for_o doubtless_o though_o its_o one_o of_o the_o last_o yet_o it_o be_v not_o the_o least_o trial_n that_o after_o we_o have_v in_o a_o great_a measure_n overcome_v the_o world_n the_o devil_n and_o our_o own_o heart_n we_o shall_v meet_v with_o let_n and_o discouragement_n from_o one_o another_o it_o be_v that_o indeed_o which_o be_v suitable_a to_o a_o imperfect_a state_n in_o which_o we_o be_v and_o by_o which_o we_o may_v learn_v as_o to_o live_v more_o single_o on_o god_n so_o also_o to_o press_v after_o and_o long_o for_o that_o perfect_a state_n in_o which_o we_o shall_v be_v at_o the_o appearance_n of_o our_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n i_o may_v enlarge_v much_o in_o this_o matter_n but_o i_o intend_v only_o to_o hint_n at_o thing_n desire_v the_o lord_n to_o stir_v up_o the_o heart_n of_o some_o more_o able_a to_o enlarge_v upon_o it_o know_v there_o be_v great_a need_n that_o saint_n shall_v be_v exhort_v to_o this_o duty_n namely_o not_o to_o discourage_v but_o to_o encourage_v one_o another_o in_o all_o good_a thing_n &_o i_o desire_v that_o we_o may_v set_v before_o we_o that_o exhortation_n of_o the_o apostle_n gal._n 5._o 26_o let_v we_o not_o be_v desirous_a of_o vain_a glory_n provoke_v one_o another_o envy_v one_o another_o from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o to_o be_v desirous_a of_o vain_a glory_n make_v way_n for_o a_o spirit_n of_o envy_n and_o so_o to_o provoke_v and_o grieve_v one_o another_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o scripture_n with_o jam._n 4._o 5._o may_v through_o the_o blessing_n of_o god_n be_v very_o useful_a to_o saint_n for_o this_o purpose_n for_o questionless_a a_o slight_n of_o the_o gift_n and_o grace_n of_o god_n in_o other_o do_v many_o time_n arise_v off_o a_o desire_n of_o vain_a glory_n and_o a_o spirit_n of_o envy_n the_o first_o note_n of_o experience_n of_o the_o good_a providence_n of_o god_n towards_o i_o in_o a_o state_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n before_o conversion_n it_o please_v the_o lord_n i_o be_v civil_o bring_v up_o from_o a_o child_n and_o keep_v from_o such_o gross_a evil_n as_o person_n mere_o civil_a do_v not_o allow_v but_o otherways_o very_o vain_a and_o that_o which_o instrumental_o keep_v i_o from_o such_o thing_n as_o i_o conceive_v be_v together_o with_o my_o civil_a education_n a_o desire_n of_o happiness_n and_o a_o fear_n of_o misery_n have_v a_o general_a notion_n that_o sin_n be_v attend_v with_o misery_n for_o i_o remember_v when_o i_o have_v do_v any_o thing_n that_o i_o think_v be_v sin_n i_o be_v present_o under_o great_a fear_n and_o terror_n to_o take_v off_o which_o and_o also_o to_o attain_v happiness_n in_o the_o end_n i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o be_v exercise_v in_o some_o kind_n of_o religion_n but_o be_v very_o ignorant_a i_o make_v no_o inquiry_n what_o religion_n be_v but_o take_v it_o for_o grant_v that_o that_o be_v religion_n which_o be_v then_o in_o force_n from_o king_n and_o bishop_n and_o so_o go_v on_o i_o grow_v very_o superstitious_o zealous_a in_o all_o thing_n suitable_a to_o the_o service_n book_n or_o a_o cathedral_n kind_a of_o worship_n and_o i_o think_v the_o more_o i_o abound_v in_o fast_v book_n prayer_n and_o observation_n of_o day_n and_o time_n mourning_n and_o afflict_v myself_o for_o sin_n the_o better_a it_o be_v so_o that_o i_o think_v i_o do_v exceed_v most_o that_o i_o know_v in_o that_o way_n for_o blind_a zeal_n and_o superstitious_a devotion_n yet_o at_o this_o very_a time_n i_o think_v myself_o far_o from_o popery_n and_o do_v always_o oppose_v that_o with_o much_o zeal_n and_o i_o be_o sure_a with_o much_o ignorance_n then_o be_v acquaint_v with_o some_o who_o be_v then_o call_v puritan_n i_o begin_v to_o perceive_v