Neuer such a Colledge or fraternitie vpon Earth if that be their inuiolable order But God helpe Conceit that buildeth Churches in the Ayer and platformeth Disciplines without stayne or spott They complaine of corruptions and worthily where Corruptions encroche I am no Patron of corruptions but what a surging sea of corruptiōs would ouerflow within few yeares in case the sword of so great and ample autoritie as that at Ierusalem most capitall or this at Geneua most redoubted were putt into the hand of so little capacitie in gouernement so little discretion in Discipline so little iudgement in causes so little moderation in liuing so little constancie in saying or dooing so little grauitie in behauiour or so little whatsoeuer should procure reuerence in a Magistrate or establish good order in a Cōmon-wealth Trauaile thorough ten thousand Parishes in England and when you haue taken a fauourable vew of their substantiallest and sufficientest Aldermen tell me in good sooth what a comely showe they would make in a Consistorie or with how solemne a presence they would furnish a Councell Table I beleeue Grimaldus did little thinke of any such Senatours whē he writ de Optimo Senatore or did Doctour Bartholmen Philip in his Perfect Counsellour euer dreame of any such Coūsellours Petty Principalities petty Tyrants such Senats such Senatours Witt might deuise a pleasurable Dialogue betwixt the Leather Pilch and the Veluet Coate and helpe to persuade the better to deale neighbourly with the other the other to cōtēt himselfe with his owne calling I deny not but the short apron may be as honest a man or as good a Christian as the long gowne but methinkes he should scantly be so good a Iudge or Assistant in doubtfull causes and I suppose Ne Sutor vltrà crepidam is as fitt a Prouerbe now as euer it was since that excellent Painter rebuked that sawcie Cobler Euery subiect is not borne to be a Magistrate or Officer and who knoweth not whose creature Superiour Power is They are very-wise that are wiser then he by whose diuine permission euery one is that he is The Laconicall Ephory hath lately borne a great swing in some resolute Discourses of Princes and Magistrates that thought they saued the world from the abhomination of desolatiō when they found-out a bridle or yoke for Princes but old Aristotle was a deepe Politician in diebus illis and his Reasons against that Ephorie for Aristotle confuted the Ephorie with sounder arguments then euer it was confirmed to this day would not yet perhaps be altogither contemned That so great iudiciall causes were committed to men indued with so little or no Vertue That the poore Plebeians for very penurie were easely bribed and corrupted That there ensued an alteration of the state the good Kinges being fayne to currie fauour with their great Masters and to become Popular Whither this would be the end and may be the marke of those or our Populars I offer it to their consideration that are most interessed in such motions of Ephoryes and Senioryes The world is beholding to braue and heroicall myndes that like Hercules would practise meanes to pull-downe Tyrannie smal or great and reforme whole Empires and Churches like the three victorious Emperours surnamed Magni Constantine Theodosius and Charles Thankes were an vnsufficient recompense for so noble intentions It must be a guerdon of value that should counteruaile their desert that pretend so fatherly and Patronly a care of reedifying Commonwealthes and Churches Some voluntarie Counsellours doe well in a State and men of extraordinary vocation singularly qualified for the purpose are worth their double weight in gold When other sleepe they watch when other play they worke when other feast they fast when other laugh they sigh whiles other are content to be lulled in securitie and nusled in abuse they occupie themselues in deuising pregnant bondes of assurance and exquisite models of Reformation Which must presently be aduaunced without further consultatiō or they haue courage and will vse it in maintenaunce of so diuine abstractes Melancholie is peremptory in resolution and Choler an aeger Executioner Were it not for those two inuincible arguments there might still be order taken with other reasons and autorities whatsoeuer They do well to presupppose the best of their owne deseignes and to giue-out Cardes of Fortunate Ilandes artificially drawen but as I neuer read or heard of any people that committed swordes into such hands but bought their experience with losse and had a hard penyworth of their soft cushion so in my simple consideration I cannot conceiue how Ignoraunce should become a meeter Officer then