neer them vvith hallovved Candles * An excellent Aduise Take heed of this great danger * Consider this point much and often * Note this good Conclusion vpon the Praemises * Note this very vvell for nothing imports more thē this * A great and gross errour * A point of very great importance * Note * This vvas the beginning of many great blessings * Her entrance into the receaueing Supernaturall Fauours * It vvorkes not indeed by vvay of vsing Discourse or makeing Inferences but yet it vvorks by vvay of Contēplation and Admiration of the Infinite Obiect being God vvho is set before it * Note * A great foolish errour * Behold heer the true great impediment * This Saint is admirable in all the Comparisons vvhich the vses * This is a kind of Engine vvith certaine little leather Buckets fastned to the sides of a very great vvheele vvhich dra vves vp very much vvater vvith great ease In Spanish it is called a Noria * A good Lesson * A consideration of much comfort * A hard question most clearly and excellently ansvvered * Marke vvell these masculine and massye vvords * Note * This suspending of the Thought or Vnderstanding of vvhich the Saint speakes is a presenting a multitude of Supernaturall and Diuine Obiects before it together vvith a copious infusion of Light vvich is decerned by it after a kind of intuitiue vvay at once vvithout discourse or trouble And this Light rests not there but passes-on to the VVill and grovves to be as so much Fyre for the inflameing it in the Loue of our Lord. And the Soule doth more properly suffer heer then act And novv the Saint giues great vvarning that people be not so foolish as to offer at these things of themselues A great truth * A dangerous provvd foolish errour * Obserue the generous vvay of this great Saint * Note this very vvell * A great praise of a large hart * Hovv Saynts are to be imitated hovv admired * Note this vvell * A necessary Aduise * Our daily Bread * A description of a good Directour in matter of Spirit * Note * Hovv the VVill is to carry it selfe to the other Faculties of the Minde * The blessings of Quiet Prayer * Note * Note * Hovv the Soule is to carry it selfe in Quiet Prayer * Note * A true happy Comparison * The good Spirit very easily discerned from the bad * Note this point aboue all * A most necessary Document * A great blessing by meanes of this Prayer * These are the more generous mindes * As vvhen one is dyinge * This is an admirable State of Minde * The true State of the Povvers of the Minde in this Prayer Hovv there is an Vnion in this Prayer hovv there is none * The great effects of this high Prayer * The difference betvveē Eleuatiō and Vnion * She proceeds in declaring the great effects of this high Prayer * A Cōsideration of strange comfort * This is strange indeed * The strong Pillar of Prayer * Consider this very vvell * Take heed * A most dangerous temptation * Consider and admire this passage * The manner nature of Rapts * The Effects of Rapts * The strangest state of Minde vvhich perhaps is described in the vvhole Booke * The effect of Rapts * This Saynt it admirable in her Comparisons * Other great effects of true Rapts * Her great zeale for the conuersion of Kings * She alludes to Comets and blazing Starrs * A rare expression * Anopinion vvhich is more probable then true * This seems to haue been a foolish and ill-fauoured kind of errour in those others * That vvas by seuerall Visions * A svveet and iust cōplaint and vvorthie of the Saint vvho made it * By Vision * Beleiue and consider this most certaine Truth * A doubt vvhich cannot easily be solued * She grovves novv to make serious enquiry after a good Directour * The only excellent course * This holy mā enters often into the Story of our Saynt * This vvas no improbable opinion though it vvere no true one * So good a begining vvas almost a kind of perfecting the vvorke * The Saynt begann heer to be happy * This vvas a vvise man likely to vvorke vvonders vpon a Soule * He lost nothing by leaueing to be a Duke for Gods sake * This must needs haue been a holy and a vvise man * A little of this goes farr * So true it is that God is God * The mighty force and povver of any one Supernaturall vvord * The infinit differēce betvveē Supernaturall vvords of God all other * A strange encounter * Great povver of our Lord. * Hovv quickly she gott courage against the Diuells * A most certaine truth * This vvas a very ill aduise indeed * The incredible deare svveetnes of our B. Lord to a Soule * Obserue this vvell * This Saint yovv see vvas certainly no Protestant * The Masque of Pride * An admirable example of Pennance * Humane frailty and celestiall glory are not compatible * Imaginary Visions represented to by the senses are of the lovvest ranke most subiect to danger * The great effects of an admirable and most sublime Vision * The differēce is easily found both betvveen a true Vision and a false and betvveen a true Vision and a Fancy * A plaine demonstration * In order to the guideing of others a Directour may easily haue too meane an optnion of himselfe * This Saint vvas hugely vexed by the insatisfaction vvhich she receiued from many Spirituall men * This is very fitt to be knovvne * This is a true Fortiter sed Suauiter * This Saint vvas most strangely familiarly and supernaturally visited by our B Lord. * A strange Taske vvhich vvas put even by holy men upon this Saint * The more she vvas discountenanced euen by good men so much the more highly vvas she fauoured by our Lord. * A rare Comparison * Still more more excellent comparisons * An excellent most necessary Aduise * A strange mixture of affections but such as God knovves hovv to giue * This greife is after the rate of the loue * A very safe and vvise vvay of proceeding * This is a most certaine truth * Heer follovves a vvhole vvorld of sad temptations troubles * The differēce betvveē Diuine and Diabolicall greife of minde * The vvay manner of a great desolation * A pretty humour * A happy State * She makes along Discourse of the Diabolicall Temptations troubles to vvhich she vvas subiect * The excellency of Holy VVater * A great and iust consolation * A question vvorthy of him that askt it * This is a very great Truth but the Accent must be put vpon the vvord Indeed * And though she should haue continued to aske it I dare say our Lord vvould not haue graunted it * A must certaine truth * A vvise solid Truth * Exercise of Prayer and loue of Honour agree not vvell together * This is not to be litterally vnderstood for the Diuell can prepare no place for a Soule in Hell but by the Decree of Almighty God vpon the particular Iudgement giuen at the death of the Party * The Sinnes of Ingratitude discorrespondence and inordinate affection to Creatures vvhich she did committ and the greater and mortall Sinnes vvhich she vvould most certainly haue committed if the Mercy of our Blessed Lord had not preuented and vvithheld her * Hell is represented to her in Spirit after a most subtile manner and it vvas shevved to her and described by her in such sort as that such Creatures may be capable thereof as are indued not only vvith Mindes but vvith Bodyes * The excellent fruits vvhich this Saint did gather from this great Fauour vvhich seems to be the sole cause vvhy our B. Lord vvas pleased to impare this Fauour * The great benefit of this Fauour * Vide supra fol 471. * A svveet Effect of a sad Cause * A sad and strange proceeding * Hovv one suspition u vvont to thrid it self close vpon another * A holy vvise man * All these things and the like as namely Darts or Chaines or Crovvnes or Ievvells c. are not to be vnderstoood after a grosse materiall vvay but yet that really they haue truth in their being represented distinctly clearly to the Imagination of the Partyes and they cheifly serue as testimonies Signes of those interiour graces vertues vvhich vse to be imprinted vpon Soules at those very times by the mercy of our B. Lord. * She meanes her selfe * This Saint vvas an excellent person to make a freind of * A very strange demonstration of a most ciuill noble and freindly hart * Our Blessed Lord is still as good as his vvord * The great Charity Humility of the Saynt * Hovv deuout this deare Saynt is * They vvere very noble though they vvere poore * The Diuell is still himselfe * This is such a kind of vvorld as vvherein things vvill euer goe thus * A true ansvver to all the Diuells Obiections * Note the description vvhich the Saynt makes heer of her Religious * This Fast of the Order is not so strict and rigorous as that of the Church but is rather a forbearance of halfe the Meale then a Fast * This Point of haueing so very fevv in a Monastery vvas partly meant for them vvho vvere to liue in any place on Almes and partly because the Saint had seen some disorders by haueing too many Religious in other Hovvses and yet the Saint her selfe came aftervvard to admit of tvventy in stead of tvvelue and vvould perhaps haue admitted more if she had found reason for it * She inueighs vvith much reason against vaine Complements and especially amongst Religious people * An excellent most vsefull Document * A true noble most generous hart * Great effects of a Vision
Teresa and of those happie Daughters of hers vvho already beganne to liue vnder her Rule And these are his verie vvords I neuer saw nor knew the Blessed Mother Teresa of Iesus vvhilst yet she vvas in this world but now vvhen she liues in Heauen I know her and doe in effect continually see her in two liuing Images or Pictures of her self which she left amongst vs and those are her Daughters her Bookes vvhich serue also in my opinion for very faithfull witnesses and superiour to all kind of exception concerning the proofe of her great vertue For if I had but seen the figure and features of her face they vvould haue informed me but of that part of her Bodie And if I had heard her speake and discourse that might also haue declared some part of the vvorth of her Minde But the first vvould haue been common to others the second might haue been subiect to errour to vvhich these other are not subiect in vvhich I see her now For as Salomon saith A man may be knovvne by his children And the fruits vvhich anie one leaues behind him vvhen he goes out of the vvorld are the true testimonies of the life vvhich he led vvhen he vvas heer And so we see that Christ our Lord himself vvhen he was pleased in the holie Ghospel to put a difference between the Good and the Bad addresses men to consider their Fruits for By their Fruits saith he you shall knovv them So that the Vertue and Sanctitie of Mother Teresa vvhich might perhaps haue seemed questionable doubtfull to me vvhen I should haue seen her heer the same I hold to be both very euident and very certaine whilst now I see her not by the view vvhich I haue of her both in her Daughters in those Bookes vvhich she hath left behind her For by the vertue vvhich shines so brightly in all those Daughters of hers vve come to know vvithout anie errour at all the great abundance of grace vvhich it pleased Almightie God to vouchsafe to her whome he would ordaine to be the Mother of this new Miracle And really that deserues to be held for no lesse then a Miracle vvhich vve see our Blessed Lord to be doing daily both in them and others by their meanes Nay if that must goe for a Miracle vvhich happens beyond the naturall course order of things there are in this particular so manie of them vvhich are both new and extraordinarie as that to call them but a Miracle vvere to say little for they are rather an assemblie and heape of Miracles For it is one Miracle that a single Woeman alone should haue reduced an Order both of Men Woemen to Perfection And a second that the Perfection to vvhich she brought them vvas so great and high And a third to find to vvhat a huge encrease it is growne in so very few yeares from so small beginnings And now euerie one of these three is a thing vvhich deserues particular consideration For if it belong not to Woemen to teach but to be taught as S. Paul affirmes it growes instantly to be a kind of Miracle that a weake sicklie Woeman should be so full of courage as euen to vndertake so great a vvorke as that and vvithall should be so full of vvisdome and efficacie as finally to preuaile therein and should be also able to steale the verie harts out of the bodies of them with who me she treated that so the might be able to giue them to Almighty God and carrie such multitudes of people after her towards the embracing of all such things as are apprehended and abhorred most by flesh and bloud Whereby me thinkes it appeares that in a time vvhen the Diuel pretends to triumph in the multitude of those Infidels vvho follow him and in the obstinacie of diuerse Hereticall Nations vvhich take part vvith him amongst the manie vices of loose Catholiques who range themselues also on his side the Maiestie of Almightie God vvould be pleased for the greater contempt and scorne of the Diuel to aduance and set before him not a Man who should be valiant learned but a poore single Woemā vvho should raise-vp and plant a Banner of Defiance against him and should publiquely draw people togeather vvho might conquer him and trample vpon him and euen turne him in fine out of doores And certainly he vvas also resolued that it should serue for a demonstration to the vvorld and that in a time vvhen so manie thousands of men vvere seeking to venture vpon the spoile of his Kingdome some by their erroneous vnderstandings and others by their depraued life and manners to proue how Mightie and Omnipotent he was by his introducing enabling a Woeman vvho should both illuminate the mindes and compose the affections and reforme the actions of manie and that her Children should daily grow-vp into greater numbers towards the reparation of those ruines Now in this as it vvere old age of his Church he hath been also pleased to shew vs that his Grace is not growne old and vveake and that the strength and vertue of his Holie Spirit is not lesse powerfull at this day then it was formerly in those happie times of the Primitiue Church Since now by certaine meanes vvhich are of an inferiour and vveaker kind then before he doth either the same or in effect the verie same vvhich he did then For to passe from the first Miracle to the second the Life vvhich your Reuerences lead and the Perfection vvherein your Holie Mother hath placed you vvhat is it but a picture of the Sanctitie of the Holie Primitiue Church For really that of vvhich vve read in the Histories of those times the self same thing doe vve see now vvith our verie eyes in your conuersation and proceeding And your Life demonstrates that by your actions and vvorkes vvhich hath lately through the little practise thereof seemed to be only found in papers and vvords And that vvhich being read makes men wonder yea and euen flesh and bloud doth hardly know how to beleiue we see to be all accomplished and performed by your Reuerence and your holie Communitie For how absolutly are you all vntyed and freed from vvhatsoeuer in fine is not God And how haue you offred your selues vp into the armes of your Celestiall Spouse in vvhome you howerly embrace one another vvith mindes of valiant men though in the bodies but of weake and delicate Woemen And how doe you put in execution the most high and generous kind of Christian Philosophie vvhich euer vvas so much as thought of by men and so ariue by your actions in order to a perfect life to the exercise of all Heroicall Vertue vvhere euen the witts of men haue scarce ariued with their Imagination For you make litter of all the riches of this world you haue Libertie in hatred Honour in contempt and you loue Humilitie and Mortification and all your attention and studie seemes euer
THE FLAMING HART OR THE LIFE OF THE GLORIOVS S. TERESA Foundresse of the Reformation of the Order of the All-Immaculate Virgin-Mother our B. Lady of Mount-Carmel This History of her Life vvas vvritten by the Saint her selfe in Spanish and is nevvly novv Translated into English in the yeare of our Lord God 1642. Aut mori aut pati Either to dye or els to suffer Chap. 40. ANTWERPE Printed by IOHANNES MEVRSIVS ANNO M. DC XLII TO THE INCOMPARABLE SOVERAIGNE PRINCESSE HENRIETTA-MARIA OF FRANCE QVEEN OF GREAT BRITTAINE FRANCE AND IRLAND MADAME I Presume not novv to approach to your Maiesties presence vvith designe to begg your Fauours though this vse to be the case of euery Creature but to pay your Maiestie a Seruice and that a great one for the many Princely benefitts vvhich I haue receiued already from your gratious hand For heer I come to offer your Maiestie a meanes of magnifying your ovvne naturall greatnes by your avovving protecting and enlargeing the glory of an incomparable Saint S. Teresa To vvhome as I haue vvell vnderstood that already yovv carry an extraordinary deuotion and not only deuotion to her selfe but affection also to the holy Religious vvoemen of her Angelicall Order vvhereof the English Nation vvhich novv enioyes the honour to be also yours hath a Monastery at Antwerpe vvhich needs not perhaps be ashamed to appeare neer any other of the vvhole vvorld vvhether it be for their great entire contentment in Recollection their insatiable yet most delightfull thirst after Perfection Vnion vvith our Blessed Lord or the euerlasting Feast of Joy Iubily vvhich they solemnize both in the harty high respects vvhich they carry to their Reuerend Mother Superiour and their true most tender loue to one another so it vvill not be vnvvorthy either of your ovvne greatnes or goodnes that vvhen there is question of considering the vertues perfections of the Glorious S. Teresa and the celebrating her praises and the studying her Life J meane that Life of hers vvhich she vvrote vvith that most holy vvise hand of her ovvne vvhich I heer present your Maiestie vouchsafe to march at the very head of that vvhole Troope vvhich may addresse it selfe to the imitation of her Heroicall actions and to the admiration of those incomparable Graces and Fauours vvhich the God of Heauen and Earth thought fitt to infuse vvith his enamoured hart and omnipotent hand into that most happy Soule For vvho can euer be more fitt to patronize so great a Saint as she is then so great a Queen as your Maiestie vvho besides your Birth and renovvne vvhereof to speake after the manner of men yovv haue so much occasion to bragg haue also in order to Heauen shevved such constancy in the vvay of Religion and pietye as may iustly all things considered giue cause to the rest of your owne most eminent Ranke at least to shrinke if not to blush For my selfe to begg your Maiesties pardon for this apparance of presumption vvere novv to acknowledge some such fault as vvhereof J acquitted my selfe before I vvill therefore rather by this meanes hope to obtaine a Suite for this Seruice yea and that of the most sauory kind of all other it is That yovv vvill vouchsafe to imploy the Sacrifice of my vvhole Life in obedience to any of your Maiesties least commands God make keep your Maiestie as healthy as happy as this vvorld can tell hovv to vvish yea and as the other can tell hovv to graunt I most humbly aske leaue to doe your Maiestie all Reuerence at your Royall Feet Your Maiesties most humble most obedient most deuoted most obliged Seruant M. T. A word of Aduertisment to the Reader TO the end that the Reader 's iudgement may be kept from anie considerable errour concerning the person of the Glorious S. Teresa he is humbly and earnestly desired to read the Preface before he read the Booke and especially that part thereof vvhich occurrs betvveen that § vvhich beginns vvith these follovving vvords For she vvill tell you c. And that other vvhich beginns But novv it vvill come fittly in c. He may also be pleased to excuse the fevv Faults vvhich shall be found in the Print the rather because it vvas performed both in a strange Countrie and by strangers THE PREFACE OF THE TRANSLATOVR TO THE CHRISTIAN AND CIVIL READER I Was moued and who would not be moued by the Reuerend Mother Superiour of the English Teresian-Carmelites at Ant werpe the rest of that holie Assemblie to Translate out of Spanish into English the Life of the Admirable and Blessed Woeman S. Teresa their holie Mother and mine whose Excellencies and Perfections it is hard for anie Penn to expresse and few Harts euen of the most refined and raised can fully vnderstand and comprehend For though it were translated long agoe by an eminent and worthie Man of our Nation in the great deuotion which he carried to his excellent Saint yet he had liued so very long out of his Countâ—â— and had attended in so serious a manner to the acquiring of Perfection and Knowledge in order to the Conuersion of Soules that on the one side he seemed to haue lost a little of the puritie of his owne English Toung and on the other not to haue acquired enough of the Spanish and consequently not to haue been able to performe the Worke so exactly as he desired Since such a Booke as was so sublimely conceiued by such a Hart and so vehemeÌ„tly posted-out by such a Penn could neuer be exactly translated out of anie one Language into an other vvithout a kind of full possession of them both besides a great attention application of minde othervvise Some places being therfore very obscure and manie other more then a little mis-vnderstood the Booke vvas not so vvell receiued nor so gladly greedily read as it deserued And therfore both in honour of their renouned and admired Parent in appetite also of their ovvne consolation and perfection in Spirit the zeale of these holy Religious vvoemen could not content it selfe vvith less then a procuring to get a nevv Translation made vvhich perhaps might proue to their thinkeing a little lesse imperfect then the other For my part I confesse I vvonder that some such Reuievv and Reformation concerning a Publique Worke so much importing the glory of Almighty God and the honour of so eminent a Saint could be forborne so long But euen that very conceipt and consideration did helpe to clappe the Spurrs into my Sides towards a running through this Course and Carreire vvith all the care speed vvhich I could possibly vse And heerin though my abilityes were small yet my attention grew to be great and so I considered seuerall Coppyes and tooke also many opinions and yet found that all my diligences vvere few enow towards the discharge of the multitude of doubts and difficultyes vvhich occurred Partly through the
in the exercise of bounty Her compassion vvas most eminent to vvards the releife of all Creatures in miserye so especially vvas her sollicitude to consolate regale all such in all occasions as vvere intrusted to her care vvhilst yet she vvould needs be vnkind and euen as it vvere cruell to her selfe alone Aboue all things she was a most perfect Louer of Truth so full of matchless candour sincerity in all expressions vpon all occasions that she vvould no more haue euen so much as but disguised it and much lesse varyed from it in the least kind especially vvhen the question had any vvay concerned her owne aduantage then she vvould haue sold her selfe for a Slaue These I say vvere the conditions of this admirable Creature and these were the parts of her Minde vvhich yet I consider but in the nature of Fruits But they grew from these Roots vvhich follow A most profound Humility A most inuiolable Chastity A most strict loue of Pouerty A most vnshaken and inuincible Patience in despight of sharpe Sicknesses tormenting paines and endlesse persecutions A most ardent and inflamed Charity both towards God man which bred an eager and insatiable appetite to winne Soules An vndaunted Fortitude high Courage and that no less in the endeauouring great things then in the suffering hard things A constant continuall Supernaturall most Eleuated course of Prayer and Contemplation Such a kind of excellent Creature was this But yet whē I ouerlooked the little vvhich I had heer set downe I confess it seemed at the first euē in mine owne eye to be a very extraordinary Elogium of her Vertues and parts and as if it might perhaps haue had more in it of the Panegerick then of a iust Praise And therefore before I vvould giue it passage to the Print I looked attentiuely back vpon vvhat I had read of her concerning her resolutions and heroicall actions recorded in authenticall manner by diuerse graue and vvise Authours and in seuerall places also of her owne Workes and particularly vpon what is deliuered by Father Ribera in the Historicall Relation of her vvhole Life But when I came back from thence compared that kind of Descant vvith my Plaine-Song concerning the Saint I found my selfe to haue rather falne much too short then to haue any way ouer-short in this kind and that the particulars recounted with great authority els vvhere for the proofe of how she professed her selfe after a high most Heroicall manner in the practise pursuite of Vertue in order to all sanctity perfection to vvhich she aspired where by God's great mercy she ariued vvould haue no less auowed then encouraged my Penn to haue done her much more honour that is more right if it had not been employed by so vveake a hand as mine But in the meane time I haue considered the Example of the holy S. Hierome vvho vvriting of his S. Paula to Eustochium her Daughter hath these vvords I take Iesus and his Saints to vvitnes as also that particular Angell vvho vvas the Guardian and Companion of this admirable vvoeman That I vvill say nothing of her for fauour nothing after the custome of Flatterers but that vvhatsoeuer I am to deliaer shall be as if it vvere vpon mine Oath and yet still it vvill fall short of her merits And now this shall authorise mee also to take our Blessed Lord to witnesse that to the best of my poore vnderstanding I haue not mistaken my selfe about the celebration vvhich heer I make of our Saint in the point of haueing praised her too much but rather that I am growne to be her Debtour then her Creditour heerin For if euer there haue been in the whole vvorld many vvoemen of more admirable parts perfections both in their Intellectualls their Moralls which I account to be as the Simples of a Soule in the vse also thereof whereby those Simples grow to be mixed and whether wee shall consider them in the Naturall or Supernaturall way it is more then I haue been able to know either by reading or els by Discourse yet I haue been carefull enough to enquire But now the certainty of this truth will yet euen further appeare when I shall tell you that which followes And it is That when the Saint made obseruation had experience of the world 's great frailtie and lesse perfection and that the Religious Order and House vvhere she had entred had obtained certaine Relaxations and Dispensations from diuerse strict Clauses and Conditions of the first Institute and when she had also mett with some Customes through which euen her self had receiued disaduantage by dissipation and diminution of Spirit as namely in regard of great publique resort to the House and a multitude of vnnecessarie Conuersations and especially for that they were not bound to continuall Clausure but had libertie to goe abroad though yet only by leaue of their Superiours to visit their Parents and neer kinred at some times she grew into a full resolution That if euer it should be in her power to free her self from that course and to set more limited bounds vpon her wayes and to inuite others also by her example to expresse their great desire to gaine and perfect Soules she would not faile to put that purpose of hers in execution And so after the expiring of some time the encountring of manie impedimēts and the ouercoming a vvorld of difficulties she grew to expresse her loue to our B Lord but in the person of such Creatures as for whome he dyed to such a proportion and in so high a kind as to proiect and perfect so great and hard a vvorke as that perhaps no Woeman will be seen to haue euer procured and performed the like For to reforme a Religious Order and to reduce it to the first strict Institute is a matter of much more difficultie then to Found one And for a Woeman vvho vvas of no absolute power to command to passe through so manie impediments and to vvinne the Prize and to adorne euen that Originall Rule it self vvith so manie holie and wise Documents and Constitutions of her owne for the raising and true refining of Spirit according to the necessities and exigēces of those present most depraued times makes the busines become yet more hard and strange on the one side and more vsefull also more excellent on the other For as I conceaue it to be a truth that there is no one approued Order of Religious people in the Holie Catholique Church vvhich is not of the best of all others in that vvay of Spirit for which it was cheifly instituted by Almightie God and especially for those times in which it was instituted So is it not only pietie but euen prudēce also to beleiue that since this Blessed Woeman was stirred-vp by God's holie Spirit in this Age of ours for the redresse of our moderne great disorders that his Diuine Maiestie
