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answer_n to_o a_o good_a education_n the_o lord_n have_v bless_v i_o with_o these_o particular_a sin_n i_o remember_v sin_n i_o be_v too_o frequent_o guilty_a of_o viz._n waste_v my_o master_n time_n by_o employ_v too_o much_o in_o my_o own_o service_n and_o that_o general_o to_o my_o disadvantage_n neglect_v of_o duty_n equivocation_n studious_o contrive_v for_o the_o cover_n conceal_v and_o hide_v other_o fault_n which_o then_o i_o remember_v the_o devil_n and_o my_o own_o naughty_a heart_n persuade_v i_o be_v not_o lie_v yet_o since_o through_o grace_n i_o have_v learn_v to_o know_v be_v no_o better_o be_v intend_v and_o contrive_v for_o the_o deceive_a of_o other_o and_o thus_o i_o have_v most_o wicked_o
flame_n mr._n flavel_n himself_o die_v a_o martyr_n for_o christ_n the_o year_n before_o viz._n 1665_o remarkable_a in_o that_o dreadful_a mortality_n by_o the_o plague_n good_a man_n he_o dare_v not_o fly_v from_o it_o when_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n in_o that_o plague_n seem_v to_o be_v go_v out_o against_o the_o city_n he_o be_v willing_a be_v a_o minister_n to_o hazard_v his_o own_o body_n for_o the_o advantage_n of_o other_o soul_n and_o so_o true_o he_o do_v for_o be_v take_v at_o a_o religious_a meeting_n he_o be_v carry_v before_o some_o magistrate_n who_o after_o some_o debate_n with_o he_o plain_o tell_v he_o they_o will_v set_v before_o he_o life_n and_o death_n and_o leave_v he_o to_o make_v his_o choice_n they_o tell_v he_o he_o must_v either_o promise_n never_o to_o preach_v at_o a_o conventicle_n more_o or_o they_o must_v commit_v he_o to_o a_o prison_n at_o that_o time_n sore_o infect_v with_o the_o sickness_n he_o be_v too_o great_a a_o champion_n for_o christ_n and_o a_o more_o faithful_a servant_n to_o his_o lord_n and_o master_n than_o to_o stand_v long_o to_o consider_v a_o answer_n but_o ready_o tell_v they_o as_o to_o their_o former_a proposal_n he_o do_v abhor_v the_o thought_n of_o a_o compliance_n by_o desert_v his_o saviour_n service_n and_o as_o to_o their_o latter_a threaten_v he_o be_v free_o willing_a to_o comply_v with_o the_o will_n and_o pleasure_n of_o god_n and_o can_v hearty_o say_v his_o will_v be_v do_v so_o that_o he_o be_v o_o height_n of_o wickedness_n and_o cruelty_n commit_v to_o prison_n there_o present_o take_v the_o infection_n and_o in_o a_o few_o day_n transplant_v from_o earth_n to_o heaven_n after_o i_o be_v acquaint_v with_o this_o worthy_a divine_a and_o have_v taste_v and_o receive_v some_o benefit_n by_o his_o ministry_n being_n introduce_v at_o first_o by_o john_n southam_n a_o journy-man_n drugster_n in_o london_n a_o very_a serious_a young_a man_n and_o one_o i_o must_v bless_v god_n for_o i_o become_v a_o constant_a attendor_n upon_o he_o wherever_o he_o preach_v either_o in_o city_n or_o suburb_n he_o sure_o be_v as_o powerful_a plain_a and_o practical_a a_o preacher_n as_o i_o ever_o do_v or_o reasonable_o can_v expect_v ever_o to_o hear_v he_o have_v one_o practice_n though_o exceed_v useful_a i_o think_v peculiar_a to_o himself_o which_o be_v this_o he_o will_v at_o his_o first_o entrance_n upon_o sabbath-day-publick-exercise_n endeavour_v to_o raise_v his_o people_n affection_n and_o to_o engage_v they_o to_o seriousness_n by_o a_o most_o awaken_n exhortation_n press_v they_o to_o consider_v with_o who_o they_o have_v to_o do_v the_o great_a and_o eternal_a god_n that_o search_v heart_n what_o they_o come_v about_o no_o less_o than_o soul_n concern_v and_o that_o for_o aught_o they_o know_v their_o eternal_a welfare_n may_v depend_v upon_o their_o improve_n that_o opportunity_n