do_v much_o encourage_v he_o to_o give_v himself_o up_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o word_n 1._o the_o benefiting_a of_o his_o own_o soul_n in_o his_o meditation_n for_o preach_v for_o whilst_o he_o be_v study_v for_o other_o the_o lord_n make_v it_o a_o word_n of_o instruction_n to_o himself_o and_o he_o find_v it_o the_o best_a mean_n of_o growth_n to_o be_v water_v other_o yet_o herein_o he_o perceive_v he_o say_v great_a need_n of_o watchfulness_n and_o much_o care_n lest_o his_o heart_n shall_v put_v away_o that_o word_n from_o himself_o which_o he_o be_v press_v upon_o other_o 2._o he_o find_v his_o heart_n much_o divert_v from_o other_o study_n philosophy_n seem_v tedious_a to_o he_o he_o find_v not_o that_o satisfaction_n in_o study_v mere_a human_a author_n as_o in_o meditate_v on_o divine_a thing_n yea_o he_o think_v he_o disrelished_a all_o other_o study_n and_o they_o be_v unsavoury_a to_o he_o and_o he_o know_v not_o but_o that_o this_o may_v be_v of_o the_o lord_n thus_o to_o turn_v his_o heart_n from_o the_o one_o and_o incline_v it_o to_o the_o other_o study_n 3._o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o bless_v his_o labour_n in_o some_o measure_n and_o order_v so_o by_o his_o providence_n that_o it_o come_v to_o his_o knowledge_n as_o particular_o at_o burwell_n at_o swafham_n at_o soham_n at_o land-beech_n at_o chesterton_n in_o cambridgshire_n at_o debenham_n in_o suffolk_n at_o wethersfield_n in_o essex_n this_o be_v a_o especial_a encouragement_n to_o he_o as_o it_o may_v well_o be_v to_o pursue_v the_o ministry_n in_o the_o year_n 1654._o he_o be_v choose_v catechist_n for_o that_o year_n in_o the_o college_n in_o which_o choice_n he_o observe_v the_o special_a providence_n of_o god_n for_o whereas_o former_o the_o master_n use_v to_o nominate_v the_o fellow_n for_o such_o office_n as_o they_o shall_v bear_v he_o this_o year_n bid_v the_o fellow_n agree_v and_o choose_v among_o themselves_o which_o they_o do_v according_a to_o seniority_n his_o business_n detain_v he_o from_o be_v present_a at_o the_o meeting_n of_o the_o fellow_n and_o every_o one_o have_v choose_v what_o they_o like_v best_a they_o cast_v the_o catechist_n place_n upon_o he_o judge_v he_o fit_a for_o it_o which_o he_o accept_v and_o according_o begin_v to_o discharge_v it_o in_o michaelmass_n term._n this_o be_v the_o first_o place_n where_o he_o settle_v himself_o to_o a_o constant_a course_n of_o preach_v wherein_o god_n do_v great_o encourage_v and_o honour_v he_o for_o the_o very_a first_o night_n he_o exercise_v one_o of_o the_o fellow_n come_v to_o he_o and_o tell_v he_o he_o have_v feel_v the_o power_n of_o god_n in_o that_o ordinance_n upon_o his_o heart_n the_o statute_n of_o the_o college_n oblige_v he_o to_o these_o divinity_n exercise_n as_o catechist_n in_o the_o chapel_n only_o in_o term_n time_n towards_o the_o end_n of_o the_o term_n he_o begin_v to_o consider_v whether_o he_o shall_v continue_v and_o proceed_v in_o the_o same_o exercise_n as_o well_o out_o of_o term_n as_o in_o term_n his_o conscience_n towards_o god_n as_o well_o as_o the_o local_a statute_n and_o his_o zeal_n to_o improve_v all_o opportunity_n to_o do_v good_a prompt_v he_o thereto_o be_v doubtful_a what_o to_o do_v he_o be_v determine_v to_o the_o affirmative_a by_o hear_v a_o sermon_n preach_v at_o st._n mary_n by_o the_o reverend_n and_o learned_a dr._n tuckury_n then_o professor_n of_o divinity_n there_o the_o scope_n whereof_o be_v to_o show_v what_o a_o bless_a and_o desirable_a thing_n it_o be_v to_o have_v the_o church_n of_o god_n multiply_v and_o increase_v and_o in_o the_o application_n he_o do_v in_o a_o especial_a manner_n direct_v his_o word_n to_o the_o university_n and_o do_v in_o the_o name_n of_o god_n earnest_o beseech_v every_o one_o in_o their_o place_n to_o endeavour_v the_o increase_n and_o multiply_v of_o the_o church_n of_o god_n both_o by_o add_v themselves_o to_o it_o and_o labour_v to_o add_v other_o to_o it_o his_o soul_n be_v much_o warm_v at_o this_o sermon_n and_o consider_v the_o seasonableness_n of_o it_o he_o look_v upon_o this_o word_n as_o direct_v special_o to_o himself_o and_o take_v encouragement_n from_o it_o to_o proceed_v in_o his_o work_n this_o practice_n of_o his_o be_v a_o proof_n not_o only_o of_o his_o ability_n but_o of_o his_o willingness_n also_o and_o that_o laborious_o to_o serve_v god_n in_o the_o work_n of_o the_o ministry_n about_o easter_n follow_v a_o motion_n be_v make_v to_o he_o by_o one_o of_o st._n andrews_n parish_n in_o cambridge_n in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o rest_n to_o supply_v that_o place_n which_o he_o decline_v promise_v only_o to_o give_v they_o one_o sermon_n afterwards_o the_o motion_n be_v more_o importunate_o renew_v to_o he_o he_o advise_v they_o to_o seek_v god_n to_o direct_v they_o in_o a_o business_n of_o that_o concern_v commend_v to_o they_o other_o of_o great_a ability_n and_o grace_n than_o himself_o to_o make_v choice_n of_o tell_v they_o he_o will_v at_o that_o time_n neither_o deny_v nor_o promise_v any_o thing_n about_o six_o week_n after_o 8_o or_o 9_o of_o the_o parish_n come_v to_o he_o in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o whole_a and_o signify_v to_o he_o that_o it_o be_v their_o joint_a request_n that_o he_o will_v preach_v with_o they_o on_o the_o lord_n day_n in_o the_o forenoon_n whereupon_o after_o a_o fortnight_n consideration_n and_o seek_v of_o god_n and_o consult_v friend_n he_o comply_v with_o their_o desire_n and_o undertake_v that_o service_n here_o god_n so_o bless_v his_o ministry_n both_o to_o the_o student_n in_o the_o university_n and_o people_n of_o the_o town_n that_o his_o encouragement_n be_v very_o great_a for_o which_o he_o always_o bless_v god_n in_o the_o college_n he_o so_o well_o discharge_v his_o office_n that_o the_o year_n now_o expire_a he_o be_v again_o choose_v into_o the_o same_o office_n next_o year_n and_o now_o be_v satisfy_v that_o god_n do_v call_v he_o to_o this_o work_n and_o office_n by_o the_o success_n which_o god_n give_v to_o his_o labour_n and_o the_o acceptance_n he_o have_v in_o the_o church_n he_o resolve_v thorough_o to_o devote_v and_o give_v up_o himself_o to_o it_o by_o solemn_a ordination_n for_o which_o end_n he_o repair_v to_o london_n and_o be_v there_o prove_v and_o well_o approve_v of_o was_z feb._n 13._o 1655_o solemn_o set_v apart_o to_o this_o office_n and_o work_v by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n and_o lay_v on_o of_o the_o hand_n of_o the_o presbytery_n to_o which_o god_n seem_v to_o set_v his_o seal_n both_o during_o the_o action_n by_o very_o gracious_a influence_n of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o his_o heart_n beyond_o his_o preparation_n for_o which_o he_o have_v record_v thanks_o to_o god_n and_o on_o the_o lord_n day_n follow_v viz._n feb._n 17._o when_o be_v desire_v to_o preach_v at_o the_o charterhouse_n both_o part_n of_o the_o day_n in_o the_o afternoon_n one_o put_v up_o a_o bill_n to_o he_o wherein_o the_o person_n that_o put_v it_o up_o acknowledge_v that_o he_o have_v long_o lie_v under_o the_o guilt_n of_o a_o know_a sin_n and_o be_v convince_v of_o it_o by_o the_o morning_n sermon_n and_o desire_a prayer_n to_o god_n for_o help_v against_o it_o other_o also_o in_o that_o congregation_n he_o observe_v to_o be_v affect_v at_o that_o his_o first_o sermon_n after_o his_o ordination_n in_o his_o return_v from_o london_n to_o cambridge_n upon_o the_o way_n he_o experience_v a_o very_a good_a providence_n with_o which_o his_o heart_n be_v much_o affect_v and_o which_o he_o thankful_o record_v as_o a_o instance_n of_o god_n special_a care_n of_o he_o the_o night_n overtake_v he_o ere_o he_o can_v reach_v to_o haste_v mill_n where_o the_o water_n be_v very_o high_a by_o reason_n of_o a_o flood_n just_a as_o he_o come_v almost_o to_o the_o water_n a_o man_n meet_v he_o who_o know_v the_o danger_n of_o the_o water_n and_o the_o safe_a passage_n through_o it_o offer_v he_o his_o service_n and_o very_o kind_o lend_v he_o his_o own_o tall_a and_o strong_a horse_n and_o ride_v back_o again_o on_o his_o horse_n before_o he_o lead_v he_o safe_o through_o which_o else_o he_o perceive_v he_o can_v not_o have_v pass_v without_o the_o hazard_n of_o his_o life_n be_v now_o return_v to_o cambridge_n to_o the_o charge_n he_o have_v undertake_v with_o what_o conscience_n faithfulness_n zeal_n and_o industry_n he_o apply_v himself_o to_o the_o work_n to_o which_o he_o have_v devote_v himself_o and_o be_v now_o solemn_o set_v apart_o i_o leave_v to_o the_o pious_a reader_n to_o judge_v by_o what_o follow_v in_o his_o own_o word_n july_n 7_o the_o 1656._o i_o set_v apart_o that_o day_n for_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o counsel_n whether_o i_o shall_v