had a minde to be most particularly serued and glorifyed by it and that the Soules which would consecrate themselues to him therein might proue to be holie and happie in a very eminent degree as long as they would continue attentiue and carefull not to swarue from that Spirit which was deriued to them from Heauen through S. Teresa by her Prayers and teares and other holie meanes Which Spirit of hers though it euidently appeare both by the exercise and example of all Heroicall Vertue yet particularly it seemes to ayme and point at the regular and constant vse of Recollection Mentall Prayer vvhereof she speakes oftnest and vvith most particular desire and care and appoints two Howers to be employed euerie day therein besides all other Deuotions of anie kind vvhich is practised by all her holy Religious and is really that time vvhich giues them more aboundant ioy then all the rest And indeed she takes manie occasions not only to recommend it earnestly to the Children and Successours of her owne Order but exhorts also all Creatures who will haue the happines to be the true Seruants of our Blessed Lord to take fast hold by this Anker in their Nauigation through the Sea of this vvorld In vvhich Sea not only they who are best shipped but euen such others also as haue been cast ouer board from Grace into the storme and tempest of a Sinnefull life may yet by meanes of Prayer proue able yea and morally certaine through the mercie of Almightie God to recouer the assured Port of Saluation For in the iudgement of this excellent creature this point and practise of Mentall Prayer is the most sacred and soueraigne help by way either of Preseruatiue before Sinne or yet of remedie or Restoratiue after it which can possibly be found or ministred in this world and indeed a kind of Manna from Heauen which imparts all kind of Good to the Soule Good alwayes in the substantiall vvay because it alwayes brings encrease of grace so enables men to vvinne great victoryes ouer themselues where by they daily grow to be the Seruants of Almighty God more more And sometimes also Good in a vvay of most soueraigne sweetnes beyond any thing which Flesh Blood knowes how to imagine But yet to make the Soule capable of this last she must resolue to vntye her selfe vvholy and it must indeed be wholy not only from the firme purpose of committing any Sinne vvhether it be great or small but euen from the very fastning her affections in any manner of inordinate vvay to any Creature of any kind though yet it should not be vnlawfull in it selfe And a most particular care must also be taken by all such as vvill follow the footstepps directions of this Glorious Saint vpon vvhich she presses so very often so very hard in twenty places of this excellent Worke That a Soule which pretends to serue our Blessed Lord in this kind as she ought must resolue both very faithfully very early to dispose herselfe to doe it with true perfect Liberty of Spirit that is with an absolute intention determination to doe it meerly because it is the holy Will of our B. Lord and because he hath made it the meanes vvhereby she may obtaine the pardon of her Sinnes and acquire all Christian vertue through encrease of Grace and pay both frequent ardent acts of Homage Greife Loue to his Diuine Maiestie procure an imitation of those Heroicall vertues which he was pleased to expresse in his bitter Passion And aboue all things the Saint requires vs to take heed of haueing any mercenary respect at all to receiue gusts spirituall delights or other higher Fauours from him in this Life but to remitt all such things to the next and so that vvee may euer doe him true Seruice to leaue it with all indifferency conformity to our Blessed Lord whether he vvill dispence all his Fauours to vs at one payment in the next world or els by parts portions in this And whosoeuer shall be of a different minde vvill not only disoblige the Glorious S. Teresa her selfe but may also make this Booke both an vnprofitable vnvsefull yea euen an inconuenient Study for his Soule But to returne to the glorious actions of this Saint That besides the instituting or redressing this Order where she had both men and woemen though yet cheifly her owne Sex in her eye she should also being only but a Woeman be able so to worke vpon men as in despight of lesse rigour no little enuie to bring them to take as it were the Law at her hands and notwithstanding the pride of Old Adam to ouer-worke them to co-operate vvith the Grace of the Nevv and to make them not disdaine to accept of her Instruction and to apply themselues to the imitation of this Virgin vvill not allow vs to doe anie thing but vvonder saue that it was most euidently the hand and the strong hand of Almightie God vvho enabled and strengthned this deare Seruant of his to be the Instrument of so Heroicall a vvorke And all this is so excellently set downe by the sayd Doctour Levvis de Leon as that I vvill doe both the Saint and her Children the right to shew them the verie Fountaine it self from vvhence the Relation springs and not deface or disgrace it by anie imperfect description of mine owne You are therefore to vnderstand and consider for these circumstāces are not impertinent to the substance that some yeares after the death of this excellent Creature S. Teresa and long before she vvas declared a Saint by the iudgement of the Holie Catholique Church in the Processe vvhereof there vses euer to be euen an excesse of difficulty in weighing and admitting of all Proofes there grew a question about the publishing of her Writings and Workes And to the end that nothing might be done therein either by anie indiscreet zeale or other accident the Councel Royall of Spaine vvhich is a Bodie of great Authoritie Wisdome committed the review of vvhatsoeuer the Saint had left behind her in that kind to be cōsidered by some fitt graue person that so that vvhich should be found to be truly hers might be distinguished from other things and so proceed to be publique by Authoritie This person vvas a learned and renowned man a Father of S. Dominicks Order a Doctour vvho liued in Madrid at that time His name vvas Levvis de Leon as I sayd before vvho togeather with acknowledging and approuing yea and admiring her Writings whereof this Life of hers is the cheife employed himself also with great care to set them out himself And vvhen this Booke went to the Presse he dedicated it to the Prioresse and Religious Woemen of the Teresian-Carmelites vvho then vvere newly founded in Madrid And heer you shall be entertained vvith as much of that Dedicatorie Epistle as imports the excellencie both of the Holie Mother S.
to consist in gaining ground vpon Vertue by a holie kind of emulation and competition vvith one another And so also on the other side your Spouse keepes very close correspondence vvith you by infusing so very great strength of delight and ioy into your Soules as that you possesse the treasure of true Alacritie euen in your verie being depriued and stripped of all those things vvhich are wont to giue contentment to poore-harted people in this life And so you also with great generositie tread all vvorldlie things vnder your feet as persons vvho be as it vvere exempted euen from the lawes thereof or at least are growne superiour to them all For neither doth trouble or labour vvearie you nor Clausure afflict you nor infirmitie discourage you not euen death amaze or fright you but rather yeild himself vp to be conquered by you But that vvhich in the midst of all these particulars serues to make the vvonder very extreame is the great facilitie and gust vvherewith you goe through all these things which of themselues are hard enough to be performed For Mortification is matter of solace to you Resignation as a kind of Sport Pennance a Passe-time And you goe putting that in execution which turnes Nature into admiration and you conuert the exercise of the most Heroicall Vertues into a pleasant kind of entertainment and all this as it vvere in a sporting and reioycing way vvhereby in fine the certaintie of those vvords of Christ our Lord that His yoake is svveet and his burthen light growes to be found effectually true Since no Secular Ladie takes so much pleasure in her ornaments and attires as your Reuerences find it to be a thing of great ioy and gust for you to lead the life euen of Angells And such doe you seem really to be not only in the perfection of your liues but in the vnion also resemblance of mindes vvhich you maintaine therein vvith one another Since no two things are more like one another then you are all amongst your selues and euerie one to euerie other in your speech in your modestie in your humilitie in your discretion in your sweetnes of Spirit and finally in your whole proceeding and conuersation For as the self same vertue and vvay of Life animates you all so doth it also frame you all after one manner and vve see in you all as in so manie pure Christall glasses one kind of face and countenance vvhich is that of your Holie Mother Teresa deriued downe and stamped vpon her Daughters By meanes vvhereof I see her now as I vvas saying at the first vvith more euidence and clearnes euen vvithout hauing formerly seen her because her Daughters are not only the liuelie pictures of her internall features but the assured testimonies also of her perfections And these are communicated to you all and they passe from one of you to another with so great speed vvhich makes the Third Miracle-vp that in the space of twentie yeares for this falls-out to be the time since she founded her first Monasterie till now Spaine alone is growne to be so full of her Monasteries that aboue a thousand Religious persons are daily seruing Almightie God in this Countrie amongst vvhome your Reuerences vvho are the Religious Woemen of that Order shine brightly and that vvith as much difference as the greater and fairer Starres exceed the lesser For as it was a happy Woeman who gaue beginning to this Reformation so it seemes that the Woemen are they who in all things haue aduantage of others and not only are the great guiding Lights of the Order but are withall the verie honour of our Nation and the glorie euen of the Age wherein we liue And in fine yow are those faire Flowers which beautifye the great barrennes of the Times and are certainly the most rare and choice parts of the Church of God liuelie testimonies of the efficacie of Christ our Lord and the euident proofe of his Soueraigne vertue finally the expresse patterns vvhereby vvee take the daily experience of vvhat is promised vs by our Faith And this is now as much as concernes her Daughters vvhich is the former of those two Images or Pictures of your Holie Mother vvhereof I spake Nor is the second Image or Picture a whitt lesse Miraculous then that former it consists in her Writings Bookes vvherein vvithout anie question at all the Holie Ghost vouchsafed and resolued that holie Mother Teresa should remaine as a rare example to the vvorld c. All these are the verie words of Doctour Levvis de Leon. By this you therefore see what iudgement vvas made at that time of this admirable Creature our Glorious Saint But by way of full cōclusion to as much as I now intend to speake of her excellencies I must needs add a Clause or two vvhich I find deliuered by another eminent vvise learned Authour it was Father Ribera a Father of the Societie of IESVS vvho vvrote her vvhole Life at large together with it indeed as a very part thereof he published certaine Exclamations or lowde Aspirations vvhich her enamoured Soule vvas wont to make to Almighty God together with certaine Aduertisments also concerning the sense and feeling of Spirit vvhich she found in her self vvith a signification how she vvas affected towards his Diuine Maiestie and finally how she behaued her self then in the growth of Prayer and Perfection Now all this Account of her self had been deliuered by her in her owne hand to her Ghostlie Father though one part of it about a yeare sooner then the other for the enabling him the better to direct her and she did it all vvhilst she vvas yet in the Monasterie of the Incarnation vvhere she vvas placed first before she had setled her owne Order way of Life according to the primitiue Institution thereof though yet she had euen then begunne to serue our Blessed Lord in great earnest And then also did his Diuine Maiestie rayne downe abundance of Supernaturall Fauours vpon her happie Soule as the same exact Authour declares But that iudgement which he made vpon her I will heer deliuer to you since it is so very short and withall so very highly significant For thus he saith By this you may discerne to how great perfection this happie Soule ariued in so short a time which deserues to cast the world into admiration For since she in her beginnings got-vp towards the verie top of that Perfection which is wont to be acquired in this Life euen by Saints to what passe would she arriue in the space of two or three and twentie yeares which she liued afterwards whilst she daily went encreasing in the loue of Almightie God by receauing so manie high Fauours from his Diuine Maiestie by performing so manie Pennances by enduring so great afflictions tormets through sicknes togeather with manie persecutions and troubles by founding so manie Monasteries by gaining so manie Soules by possessing so
my Parents but by the way of Vertue My Father was a man of much charitie towards poore people and of compassion towards the sick yea and he had so much pittie euen of his seruants that he could neuer resolue to keepe anie slaues for the tendernes which he had towards them And there being once a slaue in his house who belonged to a Brother of his he caused him to be treated and fed as if he had been one of his owne Children and sayd through his great compassion that he could not endure to see such as he was vnless they might be made free He was a man of much truth nor did euer anie creature heare him either detract or sweare He was exeedingly honest and chast My Mother also was enriched with manie Vertues and she passed through this life of hers with grieuous sicknesses Her chastitie and puritie was great in the verie highest degree and though she had an abundance of Beautie yet was it neuer so much as heard that she gaue occasion for the world to conceaue that she made anie account of it at all For comming afterwards to dye when she was but three and thirtie yeares old the order of her attire had yet been such as might haue well become a person of Age. She was of a most sweet disposition and yet vvithall of a very solid vnderstanding The afflictions vvhich she sustained in this life vvere great and she made a most Christian end when she dyed VVe vvere three Sisters and nine Brothers and all through the goodnes of Almightie God vvere like our Parents in being vertuous except myself though yet I vvas the most beloued of them all by my Father and truly till I beganne to offend Almightie God he might seeme to haue had some reason For it goes to my verie hart to remember and consider those good inclinations vvhich our Lord had giuen me and the very little I knew how to serue myself thereof My Brothers also vvere such in their proceeding and vvay of life as that they did not by anie meanes dis-assist me from seruing Almightie God One of them vvas almost of my yeares and I loued him best of them all though yet I loued them all very much as they also did me But vve tvvo ioyned much togeather in reading the Liues of Saints and when I saw the Martyrdomes through vvhich some of them had passed for the loue of our Lord me thought they had bought Heauen vvhere they vvere to see and enioy his Diuine Maiestie very good cheape And myself also desired much to dye so though not yet for the loue vvhich I found and felt my self to beare him but rather that I might come by so compendious a vvay to enioy those great felicities which I had read to be imparted in Heauen I associated my self therefore to this Brother of mine to consider vvhat meanes there might be for our obtaining this end And so vve grevv to resolue that vve vvould goe into Barbarie amongst the Mores and begg by the vvay as vve vvent that so vve might come by degrees to loose our liues there for our Lord. And it seemed that he gaue vs courage enough for this purpose euen in that tender age of ours if vve could haue found anie meanes to sett it on foot but our euen hauing of Parents seemed to be the greatest hindrance vve had We found our selues much amazed to perceaue in those things vvhich vve read that both the Paine and Glorie of the next life vvas to last for euer and vve chanced to speake often of this particular and vve tooke pleasure in repeating these vvords many times For euer For euer For euer and by continuing to pronounce them long and often our Lord vvas pleased to imprint the way of Truth vpon my hart in that verie infancie of mine But novv vvhen I savv it vvas impossible for me to goe where they might put me to death for the loue of our Lord my Brother and I proiected how to become Heremits at home and so in a certaine Garden vvhich belonged to the house vve procured to set vp some little Oratoryes or Chappels after the manner of Heremitages the best we could and vve assembled little stones for that purpose vvhich vvould instantly be falling downe againe and so vve met vvith no meanes to put out good desires in execution But in the meane time I am not vvithout some feeling of deuotion to consider hovv soone it pleased Almightie God to giue me this kinde of tendernes towards him vvhich aftervvards I grevv to loose through mine ovvne fault I gaue Almes as vvel as I could though it vvere but little I procured to be much alone for the better doing my deuotions vvhich vvere manie and especially that of the Rosarie to which my Mother vvas much affected and she endeauoured also to make vs so I tooke particular contentment vvhilst I vvas playing vvith other Children like myself to frame certaine little things like Monasteries as if vve had been Religious woemen and me thought I desired to be one though yet not vvith such vehemencie of affection as I did those other things vvhereof I spake I remember that vvhen my Mother dyed she left me a little less then tvvelue yeares old and as soone as I beganne to vnderstand hovv great a losse I had sustained by loosing her I vvas very much afflicted and so I vvent besore an Image of our Blessed Ladie and I humbly besought her vvith manie teares that she vvould vouchsafe to be my Mother And though I performed this little action but in a plaine and simple manner yet me thinkes I may vvel conceaue that it hath serued me to verie good purpose for I haue most euidently found the fauour of this Soueraigne Virgin concerning all things vvherein I haue recommended myself to her care and in fine she hath brought me about to her self It afflictes me to the very hart to see and consider hovv poore those impediments vvere vvhich kept me from remaining entire and constant in those good desires vvhich I beganne to haue But O my deare Lord since it seemes thou vvilt vouchsafe to saue me and I beseech thy Diuine Maiestie that it my be so and to shevv me so great fauours as thou hast donne me might it not please thee not for my interest and profit but for that high reuerence vvhich is due to thy self to take order that this house of my hart vvherein thou shouldst for euer remaine might be no more defiled Nay it goes O Lord to my verie soule euen to say thus much because I knovv and feele that the fault therof vvas vvholy mine for as for thee I finde clearly enough that there wanted nothing at all on thy part to secure me for being totally thine ovvne euen from that tender age of mine And if I vvould be content to seeke some colour to complaine of my Parents vvith as little reason also can I doe that since I could neuer discouer any thing in
be able to suffer the difficulties and troubles of a Religious life because formerly I had been vsed so delicately and vvas so nice But yet against this also I defended my self as vvell as I could by the afflictions vvhich Christ our Lord endured for me and that so it vvould not be much for me to endure some for him I ought also to haue considered that he would giue me help to beare them Yet I remember not whether I had this last consideration or no but I am sure I had temptations enow about that time I then also grew to haue great fitts of fainting by a burning Feauer into wich I fell for I alwaies had little health But it gaue mee euen my life at that time that already I was growne to loue good Bookes and so I came to reade the Epistles of S. Ierome which holpe me to such hart and courage as to make me resolue that I would impart my purpose to my Father which in effect was euen as much for me as to take the verie Habit vpon mee For I was euer so affected to maintaine the point of Honour that mee thinkes I could neuer haue turned back againe vpon any tearmes when I had first engaged my selfe by speaking any one word to the contrary But he loued me to so strange a proportion that by no meanes I could winne his consent nor was the intercession of such persons as I procured to moue him in order to my end of anie power at all to preuaile The most that I could get at his hands was that when he should be dead I might doe what I listed with my self But as for me I was in doubt of mine owne great weaknes as fearing that I might loose ground and fall back againe And so I thought it was not fitt for me to content my self with the offer which he made and I procured therefore to obtaine my end by another meanes which I will now declare THE FOVRTH CHAPTER VVherein she relates hovv our Lord assisted her to force herself to take the Habit of Religion And of the manie infirmities vvhich he began to bring vpon her IN these dayes whilst I was walking on with my hart in such determinations or strong purposes as I haue heer described I perswaded one of my Brothers to become a Religious man discoursing to him vpon the vanitie of the world and so we both of vs agreed to goe very early together one morning to the Monasterie where that friend of mine remained who was she to whome I carried so great affection though yet in this last firme purpose of mine I was growne to be of such resolution that I vvould liue vvhereseuer I thought I might serue God best or my Father should desire most that I might be for now I sought more earnestly for the good of my soule and made no account at all of rest or ease And I remember to the verie vttermost of what I am able to call to minde and according to the verie rigour of truth that whilst I was going out of my Father's house I belieue not that the sharpnes of sense will be able to be greater euen in the verie instant or agonie of my death then it was then For it seemed to me as if euerie bone which I had in my bodie had been disioynted from all the rest And there being no such loue of God in me at that time as vvas able to quench that loue vvhich my hart carried to my Father and Friends all that vvhich then I did vvas vvith so mighty a violence that if God had not giuen me great help mine owne consideration would neuer haue beē able to carry me on but heer he allowed me such courage euen against myself that I had power to put my purpose in execution At the instant of my taking the Habit our Lord gaue me vvell to vnderstand hovv highly he fauours them vvho offer themselues violence for the doing him anie seruice though yet no bodie had found by me but that I entred into the vvay of Religious Obseruance vvith much facility and good liking But at that verie instant I tooke so great cōtentment to put my self into that manner of life as hath neuer failed me once till this verie hower And God changed that drynes vvherein my soule had formerly been into an extreame tendernes and all the obseruances of Religion gaue me great delight yea and it is a most certaine truth that vvhilst I vvas sometimes going vp and downe to sweepe the house at such howers as before I had been vvont to employ vpon the gallanterie and regalo of my person and vvent considering that now I vvas free from that subiection it gaue me a particular ioy and that so very great that it amazed me nor vvas it in my power to vnderstand from vvhence the same should come VVhen I remembred and cōsidered this there could be nothing how grieuous soeuer vpon vvhich if it vvere sett before me I should not haue ventured to attempt For I haue already good experience of things enow to assure me that since God did help me in the beginning to resolue to doe such things as these vvhich being only donne for the loue of God he ordaines for our greater merit afterward that our soules should be in some trouble and terrour at the first and the greater that trouble is the greater and the more sauourie also vvill the reward therof fall out to be if vve goe through vvith the busines his Maiestie vvil also be pleased to recompense them highly vvel euen in this life by such vvayes as he only vvho enioyes them can vnderstand This I say I haue found true by experience in manie particulars of great moment And therefore if I vvere a person vvho might be vvished to giue my opinion I vvould neuer aduise anie Creature that vvhen anie good inspiration did often moue and set vpon a soule it should giue it ouer for feare of not performing the vvorke For if one goe on meerly and purely for the onlie loue of our Lord there must be no feare at all of good successe since the same Lord is powerfull enough to preuaile in all things And let him be euer blessed Amen These fauours vvhich thou hadst hitherto bestowed vpō me out of thine owne meer goodnes and greatnes might vvell haue been sufficient O thou my Soueraigne Good and repose of my soule to draw me towards thee by so manie vvindings and turnings to so safe a vvay of life and to a House vvhere there are so manie seruants of thine of vvhome I might learne to grow vp in pleasing thee But heer I know not how I can passe on to thinke of anie thing els vvhen I consider the manner of my Profession and the great resolution and gust vvherewith I made it and the Espousalls vvhich I perfected vvith thee For I cannot speake of this vvithout teares which were to be euen of bloud and not vvithout the breaking of my verie hart vvhich
