pardon and save yonder penitent sinner and shall my prayer backt with the pleadings of that blood be shut out I have now but a little time my glass is almost run the day is far spent the shadows of the evening are stretched out the night will quickly come Lord be not angry if I renew my request urge thee with thy promise and lie at thy foot till I obtain my pardon and Conscience be enabled and authorized to read it I am miserable and without thy pity must be so for ever and Lord I cannot I will not take a denyal I am thine save me In this sickness I have Ps 119 94. been examining my heart searching my ways and I have done it seriously and impartially what sins I have found out I heartily bewail pardon these and those I have not Who can understand his Ps 19. 12. Errors Lord cleanse thou me from secret faults Blessed Jesus thou great friend and lover of Souls from this my sick and death-bed I look up to thee for help and mercy Oh stand my friend now plead my cause now and let me have the pardon thy blood did purchase thou didst die for me thou wast crucifyed for me and thy blood was shed for me and carest thou not if I now perish May thy Tears Mark 4. 38. Wounds and Blood speak and plead for me for I am sure they will be heard if mine cannot within a few days within a few hours I must appear before an Holy Just and Terrible God and I tremble O my Saviour I tremble to think any one unpardoned sin should meet me at that Tribunal Oh procure my pardon for me before I die if Satan meet me there to accuse me I know thou wilt answer him and plead for me But if any one unpardoned sin meet me there it will condemn me and I am lost and lost for ever I am not sinless I have not perfectly obeyed the Law but I am not impenitent To exercise repentance for my sin has been my daily work ever since my first conversion and it has been so particularly in this present sickness My heart hath been turned from the love of sin and now I loath it more than ever there 's nothing troubles afflicts and grieves me so much as sin vile sin cursed sin thou hast cost me more tears sighs and groans than all my pains have done I Repent I Repent Lord I do repent Oh! pity and spare spare and pardon pardon and love love and save me for ever Have mercy upon me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies and blot out Psal 51. 1. all my sin Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven whose sin is covered Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not Psal 32. 1 2. iniquity Blessed he and only he is the blessed man though he be a poor man a pained man a sick man a dying man yet he is a blessed man Oh that this blessedness might be mine I am now sick and I have no hope of recovery my body grows weaker and weaker and nature sensibly decays this earthly Tabernacle shakes and it will quickly tumble Death Pale and Grim Death is posting towards me I am near unto eternity but I cannot die I dare not step into the other unseen Eternal World with out a pardon Believing O my God that word of thine that word which to me is of more worth than a thousand Worlds Let the wicked forsake his way and the Psal 55. 7 unrighteous man his thoughts And let him return unto the Lord and he will have mercy upon him and to our God for he will abundantly pardon I beg and through the mediation of thy Christ and my Jesus will expect the pardon of all my sins Let it be unto me according to thy word in which thou hast caused thy Servant to hope Amen IV. Of submission to the Divine will as to the time of our Death Many reasons to persuade to such an holy frame and resigning temper Objections Answered Suitable Petitions The Triumph and last work of FAITH I am now on my last bed this sickness for ought I do or can understand will be unto Death The warrant is issued out the commission sealed I am a dying man every moment that passeth away every clock that strikes every breath I draw every pulse that beats tells me death is near at hand and having given thanks to God for all his mercies having unseignedly repented of all my sin and begged pardon in the name and through â—he blood of Jesus and having now some hope and assurance of it what have I further to do What becomes me as a Christian as a righteous man that hath hope of great and glorious things beyond the grave but to submit to the divine good pleasure and saying The will of the Lord be done What language becomes Acts 21. 