or to write them upon their Houses and Lands which yet Death and Time have wholly obliterated But it is the Honour of many saints to be recorded in sacred Scripture beyond all danger of Oblivion as great examples of Piety and Holiness towards God and of service to the Church of God in their generation And God hath since by his providence in all ages secured to his more eminent saints and servants the like Honour stirring up some survivors to embalm their precious Name and memory by recording and reporting the dead to posterity in more lasting monuments as great Instances of the Grace of God special matter of his praise and approved patterns as well for the encouragement as the imitation of the Living How dispised soever this excellent servant of Jesus Christ the subject we have to write of hath been in the eyes of some of his Generation yet I am persuaded none of the worthies in the Church of God that are gone before him will count it any disparagement to their Honour that he be added to their number whose precious Names survive their death The Records which have been made and published of the Lives of many Excellent and holy persons consist for the most part only of Such passages as have fallen under the observation of those who have more intimately and frequently conversed with them many hands have Contributed to the collecting of some more remarkable words and actions which an Ingenious pen in just honour to the Subject improveth as Indices of those singular accomplishments of mind and heart which are beyond the reach of the most observant Eye And were there nothing else to be recovered Concerning the subject before us but what might be so collected from the hands of those who had the happy advantage to know fully his Doctrine manner of Life Purpose Faith long Suffering Charity patience c. I doubt not but if managed by a skillful pen it would justly amount to such a character of him as might worthily render him a more than Ordinary example of Faith and Holiness of Scripturall knowledge and practice as well to the preachers as professors of the Gospel of Christ to the praise of the Glory of the Grace of God But their is less need of this in reference to our subject Himself having not only in great measure prevented and saved his friends that labour and service but moreover discovered the inmost secrets of his heart towards God beyond all that could be known of him by the Strictest observation of others What hath been the advantagious practice sometimes though very rare of some eminent Servants of God who have made Religion their business viz. to write Curriculum vita the manner and course of their own life appears to have been his He not only kept a strict Eye upon himself and took special notice of his own heart and wayes and the manner of his spiritual living unto God but lest he should forget and render it useless committed the same to paper recording the dealings of God towards him the workings of corruption and grace his Conflicts and Temptations the secret Intercourse and Communion between God and his Soul the approaches and withdrawings of the Holy Spirit his liftings up and castings down the actings of Faith and Love Divine assistance in Duty return of prayers the clearness of his evidences and rejoycings of his hopes c. Wherein the life and power of true Religion doth more consist than in all open and visibel acts Out of this Treasury which is enough to Supply a far larger volume hath been fetched the greatest part of that furniture which filleth these pages and that mostly in his own words You that read may therefore imagine you hear this holy Prophet bespeaking you in the words of another Prophet Come and read all ye that fear God and I will tell you what he hath done for my soul My own experience assureth me that to those who are engaged in the Spiritual War and running the Christian race and have set their faces towards God It will be useful encouraging delightful and satisfactory to read so much of the sense and feeling of their own hearts in the experiences of this Blessed Saint The greatest part of whom yet I believe will find cause to be ashamed before God seeing themselves so far cast behind and may be provoked to mend their pace in pressing forward towards the mark to which he hath attained As for such as rest in their negative goodness and commendable moralls their form of Godliness and bodily exercise in religion without the life and power thereof who knows but they may be convinced of the vanity of their hopes and the sandy foundation whereon they have built them and that yet they lack something while they read the thoughts affections and workings of his holy heart his understanding improvement of the Holy Scriptures and his Spiritual communion with the Holy God to which themselves are altogether strangers But such is the enmity and contradiction of the carnal mind to the spirit and grace of God that I cannot be without jealousie that much of what is true written will be matter of scorn and derision to the profane Generation However as the word of God delivered in the Scriptures and dispensed in the Ministry thereof hath its divers and contrary effects upon diverse contrary subjects whereon yet God knows how to raise his own Glory so shall the same word Exemplified in the life of this now glorified saint have the like effects on them that read it To the humble and teachable it shall be in adjutorium but to the scorners and despisers in Testimonium THE RELATION MR. Owen Stockton was born in the City of Chichester in the County of Sussex the last week of May 1630. was the fourth Son of his Father Mr. Owen Stockton a worthy Prebendary of that Cathedral who was a younger brother of that ancient family of the Stocktons of Kiddington Green in Cheshire About the seventh year of his age his Father dyed and left the care of him and his other Children to their Mother a pious Gentlewoman of the family of the Tilees in Cambridgeshire She being a Widdow and stranger in Chichester soon after the death of her Husband returned to her native Country and setled her self at Ely where was a very good Grammar School under the Government of Mr. William Hitches to whose care she committed this her Son for his education From a Child he was of great hopes while yet a little Grammar Schollar his inclination was such as presaged more than ordinary improvement Looking once accidentally into Mr. Fox his Acts and Monuments Ecclesiastical in one of the parish Churches of that Town and reading some little part thereof he was so affected with the knowledge of that History that he never ceased to supplicate his friends till he had obtained one part of them for his use Wherein declining the puerile recreations to which his
