succour from him let me adde further this observaâ—ion to yours that a special Friend whose affection led him further and longer at a certainty then mine or any I observed to weep for her and to reprove others for fainting and neglects of her before him yet lately wrote from Ireland to me his despairing also concerning her at the very interim God our God who comforteth those that are cast down was surely succoring her and incouraging his poor mourning fainting followers whose Spirits were willing though the Flesh was weak as he will further do in their sight unto publick admiration for those who in this evil time shall go forth weeping bearing pretious seed according to his promise Psal 126.5 6. and their Prayers in the fourth verse Yea when there is but little Faith in the Earth for alas how have we even we that were nearest related also left off our hope for this poor soul Yea how have I to my shame that had the charge of her failed most herein I must say indeed to my abasement the weights and fear of her untimely end the cares of keeping her from any Instrument to accomplish it and the dread of divers kinds that so long encompassed me concerning her with the trouble we had to get her eat her bread and to gaining her under hearing the word of God which is more necessary with the discouraging influence of living under the dayly droppings of those many dismal predictions she uttered of her suddain and certain ruine destruction after more then three years care of the kind aforesaid and so many attempts and faintings Alas Paimed now at no more in my own mind then to get her safe again delivered into her dear Parents hands that my face might not be covered with shame according to my fear of her untimely end at such distance from them which being accomplished by the good hand of God in our safe Voyage through his special grace who led us and our little ones through his stormy deep and after some hazzards landed us in safety which I wish we may not let slip alas she almost fell out of my memory and was seldom in my Prayer the Lord grant me the mercy of her earnest supplications for which Jobs Friends were made humbly to apply to him through like frailty towards him in his sorrow as I have reason to impute to my self towards her herein Thus hath the Lord our God stained the pride of all glory as he shall yet more publickely do unto his praise and give grace to the humble that they who glory might onely glory in him as the great end of his works of wonder his great Salvations and the operations of the Almighty in the Earth that the faint who relie on the Lord may be revived that youths and every confident one may faint and be humbled before him Wherefore Beloved I beg the best effects in every heart of this unspeakable mercy and to the glory of God in the highest which I trust is the onely end why my poor Brother and Companion in mourning for our own sins and shortnesse and for yours also which have the greatest hand in hiding good things yea the expected publicke Salvations also from us have agreed by the Advice of divers who are also in the dust for Zion in this dark declining day to recommend this token of good from God our Father and yours unto you towards the support of your sinking souls in his cloudy gloomy houre with our poor Epistles full of affection to your pretious souls affixed to this gratious earnest of releasing drooping dying Captives who shall draw nigh to and alone depend on God And these I trust shall come to every hand with some effect of our earnest Prayer that the Lord God Almighty to save would accompany it and greatly bless this grain of Mustard seed to make it grow and multiply unto the Faith and refreshment of many the abasement of all and the glorious exaltation of our King who sitteth at the right hand of the Father for us and sends the Comforter to succour his feeble ones in earnest of his care of those who cast their care upon him who onely hath the healing Medicines and will surely right soon therewith visit such in every Nation When all the proud how high soever and they who still do wickedly shall be as stubble before him Mal. 4.1 2. 2 Sam. 22.28 Oh that this pretious answer to your supplications in the best season might be now improved as a prop to uphold your hands with the Rod of God therein in this doubtful day that Amalek may not prevail Oh! wrestle fervently in the unspeakable priviledge of Faith and with Christ in your Armes present your weepings and spread your supplications before the Father in other distressed cases still before you by this incouragement yea let us improve it to publicke as well as private benefit for surely patterns of mercy should be so made use of 2 Cor. 1.10 And call for Faith in the path of them as the most natural improvement 1 Tim. 1.16 Heb. 13.5 as well as to dread the expectation of a contrary portion in the contrary path Psal 125.5 And as the Declaration of Judgements with the cause assigned or the way into them warneth all and speaks incouragement to none so the manifestation of grace and the path thereof is an incouragement to all in the same path and Spirit which was eminently seen of old in God's special presence with Israel in driving back Jordan by his mighty Power for their present deliverance and their adversaries destruction for which they erected Pillars of praise to encourage the future Faith and hope of faithful ones that should follow God fully as his Servant Joshua did Yet could not Israel then have the least ground to expect the driving back of Jordan again or removing other difficulties to have incouraged their retreat or furthered any humane design to which they were sometimes subject through unbelief Neither in our dayes have any persons ground to suppose much lesse to conclude that the Lords eminent presence in the high places of the field scil Naasby and other parts with his people while they faithfully followed him can now yeeld any incouragement to expect the like presence of God while they are turning back and declining from him Neverthelesse new appearances of the like glorious presence with the truely humble followers of the Lord as the matter should require might again be safely expected from the Majesty on high who by the former no doubt manifested his right-hand Power for the strengthening of the Faith and hope of all upright followers of him according to Psal 33.8 9 10 11. and Psal 36.6 7 8 9. and Mic. 6.5 And the very end of the Lords deferring to relieve Lazarus whom he loved until he was dead and laid in the Grave and so no visible hopes left unto his Disciples touching his present resurrection was to the intent they might believe Joh.
such might never hold their peace nor give the Lord rest but in the strength of Jacob by weeping and supplication wrestle with the Mighty one of Jacob till he return in pitty unto Zion to their own souls and to all the distressed who wait upon him and to the stopping the mouth of all Iniquity in the Nations so lately rescued by his hand even till the dry bones live and the heart of those that weep now greatly rejoyce and flourish like an herb and the hand of the Lord be known towards his Servants and his indignation towards his Enemies yea to that effect in Isai 66.12 For thus saith the Lord Behold I will extend peace to her as a River c. and Jer. 30.21 And their Nobles shall be of themselves c. That the glory of the Lord may be redeemed in the Land Let us still wait on the Arm of the Lord who caused Ahasuerus to be restless in the night till he had read the records of the Chronicles of the good service of Mordecai to the changing his heart from his wicked decree and turning it against his treacherous Flatterers and who have taught us to remember his hand upon the haughty of old and to plead it in future distresse as in Isai 51.9 Awake awake put on strength Oh Arm of the Lord awake as in the antient dayes c. For hereby hath he gratiously given us a fresh proof of his Power to performe whatever may make to our relief and comfort in every condition whether we be incompassed with publicke or private distresses wherefore I have somewhat enlarged upon this opportunity of Printing on this occasion which otherwayes I love not thus variously to improve this instance though some men may esteem them unnecessary diversions for the begetting of Faith in God by this Example of dread and incouragement which can onely inable to meet him acceptably in humiliation and before the decree be gone forth as against Shilâ—e of old and Judah who perished with the signes of God's presence in their hand through their not observing aright to Sanctifie his name who had made them so strong and successeful against their Adversaries And seeing the Lord alone can heal our sicknesse and our wound and the breach upon us which is wide as the Sea let every true Mourner humbly approach before him on the behalf of our selves and whole Zion the Prophets Rulers Judges Laws Customes of these Nations on the behalf of the afflicted deserted unbelieving divided and thereby liable to be destroyed people and to turn the heart of those that are enraged and ready to do evil because it is in the Power of their hands to do it for now all men almost see our sicknesse and our wound how foolish many Physitians and our false refuges have proved Let us therefore now cease not only from Babylon Egypt Ashur Horses Armies fenced Cities c. But also from those other fair shews in the flesh to which some fearful Friends would compel us to conform which have too oft deceived us Neither let us humour the lusts of men and multitudes nor be found in the indirect path of fretting proud wrath envying and grudging one against another nor in rash ingaging submitting to traditions temporizing c. But in deep humiliation and brokennesse of soul let us be as Doves of the Valley every one mourning over his Iniquities which is the most hopeful path of refreshment from his presence who hath hereby shewed us his right hand which will certainly relieve and that right soon those that truely sowe in teares for according to his faithful word Psal 126.5 6. He that goeth forth and weepeth bearing pretious seed shall doubtlesse return again with rejoycing bringing his sheaves with him When the Blossome of pride shall wither and the bands of mockers will be made strong Let my soul and yours be imbarked with those that weep this day before the Lord chusing affliction with his people rather then with those who rejoyce now and are not sensible of the afflictions of Joseph but make merry with the nakednesse of Noah and that the Counsel given us for support in Isai 26.20 21. may be accompanied with the residue of the Spirit for our guidance and succour as being given us to be a word of gratious Counsel for such a day as this And that though Satan be seen yet further to fall as lightening from Heaven We may chiefly rejoyce in that our names are written in the Book of Life And now to be still freely admitted with this precious soul to that Feast that fadeth not for evermore is the humble and earnest desire on the behalf of himself and all Saints of The unworthiest of those who yet stand by Faith through the upholding grace of God JOHN VERNON TO THE READER READER THou hast here presented to thy view and serious consideration an eminent pattern of Goâ—'s faithfulnesse in fulfilling that good word Matth. 12.20 A bruised reed shall he not break and smoaking Flax shall he not quench till he send forth Judgemâ—nt unto Victory Which may help to confirme thee in that great truth that there is nothing too hard for him Gen. 18.14 compared with Job 42.2 Who can and will work when he pleaseth and none shall let it Esai 43.13 Neither the height of Satan's malice nor the depth of sinners misery can hinder the free Communication of his mercy to such as look for Salvation from him to which all are freely invited Esai 45.22 And although I judge two such testimonies as are annexed to this treatise sufficâ—ent to satisfie such as know them of the truth of what they assert Yet I having been by the providence of God for some years past an eye and ear-witness in the Family to the sad and deplorable condition of this poor soul now inriched from above who is the subject of the insuling Narrative I have thought meet to adde my mite and thereby signifie my consent to the truth of what is contained in the two foregoing Epistles concerning the late distressed state of that Daughter of Abraham now loosed by the loving kindnesse of the Lord. She hath been indeed for a long season in the depth of misery as to her inward man being bound in affliction and Iron by the Tempter who was suffered to assault and buffet her poor soul even to despair of all help or hope and making her often to conclude that her sins were greater then could be forgiven but that God who is rich in mercy hath appeared gratiously in his own time to hear and answer the Prayers of his people in her behalf in relieving her poor soul and making her to see and acknowledge to his praise that the former suggestions concerning him and her souls irrecoverable estate was from the Father of lies whose work it is to intice and tempt souls unto sin and then wound them in the sence of it endeavouring by all means to perswade such that they have out-sinn'd