I vvas curious about vvhatsoeuer I tooke in hand and I vvould needs thinke this to be vertue in me thongh yet this will neuer serue me for a discharge because I knevv vvell enough hovv to procure all those things vvhich might giue me gust and so ignorance vvill not free mee from blame It vvas a defect in this Monasterie that it had not been founded in much perfection and I as being vvicked enough vvent roundly on to that vvherein I savv there vvas imperfection but layd no hold at all vpon the rest vvhich vvas good There vvas a Religious vvoeman at that time and in that place sick of a very grieuous infirmitie vvhich put her to extreame paine for she had certaine Vlcers in her bodie vvhich grew from great obstructions and thereby did she discharge vvhatsoeuer she tooke She dyed quickly of that disease and vvhereas I found that all the rest of our Communitie had great apprehension and feare of the like for my part I had much enuie at her patience and I begged of Almightie God that in case I might be fauoured by him vvith that vertue he vvould send me vvhat sicknesses he should thinke fitt and I thought I feared no disease in the vvorld for I vvas so bent and set vpon the gaining of eternall Happines that I resolued to compasse it hovv deare soeuer it might cost Nor yet am I vvithout vvonder euen at this for euen thē I did not thinke that I had vvrought my self into the loue of Almightie God as aftervvards I conceaued my self to haue it vpon my beginning to frequent the vse of Prayer But only I vvas growne to haue a certaine light vvhich shevved me hovv all things vvhich come to an end deserue little esteeme and hovv those Blessings vvhich being eternall may be obtained are of mightie value His Diuine Maiestie did also heare me in this for before tvvo yeares vvere expired I grevv to be in such condition that howsoeuer my disease vvere not of that other sort yet I belieue that one vvhich I had for three yeares togeather vvas not a whitt of lesse trouble and torment to me then that other vvas to her as I shall now relate The time being come vvhich I vvas expecting in that place where I declared my self to remaine with my Sister for my better Cure they carried mee vvith care enough from the regalos of my Father of my Sister and of that Religious woemā my friend vvho formerly vvas come away vvith me and indeed she loued me very much And now heer did the Diuel beginne to discompose my soule though yet Almightie God drew much good from thence There vvas a certaine Churchman residing in that place to vvhich I vvent for cure of very good qualitie and vnderstanding and he vvas also not vnlearned Now I beganne to Confesse my self vvith him for I vvas euer a friend of learning but yet it did my soule much hurt to meet vvith Ghostlie Fathers vvho vvere but indifferent in that kind because they vvanted what Ineeded And therefore as for me I haue found by experience that vvhen Ghostlie Fathers are vertuous men and of holie cōuersation it is better that they haue no learning at all then but a little Because neither such as haue none are vvont to trust themselues vvithout asking the opinion of more learned men then they are neither should I also trust them and for my part I vvas neuer deceaued by anie solid learned man yea and euen those others also vvould certainly I thinke not haue deceaued me but only perhaps they erred because they knew no better Now I thought it vvas sufficient and that I vvas bound to nothing but to belieue them when that vvhich they taught me vvas according to the more large opinion and of more libertie for if they had been more restrained I am so vvicked that I should haue gone to others But that vvhich vvas a Veniall sinne they told me vvas no sinne at all and that vvhich vvas a most grieuous Mortall sinne they said vvas but Veniall This did me so much hurt that it must not goe for a strange thing to heare me speake of it heer for the better aduertisment of others vvhome I vvould very faine saue from so great a mischief For I see vvell that in the presence of God this vvas no discharge of me from fault for it ought to haue been enough for me that the things vvere of themselues not good to make me preserue my self vvholy from them I belieue Almighty God permitted for my sinnes that both they should be deceaued and deceaue me as I also deceaued manie others by telling them that verie thing vvhich I had been told I continued I thinke in this blindnes more then seauenteen yeares till a Father of S. Dominicks Order a great learned man vnbeguiled me in some things and they of the Societie of IESVS did so vvholy terrifye me by agrauating those ill begiunings of mine as I vvil shortly declare But now I confessing my self to that other Ecclesiasticall person of vvhome I vvas speaking before he grew to affect me in extreame manner because then indeed I had little to Confesse in comparison of vvhat occurred afterwards nay I had not very much from the time of my entring into Religion The affection of this man vvas not ill but yet by the excesse theror it grew to be not good He vvell vnderstood already that I vvould not resolue vpon anie tearmes to doe anie thing vvhich vvas grieuously offensiue to Almightie God and he also assured me of as much concerning himselfe and so our conuersation grew to be frequent But in those times of conference which vve had I vvas so fully possessed and euen swallowed-vp by the thoughts of Almightie God that the greatest gust I had was to be speaking of him and I being then so very young it put him to a kinde of confusion to see it and through the great affection which he bore me he beganne to discouer his owne miserie to me which was not small for they were then almost seauen yeares that he had been in a very dangerous state by his affection and conuersation with a certaine woeman of the same towne when yet he sayd Masse all the while Now this was so publick a thing that he had already lost his honour and fame and yet no bodie aduentured to speake against it Neither did I thinke fitt to doe it though I were much troubled to see in what case he was because I loued him much For I had this part of follie and blindnes that euen heer I thought it fitt to be gratefull and to keep faire quarter with one whome I loued But cursed be that quarter and way of proceeding which extends it self so farre as to be against the law of God This is a very madd kind of errour which is vsed now so much in the world and it puts me almost out of my witts to see that wee should owe all that goodnes which men doe vs to
Which they who were good might well enioy without any disaduantage to their goodnes because they owed no more since they did not promise Clausure but as for me who am wicked it would certainly haue carried me downe to Hell vnlesse our Lord had drawne me out of this danger by very manie remedies and meanes and most particular fauours And so me thinkes a Monasterie of woemen with libertie exposes them to very great hazard and rather appeares in mine eye as a way whereby they who haue a minde to be wicked may walke on towards Hell then as a remedie for their weaknes I meane not this by my Monasterie for therein are so manie who serue our Lord so much in earnest and with so great perfection that his Diuine Maiestie through his goodnes cannot faile of doing them fauour Neither is this Monasterie also of the most open and dis-enclosed and besides all good Religious Order is obserued in it but I speake what I was speaking of others which I know and haue seen I say therefore that those others giue me cause to haue great compassion of them for they haue need of particular motions and calls from our Lord and not once but very often that so they may be saued considering how much the honours and recreations of the world are now growne to be authorized and how little such as they are vnderstād the verie much to which they are obliged So that I beseech God they hold not that sometimes for vertue which is sinne as my self did often yea and there is so great difficultie in making this be well vnderstood that there is need of no lesse then that our Blessed Lord himself should seriously put his hand to the worke If Fathers would take my counsel since they will not procure to put their Daughters where they may walke in the way of saluation but rather be in more danger then they should perhaps haue mett with in the world I would aduise them at least to consider their owne honour and rather to marrie them very meanly then to put them into such Monasteries as those vnlesse they be very vertuously inclined yea and I pray God that euen this may serue the turne Yea or els let them rather continue them in their owne houses for if they will needs be wicked it cannot be there kept priuate but for a very short time but heer it may be long concealed though yet in the end our Lord is euer wont to discouer it and then they doe not only hurt themselues but also the rest and sometimes those poore Creatures haue the lesse fault because they doe but that which they find in vse But still it is matter of much compassion to see manie who haue really a minde to forsake all and conceaue that they goe to serue our Lord and to flye from the dangers of this world doe yet by this meanes grow to embarke themselues in ten worlds all togeather where they know not what to doe or how to helpe themselues For youth and sensualitie and in fine the Diuel both inuites them and inclines them to follow somethings which doe altogeather belong to a world and so in effect they come to hold them good Me thinkes in this they are like those miserable and wretched men the Hereticks who first make themselues blind and then giue themselues to vnderstand that those opinions which they follow are good and so they come to belieue them to be true though yet indeed and vpon the matter they belieue them not for in their harts there is somewhat which tells them still that it is naught O great miserie I say O extreame great miserie of Religious persons and I speake not heer of women now more then of men where Religious Obseruance is not kept and where in one and the self same Monasterie two wayes are held One of Vertue and Religious Life and another which is vtterly in want therof and where they all goe as it were equally hand in hand Or rather I sayd ill when I sayd equally for it vses to happen so for our Sinnes that the more imperfect make vp the greater number and so as they vse to be more they vse to be also more fauoured And true Religious Obseruance is wont to be so rare in those places that as well that Religious man as that Religious woeman who shall haue a minde to giue themselues wholy and in good earnest to follow their Vocation and Rule will haue cause to be in more feare of the rest of the Religious of their owne House then of all the Diuels in Hell Yea and they will need to vse more caution and dissimulation in speaking of that entercourse and friendship which such persons should procure to hold with Almightie God then of other inclinations and friendships which the Diuel findes meanes sometimes to bring into Monasteries I can therefore meet with no reason why we should be amazed to see so manie miseries in the Church since they who ought to be Patterns for others that so all men might grow to be vertuous by their example haue totally blotted out that Worke which the Spirit of the Saints in old time left registred in our Religious Orders And I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie that he will be pleased to giue such remedie to these mischiefs as he knowes best to be needfull Amen But in the meane time when I beganne to vse such conuersations as these I little thought that so great distractions and other dammages would grow to my Soule by that kind of proceeding when I saw they were so much vsed by others and I conceaued that so generall a thing as it is for Secular people to make Visits to the Religious in manie Monasteries would be of no greater preiudice to me then it was to others whome I saw to be vertuous and good But I considered not the while that those others were much more vertuous then my self and that those things which were of much danger to me were not perhaps of so very much to them though yet I feare it be of some and at the best hand I am sure enough that it is no better then time very ill employed and spent And being once with a certaine person our Lord was pleased to giue me to vnderstand in the verie beginning of my acquaintance with her that such friendships would be no way conuenient for me and to giue me also aduise and light in so great a darknes as that was For Christ our Lord represented himself before me with much rigour and gaue me well to vnderstand how greatly he was disgusted at my proceeding I saw him only with the eyes of my Soule but yet much more distinctly and more clearly then I could possibly haue donne with the eyes of my Bodie and he remained so deeply imprinted there that although it hapned to me aboue six and twentie yeares agoe me thinkes he is still as present to me now as he was then But I am sure
I remained so altered yea and so astonished that I intended to see that person no more It did me a great deale of hurt that I knew not at that time that it was possible for one to see anie thing but with the eyes of the Bodie and the Diuel was carefull enough to continue me in that erroneous opinion and to make me still belieue that it was impossible and therefore that I had but fancied certaine things to my self and that perhaps it might be a worke of the Diuel And he brought manie suggestions like this vpon me though yet still I were very confidently of opinion that it was God and no conceipt or fancie at all but yet still because it induced me to doe things which were against my gust I did the best I could euen to belye my verie self And forasmuch as I durst not conferr with anie bodie about this particular and found my self also extreamly importuned afterward and was wished to be assured that it could not be ill donne to see such a person as that and that there would be no loss of honour by it but rather gaine I returned to enioy the same conuersation yea and also at other times I conuersed in like manner with others for they were manie yeares wherein I tooke this pestilentiall recreation and when once I was farre embarked therein it seemed not to me to be so very ill as yet indeed it was though still it be very true that sometimes I discerned clearly enough that it was not good But yet no other conuersation distracted me so much as this in particular did by reason of the great affection which I bore to the partie But my selfe being afterwards againe with the same person we both of vs saw coming towards vs and there were others also present who saw it too a certaine thing which had the manner of a great Toade and it pressed and passed on with very much more speed then such creatures vse to haue For my part I was not able to conceaue how such a filthie Beast as that should get into that roome through that part from whence it came and euen as it were at Noone day nor had euer anie such thing been seen there The effect which it wrought with me seemes not to haue been void of some mysterie and this also was a thing which I could neuer forget But O greatnes of Almightie God! with how much care pittie wert thou admonishing me in so manie kindes and by so manie wayes how little did I permitt that all these warnings should help There was also there at that time a certaine Religious woeman of my kindred and she was antient and a great seruant of God and of much discipline in her Religious Order She also would sometimes be giuing me good counsel but I did not only not belieue her but was also disgusted with her as conceauing that she would needs take scandall at me without cause And this I heer relate to the end that both my wickednes and the great goodnes of Almightie God may be the better vnderstood and that it may be knowne how well I deserued Hell for my great ingratitude and I doe it also to this end that if our Lord may so ordaine be pleased that anie Religious vvoemen may fall vpon reading this Discourse they may be brought to be carefull to take vvarning by me and I begg of them that for the loue of our Lord they vvil take heed of such recreations as these And I beseech his Diuine Maiestie that some one of them may be dis-abused vvhome I haue deceaued vvhen I told them that it vvas not ill and vvhen being in such blindnes at that time I procured to assure them that there vvas no danger at all and in regard also that by the ill example vvhich I gaue gaue them as I haue related heer I was a cause to them of great mischief vvhilst yet I thought not that I did so much hurt and though also it be certaine that I had no designe at all to deceaue them But now euen vvhilst I vvas yet much indisposed in the vvay of health both concerning Bodie and Minde and so before I vvas able to help my self in either kinde I grew into an extreame desire to doe others good vvhich is a very ordinarie temptation for new beginners though yet it hapned now to succeed vvell vvith me And considering how dearly I loued my Father I vvished him the self same benefit vvich I conceaued my self to haue gotten and gained by meanes of Mentall Prayer and esteeming that in this life there vvas no greater blessing then to obtaine and enioy that guift I beganne by certaine vvayes of discourse to procure the best I could that he vvould endeauour to obtaine it and I gaue him certaine Bookes for this purpose Now he being a man of so much vertue as I haue already declared grew to settle himself so very well in this exercise that he came vvithin fiue or six yeares for so long I thinke it vvas to be so vvell improued and aduanced therein that I blessed our Lord much for the fauour and it gaue me an extreame consolation The troubles and crosses vvhich he endured vvere very great and of manie kindes and he passed through them all vvith much conformitie to the vvill of our Lord. He came to see me often and vvas greatly comforted to treat of Spirituall things And vvhen now I liued so distracted and diffused vvithout vsing Mentall Prayer and saw vvithall that he conceaued me to be still the verie same that I had been before I vvas not able to endure to liue vvithout vn-deceauing him for I had then been a yeare and more vvithout Mental Prayer as thinking it more humilitie for me to abstaine and this as I shall declare afterwards vvas the greatest and vvorst temptation that euer I had for by this meanes Iranne headlong vpon my totall ruine vvhereas vvhen I frequented Prayer if I offended God one day I returned to recollect my self vpon another and so to absent my self from the occasion But that blessed man my Father coming to see me in such state as this it vvas too much for me as I vvas saying to let him vvalke on so farre in errour as to thinke that I still conuersed vvith God in Prayer as formerly I had donne and so I told him then that I did no longer vse Mentall Prayer though yet I did not tell him the cause thereof but I alleadged my infirmities for the reason and that although I vvere recouered of the mayne sicknes I had yet diseases yea and very great ones still and that although of late they had not assaulted me vvith so very great fiercenes as before yet they failed not still to continue and to exercise me also in manie kindes In particular that I had certaine vomits for twētie yeares togeather euerie morning in such sort as that I could neuer breake my fast till Noone vvas past yea and
whome we know we are beloued And as for you if you loue him not yet for to the end that it may be a true loue and that your friendship may last the conditions must be reciprocall and we know there can be no want on our Lord's behalf and that our nature is vitious sensuall and vngratefull and so we cannot perhaps obtaine fully at our owne hands to loue him so much because he is not of the same condition with vs yet considering how much it imports vs to hold friendship with him and how much he loues vs we must passe on and passe ouer this paine of being much in his companie who is of so different a condition from ours O infinite goodnes of my God! how true it is that me thinkes I see both thee and my self in this verie manner O thou who art the verie Regalo of the Angels in Heauen how faine would I euen defeat and dissolue my self totally in louing thee when I see and consider these things And how certaine a thing it is that thou art on the suffering hand in regard of such as will not suffer thee to remaine with them O how good a friend dost thou make thy self to thy friend O my Lord and how dost thou goe enduring him and regaling him And thou expectest till he make himself grow to be of thy condition and inclination and in the meane time thou endurest and permittest him to continue to be a while of his owne and thou takest O my deare Lord by way of good payment those fitts of time which he can be content to bestow vpon thee and vpon a minute of true sorrow and repentance thou forgettest all those sinnes whereby he hath offended thee All this haue I perceaued clearly in order to my self and for my part I cannot see O my Creatour how the whole world can forbeare to procure to draw neer to thy Diuine Maiestie that so it may be able to obtaine this particular kind of friendship with thee Such as are wicked and are not hitherto come to haue the like inclinations and dispositions to thine should yet come towards thee to the end that so thou mightst make them good and that they might endure thee to be with them though it were but for some two howers in the day yea euen though they would not the while stay in thy companie without a thousand distractions and tumblings vp and downe in wordlie cares and thoughts as I was wont to doe And for recompence of this violence which they vse to make against themselues by continuing in so good companie as thine for neither in those verie beginnings no nor euen afterwards also for a while can they tell how to doe better thou forcest O Lord the Diuels of Hell to forbeare a setting fiercely vpon them and permittest them to haue daily lesse power then other against them yea and thou puttest them into mens hands that they may ouercome them So that thou O thou Life of all liues dost neuer kill anie one of those Creatures who puts his confidence in thee nor of them who desire thee for a Freind but thou sustainest both the life of their Bodies with encrease of health and thou also dost impart it to the Soule For my part I cannot possibly vnderstand why men should feare as they doe to beginne to vse Mentall Prayer nor of what it is in fine that they are afrayd The Diuel indeed doth not ill in order to his owne wicked ends to procure to doe me hurt if by pretence and meanes of I know not what feares he can procure to make me forbeare a considering how much and how highly I haue offended Almightie God and how much I am obliged to him for his great mercies and benefits and to thinke vpon this truth that there is such a thing as glorie in Heauen and torments in Hell and vpon those great afflictions and sorrowes which our Lord endured for me in this life For this was still my Prayer when I was continuing in all those dangers and vpon this did I thinke whensoeuer I was able And very often yea and for some yeares togeather I was busier about desiring that the Hower might come quickly to an end still listning when the Clock would strike then vpon better things Yea and it hapned to me manie times that I knew not what Pennance could be set before me so very great as that I would not more willingly vndergoe it then recollect my self to Mentall Prayer And it is certaine that either the Diuel did set vpon me with such an vn-resistable force or els mine owne vvicked custome did it that I might not goe make Mentall Prayer and the sadnes of my hart vvas such euen vvhen I entred into my Oratorie for that purpose that I vvas faine to help and serue my self of all the strength and courage I had vvhich they say is not very little and it hath been seen that God hath giuen me more then is vsually possessed by vvoemen but that I haue employed it ill to force my self to make my Prayer and in fine it pleased our Lord to assist me But afterward vvhen I had vsed these violences to my hart I found my self vvith more quiet delight so that sometimes I grew to haue an expresse desire to pray Now therefore since it chanced that our Lord did suffer and endure so vvicked a Creature as my self and if it appeare plainly that all my miseries vvere redressed by this meanes vvhat person how vvicked soeuer he may be can find anie thing to be afrayd of heer For how wicked soeuer anie other bodie may haue been he vvill neuer be so yet after the enioying of so great Fauours from our B. Lord as I had receaued And vvho can euer come to dis-confide in his Diuine Maiestie vvho had patience vvith me so long vpon this onlie reason Because I desired and procured some meanes for time and place wherein he might be with me And euen this little thing I did often without anie inclination of mine owne but only by the great violence which either I offered to my self or els was offered to me by our Lord. Since therefore the vse of Mentall Prayer is so fitt yea and so very necessarie euen for such as serue not God but offend him and since no bodie can truly find anie such hurt which it can possibly doe as would not be much greater without Prayer at least how can such forbeare it as serue Almightie God and desire to serue him Most certainly vnlesse a man haue a minde to passe through the troubles miseries of this life with an addition of more miserie and to shut vp the verie gate against God himself for feare least he should giue him comfort by this meanes I cannot possibly vnderstand this proceeding of his I haue really great compassion and sorrow for those poore Soules who will needs serue Almightie God vpon their owne cost for as for them who vse Mentall Prayer
