have the Mind enlightned with true Light seek therefore my Light to shine into thee by continual Prayer and searching of the Scriptures that thou be not troubled with the errour of Conscience as if it were a just Accusation Now concerning the weakness of thy Faith in the Apprehension and Application of my Promises remember that I am He that Will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. What smaller thing is there than a grain of Mustard-seed Albeit if the measure of thy Faith were no more yet have I not excluded it from the participation of my Promises A loving Father will delight to be holden by the hand of his Children and knowest thou not that as a Father spareth his Son so will the Lord spare them that fear Him Hast thou not read that although the Faith of my Servant Jacob was very weak as thou mayst perceive by the great fear he conceived of his Brother Esau yet his weak Faith was able to hold me till I blessed him Be not therefore discouraged for although thou canst not lay hold of me by the hand of strong Faith if thou canst but touch the Hem of my Garment with thy finger thou shalt draw vertue out of me Consider also with thy self that the Faith of my Children is never greater than when their feeling is weakest and least perceived It is easie for every one to believe in the midst of great Feelings and unspeakable Joys but when a man can feel no sensible Comfort in me and yet believe and trust in me and still believe and wait on me for Comfort certainly the Faith of that man is great and such was the Faith of my Servant who in his greatest troubles gave me this answer Albeit thou shouldst slay me O Lord yet both against Sence and Feeling will I trust in thee And did not also that Woman of Canaan with an invincible Faith cleave to my Mercy even then when she had no feeling of Mercy and I gave her no favourable answer For which in the end I called her Faith a great Faith The Soul O my Saviour thou art the Strength whereby I stand in Temptations Cursed be he that would make my Soul to conceive wrongfully of thee Be merciful O Lord unto me and never let the malice of my Enemies prevail over me Sweet Jesus keep the Heart that through thy own Grace would fain keep thee And now my Soul remember that this is but the time of Fighting the time of Triumphing will come Why then shall the continuance of these restless Assaults disquiet thee If thou hadst never been Victorious but once in all thy Life time yet what Mercy had it been that the Lord in the midst of the Battle should make thee to Triumph But thou canst not deny but that many joyful Victories now and before hath the Lord given thee Therefore my Soul rejoice and return to thy former rest for the Mighty God hath been beneficial unto thee and account every one of these Temporal Victories to be a Pledge to thee of the full and final Victory that once thou shalt enjoy over all thine Enemies when the God of Peace shall tread Satan under thy Feet O Lord if such Comforts be in the Cross what is in the Crown And if thou givest us such Joy when thou takest us into thy Hand to correct us with thy Rod Lord what wilt thou make us to find when thou shalt imbrace us in thy Arms and kiss us with the Kisses of thy Mouth Oh that these Feelings might ever abide with me What trouble would not be easie when thy Comforts are present Surely O Lord all trouble vanisheth so soon as thou dost begin to glace upon my Soul Therefore O my Love my Light my Life my Joy my Crown my Glory my Strength my Help in time of need stand thou on my side and I will not fear what mine Enemies can do unto me O happy time that I ever knew thee blessed be the Name of the Lord for evermore O Enemy Satan albeit thy Enmity be trouble some unto me yet I thank my God through Jesus Christ that thou art against me and that he hath put me in the Warfare to fight against thee when I consider that in Paradice the Lord proclaimed irreconciliable Enmity between thee and my Blessed Saviour the Seed of the Woman Christ Jesus I account my Hope happy that thou art against me and that Grace is given unto me to fight against thee for thereby I know that I am none of thine but I do stand on that Side whereof Christ is the Captain all his Saints are Souldiers and the Victory is most certain O deceitful Serpent if I have found such Errour arising of those Sins which foolishly I did by thy Inticements what should I have found if I had followed thee in all the rest From which the Lords preventing Mercy did keep me I have learned by Experience that thou art a faithless false Traytor thou dost tempt a man to Sin and then for the same Sin that he did by thy Instigation thou art the first that doth accuse him The Lord confirm this good Purpose of my Heart that I never hearken any more to thy lying Words and suffer not my Soul to be circumvented by thy lying Snares which are deceitful And as for the Work of my Salvation seeing it is a Work that my God will work in despite of thee wherefore shall I regard thy Testimony Thou didst put in question Whether my Saviour were the Son of God And what marvel if thou dost say to his Children that they are none of his Is there any Truth so undoubted but thou darest deny it at any time Why shall I therefore at any time enter into a disputing with thee any more My Salvation standeth not in thy questioning nor in my answering but in the Lords unchangeable Decree of Election if thou shoulst speak for me yet should I not be the better neither if thou speakest against me am I the worse When thou didst confess that Jesus was the Son of God he rebuked thee and thought it not Honour to Him for to have thy Testimony When thou didst cry out that Paul and Silas were the Servants of the Most High God albeit thou spakest the Truth yet did they not accept of thy Testimony So although thou wouldst say to me that I am not the Elect Child of God shall I think my self ever the more unsure for that and if on the contrary thou shouldst deny it I am therefore the more sure of my Salvation Speak what thou wilt thou art always a Lyar like thy self as thou hast been from the Beginning Cursed of the Lord art thou in all thy ways and with all thy Confederates Cursed are all they that are in Friendship with thee And Blessed for ever be the Lord who hath delivered me from all thy Deceit and Tyranny Blessed be thou O Lord that it hath pleased thee to visit the base Estate
thou and art so cast down and disquieted within thy self Dost thou well to be angry with my Chastisements And why art thou offended that I should make thee like my self Causing thee to walk in the way of inward and outward Griefs which I did tread before thee Why refusest thou to take up my Cross and follow me and to taste of that Cup which I drank before and for thee The Soul Oh Lord give me of thy Spirit and all trouble with thee or for thee shall be sweet unto me What ever thou didst Oh Lord it was for me and if I were so disposed as I should then would I be content to bear all that thou my God shouldst be pleased to lay upon me But alas it is my cursed Corruptions that makes me think thy Cross my Burthen Lord therefore uphold me by thy Grace that I may count thy Yoak easie and find joy in these Sufferings with thee The Lord. I know the Cause of thy Grief and Terrour to be the Consideration of thy Sins But I pray thee Why lookest thou so to thy Sins that thou lookest not to my Mercies Why wouldst thou so extol thy evil Deeds that thou shouldst extenuate my rich Mercies or any way compare the one with the other Was it for thy good Deeds that I did first enter into Friendship with thee And thinkest thou now that for thy evil Deeds I will utterly forsake thee Seeing it is among my Praises that the Work which I have begun I will perfect it I like it well indeed to see thee grieved for the Sins thou hast committed against me But I would also have