remember after my sickness in Dublin aforementioned what fretful hateful thoughts I had of God saying in my mind I wil do this or that in despight of God and I could not think otherwise and such a hateful bent of spirit I had against the Lord that I was oft ready to say in my heart I will curse God and die and at last through the strength of temptation I was so far prevailed upon as I did in my thoughts curse God and all I could think of that belonged to him and then concluded my self damned indeed and that I was sure of it and then said to my self I am now sure I have committed the sin against the holy Ghost which is unpardonable and should now to Eternity be tormented with the Devil and his Angels and this sorely afflicted and overwhelmed me in so much that I was once tempted to cast my self down out of a window to kill my self onely the dread of Hell I thought deterred me from it I did also strive to put horrour out of my mind all I could by enjoying outward comforts but alas these were all imbittered to me when I saw the end of such comforts I did also sometimes endeavour to divert these thoughts by businesse I set my self about but being sometimes hot at work I should have the heat of Hell-fire thereby brought to my mind and the terriblenesse of that represented to me But the greatest ease I had in these distracting terrours was by setting my self upon businesse but found my self so continually harrased with thoughts of Hell that my heart grew hard and stupid so that though I knew that was my portion yet I was unsensible of it unlesse at sometimes when horrour would violently break in upon me especially at such times as I was forced to go to hear when I still expected God to witnesse against me by some sore judgement from Heaven which upon every dark and stormy day especially I expected and did oft times judge I saw flashes of fire come upon my face putting me in mind of that horrible pit of darknesse I should one day fall into And many times when I went to bed I have been afraid to sleep lest I should be cast into Hell ere I waked again to prevent which I have oft resolved not to sleep onely sometimes through a stupid senslesse frame I should lye down and sleep not thinking of my danger but when I waked I wondered I was not in Hell yet could not be thankful for it but still thought I should be there shortly and though I lived never so long yet to be there at last would swallow up all this time as if it had not been and all the comforts I now enjoyed would but aggravate my sorrow and misery then when I shall be deprived of all and suffer for what I now enjoy upon which account all my comforts were bitter to me and when I tasted any thing I still thought what I should tast ere long in Hell which made me hardly able to eat my meat for I should thus reason Why should I eat and drink when I am in dayly expectation of being cast into Hell and then was that Scripture brought to mind (c) Esa 57.20 21. The wicked are like the troubled Sea that cannot rest whose waters cast up mire and dirt there is no peace to the wicked And many times when I have been at work suddain flashes of Hell have been as it were darted into my soul so that I have run out of the room where I was and would have run out of the Lords presence also if I could but alas my foul had no refuge to flye to from him nor can I remember that I had a heart so much as to seek for mercy onely in some great distresses sometimes I think I have used the words LORD HAVE MERCY UPON ME but without any hope or expectation of obtaining what I prayed for but concluded God would not save me unlesse he would deny himself and his word and though an Angel from Heaven should have told me of mercy I could not have believed it being so confident of the contrary and therefore I would tell those that endeavoured to fasten counsel comfort upon me it was but a casting Pearls before Swine and holy things to Dogs which God forbids And when several good women in Dublin did meet to seek the Lord on my behalf I thought sometimes especially once in Mistriss Patients house I smell'd Brimstone burning and expected nothing but destruction in the sence of which I did tremble exceedingly out of that deep horrour that was on my soul but still I got no sensible good in any of these meetings and when I have seen the mist ascend sometimes that minded me of that Scripture where 't is said (d) Rev. 14.11 The smoak of their torment ascendeth up for ever And I have oft as I have judged seen Michaels meeting-house in Dublin where we met to hear full of smoak all which I judged sealed and confirmed my destruction I do also remember when my dear Sister Allen died at Dublin in Ireland I had little or no sence of that with other like heavy stroaks of the Lord about that time upon divers other pretious ones but did believe they were taken away for my sake because they prayed for me and that I was onely left to fill up the measure of my Iniquity and therefore the Lord stopped many of their mouths by death that they might not pray any more for me but that I might be left to heap up wrath and aggravate my misery I do likewise remember one morning particularly at Dublin when I being in bed and called to rise I did believe verily I saw grievous flashes of lightning flie in my face which put me in strange honour And also another morning seeing the Sun rise in a misty frosty morning very red I had that Scripture come into my mind (e) Joel 2.31 of the Suns being turned into blood before the great and notable day of the Lord which I believed was then near to my destruction Another time being at a Christian Friends Mistriss Roe's house in Dublin in the night season I heard a voice as I judged over my head a great voice to which I hearkened and was thereby put into great horrour thinking it to be the Devil come to fetch me away and at last through anguish of soul was put into great trembling and sweat by reason of which I spake to Mistriss Roe who told me it was the people that lay over my head that talked But I did not believe her but still thought it was the Devil and towards morning I heard a ratling of Chains as I thought which I judged to be the Devils hasting to fetch me away with great rejoycing that they had got me then I asked Mistriss Ree what that noise was who told me it was onely people opening Shop-windows but that satisfied not me but I remained still
against all Impenitent Rejectors of him of which number I was one and looking on him as a God of infinite power able to cast me into Hell in a moment and I remaining a Subject of his wrath in a state of unbelief it made me fear exceedingly but withal considering that still to remain in this condition nothing but destruction could be expected as also that there was no flying from his presence before whom all places persons and things are open and bare and from whom nothing can be hid Hell and destruction being open and known to him how much more the hearts of the Sons of Men I hence concluded my condition to be exceeding sad and then considering what a Rebel I had been setting at nought his counsels and casting his Laws behind my back yea despising hating and contemning him it made me afraid to go to him But seeing no way to go from him and my self in this desperate condition I must needs be ruin'd by him if I came not unto him He at last led me to this resolution of flying to him begging mercy at his hands for the sake of Christ as one who saw my self in the High-way to Hell and knowing that his right hand would easily find out all his Adversaries that had hated and opposed him So that there would be no escaping but by flying to Christ there being NO OTHER NAME UNDER HEAVEN GIVEN FOR SALVATION UNTO POOR SINNERS BUT THIS ONELY And so out of this great depth I was inabled to look towards his holy Temple crying to him for mercy without which I saw I was undone for ever so I continued crying to him and striving with my own soul to hope that the Lord would for Christs sake shew mercy to me because he had shewed mercy to very vile sinners though I knew none so vile as I being the chief of sinners having long despised and rejected that mercy that then I sought yet seeing what a woefull condition I should for ever be in without it I cryed to him for it and then had some Meditations given in of the way of God's shewing mercy considering how he had found out a way for mercy and truth to meet together in Christ for the Salvation of poor sinners yea the chief of sinners and the Lord brought at that time some passages to my remembrance that I had heard about the City of refuge provided in the time of the Law which was then minded typed out Christ as the City of refuge prepared of God for poor pursued sinners to flie unto from that wrath that all would be else concluded under to Eternity And the Lord also was gratiously pleased to enable me to have recourse to Christ as the onely refuge left for my poor soul begging hard for mercy upon his account and the account of what he had done and suffered for such poor sinners as I was and I was helpt also to consider the large extent of his mercy to the vilest of sinners and suddenly after I was gratiously helpt to hope in his mercy and supported and incouraged from that good word then brought with power upon my soul (p) John 3.7 He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out which did greatly support me in good hopes of mercy from him and after that this other good word was brought in with great power upon my heart (q) Heb. 7.25 Wherefore he is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him seeing he ever lives to make intercession for them This also added much to the ground of my hope in his mercy that though I had been such a Rebel and great transgressor as I had been yet he having said he would in no wise cast out any that came to him was able to save to the uttermost it much upheld and comforted my soul in looking towards him Another Scripture brought in at the same time to my heart was (r) Esai 43.12 13. I am God and besides me there is no Savior I will work and none shall let it whence I was inabled to believe that he was able to do all things by the word of his power and to break through all oppositions that stand in his way that he was able to break down every strong hold and subject every high thought to his obedience I then had Meditations of the heights and depths lengths and bredths of that infinite mercy that was in Jesus Christ and the Lord by such Meditations on his holy word did greatly incourage strengthen and raise up my poor weak unworthy soul very often and powerfully repeating these Scriptures last mentioned over and over to my poor soul and now was my soul greatly refreshed in hopes of his mercy to me but a little after the same night Her first Assault after comfort received I was sorely assaulted again to call in question all the hopes I had of mercy from the Lord in the sense of which I was made to cry yea roar out in bitter distress to the Lord striving not to let go my hold but to call to mind what he had before spoken Namely That those that come to him he will in no wise cast out together with the rest of the Scriptures before mentioned given in at first for my incouragement and the Lord again in this sore conflict brought in all those Scriptures afresh upon my heart and so relieved me gratiously at this time also Her second Assault But yet the tempter continued his assaults tempting me yet to cast off my confidence in the Lord as also to blaspheme God But the Lord upheld me by putting and keeping under his everlasting Armes By which I was stayed upon him trusting in him and was not left to the will of mine Enemy but was inabled still to hope in his mercy and hang upon that word of his promise He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out then the Lord was pleased eminently to proclaim his name unto my soul The Lord the Lord God pardoning iniquity transgression and sin And thus I was inabled through his infinite mercy and by his Almighty Power to stay my self upon him by hoping still in his mercy for ever blessed be his name And the same Scriptures were kept on my heart all the first day of the week following with great life and power succouring me against Satans temptations that this day also I was assaulted with sometimes to cast away my confidence as aforesaid from thoughts of what I had been and done against Christ but the Lord inabled me to withstand that temptation also by his good word in which he had caused me to trust namely He that comes to me I will in no wise cast out As also that he would work and none should let So that I went to God through Christ desiring he would inable my soul to follow hard after him begging in order thereto that he would uphold me causing my soul to
