poor_a servant_n a_o profit_v spirit_n under_o his_o administration_n to_o she_o which_o desire_n be_v not_o only_o put_v up_o before_o the_o lord_n but_o be_v the_o issue_n out_o of_o my_o heart_n frequent_o before_o the_o lord_n on_o her_o behalf_n march_n 31_o the_o lord_n be_v exceed_o please_v to_o put_v it_o upon_o my_o heart_n to_o seek_v his_o face_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o dear_a brother_n desire_v above_o all_o earthly_a blessing_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o he_o in_o as_o a_o return_n of_o prayer_n that_o one_o so_o night_n i_o may_v not_o perish_v in_o which_o desire_n he_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n exceed_o insomuch_o then_o and_o often_o since_o so_o that_o i_o can_v willing_o pour_v out_o my_o very_a life_n for_o he_o that_o the_o lord_n will_v but_o touch_v his_o heart_n in_o mercy_n and_o that_o that_o work_v we_o hope_v the_o lord_n have_v begin_v in_o he_o he_o will_v finish_v tell_v the_o lord_n withal_o that_o he_o have_v say_v what_o ever_o we_o ask_v believe_v we_o shall_v receive_v beseech_v he_o to_o increase_v my_o say_v tell_v he_o further_o that_o it_o be_v my_o desire_n to_o believe_v and_o expect_v the_o return_n of_o this_o poor_a desire_n in_o his_o own_o time_n and_o how_o it_o may_v make_v most_o for_o his_o glory_n and_o that_o if_o it_o be_v his_o will_n to_o let_v i_o see_v it_o and_o that_o see_v he_o have_v give_v i_o thus_o much_o boldness_n from_o the_o experience_n of_o his_o richness_n in_o answer_v the_o desire_n of_o my_o poor_a soul_n both_o for_o myself_o and_o other_o that_o he_o will_v also_o please_v to_o give_v in_o this_o poor_a brother_n as_o a_o return_n of_o prayer_n and_o help_v i_o to_o give_v he_o the_o glory_n of_o it_o and_z true_o immediate_o before_o this_o duty_n it_o be_v much_o set_v upon_o my_o heart_n to_o beg_v of_o god_n to_o manifest_v his_o pleasure_n to_o i_o in_o this_o thing_n and_o in_o draw_v out_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o heart_n of_o other_o of_o his_o people_n on_o his_o behalf_n march_n 31._o in_o my_o morning-sacrifice_n i_o have_v this_o discovery_n or_o experiment_n hint_v upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o if_o it_o be_v so_o good_a to_o be_v in_o the_o heart_n of_o god_n people_n as_o my_o soul_n have_v find_v by_o experience_n it_o be_v be_v real_o persuade_v that_o much_o of_o the_o soul-mercy_n that_o i_o enjoy_v come_v in_o through_o the_o prayer_n of_o some_o of_o god_n people_n for_o i_o oh_o what_o be_v it_o then_o to_o be_v in_o the_o heart_n of_o god_n for_o true_o have_v i_o not_o be_v in_o his_o heart_n the_o be_v in_o their_o heart_n will_v little_o have_v advantage_v i_o april_n the_o sixteenth_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v two_o or_o three_o day_n before_o much_o to_o disappoint_v that_o expectation_n of_o my_o soul_n providence_n cast_v i_o among_o several_a godly_a person_n and_o find_v little_a of_o god_n drop_n from_o they_o to_o my_o spiritual_a advantage_n as_o also_o find_v my_o own_o heart_n exceed_o bind_v up_o while_o i_o be_v in_o their_o company_n when_o as_o i_o be_v go_v home_o it_o so_o seize_v upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o i_o think_v my_o very_a heart_n be_v overset_v and_o will_v have_v burst_v within_o i_o all_o which_o put_v my_o soul_n into_o a_o holy_a awe_n and_o tremble_a for_o fear_v lest_o the_o lord_n shall_v also_o at_o this_o present_n withdraw_v from_o i_o which_o put_v my_o soul_n upon_o a_o more_o earnest_a and_o importunate_a seek_v of_o he_o to_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n through_o every_o ordinance_n of_o he_o that_o i_o may_v see_v his_o face_n and_o not_o his_o back_n urge_v of_o he_o very_o much_o with_o the_o promise_n that_o he_o have_v say_v that_o the_o seed_n of_o jacob_n shall_v not_o seek_v his_o face_n in_o vain_a beseech_v the_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n at_o this_o time_n the_o next_o day_n if_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o add_v this_o one_o opportunity_n more_o to_o i_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o it_o be_v true_a i_o may_v yea_o i_o have_v seek_v other_o thing_n in_o vain_a i_o but_o shall_v i_o seek_v his_o face_n in_o vain_a now_o that_o i_o come_v only_o to_o seek_v his_o face_n rely_v on_o his_o promise_n he_o have_v make_v i_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o seek_v in_o vain_a and_o therefore_o i_o do_v desire_n to_o roll_n upon_o it_o beseech_v he_o to_o increase_v my_o faith_n that_o i_o may_v real_o and_o indeed_o expect_v the_o performance_n and_o make_v of_o it_o good_a at_o this_o present_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o true_o i_o dare_v not_o but_o to_o his_o praise_n acknowledge_v and_o desire_v that_o the_o remembrance_n of_o it_o may_v dwell_v upon_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v in_o a_o wonderful_a manner_n to_o manifest_v himself_o this_o day_n be_v the_o 17_o of_o april_n to_o my_o soul_n through_o which_o that_o whole_a day_n both_o in_o prayer_n and_o preach_v every_o word_n in_o prayer_n come_v as_o if_o it_o have_v be_v fetch_v from_o the_o bottom_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o every_o word_n in_o the_o sermon_n be_v of_o such_o spiritual_a concernment_n to_o i_o that_o i_o can_v not_o but_o acknowledge_v the_o lord_n mighty_o present_a through_o his_o servant_n mr._n knight_n this_o day_n and_o true_o this_o former_a appearance_n of_o god_n have_v so_o rasish_v my_o heart_n and_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n i_o be_v also_o embolden_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o appearance_n april_n 20._o beseech_v he_o that_o as_o he_o have_v begin_v his_o work_n in_o abundant_a measure_n in_o mercy_n that_o he_o will_v also_o please_v to_o go_v on_o and_o add_v this_o one_o mercy_n more_o and_o trust_v i_o with_o it_o and_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o improve_v it_o to_o his_o glory_n that_o as_o he_o have_v give_v i_o this_o abundant_a experience_n of_o not_o seek_v his_o face_n in_o vain_a so_o that_o he_o will_v strengthen_v my_o faith_n even_o at_o this_o time_n also_o to_o call_v upon_o he_o and_o true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v also_o to_o bow_v down_o and_o appear_v abundant_o to_o my_o soul_n this_o day_n also_o through_o mr._n knight_n april_n 27._o i_o give_v up_o in_o a_o note_n this_o day_n that_o one_o desire_n to_o praise_v the_o lord_n that_o amid_o all_o the_o trial_n he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o excercise_n she_o under_o in_o this_o pilgrimage_n he_o have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v she_o some_o taste_n of_o the_o rest_n that_o be_v only_o to_o be_v enjoy_v in_o himself_o beseech_v he_o so_o to_o increase_v her_o faith_n that_o she_o may_v be_v enable_v to_o live_v upon_o a_o promise_n this_o be_v give_v up_o to_o mr._n knight_n to_o spread_v before_o the_o lord_n april_n 24._o 1653._o for_o one_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v out_o of_o his_o free_a grace_n to_o set_v his_o first_o love_n upon_o and_o continual_o to_o follow_v with_o mercy_n upon_o mercy_n and_o to_o give_v in_o one_o return_n upon_o the_o neck_n of_o another_o notwithstanding_o she_o have_v often_o in_o the_o rebellion_n of_o her_o heart_n say_v that_o god_n have_v cover_v all_o her_o prayer_n with_o a_o cloud_n and_o will_v never_o answer_v any_o of_o they_o which_o yet_o he_o have_v abundant_o do_v which_o she_o be_v not_o able_a any_o way_n sufficient_o to_o admire_v or_o bless_v his_o name_n for_o and_o therefore_o desire_v that_o those_o who_o heart_n the_o lord_n have_v more_o enlarge_v to_o this_o glorious_a heavenly_a work_n will_v help_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v that_o name_n of_o god_n who_o there_o be_v none_o like_o unto_o who_o continual_o wait_v that_o he_o may_v be_v gracious_a beseech_v he_o that_o he_o will_v also_o enable_v her_o soul_n to_o wait_v to_o bless_v and_o praise_v his_o name_n yea_o wait_v for_o a_o heart_n suit_v to_o all_o these_o wonderful_a appearance_n of_o his_o to_o her_o soul_n that_o she_o may_v be_v more_o and_o more_o dedicate_v and_o give_v up_o to_o he_o and_o he_o alone_o in_o all_o she_o have_v be_v or_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o do_v this_o also_o be_v give_v up_o to_o mr._n knight_n april_n 26._o apprehend_v that_o one_o propound_v to_o the_o church_n intend_v to_o address_v himself_o to_o the_o church_n for_o admission_n be_v before_o much_o dissatisfy_v concern_v he_o yet_o find_v much_o inclination_n in_o the_o spirit_n of_o other_o to_o he_o i_o be_v exceed_o trouble_v about_o it_o and_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o direct_v i_o what_o to_o do_v in_o it_o beseech_v he_o also_o to_o appear_v among_o we_o and_o give_v in_o his_o spirit_n that_o it_o may_v be_v to_o we_o a_o spirit_n of_o discern_v that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v
