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ID	Title	Author	Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication)	STC	Words	Pages
A57118	Considerations concerning marriage the honour, duties, benefits, troubles of it whereto are added 1. directions in two particulars, 1. how they that have wives may be as if they had none, 2., how to prepare for parting with a dear yoke-fellow by death, or other-wife : 2. resolution of this case of conscience, whether a man may lawfully marry his wives sister? / by Edward Reyner ...	Reyner, Edward, 1600-1668.	1657 (1657)	Wing R1221; ESTC R3111	49,078	102

CONSIDERATIONS Concerning MARRIAGE The HONOUR DUTIES BENEFITS TROUBLES of it Whereto are added 1. Directions in two Particulars 1. How they that have wives may be as if they had none 2 How to prepare for parting with a dear yoke-fellow by death or otherwise 2. Resolution of this Case of Conscience Whether a man may lawfully marry his Wives Sister By EDWARD REYNER Minister of the Gospel in Lincoln London Printed by J. T. for Thomas Newbery and are to be sold at the three Golden Lions in Cornhill neer the Royal Exchange MDCLVII TO THE READER Christian Reader THou mayest wonder that I should bring this poor Embryo to the birth in the Presse the place of bringing forth When I first penn'd these concise considerations concerning marriage I had not the least thought that they should have seen more light then came in at my Study-window or that any more eyes then mine own should have seen them while I lived But thus it came to passe These being the heads of what I delivered in private at the Marriage of some Friends not long ago and I being requested soon after to communicate my Notes thereof reveiwed them but found them very short and imperfect and that what I had written could not give an account of what God helped me then to speak Hereupon I resolved to transcribe and inlarge them a little onely that I might get some Copies written out to gratifie some Friends that desired them But when I had almost finished them I had several Hints upon my Heart from Providentiall occurences to expose them to publick view Whereto I was also encouraged by some godly and judicious friends who had the perusal of them Thus I am drawn to hope that through Gods blessing which can make little Pamphlets instrumental for the good of others as well as great volumes this little poor plain ●iece may be of use to many because 1. The Subject of this Discourse to vvit Marriage is of general extent and of speciall consequences for it is the first Relation and foundation of humane Society and it is the Rule and Measure of the Wel-ordering of all other Relations and hath a Regulating Influence upon them all 2. The Principall Concernments of Marriage as I humbly conceive are plainly declared briefly comprized and usefully applyed herein 3. This Tract being so small may be bought cheap and read soon and be ready to direct either Poor or Rich vvho desire to vvalk by Rule in their Matrimonial State The Lord command his Blessing upon it that it may be effectual and prosper in the things vvhereto I intend it and Gods Providence sends it novv unto thee even to accomplish the good pleasure of God tovvards thee in making thy Relations religious in the manner and order of them and sweet and comfortable to thee in the end and use thereof Reader I pray thee live this book throughly in thy family I hope it may draw down a blessing upon thy whole house when thou reapest profit by this or any other Tract give God the praise and let the Author have thy prayers to God to strengthen him and bless him in his labors Which is the request Sept. 19. 1657. Of thy Friend in the Lord Edw. Reyner TO THE READER THe worthy Author of this ensuing Treatise was pleased not onely to favour me with the perusal of it but also to put so much honour upon me as to crave my Judgement concerning it before he purposed to make it publick Doubtless such condescentions of his spirit unto a friend every way inferiour to himself do speak his great humility which addeth much lustre unto the rich abilities with which the Lord hath crowned him His former practical pieces have found so good acceptance amongst gracious savorie spirited Christians that the prefixing of his Name will be sufficient commendation of this book Whosoever have heretofore drunk of his rich spiritul Wines will say There is no need to hang forth an Ivy-bush to call in Customers when his vessels are broached I do ingeniously profess that I have received edification by reading over this discourse and thence I take encouragement to commend it to thy serious perusal Long since when I read Reverend Mr. Greenhams Treatise of a Contract before Marriage and observed his serious instructing of the persons contracted in the Articles of faith and the ten commandements I then thus concluded in mine own thoughts Surely this man of God judged that this condition of life doth need more than ordinary helps that it might be Christianly managed And questionless upon this account not excluding others Ministers most eminently godly have in their times perswaded a matrimonial contract before the consummation of Marriage that the persons intending that change might by peculiar advice and prayer be prepared for it I well remember that my good Friend Mr. John Ball whose memory is precious during the time of his last sickness did