but as for Beginners learned men if they possesse not the vse of Prayer can be of little profit to them Yet I say not that they should not treat and conferr with such men as are learned for as for hauing a Spirit which should not be first setled in a way of truth for my part I had rather haue it without Prayer For Learning is a great matter since it instructs vs who know little and brings vs light and when we approach neer to the truths of Holie Scripture we beginne to doe that which we ought but as for sillie and foolish deuotions our Lord deliuer vs from them I will declare my self yet better for I feare I put my self vpon too manie things at once though I euer wanted meanes to know how to giue my self to be well vnderstood as I haue sayd but vpon the expence of manie words A Religious Woeman for examples sake will beginne to vse Prayer and in case some sillie kinde of man direct and gouerne her he will if the toy take him in the head giue her to vnderstand that it is better for her to obey him then her Superiour yea and he will doe it without anie malice at all as conceauing that he is in the right And now she being a Religious woeman will be likelie enough to thinke that he sayes true And if she be a married woeman he will tell her that it is best for her euen when she ought to be about her House-hold businesses to exercise her self in Prayer though it were to be to the disgust of her husband So that she knowes not how to dispose of her time nor of her businesses in such sort as that all may goe according to reason and truth because in fine that Directour wants light and not hauing any himself he cannot giue it to others though he would neuer so faine And though in order to this end it seem that there is no great need of Learning yet as for me my opinion both is and euer will be that all Christians shall doe well to treat with such men about their Soules as are well learned and so much the more so much the better and they who goe by the way of Prayer haue yet more need then others to meet with such men and so the more they shall be also Spirituall the better will it be for them still And let not folkes deceaue themselues with saying That learned men without the exercise of Prayer are not to the purpose for them who vse Prayer for I haue dealt with manie and for some of these latter yeares I haue endeauoured it the more because then I found my self in more necessitie But I was euer much a freind of learned men for though some of them haue not experience yet they hate not Spirituall people nor are not ignorant what these things meane because they euer find this truth that there is such a thing as a good Spirit by holie Scripture wherein they are continually versed And as for me I hold that a person who exercises Prayer and will treat with learned men shall neuer be deceaued by illusions of the Diuel if he haue not a minde to deceaue himself For I belieue that the Diuel is mightily afrayd of Learning whensoeuer it is accompanied with Humilitie and Vertue for he knowes that he shall be discouered in the end and that so he shall come to loose by the bargaine And now I haue sayd thus much because I know there are opinions that learned men are not fitt for persons of Prayer vnlesse they be also of Spirit Already I haue signifyed that it would be necessarie to haue a Spirituall Directour but if he proue not to be learned the inconuenience will be great yet it will be of much help to treat with learned men so that they be vertuous for though they be not Spirituall as in this case we vnderstād Spirituall they will yet be able to benefit vs and God will vouchsafe to enable them to teach vs yea and so may perhaps by degrees grow euen to make them also become Spirituall to the end that they may be able to instruct vs the better And I speake not this without some tryall for the occasion hath hapned to me with more then two I say therefore that if a Soule resolue to render it self to be entirely subiect to the order of anie one Directour she shall err very much vnlesse she procure in particular manner that he be learned especially if he be a Religious man of anie Order Because such an one is to be subiect to his Prelate or Superiour and in that case peraduenture all those three aforesayd parts which were sayd to be so necessarie for a Directour will be wanting to him which will be no little crosse to the Partie besides that he may perhaps find himself to haue voluntarily submitted his Vnderstanding to that of another man who hath no very good one himself At least forasmuch as concernes me I was neuer able to bring my self to it nor indeed doe I hold it conuenient But now if the Partie of whome we speake be a Secular person let him blesse Almightie God that himself may make choice of that man to whome he will resolue to subiect himself and let him take care not to loose this vertuous libertie Nay let him euen stay without anie Directour at all till he find a fitt one for our Lord will not faile to prouide him such an one if he goe wholy grounded in Humilitie and with desire to make a fitt choice For my part I praise a fitt Directour very much and woemen and such men also as are not learned were alwaies to giue God infinit thankes for that there are some in the world who take so great paines and trouble to obtaine the knowledge of truth whereof such as be not learned are ignorant And it amazes me manie times to see Religious men who are learned and particularly to consider with how much trouble they grew to gaine all that knowledge which is to bring me so much profit without anie more trouble of mine then only to aske them the question and yet that we should not benefit our selues by it But let not God permit that still it should continue to be so For I see them subiect to the troubles and mortifications of a Religious Life which are very great with Pennances with ill Diet with hard Lodging with being subiect in all things to Obedience and in fine I so perceaue that all is affliction and all Crosse that really the thought thereof doth cast me sometimes into confusion and me thinkes it must be a great miserie that anie bodie should loose so important a benefit by his owne fault It is possible that some of vs who are free from these austerities whereof I speake or at least if we feed vpon them we will needs haue them finely dressed after our owne fancie and so will liue as we list ourselues conceaue that
which his Diuine Maiestie giues to that Soule to shew that he chooses her out for great things if she will make her self fitt to receaue them I say this is a mighty guift yea and farre greater then I am anie way able to expresse And it is matter of much greife to me that as I was saying I know manie Soules which ariue thus farre and that yet there are so very few which passe further at least as they ought to passe that I am euen ashamed to confesse it I say not that there are so very few who passe on for it may very well be that there are manie for God doth not sustaine vs for nothing but I only speake of such as I haue seen For my part I would earnestly wish them not to hide their Talent since it seemes Almightie God chooses them out for the profit of manie others and especially in these times when it is so necessarie that his Diuine Maiestie should haue strong freinds to support and vphold such as are weake And let them all who finde that they haue receaued this great Fauour at our Lord's hands esteem themselues for strong if they know how to correspond well with the lawes which a firme and fast freindship euen of this verie world requires And if they will not let them apprehend very much and feare that they shall doe themselues a great deale of hurt yea and I pray God that it may be to none but themselues That which the Soule is to doe in these times of enioying this Quiet is but only that with suauitie and without noyse she employ the Will to vnderstand with much calmnes and discretion that the Soule is not to negotiate with Almightie God by the strength of the Arme. I call it noyse if the Vnderstanding goe seekingout manie words and considerations to giue thanks for this benefit and to make vp a mightie heape of her defects and sinnes to shew that she deserues not this Fauour For all is in motion now and the Vnderstanding represents many things to vs and the Memorie is boyling vp and really these Powers of the Minde are wont to giue me trouble enough at times and in regard that I haue but a weake Memorie I cānot in these cases subdue them But those other considerations and mentall discourses be indeed no better then as so manie great loggs of wood which are layd with small discretion vpon that little Sparke of fire to quench it And therefore let her know and say with great humilitie O Lord what am I able to doe heer What hath this Seruant or Slaue to doe with the Lord of Heauen and Earth Or els she may vse such other words as shall present themselues then in the way of Loue. But note heer that she must be very very well grounded vpon knowing that to be true which she saith Now as for that which concernes the Vnderstanding let the Soule consider it no otherwise then meerly as if it were a Miller and if she will needs giue it part of that which she enioyes or shall labour to recollect it also to her self she will find that it is not to proue well with her For manie times it is seen that during this Vnion and repose or rest in the Will the Vnderstanding is still much out of order and if the Will cannot be be able to arrest it it is better to let it alone then that she should still goe hunting after it I say the Will But let it remaine enioying that Fauour and be recollected and shut-vp in it self like a wise Bee for if no one of the Bees should goe into the Hiue but all be gadding abroad so to be still ferching one another home there would little store of hony be made And so a Soule will loose very much if she be not well aduertised of this and especially if the Vnderstanding be quick and sharp For if once such an one beginne to put discourses in order and light vpon some prettie reasons to the purpose she will if they be handsomly sayd beginne to thinke that shee performes some great exploit But the discourse which is to be vsed heer must be a knowing clearly and confessing plainely that there is no other reason at all why Almightie God should euer doe vs so great a Fauour then his owne onlie goodnes and to consider that we are now approached so neer to him and to begg Fauours of him and to beseech him also for his Church and for all such as haue recommended themselues to vs and so also for the Soules in Purgatorie and this not by the noise of words but only by a feeling desire to be heard by his Diuine Maiestie This is a Prayer which comprehends very much and we shall obtaine more thereby then by multiplying much rowling discourse by way of the Vnderstanding But let the Will stirr-vp her self by some reasons which will easily represent themselues to her then when she findes her self to be so very much improued to quicken-vp her Loue and to make her performe certaine amourous acts of how great things she would be glad to doe for one to whome she owes so verie much without admitting and permitting as I sayd that the vnderstanding part should make a noise in the search and pretence of doing high and mightie matters For heer anie few little poore strawes presented and offered-vp with Humilitie and they may be sure enough to be strawes if we bring them will make a great deale more to the purpose and will help to kindle a good fire more quickly then a great deale of bigg loggs of wood will be able to doe I meane reasons which in our opinion shall be very sure to quench and put-out the fire euen in the turning of a hand This is good for learned men who command me to write all this for through the goodnes of God it may be hoped that all of them ariue hither and it might perhaps so happen amongst them that this time would passe away in applying some places of Scripture But though that kinde of knowledge could not faile to be vsefull to them both before such occasions as these and also after yet at these verie times of Prayer there would be little occasion to vse it in my opinion vnlesse they had a minde to coole the feruorous employment of the Will For the Vnderstanding findes it self then to possesse such an excessiue kind of claritie by being so neer to Light it self that euen I with being so poore and miserable as I am seem to be another kinde of Creature And it is most certainly true that it hath hapned to me being in this kind of Quiet and without vnderstanding in effect anie thing of the Prayers which are recited in Latin and especially of the Psalter that not only I vnderstand the Verse in Spanish but I passe also yet further on and delight my self highly in considering what the meaning of that Spanish is I speake not
I may neuer conuerse more with any Creature or els finally O Lord giue order that I may haue nothing to doe in this world or at least take me out of it quite For now already O my God this Seruant of thine is no longer able to endure so great afflictions as she feeles to come vpon her by her being thus without thee And if she needs must liue she desires to haue no ease in this life nor indeed dost thou giue her anie for it is death to her to see her self eat she is afflicted by the sleep she takes she findes that her whole life is spent and past through in Regalo's and yet that now there is nothing but thy self who can indeed regale her So that it seemes I liue now euen against nature since now I would faine not liue in my self but only in thee O thou my true Lord and my Glorie how delicate and yet how hugely heauie is that Crosse which thou hast prepared and prouided for such as ariue to this State It is delicate because it is incredibly sweet and it is heauie because there grow to be certaine times when there is not patience enough in the whole world to enable vs to endure it and yet the Soule would neuer desire to be free from it vnlesse it were to the end that she might find her self once to be with thee And when also the same Soule remembers that she was neuer able to doe thee seruice in anie thing and that by continuing to liue it may yet perhaps be possible for her to serue thee she would be glad if she might lye vnder a very much more heauie burthen then the former yea and that she might also neuer dye euen till the verie end of the world She values not anie manner of repose or rest so much as to the weight of one haire in comparison of doing thee anie poore little seruice nor doth she know what more to desire but she is only sure of thus much that she desires nothing but thy self O my Sonne for you to whome this is directed and who haue commanded me to write it are so humble that you will needs be called by that name let these things be only for your self when you see that I am gone out of all limits for there is no kind of reason which suffices to keep me from leauing the vse of humane reason when our Lord is pleased to draw me thus out of my self Nor doe I know or belieue that it is I who am speaking thus euer since I receaued the B. Sacrament this morning For me thinkes I doe but dreame of what I see and I would be glad not to see anie other then such as are sick of that verie same disease which is now vpon me I humbly beseech your Reuerence that we may all become like madd fooles for his loue who was content to be called Foole for the loue of vs. And since your Reuerence sayes that you wish me so cordially well I desire that you will shew it by disposing your self in such sort as that our Lord may doe you this Fauour For I see there are very few men who haue not more witt then euen they need for the effecting such things as they hold to concerne them but now perhaps I may haue more then they all But doe not you suffer this my deare Father since you are so as well as my Sonne because you are my Confessarius to whose hands I haue committed the care of my Soule but vnbeguile me by telling me truth though truths be now a-dayes seldome told And now I would be very glad that we Fiue who at the present loue one another in Christ our Lord That I say as others meet in secret against the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie for the ordering of their wickednes and their Heresies we also might procure sometimes to meet for the disabusing one another and to conferr how we might reforme our selues and giue Almightie God more gust For there is no Creature that knowes himself so well as they doe who looke vpon vs so that it be with true loue and care of our amendment I speake of this as a Secret and in your care for now already no such language as this is vsed when euen Preachers themselues goe so composing their Sermons as that they may be sure to giue men no disgust by them But their intention forsooth is so good as that the fruits will be answerable to it and so we see how few grow to mend their liues But how comes it now to passe that they are not very manie who giue ouer to be publique in following vice by meanes of those Sermōs which are made Shall I tell what I thinke It is because the Preachers make themselues too wise Not yet that they are indeed without witt by reason of any great fyre of the Loue of Almighty God which is in their harts as the Apostles were and so their flame falls-out to giue but very little heat I say not that I expect that it should be so great as theirs was but yet I hartily wish that it were greater then I can now find it is Your Reuerence knowes in what very much would consist Namely in hauing this life of ours in detestation and honour in very little estimation and that rather then faile both to speake truth and to maintaine it for the glorie of Almightie God we would be as well contented to loose all as to gaine all For whosoeuer is resolued in very good earnest to put it all to hazard for the loue of our Blessed Lord will be as well content with the one as with the other I say not that I am anie such Creature but I hartily wish I were O great and gallant Libertie to esteem it for a direct captiuitie to be bound to liue and conuerse according to the Lawes of this World For when this is once obtained at the hands of Almightie God there is not so base a Slaue vpon Earth as would not venture all that so he might redeem himself and returne home to his owne Countrie And since this wherein we are is the true way there is neither cause nor colour why we should desire to loyter in it For we shall neuer finish the gaining of so great a treasure till our Lord giue vs his grace to doe it well I humbly pray your Reuerence to teare this which I haue written if you thinke fitt and pardon me for I haue presumed too farre THE SEAVENTEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Argument about this Third Degree of Prayer And finishes the declaration of the effects vvhich it vvorkes and declares also the disaduantage vvhich the Memorie and Imagination are vvont to bring in this case I Haue already spoken to some good proportion of this manner of Prayer and of that which the Soule is to performe therein or rather of what God doth in her for now it is himself who takes the Office of Gardner
my self hauing receiued so great Fauours from Almightie God could euer procure to come to Mentall Prayer and that for me it would suffice if I sayd those Vocall Prayers to which I was bound as others did but that since now I did not euen thus much well what sense was there that I should pretend to doe more and that this was to expresse little reuerence to Almightie God and to vnderualue his Fauours It was fitt to thinke and know all this but to put it in execution had been extreamly ill done And be thou Blessed O Lord who broughtst me the remedie For this temptation seems to haue been no lesse then a beginning to that other which the Diuel brought vpon Iudas but that Traitour the Diuel durst not tempt me so openly but would faine haue come by little and little to set vpon me as he did vpon him And now for the loue of our Lord let all them who vse Mentall Prayer consider that which followes very well Let them know that during the time when I forbore it my life was much worse then before And let it be well considered what a fine kind of remedie the Diuel brought me and what a daintie ridiculous Humilitie it must be which could fill me with so deep a disquiet For indeed how could this Soule of mine appease it self The ignorant foolish Creature went away as fast as she could from her true repose and rest She had her Fauours and Regalo's present to her memorie and she found that the contentments of this world were so loathsome as euen almost to prouoke a Vomit But I am amazed how I could endure it though belike it was with some kind of hope that at the worst hand I might be able to remaine free from Sinne for I neuer as I remember though yet it be now more then one twentie yeares agoe gaue-ouer a being resolued to returne to Prayer But O how ill-grounded and addressed was this hope of mine For the Diuel would faine haue turned me ouer till the Day of Iudgement that so from thence he might conduct me to Hell But yet now afterward I frequenting Prayer Reading which was indeed the way to see reall Truths looking downe vpon that wicked course which I was holding and often importuning our Blessed Lord with manie teares I was yet so very wretched that I knew not by anie meanes how to help my self But then againe on the other side I growing to giue-ouer these good things and employing my self vpon certaine idle pastimes and exposing my self to manie occasions of ill and enioying very few helps and I may rather venture to say none at all but only such as might help mee to fall for what might I euer hope but what I haue sayd I beleiue that a certaine Religious man of S. Dominick's Order who was very learned hath great merit in the sight of God for he awaked me out of this sleep And he made me as I thinke I haue already expressed receaue the B. Sacrament euerie Forthnight And so my miserie being then not altogeather so great I beganne to come back againe into my self though yet withall I forbore not to commit some offences against our Lord. But because I had not lost my way I went still on with falling rising though yet but by little and little And he who neuer giues-ouer to goe forward will ariue at length by going softly though it be late For my part I conceaue that for a Soule to loose her way and to leaue her Prayer is indeed but one and the self same thing and our Lord deliuer vs from it for his owne Mercies sake It is heervpon to be inferred and I desire euen for the loue of our Lord that it may be much obserued that although a Soule shall come to such passe as that our Lord may doe her great Fauours in Prayer she must not yet be confident of her self since she may yet come to fall againe And let her not by anie meanes expose her self to occasions of Sinne. Let her be carefull to consider thus much for the deceipt of which the Diuel is wont to serue himself in this occasion is very great For though the Fauour which was imparted to the Soule were most certainly from Almightie God yet the Traytour will not faile to serue himself of that verie Fauour in whatsoeuer he can and especially for the disaduantage of persons who are not strong in vertue and mortification nor are absolutly vntyed and loose from all things belonging to this world For men in fine must know that they are not by meanes of this Prayer sufficiently strengthned and fortifyed as I will declare afterward for the putting themselues into occasions and dangers how great desires and resolutions soeuer they may haue This is an excellent Doctrine and it is not mine but taught by Almightie God himself and so I shall be glad that all ignorant persons like me may learne it For though a Soule be neuer so high in this State yet must she not trust her self so farre as to goe out to combat but she will haue acquitted her self well if she can defend her self So that in this State and condition it will be necessarie for her to carrie Defensiue Armes against the Diuel for yet she hath not strength enough wherewith to assault him and much lesse to tread him vnder foot as yet they will be able to doe who shall find themselues in that State whereof I will discourse afterward But this is that deuise and cosening-Trick whereby the Diuel is wont to take vs That when once he sees a Soule ariue to be so very neare to our Lord and which can iudge so very well of the difference between the blessings which belong to this life and the next and of the Loue which our Lord beares to that Soule from this very Loue he makes such a kind of confidence and securitie grow as that she shall neuer forsooth be able to fall from that which she is enioying at that time And she also seemes there-vpon to eye her reward so very clearly that she is easily brought to hold it euen impossible for her to quitt that which is so very delightfull and gustfull euen in this life for so base and filthie a thing as worldlie pleasure is Now by meanes of this vaine confidence doth the Diuel grow to depriue her of the distrust which otherwise she would haue of her owne strength and thus she exposes her self as I was saying to danger and beginnes with a foolish kind of good zeale to be giuing the Fruits of her Garden away to others without anie limits as beleiuing now that she hath no more cause so to be afrayd concerning her self and that this is not forsooth out of pride for the Soule vnderstands well enough that she is able to doe nothing of her self but through the much confidence which she hath in Almightie God Yet all this is without discretion because
will of our Blessed Lord and for his glorie Now really and with effect all these things are wont to passe in this manner if the Rapts be true and the Soule is vested with those aduantages and benefits which are related and if these doe not follow I should be apt to doubt very much that they were not Rapts on the part of God but should rather be inclined to feare that they were of that kind of Rauings whereof S. Vincent speakes At least this is what I vnderstand and I haue seen by experience it self that the Soule is wont in these cases to become a Ladie and Queen ouer all Creatures and to acquire so much Libertie of Spirit in lesse then an hower that she cannot euen know her self but yet she well vnderstands that all this is none of her owne nor doth she know how she could come to obtaine so great a blessing but yet still she vnderstands withall the extreame great benefit and aduantage which euerie one of these Rapts bring vpon her There is no Creature who can credit all this but such an one as hath learnt it by experience and therefore men beleiue not the poore Soule which they haue seen to be wicked and now find so very soone to pretend to doe certaine things of so high importance for instantly she resolues not to be content to serue our Lord in small matters but in the very greatest she can Now the world is apt to conceaue that such endeauours are but impertinencies and temptations and yet if men would but vnderstand and consider that they are not things which grow from themselues but from our Blessed Lord to whome they had already deliuered-vp the keyes of their Will they would not so much wonder at it For my part I am of opinion that a Soule which comes once to this state doth already neither doe nor euen say anie thing of her self but that this Soueraigne King hath care of all that which is to occurr O my deare God! and how clearly doth a Soule see heer the sense and signification of that Verse and how it is to be vnderstood that both he had reason and that all the world should also haue it to desire the vvings of a Doue For it is easily and clearly to be vnderstood of that Flight which the Spirit makes whereby to raise it self aboue all Creatures and in the first place from and aboue her self But this is a sweet Flight a gustfull and pleasant Flight and a Flight without noise What kinde of dominion doth such a Soule possesse which our Lord doth once conduct to this pitch that she may be able to looke downe vpon all things without being once intangled by anie of them and how full of confusion will she be for that time wherein she was intangled before And how much will she be amazed to looke-back vpon that blindnes of hers How full will she be of compassion for such as doe yet remaine therin especially if they be persons of Prayer and such as it pleases God to regale She will heer be glad to cry out very lowd that so she may make men vnderstand how mightily they are abused and deceiued yea and so she also doth sometimes And then men are apt to rayne downe euen whole showers of persecutions vpon her head and they treat her as one who wants Humilitie and who employes her self to teach those persons of whome she might doe well to learne and especially if she be a woeman for then come they in to condemne her yea and perhaps they may haue reason because they know not by what impulse she is moued But yet as she knowes not how to helpe her self on the one side so also can she not forbeare on the other to vnbeguile those persons whome she loues whome she desires to see vnfettered from the Prison of this life for that state wherein she was neither seemes lesse nor is lesse then a Prison She is also much afflicted and tired out with the thought of that time wherein she tooke anie care of points of Honour and for the grosse false errour wherein she was to haue beleiued that to be Honour which the world calls Honour for she sees that it was an abominable lye and yet that euer ie bodie liues in practise of that false Doctrine But now this Soule vnderstands and knowes That right Honour is not false but true esteeming that to be worth somewhat which indeed is so and holding that which indeed is nothing in no account at all since all is nothing and lesse then nothing which once comes to haue an end and in the meane time doth not please Almightie God She despises also and laughes at her self for the time wherein she made anie account of Monie and of the couetous desires thereof though yet in this particular I doe not beleiue and certainly it is very true that I euer had anie fault to confesse but it will haue been fault enough to haue held them in anie manner of account If with them I had been able to buy these blessings which now I find in my self I might haue esteemed them very much But now the Soule perceaues that this blessing is gotten best by leauing all things But what in fine is that which can be bought with this Monie which we so much desire Is it anie thing of true worth Is it anie thing which is durable Or to what end doe we desire it A miserable kind of supply and repose doe we procure by that which costs vs so deare for we often goe with it to Hell and we buy no other thing by meanes therof then endlesse torment in euerlasting fire O that all men would at length resolue to hold it but for earth which is good for nothing How orderly would the world then proceed How free would all places be from vniust contracts how sincerely would all men performe acts of freindship if once there raigned no interest either of Honour or monie in the mindes of men For my part I conceiue that the world would be reduced to good order This Soule sees also then that there is a great blindnes in the conceipt which men frame about the delights of this world and how we buy nothing by their meanes euen for this very life which we leade heer but affliction and disquiet How great disquiet and how little contentment and in fine what a deale of labouring in vaine And heer is the Soule able to discerne not only grosse Cobwebs and great faults but euen anie poore graine of dust how little soeuer it may be and so how much soeuer she may haue laboured to perfect her self if once the Sunne shine bright and if the same Sunne strike it through with those beames in good earnest she will find it to be dustie enough It is like a Glasse full of water which you will hold to be very cleare and pure vnlesse the Sunne shine vpon it but if you see it once falne vpon