preach_v in_o the_o afternoon_n at_o st._n andrews_n i_o have_v some_o thought_n of_o it_o and_o motion_n thereto_o some_o time_n since_o but_o now_o my_o time_n for_o chapel_n exercise_n be_v expire_v i_o take_v it_n into_o serious_a thought_n and_o have_v humble_v my_o soul_n for_o my_o sin_n and_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v settle_v my_o mind_n in_o this_o thing_n and_o teach_v i_o what_o be_v his_o mind_n therein_o after_o pain_n and_o search_v the_o scripture_n i_o come_v to_o this_o resolution_n i_o be_v full_o persuade_v that_o it_o be_v the_o mind_n of_o the_o lord_n that_o i_o shall_v also_o preach_v in_o the_o afternoon_n and_o that_o from_o these_o scripture_n 2_o tim._n 4._o 1._o 2._o i_o charge_v the_o before_o god_n be_v instant_a in_o season_n and_o out_o of_o season_n as_o we_o will_v answer_v it_o to_o jesus_n christ_n at_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n we_o be_v to_o take_v all_o opportunity_n to_o preach_v his_o word_n i_o consider_v here_o be_v a_o fair_a opportunity_n put_v into_o my_o hand_n and_o therefore_o i_o be_o bind_v in_o conscience_n not_o to_o neglect_v it_o 1_o pet._n 5._o 2._o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d as_o much_o as_o in_o you_o lie_v feed_v thy_o flock_n so_o calvin_n render_v the_o word_n 1_o cor._n 9_o 16._o 17._o necessity_n be_v lay_v upon_o i_o yea_o woe_n be_v unto_o i_o if_o i_o preach_v not_o the_o gospel_n though_o i_o preach_v the_o gospel_n i_o have_v nothing_o to_o glory_n of_o if_o i_o do_v this_o willing_o i_o have_v a_o reward_n eccl._n 11_o 6._o in_o the_o morning_n sow_v thy_o seed_n and_o in_o the_o evening_n withhold_v not_o thy_o hand_n for_o thou_o know_v not_o what_o shall_v prosper_v this_o or_o that_o this_o seem_v a_o clear_a resolution_n of_o the_o question_n 1_o cor._n 15._o 58._o always_o abound_v in_o the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n gal._n 6._o 10._o as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n let_v we_o do_v good_a here_o be_v a_o fair_a opportunity_n and_o how_o it_o may_v be_v take_v from_o i_o or_o i_o from_o it_o i_o know_v not_o and_o therefore_o hold_v it_o my_o duty_n to_o lay_v hold_n on_o it_o hereupon_o i_o resolve_v to_o preach_v once_o a_o fortnight_n in_o the_o afternoon_n also_o and_o consider_v my_o weakness_n for_o such_o a_o work_n i_o be_v encourage_v from_o isa_n 41._o 10._o and_o math._n 28._o ult_n go_v teach_v and_o lo_o i_o be_o with_o you_o with_o you_o to_o help_v and_o assist_v you_o with_o you_o to_o bless_v your_o labour_n and_o make_v your_o work_n prosperous_a under_o your_o hand_n jul._n 13._o 1656._o i_o begin_v my_o afternoon_n exercise_v and_o enter_v upon_o the_o doctrine_n of_o repentance_n i_o have_v find_v god_n very_o much_o with_o i_o assisting_z and_o enlarge_n i_o and_o blessing_n my_o labour_n to_o some_o of_o my_o hearer_n i_o bless_v his_o name_n for_o put_v it_o into_o my_o heart_n nov_n 16_o i_o have_v not_o so_o much_o of_o the_o enliven_a presence_n of_o god_n in_o the_o afternoon_n as_o i_o be_v wont_a to_o have_v yet_o god_n bless_v his_o word_n one_o of_o the_o parish_n tell_v mr._n j._n he_o think_v their_o minister_n know_v their_o heart_n and_o add_v he_o be_v resolve_v to_o amend_v apr._n 21._o 1657._o i_o set_v apart_o this_o day_n to_o seek_v god_n by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o show_v i_o my_o way_n and_o to_o direct_v i_o in_o a_o business_n that_o have_v be_v upon_o my_o spirit_n nigh_o half_a a_o year_n which_o be_v to_o preach_v once_o a_o fortnight_n on_o the_o week_n day_n at_o the_o church_n where_o i_o be_o place_v i_o engage_v the_o prayer_n of_o other_o also_o for_o i_o in_o this_o particular_a and_o when_o i_o go_v to_o the_o sacrament_n i_o lay_v the_o promise_n before_o god_n that_o he_o will_v guide_v i_o continual_o and_o teach_v i_o in_o the_o way_n that_o i_o shall_v choose_v as_o that_o which_o i_o desire_v might_n among_o other_o be_v seal_v up_o to_o i_o whilst_o i_o be_v thus_o deliberate_v with_o myself_o what_o to_o do_v i_o meet_v with_o this_o providence_n be_v at_o soham_n to_o preach_v the_o lecture_n there_o i_o sleep_v that_o night_n very_o disturbed_o towards_o the_o morning_n i_o think_v i_o see_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n in_o his_o glory_n who_o speak_v comfortable_o to_o i_o and_o encourage_v i_o in_o my_o work_n but_o speak_v very_o sad_a word_n to_o another_o mr._n of_o art_n that_o be_v with_o i_o who_o i_o dream_v to_o be_v a_o godly_a man_n yet_o one_o who_o be_v note_v for_o his_o unwillingness_n to_o preach_v in_o town_n when_o i_o awake_v i_o consider_v with_o myself_o what_o this_o shall_v mean_v i_o consider_v it_o be_v but_o a_o dream_n and_o so_o not_o much_o to_o be_v heed_v and_o again_o i_o consider_v that_o sometime_o god_n speak_v to_o we_o in_o dream_n and_o slumber_v upon_o our_o bed_n job_n 33._o 13._o 14._o 15._o whence_o i_o gather_v it_o may_v be_v something_o of_o encouragement_n to_o i_o in_o the_o morning_n when_o i_o be_v up_o it_o fall_v out_o in_o my_o ordinary_a course_n of_o read_v the_o scripture_n to_o read_v act._n 18._o and_o when_o i_o have_v read_v ver_fw-la 9_o 10._o and_o ponder_v what_o have_v befall_v i_o in_o the_o night_n i_o can_v not_o but_o wonder_n at_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n to_o cause_v this_o scripture_n to_o fall_v in_o with_o my_o former_a dream_n which_o make_v i_o ponder_v the_o more_o upon_o it_o i_o see_v god_n do_v sometime_o speak_v to_o his_o people_n in_o a_o vision_n i_o see_v the_o same_o reason_n why_o paul_n shall_v preach_v viz._n because_o there_o be_v much_o people_n belong_v to_o the_o lord_n there_o may_v be_v forcible_a to_o prevail_v with_o i_o for_o he_o incline_v a_o great_a multitude_n of_o people_n to_o attend_v upon_o i_o when_o i_o have_v consider_v of_o it_o i_o resolve_v to_o lay_v this_o up_o in_o my_o heart_n and_o not_o to_o slight_v it_o though_o i_o can_v not_o build_v on_o it_o any_o ground_n of_o my_o undertake_n my_o work_n consult_v the_o scripture_n these_o come_v into_o my_o mind_n act._n 6._o 4._o we_o will_v give_v ourselves_o continual_o to_o prayer_n and_o to_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o word_n where_o i_o see_v that_o such_o as_o be_v call_v of_o god_n to_o preach_v the_o word_n aught_o to_o make_v it_o their_o business_n and_o give_v up_o themselves_o to_o it_o rom._n 1._o 1._o 14._o 15._o here_o i_o see_v that_o one_o separate_v to_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n be_v a_o debtor_n bind_v and_o shall_v be_v ready_a as_o much_o as_o in_o he_o lie_v isa_n 40._o 9_o o_o thou_o that_o bring_v good_a tiding_n to_o zion_n get_v the_o up_o into_o the_o high_a mountain_n lift_v up_o thy_o voice_n with_o strength_n lift_v it_o up_o be_v not_o afraid_a read_v this_o scripture_n in_o my_o ordinary_a course_n i_o find_v it_o set_v home_o with_o life_n and_o power_n in_o reference_n to_o my_o present_a doubt_n get_v the_o up_o lift_v up_o thy_o voice_n it_o remove_v the_o great_a obstacle_n of_o fear_n what_o will_v man_n say_v and_o think_v of_o my_o forwardness_n be_v not_o afraid_a i_o be_v the_o more_o confirm_v by_o consider_v this_o scripture_n be_v main_o direct_v to_o such_o as_o god_n have_v send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n by_o compare_v this_o scripture_n with_o isa_n 52._o 7._o and_o rom._n 10._o 15._o and_o the_o scripture_n do_v the_o more_o affect_v i_o because_o it_o be_v in_o this_o manner_n set_v home_o after_o prayer_n when_o i_o have_v be_v seek_v god_n in_o reference_n to_o this_o doubt_n act._n 18._o 5._o paul_n be_v press_v in_o spirit_n and_o testify_v hence_o i_o see_v the_o minister_n of_o god_n may_v take_v encouragement_n to_o preach_v the_o word_n from_o inward_a pressure_n of_o spirit_n have_v these_o inducement_n to_o preach_v on_o the_o week_n day_n i_o set_v apart_o as_o before_o the_o 21th_o of_o april_n to_o seek_v god_n by_o fast_v and_o prayer_n to_o direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v have_v put_v up_o my_o request_n to_o he_o in_o the_o name_n of_o jesus_n christ_n i_o shall_v consider_v what_o motive_n i_o have_v to_o it_o and_o what_o dissuasives_n from_o it_o and_o judge_v of_o both_o according_a to_o the_o scripture_n and_o do_v therein_o as_o the_o lord_n shall_v direct_v i_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n '_o the_o argument_n move_v to_o it_o be_v these_o 1._o i_o find_v god_n much_o enlarge_n my_o meditation_n so_o as_o i_o be_o a_o long_a while_n ere_o i_o can_v dispatch_v the_o subject_a i_o enter_v upon_o whereby_o i_o foresee_v i_o shall_v go_v over_o but_o few_o head_n in_o divinity_n while_o i_o stay_v unless_o i_o preach_v often_o and_o i_o know_v not_o what_o the_o meaning_n of_o god_n