Preach in the Afternoon at St. Andrews I had some thoughts of it and motions thereto some time since But now my time for Chapel exercise being expired I took it into serious thoughts and having humbled my Soul for my sins and begged of God that he would settle my mind in this thing and teach me what was his mind therein after pains and searching the Scripture I came to this resolution I was fully persuaded that it was the mind of the Lord that I should also Preach in the Afternoons and that from these Scriptures 2 Tim. 4. 1. 2. I charge the before God be instant in Season and out of Season As we will answer it to Jesus Christ at the day of Judgment we are to take all opportunities to preach his Word I consider here is a fair opportunity put into my hands and therefore I am bound in Conscience not to neglect it 1 Pet. 5. 2. 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 as much as in you lieth feed thy flock So Calvin renders the word 1 Cor. 9. 16. 17. Necessity is laid upon me yea woe is unto me if I preach not the gospel Though I preach the gospel I have nothing to glory of If I do this willingly I have a reward Eccl. 11 6. in the morning sow thy seed and in the evening withhold not thy hand For thou knowest not what shall prosper this or that this seems a clear resolution of the question 1 Cor. 15. 58. always abounding in the work of the Lord. Gal. 6. 10. As we have opportunity let us do good here is a fair opportunity and how it may be taken from me or I from it I know not and therefore hold it my duty to lay hold on it Hereupon I resolved to preach once a fortnight in the Afternoons also and considering my weakness for such a work I was encouraged from Isa 41. 10. and Math. 28. ult Go teach and lo I am with you with you to help and assist you with you to bless your labours and make your work prosperous under your hands Jul. 13. 1656. I began my Afternoons Exercise and entred upon the Doctrine of Repentance I have found God very much with me assisting and enlarging me and blessing my labours to some of my hearers I bless his Name for putting it into my heart Nov 16 I had not so much of the enlivening presence of God in the afternoon as I was wont to have Yet God blessed his word One of the Parish told Mr. J. He thought their Minister knew their hearts and added he was resolved to amend Apr. 21. 1657. I set apart this day to seek God by fasting and prayer to shew me my way and to direct me in a business that had been upon my Spirit nigh half a year which was to preach once a fortnight on the week day at the church where I am placed I engaged the prayers of others also for me in this particular And when I went to the Sacrament I laid the promise before God that he would guide me continually and teach me in the way that I should choose as that which I desire might among others be Sealed up to me Whilst I was thus deliberating with my self what to do I met with this providence Being at Soham to preach the Lecture there I slept that night very disturbedly towards the morning me thought I saw the Lord Jesus Christ in his glory who spake comfortably to me and encouraged me in my work but spake very sad words to another Mr. of Arts that was with me whom I dreamed to be a godly man yet one who was noted for his unwillingness to preach in Town When I awoke I considered with my self what this should mean I considered it was but a dream and so not much to be heeded and again I considered that sometimes God speaks to us in dreams and slumbering upon our beds Job 33. 13. 14. 15. whence I gathered it might be something of encouragement to me In the morning when I was up It fell out in my ordinary course of reading the Scripture to read Act. 18. and when I had read ver 9. 10. and pondered what had befell me in the night I could not but wonder at the Providence of God to cause this Scripture to fall in with my former dream which made me ponder the more upon it I saw God did sometimes speak to his people in a vision I saw the same reason why Paul should Preach viz. because there was much people belonging to the Lord there might be forcible to prevail with me for he enclines a great multitude of people to attend upon me When I had considered of it I resolved to lay this up in my heart and not to slight it though I could not build on it any ground of my undertaking my work Consulting the Scriptures these came into my mind Act. 6. 4. we will give our selves continually to Prayer and to the Ministry of the word where I saw that such as were called of God to preach the word ought to make it their business and give up themselves to it Rom. 1. 1. 14. 15. here I saw that one separated to the Gospel of Christ was a debter bound and should be ready as much as in him lieth Isa 40. 9. O thou that bringest good tidings to Zion get the up into the high mountains lift up thy voice with strength lift it up be not afraid Reading this Scripture in my ordinary course I found it set home with life and power in reference to my present doubt Get the up lift up thy voice It removed the great obstacle of fear What would men say and think of my forwardness Be not afraid I was the more confirmed by considering this Scripture is mainly directed to such as God hath sent to preach the gospel by comparing this Scripture with Isa 52. 7. and Rom. 10. 15. And the Scripture did the more affect me because it was in this manner set home after prayer when I had been seeking God in reference to this doubt Act. 18. 5. Paul was pressed in Spirit and testified hence I saw the Ministers of God may take encouragement to preach the word from inward pressures of Spirit Having these inducements to preach on the week day I set apart as before the 21th of April to seek God by fasting and prayer to direct me what to do Having put up my request to him in the name of Jesus Christ I shall consider what motives I have to it and what dissuasives from it and judge of both according to the Scriptures and do therein as the Lord shall direct me by his word and Spirit ' The Arguments moving to it are these 1. I Find God much enlarging my Meditations so as I am a long while ere I can dispatch the Subject I enter upon whereby I foresee I shall go over but few heads in Divinity while I stay unless I preach oftener And I know not what the meaning of God
Suffer little Children to come unto me and from observing how prevalent faith and Prayer is with God for the remission of sins and salvation of others as well as our own souls Math. 9. 2. Jesus seeing their faith said Son be of good cheer thy sins be forgiven thee So 1 Joh. 5. 16. If a man see his Brother sin a sin which is not unto death he shall ask of God and he shall give him life Now I Considered that though my child had sins incident to Childhood yet it had not sinned the sin unto death and therefore I concluded that if I asked of God he would give it life Jam. 5. 15. The Prayer of faith shall save the sick and if he hath commited sins they shall be forgiven him Math. 15. 22 28. The woman of Canaan's faith and Prayer availed with Christ for the Casting the Devil out of her daughter Now God helping me to act faith for my child upon the account of his covenant and stiring me by his Spirit often to pray for my Child I was thereby encouraged to hope for its Salvation When my Child died the same day the small Pox began to appear upon my Sister I knew not what breaches God might be about to make in my family but as I was hearing the word the Ministers treating on Gods intention to glorifie himself by all afflictions that he laid upon his people from that Scripture Isa 5. 15 16. this word Satisfied me that whatever judgments God should bring upon me or my family he would exalt and glorifie his own Name by them hereupon I submitted and resigned up my self to God to do with me and mine what he pleased Yet I was then under the sense of sin which weakned my faith and made me fearful I should not bear up chearfully if I should be visited while under the sense of guilt But I was much encouraged in meditation from Mic. 7. 