they should not speake thereof But this serued my turne to little purpose for there chanced to be one at the Gate when I was called who published it ouer all the Conuent But now what difficulties and troubles and feares doth the Diuel vse to prouide for such persons as dispose themselues to approach to Almightie God When I was treating with that Seruant of his Diuine Maiestie who was greatly so and a man also of very good discretion about the passages of my whole life and of my Soule he declared to me what euerie thing was as a man who vnderstood that language very well and he encouraged me much and told me that it was euidently the Spirit of Almightie God which wrought in me But that I must returne againe to the exercise of Prayer because I was not well grounded therein nor had so much as begunne to know what Mortification meant and this was very true for I had hardly euer well vnderstood so much as the name but that I should by no meanes giue-ouer my Prayer but rather employ my self with more diligence and endeauour therein since Almightie God had been pleased to doe me so particular Fauours and what sayd he could anie bodie tell whether it might not please our Lord to doe good to manie euen by your meanes Other things also he sayd in such sort as that he might seem euen to haue prophecyed then concerning those things which our Lord was pleased to grant and effect afterward And I should be subiect to very great blame if I corresponded not with those Fauours which our Lord vouchsafed to shew me In all things it seemed to me that the Holie Ghost spake to me by this Father in order to the Cure of my Soule so distinctly grew euerie thing to be imprinced therein He put me to great confusion and directed me by such meanes to proceed that he seemed to make me absolutly euen another Creature So great a thing it is to vnderstand a Soule He willed me euerie day to meditate vpon some passage of the Passion of our Blessed Lord and that I should helpe my self thereby and that I should not thinke but vpon his Holie Humanitie and that I should resist those recollections and gusts as much as I could and not giue place to them till he should expresse himselfe to me by some other order He left me both comforted and strengthned and our Lord assisted both me and him to the end that he might vnderstand my condition and in what sort I was to gouerne my self and I remained with a resolution not to swarue at all from anie thing which he had or should cōmand me and therein haue I continued till this verie day Our Lord be blessed and praised for hauing giuen me grace to obey my Ghostlie Fathers though yet after an imperfect manner and they haue in effect euer been these blessed men of the Societie of IESVS howsoeuer as I was saying I haue followed them after an imperfect manner But now my Soule beganne to receiue an euident kind of amendment and improuement as I will heer declare THE FOWRE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the former Discourse and shevves hovv her Soule vvent profiting vvhen once she had begunne to obey She also declares for hovv little purpose it serued to resist the Fauours of Almightie God And hovv his Diuine Maiestie vvent daily imparting them to her after a more compleat manner BVt now my Soule remained so supple and tractable by meanes of this last Confession of mine that I thought there could be nothing to which I would not dispose my self and so I instantly beganne to change in manie things though yet my Ghostlie Father did not presse me much but rather seemed to make little account of them And this wrought euen so much the more vpon me for he carried me rather on by way of giuing me certaine libertie in little things then of pressure vnlosse my selfe could find in my hart to doe it for Loue. In the meane time I continued vpon the point of two moneths vsing all the diligence that possibly I could to resist the Fauours and Regalo's of Almightie God As for my exteriour conuersation and proceeding there was already an apparant change to be seen in me for already our Blessed Lord beganne to giue me courage to doe certaine things which the persons who saw and knew me held to be extreame and euen in the verie House it self and in respect of what I was wont to doe before they might indeed be accounted to hang that way though yet still it all fell short enough of that to which I was obliged both by the Habit which I had taken and by the Profession also which I had made From that resistance which I made to the gusts and Regalo's of Almightie God I gained thus much that his Diuine Maiestie came to be pleased to be my Instructour himself For before it seemed that for the disposing me towards the receiuing of anie such Regalo's as those there was need that I should retire and shut my self as it were vp into corners and I also durst not as it were moue or stirre But afterward I quickly found how little all that serued to the purpose for when I procured to diuert my self most so much the more did our Blessed Lord couer me as it were all ouer with that kind of Suauitie and glorie as seemed euen to compasse me in on euerie side in such sort as that it was not possible for me to scape from it And really so it was for as for me I tooke so much care to decline it that it did euen put me to paine and yet our Lord was pleased euen still to haue more care to be doing me Fauours and to expresse himself that way in those two moneths I say much more then he had formerly done to the end that I might the better know that this busines did now no longer depend anie way vpon my self And now I beganne to grow to carry a new and fresh kind of loue towards the most Sacred Humanitie of our Blessed Lord and my Prayer beganne to settle it self like a Building which now had morter in it that might make the parts stick togeather and I beganne also to incline my self more to the doing of Pennance wherein I was growne a little slack by reason of my so great infirmities For that holie man to whome I made my Confession told me that some kindes of Pennance which he named would doe me no hurt and that perhaps Almightie God gaue me sicknes in the qualitie of Pennance since I would impose none vpon my self He willed me also to doe certaine acts of Mortification which were not very pleasing to me though yet I went-through with them all because it seemed to me as if our Lord himself had commanded them and his Diuine Maiestie gaue him also grace to direct them in such sort as that I should be glad to obey him My Soule went then
away as much as it had touched within me and left all that which remained wholy inflamed with a great loue of Almightie God The paine of it was so excessiue that it forced me to vtter those groanes and the suauitie which that extremitie of paine gaue was also so very excessiue that there was no desiring at all to be ridd of it nor can the Soule then receaue anie contentment at all in lesse then God Almightie himself This is no Corporall but a Spirituall paine though yet the Bodie doe not faile to participate some part thereof yea and that not a little And it is such a deare delightfull kind of entercourse which passes heer between the Soule and Almightie God as I beseech him of his infinit goodnes that he will giue some touch or tast of it to whosoeuer shall beleiue that I lye During the time when I was in this state I went vp and downe that world like an odd kind of transported Foole neither cared I either to see anie thing or to speake but contented my self to consume with burning-vp in my paine which was to be the greatest glorie for me that this whole world could affoard In this state was I now and then when our Blessed Lord was pleased that these so verie great Rapts should come vpon me which I was not able sometimes to resist euen when I was in presence of Secular people and so they grew to be publique and this gaue me a very great deale of trouble But since the time that I am growne to haue these Rapts I feele not this paine so much as that other whereof I spoke before though yet I cannot call the Chapter to minde But that paine is different in manie kindes and of more value also then this Or rather when this beginnes whereof I am speaking in this place it seemes that our Lord doth rauish and runne away as it were with the Soule and put her into Extasis out of hand and so no too me is left for the letting her feele anie paine because instantly the time of enioying comes in Let him be Blessed for euer who vouchsafes to impart so high Fauours to a person who corresponds with him so ill for so great benefits THE THIRTIETH CHAPTER She returnes to recount the course of her Life and hovv our Lord gaue remedie to manie of her troubles by bringing that holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured BVt now when I came to obserue the little or nothing which I was able to effect towards the enduring of those so great impulses or impetuosities whereof I was speaking I grew to be in great feare of hauing them for it was past anie power of mine to vnderstand how Paine and Ioy might be possibly able to consist togeather That Corporall paine and Spirituall ioy could be compatible I know well might be possible enough but that so excessiue a Spirituall paine should be compatible with so excessiue a Spirituall gust did put me half as it were out of my witts And still I did not giue-ouer to procure to resist the ariuall thereof though yet I had so little power that way that sometimes I grew wearie euen of the endeauour I defended my self by the Crosse and so procured to help my self by that meanes from him who gaue vs all defence and succour by the same Crosse I saw that no Creature vnderstood me and this I vnderstood very clearly though yet I durst not say so to anie bodie but my Ghostlie Father for that indeed might haue authorised them to say truly that I wanted humilitie But our Blessed Lord was pleased to recouer me from a great part of my trouble yea and euen at that time from it all by bringing that blessed man Fray Pedro de Alcantara thither of whome I made mention before when I spake somewhat of his great Pennance And now I also remember that amongst other things I haue been informed that for twentie yeares togeather he had worne vpon his bare Bodie a certaine Garment of Lattin in forme of a Haire Cloath This man was the Authour of certaine little Treatises concerning Prayer written in Spanish and they are now in the hands of manie For he as being a person who had accustomed himself much to that holie exercise wrote very profitably thereof for them who liue in the Obseruance of the First Rule of the Blessed S. Francis according to the full rigour of the same When therefore a certaine Widdow of whome I spoke els where who was a great Seruant of Almightie God and a particular freind of mine came to know that so great a man was there with me and knew also the great necessities wherein I was as hauing been the witnes of my afflictions and had comforted me in seuerall occasions for her Faith was euer so great that she could neuer in fine beleiue but that it was the Spirit of Almightie God which all the rest would needs haue to be the Diuel and considering also that she was a person of very good vnderstanding and of great secrecie withall and one to whome our Lord vouchsafed to doe great Fauours in Prayer his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to giue her knowledge of those things whereof they who were Learned were wholy ignorant My Ghostlie Fathers then gaue me leaue that I might ease my self in some things with her for she was capable manie wayes to vnderstand them for sometimes it had come to her turne to enioy euen some of those verie Fauours which our Lord had also vouchsafed to affoard me togeather with certaine aduertisments which he had also giuen her for the good of her Soule But now as soone as Fray Pedro came to know of my designe he did without saying anie thing to me desire and get leaue of my Prouinciall that I might remaine with her in her House for a matter of some eight dayes and so both there and in seuerall Churches I spoke with him diuerse times in that first occasion of my being there for I communicated my affaires with him also afterward in sundry occasions at which time I gaue him likewise account of my life though yet but in a Summarie way and of the manner of my proceeding in Prayer and this with the greatest claritie which I could possibly vse for this propertie I euer had to treat with all claritie and truth with them to whome I imparted my Soule yea and I still desired that euen the first motions of my hart might be made knowne to them and as for such things as might be subiect anie way to suspition or doubt I still was wont to argue them against my self with the strongest reasons that I could bring So that I imparted my Soule to this Father without anie manner of duplicitie or disguise at all and I found that he vnderstood me almost euen at
too much if anie such thing could be found in it as might put me into anie feare of the Inquisition That if I thought there were anie ground or cause my self would be the first to goe thither and that if it were a slaunder raised vp against me our Lord would deliuer me from it and I should proue the Gainer by that Bargaine Now I treated of this matter with the Dominican Father who as I sayd was so very learned a man that I might well assure my self vpon whatsoeuer he should declare to me heerin And I told him then vpon this occasion with the greatest clearnes that I could possibly vse of all the Visions which I had had and of the manner of Prayer which I had vsed and of the great Fauours which our Blessed Lord had been pleased to doe me and I humbly prayed him to consider all these things very well and to let me vnderstand if there were anie thing at all in anie of them against Holie Scripture and that also he would acquaint me with the iudgement which he made thereof Now all this he did and so setled and secured me very much and I grow to be also of opinion that this accident was of much aduantage euen to him For though he were formerly very good yet he gaue himself much more to Prayer from that time forward and withdrew himself to a certaine retired Monasterie of his owne Order which was a place of great Solitude and silence to the end that so he might exercise himself the better in Prayer He remained there aboue two yeares and then Obedience to his Order tooke him from thence for which he was sorrie enough But they had need of such a man as he was I was no lesse greiued when he went from me through the great want which I was sure I should haue of him though yet I knew withall that he would be a gainer by it And whilst I was in paine about his iourney our Lord bad me be comforted and not troubled for that he went away to good purpose And indeed he came back againe afterward with his Soule so well improued and aduanced in the way of Spirit that himself told me at his returne how he would not for anie thing of this world but that he had gone And I also could say the same for whereas he had formerly giuen me assurances and comforts but only by his Letters he was now growne able to doe it also through the great experience which he was come to haue in Spirit and of Supernaturall things And it also pleased Almightie God to bring him back to vs at such a time as when his Diuine Maiestie saw that there would be need of him for assisting his worke concerning this Monasterie which his will was should goe forward But in the meane time I remained in silence for a matter of some fiue or six moneths not hearing or saying anie thing of this businesse nor did our Blessed Lord command me anie thing about it nor vnderstood I the reason thereof but yet still I could not part with the beleif but that the busines would be done sooner or later But at the end of that time aforesayd the Rectour of the Colledge of the Societie of IESVS who had been there till then being now to remoue from hence his Diuine Maiestie brought another to be in his place who was a very Spirituall person and of great courage and vnderstanding and Learning and he came at a certaine time when I was in very great need of helpe For in regard that he who was my Ghostlie Father had a Superiour ouer himself and by reason that they haue this vertue in perfection not so much as once to stirre but in conformitie to the will of their Superiours and though this Ghostlie Father of mine had a very good vnderstanding of my Spirit and desired that I might profit proceed he yet aduentured not to conclude some things with a firme resolution for diuers reasons which he had for it And on the other side my Spirit did presse already to passe on with certaine impulses and impetuosities which were so great that I found it a very troublesome thing to be tyed short and yet for all this I resolued not to exceed those bounds at all which he had prescribed And being one day in much affliction as conceauing that my Ghostlie Father did not beleiue me it pleased our B. Lord to require me not to trouble my self affirming that that difficultie would be soone at an end For my part I was much ioyed by this as conceauing that I was quickly to dye and I was wont particularly to reioyce when I remembred it But afterward I saw clearly that his Speech concerned the coming of this new Rectour of whome I spake and afterward I neuer had anie occasion to be in paine in regard that this sayd new Rectour contradicted not the Sub-Rectour who was my Confessarius but rather directed him to giue me comfort and scope and that there was no cause of feare and that he should not conduct my Soule by such straight narrow wayes and with such restrictions but should permit the Spirit of our Lord to worke in me For indeed at some times it seemed that by reason of those great impetuosities of Spirit the Soule had scarce roome for so much as to breath I went then to visit this Rectour and my Ghostlie Father required me to treat with him with all libertie and clearnes As for me I was wont to find very great difficultie to declare my self in that kind but yet really it is very true that euen at my verie first entrance into the Confessionarie I felt a kind of I cannot tell what to call it in my Spirit which I remember not my self to haue euer found by occasion of anie Creature either before or after nor can I distinctly tell how it was nor yet am I able to expresse it fully by anie way of Comparison But it was a certaine Spirituall ioy and a kind of vnderstanding which my Soule had that the Soule of that man would be able to vnderstand me and that there would be a kind of conformitie in iudgement between vs two although as I was saying I vnderstood not how If indeed I had euer spoken with him before or if others had peraduenture giuen me anie great newes of the man it had not been very strange that it should ioy me when I came to vnderstand that he was to heare me But neither he nor I had euer spoken word to one another nor was there anie one by whose meanes I had euer had anie notice at all of him and yet since that time I haue seen very well that my Spirit deceaued me not because it hath been of great aduantage in all kinds both to my Soule and me to treat with him For his kind of conuersation and way of conference and communication is a thing of great importance for such persons as
our Lord seemes to haue forwarded much in the way of Spirit for he makes them runne-on apace and not goe foot by foot And his manner is to vntye them soundly and totally from all Creatures and to put them to the exercise and practise of Mortification for in this our Blessed Lord hath imparted a most particular talent to him as he hath also done in manie other things Now as soone as I beganne to communicate my affaires with him I instantly vnderstood his stile and way of proceeding and I found that he had a holie and pure Soule and that our Lord had giuen him a particular tallent in the trying and knowing of Spirits So that I was comforted both much and very soone after I had once communicated with him and our Blessed Lord beganne againe to presse me towards a treating of the Busines of the Monasterie and that I should declare both to my Ghostlie Father and to this Rectour the manie grounds and reasons why they were not to disswade and diuert me from it and some of them made them hartily afrayd to doe it For this Father Rectour neuer did so much as doubt but that it was the Spirit of Almightie God because he had beheld and considered the effects with very great studie and care In fine after the consideration of manie things they durst not presume to diuert me and my Ghostlie Father did againe giue me leaue to vse all the endeauour I could and yet I was able to see very well what a great deale of trouble it would giue me in regard I was so vtterly alone and had very little power to effect anie thing But we agreed that it should be carried with great priuacy and therefore I procured that a certaine Sister of mine who liued els-where should buy and build the House as if it were for her self and that it should be done with monie which our Lord found meanes by certaine wayes wherewith to pay for it But it would be a long busines to tell you how his Diuine Maiestie went prouiding it for as for me I desired to be very sure to doe nothing which might be against Obedience But I was not then to learne that if I told anie thing to the Superiours of my Order the whole Busines would be lost as it was before yea and that if I did so now it would fall-out to be worse In the point of getting monie for making the bargaine for a Seate and for building also the House I endured manie troubles and some of them all alone though yet my Companion and freind did also the best she could But in fine she could doe little and indeed so very little that vpon the matter it was a kind of nothing but only to take vpon her the name and to lend it her countenance for all the rest of the trouble I was mine and it came vpon me so very manie wayes that I doe euen wonder now how I was able to endure it then Sometimes when I was full of affliction I would be vttering my self to Almightie God after this manner O my deare Lord how comest thou to command me things which seem impossible For though I be a woeman yet if I had libertie perhaps something might be done but being tyed vp in all respects without monie and without knowing where to get anie whereby either the Breue or anie thing els may be had what can I doe O Lord But being once in a certaine necessitie and not knowing which way to turne my self and not being able to pay the workmen S. Ioseph my true Father and Patron appeared to me and told me that monie would not be wanting to me and therefore that I should make the agreement and so I did euen when I had no monie at all and afterward our Blessed Lord prouided it by so strange wayes that they who heard of it were amazed But now me thought the House shewed to be very little and indeed it was so and in that extremitie that it seemed not capable of being euer able to be a Monasterie and I had a good minde to buy another House but neither had I wherewithall to doe it nor otherwise anie meanes to procure it though there were yet a very little one ioyning to it whereof a Church might be made But after I had Communicated one day our Lord sayd thus to me I haue already vvilled thee to beginne as thou mayest And then after the manner of exclamation he sayd thus also to me O the touetousues of the race of mankinde vvhich thinkes that it shall vvant euen earth vpon vvhich to tread Hovv often haue I slept in the open ayre as not knovving vvhere to lay my head Vpon this I was amazed and found that he had reason and so I went to that little House and ordered it And though it were very little yet it was iust fitt to make such a kind of Monasterie and I made it no more my busines to compasse a larger Seate but procured to build vpon that in such sort as it might be fitt to be inhabited all course and rude and without anie other misterye but only that it might not be hurtfull in point of health and so it shall euer remaine Vpon the day of S. Clare I going to receaue the B. Sacrament she appeared to me in very great beautie and bad me be of a good courage and goe on in the worke which I had begunne and that she would assist me And this hath proued so true that a Monasterie of Religious woemen of her Order which is neer this doth help to sustaine and feed vs and which yet is more she hath by little and little brought this desire of mine to such perfection that the self-same pouertie which that Blessed Saint established in her House is exercised also in this and we liue of Almes which point hath cost me no small trouble in getting it confirmed by His Holines and to be further also established in such sort as that no innouation may be made not the House be euer capable of Rent And now doth our Blessed Lord euen more then this and perhaps the same may grow by the intercession of this Blessed Saint for his Diuine Maiestie prouides vs with all things necessarie in most compleat manner without our euer asking anie thing of anie Creature Let him be Blessed for all things Amen But I being about that time vpon the Day of the Assumption of our B. Ladie in a certaine Monasterie of the Glorious S. Dominick's Order I was considering the manie Sinnes of my former time which I had Confessed in that House and the accidents of my wicked life and suddainly there came so great a Rapt vpon me that it tooke me in effect wholy out of my self I then sat downe and yet it seemed to me that I was not able either to heare Masse or so much as to see the Eleuation for which I remained afterward with some scruple Now it seemed to me that