Knowledge Affection a more incorrupt Magistrate then Reason headlong Rashnesse or wilfull Stubbernesse a more vpright Iudge then mature Deliberation base Occupations enact and establish better orders then liberall Sciences or honorable Professions any traffique howsoeuer current or aduantageous hath bene iudged vndecent for a Senatour tagg ragg administer all things absolutely-well with due prouision against whatsoeuer possible inconueniences where so many faults are found with persons of better qualitie that incomparablie haue more skil in the administration of publique affaires more knowledge and experience in causes more respect in proceeding more regard of their credit more sense of daungerous enormities or contagious abuses more care of the floorishing and durable estate of the Prince the Common-wealth and the Church Na I can see no reason according to the best groundes of Pollicie that euer I read but for euery Ciuill tyranny or Pettie misdemeanour that can possiblie happen now the gouernemēt standing as it doth there must needes Vpstart a hundred and a hundred barbarous tyrannies and huge outrages were the new platformes Actes of Parlament and the Complotters such high Commissioners as are described in their owne proiects the floorishes of Vnexperienced wittes When they haue nothing else to alledge that should make them superiour or equall to the present Officers Conscience must be their Text their Glosse their Sanctuarie their Tenure and their strong hold Indeede Conscience grounded vpon Science is a double Ancher that neither deceiueth nor is deceiued and no better rule then a regular or publique Conscience in diuinitie ruled by Diuinitie in law by Law in art by Art in reason by Reason in experience by Experience Other irregular or priuate Conscience in Publique functions will fall-out to be but a lawlesse Church a ship-mans hose a iugglers sticke a phantasticall freehold and a conceited Tenure in Capite as interchaungeable as the Moone and as fallible as the winde How barratous and mutinous at euery puffe of Suggestion lett the world iudge I would there lacked a present Example as hoat as fresh but hoat looue soone cold and the fittes of youth like the showers of Aprill There goeth a prettie Fable of the Moone that on a time she earnestly besought her moother to prouide her a comely garment fitt and handsome for her boddy How can that be sweet daughter quoth the moother
alwayes hath an eye to Vse an eare to good report a regard to worth a respect to assurance and a reference to the end He that erreth erreth against Truth and himselfe and he that sinneth sinneth against God and himselfe he is none of my charge it suffiseth me to be the Curate of myne owne actions the master of mine owne passions the frend of my frends the pittyer of my enemies the loouer of good witts and honest mindes the affectionate seruant of Artes Vertues the humble Oratour of noble Valour the Commender of the foresaid honorable writinges or any commendable workes Reason is no mans tyrant Dutie euery mans vassall that deserueth well Would this pen were worthy to be the slaue of the worthiest actours or the bondman of the aboue-mentioned and the-like important Autours Such Mercuriall and Martiall Discourses in the actiue and chiualrous veine pleade their owne eternall honour and write euerlasting shame in the forhead of a thousand friuolous ten thousand phantasticall Pamflets I would to Christ some of them were but idle toyes or vayne trifles but impuritie neuer presumed somuch of impunitie and licentious follie by priuiledge lewd ribaldrie by permission and rank villanie by conniuence are become famous Autours not in a popular state or a petty-principalitie but in a souerain Monarchie that tendereth politique gouernment is to fortifie itselfe against forrein hostilitie If Wisedome say not Phie for shame Autoritie take not other order in conuenient time who can tell what generall plague may ensue of a speciall infection or when the kinges-euill is past cure who can say we will now heale it The baddest weede groweth fastest and no Gangrene so pregnantly dispreddeth itselfe as riott And what riott so pestiferous as that which in sugred baites presenteth most poisonous hookes Sir Skelton and Master Scoggin were but Innocents to Signior Capricio and Monsieur Madnesse whose pestilent canker 〈◊〉 all the Medicine of Earth or heauen My writing is but a priuate note for the publique aduertisemeÌ„t of some fewe whose youth asketh instruction whose frailtie needeth admonition In the cure of a canker it is a generall rule with SurgeoÌ„s It neuer perfectly healeth vnlesse the rootes and all be vtterly extirped and