suffer_v great_a persecution_n 2._o god_n can_v if_o he_o will_v hide_v i_o from_o the_o strife_n of_o tongue_n yea_o he_o promise_v to_o do_v so_o for_o they_o that_o trust_v in_o he_o psal_n 31._o 19_o 20._o he_o can_v make_v a_o man_n enemy_n to_o be_v at_o peace_n with_o he_o and_o will_v if_o our_o way_n please_v he_o prov._n 16._o 7._o however_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v solicitous_a of_o man_n judgement_n in_o this_o matter_n but_o commit_v my_o way_n and_o cause_n to_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o i_o be_v reproach_v he_o will_v one_o day_n clear_v i_o ps_n 37._o 5_o 6._o 3._o if_o i_o do_v meet_v with_o shame_n and_o reproach_n for_o my_o diligence_n in_o preach_v the_o word_n it_o be_v no_o more_o than_o the_o apostle_n meet_v with_o 1_o cor._n 4._o 9_o 10_o 13._o yea_o ay_o christ_n suffer_v great_a contradiction_n in_o his_o preach_v they_o say_v he_o be_v mad_a and_o have_v a_o devil_n and_o i_o be_o bid_v to_o remember_v it_o as_o that_o which_o will_v keep_v i_o from_o faint_a heb._n 12._o 3._o 4._o if_o i_o serve_v christ_n the_o lord_n will_v honour_v i_o and_o that_o be_v infinite_o above_o the_o honour_n of_o the_o world_n joh._n 12._o 26._o i_o shall_v desire_v therefore_o to_o seek_v the_o praise_n that_o be_v of_o god_n and_o no_o matter_n what_o man_n say_v 5._o it_o will_v be_v my_o happiness_n if_o i_o be_v reproach_v for_o christ_n sake_n 1_o pet._n 4._o 14._o and_o i_o shall_v be_v so_o far_o from_o be_v trouble_v discourage_v and_o deject_v at_o it_o that_o i_o shall_v rejoice_v exceed_o that_o god_n count_v i_o worthy_a to_o partake_v of_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n v_o 13._o 6._o the_o thought_n of_o that_o glory_n that_o shall_v be_v reveal_v hereafter_o 1_o pet._n 5._o 4._o shall_v cause_v i_o to_o despise_v the_o shame_n which_o i_o meet_v with_o here_o in_o the_o service_n of_o god_n heb._n 12._o 2._o 2_o d._n discouragement_n it_o may_v be_v the_o people_n will_v slight_v the_o word_n i_o shall_v have_v but_o few_o hearer_n the_o word_n grow_v common_a will_v be_v nauseated_a etc._n etc._n reply_v 1_o the_o heart_n of_o all_o man_n be_v in_o god_n hand_n if_o he_o touch_v their_o heart_n they_o shall_v come_v 1_o sam._n 10._o 26._o i_o will_v leave_v that_o to_o the_o lord_n whether_o he_o will_v incline_v many_o or_o but_o few_o to_o attend_v upon_o his_o word_n 2._o the_o angel_n those_o glorious_a creature_n do_v not_o disdain_v to_o preach_v christ_n to_o a_o few_o poor_a shepherd_n and_o therefore_o i_o shall_v not_o think_v much_o to_o preach_v christ_n though_o to_o never_o such_o a_o thin_a congregation_n jesus_n christ_n himself_o preach_v the_o gospel_n to_o one_o hearer_n only_o and_o that_o a_o poor_a sinful_a woman_n of_o samaria_n joh._n 4._o 3._o god_n presence_n be_v not_o tie_v to_o a_o multitude_n if_o but_o two_o or_o three_o be_v gather_v together_o in_o his_o name_n he_o be_v in_o the_o midst_n of_o they_o and_o if_o god_n will_v bless_v his_o word_n for_o the_o conversion_n of_o but_o one_o soul_n it_o be_v worth_a all_o our_o labour_n and_o pain_n mark_n 8._o 37._o jam._n 5._o 19_o 20._o 4._o i_o shall_v desire_v to_o do_v my_o work_n to_o god_n and_o not_o to_o man_n because_o god_n command_v i_o though_o man_n may_v slight_v my_o pain_n and_o do_v not_o gather_v together_o to_o hear_v the_o word_n yet_o my_o work_n be_v before_o the_o lord_n and_o my_o reward_n with_o he_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v glorious_a in_o his_o eye_n however_o i_o appear_v before_o man_n isa_n 49._o 5._o however_o man_n reckon_v of_o my_o labour_n though_o the_o more_o i_o love_v they_o and_o labour_v for_o they_o the_o less_o i_o belove_v yet_o this_o shall_v not_o be_v any_o hindrance_n to_o i_o in_o the_o work_n of_o god_n but_o i_o shall_v glad_o spend_v myself_o and_o be_v spend_v therein_o 2_o cor._n 12._o 13._o have_v consult_v god_n and_o see_v such_o good_a ground_n for_o my_o undertake_n i_o set_v up_o a_o lecture_n once_o a_o fortnight_n on_o thursday_n in_o the_o afternoon_n at_o three_o of_o the_o clock_n i_o begin_v it_o on_o the_o first_o thursday_n in_o june_n 1657._o with_o such_o mature_a deliberation_n such_o a_o resolve_a conscience_n such_o a_o willing_a mind_n such_o a_o zealous_a spirit_n such_o a_o laborious_a head_n and_o hand_n do_v this_o worthy_a servant_n of_o god_n apply_v himself_o to_o the_o great_a work_n wherein_o he_o be_v engage_v thus_o do_v he_o fortify_v his_o heart_n with_o strong_a argument_n against_o all_o temptation_n to_o sloth_n and_o negligence_n thus_o search_v he_o the_o scripture_n that_o he_o may_v full_o know_v his_o lord_n will_n thus_o yield_v he_o obedience_n to_o the_o command_n and_o act_v faith_n in_o the_o promise_n of_o god_n in_o this_o his_o might_n he_o go_v forth_o in_o the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o work_n of_o the_o lord_n and_o the_o pleasure_n of_o the_o lord_n do_v prosper_v in_o his_o hand_n though_o his_o constant_a weekly_a work_n at_o st._n andrews_n church_n be_v enough_o to_o exercise_v more_o than_o ordinary_a strength_n both_o of_o mind_n and_o body_n yet_o he_o have_v many_o other_o occasion_n of_o service_n which_o he_o attend_v not_o only_o in_o the_o college_n as_o his_o place_n require_v especial_o as_o a_o tutor_n which_o relation_n and_o trust_n he_o diligent_o and_o faithful_o discharge_v towards_o his_o pupil_n both_o as_o to_o learning_n and_o religion_n but_o in_o the_o town_n as_o preach_v frequent_o funeral_n sermon_n and_o trinity_n lecture_n and_o in_o the_o country_n also_o at_o several_a lecture_n both_o in_o cambridgeshire_n and_o huntingdonshire_n for_o his_o ability_n and_o willingness_n be_v so_o well_o know_v as_o encourage_v many_o invitation_n to_o be_v make_v to_o he_o from_o abroad_o all_o which_o he_o perform_v not_o after_o a_o extemporary_a rate_n as_o the_o manner_n of_o some_o be_v hasty_o to_o utter_v quicquid_fw-la in_o buccam_fw-la venerit_fw-la but_o as_o a_o workman_n that_o need_v not_o to_o be_v ashamed_a on_o which_o account_n the_o ear_n of_o so_o many_o hang_v upon_o he_o and_o he_o never_o want_v a_o full_a auditory_a as_o well_o of_o scholar_n as_o town-people_n his_o sermon_n be_v well_o study_v and_o digest_v his_o matter_n substantial_a and_o spiritual_a his_o argument_n strong_a and_o convince_a his_o utterance_n full_a clear_a deliberate_a and_o grave_n his_o word_n apt_a and_o natural_a to_o express_v the_o conception_n of_o his_o mind_n he_o neither_o affect_v a_o strain_n of_o word_n which_o man_n wisdom_n teach_v nor_o allow_v himself_o a_o liberty_n of_o word_n which_o man_n indiscretion_n pour_v out_o but_o his_o phrase_n be_v such_o as_o speak_v he_o to_o have_v a_o holy_a reverence_n for_o the_o plainness_n and_o simplicity_n of_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n a_o due_a care_n that_o he_o expose_v not_o the_o ministry_n of_o the_o word_n to_o contempt_n a_o religious_a fear_n of_o that_o god_n in_o who_o name_n he_o speak_v and_o a_o serious_a regard_n to_o the_o concernment_n of_o the_o soul_n of_o man_n and_o in_o all_o his_o application_n to_o god_n by_o prayer_n both_o in_o public_a and_o private_a his_o behaviour_n word_n and_o manner_n of_o utterance_n be_v such_o as_o speak_v his_o solemn_a and_o affect_v apprehension_n of_o the_o majesty_n and_o holiness_n of_o god_n who_o he_o worship_v so_o as_o consider_v his_o year_n the_o multiplicity_n of_o his_o ministerial_a work_n his_o manner_n of_o perform_v it_o and_o the_o holiness_n of_o his_o life_n wherewith_o he_o do_v adorn_v and_o commend_v it_o it_o may_v be_v true_o say_v of_o he_o that_o however_o he_o be_v excel_v by_o other_o in_o other_o respect_n yet_o in_o this_o he_o be_v nulli_fw-la secundus_fw-la if_o not_o a_o none_o such_o in_o the_o university_n in_o his_o day_n but_o cambridge_n be_v not_o a_o place_n for_o long_a continuance_n the_o university_n be_v the_o church_n nursery_n from_o whence_o god_n be_v wont_a to_o remove_v and_o transplant_v his_o tree_n of_o righteousness_n when_o once_o grow_v up_o to_o the_o stature_n of_o fruit-bearing_a that_o the_o various_a congregation_n of_o his_o people_n may_v eat_v of_o the_o fruit_n thereof_o and_o live_v god_n have_v here_o train_v up_o his_o servant_n to_o his_o hand_n instruct_v he_o with_o excellent_a gift_n and_o abundant_a grace_n call_v he_o solemn_o to_o the_o office_n of_o the_o ministry_n prove_v he_o a_o able_a and_o successful_a instrument_n before_o many_o witness_n and_o enlarge_v his_o heart_n not_o only_o to_o a_o willingness_n but_o zeal_n to_o discharge_v his_o office_n with_o all_o his_o might_n quick_o show_v he_o the_o place_n where_o with_o this_o resolve_a industry_n and_o integrity_n he_o shall_v improve_v his_o talent_n scarce_o two_o month_n be_v
