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a_o more_o faithful_a servant_n to_o his_o lord_n and_o master_n than_o to_o stand_v long_o to_o consider_v a_o answer_n but_o ready_o tell_v they_o as_o to_o their_o former_a proposal_n he_o do_v abhor_v the_o thought_n of_o a_o compliance_n by_o desert_v his_o saviour_n service_n and_o as_o to_o their_o latter_a threaten_v he_o be_v free_o willing_a to_o comply_v with_o the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n and_o can_v hearty_o say_v his_o will_v be_v do_v so_o that_o he_o be_v o_o height_n of_o wickedness_n and_o cruelty_n commit_v to_o prison_n there_o present_o take_v the_o infection_n and_o in_o a_o few_o day_n transplant_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n after_o i_o be_v acquaint_v with_o this_o worthy_a divine_a and_o have_v taste_v and_o receive_v some_o benefit_n by_o his_o ministry_n being_n introduce_v at_o first_o by_o john_n southam_n a_o journy-man_n drugster_n in_o london_n a_o very_a serious_a young_a man_n and_o one_o i_o must_v bless_v god_n for_o i_o become_v a_o 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ever_o they_o shall_v hear_v it_o be_v about_o the_o 25_o year_n of_o my_o age_n when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v again_o to_o check_v and_o stop_v i_o in_o my_o career_n of_o sin_n to_o awaken_v my_o drowsy_a conscience_n to_o give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o sin_n be_v damn_v and_o defile_v nature_n and_o of_o the_o necessity_n of_o a_o save_a change_n which_o shall_v be_v accompany_v with_o a_o strict_a serious_a and_o holy_a conversation_n if_o i_o will_v not_o eternal_o miscarry_v here_o i_o make_v a_o stand_n and_o begin_v to_o consider_v what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o what_o i_o must_v do_v now_o begin_v i_o to_o be_v sensible_a that_o i_o can_v never_o enough_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n never_o enough_o live_v to_o the_o honour_n and_o glory_n of_o that_o god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o to_o outlive_v those_o day_n of_o vanity_n who_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o not_o only_a space_n for_o repentance_n but_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n too_o as_o i_o trust_v he_o do_v about_o that_o time_n now_o it_o be_v that_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o sin_n be_v more_o grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n than_o the_o forsake_v of_o they_o the_o sin_n i_o once_o love_v i_o now_o loathe_v and_o will_v if_o that_o have_v be_v possible_a have_v give_v ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o now_o it_o be_v i_o by_o experience_n feel_v what_o before_o i_o will_v not_o believe_v that_o the_o best_a of_o sin_n sweet_n be_v real_o most_o intolerable_o bitter_a i_o now_o experience_v the_o truth_n of_o that_o passage_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o a_o reverend_a author_n mr._n hardcastle_n say_v he_o let_v every_o person_n that_o lie_v under_o a_o temptation_n to_o commit_v sin_n serious_o consider_v thus_o if_o i_o commit_v this_o sin_n i_o must_v either_o repent_v of_o it_o or_o i_o must_v not_o if_o i_o do_v not_o repent_v it_o damn_v i_o and_o if_o i_o do_v repent_v aright_o i_o shall_v find_v it_o cost_v i_o more_o pain_n and_o trouble_v and_o sorrow_n than_o the_o sin_n be_v worth_a that_o i_o do_v commit_v and_o this_o i_o have_v often_o think_v upon_o since_o upon_o any_o temptation_n conscience_n now_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n and_o be_v more_o than_o a_o thousand_o witness_n against_o i_o now_o i_o do_v by_o sad_a experience_n feel_v the_o truth_n and_o terror_n of_o that_o single_a text_n a_o wound_a conscience_n who_o can_v bear_v and_o this_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v that_o when_o i_o do_v not_o sinful_o stop_v its_o mouth_n it_o be_v a_o faithful_a monitor_n to_o i_o that_o scripture_n terrify_v i_o