which_o prayer_n may_v prove_v their_o last_o prayer_n and_o that_o sermon_n the_o last_o sermon_n that_o ever_o they_o shall_v hear_v it_o be_v about_o the_o 25_o year_n of_o my_o age_n when_o the_o lord_n be_v please_v again_o to_o check_v and_o stop_v i_o in_o my_o career_n of_o sin_n to_o awaken_v my_o drowsy_a conscience_n to_o give_v i_o a_o sense_n of_o sin_n be_v damn_v and_o defile_v nature_n and_o of_o the_o necessity_n of_o a_o save_a change_n which_o shall_v be_v accompany_v with_o a_o strict_a serious_a and_o holy_a conversation_n if_o i_o will_v not_o eternal_o miscarry_v here_o i_o make_v a_o stand_n and_o begin_v to_o consider_v what_o i_o have_v do_v and_o what_o i_o must_v do_v now_o begin_v i_o to_o be_v sensible_a that_o i_o can_v never_o enough_o bewail_v the_o sin_n of_o my_o youth_n never_o enough_o live_v to_o the_o honour_n and_o glory_n of_o that_o god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o to_o outlive_v those_o day_n of_o vanity_n who_o have_v bestow_v upon_o i_o not_o only_a space_n for_o repentance_n but_o the_o grace_n of_o repentance_n too_o as_o i_o trust_v he_o do_v about_o that_o time_n now_o it_o be_v that_o the_o remembrance_n of_o my_o sin_n be_v more_o grievous_a to_o my_o soul_n than_o the_o forsake_v of_o they_o the_o sin_n i_o once_o love_v i_o now_o loathe_v and_o will_v if_o that_o have_v be_v possible_a have_v give_v ten_o thousand_o world_n i_o have_v never_o commit_v they_o now_o it_o be_v i_o by_o experience_n feel_v what_o before_o i_o will_v not_o believe_v that_o the_o best_a of_o sin_n sweet_n be_v real_o most_o intolerable_o bitter_a i_o now_o experience_v the_o truth_n of_o that_o passage_n i_o meet_v with_o in_o a_o reverend_a author_n mr._n hardcastle_n say_v he_o let_v every_o person_n that_o lie_v under_o a_o temptation_n to_o commit_v sin_n serious_o consider_v thus_o if_o i_o commit_v this_o sin_n i_o must_v either_o repent_v of_o it_o or_o i_o must_v not_o if_o i_o do_v not_o repent_v it_o damn_v i_o and_o if_o i_o do_v repent_v aright_o i_o shall_v find_v it_o cost_v i_o more_o pain_n and_o trouble_v and_o sorrow_n than_o the_o sin_n be_v worth_a that_o i_o do_v commit_v and_o this_o i_o have_v often_o think_v upon_o since_o upon_o any_o temptation_n conscience_n now_o fly_v in_o my_o face_n and_o be_v more_o than_o a_o thousand_o witness_n against_o i_o now_o i_o do_v by_o sad_a experience_n feel_v the_o truth_n and_o terror_n of_o that_o single_a text_n a_o wound_a conscience_n who_o can_v bear_v and_o this_o through_o grace_n i_o can_v say_v that_o when_o i_o do_v not_o sinful_o stop_v its_o mouth_n it_o be_v a_o faithful_a monitor_n to_o i_o that_o scripture_n terrify_v i_o great_o the_o soul_n that_o sin_n shall_v die_v and_o here_o be_v my_o argument_n upon_o it_o the_o law_n say_v the_o soul_n that_o sin_n must_v die_v my_o conscience_n tell_v i_o but_o thou_o o_o soul_n have_v sin_v and_o what_o be_v the_o conclusion_n why_o very_o dreadful_a thou_o must_v die_v i_o set_v about_o the_o work_n of_o repentance_n but_o must_v confess_v till_o the_o lord_n do_v save_o by_o his_o word_n and_o spirit_n shine_v in_o upon_o my_o soul_n i_o think_v that_o bare_a repentance_n be_v enough_o without_o consider_v that_o true_a and_o save_a repentance_n consist_v in_o forsake_v as_o well_o as_o in_o confess_v sin_n but_o here_o the_o lord_n set_v home_o upon_o my_o heart_n such_o consideration_n as_o these_o that_o his_o holy_a and_o righteous_a law_n be_v break_v and_o satisfaction_n must_v be_v make_v that_o he_o himself_o be_v just_a and_o his_o justice_n must_v be_v satisfy_v and_o that_o all_o my_o prayer_n and_o tear_n and_o duty_n and_o repentance_n