8 9. When I sit in darkness the Lord will be a light unto me This faith they held when their affliction was attended with the sense of sin for it followeth I will bear the indignation of the Lord because I have sinned against him I was also much encouraged by viewing the promises that I had collected to comfort my self with when I was in danger of contagious diseases Especially those two viz Ps 41. 12. As for me thou settest me before thy face for ever and this was when under an evil disease v. 8 which was the fruit of his sin ver 4. and Ps 38. 5 7. My wounds stink and are corrupt my loyns are filled with a loathsome disease c. though in this visitation he was afflicted with the sense of sin and of Gods displeasure v. 1 2 3 4 and was deprived of the Comfortable Society of his relations and friends v. 11. yet he kept up his hope in God v. 15. In a little time after I had the sense of guilt taken off while I was studying my Sermon to remove the fears of Death Jun. 12. As I was reading Act. 6. in my Evening course by my self I observed by comparing ver 4. 7. that upon the Apostles giving themselves Continually to prayer and to the ministry of the word the number of the disciples encreased greatly in Jerusalem and a great company of the Priests were obedient to the faith I was instructed and affected with it and saw it was necessary I should pray much as well as Preach much if I would convert many Souls and that upon giving my self to prayer and to the ministry of the word I was in the most likely way to convert many Souls to Christ The Priests were the chiefest opposers of the Gospel Act. 4. 1 2. the chiefest persecuters of Christ Math. 16. 21. and 20 18. the most active in putting Christ to death Mar. 15. 10 11. Luk. 19. 47. the multitude that came to apprehend Christ were sent by the Priests Joh. 18. 3. the false witnesses were suborned by the Priests Math 26. 59. yet by the power of prayer and the word these Priests were brought in by great numbers to the faith of Christ and the obedience of the Gosple Jun. 25. about three of the Clock in the morning being Lords day my Wife was delivered of a Daughter and that morning the Lord sent a very plentiful rain The Tuesday before we kept a day of humiliation for my Wifes safe delivery and to seek the Lord for rain and the Lord gave a gracious answer to the prayers of that day both at one time Jul. 31. I saw the plague of my heart breaking out I argued against my corruption yet it overcame me and led me captive it wounded me that I should still sin against God even while under his Correcting hand My faith was revived by that Scripture Isa 57. 17 18. I Smote him he went on frowardly in the way of his own heart I have seen his ways and will heal him I was much encouraged from that word I will heal him which imports the Subduing as well as the pardoning of sin Aug. 2. I was encouraged to write something that might be useful for my generation from Jer. 36. 1 2 3 4 5. Two things especially from that Scripture did put me forward to this 1. writing of the word of God is a means to Convert souls and to lead them to repentance 2. this Command for writing was given when Jeremiah was shut up and could not preach as usually and such was my case viz I was debarred from publick preaching hereupon I apprehended God called me to write Sept. 6. Being fast day As I came from Church I received a letter from Mr. J. which acquainted me that my Son Samuel was very ill that day I spent somewhat unprofitably I was not affected as I ought with publick judgments and the misery of others and therefore it was just with God to bring affliction into my family the next day my Wife and I went over to see our Child and after we had been with it about five or six hours it died very suddenly I was troubled that I did not pray with it before it died which was occasioned by being in anothers family and my not apprehending death to be near This stroak coming soon after my removal from Colchester I communed with my heart whether I had sinned in removing from that place and my conscience did not at that time charge me with sin in removing my habitation I was Comforted in calling to mind Gods dealing with Jacob who met with many afflictions in those removes which he made at the command of God He was pursued by his Uncle put into great fear by his Brother loseth Deborah his Mothers nurse and Rachel his beloved Wife His Sons Reuben Simeon and Levi fell into foul sins c. Hence I saw that God trieth his dear Servants with sudden and sore afflictions in those places to which they have removed at the call of God Sept. 24. I enjoyed the opportunity
suffer greater persecutions 2. God can if he will hide me from the strife of Tongues yea he promiseth to do so for them that trust in him Psal 31. 19 20. he can make a mans Enemies to be at Peace with him and will if our ways please him Prov. 16. 7. However I shall not be solicitous of mans judgment in this matter but commit my way and Cause to the Lord and if I be reproached he will one day clear me Ps 37. 5 6. 3. If I do meet with shame and reproach for my diligence in Preaching the Word 't is no more than the Apostles met with 1 Cor. 4. 9 10 13. yea I Christ suffered great contradiction in his Preaching they said he was Mad and had a Devil and I am bidden to remember it as that which will keep me from fainting Heb. 12. 3. 4. If I Serve Christ the Lord will honour me and that is infinitely above the honour of the world Joh. 12. 26. I shall desire therefore to seek the praise that is of God and no matter what men say 5. It will be my happyness if I be reproached for Christs sake 1 Pet. 4. 14. and I should be so far from being troubled discouraged and dejected at it that I should rejoyce exceedingly that God counts me worthy to partake of the sufferings of Christ v. 13. 6. The thoughts of that Glory that shall be revealed hereafter 1 Pet. 5. 4. should cause me to despise the shame which I meet with here in the Service of God Heb. 12. 2. 2 d. Discouragement It may be the people will slight the Word I shall have but few hearers the Word growing common will be nauseated c. Reply 1. The hearts of all men are in Gods hand if he touch their hearts they shall come 1 Sam. 10. 26. I will leave that to the Lord whether he will encline many or but few to attend upon his Word 2. The Angels those glorious Creatures did not disdain to Preach Christ to a few poor Shepherds and therefore I should not think much to Preach Christ though to never such a thin Congregation Jesus Christ himself Preached the Gospel to one hearer only and that a poor sinful woman of Samaria Joh. 4. 3. Gods presence is not tied to a multitude if but two or three be gathered together in his Name he is in the midst of them and if God will bless his Word for the Conversion of but one Soul it is worth all our labour and pains Mark 8. 37. Jam. 5. 19 20. 4. I shall desire to do my work to God and not to men because God Commands me though men may slight my pains and do not gather together to hear the Word yet my work is before the Lord and my reward with him and I shall be glorious in his eyes however I appear before men Isa 49. 