things wee offend all this wee all know and gives us all just cause to say I know my sinne but what those many things are in which wee offend and what those offences be which in many things wee commit this many times we know not and gives us as just cause to say Forgive mee my secret sinnes But alas my soule I must not stay here onely to know my sinne and keepe it to my selfe as though I thought it a Jewell which none might know of for feare of losing it but in this I acknowledge the great favour of God that as I know my sinne so I acknowledge my sinne For farre be it from mee I should be found of Sauls disposition to thinke to make God believe that I saved the fat of the sheepe for sacrifice when I saved them for mine owne profit this hiding a sin is a greater sin than the sinne it hides For it is an affront to Gods omnipotency Adams Fig-leafes proved as hurtfull to him as the forbidden fruit for nothing laies our sinnes so open to God as our seeking to hide them and although it be often times dangerous to acknowledge a fault to a civill Magistrate who without our acknowledging could not know it yet there can be no danger to acknowledge our sins to God who knowes them already whether wee acknowledge them or no Our acknowledging them to him is not a discoverie but the first degree of recovery and seeing I am now travelling to repentance how is it possible I should ever come at it if I acknowledge not my sinnes which is the first step to it and therefore howsoever I am guilty of many great and hainous sinnes yet of this sin of hiding my sinne thou canst cleare mee O God for I acknowledge mine iniquity and my sinne is ever before me But yet what good will the knowing or the acknowledging my sinne doe me if I let it slip from my heart as soone as it is off my tongue If having once acknowledged it I cast it behinde mee and thinke no more of it Behold therefore O God I set it before mee and am alwaies beholding it It is ever before mee in Meditation for I cannot but be thinking still how foolish I have beene to procure thy displeasure though it had beene Regni causa for the gaining of a Kingdome how much more to provoke thine anger for the pleasing onely of some idle fancie It is ever before me in remorse for it is ever running as a sore in my mind that against thee onely have I finned againstwhom onely I should not have sinned much like the fault of our first Parents who seeme to have eaten of that fruit onely of which fruit onely they should not have eaten It is ever before mee in prospect for looking earnestly upon sinne I can see nothing iâ— iâ— that should make any man to love it It is deformed and crooked it is foule and ill-favoured it is unsound and diseased it is old and wrisled that I wonder at my selfe how I was ever gotten but once to embrace it yet I see wiâ—all it paints and makes a faire shew it perfumes and makes a sweete smell it is in profession an Angell of light and carries Apples in its hand of the tree of Good and Evill that would entice any man It is ever before me in terror waking me thinkes I heare the Judge pronouncing sentence of condemnation against mee fleeping I am frighted with dreames no lesse fearefull If a leafe doe but wagge me thinks it threatens me If a Bird doe but chirp it seemes to accuse mee I am frighted with light and jealous of darknesse For how can I choose but feare lest all thy creatures have set themselves against me who have so unnaturally so unloyally so ungratefully for my selâ— against thee For Against thee against thee onely have I sinned not against Heaven not against Earth not against Angells not against men for to these I never vowed allegeance nor stand engaged but against thee onely against thee my Father and so have â—inned in disobedience Against thee my soveraigne Lord and so have sinned in rebellion against thee my Benefactor and so have sinned in ungratefulnesse that whilâ— no grace hath beene found wanting in thee that might have kept me from sinning no grace hath been found in me to keepe me from sinne But iâ— there not matter here to make us at a stand For to say against thee I have sianed is most just and fit but to say Against thee onely I have sinned seemes something hard It had perhaps beene a fit speech in the mouth of our first Parent Adam he might justly have said to God Against thee onely have I sinned who never sinned against any other but for us to say it who commit sins daily against our neighbours and specially for David to say it who committed two notorious sinnes against his neighbour and faithfull friend Vriah what unfitter speech could possibly be devised But is it not that these actions of David were great wrongs indeede and enormous iniquities against Vrias but can wee properly say they were sinnes against Vriah For what is sinne but a transgression