her weakness by Asthma and Feaver increasing and prevailing upon her she had some Disturbance by Temptations from Satan that grand Adversary of Souls to question her right to Happiness c. and whether God would accept so vile a Wretch Yet blessed be the Lord through Faith and Prayer and the never-failing Mercies of a Good God she got over all baffled Satan and was filled with unspeakable Joy in the Holy Ghost The Doctor prayed with her and afterward she her self prayed a considerable time distinctly and aloud and for her then Comfort and Support many Passages of Sermons she had heard especially some from Mr. Coates on that Text Come unto me all ye that labour c. came fresh in her Memory which the Lord helped her to improve to the great Comfort and Refreshment of her Soul She was now full of Heavenly Thoughts and from the abundance of her Heart her Mouth was now speaking c. She uttered nothing but what was savoury religious and serious and being spent by great Weakness went triumphantly to Heaven upon the 29th of May 1686. The Doctor told me it was the comfortablest Night that ever he enjoyed in all his Life Here at Leicester worthy Mr. Clarke the Nonconformist waited my coming that he might accompany me to Ollercarr which he did and the Lord made him mighty useful by his Christian advice to me June 3. I got home where I found a most sad and disconsolate Family I that needed others to comfort me was fain to be their Comforter June 5 1686. This Day my Diary manifests that I was grown more calm under the Lord 's mighty Hand and the loss of a Dearest Wife but yet too full of miserable Complaints and quarrelling Thoughts against my Maker the Lord forgive me and compose me for the Duties of the Sabbath following June 6. This Day was a very comfortable Sabbath with reference to my Enjoyments but the want of my Dear Wife occasioned Floods of Tears and violent Passions the Lord pardon my tumultuous Thoughts and in the Multitude of my Thoughts within me let his Comforts more refresh my Spirit June 7. This Day my Dear Wife was Interr'd at Crich where if the Lord please so to order it I desire and intend to lie by her the Lord pardon Sins while I had her and such as I have been most guilty of since I parted with her June 8. This Day through Mercy not much quarrelling with the Lord's Dispensations more calm than I was O that I could be dumb with Silence and not open my Mouth in a fretting and repining way because the Lord has done what 's done unto me the Lord sanctify this sad Breach upon me to my Soul's Good May I remember my Sins that have provoked God and be humbled for them and return to the Lord that smiteth June 9. This Day I find my Heart better fitted and framed to bear this sad Stroke This Day was preach'd by Mr. Coats my Dear Wife's Funeral-Sermon from these words 1 Thess 4. 13. But I would not have you to be ignorant Brethren concerning them which are asleep that ye sorrow not even as others which have no hope Passion in the Sermon I was guilty of when in the Commondatory Part he was shewing what a Wife she was the Lord pardon my unbecoming Carriage to her Several days after I gave account of the Lord 's quieting my Mind under the sad Loss sustain'd June 20. This was a very comfortable Sabbath and the Lord gave me great Delight under the Droppings of the Sanctuary Mr. Coats preach'd from these words Hear the Rod and who hath appointed it O! I would fain make application to my self O that I could hear the Voice of this sad Providence and take out the Lessons of this Rod O that I may carry my self like a Christian under this mighty Hand of God! I have cause to fear I did not improve Last-Summer's Mercies as I ought and God has made this a much more uncomfortable Summer O that as ever I desire the Lord should not go on in this way I may better improve this Dispensation Several Letters I receiv'd from Friends heartily sympathizing with me in my Trouble take the Copies of some of them as follows A Letter from Mr. J. R. dated June 4 1686. Dear Sir BY a Letter I received Yesterday from Mr. Coats I perceive the Letters I sent you in Town on Monday Night were like Job's Messengers one bringing you sad the other sadder News but I hope you receiv'd the News with Job's Temper or mind viz. The Lord gave and the Lord hath taken away blessed be the Name of the Lord and God hath taken away the Delight of your Eyes and removed her out of sight she is in a state of Rest and you must behold her no more among the Inhabitants of the World this must needs be a pressing Affliction to lose so near so dear and so pious a Companion and that which aggravates the Affliction is that she was taken away in your Absence so suddenly and so unexpectedly But Dear Sir though God has crost your Will herein yet I hope a Tumult doth not arise your Passions and Affections are not in an uproar Why shall not God