5. However men reckon of my labours though the more I love them and labour for them the less I beloved yet this should not be any hindrance to me in the work of God but I should gladly spend my self and be spent therein 2 Cor. 12. 13. Having Consulted God and seeing such good ground for my undertaking I set up a Lecture once a Fortnight on Thursday in the Afternoon at three of the Clock I began it on the first Thursday in June 1657. With such mature Deliberation such a resolved Conscience such a willing mind such a zealous Spirit such a laborious head and hand did this worthy Servant of God apply himself to the great Work wherein he was engaged Thus did he fortifie his heart with strongest Arguments against all temptations to sloth and negligence Thus searched he the Scriptures that he might fully know his Lords will Thus yielded he obedience to the Commands and acted Faith in the promises of God In this his might he went forth in the Name of the Lord to the work of the Lord and the pleasure of the Lord did prosper in his hand Though his constant weekly work at St. Andrews Church were enough to exercise more than ordinary strength both of mind and body yet he had many other occasions of Service which he attended not only in the Colledge as his place required especially as a Tutor which relation and trust he diligently and faithfully discharged towards his Pupils both as to Learning and Religion but in the Town as Preaching frequently Funeral Sermons and Trinity Lecture and in the Country also at several Lectures both in Cambridgeshire and Huntingdonshire For his Abilities and willingness were so well known as encouraged many invitations to be made to him from abroad All which he performed not after an extemporary rate as the manner of some is hastily to utter quicquid in buccam venerit but as a workman that needed not to be ashamed On which account the Ears of so many hanged upon him and he never wanted a full Auditory as well of Schollars as Town-people His Sermons were well studied and digested his matter Substantial and Spiritual his Arguments strong and convincing his utterance full clear deliberate and grave His words apt and natural to express the Conceptions of his mind he neither affected a strain of words which mans wisdom teacheth nor allowed himself a liberty of words which mans indiscretion poureth out but his Phrase was such as spake him to have an holy Reverence for the plainness and simplicity of the Gospel of Christ a due care that he exposed not the Ministry of the word to Contempt a Religious fear of that God in whose Name he spake and a serious regard to the Concernment of the Souls of men And in all his Applications to God by Prayer both in publick and private his behaviour words and manner of utterance were such as spake his solemn and affecting apprehensions of the Majesty and Holiness of God whom he Worshipped So as considering his years the multiplicity of his Ministerial work his manner of performing it and the holiness of his life wherewith he did adorn and commend it it may be truly said of him that however he was excelled by others in other respects yet in this he was Nulli secundus if not a None such in the University in his day But Cambridge is not a place for long continuance The University is the Church's Nursery from whence God is wont to remove and transplant his trees of Righteousness when once grown up to the Stature of Fruit-bearing that the various Congregations of his people may eat of the fruit thereof and live God having here trained up his Servant to his hand Instructed him with excellent Gifts and abundant Grace called him solemnly to the Office of the Ministry proved him an able and successful Instrument before many Witnesses and enlarged his heart not only to a willingness but zeal to discharge his Office with all his might quickly shewed him the place where with this resolved Industry and Integrity he should improve his Talents Scarce two Months were
expired after he had begun his Week-day Lecture when the Mayor and one of the Aldermen of Colchester in Essex whither his fame reached applied themselves to him at Cambridge desiring him to accept their Lecturers place then void With which motion he so far only then complied as to promise to come over to them and Preach a Sermon or two among them which he performed about three weeks after After his Preaching the House of Aldermen and Common Council met and unanimously agreed to choose him to be their Town-Lecturer to Preach on Lords days Afternoon and on the Wednesday every Week Which choice had also the general Suffrage of the Sober and Godly people in Town and Country thereabout Which being signified to him by some of the Aldermen and Common Council after six weeks deliberation for so long time he designed to give his Answer seeking God for direction as his constant manner was having no objections before him as to Conscience in the case nor any obligation to stay at Cambridge save only the peoples desire which he Answered from Luke 4. 42. 43. and Act. 18. 20. and considering the joynt unanimous agreement of persons different in Judgment for it was a divided place in calling him he consented to their Choice and undertook that Charge As he had experienced Gods owning and Sealing of his Ministry in his first Catechistical Exercise in the Colledge and his first Sermon after his Ordination with much happy success also in Cambridge so here he had the same encouragement God making his first Sermon effectual upon the heart of a Dutchman and his second or third upon another person noted for a Sinner who came out of Novelty to hear him Concerning whom he might say as St. Paul 1 Thess 1. 9. They shew of us what manner of entring we had to you But it fared with him here at Colchester as it did at Cambridge he thought he did not work enough and therefore asked leave and freely offered himself to preach also on the Lords day Mornings at St. James's Church not desiring any outward reward for it which was granted and accepted He was to this place a very great Blessing not only as to their Spiritual but Temporal concerns also It was observed that during his abode and the liberty of his Ministry there the Town prospered and exceedingly flourished in Trade For even the good things of this life doth the Gospel carry with it Here he laboured in the Word and Doctrine till by the Act of Uniformity he was with the rest of his Brethren debarred from the publick Exercise of his Ministry Yet not thinking himself bound to be his own Executioner and there being mutual obligations by Contract between the Town and him that the one should not eject nor the other desert without so long warning he did after the fatal Bartholomew continue his publick Preaching some time till having occasion to take a Journey into Cambridgeshire in his absence another was put into his place by the B. of L. From thenceforth with St. Paul Act. 28. 