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A23632
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A narrative of God's gracious dealings with that choice Christian Mrs. Hannah Allen (afterwards married to Mr. Hatt,) reciting the great advantages the devil made of her deep melancholy, and the triumphant victories, rich and sovereign graces, God gave her over all his stratagems and devices.
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Allen, Hannah.
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1683
(1683)
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Wing A1025; ESTC R41221
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20,554
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91
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when she began to speak with me of such things I would generally fling away in a great fume and say Will you not let me alone yet methinks you might let me have a little quiet while I am out of Hell this was almost my daily practice while I was with my Aunt I was usually very nimble in my Answers and peevishly pettinacious to please my own cross humour My Aunt told me she believed God would not have exercised me so with Afflictions from my Child-hood if he intended to reject me at last I answer'd Do you not remember what Mr. Calamy used to say That unsanctified Afflictions par-boyle the Soul for hell Oh said I that I had gone to hell as soon as I had been born seeing I was born to be damned and then I had not had so many sins to have answer'd for then I should not have lived to be a Terrour to my self and all that know me and my Torments in Hell would have been far less When my Grandmother had told me of the depths of the Mercy of God in Christ I would answer with indignation What do you tell me of a Christ it had been better for me if there had never been a Saviour then I should have gone to Hell at a Cheaper Rate Towards Winter I grew to Eat very little much less than I did before so that I was exceeding Lean and at last nothing but Skin and Bones a Neighbouring Gentlewoman a very discreet Person that had a great desire to see me came in at the back-door of the House unawares and found me in the Kitchen who after she had seen me said to Mrs. Wilson She cannot live she hath death in her face I would say still that every bit I did Eat hastned my Ruin and that I had it with a dreadful Curse and what I Eat encreased the Fire within me which would at last burn me up and I would now willingly live out of Hell as long as I could Thus sadly I passed that Winter and towards Spring I began to Eat a little better This Spring in April 1666. my good Friends Mr. Shorthose and his Wife whose Company formerly I much delighted in came over and when I heard they were come and were at their Brothers house half a mile off and would come thither the Fryday after Ah says I that I dreaded I cannot endure to see him nor hear his voice I have told him so many dreadful Lyes meaning what I had formerly told him of my experiences and as I thought infallible evidences of the Love of God towards me and now believed my self to be the vilest Creature upon Earth I cannot see his face and wept tenderly wherewith my Aunt was much affected and promised that when he came he should not see me I would have seen neither of them but especially my He-Cousin On the Fryday soon after they came in they asked for me but my Aunt put them off till after Dinner and then told them she had engaged her word they should not see me and that if she once broke her promise with me I would not believe her hereafter with such persuasions she kept them from seeing me but not satisfied them for that Night Mr. Shorthose was much troubled and told his Wife if he had thought they must not have seen me he would scarce have gone to Snelstone the next day they Supped at Mr. Robert Archer's House Mrs. Wilson's Brother that then lived in the same Town where my Aunt Supped with them at the Table something was said of their not seeing Mrs. Allen but after Supper Mr. Shorthose and his Wife stole away from the Company to Mrs. Wilsons where they came in at the back-side of the House suddenly into the Kitchen where I was but assoon as I saw them I cryed out in a violent manner several times Ah Aunt Wilson hast thou serv'd me so and ran into the Chimney and took up the Tongs No said they Your Aunt knows not of our coming What do you do here said I We have something to say to you said they but I have nothing to say to you said I Mr. Shorthose took me by the hand and said Come come lay down those Tongs and go with us into the Parlour which I did and there they discoursed with me till they had brought me to so calm and friendly a temper that when they went I accompanied them to the door and said Methinks I am loth to part with them Mr. Shorthose having so good encouragement came the next day again being Sabbath day after Dinner and prevailed with me to walk with him into an Arbour in the Orchard where he had much discourse with me and amongst the rest he entreated me to go home with him which after long persuasions both from him and my Aunt I consented to upon this condition that he promised me he would not compell me to any thing of the Worship of God but what he could do by persuasion and that week I went with them where I spent that Summer in which time it pleased God by Mr. Shorthose's means to do me much good both in Soul and Body he had some skill in Physick himself and also consulted with Physicians about me he kept me to a course of Physick most part of the Summer except when the great heat of the Weather prevented I began much to leave my dreadful expressions concerning my condition and was present with them at duty and at last they prevailed with me to go with them to the publick Ordinance and to walk with them to visit Friends and was much alter'd for the better A Fortnight after Michaelmas my Aunt fetch'd me home again to Snelston where I passed that Winter much better than formerly and was pretty conformable and orderly in the Family and the next Summer was much after the same manner but grew still something better and the next Winter likewise still mending though but slowly till the Spring began and then I changed much from my retiredness and delighted to walk with Friends abroad And this Spring it pleased God to provide a very suitable Match for me one Mr. Charles Hatt a Widdower living in Warwickshire with whom I live very comfortably both as to my inward and outward man my husband being one that truly fears God As my Melancholy came by degrees so it wore off by degrees and as my dark Melancholy bodily distempers abated so did my spiritual Maladies also and God convinced me by degrees that all this was from Satan his delusions and temptations working in those dark and black humors and not from my self and this God cleared up to me more and more and accordingly my love to and delight in Religion increased and it is my desire that lest this great Affliction should be a stumbling-block to any it may be known seeing my Case is publish'd that I evidently perceive that God did it in much mercy and faithfulness to my Soul and though for the present it was a bitter Cup yet that it was but what the only wise God saw I had need of according to that place 1 Pet. i. 6. Tho' now for a season if need be ye are in heaviness through manifold Temptations Which Scripture did much comfort me under my former Afflictions in my first Husbands days These Promises which are here set down were great supports and refreshments to me in the time of my various Temptations and Afflictions all along till I fell into deep despair for from my Child-hood God Exercised me with manifold Trials Isaiah xliii 1 2. BVT now thus saith the Lord that Created thee O Jacob and he that formed thee O Israel fear not for I have redeemed thee I have called thee by thy Name thou art mine Vers 2. When thou passest through the Waters I will be with thee and through the Rivers James v. 11. Behold we count them happy which Endure ye have heard of the Patience of Job and have seen the End of the Lord that the Lord is very pitiful and of tender mercy 1 John iv 4. Ye are of God little Children and have overcome them because greater is he that is in you than he that is in the World THE END
