enquire to pray and yet not finde the light of thy presence But O Lord Leave not this poor Soul of mine but make it to understand the unmeasurableness of thy Bounties and Mercy Oh for that day when this knowledge of mine now childish and darksome shall be turned into a full and clear Vision O happy darkness if thus to become lightsome The more hidden thou art now blessed Saviour the more glorious wilt thou be then Ah that my heavie thoughts had the wings of an Angel to soar aloft amongst those celestial Quires Me-thinks I see when thou shalt be pleas'd to remove the skreen of my mortal body which now detains me from thy presence and interrupts the view of thy glory how nothing will be able to hinder the eagerness of my Soul from flying to thee Me-thinks I see Eternity too short to enjoy thee Surely there 's no possibility of pleasure without thee no faculty of Soul to wish or think any thing but thee yea my Soul would more willingly wain into nothing then part with thee Thee my only incomprehensible and Eternal All my dear dearest Lord and God! Adieu then those charming warbles of a fleeting and deceitful world O merciful Father Behold my prodigal Soul which returns unto thee Receive me as a mercenary servant if thou wilt not receive me as a Son for I resolve no longer now to run after the salt waters of worldly pleasures and contentments The light of thy countenance is far better then life it self being able to turn the shaddows of death into life and the midnight of the sharpest adversities into the noon-tide of joy and chearfulness Oh how great is the clemency of God to hide from us the greatest part of things which will befal us in the world The knowledge whereof would continually overwhelm our wretched life with sadness and affrightment and give us no leave to breathe among the delicious Objects of the earth Had many great and eminent persons mounted on the highest degree of honour but seen how they were still falling into endless Abysses or beheld the change of their Fortune and the bloody ends of their life it is impossible but the joys of their Tryumphs would have been moistned with Tears and through a perpetual fear of inevitable necessity they would have lost all the moments of their felicity And did the poor and seemingly forsaken Soul thorowly at once apprehend the severe anger of an omnipotent God what alas would it do when it sees it self menaced by the hideous and affrightful terrors and mischiefs of Satan What shall the poor heart do when God is pleas'd to write bitter things against it when he shall scare it with dreams and terrifie it with Visions Surely not pains imprisonments poverty or death it self can be more troublesome to it Whereas the comforts of a quiet conscience becalmed with the gracious in-comes of Gods gracious presence and enlightned with his glorious Beams which expel the darkness and ignorance of our cursed Nature as are so many threads of gold which involve us here below in precious repose and a certain expectation of beatitude until at last we finde wings to take our flight to the City of Peace and Refuge promised unto us by that mouth which never erred and whose Laws are established upon foundations stronger then the pillars of heaven and earth and where we shall receive the excellent Promises and clearest revelations of Eternity The Soul admires the infinite Riches of her Saviours Love in taking Humane Nature upon him WIth what admiration is not the heart of man seized on when he entereth into the great Abysses which are discovered in our Redemption and when he seeth Jesus a Saviour to reveal unto us the secrets and wisdome of heaven by his blessed Incarnation For what saw he in our Nature but a brutish body and a Soul all covered over with crimes and wholly drenched in remediless miseries Or what could he set before him but a miserable ungracious wretch cast forth upon the face of the Earth wallowing in uncleanness abandoned to all sorts of scorns and injuries And yet behold how the Prince of Glory looking on us with the eyes of his mercy taketh us washeth cloatheth adorneth and tyeth us to himself by a hand of infinite Love He laid aside the beautiful Angels and came upon earth to seek this lost creature though a Foe to his Honour and injurious to his Glory See O my Soul How that God far beyond all other created Essences hath been so liberal as to bestow himself on thee He bowed the Heaven and came down rendering his sacred Person subject to all the misery of humanity to bruises to tearings to shatters to violences oppositions and tyrannies and all to accomplish a King of sorrow calamity and scorn He laid aside all the Prerogatives of his most perfect Soul exposing it to labours to tears and griefs to those stupendious Throws in the Garden which made him cry out in those expressive words My God! My God! To what a point hast thou let me to be brought and in the end to be commended even to death it self How alas didst thou abandon thy body to heat to cold to weakness to hunger to thirst to travel to weariness to fear to sadness of Soul and death it self What was it but Love and Love alone that brought down God from heaven to be incarnate in the womb of a Virgin and to suffer all the hardships not sinful to which humane Nature is subject So that thou art not able to conceive the multitude and greatness nor any way comprehend the worth of his mercies And what then canst thou say but only lie gasping with admiration of so vast so unknown a goodness and sigh out the rest in the Center of thy heart Good God What sublimate is made in the Limbeck of Love What attractive was there in Humane Nature to draw thee from the highest part of the heavens to its love Thou out of thy goodness wouldst not lose him who through his own weakness delighteth to lose himself O miracle That humane Nature should be thus tyed to the Divine That glory should be separated from the estate and condition of glory yeilding his Soul up as a prey to sadness O dear Saviour Thou stretchest out thy hand to him who turns his back to thee Man flyeth as a Fugitive and thou pursuest him even to the shaddow of Death What may we say more of so profuse a Bounty Oh how thou courtest sinful flesh Being not content to pardon his crimes but even through thy own death to procure him a Kingdom All the ancient Patriarchs who were persecuted in times past and all the glorious Martyrs who since our Saviour have endured such torments made but a tryal of his Dolours Impatient souls then as we are Can we expect a greater motive to suffering then to have our Saviour for an example Who then will complain Or who is the man who cannot bear a
