with a smoothe Anus couÌ„tenaÌ„ce as if he had bin a prologue to a play with a wink simper thus begins Fair Lady manie fair dayes to the looks of your fair eies sir as manie quiet nights to your troubled brains to bring your wits in teÌ„per I read qd he in the rule of affection beauty is loues obiect loue beauties subiect but qd she where simplicity vnderstaÌ„ds not the proiect the subtilty may be an abiect qd he where reason caries affection it fauours discretion but qd she wher wit waÌ„ts iudgmeÌ„t wil goes to repeÌ„taÌ„ce for vnderstaÌ„ding I but qd he wher wits wilful reasoÌ„ waÌ„ts in iudgmeÌ„t qd she reason without discresion leads vvit out course why Mistrisse quoth he can reason be without discretion I haue heard so quoth she of a scholer in Philosophy where in searching the secretes of Nature may be the ouerthrow of reason which only proceeds from want of discretion oh but Mistrisse extreamities exceed the rule of reason and therefore he is a simple Scholar that will loose himselfe in finding nothing and yet quoth she he that seeks too far may loose himselfe ere he be aware yea but quoth she he that gaines more then himselfe in loosing but himselfe may thinke well of his profit what euer be his paines yea but quoth she if desire be fed with vaine hope when the gayne is but losse what is the issue of such a profite Sorrowe quoth he to Reason but patience to discretion alas quoth she all one sence set down in two words where the griefe of patience is the sorrow of reason why but Mistrisse quoth he what is the helpe I know not quoth she better then this I thinke you were better keepe siluer in your purse then spend it in making of golde Indeede quoth he you say wel there be so many All-missers that Alcumistry is out of credite and yet it is so pleasing a studie as sets many good wits a worke yea but then quoth she if wise men wil be madde who can helpe their disease indeed you say true and I think that Loue and Alcumistrie are alike for when reason affecteâ—h beauty and wit honoreth vertue yet shall fortune giue a blow that shall breake the necke of both theyr trauailers He then quoth she that is wise wil shunn it and a cowarde naturallye will feare it but I hope you haue wit enough to auoide it well Mistrisse quoth he though I scare not the worst yet since I can not hope the best you shall see I will not grow mad in the studie of feminine Philosophie howsoeuer I follow the masculine rules of reason You do well qnoth shee for if in the study of the feminine Philosophy the rules of reasoÌ„ mistakeÌ„ make the masculinewit proue folly it wil proue a very pittifull peece of learning but since you are com to your Grammer rules and I an ill Sholer in an Accidens I pray you pardon my simplicitie if my partes of speech be imperfect with that the quick witted wench that stood by and gaue audience to their eloquence as the Scholer was about to frame his answer brake it off with these words com on Cosen let vs go to cards leaue your Pro Contra Master Scholer you must haue a wife from schoole if you will win her by learning Indeed forsooth quoth he Panpudding is a good dish for a grosse stomack O sir quoth she I hope it wil doe well for a scholers commoÌ„s how now Cosen quoth my Mistris you are euer crossing my friendes in trueth I loue learning with my heart though not to read in a booke that I like not truly Mistris quoth hee I woulde I had a book to your liking in deed quoth she so would not I for I had rather be beholding to you for nothing then be indebted for a trifle but quoth she if you pleas let vs go to som other sports for it maie be we haue wearied som of the companie with too much idle talke I hope not but what shal please you and them I shal bee contented with and if I maie be admitted I wil be readie to make one com on quoth mistris Madcap let vs goe to griefes and ioies let vs sit round which soon agreed vpon we sate round and thus fell to our businesse First began my quick wit with these words what a griefe it is for a good witte to want mony the next followed what a ioy is it to be content with a little then the next what a grief it is to be wronged and cannot helpe it the fourth what a ioye it is to see the ruine of oppressioÌ„ an other what grief doth grow by the death of a frind an other what ioy doth come by the death of an Enemy then comes it to the Scholer what grief doth growe by the pride of beauty then to my mistris what ioie doth grow in the preuenting of folly then to me what grief to reason not to deserue grace then againe to Madcap and what ioy hath loue in the secret of fauour then an other what grief to vnkindnes theÌ„ the next what ioy to coÌ„fort what grief to ingratitude what ioie to kindnes what grief to falshood what ioy to faith Oh quoth Madcappe then bring in health sicknes I knowe not what tush we wil giue ouer this and to some other sports but look supper is comingin and therefore we must giue ouer so for that time we brake off but what followed after I will tell you A. I pray thee do hartily thank