thee comforted in the Mercies that I have shewed thee Call to mind my Works of old what I have done to thee since thou canst remember How cared I for thee in thy young and tender Years Look back now and see Did not the Angel of my Presence lead thee when thou hadst no wisdom nor strength to govern thee Did not I then begin to acquaint thee with the Knowledge and Fear of my Name Canst thou deny now that my Mercy preserved thee from many Sins whereunto thy Nature was prone and ready to have declined And when thou sinnedst with what long patience have I waited thy turning and how lovingly have I winked at thy Transgressions And when I had given thee Grace to repent of thy Sins and to seek for my Favour and Mercy for the Sins of thy youth with a melting heart and a mourning eye Canst thou deny that I have filled thy Heart with my Joys and made thy tongue to burst out in singing and glorying Speeches And why then wilt thou not trust in my Mercies to the end The Soul I were O Lord most unthankful if I should not confess that many a time in the multitude of my thoughts thy Mercies have comforted me But alas I have not answered thy Loving Kindness for after many Mercies received I have sinned against thee contrary to my Light and my sins are now before me witnessing that I am unworthy to taste of the sweetness of thy Mercies any more The Lord Is my Mercy only for a Day or a Year Or is it for ever and ever towards those that I have made mine in Christ Jesus Wilt thou restrain my Mercies and limit them within thy narrow Bounds as to think they cannot be extended over all thy Transgressions Wilt thou measure my Mercies with so narrow a span as to think that I have no more to give than thou hast to receive Is it not among my Praises That I am able to do exceeding abundantly above all that my Children can ask or think of me Knowest thou not that as the Heavens are above the Earth so are my Thoughts above thine Hast thou not considered that my Mercy is above all my Works How much more then is it above thee who art nothing in comparison of my mighty Works And if it be above thee how much more above all thou canst do Why then wilt thou match thy Sins with my Mercies If I require such Mercy in my Children that I will have them to forgive one another not only seven times but seventy times seven times What pitty compassion and readiness to forgive is in my self Therefore my Beloved despair not for the multitude of thy Sins but be comforted with my Promises of Mercy I have made them without Exceptions of Sins For albeit they were Sins of Scarlet they shall be made white as Wool I have made them without exception of Persons For whosoever shall depart from his Wickedness and turn to me I will receive him Let this threefold Vniversality of my Promises sustain thee that thy Infidelity contract not my Mercy into narrower bounds than I have extended them The Soul Be merciful O Lord to my Infidelity I believe in part Lord help my Unbelief Establish and confirm my unstable heart with thy good Spirit My Conscience doth in such sort condemn me that I stand in fear of thy Justice for thou art greater than my Conscience and wilt much more condemn me if thou dost enter into Judgment with me The Lord Oh my Beloved consider that the Cause of thy present Vnquietness is because with the one Eye thou lookest to thy Sins and my Fathers Justice and with thy other Eye lookest not to me in whom his Justice is satisfied and thy Sins punished already Tell me I pray thee Thinkest thou in thy self to get such a Holiness of thy Disposition that which shall exempt thee from the Fear of his Justice Or art thou content to seek it in me If in thy self thou seekest it remember what thou art doing Wilt thou have the Lord bound and oblieged to thee Wilt thou be thy own Saviour Or shall it be said His Mercy Saved thee not If no misery were in thee whereupon should his Mercy be manifested And if thy disposition in the Earth be such as it should be then what remains but that the Praise of his Mercy should fall to the ground Turn thee therefore to me and seek thy Life in me If thou wilt know what is thine thou art a Sinner Let my Praise be reserved to my self I am thy Saviour Esteemest thou that my words are ineffectual or that there is no force in my Suffering Countest thou thy Sins so deadly that my Merit Vertue cannot cure them Will a Physitian pour out a rare Ointment either where no need it or where it cannot profit and thinkest thou that my Father would have my Blood to be shed in vain If his Justice terrifies thee remember his Justice was satisfied in me and that he pronounceth this Sentence Himself This is my Beloved Son in whom I am well pleased I came into the Wâ—â—ld not to call the Righteous but Sinners to Repentance Tarry not from me because thou art a Sinner but for that Cause come unto me I will refresh thee The Soul Oh Lord I know there is a cleansing and recoâ—â—ding
Sin and was he again so loving that when he saw them humbled his Affections were inflamed and compelled him to reveal himself unto them And thinkest thou that I am less wise and loving in dealing with mine I gave at first sharp Answers to the Petitions of that Woman of Canaan and so will I sometimes seem to deal roughly with those whom I love and to be angry even with their Prayers but in the end I will make my Love manifest to them and with my endless Mercies embrace them The Soul Suffer me once again Lord to speak that thou mayst answer me and I shall complain no more If we saw that such were our Dispositions as thy most Holy Word doth require in us then should thy Comforts rejoyce us But alas How far am I from that which I should be my strength is infeebled therefore do my inordinate Affections oftentimes overcharge me If I turn me to pray I cannot for the hardness of my heart the contrite Spirit the melting heart and mourning Eye are gone from me If I seek Comfort in thy Word I find it not I am troubled also with doubtings Armies of Fears and Terrours are against me and all through the weakness of my Faith and partly for want of that Light which should inform me my Infidelity abateth me to think that thy Visitations came from thine anger and causeth me to answer the Errours of my Conscience as if they were just Accusations and partly for want of that apprehending and applying Vertue that is in Faith I am spoiled of my Comfort that thy Word hath offered unto me Therefore O Lord have pitty on the desolate State of my poor Soul The Lord Let not my Beloved the consideration of thy Wants Defects and Imperfections discourage thee remember that the measure of my Grace which I have given to my Saints upon Earth I have called it an Earnest-Penny and First Fruits of the Spirit to tell them that what ever Grace they have gotten it is nothing in comparison of that which they will get seek not that therefore in Earth which I have resolved no ways to give it thee till thou dost come to Heaven Thy Blessedness in this Life stands not in a saciety and full injoying of that which thou wouldst have in a hungring and thirsting for it If I had pronounced them happy and blessed that are now satisfied with righteousness then thy wants might have most justly discouraged thee but I called them blessed that hunger If thou therefore dost follow after Sanctification and art weary of the servitude of thy sins if thou shouldst seek comfort in my Word and couldst sind none of these at the first as thou wouldst yet remember that I have promised to fulfil the Desires of those that fear me if it doth grieve thee that thou canst not pray at all times alike remember that my Children are often times ill Judges of themselves and that their Estate is not always to be measured by their feeling for many Prayers may be made by them to me by my Spirit with sighs and sobs that they themselves are not able to express yet are known