of Gods Law And how then can sin be committed against any but against him only whose Law we transgresse Or is it that it may justly be said Against thee onely have I sinned because against others perhaps in a base tenure yâ— onely against God in Capite Or is it that David might justly to say to God Against thee onely have I sinned because from others he might appeale as being a King and having no superiour but no appealing from God who is King of Kings and supreme Lord ouer all Or is it that wee may justly say Against thee onely I have sinned seeing Christ hath taken and still takes all our sins upon him and every sin we commit is as a new burthen laid upon his backe and upon his backe only Or is it lastly that I justly say Against thee onely have I sinned because in thy sight onely I have done it For from others I could hide it and did conceale it But what can be hidden from thy All-seeing Eye And yet if this had beene the worst that I had sinned onely against thee though this had beene bad enough and infinitly too much yet it might perhaps have admitted reconcilement but to doe this evill in thy sight as if I should say I would doe it though thou stand thy selfe and looke on and as it were in defiance what sinne so formidable what sinne can be thought off so unpardonable A sinne of infirmity may admit Apologie a sinne of ignorance may find out excuse but a sinne of defiance can have no defence But hath not David a defence for it here and that a very just one For in saying Against thee only I have sinned that thou mightst be justifyed in thy saying doth hee not speake as though hee had sinned to doe God a pleasure therefore
you cleane meaning it seemes we should wash our selves and now we come to him to wash us as though wee should say If you will have us be washed you must come and doe it your selfe Indeed both must be done God must wash us and we must wash our selves but Gods washing is not like our washing Gods washing is by the fire of his Spirit our washing is by the water of contrition Gods washing is by pardoning our washing by repenting Peter washed himselfe when having denied his Master he went out and wept bitterly Christ washed him when he prayed for him that his faith might not faile David washed himselfe when for griefe of his sinnes he watered his bed with teares God washed him when hee sent him word by the Prophet Nathan that his sinne was forgiven And indeede if God wash us not with his water of pardon the water of our owne teares will doe no great good It may wet but not wash or wash but not cleanse if God put not our teares into his bottle which onely can give them the power of cleansing For Esau had a floud of teares to wash himselfe withall but God never put them into his bottle they were teares for his punishment but not for his sinnes and therefore they might wet perhaps but they never cleansed Oh then Put my teares into thy bottle O God for they are teares for my sins and not for my punishment and then wash mee with them and I shall be cleane My teares God knowes are of themselves too cold unlesse they be warmed by the fire of Gods Spirit but if wee bring the water and God bring the fire then indeed a fit Lexative will be made to make us cleane O then warme the cold teares of my repentance with the fire of thy Spirit O God and then wash me with them that my repentance it selfe being first cleansed may be made effectuall to cleanse mee from my sinne Our owne washing is of it selfe imperfect and makes us ne're a whit the cleaner because wee mis-take the water as Pilate did who washed his hands from Christs blood where hee should have washed them in Christs blood but thy washing O God is never without cleansing for thou canst not mis-take the water who art the water thy selfe and not in a Cesterne but the Fountaine it selfe We wash our selves commonly but as the Pharisees wash their cups onely the out-side and this makes us but Hypocrites but thy washing O God is alwaies inward for Thou searchest the hearts and reines and this is the washing that makes the true Israelite in whom there is no guile When Naaman was cured of his leprosie by washing in Iordan did God then wash him or did Naaman wash himselfe Indeed both Naaman washed himselfe by obedience and confidence in Gods power God washed him by giving power to the water and confidence to Naaman But this power was but a personall estate to Iordan it hath no such power in cleansing of mee the water that must cleanse me is the water that flowed out of my Saviours side and in confidence of the power of that water I humbly prostrate my selfe before thee O God and say Wash mee thorowly from mine iniquities and cleanse mee from my sinnes But why should David speake so superfluously Vse two words when one would serve for if wee be cleansed what matter