thee for this I haue hard Tid After Supper we had some table talk of diuers idle thinges amonge other there was some speech of the natures of despights wherof one was this what a spight it is for a faire sweet wench to marry a filthy ougly fellowe another was what a spight it was to see a horse of seruice drawe in a doung-carte an other a Hawke to be killed by an owle another a milk-cowe to be stung by a hedgehog an other to see a hound coupled with a mastiffe an other to see a nightingale killed by a cat another what a spight it is to see good meate and haue no stomake and an other to haue a stomack and wante meate and an other to want teeth and for a woman to want her tonge at last one merry fellowe comes out wyth his ierke what a spight it is for a poore man to be made cuckoulde by a filthy fellow yea quoth Madcap but it is a greate comforte to a thief to see his fellows hang with him for company indeed quoth an other to liue alone is too much solitarynes yea quoth an other and some time a foole mars a play t is true quoth maddecap it is a spighte a gald lade shold come among good horses with that the Knight the master of the house riseth and calls a hall hoh Gentlewoemen and my good frinds what shal the minstrels stand Idle and so forgetting
you to remoue your melancholy for it is not agreeable to your complexion sir quoth she it may bee you haue made me blush to think what you would say to me but if my mind be not in perfect state I can not take you for a Phisician yet for your good counsaile I thanke you and that is all the fee you must looke for Ar. The wench had some wit I perceiue by her answer Tid Wit yes at will for this was but the first blowe but see what followed Lady quoth I your fee is too greate for such a small peece of Phisicke but indeede if that I did but knowe the Nature of your disease I woulde studye for your cure and deserue a fee before I woulde take it but the mynde of sickenesse is vpon so many causes that the griefe is hard to gesse without som light from the agrieued but that known he is either vnlearned or vnlucky that can minister no coÌ„fort you say well quoth she but what if it be known to be cureles what then is any counsaile without comfort Ar. Perilous Ape I feare it will proue an Vrchin Tid Oh no t is a prety creature as you will confesse when you heare more but let me tell you my replie It may quoth I seem cureles that may haue helpe and therefore good words may do good in the nature of a good wil words quoth she are good when they are wel spoken better when they are well meant good when they are well taken and better when they are well returned but for good will it is a kind of riddle that simple wits vnderstaÌ„d not for fine wits can so equiuocate that plain meaning is much abused where the misbeliefe of good words makes the ouerthrovv of a good mind Ar. Why how now man was this a wenche Tid It was a woman at least of woman kind as fayr a damsell as I thinke liues in the world but let me tell you how I went about with my witts to meete a little with her good will Lady quoth I good will grounded vpon good cause may out of a good meaning bring forth good words which working good effect in agood mind may vpon a good consideration worke a good conclusion Beauty is a good thing to the Eie vertue to the mind these work a loue in desart which is good in reason Novv loue in reason hauing a great povver in nature may make the riddle easy to be red wher knowledge vvill not dissemble ignorance Ar. Well said wag it was well put to Tid No such matter my fortune vvas yet too far from such a figure for let me tell you her ansvver and then giue your iudgment Ar. I pray thee do Tid Why Sir quoth she I perceiue you go from one Riddle to another knovvledge to dissemble ignorance is for vvisedom to bee hid in folly vvhich is a strange construction for a weak capacity if the cause of good will be misconceiued the good words may then be displaced and so the matter mistaken the time may be but mispent Beauty is but a shadow that hath no substaÌ„ce where reason may be blinded with illusion and vertue is so far from nature that it is not seen but with the eye of grace and for Loue it is grown such a lest that it is rather laughed at then beleeued in the world therfore where you find beauty do not flatter it with vertue till you see it and for vertue do not amisse conceiue it least you wrong your self in it but where in deed you find it I can not blame you to loue it Ar. Oh vnhappy theâ—fe able to rob reason of his vnderstanding but I hope thou wouldest not leaue her so Tid I think not for thus I fell vpon a replie to blame loue were a blot in kindnes and to yeelde to reason is a bond in wit to find folly in wisedom is the searche of a deep wit and to wey words in their true worth is the proofe of good vnderstaÌ„ding but to laugh at loue is no proof of good wil If therefore the vertue of your spirit in the beauty of your eies hath drawn my hart to loue will you not be as good as your word not to blame me for dooïng well