upon him my nature that he might become my Lord and King Saviour and Redeemer who brake the doors of Brass rescued me from the Rape of Hellish furies cast them out delivered my darling soul from the power of the Dog and barred the Gate that he could enter no more to stuff my thoughts with his detestable injections although he attempted a return Thou hast thrust fore at me oh mine enemy that I might fall but the Lord helped me many a time may I now say have these things afflicted me from my youth many a time have they afflicted me from my youth yet they have not prevailed against me The Plowers plowed upon my back they made long their furrows but the righteous Lord he hath cut asunder the cords of the weeked one I was brought low and the Lord helped me He hath delivered my soul from death mine eyes from tears and my feet from falling Oh Lord my God I will give thanks to thee for ever CHAP. V. Concluding the whole experiment with an account of the unconceivable sweetness of divine consolations the usual consequent of long and sort temptations a more then abundant reason to abide Gods leisure under the heavy load of dâ—sertions Of the cause of writing ANd now at last when the Lord my Lord of whom the Father said sit thou at my right hand until I make thy enemies thy foot-stoolâ— had set my soul at freedom by his mighty power he sent his blessed spirit the holy Ghost that most glorious self evidencing and sweet comforter whose sweetness no heart can conceive but he who hath tasted how good he is who shewed me from the Father and his blessed Son that all the miseries afore mentioned pressing me down were the delusions of Satan and whereas he intended to have made me a shame and reproach to all that should know or hear of my overthrow that now my God hath taken advantage of the greatness of my sins thereby to magnifie his mercy in pardoning thereof according to my cry in the day of my distress and that now I was of Abrahams Family numbred among the spiritual Children of Abraham a priviledge which I often especially under my troubles prized highly and desired earnestly to be partaker off The blessed spirit bearing witness of these things wrought in my soul such unconceiveable joy that in the words of Thomas I cryed out my Lord and my God so ravishing were the kisses of those divine lips of love that my heart was silled with joy unspeakable and glorious my mouth with laughter my body much weakened by the anguish and horror of my soul so that I kept my Chamber for many dayes together was now revived and my youth renewed as the Eagle that casteth her Beak so that I became as lightsome as if I had not known sorrow to the great admiration of my Friends who had known my long confinement to my Chamber by reason of sorrow and heavyness My heart my sorrowful heart of which I was wont to cry out None so fad none so disquieted as thou was now through the joy of the Lord quite altered The spirit of my God now covering me with the glorious robes of his Sons righteousness turned my mourning into dancing put off my Sackcloath and girded me with gladness gave me a garment of praise for the spirit of heavyness so that then and since being upheld by the same hand I could say I carry about me a chearful heart and a much more healthy body notwithstanding the great disappointments I in my worldly condition then met with and still lye under Being now enabled by faith to apprehend my self justified through the righteousness of God even the righteousness of Jesus Christ imputeth to poor sinners the guilt the obligation of my sins to punishment being taken away I can now through the tender mercy of God whereby the day spring from on high hath visited me comfortably give a challenge to Death and the Grave Oh Death where is thy sting oh Grave where is thy victory my dear Lord having ransomed me from the power and fear of the grave and helping me in despight of him that hath the power of death that is the Devil to look upon my self as one of those whom God the Father hath given to the Son as part of the travaile of his soul so that the Lord Christ delights in me as the gift of his Father and the purchase of his own bloud And my God loveth me with the same love wherewith he loveth his Son and all the promises of grace made to sinners in the holy word through Jesus Christ I have an interest in and expect to have fulfilled to me as far as it shall tend to his glory and my good He that gave me his Son will freely also give me all good things Well may I therefore take up the words of the Prophet Oh Lord I will praise thee for though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away and thou comfortedst me For the iniquity of my soul thou wast wroth with me and smotâ—st me but now thou hast healed me and restored comforts to me the Lord Jehovah is my strength and song he also is become my salâ—ation I waited patiently for the