is it whether it be by washing or no Yet David had great reason for using both words for hee requires not that God would cleanse him by miracle but by the ordinary way of cleansing and this was washing he names therefore washing as the meanes and cleansing as the end hee names washing as the worke a doing and cleansing as the work done he names washing as considering the agent and cleansing as applying it to the patient and indeed as in the Figure of the Law there was not so in the Verity of the Gospel there is not any ordinary meanes of cleansing but only by washing and therefore out of Christ our Saviours side there flowed water and blood water to wash us and blood to cleanse us water to make the laver of our regeneration in Baptisme and blood to make the laver of our expiation in Christs sacrifice but though the words seeme here to be thus distinguished yet otherwhere they are oftentimes promiscuously used and as well cleansing as washing referred to this water as well washing as cleansing referred to this blood But what meanes David to say Wash me from mine iniquity and cleanse mee from my sinne as though hee would be washed from one thing and cleansed from another and not be cleansed from that for which hee is washed But is it not that iniquity and sinne though called by divers names are both the same thing but called iniquity as being a transgression of the Law called sinne as being an offence against God Or is it that in sinne there is both a staine and a gu lt and hee prayes to be washed from the staine and cleansed from the guilt Or is it indeed that he useth divers words to shew that he askes forgivenesse for all his sinnes by what name or title soever they be called But is not this an indignity to the great Majestie of God we put our meanest servants to wash our clothes and will we put God to so meane an office to be a Launderer of sinnes Yet see the humility of Majesty an humility even to extasie he descends yet lower not onely to wash our sinnes but to take our sinnes upon him It seemes Saint Peter indeed was in this errour to thinke it an indignity and therefore would not by any meanes suffer that Christ should wash him untill he heard Christ say unlesse I wash thee thou canst have no part in mee and then hee cried Not my feete onely but my hands and my head and is not this my case also that unlesse God wash mee I can have no part in him And will I lose my part in God for want of washing Oh therefore my soule prepare thy selfe for this washing put off thy clothes and strip thy selfe starke naked keepe not so much as fig-leafes about thee either to hide thy sinnes by contumacy or to cover them by hypocrifie or to sleight them by indulgency but lay them all open and bare before the face of God that whil'st nothing is interposed betweene Gods water and thy sinnes it may without impediment have full liberty to worke upon thee But what though God doe wash us are wee sure his washing will alwaies cleanse us Why is it then that he saith I have purged thee and thou wast not purged for may he not as well say I have washed thee and thou wast not cleansed and if not cleansed as good not washed Oh therefore Not wash me onely but cleanse me from my sinnes that as in washing thou shewest thy Love so by cleansing thou mayest shew thy Power seeing it is an office which as none will be willing
MEDITATIONS AND DISQVISITIONS UPON The one and fiftieth Psalme of DAVID Miserere mei Deus By Sr. RICHARD BAKER Knight LONDON Printed by Edward Griffin for Anne Bowler and are to be sold at the Marigold in Pauls Church-yard 1638. TO THE RIGHT HONORABLE EDVVARD Earle of DORSET of His Majesties most Honorable Privie Counsell Lord Chamberlaine to the Queene and Knight of the most Noble Order of the GARTER MOST Honoured Lord I know you neither like nor have leisure to looke upon trifles but I know also you account not discourses of Piety in the number of trifles This makes mee bold to present your Lordship with this short Treatise of Meditations that being short it may not divert you long being Pious not divert you at all J so much honour your Lordship for your publicke vertues so much am bound to you for your private that J cannot forbeare to present you with something as a testimony of my service in both and a richer present I could not thinke of than Meditations upon this Psalme of David which is indeede the Master-piece of his Repentance as his Repentance the Master-piece of all his Vertues The Jewell it selfe is from David onely the Case from me and though the Jewell deserve a more Illustrious Case and your Person a more Jllustrious present yet there is colour to hope I may bee pardoned in both seeing the Jewels splendour gives a lustre to any case and your Noblenesse to any present And though it might bee presented with a better hand yet it cannot with a better heart seeing he presents it that is Your Lordships humble and devoted servant RICHARD BAKER Perlegi librum hunc cui Titulum est Meditations upon the 51. Psalme eumque tipis mandari permitto SAMVEL BAKER Ex aedib Londin Iunii 21. 