but sometimes I am foyled and go halting out of the field it is thy mercy that I live being so fiercely assaulted by those principalities and powers it were more then wonder if I should escape such hands without a wound Even that holy servant of thine who strove with thine Angel for a blessing went limping away though he prevailed what mervail is it that so weak a wretch as I striving with many evill Angels for the avoidance of a curse come off with a maime or a scar But blessed be thy name the wounds that I receive are not mortall and when I fall it is but to my knees whence I rise with new courage and hopes of victory Thou who art the God of all power and keepest the keys of hell and death hast said Resist the Devill and he will flee from you Lord I do and will by thy merciful ayd still and ever resist make thou my faith as stedfast as my will is resolute Oh still teach thou my hands to war and my fingers to fight arme thou my soul with strength and at last according to thy gracious promise crown it with victory XXIII Oh Lord God how ambitious how covetous of knowledg is this soul of mine as the eye is not satisfied with seeing nor the eare filled with hearing no more is the mind of man with understanding yea so insatiable is my heart that the more I know the more I desire to know and the less I think I know Under heaven there can be no bounds set to this intellectuall appetite O do thou stop the mouth of my soul with thy self who art infinite Whom have I in heaven but thee and there is none upon earth that I desire besides thee Alas Lord if I could know all creatures with all their forms qualities workings if I could know as much as innocent Adam or wise Solomon Yea more if I could know all that is done in earth or heaven what were my soul the better if it have not attained the knowledg of thee Since as the Preacher hath most wisely observed In much wisdome is much grief and he that increaseth knowledg increaseth sorrow Oh then set off my heart from affecting that knowledg whose end is sorrow and fix it upon that knowledg which brings eeverlasting life And this is life eternal to know thee the only true God and Jesus Christ whom thou hast sent XXIV O my God what miserable uncertainties there are in these worldly hopes But yesterday I made account of an eminent advantage of my estate which now ends in a deep loss How did we lately feed our selves with the hope of a firme and during peace which now shuts up in too much bloud How confidently did I relie upon the promised favour of some great friends which now leave me in the suds as the scorn of a mis-called fortune In how slippery places O Lord do our feet stand If that may be said to stand which is ever sliding never fixed And not more slippery then brittle so as there is not more danger of falling then of sinking With thee O God with thee only is a constant immutability of happiness There let me seek it there let me finde it and over-looking all the fickle objects of this vain world let my soul pitch it self upon that blessed immortality which ere long it hopes to enjoy with thee XXV Lord God What a wearisome circle do I walk in here below I sleep and dress and work and eat and work again and eat again and undress and sleep again and thus wearing out my time finde a satiety in all these troublesome Lord when shall I come to that state wherein I shall do nothing but injoy thee do nothing but praise thee and in that one work shall finde such infinite contentment that my glorified soul cannot wish to do any other and shall therein alone bestow a blessed eternity XXVI O God how troublesome and painful do I find this Sun of thine whose scorching beams beat upon my head and yet this excellent creature of thine is that to which under thee we are beholden for our very life and it is thy great blessing to the earth that it may enjoy these strong and forceable rayes from it Oh Who shall be able to endure the burning flames of thy wrath which thou intendest for the punishment and everlasting torment of thine enemies And if men shall blaspheme the name of thee the God of heaven for the great heat of that beneficiall creature what shall we think they will do for that fire which shall be consuming them to all eternity Lord keep my soul from those flames which shall be ever burning and never either quenched or abated XXVII Which way O Lord which way can I look and not see some sad examples of misery One wants his limbs with Mephibosheth another his sight with Bartimeus a third with Lazarus wants bread and a whole skin One is pained in his body another plundred of his estate a third troubled in minde one is pined in prison another tortured on the rack a third languisheth under the loss of a deare son or wife or husband Who am I Lord that for the present I enjoy an immunity from all these sorrows I am sure none grones under them that hath deserved them more It is thy mercy thy meer mercy O my good God that any of these calamities have faln beside me Oh make me truly thankful for thine infinite goodness and yet onely so sensible of thy gracious indulgence this way as that when any of these