why_o be_v thou_o disquiet_v within_o i_o hope_v thou_o in_o god_n the_o lord_n set_v this_o home_n with_o much_o power_n upon_o my_o spirit_n at_o this_o time_n have_v be_v all_o the_o winter_n deprive_v of_o the_o enjoy_n of_o any_o public_a mean_n the_o lord_n i_o say_v set_v this_o scripture_n so_o home_o upon_o my_o spirit_n i_o begin_v at_o last_o to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o and_o to_o demand_v of_o my_o soul_n the_o reason_n of_o this_o my_o trouble_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v also_o to_o put_v i_o upon_o the_o view_n of_o some_o sermon_n of_o mr._n marshal_n and_o other_o which_o i_o have_v former_o hear_v some_o expression_n in_o they_o be_v bring_v to_o my_o mind_n wherein_o i_o find_v several_a answer_n to_o many_o thing_n which_o i_o allege_v as_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n i_o be_v also_o by_o the_o lord_n i_o hope_v put_v upon_o a_o review_n of_o that_o little_a book_n call_v the_o marrow_n of_o modern_a divinity_n which_o i_o have_v former_o read_v with_o much_o tremble_a with_o a_o secret_a persuasion_n in_o my_o heart_n that_o those_o be_v real_a truth_n though_o former_o i_o neither_o can_v nor_o dare_v full_o close_a with_o they_o which_o two_o mean_n do_v through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n at_o the_o present_a somewhat_o settle_v and_o quiet_v my_o turmoil_v spirit_n then_o in_o the_o begin_n of_o the_o year_n 1651._o go_v into_o the_o country_n and_o stay_n about_o a_o month_n within_o 4_o or_o 5_o mile_n where_o mr._n stevens_n exercise_v have_v hear_v of_o he_o i_o have_v a_o great_a desire_n to_o hear_v he_o which_o also_o i_o do_v 3_o or_o 4_o time_n with_o much_o content_n he_o be_v one_o of_o those_o time_n upon_o gal._n 3._o 8._o the_o scripture_n foresee_v that_o god_n will_v justify_v the_o heathen_a through_o faith_n etc._n etc._n where_o he_o show_v we_o full_o that_o god_n do_v not_o justify_v the_o righteous_a but_o even_a heathen_n ungodly_a man_n which_o word_n add_v somewhat_o to_o my_o comfort_n only_o i_o can_v not_o say_v i_o have_v faith_n and_o this_o stumble_v i_o again_o then_o come_v to_o colechester_n and_o rest_v only_o one_o lord_n day_n there_o i_o hear_v mr._n archer_n who_o by_o the_o providence_n of_o god_n be_v then_o upon_o that_o scripture_n in_o joh._n 16._o 8._o where_o the_o lord_n promise_v to_o send_v the_o spirit_n &_o that_o it_o shall_v convince_v the_o world_n of_o sin_n and_o of_o righteousness_n where_o he_o full_o show_v that_o it_o be_v the_o office_n of_o the_o spirit_n to_o convince_v humble_a sinner_n of_o a_o all-sufficient_a righteousness_n in_o jesus_n christ_n thereupon_o still_o labour_v to_o take_v man_n off_o from_o all_o dependence_n upon_o their_o own_o righteousness_n or_o any_o thing_n in_o they_o or_o do_v by_o they_o which_o i_o now_o find_v i_o have_v be_v very_o guilty_a of_o tell_v we_o also_o that_o all_o those_o duty_n grace_n or_o qualification_n that_o we_o so_o rest_v upon_o be_v not_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n etc._n etc._n therefore_o too_o scant_o and_o narrow_a to_o cover_v any_o soul_n at_o which_o time_n i_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v real_o believe_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o strike_v the_o first_o and_o great_a blow_n to_o dependence_n on_o my_o own_o act_n although_o i_o have_v yet_o much_o confusion_n and_o trouble_n in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v this_o thing_n be_v yet_o very_o dark_a in_o the_o understanding_n of_o it_o but_o in_o this_o short_a time_n of_o my_o be_v in_o the_o country_n the_o lord_n have_v in_o some_o measure_n thus_o begin_v as_o it_o be_v to_o speak_v a_o word_n of_o comfort_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_v strange_o in_o my_o own_o thought_n i_o hope_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n put_v upon_o the_o desire_n of_o communion_n with_o the_o people_n of_o god_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n and_o so_o upon_o the_o search_n of_o the_o scripture_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n to_o that_o end_n accompany_v with_o the_o experience_n i_o former_o have_v of_o that_o way_n call_v the_o presbytery_n which_o i_o be_v now_o very_a much_o unsatisfied_a in_o which_o dissatisfaction_n be_v at_o the_o present_a only_o ground_v upon_o the_o practice_n of_o they_o who_o walk_v in_o that_o way_n find_v they_o general_o so_o full_a of_o wrath_n bitterness_n clamour_n and_o evil_a speak_v even_o of_o brethren_n which_o i_o conceive_v not_o to_o be_v a_o gospel-frame_n of_o spirit_n compare_v with_o those_o who_o practise_v the_o contrary_n which_o be_v much_o set_v upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o be_v more_o sweet_a humble_a and_o christian_n like_a as_o also_o a_o way_n for_o more_o growth_n and_o establishment_n be_v more_o full_a of_o love_n which_o the_o gospel_n be_v so_o full_a of_o and_o watch_v over_o one_o another_o etc._n etc._n which_o i_o now_o see_v i_o stand_v in_o great_a need_n of_o and_o therefore_o much_o desire_v find_v my_o spirit_n then_o much_o draw_v out_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n direction_n in_o it_o beseech_v he_o more_o and_o more_o to_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o in_o what_o way_n of_o worship_n i_o may_v most_o honour_v he_o and_o meet_v with_o and_o enjoy_v most_o of_o he_o as_o also_o when_o and_o where_o i_o may_v so_o join_v beg_v of_o he_o also_o with_o much_o and_o earnest_a desire_n to_o fit_v i_o for_o it_o then_o come_v home_o again_o my_o trouble_n renew_v to_o think_v how_o my_o lot_n be_v cast_v in_o such_o a_o place_n where_o i_o have_v little_a society_n that_o i_o can_v reap_v any_o benefit_n from_o and_o under_o his_o ministry_n which_o i_o continual_o find_v very_o unprofitable_a to_o i_o at_o last_o make_v this_o know_v to_o a_o friend_n how_o dissatisfy_v i_o be_v to_o hear_v he_o she_o advise_v i_o to_o go_v hear_v mr._n knight_n which_o according_o i_o do_v about_o midsummer_n 1651._o who_o through_o the_o assistance_n of_o god_n do_v full_o lay_v open_a the_o free_a and_o abundant_a grace_n of_o god_n to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v their_o lose_a and_o undo_v condition_n out_o of_o christ_n through_o who_o ministry_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o go_v on_o to_o convince_v i_o yet_o far_o and_o more_o full_o of_o my_o great_a unbeleef_n and_o deafness_n to_o jesus_n christ_n which_o have_v wrought_v so_o many_o sad_a trouble_n upon_o my_o spirit_n be_v convince_v of_o which_o i_o will_v glad_o have_v close_v with_o jesus_n christ_n and_o rely_v upon_o he_o have_v nothing_o to_o say_v against_o it_o but_o only_o my_o own_o wretchedness_n which_o be_v so_o often_o and_o full_o by_o he_o answer_v i_o have_v at_o last_o nothing_o to_o say_v but_o only_o that_o i_o be_v so_o overpower_a with_o unbelief_n that_o though_o i_o will_v have_v close_v with_o jesus_n christ_n glad_o and_o with_o all_o my_o soul_n yet_o i_o neither_o dare_v nor_o can_v do_v it_o as_o i_o then_o think_v then_o have_v hear_v of_o the_o meeting_n at_o mr._n knight_n house_n we_o go_v thither_o towards_o the_o end_n of_o aug._n 1651._o be_v about_o a_o week_n before_o the_o fight_n at_o worcester_n at_o which_o time_n they_o apply_v themselves_o much_o to_o speak_v to_o the_o present_a condition_n of_o the_o nation_n and_o the_o godly_a in_o it_o but_o after_o some_o time_n frequent_v this_o meeting_n and_o find_v much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n from_o it_o about_o a_o month_n or_o two_o at_o the_o most_o after_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o draw_v out_o my_o spirit_n exceed_o to_o spread_v my_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n