1637. MEDITATIONS AND DISQVISITIONS upon the 51. Psalme of DAVID O LORD our GOD how Excellent is thy Name in all the World Thy glorious Majesty is Excellent but that brings nothing to me Thy Justice is Excellent but That brings me to Nothing It is thy Mercy that must doe mee good and therefore thy other Excellencies I Adore but This I Invocate To Invocate thy Justice I dare not Thy Glory I cannot but thy Mercy I both Dare and Can For why should I not Dare when Feare gives me Boldnesse How should I not be able when weaknesse gives mee strength Why should I not Dare when Thou Invitest me to it How should I not be able when Thou Drawest mee to it Dost Thou Invite mee and shall I not Come Dost Thou Draw mee and shall I draw backe Can there be a Patron so powerfull as Thou Can there be a Supplyant so dejected as my selfe Of whom then is it fitter to aske for Mercy than of Thee O God who art the God of Mercy and for whom Is it fitter to aske for Mercy than for mee who am a creature of Misery If I were not so miserable Thou couldst not be to mee so Mercifull and have I not reason then to aske that of Thee which thou couldst not have so much occasion to manifest to mee as by mee If it were not for sinne there should be no Misery and if no Misery no exercise for thy Mercy and wilt thou let it stand Idle where it hath so foule sinnes for so faire Fields to walke in Hast thou Mercy and wilt thou not shew it Or wilt thou shew it to others and not to me To say I have not deserved it were to make it no Mercy for if I deserved it it were Justice and not Mercy Is not thy Mercy over all thy Works and am not I the worke of thy Hands The more Mercy thou shewest the more is thine Honour and wilt thou not doe that which is most for thine Honour Thou didst shew Mercy to Adam who was the first sinner and thou didst shew Mercy to the Thiese on the Crosse who was the longest sinner and wilt thou not shew Mercy to mee who am not the first and hope not to be the longest Hast thou shewed Mercy to so many that thou hast not Mercy left for me also If thy Mercy were finite and could be exhausted It were no charity to aske it lest others might want it but seeing it is Infinite and can never be spent why should I be sparing to aske it or Thou to bestow it Thy Mercy is Infinite or none at all for all thou art is Infinite and wilt thou by shewing thy Mercy lesse shew thy selfe to be Mercilesse If thy Mercy be Infinite it must extend to all and how extends it to all if not to me Thou hast as much Mercy for me as if thou hadst none to have Mercy on but me and can it be thou shouldst have so much for mee and let mee have none of it Can my daily Infirmities alien thy Love This were to thinke thou didst not love me but for my goodnesse and alas what goodnesse is there What goodnesse ever was there in mee that thou shouldst love mee Can thy Love aliened turne away thy Mercy This were to thinke thy Mercy did reach no further than thy Love and so because I know thou lovest not sinne I might justly feare thou wouldst never have Mercy upon sinners But O gracious God Thou lovest for thy loves sake and Thou hast Mercy for thy Mercies sake and seeing thy Love which is thy selfe can never leave Thee It makes mee assured thy Mercy which is thy Nature will never leave mee If I refused thy Mercy thou mightst justly with-hold it but now Behold I hold my Brest open to receive it Or if I did not aske thy Mercy thou mightst forbeare to shew it but now Behold I begge it upon my knees I am none of Zebedees sonnes that aske to sit at thy right hand and at thy left I desire not Exaltation but Absolution It is not thy Bounty I aske but onely thy Mercy Have mercy upon mee O God according to thy loving kindnesse and according to the multitude of thy tender Mercies doe away mine offences It may be thought severity in God to cast Adam out of Paradise for only One sin But was Adams sin but onely One but One perhaps in Action but a Million in Affection For say It was Pride hath not Pride more branches than a Tree hath Say it was Gluttony hath not Gluttony more dishes than Dives had Say it was Curiositie hath not Curiosity more Eyes than Argus had Say it was Disobedience hath not Disobedience more faults than Absolon had For how else could Manasses sinnes come to be more than the sands of the Sea if it be not that a sinne though but in Thought may justly be thought a Million of sinnes And as it is said in the Gospel that a man was possessed with an uncleane Spirit but that uncleane Spirit was a Legion So wee may say of every sinne It is but One sinne but that One sinne is a Legion Here therefore O my soule take heed
