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A34736 The counters discourse, with it's varlets discovery being a merry dialogue betwixt three cunning rookes, viz. Tenterhooke the serjeant, Catchall the yeomen, and Spy all their setter. 1641 (1641) Wing C6524; ESTC R15947 6,389 13

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is an usuall trade with us first to arrest a man and then enter the action a little antidated that our knavery may be concealed Catchall Tush that is as usuall as it is for young wenches first to adventure a great belly and when they are sped then to procure a Licence but how we squeeze him in the interim he might have sitten as easily bare buttockt upon thornes all the while as to have stayed there amongst us if we give him liberty to send Letters to any of his friends Spiall or he that we send knowes how to protract time or goe about other businesse or to say they were not at home or else he would goe againe anon to their houses and all this the poore gull takes for great curtesies from us when it is nothing lesse for we doe it either to have the longer time to feast our selves in or else to gaine monies of him for keeping him as we say for going to the Counter or to put him into the greater feares while we sit and laugh at him Tenterhooke This is all as true as Gospel but my nimble villaines there is more you know in it than all this you know a priviledge that I have beyond all this for if I smell that he is well lined with gold no Chymist hath more dexterity to extract sophisticate gold from other Minerals than I have to scrue mettall out of his feathered pockets I have a tricke under the vizzard of extraordinary curtesie and favour to drill this Bussard home to my rooste where I finde lodging at ten shillings a night and dyet with a shoulder of Mutton and a Capon at thirty shillings with the sauce Vintners reckonings are often paid with brawling and quarrelling but I have all paid me with hearty thankes and a prayer to boote to be good unto him if in case I see he will be fetched off I am sure one or two daies to keep out of sight of purpose that his friends may spend the freer and his score run the higher besides when I do come in I make as though I was sorry for the Gentlemans trouble when as it is a thousand to one but I have been entring some other new action against him or else informed some of his other Creditors to doe it while he is in Limbo and then he and his friends will pay any thing to quit him of my house when alas poore bird I have agreed with another of my brethren to take him in againe as soone as I am discharged beside all this I have a devise to goe to his Creditors to desire them not to be seen in the businesse as yet telling them also that if they keep off and not cloze too soon with him they may have their full debt and charges when as all this while I doe worke only to spin out my prisoner to the highest straine as Nuns doe fine Lawne so that you Varlets ye see how I like a cruel devill torment this poore soule Is not this a brave trade my nimble dexterous slaves how often have I at the upshot got good fees for you also Spiall And doe you think great Commander that all comes into your purse No I le warrant you for if once I have found out but a debtors lodging he shall not want for visits for once or twice a weeke I come and salute him where I am sure to be well fee'd with an Angell at least for concealment of him from your clutches besides good Sack and Clarret and oftentimes good victuals too for most men love liberty and they will try all conclusions before that of a Gaole when once they are there they give themselves lost men and are as sure bound as Gally-slaves bee to their Oares Catchall I protest I hold the City like a racket Court and debtors to be like Balls Spiall throwes them into our hands and we bandy them from one hazzard to the other most commonly under line so that all that come in are either tost and lost or else broken and spoiled with our violent usage we are like the gamesters make sport at their misery there are as few debtors come sound off from our hands as there doe found wenches from old bawdy-houses or good horses from an old horse-coursers stable or full dishes of meat from a dinner amongst old Soldiers in a beleaguerd towne A Mildew rots not more sheep then wee consume mens estates what Caterpillars are to fruit that are we to prodigals Tenterhooke We may I hope speak merrily amongst our selves old Rogues I hold the City like a Wilderness and we be the beasts of prey if Usurers be Tigers and Attornies be Leopards Clarkes and Sollicitors be Foxes and Badgers your Informers and Promoters Whelps and Beagles your Justices Clarkes as Cats and if Brokers bee Wolves and Beares yet it is the strong number of Serjeants Yeomen and Setters that be the Lions and Mastives if it were not for us you should see Guildhall as empty of complainers as Westminster Hall is in a long Vacation or a dangerous pest-time we finde all those work therefore all the rest are in fee with us what quick returne have we foure dayes in a weeke at Guild-hall and it would seeme strange if we should not be well f●d as long as the Sheriffes keepe open house I tell you Magpies cannot feed better in a full Cherry Garden then we doe there Spy-all There 's no feare of our thriving as long as men can borrow money and forfeit their day of payment I have Tenterhooke a list of mad shavers that will fall into your hands ere long but all the mischiefe is they live in fortified places such as are Milford-lane Ramme-Alley Chancery-lane Grayes-Inne-lane Charter-house Great Saint Bartholomewes the little Minories Saint Catherines Liberty and the Tower freedome if you dare make your approaches upon these Bulwarkes and enter a strong battery you may be sure of prizes enough Tenterhooke Poxe take you doe you jeere us the name of those Garrisons how it startles me I once had an enterprize upon one of those forts and though the enemy had no intelligence a long time nay I had possession of my Captive but suddenly the alarme was taken or all the women were as ready as they be in the Iles of I●rnsey and Garnsey or in the I le of Wight upon the discovery of a French or Spanish Navie and fought most desperately so that I was forc'd to foregoe my purchase and glad I came off with life you shall assoone perswade a theefe to goe up Holborne Hill and hang himselfe at Tyburne as to get mee against any of those Citadels againe Catch-all Let me have one passage with you amongst the rest I had a large fee once given me when I was Yeoman to Serjeant Snap-all to adventure upon that narrow Sconce called Ram-Alley We had our prize that we went for but before we could get off we were invironed by the enemies forces that lay in Ambuscado