that_o there_o be_v some_o difference_n betwixt_o that_o which_o i_o practise_v and_o that_o which_o be_v do_v by_o they_o and_o my_o observation_n of_o their_o carriage_n and_o hear_v they_o speak_v such_o language_n as_o i_o be_v altogether_o a_o stranger_n to_o do_v so_o far_o work_v upon_o i_o that_o i_o begin_v to_o question_v my_o own_o condition_n and_o oft_o time_n when_o i_o have_v do_v my_o long_a book_n prayer_n though_o i_o have_v scarce_o ever_o hear_v of_o pray_v without_o a_o book_n yet_o i_o will_v in_o a_o poor_a break_a manner_n complain_v to_o god_n that_o i_o be_v in_o some_o fear_n that_o what_o i_o do_v be_v not_o according_a to_o his_o will_n and_o if_o it_o be_v not_o i_o do_v beg_v of_o he_o that_o he_o will_v bring_v i_o to_o the_o knowledge_n of_o the_o truth_n whatever_o i_o do_v undergo_v for_o attain_v of_o it_o but_o then_o sometime_o i_o think_v my_o condition_n good_a enough_o and_o though_o i_o be_v never_o give_v to_o rail_v or_o speak_v evil_a of_o such_o person_n yet_o i_o think_v they_o make_v more_o ado_n than_o they_o need_v to_o have_v do_v and_o that_o god_n do_v not_o require_v so_o much_o strictness_n as_o they_o seem_v to_o plead_v for_o but_o hear_v they_o speak_v much_o of_o knowledge_n and_o of_o the_o danger_n of_o ignorance_n and_o know_v myself_o to_o be_v very_o ignorant_a i_o begin_v to_o be_v more_o frequent_a in_o read_v the_o scripture_n and_o hear_v sermon_n but_o my_o understanding_n not_o be_v yet_o open_v it_o be_v to_o little_a effect_n for_o i_o remember_v i_o be_v at_o this_o time_n like_o a_o stock_n or_o stone_n as_o to_o the_o true_a understanding_n of_o that_o which_o i_o read_v or_o hear_v that_o i_o can_v true_o say_v as_o the_o prophet_n in_o psal_n 73._o 22._o so_o foolish_a be_v i_o and_o ignorant_a even_o as_o a_o beast_n before_o thou_o and_o yet_o at_o this_o time_n i_o be_v something_o in_o affection_n as_o when_o i_o hear_v any_o thing_n of_o the_o judgement_n of_o god_n against_o sin_n i_o shall_v tremble_v and_o when_o any_o thing_n of_o the_o mercy_n and_o goodness_n of_o god_n or_o the_o love_n and_o sweetness_n of_o jesus_n christ_n my_o heart_n will_v melt_v as_o i_o think_v yet_o i_o understand_v nothing_o so_o as_o to_o have_v it_o seat_v in_o the_o understanding_n and_o judgement_n this_o in_o general_n i_o do_v remember_v as_o to_o that_o state_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v my_o be_v keep_v from_o sin_n by_o a_o desire_n of_o happiness_n and_o fear_v of_o misery_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o in_o the_o day_n of_o ignorance_n before_o we_o have_v receive_v grace_n to_o restrain_v we_o from_o sin_n it_o be_v a_o mercy_n to_o be_v restrain_v by_o something_o else_o and_o true_o to_o i_o its_o a_o mercy_n so_o considerable_a that_o i_o desire_v to_o bless_v the_o lord_n for_o it_o as_o long_o as_o i_o live_v second_o concern_v my_o seek_n after_o and_o frame_v to_o myself_o some_o kind_n of_o religion_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o its_o natural_a for_o person_n to_o make_v after_o some_o kind_n of_o religion_n and_o rather_o than_o they_o will_v worship_v nothing_o they_o will_v worship_v samaritan_n like_v they_o know_v not_o what_o john_n 4._o 22._o three_o concern_v my_o oppose_a popery_n when_o myself_o live_v in_o the_o practice_n of_o the_o same_o thing_n for_o the_o nature_n of_o it_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o a_o person_n may_v oppose_v a_o error_n and_o yet_o live_v at_o that_o time_n in_o the_o same_o error_n for_o the_o nature_n of_o it_o though_o in_o a_o low_a degree_n and_o not_o know_v it_o and_o that_o not_o only_a person_n total_o ignorant_a but_o saint_n also_o if_o they_o take_v not_o good_a heed_n for_o i_o have_v experience_v this_o more_o time_n than_o once_o