30 31. he dwelt three whole years in his own hired house and received all that came in unto him Preaching the Kingdom of God with all confidence till God sent the raging Pestilence into the Town An. 1665. at which Providence he was greatly affected and while he saw many and even the Shepherds of the flock hastening their flight from the pestilence that walked in darkness and the Destruction that wasted at noon day and others smitten with the Arrows of the Almighty daily passing into eternity Such compassion he had for perishing souls and Such Zealous desire of their salvation and Such hope that the word might be more effectuall in that day of Gods sore Judgment that he sent to the Magistrates and freely offered if they would indulge him the liberty of a publick Church to stay and preach to that poor distressed people till either God should take him away by death or cause the pestilence to cease Which being denied him he entertained thoughts of removing out of Town And having sought of God a right way for himself his little ones and his substance He received Satisfaction concerning the lawfulness of removing in time of Pestilence from Isa 26. 20. Hide thy self for a little moment until the Indignation be over past and encouragement to hope that the presence of God should go with him from Gen. 28. 15. I am with thee and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest c. adding thereto Gal. 3. 7 9. where he observed that all Believers have right to the promises made to Abraham Isaac and Jacob. Accordingly Aug. 25. 1665. He removed his Family to Chattisham â—n Suffolk about 12 miles distant from Colcheâ—â—er Being now come to a place where he was a perfect stranger having no acquaintance with the neighbour-hood and considering the evil and danger of the times He had many doubts and fears within himself concerning the comfort of his abiding there but quickly received satisfaction from the holy Scriptures his dailydelight and Counsellers which he thus recorded Aug. 27. Being the first Sabbath after I came to Chattisham In the morning as I was reading in my private devotions Ezek. 37. which was the Chapter that fell out in course in my private reading I was much affected with some passages in the beginning of the Chapter From whence I observed for my instruction 1. Not to question my call to Chattisham though it should be a dry place where I should want that communion of the Saints which I had at Colchester and my wonted opportunities of doing and receiving Good Ezekiel a prophet of the Lord fitted by his gifts and call to do God Service when he was carried into a valley where there was no living creature to converse withal but dead mens bones yet he was carried thither by the hand and spirit of the Lord. ver 1. 2. God may have Special Service for us to do in those places were we judging according to sense think there can be no opportunities of â—ervice at all Who would have thought there had been any work for Ezekiel as a prophet amongst dead mens bones yet even there he had Prophesying work and composed that Prophecy which raised up the dying faith and hope of the whole House of Israel 3. When God commands us to Prophesie or to preach his word the greatest improbabilities of Success imaginable should not discourage us from our work Though we should think there is no more hopes of doing good to them to whom we preach than there is by speaking to the wind or Preaching to dead mens bones yet we should go on with our work Ezekiel at Gods command Prophesies to dry and dead bones concerning which when he was asked whether they could live he replied that he could not tell God only knew v. 3. And they have the Spirit of life breathed into them He Prophesieth to the wind and that obeyeth v. 9. 10. This Scripture
more precious and I was encouraged to go on with confidence And I determined to eye this promise for the future when I should go forth where I might probably meet with disturbance Dec. 25. 65. As I was reading in my course Luke 6. I observed from v. 11 12. from Christs practice who in those days when his Enemies were filled with madness against him and Communed one with another what they might do unto him went out into a Mountain to pray and continued all night in prayer to God I observed I say hence that it was my duty to give my self much unto prayer at such times as I had any Enemies that laid wait for me to do me hurt Within a day or two after one of the Constables came to me and told me that his fellow Constable when he had drunk somewhat liberally opened his heart to him and told him that there had been some Communication between him and one of the Deputy Lieutenants about presenting me at the Sessions and about my Meetings I thought upon that place in Luke 6. 11 12. after he was gone and went up into my Chamber to pray And as I was meditating on this matter that Scripture Deut. 33. 12. was brought to my remembrance The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by him c. I was strengthened in my adherence to this promise because God had lately made out his love to my Soul as I was pleading this promise in prayer that passage was set home He shall cover thee all the day long Whence I did hope that the Lord who had helped me hitherto would still cover me under the shadow of his wings After I had been at prayer I considered Jacobs carriage when he was in danger of suffering by his brother Esau After he had been wrestling with God in prayer and pleading the promise he betook himselfto the use of the most probable means for appeasing Esau I also used the most probable means to prevent trouble at the ensuing Sessions and it pleased God so to order things at the Sessions that I met with no trouble Blessed be God who alone maketh me to dwell in safety Jun. 22. As I was exercising in my Family in the Afternoon several of my friends being with me I had word sent me that the Mayor and Justices would come down to my house whereupon being near the end of my Exercise I quickly concluded After I had done and dismissed the people one of the Constables came to me and told me he was sent to dissolve my Meeting but had a trembling upon him when he spake to me He added that he blessed God that had given him an heart to come some times himself and his Wife to my Meetings so that instead of doing me any hurt he gave glory to God that inclined him to come to hear me In Octob. 1670. I was presented in the Ecclesiastical Court for Preaching But God stood by me and encouraged me with that word Ps 103. 31. And though my Adversaries proceeded so far as to get out an Excommunication against me yet the Lord raised up deliverance for me that the Court took off my Excommunication without appearing before them or paying any Fees Yea so far was he from declining the exercise of his Ministry for fear of suffering that when he had been persuaded thereto by the importunity of friends he was much dissatisfied concerning which thus he records I promised Mr. B. to Preach at White Colne on Octob. 23. accordingly on Saturday I was prepared to go H. P. came in and told us that the Soldiers had seized Mr. B. and imprisoned him and that it would not be safe for me to go at that season all my friends and Relations dissuaded me but notwithstanding my mind stood to go But being importuned to stay and having been very lately sought after by name by the Soldiers in those parts and weighing the Providence in sending H. P. to my house with this Intelligence as I was about to take Horse I determined to cast my self on my Brother Cole's determination who was then at my house and he determining that I should not go I stayed at home But that night and the next day I was under much despondency of Spirit for missing such an opportunity of Service yet God was gracious to me and revived me It was some stay to my mind what I read Mat. 16. 