small burden to which he is tyed by duty and nature when he beholds this great Abyss of love of mercy of dolours of ignomy of blood of lowliness of admiration and amazement which swalloweth up all thoughts dryeth up all mouths and stayeth all Pens and hands And canst thou O my Soul after all this think any cross heavie any affliction hard to endure Canst thou chuse but be vexed and enraged at thy repinings O my great and only good Suppress those unreasonable follies which boyl in my Breast Make me know that whatsoever happens good or bad to me is my best portion because it comes from thee O rich Treasure O mass of glory In proportion to which all the labours and tribulations which Men or Divels can heap on me are nothing considerable Thou hast seen also O my Soul with what unparallell'd addresses and exquisite inventions the Lord hath sought thee and wooed thy love He gave thee heaven and earth with all their creatures for thy motives to serve and love him He made himself thy fellow and brother in flesh and blood yea he hath heaped on thee all the Names and Titles of Endearment which either Nature or Use have introduced among mankinde He is thy Father thy Spouse thy Friend thy Ransomer out of danger thy Redeemer from thraldome and slavery thy Saviour from death and misery yea he is thy food thy drink thy self O Eternal Wisdomed How truly then didst thou say It was thy delight to be with the Sons of men Can Angels boast of such Priviledges of such tendernesses of such Extasies of Love No None but so weak a Nature as Ours was able to necessitate Goodness it self to so deep a condescendence as this and none but all goodness could so appropriate it self to all infirmities O melting goodness that fillest every Corner thou findest capable of thy perfection We find the holy Phrenzie of Love to have possessed many of the Saints of God here on earth Moses out of his extream love to his Country-men wished himself blotted out of the Book of God Exod. 32.32 S. Paul wished himselfe accursed unless his brethren might be saved with him Rom. 9.3 But if ever any exceeded in Love above all the Love that was in the world it was thou O Saviour Joh. 10.20 who in the excess of thy Love to thy very Enemies wouldest suffer thy Self to be taken delivered up and shamefully put to death for them And in consideration whereof it seems S. Hierom cryes out Oh ungrateful man to thy God whosoever thou art considerest thou not the wonderful Love of him who is the Lord of heaven to be delighted thus to do and to suffer for thee And thinkest thou thy selfe better when thou art in the company of the wicked and prophane Return Shunamite return And surely methinks we should not here so greedily seek after the delights and contentments of Nature seeing the God of Nature so roughly handled in the world which he built with his own hands Ah! should not the Example of our Saviour make us ashamed when we nearly consider the sorrow of his life and the ignomy of his death We read of one further who considering this height of mercy which aboundeth with all Riches and hath the plenitude of all happiness cryeth out in a great Extasie O Love What hast thou done Thou hast changed God into man thou hast drawn him out of the lustre of his Majesty to make him a Pilgrim here on Earth thou hast shut him nine moneths in the wombe of a Virgin Tu deum in hominem demutatum voluisti tu deum abbreviatum paul sper à majestatis suae immenfitate c. Zeno. Ser. de Fide Spe. Charit thou hast annihilated the Kingdom of Death when thou taughtest God to dye Ah Love indeed which drowneth all humane thoughts which swalloweth all earthly affections which causeth the Spirit to forget it selfe and to look on nothing but Heaven A Love which Angels study and admire whichman could not be without and conceived in that fire which Jesus came to enkindâ—e on earth to enflamethe whole world Alas who can chuse but admire to think how thou O blessed Jesus descendest from the highest part of Heaven to take our Nature upon thee to charge thy self with our debts to lay our Burdens and Miseries on thy own shoulders to lodge in the silly Cottage of our Heart to be dispoiled of all for us to become our Riches by thy Poverty Strength to us by thy weakness To become Contemptible to make us Glorious and full of Sufferings to ease our servitude To make thy selfe of a King of Glory a man of Sorrows and to purchase our happiness with as many wounds as thou hadst â—embers And shall none of those Arrowes and shafts flying on every side of thee O my Soul wound thee to him shall none of his Favours Benefits and Affections descend into thee to fill and replenish thee with flames of thankfulness and love Canst thou still continue obdurate in the midst of those burning ardors and not be wholly captivated with his Bounty yea altogether inebriated with the Extasies of his Love Canst thou think of the infinite love of thy Saviour in suffering for thee and not admire his goodness Canst thou read the History of his life a life of Dolours from the Cradle to his Grave and peruse it without compassion canst thou think of his death and not commix the waters of thine eyes with those of his water and blood Ah! canst thou consider all this and not perpetually languish with fervent desires yea cause thy soul to melt and dissolve with spiritual languour on the heart of thy beloved O mirrour O Perfection mine eyes dazel in beholding thy Love my Pen fails in writing thy Praises O blind if thou knowest not O insensible if thou neglectest it and O unfortunate if thou loosest it Go and see the Ashes of those who have been burnt with the worlds love and thou shalt see nothing comparable to his Love who came to put us into the possession of all his greatness by surcharging himselfe with our miseries It may be thou hast seen some to die on an Earthly Scaffold who with the sweetness of their countenances terrified the most terrible aspects of their Executioners They did they spake they suffered they ordered their death as matter of triumph They comforted others in a time when they had much to do not to complain themselves But here here is a Banquet which carries with it all the benefits of Life yet attended with an Edict of Death Here 's Cruelty mingled with Delights Joy with Sorrow and Pleasures with Funerals Ah! what more could he possibly have done then thus to suffer for us He hath washed us in his blood he hath regenerated us into his Love If we endure any thing for him he endureth with us he weepeth for us he prepareth eternal springs of consolations for us yea he mingleth all our griefs in the
in all its dimensions Here it is that our Reason is Eclipsed and we often stray from our chiefest good but there it is that after an admirable Transformation the Soul is wholly absorpt in Felicity And as a small drop of water pouted into the Sea instantly takes the colour and taste there of so the Souls taste is fully inebriated and coloured with the divine Glory O Beauty O Greatness O Goodness Beauty to inhabite in the Idea of God as in a Paradise of Glory and Greatness to have capacity infinite and truly apprehensive of divine Majesty Hence also may we take notice that as there is ever some weakness in humane things which sticketh to the most smiling Felicities and never giveth us wine but with a mixture of dregs so never doth the day of God shine clearly in a Soul which hath too much light of man and sips too deeply in the fading vanities of the world such dayes being seldom without Clouds For O deceitful Riches O fading Beauty O Phantasms of Honour How painful are ye to those that sue for you How Traiterous are ye to those that possess you and dolorous to those that leave you unhappy are those that prize you through error that court you through vanity and obtain you by iniquity How much better is it to put our hands in flames then to lay them on Crowns covered with injustice what will it avail us to have worn Purple when we arrive at the period of Death if we have defiled it with the spots of uncleaness and that we must make an Exchange of all our glory and greatness for a habite of Flames which shall no more wear out then Eternity And who so blind as those who behold not the Diamonds of a Royal Crown to sweat with horrour upon a Head poisoned with Pride and Ambition Who is so weak as sees it not his best course to withdraw from the great conversations of the world from the imbroilment of affairs wherein is so little profit from the Court from specious Offices Preferments and