four_o concern_v my_o complaint_n and_o prayer_n to_o god_n in_o relation_n to_o truth_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o a_o person_n before_o conversion_n may_v for_o aught_o i_o know_v true_o pray_v and_o that_o from_o a_o secret_a work_n of_o god_n upon_o the_o heart_n and_o therefore_o though_o i_o can_v from_o scripture-rule_a exhort_v such_o to_o pray_v so_o neither_o from_o ence_n can_v i_o forbid_v they_o but_o rather_o rejoice_v to_o see_v the_o heart_n of_o any_o run_v out_o in_o such_o a_o way_n five_o concern_v my_o be_v so_o much_o affect_v with_o truth_n though_o i_o understand_v it_o not_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o ignorant_a person_n in_o hear_v truth_n may_v have_v their_o reason_n so_o far_o touch_v that_o they_o may_v assent_v to_o it_o and_o be_v much_o affect_v with_o it_o and_o yet_o understand_v nothing_o so_o as_o to_o have_v it_o seat_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n and_o because_o it_o be_v not_o seat_v in_o the_o heart_n and_o judgement_n that_o i_o conceive_v be_v the_o reason_n why_o ignorant_a person_n be_v so_o uncertain_a and_o so_o unconstant_a in_o their_o thought_n
as_o 1_o thes_n 5._o 17._o etc._n etc._n but_o yet_o notwithstanding_o i_o be_v dissatisfy_v about_o it_o that_o notion_n of_o wait_v carry_v such_o a_o show_n of_o spirituality_n i_o can_v not_o easy_o let_v it_o go_v but_o yet_o this_o trial_n have_v so_o shake_v it_o that_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v it_o and_o also_o those_o other_o notion_n of_o the_o like_a nature_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o bring_v we_o safe_a to_o land_n through_o which_o mercy_n i_o have_v some_o little_a communion_n with_o god_n be_v able_a to_o speak_v of_o his_o goodness_n in_o deliver_v we_o from_o that_o danger_n but_o through_o that_o dissatisfaction_n which_o still_o remain_v in_o i_o about_o these_o notion_n it_o be_v interrupt_v again_o and_o my_o beloved_a have_v withdraw_v himself_o and_o i_o be_v very_o much_o trouble_v not_o know_v where_o to_o rest_v nor_o what_o to_o do_v but_o notwithstanding_o i_o do_v begin_v much_o to_o question_v those_o thing_n from_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o on_o the_o sea_n yet_o i_o be_v more_o incline_v to_o they_o than_o to_o truth_n for_o some_o time_n especial_o to_o that_o of_o prayer_n and_o three_o or_o four_o time_n after_o i_o remember_v in_o discourse_n with_o some_o friend_n i_o do_v a_o little_a plead_v for_o they_o which_o though_o it_o be_v my_o sin_n so_o to_o do_v i_o do_v not_o then_o know_v it_o but_o must_v needs_o say_v i_o do_v as_o simple_o and_o sincere_o aim_v at_o do_v the_o will_n of_o god_n in_o all_o those_o thing_n as_o ever_o i_o do_v in_o any_o thing_n and_o therefore_o though_o satan_n have_v so_o beguile_v i_o yet_o i_o obtain_v mercy_n because_o i_o do_v it_o ignorant_o but_o my_o trouble_n and_o want_v of_o communion_n with_o god_n do_v still_o increase_v insomuch_o that_o i_o be_v scarce_o able_a to_o bear_v my_o burden_n and_o speak_v of_o it_o to_o my_o husband_n who_o be_v at_o that_o time_n much_o in_o the_o same_o condition_n i_o remember_v among_o many_o word_n he_o speak_v some_o be_v to_o this_o purpose_n that_o see_v we_o be_v in_o such_o a_o condition_n and_o at_o such_o a_o loss_n it_o be_v best_a to_o speak_v but_o little_a that_o as_o we_o do_v but_o little_a good_a we_o may_v do_v but_o little_a harm_n which_o i_o do_v well_o approve_v of_o and_o after_o that_o i_o speak_v little_a for_o or_o against_o any_o thing_n till_o i_o be_v better_o satisfy_v then_o be_v so_o true_o in_o a_o day_n of_o adversity_n according_a to_o that_o counsel_n of_o the_o wise_a man_n in_o eccles_n 7._o 14._o i_o sit_v down_o serious_o to_o consider_v what_o may_v be_v the_o cause_n