14. such an one but this O Lord who art the fountain of Life to all thy Creatures I am thine to live or die when and as thou wilt thou gavest me my Life and it is fit thou shouldst take it from me when thou wilt and as thou pleasest I submit to thy will obey thy summons and I would not live a day an hour a moment longer than God would have me God hath ordered the various circumstances of my Life in the best manner things have been much better with me than if I had been left to my own will and choice and I leave it to this wise and good God to order the circumstances of my Death To die now may be better for me than to live longer and if infinite wisdom judge it so I will readily comply and chearfully put off this Earthly Tabernacle Submissive language happy frame blessed temper thus it ought to be with all but alas how few attain to this nay how do the most even of Christians come far short of it how willing are they to live how loth to die how extremely desirous to stay here how loath to depart how passionately desirous to have a new lease granted when the old one is exspiring and almost out For one that in good earnest says I long I long to die I am willing even now to be dissolved how many with tears in their eyes cry not yet Lord not yet Oh spare me that I may recover Ps 39. 13. strength before I go hence and be no more Thus with shame and sorrow must I confess it hath been with me but in this my present sickness Lord help me to overcome my fears of Death wean me from this vain World mortify my fond affection to this present Life and oh raise and quicken in me holy earnest desires after a better Holy Paul had a desire to depart and be with Christ Oh that Phil. 1. 23. now it might be so with me let me be able to say Lord I accept the punishment of my sin I kiss the rod lie at thy foot submit
what cursed streams has this bitter Fountain been sending forth how much how often and how greatly have I offended God! what one Commandment is there I have not broken in thought word or deed my sins are more than can be numbred and how many Legions of Lusts are quartered in my Heart oh that my Head were Waters and mine Eyes a Jer. 9. 1. Fountain of Tears that I might weep day and night Did I not once O my Soul live as without God in the World how many and great were the sins of my unregenerate state what a sinner Lord what a vile sinner was I then were not all the faculties of my Soul and Members of my Body the Instruments of Unrighteousness unto sin Did not sin sit in the Throne sway the Scepter and had it not the entire quiet and peaceable possession of my Heart Was not I a willing Slave an obedient Servant and a Volunteer in any wicked service was I not at the beck of every Lust the will of every Temptation and did not Satan carry me captive at his pleasure during that wretched state how did I forget God and my self Eternity and another World thwart the design of my Creation and cross the end of my being made a Man Was I not sensual carnal and earthly a stranger to an Holy Heavenly Life without any delight in God desire after or care to please him did I not run into Sin as the Horse rushes into the Battle without any fear how long O my Soul how long was I a grief to that blessed Jesus who wept and swet bled groan'd and died for me how did I despise his Grace slight his Love his dying Love spurn at his Bowels and trample on his Blood with what sweet and endearing melting and charming language did he plead with me he called but I did not answer he pleaded but I was not moved his Bowels yearned but my Heart did not relent how oft did the Holy Spirit move and work upon my Heart and how oft did I resist vex quench and grieve him how oft was my Conscience awakened and how soon did it fall asleep again Holy Lord I blush I am ashamed and confounded to look back upon this part of my life I weep Lord I weep I desire to weep bitterly for the sins of my unconverted state I wish again Oh that my Head were Waters and mine Eyes a Fountain of Tears that I might weep day and night How many and great have been my sins since my Conversion to and acquaintance with God How oft have I fallen to the dishonour of God the discredit of Religion the wounding of my self and grieving of others how many duties have been neglected and how many carelesly performed in a cold lazy and trifling manner how many of my Talents which might have been improved for the Glory of God my own comfort and the good of others have been wrapped up in a Napkin and buried in the Earth how weak is every Grace and how much evil is mixt with all my good how oft letting down my Spiritual Watch has Satan surpriz'd me and Temptation prevail'd how much have I conformed to the World complied with the sinful customs and fashions of it how much have I lived contrary to my Profession and below my hopes as a Christian what a slow progress have I made in the ways of Holiness how many younger Christians have out-stript got the start of and are gone before me nay have I not shamefully declin'd and backsliden and lost much of my first love zeal and