often speak to this purpose If God should be pleased to restore me to the exercise of my Ministery I will more preach and presse Relative duties then I have formerly done The power of godliness appeareth in relations and what relation is so influential as this betwixt husband and wife This is the first and fundamental human Relation and according to the disposition and conversation of husband and wife in their domestical state and capacity will the behavior of children servants and others in the family be usually ordered both amongst themselves in their mutual subordinations and towards others occasionally I know that many of Gods Worthies both in former and latter times have in their Discourses concerning domestical duties mentioned many things here particularized yet as the concurrence of Brethren addeth strength to their counsel so that which is additional may be found profitable In mine apprehension there is a vein of Scripture strength and evidence together with the savoriness and judiciousness of the Authors Spirit running through the whole book from beginning to end in these regards I was moved to request him to make it publick hoping that it will through Gods blessing be instrumental in promoting the power of godliness amongst professors of Religion That case of conscience which is added unto the practical discourse concerning Marriage is upon dispute determined with so much strength and authority both Divine and Humane that I am perswaded much sin in that kinde will hereby for the future be prevented There were three sheets more prepared for the Press concerning the mutual spiritual communion betwixt Christ and the soul which is espoused to him whereof there are some short hints in page 42. and 43. and 44. and 60. of the following Treatise and doubtless this piece would have been acceptable and profitable unto Christ-improving Christians This was wrapped up in a paper directed unto me and sent by a special friend who lost it out of his pocket in his journey from Lincoln to London in May last This loss is the more to be lamented

judgments Let them pray with their family in the morning because some of them may fall sick and die before night and pray in the Evening also to commit themselves and their house to Gods safe keeping from all peril and danger for they know not what a Night may bring forth or day either and if evils befal them their hearts will smite them for neglect of this necessary duty of prayer in their families Also to Catechize repeat sermons and teach all in their house their duties and to seek the souls good of their servants as well as of their children and as well as to expect the service of their bodies and to charge them all to walk in Gods ways as Abraham did his children and househould after him Gen 18.19 Prov. 4.1 to 5. 1. Chron. 28.9 and as David charged his son Solomon in his life and at his death 1 Kin. 2.1.2 This is the mothers duty also to teach and command her children their duties My son saith Solomen Prov. 1.8 and 6.20 keep thy fathers Commandment and forsake not the Law of thy mother Josh 24.15 The master of the house should resolve with Joshua I and my house will serve the Lord every day together what ever other familes do we will pray and read Gods word that is perform holy duties together for the Glory of God and the good of all our souls as well as eat drink talk and sleep together and with David Ps 101.2 I will walk in the midest of my house with a perfect heart Esther 4.16 The wife also should be a help to her Husband in family duties and no hinderance therein Queen Esther and her Maides will fast and pray For if the wife should draw back from holy duties and be a discouragement to him therein the soul of her husband if he be godly can take no pleasure in her She is in a posture tending to perdition Hebr. 10.38.39 Mr. Abbot I have read a sad story reported by a Reverend Minister upon his own knewledge of an honest Christian that had a wife world ly and distrustful and he being much in Godly Excercise Morning and Evening in his family She would disturb him and goe about ratling her keyes or making some other noise to hinder him pretending that his Time spent that way might be imployed in getting of mony for his family This woman was given over by God to the Devils Temptations so far that she thrust a knife into the pit of her stomack and killed her self yet before she died she confessed thus much to that Minister and craved Gods pardon as well as she could Had it not been better that she had borne her husband company in holy duties and so gone hand in hand to heaven together Further set up Gods word to be the Law of your house to order your family and all the affaires of it according to the Rule of it For Gods word moulds and shapes every person in it for his Imployment and directs and keeps them in their several rankes Places and duties This is the way to have a Church in your house Rom. 16.5 as Aquila and Priscilla had 2. 2 Chuse good servants To chuse good servants such as know and fear God or as appear tractable and hopeful to be instructed and wrought upon Set David before you as a pattern herein Psal 101.6 7. Suffer no disordered swearing ranting persons to come into your house or to tarry in your sight such as will bring sin and a curse along with them Covet earnestly to have a choyce pickt family Acts 10.2 such as Cornelius had who feared God and all his house 3. 