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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A06692 Micrologia Characters, or essayes, of persons, trades, and places, offered to the city and country. By R.M. R. M., fl. 1629. 1629 (1629) STC 17146; ESTC S102521 15,435 56

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This place therefore is not onely confin'd betweene More fields and Bishopsgate-streete but may proue more ample in extent then the King hath any Land 14. Ludgate IS the maine Prop or surest vpholder of Ancient Citizens who are declined from the Nominatiue of credit to the Vocatiue of Caret hauing multiplied in O●latiue Substracted in the Ablatiue The Citie is the circumference this the Center or as the Foxe said by the Furriers shoppe the surest place to meete in It is a Receptacle of Complainers against dead vacations who haue perhaps made vp their catastrophe in the quick'st Terme It is the resting place or cares and troubles a full poyse of misery or safe harbour of ill husbandry It is a kinde of Inns of Court where men gather more by experience then study and haue the Law at their fingers ends The Keepers in it resemble Ashen trees bearing fruit which they turne to no mens profit but their owne and seeme to haue power to open and shut to all vnder their charge as those that receiue Keyes from S. Peter for you shall perceiue them no lesse skilfull in the sounds and stops of each then the most curious and best Musitian They are men of much circumspection and looke more warily to their seuerall wards then the cunning'st Fencer prest to play his Masters-prize Shortly it is a house ch●ap●ier purchas'd then kept and a mans great'st Fine is payd at parting It is the Bankrouts bait which at first he greedily swallowes after is swallowed vp of The Speed-well neuer winters here but the Hope-well ha's cast Anchor 16. Bridewell BRides-well or Bridgets well is the City Schoole-mistris that by due correction tames and brings vnder her vnruly obstinate children of both sexes those that haue dranke or inde●d but throughly tasted of this well will commonly euer after bee most cautelous of any relapse to returne thither for a second cure It is a faire free hospitable open house for all commers The complaint of Guests hither inuited or rather incited seemes quite contrary to that of common Innes where fault is most found for want of obseruance the distaste here growing of more followers then needs Howbeit their Attendants as persons well deseruing are men in Liueries Beadles in Blue-coates who hold as much land by giuing out statute lace as your Bosomes-Inne Cariers by deliuering cheeses at Christmas They are ready waiters on your backs on any occasion and their maine seruice a full satiety of whipping-cheare They are men not fluent in discourse yet captious in your company much inclined to criticisme and so Satyricall that on the le●st fault committed they are ready to giue you a Ierke They much resemble the Momusses of our times aff●cted with the spirit of Detraction onely in this different their hands rather then tongues are the greatest Back-biters Their best exercise is running and driuing at a Carts Taile where they take as much pride in the posture and practise of their weapon as a dexterious Fencer before a Company at Symon and Iude and are no lesse bountifull and free in the open Markets then at their owne Hall Table They are men of large Commission extentiue in iurisdiction to the vtmost part of their Regiment euen from the Whore rampant to the poore Rogue couchant and are as cunning in conueyances and slights as a Iugler for hee is no more but Whip Passe and Be gon yet these are neuer out of action It is an Amsterdammicall Conuenticle translated only in the Clime or an hotch-potch of people different in Age Sexe Nation Disposition not seldome in Religion yet euery one vses that little conscience he has so farre as the whip will giue him leaue Not vnlike the Family of Loue for they haue here all things in common which I thinke commonly is little or nothing vnlesse the Whip Stocks or Pillory You haue here the grand grosse Baud Prouocatious Pander vngratious Letcher audacious Whore vngracious Kaue rude Ruffians Runnagates Cheates Pimps Nips Foysts Decoyes multa alia quae nunc c. And though it be euery weeke swept ouer by the Beesome of authority yet is this muck-hill replenished daily with stuffe of the like kinde It is a Bee-hiue of Drones where the good sting them home to the old abode a Pill to purge vagabonds out of the Common-wealth and a Curry-combe for Hackney whores to reduce them to their pristine