was committed to him and to present me before his Father without spot and blamelesse at that great day of his appearing And I was now made willing to be at his dispose and to be governed by him desiring that he onely might have Dominion in my soul and I be inabled by him to follow him whithersoever he goes and into what condition soever he would carry me according to that Character given of his redeemed ones (w) Rev. 14.4 These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth Which Scripture was at that time born in with great weight on my soul making me earnestly beg That I might be inabled to deny my self and take up his Crosse and follow him depending on him for whatever I might stand in need of being inabled through grace to believe that all the promises are in him yea and Amen Yea the good of every of them laid up in him more fully then in them And afterwards I was inabled to resign up my self to him as before expressed and then did the promises plentifully flow into my soul As first That I should (x) Isa 45.17 be saved with an everlasting Salvation and should not be ashamed world without end and that none should be able to pluck any believer out of Christ's hand So that I was inabled to say (y) Isa 45.24 25. In him have I righteousnesse and strength And in him shall all the Seed of Israel be justified and shall glory And that promise also (z) Psalm 84.11 He will be a Sun and ashield yea grace and glory will he give and no good thing will he withhold c. And I was inabled to believe That I should be kept by the mighty Power of God through Faith unto Salvation These with many more pretious promises with the comforts of them in a far larger measure then I can now relate were given in to me I had also particular promises for guidance and leading given in to my soul as that (a) John 7.17 If any man will do my will he shall know of the Doctrine whether it be of God or not And (b) Psalm 32.8 I will guide them with mine eye and (c) Hos 6.3 Then shall ye know if you follow on to know the Lord And that also (d) Prov. 8.20 I lead in the way of righteousnesse in the midst of the paths of Judgment And I had many promises also as to provision as (e) Psalm 36.8 They shall be abundantly satisfied with the fatnesse of thy house and shall drink of the Rivers of thy pleasures And also that (f) Isai 25.6 In this Mountain will the Lord make a Feast of fat things a Feast of Wine on the lees well refined And I was inabled now to believe My life was hid with Christ in God and that because he lived I should live also and that he was come that we might have life and might have it more abundantly as also that he ever liveth to make intercession for us and that he was come into the world that whosoever believes in him should not abide in darknesse and that he would be a Sun as well as a shield yea he would give grace and glory and no good thing will he withhold c. And in contemplation on these promises and the grace contain'd in them the durablenesse of them which I was assured should not fail in one tittle to be made good I was kept up the third day of the week in a holy Admiration of my soul enjoying sweet refreshment for the most part from the consideration of the infinite goodnesse of God set off and exceedingly heightened to my soul by the consideration of that abounding evil in me to whom all this rich mercy had been shewed And in this frame for the most part both the fourth day of the week and the night also and likewise on the fifth day of the week it was much the same with me But on the fifth day at night again the Enemy assaulted Her fourth Assault from Satan and conflicted very sore with me To make me look on all the grace received as a poor and low thing And I was also tempted to filthy and blasphemous thoughts against God This was before I went to lie down to take my rest which storm caused me to fly to my refuge the Lord Jesus for help in this needful time Saying unto him in my soul Because thou hast been my refuge therefore under the shadow of thy Wings will I put my trust I then also pleaded the Lord's good word in which he had caused me to hope Namely That those that came unto him he would in no wise cast out and that he had said he would never leave nor forsake me nor would turn away from me or let my soul depart from him All which I pleaded with him earnestly begging from him strength to resist the Enemies temptations that I might not dishonour the Lord by hearkning or consenting to any of his temptations or suggestions I also pleaded with him his good word of treading down Satan under foot shortly and his making good that word that the Gates of Hell shall not prevail against his Saints This being his word which he hath said should endure for ever in which my soul hath trusted Yet still these Assaults were continued Assaults continued to cause me to cast off my hope but the Lord succoured and upheld me and at last through mercy vanquished my Enemies for me also giving me such a wrestling frame of Spirit during the conflict that I could not let him go till he had bless'd me by making good the word I pleaded with him in many respects to my poor soul For ever blessed be his Name for such Riches of grace as he came in to my soul with In this conflict also making me witnesse to the truth of his word that he is indeed a God that keeps covenant and mercy and that for ever with such as fear him And after I had been thus conflicting I was enabled to read in his word comfortably without molestation any more this night and had my heart much refresh'd in beholding the Lord's faithfulnesse to me in my hour of tryal which made my soul more firmly rest upon him trust in him seeing he had not suffered his faithfulnesse to fail nor altered the thing gone out of his mouth nor removed nor took away his loving kindnesse from me And so I lay down to rest having been thus eminently refresh'd and supported by the Lord I had also my sleep made sweet to me and when I awoke in the night season it was with this Scripture (g) Zeph. 3.17 He will rest in his love he will rejoyce over thee with singing As also this Scripture He will never leave thee nor forsake thee Then also had I a most pretious view of the eternal love of God to my soul letting me see the reason why I was not long since
consumed which was because he had made an everlasting Covenant on my behalf in Christ Jesus my Lord in all things well ordered and sure and that he was ever mindful of his Covenant Oh! this was sweet and this even this was the reason I was not cast off in my rebellions because he hath loved me with an everlasting love therefore with loving kindnesse hath he drawn me and that for his own name sake he deferr'd his anger that he cut me not off nor did he retain his anger for ever because mercy pleased him he delighted to be gratious The coming in of these did even satisfie my soul as with Marrow in the thoughts of his infinite Eternal unchangeable love Which I saw indeed was the reason of my not being consumed because he is God and changeth not and in his protection and infinite love and mercy my soul did now rejoyce seeing its safety under the shadow of his Wings believing I should for ever be kept by him and he would uphold me with the right hand of his righteousnesse and would never fail nor forsake me but would rest in his love The sixth day I was kept up much in the sense of love peace and joy afforded me the night before from God my gratious Father my soul still trusting in his word with which he had refreshed and supported me And still I was inabled to believe to my great comfort That his word should endure for ever from which word last mentioned I have been inabled to plead with God in my conflicts after this manner Lord thou hast promised that they that come to thee thou wilt in no wise cast out and if so then canst thou not turn away from doing thy people good but wilt according to thy good word sprinkle them with clean water and from all their idols and Iniquities thou wilt cleanse them yea thou wilt take away the stony heart and give them hearts of Flesh with thy Laws writen in them and thy fear put so into their inward parts as they shall not depart from thee this Lord is thy word in which thou hast caused my soul to trust Thus have I been inabled to plead his new covenant-Covenant-mercy to my souls support and upholding in straits blessed be his name This night I had a good nights rest and was much refresh'd on the seventh day in the morning with thoughts much enlarged upon the great good laid up by the Lord for them that fear him and had many promises presented afresh to my soul for future encouragement so that I was inabled through his grace to admire his infinite love in Jesus Christ and to have my soul fully satisfied in that onely and to testifie my satisfaction therein by desiring and endeavouring for ever to be to the praise of his rich grace made known to me by being dedicated wholly to his service Whose workmanship I am being created in Christ Jesus to good works to the end we should walk in them Giving glory and honour to Christ Who alone is worthy to receive it from us having redeemed us out of all kindreds and tongues c. and having wash'd us in his own Blood and made us Kings and Priests unto God the Father and we shall Reign for evermore I also considered it was for this end that he gave himself to redeem us that we might be a peculiar people to himself zealous of good works And to this end I desired My soul might have Fellowship with him in his death sufferings and resurrection being made conformable to him in his death and raised up and brought forth by the power of his Spirit in the Fellowship of his resurrection Fifth Assault from Satan But this seventh day at night I was again assaulted with blasphemous thoughts and tempted to slighty and low thoughts af all his grace and love made known to me And was seized with much fear as I am usually in all these conflicts lest I should be overcome and dishonour God by hearkning consenting to the suggestions of his and my Enemy But the Lord this night also was not wanting to me but did uphold me in waiting upon him inabling me to seek to him rest upon him his word in which he had caused my soul to trust And in this way he came in to me manifesting himself exceeding gratious to my relief and helped me to vanquish those temptations giving me strength against them and inabling me to speak to his praise what he had done for my soul to the end it might be recorded yet when I came this night to speak of these things that so they might be recorded I was much afraid I should not be able being much straitened and shut up but the Lord opened my heart and my mouth spake through his assistance to his praise The seventh day at night I went to bed late and when I awaked in the morning the Lord made my Meditations of him to be sweet to me causing me much still to rejoyce in the love of God my Saviour My first Meditation being of his infinite love and wisdom in finding out a way for recovering and reconciling poor lost fallen man to himself and such a way wherein mercy and truth might meet together righteousnâ—sse and peace might kâ—sse each other And this Scripture was much on my heart g 1 Joh. 1.9 If we confesse our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins And that was sweet to see it was not onely mercy but faithfulnesse and justice to forgive sins unto poor penitent sinners for the sake of Christ The Mediator between God and man in whom God saw himself and Justice fully satisfied and the poor believer might see himself fully acquitted as if he had not sinned And all this I saw as the Fruit of Christs death and resurrection he having in our stead fully discharged our debts which we else could never have satiâ—fied by whom onely we receive the Atonement I had also a far more pretious and inlarged discovery of these things then I am now able to mention with many choice Scriptures brought to my mind as to this head Namely (h) Psalm 68.18 Thou hast ascended on high Thou hast led captivity captive Thou hast received gifts for men yea for the rebellious also that the Lord God might dwell among them and that by Christ all hand-writings that were against us were taken out of the way and nailed to his Cross who hath spoiled principalities and Powers triumphing over them openly And that by him the sting of death and strength of the Law were taken away According to his good word (i) 1 Cor. 15.55 56 57. Oh Death I will be thy death O Grave I will be thy destruction The sting of death is sin and the strength of sin is the Law But thanks be to God who giveth us the Victory through our Lord â—esus Christ Oh! these Scriptures were FOOD AND STRENGTH to my soul At this time also