to me and are like loud crying Voices which I cannot but answer The Soul Oh my Soul content thee with the Lords Dispensations and doubt not but all thy Wants and Desires that are holy shall once be satisfied remember how careful thy Saviour was of the People that followed him I have compassion saith he on these People because they have nothing to eat they have continued with me already three days I will not let them depart fasting least they faint by the way O most sweet and comfortable Speeches they seek not from him and he is careful to give them If he was so careful to satisfie their bodily Necessities will be neglect the Spiritual Necessities of his own chosen Ones they followed him three days and he counted it a long time they are to go from Him and he feareth lest they should faint Oh my distrustful Soul wilt thou once learn to trust in the Mercies of thy God assuredly Will not he satiate thee who seeks Him Will not he answer thee who cryes unto Him Will he not care for thee who hast waited upon Him not only three days but many Years And will he let thee faint in following of Him who would not let them faint in going from Him O sweet Savour happy are those that trust in thee Lord therefore inerease my Faith in thee that nothing may ever be able to sunder me from thee The Lord As for the weakness of thy Faith which I see is the ground of all thy trouble it proceedeth either from the want of knowledge or else from the want of Application It is indeed a special benefit to have the Mind enlightned with true Light seek therefore my Light to shine into thee by continual Prayer and scarching the Scriptures that thou be not troubled with the Errour of Conscience as if it were a just Accusation I have set Conscience indeed to be a Warner unto thee but then shalt thou take heed to her Warnings when they are warranted by my Word if the errour of Conscience terrifie thee in any thing and make thee think that thy Crosses and Visitations do come from mine anger go and inform Conscience better by my Word remember Whom I chastise I love And when I chastise thee I am not seeking satisfaction to my Justice what marvel such Thoughts disquiet many Consider I pray thee that notable Promise of mine made to my Servant David and in him to all the rest of my Saints If they break my Statutes I will visit their Transgressions with Rods yet my Loving Kindness will I not take from them neither alter my Covenant for ever The Soul Oh Word full of Comfort my Soul forget it never that when his Rods are laid upon thee yet his Loving Kindness is not taken from thee and though thy Transgressions be many yet will he not alter his Covenant with thee remember it I say that it thy trouble thou give no more place to the Misconceptions of Gods Workings with thee as Godly Job thought in his trouble that the Lord was pursuing him for his Sins and made him possess the Iniquities of his Youth which as yet appears by the Course of that History was not the Lords Intention So have I thought many times that the heavy Hand of the Lord laid on me had proceeded from his Wrath as if he had shut up his Mercy in displeasure for ever but Lord let thy Mercy and Light abide with me that I sin no more with such distrustful Motions against thee and now Lord speak on further to thy Servant for thy Comforts have refreshed me and rejoyeed my Soul The Lord As for the weakness of thy Faith which I see is the ground of all thy trouble it proceedeth either from the want of Knowledge or else from the want of Application It is indeed a special benefit to
of thy Servant to sucoour me in my distress and to comfort me with thy Mercies Lord evermore feed me with this Manna and refresh me with the Springs of the Water of Life shew at all times some of thy Mercy to me that my Enemy Satan who laboureth to disquiet me may be ashamed because thou art with me always to succour me If ye will mark and consider you shall find that the Children of God in all their Temptations are not so much Doers with their Will as Sufferers against their Will this Cogitation coming in my Mind suddenly Comfort did spring in the midst of my Trouble God giving me Grace to understand that these Motions wherewith I am troubled were not so many Actions done by me for in truth I do neither like nor allow of them but as Spiritual Oppressions of my Enemy who still warreth against me sometimes with Armies of Fears sometimes with Armies of Doubtings and with Armies of unclean and wandring Motions and sometimes with Bands and Troops of Worldly Cares making Invasion upon my Soul and labouring to quench the sparks of Spiritual Life which the Lord had begun in me therefore answer for me O Lord for I suffer Violence my Enemy would oppress me but Lord my hope is ever in thee succour me with thy strength and I shall live and Lord impute not to me any of those sinful Motions which mine Enemy raiseth against me and in me to destry my Soul Consider this wisely O my Soul and remember it God that hath entred thee into this Warfare and is a Spectator and Helper will never reckon up to thee Satans Deeds for thine and learn thou wisely how to distinguish them and faint not for them but comfort thy self as long as thou art able to stand to thy Pretestation that thou dost suffer Violence in them and canst say with the Apostle This is not I but Sin that dwelleth in me O Lord deliver me from the rage of this Tyranny many a time have I looked to have been swallowed up of him but thou hast sustained me Blessed be my God for ever and the Lord be my strength to the end O Lord how can it be possible that my Soul can live here in this absense from thee or walk in the midst of these continual Snares or stand against these raging Temptations except it please thee now and then to sheâ— thy Face unto me Joseph 's State in Prison was not so heavy as mine his Temptations in Potiphar's House were not so continual as mine are And Daniel 's Fear in the midst of the Lions was no greater than mine who every day tasted of a thousand Deaths Jeremiah in a dark Dungeon was not vexed with such Horrors as dayly gather themselves together about and against me the only comfort of my Soul is in the multitude of thy Mercies thou wert with Joseph and therefore the Prison was the more pleasant to him than Potiphar 's Palace Thou wert with Daniel and therefore the raging Lions were peaceable to him O Lord be with me and increase thy strength in my Soul and it shall live though the time be not yet come that I shall appear in thy Presence and see thee yet Lord let me have in this Land of my Pilgrimage those glances of thy sweet and loving Countenance that may sustain me for thou Lord art able to let me see as much joy in thy sweet Face in one hour as may sustain me for ever and without this sight how can my Faith but fail my Hope but hover and my Life but languish Therefore O Lord hide not thy Face from my Soul for ever but as thou dost acquaint my Soul with Troubles so let me see at all times that as my Sufferings do abound in me so my Consolations may abound through Jesus Christ I know thou always beholdest me in Mercy but Lord let me see that thou look'st upon me that I may feel thy Mercies sweet unto my Soul and let me find every day by good Experience that Jesus Christ is formed in me and inable me to live a holy Life here so that I may live with thee a happy Life hereafter in thy Heavenly Kingdom for ever IF thou art Learned be also pious for Learning sanctified is an Ornament to Grace but Learning corrupted is an Advocate for the Devil Call in mind and oftentimes examine thy self arcounting thy self by thy Thoughts Words and Deeds especially after much Business Discourses Pastimes c. Silence is commendable in things that appertain not to thee to the end thou mayst the better call to mind the Sufferings of a Crucifi'd Saviour If God hath blessed thee with an