and_o also_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n in_o that_o meeting_n in_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o trouble_a soul_n and_o according_o though_o with_o much_o repulse_n in_o myself_o i_o write_v a_o paper_n wherein_o i_o do_v acknowledge_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o have_v be_v convince_v of_o my_o wretched_a condition_n i_o do_v thereupon_o labour_n and_o strive_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o the_o lord_n etc._n etc._n which_o be_v no_o way_n able_a to_o accomplish_v i_o dare_v not_o believe_v or_o go_v to_o god_n as_o a_o father_n but_o be_v in_o some_o measure_n convince_v that_o i_o be_v all_o this_o while_n out_o of_o the_o way_n not_o be_v yet_o thorough_o convince_v of_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n but_o go_v about_o too_o much_o to_o establish_v my_o own_o righteousness_n i_o do_v then_o desire_v their_o prayer_n that_o the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o reveal_v more_o of_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o jesus_n christ_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o enable_v i_o to_o deny_v myself_o and_o rely_v whole_o upon_o he_o and_o have_v a_o fit_a opportunity_n of_o privacy_n come_v there_o before_o any_o other_o company_n i_o lay_v it_o down_o upon_o the_o table_n and_o it_o
commander_n isai_n 55._o 4._o oh_o behold_v he_o as_o sâ—…h_v a_o one_o behold_v he_o above_o all_o not_o only_o to_o help_v at_o a_o dead_a lift_n when_o your_o own_o righteousness_n can_v do_v it_o but_o behold_v he_o above_o all_o as_o the_o only_a governor_n of_o your_o soul_n look_v on_o he_o with_o a_o eye_n of_o dependence_n wait_v for_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o his_o work_n in_o your_o soul_n and_o mourn_v to_o think_v that_o though_o he_o be_v give_v to_o govern_v you_o that_o you_o shall_v be_v govern_v of_o yourselves_o without_o he_o and_o so_o grieve_v he_o and_o if_o christ_n be_v appoint_v by_o the_o father_n to_o govern_v the_o gentile_n then_o ask_v your_o own_o heart_n who_o govern_v you_o who_o law_n do_v you_o obey_v what_o rule_n do_v you_o walk_v by_o what_o end_n do_v you_o aim_v at_o and_o true_o upon_o examination_n find_v that_o christ_n of_o his_o own_o rich_a grace_n have_v be_v thus_o at_o work_n in_o my_o heart_n and_o this_o whole_a discourse_v be_v as_o it_o be_v but_o a_o declaration_n of_o his_o deal_n with_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o can_v not_o pass_v by_o without_o set_v down_o and_o put_v it_o upon_o record_n it_o seem_v to_o i_o even_o as_o if_o the_o lord_n have_v speak_v from_o heaven_n to_o my_o soul_n in_o particular_a therefore_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v much_o dishonour_v he_o if_o i_o shall_v not_o to_o his_o praise_n in_o the_o desire_n of_o my_o soul_n acknowledge_v that_o every_o one_o of_o these_o mark_n of_o christ_n have_v be_v in_o some_o measure_n some_o more_o some_o less_o through_o grace_n wrought_v by_o he_o in_o my_o heart_n though_o i_o must_v still_o acknowledge_v that_o there_o be_v too_o much_o opposition_n against_o he_o in_o my_o soul_n which_o i_o desire_v to_o wait_v and_o do_v expect_v according_a as_o have_v be_v express_v the_o utter_a subdue_a thereof_o which_o time_n i_o hope_v haste_v when_o christ_n will_v come_v &_o take_v up_o full_a possession_n of_o my_o soul_n &_o rule_v in_o it_o and_o over_o it_o for_o ever_o the_o same_o day_n in_o the_o close_a of_o it_o mr._n knight_n spend_v a_o little_a time_n upon_o esay_n 65._o 24._o from_o which_o there_o be_v also_o many_o gracious_a discovery_n hint_v out_o to_o my_o soul_n concern_v god_n readiness_n to_o hear_v before_o his_o people_n call_v where_o he_o put_v we_o upon_o warchfulness_n what_o work_n christ_n be_v about_o in_o the_o nation_n which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o make_v as_o a_o spur_n to_o my_o dull_a spirit_n to_o look_v out_o what_o that_o work_n be_v that_o god_n be_v now_o do_v or_o about_o to_o do_v in_o my_o heart_n even_o i_o hope_v fit_v of_o i_o for_o a_o more_o full_a enjoyment_n of_o himself_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o by_o his_o servant_n declare_v out_o to_o we_o in_o these_o latter_a day_n these_o gospel_n time_n wherein_o god_n hasten_v his_o work_n which_o thorough_o i_o find_v to_o be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v exceed_o to_o hasten_v his_o work_n upon_o my_o heart_n and_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o bless_a face_n to_o my_o soul_n even_o fast_o than_o my_o scant_a heart_n can_v imagine_v which_o appearance_n of_o this_o in_o his_o manner_n cause_v my_o soul_n to_o enter_v into_o these_o serious_a thought_n and_o consideration_n whether_o i_o may_v not_o hence_o argue_v that_o sure_a the_o lord_n be_v nigh_o the_o accomplishment_n of_o it_o by_o put_v a_o end_n to_o to_o the_o sinful_a day_n of_o my_o pilgrimage_n here_o below_o yea_o here_o do_v the_o lord_n show_v i_o that_o whatever_o it_o be_v that_o lie_v in_o the_o way_n when_o he_o come_v to_o do_v this_o great_a work_n he_o will_v remove_v or_o down_o with_o it_o and_o true_o this_o i_o see_v through_o grace_n to_o be_v his_o manner_n of_o deal_n with_o my_o soul_n be_v it_o my_o own_o righteousness_n be_v it_o mere_a relation_n on_o who_o i_o too_o much_o lean_v and_o conceive_v my_o happiness_n to_o lie_v much_o in_o be_v it_o what_o it_o will_v christ_n will_v remove_v it_o when_o he_o come_v to_o do_v his_o great_a work_n therefore_o as_o i_o be_v then_o teach_v i_o ought_v to_o rely_v still_o upon_o christ_n readiness_n which_o the_o lord_n grant_v i_o may_v there_o be_v also_o hint_v to_o we_o that_o nothing_o be_v satisfactory_a to_o the_o saint_n call_v but_o god_n answer_n where_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o convince_v my_o soul_n of_o the_o evil_a that_o i_o have_v so_o long_o be_v guilty_a of_o that_o i_o still_o pour_v out_o my_o prayer_n before_o the_o lord_n but_o never_o regard_v any_o answer_n conclude_v that_o god_n will_v never_o answer_v they_o and_o true_o now_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v a_o great_a sin_n in_o i_o to_o content_v myself_o in_o pour_v out_o my_o desire_n and_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o until_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v sudden_o and_o in_o a_o unexpected_a manner_n and_o measure_n as_o he_o have_v promise_v to_o come_v in_o with_o a_o answer_n to_o my_o soul_n even_o before_o i_o think_v of_o it_o or_o expect_v it_o though_o i_o have_v often_o beg_v it_o of_o the_o lord_n another_o thing_n be_v then_o hint_v to_o my_o soul_n which_o the_o lord_n have_v be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o much_o experience_n of_o to_o wit_n what_o a_o bless_a thing_n it_o be_v and_o comfortable_a to_o the_o soul_n to_o have_v mercy_n come_v in_o as_o a_o answer_n to_o prayer_n which_o be_v that_o which_o make_v they_o sweet_a indeed_o to_o that_o soul_n that_o enjoy_v they_o there_o be_v also_o at_o this_o bless_a season_n that_o objection_n answer_v that_o the_o saint_n often_o pray_v and_o yet_o god_n do_v not_o answer_v show_v first_o that_o many_o time_n they_o do_v not_o well_o understand_v god_n answer_n but_o his_o answer_n be_v very_o full_a though_o they_o understand_v they_o not_o second_o yea_o sometime_o he_o answer_v by_o converse_v with_o the_o soul_n at_o that_o time_n admit_v they_o into_o his_o presence_n with_o that_o freedom_n three_o by_o give_v of_o they_o strength_n of_o grace_n for_o the_o attendance_n and_o wait_v upon_o he_o four_o sometime_o by_o awaken_n of_o the_o soul_n by_o a_o due_a prize_v of_o the_o mercy_n beg_v five_o sometime_o by_o give_v in_o of_o mercy_n that_o be_v not_o in_o the_o same_o kind_a the_o soul_n will_v have_v they_o every_o of_o which_o way_n i_o now_o see_v the_o lord_n have_v answer_v those_o prayer_n which_o former_o i_o think_v have_v be_v cover_v with_o a_o cloud_n from_o all_o which_o do_v the_o lord_n stir_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o a_o quick_a lively_a diligent_a search_n into_o the_o answer_n of_o prayer_n that_o have_v be_v put_v up_o to_o the_o lord_n by_o my_o poor_a soul_n for_o many_o year_n pass_v to_o this_o day_n in_o the_o search_n of_o which_o i_o find_v many_o rich_a answer_n that_o i_o have_v long_o rob_v the_o lord_n of_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o