be_v so_o suit_v to_o some_o reason_n and_o doubt_n that_o i_o have_v upon_o my_o mind_n and_o come_v so_o seasonable_o at_o my_o first_o fix_v at_o chattisham_n i_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o look_v upon_o it_o as_o a_o token_n for_o good_a that_o i_o shall_v have_v god_n presence_n with_o i_o and_o the_o teach_n of_o his_o spirit_n at_o chattisham_n as_o i_o have_v have_v they_o at_o colchester_n the_o encouragement_n which_o he_o thus_o take_v be_v not_o vain_a and_o empty_a god_n remember_v his_o word_n unto_o his_o servant_n wherein_o he_o have_v cause_v he_o to_o hope_v for_o he_o not_o only_o incline_v the_o heart_n of_o the_o people_n among_o who_o he_o live_v though_o stranger_n to_o he_o to_o pay_v he_o that_o respect_n and_o honour_n which_o be_v due_a to_o he_o and_o indulge_v he_o the_o liberty_n of_o private_a preach_v as_o he_o have_v before_o enjoy_v but_o moreover_o open_v to_o he_o in_o this_o place_n a_o door_n for_o the_o frequent_a public_a exercise_n of_o his_o ministry_n which_o be_v shut_v against_o he_o at_o colchester_n the_o minister_n of_o the_o parish_n have_v another_o cure_n by_o reason_n whereof_o he_o can_v attend_v this_o at_o chattisham_n but_o once_o a_o fortnight_n do_v in_o his_o absence_n not_o only_o willing_o but_o thankful_o indulge_v to_o mr._n stockton_n the_o liberty_n of_o his_o pulpit_n and_o have_v a_o very_a small_a maintenance_n and_o some_o burden_n lie_v heavy_a upon_o he_o which_o after_o a_o few_o year_n make_v his_o residence_n there_o very_o uneasy_a to_o he_o he_o desert_v his_o charge_n and_o leave_v this_o flock_n to_o shift_v for_o themselves_o whereupon_o at_o the_o request_n of_o the_o people_n mr._n stockton_n frequent_o supply_v that_o vacancy_n and_o his_o zeal_n provoke_v and_o encourage_v other_o also_o both_o minister_n and_o people_n for_o other_o neighbour_a parish_n be_v destitute_a of_o minister_n for_o want_v of_o maintenance_n call_v in_o the_o help_n of_o nonconformist_n who_o in_o these_o place_n so_o much_o below_o envye_a have_v enjoy_v the_o liberty_n of_o their_o public_a preach_v for_o the_o most_o part_n to_o this_o day_n so_o as_o not_o only_o the_o parish_n where_o he_o live_v but_o the_o neighbour_a vllage_n have_v abundant_a cause_n to_o bless_v god_n for_o send_v to_o they_o so_o happy_a a_o instrument_n so_o willing_a and_o zealous_a so_o able_a and_o industrious_a to_o serve_v their_o soul_n in_o the_o gospel_n of_o christ_n when_o it_o please_v his_o majesty_n to_o set_v forth_o his_o most_o gracious_a declaration_n for_o indulgence_n he_o be_v choose_v both_o by_o a_o congregation_n in_o ipswhich_n and_o another_o in_o colchester_n to_o preach_v to_o they_o and_o both_o be_v very_o desirous_a of_o he_o he_o comply_v with_o their_o desire_n as_o far_o as_o he_o can_v and_o undertake_v half_o the_o service_n of_o either_o and_o so_o with_o other_o divide_v his_o labour_n between_o they_o during_o his_o life_n to_o their_o great_a satisfaction_n and_o edification_n his_o labour_n be_v abundant_a his_o ministry_n be_v his_o whole_a business_n beside_o his_o lord_n day_n service_n wherein_o he_o not_o only_o preach_v twice_o but_o oft_o expound_v the_o scripture_n and_o catechise_v the_o young_a sort_n and_o many_o time_n discourse_v particular_a christian_n that_o apply_v themselves_o to_o he_o for_o counsel_n and_o instruction_n about_o their_o spiritual_a case_n he_o moreover_o preach_v a_o lecture_n at_o ipswich_n on_o the_o weekday_n once_o a_o fortnight_n and_o scarce_o a_o week_n pass_v but_o he_o preach_v at_o some_o other_o lecture_n or_o funeral_n beside_o keep_v of_o private_a fast_n which_o he_o frequent_o practise_v both_o at_o home_n and_o abroad_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n over_o he_o while_o he_o be_v thus_o zealous_o and_o constant_o employ_v in_o his_o work_n in_o so_o many_o place_n be_v so_o remarkable_a that_o it_o must_v not_o be_v pass_v over_o without_o special_a observation_n notwithstanding_o the_o severity_n of_o the_o law_n the_o malice_n watchfulness_n and_o endeavour_n of_o adversary_n yet_o god_n suffer_v not_o a_o hair_n to_o fall_v from_o his_o head_n though_o complaint_n information_n indictment_n conviction_n warrant_v presentment_n excommunication_n be_v make_v against_o he_o yet_o be_v he_o never_o imprison_v apprehend_v distrain_v or_o bring_v before_o any_o court_n or_o magistrate_n he_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o this_o care_n of_o god_n over_o he_o and_o thankful_o accept_v and_o record_v it_o as_o the_o instance_n of_o god_n faithfulness_n and_o performance_n of_o his_o promise_n as_o the_o answer_n of_o his_o own_o faith_n and_o prayer_n and_o as_o the_o reward_n of_o his_o love_n and_o zeal_n and_o courage_n for_o god_n and_o his_o church_n by_o the_o power_n whereof_o he_o live_v above_o fear_n and_o danger_n for_o thus_o he_o write_v apr._n 16._o 1655._o be_v lord_n day_n in_o the_o morning_n i_o awake_v with_o that_o scripture_n in_o my_o thought_n 1_o tim._n 1._o 15._o i_o dwell_v a_o while_n upon_o it_o and_o draw_v comfort_n and_o relief_n for_o my_o faith_n by_o the_o help_n of_o god_n i_o have_v be_v before_o under_o a_o great_a sense_n of_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n the_o comfort_n i_o have_v be_v that_o christ_n come_v to_o save_v the_o chief_a of_o sinner_n that_o this_o be_v a_o faithful_a say_n that_o it_o be_v worthy_a all_o acceptation_n or_o to_o be_v embrace_v by_o every_o one_o and_o that_o this_o salvation_n be_v from_o sin_n as_o well_o as_o from_o hell_n math._n 1._o 21._o consider_v whether_o he_o will_v save_v i_o as_o i_o be_v go_v to_o wash_v in_o the_o morning_n i_o be_v satisfy_v from_o joh._n 6._o 37._o he_o that_o come_v to_o i_o i_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o it_o be_v then_o a_o time_n of_o danger_n as_o to_o the_o keep_n of_o my_o meeting_n because_o many_o soldier_n be_v in_o town_n i_o be_v dubious_a whether_o i_o shall_v admit_v the_o people_n to_o come_v to_o my_o house_n when_o i_o consider_v that_o christ_n take_v it_o as_o a_o act_n of_o love_n to_o feed_v his_o sheep_n joh._n 21._o 15._o and_o that_o he_o expose_v himself_o to_o death_n to_o save_v i_o and_o bring_v under_o a_o sense_n of_o the_o comfort_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v i_o in_o the_o morning_n in_o my_o meditation_n on_o the_o 1_o tim._n 1._o 15._o i_o be_v willing_a to_o adventure_v myself_o on_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n sept._n 19_o as_o i_o be_v expound_v in_o my_o family_n the_o 91_o psalm_n on_o a_o day_n of_o humiliation_n i_o be_v much_o encourage_v to_o go_v on_o in_o my_o call_v notwithstanding_o the_o difficulty_n that_o attend_v the_o same_o by_o reason_n of_o many_o adversary_n from_o v_o 11_o 12_o 13._o though_o the_o adversary_n to_o private_a meeting_n and_o the_o preach_a of_o nonconformist_n be_v of_o several_a sort_n as_o strong_a as_o lion_n as_o full_a of_o venom_n as_o the_o dragon_n such_o as_o be_v greedy_a of_o and_o roar_v after_o the_o prey_n like_o the_o young_a lion_n as_o subtle_a and_o pertinacious_a and_o obstinate_a in_o their_o way_n as_o the_o adder_n of_o which_o see_v ps_n 58._o 4_o 5._o yet_o the_o angel_n have_v a_o charge_n to_o keep_v we_o in_o all_o our_o way_n and_o the_o promise_n be_v that_o we_o shall_v trample_v these_o under_o our_o foot_n this_o promise_n give_v i_o courage_n whilst_o at_o colchester_n and_o i_o see_v it_o make_v good_a for_o i_o go_v on_o in_o my_o call_v and_o have_v no_o harm_n from_o they_o i_o observe_v also_o in_o read_v dan._n 6._o 23._o the_o power_n of_o faith_n to_o deliver_v out_o of_o great_a and_o imminent_a danger_n daniel_n be_v cast_v into_o a_o den_n of_o hungry_a lion_n yet_o no_o manner_n of_o hurt_n be_v find_v upon_o he_o because_o he_o believe_v in_o his_o god_n sept._n 22._o in_o my_o family_n exercise_v as_o i_o be_v read_v ps_n 146._o 9_o the_o lord_n preserve_v the_o stranger_n my_o faith_n receive_v strength_n i_o enjoy_v much_o peace_n and_o security_n in_o colchester_n i_o have_v meet_v with_o no_o molestation_n either_o from_o the_o town_n or_o county_n but_o be_v come_v into_o a_o strange_a place_n where_o i_o be_v not_o know_v and_o have_v no_o friend_n to_o shelter_v or_o speak_v for_o i_o i_o apprehend_v myself_o to_o walk_v in_o more_o danger_n than_o before_o this_o word_n the_o lord_n preserve_v the_o stranger_n do_v help_v my_o dependence_n upon_o god_n oct._n 28_o 1666._o be_v sabbath_n day_n i_o go_v forth_o to_o preach_v at_o manitree_n in_o the_o morning_n before_o i_o go_v the_o lord_n give_v in_o that_o promise_n isa_n 55._o 12._o you_o shall_v be_v lead_v forth_o with_o peace_n it_o be_v a_o time_n of_o trouble_n and_o danger_n for_o nonconformist_n to_o preach_v public_o the_o promise_n be_v the_o