to undertake but he whose love is unspeakeable so none can bâ— able to discharge but he whose power is uneffable For can washing be without touching And would any man foule his fingers to touch so foule a thing as my sin if hee did not love exceedingly Can cleansing mee be without doing a Miracle for seeing it cannot more truely be said that I have sinne than that I am sinne what is it now to cleanse mee but even laterem lavare which was never counted lesse than either a labour lost or a miracle wrought and can any doe miraâ—les but hee whose power is unlimited Oh then Wash mee from mine iniquitie that I may praise thee for thy Love and cleanse mee from my sinne that I may magnifie thee for thy Power which as I shall doe both if once I be cleansed so I am able to doe neither untill I be washed For alas O Lord what am I but as a filthy ragge before thee Who am I but the man by the high way side lying bound and wounded No meanes at all left mee to wash much lesse to cleanse my selfe They must be both thine owne thine only worke O God both to wash me by thy preventing grace and by thy assisting grace to cleanse mee Oh then cleanse mee from my sinnes O God let not the foulenesse of my sinnes make thee unwilling to wash mee Let not the reluctancy of my flesh make thee unable to cleanse me but make thy worke of washing mee to prosper in thy hand Oh wash mee but not as Simon Magus was washed who came fouler out of the water than he went in but as the Eunuch was washed who came so cleane out of the water that hee was ready to runne thorow fire and water for thy names sake and by his washing was made a fit Minister for the washing of others And now O great God since it hath pleased thee to descend to so low a worke as washing mee O wash mee thorowly not rince mee onely as though I were but lightly stained and had but some small spots upon mee but wash mee thorowly as having a leprosie that over-spreads mee a foulenesse that is deeply engrained in mee so deeply O God that nothing but a washing by thine owne hand can fetch it out And yet stay why should I put God to this trouble of washing me at all seeing I have an easier way of cleansing taught me by the Centurion in the Gospell Speake the word onely and I shall be cleane or if this be still too much an easier way yet taught mee by another Si vis potest me mundare If thou wilâ— thou canst make mee cleane O gracious God whether it be by washing or by speaking the word or by thy will onely to have it so whatsoever be the meanes let this at least be the effect that though I be not made bright which is more than I can be yet I may be made cleane which is no more than I must be for I am not of the Pharsees minde to thinke my selfe cleâ—ne enough already But I know mine iniquity and my sinne is ever before me although perhaps it be a knowledge I were better be without For Christ knew no sinne which wee may be sure hee should have done if it had beene worth the knowing Christ indeed knew no sinne in himselfe but he knew sinne in it selfe he knew no sinne by committing it but he knew sinne by understanding it My misery is not that I know sinne but that I know my sinne that I have sin of mine owne to know Christ knew no sinne because he could not say I know my sinne but I know my sin because I cannot say I knew not sinne And yet who will believe that a man knowes sinne that will be medling with it Wee say there are no miracles now adaies in the world and can there be a greater wonder than this that a man should know sinne and yet commit it should know the foulenesse of sinne and yet lie wallowing in it should know the horrour of sinne and yet runne head-long into it But is it not that wee are all in this the children of Adam Our eyes are not opened till wee have eaten of the forbidden fruit wee know not sin truely till wee have committed it wee see not the foulenesse till we feele the guiltinesse and this makes mee say now which I could not so well say till now I know mine iniquities and my sinne is ever before mee for they were strangers to me before and I knew not their conditions but now I finde what they are and am sicke of their company They were indeed pleasing to me in the doing but are now most loath some being done They stood behind me at first as servants waiting upon mee but are now ever before me astormenters seazing upon me that if ever I loved them before I hate them now a thousand times more But why should David make it so great a matter to say I know my sinne as though a man could commit a sinne and not know it as though Adam could eate of the forbidden fruit and not know hee had eaten it Adam indeed knew his eating yet hee knew not his sinning he knew his nakednesse but he knew not his guiltinesse