Negotiations from all worldly Ambitions and to cultivate a sweet repose and quiet in the service of Jesus O God of the Patient and Eternal mirrour of Patience may my Soul for ever hover in that Region where thou inhabitest may it speedily arrive to that fortunate Island where divine tranquility dwelleth and where there is an everlasting springof Beauty and Glory may it enter into the Temple and may the continual odours of the Sacrifice of Reconciliation Mercy and Propitiation mount up to thy Throne which thou taughtest us upon Calvary in the bitter and sharp dolours of thy body amidst the sorrow of Heaven the darkness of the Sun the opening of Sepulchres the breaking of Stones the effusion of thy Blood and the desolation of thy Soul And as thy arms Blessed Lord were stretched out upon the Cross so at last receive me into the stretched-out arms of thy mercy The Sin-sick Soul can take no rest until she be further reconciled to her Saviour AS there is never any thing good without the experience of evil so God is often pleased here to afflict his Children the berter to make them relish his comforts And hence is it that as David saith Psal 55.19 The wicked fear not God because they have no changes God sending troubles to his Children in mercy but gives prosperity to the wicked in his wrath And hence it is that while the workers of iniquity do flourish the children of God being heavy loaden with the weight and burden of their sinnes cry out Lay on us O God! any affliction rather then suffer us to prosper in the way that is evil As the little Nightingale which lives innocently by some little seeds of Plants sings sweetly while we see all those Birds of Prey which feed upon the flesh of Beasts send forth a horrid cry And as the poor Turtle ceaseth not to groan having lost her Mate and often beholds her self in the silver streams where in every wave she sees she laments the waving Image of her misfortune yet is far more secure since the memelancholly Object of pitty then those who are more obvious to the eye of the Fowler so a pious Soul though seemingly deprived of her sweet liberty and seeing her self severed from all commerce with Man kind to be banished into a Desert where nothing but Rocks are witnesses of her sufferings is notwithstanding still fastned unto God by Chains not to be dissolved whom she fervently desires to vouchsafe her comfort and to confirm her spirit which was descended into the bottom of the miseries of this world When the poor Soul hath offended her God she can never be friends with her self untill she be reconciled to him and conceive his countenance to be turned again to her If he once but hide himself she looks forward if he be there on the right hand and on the left if she may find him She takes all ocasions of holy Conferences and useth all means with the Spouse to enquire for her Beloved which way he was gone and whether he was turned aside Early and late doth she seek the Lord of her life she takes no rest in traversing the Forrests the Woods the Meadows the Mountains and Floods Cant. 1.3 and 6.3 She seeks him by night whom her Soul loveth she will arise and look about the streets with groans and cryes with sighes and prayers in her Chamber and Closet in Church and Chappel she sends up her vowes to the God of her salvation How powerfully also doth she desire God first bedewing her own eyes to water the barrenness of her Soul what sad complaints being all swoln with Tears doth she pour out What is Heaven turn'd Brass that neither Tears nor sighes can enter Shall there be no more commerce between Heaven and the unhappy Progeny of sinfull Adam Alas O God! saith the forlorn Soul Wilt thou alwayes be hidden from me Shall I never see that face which with one glimpse of splendor can make me eternally happy where am I what do I Alas my soul is in night and darkness and I sadly feel O blessed Saviour that thou art far from me My heart is near sinkingin a sea of sorrow I row strongly but can advance nothing except thou come into my Soul Come then O my most blessed Saviour walk upon this tempestuous Sea of my heart say unto me It is I be not afraid O come speedily and Reign within me to disperse those cares to enlighten my understanding to enflame my will to cure my Infirmities and recover my decayed Senses Many and bitter no doubt are the assaults of Satan all this while within the poor Soul Can God love thee saith he and leave thee thus to my power Why then is all this befaln thee where are all his mercies thou boastest of sure he hath now forsaken and delivered thee into my hand why then shouldst thou wait any longer But still doth the Soul stop her ears
canst thou love more or express it beyond this yet to all these and infinitely more tortures and unspeakable miseries was thy Saviour expos'd O my Soul for thy sake for thine my soul that thou maist not complain thou wantest an Object a Motive a Pattern or invitation to love O mirrour of Love Love it self Christ our Saviour Hovv earnest wert thou nay how delighted wert thou to Treat of thy Passion It were thy sweet words not long before thy death With desire have I desired to eat And when S. Peter would have disswaded thee from thy last Sufferings thou reprovedst him more for this then for his denyal of thee in the High Priests Hall Thou only castedst thy eye upon him for the first as minding him thereby of his great promise made never to deny him but for the other thou bidst him avaunt yea call'st him Satan as being the hinderer of thy much desired and longed for death Ah! incomparable Love who can think on and not admire the Extasies of our sweet Saviour How is he even ravished with the object of his Death and transported with the Idea of his sufferings Behold how he encourageth himself in this combate How troubled he is at all those that hinder it How confident doth he look on the Cross as the Fountain of his Glory And shall we not love his Cross which Jesus hath cherished every place is a Paradise to him that knows how to love the Cross and every thing a Hell to those that fly it Oh blessed Saviour then who canst lift up all the Earth with the least finger of thy power raise up a little this sinful mass of my Body which so sadly weighs it self down by its sinnes O my God fix thine eyes upon me and thou shalt thereby bring me to the fountain of true happiness The Father hath given me to thee and I am the conquest of thy precious bloud and wilt thou suffer a Soul to be taken away from thee that hath cost thee so many sweats and sufferings Alas Lord thou hast but one life and I see 1000 instruments of death that have taken it away Was there need of so many bloudy Doors to let out thy innocent Soul Could it not part from thy Body without making on all sides so many wounds which after they had served for the Objects of mens Cruelty serve now for those of thy mercy O Lance cruel Lance why didst thou open his most tender side But in thus playing the Murtherer thou hast made a Sepulchre wherein I will from henceforth bury my Soul When I behold the wounds of my dear Saviour I do acknowledge the stroaks of my own hand and will therefore likewise there engrave my Repentance Give me then O sacred mouth give me that Gall which I see upon thy lips to sprinckle all my pleasures divide with me O beautiful head thy dolorous Crown of Thorns seeing it were my sinnes which sowed them Lend me O sacred hands and adored feet the Nails that have pierced them and while I live let me never breathe any other life but that onely which shall be produced from my Crucified Saviour Surely we shall never be