20. Where I observed that the divulging of the most necessary truths was at some seasons and in some places prohibited by Jesus Christ I was further satisfied from Act. 16. 6 7. whence I observed that the frustrating of our Attempts and designs to Preach the Gospel to particular places that we purposed to go to did sometimes arise from the Holy Ghost And from Psal 52. 9. I had a damp upon my Spirit and was hindred from praising God for my deliverance from my Enemies hands because I had missed an opportunity of Service But this Scripture convinced me that I ought to praise God for this Providence though attended with some afflicting Circumstances By these Scriptures and Prayer I obtained satisfaction and the Lord Answered my desire and fully quieted my mind Once a very zealous and active Prosecutor of the Non-conformists obtained a Warrant against him upon the Oxford Act directed to all the Chief Constables and petty-Constables in the County to apprehend him Accordingly an Officer a stranger came to Execute it and when he was nigh the house he espied two persons whom by their habit he judged to be Ministers walking in a field the one was Mr. Stockton the other Mr. Senior of Hackney whom God hath also lately taken away He hasteneth to them and told them he had a Warrant against one of them but he knew neither Mr. Senior asked which of them He Answered Mr. Stockton Let me see your Warrant said Mr. Senior he shewed it him verily concluding from thence that he was the man Some Little Girls were there walking with them who did industriously cling to Mr. Senior as if he had been their Father which further confirmed him in his Error While Mr. Senior read the Warrant and the Officer was intent upon him Mr. Stockton walked aside and when Mr. Senior saw him beyond his reach he convinced the Officer of his Error who thereby was disappointed of his prey Being thus secured by the Providence of God through Faith and Prayer from the danger of Adversaries he thankfully acknowledged the whole glory thereof to God thus In reading 2 Chron. 20. 30. The Realm of Jehoshaphat was quiet for his God gave him rest round about God caused me to take notice that my living in rest and quietness being free from the molestation of my Enemies was the gift of God and came to pass by his Providence not from the privacy of the place where I lived or from the peaceable disposition of my Neighbours I was also instructed what I should return unto the Lord for keeping me from the
witness to him The Widow the Fatherless the Stranger the Sick the Sufferers have all been refreshed from his compassions Though he offered to Preach freely at St James's Church in Colchester on Lords day Mornings as hath been before mentioned not desiring or expecting any reward yet the civility of the people did gratifie him for his pains The greatest part of which I am assured from an hand privy to it he distributed to charitable uses And this I read under his own hand Nov. 1. 1665. I made a Vow to God to give him the tenth of all that he should give unto me the ensuing year That which occasioned me to vow this Vow was the reading Gen. 28. which fell out that morning in my ordinary course where I observed that most of those blessings which Jacob mentions as his inducement to his Vow God had given me He had vouchsafed me his presence he had graciously preserved and kept me from my Enemies and the noysome pestilence he had given me bread and Raiment I added Pro. 3. 9. Honour the Lord with thy Substance and with the first fruits of all thine encrease I Considered also that what I gave to God should be fruit abounding to my account Phil. 4. 17. Math. 25. 34 35 36. I considered which way I should give it to God and I saw from Prov. 19. 17. that what was given to the poor was given to God Especially what was given to the poor Saints and members of Christ Math. 25. 35 40. And as to the Suffering Ministers of Christ I determined to bestow part of what I had dedicated to God on them and that though they were not brought to such extremities as not to know how to Subsist I was moved thereunto by Phil. 4. 10 11 14 18. The Apostle Paul was not in such want but that he knew how to live comfortably and contentedly yet he saith the Philippians did well in Communicating with his afflictions and tells them that their Charity towards him was an odour of a sweet smell a Sacrifice acceptable and well pleasing to God Towards the Church of God in General his indefatigable Labours in Preaching and Writing his frequent Fastings and Humiliations his fervent and wrestling Prayers for the peace of Jerusalem his affectionate sympathizing with her in her Sufferings are the undeniable Testimonies of his Love His own Liberality and stirring up of others thereunto for the Education of such poor Schollars as were hopeful for the work of the Ministry is the effect of the same Principle To which must be added his Last-will and Testament wherein out of pure zeal and Love to the Service and Enlargement of the Church he hath bequeathed the greatest part of his well furnished Library even the choicest and most valuable of his Books to Gonvile and Caius Colledge in Cambridge with five Hundred pounds to be laid out by his Executrix in purchasing a Free-hold Estate or Impropriation to be setled upon the said Colledge for the maintenance of a Schollar and Fellow there successively for ever Providing that such only be Elected thereto as are poor or Orphans or the Sons of poor Ministers of the best and most hopeful parts obliging them to the Study of Divinity and the Ministerial work taking special care that such be well grounded and established in the Orthodox Faith the true Reformed Protestant Religion and in case any such Elected shall become corrupt in Doctrine or Scandalous in life then after due admonition and Non-Reformation his place to be declared void and another to be chosen in his stead and none to enjoy it longer than twelve years Besides which he hath also bequeathed in Case his only Daughter shall die before she shall accomplish the Age of one and twenty years Twenty pounds per Annum to be setled upon the Colledge in New England for the Education of a Converted Indian or any other that will learn the Indian Language to be a Minister and go to Preach the Gospel to the poor Indians Nor was this the first expression of his pious regard to that remote part of the world for when he heard of that wasting Fire that laid so great a part of Boston in N. E. in Ashes he sent thither freely to be distributed among the Sufferers a considerable quantity of his Books Entituled Counsel to the Afflicted which he had wrote upon the occasion of the Burning of London Beyond which he hath also given Twenty five pound to Charitable uses Which bequests he hath made yet with all due respect to his Family not in the least declining from the kindness of an Husband or the tenderness of a Father so ordering his Charity to others as withal securing to his Widow and Fatherless Child not only a necessary and Competent but even a liberal and plentiful Subsistence reserving to them the Rent of what he hath bequeathed to the Colledge during their Natural lives Hitherto the Reader hath had an account of this Eminent Saint given him for the most part from those Acts and Exercises of his life by which he was visible to the discerning and judicious eyes of those that knew him We shall now proceed to give a further account of those his own observations and experiences of himself through which we may look into the very frame and temper the thoughts and affections of his heart some of which he hath thus recorded His Observations and Experiences Jan. 10. 