that Scripture was given in (k) Titus 3.4 After the kindnesse and love of God our Saviour towards man appeared not by works of righteousnesse which we have done but according to his mercy he saved us by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the holy Ghost which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour So that I saw our Sanctification was the Fruit of his purchase for us and Free-gift to us it being one great end in his laying down his life that he might redeem purifie to himself a peculiar people zealous of good works I had many Meditations also (l) Ezek. 16.6 c. about the Lords passing by us when we lay polluted in our blood and cast out to the loathing of our persons in the day we were born that then he should say to us Live and that this should be the time of love and spreading his skirt over us as also to consider that the promise of Christ (m) Gen 3.15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman and between thy seed and her seed It shall bruise thy head and thou shalt bruise his heel was given to fallen man in that nick of time of the greatest misery which he had brought on himself and posterity I had then also many Meditations of God's power by which he is able to keep us through faith unto Salvation with many promises given in to that purpose as that (n) Psalm 34.22 none that trust in him shall be desolate As also that was made sweet to my soul (o) Isai 33.16 17. namely His place of defence shall be the munition of Rocks bread shall be given him and his Waters shall be sure and thine eyes shall see the King in his Beauty and behold the Land that is very far off These were MEAT TO ME INDEED at that time Thus to consider the safety of believers as founded upon the Rock of ages And also that Scripture (p) Isai 26.12 Lord thou wilt ordain peace for us for thou also hast wrought all our works in us and likewise that (q) Prov. 10.3 the Lord will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish but he casts away the substance of the wicked And r Prov. 10.29 the way of the Lord is strength to the upright but destruction shall be to the workers of Iniquity And that s John 14. â—7 Peace I leave with you my peace Is give unto you not as the world giveth give I unto you Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid And t John 14.13 because I live you shall live also And u Job 5.19 he shall deliver thee in six troubles yea in seven there shall no evil touch thee And w Isai 58.11 their souls shall be as a watered Garden that God hath blessed And x Isai 27.3 I the Lord do keep it I will water it every moment lest any hurt it I will keep it night and day With these promises was my soul refresh'd greatly this night and from hence was I led to meditate on the great care love and tender pity of the Lord towards his poor people in making so many pretious promises for support and succour for his poor Saints which made me even with Astonishment admire his grace herein and then was that good word brought in sweetly refreshing me y Isai 41.17 When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them I then called to mind how largely my soul had experienc'd the truth of that word that even when I was ready to fail and sink my soul even scorcht up with the heat of the wrath of the Lord without any refreshment yea without a heart to seek it he made good this to me For ever blessed be his name and the Riches of his grace made known in Christ to my soul And now did the Lord bring my soul to this Well of consolation and made me drink abundantly of the River of his pleasures streaming out in these promises and gave me Fruit indeed from the Tree of Life feeding me from that word also (z) Isai 55.3 I will make an everlasting Covenant with you even the sure mercies of David Which I saw were sure indeed as laid no in Christ for believers Eâ—en in him whom God hath exalted as a Prince and a Saviour to give repentance unto Israel for remission of sins who himself was tempted that he might be able to succour those that are tempted Whom God hath raised from the dead that our liâ—e and hope might be in him who hath called poor and weary souls to come to him for rest and hath made me amongst others largely experience the truth of that word in causing my soul to find rest onely in him after a long and sore travail and wearysome journey Yet again this first day of the week I was assaulted in hearing the word Preached Her sixth Assault from Satan with many filthy suggestions cast in to cause me to undervalue the grace of God made known And this was both forenoon and afternoon but yet I was gratiously helpt to strive against them and to cry out to the Lord for help and assistance to resist the wicked one begging The Lord would not suffer me to dishonour his holy name by consenting to the temptors suggestions and then I call'd to mind that word wherein he had caused me to trust Namely (a) Heb. 13.5 That he vvould never leave me nor forsake me but vvould put his fear so in my heart as I should not depart from him neither should the Gates of Hell prevail against me And thus by flying to him as my Sanctuary I was inabled to resist and overcome my Enemies who else had been too hard for me I had also this day Her seventh Assault from Satan while I was hearing some sad considerations about falling avvay after grace received which made my soul to tremble in the thoughts of it to think how dishonourable that would be to the name of God but I had some hopes in his word which supported and strenghthened me against these fears Namely That the Lord vvould keep me by his Povver through faith unto Salvation and would also according to his Covenant put his fear in my heart that I should not at least utterly depart from him but yet had many fears that if he should but eclipse his love to my soul that might also be to the dishonour of his name and an occasion of stumbling to others which also made my soul full of fears in the thoughts of it But this somewhat flay'd me that he who hath begun a good work will finish it and will be careful of his own glory which in my souls upholding is so much concerned She is helped to consider what she owed unto the Lord for all
that he shall speak then was my heart lifted up blessing the Lord for that plentious redemption which he had let me see in Christ according to that word (u) Psalm 103. blessing him with whom there is such plentiful redemption to redeem Israel from all his iniquities who Crowneth us with loving kindnesse c. and who hath bless'd us with all Spiritual blessings in Christ having raised us and made us sit together in Heavenly places in Christ that in the ages to come he might shew what is the exceeding Riches of his grace in his kindnesse towards us in Christ who hath delivered us from the Kingdom of darknesse and hath translated us into the Kingdom of his dear Son I had also some pretious Meditations upon that great deliverance I had by Jesus Christ from the dominion of sin Satan and that greatest bondage of all to be in a natural condition and that Christ had purchased perfect liberty and freedom so that I was now made free indeed and made a partaker of the inheritance of the Saints in light Yet after all this Her eighth Assault I was again sorely assaulted and tempted to have low undervaluing thoughts of the grace of God as if it were but a poor low thing as also to blaspheme against God but the Lord did gratiously make me to cry to him for his assistance to cause my soul to resist the Devil and loath and abominate his filthy suggestions that so I might not dishonour him by hearkning or consenting thereto seeing he had promised He would never leave me nor forsake me That he would now make good his word in which he had caused me to trust and by these and many other promises he inabled me to plead with him who had said He would save to the utmost and would tread down Satan under soot shortly and that the Gates of Hell should not prevail against me All which I pleaded earnestly with him that he would still cause me to experience the truth of this his-word in which he had made my soul to hope and at length through his rich grace I was inabled to say to his praise That he was indeed a God that did never leave nor forsake them that trusted in him but did keep Covenant and mercy for ever in that he had vanquished the Devil and caused me to relie on himself by giving me Faith in that pretious promise That he would not break the bruised reed till he had brought forth Judgement unto Victory So that in the sense of his never failing nor forsaking me my soul was made now greatly to rejoyce Further Assaults from Satan The second day at evening I had many firy darts and filthy suggestions of Satan cast into me Which were exceeding terrible unto me and were born in with such violence as though the Devil strove with all his might to cause me to cast off my hopes that I had in God urging me to blaspheme God and to think meanly and lowly of the grace of God Which caused in me great fears but the Lord of his grace did not so leave me as to suffer me to cast off my confidence But great was my fears lest I should be left to dishonour him by unbelief after I had profess'd such hope in him and thereby also should wound the peace of my own soul I also considered that if I should continue in this condition my life would be a burden to me and I should have cause to repent of the Profession I had made of my hope in God thinking what a great dishonour this would be to his Name and Gospel and cause of stumbling to them who had heard me professe my hope causing them to dishonour him also But the Lord did help me through his grace to flie to him as my strong refuge with secret breathings in my soul that he would not deliver me up to the will of my Enemies but he would now remember his good word in which he had caused me to hope that those that came to him he would in no wise cast out but save to the utmost treading down Satan under the feet of such And I begg'd that he would open and inlarge my strait heart that my mouth might speak of his goodnesse to the praise of his name And the Lord did cause my soul again to experience his faithfulnesse that he is a God that keeps Covenant and mercy for ever and he did gratiously cause the Devil to flie and gave great inlargement to my soul considering how greatly it was straitened and made me able to speak to his praise and did by his good Spirit bring these things to my remembrance which I was not able to think of before and was again inabled to believe through his grace that he is a God that will keep truth for ever and that no soul that trusts in him should be desolate So that my soul was now made to say (w) Psalm 146.5 Blessed is the man that hath the God of Jacob for his help whose hope is in the Lord his God which made the Heavens the Earth the Seas and all that is in them and who keepeth truth for ever with them that fear him Blessed be his name I have been since pondering further the duty of Baptisme aforesaid and had at some times much clearnesse in it as a duty yet doubts and questions have been cast into my mind about it and thus I remained debating it in my own thoughts and consulting Scriptures about it until the twentieth day of this eleventh Moneth at night at which time I was set upon with terrible suggestions about the lownesse and meannesse of it being much tempted to despise and slight it which when I had considered caused great fears and fainting in me lest I should in my heart consent to those suggestions and thereby hinder my obedience to the Lord as aforesaid And I was enabled to lift up my soul to the Lord for help at this time against these suggestions and temptations that I might resist them and the Lord inabled me now to consider that no Command of Christ was to be accounted low or small Considering also I owed all service and obedience to the Lord both as I was his Creature but more especially as I was redeemed by him so marvellously as I have been and with so great a price as the Blood of Jesus I also thought what a sad condition Adam brought all his Posterity into by disobedience at first in but eating an Apple which was forbidden as also what a poor Creature man was and how unfit unworthy and unbecoming it was for him to be disputing with his Creator who might do with all of us as the Potter with his Clay make or marre us at his pleasure and what a proud presumptuous Creature I was to suffer such a thing to enter into my thoughts that any of his Commands should be disputed or thought by me to be low or contemptible which I looked on