worthy of him until we thus bear the Ensigns of his War and Ornaments of our Peace And alas what reason hath wretched man to complain Is not suffering our Trade our Vow our Profession As the Clock goeth on by the help of its counnter-poise so a Christians life never proceedeth so much in virtue as by the counter-ballance of its Crosses Make me then to serve thee to imitate thee yea to suffer for thee O thou King of the afflicted Ah that I had a Sea of sweet odours to empty on an Object so worthy of love Art thou unwilling to bear part of thy Saviours Cross yet give O my Soul give at least tears to him who satisfied for thy sins Consider that thy miscalled Sufferings ifrightly used are indeed Blessings What if thou lose thy fortunes it is to make thee know thy self what if thy Health be empaired it will make thee disaffect this world What if thou lose thy Riches is it not to make thee seek out better By all which God is pleased to shew us the straightest way to that life which he hath promised us and to assure us by his own Tribulation who could not but know and embrace what is best that the way of Tribulation is the high-way to Heaven We find indeed Tertullian in one place thus complaining Eternal Wisdom which thus cuts thy childrens Threats and use them as Sacrifices as if thou couldest not Crown them but by their Torments or Honour them but by their punishments But alas he that will love must serve And Behold August Serm. 19. de verb. Apost saith S. Au-gustine The foolish Lovers and Amorists of the world are not they who are surprised therewith ready to serve to endure all commands in Attire in Habite and behaviour for a Mistress sake Oh foul confusion of life and prostitution of spirit God who promiseth never to behold us with a good eye unless we keep his Commandments deserves to be loved above all things Love that cannot suffer is not Love Yea the last Character of love to our Saviour is to suffer for him the Prince of Sufferings Our Souls are engaged by Oath saith Tertullian to this warfare so soon as we first enter into Christianity Tertul. ad Scap. Besides know we not that all Creatures of the world groan and bring forth that all the Elements are in Travell and in a ceaseless agitation The Air it self say the Philosophers is perpetually struck with the motion of Heaven to prevent the hatching of Poyson The Rivers are purified by their streaming current One deep must call upon another the deep of Afflictions calls for that of Honour and the heights of Honour are prepared according to the measure of our Tribulations In this world Cruelty is mingled with Lights and Pleasures with Funerals Gods Prison is a School of Wisdome In this Captivity are we free under these Bonds and Irons our Soul can walk with God in the midst of Groans and sighs our heart can rejoyce it can talk with him though with the three Children in the midst of the fiery Furnace And as the most rigorous of Punishments became a Throne of Honour to those three Champions the fire forgetting it self to be fire and the Furnace strewing it self with Roses so all the Thorny paths of our Pilgrimage here seem but like a Meadow enamelled over with Flowers If we here make Jesus the Object of our present Dolours he will hereafter prove the Fountain of our Eternall Joyes Behold then the exact method which providence keeps in the conduct of her chosen ones Behold the Character of an humble Soul persecuted by the Tongues of Slanderers by the Arms of his kindred by the contempt of his friends by the ingratitude of his Enemies yea of those upon whom he had still heaped good turns without
Soul resolves for ever to yield an humble submission to his Will THe Soul of Man can hardly entertain any Portion of Gods will but that wherein it s own is concerned It is usually more troubled for any chastisement then for its sin yea it often mourns for sin rather because it deprives her of comfort then because it provoketh God Nay how hardly can it embrace his word with that joy and his providence with that contentment as to say at all times with patient Eli It is the Lord let him do what seemeth him good Alas vvhat patience hath it in committing sinne but how impatient in suffering for it how ready to execute vice but how unwilling to endure the punishment Oh good God! How many years have I retain'd an inclination to sin my Soul is bound as it were with Iron Chains in this unhappy Bed Will there be no Angel to move the water for me How strange a thing is it that God should be so near us and yet we so far from him But alas we are too much for the world too fast nailed to the Earth He that desires the society of Angels must not embarque himself deeply in worldly affairs God is a Spirit and he that intends to receive good from him must not be a slave to his Body He that intends to find Christ must search for him as the three Kings did in the Manger of his Humility he must look for him as the blessed Virgin did in the Temple in his piety yea he must seek for him as the Maries did in his Sepulchre in the imitation of his death But where O Saviour shall I begin thy passion shall I go with thee into the Garden indeed there it begun there it was that thy Soul began to be exceeding sorrowful even unto the death There it was that thou beggest That the Cup might pass from thee Mat. 26.38 c. There it was that thou sweatedst in a cold night on the Ground in a cold Garden yea there it was that those drops of blood which so freely issued from thy veins were forthwith congealed with the Air. Oh thy matchless love Ah how sweet is the smell of it there in thy great Agony But shall we follow thee from the Garden into the High Priests Hall O how hideous were the outcryes of the rude Rabble against thee Ah Lord what was that vvhich stopped thy ear that thou wouldst not regard or silenced thy Tongue that thou wouldst not reply was it not thy Love Some spit upon thee others smiled on thee some railed on thee others blasphemed thee some scoffed others buffeted many accused and all cryed out against thee But stay may we not yet follow thee further and ascend mount Calvary Shall we not here see thee Nailed to the Cross for our sakes Shall we not here find thee breathing out thy last and pouring out thy hearts blood in a shameful cursed and tormenting way Ah the depth of thy Love O the transcendency of thy affections No man having ever thus laid down his life for his friends Unfortunate Sons of Adam the effects of whose fond disobedience are now become so sadly evident Behold thy Saviour cast on the Ground his knees bent his eyes over-flown with Tears his Hands stretched up towards Heaven all covered with gloomy Clouds and darkness his heart swoln with grief and is ready to break into some loud and doleful complaint against mans Ingratitude O my God! what means this universal strife and contention within thy own breast Art thou daunted at the sight of danger Is the sight of danger become so frightful to thee Thou weepedst indeed over Hierusalem and Mary Magdalen drew Tears from thy eyes but not with such astonishment as this Thou discoursedst of thy Passion on mount Tabor but with a Glory which ravished the eyes and hearts of all that beheld it thou hast often profest a great desire to see the hour of thy suffering and can horror possibly seize on thee Can grief surround thee cold and stupifying Tears possess thee now thou art arrived so near the place of thy wishes O no! thy great Design is to be tempted in all things without sinne that we might be comforted in the tremblings and faintings of our heart and that we might