my_o spirit_n from_o those_o word_n of_o the_o prophet_n isa_n 40._o 27._o why_o say_v thou_o o_o jacob_n and_o speak_v o_o israel_n my_o way_n be_v hide_v from_o the_o lord_n and_o my_o judgement_n be_v pass_v over_o from_o my_o god_n and_o do_v encourage_v my_o soul_n still_o to_o hope_v in_o god_n and_o wait_v for_o his_o strength_n from_o the_o follow_a word_n v_o 28_o 29._o 31._o have_v thou_o not_o know_v have_v thou_o not_o hear_v if_o thou_o have_v not_o know_v it_o by_o experience_n have_v find_v his_o everlasting_a arm_n under_o thou_o for_o thy_o support_n yet_o have_v thou_o not_o at_o least_o hear_v it_o that_o the_o everlasting_a god_n the_o lord_n the_o creator_n of_o the_o end_n of_o the_o earth_n faint_v not_o neither_o be_v weary_a he_o give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a etc._n etc._n continue_v thou_o therefore_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n lord_n what_o a_o accurse_a hard_a heart_n have_v i_o that_o sin_n which_o grieve_v thou_o gen._n 6._o 6._o thy_n son_n mar._n 3._o 5._o thy_o spirit_n eph._n 4._o 30._o shall_v not_o grieve_v i_o that_o sin_n which_o weary_v thou_o isa_n 43._o 24._o shall_v not_o be_v a_o burden_n to_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v trouble_v for_o want_v of_o thy_o presence_n when_o as_o the_o hide_v of_o thy_o face_n make_v our_o saviour_n cry_v out_o my_o god_n my_o god_n why_o have_v thou_o forsake_v i_o that_o eternity_n and_o judgement_n to_o come_v shall_v make_v no_o impression_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o can_v hear_v yea_o speak_v of_o thy_o word_n thy_o wrath_n etc._n etc._n and_o yet_o not_o fear_v thou_o not_o tremble_v at_o thy_o word_n nor_o at_o this_o my_o condition_n feb._n 19_o be_v sabbath_n day_n have_v former_o perceive_v a_o desperate_a hardness_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o that_o word_n which_o work_v upon_o other_o shall_v do_v i_o no_o good_a that_o no_o mean_n no_o mercy_n do_v melt_v my_o soul_n and_o almost_o despair_v of_o ever_o have_v it_o soften_v after_o prayer_n i_o be_v encourage_v from_o the_o lord_n in_o read_v mr._n hooker_n upon_o act._n 2._o 37._o who_o from_o those_o word_n when_o they_o hear_v these_o thing_n they_o who_o have_v crucify_a our_o lord_n christ_n be_v prick_v at_o the_o heart_n raise_v this_o observation_n it_o be_v possible_a even_o for_o the_o most_o stubborn_a sinner_n to_o get_v a_o break_a heart_n and_o now_o o_o my_o soul_n why_o be_v thou_o cast_v down_o be_v not_o the_o lord_n great_a than_o thy_o heart_n can_v satan_n be_v more_o malicious_a to_o destroy_v thou_o than_o the_o lord_n be_v merciful_a to_o save_v thou_o yet_o the_o act_n of_o my_o faith_n hereupon_o be_v but_o faint_a upon_o examination_n of_o myself_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v that_o to_o my_o own_o sense_n and_o feeling_n i_o have_v be_v altogether_o void_a of_o any_o love_n or_o fear_v of_o god_n and_o that_o i_o have_v be_v at_o such_o a_o time_n as_o unable_a to_o work_v up_o my_o heart_n into_o the_o love_n and_o fear_n of_o god_n as_o to_o say_v to_o this_o mountain_n be_v thou_o remove_v and_o cast_v into_o the_o sea_n such_o wonderful_a deadness_n have_v seize_v upon_o my_o soul_n so_o great_o have_v i_o be_v enslave_v and_o hold_v captive_a by_o satan_n that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a true_o to_o desire_v the_o spirit_n of_o god_n o_o that_o my_o heart_n can_v bleed_v at_o the_o remembrance_n of_o this_o great_a evil_n that_o i_o shall_v not_o only_o be_v cut_v off_o from_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o be_v content_v with_o this_o condition_n that_o i_o shall_v have_v no_o groan_n in_o spirit_n to_o be_v deliver_v from_o this_o miserable_a bondage_n be_v instruct_v hence_o o_o my_o soul_n to_o ascribe_v every_o good_a motion_n to_o god_n if_o thou_o feel_v any_o hungring_n after_o jesus_n christ_n or_o any_o sorrow_n for_o want_n of_o god_n presence_n or_o the_o like_a own_o it_o as_o his_o work_n and_o bless_v he_o for_o it_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v my_o condition_n much_o like_o the_o man_n mention_v joh._n 5._o who_o lay_v a_o long_a time_n by_o the_o pool_n of_o bethesda_n but_o be_v not_o able_a to_o put_v himself_o in_o that_o he_o may_v be_v heal_v even_o so_o it_o be_v with_o my_o soul_n though_o god_n have_v open_v a_o fountain_n for_o sin_n and_o for_o uncleanness_n to_o wash_v in_o and_o i_o find_v my_o soul_n exceed_o pollute_v yet_o i_o be_o not_o able_a to_o step_v into_o this_o fountain_n that_o i_o may_v be_v heal_v o_o my_o soul_n the_o lord_n see_v thy_o weakness_n and_o that_o thou_o have_v be_v now_o a_o long_a time_n in_o this_o case_n wait_v thou_o on_o god_n who_o can_v tell_v but_o that_o as_o the_o bowel_n of_o jesus_n christ_n do_v yearn_v towards_o the_o poor_a man_n so_o may_v his_o compassion_n be_v great_a towards_o thou_o and_o he_o may_v heal_v thou_o also_o cease_v not_o to_o importune_v he_o say_v jesus_n thou_o son_n of_o god_n have_v mercy_n on_o i_o o_o lord_n heal_v my_o soul_n have_v at_o several_a time_n find_v diverse_a work_n upon_o my_o heart_n as_o conviction_n and_o thereupon_o some_o pant_n and_o breathe_n after_o god_n but_o as_o yet_o nothing_o come_v to_o perfection_n i_o think_v of_o and_o find_v that_o i_o have_v cause_n to_o take_v up_o the_o complaint_n of_o hezekiah_n in_o another_o case_n it_o be_v a_o day_n of_o trouble_n and_o rebuke_v the_o child_n be_v come_v to_o the_o birth_n and_o there_o be_v no_o strength_n to_o bring_v forth_o isa_n 37._o 3._o some_o time_n after_o read_v isa_n 66._o it_o seem_v to_o i_o that_o that_o word_n v._n 9_o be_v suit_v to_o my_o case_n shall_v i_o bring_v to_o the_o birth_n and_o not_o cause_n to_o bring_v forth_o say_v the_o lord_n shall_v i_o cause_v to_o bring_v forth_o and_o shut_v the_o womb_n say_v thy_o god_n o_o my_o soul_n wait_v thou_o on_o god_n who_o will_v perfect_v his_o own_o work_n in_o thou_o he_o have_v say_v he_o will_v not_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n nor_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n till_o he_o send_v forth_o judgement_n unto_o victory_n i_o have_v ofttimes_o see_v a_o law_n in_o my_o member_n war_a against_o the_o law_n of_o my_o mind_n and_o lead_v i_o into_o captivity_n to_o the_o law_n of_o sin_n and_o death_n so_o powerful_a and_o mighty_a have_v be_v the_o act_n of_o some_o inward_a corruption_n that_o i_o have_v not_o be_v able_a to_o overcome_v they_o but_o have_v be_v hurry_v captive_a by_o they_o hereby_o i_o come_v to_o see_v that_o truth_n the_o heart_n of_o man_n be_v desperate_o wicked_a who_o can_v know_v it_o i_o can_v fathom_v the_o depth_n of_o iniquity_n which_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n hereupon_o i_o be_o make_v to_o cry_v out_o with_o st._n paul_n o_o wretched_a man_n that_o i_o be_o who_o shall_v deliver_v i_o from_o this_o body_n of_o death_n o_o lord_n be_v not_o thou_o far_o from_o i_o but_o make_v haste_n to_o help_v i_o let_v the_o sigh_v of_o the_o prisoner_n come_v before_o thou_o proclaim_v liberty_n to_o thy_o captive_n and_o the_o open_n of_o the_o prison_n door_n to_o he_o that_o be_v bind_v with_o the_o chain_n of_o sin_n isa_n 61._o 1._o mar._n 26._o 1654._o i_o find_v that_o though_o in_o my_o judgement_n and_o profession_n i_o acknowledge_v christ_n to_o be_v my_o righteousness_n and_o peace_n yet_o upon_o examination_n i_o observe_v that_o my_o heart_n have_v do_v quite_o another_o thing_n and_o that_o secret_o i_o have_v go_v about_o to_o establish_v my_o own_o righteousness_n and_o have_v derive_v my_o comfort_n and_o peace_n from_o my_o own_o act_n for_o when_o i_o have_v be_v disquiet_v by_o the_o act_n of_o my_o sin_n that_o which_o have_v recover_v i_o to_o my_o former_a peace_n have_v not_o be_v that_o i_o can_v find_v god_n speak_v peace_n through_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n but_o rather_o from_o the_o intermission_n of_o temptation_n and_o the_o cessation_n of_o those_o sin_n when_o i_o have_v be_v trouble_v at_o a_o evil_a frame_n of_o heart_n i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n have_v be_v my_o consolation_n but_o that_o which_o have_v relieve_v i_o as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v find_v be_v that_o afterward_o i_o find_v myself_o in_o a_o better_a temper_n have_v be_v in_o trouble_n and_o perplexity_n i_o have_v read_v the_o scripture_n go_v to_o prayer_n and_o in_o do_v these_o i_o have_v be_v relieve_v yet_o i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o at_o such_o time_n i_o have_v real_a true_a live_a communion_n with_o god_n in_o such_o duty_n or_o that_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n do_v in_o those_o duty_n reveal_v to_o i_o my_o interest_n in_o christ_n and_o so_o quiet_a my_o conscience_n hence_o i_o come_v to_o see_v