nine_o of_o march_n do_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o send_v that_o servant_n of_o his_o mr._n marshal_n to_o the_o chapel_n at_o fulham_n who_o do_v from_o the_o lord_n declare_v a_o most_o gracious_a and_o comfortable_a word_n to_o my_o soul_n which_o the_o lord_n please_v to_o bless_v to_o i_o and_o may_v be_v ground_n for_o my_o faith_n while_o i_o have_v a_o day_n to_o live_v in_o this_o sinful_a world_n that_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hint_n from_o he_o 1_o ephes_n 22_o 23._o from_o which_o he_o take_v occasion_n to_o show_v we_o that_o christ_n do_v stand_v in_o that_o relation_n to_o all_o his_o saint_n as_o the_o natural_a head_n do_v to_o the_o natural_a body_n and_o that_o therefore_o as_o in_o the_o natural_a body_n all_o those_o perfection_n that_o be_v in_o the_o head_n be_v in_o it_o for_o the_o good_a and_o use_n of_o the_o whole_a body_n and_o that_o if_o every_o limb_n and_o joint_n if_o it_o can_v speak_v it_o may_v say_v i_o be_o at_o ease_n i_o can_v see_v taste_n smell_v and_o the_o like_a therefore_o all_o these_o perfection_n in_o christ_n the_o head_n be_v in_o he_o for_o the_o good_a and_o use_n of_o every_o one_o of_o his_o member_n what_o ever_o can_v be_v speak_v concern_v christ_n as_o undertake_v the_o work_n of_o man_n salvation_n they_o be_v these_o perfection_n of_o christ_n the_o head_n as_o for_o example_n as_o the_o fullness_n of_o christ_n person_n his_o divine_a and_o humane_a perfection_n all_o the_o excellency_n of_o his_o office_n all_o his_o merit_n and_o all_o his_o satisfaction_n gift_n grace_n every_o thing_n that_o can_v be_v true_o speak_v of_o christ_n since_o he_o be_v design_v of_o god_n
about_o so_o much_o to_o change_v thy_o way_n to_o run_v from_o one_o thing_n in_o the_o world_n to_o another_o thou_o also_o shall_v be_v ashamed_a of_o egypt_n as_o thou_o be_v of_o assyria_n v._n 37._o thou_o shall_v go_v forth_o from_o he_o and_o thy_o hand_n upon_o thy_o head_n in_o a_o posture_n of_o lamentation_n for_o the_o lord_n have_v reject_v thy_o confidence_n thou_o shall_v not_o prosper_v in_o they_o the_o lord_n persuade_v thy_o heart_n full_o of_o these_o truth_n and_o work_v thy_o soul_n to_o a_o frame_n suitable_a thereunto_o the_o 18._o day_n of_o this_o second_o month_n 1654._o this_o afternoon_n be_v somewhat_o burden_a at_o the_o wretched_a out-going_a of_o my_o wicked_a heart_n which_o be_v like_o a_o wild_a thing_n ready_a to_o break_v out_o upon_o every_o occasion_n even_o in_o read_v the_o scripture_n its_o self_n how_o sad_o do_v it_o take_v occasion_n to_o fly_v out_o the_o thought_n whereof_o very_o much_o oppress_v my_o spirit_n whilst_o i_o be_v seek_v the_o lord_n about_o it_o it_o be_v dart_v into_o i_o that_o the_o lord_n may_v be_v even_o now_o answer_v my_o own_o prayer_n and_o desire_n though_o the_o answer_n of_o they_o seem_v thus_o dreadful_a to_o i_o for_o oh_o how_o often_o have_v i_o former_o beg_v and_o desire_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v discover_v my_o own_o heart_n to_o i_o that_o he_o will_v anatomize_v it_o that_o i_o may_v see_v and_o know_v it_o even_o as_o he_o see_v and_o know_v it_o and_o the_o like_a and_o for_o aught_o i_o know_v this_o sad_a work_n up_o of_o corruption_n may_v even_o be_v to_o give_v i_o a_o sight_n of_o what_o filth_n there_o be_v within_o my_o heart_n yea_o may_v i_o not_o in_o some_o measure_n have_v provoke_v the_o lord_n to_o suffer_v and_o permit_v sin_n to_o work_n in_o i_o by_o so_o vehement_a desire_n oh_o good_a lord_n what_o need_v then_o have_v we_o poor_a creature_n to_o seek_v of_o thou_o to_o teach_v soul_n what_o and_o how_o to_o pray_v for_o true_o we_o know_v not_o what_o to_o pray_v nay_o when_o thou_o come_v in_o answer_n even_o to_o our_o own_o importunate_a desire_n how_o unable_a be_v we_o to_o bear_v the_o answer_n of_o our_o own_o prayer_n oh_o the_o wretchedness_n of_o my_o heart_n be_v it_o not_o pollute_v in_o all_o that_o ever_o it_o do_v and_o say_v be_v not self_o and_o some_o by_o and_o base_a end_n or_o other_o at_o the_o end_n of_o every_o thought_n word_n and_o action_n do_v there_o not_o still_o step_v in_o some_o thing_n of_o self_n yea_o too_o often_o something_o of_o sin_n yea_o when_o in_o company_n i_o speak_v best_a yea_o such_o thing_n as_o other_o seem_v to_o admire_v at_o such_o expression_n and_o experience_n but_o alas_o be_v there_o not_o much_o sin_n in_o it_o be_o i_o able_a to_o do_v to_o live_v or_o practice_v what_o i_o speak_v nay_o be_v there_o not_o most_v a_o end_v some_o base_a end_n either_o in_o the_o speak_n of_o it_o or_o that_o come_v in_o headlong_a after_o it_o oh_o curse_a frame_n of_o spirit_n the_o 20_o day_n of_o this_o second_o month_n 1654._o have_v seek_v the_o lord_n that_o he_o will_v breathe_v in_o by_o his_o spirit_n upon_o my_o soul_n and_o give_v i_o some_o sight_n of_o himself_o some_o communion_n with_o he_o and_o some_o discovery_n from_o he_o this_o afternoon_n there_o be_v these_o hint_n fall_v upon_o my_o heart_n soon_o after_o that_o i_o have_v be_v very_o remiss_a in_o improve_n those_o precious_a &_o glorious_a appearance_n of_o god_n to_o my_o soul_n through_o our_o dear_a pastor_n that_o so_o near_o concern_v i_o from_o that_o 45._o psalm_n and_o that_o therefore_o the_o lord_n have_v just_o lay_v he_o aside_o for_o a_o time_n even_o while_o he_o be_v enter_v into_o it_o o_o bless_a lord_n have_v thou_o watch_v over_o i_o in_o the_o time_n of_o my_o childhood_n vanity_n unregeneracie_n when_o i_o know_v not_o my_o right_a hand_n from_o my_o left_a &_o have_v thou_o be_v with_o i_o ever_o since_o to_o this_o day_n and_o shall_v i_o now_o distrust_v thou_o or_o fear_v that_o thou_o shall_v now_o leave_v i_o to_o myself_o o_o curse_a unbelief_n have_v thou_o watch_v over_o i_o these_o six_o and_o twenty_o year_n and_o suffer_v no_o evil_a to_o overtake_v i_o but_o make_v all_o thing_n to_o work_v together_o for_o my_o good_a and_o shall_v i_o now_o fear_v and_o mistrust_v thy_o love_n have_v thou_o provide_v for_o i_o to_o this_o day_n that_o no_o good_a have_v be_v want_v to_o i_o and_o shall_v i_o now_o distrust_v thou_o or_o think_v thou_o will_v withhold_v any_o thing_n thou_o see_v good_a for_o i_o nay_o have_v thou_o not_o withheld_a i_o from_o evil_n that_o will_v have_v hurt_v i_o and_o must_v i_o now_o murmur_n repine_v and_o cry_v out_o of_o thy_o want_n of_o love_n to_o i_o and_o that_o thou_o shall_v bear_v all_o this_o and_o go_v on_o further_o to_o make_v out_o thy_o love_n to_o i_o and_o shall_v i_o yet_o distrust_v thou_o have_v thou_o overcome_v death_n and_o hell_n for_o i_o that_o i_o be_o not_o now_o in_o that_o slavish_a fear_n of_o they_o as_o former_o i_o have_v be_v and_o shall_v i_o still_o fear_v that_o thou_o will_v not_o overcome_v my_o corruption_n for_o i_o o_o curse_a unbelief_n the_o 23._o day_n of_o the_o second_o month_n 1654._o in_o the_o morning_n be_v much_o discourage_v in_o reference_n to_o any_o hope_n of_o god_n appearance_n have_v hear_v but_o slender_a commendation_n of_o he_o that_o be_v to_o speak_v this_o day_n yet_o be_v desirous_a to_o look_v up_o to_o the_o lord_n i_o beseech_v he_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v my_o soul_n some_o sight_n of_o himself_o and_o communion_n with_o he_o and_o that_o as_o i_o have_v former_a experience_n from_o he_o that_o the_o instrument_n be_v nothing_o if_o he_o will_v please_v to_o undertake_v the_o work_n &_o therefore_o i_o beseech_v he_o that_o his_o power_n may_v so_o appear_v that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v a_o sight_n of_o he_o and_o there_o may_v be_v some_o seasonable_a word_n speak_v that_o may_v do_v my_o soul_n good_a and_o true_o i_o must_v needs_o acknowledge_v the_o lord_n be_v please_v gracious_o to_o bow_v down_o and_o manifest_v his_o presence_n exceed_o beyond_o my_o expectation_n this_o day_n the_o four_o day_n of_o this_o three_o month_n 1654._o be_v to_o take_v a_o portion_n of_o physic_n i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n that_o it_o may_v accomplish_v his_o will_n and_o pleasure_n upon_o i_o and_o if_o that_o lie_v in_o health_n that_o it_o may_v be_v sanctify_v to_o i_o if_o in_o sickness_n that_o my_o will_n may_v be_v bow_v and_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n the_o 7._o day_n of_o this_o three_o month_n at_o night_n the_o lord_n draw_v out_o myheart_a to_o beg_v