THE CAPTIVE Taken from the STRONG OR A true Relation of the gratious release of Mistrisse Deborah Huish by the Arm of the Almighty from under the Power of the Tempter by whose firy Conflicts she had been sorely vexed for about fourteen years as it was Faithfully written from her own mouth BY WILLIAM ALLEN Late Adjutant-General in Ireland He brought me up also out of an horrible Pit out of the miry Clay and set my feet upon a Rock and established my goings And he hath put a new Song in my mouth even praise unto our God Many shall see it and fear and shall trust in the Lord. Psal 40.2 3. I will never forget thy Precepts for with them thou hast quickened me Psal 119.93 London Printed for Livewel Chapman at the Crown in Popes-head-Alley 1658. To the Christian READER READER THou hast here a true Narrative of the various and wonderful dealings of the Lord with this his poor Hand-maid now made rich in Faith through grace after fourteen years exercise under great horrour and soul-dismaying distresse as it was taken from her own mouth at several times by my self since the Lord by his grace inlarged her heart causing her thus to speak to his praise The matter herein contained needs not Epistles of commendation at least from one so weak and unworthy as my self who to my grief and shame may say have not yet attained to the least part of this rich portion the Lord hath bless'd her soul with And indeed the whole is an Epistle that may be seen and read by all discerning Christians to have been written on her heart by the Spirit of the living God which I hope will more commend it to every gracious soul then any thing from man can do though when I call to mind the deep distresses of soul I have known her in for some years pass'd with the gratious deliverance the Lord hath now wrought for her agreeable to that pray'd for in Psal 126.4 O Turn again our captivity O Lord as the streams in the south and fulfilling that pretious promise in the 5. and 6. verses of that Psal They that sow in tears shall reap in joy c. I may truely say I am in my own thoughts as to the gratious surprizing nature of this special mercy even as one that dreams Reader be not offended at the homely dresse this comes forth in either as to often repetitions of the same things with little variation the want of Oratory eloquence or what else the wisedom of this world calls ornament this being intended chiefly for the use of those that little mind such things it was judged it 's own natural simple Attire would best become it Besides this gratious soul since her rescue out of Satans power hath been under very frequent and renewed assaults from him who hath set upon her often with the same temptation and the Lord hath taught her to use the same Weapons he gave her at the first with great successe to oppose him at those several times which were thought necessary to be set down accordingly as appears more particularly in the insuing Narrative That so the Devil 's restlesse malice to disturbe and destroy and the Lord's continued faithfulnesse to succour and deliver might the better be observed But if it be substance thou seekest and that will satisfie I dare be bold to say thou wilt here find it yea rich treasure though in a poor earthen Vessel which will render the praise of this pretious mercy more properly due to God unto whom alone it belongs She was when she declared these things much in that frame of Spirit mentioned in 1 Cor. 2.3 In weaknesse in fear and in much trembling And her speech though plain and mean thou wilt find in some measure answering that in the fourth verse of that second Chapter viz. in the demonstration of the Spirit and of Power And of whom I may further say she delights not to make a fair shew in the flesh but rather to be found glorying onely in the cross of Christ Jesus by which the world is crucified unto her and she much crucified unto the world The ends of Publishing this Narrative next to giving the glory of this mercy to the Lord to whom alone it is due are first to warn sinners especially such as make a mock at sin as in Prov. 14.9 to take heed how they make light of that which the Lord can and frequently doth make so weighty when he binds it on the conscience of the sinner as in the insuing Narrative more at large appears which I desire such may with fear and trembling read and consider well If God did so deal with this green Tree what then may be expected he will do to the drie ones that so if possible such might be stopped in their Carreer in wayes of sin and Ruine and caused to return by this poor souls sad experience who having indeed known the terrours of the Lord doth declare them to that end that she may perswade men But secondly and more especially that poor drooping disconsolate discouraged souls who are or may be ready to faint under the weight of their Iniquities and just displeasure of the Lord discovered against them who by reason thereof may be ready to say as in Lament 3.18 That their strength and hope is perished from the Lord and as in Isai 49.14 That the Lord hath forsaken them might hereby be succored supported and incouraged to look towards the Lord and the strength and length of those everlasting Armes mentioned in Deut. 33.27 Which may be underneath when not discerned as in this poor souls case they were encompassing and upholding though not comforting her when she expected nothing but the stretching them out to her eternal ruine In her fourteen years dangerous Voyage through such a tempestuous troubled Sea when all that time as it were neither Sun Moon nor Stars appeared and her soul with continual Billows going over it was sorely afflicted tossed with tempest and not comforted yet he whose way is in the waters and his footsteps in the great deeps was then with her as in Isai 43.2 when thou passest thorow the waters I will be with thee c. Checking the proud Waves and as is said Job 38.11.8 Hitherto shalt thou come but no further and here shall thy proud waves be staid and his thoughts towards her even all this time as in Jer. 29.11 Thoughts of peace and not of evil c. and doubtlesse shall also in due time appear to be the same towards all his poor tossed troubled ones who for the present may walk in darknesse and see no light as in Isai 50.10 and yet he that hath promis'd to bring the blind by a way that they know not as in Isa 42.16 is leading them in the return in that path mentioned Jer. 31.9 They shall come with weeping and with supplications will I lead them c. And surely such shall have cause in the end with
this late redeemed captive and other pretious ones to admire the Riches of God's infinite grace and say as in Rom. 11.33 O the depth of the Riches both of the wisedom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgements and his wayes past finding out And in the mean time may hereby be helped to put some check to their own troubled thoughts at least so far as not to make them as is too usual the Rule and measure of those infinite transcendent thoughts and wayes of God towards them And truely the bringing forth of such a glorious work as this out of such a barren Womb of apprehended impossibilities when even Faith hopes and hearts of the strongest failed concerning it I cannot but think was given in at such a season to raise our Faith and hope in the Lord by looking upon this signal mercy at a pledge and pattern of what God will yet do not onely for poor disconsolate souls in like conditions but also for the recovery and raising his publicke works so far gone back in these Nations in this sad declining day as causeth many of Zions Friends to speak sadly and doubtfully of them as they of Christ Luke 24.20 21 22 23. Who were sad in the sense of his being taken from them as in v. 17. and to be mourning as Mary in John 20.13 And some of them are ready to faint with crying Lord how long and Help Lord as in Psal 12.1 While their Enemies insult as in Lament 2.16 Saying Certainly this is the day that we looked for And as in Psa 35.20 21. are devising deceitful matters against them that are quiet in the Land and yet are subject to say as in Jer. 50.7 They offend not c. Yea some of Zions pretended lovers raised and lifted up it 's to be feared too highly by her are dealing unkindly with her and that under highest pretences of real affection to the name and cause of God and interest of his people as in Isai 66.5 Saying Let the Lord be glorified c. all so much involved in our late publicke transactions but now almost all given up into the hands of those that hate reproach and scorn them which is a sad cause of lamentation and O that it may lie with due sense upon the hearts of all Zions mourners to spread before the Lord as a lamentation and more especially the causes of it some of which are mention'd as I judge Lament 1.8 9. Jerusalem hath grievously sinn'd c. That so we may be led thereby to the cure which I fear we much want as they of old Jer. 8.6 They spake not aright no man repented him of his wickedness saying What have I done Ah! the Lord hath yet a work to do on Mount Zion before the rod can will be removed as in Isa 10.12 Wherefore it shall come to passe that when the Lord hath performed his whole work upon Mount Zion and on Jerusalem c. And were that done judgement would soon return to Righteousnesse and all the upright in heart should follow it But alluding to the Acts 26.8 I would yet say Why should it be thought a thing incredible that God should raise the dead considering what he hath done in this late captives case and what is Prophesied and promised he will do more publickely in the most needful season Isai 5.9 from the first to the sixteenth much our case as thou maiest read at leasure and yet his cure reacheth it mention'd in v. 17. compare also Isa 51.3 where he hath promised to comfort Zion with all her waste places c. and in v. 22 23. Thus saith thy Lord the Lord and thy God that pleadeth the cause of his people Behold I have taken out of thine hand the cup of trembling even the dregs of the cup of my fury thou shalt no more drink it again but I will put it into the hand of them that afflict thee c. And many other pretious words of the like import which I shall not mention here being well considered doth afford us in this vally of Achor a door of hope But that I may not detain thee from this Feast of fat things the best of which is last according to Christs old Method John 2.10 I shall haste to a close in the words of the Psalmist Psal 107.43 Whoso is wise and will observe these things even they shall understand the loving kindnesse of the Lord Which that my soul with thine may be taught to do and improve accordingly I beg thy earnest supplications for me at the throne of grace who am the most unworthy to make mention of the name of the Lord or any concerns of his yet desire to be found in this evil day bearing my part with his poor Mourners having much cause under the sence of my own and sight of other abominations abounding in this day calling to that duty Yet cannot but rejoyce in this great deliverance wrought for this poor soul hoping and longing for the remaining deliverances purchased for and promised to whole Zion which the Lord hasten in his time even so AMEN W. ALLEN Sand in Devon the second day of the first Moneth 1657. To every true Mourner over his own and Zion's sins and sorrows especially to such in the Churches of Christ in Ireland to whom the soul-sinking sorrows of Mistrisse Deborah Huish the Subject of the ensuing treatise was well known John Vernon their Brother in Christ and Companion in Heavinesse for Zions sake wisheth grace for strength in weaknesse to wait still in weeping and supplication until the times of refreshment shall come from the presence of the Lord Amen Even so come Lord Jesus come quickly Amen BEloved you have herewith brought unto you an Olive-branch shewing forth the floods abatement and the rest and safety of the soul that is entered into the Ark of God the ransome of a poor Prisoner out of the Pit indeed in which there was no water which will be I know the more welcome to some of you I hope only to the praise and glory of God on high because you so long wept before his Heavenly Throne and made your humble supplication to him almost unto fainting for her who was bound of Satan so many years yet that the height and depth length and breadth of the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord might be the more admired of all and magnified herein And this Monument of mercy may remain in the Churches throughout all ages towards the support of such as sit in darknesse and see no light I am willing though most unworthy to adde my mite towards the compleating this account of the grace of God extended to my poor late distressed Sister Mistrisse Deborah Huish who is now made rich in Faith through grace and the wise Virgin-subject of this ensuing Relation to the truth of which as delivered by her with much fear and joy with trembling received and faithfully written from her lips by my dear