Estate relieve thy Brother and so live as having little yet possessing all things for remember that Meat Drink and Cloaths are the Riches of a Christian and since Christ gave Himself for thee well mayst thou give some Fruits of thy Labour to those that are his let Death be oft-times the Subject of thy Meditations yield thy self wholly to God if thou art poor and hast nothing to requite him with but thy Prayers and thy self yet if thou givest thy self to his disposal thou then givest all thou hast the Apostles left their Ships and their Nets the poor Widdow gave only her two Mites to the Poor-mans-Box and she was preferred before a wealthy Craesus He easily disposeth all things of this World that doth but remember that he must dye In open Assemblies use not always Spiritual Things least thou shalt be thought singular except thou mayst edifie others and by thy Example stir them up to the like on all Occasions prefer the Glory of God and his Service above all things be a Comfort to the afflicted reconcile Differences visit the Sick and Imprisoned and forget not to relieve the Poor and Needy above all things have fervent Love for Love shall cover a multitude of sins fast one day in a Month or oftner if the strength of thy Body will bear it and remember to distribute thine Alms for fasting and Alms are the Wings of Prayer if Perturbations or Discontents arise in thy Mind apply thy self to Prayer go not to thy Rest in Wrath least thou givest the Common Enemy to Mankind an opportunity to surprize thee beware of inordinate Cares least you dishonour or deny God for such Cares are needless bruitish bootless and heathenish What need we care when our Heavenly Father knoweth that we have need of these things and saith Be careful for nothing but let us cast our Cares upon him for he careth for us consider the Fowls of the Air and Ravens that he feeds they toil not Which of you by taking care can add one Cubit to his Stature or Penny to his Estate for after these things the Gentiles seek repent dayly let not the Devil have the Flower of thy Age and God the Bran. The Spirit of Prayer is far more precious than Treasures of Gold and Silver Despise not the Ministers of Christ for
Sins for thy own Names-sake and thou desirest not the Death of a sinner but rather that he should turn from his Wickedness and live and hast promised That at what time soever a sinner repenteth him of his sin from the bottom and ground of his Heart thou wilt put away his Wickedness out of thy sight and remember his Transgressions no more And it is a faithful Saying worthy of all Acceptation That Jesus Christ came into the World to save sinners Of whom I am chief O Lord I Believe help my Unbelief help me to Believe Repent and Obey for Jesus sake have Mercy upon me and work in me a godly Sorrow for my sins which may cause a true Repentance unto Salvation never to be repented of and for thy Names-sake pardon all my sins for thy Mercies-sake do away my Iniquities for thy Promise sake do not remember my Transgressions any more And for Jesus Christ his sake seal a free and a full Pardon of all my sins unto my Soul Say That thou art become my Salvation And let the blood of Jesus cleanse me from all sin Oh this is a great Request I beg who am unworthy of the least Mercy but I beg of thee for the sake of Jesus he is thy Beloved Son in whom thou art well pleased through whom thou canst not be offended he is my Saviour and died to save me according to the multitude of thy Compassions in the Lord Jesus deal with me in the pardoning of all my sins and let not sin nor Satan whom thou hatest destroy the Work of thy hands my Immortal Soul for whom Christ died furnish me with the Graces of thy Holy Spirit and give me Believing Grace and Mercy Repenting Grace and Mercy Pardoning Grace and Mercy Restraining Grace and Mercy Comforting Grace and Mercy Renewing Grace and Mercy with Confirming Grace and Mercy Oh renew me in the Spirit of my Mind help me to redeem time because I have mispent much pretious time already and because the days are evil make me consider the shortness and uncertainty of my time I have but a Moment to work for Eternity e're long Death will come and I shall be in a future state then time will be no more and many have been taken off in their sins and for their sins that are now in an Eternal state of Wo. O teach me in this my Day to know the things that belong to my peace before they are hid from mine Eyes my day is already far spent and my Night is at hand I do not know what a Day may bring forth let me not therefore any longer defer my Amendment of Life after so long a time as it is called to day help me to up and be doing and work while it is called to day before the Night comes when none works help me to work out my Salvation with Fear and Trembling and let me be very diligent to make my Calling and Election sure the one thing needful even the Salvation of my Immortal Soul which is of everlasting Concernment that whatever I miscarry in I may not be mistaken in the great business of my Eternal Happiness to that end I most humbly pray thee again for Jesus Christ's sake to free me from the Power of all sin especially those that my Nature is most prone to such as do beset and overtake me daily and be pleased to discover unto me the Deceitfulness of my own Heart which is very naughty and above all things deceitful and desperately wicked the Thoughts and Imaginations of my Heart have been evil and only evil continually O Lord create in me a Clean and New Heart renew a right Spirit within me sanctifie my Nature and help me to sanctifie thee the Lord of Hosts and make thee my Fear and Dread that thou may'st be unto me a Sanctuary O be pleased to convince me of thine Omnisciency and Omniprescency strike me with an Awe and Fear of thy Presence make me to consider that where-ever I am whatever I am about thou knowest it who art a God of purer Eyes than to behold Sin with the least Approbation and that I have always about me an Immortal Soul and that it is against thee that I have sinned who art a Sin-hating and a Sin-revenging God and that I must very shortly appear naked before thy dreadful Tribunal to render an Account for all things done in the Flesh and 〈◊〉 râ—ceive my Eternal Doom from the Righteous Judge of â—ll the World O â—eaâ—h me with the Robes of Christs Righteousness leâ— his Meritorious Death and Passion satisfie thy Justice for my Sins let the Blood of Jâ—â—us clâ—anse me from all sin and make me circumspect in time to come lâ—t me be Sober Watchful and Vigilant because my Aiversary the Devil goeth about as a roaring Lion seeking whom he may devour continually and my poor weak frâ—il Nature is ready to yield to every Temptation and Suggestion not able to think a good Thought O let thy Grace be sufficient for me let it shield me from all hurt cloath me with the Righteousness of my Jesus let me be girt with Truth and always shod with the Preparation of the Gospel but above all things give me the Shield of Faith the Breastplate of Righteousness a Helmit of Salvation with the Sword of the Spirit whereby I may be able to fight against the World the Flesh and the Devil resisting the Fiery Darts of Satan fighting against Principalities Powers and Spiritual Wickedness in High-Places let not the Gates of Hell nor Powers of Darkness prevail against me but let the Grace of God which hath so plentifully appeared toward me teaching to deny all Vngodliness and Worldly Lusts defend me O let me be redeemed from a Vain Conversation help me to bring forth fruits meet for Repentance worthy an Amendment of Life and let thy Holy Spirit seal me up unto the Day of Redemption make me holy here that I may be happy hereafter Oh make me such a one as thou wouldst have me and inable me to evidence unto my self the Assurance of my Justification by the fruits of my Sanctification thou hast promised That what soever shall be asked in thy Sons Name according to thy Will shall be granted Now Lord I know that this is thy Will even my Sanctification for Jesus sake sanctifie me thorowout and write upon my Heart Holiness to the Lord make me walk according to the Pattern of my Jesus who was Humble Holy and Obedient to thy Will in all things even to the death of the Cross make me to consider that I was Redeemed and bought with a Price not of corruptible Things as Silver and Gold but with the precious Blood of Jesus Christ therefore let me live to the Praise of him that hath so dearly bought me with his most pretious Blood let me walk like one that is Redeemed and Translated from Death to Life as one whose Life is hid with God in Christ that when he