of_o he_o among_o other_o request_n that_o he_o will_v pardon_v all_o my_o misspend_a time_n and_o help_v i_o to_o improve_v what_o ever_o time_n he_o shall_v see_v meet_a to_o give_v i_o more_o to_o his_o praise_n and_o glory_n and_o to_o that_o end_n if_o he_o shall_v see_v meet_a to_o give_v i_o to_o enjoy_v another_o day_n and_o see_v the_o beginning_n of_o a_o new_a week_n that_o he_o will_v also_o give_v i_o a_o new_a heart_n and_o a_o new_a spirit_n and_o help_v i_o to_o walk_v more_o to_o his_o praise_n improve_n time_n better_o than_o former_o the_o next_o morning_n be_v the_o 8._o of_o this_o three_o month_n i_o beseech_v the_o lord_n for_o his_o presence_n that_o day_n notwithstanding_o all_o my_o unprofitableness_n and_o unworthiness_n of_o it_o with_o much_o to_o that_o effect_n and_o true_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v great_o to_o bow_v down_o and_o speak_v many_o sweet_a and_o seasonable_a thing_n to_o my_o soul_n both_o through_o that_o servant_n of_o his_o mr_n bradshaw_n that_o preach_v that_o day_n at_o fulham_n as_o also_o by_o his_o spirit_n through_o some_o scripture_n then_o hint_v unto_o we_o which_o cause_v my_o soul_n that_o night_n to_o breath_n out_o before_o the_o lord_n desire_v to_o bless_v he_o for_o it_o yet_o lament_v my_o unprofitableness_n under_o such_o glorious_a appearance_n of_o he_o and_o mis-improvement_n of_o they_o lament_v also_o the_o great_a iniquity_n of_o my_o tongue_n beseech_v the_o lord_n now_o to_o set_v a_o watch_n before_o my_o mouth_n and_o to_o keep_v the_o door_n of_o my_o lip_n as_o also_o my_o heart_n the_o 13._o of_o this_o three_o month_n in_o the_o morning_n as_o i_o be_v go_v down_o i_o have_v a_o strong_a repulse_n upon_o my_o spirit_n to_o speak_v a_o few_o word_n unto_o the_o lord_n before_o i_o go_v down_o at_o which_o time_n my_o heart_n be_v great_o draw_v out_o to_o speak_v to_o god_n to_o curse_v and_o blast_v and_o root_v
please_v the_o lord_n so_o to_o order_v it_o mr._n knight_n be_v absent_a mr._n barker_n come_v in_o that_o day_n who_o be_v altogether_o unknown_a to_o i_o who_o take_v a_o view_n of_o this_o paper_n among_o other_o do_v mention_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n both_o in_o the_o entrance_n as_o also_o in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o day_n service_n the_o lord_n put_v into_o his_o heart_n and_o mouth_n a_o very_a seasonable_a word_n to_o my_o poor_a soul_n which_o be_v then_o speak_v from_o 2_o pet._n 2._o 3_o 4_o 5._o if_o so_o be_v that_o you_o have_v taste_v that_o the_o lord_n be_v gracious_a to_o who_o come_v as_o live_a stone_n dissallow_v indeed_o of_o man_n but_o choose_v of_o god_n and_o precious_a etc._n etc._n from_o which_o scripture_n and_o what_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o he_o at_o that_o time_n to_o communicate_v from_o it_o do_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refreshment_n and_o satisfaction_n then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o direct_v the_o spirit_n of_o those_o that_o carry_v on_o that_o meeting_n to_o treat_v much_o about_o temptation_n from_o which_o there_o be_v many_o seasonable_a useful_a truth_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n find_v by_o this_o discourse_n that_o scripture_n in_o 1_o cor._n 10._o 13._o plain_o make_v good_a to_o my_o poor_a soul_n that_o no_o temptation_n have_v take_v i_o but_o such_o as_o i_o now_o see_v be_v common_a to_o other_o that_o i_o dare_v not_o think_v but_o to_o be_v the_o people_n of_o god_n now_o hear_v they_o complain_v of_o the_o same_o thing_n which_o together_o with_o the_o refreshment_n and_o support_a consideration_n under_o each_o of_o these_o which_o be_v hold_v out_o to_o we_o be_v my_o poor_a droop_a spirit_n mighty_o support_v after_o this_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n also_o to_o direct_v they_o in_o this_o meeting_n to_o treat_v about_o that_o great_a grace_n of_o faith_n and_o so_o afterward_o to_o answer_v many_o doubt_n and_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o many_o soul_n from_o all_o which_o be_v too_o large_a here_o to_o relate_v my_o soul_n receive_v very_o much_o refresh_v be_v in_o the_o close_a of_o that_o service_n put_v again_o upon_o it_o by_o the_o spirit_n of_o the_o lord_n through_o these_o his_o servant_n to_o put_v the_o question_n to_o my_o soul_n at_o every_o turn_n doubt_v whence_o come_v thou_o or_o wherefore_o do_v thou_o doubt_v and_o true_o the_o lord_n have_v speak_v so_o much_o to_o my_o soul_n by_o all_o these_o mean_n and_o instrument_n former_o mention_v that_o the_o strength_n of_o my_o doubt_n and_o fear_n begin_v so_o to_o scatter_v that_o i_o can_v give_v very_o little_a account_n of_o the_o cause_n or_o ground_n of_o they_o be_v also_o now_o convince_v in_o some_o measure_n that_o i_o do_v by_o these_o doubt_n fear_n jealousy_n and_o hard_a thought_n of_o god_n much_o provoke_v and_o dishonour_v he_o so_o that_o though_o former_o i_o think_v it_o as_o it_o be_v a_o virtue_n in_o i_o to_o be_v doubt_v and_o question_v my_o estate_n i_o come_v now_o in_o some_o measure_n through_o grace_n to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v a_o heinous_a sin_n and_o therefore_o to_o endeavour_v strive_v and_o pray_v and_o do_v all_o i_o can_v against_o they_o yet_o do_v often_o i_o lie_v under_o many_o sad_a apprehension_n arise_v hence_o be_v convince_v by_o the_o word_n in_o read_v in_o one_o of_o mr._n burrows_n book_n that_o there_o be_v no_o worship_n acceptable_a to_o god_n but_o that_o which_o be_v tender_v up_o to_o he_o as_o a_o father_n and_o the_o father_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n now_o i_o not_o find_v myself_o able_a at_o that_o time_n to_o look_v upon_o god_n or_o look_v up_o to_o he_o under_o this_o relation_n of_o a_o father_n only_o look_v upon_o he_o as_o a_o gracious_a merciful_a and_o yet_o withal_o a_o just_a severe_a god_n this_o be_v a_o great_a trouble_n to_o my_o spirit_n than_o do_v the_o lord_n by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n at_o the_o chapel_n at_o hammersmith_n put_v i_o upon_o the_o serious_a thought_n of_o that_o scripture_n in_o jer._n 3._o 1_o 4_o 12_o 13_o 14_o 15_o 19_o vers_fw-la which_o at_o that_o time_n take_v much_o upon_o my_o heart_n in_o this_o particular_a have_v no_o power_n to_o gainsay_v the_o duty_n require_v in_o it_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o the_o ministry_n of_o his_o word_n dispense_v by_o mr._n knight_n and_o sometime_o some_o other_o to_o come_v in_o further_o carry_v on_o this_o work_n that_o he_o have_v thus_o begin_v in_o my_o soul_n enable_v i_o daily_o more_o and_o more_o to_o grow_v up_o towards_o a_o more_o full_a assurance_n and_o confident_a roll_v upon_o and_o give_v up_o my_o whole_a soul_n to_o jesus_n christ_n give_v i_o bodily_a to_o see_v more_o and_o more_o my_o own_o emptiness_n &_o nothingness_n &_o the_o conrinual_a need_n i_o stand_v in_o of_o he_o without_o who_o i_o now_o see_v that_o i_o be_v nothing_o have_v nothing_o and_o can_v have_v nothing_o but_o only_a sin_n as_o also_o that_o fullness_n that_o be_v in_o he_o together_o with_o a_o readiness_n to_o give_v forth_o and_o communicate_v out_o of_o it_o to_o poor_a creature_n who_o see_v the_o need_n they_o have_v of_o it_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o it_o which_o i_o now_o desire_v above_o all_o thing_n strength_n to_o do_v and_o that_o i_o may_v go_v whole_o out_o of_o myself_o and_o come_v to_o he_o for_o life_n then_o hear_v that_o mr._n knight_n and_o some_o few_o christian_n more_o be_v about_o gather_v into_o a_o communion_n together_o i_o be_v much_o rejoice_v in_o spirit_n at_o it_o suppose_v that_o happy_o the_o lord_n may_v please_v to_o make_v it_o a_o mercy_n to_o i_o if_o i_o can_v but_o see_v he_o clear_v up_o my_o way_n and_o open_v a_o door_n for_o i_o to_o join_v with_o they_o which_o work_n seem_v for_o a_o time_n to_o go_v on_o in_o their_o desire_n and_o intention_n yet_o there_o be_v much_o fear_n arise_v in_o my_o spirit_n concern_v it_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o make_v out_o my_o condition_n so_o as_o that_o i_o may_v be_v approve_v of_o be_v full_a of_o ebbing_n and_o flow_n sometime_o hope_v a_o little_a and_o sometime_o again_o full_a of_o fear_n thus_o be_v at_o a_o great_a stand_n in_o myself_o not_o know_v what_o to_o do_v but_o often_o seek_v the_o lord_n concern_v