the fleshe regenerate But the soundest Principle is Principijs obsta it goeth best with them that neuer knewe what a canker or leper meant I still hoped for some graffes of better fruite but this grand Confuter of my Letters and all honestie still proceedeth from worse to worse from the wilding-tree to the withie from the dogge to the goate from the catt to the swine from Primerose hill to Colman hedge and is so rooted in deepe Vanitie that there is no ende of his profound follie Which deserueth a more famous Encomiasticall Oration then Erasmus renowned Follie and more gloriously disdaineth any cure then the Goute I may answer his hoat rauing in cold termes and conuince him of what notorious falsehood or villanie I can but see the fraÌ„ke spirite of a full stomack who euer was so parlously matched Were not my simplicitie or his omnisuficiencie exceeding great I had neuer bene thus terriblie ouerchalleÌ„ged Gabriel if there be any witt or industrie in thee now I will dare it to the vttermost write of what thou wilt in what language thou wilt and I will confute it and answere it Take Truthes part I will proâ—…ue truth to be no truth marching out of thy doung-voiding mouth so forth in the brauing tenour of the same redoutable stile Good Gentlemen you see the sweet dispositioÌ„ of the man neede no other window into the closet of his coÌ„science but his owne Glosse vpon his owne Text. Whatsoeuer poore I say in any matter or in any language albeit Truth auerr and iustifie the same he will flatly denie and confute euen bicause I say it onely bicause in a frolick and dowtie iollitie he will haue the last word of me His Grammer is his Catechisme Si ais nego his stomack his Dictionarie in any language and his quarrell his Logique in any argument Lucian Iulian Aretin I protest were you ought else but abhominable Atheists that I would obstinatly defende you onely bicause Laureate Gabriel articles against you Were there not otherwise a maruelous oddes and incomprehensible difference betwixt our habilities he would neuer dare me like a bold Pandare with such stout challenges and glorious protestations but singular wittes haue a great aduantage of simple men and â—…unning Falsehood is a mightie confuter of plaine Truth No such champion as he that fighteth obstinatly with the target of Confidence and the long-sword of Impudence If any thing extraordinarily emprooueth valour it is Confidence and if any thing miraculously singularizeth witt it is Impudence Distrust is a naturall foole and Modestie an artificiall foole he that will exploit woÌ„dermentes and karrie all before him like a sweepe-stake must haue a hart of Iron a forhead of Brasse and a toung of Adamant Pelting circumstances marre braue executions looke into the proceedinges of the greatest doers and what haue they more then other men but Audacitie and Fortune Audendum est aliquid Vinclis carcere dignum Si vis esse aliquid Simplicitie may haue a gesse at the Principles of the world and Nashe affecteth to seeme a compound of such Elementes as bold as aeger and as aeger as a mad dogge He will confute me bicause he will and he can conquer me bicause he can If I come vpon him with a gentle reply he will welcome me with a fierce reioynder for any my briefe Triplication he will prouide a Quadruplication at-large so forth in infinituÌ„ with an vndauntable courage for he sweareth he will neuer leaue me as long as he is hable to lift a penne Twentie such famous depositions proclaime his dowtie resolution and indefatigable hand at a pight fielde Were I to begin agayne or cold I handsomely deuise to giue him the cleanly slipp I would neuer deale with a sprite of Coleman hedge or a May-Lord of Primerose hill that hath all humours in his liuerie can put conscience in a Vices coate Na hee will atchieue impossibilities and in contempt of my simplicitie prooue Truth a counterfaict and himselfe a true witnesse of falsest lyes But Lord that so inuincible a Gentleman should make so solemne account of confuting and reconfuting a person of so litle worth in his valuation Sweet man what should you thinke of troubling your-selfe with so tedious a course when you might so blithly haue taken a quicker order may yet proceede more compendiously It had bene a worthy exploit and beseeming a witt of supererogation to haue dipped a sopp in a goblet of reâ—…ish wine and naming it Gabriel for you are now growne into great familiaritie with that name to haue deuoured him vpp at one bit or taking a pickle herring by the throte and christening it Richard for you caÌ„ christen him at your
