day of her so trembling being Tuesday April 6. When the maid beforesaid came to her she found her weeping most bitterly wringing her hands grievously saying I am a Reprobate a Castaway I never had a good thought in all my life I have been under sinne ever since I can remember when I was but a childe c. This heavinesse was greatest this night was darkest of all when the day the joyfull time of her deliverance was neer at hand And like as at the beginning of her grievous despairing about foure yeares before upon those two sinnes beforesaid a great trembling fell upon her at the beginning of her deep despaire and trouble so now at the ending thereof the like trembling fell upon her such as shee never had at any other time And now thus trembling exceedingly and weeping and wringing her hands shee said to this effect My earthly Tabernacle is broken all to pieces and what will the Lord doe with me If I should hang on Gibbets if I should be cut in pieces if I should dye the cruellest death that ever any did I have deserv'd it I would still justifie God aye if he cast me to hell Thus it was with patient Iob He humbled himselfe and justified the Lord when his restoring was at hand Her hands and her feet were clunched so as shee could not stand Shee was tempted and sore urged to blaspheme God and dye And when shee was ready to speak her tongue was smitten Afterward shee being laid down shee said to her Mother I le lye still and hear what God will say to me He will speak Peace Peace If God will speak a word of Peace at the last moment I should be contented Then shee desired them that none might trouble her but that shee might lie in peace And shee lay still as in a sleep or as in a trance rather from that tuesday night April 6. till the last day of that week cald Saturday at night except when shee cald for a little water to drink and drunk two or three cups of water No other sustenance shee took all that time And this was the time of love when The Exceeding Riches of Grace was advanced April 10. 1647. that Saturday at night about midnight or after midnight shee began to expresse the first expressions of comforts of such soule-satisfying comforts that ever shee so manifested though her soule enjoyd them from that Tuesday night before as since her Trances ceas'd shee hath declared Even now when all mans help faild and when all meanes before used could not doe it and when now shee was made uncapable that way to receive it being now struck both blind and deafe her eyes being fast closed up wrapt up together A. Saul who is called Paul when the Lord converted him was three dayes without sight and neither did eat nor drinke Act. 9. 9. And thus shee began My soule thirsts for the water of life and I shall have it My soule thirsts for the water of life and I shall have it foure times in ardency of spirit uttering those words then adding a little water good people a little water So shee drank two or three of her little cups of water Then shee sate up and with a most sweet and heavenly countenance and with much brokennesse of heart in an humble melting manner Teares sometimes trickling downe shee spake with a low voice as followeth Ah that Iesus Christ should come from the bosome of his Father and take the nature of man upon him and come in such a low estate and lie in a Manger a Luk. 2. 7. There 's three sorts of people in the world a higher sort and a middle sort and a lower sort Christ came to the lowest soule he lay in a Manger a contemptible place Doe you not see an excellency in him b Phil. 3. 8. Do you not see an excellency in him I tell you there 's more excellency in him in his lowest state his meanest state then in the world aye then in a thousand worlds Who came he to dye for for sinners aye for the greatest sinners the chiefest sinners the chiefest sinners c 1 Tim. 1. 13-15 Luk. 18. 14. A dying Christ for a denying Peter a dying Christ for a denying Peter a dying Christ for a denying Peter Peter denied him and yet he dyed for him d Mat. 26. 72. Luk. 22. 31 32. Goe tell Peter Goe tell Peter e Mark 16. 7. Ah Peter And then shee paused a while as admiring it and proceeded thus For a Peter for a Mary Magdalen for a Theefe on the Crosse that none should despaire a crucified Christ for a crucified Theefe a crucified Christ for a crucified Theefe A persecuting Saul becomes a beloved Paul for the chiefest sinners the chiefest sinners Not the proud Pharisie but the poore Publican f Joh. 5. 40. No sin separates from Christ but the sin of Vnbeliefe And this is the Faith beleeving a full Christ to a nothing Creature a full Christ to a nothing Creatures a full Christ to a nothing Creature g Joh. 1. 16. 2 Cor. 12. 31. To me the chiefest of sinners yet I obtained mercy * Shee meant being then in unbeliefe through unbeliefe Christ came not to finde faith but to give faith Christ came in to me when I was in my unbeliefe Then shee said pausing There 's a fountaine open for Judah and for Jerusalem for sin and for uncleannesse A fountain open for Judah and for Jerusalem for sin and for uncleannesse h Zach. 13. 1. A fountaine not streames but a fountain open an open fountaine if a doore stand shelving you cannot come in but you must thrust to come in but if it stand wide open then there 's freedome for you to goe freedome for you to goe It s open * The house of David is of Iudah Mat. 1.1,2.6 for Judah Judah that play'd the Harlot yet God saith to Judah Returne though thou hast play'd the Harlot with many lovers returne for I am married to thee i Jer. 3. 1. 14. For Judah and for Jerusalem and what was Jerusalem her skirts were fu'l of bloud her streets were full of bloud k Jer. 2.34 2 King 21.16 Yet the fountain is open for Judah and for Jerusalem For sin and for uncleannesse for all sin for the greatest sinne the chiefest sinne and sinners Who is this fountaine Iesus Christ he is this fountain * Joh. 7.37 Rev. 1. 5. a filling fountaine and never dry l Luk. 1. 53. a filling fountaine and never dry a filling fountaine and never dry Who is a God like to thee pardoning sin m Mic. 7. 18. all sin sin past present and to come n Heb. 10. 10-14 not onely pardoning sin but passing by the transgression of his heritage Passing by daily sins and frailites he retains not his anger for ever He is slow to wrath bist he delights in mercy He is slow to nothing
should despaire because I have found mercy b 1 Tim. 13-16 I am not able to expresse how sweet that word is Behold O daughter of Ierusalem thy King Hab smiling at that word thy King cometh meek meek cometh meek riding on an Asse * Mat. 21.5 even on a Colt the foal of an Asse †Job 11.12 not on a horse ready trim'd He comes to a wild Asses colt to one unaccustomed to the yoke as Ephraim was | Jer. 31. 19 20. Yet Ephraim was a deare son a pleasant childe They cast their cloths on the Asse He cast his skirt over me not a skanty skirt a skirt that covered all my filthinesse My beloved is mine and I am my beloveds As an Appletree is among the Trees of the wood so is my beloved among the sons d Cant. 2. 3. What a pleasant thing is an Appletree among the Trees of the wood There 's both Protection and Provision there 's Protection from the beat under his shadow and his fruit was sweet to me there 's Provision Christ is protection a shelter a shelter from the storme e Isa. 4.6 Christ keeps his Church himselfe Men put others in their Garrisons but Christ keeps his Church his own self f Psal. 121. 4 5. I that was a far off far off from peace am made nigh by the bloud of the Crosse g Eph. 2. 13. Her brother spake aloud to her to take somewhat to refresh her body Shee then heard him and answered I cannot I have what I did desire I have a crucified Christ I am so full of the Creator that I now can take in none of the Creature I am fild with heavenly Manna h Joh. 6. 33-35 I am sore from the crown of the head to the sole of the foot But let the Lord doe what be will with me let him take me to his eternall rest I am content or leave me in this vaile of misery I am content i Phil. 4. 11. Thou art a free agent Thou workest when thou wilt and where thou wilt Shee said moreover Let the Lord doe with mee what he will if he throws me into hell I le be contented because I have deserv'd it k Ezr. 9. 13. But his mercy will save mee in the day of wrath l 1 Thes. 1. 10. Eph. 2. 3. 5. There 's no sin separates the soule from Christ but the sin of Vnbeliefe m Joh. 5. 40. And this is all the Faith I look after beleeving a full Christ to a nothing Creature a full Christ to a nothing Creature n Joh. 7. 37. Nothing makes a difference between me and the Devill but free Grace free Grace o Eph. 2. 1-8 He hath not forgot to be gracious he hath not forgot to be mercifull though I often said he had He hath not forgotten to be gracious though I said he had p Isa. 49. 14 15. Shee prayed for her beloved Ioseph her brother to this effect Blessed be Joseph of the Lord. The good will of him that dwelt in the bush be on the head of Joseph and on the top of the head of him that was separated from his Brethren q Deut. 33.16 Shee asked for the same persons that shee had named before and said They have sought the Lord for mee desire them to praise and magnifie the Lord with me When these came shee had ceased speaking and then shee lay still without speaking or drinking till the 19 th day having not eaten any thing at all since the 27 th of March nor drunke any thing at all but two or three of her little cups of fair water and that onely at once in two or three days as is beforesaid April 19. Shee put her finger to her mouth desiring water And one cup was given her then shee began thus God is a refuge and a shield from the stormes and tempests He hath avenged me on my adversary meaning the Devill that thought to be avenged on me and I thought he would but the Lord hath avenged me on him Shall the unrighteous Iudge doe justly meaning in avenging the widow on her adversary and shall not the righteous Iudge do justly Yea a thousand times more r Luk. 18. 6 7. Happy happy happy is the people that have the God of Jacob for their Excellency and whose strength is in the Lord s Psal. 144 15. Behold the Lord will come with a strong band He shall feed the flock like a Shepherd He shall carry his Lambs in his arme t Isa. 40. 11 12. I have born thee from the belly which have carried thee from the womb even to thy old age I am he and even to hoary haires will I carry thee u Isa. 46. 3 4. I le wait on him that hides himselfe from the house of Jacob w Isa. 8. 