1653. In reading of Calvins Institutions I met with that place in Isa 44. 3. Upon the reading whereof having been the the night before under Conviction of the emptiness and barrenness of my Soul and some despondency of Spirit thereupon I conceived some hope and found my Soul lifted up towards God to wait for and expect the shedding abroad of his Spirit in my Soul seeing he had said he would pour it out upon the dry ground but alas the lively sense of this was but momentany it was soon gone and my old deadness of heart returned upon me Hence I observe that it is of singular use both for the Establishment of true and discerning of false Comforts to see upon what grounds our Souls take in and upon what grounds they let go their Comforts The letting go of our Comforts oftimes proceed from our letting go of the promises When Satan can prevail to beat us off from the promise he will quickly rob us of our Comfort I find that at several times I have been kept under doubts and fears and jealousies and yet have had no Scripture grounds for them so that I perceive they proceedeâ— from Satan darkning my heart and keeping me in unbelief and trouble of Spirit Feb. 16. My Soul being dejected because after long wâ—iting upon God for the fulfilling of his Covenant in giving his Spirit and carrying on the work of Faith and Sanctification with power it had found no sensible in-comes when I was reading the Scripture according to my usual Custom the Lord did rebuke the despondency of
what great need I have and that it is of singular use to watch over my Soul in all its ways both in reference to sin that I fall not into it and when fallen what the Carriage and Actings of my Soul are at such a time Whether I flee for relief to God in Christ or to my own works And in reference to my duties to take heed lest those means which God hath appointed to be the conveyances of himself his Son and Spirit and all Spiritual blessings should prove to me a mean of Death and Separation from God by my formal use of them and resting in them For as Satan keeps some alienated from God by the gross pollutions of the world So others from Christ by their Establishing a Righteousness of their own O Lord break thou this snare for me and let my Soul escape as a bird from the Net that I may flee to thee and be at rest I have observed in my self that when God at any time is pleased to work any thing in my Soul I soon lose it if he quicken me I soon grow dead hearted again if he enliven my affections they soon grow cold and flat and my old hardness returns upon me Hence I come to see that it is infinite Wisdom and Goodness in God that he hath not put the stock of grace into our own hands but hath treasured it up in Christ that our life is now hid with Christ in God for so it becomes sure Rom. 4. 16. hereby also I come to see that I have need of continual recourse to Jesus Christ for new supplies of grace and strength The Lord God in his wisdom was pleased when he delivered his people out of Egypt before he brought them to Canaan to lead them 40 years in the wilderness when as he could have led them a nearer way to Canaan Exod. 13. 17. He chose rather to lead them through the great and terrible Wilderness Jer. 2. 6. where were fiery Serpents and Scorpions and drought where there was no water where he brought them forth water out of the Rock of Flint and fed them with Manna for this end that he might humble them prove them and do them good in the latter end Deut. 8. 15 16. Doest thou find it so O my Soul in thy travail towards the Heavenly Canaan Doest thou walk through much Spiritual drought a land of deserts and of the shadow of death Dost meet with a flinty heart and fiery temptations Know that the Lord doth this to humble thee which through his grace thou hast sometimes found and to prove thee i. e to discover thee to thy self for he himself knows thy thoughts afar off and this way of God through grace hath been a means of discovering much of thy corrupt heart to thee and that he may doe thee good in the latter end Therefore take heed O my Soul of Israel's sins of murmuring against God under thy wants of unbeleif and tempting God c. Read oft and weight well the 78th Psalm May 6. being Sabbath day The Lord was pleased in the hearing of his word to convince me of my sin and lost condition But Lord How unfaithful was I then and have I been since to the Convictions of thy Spirit How soon have I healed up the wound that was given by the word How soon hath an hard heart a secure careless Spirit taken possession of me Lord If ever thy word be effectual in me thou must not only speak it to my heart but write and engraff it there also Henceforth I desire to wait on thee as for the teachings of thy Spirit so for the writing of thy Law in my heart by thy Spirit I found a lothness in my Spirit to go to here this Sermon whereby I perceive Satan would have hindred me Be encouraged hence O my Soul to break through all difficulties thou meetest with in doing thy duty When thou findest any secret unwillingness to ordinances or duties then stir up thy self to wait upon God expecting that he hath some special mercy for thee which Satan would hinder thee off Jun. 1. This day the Lord did in the hearing of his word revive some convictions which have formerly been upon my Spirit though in a very languid manner I stood convinced before the Lord of unbelief and that I was a lost creature because thereof from the words of our Saviour Joh. 3. 18. He that believeth not is Condemned already Conscience tells me that I am yet in unbelief that I want that faith which is accompanied with the new birth Joh. 1. 12 13. that faith which should purge me from Atheism formality and resting in duties from hypocrisie and deadness from unclean affections and inordinate Love of the world from a vain mind and a light Spirit that faith which should purifie my heart from these and the like evils Act. 15. 9. that faith which should make Christ a greater Reality and more precious to me than any thing in the world 1 Pet. 2. 7. that faith which brings peace with God and joy in the Holy Ghost unspeakable and full of Glory Rom. 5. 1. 1 Pet. 1. 8. I find I have had a dead faith Jam. 2. 17 20. and presumed upon Gods Mercy in Christ although I have been estranged from God in my heart and Nature my Resting in duties and trusting in my own Righteousness as far as I can see hath been the deceit of my heart Lord lay this conviction upon my Conscience for I find my heart would put it off yea it hath already desperately hardned it self against thee I fear I shall out-grow this Conviction of thy word as at other times I feel a careless Spirit that would make light of Eternity and of Jesus Christ Lord break my heart under thy word for my unbelief and neglect of Christ Let me not heal my self but wait till thou shalt heal me Thou didst help the unbelief of thy Servant Thomas Oh that thou wouldest help mine also The Lord hath shewn me that I am dead in sin not only from the testimony of his word Eph. 2. 1. Col. 2. 13. but by inward experience For I feel my self alienated from the life of God cut off from communion with the Lord Jesus separate from God and his blessed Spirit My deceitful heart hath often gone about to repel this conviction and hath caused me sometimes to mistake a life of morality for Spiritual life and at other times a life of formality But now I find the Scripture speaks of dead works and calls for repentance from them Heb. 6. 1. and purging our consciences from them Heb. 9. 14. By dead works I understand not only the gross pollutions of the World but all works whatever that are done by a man void of the quickning Spirit of God Without Union to Christ there is no Spiritual life for as the natural life results from the Union of the Soul with the body and the State of death is nothing but the