who is my Life shall appear I may also appear with him in Glory O help me to walk as an Adopted Son of the mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth the Holy God as an Adopted Brother to the Holy Jesus my Loving Saviour Mighty Redeemer and the Captain of my Salvation as one that is in fellowship with God the Holy Ghast the Blessed Spirit my Mighty Comforter dayly Sanctifier and â—reserver Oh help me to walk as one that is in Communion with and related unto the most Holy and Blessed Trinity Let me never turn to Folly more nor dare to sin any more nor dishonour my Heavenly Relations but help me to walk worthy of the Price of my High-Calling pressing hard to the Mark adorning my Profession walking in all Well-pleasing daily growing in Grace from strength to strength til I shall appear in Zion in perfect beauty in Glory make me to persevere be constant and faithful to the death that so I may receive a Crown of Life Righteousness and Glory that fadeth not away To that end purpose O God wean me from the World take off my Affections from all perishing Vanities make me Heavenly Minded whil'st I am about Earthly Business let my Conversation be above where the Lord Jesus sitteth at thy Right-hand making Intercession for me let me be in earnest for thy Honour and Glory and the Salvation of my Immortal Soul O let me be upon the Wing Heavenward and carry me on upon Divine Principles help me to strive to enter into the Streight Gate Narrow is the Way that leads to Life and few there be that find it Broad is the Way that leads to Destruction and many there be that go in thereat and if the Righteous â—hall scarce be Saved where shall the Sinners and Vngodly appear Come Holy Ghost Eternal God Proceeding from the Father and Son take Possession of my Soul throw down all the Strong-holds of Sin and Satan bring me over unto a Universal Obedience in all Things to thy Heavenly Will O that my Ways were directed to keep thy Commandments then shall I not be ashamed when I have respect unto all thy Holy and most Righteous Laws which are not grievous as Flesh and Blood the World and Devils would perswade me thy Ways are Peace thy Paths Pleasantness in thy Presence is Fulness of Joy and at thy Right-hand are Rivers of Pleasures for evermore then let it be the joy of my Heart and rejoycing of my Soul to do thy Will help me to hate the Garment that is spotted with the Flesh shed abroad a Divine Love into my Heart and lay a Holy Constraint upon me to please thee in all Things O make me consider what great Things the Lord hath done for me who was once a Child of Wrath a Firebrand of Hell Heir to Eternal Death and Damnation but now by the Grace of God in Jesus Christ am become an Heir to an Eternal and Glorious Kingdom O let me be led unto it which way my Heavenly Father pleaseth it being assured to me by the great Charter of Heavenprecious Promises sealed by the Blood of Jesus the New Name and the White Stone O make me to know what the Lord hath done for my Soul and Body my Soul is Redeemed from Hell and my Body from the Grave and both Body and Soul from Eternal Damnation and all by the Blood of my Jesus and my Vile Body shall be made a Glorious Body and my Mortality shall put on Immortality be swallowed up in Life and I shall be a Co-heir with my Blessed Jesus O what shall I render unto the Lord for all his Benefits help me to take the Cup of Salvation and praise the Name of the Lord let me speak to thy Praise and live to thy Praise let my Heart be inlarged to shew it forth in my Generation and let it be Matter of Eternal Praises in the Heavenly Quire when I shall there be joyned with Saints Angels Arch-Angels Cherubiens Seraphims the Spirits of Just Men and Women made perfect all the Heavenly and Celestial Host to sing Hallelujahs and a New Song unto thy Divine Majesty for thy Love in Jesus Christ and in the mean time be pleased to accept of a Morning Sacrifice which thy poor Creature doth desire to offer up in Praise at this time with all humble sincerity most earnestly begging the Assistance of thy Grace blessed be thy Name for keeping me all my Days for my Creation Preservation and above all for ever ever ever blessed be thy Name for the Lord Jesus Christ the Fountain of all my Mercies and through whom I have comfortable Hope and Assurance of Eternal Salvation O let Christ be formed more and more in me and blessed be thy Name for all Temporal Favours for keeping me the Night past for refreshing me with the Comforts of Rest and Sleep and hast kept me from all sad Accidents when thou mightest have made my Bed my Grave and my Sleep my Death but blessed be thy Name whose Compassions never fail thy poor Creature who hast raised me this Morning in good Condition of Health Strength Mind and Memory and being thus brought to the beginning of this day defend me O Lord in the same by thy Almighty Power grant that I may fall into no Sin nor run into any kind of Danger but that all my Doings may be ordered by thy Governance to do that which is righteous in thy Sight through Jesus Christ O Lord have mercy upon thy whole Church inlarge the Kingdom of Grace hasten the Kingdom of Glory send forth thy Word with thy Power thorow the whole World propagate the Gospel and hasten the Kingdom of Glory remember thy Antient People the Jews bring in the Fulness of the Gentiles give the Heathen for thy Sons Inheritance and the utmost Parts of the Earth for his Possession let all Kingdoms of the World become the Lord Christs and let every Scepter submit to his Royal Scepter that the Earth may be filled with the Knowledge of the Lord as the Waters cover the Sea and be gâ—atiously pleased to bless this Sinful Nation of England pardon our Crying Sins heal our Breaches compose our Differences give us a true Repentance and Amendment of Life and be merciful unto us O Lord save the King pour down the choisest of thy Blessings upon his Head and Heart make his Life long his Reign prosperous keep him from the hands of his Enemies let his Life be prerious in thy Sight give him Wisdom and Courage from above make him as an Angel of God to go in and eut before the People over whom thou hast set him and when thou shalt put an end to his Mortal Life Crown him in thy Everlasting Kingdom in Glory Bless him in his Royal Relations our Gracious Queen Katherine James Duke of York and aâ—l â—he Royal Family endue them with thy holy Spirit inrich them with thy Heavenly 〈◊〉 prosper them with all Happiness and bring them to thy Everlasting Kingdom Bâ— pâ—easâ—â—â— to bless all our Privy-Councellors Rulers and Judges teach our Senators Wisdom and the true Fear of the Lord make them Zealous for thy Honour and Glory the Advancement of true Religion Piety and Vertue the Honour and Safety of the King and Kingdom Bless all the Magistrates of this Realm give them Grace to execute Justice and maintain Truth and be pleased to pour down a double Portion of thy Blessings upon the Ministers of thy Word and Sacraments the Clergy of this Land by what Names or Titles soever they are dignified or distinguished make them found in their