17. He hides himselfe from the House of Jacob yet they were his people Thou art worth the waiting for if one should wait from the day of their birth to the very day of their death even one glimpse of thee is worth all He that walks in darknesse and seeth no light let him trust on the Name of the Lord and stay himselfe upon his God his God though he be in darkness stay on his God Isa. 50 10. Bodily sustenance being offered to her shee not having eaten any thing at all during twenty-four dayes last past nor drunk any thing at all but fair water and but very little of that Shee thus answered Doe you think I doe not eat How doe you think I live Being asked what shee did eat Shee said No eye of man sees it but the eye of God None could tast the sweetnesse of the Manna by looking on it none but they that eat of it or of the Honey out of the Rock The redeemed of the Lord are a Royall Priesthood a chosen Generation He hath made us Kings and Priests unto God 1 Pet. 2. 9. Rev. 1.6 More precious then Gold Gold of Ophir The Lord hath avenged me on mine enemy that roared over mee night and day to have devoured me but he hath delivered mee They that know thy Name will trust in thee because thou Lord never failest them that seek thee Psal. 9. 10. Before shee called meaning her selfe he answered whilst shee was asking he heard and delivered me from all my feares Shee asked againe will not M r Iessey and M r Simpson come to praise and magnifie the Lord with mee they have prayed for me Then were her eares opened that since April 6. had been deafe except onely at that time that shee longed to heare that her Mother had pardon'd her and that shee might see and hear her Brother For then shee being asked whether shee desired to live shee heard and said I am contented with what the Lord will though I would rather dye Being told M r Iesse and M r Simpson desired shee might live Doe they said shee I must
both Sermons these came to see her M r and M ris Liggon the Relator M ris Dawson a Ministers widow M ris Berny of Norfolk and many others amongst which was a Gentlewoman in sad despair that hearing of her came to have speech with her and had The Relator writ then what was said after he came thither The Conference followeth Gentlewoman The Devill Rules in me M ris Sarah Christ will fetch you from him he will dispossesse him and possesse himselfe Gentle I am under sin M ris Sarah Shall sin separate from the love of Christ God hides himselfe from the house of Jacob though dear to him Shee speaking low one asked the Gentlewoman if shee did heare M ris Sarah O that you might heare a Joh. 5. 25. Eph. 4. 20 21. Christ speak to you Gentle I cannot beleeve I am justified for such are sanctified and so am not I. M ris Sarah You speak of sanctifying It s against the scope of the Scripture to put sanctifying before justifying You should beleeve that God justifieth the ungodly b Ro. 4.5 that 's for you to beleeve now and thence would arise your sanctification And that you cannot come to him except he draw you c Jo. 6.44 10.29 That all power is in his hand He is greater then all and none can pull you out of his hands Devils nor Angels nor sin can keep from him when he will draw you Gentlew. None knows my condition how desperate it is M ris Sarah The heart is deceitfull above all things and desperately wicked who can know it d Jer. 17. 9. He that hath Balme of e Jer. 8. 22. he and he alone can heale it None can wound the soule but himselfe and none can heale it but himselfe I found that everlasting armes were under me and kept me though I knew it not He taught Ephraim to goe though he wist it not f Hos. 11. 3. Gentlew. I am rebellious against him M ris Sarah He ascended and gaue gifts to men even to the rebellious g Ps. 68.18 The great gift he gives them is himselfe and from that great gift are all other gifts as all the streames are from the fountaine If thou knewest that gift of God thou wouldst aske it and he would give it h Joh. 4. 10. Shee had a vaile before her heart but he took it away and he gave her to aske shee could not aske till then I found that no other sin separates from Christ but unbeliefe and did he come to finde faith in earth in earthen hearts i Luk. 18. 8. there 's nothing but death and unbeliefe and envy and rebellion and all manner of evill till Christ came and he gaue faith to me he found it not Qu In what manner was his giving faith to you M ris Sarah At first I saw cleerly Christ crucified for my sins It was neither Judas nor Pilate nor Herod nor any other so much as my sins That he was the skape-goat that bare them all away into the Wildernesse of forgetfulnesse never to be remembred any more k Levit. 16.21 I cannot tell my misery how great it was and I cannot tell the mercy that a full Christ came to such an empty creature to such a one as I that was as Ephraim an untamed heiser unaccustomed to the yoke Then his Name was proclam'd to me that he was a Saviour to save sinners mercifull gracious long-suffering abounding in goodnesse and abounding in truth to fulfill all that mercy and goodnesse and he is the way to the Father Ah! that he should love such a one and marry such a one that was a murmurer disobedient unholy Such a one God was pleasd to make an object of mercy There 's an end of my misery though I thought there was no end of it but there 's no end of his mercy my misery was the misery of a creature but his mercy is the mercy of a God and there 's no end of it I was brought as low at the lowest hell The gates were open to receive me that then mercy should come to shut them that Christ came to fetch me out He is good and doth good not to them that are good but he makes good nor to fill them that are full but to fill them that are empty I le leave in them an afflicted and poore people and they shall trust in the Name of the Lord they that are afflicted and poore it s they shall trust in his name l Zeph. 3. 12. And what 's his Name but forgiving iniquity transgression and sin I made thee rest from thy hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve hard bondage and made to serve this hard bondage m Isa. 14. 3. Yet God delivered when none els could In the first verse the LORD will have mercy on Jacob and will yet choose Israel I had no will nor no desire to him nothing but perversnesse and wretchednesse as in Israel I might speak and speak a long time dayes and weekes and moneths and not able to tell all my misery The Lord loved me and he chastend me as he saith to Laodicea As many as I love I rebuke and chasten n Rev. 3. 19. Gentlew. All afflictions are for good to them that love God but they bring me no good at all M ris Sarah I warrant you David could not say His afflictions were good for him when he said They are gone over my head my heart failes mee o Psal. 40. 12. But it was afterwards that he said It is good for me to be afflicted The Prodigall whilst he was in his sin and misery could not say it was best for him But how did his Father friends rejoyce afterwards p Luk. 15.32 I desire all the Saints might rejoyce as much for me as they did for him Christ came to seek and to save that that was lost I found it so I read God is good to them that are of a pure heart and I was troubled at it for mine was not pure q Psal. 73. 1. That heart is pure that he makes pure he finds it not pure but he makes it pure When I read I read the promises over and over but I could remember nothing of them but if I reade but a tittle of the judgements that remained with me I could remember the verse where they are At last the promises terrified me most of all because they were for others but not for me None could burst these brazen gates but Christ alone I was worse then a Beast Beasts praise God in their kinde But I dishonoured him But all this hindred not his love to me Would you love God first or would you have him love you first Gentlew. I doe not love him M ris Sarah We are by nature far from loving him wee are enemies to him God reconciles enemies q Rom. 5. 8-10 It s wee were enemies to God `not God an
enemy to us An enemy would not reconcile enemies But God reconcil'd us when we were enemies to him We were then without God far off in the lusts of our flesh fulfilling them dead in sins and trespasses Eph. 2. read it When God comes with power he quickens them that were dead in sinnes Are you weary in your Condition Gentlew. I give over all means I think it bootlesse to use any for me M ris Sarah I found no help by any means yet I went on I was contented with nothing to heare or not to heare read or not read pray or not pray no peace in any thing I have great experience of that place If he give peace who then can trouble but if he hide away his face who is able to bear it r Iob 34.29 You doe not seek him and he saith I am found of them that sought me not that asked not for me I said Behold me behold me to a Nation that was not called by my Name s Isa. 65.1 That 's a place for a poore soule to ponder much upon Wait a little while and he will come t Hab. 2. 3. Gentlew. If you knew what sins I am in you would not say so to me M ris Sarah The bloud of Christ clenseth from all sin not from one sin or two sins but from all sins Gentlew. When I went on in sin the Devill told me I was Elected M ris Sarah The Devill saith no such thing but Thou art damn'd for ever Gentle I have been strangely deluded by him M ris Sarah The sad Temptations and corruptions that deluded me never any were in the like I never read nor heard of any such as mine But the Lord came in an acceptable time to succour me u Isa. 49. 8. When I saw I had no good by good peoples speaking to me nor their prayers for me nor by all my reading nor hearing no good to me I felt such horror I thought hell to come could not be worse then what I felt I road to Shrewsbury I would not hold the bridle I would gladly the horse might stumble or throw me in a ditch and kill me I let him goe where he would Thus shee was thrown in a ditch and when shee came to the Inne she being all wet would not shift her nor dry her but sat in the wet cloaths because shee was weary of life and would have been out of it I would not eat I saw nothing but condemnation I thought as I went the earth was opening every foot and that the stones in the streets would open and swallow me up I saw no other but condemnation The more was my misery the more is his mercy manifested One moment of his mercy swallowed up the depth of my misery Before I could not eat nor drinke but I was troubled for it I thought it was to me as to some at Sacrament that I did eat and drink my damnation Gentlew. I am not troubled at my condition though I know if I dye I goe to Hell M ris Sarah Are you not weary of your condition Is it no burden to you Gentlew. Yes yes M ris Sarah He is never weary nor faint in succouring sinners Christ was weary and was in all things tempted as we are yet he knew no sin that he might sympathize with us and succour us that are full of sin Heb. 2. 