for if reason faile not my conceipte let me not mooue patience in speaking truth let not truth seeme flattery where vertue hath but her due honoure so shall the riddle be soone read whose substance is but your selfe and the passion best cured wher my humble seruice may be graced Sir quoth she I hope you wil pardon my weaknes to entertain your patience with idlenes for to answere your ArgumeÌ„ts would require a better Scholar then my learning you may iudge amisse and meane well Complexions and conditions may differ and I maie beleeue and be deceiued when wordes may want their weighte in good will Loue is a dangerous spirit and where hee is snared by any subtilty doth much hurt where he is taken If I were so well acquainted with him as you woulde seeme to bee it maye be I shoulde employe him as you woulde but to leaue ridling in reason let me tell you this as I woulde not bee vuthankfull to a straunger so would I not bee straunge to my selfe as I can commend your wit I must haue care of my will til I be able to be a frieÌ„d not to admit the entertainmeÌ„t of a seruaÌ„t therfore wheÌ„ you know my disease hoping you wil be my PhisitiaÌ„ I wil follow your counsail to be as merry as I maie hauing no better fee onely I thank you for your kindnes Lady quoth I I am sory Time admits me not with your fauour to deliuer you further my minde Let it suffice you that I am youres more then I can saye thoughe I can saie no more then that I am yours if occasion in your commaundement may make triall of my trust I will attend my desart in the hope of your regarde and so hoping that loue will bee without daunger where words carry the true weight if affection may helpe a passion let me intreat you to applye my faith to your fancy and I hope my phisick will doe you good but since neither time nor place doth fitte our further conference I praie you let me intreat you thus fâ—re to honour my fortune as to wear this ring for my sake a littie hoope of gold in which was ingraued Sic fides so is faith pure and without end which with a blushinge deniall vpon such importunity shee tooke and gaue me for a fauour to weare for her sake a little Cupid of Bugle finely wroght and written ouer his eyes in black letters Caecus sictus Amor vpon the mutuall receipte of these tokens with some little shorte congey wee parted leauing her to her old passion that I knew not or to this newe passion that I had mooued but yet founde not or to smile at my folly which I doubted not and so
vs leaue this fiddle faddle and nowe fall to some prettie sport or other contente quoth shee withall my heart when making of a little rounde sate ther downe vnder a greate baye windowe in the parlor some fiue coople of vs and no sewe madde laddes and wenches at our backes to heare and note our pastimes which was as I will tell you neither purposes tales nor Rideles but a merry iest that I neuer hearde of before callen Decorums and Absurdums euerie one muste shewe his witte till either the braines were wearie or the dinner were readie and thus they beganne The sharpe witted wenche whome I often spake of before was the firste who thus fell to her businesse To speake good words to a good vnderstanding is a decorum in iudgement to which the next replied To speake wisely to a foole is an absurdum in Reason then followed another with this speech To answer loue with kindnes is a decorum in Nature to which the next replied To bestow loue vnworthily is an absurdum in wit then followes another To hope on desart is a decorum in reason to whome the next replyed To be afraide of fortune is an absurdum in iudgement then came it to my Mistris who thus deliuered her opinion To honour wisedom is a decorum in Loue and then it came to me who thus made my reply and not to loue vertue were an absurdum in humanity then comes it to our foole who thus brought out the treasure of his casket To gather wealth is a decorum in thrift to which was sodenly replied To dig in a dunghill is an absurdum in honor then comes it about again to the first who thus began againe To keep promise in kindnesse is a decorum in loue to which was replied To performe an ill vow is an absurdum in Grace then followed the next in this manner To play the foole wisely is a decorum in conceit to which was replied To play the wag vnkindly is an absurdum in good manner then comes it againe to my Mistresse who thus deliuered her mind To be constant in loue is a decorum in honor to which I replied To be false to honour is an absurdum in Loue then comes it to the gull who thus fell to plaine English To be kind to her seruant were a decorum in my Mistresse to which a mad wenche replyed A seruant to be too saucy with his Mistrisse wer an absurdum in duty Now as it vvas comming about againe comes in the seruice for dinner whereupon we brake off our talke for that time but after we had dined and passed away a little time vvith idle prattle wee gat our selues togither againe all sauing the Asse who for feare of more coales then he could carry gat himselfe out of