the mercy of God But behold here the God of truth whose grace is sufficient to support under and deliver effectually from such soul-sinking considerations making Satan appear to be what indeed he is a Lier And seasonably succouring this dejected despairing soul who for a long time had the sentence of death in her self and was far from expecting that blessed issue that is fince brought forth in her soul by the mighty Power and naked Arm of the Lord who hath hereby helped her to see what little reason she had or hath to trust in her self and the sure ground he hath now given her to stay on him as the living God who raiseth the dead so that she is now made able yea willing to acknowledge His great gooddesse that hath delivered her from so great a death 2 Cor. 1.9 10. and doth deliver and is still helped to hope and trust that he will yet deliver and strengthen her Faith to quench all the flâ—y darts of the Devil Behold yet further the exceeding Riches of God's grace not a little illustrated by setting free this Prisoner sometimes even past hope in her own and some others apprehensions She that was for a long season sadly concluding with the distressed Church in Lament 3.18 That her strength and hope was perish'd from the Lord Is now saying with Saul in Acts 9.6 Lord what wilt thou have me to do And with the Psalmist thankfully inquiring What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits towards me And in some measure inabled to resolve with him To take the Cup of Salvation and to call upon the name of the Lord as Psal 116.12 13 14. And she that was lately in her own esteem not so good as a Dog yea to use her own words worse then any Devil is now By the Father of mercies and God of all consolations made meet to be partaker of the inheritance of the Saints in light The sad sentences she had oft past upon her self in the sense of her sins being now gratiously reversed by her Heavenly Father who hath set her feet in a large place so that now if sin Satan her own corruptions or any other spiritual Adversary comes to lay any thing to her Clarge she may be ready the Lord assisting to produce her pardon and able to say from blessed experience as in Rom. 8.33 34. It is God that justifâ—eth who is he that condemneth that it is Christ that died yea rather that is risen again who is even at the right hand of God who also maketh intercession for us And I hope this eminent instance of his grace abounding above the abounding of sin added to other Examples of this kind recorded in his holy word will help to support and succour some poor souls under the like discouragement to hope in his mercy who waits to be gratious and surely he hath gratious ends in affording this and such like deliverances which greatly concernes all persons to labour to understand and improve aright First then let sinners of all sorts both in Zion and out of it from the insuing narrative take notice of the sad ensnaring and soul-destroying nature of sin and the wages of it which this poor soul as she feared had certainly found to be eternal death had not the God of grace whose loving kindnesse is better then life caused her to hear the joyful sound of the voice of the Son of God that her soul might live John 5.25 Secondly from the consideration of the mercy she hath obtained let poor sinners be incited and incouraged to come unto God through Christ for mercy who knows how to multiply pardon to the worst of sinners as in Isai 55.7 with Nehe. 9 17. Especially let such as are inquiring the way to Zion with their faces thitherward Though with trembling hands hearts and all that are planted in the house of the Lord be incouraged to wait upon God who will in no wise cast out those that come unto him Let the first of these labour to look to the Lord that they may be enlightened (a) Psalm 34.5 And let the other be confirm'd in the experience they have had of his great goodnesse that so God may have all the glory from both as a Fruit of this special favour afforded to this his hand-maid in so signal a return of many Prayers for which proportionable praises should wait for and be duly rendered unto our God in Zion who is a present help in the needful time of trouble I shall not adde but to intreat thee to read and consider well before thou censurest or seeme to despise the ensuing subject as the day of small things but labour rather to weigh the worth of this mercy in the Balance of the Sanctuary That so thou mayest understand the end and use of it and be help'd to improve it aright to the praise of the Author of every good and perfect gift and the profit of thine own soul that so thou mayest be able to say with the Prophet of old Micha 7.18 Who is a God like unto thee that pardoneth Iniquity and passeth by the transgressions of the remnant of his heritage that retaineth not his anger for ever because he delightin mercy And from thence be incouraged to wait upon him for the fulfilling that faithful word Isai 40.29 30 31. He giveth power to the faint and to them that have no might he increaseth strength c. Compared with Psal 27.14 Wait on the Lord and be of good courage and he shall strengthen thine heart wait I say on the LORD ROB. DOYLY To all both small and great that have either tasted of the rich grace of God or desire to be made partakers thereof through Jesus Christ our Lord. Men and Brethren THough we were very much strangers both to the person and state of this gratious hand-maid of the Lord the subject of this ensuing treatise during the time of her sore bondage and captivity of Spirit and so had no share with those that in a solemn manner expresly on her account sympathized sighed and groaned to God in her behalf Yet having now through grace we trust we may say to the advantage of our souls heard out of her own mouth in the midst of the Congregation to which we belong to wit the Church of Christ at Dalwood in Dorset the wonderful deliverance which God hath wrought fâ—r her poor soul We cannot but in a special manner rejoyce with her and blesse the Most High for his unspeakable mercy That this work is of the Lord and soul-work indeed it speaks for it self to all the wise in heart That the Relation is very faithfully made We do hereby testify having as we said before heard out of her own mouth the substance of the whole who then in point of circumstance would have been more particular and large had not time and the earnest sollicitation of a near Relation of hers whom God had used in some good measure
have continued under such assaults eversince more or less till the time hereafter specified when the Lord of his free Mercy began to make way for my escape I do also remember that I had not onely despising slighting thoughts of God but also of his people calling them in my thoughts though not with my lips lyars But when I did think I consented to such thoughts then horrour would seize upon me even to overwhelme me and in this condition I remained till my going into Ireland which was about June 1654. After my coming there the Lord visited me with the Small-pox and in that time of sicknesse I thought I had some refreshment from the Lord by consulting his word but was suddenly after assaulted with more and worse blasphemous thoughts then ever before and then did verily believe I was possessed with the Devil and did think I talked with him and heard him say that God loved to torment and bring misery upon his Creatures which thoughts were so pressing upon me that I was ready to wish the destruction of the Almighty and did to my thinking hate him crying out in the hearing of many I am undone to Eternity and so remaineth till lately And so dreadful were these last mentioned thoughts to my soul that from that time I concluded I had committed the sin against the holy Ghost which before I did onely think I had but now was confirmed in it and began to think I had really trampled under foot the blood of Jesus Christ and had done despite to the Spirit of grace and thence concluded that nothing now remained but a fearful looking for of vengeance that should devour the Adversary and this put me into unexpressible torments night and day thinking the Devil would come and fetch me away and I believed I was certain of it and when any went to pray for me I thought that hastened my destruction and therefore I hated them for it and had in my mind many sad wishes as to those that prayed for me counting Hell my portion and that I should by such means be sooner cut off and that they sin'd in praying I having sin'd against the holy Ghost thought they ought to hate me but not pray for me I did also think I alwayes heard a fearful sound in my ears especially when it was windy or rainy weather and then thought I should be cast into Hell presently which made an unexpressable torment of mine to think of it and yet under all the means used to seek God for me I found no benefit But at Dublin when dayes were set apart to seek God for me I dreaded those dayes above all other thinking verily that God was ingaged in honour to come out against me in fierce indignation as also against such as sought him on my behalf and I did many times think the Lord in a way of judgement would turn me into some filthy hateful Monster or other as a Memorial of his just displeasure against me and all the time that prayers were put up for me which was very frequent in Dublin as also discourses very often with me I could not perceive that any ever took the least hold on my heart but still I had that Scripture oft on my thoughts (a) Psal 65.5 By terrible things in righteousnesse wilt thou answer them which I understood to be some answer in a way of judgement as to me I had also that Scripture much on my heart (b) Matth. 12.31 32. He that sins against the holy Ghost shall never be forgiven in this world nor in that which is to come And as to reading the Scriptures my heart was much averse to it oneiy sometimes out of compassion to others I did read and sometimes did mind them what the casting off the Scriptures had cost me who is now rejected for ever wishing them to take heed of the like but it was very seldome that I did this and long ere I could bring my heart to it I do also remember when I lived at Clantarfe in Ireland and used to go to Dublin sometimes to hear the word I have often thought when I went I should be destroyed ere I came back again and when I did hear I strove all I could to forget what I heard or read having my expectations of Hell so heightened by all such means that I could not endure it would have given any thing I might never have gone to have heard or prayed more it did so increase the torments of my soul And when I came into the place where I used to hear I stâ—ll expected to hear some sudden voice from Heaven declaring my destruction and did think many times that the wind arose just as I came to that place to hear and did believe the Lord must needs appear in judgement against me for coming and sitting as one of his people among them whom I in my heart hated and would long that the duties might be ended that I might be free from those feares that were upon me while there I do also remember that almost every thing did afright me either a cloudy day the Sun or Moon Eclipsed or the Suns rising red in a morning or the wind blowing high All these I thought were signes of my destruction that I did believe the Lord would execute upon me for my hatred against him and his wayes And indeed such an inveterate hate I had against him that I judged I loathed and abhorred the doing good to any saying in my self that the Lord would damn and destroy me and why should I do any good I also wished many times I had never been born or had never had eyes to see or ears to hear or else had been made the most contemptible Creature in the world because when they die there is an end of them but when I die my misâ—ry then begins I also wished I might â—â—ever hear any one speak more from the Scriptures to me for I reckoned all that had spoken to me either in sicknesse or in health would be witnesses against me and so aggravate my sin and misery because I had such warnings and had not harkened to them but to the Devil and especially Mr. Patient a Minister of the word in Dublin coming to me in the time of my sicknesse and speaking of the great danger of an impenitent state if the Lord should cut the thrid of life that such persons would drop immediately into Hell the which he endeavoured to demonstrate to me that I thought he would be the principal witnesse against me of all that had spoke with me so that I now saw my self without hope and the mercy of the Lord utterly taken from me not as it was from Saul but far worse I having sinned against far greater light and more warnings and after such tasts and enlightnings to fall away it was impossible to renew me again unto repentance but concluded I should suddainly be destroyed and that without remedy This being my case I