18. He hides himselfe from you I le look to him that hides himselfe from the house of Jacob They are Jacob his people yet he hides himselfe from them x Isa. 8. 17. He hides himselfe that wee might the more desire him as a mother from her childe Gent. I am fit for nothing I can do no work M ris Sarah I oft could doe none and it terrified me that I did none when I could doe none yet it terrified me night and day Gentlew. I am not troubled though I have no faith M ris Sarah You can have no true rest till you beleeve If God set on the least sin to a young childe it will terrifie it as much as the greatest sinnes of one that 's a hundred yeer old as I have found When he creates peace there will be peace y Isa. 57. 19. Gentlew. That 's to his people he creates it M ris Sarah He cals them his people that were not his people and her beloved which was not beloved z Rom. 9. 25. Gentlew. There 's no peace to the wicked M ris Sarah All are wicked till he makes them good There 's no peace to sin nor Satan but there 's peace for the sinner Christ is peace for the lost sinner Ep. 2.14 Part of another Conference May 11. 1647. taken at the writers coming in it being begun before he came G. There 's no hope for me S. There 's hope in God though none in you G. It s said No temptation hath taken you but that that 's common to men a 1 Cor. 10. 13. But that is except they be given up as I am for their condition was not as mine is S. He makes no such exception some have been before in your condition and he saith He makes a way to escape not that way you thinke best but the way he thinks best that you may be able to beare it Christ bare burdens that you might be eas'd when 't is too heavy for you b Mat. 11. 28. G. I cannot be affected with my case S. It s God must give it Wee wrastle not with flesh and bloud but with principalities powers wee wrastle not with them in our owne strength but in the strength of Christ in the power of his might c Eph. 6.10.12 The party being silent and slow to speak or to aske shee put out fit questions to her and so gained in upon her answers Is your sin so great God cannot forgive you G. God can forgive me but he will not S. God will graffe them in because God can graffe them in as he saith d Rom. 11.23 No soule beleeves indeed that God is able to forgive it but that beleeves he is as willing to forgive as he is able The Lord sware saying As I live I will not the death of a sinner but that he turne from his sin c Ezek. 33.11 and he turnes it and it is turned He sweares he is willing and yet you say he is not willing He proclaimed his own Name that he is Gracious forgiving iniquity transgression and sin and yet you say he is not willing to forgive you You beleeve not The great sin Christ dyed for is unbeliefe You have no will to him It s he that works both to will and to doe and that 's his good pleasure it s because he is very willing to it Of his own will he begat us f Ia. 1. 18. You see how willing he is to it You see your sin now more then you did before Did you see it so before G.
I had mercy or no. I felt my selfe soule and body in fire brimstone already If all the fire and brimstone in London all the pitch tarre should all be in one fire and I walking in the midst of that fire this was my condition I beheld my selfe in hell locally my terrour was so great And I thought there was no other Hell but that which I felt and therefore I sought to make away my selfe and many wayes attempted it But God bath made me see my sin therein and he ashamed and mine iniquity and be confounded Yet then I could wait no longer and I said if God will not save me let him condemne me and it terrified me after that I had said so But were Gods thoughts as my thoughts were his thoughts ill towards me because I thought so Nay Gods thoughts were not my thoughts b Isa. 55. 8. God could withold possession and temptation if he would but he sees it s for his glory and for the good of his that you might love him the more and that his glory might the more be seen in his delivering of you It s Christs work to dispossesse where the strong man armed keeps the house He doth not dispossesse the soule that was not possessed but the soule that was possessed possest with sin and Satan and corruption that such should be brought from the captivity of Satan to the glorious liberty of the sons of God And then shall you see that this was good for you all things are for good to them that love God I say not that you can love God but he will give you a heart to love him c De. 30.6 Woman I have no experience that ever he shewd that mercy on me Sa. Hee 'l shew mercy that he may be feared d Ps. 130.4 Hee 'l shew mercy to sinners are not you a sinner and ungodly Woman But not to me I cannot beleeve it S. You cannot beleeve it I could not beleeve that he died for me Paul saith I was a blasphemer a persecutor injurious yet I obtained mercy to be a patterne to others 1 Tim. 1. Had you seen my condition that I was in as I saw it you would believ be may as soon shew mercy on you as shew mercy to me and sooner too by far Woman I was and am still of a perverse spirit S. He sees you are so and he heales such None can heale but Christ he is the Physician that heales che chiefest sinners freely Put al sins into one unbeliefe is the greatest and Christ died for that sin and t is Christs gift to give faith to one that hath no saith to a heart ful of nothing but of sin and corruption and unbelief till Christ give it to beleeve e Heb. 12. 2. Woman I would beleeve but I cannot S. Say as the man said I beleeve Lord help my unbeliefe f Mar. 9.24 there was faith and unbeliefe mingled Christ comes to give repentance and remission of sinnes g Act. 5. 31. and faith to beleeve it If you have Satan in you Christ came to destroy the works of Satan and it s a work onely for him to doe it Woman I am in continuall horror S. If he speak peace who then can trouble He will speak peace to his people then * So shee spake it and so the Hebrew is future Ps. 85.8 they shall not returne to folly and what 's that folly but to distrust Gods mercy and have hard thoughts of God as if his anger wrath should be for ever Ps. 77.8.10 Woman Nothing will work on my heart S. No not till Christ work And if he work who shall let him His Counsell shall stand h Ps. 33.11 The woman being wished to forbeare because the other was so weak and spent She would have the woman remember this That Christ was carried into a wildernes to be tempted So he brings a soule into a wildernesse of Temptation and then will he succour them that are tempted He saith I le allure her and bring her into the wildernes and then speak peace to her Ho. 2.14 That 's Gods time to doe it then he saith to them I wil betroth thee to me for ever I le betroth thee to me It s the wildered soule the desolate soule that he wil betroth to him Though you are now in the wildernes ne'r so sore stung of fiery Scorpions yet there 's a brazen Serpent for you even you to look upon and be heal'd or for such a one in your condition never so sore stung Is holden up not for them that are not stung but for them that are sore stung Io. 3 14. May 16. Shee still being very weak in bed was another Conference shee seeking to comfort one in deep despaire that came to her The woman being asked how it was with her Woman I have slipt my time shee had formerly told her more of her sad condition by sin S. Was it Gods time to have done it then Who could hinder him Thou hast not cald on me O Iacob thou hast been weary of me O Israel thou hast wearied me with thine iniquities But was their time past Nay the very next verse is I even I am he that blots out thy transgressions for mine own sake not for thy sake be thou ashamed but for mine own sake Isa. 43 end And in Jer 5. 11 12. The house of Israel and of Judah have belied the Lord and said it is not he neither shall evill come upon us Yet Iudah shall be saved and Christ shall be the Lord thier righteousnesse Iere. 23. 6. For four yeere together have I been in as sad a condition as you can be in and at least it grow sadder and sadder still till I came even at the brink of Hell and Hell gates were wide open sin and destruction set them open then came Christ with his armes wide open for me and pul'd me thence Object Ther 's no mercy to one in my condition S. I did not then apprehend there was any mercy for me I never met with any so carried on as I was I reason'd with God Why he would make me to damn me And why he made the Devill Of late I thought if I made away my selfe there was an end of my misery and that there was no God no Heaven and no Hell but what I had already This last was ever since a moneth or six weeks before Christmas as they call it I could not beleeve the Scripture nor any thing I had judged my selfe for these evills I see nothing is too hard for God that yet saves me Jer. 33. 17. Then is no sin greater then unbeliefe Yet Christ ayed for this also Did not Christ say to his own Disciples O fooles and slow of heart to beleve They were slow to beleeve and yet Christ dyed for them and was not slow to give them faith to beleeve Whatever we suffer in Temptation Christ suffered being