tenderness how frequent and strong have been the workings of Spiritual Sins as unbelief pride passion envy and uncharitableness c. Lord how many have been the sins of this state and how are they aggravated by all that love and mercy thou hast shewn to me and the long experience I have had of thy bounty and goodness Art thou my God and have I affronted my Father and have I displeased thee have I by these sins wounded that Redeemer who died for me grieved that Holy Spirit who has comforted me ah sinful silly Soul what hast thou been doing what an hearty sorrow and unfeigned grief do these sins call for I mourn Lord help me to mourn more thou hast given me the habit of Repentance give me now in this evening of my Life to act and exercise it Oh for a broken Heart and a contrite Spirit oh for inward shame and hearty remorse oh for a melting frame and a bleeding Soul oh that this Rock might be broken and this Heart be turned more and more into an Heart of flesh My time is short my strength little my sins many and great Lord help me to live repenting and die repenting to go to my grave weeping Weeping not tears of despair but tears of Gospel-sorrow which make way for eternal joys I do repent Lord from the bottom of my Soul I do repent let my last repentance be most solemn particular and serious and do thou accept it wash me in these penitential waters and because these muddy waters can't cleanse wash me Lord wash me in the blood of Jesus for that can cleanse from all sin O pardon pardon a dying penitent who confesses and acknowledges his sins and flies to thy mercy through the merits of Christ My sins are gone over mine head as a burden Psal 38. 4. they are too heavy for me Sin is an heavy burden and intollerable but most of all so to a dying man Look upon mine Psal 25. 18. affliction and forgive all my sins If I must weep with one eye Lord let me read my pardon with the other I have deserved Hell and if God should cast me into it I have forfeited Heaven and if God should eternally banish me from that blessed place I must say Righteous art thou O Lord and upright Ps 110. 137. is thy Judgment But save me from the one and bring me to the other for thy mercies sake I find it is written He that Pro. 28. 13. confesseth and forsaketh his sins shall find mercy And again if we confess our sins he is 1 John 1. 9. faithful and just to forgive us our sins This I have done this I will do and shall I not obtain mercy I am ashamed and confounded I loath and abhor my self I repent in dust and ashes I wish I had never done as I have were I to live over my life again Divine grace assisting these Errata's should be corrected I do repent and will not God pardon I do heartily mourn and will not God forgive Oh for a pardon for Jesus sake mercy mercy Lord mercy for a dying sinner who comes unto thee according to the tenor of the Gospel The thing I ask is great and I sinful I wretched I am altogether unworthy but Christ is worthy Lord lo here is the blood which bought my pardon and it has been and is now crying in thine ears with a loud voice Lord
what holy motions and breathings what enlivening quickening and comforting influences of the Holy Spirit have I had how oft hath God supported my drooping and reviv'd my dying Spirits answered my doubts expell'd my fears and treated me as a Friend nay more as a Son how hath God in mercy restrained the Tempter or wisely ordered the Temptation as to the nature strength and continuance of it what succour and support what strength and assistance have I experienc'd at such a time and how oft through Grace have I been more than a Conquerour when I sinn'd and fell God did not cast me off banish me his family and null the former Relation but pittied me a faln Christian when he heard my groans and saw my penitential Tears his Bowels yearned he took me up and embraced me in the Arms of his Mercy wiped my weeping Eyes comforted my sorrowful Heart and said Son be of good chear thy sins are forgiven Mat. 9. 2. thee Oh! the joy oh the unspeakable joy of that hour methinks I yet sensibly feel what lively and warm impressions those words made upon my Heart upon my Heart that the moment before was ready to sink and dye within me when I was covered with Tears Blushing and Shame when I lay sighing sobbing and groaning at his Foot-stool crying out in the bitterness of my Soul I have sinned I have sinned before I rose from my knees before I said Amen my God came and said I have pardoned I have pardoned and now go in peace For the mercy and kindness of that hour Lord I bless thee now When through the weakness of my Grace the strength of my Corruptions and the power of Temptation I have wandred and gone astray when my zeal has abated my affections been cooled when