evils shall seize upon mee I may be no more dejected in the sense of them then I am now over-joyed with the favor of their forbearance XXVIII O blessed God what variety of gifts hast thou scattered amongst the sons of men To one thou hast given vigor of body to another agility beauty to a third to one depth of judgment to another quickness of apprehension to one readiness and rarity of invention to another tenacity of memorie to one the knowledg of liberal arts to another the exquisiteness of manuary skill to one worldly wealth to another honour to one a wise heart to another an eloquent tongue to one more then enough to another contentment with a little to one valour to another sagacity These favors O Lord thou hast promiscuously dispersed amongst both thy friends and enemies but oh how transcendent are those spiritual mercies which thou hast reserved for thine own the graces of heavenly wisdome lively faith fervent charity firme hope joy in the holy Ghost and all the rest of that divine beauye For any competency of the least of thy common blessings I desire to be thankful to thy bounty for which of them O God can I either merit or requite but oh for a soul truly and eagarly ambitious of those thy best mercies Oh let me ever long for them and ever be insatiable of them Oh do thou fill my heart
servant would have hated to take upon him the trade of a begger Service is a lawful calling beggery not so he that gave life to all creatures could take a maintenance from them without asking he that did command the fish to bring the tribute money for himself and his disciples and could multiply a few loaves and fishes for the relief of thousands could rather raise a sustenance to himself and his then beg it But here was neither need nor cause even ordinary means failed not many wealthy followers who had received cures and miraculous deliverances besides heavenly doctrine from him ministred to him of their substance neither was this out of charity but out of duty in the charge which he gave to his disciples when he sent them by payrs to preach abroad he tells them the laborer is worthy of his wages and can we think this rule doth not much more hold concerning himself had not himself and his family been furnished with a meet stock raised from hence what purse was it which Judas bore and how could he be a theif in his office if his bags were empty He therefore that could say It is a more blessed thing to give then to receive certainly would not choose when it was in his power rather to receive then give The earth is the Lords and the fulness thereof and he distributes it as he pleaseth amongst the children of men For me I hope I shall have the grace to be content with whatsoever share shall fall to my lot but my prayer shall be that I may beg of none but God XXXII What a madness it is in us to presume on our interest in Gods favor for the securing of our sinfulness from judgment The Angels were deeper in it then we mortals can ever hope to be in these houses of clay yet long since are ugly Devils and they which enjoyed the liberty of the glorious Heavens are now reserved in everlasting chains of darkness And if we look down upon earth what darling had God in the world but Israel This was his first born his lot his inheritance of whom he said Here I have a delight to dwell And now where is it O the woful desolations of that select people What is it to tell of the suffossion of her vineyards vastation of her tents the devouring of her land demolition of walls breaking down Altars burning of Cities spoyling of houses dashing in peices their children ravishing their wives killing of their Priests eating of their own children of but a span long and a thousand such woful symptomes of war the Psalmist hath said a word for all in a just but contrary sense Destructions are come to a perpetual end what destruction can be more when there is no Israel How is that wretched nation vanished no man knows whither so as it was Jezebels curse that nothing was left whereof it could be said this was Jezebel So there is not one peece of a man left in all the world of whom we can say This was of one of the tribes of Israel as for those famous Churches which were since that honored with the preaching and pens of the blessed Apostles where are they now to be lookt for but amongst the rubbish of cursed Mahumetism O that we could not be high-minded but fear XXXIII What a woful conversion is here The sting of death is sin and the sting of sin is death both meet in man to make him perfectly miserable Death could not have stung us no could not have been at all if it had not been for sin And sin though in it self extreamly heinous yet were not so dreadful and horrible if it were not attended with death How do we owe our selves to the mercy of a Saviour that hath freed us from the evil of both having pulled out the sting of death which is sin that it cannot hurt us and having taken such order with the sting of sin which is death that in stead of hurting it shall turn beneficial to us Lord into what a safe condition hast thou put us If neither sin nor death can hurt