learn this great and difficult Lesson how to comfort our selves at the full Tide of anguish and Tribulations Behold further O my Soul what a glorious Lesson of Patience thy Saviour hath set before thy eyes Bend but thy ears to those sacred words Not my will but thine be fulfilled and who would think but that the excess of grief should a little disturbe thy memory Thou fore-saw'st no question Blessed Saviour those Clubs and Lantherns Souldiers and Officers prepared to lay hands upon thee and with loud cryes and scorns to carry thee to Hierusalem Hierusalem where thon hadst done so many miracles Hierusalem where thou so lately enteredst with Joy and Triumph and yet thou cryedst thy will be done Thou well knewest that Judges of all sorts Priests and Divines and Religious men which daily ministred at thy Holy Altar were appointed to discredit and accuse thee That Kings and Presidents Jews and Gentiles and an infinite number assembled at this great Feast would scorn and condemn thee and yet still thou cryedst thy will be done Thou beheldest those whips and scourges those Speâ—rs and Thornes prepared to afflict thee a mock purple and the ridiculous Scepter of a Reed to vilifie and abuse thee a heavy Cross and tearing Nails unmerciful hands and ungrateful hearts to torment and affront thee yet could no way alter thee from crying Thy will be done It was no news to thee that a Murtherer should be preferred before thee and begg'd in thy place by thy beloved People amongst whom thou spentst thy life that two Theeves should be thy Companions and fellow-sufferers That Judas amongst thy own Disciples should betray thee that three of thy best friends should lie sleeping by thee that Peter himself should deny thee yea that all should shamefully forsake and fly from thee and yet still O dear Saviour thou said Thy will be done Thou sawest afore hand thy weeping and disconsolate Mother stand at the foot of thy Cross and afflicting thy departing Soul with the sight of thy grief and disconsolate condition thou leavest her in and last of all that thou shouldst be abandoned on all hands and not so much as thy lifes last breath spared O invincible Courage O admirable Fortitude which neither life nor death nor things present nor things to come nor fears nor torments could so far alter thy resolution but still thou submittest in these words Thy will be done Lord and not my own But alas Is there no remedy after all this submission for thy blessed Soul Must thou alone drink of this sower Cup Must thou alone tread the wine-press of sowre Grapes Alas dearest Saviour where is then the God of Elias Are his bowels of mercy turn'd
of this sink of sadness this skin full of groans this snow-bail of Tears this Carcass of fears this channel of the waâ—â—rs of affliction and betake thy self wholly into the arms of thy Saviour The Soul complaineth of her Condition and Misery by reason of the darkness and ignorance of sin THe Spirit of Man naturally tendeth to God as its first cause neither can take any contentment without him though too often indeed hindered by the weight of the Body and the bait of Concupiscence He will what God will loves what God loves and if in this wayfaring life his love sticks upon frivolous objects which like foolish Fires lead him into precipices and dangerous paths he speedily complains how much he is misguided Now the reason hereof is That as every thing tendeth to the imitation of its Original so a Soul truly Christian hath all its strength and vigour from God He is the end of all his works and if God chance to fail it the whole Fabrick of its salvation falls to the ground When a gracious heart hath its eyes cleared by the Rays of Divine Majesty he is at the end of its journey and no longer entertaineth a multiplicity of desires since he hath found the Center of Eternal rest And well then may the Soul of man which is out of the Limits which God hath assign'd it finde Inns to lodge in but never finde a Home to reside in Alas then what is our life and the affairs of man That which is past is nothing the present is a fantasie and the future an Abyss where even those that stand on the brink see not any thing Our life only is hid in Christ as saith the Apostle And surely he only who knows how to accommodate himself to the Will of his Saviour knows only how to live and hath found the industry of an infinite happiness in the accomplishment of his desires Neither is there any thing so turmoiled so torn and so divided as a Soul which hath always before it the Image of its own crimes And this is it which makes the Vermilion of the cheeks to fade that maketh paleness to overspread all the face hence is it that a miserable man being fallen as it were into a Tempest not foreseen cryes out Humane hopes where are ye Ah true dreams of aery Fancies Fleeting fires which shine not but to extinguish your selves and being put out bereave us of all true light leaving only the ill savour and sorrow of losing all your seeming glories To what shall I compare your Beauties but to those who carry under a smooth face a heart spotted like the skin of a Panther What are your Pleasures but like those enchanted Islands which recoyl backward and vanish when men most think to approach them Alas my Tears What fitness can ye finde to bemoan my misery Alas my eyes Why are those flames which once so sweetly blazed in you now fallen into an Eclipse My voice is interrupted and words imperfectly spoken all the Organs and Bands of my Body are loosened and untyed Oh how doth fear and trembling spread it self over all the Basis of Natures building Nor is this evil passion content only to seize on our Body but it flyeth to the superiour Region of our Soul to cause disorder robbing it almost in a moment of memory understanding judgement will courage yea rendering us benumm'd dull and stupid in all our actions and would a thousand times overcome us with Melancholy were it not from the consolations drawn from the fountain of true piety Alas O Lord How is our Soul confounded to see so many sparkles of pride lust and covetousness arise from this Caitiff dust which we are compos'd of So little do we learn how to live and so late how to die which made S. Austin cry out My God my life and my happiness I confess my misery unto thee after so many temporal consolations have separated me from thee Thus is the poor Soul ever bewailing her condition and bedewing that face with mournful Tears wherein God once caused the sanctity of a gracious heart to be resplendent And though formerly it had seem'd chearful yet now alas behold it though heretofore retaining the vigour of holy alacrity altogether dissolved with austerities and maladies Nothing but spectres of terrors ruine outrages solitudes darknesses revengeful thunders and innovations extreamly weaken and affright the heart until at last having reckoned up the dolours which on every side environed her Saviour she raiseth up her self like the Palm against the weight of her afflictions O inestimable Bounty O greatness unheard of O inexhaustible love of God! whose goodness is such not only thus to divert our miseries and fit them to our condition but even from our Tears to draw sweetness and consolation for our solace Now as pious Hannah forsook all the distracted looks which sorrow caused in her after she had conceived the little Samuel so doth the poor Soul being again honoured with the re-enjoyment of God in its heart drive away all the disturbances of grief and sadness Oh saith she what thoughts of Satan are these to deliver up my self to distrust of comfort