it_o who_o be_v please_v at_o last_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o this_o resolution_n that_o through_o his_o grace_n assist_v of_o i_o i_o will_v put_v it_o upon_o the_o trial_n rely_v upon_o he_o to_o enable_v i_o to_o make_v out_o what_o himself_o have_v wrought_v in_o my_o soul_n though_o in_o much_o weakness_n yet_o i_o hope_v in_o truth_n and_o this_o i_o be_v the_o more_o willing_a unto_o that_o scripture_n or_o rule_n of_o the_o apostle_n be_v then_o much_o set_v upon_o the_o heart_n in_o the_o 1_o pet._n 3._o 15._o be_v ready_a always_o to_o give_v a_o answer_n to_o every_o man_n that_o ask_v you_o a_o reason_n of_o the_o hope_n that_o be_v in_o you_o with_o meekness_n and_o fear_n and_o though_o i_o be_v very_o sensible_a of_o my_o own_o disability_n hereunto_o yet_o rather_o than_o to_o deprive_v myself_o of_o such_o a_o benefit_n i_o be_v enable_v in_o some_o measure_n to_o submit_v yet_o not_o without_o many_o fear_n and_o that_o strong_a one_o too_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v accept_v of_o the_o lord_n now_o enable_v i_o to_o take_v up_o these_o thought_n that_o i_o will_v through_o his_o assistance_n do_v my_o duty_n and_o offer_v myself_o and_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v so_o order_v the_o spirit_n of_o his_o people_n to_o deny_v i_o i_o do_v desire_v to_o see_v his_o mind_n and_o to_o expect_v strength_n from_o he_o to_o submit_v to_o his_o will_n manite_v through_o it_o acknowledge_v it_o no_o more_o nor_o so_o much_o as_o i_o have_v deserve_v consider_v with_o all_o that_o my_o desire_n be_v chief_o and_o in_o the_o first_o place_n to_o approve_v myself_o to_o the_o lord_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o his_o people_n also_o but_o if_o otherwise_o my_o desire_n be_v though_o i_o know_v not_o how_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o do_v it_o yet_o however_o to_o wait_v upon_o the_o lord_n and_o follow_v he_o still_o until_o he_o shall_v see_v good_a to_o make_v out_o a_o way_n for_o i_o then_o be_v there_o a_o day_n keep_v to_o seek_v the_o lord_n on_o the_o behalf_n of_o mrs._n arnal_a which_o by_o providence_n i_o hear_v of_o and_o have_v a_o desire_n to_o be_v at_o which_o according_o i_o do_v at_o which_o time_n my_o spirit_n be_v much_o stir_v up_o to_o crave_v the_o prayer_n of_o the_o people_n of_o god_n that_o
&_o 66._o 16._o 1_o tim._n 1._o 13_o 14_o 15_o 16._o act._n 22._o there_o be_v also_o sudden_o after_o this_o present_v to_o i_o as_o one_o thing_n that_o the_o lord_n may_v aim_v at_o in_o this_o touch_n of_o he_o even_o to_o mind_n i_o that_o i_o have_v not_o that_o degree_n of_o compassion_n or_o fellow_n feel_v as_o i_o ought_v of_o that_o affliction_n which_o in_o some_o respect_n in_o the_o same_o kind_n though_o in_o a_o great_a degree_n lie_v upon_o our_o sister_n arnat_a by_o reason_n of_o a_o great_a fever_n and_o doubtless_o there_o may_v be_v something_o in_o this_o though_o i_o shall_v also_o wrong_v myself_o shall_v i_o not_o acknowledge_v much_o and_o continue_a work_v in_o my_o heart_n for_o and_o towards_o she_o which_o oft_o occasion_v i_o to_o spread_v her_o condition_n before_o the_o lord_n according_a to_o my_o poor_a measure_n but_o upon_o the_o 25_o of_o this_o 11_o month_n in_o the_o night_n i_o have_v little_a or_o no_o rest_n by_o reason_n of_o the_o great_a distemper_n which_o lie_v upon_o i_o and_o real_o i_o do_v not_o well_o know_v whether_o the_o distemper_n of_o my_o body_n or_o my_o mind_n be_v the_o great_a but_o both_o meeting_n it_o lay_v somewhat_o heavy_a upon_o the_o flesh_n which_o think_v itself_o ready_a to_o give_v up_o under_o it_o but_o my_o thought_n be_v continual_o work_v i_o find_v in_o my_o spirit_n a_o great_a natural_a reluctancy_n against_o death_n which_o seem_v at_o time_n as_o it_o be_v to_o approach_v often_o think_v that_o it_o be_v not_o possible_a in_o natural_a reason_n that_o i_o can_v continue_v until_o morning_n yet_o say_v i_o nothing_o for_o fear_v of_o affright_v my_o mother_n yet_o have_v i_o also_o between_o time_n a_o great_a desire_n together_o with_o a_o kind_n of_o persuasion_n that_o for_o all_o this_o i_o shall_v be_v enable_v to_o hear_v mr._n knight_n next_o morning_n who_o turn_n it_o be_v to_o preach_v at_o the_o chapel_n at_o fulham_n thus_o i_o say_v find_v in_o my_o spirit_n some_o kind_n of_o reluctancy_n at_o death_n of_o which_o consider_v a_o little_a it_o be_v that_o corruption_n which_o i_o think_v have_v now_o be_v in_o some_o good_a measure_n crucify_v but_o find_v it_o still_o to_o work_v up_o be_v no_o small_a trouble_n to_o i_o which_o together_o with_o many_o other_o fear_n that_o lay_v upon_o my_o spirit_n as_o that_o i_o shall_v not_o be_v enable_v to_o sanctify_v the_o name_n of_o god_n or_o honour_v he_o under_o this_o affliction_n which_o be_v indeed_o the_o ground_n of_o my_o trouble_n at_o the_o approach_n of_o death_n and_o if_o i_o know_v my_o heart_n in_o any_o measure_n that_o only_o which_o i_o resolve_v in_o myself_o to_o declare_v to_o some_o friend_n i_o shall_v meet_v at_o fulham_n next_o day_n if_o the_o lord_n shall_v please_v to_o enable_v i_o to_o go_v and_o so_o beg_v their_o remembrance_n at_o the_o throne_n of_o grace_n but_o be_v enable_v to_o consider_v better_o of_o it_o i_o be_v give_v to_o see_v that_o it_o be_v nothing_o but_o a_o mere_a temptation_n to_o distrust_v the_o power_n and_o love_n of_o god_n to_o think_v as_o if_o he_o shall_v now_o bring_v i_o into_o that_o condition_n that_o he_o will_v not_o carry_v i_o through_o whereupon_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o gather_v up_o my_o spirit_n a_o little_a and_o in_o some_o better_a measure_n to_o submit_v to_o the_o hand_n and_o will_n of_o my_o father_n which_o i_o be_v now_o assure_v shall_v certain_o end_v in_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o good_a and_o to_o this_o end_n i_o be_v now_o also_o enable_v again_o to_o call_v over_o that_o bless_a promise_n in_o rom._n 8._o 28._o that_o all_o thing_n shall_v work_v yea_o work_v together_o for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n etc._n etc._n which_o promise_n i_o have_v often_o find_v by_o experience_n have_v be_v make_v good_a to_o my_o soul_n and_o be_v therefore_o much_o trouble_v that_o any_o distrustful_a thought_n shall_v arise_v in_o i_o concern_v it_o divers_z other_o promise_n also_o before_o mention_v be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n and_o wrought_v afresh_o upon_o my_o heart_n which_o do_v exceed_o refresh_v my_o spirit_n so_o that_o the_o first_o refreshment_n which_o i_o find_v be_v in_o my_o spirit_n and_o after_o that_o be_v a_o little_a quiet_v i_o have_v a_o little_a short_a slumber_n and_o do_v the_o lord_n so_o far_o mitigate_v my_o bodily_a distemper_n as_o that_o it_o do_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o that_o bless_a opportunity_n next_o day_n though_o accompany_v with_o much_o bodily_a weakness_n but_o upon_o the_o 2_o day_n of_o the_o 12_o month_n 1652._o i_o find_v my_o distemper_n of_o body_n much_o abate_v in_o so_o much_o as_o i_o think_v it_o be_v now_o quite_o go_v but_o that_o very_a night_n be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o return_v yea_o to_o heighten_v it_o constrain_a i_o to_o keep_v house_n certain_a day_n whereby_o i_o perceive_v that_o this_o work_n upon_o my_o soul_n be_v not_o yet_o accomplish_v nor_o i_o full_o acquaint_v with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o which_o be_v some_o trouble_n to_o i_o whereupon_o i_o again_o beseech_v the_o lord_n to_o acquaint_v i_o with_o his_o mind_n and_o will_n in_o it_o and_o to_o sanctify_v it_o unto_o i_o give_v i_o a_o heart_n to_o submit_v to_o whatsoever_o he_o have_v yet_o further_o to_o lay_v upon_o i_o in_o which_o i_o also_o seek_v the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n upon_o the_o 6_o of_o this_o month_n but_o upon_o the_o seven_o day_n of_o this_o month_n providence_n offer_v some_o occasion_n whereby_o i_o be_v put_v upon_o the_o thought_n of_o part_v with_o my_o aunt_n dogget_n who_o be_v upon_o remove_n into_o the_o country_n with_o many_o thought_n there_o about_o which_o be_v now_o bring_v to_o my_o mind_n which_o occasion_v such_o a_o heavyness_n to_o possess_v my_o spirit_n upon_o other_o account_n also_o which_o come_v in_o to_o add_v to_o the_o other_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o be_v