disunion_n and_o separation_n of_o the_o soul_n from_o the_o body_n so_o our_o spiritual_a life_n result_v from_o the_o soul_n union_n with_o christ_n and_o spiritual_a death_n be_v our_o separation_n from_o he_o now_o i_o feel_v myself_o as_o a_o poor_a wither_a branch_n cut_v off_o from_o this_o vine_n unacquainted_a with_o the_o act_n of_o this_o spiritual_a life_n as_o live_v by_o faith_n serve_v god_n in_o spirit_n mortify_v sin_n by_o the_o spirit_n walk_v in_o the_o spirit_n love_v god_n above_o all_o thing_n and_o seek_v his_o glory_n in_o all_o thing_n i_o have_v sometime_o pray_v against_o sin_n resolve_v against_o it_o strive_v with_o it_o avoid_v occasion_n thereto_o all_o which_o a_o natural_a man_n may_v do_v but_o sin_n have_v return_v upon_o i_o and_o overcome_v i_o how_o to_o fetch_v power_n from_o christ_n death_n to_o mortify_v sin_n how_o to_o believe_v in_o god_n for_o subdue_a it_o how_o to_o do_v it_o by_o the_o spirit_n these_o have_v be_v mystery_n to_o i_o lord_n when_o shall_v the_o day_n dawn_n and_o the_o daystar_n arise_v in_o my_o heart_n when_o shall_v the_o dayspring_n from_o on_o high_a visit_v my_o soul_n to_o give_v light_n to_o he_o that_o sit_v in_o darkness_n and_o in_o the_o shadow_n of_o death_n come_v lord_n jesus_n thou_o light_v of_o life_n come_v quick_o that_o which_o keep_v i_o a_o long_a time_n from_o resolve_v to_o give_v up_o my_o whole_a heart_n to_o god_n in_o covenant_n be_v a_o fear_n that_o i_o shall_v break_v my_o covenant_n and_o so_o double_a my_o sin_n but_o i_o perceive_v since_o that_o this_o be_v but_o satan_n policy_n to_o keep_v my_o heart_n from_o god_n and_o the_o true_a ground_n of_o my_o not_o do_v this_o be_v not_o conscienciousness_n of_o sin_n as_o satan_n once_o make_v i_o believe_v but_o a_o loathness_n to_o part_v with_o all_o sin_n and_o to_o serve_v god_n with_o all_o my_o heart_n a_o strong_a encouragement_n thou_o have_v o_o my_o soul_n to_o enter_v covenant_n with_o god_n to_o serve_v he_o with_o thy_o whole_a heart_n from_o that_o portion_n of_o his_o word_n which_o thou_o do_v read_v this_o morning_n may._n 11._o 1654._o in_o jer._n 30._o 21_o 22._o who_o be_v this_o that_o engage_v his_o heart_n to_o approach_v unto_o i_o say_v the_o lord_n you_o shall_v be_v my_o people_n and_o i_o will_v be_v your_o god_n since_o my_o covenant_v with_o god_n i_o come_v to_o see_v more_o full_o the_o truth_n of_o that_o place_n rom._n 8._o 7._o the_o carnal_a mind_n be_v enmity_n against_o god_n be_v not_o subject_a to_o the_o law_n of_o god_n neither_o indeed_o can_v be_v for_o i_o find_v a_o loathness_n to_o walk_v close_o with_o god_n yea_o under_o a_o profession_n of_o religion_n my_o carnal_a heart_n have_v be_v at_o enmity_n to_o the_o power_n and_o life_n of_o it_o and_o this_o enmity_n have_v lyen_fw-we hide_v under_o and_o be_v cover_v with_o a_o performance_n of_o some_o duty_n which_o have_v not_o be_v destructive_a to_o that_o evil_a principle_n that_o have_v live_v in_o i_o yea_o i_o find_v my_o carnal_a heart_n be_v hunger_a after_o the_o fleshpot_n of_o egypt_n after_o its_o old_a delight_n and_o sinful_a pleasure_n be_v ready_a to_o murmur_v against_o god_n in_o the_o wilderness_n and_o speak_v of_o return_v into_o egypt_n and_o be_v impatient_a of_o the_o cross_n it_o revolt_v from_o god_n many_o a_o time_n and_o seek_v relief_n and_o contentment_n from_o the_o creature_n since_o my_o covenant_v with_o god_n i_o see_v more_o of_o thou_o treachery_n and_o hypocrisy_n of_o my_o heart_n i_o find_v my_o soul_n for_o a_o while_n more_o tender_a of_o sin_n and_o my_o heart_n seem_o engage_v to_o serve_v the_o lord_n but_o i_o soon_o forget_v the_o covenant_n that_o i_o have_v make_v and_o in_o a_o short_a space_n i_o do_v not_o find_v that_o my_o covenant_n have_v any_o influence_n on_o my_o heart_n or_o life_n so_o that_o i_o see_v i_o do_v but_o flatter_v the_o lord_n with_o my_o mouth_n and_o lie_v unto_o he_o with_o my_o tongue_n for_o my_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o he_o neither_o be_v i_o steadfast_a in_o his_o covenant_n ps_n 78._o 36_o 37._o my_o unstedfastness_n in_o my_o covenant_n with_o the_o lord_n do_v arise_v as_o far_o as_o i_o perceive_v from_o these_o two_o ground_n 1._o my_o heart_n be_v not_o right_a with_o god_n when_o i_o make_v it_o there_o be_v not_o that_o inward_a cordial_a full_a resolution_n to_o part_v with_o all_o sin_n and_o that_o for_o ever_o from_o a_o antipathy_n to_o it_o and_o dislike_v of_o it_o neither_o that_o inward_a resolution_n of_o cleave_v to_o god_n to_o have_v he_o my_o all_o in_o all_o to_o take_v all_o my_o contentment_n and_o joy_n in_o he_o and_o to_o seek_v it_o in_o nothing_o else_o which_o shall_v have_v be_v 2._o i_o neglect_v my_o watch_n and_o do_v not_o as_o i_o shall_v renew_v my_o covenant_n often_o and_o engage_v my_o heart_n to_o walk_v with_o god_n and_o while_o i_o be_v slothful_a and_o negligent_a my_o heart_n be_v steal_v away_o by_o the_o devil_n and_o the_o world_n and_o be_v now_o in_o league_n again_o with_o sin_n lord_n make_v i_o upright_o and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o my_o sincerity_n search_v i_o and_o try_v i_o and_o let_v i_o know_v the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n keep_v i_o upon_o my_o watch_n and_o guard_n that_o i_o may_v keep_v my_o covenant_n jul._n 23._o the_o lord_n do_v awaken_v my_o conscience_n to_o such_o a_o sense_n of_o my_o sin_n and_o lose_v estate_n in_o the_o read_n and_o hear_v of_o his_o word_n that_o when_o i_o go_v to_o prayer_n i_o be_v before_o he_o as_o a_o lose_a creature_n be_v under_o wrath_n and_o the_o sentence_n of_o death_n lie_v in_o my_o blood_n and_o pollution_n now_o whereas_o before_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n carry_v out_o in_o beg_a sanctification_n i_o do_v now_o cry_v to_o god_n for_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n to_o wash_v away_o the_o guilt_n of_o my_o sin_n i_o do_v not_o before_o prize_v justify_v grace_n so_o as_o now_o in_o some_o weak_a measure_n i_o be_v make_v to_o do_v but_o i_o soon_o find_v a_o accurse_a hard_a heart_n in_o a_o little_a time_n i_o do_v not_o tremble_v at_o the_o wrath_n of_o god_n i_o have_v labour_v to_o work_v these_o conviction_n upon_o my_o heart_n but_o i_o find_v such_o a_o rove_a heart_n such_o a_o slighty_a heart_n so_o possess_v with_o vanity_n that_o nothing_o will_v abide_v with_o it_o lord_n unless_o thou_o save_v i_o for_o thy_o mercy_n sake_n i_o perish_v aug._n 6._o be_v sabbath_n day_n in_o meditation_n on_o 1_o joh._n 3._o 23._o this_o be_v his_o commandment_n that_o we_o shall_v believe_v on_o the_o name_n of_o his_o son_n jesus_n christ_n consider_v with_o myself_o what_o this_o do_v imply_v viz._n not_o only_o a_o rely_v upon_o god_n in_o christ_n for_o the_o remission_n of_o sin_n but_o for_o the_o pour_v out_o of_o the_o spirit_n joh._n 7._o 38_o 39_o which_o spirit_n when_o it_o be_v give_v will_v shed_v abroad_o the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o our_o heart_n rom._n 5._o 5._o and_o seal_v up_o the_o assurance_n of_o the_o remission_n of_o our_o sin_n and_o witness_v our_o addoption_n rom._n 8_o 16._o will_v mortify_v sin_n in_o we_o v_o 13._o and_o work_v all_o the_o work_n of_o god_n in_o we_o and_o for_o we_o all_o which_o i_o want_v and_o to_o which_o i_o haven_n be_v a_o long_a time_n convince_v that_o i_o be_o unable_a and_o consider_v further_o that_o this_o spirit_n be_v the_o free_a gift_n of_o god_n ps_n 51._o 12._o give_v not_o according_a to_o our_o work_n but_o of_o free_a mercy_n for_o the_o sake_n of_o christ_n tit._n 3._o 4._o 5_o 6._o and_o consider_v further_o that_o jesus_n christ_n have_v receive_v gift_n of_o which_o the_o gift_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v intend_v even_o for_o the_o rebellious_a that_o god_n may_v dwell_v among_o they_o ps_n 68_o 18._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n encourage_v to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n for_o the_o pour_v forth_o of_o his_o spirit_n upon_o i_o that_o i_o may_v have_v my_o heart_n renew_v and_o sanctify_a and_o the_o remission_n of_o my_o sin_n seal_v up_o to_o my_o soul_n afterward_o consider_v further_o that_o the_o way_n whereby_o a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v lose_v god_n image_n come_v to_o be_v renew_v in_o heart_n and_o mind_n and_o make_v partaker_n of_o the_o divine_a nature_n be_v by_o faith_n in_o the_o promise_n 2_o pet._n 1._o 4._o and_o observe_v how_o isaac_n who_o inherit_v the_o blessing_n be_v not_o bear_v by_o the_o strength_n of_o nature_n but_o by_o promise_n and_o as_o isaac_n be_v bear_v through_o the_o promise_n so_o be_v all_o believer_n gal._n 4._o 28._o not_o of_o the_o will_n of_o man_n