of_o my_o be_v in_o so_o sad_a and_o strange_a a_o condition_n through_o which_o consideration_n by_o degree_n i_o come_v to_o see_v and_o conclude_v that_o certain_o there_o be_v something_o amiss_o in_o my_o judgement_n as_o to_o those_o notion_n begin_v clear_o to_o discern_v they_o do_v so_o oppose_v and_o contradict_v my_o former_a receive_a principle_n that_o they_o can_v not_o stand_v together_o but_o if_o one_o be_v true_a the_o other_o be_v false_a and_o that_o i_o must_v leave_v the_o one_o or_o the_o other_o for_o though_o i_o have_v receive_v the_o new_a i_o can_v never_o full_o quit_v the_o old_a neither_o in_o judgement_n nor_o practice_n then_o i_o be_v restless_a in_o my_o desire_n for_o three_o or_o four_o day_n to_o know_v which_o of_o the_o two_o be_v truth_n oft_o time_n earnest_o beg_v of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v decide_v the_o controversy_n and_o discover_v to_o i_o which_o be_v according_a to_o his_o mind_n and_o which_o not_o be_v full_o satisfy_v that_o but_o one_o of_o they_o can_v be_v truth_n than_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o put_v i_o upon_o a_o particular_a examination_n what_o ground_n i_o have_v in_o scripture_n and_o what_o experience_n i_o have_v of_o both_o &_o in_o read_v and_o examine_v my_o scripture-ground_n i_o begin_v to_o discern_v a_o great_a inclination_n in_o my_o heart_n to_o the_o former_a principle_n find_v i_o think_v the_o scripture_n very_o full_a and_o plain_a for_o they_o but_o nothing_o for_o the_o other_o but_o what_o be_v from_o some_o dark_a mysterious_a interpretation_n which_o be_v very_o doubtful_a and_o for_o my_o own_o experience_n i_o do_v remember_v and_o be_v constrain_v to_o acknowledge_v that_o in_o receive_v and_o keep_v close_o to_o the_o fotmer_n i_o have_v joy_n and_o peace_n and_o much_o satisfaction_n and_o communion_n with_o god_n but_o since_o i_o receive_v the_o other_o the_o lord_n have_v as_o it_o be_v hide_v his_o face_n from_o i_o and_o i_o be_v fill_v with_o confusion_n and_o distraction_n and_o the_o remembrance_n of_o that_o trial_n i_o have_v of_o they_o upon_o the_o sea_n do_v very_o much_o help_v i_o now_o to_o see_v the_o falsity_n of_o they_o that_o in_o a_o time_n of_o trial_n i_o dare_v not_o stick_v to_o they_o as_o indeed_o i_o plain_o see_v that_o i_o can_v never_o stick_v to_o they_o so_o as_o to_o answer_v they_o full_o in_o my_o practice_n unless_o i_o shall_v have_v lay_v aside_o the_o appearance_n of_o godliness_n &_o have_v be_v very_o profane_a the_o consideration_n of_o which_o with_o some_o other_o evil_a consequence_n which_o i_o see_v clear_o do_v natural_o attend_v those_o thing_n be_v another_o mean_n by_o which_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o recover_v i_o from_o they_o and_o to_o discover_v satan_n under_o his_o veil_n to_o i_o how_o by_o these_o thing_n he_o do_v intend_v if_o the_o lord_n have_v not_o prevent_v he_o to_o have_v strip_v i_o of_o all_o my_o hope_n and_o in_o particular_a as_o to_o that_o of_o be_v save_v by_o a_o christ_n within_o and_o not_o by_o a_o christ_n without_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v quite_o another_o thing_n differ_v from_o the_o gospel_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o overthrow_v the_o whole_a gospel_n and_o to_o deny_v the_o lord_n that_o buy_v they_o at_o the_o thought_n of_o which_o my_o soul_n do_v tremble_v and_o that_o if_o he_o shall_v have_v prevail_v here_o all_o my_o hope_n be_v go_v for_o i_o can_v not_o nor_o dare_v not_o rest_v on_o any_o thing_n in_o myself_o as_o a_o ground_n of_o hope_n for_o life_n and_o salvation_n but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n concern_v my_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n according_a to_o the_o gospel_n i_o can_v true_o