in an inexpressible horrour I likewise remember the cause of my going to lie at Mistriss Roe's was to get out of the room I lay in at my Brothers where I was sensible I had so sinned by wicked thoughts against God as aforesaid from whose presence also as well as from that room I would if I could have fled it was so dreadful to me But alas my fears were not at all abated but increased by going thither it being the house where the Church met and where was frequent speaking and praying At which I still thought the Lord would come out and witnesse against me making me an example of his justice in the sight of all his people whose often speaking to me and praying for me I did believe would aggravate my condemnation greatly And when any of them spake of the promises to me it was a great terrour to my soul to see them cast such Pearls before Swine to whom they did not belong by all which things spoken to me I was kept in a more certain looking for a fearful firy indignation from the Lord to destroy me and my heart was the more enraged with an inveterate hatred as I judged against God and his people by all the means used about me And after all these things coming to Waterford with my Brother Vernons Family and remaining there I had not the like terrour as before but was stupid and more sencelesse being as I judged given up to a seared conscience and heart yet many times sorely terrified with the like thoughts as aforesaid But was exceeding glad sometimes that I was forgotten in Prayer as I thought and then did believe it was revealed to them that prayed so that they knowing what I was prayed not for me for I had a great dread on my heart still about being prayed for judging it hastened my destruction and that I should by that means be made a fearful example of vengeance to shew to others what I was and thus it continued all the time I was at Waterford no words spoken to me or to the Lord for me doing me any good as I could perceive so that I still concluded God could not lie nor repent therefore I must be damned and that it was but in vain to attempt the contrary I also do remember when we came to Sea to come for England we were in a storm but I was in a sencelesse stupid condition little minding my danger all the time And after my Brother and Sister Vernon landed at Milford and the rest of our Family with my self and Brother Allen were come to Sea again to go for Minhead in a night and a day we had a very gracious passage given us bringing us safe into the Bay of Minhead And when there coming from the Ship-side being all in the Boat we had also an eminent deliverance the Boat being in great danger to be turn'd over by a Rope that was catched about the top of the Boats Mast just as we put off from the Ship which had it not been suddenly loos'd had pull'd the Boat over and buried us in the Sea I was yet under all these mercies with a senselesse frame of Spirit onely I had some few thoughts of the infinite power of God in upholding all things and believed I was preserved for the sake of them I came with in the Ship But coming into the Town of Minhead and finding a hand of visitation in that place I concluded that was for my sake and that I was now come into the mouth of destruction yet I was something grieved to see the prophanenesse of the place and house where we were which was as to sin worse then Ireland whence we came and then I thought of the terrible Judgements of God against sin and sinners that lived under such rich means of grace as they here in England did But leaving Minhead and coming towards my Fathers house in Devonshire I did not now doubt though I had spoken confidently before that the Lord would never let me see England nor my Friends at home but the Lord would bring us safe thither yet remember not any thankfull sense I had of the mercy received but was thinking most part of the way as I came home what a grief I should be to my Friends and relations again yet sometimes a little sense seemed to be on my heart of the mercies aforesaid as I remember and I did speak of them to some in the Family after I came home But soon after I was in a dead stupid posture as before perceiving no good to me either by speakings or prayer though used by some Friends then in the Family frequently nor could I nor durst I pray believing my Prayer was abominable and therefore when my Sister Vernons hour of Child-bearing drew near I could not seek God f r her but was unsensible of her danger approaching and after her delivery I was then in greater terror then before thinking then that God would bring swift destruction upon me as upon a Woman in travel and I should not escape Now as to the Lords manner of working on my heart of late It here followeth ON the tenth day of the eleventh Moneth 1657. hearing a Sermon upon Col. 3.3 (f) Col. 3.3 about persons in a natural estate being dead it was of an afrightning consideration to me to think that Death and Hell was their Portion and that Worms as in the discourse was mentioned should feed on such Even that Worm of conscience that should gnaw continually withal considering as was then hinted how loathsome a dead Creature is fit onely to be fed on by all other devourers which I saw also to be my state and saw my loathsomnesse in all my Actions as also that without Faith it is impossible to please God which was set home upon my heart and also that I was a subject of his wrath which did abide upon me so should do to Eternity Yet all this did not put me upon the use of any means to get out of my condition in which I still remain'd despairing of any way for my escape After this on the four and twentieth day of the eleventh Moneth I heard again from another subject (g) Psal 50.23 Psalm 50.23 about Gods salvations being shewed to those that order their conversations aright I had from this discourse many fears on my heart especially from that oft repeated Scripture (h) Psal 119.155 Salvation is far from the wicked because they keep not thy Law Which was very terrible to me and considering how abominable I was in God's sight by casting his Laws behind my back that Scripture was much on my heart (i) Psal 50.16 What hast thou to do to take my Words into thy mouth seeing thou hatest to be Reformed Which made me believe he would deal with me as is mentioned in vers 22. of that Psalm even tear me in pieces and none should deliver And because I had rejected him as I
had done I should suddenly be destroyed and that without remedy And hearing that passage mentioned out of Hannah's Song (l) 1 Sam. 2.10 The Enemies of the Lord shall be broken to pieces out of Heaven will he thunder upon them And I being as I judged one of his Enemies it did sorely terrify me After this on the six and twentieth day of the eleventh Moneth in the night season my soul was much took up with thoughts about my sad estate and I was brought to conclude I was a Subject of the Lords displeasure and should lie under the weight of his wrath to Eternity And this sorely terrified me to think what a sad thing it was to be cast out of Gods sight and that for ever and tormented with the Devil and his Angels and this for ever without any hopes of release or dram of comfort This I thought to be a pit indeed in which was no water not the least refreshment but unsupportable miseries and that to Eternity and it seemed strange to me that I was out of Hell so long considering what I had been and done against the Lord and also considering his infinite power who could in a moment cast me there who had so provoked him as I had done I came then to suppose this with my self were I now in Hell and had but a possibility of escape what means would I use to escape that horrible Pit I also considered again being once there there was was no Redemption for ever considering what great danger I was in dayly of being cast there were the thrid of my life cut which might suddenly be and so I drop into Hell past recovery I being not yet there and believing no Redemption from thence when there I came then to think if yet there were any possibility of using means for my escape I would try for if I lie still I shall certainly perish and if I attempt the use of means and misse obtaining what I seek for I can but perish and many very great sinners have escaped through mercy therefore I would try and the Lord encouraged me from those words of Esther (m) Esth 4.16 I will go in to the King if I perish I perish As also the resolution of the Lepers (n) 2 King 2.4 In the Siege of Samaria to use the means though without hope of successe I being in such a deplorable condition was prest to up and be doing seeing the danger of lying still at last I came to resolve to go hear at a Meeting in Sydbury but I could not pray for a blessing believing my Prayer was abominable to the Lord and I had also after I had resolved much ado to go considering I was but an Hypocrite and such a one should not stand before God also considering what my thoughts against God were and had been I went with great fears on my heart thinking as formerly the Lord would meet me in a way of rebuke witnessing against me but then I thought also I could but perish and I had had such thoughts of the Lords witnessing against me formerly which I had been mistaken in and so might be in these and still urged this to my heart To abide in a way of unrighteousnesse is nothing but death onely in a way of righteousnesse is life so that I had great fears each way of going or staying But considering my nights resolution I fear'd if I went not I should be found a Mocker of God and so I went but when I came there my fears were renewed again as to the Lords witnessing against me but I strove against them by calling to mind former mistakes of this kind and endeavoured to hear attentively and after a while the Lord abated my fears aforesaid and afterwards almost clean removed them The Subject spoken of at that time was sloth which having been so much my souls disease I was very sorely reproved by it especially afterward when I seriously Meditated upon it but yet I resolved to wait in the use of means blessing God as I was able for what I heard this day but yet remained in a very helplesse condition having little or no hope of deliverance This night afterwards at prayers in the Family I had my heart affected with some expressions used in Prayer about the dreadfulnesse of Christs appearing to his Adversaries for their rejecting him in his tenders to them On the seven and twentieth day at night I had many fears on my heart in so much that I was afraid to stay in any room and would if I could have fled from the presence of God it was so terrible to me And about twelve of the Clock at night I came into my Sister Vernons Chamber but horrour so seized on me in all places as I was forced once this night to go and cry to the Lord for mercy but whilst I was in my Sisters Chamber I heard one walking in another room near which made me afraid to go back again believing it was the Devil but after understanding it to be one of the Maids that was up I return'd again then into the Chamber somewhat freed from my fears and went to bed but having got cold with being up I found my self much distempered both in my body and head And kept my Bed the next day till night Then I got up for refreshment for a while but remember not any remarkable passage farther this night but had many sad grieving thoughts for my rejecting Christ which were often on my heart this day and also I had a little view of the excellency of Christ and spake to some in the Family of it in these words His Fruit is better then Life which I thought aggravated my Iniquity in rejecting him besides whom there is not another that can save and that I should reject him it sorely afflicted me But I had sometimes that day these words He waits to be gratious which somewhat incouraged and revived me to wait And it grieved me exceedingly for my rejecting him his word and counsel who shall be the desire of Nations yea that Tree of Life whose Leaves are for the healing of Nations with whom is Riches and Honour yea dureable Riches and Righteousnesse All these representations of Christ to me heightened my sin and grief for my rejecting him And even broke my heart in the sence of it most part of this day On the eight and twentieth day following I heard again in the Family from the 28. Chapter of the Proverbs the first Verse of which Chapter took hold on me as such a one as there is mentioned fleeing from the Lord as from my pursuer which I have many a time done but in that discourse it was shewn that despair is the High-way to Hell which much dwell'd with me in the night season and awakening in the night and hearing the wind blow hard it sorely terrifyed me being the voice as I thought of God my terrible Judge considering him as a consuming fire
