yet_o through_o mercy_n continue_v in_o my_o family_n in_o peace_n and_o safety_n enjoy_v distinguish_a mercy_n and_o love_n god_n help_v i_o to_o make_v a_o right_a use_n of_o it_o and_o still_o restrain_v man_n that_o they_o do_v not_o hurt_v i_o and_o enable_v i_o to_o give_v thou_o the_o glory_n of_o that_o mercy_n thou_o please_v to_o give_v i_o the_o comfort_n of_o 26_o this_o day_n i_o be_v at_o cos_n r_n funeral_n the_o lord_n prepare_v i_o for_o my_o change_n i_o come_v from_o thence_o over_o a_o dangerous_a way_n in_o safety_n 27_o god_n have_v this_o day_n preserve_v