take away his own in his own time way and manner But Sir I am not to teach you God has rarely qualified you with the Graces of his Holy Spirit so that you know how to receive and how to resign a Mercy you know how to add to Faith Patience as you lately heard There is an animal Life of a Soul void of Grace accommodating it self to the Interests of the Flesh to all such things as are grateful to Sense but then there is a Spiritual Life which is a Principle enabling a Soul to bear up when God takes away our greatest Comforts such a Principle there is in you All I have to do is to sympathize with you and to pray that God would afford you more of the Assistances of his Holy Spirit that you may exert that Principle now at this time under this Loss The truth is 't is one of the most lovely Sights in the World to see a Christian acting Faith Patience Humility Submission Resignation c. in times of Affliction this makes the World say that there is something more in Religion than Talk but as I said I am not to teach you You have the teachings of the Spirit which will enable you to improve this Loss to better Gains The Lord sit us all for our last and great Change and in the midst of our private Losses let 's remember the Afflictions of Sion now sitting in the Dust So prays Your Sympathizing Friend and Humble Servant J. R. I hope you will return up again after some Days I think it will be convenient to divert your self with your Friends here some time after you have performed the last Office of Love to your Yoak-Fellow c. A Copy of a Letter from Cos M. S. dated
sometimes for the hiding one Fault from Man committed many Sins against God Another Thing for which the Lord has humbled me since and shewed me the evil of tho then I could not see it was this My Master being by Covenant bound to find me with Meat Drink Clothes and other Necessaries at his own Charge I finding him pretty penurious however not suiting my proud Humour I did often furnish my self with some such Things at my own Charge out of that Money my Friends sent me Yet now and then tho very rarely and never I believe exceeded 40s in all I would pay for some such Necessaries out of the Shop-Box which being yet done in so clandestine a manner I have accounted highly sinful and blessed be God has cost me many a Tear tho since one way or other I believe I have made more than double Restitution Another Dreadful Sin I was in that Service Guilty of the Review of which has been grievous to me was this I did not content my self to sin alone but did draw on and encourage John Mildmay my Fellow-Apprentice and under me to sin with me And this I did so long that he at last which was but a just Judgment became the greatest Tempter to me by this God has shewed me my Sin in my Punishment But O the sad Sabbaths that we have too often kept sometimes having waited on our Master into Church at one Door we have got out at the other And thus for some Hours have wickedly trifled away precious Sabbath-time by walking about from place to place for Pleasure sometimes we have appointed Meetings at Ale-Houses on Week-days where most idly we wasted our Master's time and our own Money Once I remember at such a House where we were perfect Strangers knocking 2 or 3 times for a Reckoning no Body came at us says John Mildmay let 's be gone and save our Money with all my heart says my wicked Tongue inclin'd thereto by a worse Heart But we had not got half a Mile before my Conscience flew in my Face for that Wickedness so that at my Request we went back and paid all Thus sinfully did we too often waste our precious Time in Ale-Houses and sometimes in worse Houses Twice I think we went to Syder-Houses which proved Bawdy-Houses which yet we did not decline some of our wicked Comrades having taught us which the Devil set home to silence Conscience that it was a good Way sometimes to frequent such Houses and to associate with such Company the better to work in us an Abhorrence and Antipathy against the Practices and Sins of such places This plausible Pretence guilded Bait and wicked Notion was too readily espoused by us young Men tho old Sinners this serv'd to stop the Mouth of Conscience a while till the Lord pleased to awaken it And then I saw desperate Folly in committing Sin to prevent Sin and thought of those Texts You may not do Evil that Good may come of it and if Sinners intice thee consent not And of the wise Man's Counsel Prov. 7. speaking of the Harlot O let not thine Heart decline to her Ways go not astray in her Paths Come not nigh her Dwelling for she hath cast down many wounded her House is the way to Hell going down to the Chambers of Death c. By unbecoming Dalliances Glances and Carriages with young Women Relations and others in which I thought in younger Years there was no Evil I fear I too often broke the 7th Command for tho never blessed be