they beleeved not and what great need they have of Christ and till then they never rightly beleeve I have found it hath been so with me No sin is like the sin of unbeliefe The enemy is the Grand enemy of the soul that sin is the Grand sin of the soul. Though it be the great sin of all and the damning sin That yet Iesus Christ should not onely bid such a one beleeve but give it to beleeve it is to be admired 2. Quest. Whether many are not worse by hearing the Gospel of Grace in Christ to the ungodly and chiefest of sinners S. Ans. Many are worse and many are better The y 1 Pet. 1. 25. Word by the Gospel is to be preached to the world of sinners that is the Word which became flesh z Joh. 1. 14. That Christ came not to be ministred unto but to minister and to give his life a ransom for many a Mar. 10 45. He is not to be ministred unto by workes of our righteousnesse or our preparing our selves first for him or any worthinesse in our selves but to minister that is to supply our wants first the Spirit and therewith righteousnesse peace and joy which make an empty soule full indeed and to give his life not so sell it to them that haue money but to give it to them that have none his life no lesse price a ransome for us bondslaves that were in bondage to Satan sin and corruption for many for a numberles number that none can number so they are indeed if all be gathered together though but a few in comparison of the rest for many are called but few are chosen b Mar. 20. 16. It s there for many here for few Many are called by the word to Beleeve and to Repent all where the Gospel comes but few are called out of their sinfull state Iune 10.47 It being now above 75. dayes since she did eat at all and full 65. dayes since shee did sip or drink two dayes together her drink being onely fair water for about twenty dayes and since that some small beer and both these onely at once still in two three or four dayes of late in four or five dayes once and then no more till about so long after shee having never been able to stirre out of bed since April 6. being 65. dayes through her great weaknesse especially in her head by her so beating it against walls in her Terror and now shee being very weak unlikely to live unlesse shee took somewhat except he who so miraculously had upheld her so long should hold out the same great power and goodnes still unto her shee not having taken so much as a sip of any thing at all for four or five dayes last nor so much as moistened her mouth or lips in all that time and had enjoyed very little rest for a week together or more The Relator perceiving it now as from time to time formerly spake to her about eating or drinking somewhat S. Ans. I am not hungry nor thirsty Rela I have sometime neglected my body till I saw I must not wrong the Temple of the Holy Ghost c 1 Cor. 3. 17. and then I durst not but eat though I had no mind to it because t is an ordinary means of preserving life and health S. Ans. I cannot do it I do not abstain out of wilfulnesse for I would if I could nor have I any command or temptation in my spirit against it as if I should not but it is because I cannot When I have tried I am the worse by it I cannot digest it and the smell of it hurts me The Relator durst not then further urge her and being ready to depart Shee entreated his visiting some of the despairing soules that had been with her and to pray for them and for her selfe that shee might quietly submit to the will of God to live or dye for she found not such contentednesse to live as she desired but rather longing to be dissolved to be with Christ which was best of al for her Phil. 1. 23. So lie left her more drooping weak and pensive then at any time shee now to the eye of man drawing neer to death as he apprehended and was much affected with it spake of it to some ☞ But yet remembring some expressions of Faith that she had uttered before touching the raising up of her body as well as her soule pag. 33. 35. he had hopes the Lord would yet raise up her body to the praise of his Name and the refreshing of others that are despairing disconsolate soules And now behold and see the LORDS doing for it is marvailous and worthy to be remembred That day and untill about ten of the Clock at night all that week before-going especially on since Tuesday beforesaid she had these words following her and still as it were spoken to her again again viz. With long life will I satisfie him Ps. 91. 16. At first she took it to be meant of Eternall life in glory and rejoyced in it But when it was opened to her to be also of long life here Shee thought that would not satisfie her and therefore she would not regard it being so desirous to be absent from the body and to be present with Jesus Christ. 2 Cor. 5.8 a little glimpse of him that shee felt was so sweet shee so desired the full fruition of him that shee was not so contented to live as was meet and as now having a sight of it shee desired prayer for her that shee might be and that she might quietly lie down at the feet of God to do with her as he would that shee might not be so weary of the condition the Lord allotted to her About ten at night this came in as if it had been whispered to her soule from God Thou hast not wearied me with thy sacrifices but thou hast wearied me with thy sins Yet I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine owne Names sake a Isa. 43.22.25 and will remember them no more for ever no not for ever Thou art mine my b Cant. 7. 10. desire is towards thee I will c Hos. 14. 4. heal thy backslidings I love thee freely I forgive all thy sins for my Names sake as though they had never been committed Come and see how I have loved thee How I have ever loved thee Behold and admire this love of mine Fathom this sea of my love if thee canst which drownes the multitude of thy sins and see how I have ever loved thee from eternity with an endlesse boundlesse and everlasting d Jer. 31 3 love the number of thy sins and multitude of thy transgressions against me shall never be able to seperate the e Ro. 8 35-39 union that I have made between thee me This manifestation exceedingly melted her heart and the more abased her soule before him And shee said Lord
had not eaten any thing at all for twenty-foure dayes or more and drunk nothing in all this time since April 6. but onely faire water neither that but two or three little cups together once in two or three dayes He desired her if shee could to eat to preserve life for when the Lord saith Thou shalt not kill he implies the Affirmative Thou shalt use all good meanes to preserve life Jam. 2.11 And though he and all those present were so affected even to admiration in hearing a child so speak yet he wished her to forbear speaking too much because it spent her shee being so very weak Shee said In rest and returning shall I be saved in quietnes and confidence shall be my strength m Isa. 30. 15. I have Manna to eat of he feeds me with hidden Manna n Rev. 2.17 It was pleasant to the eye o Num. 11. 11. but they felt no sweetnesse by looking on it but by tasting of it When shee ended speech shee desired he would praise the Lord with her which he performed accordingly those beforesaid being present ☞ Another time when one gave her a Poesie shee looking on it and smelling its sweetnes commended the workmanship of God in the severall flowers saying to this effect The flowers are all fragrant and some more fragrant then others they have different colours and different smels and all come out of the earth So are the Saints they all are in Christ and in him they all are sweet and savoury but are of different strength and judgement The strong should beare with the weak and not despise them April 25. being the Lords day when many Christians were come to see her amongst others M r M ris Liggon the Relator M ris Iones M ris Aires M ris Gr. Philips and others In like humble manner her tender eyes being covered and lying still as shee had kept her bed being very weak since April 6. with a low voice as speaking to her selfe shee said How sweet is it to my thoughts that an infinite God should be a Rock and a Refuge to a finite Creature a sure Rock and hiding place from all stormes tempests whatsoever Ps. 46. 1. When the man was wounded by theeves and lay by the way the Priest and the Levite passed by they passed by and helped not The creature comfort failes and then the good Samaritan helps a Luk. 10 35. Christ saves whom none els will or can and when there 's nothing in the Creature to move him The wounded man did not first desire the Samaritans help The deeper the wound is the more honour to him that cures him He set him on his own Beast leaves him not to himselfe to goe where he will but brought him in and gave two pence for him I beleeve that holds out Faith and Love b Gal. 5.6 None cared for him refuge fail'd then Christ helps and take care for him c Ps 27.10 One speaking to her of her former condition how far shee was then from hope ever to obtaine mercy shee said If all the world should be saved then it may be I should be one but els no hopes for me That Peter Mary Magdalen David Manasses were saved it was nothing to me no if Judas should be saved yet should not I. All their sin and Pauls in Persecuting and the Theefe on the Crosse and Judas and all I could read of or heare of if all their sins were all put together in one yet all were not so bad as I. Yet I obtained mercy that thought my time of mercy was past that I was damn'd already through unbeliefe I said many a time There 's no hope in thy end and I thought I saw it I may say It was good for me to be afflicted I prize his mercies the more Psal. 119. 69. All terrors could not humble me but the sight of his mercy did I could never be kindly humbled till then It was not mine own fitting or mine own humbling but Christs fitting and Christs humbling when he looks upon such a one that humbles He comes with his power on the soule and causeth the soule to beleeve Eph. 1. 19. My tongue was not able to tell the misery I was in before continually and now my tongue is not able to tell what love and mercy hath been shewed to me I can never enough expresse his Name I would faine have been dissolved to be with him d Phil. 1. 23. It was a hard thing for me to be content to live here still but its easie for him to teach to be willing to live or dye and he hath taught mee c Phil. 4. 11. 13. I was so desperate I cared not what became of me oft was I at very brink of death and hell even at the very gates and they were open for me and then Christ shut them and fetch'd me out as Daniel that was in the Lyons den but it was his mercy that stop'd the mouth of the roaring Lyon and delivered me Dan. 6. The hundreth and seventh Psalme O that men would therefore praise the Lord for his goodnes and declare the wonders that he doth for the children of men I would that Psalm were often read over The goodnesse of God is unsearchable How great is the excellency of his Majesty that yet he would look upon such a one as I I was full of Terror the week before I kept my bed I rested not day nor night I thought no death was bad enough for me If all kinds of death were put together in one it was too good for me I walked continually as in fire and brimstone for rebelling and murmuring against God and against a Parent When he hides his face who is able to beare it and when he gives quietnes who then can trouble Iob 34.29 I can testifie the truth of both these He hath spoke the word to me Thy sins are forgiven thee I even I am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake Isa. 43. 25. Iesus Christ is unchangeable therefore I was not consumed Wee may say with admiration What is man that thou art so mindfull of him or the son of man that thou so regardest him thou madest him lower then Angels a Ps. 8. is meant of Christ as Heb. 2.6 to 18 vers proves Iesus Christ took our nature to take part of our sufferings and that we should follow him in sufferings not think strange Wee have not a High Priest that cannot be touched with a feeling of our infirmities b Heb. 2.17 18. Heb. 4.15 but he was made like to us that he might sympathize with us Blesse the Lord O my soule Which forgiveth all thine iniquitie and healeth all thine infirmity In my misery my flesh and my bones pined and consumed away and I was neer to death the Lords chearing the heart doth good like a medicine I now recover strength I read the Scriptures from a childe