Lord and he encâ—â—ned his ear to me and heard my cry he drew my feet out of an horrible pit out of the miry clay and hath set me upon a Rock and established my goings What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits I will call upon him as long as I live I will pay my vows unto the Lord now in the presence of all his people When the Lord Jesus is pleased to go away to withdraw the comfortable warm beams of his love and presence from the sight and sence of his poor people Joh. 16.6 like the Apostles their hearts are filled with heavyness they think every day a week and every week a month and every month a year the time seemeth tedious till he return till he lifteth up the light of his countenance till he restores comforts to them like the mother of Sisera they are putting forth their heads crying why are his Chariot wheels so long in coming But oh that such would remember what I now find that it is expedient for them that he should sometimes go away from them withholding his consolations for the holy Ghost the Comforter shall one time or other come to such as wait for it with such joy and peace that passeth all understanding of eye ear and heart of man And then long time spent in waiting shall seem but a little moment Is 40 2. and they shall receive double pay for all the punishments of their iniquities The Children of this world in this are wiser in their generation then the Children of light no discouragement of wind or rain can make them forbear their seasons of sowing in hope nor can the interposition of many perillous months delay work a dissolution of the hope that
by raising the benumbed Souls of sinners from that natural Lethargy and carnal security that lyeth upon their whole inward man understanding will conscience affections the Soul and all that is within the Soul of an unregenerate person standeth not in awe of divine precepts promises or threatnings till awakened by divine power God may speak once yea twice yet man perceiveth it not until in a dream in a vision of the night when deep sleep falleth upon men in slumberings upon the bed then he openeth the ears of men and sealeth their instruction Job 33.14 c. 't is usually some rough dealing that is required to rouze the sinner out of his pleasant but false dreams of peace Sometimes he is chastned with pain upon his bed and the multitude of his bones with strong pains so that his life abhorreth bread and his soul dainty meat His flesh is consumed away that it cannot be sâ—on and his bones that were not seen stick ouâ— his Soul dâ—aweth nigh to the Grave and his lâ—fe to the destroyers Thus God ruineth and tortureth Sinners into the way of Life maketh room for the Messenger the interpreter the One among a thousand to shew unto Man his uprightness verses 20.21 22 23. Mount Sinai's terrible thunderings did not more powerful make way for the reception of the Law then the conviction of sin by the Law doth for the embracement of the Gospel and the embracement of it for the settlement of inward distractions In a word The wounds of conscience plainly shew not only the power of the Law by which sin is strengthned armed and enabled to work death but also the power of the Gospel in setting poor distressed Souls at freedom from The Law Sin and Death 3. 'T is a most senceless imagination to judge any mans person or way to be the more excellent because less troublesome in it By this crooked rule the unblushing forehead of an Harlot may pass for an hopeful sign of her future happiness the Bedlam may boast of his better condition then others because he feels not those prickings of pins and needles which if others had they would cry out of And yet 4. How many instances have the records of time given us of the confounding terrors that wicked men on the sudden have been overwhelmed with how oft may it be observed how God distributeth sorrow to such in dreadful measures and how from the heighth of censuall delights God casts them down into destruction how are they brought into desolation as in a moment they are utterly consumed with terrors Ps 73.18 19. God hath appointed a day wherein he will make known his wrath upon all the vessels of wrath eminently And this is called in Scripture Rom. 25. The day The great and terible day of the Lord The day of wrath But alas how few fear this because t is future the heart of man fears not wrath to come though no wrath like it Things present affect most And the Apostle hath told us why because such are blind and cannot see afar off 2 Per. 1.9 But now let such remember the stoutest siners have been unhorst and perished even in the very way God puts not off all to the gâ—eat and last desires he hath his petty fessions sometimes some are tormented before their time They fall into the hands of a loving â—od when they little thought of it Job 21.17 How oft is the Candle of the wicked put out Gen. 4.14 