though_o i_o shall_v use_v they_o as_o mean_n be_v yet_o no_o good_a foundation_n to_o build_v my_o hope_n of_o heaven_n upon_o that_o though_o i_o can_v shed_v a_o thousand_o tear_n and_o those_o of_o blood_n for_o one_o vain_a thought_n they_o will_v be_v no_o better_o than_o puddle_n water_n to_o justify_v and_o save_v i_o now_o do_v those_o scripture_n stâ—ir_v i_o in_o the_o face_n 1_o cor._n 6._o 9_o know_v you_o not_o that_o the_o unrighteous_a shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n be_v not_o deoeive_v neither_o fornicator_n nor_o idolater_n nor_o adulterer_n nor_o effeminate_a nor_o abuser_n of_o themselves_o with_o mankind_n nor_o drunkard_n nor_o reviler_n nor_o extortioner_n shall_v inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o that_o of_o gal._n 5._o 19_o now_o the_o work_n of_o the_o flesh_n be_v manifest_a which_o be_v these_o adultery_n fornication_n uncleanness_n lasciviousness_n idolatry_n witchcraft_n hatred_n variance_n emulation_n wrath_n strife_n sedition_n heresy_n envy_n murder_n drunkenness_n revel_v and_o such_o like_a they_o that_o do_v such_o thing_n shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o though_o i_o bless_v god_n the_o most_o of_o these_o sin_n that_o do_v entitle_v to_o eternal_a wrath_n and_o vengeance_n i_o can_v not_o charge_v myself_o as_o guilty_a of_o yet_o some_o i_o can_v and_o the_o least_o of_o they_o in_o their_o own_o nature_n i_o find_v be_v damn_v and_o will_v serve_v to_o exclude_v i_o out_o of_o the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n now_o through_o grace_n be_v i_o ready_a to_o cry_v out_o o_o what_o must_v i_o do_v to_o be_v save_v and_o a_o little_a serious_o to_o inquire_v into_o my_o spiritual_a state_n and_o after_o jesus_n christ_n and_o the_o way_n of_o salvation_n by_o he_o now_o i_o begin_v to_o think_v of_o the_o corruption_n of_o my_o nature_n and_o the_o sinfulness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o that_o all_o the_o impure_a stream_n of_o my_o life_n have_v proceed_v from_o that_o most_o corrupt_a fountain_n mar._n 15._o 19_o and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o enough_o to_o bewail_v the_o outward_a act_n of_o sin_n but_o the_o inward_a principle_n of_o corruption_n lead_v to_o it_o now_o i_o
come_v to_o see_v my_o need_n of_o christ_n and_o to_o be_v satisfy_v that_o a_o single_a christ_n will_v be_v of_o more_o worth_n than_o ten_o thousand_o world_n and_o these_o be_v the_o text_n of_o scripture_n that_o do_v much_o revive_v i_o viz._n that_o christ_n jesus_n come_v into_o the_o world_n to_o save_v sinner_n and_o that_o the_o gospel-tenders_a of_o he_o be_v to_o such_o and_o that_o the_o covenant-term_n of_o salvation_n be_v attainable_a through_o assist_v grace_n isai_n 1._o 18._o come_v now_o let_v we_o reason_v together_o say_v the_o lord_n though_o your_o sin_n be_v as_o scarlet_n they_o shall_v be_v white_a as_o snow_n and_o though_o they_o be_v red_a as_o crimson_n they_o shall_v be_v as_o wool_n o_o what_o encouragement_n be_v here_o think_v i_o for_o i_o a_o sinner_n who_o though_o but_o young_a in_o year_n be_v yet_o old_a in_o sin_n and_o another_o encourage_v scripture_n i_o often_o think_v on_o be_v prov._n 28._o 13._o he_o that_o confess_v and_o forsake_v his_o sin_n shall_v find_v mercy_n and_o isai_n 55._o 7._o let_v the_o wicked_a for_o sake_n his_o way_n and_o the_o unrighteous_a man_n his_o thought_n and_o let_v he_o turn_v unto_o the_o lord_n and_o he_o will_v have_v mercy_n upon_o he_o and_o to_o our_o god_n for_o he_o will_v abundant_o pardon_v i_o then_o to_o encourage_v my_o return_n to_o god_n and_o the_o forsake_v of_o my_o sin_n think_v