3 Exclude sin To shut sin out of doores as excessive drinking gaming swearing lying pride contentions Job 11.14 ch 22.23 vanities Follow the Councel which Jobs friends gave him as Zophar Let not wickednesse dwel in your Tabernacle and Eliphaz Put iniquity far from your Tabernacle then you shall know that your Tabernacle shall be in peace Chap. ● 24 God will keep house for you when you are from home as Bildad Job 8.6 If you be pure and upright God will make the Habitation of your righteousness prosperous Let it be your care to make it righteous and God will make it prosperous 4 Look well to the wayes of your houshold 4 Oversee the family to prevent or supress sin and to stop the beginnings thereof to cherish incourage good in all that live with you to reduce those that go astray in opinion or in conversation This is the duty of the wife as well as of the Husband Prov. 31.27 1 Sam. 3.13 14. The vertuous woman looketh well to the wayes of her houshold Because Elies sonnes made themselves vile and he restrained them not God judged his house for ever 5. 5. To Sanctify the sabbath To keep holy the Sabbath day not onely you but all within your house the charge whereof lyeth mainly on the master of the house and next upon the mistress Exod. 20.9 10. This Godly Covenant of your houshold will draw down Gods protection and blessing upon your habitation relations and upon all your affairs The use hereof is to exhort all Marying and married persons 1 To learn these mariage duties both special and Common Vse 1. Learn these mariage duties For any to mary before they know their dutie or how to carry therein is like setting up before one hath learnt the trade or like answering a Matter before one hears it which is folly and shame unto him Prov. 18.13 2 Vse 2. perform them To perform these duties of mariage car●full and constantly I commend unto you four Motives or inducements hereunto 4 Motives 1. 1 Duties of Mariage a●e matters of Religion Though Mariage in it self be but a civil matter y●t the duties of Mariage are Matters of Religion o● conscience and obedience to the gos●el ●●ing fully prescribed and injoyned 〈…〉 And Christ will one day come in slaming ●ire to ta●●●vengeance on them that ob●● not the Gospel in the precepts of it 2 Thes 1.8 2 2 To do the dutie This to get the Comfort thereof In the diligent and Conscionable performance of the dutie of mariage you may expect the comforts benefits and blessings of mariage A wife may draw forth the love and kindeness of a husband and a Husband may extract the helpfulness and comfort of a wife by the religious doing of their duties the one to the other For man or woman to expect the Comfort of a Relation and to neglect the duty thereof is to tempt God Math. 25.24 and to act the part of a hard man who looks to reap where he hath not sowen and to gather where he hath not strowed 3. 3 The mariage covenant Motive The solemn league and covenant you enter into mutually at Mariage whereof God himself is a witness Malac. 2.14 both of your making it

Old Time the holy women who trusted in God and were in subjection to their own Husbands adorned themselves vers 5. 2. 1 Tim. 2.8 9 10. And good works I will saith Paul that women adorn themselves in modest apparel with shamefastness and sobriety not with broidered hair or gold pearls or costly aray But which become women professing Godliness with good works Both Paul and Peter are to be understood in a Comparative sense that womens adorning should be not so much in outward attire as in inward vertues or rather in the latter then in the former Even Godly women may wear Gold and jewels and precious things and good attire as Rebekah did the earring and bracelets which Abrahams servant put upon her Gen. 24.30 47. with these limitations 1. That these be sutable to their rank place and state and not costly above their ability and as the most wise godly grave women are habited 2 That they be without wantonness wastfulness or curious nicer●●s or new fangledness for fashion God visi●eth for strange apparel Zeph. 1.8 3 Without pride Vanity or Excess or thinking better of themselves for them 4 So that they place their chiefest fineness in their inward adornings rather then outward more in their Graces and good works then in their Garments and indeavour by the outward ornament of their bodies to set forth the inward beauty of their soules 2 2 Of behaviour Tit 2 3. Also modesty of behaviour to express the inward holiness of their hearts in sober deportment in countenance gesture and speech to open their mouths with discretion Prov. 31.26 Prov. 7.11 12 and 9.13 and bridle their tongues and not be as the harlot babling and clamorous who is as extravagant in her Tongue as in her feet Good wives should account meekness of spirit their chief ornament and take heed they be not either 1 Proud or imperious in their spirits speeches looks Carriage 2 Or unquiet turbulent impatient alway brawling or chiding Such wives are neither credit nor comfort to their husbands but a continual vexation Thorns in their sides and pricks in their eyes The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping 19. Prov. 13. and 27.15 Like rain that falls into all the rooms of a house which is very tedious and irksome Prov. 21.9.25.21 It is better to Aw●●● in the Corner of a house-top then with a ●rawling woman in a wide house Thus much concerning the particular duties of Husband to wife and of the wife to her Husband 2. Duties common to both 7. 