say_v of_o that_o as_o peter_n do_v john_n 6._o 68_o lord_n whither_o shall_v we_o go_v thou_o have_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n so_o whither_o shall_v i_o go_v from_o the_o gospel_n there_o be_v the_o word_n of_o eternal_a life_n there_o be_v all_o my_o rest_n and_o hope_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n through_o the_o gospel_n and_o therefore_o i_o resolve_v in_o the_o strength_n of_o christ_n to_o stick_v to_o this_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o then_o second_o as_o to_o that_o of_o wait_v for_o a_o power_n to_o pray_v and_o that_o there_o be_v no_o command_n but_o from_o within_o concern_v both_o these_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v to_o show_v i_o that_o it_o be_v not_o according_a to_o his_o mind_n but_o a_o mere_a invention_n of_o satan_n by_o degree_n to_o draw_v i_o from_o my_o duty_n and_o that_o it_o be_v attend_v with_o this_o evil_a consequence_n even_o to_o slight_v the_o scripture_n and_o command_n of_o god_n and_o to_o expose_v the_o soul_n to_o satan_n deceive_n to_o walk_v by_o the_o imagination_n of_o their_o own_o heart_n instead_o of_o the_o motion_n of_o the_o spirit_n and_o also_o it_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o great_a uncertainty_n which_o the_o truth_n never_o do_v but_o on_o the_o other_o hand_n to_o do_v duty_n in_o obedience_n to_o the_o authority_n and_o command_n of_o god_n in_o scripture_n and_o to_o pray_v at_o all_o time_n as_o we_o have_v opportunity_n have_v receive_v a_o principle_n of_o grace_n by_o which_o we_o be_v make_v capable_a of_o prayer_n i_o see_v this_o be_v a_o clear_a and_o sound_a truth_n not_o be_v attend_v with_o any_o evil_a consequence_n nor_o bring_v the_o soul_n into_o strait_n and_o uncertainty_n but_o rather_o give_v enlargement_n in_o every_o condition_n and_o therefore_o i_o desire_v likewise_o to_o keep_v close_o to_o these_o and_o leave_v the_o other_o but_o oh_o the_o joy_n and_o comfort_n that_o be_v in_o my_o soul_n at_o this_o return_n i_o can_v express_v it_o but_o this_o i_o say_v it_o be_v to_o i_o as_o life_n from_o the_o dead_a and_o as_o i_o be_v blessing_n praise_v and_o magnifi_n the_o lord_n for_o his_o unchangeable_a goodness_n to_o i_o my_o husband_n have_v be_v some_o time_n from_o i_o come_v home_o to_o who_o i_o do_v declare_v my_o
the_o gospel_n this_o only_a as_o to_o possibility_n for_o ordinary_o it_o be_v not_o so_o but_o three_o by_o gospel_n qualification_n i_o mean_v such_o as_o be_v from_o gospel_n dictate_v from_o a_o clear_a apprehension_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n therein_o be_v constrain_v from_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n and_o in_o obedience_n to_o the_o command_n and_o authority_n of_o christ_n the_o soul_n give_v up_o itself_o in_o all_o thing_n to_o be_v like_o he_o such_o as_o be_v wrought_v by_o the_o gospel_n and_o spirit_n receive_v they_o and_o they_o only_o be_v the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n but_o as_o for_o those_o other_o qualification_n person_n that_o be_v ignorant_a of_o the_o gosspel_n and_o have_v not_o receive_v the_o spirit_n may_v be_v eminent_a in_o they_o which_o indeed_o for_o that_o they_o have_v such_o a_o resemblance_n of_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v great_a ornament_n as_o to_o appearance_n though_o as_o to_o inward_a glory_n they_o do_v many_o time_n prove_v miserable_a ornament_n be_v prop_n and_o stay_n that_o keep_v such_o person_n from_o come_v to_o christ_n and_o as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o the_o pharisee_n mat._n 21._o 31._o publican_n and_o harlot_n do_v enter_v into_o the_o kingdom_n rather_o than_o they_o and_o this_o i_o have_v experience_v that_o as_o to_o my_o receive_n christ_n