Inuentarie of his witt though in time he may haply learne to play at ninehole-nidgets or to canuas a liuerie flowt thorough all the Predicaments of the fower twentie orders When I first tooke a glancing vewe of I le I le I le durst scarsely be so hardy to looke the hatchet in the face methought his Imagination was hedded like a Saracen his stomack bellyed like the great Globe of Orontius his breath like the blast of Boreas in the great Mapp of Mercator But when we began to renue our old acquaintance and to shake the handes of discontinued familiaritie alas good Gentleman his mandillion was ouercropped his witt paunched like his wiues spindle his art shanked like a lath his conceit as lank as a shotten herring and that same blustering eloquence as bleake and wan as the Picture of a forlorne Loouer Nothing but pure Mammaday and a fewe morsels of fly-blowne Euphuisme somewhat nicely minced for puling stomackes But there be Painters enough though I goe roundly to worke and it is my onely purpose to speake to the purpose I long sithence founde by experience how Dranting of Verses and Euphuing of sentences did edifie But had I consulted with the Prognostication of Iohn Securis I might peraduenture haue saued some loose endes for afterclapps Now his nephew Hatchet must be content to accept of such spare intertainement as he findeth It was Martins folly to begin that cutting vaine some others ouersight to continue it and doubble V s. triumph to set it agogg If the world should applaude to such roisterdoisterly Vanity as Impudency hath beene prettily suffered to sett-vpp the creast of his vaineglory what good could grow of it but to make cuery man madbrayned and desperate but a generall contempt of all good order in Saying or Dooing but an Vniuersal Topsy-turuy He were a very simple Oratour a more simple politician and a most-simple Deuine that should fauour Martinizing but had I bene Martin as for a time I was vainely suspected by such madd Copesmates that can surmize any thing for their purpose howsoeuer vnlikely or monstrous I would haue beene so farre from being mooued by such a fantasticall Confuter that it should haue beene one of my May-games or August-triumphes to haue driuen Officials Commissaries Archdeacons Deanes Chauncellors Suffraganes Bishops and Archbishops so Martin would haue florished at the least to entertaine such an odd light-headded fellow for their defence a professed iester a Hick-scorner a scoff-maister a playmunger an Interluder once the foile of Oxford now the stale of London and euer the Apesclogg of the presse Cum Priuilegio perennitatis Had it not bene a better course to haue followed Aristotles doctrine and to haue confuted leuity with grauity vanity with discretion rashnes with aduise madnesse with sobriety fier with water ridiculous Martin with reuerend Cooper Especially in Ecclesiasticall causes where it goeth hard when Scoggin the Iouiall foole or Skelton the Malancholy foole or Elderton the bibbing foole or Will Sommer the chollericke foole must play the feate and Church-matters cannot bee discussed without rancke scurrillity and as it were a Synode of Diapason fooles Some few haue a ciuill pleasant vaine and a dainety splene without scandale some such percase might haue repayed the Marr-prelate home to good purpose other obscenity or vanity confuteth itselfe and impeacheth the cause As good forbeare an irregular foole as beare a foole heteroclitall and better abide a comparatiue knaue that pretendeth religion then suffer a knaue superlatiue that setteth cocke on hoope Serious matters would be handeled seriously not vpon simplicity but vppon choice nor to flesh or animate but to disgrace and shame Leuity A glicking Pro and a frumping Contra shall haue much-adoe to shake handes in the Ergo. There is no ende of gird◅s bobbes it is sound Argumentes and grounded Authorities that must strike the definitiue stroke and decide the controuersy with mutuall satisfaction Martin bee wise though Browne were a foole Papp-hatchet be honest though Barrow be a knaue it is not your heauing or hoising coile that buildeth-vpp the walles of the Temple Alas poore miserable desolate most-woefull Church had it no other builders but such architects of their owne fantasies and such maisons of infinite contradiction Time informed by secrcte intelligence or resolued by curious discouery spareth no cost or trauaile to preuent Mischiefe but employeth her two woorthy Generals Knowledge Industry to cleere the coast of vagarant errours in Doctrine and to scoure the sea of rouing conuptions in Discipline Roome was not reared-vpp in one day nor cannot be pulled downe in one day A perfect Ecclesiasticall Discipline or autentique Pollicy of the Church that may auowe