Selected quad for the lemma: mind_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
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A40023
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Fortune's bounty, or, An everlasting purse for the greatest cuckold in the kingdom
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1700
(1700)
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Wing F1620; ESTC T124879
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7,045
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28
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FORTUNE's BOUNTY OR AN Everlasting Purse FOR THE Greatest Cuckold in the Kingdom LONDON Printed and are to be Sold by B. Bragge at the Blue-Ball in Ave-Mary-Lane FORTUNE'S BOUNTY OR AN Everlasting Purse FOR THE Greatest Cuckold in the Kingdom IN wicked Times when wanton Wives Led injur'd Husbands wretched Lives Blind Fortune in a gen'rous Mood Resolv'd to do some Cuckold Good But being a purblind Female Creature And of a fickle wav'ring Nature She could not readily agree What the kind Benefit should be Or who have Title to receive The Noble Prize she meant to give Thus puzzled as she Musing sat Confounded quite 'twixt who and what At last remembr'ing t'was a fau't To do great things with little thought She to some lonely Cloud retir'd To Think as Matters well requir'd The Wise use great deliberation E'er they bestow a large Donation Lord May'rs are seldom over speedy In building Alms-Huts for the Needy But take seven Years Consideration About the Pious Works Foundation Nay little Benefits we find Come slow when done with half a Mind The Saint will Fumble near an Hour And have some Witness by before He'll give his Farthing to the Poor That they may praise the Nigards Bounty And blaze the Wonder thro' the County But Fortune after some confusion Came in short time to a conclusion And made this following resolution Which was that e'ery Marry'd Noddy Tongue Leas'd and Govern'd by his Dowdy Tormented with eternal Clamour More noisie than a Pewt'rer's Hammer And every peevish tortur'd Spouse That wears his Corns upon his Brows And raves to think he cannot mend The failings of his Wife's low'r end Also the Patient and the Wise Who smother all their Injuries Committed 'twixt Adult'rous Thighs And kindly Father without fretting A Brood of G d knows whose begetting These Fortune had resolv'd to Summon But each t'appear without his Woman Least Female Tongues should spoil the sport And make the Crowd turn Dover-Court Her Edicts sign'd with her own Name Were scatter'd all abroad by Fame Declaring what she had design'd For the most Wretched of Mankind As to the place of Rendezvous For every Horn'd unhappy Spouse She Bearing Cuckoldom in Mind Guild-Hall was by the Dame assign'd Most fit above all other places For Cucks and Cots to shew their Faces The merry time at last drew near On which the Bucks were to appear Dame Fortune at the hour appointed Attir'd like any Lord's Annointed In Robes of a Camelian Dye That chang'd in the twinkling of an Eye Was sometimes Red and sometimes Blue But alter'd still to something new Showing by Colours variation Women are subject to mutation Yet notwithstanding of their ranging They always are the same that's changing A pair of Horns of wondrous size All Gold to dazle Humane Eye Made full of Antlers Buds and Sprouts In Foster-Lane or there abouts By some if Folks don't falsly Jear 'em That have no little Right to wear 'em Were carried on a lofty Pole Before Queen Fortune to the Hall Just as his Custard Cap does bear The Sword before the City May'r In mighty Pomp she past along Attended with abnumerous Throng Gather'd together by degrees From th' Four and Twenty Companies At last into the Hall she came Where all paid Revâ—rence to the Dame She gaz'd around and as they Bow'd To th' Horns she Curt'si'd to the Crowd At last it pleased her fickle Grace To find her Jilting Bum a place The Court of Conscience being clear Of Business she Ascended there And on the Bench O fy upon her She clapt her Tail that is her Honour For Female Honour you must know Is humbly seated very low Therefore high Conscientious Places Do not become a nunquam satis However there the Gipsy staid And sat as modest as a Maid With her huge Gilded Mace before her Which caus'd the Cuckolds to adore her Thus seated on the Bench alone Like Playhouse Queen on slit-deal Throne Such Crowds came staring in and gaping Even from Westminster and Wapping That sure the Hall was ne'er more full Of City Stags at Sheriffs Poll. Vintners and Vict'lers flock'd in shoals Made graceful by their flowing Bowls Whose Heads became the noble Crest So far exceeding all the rest That the whole Herd aloud cry'd out They never ought t' appear without Lawyers in Droves flow'd in as fast As if the Term had not been past But hid their Horns beneath their Gowns And so incur'd Dame Fortune's Frowns But rather than they'd spoil the Jest At last they wore them like the rest Which made the Black-Rob'd Tribe appear Like Oxen driving to a Fair However they resolv'd to try For Fortune's Favour by and by Well knowing that their Wedded Evils Had Tails like Goats and Tongues like Devils And that they'd all the Plagues of Life That Man could meet with in a Wife Our Teachers too their Horns exalting Some young and brisk some old and haulting Flow'd in from ev'ry part o'th' Nation As thick as at a Visitation All fill'd with hopes and well prepared To shew what cursed Shrews they'd Marry'd The angry Crowd in great disdain Cry'd out the Clergy of all Men Shou'd not b'admitted to complain Because their Function were the first That made us Mortals thus accurs'd And that they punish'd Fornication And brought D n'd Wedlock into fashion But Fortune minding not the Crowd Most humbly to the Clergy bow'd And told them tho' she ne'er design'd it She'd be their Friend and they should find it They thank'd her for the Grace she'd done 'em But found 't was but a Jest upon em In numbers flock'd Phisicians too Who knew not how to tame a Shrew Or cure for th' ease of their own Lives The Falling Evil in their Wives Who when their Frensies were upon 'em And on their backs their Fits had thrown 'em They could not rise least Folks bely 'em Whilst any Man was standing by 'em But heave and pant and wink and pink And breath so short that one would think Who did but see their Freaks transacted That they were Dying or Distracted Besides the swarms I mention here All sorts of Traders did appear For no degrees of Men can be From Cuckoldom and Av'rice free Therefore most Husbands had pretence To Fortune's kind Benevolence The Hall was crowded in a Minute That not one more cou'd squeeze within it Then Fortune loud as she could bawl Commanded Silence in the Hall And rising up from off her Breech She standing made this gen'rous Speech My Lords and Genrry that appear According to my Summons here I'm hither come with Joy to meet ye And with sincere Affection great ye I must confess your good alone 'Twas brought me hither not my own And you shall always surely find Tho' some perhaps are so unkind To think me of a fickle Mind My Heart not Foreign but Domestick Not Popish but Ecclesiastick With that the Churchmen standing ready Bow'd low and cry'd Your Servant Lady Hoping by this their good Behaviour To win