of_o the_o great_a sinner_n that_o have_v obtain_v mercy_n such_o as_o manasseh_n mary_n magdalen_n and_o some_o of_o the_o very_a jew_n that_o have_v be_v guilty_a of_o the_o blood_n of_o christ_n and_o have_v murder_v the_o son_n of_o god_n yet_o through_o repentance_n and_o faith_n in_o christ_n many_o of_o they_o be_v pardon_v and_o save_v nay_o paul_n that_o eminent_a pattern_n of_o god_n free_a grace_n to_o great_a sinner_n and_o david_n and_o other_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n that_o have_v foul_o fall_v be_v encouragement_n to_o i_o a_o prodigal_n now_o to_o arise_v and_o go_v to_o my_o father_n now_o i_o begin_v to_o set_v upon_o a_o course_n of_o duty_n which_o when_o i_o find_v i_o be_v pretty_a strict_a in_o the_o performance_n of_o i_o begin_v too_o much_o to_o rest_v upon_o they_o now_o i_o be_v for_o believe_v but_o hardly_o know_v how_o to_o believe_v that_o christ_n die_v for_o sinner_n so_o as_o to_o throw_v myself_o and_o rest_v whole_o upon_o he_o and_o to_o think_v my_o tear_n and_o prayer_n and_o other_o duty_n will_v do_v i_o no_o good_a in_o point_n of_o justification_n when_o i_o have_v serve_v in_o my_o apprenticeship_n about_o four_o year_n my_o elder_a brother_n cornelius_n be_v dead_a some_o short_a time_n before_o it_o please_v the_o lord_n to_o visit_v the_o city_n with_o the_o plague_n which_o begin_v in_o the_o street_n in_o which_o i_o live_v upon_o which_o my_o father_n prevail_v with_o my_o master_n to_o give_v i_o leave_v to_o retire_v into_o the_o country_n to_o he_o during_o that_o visitation_n according_o i_o come_v down_o in_o the_o year_n 1665_o to_o my_o father_n house_n then_o at_o swinder_n by_o and_o then_o begin_v other_o sin_n to_o appear_v in_o i_o as_o the_o product_n or_o remainder_n of_o corruption_n in_o my_o nature_n i_o have_v great_a cause_n to_o bewail_v and_o lament_v that_o proud_a garb_n i_o come_v from_o london_n in_o have_v i_o do_v believe_v expend_v as_o much_o for_o one_o suit_n of_o clothes_n as_o will_v have_v clothe_v complete_o 40_o poor_a servant_n of_o jesus_n christ_n for_o which_o equipage_n i_o contract_v much_o debt_n in_o london_n which_o my_o father_n after_o pay_v i_o have_v then_o so_o proud_a a_o humour_n that_o i_o think_v this_o dress_n tho'_o excessive_o gaudy_a be_v but_o suitable_a to_o my_o rank_n tho'_o alas_o much_o beyond_o it_o this_o vanity_n i_o can_v hardly_o think_v of_o without_o blush_v yet_o now_o live_v a_o idle_a life_n and_o be_v dreadful_o puff_v up_o with_o pride_n tho_o alas_o alas_o i_o have_v nothing_o in_o the_o world_n to_o be_v proud_a of_o but_o rather_o to_o be_v humble_v for_o i_o present_o be_v under_o temptation_n to_o think_v that_o i_o must_v now_o carry_v it_o out_o and_o live_v at_o the_o rate_n of_o my_o father_n elder_a son_n and_o not_o as_o mr._n oglethorp_n apprentice_n and_o servant_n now_o it_o be_v that_o though_o indeed_o i_o dare_v not_o much_o associate_n with_o wicked_a companion_n that_o be_v stranger_n though_o neighbour_n to_o i_o yet_o i_o do_v it_o too_o much_o with_o those_o that_o be_v relation_n and_o think_v that_o relation_n will_v justify_v that_o practice_n not_o consider_v the_o snare_n of_o it_o i_o there_o make_v too_o many_o sinful_a slip_v go_v often_o to_o norton_n and_o norwell_n where_o i_o meet_v with_o such_o company_n as_o have_v not_o freegrace_n sustain_v i_o have_v certain_o ruin_v i_o both_o as_o to_o my_o principle_n and_o practice_n there_o it_o be_v i_o fall_v to_o the_o practice_n of_o good_a fellowship_n most_o undeserved_o so_o call_v and_o then_o have_v be_v persuade_v to_o think_v that_o time_n well_o spend_v can_v sometime_o most_o