us what should we fear XXXIV How unjustly hath the presumption of blasphemous cavillers been wont to cast the envy of their condemnation meerly upon the absolute will of an unrespective power as if the damnation of the creature were onely of a supreame will not of a just merit the very name of Justice convinces them a punitive Justice cannot but suppose an offence It is not for us to rack the brains and strain the heart-strings of plain honest Christians with the subtilties of distinctions of a negative and positive reprobation of causes and consequences truths meet for the Schools It is enough that all Christian Divines the Synods both of Dort and Trent agree in this truth that never man is was can be miserable but for sin yea for his own sin The Prophet tells us so in terms Why is the living man sorrowful man suffereth for his sin Nothing can be more true then that of Bildad the Shuhite Behold God will not cast away a perfect man thy perdition is of thy self O Israel It is no less then rank blasphemy to make God the author of sin Thou art the God that hast no pleasure in wickedness neither shall any evil dwel with thee saith the Psalmist our sin is our own and the wages of sin is death he that doth the work earns the wages so then the righteous God is cleared both of our sin and our death onely his justice pays us what we will needs deserve Have I any pleasure at all saith he that the wicked should die and not that he should return from his ways and live wherefore return yea and live What a wretched thing is a willful sinner that will needs be guilty of his own death Nothing is more odious amongst men then for a man to be a felon of himself besides the forfeiture of his estate Christian burial is denied him and he is cast forth into the highway with a stake pitcht through his body so as every passenger that sees that woful monument is ready to say There lyes the carcass but where is the soul But so much more heinous is the self-felony of a wilful sinner because it is immediatly acted upon the soul and carries him with pleasure in the ways of an eternal death O Lord cleanse thou me from my secret faults keep thy servant also from presumptuous sins lest they get the dominion over me XXXV We are wont to say That we ought to give even the Devil his due and surely it is possible for us to wrong that malignant spirit in casting upon him those evils which are not properly his It is true that he is the tempter and both injects evil motions and draws them forth into act but yet all ill is not immediatly his we have enough besides of our own Every man saith
St. James is tempted when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed then when lust hath conceived it bringeth forth sin and sin when it is finished bringeth forth death Lo both the lust and the seducement are our own the sin is ours the death ours There are indeed diabolical suggestions which are immediatly cast into us by that wicked one but there are carnal tentations that are raised out of our own corrupt nature these need not his immediate hand he was the maine agent in our depravation but being once depraved we can act evil of our selves And if Satan be the father of sin our will is the mother and sin is the cursed issue of both He could not make our sin without our selves we concur to our own undoing It was the charge of the Apostle That we should not give place to the Devil Lo he could not take it unless we gave it our will betrays us to his tyranny in vain shall we cry out of the malice and fraud of wicked spirits whiles we nourish their complices in our bosomes XXXVI I cannot but think with what unspeakable joy old Simeon dyed when after long waiting for the consolation of Israel he had now seen the Lords Christ when I hear him say Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace according to thy word for mine eyes have seen thy salvation Methinks I should see his soul ready to flie out of his mouth in an heavenly ravishment and even then upon its wing towards its glory for now his eyes saw and his arms embraced in Gods salvation his own in Israels glory his own How gladly doth he now see death when he hath the Lord of life in his bosome or how can he wish to close up his eyes with any other object yet when I have seriously considered it I cannot see wherein our condition comes short of his He saw the childe Jesus but in his swathing-bands when he was but now entering upon the great work of our redemption we see him after the full accomplishment of it gloriously triumphing in Heaven He saw him but buckling on his armor and entring into the lists we see him victorious Who is this that cometh from Edom with dyed garments from Bozra this that is glorious in his apparel traveling in the greatness of his strength mighty to save He could onely say To us a childe is born to us a son is given We can say Thou hast ascended on high thou hast led captivity captive thou hast received gifts for men It is true the difference is he saw his Saviour with bodily eyes we with mental but the eyes of our Faith are no less sure and unfailing then those of Sense Lord why should