deafness to his voice 2. To put us upon more earnest seeking of him 3. To exercise and try our graces God proportions mercies according to his delays they are the greater when given in Sarah tarried long for a Son and then had an Isaac So did Hanna but then had a Samuel So Elizabeth but then had a John my heart rejoyced at this hoping that God would give an high degree of brokenness of heart in his own due time though at present my heart were hard And I remembred how hard Mr. Bradfords heart was once as to his own sense and how eminent he was afterward for tenderness as M. Fox Relates God was very good this day But Oh! how vile and sinful was I I felt a very proud vain-glorious heart both in hearing and after Sermon was done But the Lord chastised me for it For at night when I Preached in the Chappel the Lord forsook me I found no assistance of his Spirit either in Prayer or Preaching but was much confounded in both having little or no sense of the things I spake of or prayed for We read of Naaman 2 King 5. 11. that he expected a Miraculous way of cure I thought said he he will surely come out and stand and call on the Name of the Lord his God and strike his hand over the place and recover the Leper So have I found my self apt to expect that the Spirit of God should mortifie and subdue sin in me without my striving against it But I have learned it is the will of God that I should strive against sin as well as pray and wait for his Spirit Gods working in us to will and to do excludes not our endeavouring Phil. 2. 12 13. Having promises let us cleanse our selves 2 Cor. 7. 1. Octob. 17. I was immoderate in the use of the Creatures and though checked and reproved from within yet I persisted At night when I walked in my Chamber considering what I had done I was sad and said to God Lord I have Rebelled against thee I had no sooner said it in my heart but immediately that word was brought to me Dan. 9. 9. To the Lord our God belong mercies and forgivenesses he will forgive again and again though we have Rebelled against him O the wonderful goodness of God! be amazed O my Soul at this Love Now I saw the promise Isa 65. 24. before they call I will answer and whilst they are yet speaking I will hear made good to me In the evening on my Bed considering on this Love of God whence it should come to pass that the Lord should deal thus graciously with me it was answered me from Mic. 7. 18. He passeth by the transgression of the remnant of his heritage because he delighteth in mercy Next morning at my first awaking the Spirit of God brought that Scripture into my thoughts Ps 65. 3. Iniquities prevail against me as for our trangressions thou shalt purge them away It came to me with some life and power and was very sutable to my Condition Oh the Goodness of God! the Riches of his Grace that he should so soon come into my relief and raise my Soul by his promise this is mercy never to be forgotten Sept. 28. In meditation I found the Lord drawing forth my heart to close with Christ I was convinced that God was willing to bestow his Son upon me because he did not only invite me Isa 55. 1. and Command me 1 Joh. 3. 23. but even beseech and entreat me to receive Christ 2 Cor. 5. 20. I was further convinced of Gods real intention and willingness to give me his Son from his patient waiting and long-suffering in expecting my return even after much deafness to the voice of his Spirit and dallying with his Grace he still offers his Son to me yea he presseth in upon me with the renewing of good motions and affections which I have quenched Now whence is all this but from the Love and mercy of God that he should be thus willing to have me take his Son Now who am I that I should withstand God Why should I forsake my own Mercies Lord thou hast shewn me that my former revoltings shall not hinder this thy mercy if I will acknowledge my sin renounce my self return unto thee and embrace thy Son Jer. 3. 12 13. O Lord I thankfully accept thy offer of Grace I come unto thee Oh give me thy Son behold I give thee my self Let me be Espoused to the Lord Jesus I am willing through grace to take up my Cross to deny my self and to follow thee Nov. 1. Having set apart that day to seek the Lord and to humble my Soul before him I could not get my heart to be afflicted and mourn under sin but found much lightness in Prayer the Lord hid his face and did not come in to my poor Soul with his quickning presence So that I lay in a poor desolate forsaken condition under much confusion yet in the evening a little before going to bed seeking the Lord again I was revived in reading Psal 40. especially v. 17. I am poor and needy yet the Lord thinketh upon me c. and next morning in reading Psal 9. 10. 18. Thou Lord hast not forsaken them that seek thee The needy shall not alway be forgotten the expectation of the poor shall not perish for ever I was thereby encouraged still to wait and hope O Lord I have sought thee withhold not thou thy tender Mercies from me How long wilt thou hide thy face from me O when wilt thou come unto me Make hast to help me O my God I am poor and needy O let me not be forgotten for ever let not my expectation perish for ever and now O Lord what is my expectation It is even this the giving in of mercy and grace through the Lord Jesus pardoning mercy and renewing grace It is the pouring out of thy Spirit the taking away the heart of Stone and giving an heart of flesh it is an heart to know thee to fear thee to love thee and obey thee c. Dec. 6. Being in trouble and distress of Spirit because the Lord hid his face and withdrew himself from me I went in the poverty of my Spirit to Trinity Lecture and with some expectation to meet with God in his own Ordinance The Lord was gracious to me and spake Comfort to me from his Word I see it is good to wait upon God though he send the Rich empty away yet he filleth the hungry with good things My Soul was glad and rejoyced for a season But going into the Country the same day among friends and variety of worldly Affairs I lost something of the savour and relish which the good Word of God left upon me And I found palpably my Soul resting in those Comforts which I had received and growing secure and careless from whence the Lord gave me this Instruction That I am a poor silly wretch knowing neither how