God guilty either of Adultery or Fornication yet since I have learn'd to know that there 's more forbidden by that Command than is express'd and that every unchaste Thought Word and Action is a breach of it the review of such youthful Follics has been dreadful to me since God touch'd my Heart and gave me Grace to consider Some Sins whilst a Child that I omitted before to mention were such as these Playing Truant frequently when I should have been at School and the better to colour over and hide such Miscarriages I seldom stuck at telling a Lie Thus I added Sin to Sin as indeed Sin seldom goes alone I have too often experienced it that one Sin draws on to another David's Sin with Bathsheba had others accompanying it his first Sin was Idleness his second Uncleanness and then the Murder of Vriah her Husband I was also guilty of robbing Orchards pilfering and taking what has not been my own from my Brothers and Sisters and Father Foolish Jesting idle Talking slighting holy Duties profaning Sabbaths Disobedience to Parents and indeed what not I had so base a Nature and so wicked a Heart even then when I could do but little more than go that I boggled at almost no Sin that such Age inclin'd to These and such like Sins of Youth made sad work for Repentance in Riper Years it was long before but blessed be God at last I set my Sins in order before me with all their aggravating Circumstances Then I thought of the Love and Light the Means and Mercies the Vows and Promises the Exhortations and Examples the Reproofs and the good Education I had sinned against Whilst I was a Servant at Mr. Oglethorps I was under good Family-Discipline I had opportunity to attend upon the best Means had good Examples before me was examined on Lord's-Day-Nights what I remembred but alas was too long a Trifler under all which I have been much more sensible of and afflicted for since I left my Apprenticeship than before It pleased God there to begin a Work of Grace which notwithstanding too many sad Slips I believe and hope he has been carrying on ever since There it was the Lord first enabled me to set my Face Heavenwards and to engage me in serious Thoughts about the eternal Welfare of my immortal Soul most remarkably observed upon a Fit of Sickness the Lord was pleased there to visit me with in a very few Days I was brought very low in Body begun to be serious to think of my Ways and of turning to the Lord Psal 119. 59. was then full of Purposes and Promises too that if the Lord pleased to spare me I would through Grace mind Religion as my Business and follow the Lord fully God was pleas'd to hear my unworthy Prayers and to speed an Answer of Peace to me in a Day or two I was perfectly recovered and my Body being healed of Sickness I begg'd hard that my Soul also might be healed of Sin The Lord did wonderfully bless to me the Ministry of Mr. Brooks of whose Church my Master was a Member and I therefore frequently had the advantage of hearing him But especially the Lord was pleas'd to do my Soul good by setting home with power upon my Heart and Conscience some Sermons of worthy Mr. Flavel sen r. whom I must reckon my spiritual Father but those Sermons with many others to my very great loss now were consumed by London's
to a Relation growing loose in Conversation Dear Cousin THE Contents of this may seem strange to you especially as coming from one so unfit and unable to be your Monitor yet when I tell you it 's out of a sincere Love to your precious Soul and a hearty Desire of your Well-doing I doubt not but in Kindness it will be receiv'd as indeed it is intended not only the Relation between us but the Rules of Christianity will oblige us to watch over one another And truly Cousin I am satisfi'd that Religion never receives a greater Wound than by the Miscarriages of Professors Stains in them will prove more mischievous than the Spots of a Licentious Age. O Cousin The Eyes of the World are upon you nay God's Eye is upon you to whom you and all the World must be accountable With much Grief and Sadness of Heart I have very lately heard you reflected upon for some loose Carriages and that particularly by one eminent for Grace and Goodness whose Name I am obliged to conceal what he acquaints me with is in Tenderness to you and out of a hearty Desire I should improve my Interest in your behalf Some indeed of the times having made their Observations upon you seem themselves very much to condemn you as declaring you are in the direct way to ruin your self instancing in these things viz. Your High-house-keeping your Negligence in all your Affairs your frequent Contracting new Debts your Excess in Pleasures associating your self with the Gallants of the Age and your sinful Compliances in high Drinking One Person I know whose Company is scandalous enough yet your Intimacy with him great You are not as some fear