in the sight of a Jesus who beareth my reconciliation on his sacred wounds and pleadeth my cause before his eternal Father with as many mouths as my sins in him have made wounds It is not possible I should doubt of his love and fatherly goodness if I look upon his hands I shall there see it written with those nails that pierc'd them I shall see it in his side which was opened for me by that Lance which digged out the remainder of his life Alas Who was more destitute then man more brutish and ignorant in so great a night and horrible confusions Who was more unfurnished with wise directions And yet he affordeth us his examples Who more forlorn And yet he adopteth us for children Who more needy And yet he giveth us the treasure of his merits Who more hungry And yet he feedeth us with his flesh and blood Who more imhappy And yet how doth he divide every part of his body amongst us O goodly spectacle to behold How he blesseth us with his presence How he replenisheth us by his greatness How he governeth us by his power and sanctifieth us by his influences Oh for ever unhappy If after so many benefits we remain still faithless and ungrateful Lord As thou revealest to me more of my misery so reveal also more of thy mercy I confess my self indeed to be too often intangled in some pleasant or profitable Lust Satan is the Bellows my corruption the tinder and the world the wilde-fire to burn my soul and so dangerously to withdraw my love as that although O my Saviour thou art still calling me yet am I loth to leave my Bed of ease Cant. 5.1 How justly then to prevent my spiritual pride mayest thou leave me in ignorance and darkness as thou didst thy Spouse yea to go to
to the voyce of his deceitful charming not doubting that however Christ had for a time withdrawn his wonted favour he was still her Advocate and even at that instant pleading her case and answering for her at the Bar of Gods Justice all those suits which Satan was then objecting against her Oh saith the Soul it is he that dyed for my sins and rose again for my Justification my own Righteousness alas is but as menstruous Rags It is he onely that was made for me Wisdome Righteousness and Redemption Rom. 5.25 It is he that hath satisfied an infinite Justice for my sinnes Isai 53.4 5 6. It is he that bears my grief and carries my sorrows and will at last cure my sufferings Behold then the various Dispensations of a merciful God! Oh the wonderful experience of a strong belief in a high mounted Soul whose excellent Graces of Charity and Humility are like so many wings to carry her above all the sense of her present Afflictions giving her to see that though Jesus were sometimes pleased to hide himself in the Gospel as the Sun within a Cloud yet he would again draw the Curtain the Sun of Righteousness would appear with healing in his wings and notwithstanding his present withdrawment did receive her sighs and bottle up her Tears and would again shew himself in the best time And whensoever the ship of her Soul seemed wrack't then would she endeavour to save her self upon the Rock of his infinite mercy at this Pool of Bethesda would she still lie until he cured her on this Thread would she catch to bear up her wounded spirit and upon him would she still wait who loves those to the end whom he once loves whose presence she always desired to cherish and resolved still to wait on him who but for a time hides his face from the house of Jacob Isai 8.17 And Iob. 10.1 laying her complaint upon her self How often would she thus expostulate with her offended God Ah Lord the marks of thy bounty * Semel electus semper dilectus I confess are no less then all I am and have Ah wretched I that continually wear about me all the Tokens of thy kindness and yet not love thee what shall I answer when thou saist unto me I created thee like unto my self I made thee a little God on Earth I imprinted on thy forehead the Character of my Greatness The Sun shined on thee the Earth supported thee the Creatures clothed thee and yet thou hast forgotten me O admirer of thy self and ignorant of my works Why hast thou husbanded my goods as to change them into evil Alas poor Soul what evidence will at the last day be produced against thee The Devils who first tempted thee to sin will then rise up as witnesses against thee The Angels of God before whom thou shouldst not have sinned will then testifie against thee The abused Creatures will then be brought in to thy conviction The Messengers of God will cry aloud against thee for neglecting their Doctrine All the personal mercies which thou hast received will also be so many evidences against thee the Earth that bore thee the Air thou breathedst in the Food which nourished thee the Clothes which covered thee the Creatures that laboured for thee the Houses thou dwelledst in and all things else that served for thy use will then further thy condemnation And may not God himself justly expostulate with thee Did all my mercies deserve no more thanks shouldst thou not have better served me that gave them was I so hard a Master was my work so hard and unreasonable or my Rewards of so little value as no way to perswade thee to my service Ah ungrateful wretch that the love of God the evil of sinne the blood of thy Saviour the Judgements to come the Glory promised and the punishment threatned should not be as forcible to draw thee to Holiness as a little fleshly delight and worldly gain is to draw thee to wickedness O whether will thy mind fail when distempers shall steer it Whether will thy Fancy run when Diseases shall ride it What Hell wilt thou frame within thy Conscience Watchings will surprize thee Dreams will terrifie thee and if some terrible Bird do but croak in the Night it is presently the sad voice of some dead man who bids thee prepare for another world Ah! that thou couldst but think of thy perplexed condition vvhen thy conscience being once awakened shall blush and stare thee in the face when thy sins with David Psal 51.3 Shall be ever in thy sight Then will thy mouth be confessing thy eyes weeping thy cheeks blushing thy hands writinging and smiting thy bosome thy heart-bleeding thy Heart-strings breaking and thy voice crying out vvith Cain My sinnes are greater then can be forgiven Then too late wilt thou cry Lord have mercy upon me vvhen a ruinous house shall be ready to fall about thy ears vvhen tediousness of sickness loss of Goods and confusion of understanding shall encompass thee when thy windy sighes and deep-fetch't Groans of thy breaking heart when the misty Clouds of thy closing eyes the Roaring thunder of thy stammering tongue sometimes perchance venting horrible Oathes and Blasphemies shall represent nothing but Images to the Beholders And alas vvhat vvilt thou do when in the last agonies of Death thy Body shall feel such great disturbances as will make thee to turn here and there to rub the Bed-clothes vvhich over-power thee with Convulsions vvhich choke thy speeches make thy Visage Pale thy memory to faulter and a cold sweat to over-spread all thy body which is onely encompassed with weeping eyes whining countenances distracted looks affrighted and dejected Visages hideous out-cryes and perchance which is worse with petty Furies Ah! what content wilt thou then take when Death comes to sound his last Trumpet in thy Ears saying unto thee Come let us be going thou must dislodge from thy Riches thy large possessions from thy Beauties and fading Pleasures from thy friends and from thy kindred and never more to return again Oh! how bitter will be the remembrance of death how harsh will it be unto unmortified spirits when they shall say to the Body ah whither goest thou dear Hostess whether goest thou Thou hast hitherto most tenderly pampered me pompously cloathed me wantonly cherished me I was thy Idol thy Pride thy Glory and whether now must thou go What into a Grave with Serpents and Wormes alas what wilt thou do there and what will become of thee Thus fares it with distressed Souls in the shades of Death when fixing their dying eyes upon their former acquaintance they find some weeping others screeching some fainting and all under a veil of sorrow encompassing their Bed with this sad Note alas do you leave us and shall we meet no more Farewel pleasing amities adieu all our sports feasts and loves now is the time come that me must leave all our earthly acquaintance all our Table