doors vvhere vve neuer looked after him but fell to a new sport to answer many words in one one must propound and an other answer Ar. As how I pray thee tell me Tid You shall heare the first began thus If a man labour all the daies of his life and get nothing till his death vvhat shal he be thought Awn Vnhappy Pro. If a vvoman bee kind but vnconstant vvhat shall she be accounted Awn Vnwise Pro. If a man deserue vvell of his Mistrisse and she requite him ill vvhat shal she be thought Awn Vnkind Pro. If a virgin be faithfull to her Louer and he proue a Traitor to her trust vvhat shall he be called Awn Vngratious Pro. What is the fairest thing in the vvorld Aw Trueth Pro. What is the svveetest thought in the mind A. Loue Pro. What is the most sure in the vvorld Awn Death Pro. What the greatest offence in the world A. Treasō Pro. What is the noblest thing in the vvorld Aw Valor Pro. What is most dangerous Awn Trust Pro. What is most fearful Aw Warre Pro. What most ioyful Aw Peace Pro. What is most rare Aw Honesty Pro. What most common Aw Beggery Pro. What most subtill Aw Wit Pro. What most kind Aw Will if it be pleased oh you are out quoth all the company for talking of pleasing and so with a pleasing laughter the company brake off and euery one with his Mistris fell to walking abroad when my Mistris making one I had no reason to staye behind and therefore to be short singling our selues from the company I fell thus into discourse with hir Mistris is there any thing more pretious in the mind then the Loue of the heart I beseech you answer me in a word No quoth she I thinke nor But quoth I would you loue that heart where you found that spirit yea I think I should but would you beleeue that tongue that did speak from such a heart yes I think I should quoth she and will you esteem of that loue that such a tongue speaks out of such a heart yes I haue reason for it then good Mistris let your eies in my heart see the trueth of that loue that can not liue but in your grace well Seruant quoth she I see you would speak well if you could hit on it oh Mistrisse quoth I I had rather hit wel then speake of it wel quoth she I perceiue you haue learned to turne the point vpon a quarrell oh but quoth I I had rather ioine hands vpon a friendship but when ioyning of hands may cause the breaking of hearts the conceit quoth she is ill caried yea but quoth I when the want of hands breeds the woe of hearts content is much hindered oh but patience quoth she is an excellent trial of trueth yea but quoth I delay is the death of delight yea but quoth she loue is euer constant so long quoth I as kindnes is comfortable oh seruant quoth shee loue sees in absence nothing qd I but sorow oh sir who wil not watch his hauk shall neuer reclaim her but quoth I if she be flying she is better on the fist then on the mew wel he that wil not pluck for a card is not worthie of a prime but qd I he that can be flush may better carrie the rest wel seruant I will consider of your discretion where honor may be kind reason wil not be vngrateful you are a stranger in this coūtry yet I heare well of your estate but giue me leaue to be my selfe as I find you wise continu my good opiniō which being more then I will speake of I wil leaue to you to thinke and so once more let me intreat your silent patience to put off one sutor more who speaks so by rule that I can hardly answer him by roat Mistris let he cariage of my discretion so continue your good opiniō that the hope of my fortune be in the honor of your fauor in which let me be whollie yours or els not be mine own with this vve brake off our talk for that time going in my Mistris was saluted by a spruse cōpanion that loookt like a letter in print who
your horses are stabled your seruants shall be merry and their Master not malcontent returne you must not till you heare from your Mistrisse for such was her commaund and therefore I pray you haue patience my mistrisse apparelled like a young man but with a Periwigge and a false Bearde comes vppon the soddaine as wee were entering into the greate Chamber and presentes mee with a Letter from my Mistrisse the superscription in this manner To my trusty seruant my louing Master and approoued friend Tidero with speede pardon mee to perswade you to that may perhappes displease you to lacke my presence for your better benefite for I leaue you a hearte that deerelie loues you and a hand of honour I saie that in her fauoure maie grace you shee is another and not my selfe beleeue her trust her and Loue her and I will thanke you for her for her seruant is my friend consider of these contents and in her command make my contentment so till I see you which shall be I know not when in hope of your kindnes to my friend I will rest euer Your very louing friend Lamia This Letter when I had read and knew it to bee her hand what tricke soeuer was in her head I presently tooke a pen and inke and returned the messenger with this answer To my gratious Mistris my louing seruant and faithfull friend the Lady Lamia