I was well enough in my thoughts before S. It s God that gives you to see it G. The Devill can shew sin by the Law S. The Devill can goe no further then his chaine The God of peace shall tread Satan under our feet and that shortly g Rom. 16.20 ` The Devill shall doe that that turnes to good to Gods people G. That 's spoke to them whose faith and obedience was gone abroad through the world S. Did Christ dye for the obedient or for the disobedient Christ dyed for the disobedient and rebellious that they might partake of his obedience He dyed for those Romans not when they were righteous but while they were yet sinners and ungodly and enemies Christ laid down his life for them and what obedience was in such Can you say God will not give you obedience I warrant you their disobedience went abroad first h Rom. 6. 17. before their obedience G. I refused all meanes of my good S. What if you had us'd all meanes G. Then I should have been more obedient S. Then you would have thought you were some body Meanes should be used But now Christ will be the more exalted when you were so negligent Isa. 43. end G. When M r Prig taught on those words Arise thou that sleepest stand up from the dead Christ shall give thee light k Eph. 5.14 I was moved at it I perceived by his teaching that sin was the sleep ingnorance was the cause and repentance was the awaking And I thought I did repent and I began and saw sin in others and saw how vile sins were and had a great desire to God and heaven sometimes I was so and by little and little grew cold I sin'd against Conscience and now I walke not in light but in darknes l Isa. 50. 10. S. Christ is light to them that are in darknesse m Lu. 1. 79. Who is it that awakens such but Christ You have been a backslider he saith n Ier. 3. 22. I le heale backslidings for my Names sake G. Now in all my reading and all I doe I sin S. You cannot number your sinnes and you cannot number his mercy You will have the more cause to magnifie his Grace if now he come in to you G. Now t is tedious to me to read or heare I am so captiv'd S. They that are free need not be redeem'd he came to deliver captives o Lu. 4. 18. Neither you nor sin nor Satan can awake but Christ can awake and will awake them that sleep No creature shall have a hand in his work to have the praise of it But his owne hand shall lay p Isa. 59. 15. hold on salvation G. I grew proud of it that I knew more then others and would be finding fault with others when all was nothing S. I cannot beleeve that ever any were beyond my condition in self and sin yet hath he shewed mercy on me G. I cannot be sorry for my sins S. Hee 'l shew you that he dyed for your sins and then you shall mourne over him as one mournes for his onely son q Zach 12. 10. He doth not onely bid Be sorry and turne to me But he turnes the heart and makes it sorry He was exalted to give repentance r Acts 5. 31. and remission of sinnes G. What hopes have I that have not repentance S. You have not repentance He gives it to those that have it not not to those that have it G. I am unthankfull undutifull S. Think not of what 's in you but of what is in Christ for you there 's unkindnesse in you but kindnesse in him He gives a thankfull heart His promise is to give a new heart He saith I le give it s Eze. 36.26.25 You are still remembring your sinnes still be remembring mercie in forgiving sins Remember his kindnesse to Israel in the Wildernes still they went from him and still he followed them t 1 Cor. 10.4 Hee 'l work and who shall let u Isa. 43.13 Neither sin nor Satan shall let when he will work Remember that stil. Another Conference with an afflicted woman that heard of this mercy and came to her May 12. Shee still remaining in Bed very weak and spent as beforesaid VVoman Being asked how it was with her she said I cannot beleeve S. It s his work to give to beleeve that dyed for sinners VVoman It s not for me S. It s for chiefe of sinners for Mary Magdalen that had seven Devil w Mar. 16.9 Woman My heart will not be wrought upon S. Is any thing too hard for God T is Christs work and t is his Office to work on hard hearts stony hearts Woman I am oft afraid I shall never be sav'd S. You are but afraid so He saith I le sustaine thee I le save thee be not afraid x Isa. 41.10 He puts under his everlasting armes I thought and said it was impossible that ever I should be sav'd Yet that which was impossible with me was not impossible with God y Lu. 18.27 But I thought it was impossible with God VVoman How long were you in that affliction Another answered about foure yeeres Woman But not continually S. Yes continually But this last halfe yeere in terror day and night VVoman I goe to the meanes but it is to no purpose S. So it was with me I was worse by the meanes VVhat may your condition be VVoman I have cursed thoughts of God continually About three quarters of a yeer agoe when my husband was dead I thought What was become of his soule and what would become of me that had made him worse by my perverse words to him when he was faulty and one morning after I was awake I thought the roome was full of smoake and suddenly a fire went in at my mouth and went downe hot into my belly and there it went flutter flutter Another that lately had been with her said this was just her condition she felt such a fire coming in at her mouth and so into her belly But after shee judged it was but a fancy but remaines in despaire ever since Then said the woman I suddenly flew out of my bed into the midst of the roome and a voice said within mee to my heart Thou art damn'd damn'd I felt the smell of brimstone Thus it began and I thought the house was full of Devils Then for six or seven weeks together I never slept at all I was so terrified and have been out of hopes ever since S. Iesus Chrisi came to dispossesse the strong man armed that kept the house and to possesse it himselfe a Lu. 11.22 The Lyon of the Tribe of Judah hath overcome that röaring Lyon that seekes to devoure you Woman I can see nothing but damnation S. I could see nothing but Hell and wrath I was as desperate as ever was any I said I cared not whether
Ordinances in hearing the word as formerly you did A. God will dispose me to that that shall be for his glory and my good But I look on Ordinances as tokens of Gods love to his people and representations of Christ that should neither be idolized nor slighted but they should be us'd and God lov'd above them To M r. Sp. shee said As the spouse in the Canticles sets out her beloved by similitudes of him so are Ordinances similitudes of him by which he sets out himselfe to us for our good If Iesus Christ himselfe should preach to the soule every day and give not out of himselfe the Ordinance would be empty to it But he comes in to his people in Ordinances and there he fils the empty soule with good things Lady Whether doe you not desire to live to declare the great mercy that God hath express'd to you A. I desire nothing but his will which doth order all things to his own glory and his Creatures good Lady whether have you thoughts of the Church of God and of the condition it is in in the parts that you know A. I wish with Paul if it were possible that all Israel might be sau'd M ris Bri. Doe you not wish that all differences were compos'd and made up among the Saints Answ. Yes Lady What meanes doe you thinke would be most effectuall to compose them A. The beholding a reconciled God seen by all God was in Christ reconciling the world to himselfe There is need of such a dayes-man as Christ to reconcile the world to God Suitable to what Mr. St. Marshall gathered from Isa. 57. 19. I create the fruit of the lips peace peace viz. 1. That the peace and the healing of Gods people is Gods own worke a worke of his creating power 2. Though it be so yet the speciall way whereby he effects it is the preaching of the Gospell of peace Her face being covered as daily It us'd to be since April 6 one spake of the great weaknes of her eyes Ans. Christ hath done a great miracle upon me he hath made the blind to see and the deafe to heare and the damb to speake he hath done it upon many and he hath done all upon one poore wretch Formerly her selfe was slow of speech that now hath such freedome speaking as with a new tongue M r Sp. Doe you think to have it alwayes day with you Ans. I know there may be clouds that the soule cannot so apprehend the light of Gods countenance at David said Restore to me the joy of thy salvation a Ps. 51. 12. and why hidest thou thy face from me But Christ the Sun of righteousnesse will arise againe b Mat. 42. He will break through all these things My times and my refreshings are in Gods hands c Ps. 31 15. to refresh the weary soule which he will doe freely M r Sp. I would be glad to heare which way the Lord came in to refresh you Ans. It was revealed to me that Christ was crucified for me even for me the chiefest of sinners I never had a glimpse of Christ before and then I admired him I saw it plainly My greatest sin was unbeliefe and I saw I was in unbeliefe and that the wrath of God abode upon me I was damned already And not for any thing in me but when unworthinesse was in me for his own worthinesse even for his own Names sake that he forgave all my sinnes His Name is Mercifull Gracious long suffering c Exo. 34 67 M r Sp. What counsell would you give to one in that condition of darknes A. To wait on God that hids himselfe Isa 8. 17. My temptations were the saddest of any to beleeve there was no God nor Heaven nor Hell but what I felt my soul remain'd in terror continually M r Sp. You knew the Scripturs before that comfort you now wherein then is your comfort What 's the difference A. The Letter did but kill it could not comfort but God hath refreshed me in his love God was the same to me in his love formerly that he is now But in his fulnes of time he manifested that which was before I doe not beleeve that he hated me before and loved me after but all my affliction was in his love and very faithfulnes The glory of God doth as much appeare in supporting a soule under terror as in delivering it out of terror It s said in Isai. 24. 16. Glorifie God in the fires Though the soule sees it not then yet when the Lord brings it out then he sees that God did glorifie himselfe in the afffliction Question What doe you think of the POWRINGS out of his spirit in the last dayes S. Ans. Then and since being put together The Name of Christ is powred forth by the spirit on his people and will be still and thereby we love him when he hath shewed that love to us and drawne us Question wee have some drops of his spirit now but are the powrings out now Act. 2.17.31 38. S. Ans. There are many that love him now and why doe they love him its not said because of some Drops but because thy name is Oyntment powred out Therefore it is that any soule loves him Cant. 1. 