if when he answered God I know my nakednesse he had said I know my sinne hee might perhaps have tarried in Paradise still that we may see how hard a thing it is to say I know my sinne which cost Adam no lesse than Paradise before he could say it And how much easier came David to be able to say I know my sinne For doe wee thinke hee could say it as soone as hee had committed it No nor almost a whole yeere after that as we may say of Adam it cost him a great place so wee may say of David it cost him a long time to learne to say I know my sinne But how can David say I know my sins and yet in another place said Forgive me my secret sinnes For if hee know them how be they secret and if they be secret how doth he know them Indeed both David and every one of us hath sinne enough to serve both turnes not onely because sinne is of a greater size in Gods sight than it is in ours and therefore leaves much for him to see which to us is secret but because also there are many actions in our life which we so lightly passe over as if we thought them no sinnes perhaps thought them Vertues when yet in Gods sight they are grievous sinnes David had committed a great sin which hee could not choose but know to be a sinne and therefore might justly say I know my sinne but that his sinne had caused Gods Name to be blasphemed this was a sinne he knew not till God himselfe did tell him and from hence he might justly suspect hee had cause enough in other sinnes to say Forgive me my secret sinnes Saint Iames saith In many
sinned that God might be justified And what can be more said for justifying of a sinne then to say it was done for justifying of God But far is it from David to have any such meaning his words import not a lessening but an aggravating of his sinne as spoken rather thus because a Judge may justly be taxed of injustice if hee lay a greater punishment upon an offender than the offence deserves therefore to cleare thee O God from all possibility of erring in this kinde I acknowledge my siâ—s to be so hainous my offences so grievous that thou canst never be unmercifull in punishing though thy punishing should be never so unmerciful For how can a Judge passe the bounds of equity where the delinquent hath passed all bounds of iniquity and what error can there be in thy being severe when the greatnesse of my fault is a Iustification of severity That thou canst not lay so heavie a doome upon mee which I have not deserved Thou canst not pronounce so hard a sentence against me which I am not worthy of If thou judge mee to torture it is but mildnesse If to die the death it is but my due If to die everlastingly I cannot say it were unjust Yet in judgement O Lord remember mercy consider not how foule I am become but how I am become foule for though my sinne be great yet I was not the beginner of it for Behold I was borne in iniquity and in sinne hath my mother conceived me And seeing my birth did not amend my conception how should my growth amend my birth Did not sinne at least the Authour of sin heare thy voyce when thou saidst Encrease and multiply Which though not spoken to him yet as an Intruder hee claimes to have a part and seeing all the parts of my soule and body have increased and growne greater since my birth will not hee looke that siâ—ne also shall have a share in growing as well as they Doth any thing grow so fast as a weede and is there any so very a weede as finne hath it not beene growing ever since I was borne and can so fast growing in so long growing make lesse than a Monster And am I a fit Champion to encounter Monsters Indeede I encountred a Beare and slue him a Lyon and killed him a Giant and overcame him but these were no Monsters at least no Monsters to be compared with sin Oh the monstrousnesse of sin farre harder to be vanquished than all the Monsters that ever Nature made for I could vanquish a Beare a Lyon Giant the greatest of Natures Monsters but with all my forces have not beene able to vanquish this Monster Sinne. But why am I partiall towards my Parents and charge my poore Mother with conceiving mee in sinne but let my Father passe without blame Or is it that to say I was borne in sin is as much as to say I was begotten iâ— sinne and so my Father hath a share of my sinne in begetting mee as well as my Mother in conceiving mee Indeed if Eve had only sinned and not Adam it might have beene said wee were conceived in sinne but not perhaps that we were begoten in sinne or if Adam had â—ly sinned and not Eve it might have beene said we were begotten in sinne but not perhaps that we were conceived in sinne but now that Adam Eve have both of them sinned it is justly said I was begotten in iniquity and in sinne â—ath my Mother conceived mee and so we are all of us sinners now of the whole blood both by Father and Mother