but_o of_o god_n joh._n 1._o 13._o and_o that_o god_n give_v power_n to_o the_o faint_a and_o strength_n to_o they_o that_o have_v no_o might_n in_o a_o way_n of_o wait_a isa_n 40._o 29_o 31._o i_o see_v from_o these_o consideration_n further_a ground_n of_o hope_n and_o wait_v upon_o god_n notwithstanding_o i_o find_v my_o strength_n perish_v from_o i_o neither_o shall_v the_o guilt_n of_o my_o sin_n discourage_v i_o from_o wait_v on_o god_n from_o expect_v of_o his_o holy_a spirit_n from_o go_v to_o christ_n the_o whole_a need_v not_o a_o physician_n christ_n deal_v with_o sinner_n mar._n 2._o 17._o he_o have_v say_v he_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o they_o that_o come_v to_z him_z joh._n 6._o 37._o why_o do_v he_o shed_v his_o blood_n to_o wash_v away_o our_o sin_n how_o be_v he_o the_o lamb_n of_o god_n that_o take_v away_o the_o sin_n of_o the_o world_n if_o he_o shall_v cast_v off_o guilty_a soul_n when_o they_o come_v unto_o he_o be_v there_o not_o a_o fountain_n open_v for_o sin_n and_o for_o uncleanness_n to_o wash_v in_o zach._n 13._o 1._o what_o though_o i_o be_v in_o my_o blood_n yet_o if_o i_o go_v to_o christ_n he_o will_v not_o loathe_v i_o ezek._n 16._o 6_o 8._o but_o will_v sprinkle_v clean_a water_n upon_o i_o and_o wash_v i_o from_o my_o filthiness_n ezek._n 36._o 25._o when_o therefore_o i_o find_v guilt_n upon_o i_o i_o will_v look_v to_o jesus_n christ_n in_o such_o promise_n as_o these_o isa_n 1._o 18._o 43._o 25_o 26._o 44._o 21_o 22._o i_o will_v cry_v unto_o he_o that_o i_o may_v have_v the_o pardon_n of_o my_o sin_n seal_v up_o to_o my_o soul_n in_o these_o promise_n by_o his_o holy_a spirit_n neither_o shall_v my_o rebellious_a heart_n the_o perverseness_n and_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n discourage_v i_o but_o i_o will_v with_o david_n beg_v a_o new_a heart_n and_o a_o right_a spirit_n ps_n 51._o 10._o i_o will_v say_v as_o ephraim_n jer._n 31._o 18._o turn_v thou_o i_o and_o i_o shall_v be_v turn_v god_n have_v send_v christ_n to_o bless_v we_o in_o turn_v we_o from_o our_o iniquity_n act._n 3._o 26._o and_o to_o destroy_v what_o satan_n have_v wrought_v in_o we_o 1._o joh._n 3._o 8._o therefore_o when_o i_o feel_v sin_n prevail_v and_o lead_v i_o captive_a i_o will_v with_o paul_n cry_v out_o of_o this_o body_n of_o death_n rom._n 7._o 24._o and_o go_v to_o god_n in_o jesus_n christ_n through_o such_o promise_n as_o these_o mic._n 7._o 18_o 19_o rom._n 6._o 14._o math._n 11._o 28._o isa_n 45._o 22._o jer._n 31._o 33._o ezek._n 36._o 26._o when_o i_o feel_v myself_o graceless_a i_o will_v look_v to_o he_o who_o be_v full_a of_o grace_n joh._n 1._o 14._o 16._o and_o have_v promise_v to_o give_v grace_n ps_n 84._o 11_o even_o a_o heart_n to_o love_v he_o deut._n 30._o 6._o and_o to_o put_v his_o fear_n into_o we_o jer._n 32._o 40._o and_o to_o withhold_v no_o good_a thing_n if_o we_o endeavour_v to_o walk_v upright_o before_o he_o ps_n 84._o 11._o when_o i_o find_v the_o plague_n of_o a_o hard_a dead_a heart_n upon_o i_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n who_o quicken_v the_o dead_a rom._n 4._o 17._o and_o can_v raise_v child_n to_o abraham_n out_o of_o stone_n math._n 3._o 9_o i_o will_v look_v unto_o he_o in_o his_o covenant_n promise_v to_o take_v away_o the_o heart_n of_o stone_n and_o to_o give_v a_o heart_n of_o flesh_n ezek._n 36._o 26._o in_o time_n of_o desertion_n when_o god_n withdraw_v the_o comfortable_a influence_n of_o his_o presence_n i_o will_v not_o be_v discourage_v but_o i_o will_v search_v my_o heart_n and_o try_v my_o way_n and_o see_v what_o cause_n i_o have_v give_v the_o lord_n to_o depart_v from_o i_o lam._n 3._o 40._o josh_n 7._o 11._o 12_o 13._o isa_n 59_o 2._o i_o will_v earnest_o seek_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v return_v and_o shine_v upon_o i_o and_o lift_v up_o the_o light_n of_o his_o countenance_n upon_o my_o soul_n ps_n 80._o 3._o 89._o 46._o hos_fw-la 5._o 15._o i_o will_v not_o only_o pray_v but_o wait_v for_o his_o return_n ps_n 130._o 5_o 6._o isa_n 8._o 17._o lam._n 3._o 2_o 3._o etc._n etc._n with_o 26._o and_o in_o wait_v i_o will_v look_v unto_o the_o lord_n in_o these_o or_o like_a promise_n ps_n 103._o 8_o 9_o isa_n 54._o 6_o 7_o 8._o 57_o 16_o 17_o 18._o lam._n 3._o 31_o 32._o hos_fw-la 6._o 1_o 2_o 3._o joh._n 14._o 18._o when_o i_o have_v neglect_v my_o watch_n and_o fall_v and_o be_v unsteadfast_a in_o covenant_n with_o god_n i_o will_v not_o despair_v but_o look_v to_o god_n in_o christ_n that_o he_o will_v pardon_v my_o sin_n grant_v i_o repentance_n and_o restore_v i_o the_o covenant_n of_o grace_n admit_v of_o repentance_n after_o sin_n levit._n 26._o 21._o 40._o 41_o 42._o yea_o god_n have_v exalt_v christ_n to_o give_v repentance_n act._n 5._o 31._o have_v promise_v to_o heal_v backslide_n hos_fw-la 14._o 4._o invite_v backslider_n to_o return_v jer._n 3._o 1_o 12_o 13_o 14._o how_o do_v david_n behave_v himself_o when_o iniquity_n prevail_v over_o he_o he_o go_v to_o god_n to_o purge_v away_o his_o transgression_n ps_n 65._o 3._o he_o make_v supplication_n to_o god_n that_o he_o will_v not_o cast_v he_o out_o of_o his_o presence_n ps_n 51._o 11._o he_o confess_v his_o sin_n and_o god_n pardon_v he_o ps_n 32._o 5._o which_o shall_v encourage_v all_o the_o godly_a when_o they_o have_v fall_v to_o return_v to_o the_o lord_n ver_fw-la 6._o st._n john_n lay_v strict_a charge_n upon_o believer_n that_o they_o sin_v not_o but_o in_o case_n of_o sin_n he_o will_v not_o have_v they_o despair_v 1_o joh._n 2._o 1_o 2._o solomon_n pray_v to_o this_o purpose_n 1_o king_n 8._o and_o god_n accept_v ch_n 9_o 3._o when_o therefore_o thou_o have_v fall_v o_o my_o soul_n by_o thy_o iniquity_n and_o god_n hide_v his_o face_n and_o withdraw_v his_o gracious_a presence_n let_v thy_o uncircumcised_a heart_n be_v humble_v accept_v of_o the_o punishment_n of_o thy_o sin_n turn_v unto_o the_o lord_n and_o and_o say_v take_v away_o all_o iniquity_n and_o receive_v i_o gracious_o so_o will_v i_o praise_v thou_o leu._n 26._o 41._o hos_fw-la 14._o 2._o let_v not_o thy_o fall_n cause_v thou_o to_o depart_v from_o the_o live_n god_n though_o thou_o have_v play_v the_o harlot_n with_o many_o lover_n yet_o the_o lord_n call_v thou_o to_o return_v jer._n 3._o 1._o god_n command_v we_o to_o forgive_v our_o brother_n seven_o time_n a_o day_n if_o he_o return_v and_o repent_v luk._n 17._o 4._o yea_o not_o only_o seven_o time_n but_o seventy_o time_n seven_o math._n 18._o 21_o 22._o and_o will_v not_o god_n much_o more_o forgive_v we_o though_o we_o fall_v oft_o if_o we_o return_v and_o seek_v his_o face_n see_v his_o way_n be_v far_o above_o our_o way_n isa_n 55._o 7_o 9_o dec._n 9_o 1655._o have_v find_v much_o formality_n in_o my_o duty_n on_o the_o sabbath_n and_o see_v myself_o lose_v in_o they_o i_o put_v the_o question_n to_o my_o soul_n what_o if_o thou_o die_v this_o night_n what_o be_v thy_o hope_n how_o will_v thou_o appear_v before_o god_n righteousness_n of_o thy_o own_o thou_o have_v none_o to_o trust_v to_o thou_o see_v how_o thou_o sin_v every_o day_n and_o how_o full_a of_o sin_n thy_o best_a duty_n be_v upon_o this_o enquiry_n the_o good_a spirit_n of_o god_n bring_v to_o my_o remembrance_n 1_o cor._n 1._o 30._o god_n have_v make_v christ_n righteousness_n to_o we_o and_o jer._n 23._o 6._o this_o be_v the_o name_n by_o which_o he_o shall_v be_v call_v the_o lord_n our_o righteousness_n which_o be_v comfort_n to_o i_o and_o inquire_v what_o warrant_v i_o have_v to_o believe_v myself_o to_o be_v a_o sharer_n in_o this_o righteousness_n and_o that_o i_o stand_v accept_v of_o god_n by_o virtue_n of_o this_o righteousness_n i_o see_v from_o rom._n 3._o 21_o 22._o that_o this_o righteousness_n be_v upon_o all_o that_o believe_v now_o through_o the_o lord_n goodness_n and_o to_o his_o praise_n be_v it_o speak_v i_o have_v ofttimes_o find_v my_o heart_n not_o only_o to_o long_o after_o pardon_v and_o renovation_n but_o to_o trust_v in_o christ_n and_o in_o god_n through_o he_o for_o pardon_v mercy_n and_o renew_v grace_n and_o all_o other_o good_a thing_n dec._n 16._o i_o find_v the_o lord_n gracious_o present_a with_o i_o in_o my_o morning_n meditation_n on_o my_o bed_n and_o my_o soul_n be_v much_o refresh_v with_o mr._n simond_n sermon_n god_n speak_v a_o suitable_a word_n by_o he_o to_o my_o soul_n from_o mat._n 15._o 23._o but_o he_o answer_v she_o not_o a_o word_n god_n may_v sometime_o defer_v to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o a_o gracious_a and_o well_o qualify_v prayer_n 1._o to_o correct_v our_o