upon_o gosspel_n term_n there_o be_v nothing_o so_o hard_a to_o i_o as_o to_o lay_v aside_o all_o those_o qualification_n as_o i_o have_v already_o express_v in_o my_o three_o and_o four_o note_n of_o experience_n now_o for_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n what_o they_o be_v be_v express_v both_o in_o general_a and_o particular_a term_n in_o general_a ephes_n 5._o 9_o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v in_o all_o goodness_n righteousness_n and_o truth_n more_o particular_o gal._n 5._o 22_o 23._o the_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n be_v love_n joy_n peace_n long_o suffer_v gentleness_n goodness_n faith_n meekness_n temperance_n etc._n etc._n also_o there_o be_v other_o thing_n express_v in_o other_o term_n in_o scripture_n which_o doubtless_o be_v likewise_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n though_o i_o think_v with_o submission_n to_o better_a judgement_n all_o other_o be_v include_v in_o these_o whether_o it_o be_v self_n denial_n patience_n humility_n or_o the_o like_a these_o thing_n be_v excellent_a ornament_n which_o do_v adorn_v christian_n in_o the_o eye_n of_o man_n and_o do_v redound_v much_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o god_n and_o therefore_o very_o considerable_a for_o saint_n to_o press_v after_o they_o by_o all_o mean_n i_o must_v confess_v that_o in_o the_o view_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n i_o have_v many_o time_n be_v much_o grieve_v to_o see_v how_o short_a i_o come_v in_o all_o these_o thing_n but_o especial_o in_o some_o of_o they_o yet_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v i_o have_v receive_v a_o measure_n of_o they_o all_o and_o by_o experience_n do_v know_v if_o my_o heart_n deceive_v i_o not_o wherein_o i_o be_o weak_a and_o wherein_o strong_a and_o though_o i_o be_o sure_a in_o those_o in_o which_o i_o be_o strong_a i_o be_o but_o weak_a consider_v how_o i_o ought_v to_o be_v now_o i_o shall_v speak_v a_o little_a how_o and_o by_o what_o mean_v according_a to_o my_o experience_n and_o as_o i_o judge_v according_a to_o scripture_n rule_n these_o thing_n do_v increase_v or_o decrease_v in_o saint_n first_o i_o conceive_v they_o increase_v and_o be_v strengthen_v by_o a_o close_o walk_v with_o god_n in_o all_o spiritual_a duty_n especial_o private_a duty_n meditation_n self-examination_n self-watching_a self-judging_a self-humbling_a and_o prayer_n which_o be_v indeed_o such_o duty_n as_o no_o hypocrite_n can_v true_o do_v not_o that_o these_o private_a duty_n be_v above_o public_a but_o that_o they_o prepare_v for_o public_a and_o by_o these_o we_o be_v acquaint_v with_o our_o own_o heart_n &_o come_v to_o know_v wherein_o we_o be_v weak_a and_o wherein_o strong_a what_o we_o have_v receive_v and_o what_o we_o want_v and_o so_o how_o to_o apply_v ourselves_o to_o god_n in_o public_a and_o private_a for_o the_o subdue_a of_o such_o a_o corruption_n or_o for_o the_o supply_n of_o such_o or_o such_o a_o grace_n and_o this_o according_a to_o my_o experience_n as_o i_o have_v walk_v more_o or_o less_o close_a with_o god_n in_o these_o private_a duty_n so_o be_v my_o profit_n in_o public_a duty_n and_o my_o strength_n in_o qualification_n the_o habit_n of_o grace_n more_o or_o less_o and_o i_o be_o confident_a that_o such_o person_n as_o be_v stranger_n to_o these_o private_a duty_n be_v also_o stranger_n to_o their_o own_o heart_n and_o will_v not_o make_v any_o great_a progress_n in_o christianity_n for_o in_o the_o omission_n of_o these_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o be_v exercise_v in_o thing_n contrary_a which_o do_v very_o much_o interrupt_v our_o communion_n with_o god_n and_o so_o weaken_v the_o power_n of_o every_o grace_n in_o we_o or_o rather_o weaken_v the_o