Doctrine and Exemplar in their Lives let them shine like Stars in the Firmament and let their Light so shine besore Men that seeing their good Works others may glorifie thee the Heavenly Father and O Lord look down in much Mercy upon all Degrees of Men Women and Children of this Nation grant that we may all live in thy Faith and Fear in due Obedieuce and Loyalty to the King and his Laws and in Brotherly-Love and Affection to one another O Lord bless all my Relations especially my Wise and Child pardon their Sins and save their Souls make them near and dear unto thy self season their tender Years with thy Grace and Fear be their satiable good in every Condition and if it be thy blessed Will bring us together again that we may Serve thee better than sormerly we have done and if it shall seem good unto thee O Lord find out a way for my Deliverance out of Prison not mine but thy Will be done O God I have found that thy Service is perfect Freedom and thy Favour is better than Life help me to order my Conversation aright that I may see more of thy Salvation let my ways please thee that my Enemies may be at Peace with me however let all tend to the purging out of Sin making me more fit to enjoy Communion with thee here and eternally hereafter vouchsafe O Lord to keep me this day without Sin keep me in thy Fear diâ—ert me in thy Truth let thy Spirit lead me that I may not offend with my Tongue let me be silent rather than sin and never repine at thy Providence fit me for my future Being make me mindful of Death and let me always have the Assurance of thy Favour which is better than Life G God whose Nature and Property is ever to have Mercy and to forgive receive my humble Petitions and though I am tied and bound with the Chain of my Sin yet let the great pittifulness of thy Mercy loose me for the Honour of my Advocate and Mediator Jesus Christ to whom with thee O Father thy Holy and Blessed Spirit be ascrided and given from the bottom of my Heart and from all Creatures all possible Honour Glory Power Praise Might Majesty Adoration Dominion and what-ever can be Imagined or expressed from this time forth and for evermore Amen Our Father which art in Heaven Hallowed be thy Name Thy Kingdom come Thy Will be done in Earth as it is in Heaven c. FINIS
Prison Thoughts WRITTEN BY Thō Browning CITIYEN AND COOK OF LONDON Who hath been a PRISONER in Ludgate ever since the Twelveth day of August 1680. Dum Spiro Spero in Deum Adjutorem meum London Printed and are to be Sold by the Author in Ludgate who is still a Prisoner there Anno 1682. To the Worshipful Geo. Dashwood Esq Dame Margeret his Wife the Lady Elizabeth Hare their Daughter John Pery Esq Mrs. Katherine Browning my Wife where ever she is and to all that are related to their Families Grace and Peace NOtwithstanding my many great Troubles I have had some retired Thoughts in my Adolescens which are here brought to publick View and do desire you to Patronize the same If you and others shall find such benefit by reading them as I have done by writing the same my ends are answered Time was when I had no Thoughts of putting my self in Print but Necessitas non habet Legem These are my first Fruits as an Offering to the World which pray accept I do intend another suddenly which perhaps may be more acceptable and sell better than this My weak Endeavours shall not be any whit wanting therein Who am Your Most Humble and Obedient Servant in the Lord Thomas Browning Nosse Teipsum Vivat Rex Curret Lex Floret Grex. Finis Coronat Opus A Coppy of a Letter sent to my Wife My Admiration IN my Fifty Eighth Letter I sent you some Verses and this is my Fifty Ninth where you may find an Epistle which pray peruse It is in vain to expect any Approbation from you having never yet received one Line in Writing from your Hand And perceiving that you are resolved neither to see nor send to me I do think that this may be the last time that I may trouble you in Writing only remember that you have abused neglected slighted and robbed a most Indulgent and loving Husband for which I pray God to give you a hearty Repentance before it be too late and there be no meanes left to help your self as likewise all those who have unlawfully and very malitiously advised against me without any Cause And if you or they have any Pretences I do hereby dare either to make them known to me or the World assuring that mine shall shortly be made known in Print with as much Severity as Truth will bear who am still you Loving though most Abused Husband Thomas Browning Prison Thoughts c OH despised despised despised rejected rejected rejected and Destroyed by you my own Dear Wife whose Name is Katherine Browning I pitty I pitty I pitty and shall not cease Praying for you Day and Night that you may be converted when you hear of Brownings Death occasioned by your meanes you may shed a tear for him if there be any Grace in you none ought to despise their own Flesh Whom God hath Joyned together let none put ader And if you had not gone from me you might have been Mistriss of our Company they have chosen an old Master this year in my stead Take heed of these dreadful Sentences You that are filthy be filthy still There remains no more Sacrifice for Sin but a fearful looking for of Judgment Fiery Indignation and fierce Anger of the Lord with a Go ye Cursed into Everlasting Fire prepared for Divels and Damn'd Spirits From which Place Good Lord deliver us My Epistle begins Few and evil have been the days of my Pilgrimage I have had for Inheritance the Months of Vanity and painful Nights have been appointed unto me and do know that hereafter is laid up for me a Crown of Righteousiness and not for me only but for all them who love the appearance of the Lord Jesus Therefore all the days of my Life will I wait as a Hireling till my Change shall come For I desire to be Dissolved and to be with Christ and do long to remove out of the Body to dwell with the Lord For I do know that if this Earthly House of my Tabernacle were destroyed I have a Bulilding given of God that is a House not made with Hands but Eternal in the Heavens Therefore I sigh desiring to be cloathed with my House which is from Heaven and I do heartily look for and do hope that in noth ng I shall be ashamed but that with all confidence Christ shall be magnified in my Body whether it be by Life or Death for whither I live it is to the Lord or whether I die it is to the Lord therefore whether I live or die I am the Lords To Him therefore be Praise and Glory for evermore I have fought a good Fight I have kept the Faith and do know in whom I have Believed and am perswaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed to his Charge Against that Day the Lord will quicken my mortal Body and make it like to his own Glorious Body Yea though after my Skin Worms destroy this Body yet I shall see God in my Flesh whom I my self shall see and mine Eyes shall behold and none other for me though my Reins be consumed within me therefore I willingly lay down my Life and commit my Soul unto God as unto my faithful Creator How excellent is thy Mercy O God therefore do I trust under the Shadow of thy Wings O blessed is the man whom thou dost choose and causest to come unto thee he shall dwell in thy Courts and shall be satisfied with the Pleasures of thine House even of thy Holy Temple thou shalt give him drink out of the Rivers of thy Pleasures for with thee is the Well of Life and in thy Light shall we see Light send me therefore thy Light and thy Truth and let thy good Spirit lead me unto the Land of Righteousness Carry me O Lord by thy Mercy and bring me in thy Strength to thy Holy Habitation Plant me in the Mountain of thine Inheritance even in the Place which thou hast prepared and the Sanctuary which thou hast Established that I may see the Goodness of the Lord in the Land of the Living Let me behold thy Face in Righteousness and let me be satisfied with thine Image for in thy Presence is the Fulness of Joy and at thy right Hand are Pleasures for evermore Into thy Hands O Lord I commend my Spirit for thou hast Redeemed it O Lord God of Truth Lord Jesus receive my Spirit The end of the upright man is Peace As many as walk according to this Rule Peace shall be upon them and upon the Israel of God Now unto Him that is able to keep us that we fall not and to present us faultless before the Presence of his Glory with Joy to God only-wise be Glory Majesty Dominion and Power both now and ever ever ever Amen Ludgate The 12th of April 1682. For my most Esteemed Mistriss Katherine Browning These This was sent to her Aunt Madam Margaret Dashwood by the hand of Mr. Joseph Steed her Nephew to