which howsoeuer I vnderstood them not my self did yet fall out so fitly for him that he was euen amazed And our Lord disposed him to beleiue that they came from his Diuine Maiestie and I on the other side though I be that poore miserable Creature which I am did humbly and earnestly beseech our Lord that he would perfectly and entirely conuert that man to himself and make him abhorre all the contentments and Creatures of this life And so for which let him be Blessed for euer he hath been pleased to doe it and that in so very perfect a manner that whensoeuer this Seruant of his is speaking to me it makes me in effect turne half foole and if I had not seen it with my verie eyes I should hold it for a doubtfull thing how Fauours could possibly be heaped-vp so very high vpon a Creature in so short a time and should hold him so busily and continually employed vpon Almightie God that already he seemes not to liue for the vse of anie thing of this world I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie to keep him in his protection still for certainly if he proceed after this rate as I hope in our Lord he will his Spirit being so deeply rooted in the knowledge of himself he will grow to be of the most eminent Seruants he hath and will be able to doe good to manie Soules For he hath gotten great experience concerning things of Spirit in a very short time and these are guifts which Almightie God imparts when and how he will without anie precise respect either to the time which hath been spent or els to the qualitie of the Seruice I say not yet but that this may also import much but that our Lord forbeares sometimes to giue that to a person in twentie yeares of Contemplation which yet he forbeares not to bestow vpon some other in one Our Lord knowes the reason of this And it is also a deceiptfull errour which abuses vs when it seemes we may vnderstand and obtaine that by account of yeates which can by no meanes be had without experience of the verie things as they are And so manie err as I haue sayd in thinking that they are fitt to iudge of Spirits without hauing anie themselues I say not but that a learned man though he haue no great knowledge of Spirit may gouerne another man who hath Spirit But this is to be vnderstood both in the exteriour and in the interiour way so farre as it may carrie a conformitie with the Naturall Powers by the worke of his Vnderstanding and as for those things which are Supernaturall he must be carefull that all goe on with consent to Holie Scripture And for the rest let him not vex himself nor conceaue that he vnderstands that whereof indeed he knowes nothing nor stifle and choake those Spirits which forasmuch as concernes these things are gouerned by another and a higher Lord for in fine they are not without a Superiour of their owne Be not amazed at this nor let these things seem impossible to you for all is very possible to our Lord but procure you to re-inforce your Faith and to humble your self when you see that our Blessed Lord knowes how to make a poore old ignorant woeman become a more knowing Creature perhaps in this Science then he who may be otherwise a very learned man For by meanes of this Humilitie one shall be able to doe more good both to the Soules of others and his owne then if he grow to be Contemplatiue without that Vertue And I say and say againe that if he be not a man of experience or if at least he haue not very abundantly of Humilitie wherewith to vnderstand that he vnderstands not the busines and that yet it is not impossible but that the thing in question may be true he shall both gaine little himself and enable him also lesse to gaine with whome he deales But on the other side if he haue Humilitie he may be well out of feare that our Lord will euer permit that either the one or the other shall be deceaued But now concerning this Father of whome I speake as our Lord hath giuen him experience in manie things so hath he also endeauoured to acquire all that which may be gotten by studie in this kind And whēsoeuer his owne experience falls short he informes himself by their meanes who haue more And heer our Lord comes to assist him by giuing him a great proportion of Faith and by this meanes he hath done very much good both to his owne Soule and those also of others and mine is one of them For our B. Lord considering the manie afflictions which I was to endure it seemes would prouide that sice some of them would be brought vpon me by such as were to gouerne my Soule there yet might be others found who would helpe me to goe through with those troubles and assist me much But as for this Religious man of whome I haue spoken so much our Lord hath so entirely changed him that vpon the matter he is no longer to be knowne for the man he was He hath now also giuen him much corporall strēgth whereby he is now enabled to doe Pennance which was impossible for him before for he was euer sicklie And he is also full of courage towards the performing of anie thing which is good and besides he hath varietie of other excellent things which make it well appeare that his Vocation came most particularly from our Lord And let him be Blessed for euer For my part I beleiue that all this good is come to him by the Fauours which our Lord hath done him in Prayer for they are not painted things or put loosely on but our Lord hath been pleased to haue him brought to the Touch and he hath proued therein as one who vnderstands very well the true value of that merit which is gotten by the well suffering of persecutions And I trust in the greatnes of our Lord that much good will accrue to some of his Order by his meanes yea and euen to the whole Order it self Already this beginnes to be vnderstood and my self haue seen great Visions and our Lord hath told me some particulars both of him and of the Rectour of the Colledge of the Societie of IESVS of whome I spake and they are things of great admiration as also of two other Religious men of S. Dominick's Order but especially of one for whose proceeding and profit in the way of Spirit our Lord hath already manifested some things to the world by reall proofe I had also heard formerly of him but they are manie instances which concerne the person of whome I spake before and one of them I will heer recount I was once with him in a Locutorie or Speaking-place of a Monasterie and so very great was the loue of Almightie God which my Soule and Spirit vnderstood to be euen burning in his that I was euen as it were
Societie of IESVS for I found my self very happie in him But yet when I saw that I was to want that comfort for the loue of our Lord it gaue me contentment to loose him And yet still I could not well vnderstand how this might be For I saw plainly that these contraryes were in me at once To be delighted To be comforted and To be ioyed by that which yet did cost me sorrow at the verie hart For on the one side I was eased and accommodated with meanes and time to haue manie howers of Prayer and on the other I saw plainly that I was to cast my self into a kind of fire For already our Lord had foretold me as much and that I went to vndergoe and carrie a heauie Crosse though yet indeed I neuer conceiued that it could possibly haue proued so very heauie as I found it to be afterward But yet howsoeuer I went so chearfully on that I accounted my self euen to be destroyed in regard that I could not cast my self instantly into the battaile since our Lord had a minde that I should vndertake it and so his Diuine Maiestie gaue me strength and fetched it euen out of my verie weaknes I knew not well I say how this could be but yet I grew to thinke vpon this Comparison If I possessing some rich Iewell or anie thing els which gaue me great contentment it should happen to me to know that some person whome I loued euen better then my self desired to haue it and that I aspired more to content him then to please my self it would fall out in that case that I should enioy more contentment without that verie thing then I enioyed before by the possession thereof since it proued to giue contentment to that person And therefore now since the contentment which I haue in contenting him exceeds mine owne proper contentment the trouble which I might haue by wanting the Iewell or euen anie other thing which I could loue were taken away and so also would the sense of that contentment be which it gaue me before So that howsoeuer I should haue been in paine to leaue such persons as were so greatly troubled for my parting from them the rather in regard that I am euen in condition and nature so very gratefull for the Fauours which are done me and therefore this accident if it had ariued at some other time would haue afflicted me much yet now the case was such that I could not be troubled at it euen though I would It fell out also in verie deed to import so very much that I should not haue stayd there one day longer for as much as concernes the busines of this Blessed House that I know not how it could possibly haue been concluded if I had not gone away iust at that time O greatnes of Almightie God! for I am euen amazed when I consider it But now I discerne very well that his Diuine Maiestie had a particular care to helpe me to the end that we might settle and secure this poore little Corner of God For really I hold it to be such and that it is a Habitation wherein his Diuine Maiestie is delighted as he told me himself once when I was in Prayer That this House was euen the verie Paradise of his delight And so very agreably to this he hath brought certaine Soules hither in whose companie now I liue with very great confusion to my self For it would not haue been in my power to haue so much as wished for such as they are in order to this holie end they being persons of so great Austerity and Pouertie and Prayer and carrying all this weight with such a deale of contentment and gust that there is not one Creature in all the Companie who doth not hold her self for wholy vndeseruing to haue approached to such a place as this and especially some in particular whome our Lord was pleased to call from out of the gallanterie and vanitie of the world where according to the lawes of this life they might haue had contentment enough But now our Blessed Lord hath giuen them the same contentment so farre enlarged and encreased as makes it to be most clearly seen That euen heer they haue a hundred for one in comparison of what they left for his sake And now they can neuer satisfye themselues with giuing him most humble thankes for so high a Fauour He hath also changed others from good to better To such as are very young he giues both courage and knowledge to the end that they may desire nothing els and that they may truly vnderstand that to be seuered from all things of this life is euen heer a verie enioying of more repose To them who are of more yeares and lesse health he giues such a degree of strength as that they may be able to endure the same austerities of Pennance which the rest of the Communitie vndergoes O my deare Lord and how well doth it now appeare that thou art powerfull Nor is there anie need to seek out reasons and wayes for thy doing whatsoeuer thou desirest For euen aboue the Discourse of our Naturall Reason thou makest all things very possible and giuest vs to vnderstand very well that in fine we haue need of no more then to loue thee in good earnest and to leaue all things in good earnest for thee But indeed it must be done in good earnest to the end that thou O my Lord and my God maist make all things easie to vs. And heer it may come handsomly in that thou dost but as it were feigne or counterfeit the infusion of a kind of difficultie vpon the obseruing of thy Law For as for me I cannot find O my Lord where indeed that difficultie is nor how that way can be accounted strict or hard which conducts vs to thee But I rather plainely see that it is a faire and Royall way and no obscure and paltrie little path but a way wherein euerie bodie goes safe who will put himself in good earnest vpon the iourney For all doubtfull passages and rocks wherein one may be in danger to catch a Fall are found to be very farre off from hence in regard that heer we are so very remote from all occasions of Sinne. But I call that other a path and a wicked path and a narrow and very dangerous way which on the one side hath a huge deep valley into which one may fall and on the other a hideous rock with a precipice from whence vpon a verie instant ere he be aware he may breake his neck and his bones into a thousand peices He who loues thee O thou my eternall Good with realitie of truth goes securely by a Royall safe and large way which lyes farre from all such precipices of danger And no sooner hath such an one tript neuer so little but instantly thou O Lord lendest him thy hand to helpe him vp Nor will euen a Fall nor manie Falls be his
that time to giue them the Habit. But now since the House where the Monastery fell out to be made was that wherein my Brother-in-Law had dwelt before for he as I sayd had bought it the better to disguise this busines I had leaue to stay there And I did nothing at all but by the opinion of learned men that so I might be sure not to depart one haires breadth from my Obedience And when they saw that the thing was to be so aduantagious to the whole Order in manie respects they told me I might doe as I did though yet it were fitt to proceed with great reseruation and secrecie and to take care that my Superiours might not know what I was doing For how little soeuer the imperfection had been which I must haue committed therein I conceaue that I would haue giuen-ouer the erecting I say not of one Monasterie but of a thousand rather then haue falne into it and this is certaine And though I desired to seuer my self wholy from the world that so I might follow my Profession and Calling with more perfection and Clausure I desired it yet in such sort as that whensoeuer I should come to vnderstand that it was to be for the greater Seruice of Almightie God to giue it ouer I would instantly haue been sure to doe it with entire peace and repose But the while it was a kind of being euen in glorie for me to see the B. Sacrament exposed and that foure poore Orphans were prouided for since they were taken without Dowrie and they were very great Seruants of Almightie God For this was much endeauoured at the begining that such persons should enter and be receaued as might lay a good foundation by their example for the better effecting the intention and designe which we had to carrie all things on with much perfection and Prayer and that such a worke in fine might be finished as were to proue for the Seruice of our Blessed Lord and in honour of the Habit of his Glorious Mother for vpon this did all the anxieties of my care worke and beate And it gaue me also great comfort to haue done expresly that which our Blessed Lord had been pleased to command me and that there might be one Church more and the same be dedicated vnder the name of my Glorious Father S. Ioseph then there was before Not yet that I conceaued my self to haue done anie thing in it at all for I neuer had anie such conceipt neither haue I yet but I euer vnderstand that it is our Blessed Lord who did it and that as much as concerned my part was accompanied with so great imperfections that I rather plainly see that there is much more for which to blame me then to thanke me But yet I must confesse that it goes with me for a great Regalo to see that his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to vse me as an instrument I being so very wicked as I am for so great a worke as this So that in fine I remained with much satisfaction and gust in this behalfe and as it were euen out of my self in great depth of Prayer But now vpon the end of all this which might last about some three or foure howers the Diuel procured to giue me such a kind of Spirituall battaile as I will now declare He represented to me a doubt whether that which I had done had been well done whether I had not gone against my obligation of Obedience by procuring to effect certaine things without hauing been directed therein by my Prouinciall That I might very well imagine that my carriage had been of disgust to him in regard that I had submitted the busines to the Ordinarie and that without hauing acquainted him with it before though yet on the other side it be true that when he would not admit of the Foundation and saw that I did not alter my course I might probably enough imagine that he would not care much though it went on and Whether these new Religious would be content to liue in so great restraint Whether they were not to want bread to eate Whether the whole busines were not an absurd and foolish thing and Who in fine must put me vpon it since already I had a Monasterie of mine owne But now all that which our Blessed Lord had commanded me and all those opinions of the learned men whome I had consulted and all the Prayer which I had caused to be made and that in effect without ceasing yea and also for the space of more then two whole yeares all this I say was as absolutly slipped out of my memorie as if it had neuer been there and I only remembred now that I did it according to mine owne opinion But all the vertues and Faith which I had before were suspended in me then without my hauing strength either to act anie thing or euen so much as to defend my self against so manie assaults The Diuel was also tampering with me and examined me how it came to passe that I would needs goe shut my self vp in so straight a House and that with so manie infirmities vpon my back and how I would be able to vndergoe so great Pennance and giue ouer to liue in so goodlie and delightfull a place as the other was where I had alwaies had so much gust and so manie freinds and perhaps these others would not proue so That I had taken very much vpon me That perhaps it would cost me despaire at the last That the Diuel had pretended but to depriue me of repose and peace that so I might not be able to frequent Prayer and to make me grow disordered and disturbed and so by those degrees to loose my Soule Such things as these assembled in such sort as I haue related did the Diuel take care to set before me and so as that it was not almost in my power so much as once to thinke of anie thing els and by this meanes did he bring such an affliction and obscuritie or rather downe-right darknes vpon my hart as I am not able to expresse But now when I found my self to be in this case I went to visit the Blessed Sacrament though yet I was not able to recommend my Soule to it as finding my self in my opinion with a certaine kind of profound affliction as if then I had been in no lesse then the verie agonie of death To treat with anie bodie about it I was not yet to presume for there was not yet so much as a Ghostlie Father appointed for me O my deare Lord what a miserable kind of life is this which we lead where there is no secure contentment nor anie thing which is not subiect to change It was so very very lately that me thought I would not haue exchanged my condition in the way of being content with anie Creature of the whole world and now the self-same cause euen of the self-same contentment did so torment me
in respect of his I accused my self then as in fault yea and as very faultie and so I make no doubt but I was in the opinions of all them who knew not very much of the Cause And after they had giuen me a great reprehension though not yet with so much rigour as the fault might seem to deserue and as manie of them told the Prouincial that I had committed I was absolutly for my part resolued to hold on this course And so I rather desired that they should pardon me and then punish me if they would but by no meanes remaine vnkinde or ill-affected towards me In some things I plainly saw that they had no reason at all against me but that they condemned me without cause as when they sayd I had done whatsoeuer I had done to the end that I might be held in great opinion and to be talked of and such other toyes as that But in others I saw clearly that they sayd true as namely that I was much worse then the rest and that since I had not kept the Obseruances of that House which were maintained with so much pietie and deuotion there how could I come to thinke of performing another Rule of more rigour and that this was but to raise-vp nouelties in the world and to scandalize the people But yet all this caused no tumult in my hart nor put mee to anie paine at all though yet I shewed to be in some least otherwise they might conceaue that I vndervalued what they sayd But in fine the Prouincial commanded me to giue account of my self to them of the former Monastery and that I must necessarily doe it And so being at great peace within my self and our Lord assisting me therein I gaue such a discharge of my actions as that neither the Prouincial nor the Religious Woemen who were in that Assemblie found anie thing for which to condemne me After this I spoke more plainly to him in priuate and I did it also more at large and he was very well satisfyed with me and promised me that if the Cittie should proceed towards a being quiet againe he would giue me leaue to goe to my Monasterie But the disorder and distemper of the Cittie was so very great as I shall now declare Within two or three dayes after that time the Gouernour and other Magistrates of the Towne and some also of the Chapter of the Cathedrall Church mett togeather and they all declared ioyntly That by no meanes they must permit the worke to goe forward That it would result to the euidēt disaduantage of the Common-Wealth That they must not faile to remoue the B. Sacrament from thence and by no meanes permit the busines to proceed One onlie Doctour of S. Dominick's Order although he were of a contrarie opinion to vs I meane not in that point of the Monasterie but in that other of being incapable of Reuenue and Poore sayd that there was no cause why the House should instantly be dissolued after that manner but that it ought to be well considered That there would be time enough for this That it was a Case which belonged to the Bishop and diuerse other things of this kind which did very much good to the busines For considering how great the furie of the people was it was happie that they did not put the dissoluing of the House presently in execution And this shewed that the thing in fine was to take effect and that our Blessed Lord was pleased to haue it so and that they all could doe little against his will and pleasure but yet they all assigned their reasons and expressed good zeale in what they sayd And yet thus without their giuing offence to Almightie God they made both me and diuerse others suffer who fauoured the Busines The tumultuous disposition of the people was so great that now there was no talke of anie thing els and they all agreed in condemning me and in going to complaine of me to the Prouincial and to my Monasterie As for me I was no more troubled at what they sayd then if they had not sayd it but the onlie feare I had was whether or no they would dissolue the House for this put me to a great deale of paine and so also did it to see that the persons who assisted me lost credit and were otherwise also put to much inconuenience by it But as for that which they sayd of me I was rather glad of it then otherwise And if I had had anie Faith it would haue made no alteration in me at all but when there is a want in some one vertue all the rest are wont to be cast into a kind of slumber And so I was much troubled during those two dayes wherein the two Assemblies whereof I spake were made amongst the people And I being very much afflicted our Lord said these words to me Dost thou not knovv that I am povverfull Of vvhat art thou afrayd And thus did he assure me that the House should not be dissolued whereby I remained full of comfort But then did they dispatch their Agents or Sollicitours to the Councell Royall with their Informations and so there came order from thencė to send a Relation thither of the whole proceeding So that heet we might behold the beginning of a great Suite in Law for already some were gone to the Court on the part of the Cittie others were instantly to goe on the part of the Monasterie and on the other side neither had we anie monie nor did I know what to doe but our Lord prouided all things for vs. And as for me my Father Prouinciall did neuer forbid me to deale in it for he is so true a friend to all Vertue that although he did not assist in the worke yet he would not be against it though yet withall it be very true that he would neuer giue me leaue to passe to this new Monasterie till he might see what kind of end the Busines would haue In the meane time the Seruants of God were all alone and did more with their prayers then all that which I was able to doe by way of negotiation though yet still it were necessarie to vse diligence enough Sometimes it would seem that all was wanting and especially one day before the Prouinciall came hither when the Prioresse commanded me not to treat anie more about that busines but to giue it vtterly ouer But then went I to Almightie God and sayd O my Lord This House is not mine but it was made for thee and now there is no Creature to negotiate the busines for vs and therefore thy Diuine Maiestie must be pleased to doe it Heervpon I found my self really and instantly at so great ease and so without anie manner of trouble as if I had had the whole world on my side to employ it self for me and so I held all the busines to be in safetie Vpon this a certaine Priest a very great Seruant of