friends Ranters Gamesters Amorists and all the delights of former Companies since from this moment we shall be for ever separated Whereas far otherwise shall it be with those heavenly and victorious souls who have lived to God Time and the Laws of Death have nothing to affright them with All that they have to do is but to go out of a dark Dungeon and a streight Prison to leave a world of sadness and misery and enter into a spacious Temple of Eternal Splendors where their Being shall have no end their knowledge no ignorance nor their love suffer change Repair then unto him O my Soul who is all-sufficient and though the discharge of thy duty be above the power of thy ability yet can he give thee a heart to perform what he requireth from thee There is no Prison for a Soul whom God hath set at liberty The whole world belongs to him who knows how to misprise it God seeketh thy conversion and he is able to turn thee He requireth thy faith and he is able to make thee believe he requireth thy love and by knocking at the door of thy heart he is able to get entrance into it Be not sad then O my Soul but adore that infinite mercy which doth at any time chastise thee with Temporary punishments being not willing to make thee an Object of that fury which is kindled by Eternity of Flames Why shouldst thou not bend all thy affections to Jesus who is onely able to delight thee Why shouldst not thou be enamoured of his Beauties Why shouldst thou not sigh after his Attractives If we behold the Sun we cannot chuse but love God that Glorious Light being the Image of the Soveraign King the Eye of the which enlightneth the Stars in Heaven createth the Fruits and Flowers upon Earth and giveth strength to all living Creatures How pleasant a thing also is it to behold those goodly Forrests to trace those flourishing Woods to be delighted with the murmuring Waters to hear the pleasant notes and warbling of Birds in the sweetness of solitude and retirement But O my Soul rest not here Let thy Spirit fly to that hidden Spirit which thus distributeth it self through so many melodious Divisions throughout the whole world When thou contemplatest the world and all things thereto belonging think on that secret Spirit which insinuateth it self thereunto with such admirable power ravishing sweetness and incomparable harmony Oh love thy Jesus because he is fair and made all these Beauties presented before thee Love him because he is good and communicateth himself unto thee Love him because he is thine and thou art wholly his O be thou still touched with his beauty his wisdom and goodness and let his mercy still soften thy heart And how a thousand times wilt thou bless the hour of this Resolution Ah Jesus why should I argue any longer with my vain Thoughts Why should I dispute any longer with my sinful Lusts Why do I not fly away weigh Anchor set Sails and go forward towards my Eternal happiness Shall I create unto my self an Empire in my Banishment shall I suppose my self in a Haven in the midst of shipwrack surely the Soul which is ravished with the contemplation of Heaven will not stay upon Flesh She hath nothing to do with the standing puddles of Egypt which do onely enflame thirst in her veins but is ever seeking refreshment in the Cisterns of Bethel No more will she ask where is her God become not a tract of a Tear will be visible on those cheeks where Flouds and Billowes of sorrow had formerly appeared Though formerly she went weeping under the heavy load of her sinnes she at last returns with precious seed she soons recovers her joy Psal 51.10.11 and peace and loseth no Graines Psal 126.6 but rather gets ground in the fire of Temptation she receives double with Iob for all her losses for a Cup of Affliction Vessels of joy and for a few disconsolate dayes moneths and years of delight and comfort in Heaven where she no longer complains of her frailties but cryes out It is enough Lord it is enough what am I or what is my Fathers House that thou shouldst thus deal with me And oh if there be such pleasures in the Kingdom of Grace how unspeakable are those laid up for us in the Kingdom of Glory The Soul is ravished upon the Return of her Saviours Presence THough the Soul of Man may live at uncertainties upon a certain Faith and in time of desertion trembling may accompany the people of God yet it truly relies upon Christs mercy Job 13.15.16 Psal 6.8 it shews a true saving and justifying faith in the very act of Reliance and dependance And though Gods Afflictions are oftentimes like hot Spices comfortable to the stomack though hot in the mouth yet the Soul with the Spouse is ever waking whensoever it falls into any spiritual slumber The greatest darkness ordinarily as we use to say is about the break of day And it is not impossble but that when sadness and melancholly which is many times the Nurse of doubting shall pervert our Reason and clad the Soul in mourning weeds there may be an Eclipse at the fairest Noon through the with-drawment of Gods favour and the interposition of Satans Temptations The dark Cloud which sometimes comes between God and the Soul is again cleared with many Lights and most sweet consolations insomuch that being again gilded over with the most radient Splendors and admirable Beauty of her beloved she breaks out with profusions of heart not to be expressed Holy Asaph may complain Will the Lord absent himself for ever Will he be favourable no more hath God forgotten to be Gracious hath he in anger shut up his tender mercy Psal 77.7.8 9. and yet all this expostulating with God is not because he suspects the truth of his Promises but because at such times the Soul cannot so plainly see it it looks upon its sinnes in a multiplying-Glass and in the gloomy day of Affliction is ready to behold them as an evidence that it wants that interest in God it should have and thinks with David and the Church it is wholly cast off Psal 43.2 44 9 80 1. But after those fainting and soul-swounding fits and too much eying and poaring on sin without observing the nature of God in his Covenant when the poor Soul as well looks upwards with one eye towards Gods mercy as with the other downward on her sins she is kept from being over-powred with Satans temptations she concludes there is yet some help in her God she still layes hold on the merits of her Saviour And however her stomack may be gone for a time yet when she awakes out of her spiritual Desertion she cryes out Surely the Lord is in this place though I knew it not Ps 4.3.8 I shall again sit at Davids Table who bids me to come and taste and see how good the Lord is