very likely to do him good it 's well if he does not do you hurt Some say it had been well if you had never left Roadnook remembring your blameless Conversation there and your Zeal for God and Godliness My Desire and Prayers are you may be still found in the same Paths of Holiness remember from whence you are faln and repent and do your first Works having begun in the Spirit beware of ending in the Flesh You did run well and who has hindered you Come Cousin we can never think of entring the Strait-Gate by walking in the Broad-way and much better it had been we had never known the way of Life than after to walk in the Paths of Death If we live after the Flesh we shall die but if we through the Spirit do mortify the Deeds of the Body we shall live I hope you and I have so learn'd Christ as to know that the way of carnal Liberty and Looseness the way of evil Company and Fleshliness is not the way to Heaven I am not for tying up Salvation to this or that Opinion for let Men be of what Opinion they will surely without Strictness Self-denial and Holiness they cannot be saved Mat. 16. 42. Mat. 11. 12. 1 Pet. 1. 15 16. O then with holy David labour to be only a Companion of those that fear the Lord for God has said The Companions of Fools shall be destroyed Prov. 13. 20. and who greater Fools than impenitent Sinners Yours in Christ G. D. A Letter to my dear Friend Mr. Whitaker SIR I Receiv'd yours by our Neighbour by whose Conveyance I hope this may arrive your hands I return you hearty Thanks for your good Society whilst with us for which I am abundantly obliged to you not you to me I should be very glad to see you again with good Mrs. Whitaker with you when your Conveniency and more setled-times will encourage for truly at present it 's a dark and gloomy Day with us but Light is sown for the Righteous and Gladness for the upright in Heart Psal 97. 11. Our Ministers Night and Day are so strictly watch'd for that they come not at all amongst us many have here suffer'd very much some one way some another but yet truly God is good to Israel and to them of an upright Heart his Ways are certainly the best Ways however at present attended with Trouble and Difficulty Were it with us as Men and Devils would have it it would be much worse but they are under the Lord's Restraints who triumph over us Your kind and Christian Lines were no less seasonable than welcome at this Juncture when poor I find all Helps little enough to keep me unmov'd in such shaking days as ours and to prevent Murmurings Frettings and Repinings at the Prosperity of the Wicked Dear Sir pray that my Faith fail not The Lord establish our Hearts and Minds with Grace and enable us at what time we are afraid with holy David to trust in him and with Jehoshaphat under all Discouragements whatsoever to encourage our selves in the Lord our God I do believe God will issue things well and bring Order out of all Confusion and Light out of Darkness and Good out of all Evil that 's before us It will be thus in his Time if not in ours His will be done Yours c. G. D. To Mrs. Mary Lavet after her Marriage Decemb. 85. Dear Madam I Hope when all things are consider'd you will not see much cause to blame me that I have not before now welcomed and congratulated your arrival into our Condition Till your Letter to my Wife came which some ways strangely halted in its Voyage I knew not otherways than by common Fame which of late has prov'd too false to trust whether to call you by first or second Name however now Madam I wish you much Joy in the Change of it send a Thousand good Wishes after you and heartily beg what I am sure you desire That this Change of your Condition may be to the Glory of God the Advantage of your Soul and the Mutual Comfort and Satisfaction one of another I need not acquaint you who are better able to be my Monitor that the new Condition the Lord has brought you into calls for new Duties and may be accompanied with new Trials the Lord â—it you and your dear Yoak-Fellow good Mr. Lavet for all and crown your Change with many Blessings both Temporal Spiritual and Eternal I hope Madam you will believe though when last in the Country you would not make trial that my House is as much your Home as ever and glad we shall be at any time to enjoy such Guests My dear Wife begs your pardon for not answering your kind Letter for which she thanks you and hopes those hurrying Circumstances we were about that time under may excuse the Neglect The Lord â—it us for his Pleasure support us in a time of Trial enable us to maintain our Integrity and keep our Standing in Christianity whatever comes and prevent our declining and decaying in the good Ways of God is the earnest and hearty Prayers of him who needs and begs yours And O that we and all that wish well to Sion may pray hard for the Peace and Prosperity of Jerusalem for they shall