great_o the_o soul_n that_o sin_n shall_v die_v and_o here_o be_v my_o argument_n upon_o it_o the_o law_n say_v the_o soul_n that_o sin_n must_v die_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o but_o thou_o o_o soul_n have_v sin_v and_o what_o be_v the_o conclusion_n why_o very_o dreadful_a thou_o must_v die_v i_o set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o repentance_n but_o must_v confess_v till_o the_o lord_n do_v save_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n shine_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o think_v that_o bare_a repentance_n be_v enough_o without_o consider_v that_o true_a and_o save_a repentance_n consist_v in_o forsake_v as_o well_o as_o in_o confess_v sin_n but_o here_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n such_o consideration_n as_o these_o that_o his_o holy_a and_o righteous_a law_n be_v break_v and_o satisfaction_n must_v be_v make_v that_o he_o himself_o be_v just_a and_o his_o justice_n must_v be_v satisfy_v and_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o duty_n and_o repentance_n though_o i_o shall_v use_v they_o as_o mean_n be_v yet_o no_o good_a foundation_n to_o build_v my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n upon_o that_o though_o i_o can_v shed_v a_o thousand_o tear_n and_o those_o of_o blood_n for_o one_o vain_a thought_n they_o will_v be_v no_o better_o than_o puddle_n water_n to_o justify_v and_o save_v i_o now_o do_v those_o scripture_n stâ—ir_v i_o in_o the_o face_n 1_o cor._n 6._o 9_o know_v you_o not_o that_o the_o unrighteous_a shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n be_v not_o deoeive_v neither_o fornicator_n nor_o idolater_n nor_o adulterer_n nor_o effeminate_a nor_o abuser_n of_o themselves_o with_o mankind_n nor_o drunkard_n nor_o reviler_n nor_o extortioner_n shall_v inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o that_o of_o gal._n 5._o 19_o now_o the_o work_n of_o the_o flesh_n be_v manifest_a which_o be_v these_o adultery_n fornication_n uncleanness_n lasciviousness_n idolatry_n witchcraft_n hatred_n variance_n emulation_n wrath_n strife_n sedition_n heresy_n envy_n murder_n drunkenness_n revel_v and_o such_o like_a they_o that_o do_v such_o thing_n shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n the_o most_o of_o these_o sin_n that_o do_v entitle_v to_o eternal_a wrath_n and_o vengeance_n i_o can_v not_o charge_v myself_o as_o guilty_a of_o yet_o some_o i_o can_v and_o the_o least_o of_o they_o in_o their_o own_o nature_n i_o find_v be_v damn_v and_o will_v serve_v to_o exclude_v i_o out_o of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n now_o through_o grace_n be_v i_o ready_a to_o cry_v out_o o_o what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v and_o a_o little_a serious_o to_o inquire_v into_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n by_o he_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n and_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o that_o all_o the_o impure_a stream_n of_o my_o life_n have_v proceed_v from_o that_o most_o corrupt_a fountain_n mar._n 15._o 19_o and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o bewail_v the_o outward_a act_n of_o sin_n but_o the_o inward_a principle_n of_o corruption_n lead_v to_o it_o now_o i_o
favour_n in_o our_o great_a deliverance_n when_o god_n have_v return_v i_o to_o my_o family_n my_o earnest_a prayer_n be_v i_o may_v not_o return_v to_o sin_n but_o honour_n god_n more_o in_o it_o than_o ever_o who_o have_v do_v so_o much_o for_o i_o and_o i_o november_n the_o 10_o 1685_o the_o parliament_n be_v just_o meet_v we_o keep_v a_o night_n of_o humiliation_n by_o the_o help_n of_o mr._n b._n mr._n c._n and_o mr._n c._n the_o latter_a make_v a_o sermon_n from_o these_o word_n isai_n 8._o 17._o and_o i_o will_v wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n that_o hide_v his_o face_n from_o the_o house_n of_o jacob_n and_o i_o will_v look_v for_o he_o they_o