I haue neither more nor lesse then enough but iust the nomber weight and measure of exact gouernement is not the worke of One man whosoeuer or of one age whatsoeuer it requireth an incredible-great iudgement exceeding-much reading in Ecclesiastical histories Councels Decrees Lawes long and ripe practise in Church-causes Platformes offer themselues to euery working conceit and a few Tables or Abridgements are soone dispatched but whatsoeuer pretext may coulerably bee alledged vndoubtedly they attempt they know not what and enterprise aboue the possibility of their reach that imagine they can in a Pamflet or two contriue such an omnisufficient and incorruptible Method of Ecclesiasticall gouernement as could not by any priuate meditation or publike occasion be found-out with the studdy or practise of fifteene hundred yeeres I am not to dispute as a professed Deuine or to determine as a seuere Consour but a scholler may deliuer his opinion with reason and a frend may lend his aduise at occasion especially when hee is vrged to speake or suspected for silence They must licence mee to dissent from them that autorise thēselues to disagree from fo many notable and woorthy men in the common reputation of so long a space They condemne superstitious credulous simplicity it were a fond simplicity to defende it where it swarueth from the Trueth or strayeth out of the way but discretion can as little commend opiniotiue and preiudicate assertions that striue for a needelesse and daungerous Innouation It is neither the Excesse nor the Defect but the Meane that edifyeth Superstition and Credulitie are simple Creatures but what are Contempt and Tumult What is the principall cause of this whole Numantine Warre but affectation of Nouelty without ground If all without exception from the very schollers of the Primitiue and heroical schoole wanted knowledge or zeale how rare and singular are their blessinges that haue both in so plentifull and incomparable measure Assuredly there were many excellent witts illuminate minds and deuout soules before them if nothing matchable with them what greater Maruell in this age Or if they were not rightly disciplined that liued so Vertuously and Christianly togither what an inestimable treasure is founde what a cleere fountaine of holy life Where are godly minds become that they
fortune thesame man hath such a Whipsydoxy in store for a Iack-sauce or vnmannerly puppy as may Schoole him to turne-ouer a new leafe and to cry the pittifullest Peccaui of a wofull Penitent For my part whom at this instant it smartly behooueth to be resolute I confesse I was neuer more entangled and intricated in the discourse of mine owne reason then since I had to do with this desperate Dick that dareth vtter and will cogge any thing to serue his turne Not to confute him in some respectes were perhaps better to confute him is necessary Were it possible to confute him in not confuting him I am of opinion it would be done for Insolency or any iniury would be repressed by order of Law where order of Law is a sufficient remedy and Silence in some cases were the finest Eloquence or Scorne the fittest answere and haply I could wish not to confute him in confuting him for the discoouery of Cunny catchers doth not greatly edifie some bad mindes but seing he is so desperate that he will not be confuted with not confuting I must desire his Patience to be alittle content to be confuted with confuting rather after his or others guise then after my manner Aunswere not a foole according to his foolishnesse lest thou also be like him aunswere a foole according to his foolishnesse lest he be wise in his owne conceit They are both Prouerbes of the wisest Master of Sentences of whom also I haue learned that to the horse belongeth a whipp to the asse a snaffle to the fooles backe a rod. Let noman be wiser then Salomon The fooles-head must not be suffred to coy itselfe the colt must feele the whip or the wande the asse the snaffle or the gode the fooles backe the rod or the cudgell Let the colt the Asse the foole beware in time or he may peraduenture feele them indeede with such a Tuautem as hath not often bene quauered in any language If Peace or Treatie may not be heard Warre shall commaunde Peace and he musle the mouth of rankest Impudency or fiercest hostility that can do it and do it otherwise then is yet imagined and yet nothing like that inspired Gentlewooman Whose Penne is the shott of the musket or rather a shaft of heauen swifter then any arrow and mightier then any hand-weapon when Curtesie is repulsed and hostility must enforce amity but otherwise how gratiously amiable how diuinely sweet Gentlemen