Almightie God who had assisted me alwaies and was a great freind and fauourer of all Perfection went to the Court to follow the busines and laboured in it very much and so also that holie Caualier of whome I made mention before did very much therein and shewed it fauour in all kinds He endured also great troubles and persecutions for it otherwise and I found him euer like a Father to it and so I doe also to this day And our Lord did still inspire them who were our freinds with such a deale of feruour that euerie one of them tooke our busines to hart as much as if it had been properly his owne and as if his whole honour and life had been concerned in it though yet they had indeed no other interest then only in regard that they thought it did import the Seruice of Almightie God But now it seemes clearly that his Diuine Maiestie assisted the good and vertuous Priest who was also a Doctour and he indeed was one of them who helped vs most for the Bishop employed him about it in his name in a certaine great Giunta or publique Meeting which was framed about it and therein he stood alone for vs against them all and in fine he found meanes to appease them For he made a kind of ouerture by a certaine way which was sufficient to entertaine and suspend their proceeding indeed there was not anie one who could otherwise haue sufficed to keepe them from resoluing instantly to employ euen their verie liues for the ouerthrowing of the Busines This Seruant of God of whome I speake was also the man who gaue the Habit to the Religious and set-vp the B. Sacrament there and he was subiect to persecution enough for his labour This batterie continued about half a yeare and to relate in particular manner the great troubles which passed in all that time would be along busines For my part I wondred extreamly at what a coyle the Diuel kept against a few poore Woemen and how euerie bodie could vnderstand that forsooth twelue Religious and a Prioresse for they were no more could be thought to be of such mischeif to a whole Cittie I meane such mischeif to them who opposed it but as for the Religious they were indeed of so austere life that if anie hurt or errour were to grow by that designe it must be only to them And as for being of preiudice to the place it carried not so much as anie apparance and yet they could meet with enow who would find meanes and that forsooth with good conscience to crosse it But yet now at length they came so farre as to affirme that prouided alwaies that they would get Reuenue and liue vpon it they were content to giue way and that the Busines might goe on For my part I was then so wearie to see all them who assisted vs in so great trouble which I regarded much more then mine owne that I grew to be of opinion that it would not be very ill done to accept their Licence vnder the condition of hauing Reuenue till the times might grow quieter by degrees and that so we might get to be without it afterward At other times I being very imperfect and wicked beganne to thinke that perhaps our Lord would not mislike that it should be so since we could not obtaine our end otherwise and therefore I was already growne to consent to this Accord But being in Prayer the night before the finall conclusion thereof when the Accord was euen already begunne our Lord commanded me that I should consent to no such thing as they intended and that if we beganne to take Reuenue they would neuer giue vs leaue to forgoe it and diuerse other things he also told me The self same night that holie Creature Fray Pedro de Alcantara appeared to me for then he was dead And before also he dyed he wrote to me and taking notice of the great opposition persecution which was raised against vs he sayd he was hartily glad that this Foundation was made with so great contradiction and how that serued him for a signe that our Lord would grow to be greatly serued in this Monasterie since the Diuel tooke such paines to hinder it But yet he perswaded vs still that we should by no meanes accept of liuing vpon Reuenue yea and he pressed this point in two or three seuerall parts of the same Letter and told me that if we persisted therein we should grow to effect the Busines according to our owne desire I had already seen him at two other seuerall times after his death and I beheld the much glorie wherein he was and he gaue me no apprehension of feare at all but rather ioyed me much for he neuer appeared to me but in the qualitie of a Glorifyed Bodie yea and full of excessiue glorie and so accordingly he gaue me great ioy to see him saue that he partly shewed himself with a kind of seueritie or rigour when he told me that in no case I should accept of Reuenue and why would I not follow his counsaile And so he instantly vanished and I remained amazed I went therefore the next day to that Caualier he being the person to whome we still carried all the busines as to one who assisted vs most therein and I told him what had passed and that he should by no meanes agree to take anie Reuenue but rather to let the Suite goe on Now he was euen much more earnestly of the same mind then I was my self and was very glad to find me of his and afterward told me also how vnwillingly he euer spoke about making anie agreement or composition But a certaine other person beganne againe ere long to declare himself against vs and truly she was a good Seruant of Almighty God but yet she wished though she might haue good intentions therein that since the busines was in so good state they might doe well to put it into the hands of Lawyers Vpon this I had a great deale of disquiet for some of them who assisted megrew also to be of that opinion though yet indeed it were a verie trick of the Diuel and perhaps it was a morsell of the hardest desgestion of all the rest But our Lord assisted me in all for that is the summe of the busines and it is no easie thing to giue all that to be well vnderstood which passed between the beginning and finishing of this Monasterie although this last half yeare and the other which was the first were the most troublesome parts of the whole time Yet now the Cittie being growne in some sort to be appeased that Father of S. Dominick's Order who was a Graduate in Theologie layd so handsomly about him though he were not present then that he assisted vs much Our Lord brought him also afterward in a certaine coniuncture of time when he did vs a great deale of good and it seemed that his Diuine Maiestie had induced him
the Rectour of the Societie of IESVS whome I mentioned before I haue seen some things concerning great Fauours which our Lord did him but I will not insert them heer for feare of being too long There hapned a great trouble to him once for he was persecuted and found himself greatly afflicted and I hearing Masse one day saw Christ our Lord vpon the Crosse iust then when the Preist eleuated the Sacred Hoast and he spoke certaine words to me wherewith I was to acquaint him for his comfort and others also he spoke by way of preuention of some future inconuenience which might ariue and he represented also to him how much himself had suffered for his sake and that therefore he should prepare himself to suffer And this gaue him both much comfort and much courage and all hapned to him iust so as our Blessed Lord had foretold Of the Religious of a certaine Order yea and of that whole Order togeather I haue seen great things For I haue seen them sometimes in Heauen with white Banners in their hands I haue seen as I was saying other things of great admiration And accordingly I haue this Order in much veneration for I haue treated and communicated with them much and I see that their life is agreable to that which our Blessed Lord hath giuen me to vnderstand concerning them I being one night in Prayer our Lord beganne to vtter some words to me which brought me to remember how wicked my life had been and they gaue me confusion and paine enough for although they imported not anie rigour yet they endued me with such a tender kind of feeling and greif that the Soule was euen dissolued by it And we vse in such cases to find more benefit in the way of knowing out selues by some one such word as these then we are able to acquire in manie dayes by our owne consideration of our miserie for it brings such a truth to be euē ingrauē in our Soule as we cannot possibly denye He represented to me also those inclinations of mine which I had formerly entertained towards Creatures with so much vanitie and told me that I was to put a great value vpon the desire which he had that I would lodge all my affectiō vpon him which formerly I had employed so ill since he would accept thereof At other times he bad me remember that formerly I had sometimes esteemed it for a point of honour in me to goe against his Honour And yet at other times that I should remember how much I owed him for that I vsed to commit the greatest offences against him whilst he vsed to be doing me Fauours If I haue anie faults which are not few our Lord giues them so to be vnderstood by me at those times that it makes me euen as it were annihilate my self and because I haue manie faults he vses me so manie times It hapned to me once that a Ghostile Father reprehended me and when I thought to comfort my self in Prayer it was there that I found indeed my true reprehension But now to returne to that which I was saying when our Lord beganne to bring my wicked life to my remembrance which cost me a world of teares and when I also considered that I had done no good thing lately which might euen in my opinion deserue his Fauour I beganne to consider a while whether he might not perhaps intend some new expression of goodnes to me because whensoeuer I find my self receaue anie particular Fauour from our Lord it is ordinarily after I haue euen defeated and annihilated my self And I conceaue that our Lord proceeds thus with me to the end that I may see the more clearly how farre I am out of the way of deserueing his Fauours Shortly after this my Spirit was so absorpt and snatcht away that in effect it seemed to be absolutly out of my Bodie at least it was not vnderstood that it liued in it And then I saw the most Sacred Humanitie of our Blessed Lord in much more excessiue glorie then euer I had discerned before Now this was represented to me by a certaine admirable and cleare notice of his being placed in the verie bosome of his Father Nor yet doe I know what to say of how this was for it seemed to me that I saw my self present before that verie Diuinitie and yet without seing my self and I remained so amazed and euerie way indeed in such sort that I thinke there passed some dayes before I was able to returne to my self For still I was conceauing that I had the Maiestie of the Sonne of God present with me though it were not yet like the former for this I vnderstood well enough But how soeuer it remained so engrauen in my Imagination that I cannot be ridd of it how short soeuer the time were wherein it was represented to me and this is matter both of great comfort and of great benefit to my Soule Now I haue seen this verie Vision at three other times and this in my opinion is absolutly the most sublime Vision which euer our Blessed Lord gaue me and it brings the greatest improuement and profit with it For it seemes that the Soule is greatly purifyed by it and that it doth vtterly take away all strength from the sensualitie of our Self-Loue It is a vehement flame which seems to burne vp and euen annihilate all the desires of this life And since God be blessed for it I had already no inclination to idle and impertinent things it was heer declared to me in distinct manner that all was vanitie and in particular how vaine all the Superiorities and Signories of this world be And it falls out also to be of mightie instruction for the raising-vp of our desires to be lodged vpon the puritie of Truth and there remaines a high kind of adoration and reuerence of God imprinted after a certaine manner which I know not how to describe but it is of a very different kind from whatsoeuer we can acquire in this world It creates also a huge amazement in the Soule to consider how she euer durst or how anie creature can presume so farre as to thinke of offending such a Supreame Maiestie of Almighty God I haue declared sometimes heertofore the effects of Visions and such other things but I haue also sayd already that a Soule receaues more or lesse profit according to the proportion and manner of the Vision as the same may be either more or lesse But in this it was extraordinarily great when I came to receaue the Blessed Sacrament and I did then record to my self that incomparable Maiestie which I had seen and vnderstood to be the verie same which is in this most Holie Sacrament And manie times our Lord is pleased to let me see him in the Sacred Hoast where vpon the verie haire of my head would stand on end and me thought I was euen annihilated outtight O my deare Lord and if thou didst
honour which is allowed to others I considered the goodnes of Almightie God in not permitting the Soule euen of that man to be defamed but that it might be concealed that he was an Enemie of his For my part I was euen turned halfe foole by what I had seen yet during all the performance of the Office of the Dead there was no more Diuel to be seen but when afterward they put the Bodie into the Graue there was such a multitude of them readie to receaue the Bodie that I was euen out of my self with beholding it and it was no little courage which I needed for enabling me to dissemble the seeing it And I considered how those Diuels were likelie to treat that Soule when they exercised such an absolute dominion euen ouer that woefull Bodie And I would to Christ that what I saw had also been seen by such as are in Mortall Sinne for me thinkes it must haue been of much effect and force towards a making them mend their liues Now all this obliged mee to know more and more what I owed to Almightie God and from what he had deliuered my Soule But yet I went on with feare enough till I had imparted these particulars to my Ghostlie Father as conceauing that perhaps it might haue been some Illusion of the Diuel whereby to defame that Soule though yet the man had not been held to be of very good life But yet it is verie true that whether it were an Illusion or no I am sure I neuer remember it but it makes me afrayd And now since I haue begunne to speake of Visions which haue relation to some such persons as are dead I will also declare some things concerning some other kind of Soules which our Lord hath been pleased that I should see But I will speake only of few both to be the shorter and because it will not be necessarie to say much in order to the receauing of benefit thereby They told me once that a certaine man was dead who had been Prouinciall of his Order but when he dyed he was Prouinciall of another Prouince Now I had communicated much with this man and had been obliged to him for some good offices which he had done me This man was of much many vertues but yet when I came to know that he was dead I was greatly troubled at it because I was in feare and doubt of his Saluation in regard that he had been a Prelate or Superiour twentie yeares which really is a thing that I am apt to feare as holding it to be a matter of much danger to haue charge of Soules And so I went with trouble enough to an Oratorie and gaue him all that little good which I had euer done in my whole life which yet was little enough and I humbly besought out Blessed Lord that he would supply out of his infinit merits for as much as that Soule might wat towards the freeing it self out of Purgatorie And whilst I was begging this Boone of our Blessed Lord in the best manner I could me thought he rose as from some deep part out of the earth on my right side and so I saw him mount-vp to Heauen with very great ioy The man was very old before he dyed but yet now he seemed to me to be but of thirtie yeares old or rather somewhat lesse but with much brightnes in his face This Vision passed away very speedily but yet I was so extreamly comforted by it that the death of that man did put mee now to no more paine though I had troubled manie others about him for he was very well beloued And thus also the comfort of my Soule being so great I could not possibly doubt but that the Vision was true and no illusion This hapned but fifteen dayes after his death but still I was not slack in procuring that he might be recommended to Almightie God saue that I could not doe it so hartily as before I saw this Vision For when our Lord shewes me such things and that yet I will pray for them afterward I cannot choose but conceaue that it is as if I gaue an Almes to a rich man But now I came to vnderstand afterward for the man dyed very farre off that the death which our Lord granted him was of so great comfort to him by the knowledge of himself and by the humilitie which he expressed that it was of very great edification Now a certaine Religious Woeman dyed at home with vs about a day and a halfe before that occurred whereof I am going to speake but she had been a good Seruant of Almightie God And another Religious Woeman reading one of those Lessons which belong to the Office of the Dead which was recited in the Quire for her Soule it was my turne to stand by and assist in repeating the Versiâ—â—e but in the midst of the Lesson me thought I saw the Soule rise vp as the other did and so went to Heauen Now this was no Imaginarie Vision like the last but like others which I recounted before Yet these be no lesse certaine then those others are There was also another Religious Woeman of between eighteen and twentie yeares old who dyed at home in our House Now she had been alwaies sicklie and a great Seruant of God and very diligent in the Quire and in fine a very vertuous woeman and really I was apt to thinke that she should not haue gone to Purgatorie at all but rather that there would haue been supernumerarie merits in regard of the manie sicknesses which she had endured But yet when we were reciting the Office before she was buryed and some foure howers after she dyed I vnderstood that her Soule sprung vp out of the same place and went to Heauen Being one day in a Colledge of the Societie of IESVS with those great afflictions and troubles which I haue declared my selfe sometimes to haue had and still haue both in Bodie and Soule I found my self to be in such condition that me thought I was not able so much as to entertaine one good thought There dyed that night a Brother of the Societie of that House and I recommending him the best I could to Almightie God and being at the Masse of another Father of the Societie for his Soule I was seazed by a very great Recollection and I saw him goe-vp to Heauen with much glorie yea and I vnderstood that our Blessed Lord himself did accompanie him by way of particular fauour A Religious man of our Order who was a very good man was falne very dangerously sick And I being then at Masse grew to be in very great Recollection and saw that the man was dead and that he went instantly to Heauen without touching vpon Purgatorie at all and he dyed in that verie hower as I was told afterward Now I wondred that he had neuer entred into Purgatorie but I vnderstood that he hauing been a Religious man and hauing well obserued the
in this Diamond it being such as that all things are shut-vp in it because there is nothing which can get out of that greatnes it was a thing extreamly to amaze me to be able to see in so very short a time so manie things togeather in this bright Diamond And so was it also matter of extreame compassion and greif for me euerie time that I remember my self to haue seen that things so very vglie and fowle as my sinnes were should be representted and shewed in that so clearnes of light And the truth is that whensoeuer I remember it I know not how it comes to be possible for me to endure it and I did really then remaine so extreamly out of countenance and ashamed that me thinkes I could not tell where to hide my head O that some Creature or other were able to giue this Truth to be well vnderstood by these people who commit dishonest filthie sinnes that so they might come to know that they are not secret and that Almightie God hath reason to be very sensible of those wrongs since they are acted so truly in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie and that we carrie our selues with so base irreuerence before him I saw heer also how iustly Hell is deserued for anie one Mortall Sinne because it is past our power to vnderstand what a most greiuous crime it is to commit it in the presence of so great a Maiestie and what an vnspeakable distance and dissimilitude is found between that which he is and that which our Sinnes are and how it appeares euen heerby so much the better how great his mercie is since notwithstanding he knowes all this he yet endures vs. It hath also made me consider that if such a Vision as this can leaue the Soule so extreamly astonished and amazed what kind of thing will the Day of Iudgement proue to be when this Maiestie of Almightie God will shew it self with all clearnes and so we shall also clearly see what kind of things our sinnes were which we committed against him O my deare God! what blindnes is this which hath seazed me And I haue often been amazed euen whilst I haue been writing this and your Reuerence need be amazed at nothing but how I am able euen to liue whilst I am looking both vpon these things and my self But let him be eternally blessed who hath vouchsafed to endure such things at my hands Being once in Prayer in very great recollection and with much quietnes and sweetnes me thought I was all emcompassed with Angells and very neer to Almightie God and I beganne to be an humble Suiter to his Diuine Maiestie for the benefit and aduantage of his Church And he gaue me to vnderstand the much good which a certaine Order should doe the world in these latter times and the great courage wherewith the Members thereof should defend and vphold the Catholique Faith Being once in Prayer neer the Blessed Sacrament there appeared to me a certaine Saint whose Order was in some decay He had a great Booke in his hands which he opened and willed me to read certains Letters in it which were very legible and large and they sayd thus In future times this Order shall flourish and haue manie Martyrs Another time being at Matins in the Quire six or seauen persons were represented and set before me and I held them to be of the same Order and they had Swords in their hands And I conceaue that I was giuen thereby to vnderstand that they should defend the Faith For being in Prayer another time and rapt in Spirit me thought I was in a very spauous feild where manie were who fought and they of this Order did also fight with great feruour They had their faces beautifull and much inflamed and they beate multitudes of men downe to the ground and killed others This battaile seemed to be giuen against Heretiques I haue seen this Glorious Saint diuerse times and he hath told me some things and giuen me thankes for the Prayers which I make for his Order and he hath promised that he will recommend me to our Blessed Lord. I specifye not the seuerall Orders heer least some should be offended at it and if our Lord shall thinke it conuenient he may declare them But euerie Order should procure and so should euerie particular man of euerie Order that in so great a necessitie as that wherein the Church is at this time they might be able to serue her For happie are those liues which may come to loose themselues vpon this occasion A certaine person desired me once to beg of Almightie God that I might vnderstand whether or no it would be for the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie that he should take a Bishoprick I did so and our Lord made me this answer after I had Communicated VVhen he shall vnderstand vvith all clearnes and truth that true Dominion consists in possessing nothing he may take it then Giuing thereby to vnderstand that whosoeuer is to be a Prelate must be very farre from so much as desiring it and yet further from procuring it These Fauours and manie other also haue been and are still very ordinarily shewed by our Blessed Lord to this sinnefull Woeman which me thinkes are not very necesarie to be related since by those which are deliuered already my Soule togeather with the Spirit which our Lord hath giuen me may be vnderstood But let him be euer blessed who hath had so much care of me He told me once by way of comforting me that I must not afflict my self and this he did with most tender loue for that in this life of ours we could not possibly be alwaies after the same manner but that sometimes I would be in feruour and sometimes without it Sometimes with vnquietnes and temptations and Sometimes without them and in peace but that I must hope in him and feare nothing Being one day in thought and doubt whether it were not a kind of being tyed to Creatures to be glad to be with such persons as with whome I treat the busines of my Soule and to loue both them and others also whome I find to be the Seruants of Almightie God and to receaue comfort by being with them he told me that if when a man is dangerously sick the presence of a Phisitian seemes euen to restore him to health it would not be a vertue to forbeare to be glad of him and to loue him And what sayd he wouldst thou haue done if it had not been for such as they That he disliked not that conuersation should be held with such as were good but that my words must euer be well considered and holie and that so it would be rather profitable to me then hurtfull not to giue-ouer communication with them Now this imparted a particular comfort to me for sometimes it would seem to be a hauing too great a tye vpon creatures which made me once incline to giue-ouer the custome
had begunne to obey She also declares for hovv little purpose it serued to resist the Fauours of Almighty God and hovv his Diuine Maiestie vvent daily imparting them to her after a more compleat manner CHAP. 25. She treates heer of the vvay and manner of vnderstanding those vvords or Speeches vvhich Almighty God is pleased to vtter to the Soule though yet vvithout hearing any voyce or sound and of some errours or abuses vvhich may happen heerin and hovv the right may be knovvne from the vvrong It is of much vse and profit for such as see themselues in this degree of Prayer for it is declared very vvell and the Doctrine containes great instruction 26. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declareing such things as happened to her vvhich made her to loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleife that it vvas a good spirit vvhich spake to her 27. CHAP. She treates of another vvay hovv our Lord instructs a Soule and giues her to vnderstand his vvill after a very admirable manner vvithout any Speech at all She also declares a certaine Vision and great Fauour vvhich our Lord shevved her and this Vision vvas not Imaginarie This Chaepter is very much to be noted 28. CHAP. She treates of the great Fauours vvhich our Lord did her and hovv he appeared to her the first time She declares that it vvas a Vision vvhich shevved it selfe by vvay of the Imagination and discouers the great effects and testimonyes vvhich such things leaue in the Soule vvhen they are of Almighty God This Chapter is of great instruction and deserues to be noted much 29. CHAP. She prosecutes the Discourse vvhich she had begunne and relates some high Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her and vvhat his Diuine Maiestie did futher for the securing and encourageing her minde and for the enabling her to ansvver her Contradictours 30. CHAP. She returnes to recount the course of her life and hovv our Lord gaue remedye to many of her troubles by bringing that Holy man Fray Pedro de Alcantara of the Order of the Glorious S. Francis to the place vvhere she vvas And she declares the great temptations and invvard troubles vvhich sometimes she endured 31 CHAP. She treates of certaine exteriour temptations and representations of the Deuill and of the torments vvhich he gaue her She speakes also of other things vvhich are very fitt for the aduise and instruction of such persons as are vvalking on in the vvay of Perfection 32. CHAP. She treates hovv it pleased our Lord to put her in Spirit into a place of Hell vvhich she said she had deserued for her Sinnes She relates vvhat vvas represented to her there vvhich vvas but a kind of shaddovv of such things as are suffered in that place She beginnes also to declare the vvay and manner hovv that Monastery vvas founded in Auila vnder the name of S. Ioseph 33. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of the Foundation of the Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph She declares hovv she vvas commanded to attend to that busines and of the time vvhen she forbore to follovv it and of some troubles vvhich she had and hovv she vvas comforted in them by our Blessed Lord. CHAP. 34. She declares hovv at this time she vvas necessarily to goe from that place and she shevves the cause thereof and hovv her Superiour commanded her to goe for the comfort of a certaine Lady vvho vvas much afflicted She beginns to treat of that vvhich hapened to her there and of the great Fauour vvhich it pleased our Lord to doe by her meanes in stirring-vp a very principall person to doe him very great Seruice and hovv aftervvard she receiued much Fauour and protection from him This is an admirable Discourse and very much to be noted 35. CHAP. She prosecutes the same Subiect about the Foundation of this Hovvse of our Glorious Father S. Ioseph She speakes of the Degrees by vvhich our Lord came to appoint that holy Pouertie should be ordained there and of the cause vvhy she came from that Lady vvith vvhome she vvas and of other things also vvhich succeeded 36. CHAP. She prosecutes the Subiect vvhich she had begunn and declares the finall conclusion of this Monastery of the Glorious S. Ioseph of Auila and of the great contradictions and persecutions vvhich the Religious vvoemen vvere put to suffer euen after they had taken the Habit and of the many troubles and temptations vvhich she vvas faine to vndergoe and hovv his Diuine Maiestie drevv her out of all vvith victorie to his ovvne praise and glorie 37. CHAP. She treates of the effects vvhich vsed to remaine in her Soule vvhen our Lord had done her any Fauour and she accompanies this Discourse vvith very profitable Doctrine She declares also hovv vvee are to procure and greatly esteem the gaining of one degree of glory more and hovv vvee must not for any trouble or paines forsake those benefitts blessings vvhich are euerlasting 38. CHAP. She treates of some great Fauours vvhich our Lord vvas pleased to doe her as vvell in acquainting her vvith certaine Secrets of Heauen as by giueing her other great Visions and Reuelations She declares also the effects vvhich they left in her Soule and the great benefitts vvhich she obtained by them 39. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Subiect of shevving the great Fauours vvhich our Lord had done her And she declares hovv he vvas pleased to promise his Fauour to them for vvhome she should begg it and she relates some important particulars vvherein his Diuine Maiestie had done her extraordinary Fauours of this kind 40. CHAP. She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life 41. A Letter vvritten by the GLORIOVS S. TERESA vvhich she sent together vvith the Booke to her Ghostly Father APPROBATIO HAec vita S. Teresae primùm Hispanico sermone à se conscripta postea taliter edita nunc verò felicissimè Anglicè reddita per Ill m virum M. T. iussu R mi Antuerpiensis à me attentè perlecta fuit in eadem nihil dum reperi vel contra fidem vel quod possit meo iudicio pias Christianas aures offendere imò cùm amorē eius seraphicum vndique lucentem ac inflammantem Lector experiatur censeo dignissimam vt in communem etiam Catholicorum Anglorum vtilitatem imprimatur Antuerpiae 5. Augusti M. DC XLII RICHARDVS WAKE I. V. L. Cap. 4. Cap. 5. Cap. 2. Cap. 8. Cap. 7. Cap. 6. Cap. 22. * Note this great most certaine Truth a Many vse to repeat the Creed in the presence and as in the person of such as are neer expiring by vvay of fortefying thē at that time against the temptations of the Diuell b VVhen persons are neer expiring attendants vse to be very