Who would have thought that that heart of Cain which feared nothing should so suddenly be smitten with the fear of every thing Dan. 5.6 Or that Belshazzar who just now could boldly bid defiance to the God of Israel should upon the first sight of what he understood not be surprized with such an hellish fit of quaking Ch. 4.32 Or that great Nebuchadnâ—zzar now feeding his fancy with the splend our of his own works and swelling himself into a conceited Deity should in the same hour yea while the word was in his mouth became as a Reast v. 37. How easily can God abase such as walk in pride should the Lord commission our own thoughts against us no need of any other enemy to make us miserable and this he hath often done as in the cases already mentioned Stories both sacred and prophane afford us a large account of many more â—ragicall overthrows of the enemies of holyness And few ages pass without some drops of wrath â—mminently falling upon the heads of one siner or other which were we but wise to consider them would fully inform us that Gods dealings with his Saints and servants in desertion of comfort and permission of Satan to agonize them in this world However it seem tedious and tiresome for a while and they apt to speak as once Job did he teareth me in his wrath who â—ateth me he gnasheth upon me with his teeth Yet weighing in an equall Ballance these dealings of God with his Children with those earfull cruptions of wrath that seize upon the â—ngodly and it will soon appear that the wayes of God to his people are not severity but lenity not fury but mercy tender mercy and loving kindness Thus distress oâ— conscience is not so concomitant to profession of the Gospel as the enemies thereof feign Luke 15.7 but that sometimes it may be found among the jovial crew of unrighteous men needing no repentance and whensoever it falleth upon such it is much more lamentable then that which is let out upon poor humble bruised obedient Sinners Because when the Lord riseth up agâ—inst the Souls of those that hate and forget him he comes 1. With greater fury Ps 11.6 An horrible tempest is the portion of their cup. Is 54.8 Now when he troubleth his Children for sin he hideth his face from them in wrath but then it is but in a little wrath Hab. 3 2. and his wrath makes him not at any time to forget his love he can remember that in the midst of it still 2. With sewer advantages there is less hope of such a ones recovery Distresses of whatsoever sort are like violent purges to the body preparatives must be had or else a body full of humors and unaccustomed to such means is beset with dangers who knows which way dreadful convictions of divine displeasure may drive the amaz'd and affrighten'd Soul 't is possible to God but very improbable to man that he who hath hardned his own heart against God and his fear and been forging arguments and studying offences and picking quarrels against the ways and worship of God should ever take to those as his proper remedy in times of temptation Satan will do all he can to keep up a dislike in such a One against those things that make for true peace or if peradventure Satan be cast out of the outward conversation and the man seems to recover his peace by a partial reformation yet how truly hath our Lord set forth the doleful doom of such half begotten
Hell Gates and yet are delivered Let me put you in remembrance of these two or three duties 1. Oh see that you ingage your hearts unto the Lord I will love the Lord with my whole heart I will love him dearly Ps 103.1 c. Bless the Lord oh my soul and all that is within me bless his holy name Bless the Lord oh my soul and forget not all his benefits who forgiveth all thine iniquities who healeth all thy diseases who redeemeth thy life from destruction who crowneth thee with loving kindness and tender mercies Oh pray that your love to him who hath delivered your souls from the snares of cruel death and pulled your feet out of the miry Clay where there was no bottom may encrease and abound more and more Josh 24.14 Sincere affections and dissobedience are the only returns that God looks for Deny not these in the highest degree 2. Give up your lives for the Lord. Be content he shall dispose of them in the way he knoweth best for his glory If he shall call you forth to suffer death for a testimony of your love to him and the Gospel of his Son think it not too much for him Well mayst thou undergo ten thousand natural deaths were it possible for Jesus Christs redemption from the hands of thy spiritual enemies is cause enough for thee to serve him without fear of what man can do unto thee Look upon thy past deliverance as things never no never to be forgotten nor sufficiently to be required by thee 3. Take care now thou hast found him whom thy soul loveth oh take care for his undisturbed residence You know what it is to want the comforting