not I whose eyes have no less seen thy salvation say Now let thy servant depart not in peace onely but in a joyful sence of my instant glory XXXVII When I think on my Saviour in his agony and on his cross my soul is so clouded with sorrow as if it would never be clear again those bloody drops and those dreadful ejulations methinks should be past all reach of comfort but when I see his happy eluctation out of these pangs and hear him cheerfully rendring his spirit into the hands of his Father when I finde him trampling upon his grave attended with glorious Angels and ascending in the chariot of a cloud to his Heaven I am so elevated with joy as that I seem to have forgotten there was ever any cause of greif in those sufferings I could be passionate to think O Saviour of thy bitter and and ignominious death and most of all of thy vehement struglings with thy fathers wrath for my sake but thy conquest and glory takes me off and calls me to Hallelujahs of joy and triumph Blessing honor glory and power be unto him that sitteth upon the Throne and unto the Lamb for ever and ever XXXVIII It is not hard to observe that the more holy any person is the more he is afflicted with others sin Lot vexed his righteous soul with the unclean conversation of the Sodomites Davids eyes gush't out rivers of water because men kept not the Law Those that can look with dry and undispleased eyes upon anothers sin never truly mourned for their own Had they abhorred sin as sin the offence of a God would have been grievous to them in whomsoever It is a godless heart that doth not finde it self concerned in Gods quarrel and that can laugh at that which the God of Heaven frowns at my soul is nearest to me my sorrow therefore for my sin must begin at home but it may not rest there from thence it shall diffuse it self all the world over Who is offended and I burn not who offendeth and I weep not XXXIX The world little considers the good advantage that is made of sins surely the whole Church of God hath reason to bless God for Thomas his unbelief not in the act which was odious after so good assurances but in the issue his doubt proves our evidence and his confession after his touch had convinced him was more noble then his incredulity was shameful All his attendance upon Christ had not taught him so much divinity as this one touch Often had he said my Lord but never my God till now Even Peters confession though rewarded with the change of his name came short of this The flame that is beaten down by the blast of the bellowes rises higher then otherwise it would and the spring water that runs level in the Plain yet if it fall low it will therefore rise high the shaken tree roots the deeper Not that we should sin that grace may abound God forbid he can never hope to be good that will be therefore ill that he may be the better but that our holy zeal should labor to improve our miscarriages to our spiritual gain and the greater glory of that Majesty whom we have offended To be bettered by grace it is no mastery but to raise more holiness out of sin is a noble imitation of that holy God who brings light out of darkness life out of death XL. Every man best knows his own complaints we look upon the outsides of many whom we think happy who in the meane time are secretly wrung with the inward sense of their own concealed sorrows and under a smooth and calm countenance smother many a tempest in their bosome There are those whose faces smile whiles their conscience gripes them closely within There are those that can dissemble their poverty and domestick vexations reserving their sighs till their back be turned that can pick their teeth abroad when they are fasting and hungry at home and many a one forces a song when his heart is heavy No doubt Naomi made many a short meal after her return to Bethlehem yet did not whine to her great kinred in a bemoaning of her want And good Hannah bit in many a grief
flesh but for him God took him and cloathed him living with immortality I finde none but him and Elijah that were thus fetcht to their Heaven It will be happy for us if we may pass in the common road to blessedness O God give me to walk close and constantly with thee and what end thou pleasest let my body pass through all the degrees of corruption so that my soul may be immediately glorious FINIS THE BREATHINGS OF THE Devout Soul I. BLessed Lord God thou callest me to obedience and fain would I follow thee but what good can this wretched heart of mine be capable of except thou put it there thou know'st I cannot so much as wish to think well without thee I have strong powers to offend thee my sins are my own but whence should I have any inclination to good but from thee who art only and all good Lord work me to what thou requirest and then require what thou wilt II. Lord God whither need I go to seek thee Thou art so with me as that I cannot move but in thee I look up to heaven there I know thy Majestie most manifests it self but withall I know that being here thou art never out of thy heaven for it is thy presence onely that makes heaven Oh give me to enjoy thee in this