and no Inheritance so sure to us from them as this of sinne and in this Inheritance we are all great husbands whatsoever becomes of Naboths Vineyard wee commonly make sure worke to improve this and we seldome leave till wee can leave more of it to our children than wee received from our Parents and seeing no diseases are so incurable as those which come Extraduce from either of our Parents how incurable must sinne needes be which is Extraduce from them both If I were onely borne in sinne then all the time I lived in the little world of my Mothers wombe I must have beene without sinne and so might hope thou wouldst at least have some respect to that time of Innocency I lived there But now that not onely I was borne in sinne but my Mother also conceived mee in sinne now I was a sinner assoone as a creature and not one minutes time of Innocencie to plead for my selfe And now alas O Lord What couldst thou ever looke for at my hands but onely sinne The Leopard cannot change her spots no more can I that am conceived in sin conceive any thing but onely sin It is naturall to me and Nature will have her course But though it be naturall to mee to sinne yet it is not naturall to me to sinne so grievously as I have done for then every one should be as great a sinner as my selfe but now that I must say with Saint Paul Of all great sinners I am the greatest this is an estate of sinne which I have not by Inheritance but by Purchase and I cannot blame Nature but my selfe for this all the help is that though I might be ashamed to doe it yet I am not ashamed to consesse it and is not a sincere confessing in the ballance of thy Mercv O God of even weight with the not doing and therefore although the sinne I confâ—sse be great and being great must needes be greatly displeasing to thee yet this confâ—ssing my sinne to be great cannot be displeasing For Thou lovest truth in the inward affections and this my confession comes from thence For there is a truth in words when it is without lying as Saint Paul saith I speake the truth I lie not but this truth reacheth not home to confessing of sinnes and there is a truth in deedes when it is without lying as Christ said of Nathaniel Behold a true reacheth in whom there is â—o guile but neither doth this truth reaâ—h home to confessing of sinnes but there is a truth in heart when it is in sincerity as it is said here Thou lovest truth in the inward affections and this is the truth that carries home the confessing of sins to its full period For though thou lovest all truth and every where yet the truth of the inward affections thou affectest most inwardly for this is properly within thine owne survey soeing thou only art 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 the trier and searcher of the heart and reines Truth of words may have for its motive vain-glory and praise of men truth of deeds awe of the Law but truth in the inward affections can have no motive but onely the love of truth which therefore must needs be pleasing to thee who art thy selfe both Love and Truth Where thou lovest truth thon teachest wisedome and because thou lovest truth in the inward affections thou teachest wisdome in the
also wilt graciously accept the humble service of the convertour and even thy selfe shalt receive a benefit in thy glory by the benefit which I receive by thy pardon for as there have beene many scandalled by my sinne so there shall be many reclaimed by my repentonce and they who loved thee not for thy Iustice shall feare thee for thâ— mercy and theâ— who feared thee not for thy mercy shall love thee for thy justice and thy Name shall bee great amongst all Nations O happy conversion that is not barren and ends in it selfe which was a curse in Israel but as a fruitfull mother continues a race of conversions and shall therefore make the Convertour â—hine in Heaven as a Starre of the greater Magnitude But am I a fit man to teach thy waies to the wicked who have walked all my life long in the waies of wickednesse Am I likely to be a meanes for converting of sinners who have hitherto beene occasion of perverting the godly Thou O God that tookest Amos from among the Heard-men of tekoa to make him a Prophet thou also canst take me from among the wicked of the world to make me a converter of sinners I take not upon me to teach the godly who may better teach me I teach onely the wicked None but sinners are for my Schoole I am not a Shepheard to tend the fold but to fetch in strayers The title of my profession is Dux conversorum A guide of converts all my Doctrine is onely Repentance and if any such be that need no repenting they need not my teaching nor belong to my Schoole But if any man thinke repentance a lesson so easie that he can take it out and learne it without a teacher let him but heare the lesson