3. Quest. But doe you not think there will be a time when God will powre out more of his Spirit upon his sonnes and daughters then now is usuall S. Ans. Though his love is powred out into the hearts of his people by the spirit now or els we could not love him yet this is personall to a few but I doe verily beleeve it will be more generall to many and in a greater measure This is but a tast now of what shall be M r. Spr. Doe you take no food S. Ans. Yes I feed on Iesus Christ he is my daily food he feeds me with himselfe and hee is full of satisfaction Ioh. 6. 35. 51. 55. M. Spr. But I speake of bodily food Doe you think it s no temptation on you to forbeare bodily food S. Ans. No. I would eate if I could but I connot If I try it makes me worse His word is my meat and delight In my trouble I oft could not eat he fed me with bitternes and worme wood I sed on terror that was my meat and now the Lord makes answerable to it his feeding me now with promises this marrow and fatnes a Psal. 63. 5. he refresheth me continually with his love which is better then b Cant. 1. 2. wine May 21. One asked her Doe you sleep A. These three nights I slept not till three of the clocke but I lye still I stir not but am content and that 's better Quest. How is that better S. Ans. Content is better then abundance is it not And Christ is never idle he is alwayes doing somewhat in the soule One speaking of hopes of her life S. Ans. To be willing to live is the hardest lesson to
to him Heb. 11. 6â— Quest. What judge you about GENERALL REDEMPTION and the consequence thereof FREE-WILL FALLING AWAY c. Seing you hold out to all that come troubled to you that Christ hath redeemed them and that it onely wants manifestation to themselves Answer The Gospel is to be held out to all the world to the chiefest of sinners And this is Gospel That Christ was sent of God to them to turne them all from their sins a Act. 3 26. Act. 17. 38. 46 Act. 5. 31. Lu. 24. 46. 47. and to justifie and Pardon them and to give b Luk. 10. 5. Act. 10. 36. peace to them that are a far off and that God is not c 2 Pe. 3. 9. Ezek. 33. 11. Luk. 13. 34. willing that any should perish but that all should repent and live Gods willingnes to d 2 Cor. 5. 18. reconcile the world to himself it to be held out to all And those that I thus speake to are afflicted and affliction is the portion of those that he loves And he had loved such and Christ had redeemed them whilst they were in the furnace of affliction though they knew it not it only wanted the manifestation to them and when this fulnesse of time is to draw them it is not because God then began to love them but he loved them with an everlasting love therefore it is that in tender mercy he draws any souls Jer. 31. 3 There is his free choice and his mighty power in drawing such as were dead in sins which no power of man could doe none can come to Christ except the Father draw him e Jo. 6. 44. 63. And having loved his own he loves them to the end f Joh. 13. 1. and none can pull them out of his Fathers hand Who shall separate us from this loves g Ro. 8. end neither men nor sinne nor Satan Another added as follows 1. Iesus Christ saith Preach the Gospel to every creature say Peace be to this House Thus the Disciples did to the worst Peter Act. 3. 26. Paul 1 Cor. 15. 1. 3 4. with 1 Cor. 6. 9-11 Chap. 2. 2. Hereby they received the Spirit Gal. 3.5 2 Pet. 1.4 Which alone convinceth effectually of sin righteousnesse and judgement Iob 16. 8. and melts the hard heart Zach. 12. 10. Isa. 53. 5. Gods choice was not used to be preached to all but for the comfort of them that knew they beleeved Eph. 1. 3 4. 2 Tim. 1. 9. In preaching of the Gospel light motion and power goes out to all which men resist and such are destroyed not because they could not beleeve but because they resist and will not obey and so die Act. 7. 51. Luk. 13. 34. Ezek. 33. 11. Hos. 13. 9. 2. All the Redemption or freedome that all have from temporall and from hellish torments at present and all the good to heart body or state that they enjoy all is by the redemption of Jesus Christ who saveth all both men and beasts especially them that beleeve thus 1 Tim. 4. 10. Psal. 36. 6. 3. The time must be when every promise of God must be fulfilled Ioh. 10. 35. Mat. 5.17 18. And therefore the time cometh when in the seed of Abraham that is in Jesus Christ all the a Gen. 22. 18 Gen. 18. 18. Nations b Act. 3. 25. kindreds c Gen. 28. 14. families d Psal. 67. 5. people of the earth even to the e Vers. 6. ends or utmost corners thereof shall be blessed When the stone in Daniel that smites the feet of the mighty image shall become a f Dan. 2. 34 35. 45. MOVNTAIN and fill the whole earth g Dan. 7. 27. Then the kingdome and dominion and greatnesse of the kingdome under the whole Heaven shall be given to the Saints of the most High whose kingdome is for ever or for an age and all Dominions of Rulers h Psal. 72 11-17 all Kings and i Psal. 100. 1-4 people shall serve and obey him This was never yet fulfilled and therefore we may rejoyce that as God is true as this shall be performed H. G. Whether doth the Lord at any time PUNISH or chasten his people FOR SIN S. Ans. He saith For this cause some are sick and weak among you k 1 Cor. 11. 30. But I cannot call it a * Amos 3. 3. Hebr. is visit upon you not punish So Ier. 46.28 and elsewhere punishment for sin to his people for Christ hath paid their debt already and bare their sinne into land of forgetfulnesse Thou forgavest the punishment of my sinne If the punishment for the least sin were taken away it would presse them down to Hell and then what would their greatest sin doe But Christ hath satisfied to take away the punishment But yet he hath fatherly chastisements for them For whom he loves he chastens What sonne is he whom the Father chastens not l Revel 3. 19. Heb. 12. 7. He chastens them to love and they see it and that makes them sorry for sin as sin or els they would never be sorry for sin as sin but that they see his love It s his love that he will correct them and then he deales with them as with one of his own It is in love what ever he doth to his in all afflictions though the soule may not see it till afterwards For All things are for good to his people May 26. 1647. There came to her a wife that being past her reckoning thought her Pangs of Travell were come upon her but as shee said those being as nothing to the pangs and terrors her soule was in having been with M ris Sarah before shee came now running to her bewailing that in this her extremity shee had no God to goe unto M ris Sarah's eyes that had been so very ill by her cruell beating them and by oft bruising her head against walls in her terrors to have beat out her braines being now somewhat better beheld the sadded woman coming in and had presently cast in a word to speak to her which was this Iudah shall be saved and Jerusalem shall dwell safely m Je. 23.6 and who were more sinfull then they Yet God hath made a promise to them If you were as bad as you are as bad by nature yet look upon that promise which was cast upon me as you came in That you even you shall be saved and dwell safely under the shadow and protection of the Almighty which is a safe shelter indeed from what stormes soever they be Those sins that are crimson-sins and of a scarlet dye yet God hath pardon'd doubtles he hath lov'd you freely and pardon'd you not for any thing in you but for his Name sake You say you are weary of your sins and you desire nothing but Christ Therefore the promise is to you Woman mourning said as the Relator then wrote it I am in unbeliefe S. Ans. It s rather
LOVE it self i Io. 4.16 yet he is pleased to look on such a deformed creature as I none more then I. Therefore he shews t is great love indeed that he loved me withall Therefore I love him with the same love that he loved me k 1â— first I was a childe of wrath dead in trespasses and sins a stranger from the Covenant of promise without God without hope far off from God indeed I was an enemy to God Yet he was pleased to reconcile enemies therefore its free love to love such a one to quicken such a one to bring such a one neer that was so far off It was love indeed that made me love him It was this that made me to see a beauty and excellency in him which made me love him above ten thousand worlds if all the glory of them were in one and given to me I see more to besired in him in the least glimpse of him then in them all Therefore I look on him above them all When I saw him as an enemy to mee I could not love him But now I see him a reconciled God in Iesus Christ to such an enemy as I even I the chiefest of sinners Which constraines me to love him 2 Cor. 5. 14. 9. Q. Whether do you PRAY Ans. I do pray but t is that the Lord would give submission to his will As long as I am in the body I have cause to pray I cannot forget to pray for troubled soules that come hither to me But for my selfe my chiefest work is now to PRAISE the Lord for what he hath done to my soul. For Praises wait for God in Zion And for what waits it but for Zions deliverance from her hand bondage Zion was a Wildernesse desolate forsaken forgotten of God for the present in her owne apprehension And when God is pleased in fulnes of time to manifest himself and to shew his love to Zion freely and to marry her to himself such a one as I was and to establish Zion on a sure foundation that is upon himself that though the mountains and hills depart yet his loving kindnesse shall not depart then PRAISES wait for God in Zion for Zion then hath answer of her prayers Ps. 65 .1 10. Q. Whether finde you a tickling of pride or hypocrisie when so many people and some great ones come to see you Do you not ask who were the Great people when they are gone and take pride in it A like Question and her Answer to it was before Another time when a Noble Lady sate on the bed by her and she was not moved at it one whispered to her that this was a great Lady She answered Its no more to me then if it were such a one naming a meaner woman troubled in Spirit that oft came to her And now to this Question she answered No it s far from me For if I were in a Wildernesse where none came to me I should take as much glory there as in such abundance comming to me in this place n Ioh. 5.44 For the Saints of God will give thanks for me in general though they know me not in particular And unless it were some that I knew before I know not any that come and I look not upon them unlesse it be on some troubled people that come for I enquire after these but I enquire after none els 11. Q. How know you those that come hither that they are truly troubled for sin For many will make as though they were so but are not Ans. None knows the secrets of God but himselfe And those to whom he reveals his secrets to by their own experience they may guess at it who is and who is not a 1 Cor. 2.16 One that is indeed burthen'd for sin it s not an easy burden for them to ly under they would be out in it if they could These are weary of their sin and anything else can content them but a glimps of the love of God in the face of Iesus Christ b Rom. 7.24.25 So far I guess then to be really troubled for sin 12. Q. How put you a difference in the Trinity between the Father the Son and the Holy Ghost Ans. These three do all agree in one and they differ not in working a New Creation in the soul. They are three in manifesting their workings For None can come to the Son except the Father who gave them to him draw them There 's the Fathers worke is give and draw them c Ioh. 6. 