looke vpon the louely glistering Starre of the morning and looke for such an Oriētall Starre whē She displayeth the resplendishyng beames of her bright wit and pure bounty Meane-while if some little shimering light appeare at a little creuise I haue my request and some pretty conuenient leysure to take order with an other kinde of Straunge Newes in Westminster Hall It is some mens fortune to haue their handes full of vnneedefull businesse attonce and for miselfe I should make no great matter of two or three such glowing Irons in the fier were it not some small griefe or discouragement to consider that nothing can be perfectly or sufficiently performed by halues or fragments Which necessary interruption hath bene the vtter disgrace of the premisses and a great hinderance to my larger Discourses more ample trifles I can but craue pardon and prepare amendes as leysure and occasion may aff◅urde opportunity Learned wittes can skilfully examine and honest mindes will vprightly consider Circumstances with curteous regarde of Fauour or due respect of Reason in whose onely Indifferency as in a safe and sweet harborough I repose my whole affiance and securitie as heretofore And so for this present I surcease to trouble your gentle curtesies of whose Patience I haue according to particular occasions sometime vnmannerly but modestly often familiarly but sincerely most-what freely but consideratly alwayes confidently but respectiuely in euery part simply in the whole tediously presumed vnder correction I writ onely at idle howers that I dedicate onely to Idle Howers or would not haue made so vnreasonably bold in no needefuller Discourse then the Prayse or Supererogation of an Asse This 27. of Aprill 1593. Your mindefull debtour G.H. FINIS Errours escaped in the Printing With certaine Additions to be inserted Page faultes amended 26 forangoy read agony 31 scholeth schooleth 49 bewixt betwixt 67 railing stile without the two prickes or colon 85 very Minister euery Minister 90 instringment infringement 98 not will will not 107 looker-on lookers-on 121 such sweating such a sweating 139 or discourser or a discourser 147 thy riot by riot 201 suprises surprises 205 at the least or the least 219 Orientall Orient KNow also Gentle Reader that it was the Writers meaning to deuide this Treatise into three bookes the Second beginning at the Aduertisement to Pap-hatchet and Martin Mar-prelate the Third at So then of Pappadocio but in the Originall or vncorrected coppy there was not any such diuision expresly sett-downe neyther were the Additions following inserted in their proper places but annexed to the end of the Third booke noted thus In the First Booke page 46. after Cloude insert What speake I of one or two Inglish Paragons or what should I blason the gallant and braue meeters of Ariosto and Tasso alwayes notable sometimes admirable All the noblest Italian French and Spanish Poets haue in their seuerall Veines Petrarchised that is looued wittily not grosely liued ciuilly not lewdly and written deliciously not wantonly And it is no dishonour for the daintyest or diuinest Muse to be his scholler whom the amiablest Inuention and bewtifullest Elocution acknowledge their master All posteritie In the Second Booke Page 77. after edifieth insert Plato comparing Aristotle and Xenocrates togither Xenocrates quoth he needeth a spurre Aristotle a Bridle And if Princes or Parlaments want a goade may not Subiects or Admonitions want a snaffle Is there pretence for Libertie to aduise the wisest or for Zeale to pricke-forward the highest and no reason for Prudence to curbe Rashnesse or for Autoritie to reane Licentiousnesse May Iudgement be whoodwinked with friuolous traditions and cannot Phantasie be enueigled with newfangled conceites Superstition and Credulitie In the same booke Page 87. after Innouation insert And I hope he was not greatly vnaduised that being demaunded his opinion of the Eldership in question answered he conceiued of the Eldership as it is intended and motioned in England as he thought of the Elder-tree that whatsoeuer it appeared in shewe it would in triall prooue frutelesse seedelesse bitter fraile troublous and a friend to surging waues and tempestuous stormes And being further pressed touching the forward Zeale of dowtie Martin Seniour liuely Martin Iuniour pert Penry lusty Barrow and some other bragge Reformistes for that rowling stone of Innouation was neuer so turled and tumbled as since those busie limmes began to rowse and besturre them more then all the Pragmatiques in Europe when young Phaeton quoth he in a presumptuous resolution would needes rule the Chariot of the Sunne as it