read which I have learned and he must if he will be a convert Let him see my eyes swolne with the floods of my teares and so must his be Let him see me lie groveling under sackcloth and ashes and so must hee doe Let him see my knees brawned with kneeling at Prayer and so must his be Let him see mee goe fasting with bread and water and so must hee doe Let him see my backe goared with stripes of contrition and so must his be Let him see my breast torne with sighings and groanings and so must he doe and if all this be not enough to make a hard lesson let him see my heart broken and shivered with sorrow and so must his be And now let flesh and blood tell me if this be a lesson to be learned without a teacher But if Repentance be so hard a lesson to learne how can David be so confident of his teaching to say that sinners shall be converted by it Indeed when Kings become Schoolemasters no marvell if sinners become converts For who knowes not the force of Regis ad exemplum But is David then the only Phoenix in this kinde Have wee not amongst us at this day and long may we have a King like David who though hee teach not the same lesson that David did for his lesson was onely Repentance yet his whole life is a Lecture of Piety and opâ—ghtnesse a lesson so much better than Davids as to be in the first For me of Vertue is farre more worthy than to be but in the second But Oh the the uâ—quier stare of a guilty conscience David was much troubled at first about procuring his cleanenesse and now hee seemes as much troubled about 〈◊〉 his foulenesse Iâ— it the Malus genius of sinne that is never without feare and therefore creeps into all corners Or is it the Bonus genius of Repentance that is never without care and therefore searcheth all corners David had asked God forgivenesse for his iniquitie his sin his offences his transgressions corners enow to meete with any sin of what kinde soever but is it enough to confesse our sins and to aske forgivenesse in generall termes and never to make mention of any sinne in particular Indeede where sins be infinite it were an infinite labour to mention them all and with all our labour could never be done but yet where there are eminent sinnes sinnes like Saul higher than their fellowes by head and shoulders not to mention such sinnes were a kinde of concealing them as if wee meant to hide them in the throng that they might passe unperceived and there must be no concealing if we looke for cancelling Behold then O God an eminent sinne a sinne indeede like Saul so high above his fellowes that I dare not say what it is without saying Deliver mee first Deliver mee from blood guiltinesse O God thou God of my saluation and blame mee not for doubling the Name of God here seeing it is a deliverance that requires a double proportion of Gods assistance For though every sinne may be said a sin of blood as whereof the wages is death yet this actuall shedding of blood is a sin of the most scarlet-die and stands in neede of the greatest measure of God free Spirit to free it But what neede David pray God to deliver him from blood-guiltinesse For what blood had hee shed much no doubt in warre but that was lawfull and left no guiltinesse and therefore needed no deliverance But what blood did hee shed unlawfully No more did Ahab No more did Iezabel yet as guilty of blood as if they had shed it When Magistrates command a thing to be done they doe it When a malicious person imprecates a mischiefe to be wrought hee workes it When a man plots a villany to be acted he acts it and in all these waies though David actually shed no blood yet he was as guilty of blood as if he had shed it Peralium here is as much as Perse and therefore David knew hee had cause enough to say Deliver me from blood guiltinesse O God But is there any hope that this sin of blood may ever be remitted seeing God hath spoken it peremptorily he that sheddeth mans blood by man shall his blood be shed and can I looke that God will breake his Word to doe me a pleasure But is it not that Gods threatning is ever with condition For was it not so in Ninive Forty daies and Ninive shall be destroyed Yet forty daies came and Ninive was not destroyed Was it not so to Hezekiah Set thine house in order for thou shalt die of this sicknesse yet Hâ—zekiah died not of that sicknesse but lived fifteene yeeres after I know indeede that the condition of Gods Will there though noe expressed was yet intended Vnlesse they repented but what may be the condition of his will here No doubt Repentance too but with ths Codicill annexed His blood shall be shed unlesse hee can finde some other that will shed his blood for him And alas if this be the condition What am I the neere For where can I finde out any that will shed his blood for me and if I could finde one willing where can I