be_v much_o enlarge_v in_o those_o duty_n and_o i_o do_v at_o this_o time_n experience_n bless_a be_v god_n both_o in_o they_o and_o closet-duty_n upon_o the_o same_o occasion_n my_o heart_n be_v in_o a_o good_a warm_a frame_n and_o be_v work_v much_o after_o god_n god_n have_v hear_v and_o answer_v our_o prayer_n most_o remarkable_o as_o appear_v by_o the_o parliament_n put_v forward_a thing_n very_o beneficial_a to_o the_o nation_n they_o do_v i_o believe_v beyond_o either_o the_o expectation_n of_o those_o who_o bring_v most_o of_o they_o irregular_o in_o or_o other_o who_o indeed_o expect_v nothing_o of_o good_a from_o they_o but_o by_o this_o i_o have_v learn_v this_o lesson_n that_o by_o those_o from_o who_o man_n expect_v least_o god_n can_v do_v most_o and_o i_o fear_v we_o have_v lose_v many_o and_o many_o a_o mercy_n by_o knock_v at_o wrong_a door_n for_o they_o and_o by_o trust_v too_o much_o to_o and_o expect_v too_o much_o from_o a_o arm_n of_o flesh_n the_o lord_n i_o do_v find_v and_o experience_n affliction_n have_v by_o blessing_n to_o i_o late_a affliction_n do_v i_o this_o good_a bless_a be_v his_o most_o holy_a name_n 1._o i_o have_v learn_v to_o trust_n god_n more_o in_o difficult_a case_n 2._o i_o see_v more_o evil_a than_o before_o in_o sin_n by_o this_o bitter_a fruit._n 3._o i_o see_v a_o necessity_n of_o settle_v worldly_a concern_v of_o make_v my_o will_n which_o since_o i_o come_v home_o i_o do_v 4._o now_o i_o be_o afraid_a of_o the_o least_o sin_n either_o of_o omission_n or_o commission_n a_o little_a sin_n do_v more_o wound_n my_o conscience_n and_o disturb_v my_o peace_n than_o great_a before_o 5._o i_o now_o experience_n that_o i_o spend_v more_o time_n in_o duty_n and_o that_o with_o great_a delight_n 6._o i_o be_o a_o better_a husband_n of_o my_o precious_a time_n and_o more_o careful_a to_o improve_v it_o more_o fearful_a of_o mispend_v it_o 7._o i_o be_o less_o passionate_a for_o god_n have_v show_v i_o the_o ill_a consequence_n of_o family-heat_n and_o discord_n 8._o less_o proud_a i_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v show_v i_o enough_o in_o myself_o and_o in_o the_o present_a sad_a time_n and_o my_o late_a circumstance_n to_o humble_a and_o abase_v i_o 9_o now_o i_o find_v a_o great_a readiness_n to_o sympathize_v with_o the_o poor_a afflict_a member_n of_o jesus_n christ_n have_v myself_o so_o late_o be_v a_o sufferer_n 10._o the_o world_n and_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n be_v less_o in_o my_o esteem_n have_v be_v so_o late_o imbitter_v to_o i_o 11._o now_o have_v i_o set_v up_o some_o other_o duty_n more_o than_o before_o i_o practise_v as_o pray_v with_o my_o wife_n and_o repetition_n on_o weekday_n and_o read_v in_o the_o family_n after_o supper_n i_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o these_o happy_a fruit_n of_o affliction_n i_o trust_v that_o i_o have_v bring_v i_o near_o christ_n i_o scarce_o know_v any_o thing_n that_o state_n the_o difference_n betwixt_o i_o and_o the_o vile_a of_o hypocrite_n but_o only_o this_o that_o god_n make_v my_o distemper_n my_o burden_n and_o in_o the_o riches_n of_o his_o love_n incline_v my_o heart_n to_o hanker_v towards_o he_o for_o help_v evidence_n for_o heaven_n which_o i_o examine_v myself_o by_o more_o at_o large_a in_o my_o diary_n answer_v 1._o effectual_a call_v be_v a_o good_a evidence_n for_o heaven_n as_o appear_v by_o rom._n 8._o 30._o 2_o pet._n 1._o 10._o the_o call_v i_o have_v be_v about_o the_o year_n 1668._o 2._o change_v of_o company_n a_o good_a evidence_n choose_v the_o society_n of_o the_o godly_a shun_v the_o society_n of_o the_o wicked_a psal_n 1._o 1._o psal_n 26._o 4_o 5._o psal_n 119._o 115._o act_n 9_o 26._o my_o heart_n answer_v affirmative_o for_o that_o i_o leave_v lincoln_n and_o come_v to_o live_v at_o nottingham_n for_o this_o end_n 3._o universality_n of_o obedience_n psal_n 119._o 6._o ps_n 139._o 2_o last_o verse_n to_o this_o g._n d_n heart_n answer_v aff._n