2. Now follow the Duties Common to both husband and wife and to be performed by both or Exercised to or with or for both which are equally reciprocal and of like Obligation These are seven 1 Prayer 1. Prayer to God frequent and fervent both joyntly and severally for all mariage Graces and mariage Comforts Especially 1. For sutablenesse of Disposition that God would fashion your hearts alike 2. For wisdom to carry with most beauty amiableness and sw●●tness for the benefit and advantage comfort and encouragement one of another 3 For Gods presence with you in it and for Gods blessing upon it and that God would build you a house Psalm 127. by giving you hopeful children faithful servants blessed goods Let Husband and wife interest God much in their Mariage by prayer Reas 1 Because a Conjugal condition can be no more comfortable or satisfactory to us then God maketh it It will be an empty thing if God do not fill it and bitter if God do not sweeten it It is not the having of a Husband or a Wife but of God in them or with them that giveth content comfort and satisfaction We ought in all our wayes to acknowledge God especially in Mariage which is one of the chief of our wayes and a great Turn of our lives which concerns the future Comfort thereof 2 Because mercies got with prayer are got with a blessing and prove the sweetest mercies of all Prayer sanctifies Mariage 1 Tim 4.3 4. and makes the acts of it holy in manner and happy in end 2. 2 Love Tit. 2.4 Common duty is Conjugal love which is not proper to the Husband alone but should be mutual and reciprocal between them both To this end husband and wife ought to love one another 1 Chiefly for the grace of God the one seeth in the other that being unchangeable their love will be constant When Religion tieth the knot of affection between them it holds fast till death But when they love one another chiefly for other respects as beauty wealth or fulfilling the desires of the flesh c. when these are satisfied or fail love will cool 2. Really at their hearts or in sincerity For to dissemble affections and Counterfeit love and kindness will deprive them of the comfort and sweetnesse of mariage and make it in Time a burden and bitterness to them Sincere love knits their hearts as m●n joynes their hands together Else they will not cleave but sit loose and be ready to leave one another 4. Grounds of mutual love But there be four special Grounds of mutual love and deareness between Husband and wife scil Donation Propriety Union and Necessity 1. Donation They are special gifts bestowed by God the one upon the other 1 Donation Prov. 18.22 and 19.14 which should be a precious Endearment of one to other Thus they should look at themselves This is the woman God hath given to me to be a meet help for me above al the women in the world So this is that man God hath fited for me and given to me for a head and Guide above all other men in the world 2. 2 Propriety Propriety or the Mutual Interest they have by matrimony one in another They are one anothers Owne properly and peculiarly so as they are no bodies else and so as no person or thing in the world is their own for they are maried One to another so are they to no body to nothing besides The Apostle asserts this matrimonial interest in the 1. of Cor. 7.2 Let every man have his own wife and every woman have her own husband The wise hath not power of her own body but her husband nor the Husband hath power of his owne body but the wife so as not to account their own bodyes to be at their own disposal The wife is the Husband only one and he is hers They should be mutual darlings one to another because they are mutual Proprietors one of another by self resignation of each to other they give themselves mutual power one over another Now every one loveth his own best non quia pulchrum sed quia Suum his own Children his own goods his own house c. for propriety more then for beauty beause they are his own Shall a man love any thing that is his own but his wife or better then his wife or shall a wife love any thing that is

themselves thereunto to take off dulness and aversness the one from the other Yoke fellows should draw on one another to God and good and towards Heaven to publick ordinances and private exercises and to the Communion of Saints They should be goads and spurs each to other and worship God together as Companions in his service and fellow travellers walking hand in hand together to the kingdom of glory That they may be like Zacharias and Elizabeth both righteous walking in all the Commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless Luc. 1.6 like Abraham and Sara both believers like Elkanah and Hannah 1 Sam. 1. both true worshipers of God like Aquila and Priscilla both helpers in the work of Christ Rom. 16.3 4. Now if either father or mother believe the children are holy federally 1 Cor. 7.14 and many promises are made to them especially if both the Parents be saints and believers God blesseth such with pious and prosperous children which are double blessings as he did Abraham and Sarah with an Isaac Elkanah and Hannah with a Samuel Zacharias and Elizabeth with a John Manoah and his wife with a Sampson Such Godly compeers make maria●e it self honourable and they will live and die with