reputation for if after punishment you so chance to call them they get you on the hip and haue the Law on their owne sid●s It is a well compacted Common-wealth of workers against their wils where the awe of the whipstocke confines them to the laborious stroke of the hempe-blocke and the turning of the wheele a daily Memento of turning ouer a new leafe It is a bit or bridle for Roaring Boyes that flye out beyond their bounds or a ciuill gouernment of persons in behauiour most vnciuill where though many meet roughly all strangers yet here grow calme enough and worke together like neighbours It is a Receptacle of Rogues Ruffians and Runnagates who neuer serue God but on Saturday mornings and then call on him but with small deuotion when the storme is ouer all is salu'd vp with a sob and a soure face It is a stepdame to stubborne natures who would neuer bee ruled by their more naturall mother An Empericke in a diseased climate that by a skilfull Phlebotomy with well managing of a small knotted whipcord ha's preseru'd many from the fare of a hard hempen halter and clensed both City Suburbs of much corruption It may not vnfitly bee termed the Trades Increase or Cities Hope-well where her stubborne youth are made wieldy brought vp in handicraft professions It is the Reall Exchange of good houswiues whither they commonly resort for their Hemp Flaxe or Towe and here finde it ready beaten to their hands by those who haply thought little to haue come vnder Iurisdiction of Blocke and Beetle The tenor of the new Law All gracelesse wights that lead Luxurious liues Bold roaring Boyes base Queanes vnchast wiues Cutpurses Canters Cheaters Hie-way-standers Bawdes Bouncing-Megs Decoyes Puncks Pimps and Panders All vagrant Vagabonds o' th Cōmo wealth Sharks Prigs Nips Foysts that pill and liue by stealth Whole swarmes of lazy Drones in corners lurking That rather choose to hang then fall to working These with their carst confederates all must stand Toth ' new laws Iudgement that doth strait command An equall pennance for their crime most meet That yoakt in Carts they now must purge the street Of noysome Garbage carry Dirt and Dung The Beadles following with a mighty throng Whilst as they passe the people scoffing say Holla ye pampred Iades of Asia The knotty Whip could neuer halfe so sling yee As this new law the very shame will bring yee If euer now to mend else still ye must Driue till ye sweat agen in Dirt and Dust Bare fac'd in publike view throughout the City While all men laugh and few or none will pitty Iust is that law whose sentence thus inforces All those who liu'd as Beasts to draw like Horses To conclude it is the latter course of a full Banquet serued in Sallets and sharpe Tarts or the sowre sauce to the sweet meats of Venery It is a Diet-drinke most wholesome for a Whoremonger or a principall receit for the Itch of concupiscence In fine a free Hospitall for the Remedie of sundry diseases whither many are brought vpon cure purg'd and past away the lazy Drones from Idlenesse lewde Letchers from Luxury vaine vnthrifts from Prodigalitie old persons from vildnesse youth from wildnesse all if possible to goodnesse Whence if any depart and mend not an hund●ed to one they drop into the Hangmans Budget 16. New-gate IS the old way to an ill Destinie or the Hye-way to looke through a hempen window It is the Blacke-dogs walke of an ill conscience and the period of a Purloyner It is the subburbs of hell and not seldome vnder the Iurisdiction of Furies It is a dangerous Hellespont wherein many setting forth are ship wrackt in their iourney It is a darke Cell of care and dungeon of despaire a place that sends all worse forth and scarse any mend It is a promiscuous rabble of Rogues Villaines and Whores where if once they passe the fiery triall they soone grow master they loue not to ride and euer feare the changing of the Moone All good deeds of charity they turne to sinne and wickednesse The Tapsters purse and the Tobacco-shop is their Treasury and hee that sweares and drinkes most is of best respect The stoutest Rogue ha's there most credit and the cunningst foyst wins best esteeme All ill is the highest ayme and he that hath beene longest ●heeuart is the worst member keepes the remembrance booke and is growne a Schoole-master fit for the Diuell so absolute a Rogue that hee growes in office to see sinne correct vice Hee summons Iuries Iudges and can tell fortunes to all commers He has a Title sutable to his disposition and goes vnder the name of Corporall Craft Briefly it is a Cage of vncleane Birds a Coope of Cony-catchers and an Abisse of all Abominations FINIS