even_o as_o it_o be_v overwhelm_v with_o it_o until_o i_o be_v enable_v to_o vent_v it_o before_o the_o lord_n at_o which_o time_n he_o be_v please_v to_o discover_v to_o i_o that_o this_o be_v mere_o to_o return_v as_o it_o be_v from_o the_o lord_n to_o the_o creature_n for_o comfort_n and_o support_v as_o if_o he_o be_v not_o able_a abundant_o to_o make_v up_o in_o himself_o the_o want_n of_o such_o a_o comfort_n and_o relation_n if_o he_o see_v meet_v to_o deprive_v i_o of_o it_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o do_v much_o grieve_v i_o then_o do_v the_o lord_n also_o show_v i_o how_o i_o have_v continual_o provoke_v he_o in_o this_o kind_n by_o lean_v upon_o such_o poor_a reed_n and_o dige_v to_o myself_o such_o poor_a pit_n such_o break_a cistern_n as_o can_v indeed_o hold_v no_o water_n and_o in_o the_o mean_a time_n too_o much_o neglect_v he_o the_o fountain_n of_o live_a water_n jer._n 2._o 13._o yea_o while_o i_o be_v thus_o pour_v out_o my_o soul_n before_o he_o and_o lament_v my_o miserable_a and_o wretched_a folly_n he_o be_v please_v also_o to_o cast_v my_o thought_n upon_o that_o part_n of_o scripture_n i_o find_v record_v in_o 1_o king_n 11._o 9_o how_o the_o lord_n be_v angry_a with_o solomon_n because_o his_o heart_n be_v turn_v from_o the_o lord_n god_n of_o israel_n which_o have_v appear_v to_o he_o twice_o even_o so_o i_o see_v the_o lord_n have_v just_a cause_n to_o be_v angry_a with_o i_o that_o i_o shall_v thus_o again_o return_v to_o the_o creature_n and_o as_o it_o be_v make_v a_o god_n of_o it_o yea_o after_o such_o eminent_a appearance_n of_o his_o to_o my_o soul_n the_o same_o day_n do_v the_o lord_n bring_v to_o my_o mind_n that_o severe_a threaten_n against_o moab_n who_o have_v be_v at_o ease_n from_o his_o youth_n and_o be_v settle_v on_o his_o lees_n who_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n neither_o have_v go_v into_o captivity_n and_o therefore_o his_o taste_n remain_v in_o he_o and_o his_o scent_n be_v not_o change_v jer._n 48._o 11_o now_o find_v this_o give_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o god_n as_o the_o reason_n why_o his_o scent_n remain_v even_o because_o he_o have_v not_o be_v empty_v etc._n etc._n i_o can_v not_o but_o stand_v and_o wonder_n what_o reason_n can_v be_v give_v of_o the_o corruption_n in_o my_o heart_n who_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o leave_v at_o ease_n but_o have_v often_o empty_v from_o vessel_n to_o vessel_n as_o it_o be_v try_v always_o and_o mean_v with_o i_o and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v still_o savour_v so_o much_o of_o the_o earth_n and_o of_o the_o old_a man_n and_o shall_v still_o so_o incline_v to_o depend_v upon_o a_o arm_n of_o flesh_n 2_o chron._n 32._o
of_o encouragement_n as_o if_o the_o lord_n shall_v say_v you_o shall_v see_v that_o my_o heart_n be_v in_o this_o work_n that_o i_o will_v not_o only_o do_v it_o but_o i_o great_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o and_o therefore_o if_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o i_o to_o forget_v it_o yet_o i_o give_v you_o this_o liberty_n and_o freedom_n to_o come_v and_o put_v i_o in_o remembrance_n nay_o i_o lay_v it_o as_o a_o law_n of_o love_n upon_o you_o that_o you_o do_v thus_o come_v and_o mind_v i_o of_o it_o put_v i_o in_o remembrance_n let_v we_o plead_v together_o oh_o the_o admirable_a condescension_n in_o this_o high_a god_n who_o have_v so_o much_o power_n as_o he_o have_v before_o express_v that_o he_o can_v work_v and_o none_o can_v let_v it_o and_o yet_o will_v suffer_v his_o poor_a worm_n to_o plead_v with_o he_o about_o the_o begin_n of_o this_o five_o month_n there_o be_v these_o hint_n give_v i_o and_o hope_n from_o the_o lord_n which_o i_o do_v not_o yet_o know_v but_o i_o may_v take_v as_o a_o answer_n to_o several_a petition_n put_v up_o to_o he_o as_o first_o that_o i_o have_v not_o live_v answerable_a to_o that_o counsel_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o hand_n out_o to_o i_o by_o mr._n cradock_n i.e._n not_o to_o speak_v evil_a of_o any_o one_o or_o other_o behind_o their_o back_n but_o i_o have_v often_o cry_v out_o to_o other_o not_o to_o themselves_o of_o the_o pride_n of_o this_o body_n and_o that_o body_n and_o the_o passion_n of_o this_o or_o that_o person_n and_o yet_o behold_v how_o sad_o it_o reign_v in_o myself_o may_v not_o the_o lord_n righteous_o suffer_v it_o in_o i_o and_o show_v i_o the_o evil_a and_o folly_n of_o it_o behold_v the_o mote_n in_o another_o eye_n and_o behold_v a_o beam_n in_o my_o own_o at_o this_o time_n also_o be_v that_o bring_v to_o my_o hand_n in_o jam._n 1._o 2_o 6._o if_o any_o man_n among_o you_o seem_v to_o be_v religious_a and_o bridle_v not_o his_o tongue_n but_o deceive_v his_o own_o heart_n this_o man_n religion_n be_v in_o vain_a a_o sad_a word_n also_o in_o the_o 4._o 5._o 6._o verse_n of_o this_o same_o chapter_n 4._o but_o let_v patience_n have_v her_o perfect_a work_n that_o you_o may_v be_v perfect_a and_o entire_a want_v nothing_o 5._o if_o any_o of_o you_o lack_v wisdom_n let_v he_o ask_v it_o of_o god_n that_o give_v to_o all_o man_n liberal_o and_o upbraid_v not_o and_o it_o shall_v be_v give_v he_o 6._o but_o let_v he_o â—sk_v in_o faith_n nothing_o waver_v for_o he_o that_o waver_v be_v like_o a_o wave_n of_o the_o sea_n drive_v with_o the_o wind_n and_o toss_v a_o gracious_a promise_n to_o those_o that_o lack_v wisdom_n and_o ask_v it_o and_o in_o the_o 4._o ch_z of_o jam._n v._n 2_o 3_o you_o ask_v and_o receive_v not_o because_o you_o ask_v amiss_o that_o you_o may_v consume_v it_o upon_o your_o lust_n and_o true_o what_o do_v i_o know_v but_o that_o the_o lord_n do_v suffer_v this_o lust_n as_o he_o do_v the_o canaanite_n of_o old_a to_o trouble_v the_o israelite_n so_o this_o lust_n to_o humble_v i_o and_o prove_v i_o and_o know_v or_o make_v i_o to_o know_v what_o be_v in_o my_o heart_n o_o my_o soul_n how_o have_v thou_o need_v then_o to_o set_v all_o the_o force_n of_o thy_o soul_n a_o against_o this_o bitter_a root_n of_o pride_n which_o for_o aught_o i_o know_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o all_o other_o evil_n o_o the_o way_n that_o the_o lord_n have_v take_v to_o pluck_v up_o this_o root_n out_o of_o thy_o heart_n have_v not_o all_o thy_o affliction_n of_o inward_a and_o outward_a man_n be_v direct_v as_o it_o be_v against_o this_o sin_n what_o delight_n else_o have_v the_o almighty_a to_o lay_v sickness_n and_o weakness_n upon_o thou_o why_o do_v he_o think_v thou_o permit_v all_o the_o mock_n and_o jeer_v thou_o daily_o meet_v with_o why_o it_o be_v for_o that_o continue_v work_v up_o of_o thy_o pride_n notwithstanding_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o thou_o to_o pull_v down_o when_o thou_o be_v lift_v up_o too_o much_o so_o that_o thou_o may_v thank_v thy_o 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prayer_n thou_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o that_o morning_n to_o give_v and_o order_v all_o thy_o word_n and_o action_n that_o day_n oh_o that_o god_n will_v at_o last_o make_v thou_o wise_a and_o so_o order_v thy_o spirit_n and_o subdue_v this_o rise_n of_o corruption_n so_o as_o thou_o may_v never_o more_o provoke_v he_o in_o this_o kind_n upon_o the_o 6_o of_o this_o 6_o month_n 1654._o the_o lorddrew_n out_o my_o heart_n in_o the_o morning_n to_o seek_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v be_v please_v to_o bow_v down_o and_o appear_v glorious_o and_o gracious_o to_o and_o through_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n who_o have_v but_o the_o day_n before_o at_o fulham_n chappel_n so_o exceed_o press_v we_o to_o seek_v the_o lord_n for_o he_o which_o wrought_v upon_o my_o heart_n great_o to_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o may_v find_v the_o fruit_n of_o the_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n on_o his_o behalf_n as_o also_o that_o my_o poor_a soul_n and_o other_o that_o do_v appear_v to_o meet_v that_o morning_n may_v have_v a_o gracious_a visit_n from_o he_o that_o none_o of_o all_o my_o unfittness_n to_o attend_v upon_o he_o or_o unfruitfullness_n under_o former_a appearance_n may_v hinder_v his_o gracious_a presence_n with_o and_o to_o my_o soul_n this_o day_n but_o that_o though_o there_o be_v nothing_o in_o i_o to_o move_v he_o to_o it_o yet_o that_o he_o will_v do_v it_o for_o his_o own_o name_n and_o glory_n