into Adamant are the Eternal Springs of Lebanon dryed up are the Heavens become Iron that no drops of dew can distill down to refresh thy languishing Soul Where are now thy old friends which were so much delighted with thy Glory upon mount Tabor who lately sung so cheerfully at thy entering into Hierusalem yea even solemnly protested their readiness to die with thee Alas they are all asleep so fast so dead asleep that neither shame nor compassion on their Masters disconsolate condition can make them to say so much as one short prayer for themselves Oh weak condition of humane friendship unhappy and miserably deluded are all they who build on so false a Bottom How far better is it to trust in God then Man O ill requited Master is this the fruit of all thy Teachings Is this thy reward for all thy Benefits Is this the Profit of all thy Wonders thou hast made amongst them What though Judas were tempted with the glittering of Silver which dazels the eyes of all the World yet what Plea have thy beloved Disciples to excuse their dulness their coldness and want of Love Though Earth fail Heaven should be kind And now O my Soul thou who hast been witness to this great Spectacle What shall not this strange and incomparable love of thy Saviour make thee wholly to go out of thy self Look if thou are able to look at so glorious a Light or judge of so infinite charity and tell me what thou canst do Canst thou love any thing after this but thy Lord Jesus Canst thou affect any thing but thy dear Saviour Can thy greatest troubles or hardships distaste thee Thou complainest indeed of thy Sufferings but weigh them in this Ballance and alas how little cause hast thou to complain Ah! what poor flea-bitings are those which thou art afflicted with in respect of the Torments thy Saviour underwent for thee whom thou thus seest to have traced out the way with his own gored footsteps having his Head Crown'd with Thorns his shoulders charg'd with the infamous Burden of the Cross his ears pierced with Reproachful speeches and his eyes floating with Tears in which condition he ascended mount Calvary and invites thee to follow him Were they not thy sins O my Soul which were the Nails that fastned his Hands and his Feet were they not the Spears which pierced his sacred side Look upon thy Hypocrisie which was the kiss that betrayed him Behold thy Back-slidings which made his Soul weary to death which caused the withdrawment of his Fathers love and made him cry out that he was forsaken Hath Christ endured so much for thee and wilt thou not suffer a little for him Ah happy is that Affliction which is raised from thy Saviours love How rich shall we be when we have him for our Portion yea how high when we shall see a true contempt of the world under our feet Maist thou forbid O blessed Jesus that I should go about any worldly Throne which carries not thy Scepter or that I should talk of Honours when there is mention made of thy Holy Cross Let all greatness where thou art not be baseness unto me and let me mount up unto thee by those stairs of Humility whereby thou camest down to me O let me kiss the paths of that Mount which thou hast sprinkled with thy precious Bloud and esteem that Cross above all earthly things which thou hast consecrated by thy cruel pains Alas is it not a shameful thing that God should seek us among the heats of his Love and Sufferings and yet we cannot be found by him Shall we not forsake all the Disorders of a sensual life which hinder the effect of his Grace shall we not with the Samaritan woman forsake and leave behind us our Pitcher that we may return full of Jesus Christ shall we not bid farewel to all those occasions which lead us to sin O dear Saviour the most pure of all Beauties since it is for thee that so many Champions have peopled Deserts and passed the stream of bitterness and sorrow bearing their Crosses after thee and amongst the most cruel of dolours have felt the sweetness of thy presence shall I shed no Tears for those sins that pierced thee shall Jesus carry so many Thorns upon his Head and shall I have none in my heart Alas my Soul canst thou behold a Crown of Thorns grafted upon a man of sorrow what Spectacle alas is this no more a man but a skin dispoiled and bloody taken from the teeth of Tigers and Leopards Every stroak made a wound every wound a fountain of blood O hideous Prodigies which took away from us the light of the Sun and covered the Moon with a sorrowful darkness Heaven wears mourning upon his Cross all the Citizens of Heaven weep over his Torments The Earth quakes the Stones rend the Sepulchres open the Dead arise and all to teach us by insensible Creatures the pitty we should take of his Sufferings And in conclusion of all what should we hence learn but imitating our blessed Saviour who having sadness in his Soul even to death yea taking up a resolution and deprecation in the approaches thereof cryed out My God my God why hast thou forsaken me willingly to submit to all those Sufferings he shall think fit to lay upon us Neither to be any way fearful or solicitous in what manner God will please to take us to him or in the least manner to be troubled touching the place hour or manner of our Dissolution since he that made us best knows how to dispose of us as he please who can give us a Cordial in our greatest fainting Fits and therefore his will ought to be the rule of our Life and Death our Sufferings and our Sorrows since from him who is all goodness of himself we cannot expect any thing but the best Are we mortal and shall we grieve to die Shall we not gladly drink of that Cup whereof our Saviour hath begun Death is unwelcom onely to those who have not mortified their desires and affections here while they lived why then should we have regret to leave so miserable a lise Why should we be unwilling to bid adieu and quit this place where we have endured so many Deaths and which hath so long been the place of our sorrows O my God! what a vain fear then is that which startles me what a sad Pensiveness which over-spreads me Oh when and where shall I take my flight unto thee Do not tell me O dear Saviour there is a great Chaos between thee and me since thou hast already passed it and wilt thou not then lift me up by thy mercy I am here as within the Deserts of Africa in a burning world the drought whereof makes it a habitation for Devils O my God! I am tormented in this flame until some Lazarus be found to dip the end of his finger in thy blood to allay the burning of my thirst and restore me into the bosome of a merciful God O bessed day when we shall be free from sorrow and suffering but not from comfort where we shal rest from our Labours and perfectly injoy the most perfect God who as he is love it self will perfectly love us yea love us for ever O comfortable words how sweet must they needs be to our ears how refreshing to our wearied Senses and languid Spirits Ah What smiles shall we then perceive in that face of Sorrows and with whom we have here suffered when he shall pronounce that joyful sentence Come ye blessed of my Father shal we then repent our Sufferings and Sorrows are not the Tears of Repentance sweet unto us This is that joy which was procured by sorrow This is that Crown which was procured by the Cross Jesus did weep that our Tears might be washed away Our Saviour bled that we might not be wounded O blessed Love Oh in what a frame will our Soul then be who can express who can conceive the infinite love and unexpressible joy of so happy a Union so sweet a Reconcilement who can question the love which he doth so sweetly taste or doubt of that vvhich vvith such joy he feeleth vvhen vve shall be incircled in Eternity and for ever praise him FINIS