presence of Jesus Christ let those who know not the terrors of the Lord and the fearful consequents of his forsakings venture the displeasure of him by their slighting of his precepts and slothfulness in his paths but let not us do so we that know what it is to be thrown into the depths of horror and how hard as well as sweet is our recovery thence oh let not us dare to sleep upon the top of the mast but rather keeping fast hold upon our beloved by the hand of Faith beg of him that he would not depart out of our hearts lay a strict charge over all the cares and comforts and companies and conditions of this life Canticles 2.7 by the Roes and by the Hindes that they stir not up nor awake our Love until he please 4. If the Lord Jesus Christ shall please for his own glory to walk a while out of your hearts again if he shall at any time withdraw the comforts of the Holy Ghost loose not in Satan again by unbelief distress not your selves overmuch by giving way to the least mistrust as if he would never return Ps 77. and more remember his loving kindness and his works and wonders of old think he never goes away but when it is expedient for us Joh. 16.7 and having already sealed us by the holy spirit of promise given us eye-salve enlightning our understandings in the knowledge of his love whereby we are perswaded our names are written in the book of Life Râ—m 11.29 The gifts and calling of God are without repentance 2 Cor. 1.10 He that hath delivered may well be trusted that he will do so again John 10 29. No Man or Devil can take us out of the hands of God John 13.1 Whom be loveth he loveth to the end Phil. 1.6 He that hath begun a good work will carry it on to the day of Christ 5. You have been delivered from the violence of temptations but remember that yet we carry about us such sinful natures the Fruits of our first Parents transgression that would again put up his head against God and his most righteous Laws yea and take part with Satan against him and our selves too there is yet an unregenerate part the remnant of the old Adam remaining in the best and holiest of mâ—n after all the forty years temptations of Israel in an howling wilderness and when they are brought into the Land of rest Judg. 3. yet there the Amorite will be found nothing but dissolution will fetch the leprosie of natural corruption out of our earthly tabernacles Lev. 14.45 and especially will this cursed corruption annoy us with offers to do the same things that Satan before he was dispossessed would have done my experience tells me some of the old filth still sticks behind The wise God will have it so that the vileness and greatness of our old sins might not be forgotten that we may be poised down with humility and put a longing after natures dissolution till which time sin now twisted with our nature will not be removed this remnant of the old man with its stirrings cannot choose but be an heavy burden to the new Rom. 7.24 't is such a body that it made the very soul of a Paul groan and cry out for a deliverance Ex. 17.16 This â—malck God hath sworn it that he will have war with it for evnr As good Souldiers of Christ our Captain let us be perswaded to hold on our war against this party of corruption yet abiding in our natures and in so doing we have the comfort of these ensuing considerations 1. That this remainder of cursed nature though it be not utterly destroyed yet shall it not have dominion over us so as to bring forth Fruits unto death or to be charged upon our persons to condemnation Rom. 8 2. For by Christ our Lord we are dischargea and set at freedom from the Law of sin and death being under the Covenant of grace we have received the spirit of life and power even that blessed spirit that raised our Lord Jesus Christ from the dead which hath quickned us and put life and power into us in a good measure enabling us to crucifie the flesh with its affections and lusts Gal. 5.24 so that its dominion is taken away though its life be continued for a season 2. And it is but for a season that its life is continued in us the war will not hold always there is a time coming when we shall be delivered from this bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the sons of God Rom. 8.19 c. 23. and not onely we but those very Creatures the Heaven and the Earth shall be set free from that bondage of corruption which lyeth upon them by reason of the sin of man in that day we shall be made like unto the Son of God in our measure The transfiguration upon the Mount seemeth to be a resemblance of that glory wherein Jesus Christ shall appear as he was the Son of David when he shall come to take the Kingdom unto himself then shall the poor benighted Sons of the day welcome in that joyful morning with a new Song and Psalms of tryumphant victory in their hands Rev. 15.3 then shall all the enemies of our Souls be totally subdued and even