sometimes not so soone And since of late I am growne able to receaue the B. Sacrament more often it proceeds from this that these vomits come to me at night before I goe to bed and they put me to much more paine and then I must procure to hasten and facilitate them by the vse of feathers and such other things because if I haue not those vomits the sicknes vvhich I feele is extreame But indeed I am me thinkes almost neuer without manie kindes of paine and sometimes they are very sharp ones and especially at my verie hart though yet withall it be also true that the cruel Palsie and other infirmityes of Feauers which were wont to come very thick vpon me are now found to oppress me more seldome so that manie times I am well in those respects and I haue made so little account of these miseries for these eight yeares togeather that sometimes I am euen glad I haue them as conceauing that our Lord may be peraduenture serued in some sort thereby This was my discourse And now my Father belieued that this which I told him heer was indeed the true cause of my omission for himself neuer vsed to lye and considering in what sort and of what matter I was then discoursing to him he had no reason to thinke but that I sayd true and to the end that he might belieue me the better I told him also then that I well saw my self not to be without some fault and that I had enough to doe to be able to assist in the Quire though yet in verie deed euen this reason of corporall sicknes was no sufficient cause to make me giue anie good thing ouer for there is no need of corporall strength for such things as these but only of loue and custome since our Lord affords vs alwaies opportunitie if we will ourselues I say alwaies because though infirmities and other occasions my hinder one sometimes from spending manie howers in Solitude yet there will not want some other time wherein we may haue health enough for this busines yea and euen in other occasions as also in the midst of sicknes it self the truest Prayer may be made since it is the Soule which loues by offering vp that paine to Almightie God and in remembring for whome it is endured and in conforming ones self to God's holie will therein and in a thousand such other things as will occurr And thus may one exercise Loue for there is no necessitie at all for a person either to be in Solitude or els that there must be no Mentall Prayer at all If we will take a little care we may arriue to obtaine great blessings at those times when our Lord euen takes time for Prayer from vs by meanes of our sicknesses and paine and my self had found this to be true as long as my Conscience was pure and good But my Father through the opinion which he held of me and the loue he bore me belieued all that I had sayd or rather he not only belieued but had also pittie of me though yet being then growne to find himself in so eminent and high a state of Spirituall Life he remained not with me very long And therefore hauing visited me he returned home as holding his stay there to be losse of time and I who was willing to spend it vpon other vanities was not troubled very much at his departure It was not only with him but with other persons also whome I procured that they should addict themselues to Mentall Prayer euen whilst I was walking on in those vanities for still as I found them apt to vse Vocall Prayer I told them how they should grow to haue the vse of Meditation and I did them good and gaue them Bookes for I had still a good desire that others should serue Almightie God euen from the verie first time that I vsed Mentall Prayer as I haue related heer It seemed to me that since now I serued not our Lord my self so well as I should yet I liked not that that light should be lost which his Diuine Maiestie had bestowed vpon me but that others might also serue him by my meanes And this I heer recount that so the great blindnes wherein I was may be the better seen which induced me to make me loose my self whilst yet I went procuring to doe good to others About this time my Father fell into the sicknes whereof he dyed shortly after But I went to attend and recouer him whilst my self was more sick in Soule then he was in Bodie through manie vanities of mine though yet not in such sort as that according to my vnderstanding I was in Mortall Sinne euen in all this worst wickedest time whereof I speake for certainly if I had conceaued otherwise I should by no meanes haue continued therin I endured some affliction and trouble in his sicknes and I thinke I also made him some part of poore amends for the paines which he had taken with me in mine for now being ill enough in my self I yet strained very hard to doe him seruice and besides I well considered that by the onlie losse of him all my comfort and regalo was to be lost for it all was shut vp in onlie him I animated my self also so much towards the not shewing him that I was in anie paine and in continuing so euen till he expired as if I had felt no trouble at all though yet it be very true that when I saw him come to be vpon the verie point to loose his life it seemed to me as if mine owne verie Soule had then been torne out of my Bodie for I loued him much It was a thing to make our Lord be highly praised to see the death which my Father dyed togeather with the desire which he also had to dye and the counsel which he gaue vs after he had receaued extreame Vnction and how he charged vs to recommend him to God and that we should begg mercie of him for his Soule and that we must serue him euer and consider that all this world must come to end With teares he also told vs how sad he was at the hart for not hauing serued his Diuine Maiestie better That he wished he were some Religious man I meane that he had been so and that of the most strict who were in the world And I hold it for very certaine that some fifteen dayes before our Lord gaue him to vnderstand that he was not to liue because before that verie time he did not thinke he was sick though yet he were so in good earnest But afterwards though he seemed to mend much in point of health and though the Doctours bad him belieue that there was no danger at all yet he made no account of that but only attēded to put his Soule in good order That sicknes of his beganne with a very grieuous paine round about his shoulders which neuer left him and sometimes it pressed him
so hard that his affliction was very great I told him once vpon this occasion that since he had been so deuoted to that Mysterie when our Lord carried his Crosse vpon his Back he might doe well to conceaue that his Diuine Maiestie had been pleased to giue him a feeling of some part of that which himself had vndergone with so much trouble and my Father was so comforted by this thought that I remember him not to haue euer complained more He remained three dayes with very little shew of vnderstanding but yet the day whereon he dyed our Lord restored it to him that so entirely as we were all euen amazed to see it and he continued in it saying the Creed and as soone as he had passed through the first part thereof he expired When he was dead he looked euen like an Angell and as such in manner of speach he euer seemed in my sight to be both in Soule and disposition or humour which he had extreamly good Nor doe I know why I haue spoken thus much of him vnlesse it be to confesse and accuse mine owne wickednes so much the more since vpon the sight of such a death and the knowledge of such a life I ought to haue amended and reformed mine if it had been but to grow the liker to such a Father His Confessarius who was a Dominican and a great learned man affirmed that he made no doubt but that my Father would goe streight to Heauen for he who had Confessed him diuers yeares spake much of the great puritie of his Conscience This Dominican Father being a very worthie man and a true seruant of God did me a great deale of good for I Confessed my self to him and he vndertooke the profit of my Soule with care and to make me well vnderstand the way of perdition wherein I was walking He caused me also to Communicate euerie fifteen dayes and beginning first to treate with him by little and little I spoke with him afterward at length about my Prayer and he told me that I must not faile to vse it and that it could not by anie meanes but doe me good I beganne therefore to vse it againe and from that time forward I neuer left it though yet I did not for the present giue-ouer the occasions of my imperfections I therefore in the meane time passed a most sad life for in Prayer I came to vnderstand my faults On the one side I was called by Almightie God and on the other I followed the world All those things which belonged to God gaue me great contentment but those things which were of the World tyed me vp in chaines and it seemes I had a minde to make these two contraryes friends which yet are so much in enmitie with one another namely a Spirituall life on the one side and sensuall pastimes contentments and delights on the other In my Prayer I endured much trouble because now my Spirit was growne to be no longer a Lord but a Slaue and therefore I was not able to shut my self vp in my hart which was the onlie way of proceeding I formerly had held in my vse of Prayer without shutting vp a thousand vanities togeather with my self I passed so manie yeares in this manner that now I am astonished to consider that anie person should be able to endure the not leauing either the one or the other in so long a time I well know that now it was no longer in my hand to giue ouer Mentall Prayer for he held me now in his who resolued to doe me greater fauours O that I could declare the occasions of doing ill which God remoued from me in those yeares and how I put my self againe into them and of the danger wherein I was to loose all the opinion and reputation which I had in the world from which he freed me and of the hast which I made to discouer by my actions what kinde of Creature I was and the hast which our Lord made also to couer these faults and to discouer some little vertue of mine if there were anie and to make the same seem great in the eyes of all men in such sort as that they euer held me in much account For though sometimes my vanities would shine through my actions yet they seeing other things in me which appeared good would not belieue the ill But the true cause heerof was that the knower of all things saw that this was fitt to be so ordained to the end that when afterward I should come to perswade the world to doe him seruice they might giue me some little credit therin And that Soueraigne Bountie of God did not so much consider my great sinnes as it did those desires which I had sometimes to serue him and the great trouble I felt in my self for wanting power and strength to put the same in execution But O thou Lord of my Soule and how shall I euer be able to expresse with fulnes and clearnes enough the fauours which thou shewedst me in those yeares and how in that verie time when I was offending thee most thou madest such hast to dispose my Soule to a most profound remorse and sorrow that so I might come to tast of thy regalo's and great fauours againe The truth is O my King that thou didst vse the most curious and choice kinde of sharp punishment which could possibly to my thinking be found for me as one who didst well vnderstand what was likelie to cost me the dearest of all other things for thou didst punish those sinnes of mine with great regalo's And I thinke it is no impertinencie which I vtter though yet it were a kind of reason that I should now euen as it were loose my witts whilst I renew the memorie of my ingratitude and malice towards thee But really it vvas so much a more painefull and insupportable kinde of thing for me to receaue such fauours vpon the verie neck of my hauing falne into so great offences then it would haue been to endure grieuous punishments that some one of those sayd fauours so receaued seemes clearly and very certainly to haue euen ouer-wrought and defeated and confounded me more then all my infirmities and torments and other afflictions put togeather vvere euer able to doe For as for these latter afflictions I found that I deserued them vvell and I thought they might goe in part by vvay of satisfaction for my sinnes though yet euen in that kinde of account I know that my sufferances vvere few for my offences vvhich vvere so manie and so very great But now to see my self receauing so freshly so high fauours vvhilst yet the vvhile I made so ill retribution for those vvhich I had receaued before is in my account a kinde of most terrible torment and I thinke it vvill be esteemed so by all such as haue anie knowledge or loue of God and vve may easily finde this to be true euen by the naturall condition of persons
to find that they resolued to carrie me away as conceauing that there was some goodnes in me For considering how wicked I knew my self to be I could by no meanes endure it but so recommending my self much to Almightie God I remained during all the time of Matins or at least the farre larger part thereof in a verie great Rapt Our Lord declared to me then that I should not faile to goe and that I was not to harken to the opinions of others for few would thinke without rashnes that they could aduise me to goe but that howsoeuer the iourney might be of much trouble to mee yet that he would be greatly serued thereby and that it would be also very conuenient that I should absent my self from hence till the Breue were come because the Diuel had a great plott prouided against the time when the Prouinciall should be there but yet that I must be afrayd of nothing for that in fine he should assist me in the busines Vpon this I was much comforted and encouraged and I related the whole Storie to the Rectour who told me that I must by no meanes forbeare to goe but others sayd that I must not doe it by anie meanes and that it was but an inuention of the Diuell to the end that some mischeife might happen to me and that my best way would be to reply vpon the Prouinciall But I obeyed the Rectour and considering also what had passed in Prayer I beganne my iourney without feare but yet not without extreame confusion to consider vnder what title and occasion they called for me And finding how much they were deceiued it made me euen importune our Blessed Lord so much the more not to forsake me Now it comforted me extreamly that there was in that place whither I was going a Colledge of the Societie of Iesus and that I might be subiect to that wherein they should direct me when I was there for by this meanes I conceaued that I was to be in a kind of safetie But when I ariued there our Blessed Lord was pleased that the Ladie should receaue so much comfort that her amendment was quickly seen for she was euerie day better and better And this was the more esteemed because as I sayd before the paine wherein she was did hold her in great difficulties and straights And it is likelie that our Lord graunted her ease at the instance of the manie prayers which certaine holie persons whome I knew did make in my behalfe that so all might succeed happily to me She had also euen in her self a great feare of Almightie God and was so full of vertue and goodnes that her much Christianitie and pietie supplyed for that which was wanting in me Now she grew into a great loue of me and I remained not a whitt in her debt when I saw her goodnes But yet in effect euen all was trouble to me there for the Regalo's which they gaue me were no lesse then so manie torments to me and their making so much account of me as they shewed did put me into a great deale of feare I therefore carried my Soule so restrained and so retired within my self that I durst not be anie way carelesse in that kind and so also was not our Lord vnmindefull of me For he did me whilst I was there most excessiue Fauours and they endued me with so true and so great libertie of Spirit as to make me vndervalue despise all those testimonies of estimation honour which I found there the more the more and so as that I failed not to treat with those Ladies who were so great with as much libertie as if I had been equall to them whereas yet they were of such qualitie that I might without anie dishonour at all to my self haue been euen their domestick Seruant I drew a great aduantage and benefit from thence and so I told her I found that she was subiect to some weaknesses and passions as my self am and how little she was in reason to esteem her greatnes and power which still the more it is so much the more trouble and care it drawes after it And they are faine to take such thought for liuing in such a forme and methode as is fitt forsooth for their greatnes and ranke that vpon the matter it scarce giues them leaue to liue For they eat out of time and out of order because all forsooth must goe in conformitie to the state which they hold and not with anie regard to their constitution and health nay sometimes they must feed vpon such meates as are more agreable to their greatnes then to their gust and so as that for my part I wholy abhorred so much as euen to desire to be a great Ladie God deliuer me from such ill-fauoured grauitie and greatnes as this for though the Ladie of whome I speake be one of the greatest of this Kingdome and I beleiue there are few more humble and more affable then she yet really I had and haue compassion of her to see how she passes manie times not in conformitie euen so much as with her owne inclination but to comply with her condition for euen in point of Seruants there is very little trust to be reposed and though she had them good yet must she not speake more confidently and kindly to one of them then to another and if she doe whosoeuer is most fauoured by her must be sure to be lesse beloued by others In fine this greatnes is a great subiection and indeed one of the greatest Lyes which euer the world can tell is when it calls such persons as these Lords and Ladies for as for me they all seem to be no other thing then euen Slaues and that a thousand times ouer Our Lord was pleased at that time whilst I remained with that Ladie in her House that the domesticks also there improued much in the seruice of his Diuine Maiestie though yet for my part I was not free from some troubles yea and certaine enuies also which were expressed to my disaduantage by certaine persons in regard of the great affection which that Ladie bore me and perhaps they were so ill aduised as to imagine that I had some thought of interest by what I did But our Lord was pleased to permit that they should giue me some few little troubles both in this kind and also in others least els I might perhaps haue growne to be intoxicated by the Regalo which was vouchsafed to me on the other side but he was pleased to fetch me out of all those accidents and aduentures with the aduantage and improuement of mine owne Soule Whilst yet I remained there a certaine Religious man and a very eminent person with whome I had treated sometimes though it were maine yeares before did chance to ariue in that place And I being one day at Masse in a Monasterie of his Order which was neer to the place where I kept was taken with a
kind of inclination to know in what condition or state that Soule was for I desired that he might be a very great Seruant of Almightie God I rose then from siting where I was that so I might be going towards him but yet hauing been already recollected in Prayer it seemed to me then afterwards that it would be no better then lost time and what forsooth had I to doe with him and so I then disposed my self to sit downe againe and as I now remember I did the verie same thing no lesse then three seuerall times In fine the good Angell was stronger then the ill and I went and required him to be called and so he came I then beganne to aske him diuerse questions as he did me because manie yeares had slipt away since we mett last concerning the seuerall Liues of one another And I beganne to tell him that as for mine it had been subiect to manie afflictions of Minde Vpon this he pressed much to know what those afflictions might be and I told him that it was neither greatly pertinent to be knowne nor very fitt for me to relate But he replyed that since the Father of S. Dominick's Order knew them that Father whome I had affirmed to be so much his freind would presently let him know them and therefore that I needed not trouble my self to relate them But in fine the Case grew to be this that neither was it in his power to forbeare to importune me nor in mine to forbeare to declare my self heerin to him For with all that trouble and shame which I vsed to haue whensoeuer there was discourse of things like this yet when I treated of them with this man and with the Rectour also of the Societie of whome I spake before it put me to no trouble at all but rather it was of comfort to me I therefore vnfolded my selfe to him but yet vnder the Seale of Confession and me thought he was more aduised then euer though I alwayes held him to be a man of very great vnderstanding I considered the manie talents and parts he had wherewith to doe a huge deale of good if he would giue himself entirely to Almightie God And it is true that I haue had this qualitie for diuerse of these latter yeares that I cannot see anie Creature who contents me much but I must instantly desire to haue him wholy giuen to Almightie God and I wish it euen with such an extremitie of appetite that I know not almost in those cases what to doe with my self And though it be very true that I would faine haue all the world doe him Seruice yet I desire with very great impulse and euen impetuositie that the persons who please me best should doe it most and so I often vse to importune our Lord extreamly in their behalf But as for that Religious man of whome I was speaking he besought me that I would recommend him earnestly to Almightie God but that was more then needed for already I was so gone with the man that I could not possibly doe otherwise And so I went to the place where I was accustomed to put myself in Prayer all alone and being then in deep recollection I beganne to deale with our Blessed Lord and it was in a stile so very familiar that it was euen halfe foolish for I treat with him manie times without knowing almost distinctly what I say For then it is not so properly my person as my Loue which speakes and the Soule is so alienated euen from her self that I scarce discerne the difference which then there is between Almightie God and me For the great loue which my Soule knowes that his Diuine Maiestie beares her makes her forget what she is in her self as conceauing that she is then in him And so as if both she and he were one and the self-same thing without diuision or distinction she vtters but impertinencies and roauings I remember that I told him thus much after I had begged of him with abundance of teares that the Soule of that Religious man might apply it self to his Seruice in great earnest That although I held him already for good yet that would not serue my turne for I must haue him very good and accordingly I sayd further thus in plaine tearmes O Lord thou must not denye me this favour but consider that this man vvill be very fitt to make afreind for vs both O great Humanitie and Bountie of Almightie God! nor doth he so much consider our words but the desires and affections wherewith they are spoken But now how can he come to endure that such a miserable Creature as I should speake to his Diuine Maiestie with so much boldnes But let him be Blessed for euer The while I remember well that in those howers of Prayer wherein I exercised my self that night our Lord gaue me a great affliction by my doubting whether I were in his fauour But now I desired not so much to know that as I did euen desire to dye rather then to continue in such a life as wherein I might not be sure whether I were dead or no. For it were not possible for me to endure a sharper death then to thinke that I had offended Almightie God And this paine put me into such straights that being all regaled as I was and euen melted and dissolued in teares I humbly besought his Diuine Maiestie that he would not permit it And so I came then to vnderstand that I might well be comforted and confide that I was in state of Grace for that such loue of Almightie God and the imparting of such Fauours and feelings as his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed to me were not compatible with anie such Soule as should be in Mortall Sinne. But in the meane time I grew into a kind of assured hope that our Lord would grant the thing to that other person which I humbly begged at his hands He commanded me also to deliuer certaine words to him But at this indeed I was troubled much as not knowing how I should be able to vtter them For the point of carrying a message to a third person in such sort as I was saying is a thing which doth alwaies afflict me especially when I know not how it will be taken or whether the person will not laugh at me for my labour This put me to a great deale of trouble but yet in fine I thinke I was so farre perswaded as to promise Almightie God that I would not forbeare to impart them and through the great confusion and shame wherein I was I wrote them and so deliuered them to him And now this well appeared to be an action of Almightie God by the great effect it wrought For he resolued to giue himself to Prayer after very a serious manner though yet he did it not so very soone But yet our Lord designing to make him wholy his owne was pleased to declare certaine truths to him by my meanes