experience the truth of his word that it doth and shall indure for ever that I might be able from experience to witness to it as so enduring by his never failing nor forsaking me But that I might know him as a God that keeps Covenant and mercy for ever with his people which last words were this day made sweet to my Meditation Also this day hearing in the Family from Psalm 63.8 My soul followeth hard after thee thy right hand upholds me I was able to say I had experienced right hand upholdings and my soul was now taught to beg earnestly for a heart inabled to follow hard after him that hath so upheld that I might follow him resolutely patiently expectingly and constantly as was then minded in that Sermon I also begged I might be kept low in my own eyes under the receipt of mercy looking on the Lord Jesus as the Spring and Fountain of all in me and to me owning the freenesse of his grace to me Especially considering what a Rebel I had been against him and how justly he might have cast me off for ever had it not pleased him to advance riches of grace to me a poor vile undone Creature who desires his name alone may have all the glory and since he hath shewed this mercy to me my souls great fears are lest I should sacrifice to my self But I desire I may for ever be kept in the sence of my own unworthinesse of the least mercy from him upon any other account then the good pleasure of his own will made known in and by Christ to poor sinners Her third Assault Yet this night I was assaulted again with many blasphemous thoughts darted into my soul against God by the tempter causing fears and faintings sometimes Yet I strove against them crying to the Lord for help to resist the Devil desiring he would also work such a holy fear in my heart as I might never more dishonour him who had so gratiously helpt me out of such depths to look towards him and to hope in his mercy who was pleased this night again very gratiously to support me with the same promises at first given in and now again afresh as it were repeated and confirm'd further to my soul And by these he now also upheld me against departing from him after great striving and strugling to keep my hold on the promises I had also a pretious view of the love of God given into my soul though the vilest of sinners which did greatly refresh me enabling me more fully to believe in him and this Scripture (s) 2 Cor. 5.21 was much set upon my heart That he hath made him to be sin for us who knew no sin that we might be made the Righteousnesse of God in him As also that (t) 1 Cor. 1.30 He is made unto us of God Wisdome Righteousnesse Sanctification and Redemption So that I was inabled now to see my self justified and acquit in the sight of God through Christ from all my iniquity which was now hid and covered and God in Christ well pleased with me upon the account of his righteousnesse onely so that I was being thus refreshed inabled to admire his grace to such a poor worthlesse Creature as I was and I had my soul then much enlarged in desires after him that I might be kept in time to come from dishonouring him by unbelief or any other way who had been so gratious yea rich in mercy to one so unworthy yea even unto me who had been such a bitter Enemy unto him Oh this did much commend his love to my soul causing me the more to admire it by reflecting upon what I had been and what I had done against him On the second day of the week I was also carried on for the most part in a holy Admiration of his kindnesse to me Desiring I might still be inabled to depend on him and his grace manifested through Christ Jesus to me and might be inabled still to press hard after him from the manifestation of his love through Christ to my soul as also that I might be inabled to give glory to God by believing and that I might never more by an evil heart of unbelief depart or fly from the Lord or dishonour him by hearkning to the voice of the tempter but might hear and know his voice and follow him and no more the voice of strangers but onely him who had been so abundantly gratious to such an unworthy Creature who never deserved the least dram of his grace or mercy but the greatest of his wrath and fury to be poured out upon me And that such a sence of my undone condition and his right-hand-help extended to me in it might teach me for ever to ascribe grace glory to his name that only it also was now my souls Request that I might be inbled to return thanks in truth to him by my unfeigned obedience to all his commands also by searching after the more clear knowledge of his will in any thing wherein I might yet be dark or ignorant desiring that I might neither despise neglect or contemn any of his Commands though reckoned small or contemptible in the eye of the world but that what ever his mind is I should do I might be inabled to honour him therein freely and sincerely though never so weakly and might never willingly neglect any Command of his but might with full purpose of heart cleave to him and his wayes no more sinfully to depart from them whatever I may be exposed to that the truth and integrity of my heart might even appear to the glory of God in my being sound a follower of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises The second day of the week at night I had a more large view of the Lords love and more refreshings then I had before And I was now inabled to see that all sorts of good was laid up for me in Christ both for soul and body from that Scripture (u) Col. 1.19 For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulnesse dwell And this fulnesse I saw was laid up in him for all believers and I was made to see that all that good contained in any of the promises it was in him and by him given out to believers through the promises and that it should be enjoyed by believers in him with unspeakable safety and certainty he never failing any that trust in him for he hath said None that trust in him shall be desolate nor should any be able to pluck them out of his hand nor out of his Fathers hand who is greater then he These with many other pretious promises did then flow in abundantly to my soul carrying me out of my self by faith to him so that I was inabled to resign up my self and commit the keeping of my soul and all that I have and am to him whom I had found thus faithful and also able to keep what
his mercy I was after these conversings with the Lord and sweet Communion with him led to consider what all this calls for at my hand and was caused to desire to testifie my love to Jesus Christ in wayes of obedience to all his Commands who had so plentifully manifested his love to my soul and at last was led to some Meditations about Baptism looking upon it as a duty incumbent upon all believers whereby they did evidence their love to Christ in obedience to his Commands But withal I had some fears on my heart about my being carried on in that duty which I see to be so contemn'd and despised but did judge these were but the tempters suggestions and therefore did earnestly desire of the Lord that he would inable me to evidence my sincerity to him by following him in his most despised paths and that I might not dare to neglect any duty he calls for at my hands then also was I brought to mind that Scripture b Phil. 1.29 To you it 's given not onely to believe but also to suffer for his sake And that he onely could give this gift which was a great honour to be conferr'd upon his poor Saints to be counted worthy to suffer for his name and I begg'd It might ever be so accounted by me that Scripture also I had on my mind c Matth. 10.37 He that loveth Father or Mother more then me is not worthy of me As likewise d Mar. 10.29 No man that hath left house or Brethren or Sisters or Father or Mother or Wife or Children or Lands for my sake and the Gospels but he shall receive an hundred fold now in this time houses and Brethren and Sisters and Mothers and Children and Lands with persecution and in the world to come life Eternal Now by a hundred fold in this life I understood to be in peace of conscience that would be more then all the comforts I could forsake for it Besides in the world to come life everlasting And that Scripture also I had (e) 2 Cor. 4.17 18. For our Light afflictions which are but for a moment do work for us a far more exceeding and Eternal weight of glory whilest we look not at the things which are seen but at those things that are not seen for the things that are seen are temporal but those that are not seen are Eternal I also minded Moses his eying the recompence of reward made him despise the pleasures of Pharaoh's Court and likewise what the Saints mentioned (f) Heb. 11. had endured by eying the glory set before them and looking to that City that had foundations whose builder and maker is God And upon these and such like considerations my soul was incouraged to follow Christ resolving in his strength I would do so in every of his Commands he should make known to me to be my duty to walk in although by so doing I were a reproach and scorn minding David's words (g) Psalm 71.7 I am a wonder unto men but thou art my strong refuge And thence I reasoned if God were my refuge I did not care though I were a wonder unto men in pursuit of my duty upon some further considerations I saw Baptisme more clear to be my duty I being commanded (h) Heb. 6.12 To follow those who through Faith and patience inherit the promises And this path of Baptism I find Christ and all his Disciples walk'd in and therefore in this I judged I was to follow being commanded to be a follower of them I also considered (i) Acts 2.41 Then they that gladly received the word were Baptized c. I likewise considered Christs Commission (k) Matth. 28.19 Go teach all Nations Baptizing them c. Teaching them to observe all things that I Command you Of which I find Baptisme to be one this still cleared it up to my soul further as a duty I also considered that the Laws of a King were to be obeyed by all his Subjects and this I judged one of the Laws of Christ and therefore to be obeyed by all his Subjects I also weighed several other Scriptures about the nature use and ends of Baptisme particularly (l) Rom. 6.4 5. which did manifest to me that Baptisme was a duty injoyned to all believers they thereby manifesting their conformity to Christ in his death in order to their being raised up by him again and brought forth in the Fellowship of his Resurrection unto newnesse of life all which I found much incouraging and ingaging my heart to that duty This night also my sleep was made very sweet to me through the Lord's goodnesse I waked often and slept again and still found sweet refreshings in my soul seeing my self very safe under the protection of Christ I then endeavoured to sleep again minding what had been told me that I ought to have compassion on my body and my sleep was comfortable to me Every time I awaked having these words given m Zep. 3.17 to me He will rest in his love And these n Mal. 3.6 I am God I change not and I will never leave thee nor forsake thee So that I was sweetly composed and inabled to rejoyce under the protection of Christ having those words also brought to my mind o Psalm 31.21 The Lord hath shewed me his marvelous loving kindnesse in a strong City and hath laid help upon one that is mighty And that Scripture p Isai 26.3 Trust in the Lord for ever for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength in which my soul rejoyced greatly as also in that word q Isai 40.11 He shall gather the Lambs in his Arms and carry them in his bosome and gently lead those that are with yong From which the Lord gave me faith in my soul that he was able to keep me so as none should be able to pluck me out of his hand so that I was made to rejoyce in that unspeakable safety that I had under his Protection Another pretious promise to me was r Isai 42.3 4. A bruised Reed shall he not break nor smoaking Flax shall he not quench till he bring forth judgement to victory He shall not fail nor be discouraged till he have set judgement in the Earth and the Isles shall wait for his Law And hence I considered that he was my Counseller as well as my Protector and what a wonderful Counseller he is which I considered at large from (s) Isai 9.6 Unto us a Child is born and unto us a Son is given the Government shall be upon his shoulders and his name shall be called the wonderful Counseller the everlasting Father the Prince of peace and of his Government and Kingdom there shall be no end As likewise those words came to my mind (t) Acts 3.22 A Prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you of your Brethren like unto me him shall you hear in all things