lowest region of thine heavenly habitation and as in respect of my naturall being I live and move in thee so let me not live and move spiritually but with thee and to thee III. Whither now O whither do ye rove O my thoughts Can ye hope to finde rest in any of these sublunary contentments Alas how can they yeeld any stay to you that have no settlement in themselves Is there not enough in the infinite good to take you up but that ye will be wandring after earthly vanities Oh my Lord how justly mightest thou cast me off with scorn for casting any affective glances upon so base a rival Truly Lord I am ashamed of this my hatefull inconstancy but it is thou only that must remedy it O thou that art the father of mercies pity my wildnesse and weak distractions Take thou my heart to thee it is thine own keep it with thee tye it close to thee by the cords of love that it may not so much as cast down an eye upon this wretched and perishing world IIII. Lord I confesse to my shame thou art a great loser by me for besides my not improving of thy favors I have not kept even-reckonings with thee I have not justly tallied up thy inestimable benefits Thy very privative mercies are both without and beyond my account for every evill that I am free from is a new blessing from thee That I am out of bondage that I am out of pain and misery that I am out of the dominion of sin out of the tyranny of Satan out of the agonies of an afflicted soul out of the torments of hell Lord how unspeakeable mercies are these Yet when did I bless thee for any of them Thy positive bounties I can feel but with a benummed and imperfect sence Lord do thou enlarge and intenerate my heart make me truly sensible as of my good received so of my escaped evils and take thou to thy self the glory of them both V. Ah my Lord God what heats and colds do I feel in my soul Sometimes I finde my self so vigorous in grace that no thought of doubt dare shew it self and me thinks I durst challenge my hellish enemies another while I feel my self so dejected and heartlesse as if I had no interest in the God of my salvation nor never had received any certain pledges of his favour What shall I say to this various disposition Whether Lord is it my wretchednesse to suffer my self to be rob'd of thee for the time by temptation or whether is this the course of thy proceedings in the dispensation of thy graces to the sons of men that thou wilt have the breathings of thy Spirit as where so how and when thou pleasest Surely O my God if I did not know thee constant to thine everlasting mercies I should be utterly disheartened with these sad intervals now when my sense failes me I make use of my faith and am no lesse sure of thee even when I feel thee not then when I finde the clearest evidences of thy gracious presence Lord shine upon me with the light of thy countenance if it may be alwaies but when ever that is clouded strengthen thou my faith so shall I be safe even when I am comfortless VI. O my God I am justly ashamed to think what favors I have received from thee and what poor returns I have made to thee Truly Lord I must needs say thou hast thought nothing either in earth or in heaven too good for me and I on the other side have grudg'd thee that weak and worthless obedience which thou hast required of me Alas what pleasure could I have done to thee who art infinite if I had sacrificed my whole self to thee as thou commandest Thou art and wilt be thy self though the world were not it is I I only that could be a gainer by this happy match which in my own wrong I have unthankfully neglected I see it is not so much what we have as how we imploy it O thou that hast been so bountiful in heaping thy rich mercies upon me vouchsafe to grant me yet one gift more give me grace and power to improve all thy gifts to the glory of the giver otherwise it had been better for me to have been poor then ingrateful VII Ah Lord What strugling have I with my weak fears how do I anticipate my evils by distrust What shall I do when I am old How shall I be able to indure pain How shall I pass through the horrid gates of death Oh my God Where is my faith that I am thus surprized Had I not thee to up-hold and strengthen my soul well might I tremble and sink under these cares but now that I have the assurance of so strong an helper as commands all the powers of heaven earth and hell what a shame is it for me to give so much way to my wretched infidelity as to punish my self with the expectation of future evils Oh for the victorie that overcomes the world even our faith Thou O God art my refuge and strength a very present help in trouble therefore will I not fear though the earth be removed and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the Sea VIII Lord I made account my daies should have been but an inch but thou hast made them a span long having drawn out the length of a crazie life beyond the period of my hopes It is for something sure that thou hast thus long respited me from my grave which look't for me many years ago Here I am O my God attending thy good pleasure Thou know'st best what thou hast to do