I have been remiss negligent and careless back-sliding and on the declining hand he sent some affliction or other to call me back to awaken warm quicken and recover me When I have loved the World too much and my God too little when my affection to Earth has been too warm and to Heaven too cold when duties have been neglected or performed without life vigour and zeal when I begun to be too Worldly Earthly and Sensual he suffered me to meet with disappointments took away part of my Estate snatcht away a bosom Friend a dear Relation filled my Body with pain shook me over the Grave and threatned to cast me into it and all this with a merciful design to reform and make me better And Lord I thank thee any afflictions have been sanctified to such an end that the voice of the Rod has been accompanied with that of thy Spirit and both were effectual to reclaim me that at any time I came out of the fire more refin'd and purg'd and that those Waters of Affliction washt away my filthiness Lord I can do and will bless thee for seasonable corrections and the discipline of thy Rod. So good and kind so liberal and bountiful so merciful and gracious hath God been to me I have had so much for Body and Soul for time and eternity that I am fill'd with wonder and must cry out Oh the heighth and depth length and breadth of the love of God! my mercies have been more than my moments and every single mercy deserves and calls for a Psalm of Praise Lord when I am dead and in a silent Grave I cannot praise thee and therefore now I will blessed be God I lived till I was born again that ever I heard of that sweet that blessed that charming name JESUS and that I was enabled to believe on him for all the Mercies I have had in this World and for the hope and prospect of more and better in the next Blessed be God for Pardoning Mercy Sanctifying Grace and the Blood of Jesus to wash and cleanse me a sinner Blessed be God for the supports and comforts I have in this sickness that Satan is restrain'd and my own corruptions curb'd Blessed be God I am made meet for Heaven and that I know I am Lord what Grace is thine how free and sovereign What love is thine how constant and matchless how sweet how exceeding sweet is the thought that God hath loved doth love me and will do so unto the End I 'll bless thee Lord while I live thank thee with my last Breath and O my God through Christ thy Son and my Saviour accept my dying praises Bless the Lord O my Soul bless the Lord for me O my Friends bless the Lord O ye his Holy Angels my single voice is not sufficient may every Tongue all breath praise his holy name Amen HALLELUJAH III. After Death cometh Judgment what an awakening Thought this is and ought to be How this Thought may and should be improv'd by us in our last Sickness particularly to put us upon Confession the exercise of Repentance and earnest Prayer to God for Pardoning Mercy SICKNESS Summons Men to die Death Summons them to Judgment May this Sickness be my last and do I suppose it will hearken O my Soul and thou may'st hear Deaths Voice Come unto the Bar come give an account of thy Self to God in the NAME of the ETERNAL GOD whose Servant and Messenger I am I cite thee O Man to make thine appearance before the Tribunal of thy Maker Sovereign and Judge in the other World Awful Tidings what awakening and startling words are these must I O my Soul quickly Dye and after that be judg'd go from my Death-bed to the Bar of an Infinitely Holy Just and Jealous God must my Life be examined all my Actions scanned and my everlasting state in that moment be determined must a Righteous and Irreversible Doom pass upon me must I Dye in one moment and in the next be Judg'd and shall not I search my ways examine my state take a survey of my Heart and Life before I pass to that final and irreversible Judgment and hold up these guilty hands of mine at God's Tribunal shall I not endeavour to know what has been amiss that I may confess be humbled for repent of it and beg pardon Lord help me a sick Lord for Jesus sake help me a dying man in this serious solemn work help me to find out my sins to repent and implore thy mercy through the Lord Jesus Christ who is my only hope in Life at Death and after Death I was born a sinner and came into the World guilty and polluted behold I was shapen in iniquity and in sin did my Mother Psal 51. 5. conceive me As I am a Child of Apostate Adam dreadful thought I am unlike to the Holy and Blessed God and resemble the Devil the worst of Beings and had I no other sin this were enough to shame confound silence and condemn me But alas have I not found this original sin active in my Heart and fruitful in my Life with what force and violence has it hurried me to the commission of sin oh