44. For these the Son lays down his life and receives them All that thou hast given me shall come unto me d 37. I have kept them and lost none It s the work of the Spirit to unite the soul and Christ together to make of twain one c 1 Cor. â— 17. Thus their three works are manifested to the soule Yet these three agree f 1 Iohn 5.7 Complut Plant. in one Iune 3. The Relator asked her further about this Mystery of Three in one S. Ans. The Father Son and Spirit are in Vnion These three agree in one and so ther 's no disagreeing or differences therein But there are various dispensations to the creatures capacity so there are three First the Father that in his love sent the Son g Ioh. 3 16. Rom. 5. 8.10 to reconcile sinners to himself Secondly the Son the Word h Ioh. 1.1 who was sent that took our Nature to redeem us from all iniquity and to bring us to the Father i 14. Heb. 2 14. Thirdly the holy Spirit who was sent by the Father in Christs name k Ioh. 14. 16. 26. to manifest this love of the Father and of the Son to the Creature which the Creature could not know but by the Spirit of God l 1. Cor. 2.9.10 Tit. 3.5 Ioh 3. 3. 5. who quickens them that were dead in sin m Rom. 8.10.11 and he teacheth and leads the soul into all truth n Ioh. 16.13 15. 13. Q. May 31. was Whether is any thing revealed to you how it shall go with the Church of God Ans. I know and verily beleeve it shall go o Isa. 3.10 well with those that fear the Lord. Q. How mean you in spirituall or in outward things Ans. Specially in spirituall I mean and so far as it is for their good in outward things God will dispose of them 14. Q. She having said that her sanctification as well as her justification did proceed from Christ M r Adderley asked her how the proved it Ans. I beleeve that out of the side of Christ did issue both blood and water p Ioh. 19.34 Blood to take away the guilt of my sin and water to wash away the filth of my sin q 1 Ioh. 5.6 8. So that from my Lord Iesus Christ doth issue both my justification and my sanctification He r 1 Cor. 1.30 is made to me Wisdom Righteousnes
r 1 Cor. 1.30 Sanctification and Redemption Another maid that was not born in England being in affliction both in soul and body came to her telling her of her sad Temptations her words were better understood by M irs Sarah then by the writer and sometimes were guessed at from the Answers given to her viz. Maid I am sore assaulted by Satan M irs Sarah Christ is lifted up and held out to you as the Brazen Serpent was in the a Ioh. 3.14 Wildernesse Though you are stung by the old Serpent yet healing is in Christ for such as you Shall your sin separate from Christ Maid I know it shall not b Rom. â— 34.35 if Christ were willing to save me for he is able to do it Mrs S. Do you question the willingnesse of Christ He is your King he will save you c Isa. 33 2â— He is as wiling to heal you as you are to be healed He gave his life so saving the ungodly and sinners d 1 Tim. 1.15 therefore hee is willing to save them Doe you desire after Christ Maid Yea I desire him with all my heart I long for him M rs S. It s he that works c Phil. 2.13 the will and the deed he works that desire in you Maid I feel that God is angry with me M rs S. His anger is but for a moment but his mercy is for everlasting f Isa. 54.8 Maid Yea if I could beleeve Mr s S. Do you see a want of Faith that 's your chiefe want If you had Faith you had enough and this is true Faith to beleeve that Christ dyed for you the chiefest sinners d 1. Tim. 1.15 Maid I am a filthy wretched sinner M rs S. Who was a sinner like me Who was worse then Mary Magdalen g Mar. 16. â— then Peter h 7. then Paul i 1 Tim. 1 13-16 Yet they obtained mercy Are you tempted against your life Maid I am oft tempted against my life M rs S. Why what causeth it Maid Sometimes this because I am not as others are I do not look so as others do M rs S. When Christ comes and manifests himselfe to the soul it is black in it selfe and uncomely k Cant. 1.5 but He is fair and ruddy and he cloaths the soul with his comelines that m Ezek. 16. 6 10. he puts on it and makes it comely therein and in him the soul is all fair and there is l chap. 4.7 no spot nor wrinkle nor any such thing in it in his account because he hath clensed it by his bloud from all sinne It s not you that do it but Christ that will do it as he saith This is my Covenant n Hebr. 8. 10 12. I wil be mercifull to their iniquities and I le give you a new heart o Ezek. 36.26 I le put my fear in you heart I le write my Lawes there Though the soul cannot beleeve at all yet hee remains faithfull and cannot deny himselfe p 2 Tim. 2.13 hee saith not hee will not but hee saith hee cannot deny himself Maid He may do this for some few but not to me M ris Sarah He doth not this to me onely nor to our Nation onely for many Nations must be blessed in him q Gen. 21. He came to give his life for a ransom for many to give himself for the life of the world r 10.6.51 He is a free agent and why should you exclude your self Maid I had a light followed me but now he is hid from me M ris Sarah The House of Jacob was the Church of God and yet be hid himself from them s Isa. 8.17 Maid I am a dry barren ground M ris Sa. Christ will pour water on the dry and thirsty land t Isa. 4â— 3. He satisfies the hungry soul with good things u Lu. 1.53 It s w Io. 19.30 2 Cor. 5 19. Col. 2.13 14 15. all done by Christ already for poor barren souls there is nothing now to do but to x 1 Co. 2. 11. manifest it by the spirit to you You know God hath made you and he bare you up this while Do you think any could do this but God and hath he done all this for you do you think he will y Iud. 13.23 not deliver you Did he z Isa. 63.9 Ier 1. 1.6 Act. 13.17 18 19. bear and carry the Israelites that had bee bond-slaves in AEgypt through the Wildernes into Canaan notwithstanding all their sins and provocations and hardnes of heart and will not he bear you and carry you out of your self into himself though you be a bondslave to sin and Satan He work and none shall let him a Isa. 43. 13. Who shall let the mighty God shall sin or Satan He works where he will and when he will Though he tarry wait for him for he that shall come will come and will notarry b Abac 2.3 The Relator spake afterwards with this afflicted Maid she told him the Lord had given some support and refreshing to her since that conference The Lord alone be exalted for it who works all our works for us c Isa. 26. 12. and in us For what have we any of us that we have not received d 1 Cor. 4. 6. And where then is boasting It is excluded e Rom. 3. 27. Iune 2. A godly man came to her and told her he was convinced in his Conscience to come to enquire the truth about an ill report he then had heard and judged it was false it was this That some great persons having come to her from Westminster she being told thereof that she said A greater then Solomon was there as if she gloried more in her self then in the work of Christ in her To whom M ris Sarah answered thus If all that hear ill reports would reserve all ear for the absent f Pro 18. 17. there would be lesse printing preiudice against the innocent then there is It s far from me to glory in my self but in my infirmities g 2 Cor. 12.9 and to lie down in my shame and to have confusion cover me In my terror it was far from me and now seeing a glimpse of the love of God it doth humble me thoroughly which nothing else could And now if I should glory in this work but onely in exalting Christ it would be as great a sin as ever I committed yet but onely the sin of unbelief h 1 Ioh. 5.10 The truth was thus One day amongst others that came one told her there were some that came far and desired to heare her speak what God had done for her She answered saying The Queen of Sheba came far to heare this Wisedom of Solomon but behold a greater then Solomon is here i Luk. 11.31 Christ himself to work a New Creation in the soul To turn me from the
ruling power of Satan and utter darknes to his everlasting light k Act. 16.18 to turn a Prodigall to himself even me that was a bad or rather worse yet he hath turned me It was his work to turn me therefore he deserves the praise of his own work To cloath Legion in his right mind l Mat. 5.15 set him at his feet yea in his bosom It was his love indeed to such a one as I. This I say that Christ may have the Praise of his own work and none els because he does it alone This was what shee said at that time to those from Westminster and many mo being there is the room and her voice through her weaknes being very low whether some heard her speak but put of the words beforesaid or some that her speech was related unto God knoweth but some did distract from and wrested her Expressions and then raised an ill report If the receiver be as bad as the Thiefe one had need bee wary lest hee receive prohibited goods Some other false reports some have made and others have spread already but this may be an Item to all to take heed what they hear and of whom and to warn all that are professed Christians not to come short of Aristide a professed Heathen who us'd to lend but one eare to a party present that inform'd him against one absent and to lay his hand on his other ear signifying to the reporter that hee would reserve one ear for the party absent and not judge the case till he heard the other also Shall not Aristides and heathen Foestus rise in judgement against many in our generation and condemne them When we see how Foestus also would not passe judgement against Paul being absent though he had information against him not by one or two but by many and those also being of his own * Act. 26. 5 6 7. 