Vertue in thy Blood That Life is in thy Death But â—â—â—ll I fear my Sins deserve that thou shouldst never apply thy Vertue nor thy Merits to me for alas I find that the Old man is lively and strong in me and that the motions of Sin have power in me to bring forth Fruits unto Death The Lord Be not I pray thee injurious to thy self in the work of my Grace in thee Complain not of thy Corruptions But that thou mayst give unto me my own praise Canst thou deny but thou hast felt my Power working in thy Soul Have I noâ— sprinkled thy Conscience many times with the purifying and pacifying Blood of Christ from which hath flowed to thee such a witnessing of good things such a sence of Mercies as for the time hath filled thy heart with Joys thy mouth with Songs of Praise Have I not stirred thee up sometimes with great fervency to call upon the Name of the Lord Have I not made thee to give Christs Name a publick Testimony with thine own disadvantage And how often hath thy heart been effectually moved at the hearing of my Word in such sort that it wrought in thee a holy Remorse and an inward Contrition for Sin which hath broken out into tears Have I not made thee to wrestle against thine inordinate Lusts Have I not given thee Strength many a time to stand against Satans Temptations Whereas if I had left thee to thy self how often hadst thou been made a Prey to thine Enemy Remembrest thou not that the Tempter hath often assaulted thee But I have withdrawn the occasion of Sin and when the occasion hath served did I not restrain and hold back the Tempter Yea when both the occasion and Tempter were present have I not filled thy heart with the Fear and Love of my Name and so kept thee from sinning against me And whereas many times of thy weakness thou hast offended Did not I with a melting heart and mourning eye raise thee again and renew my former familiarity with thee So that thou canst never say from the first hour that I begun to renew thee that I have suffered thee to lye in thy Sin as I have done others that are Sâ—rangers to my Grace and many notable Effects of my working in thee thou canst not deny Are not these the undoubted Tokens of my Grace in thee Will Nature do such things Mayst thou not feel by these that I have begun to apply to thee Christs Merits for the Remission of thy Sins and Christs Vertue for quickening thee to a new Life Therefore think of thy self as barely as thou wilt but let the Work of my Grace be esteemed by thee according to the excellency of it Be humble and cast down when thou lookest on thine own corruption I find no fault with thee but I rejoyce and am glad of the new Workmanship which I have begun in thee Indeed if there were nothing in thee but that which thou hast by nature thy state were very miserable but seeing thou findest a new Workmanship in thee be comforted Art thou in Darkness that there is no Light in thee Or doth Sin possess thee that besides it also there is not a Will in thee to do Good and a Love to Righteousness If thou saist that thou hast no Sin in thee thou art a Lyer And if thou saist thou hast no other thing in thee but Sin thou art also a Lyer And thinkest thou that seeing I have begun to translate thee into my Light and to make thee a new Creature thinkest thou that I will leave thee till I have done till I have done my Work in thee Therefore my Beloved give not such ear to Satan and thy own Corruptions as to take this Testimony against me or make thee think that my Pledges which I have given thee are not worthy of Credit that by them thou shouldst be assured of my Mercy The Soul I cannot deny O Lord but that many times I have felt the sweetness of thy heavenly Consolations which have greatly rejoyced my Soul But alas my grief is so much the more that by my own Defaults I should now be deprived of them for I have grieved thy Holy Spirit yea I have done what I could to quench him and therefore it is that the Comforter who was wont to refresh my Soul is away nor can I feel his Presence with me as before The Lord Because I am not changed therefore it is that ye O Sons of Jacob are not consumed many are the Changes indeed whereunto you are subject but I remain the same and there is no shadow of alteration with me Be not therefore afraid O my Beloved neither esteem thy self to be rejected of me albeit that sometimes I hide my face from thee All my ways are Mercy and Truth to mine It is for thee that sometimes I go from thee and it is for thee that again I do return unto thee for if I come it is for thy Consolation that continual heaviness should not oppress thee by thy manifold Temptations How often hast thou found this when thou wert sick of Love I have strengthened thee with Flagons of my own and comforted thee wiâ—â— my Apples my Fruit hath been sweet in thy mouth and I â—aâ— put my Left-hand under thy Head and with my Right-hand I have imbraced thee But least the greatness of my Consolations should exalt thee to disdain thy Brother and offend me by imputing that to thy own disposition which thou hast of my Dispensation I have again withdrawn these glorious feelings from thee give me the Praise that I know best what is expedient for thee Had my Servant St. Paul need to be humbled with the Buffets of Satan least he should be exalted above measure by the greatness of his Revelations And hast not thou need that by thy inward Exercises I should hold thee humble If my Comforts were always present with thee thou wouldst think thy Heaven thy permanent City were here on Earth and so cease to enquire for a better to come thou wouldst take the place of thy Banishment for thy Home and thy Earnest for thy Principal Sum which I have promised thee Consider this wisely with thy self and albeit I laugh not alike on thee at all times and fill thee not always with Joys yet I always love thee for whom I love it is to the end If I close the Door of my Chamber upon thee it is not to hold thee out but to leave thee to knock If I cover my self with my Veiles that thou canst not see a glance of my Countenance it is only to stir thee up to seek me and if sometimes I seem to go from thee it is to provoke thee to follow me that thou mayst make hast from Earth to Heaven where thou shalt injoy me without Intermission Was Joseph so wise as to conceal his tender Affections from his Brethren till he had brought them to an humble acknowledgment of their