Glory 5 Patience The fifth Common duty is Patience Husband and Wife should not onely labour to heal of which before but if they cannot yet to bear with infirmities one in another Remember this Rule never to be angry both at once but the one should bear with the others frowardness and Passion and for a time give way to it This is the way to overcome and quench passion in a yoke-fellow and to make them afterwards love one another better when the one by yeelding a little hath conquered the other whereas to be both angry at once is to add fewel to the fire and to make the slame of Contention between them very great this will dissolve the glue of affecton that made them cleave together and separate them and make of one two Patience is necessary to prevent breaches and preserve Conjugal Amity and familiarity between maried Couples and to possess themselves and one another It was the speech of a godly man I count it a necessary Qualification in one whom I may match my self unto to have no predominant humor in her which I cannot bear but to be able to bear any Infirmity of mine Another Reverend man as is reported seeing a very cholerick couple live very lovingly and quietly together as Husband and wife asked them how they could so sweetly agree and consort together to whom the man answered when my wifes fit is upon her I yeeld to her as Abraham did to Sarah and when my fit is upon me she yeelds to me and so we never strive together but assunder This mutual forbearance each of other will beget contention with their Coujugal Condition and further their endeavours to sute their minde to their Choice and to be well pleased one in another after Mariage Mal. 15. though before mariage they might have fitted their Choice to their minde That Mariage hath a great blessing in it wherein the greatest Contention between Man and Wife is who should love each other most and please one another best 6. Procreatiō of Children 6. The sixth Common duty Procreation of children I will saith Paul that the younger women mary and bear children 1 Tim. 5.14 especially to seek a godly seed To this end Husband and wife should wrest by prayer with God not onely to bless them with the fruit of the womb but with such a seed as shall be blessed is not onely to give them children but children of promise as well as of providence such as he will make his children by grace as well as their children by nature heirs of God and coheirs with Christ God at the first made onely one woman for one man though he being the God of the spirit of all flesh had power to have made more but he did Conjoyn one woman onely to that one man and still continueth his ordinance of the same single Copulation that he might seek a seed of God that is a religious and holy posterity such as might worship him the onely true God and propagate his Church This is a proper and principal end of Mariage to wit the procreation of children ●or the propagation of Gods worship and of his Church of which I shall speak again afterwards yea this was the end of it Even in mans Innocency when he was without sin Hence amongst Gods people virginity was a grief as in the Case of Jephtahs daughter Judg 11.37 40. and barrenness was accounted a shame and reproach 1 Sam. 5.6 7. as Elizabeths speech implies Luc. 1.25 Hannah had experience hereof upon this Account because they could not increase the Church of God For which end Paul bids the younger women mary Tim. 2 14. Whereas an ungodly seed serves to increase the Synagogue of Satan Idolatry and profaneness and cause exceeding grief and troubles to their godly Parents And as it should be their earnest desire to bring forth a godly seed so should it be their care to bring th●m up for God in the Discipline and nurture of the Lord Ephes 6.7 in the fear and knowledge of God and in his worship loving their souls better then their bodies Augustin praised his mother that she travelled in greater pain for his Soul then she did in bringing forth his bodie Solomons Mother taught him a Prophesie that is lessons of chastity and temperance and the properties of a good wife Prov. 31. His father David composed a Psalm for his instruction Psal 72. Timotheus mother taught him the scriptures from his Infancy 2 Tim. 1.5 3.15 7 to build a godly family 7. Common dutie is to build a godly family not onely by the procreation and religious Education of children which is a pillar of the house but by a wise and godly Goverment and ordering of the house in which the wife ought to act her part I will saith Paul that the younger women mary and bear children and guide the house that is domestick affairs 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 1 Tim. 5.14 domi-portae To this end they ought to be discreet that is prudent and circumspect and keepers at home Titus 2.5 housewives to carry their houses as it were on their backs as snails do The Harlot doth not so Prov. 7.11.12 Her feet abide not in her house now she is without now in the street But Abraham when he was askt where is Sarah thy wife he said Gen. 18 9. behold she is in the Tent. To this end Husband and wife should put forth joynt endeavours in five particulars 1. 5 Things are requisite hereto 1 Family duties Jer. 10.25 To performe holy duties in their houses constantly of reading the Scriptures and of prayer Evening and Morning For without prayer they and their Familie lies open to Gods wrath and