wicked_o triumph_v in_o my_o ability_n to_o bear_v strong_a drink_n not_o consider_v the_o sad_a woe_n in_o scripture_n denounce_v against_o such_o at_o that_o time_n i_o learn_v to_o drink_v and_o game_n and_o smoke_n tobacco_n and_o trifle_n etc._n etc._n and_o spend_v by_o persuasion_n of_o other_o though_o my_o bad_a heart_n be_v most_o to_o blame_v not_o only_o day_n but_o night_n in_o those_o kind_n of_o excess_n and_o here_o i_o can_v but_o observe_v how_o unwilling_a the_o devil_n be_v to_o lose_v i_o who_o so_o late_o have_v be_v his_o prey_n and_o lead_v captive_a by_o he_o at_o his_o pleasure_n but_o yet_o after_o these_o relapse_n for_o ever_o magnify_v be_v distinguish_v love_n the_o lord_n gracious_o give_v i_o a_o check_n and_o after_o some_o reproof_n and_o advice_n from_o parent_n and_o serious_a friend_n i_o again_o begin_v to_o consider_v my_o way_n conscience_n be_v startle_v and_o begin_v to_o do_v the_o office_n of_o a_o faithful_a monitor_n and_o this_o scripture_n be_v often_o in_o my_o thought_n and_o sound_v terrible_o in_o my_o ear_n he_o that_o be_v often_o reprove_v and_o harden_v his_o heart_n shall_v sudden_o be_v destroy_v and_o that_o without_o remedy_n much_o precious_a time_n i_o do_v waste_v and_o trifle_v away_o in_o those_o day_n in_o sinful_a delight_n and_o pleasure_n the_o want_n of_o which_o i_o now_o sad_o experience_n several_a gentlewoman_n one_o after_o another_o i_o court_v be_v invite_v thereto_o by_o one_o friend_n or_o other_o and_o too_o many_o of_o my_o address_n of_o that_o nature_n be_v too_o extravagant_a inconsiderate_a and_o sinful_a which_o the_o lord_n have_v humble_v i_o much_o for_o since_o from_o swinderby_n i_o go_v to_o barkston_n with_o my_o father_n and_o his_o family_n who_o go_v to_o settle_v there_o for_o the_o sake_n of_o mr._n trott_n the_o minister_n of_o that_o town_n and_o a_o worthy_a good_a man_n whilst_o there_o i_o go_v sometime_o to_o grantham_n to_o hear_v some_o nonconformist_a minister_n as_o there_o be_v opportunity_n for_o their_o preach_a which_o be_v but_o seldom_o much_o soul-advantage_n i_o receive_v then_o through_o the_o lord_n blessing_n upon_o mr._n sharp_n ministry_n who_o be_v then_o a_o nonconformist_a of_o very_o great_a note_n after_o this_o my_o father_n buy_v a_o house_n at_o lincoln_n we_o remove_v to_o it_o and_o thither_o the_o lord_n in_o his_o providence_n send_v holy_a humble_a and_o worthy_a mr._n abdy_n to_o be_v pastor_n of_o that_o congregation_n for_o which_o he_o have_v liberty_n by_o the_o king_n proclamation_n and_o licence_n of_o indulgence_n here_o i_o delight_v great_o to_o attend_v upon_o those_o ordinance_n through_o god_n blessing_n upon_o which_o and_o a_o intimate_a correspondence_n i_o hold_v with_o he_o i_o receive_v much_o benefit_n then_o begin_v i_o in_o good_a earnest_n to_o set_v my_o face_n heaven-ward_n and_o to_o mind_v the_o great_a work_n the_o lord_n send_v i_o into_o and_o continue_v i_o in_o the_o world_n about_o now_o begin_v i_o not_o only_o to_o observe_v my_o private_a retirement_n for_o prayer_n but_o to_o pray_v in_o my_o father_n family_n though_o too_o hypocritical_o in_o those_o my_o first_o attempt_n i_o have_v cause_n enough_o to_o believe_v however_o have_v cast_v a_o look_v heavenward_n hell_n be_v present_o in_o a_o uproar_v the_o devil_n storm_n at_o it_o my_o old_a companion_n begin_v to_o upbraid_v i_o for_o it_o which_o yet_o the_o lord_n give_v i_o grace_n to_o bear_v with_o patience_n as_o know_v that_o i_o have_v much_o better_o bear_v and_o endure_v the_o frown_n of_o wicked_a man_n for_o be_v religious_a than_o the_o everlasting_a frown_n of_o the_o great_a god_n for_o not_o