sake_n that_o my_o soul_n may_v have_v such_o a_o light_n of_o he_o as_o may_v conform_v i_o more_o and_o more_o to_o he_o and_o how_o gracious_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o bow_v down_o this_o day_n as_o a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n &_o that_o first_o on_o the_o behalf_n of_o his_o servant_n mr_n knight_n that_o be_v to_o speak_v this_o day_n in_o his_o name_n how_o glorious_o do_v he_o appear_v not_o only_o through_o his_o poor_a worm_n but_o even_o in_o he_o also_o great_o draw_v out_o his_o heart_n both_o in_o prayer_n &_o preach_v in_o prayer_n and_o therein_o beg_v of_o god_n in_o the_o entrance_n of_o his_o service_n his_o presence_n and_o mighty_o in_o a_o way_n of_o faith_n roll_v upon_o he_o for_o a_o answer_n of_o prayer_n even_o at_o this_o present_a season_n the_o 27_o of_o this_o 6_o month_n be_v the_o lord_n day_n and_o find_v my_o heart_n very_o dead_a and_o cold_a all_o the_o week_n and_o also_o now_o very_o unprepared_a to_o meet_v the_o lord_n or_o expect_v any_o appearance_n at_o all_o from_o he_o i_o do_v yet_o in_o a_o few_o short_a desire_n present_v my_o request_n to_o he_o bege_v his_o mighty_a presence_n unvail_v the_o lord_n jesus_n both_o to_o and_o through_o his_o servant_n to_o our_o poor_a soul_n beseech_v he_o also_o that_o i_o may_v have_v a_o clear_a sight_n of_o his_o goodness_n in_o it_o and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o appear_v a_o god_n nay_o and_o not_o a_o god_n a_o far_o off_o tell_v he_o withal_o that_o my_o poor_a soul_n have_v find_v he_o to_o be_v so_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o unfitness_n and_o unworthiness_n beseech_v he_o even_o now_o to_o make_v it_o appear_v to_o my_o soul_n that_o he_o be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n and_o that_o he_o will_v give_v my_o soul_n a_o very_a glorious_a sight_n of_o my_o lord_n jesus_n and_o not_o only_o discover_v he_o to_o i_o but_o cause_n these_o discovery_n to_o work_v with_o mighty_a power_n upon_o my_o heart_n real_o take_v it_o off_o from_o all_o other_o thing_n whatsoever_o and_o fix_v it_o whole_o upon_o himself_o with_o many_o other_o request_n of_o this_o
the_o lord_n will_v be_v please_v to_o pardon_v all_o the_o unbelieved_a working_n of_o my_o corrupt_a heart_n and_o those_o hard_a thought_n i_o have_v have_v of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o will_v please_v to_o give_v in_o such_o clear_a vision_n of_o himself_o as_o may_v mighty_o increase_v my_o faith_n which_o desire_v of_o i_o be_v spread_v before_o the_o lord_n that_o day_n but_o have_v receive_v at_o this_o time_n some_o little_a refresh_n from_o those_o instruction_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v then_o to_o communicate_v by_o mr._n knight_n from_o heb._n 12._o 5-13_a from_o which_o scripture_n i_o be_v also_o convince_v that_o in_o most_o of_o the_o chastisement_n the_o lord_n have_v see_v meet_a to_o lay_v i_o under_o i_o have_v either_o despise_v his_o chastisement_n or_o else_o faint_v under_o they_o the_o lord_n i_o say_v have_v this_o day_n break_v in_o thus_o upon_o my_o heart_n by_o his_o spirit_n through_o his_o word_n the_o devil_n soon_o begin_v again_o with_o i_o take_v this_o opportunity_n i_o have_v set_v myself_o and_o endeavour_v to_o lay_v my_o heart_n to_o the_o word_n and_o see_v what_o comfortable_a ground_n i_o can_v take_v up_o that_o the_o lord_n have_v indeed_o afflict_v i_o in_o mercy_n etc._n etc._n the_o devil_n now_o begin_v to_o endeavour_v to_o puff_n up_o my_o spirit_n with_o a_o conceit_n that_o i_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v more_o in_o this_o kind_n than_o many_o other_o who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n also_o by_o he_o present_v but_o through_o mercy_n this_o do_v not_o pass_v many_o day_n before_o the_o lord_n sad_o show_v i_o my_o folly_n and_o weakness_n herein_o for_o a_o little_a while_n after_o there_o be_v a_o other_o day_n keep_v to_o which_o meeting_n i_o go_v and_o true_o after_o i_o come_v there_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o these_o wicked_a thought_n together_o with_o several_a other_o thing_n which_o wrought_v so_o upon_o my_o spirit_n that_o my_o heart_n be_v even_o overwhelm_v within_o i_o in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o can_v not_o keep_v it_o to_o myself_o but_o be_v constrain_v to_o discover_v it_o by_o my_o carriage_n which_o mr._n knight_n take_v notice_n of_o speak_v to_o i_o after_o the_o exercise_n at_o which_o time_n i_o be_v so_o far_o from_o that_o ability_n that_o satan_n possess_v i_o with_o thought_n of_o that_o i_o be_v not_o able_a in_o any_o measure_n to_o speak_v my_o heart_n to_o he_o but_o be_v as_o it_o be_v one_o who_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v up_o to_o a_o dumb_a spirit_n and_o think_v those_o three_o word_n which_o be_v all_o that_o i_o can_v then_o speak_v be_v through_o a_o mere_a mistake_n sad_o misconstrued_n by_o he_o yet_o have_v i_o not_o power_n to_o speak_v one_o word_n to_o clear_v my_o meaning_n suppose_v it_o may_v possible_o be_v that_o the_o lord_n have_v something_o to_o speak_v to_o i_o even_o through_o that_o mistake_n there_o be_v also_o this_o day_n a_o word_n set_v home_o very_o much_o on_o my_o heart_n from_o something_o mr._n milborn_n note_v to_o we_o which_o also_o add_v much_o to_o my_o sadness_n and_o it_o be_v this_o that_o i_o have_v pray_v and_o pray_v again_o and_o again_o but_o when_o i_o have_v do_v i_o never_o look_v after_o the_o return_n of_o they_o have_v never_o yet_o any_o experience_n make_v out_o to_o i_o that_o i_o dare_v acknowledge_v this_o or_o that_o to_o be_v a_o return_n of_o my_o prayer_n nay_o though_o the_o lord_n have_v give_v in_o a_o mercy_n that_o i_o have_v beg_v of_o he_o i_o be_v still_o for_o many_o year_n tempt_v to_o believe_v that_o it_o have_v be_v so_o though_o i_o have_v not_o pray_v and_o so_o it_o be_v not_o give_v in_o as_o a_o answer_n to_o prayer_n which_o do_v much_o eat_v out_o the_o sweetness_n of_o those_o mercy_n which_o i_o do_v enjoy_v in_o so_o much_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v now_o even_o stand_v and_o admire_v what_o it_o be_v that_o do_v at_o that_o time_n support_v my_o spirit_n &_o carry_v i_o on_o in_o a_o continue_a seek_v of_o god_n be_v not_o able_a then_o to_o 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time_n be_v tempt_v to_o think_v that_o if_o it_o have_v be_v the_o lord_n act_v to_o work_v up_o my_o spirit_n to_o that_o pitch_n that_o i_o think_v i_o find_v it_o wrought_v up_o unto_o than_o he_o will_v also_o have_v go_v on_o to_o have_v perfect_v my_o desire_n but_o be_v again_o enable_v on_o the_o other_o side_n to_o reason_n thus_o with_o myself_o that_o it_o be_v my_o duty_n to_o wait_v patient_o upon_o the_o lord_n and_o submit_v to_o he_o as_o well_o for_o the_o time_n as_o for_o the_o matter_n i_o endeavour_v the_o lord_n assist_v i_o to_o quiet_v my_o spirit_n with_o such_o thought_n as_o these_o that_o the_o lord_n may_v delay_v it_o in_o much_o mercy_n that_o so_o i_o may_v be_v the_o more_o fit_a for_o it_o when_o he_o shall_v please_v to_o accomplish_v it_o apprehend_v that_o sure_o he_o see_v i_o not_o yet_o fit_a for_o such_o a_o mercy_n than_o do_v i_o again_o turn_v to_o the_o lord_n and_o thus_o desire_v to_o submit_v to_o he_o beg_v of_o he_o to_o fit_v i_o for_o such_o a_o mercy_n and_o if_o he_o see_v it_o good_a to_o afford_v i_o the_o mercy_n here_o if_o not_o that_o he_o will_v direct_v i_o where_o to_o join_v that_o may_v be_v more_o for_o his_o glory_n and_o my_o soul_n good_a thus_o be_v the_o lord_n please_v to_o go_v on_o well_o nigh_o a_o quarter_n of_o a_o year_n still_o come_v in_o with_o more_o light_n and_o discovery_n of_o his_o love_n to_o my_o soul_n and_o clear_v up_o to_o i_o more_o and_o more_o that_o work_n which_o he_o have_v begin_v through_o his_o rich_a and_o free_a grace_n in_o my_o lord_n jesus_n in_o who_o i_o do_v now_o desire_v only_o and_o alone_o to_o be_v find_v and_o not_o in_o any_o of_o my_o own_o righteousness_n who_o have_v now_o enable_v i_o to_o see_v to_o be_v very_o loathsome_a and_o abominable_a though_o former_o i_o have_v too_o much_o dote_v upon_o they_o then_o in_o the_o three_o month_n in_o the_o year_n 1652._o mr._n knight_n be_v go_v into_o the_o north_n the_o lord_n be_v please_v by_o 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