power_n of_o grace_n in_o all_o its_o effect_n for_o these_o thing_n be_v not_o proper_o grace_n but_o the_o effect_n of_o grace_n which_o be_v various_a and_o so_o improper_o call_v grace_n as_o when_o we_o do_v not_o daily_o humble_v ourselves_o before_o the_o lord_n we_o be_v subject_a to_o exalt_v ourselves_o before_o man_n and_o when_o we_o do_v not_o watch_v our_o own_o heart_n and_o judge_n ourselves_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o be_v judge_v other_o and_o to_o watch_v over_o they_o in_o a_o evil_a way_n &_o when_o we_o do_v not_o daily_o meditate_v on_o those_o excellent_a qualification_n that_o be_v in_o christ_n himself_o we_o be_v subject_a to_o see_v little_a loveliness_n in_o they_o and_o so_o have_v a_o light_a esteem_n of_o they_o not_o to_o press_v after_o they_o whereas_o we_o be_v to_o imitate_v he_o in_o all_o these_o thing_n according_a to_o mat._n 11._o 28_o 29._o but_o second_o the_o habit_n of_o grace_n or_o fruit_n of_o the_o spirit_n do_v increase_v or_o decrease_v as_o we_o do_v more_o or_o less_o exercise_n that_o measure_n of_o they_o already_o receive_v and_o every_o particular_a grace_n be_v increase_v by_o the_o exercise_n of_o itself_o and_o so_o by_o much_o exercise_n i_o mean_v by_o daily_a act_n they_o do_v as_o it_o be_v become_v natural_a as_o it_o be_v say_v of_o timotheus_n phi._n 2._o 20._o and_o the_o exercise_n of_o faith_n do_v direct_o lead_v we_o to_o the_o fountain_n of_o grace_n in_o behold_v of_o which_o glory_n of_o god_n we_o be_v change_v into_o the_o same_o image_n 1_o cor._n 3._o 18._o there_o be_v such_o a_o transform_a nature_n in_o it_o that_o the_o very_o behold_v of_o it_o transform_v we_o into_o the_o same_o likeness_n rom._n 12._o 2._o and_o i_o can_v true_o say_v from_o bless_a experience_n that_o in_o the_o exercise_n of_o that_o measure_n of_o grace_n i_o have_v receive_v thus_o lead_v i_o to_o behold_v the_o lord_n jesus_n in_o what_o he_o have_v do_v for_o i_o i_o have_v find_v it_o more_o advantageous_a for_o the_o destroy_n of_o corruption_n and_o for_o the_o strengthen_v i_o in_o those_o thing_n than_o in_o any_o other_o mean_n whatsoever_o and_o the_o reason_n why_o many_o person_n do_v sit_v a_o long_a time_n in_o the_o profession_n of_o truth_n and_o yet_o continue_v weak_a ignorant_a barren_a and_o fruitless_a branch_n it_o be_v because_o as_o they_o be_v remiss_a in_o private_a duty_n so_o they_o do_v not_o exercise_v that_o measure_n of_o grace_n receive_v and_o so_o by_o a_o heedless_a careless_a carnal_a walk_n the_o heart_n grow_v carnal_a and_o their_o be_v rather_o a_o decrease_n than_o increase_n in_o all_o spiritual_a strength_n but_o some_o will_v say_v can_v any_o do_v these_o thing_n of_o themselves_o and_o do_v not_o god_n give_v grace_n free_o both_o in_o and_o after_o conversion_n to_o which_o i_o answer_v yea_o but_o in_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n we_o be_v passive_a i_o mean_v as_o to_o inward_a spiritual_a activity_n we_o can_v do_v nothing_o be_v dead_a according_a to_o ephes_n 2._o 1._o 2_o cor._n 5._o 14._o joh._n 5._o 25._o not_o exclude_v those_o duty_n which_o god_n require_v from_o all_o as_o hear_v the_o gospel_n read_v etc._n etc._n through_o which_o god_n have_v promise_v to_o convey_v spiritual_a life_n esay_n 55._o 3._o rom._n 10._o 17._o but_o after_o conversion_n we_o be_v active_a and_o therefore_o command_v to_o keep_v ourselves_o in_o the_o love_n of_o god_n judas_n 12._o to_o add_v to_o our_o faith_n virtue_n to_o virtue_n knowledge_n etc._n etc._n 2_o pet._n 1._o 5._o with_o many_o other_o such_o like_a scripture_n not_o that_o we_o be_v sufficient_a of_o ourselves_o to_o do_v any_o thing_n as_o of_o ourselves_o but_o our_o sufficiis_fw-la of_o god_n 2_o cor._n 3._o 5._o who_o be_v please_v to_o give_v in_o