the Devil hath so deceiv'd me as never any one was deceived he made me believe my condition was good when I was a cursed Hypocrite One night I said there was a great clap of Thunder like the shot of a Piece of Ordnance came down directly over my Bed and that the same night a while after I heard like the voice of two Young Men singing in the Yard over against my Chamber which I said were Devils in the likeness of Men singing for joy that they had overcome me and in the morning as I was going to rise that Scripture in the 10th of Heb. and the last words of the 26th Verse was suggested to me from Heaven as I thought There remains no more Sacrifice for sin And this delusion remained with me as an Oracle all along that by this miracle of the Thunder and the Voice and the Scripture God revealed to me that I was Damned When my Aunt asked me Do you think God would work a Miracle to convince you that you are rejected it is contrary to the manner of God's proceedings we do not read of such a thing in all the Scripture My Answer was Therefore my condition is unparalell'd there was never such an one since God made any Creature either Angels or Men nor never will be to the end of the world One night as I was sitting by the fire all of a sudden I said I should dye presently whereupon my Aunt was called to whom I said Aunt I am just dying I cannot live an hour if there were no more in the world in this opinion I continued a great while every morning saying I should dye before night and every night before morning when I was thus in my dying condition I often begged earnestly of my Aunt to bring up my Child strictly that if it were possible he might be saved though he had such a Mother Many places of Scripture I would repeat with much terrour applying them to my self as Jer. vi 29 30. The bellows are burnt the lead is consumed of the fire the Founder melteth in vain Reprobate silver shall men call them because the Lord hath rejected them Ezek. xxiv 13. In thy filthiness is lewdness because I have purged thee and thou wast not purged thou shalt not be purged from thy filthiness any more till I have caused my fury to rest upon thee Luke xiii 24. Strive to enter in at the strait gate for many I say unto you will seek to enter in and shall not be able This last Scripture I would express with much passionate weeping saying This is a dreadful Scripture I sought but not in a right way for the Devil blinded mine eyes I sought to enter but was not able When both my inward and outward distempers grew to such a height my Aunt acquainted my Friends at London with my condition for at London I had formerly had four loving Uncles my Father's brethren two whereof were then living and a Brother of my own that was set up in his Trade These advised to send me up to London there being the best means both for Soul and Body in order to which Mrs. Wilson sent to intreat my Mother to accompany me to London for at that time she could not leave her Family so long who accordingly came but she found it a hard work to perswade me to this Journey for I said I should not live to get to the Coach but I must go and dye by the way to please my friends I went up in the Tamworth Coach so that it was Twenty two Miles thither Tuesday was the day we set forwards on and on that day in particular the Devil had suggested to me the Friday before that I must dye and be with him and this the more confirmed me in my fear My Aunt went with me that days journey which was first to Tamworth on Horse-back and from thence Nine Miles farther in the Coach to Nun-Eton which was a long journey for one so weak and ill as I was My Aunt complaining of weariness Ah said I but what must I do that must have no rest to all eternity The next morning I would fain have returned back with my Aunt but there we parted and I went forward with my Mother and a very sad Journey my Mother had with me for every Morning she had no small trouble to perswade me to rise to go on my Journey I would earnestly argue against it and say I shall surely dye by the way and had I not better dye in bed Mother do you think people will like to have a dead Corps in the Coach with them but still at last my Mother with much patience and importunity prevailed with me As I passed along the way if I saw a Church as soon as I cast mine eyes upon it it was presently suggested to me that 's a Hell-house with a kind of indignation and this I thought was from my self and therefore never spoke of it till after my recovery for I thought if it had been known how vile I was I must have been put to some horrible death When I saw any black Clouds gather or the Wind rise as we went along I presently concluded that some dreadful thing would fall out to shew what an One I was When I came to London I went to my Brother's House in Swithens-lane where my Mother staid with me about three Weeks or a Month in which time I took much Physick of one Mr. Cocket a Chymist that lived over the way but still I was as I thought always dying and I yet wearying my Mother with such fancies and stories One Evening my Mother said to me Well if you will believe you shall be saved if you dye not this night I will believe all that you say to be true if you do dye this night to this she agreed and in the night about one a Clock as we thought the Maid being newly gone out of the Chamber to Bed but left a Watch-light burning we both heard like the hand of a Gyant knock four times together on the Chamber door which made a great noise the Door being Wainscot then said I You see Mother though I dyed not to night the Devil came to let you know that I am damn'd my Mother answered but you see he had no power to come into the Chamber Soon after this my Mother returned home into the Countrey and left me in my Brother's house who was a young Man unmarried and had only a Man and a Maid and he much abroad himself about his occasions and now my opinion of Dying suddenly began to leave me therefore I concluded that God would not suffer me to dye a natural death but that I should commit some fearful abomination and so be put to some horrible death One day my Brother going along with me to Doctor Pridgeon as we came back I saw a company of Men with Halberds Look Brother said I you will see such as these one of these days