22. sect and Religion in the main and of special note and strictnes among them yet being desired by them he refused it saying It is not the manner of of the Romanes to deliver any man to n A good name is better then great riches Pro. 22. 1. Pro. 25. 18. Therefore it is worse to rob or wrong one in this then in the other dy so to judge him before that he which is accused have the accusers face to face and have licence to answer for himselfe concerning the crims laid against him m Act. 25 15 16. Iune 3. 1647. She told the Relator how the Lord prevented her ruine about Feb. last viz. That one night she watched till her Mother was asleep and then stole out softly from her taking the key of the buttery doore which shee opened went in and locked it to her taking the key with her so to make surer her dispatch without lett and there being a window to the House-tiles she crept out to do like Iudas so cast her self down to dissolve her selfe and in the dark she saw there a fire and Satan as a roaring Lyon in it yet still being perswades through his delusion there was no other hell but that she felt in her conscience she went within a quarter of a yard of the edge being ready to leap down when none should see or hear her and nor was no creature to hinder then was this spoken to her distinctly Thou shalt not fall down and burst asunder as Judas did and so dishonour God that make thee Vpon this the sight vanished as if it never has been and she fell not down being thus kept from it and sate down by the chimney there and after a while beat her head against it till it sweld abundantly and the more she dashed it then and at other times the lesse she felt it Her tender Mother awaking missed her and sought about and cause one to breake open that buttery door and cry out and there found her Daughter who has not power then to leape downe from her but when her Mother would have her come in at the windovv she tumbled down her head falling on the bricks which with other such hurts before and after she oft so beating her head was one occasion of her head and eyes so great weaknesse of late After that desparate attempt she had secretly got a knife and hidde it to dispatch her selfe withall and then was she glad and not so troubled so that her Mother hoped shee was now better And on a Munday morning shee desired of her Mother to heare the Lecture at night by M r Carter at Fish-street-hill and first entreated shee might goe see a neighbour which her Mother granted hoping she now might trust her to goe That neighbour not being within it was cast in her mind to go to Lambeth-Marsh which shee had also purposed in the morning there to dispatch her selfe and therefore had shee taken the knife with her Over the bridge shee thus went and quickly came to Lambeth-Marsh There shee went towards the Trees and saw them dry without leaves or fruit and thought so was her soule as they She sate down by a ditch and studied whether she should drown her selfe in Thanies or there and concluded there because there it was more private that none might hinder her Then shee thought as shee had often thought on the like sad occasion shee must like Iudas first repent then * Mat. 27. undo her selfe as if that would serve Whilst shee was about this two that seem'd to be Ministers saw her sitting there alone came to her and asked her how shee did for now they saw her weeping and why shee sate there Shee had no power to conceale it but said I am not well I am as sad a Creature as any on earth I see my condemnation and nothing els I cannot be well till I have taken away my life Min. Whither were you going S. Ans. I had thoughts of hearing M r Carter in Fish-street-Hill Min. This is not a place for such a one to sit in and by Gods help we will bring you thither So thither they brought her But as shee went It was put in her minde to goe thence that night to the Dog-house shee had heared of in Moorfields there to offer her selfe to the Dogs to eate her up that her Mother might never heare of her more But at the Sermon her Mother seeking her espied her and shee againe hid her selfe beyond others but her Mother againe found her and had her home This was but about a Moneth before April 6. beforesaid of her deliverance Iune 8. being Tuesday the Lecture-day there where M r Ed Richardson of Yorkshire the Relators friend was desired to preach upon occasion of two Passages in his Sermon two Questions were put to her Her answers were suitable to his resolutions Qu. 1. Whether persons that rightly beleeve in Christ doe not first feel their great need of him S. Ans. The Gospel is the Ministery of the Spirit He convinceth of sin because
a token you have some Faith though you see it not The Corn that is sown in the Ground is first hid then the n Mar. 4. 28. blade and growth appeares You are wounded it s not you that wound your selfe but he saith I wound and I heale Therefore he saith to one o Mar. 5. 34. Goe in Peace thy faith hath made thee whole Thou beleevest I can heale thee This faith in me hath made thee whole So for you though yet you see it not you beleeve Christ can heale you Desire he would but speak the word and manifest it to your soule Another asked her Doe you think Christ is willing you should beleeve Woman Yea But there are Mountaines in the way S. Behold he comes leaping over the p Cant. 2. 8. Mountain of Opposition that are in the way Woman If the world knew the worth of the glimpse of faith they would prize it who cannot beleeve Quest. What is faith S. A beleeving Christ is a sure and strong Rock and refuge to fly too q Heb. 6.18 Had it not befor him you had been swallowed up Would you rest on our own righteousnesse on any thing in you Woman I am much looking at that to feele something in me S. That 's but filthy rags r Isa. 64.6 and he will take them away and cloath you with change of raiment s Eze. 16 10.-14 as Josephs t Gen. 41.14 rags were taken away and he was cloath'd with better raiment Woman When I was troubled about my condition about ten years agoe one day as I mused a voice said plainly to me Marie thou shalt dye and live againe and thou shalt glorifie God greatly Thy ways are not my ways nor thy thoughts my thoughts This fild me with joy unspeakable and I said Yea Lord let it be as thou wilt I was perswaded it was an Answer from God Then I could not but send for my friends that they might heare what God had done for me and I told them of this Then I presumed that I had faith and I looked that God would doe great things for me that he had thus spoken to me and done so much for me I was carried on thus for a time But after this I was led to sin againe and I fear'd I should sinne and I said Lord shall I sin againe it went to my heart The voice answered me Though thou doe thy sins are buried in the bottome of the Sea They are bound in a bundle and cast into the depth of the Sea I was not led to sin by this But I forgate Gods goodnes and I fell into sin by little and little and now I have been a backslider S. Here are backslidings He saith I have seen his wayes and I le heale him and restore comforts to him I le heale their backslidings I le love them freely mind that What joy is it to a Shepherd when he finds a lost sheep more joy then over all the rest You are the lost sheep he will joy over you u Hos. 14. â— Woman Legions of sins are before me S. Legions of Devils were within me not before me but within me Yet he hath cloathed me and câ—â— out Legion Mat. 8. end Who came Christ for Was it for the righteous w Mat. 9. 13. You are an alien without God without Covenant of promise Woman I am confident that 's my case S. God drawes such souls Christ dyed to reconcile such soules the Spirit ties both ends together he tied them and Christ together uniting them to Christ. So did he with those Ephesians They were dead in sinne and trespasses strangers from God without God far off twaine but these had he made neer Such does God draw and makes up the breaches See the condition they were in Eph. 2. 12. and Hosea the first and second Chapters He said They are not my people and then it shall be said now they are the children of the living God Hos. 1. 12. Before not people as now not onely people but children before they were dead people now they are living children the living God gives them new life They have life from God that they may live to God In Ephes. 2. a Eph. 2. 1. 5-8 10. You that were dead hath he quickned and by Grace yee are saved through Faith not of works least any should boast We would boast if we did any thing in it He works Faith and he builds up still he builds higher and higher till his work be finished We are his workmanship Woman My condition is very dangerous and hopeles S. How is it Woman I have an evill heart of unbeliefe in departing from God S. Have you departed from him then you had him How have you departed from him if you never had him Woman I never had him S. What if now you shall have him and you be a childe not onely a servant but a childe an heir of God Woman I should admire it S. He will shew mercy to be admired He will come and be admired in his Saints that beleeve b 2 Thess. 1.10 He raiseth up a bondslave to be with him in glory It is a faithfull saying though the soule doubt of it and its worthy of all acceptation though the soul would not accept it That Jesus Christ came to save the chiefest of sinners c 1 Tim. 1. 15. The Lord will deliver you of two Burthens the burthen of sin and your other burthen also Your extremity is Gods opportunitie In him Judah shall be saved Woman In my prosperity a poor woman came to me that had her son in slavery and she beg'd of me to give her somewhat towards her son's release But I thought all was little enough for my selfe my sister gave her somewhat but I would give her nothing the woman wept And now I think on my d An Item to all wisely to coÌ„sider the poores cry Prov. 21. 13. Psal. 41. 1-3 unmercifulnes when now my soule is in slavery my self his slavery is nothing to mine S. Christ came to deliver them that are captives and bond-slaves e Luk. 4. 18. not them that are at liberty The Son makes free f Joh. 8. 36. not them that were free but them that were in bondage Woman I am without hope of mercy and my heart failes and gives up all S. Some refused g Psal. 77.2 to be comforted and would not be heal'd yet he heales them He looks after the Out-casts h Ps. 147.2 that none look after Woman That 's my case S. Yet there was mercy for them and why is this written but for our instruction and comfort i Rom. 15. 5. that we might have hope Woman Not one word will abide with mee that 's spoken S. The time was not yet come For in the appointed time it will surely speak and not lie it will speak truth and peace lasting peace abundant mercy and love Wait therefore for that