decemb._n 7_o 1685._o 4._o love_n to_o the_o godly_a as_o such_o 1_o joh._n 3._o 14._o to_o this_o my_o heart_n answer_v aff._n decemb._n 7_o 85._o 5._o sincere_a endeavour_n to_o approve_v my_o heart_n more_o to_o god_n than_o my_o way_n to_o man_n aim_v more_o at_o god_n glory_n than_o my_o own_o profit_n applause_n etc._n etc._n 2_o cor._n 1._o 12._o my_o heart_n answer_v aff._n 6._o melt_v and_o mourn_v for_o sin_n upon_o the_o sense_n of_o god_n free-love_n in_o christ_n zech._n 12._o 10._o 2_o cor._n 7._o 9_o 10._o g._n d_n heart_n answer_v aff._n 7._o zeal_n for_o god_n against_o sin_n joh._n 2._o 17._o 2_o cor._n 7._o 11._o g._n d_n heart_n answer_v aff._n 8._o a_o love_n of_o and_o long_v for_o christ_n appear_v 2_o tim._n 4._o 8._o heb._n 9_o 6._o rev._n 22._o 7_o 20._o g._n d_n heart_n answer_v aff._n decemb._n 7_o 85._o 9_o gracious_a speech_n prov._n 10._o 21._o ephes_n 4._o 29._o g._n d_n heart_n answer_v aff._n 10._o blessing_n god_n for_o and_o rejoye_v in_o the_o gift_n and_o grace_n of_o other_o joh._n 29._o 30._o my_o heart_n answer_v aff._n 11._o the_o spirit_n of_o prayer_n act_v 9_o 11._o rom._n 8._o 15._o g._n d_n heart_n answer_v affi_n 12._o a_o careful_a sanctification_n of_o the_o lord_n day_n isai_n 4._o 56._o my_o heart_n answer_v affi_n decemb._n 7_o 1685._o i_o keep_v a_o constant_a diary_n or_o journal_n record_v my_o carriage_n towards_o god_n towards_o other_o and_o myself_o and_o god_n carriage_n towards_o i_o give_v a_o account_n of_o signal_n return_v to_o prayer_n and_o great_a providence_n a_o few_o here_o take_v the_o 11_o of_o may_v 1674_o be_v very_a rainy_n at_o night_n i_o travel_v to_o laughton_n in_o yorkshire_n upon_o the_o moor_n about_o a_o mile_n and_o half_a off_o the_o town_n i_o light_v into_o a_o deep_a watery_a place_n miss_v the_o pave_a bridge_n my_o horse_n slip_v fall_v sideways_o i_o all_o over_o in_o the_o water_n and_o a_o great_a mercy_n i_o be_v not_o lose_v by_o the_o horse_n lie_v upon_o i_o my_o man_n draw_v i_o out_o by_o my_o great_a chamlet-cloak_n which_o help_v i_o to_o swim_v i_o rid_v afterward_o to_o the_o town_n wet_a to_o the_o skin_n with_o boot_n full_a of_o water_n immediate_o go_v to_o a_o hot_a bed_n take_v something_o warm_a pray_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o get_v a_o good_a night_n rest_n and_o next_o morning_n be_v never_o the_o worse_o this_o good_a providence_n i_o desire_v to_o remember_v acknowledge_v and_o improve_v 2._o when_o we_o live_v at_o mr._n ryley_n in_o nottingham_n my_o wife_n be_v one_o night_n just_o go_v up_o into_o a_o very_a narrow_a strait_a chamber_n be_v immediate_o to_o return_v down_o again_o have_v a_o candle_n with_o she_o a_o gun_n be_v discharge_v in_o the_o street_n make_v a_o amaze_a roar_v and_o noise_n all_o over_o the_o house_n but_o in_o that_o chamber_n such_o a_o noise_n as_o much_o affright_v she_o next_o day_n i_o come_v into_o the_o chamber_n find_v a_o round_a hole_n in_o the_o casement_n by_o a_o considerable_a large_a bullet_n make_v which_o the_o chamber_n be_v so_o very_o narrow_a it_o can_v no_o way_n have_v miss_v she_o have_v not_o a_o good_a god_n wonderful_o preserve_v she_o from_o the_o danger_n by_o direct_v the_o bullet_n 3._o a_o good_a return_n to_o prayer_n 24_o of_o february_n 1674_o which_o the_o lord_n in_o mercy_n help_v i_o to_o improve_v 4._o a_o gracious_a return_n to_o prayer_n in_o my_o dear_a wife_n recovery_n of_o such_o a_o sickness_n as_o most_o give_v she_o over_o in_o february_n 1674._o 5._o january_n the_o 6_o 1675_o come_v with_o my_o wife_n from_o wigwall_n and_o pass_v through_o a_o thick_a wood_n to_o roadenooke_v one_o bough_n of_o a_o tree_n come_v up_o on_o my_o eye_n with_o a_o great_a force_n one_o be_v just_o go_v by_o before_o and_o hold_v it_o back_o it_o slip_v from_o he_o strike_v violent_o upon_o my_o eye_n so_o that_o i_o conclude_v it_o strike_v quite_o out_o it_o stand_v immediate_o of_o a_o gore-blood_n be_v ill_o a_o little_a time_n but_o