with speede LAdy is it the part of a friend to perswade falshood in Loue your presence is the Sun of my daylight your absence the darknes of delight I seeke no benefite but your loue nor can loue other then your only selfe disgrace be all worlds grace but in your eies nor will I honour a heart but in your hands your self vvithout an other I serue and you only and no other can I loue and therefore hovvsoeuer you account of a friend I vvill neuer be false to my affection so till I see you vvhich if it be neuer yet vvhile you liue vvill I loue you euer and so rest Your faithfull friend Tidero This letter sealed deliuered avvay goes the messenger vvhispering vvith the yong Lady a vvord or two to entertain me with a little talke till shee were gotten in and new attired which was not long a dooing for by the time that we had heard a little musique of a prettie lad that did plaie vpon a base violl and sing to it the song was scarce ended but in comes my loue my Mistrisse attired like a horse woman that had bin new dismounted and with a prety smile after shee had saluted many at last comes to me with what Friend in truth you are welcom did you not receiue a letter from me yes good friend quoth I a couple In deed friend quoth she you are beholding to me for had it not bin discurtesie to bid a friende to dinner and not giue him entertainment I had not come againe so soone but if I had not com you should haue had no great cause to mislike of your company but I hope it is wel in trueth you are welcom you shall stay with me to night to morrow go as soon as you wil good friend quoth I I thank you you shall command a greater matter in my seruice So after a few complimēts we sate down to dinner where there wanted no part of comfort that might be found in Table kindnes as welcome caruing and drinking and so forth But after dinner was done Ar. Yea now you com to the matter that I long to heare of Tid I will tell you after the cloath was taken away my Mistris began to entertain the company vvith these vvords In generall hoh you are all vvelcome you that come from a feast can better beare vvith a lesse pittāce but vvhat lacks in meat let vs fill out in mirth and first quoth she to her Page Sirra take your viole and plaie and sing the song that was taught you of Loue which commanded was soon obeied and thus performed the Boy taking his instrument fell to play sing this ditty which I will recite vnto you for I got it out of his book Of all Conceites which is the best Loue. Yet what is that is thought a iest Loue. What thought is that giues smallest rest Loue. Yet in the end makes reason blest Loue. What wound is that is hardly healed Loue. What deed is that is surest sealed Loue. What thought is sweetest best concealed Loue. What comfort kindest best reuealed Loue. What word is sweetest to be heard Loue. What soundly made can not be mard Loue. What seruice merits most reward Loue. What grace is worthy most regard Loue. What Loue most constant in a friend Where Loue is louely without end Well said Boie quoth she now goe your waies to dinner Let vs alone and now my masters quoth she doe but imagine ye are at a Bridall and let vs bee as merrie as we were there let vs fall to some sport or other play maie be costlie musique we shall haue enough anon therefore let vs spend a little time in some pleasing exercise I will begin to you whereto euery one giuing a willing consent she began thus we haue been at yeas and noes griefes and ioies let vs now goe to Buts one propound another answer the Third giue the reason Beautie is a blessed hue 2 But 3 it workes manie cursed actions then another monie is a good thing 2 But 3 it brings many to miserie Again vertue is honourable 2 But 3 somtime she wants mony Againe Loue is pretious 2 But 3 if it be right Againe kindnesse is the ioye of loue 2 But 3 in constancy then qd I loue is the ioy of life 2 But quoth the second in a true friend quoth my Mistris Again patience is a vertue 2 But 3 a poor one another hope is comfortable 2 But 3 when it is happy Content is a kingdome 2 But 3 in conceite As we were going on with our Buts comes in a gallant youth wel accompanied and attended who as it afterwards fell out was a Suter to the young Lady that to trie my constancie came about me with a trick of loue or rather wit indeed to find out the trueth or falshood of a louer wherupon the company rose and after al obseruances of due compliments he with his yong Lady and I with my Mistris fell to such parlee as we thought best for our purpose he in the Parlour and wee in the garden where what followed you shall heare Ar. Good I doubt not Tid Good indeed and better to for after that we had walked a turne or two shee reuealing of her deuise to try the constancy of my affection tooke all thinges so well and requited them so kindly as honour could desire that Loue might enioye but by the waie among other talke I praie thee friend quoth Shee do me this kindnesse for to lend me your little Table book in your poeket for I did a little ouerlooke