to_o want_v nor_o how_o to_o abound_v apt_a to_o murmur_v and_o repine_v in_o strait_o and_o to_o be_v lift_v up_o and_o grow_v secure_a in_o enlargement_n o_o lord_n in_o every_o condition_n i_o need_v thy_o grace_n to_o teach_v i_o how_o to_o behave_v myself_o o_o show_v i_o thy_o way_n and_o lead_v i_o therein_o for_o thy_o namesake_n also_o the_o lord_n teach_v i_o hence_o that_o i_o ought_v to_o be_v patient_a under_o his_o hand_n when_o he_o hide_v his_o face_n and_o to_o resign_v up_o my_o will_n to_o his_o will_n inasmuch_o as_o i_o do_v not_o know_v what_o be_v good_a for_o myself_o the_o lord_n see_v i_o shall_v be_v worse_o it_o may_v be_v if_o i_o enjoy_v more_o than_o i_o do_v and_o therefore_o in_o wisdom_n and_o mercy_n he_o keep_v i_o in_o a_o low_a condition_n my_o confusion_n sometime_o have_v be_v so_o great_a that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unsettle_a and_o at_o such_o a_o loss_n in_o my_o soul_n that_o i_o know_v not_o what_o to_o do_v all_o former_a work_n have_v be_v question_v and_o judge_v as_o nothing_o in_o the_o hour_n of_o such_o temptation_n the_o lord_n teach_v i_o beside_o prayer_n and_o search_v into_o my_o soul_n to_o have_v recourse_n to_o former_a experience_n psal_n 77._o 10_o 11._o and_o psal_n 85._o octob._n 11._o in_o the_o morning_n i_o bewail_v it_o before_o god_n that_o i_o be_v still_o at_o a_o loss_n to_o know_v whether_o i_o love_v he_o and_o after_o prayer_n i_o read_v 1_o joh._n 2_o ch_n and_o i_o be_v make_v in_o a_o more_o special_a manner_n to_o take_v notice_n of_o v_o 5._o whoso_o keep_v his_o word_n in_o he_o very_o be_v the_o love_n of_o god_n perfect_v methinks_v i_o see_v god_n answer_v my_o prayer_n and_o tell_v i_o out_o of_o this_o word_n that_o i_o love_v he_o in_o he_o very_o 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d it_o be_v a_o sure_a sign_n of_o love_n to_o god_n we_o need_v not_o doubt_v of_o it_o if_o we_o keep_v his_o word_n now_o if_o i_o know_v my_o own_o heart_n i_o desire_v to_o do_v so_o if_o the_o love_n of_o god_n be_v perfect_v in_o he_o that_o keep_v his_o word_n then_o sure_o it_o be_v begin_v in_o he_o that_o desire_v and_o endeavour_n to_o keep_v his_o word_n jan._n 25._o the_o lord_n help_v i_o with_o tear_n to_o bewall_n my_o abomination_n even_o my_o original_a and_o actual_a sin_n my_o formality_n earthliness_n alienation_n from_o he_o etc._n etc._n therein_o he_o do_v remember_v and_o fulfil_v that_o gracious_a promise_n ezek._n 36._o 31._o i_o find_v godly_a sorrow_n sweet_a not_o only_o in_o the_o root_n and_o fountain_n thereof_o it_o be_v a_o covenant_n blessing_n but_o in_o the_o very_a act_n of_o it_o feb._n 2._o in_o the_o evening_n upon_o my_o bed_n the_o lord_n do_v gracious_o melt_v my_o heart_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o sin_n under_o this_o consideration_n that_o it_o be_v against_o infinite_a love_n i_o be_v ashamed_a confound_v and_o abash_v because_o i_o have_v so_o long_o slight_v neglect_v rebel_v against_o a_o god_n of_o love_n my_o soul_n even_o tremble_v at_o it_o jan._n 15._o 1655._o have_v be_v the_o day_n before_o with_o one_o under_o great_a temptation_n and_o hear_v of_o another_o under_o a_o wound_a spirit_n my_o heart_n be_v melt_v in_o prayer_n whilst_o i_o be_v praise_v god_n for_o his_o long_a patience_n in_o the_o day_n of_o my_o sin_v and_o his_o tenderness_n and_o gentleness_n towards_o i_o in_o my_o conversion_n jan._n 16._o i_o find_v my_o heart_n draw_v out_o to_o a_o recumbence_n on_o jesus_n christ_n the_o spirit_n say_v come_v rev._n 22._o 17._o christ_n say_v come_v joh._n 7._o 37._o and_o the_o father_n say_v come_v mat._n 22._o 4._o and_o who_o be_o i_o o_o lord_n that_o i_o shall_v gainsay_v such_o invitation_n behold_v o_o lord_n i_o come_v and_o put_v my_o trust_n in_o thou_o jan._n 26._o i_o preach_v twice_o and_o have_v very_o gracious_a assistance_n much_o beyond_o expectation_n in_o the_o week_n before_o i_o be_v much_o indispose_v and_o can_v not_o get_v my_o heart_n to_o a_o settle_a meditation_n of_o what_o i_o be_v to_o speak_v i_o be_v under_o a_o great_a sense_n of_o my_o impotency_n and_o labour_v in_o the_o fire_n till_o saturday_n afternoon_n when_o i_o cry_v to_o the_o lord_n he_o be_v gracious_a to_o i_o and_o answer_v i_o after_o my_o work_n be_v over_o i_o be_v much_o assault_v with_o spiritual_a pride_n i_o see_v plain_o the_o reason_n of_o god_n delay_v his_o assistance_n and_o give_v i_o such_o sense_n of_o my_o weakness_n be_v to_o keep_v i_o humble_a every_o way_n o_o lord_n i_o see_v my_o own_o vileness_n when_o thou_o withdrawe_v from_o i_o than_o my_o heart_n die_v and_o my_o strength_n fail_v and_o i_o be_o ready_a to_o be_v froward_a when_o thou_o enlarge_v i_o than_o i_o be_o ready_a to_o be_v puff_v up_o oh_o pardon_n and_o purge_v away_o all_o my_o sin_n for_o thy_o name_n sake_n mar._n 23._o in_o sing_v the_o 15_o the_o psalm_n i_o find_v comfort_n my_o conscience_n bear_v i_o witness_v that_o i_o labour_v after_o those_o thing_n which_o be_v set_v down_o as_o character_n of_o a_o citizen_n of_o the_o new_a jerusalem_n sept._n 28._o i_o have_v sweet_a meditation_n upon_o my_o bed_n i_o find_v god_n in_o my_o morning_n prayer_n also_o in_o private_a and_o assistance_n in_o preach_v but_o not_o such_o a_o influence_n of_o the_o spirit_n in_o public_a prayer_n as_o i_o have_v sometime_o find_v yet_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v give_v i_o his_o presence_n in_o public_a as_o a_o token_n that_o he_o accept_v of_o i_o and_o my_o work_n but_o he_o withdraw_v i_o fear_v hereupon_o that_o i_o have_v tempt_v god_n and_o sin_v in_o beg_v new_a sign_n of_o his_o favour_n when_o i_o have_v have_v such_o great_a experience_n of_o his_o goodness_n many_o time_n before_o lord_n forgive_v the_o sin_n of_o thy_o servant_n nou._n 23._o examine_v myself_o about_o a_o work_n of_o grace_n i_o have_v some_o comfort_n from_o ps_n 40._o 8._o delight_n in_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n be_v a_o argument_n of_o the_o law_n write_v in_o the_o heart_n now_o i_o find_v that_o i_o have_v a_o delight_n especial_o in_o some_o duty_n as_o visit_v the_o sick_a comfort_v of_o distress_a conscience_n etc._n etc._n i_o be_v somewhat_o terrify_v from_o that_o word_n in_o job_n ch_n 42._o 7._o i_o be_v afraid_a lest_o in_o my_o preach_v i_o shall_v sometime_o speak_v those_o thing_n of_o god_n that_o be_v not_o right_a and_o soon_o after_o go_v to_o prayer_n i_o be_v in_o time_n of_o prayer_n comfort_v from_o joh._n 16._o 13._o the_o spirit_n shall_v guide_v you_o into_o all_o truth_n dec._n 7._o i_o find_v the_o lord_n very_o much_o answer_v my_o prayer_n in_o give_v very_o gracious_a and_o powerful_a assistance_n both_o in_o prayer_n and_o preach_v at_o trinity_n lecture_n on_o sabbath_n day_n i_o may_v say_v as_o jaber_n 1_o chron._n 4._o 10._o who_o say_v oh_o that_o thou_o will_v bless_v i_o indeed_o and_o be_v with_o i_o and_o god_n grant_v my_o request_n the_o next_o morning_n there_o come_v a_o woman_n to_o i_o and_o say_v she_o be_v trouble_v at_o the_o sermon_n that_o she_o can_v scarce_o sleep_v all_o night_n for_o she_o bid_v not_o go_v so_o far_o as_o the_o scribe_n and_o pharisee_n and_o that_o which_o add_v to_o the_o mercy_n be_v god_n keep_v i_o humble_a after_o this_o enlargement_n mar._n 31._o 1657._o i_o have_v a_o very_a evident_a answer_n of_o prayer_n i_o be_v at_o a_o pinch_n for_o some_o money_n i_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o i_o may_v be_v supply_v and_o that_o afternoon_n one_o to_o who_o i_o have_v lend_v a_o little_a money_n bring_v it_o i_o which_o be_v enough_o for_o my_o present_a necessity_n the_o circumstance_n be_v very_o remarkable_a i_o seek_v the_o lord_n also_o to_o be_v with_o the_o parish_n in_o the_o choice_n of_o their_o churchwarden_n and_o there_o be_v those_o two_o choose_v who_o if_o i_o have_v have_v the_o nomination_n i_o shall_v have_v choose_v myself_o apr._n 21._o i_o keep_v a_o day_n of_o fast_a to_o the_o lord_n i_o find_v god_n gracious_o with_o i_o in_o prayer_n the_o chief_a thing_n that_o i_o propound_v be_v to_o seek_v direction_n as_o to_o my_o preach_v on_o weekday_n among_o other_o thing_n i_o beg_v of_o god_n a_o supply_n of_o my_o want_n be_v in_o some_o strait_n for_o want_n of_o money_n that_o very_a night_n one_o bring_v i_o 10_o s._n for_o preach_v a_o funeral_n sermon_n which_o i_o expect_v not_o and_o the_o next_o morning_n the_o churchwarden_n of_o st._n andrews_n parish_n bring_v i_o 7_o l._n and_o upward_o whereby_o i_o be_v sufficient_o supply_v i_o can_v not_o but_o take_v notice_n of_o