a Request to make that is considerable to an Earthly King must not approach without a Present in his Hand but my great Request is to the King of Kings to whose Laws I have been disobedient false to his Government refractory to his Summons and ungrateful to his former Favours and what can I offer him that needs nothing and what can I give him whose both my self and all that I have are His Favour inheed is so sweet so desirable and so universal a Comprehension of all happiness that I could freely give all I have or may procure for the Purchase of it But the whole World is Vanity to him neither can such Triffles blind his Eyes or bind his Hands buy his Mercy to the Unworthy or avert his Judgments from the Sinner I would methinks expose my Body to the sharpest Torments my Soul to the heaviest Sorrows and my Life to the cruellest of Tyrants and would account it a happy purchase if I were sure of his Everlasting Mercies afterwards But it cost more to redeem a Soul I can give nothing but what is his already and I can suffer nothing but what I have deserved What then O where shall I have a Peace-Offering which may not be despised I am told that there is nothing more acceptable than a Broken Heart 'T is strange Can a Heart polluted with the Guilt and inflamed with the Power of Sin slow to begin and unable to perform any thing that is good but vigorous to desire and unwearied to pursue all evil Can a Heart shaken with Fears torn to pieces with Terrours and even a Terrour to it self miserable and poor blind and naked can this Heart be a fit Sacrifice for so Glorious and All-seeing so Holy and Pure a God Can he like that whieh I abhor my self Alas it cannot be But let me recall that rash hasty word for he hath said it who best knows what will please himself and if he vallues it then it is worthy for the true worth of any thing is to be judged by his Esteemation of it who knows but such a broken Heart may be a greater Evidence of his Power and Mercy a fitter Instrument of his Praise and Glory a plainer Table to describe his Grace and draw his Image on than any other Such a Heart I have and if this will serve I am happy I will give it freely to thee O Lord who despisest not the meanest Gifts if there be sincerity in the Giver It was broken before with Fear but now it will be dissolved with Love I am ashamed it is no better but thy Mercy is the greater in accepting it and it will become better by being thine Oh how am I filled with Admiration on the Freeness and Fullness of thy Mercies in comparison of which the greatest humane Compassion is and seems to be Cruelty I dare proclaim it that in thee are all the Mercies in the World united and thou art Mercy it self in the highest Degree If my Disobedience and my Negligence Contempts and Ingratitudes could have seperated thee from thy Mercy I had now met thee in thy Fury taking Vengeance without Pitty for I have seemed to live as if I had designed to dare thee to turn thy self away from me and to try thy utmost Patience the least part of which business would have turned my best Friends in the World against me but behold the Mercies of my God continue still O let me have the shame of an ungrateful Sinner and let thy Name have the Glory of an inexpressable Pitty even to those who are almost ashamed to ask Pardon yea let me to whom thou hast shewed so much Compassion have the Honour to be an Instance of thy Goodness to all the World And have I such a Father Why then do I lye still with this Load of Guilt upon my Soul And with this heavy Burthen of Sorrow upon my Spirit What do I get by these Complaints but waste my Time and double my Misery by sad Reflections I can neither have Help from my self nor any Creature but my Father alone to whom Mercies are as proper as Miseries are to me and if I through Fear and Sorrow sit still here and starve I shew not so much Pitty to my self as he would have for me if he saw my distress Wherefore I will arise and go to him though I think that I shall scarce have the face to ask him more since I spent the last so ill I shall be ashamed to tell him how base I have been but as I was not ashamed when I did evil so I must have shame when I suffer the shame of its desert I will go bathed with Tears blushing for shame accusing my self and relying on the Bowels of a Father and will beg only so much Mercy as may banish despair and if I may have this will be content tho I be not entertained with assurance and certain Expectations for the least favourable Look is more than I have deserved yet behold upon the first sight of the returning Prodigal who came unsent for driven home by his own Miseries his tender Father runs to meet him takes the Words out of his Mouth and receives him with all the Demonstrations of his Love and the Carresses of his dear Affections and is my God less merciful he who hath invited me so often and promised me so largely I have done ill to stay so long but I will go now low in my Desires and high in my Expectations sorrowing for mine Offences and begging his Mercies and I hope though I carry no merits of my own to his Justice yet I carry miseâ—y enough to make his Bowels of Compassion yearn upon me then I cannot perish Is it possible I should be all this while deluded so grosly as to imagine my Eyes to be opened my Ways direct and full of Light when indeed my Eyes are shut my feet are wrong and my Mind is overspred with Aegyptian Darkness of a stupid Ignorance Thy Word O Lord is a Light to my Feet and a Lanthorn to my Pathes not only to shew me which is the right way but to let me know when I am in the wrong But I have given my self to false Guides who least I should enquire after the right way would never acquaint me that I was wandring from it had I followed them still I had stumbled ere this on the threshold of Hell whil'st I expected to have arrived at the Gates of Heaven O blessed be thy Name I now see that I have been straying from the Fountain of all true Happiness and have been in vain seeking Content where it is not to be found till the Disappointment drives me to seek it where it is to be had if I had not been a Stanger to my own Heart I had not been so far out of the right way but I have supposed my self to be clear only because I never considered wherein I was guilty and have flattered my self with the
pleasing Thoughts of my own Innocence so that I have been so secure as if I had been really guiltless I have been glad to spare my self and have flattered my self with the pleasing Thoughts of my own Ignorance I have been glad to spare my self of a further Enquiry most foolishly accounting this a Peace which was no other but want of a sense of my own danger I find my chief design hath been to seem to be good and to perswade my self that I was so that I might be the more at quiet in the ways of Evil and might not be accused of my own Conscience and allaramed by the most dreadful Threatnings which I supposed did not belong to me But alas how miserable would the end of that self-deceit have been For thou O my God didst see and wouldst have condemned me for all my Blasphemous Thoughts and Repinings against thee my malitious and envious Thoughts against thee and my Neighbour thou heardst all those vain and filth words that I uttered with my Mouth those deceitful unjust and cruel uncharitable Works which I committed with my Hands thou sawest yea all that Formality and Hypocrisy Ambition and Pride Lust and Covetuousness that lay in the secret Corners of my Heart was apparent in thy sight and what did it avail me not to see them thy Vengeance would have once as certainly and more terribly because it was not expected It is strange I should not see this vast heap before but surely I have shut my eyes wilfully lest I should discern that which I was loath to believe and unwilling to amend but now I see my Inquities by thy Mercy and believe I have offended thee as much by my Hypocrisy in the concealing them as by my Disobedience in committing them therefore I will ingeniously confess because the graciousness of thy Nature the truth of thy Promises and the Satisfaction of the Lord Jesus are sufficient to procure a Pardon for me who dare so trust in thy Mercy so far as to become my own Accuser Yea my God since thou hasâ— so graciously convinced me of the Evil and Damage of those Courses I have taken I will not rest in a bare Confession that I am in the Wrong but by thy Grace will turn me into the Right Way and will utterly forsake all these my Follies thy Mercy indeed is great enough to forgive me upon my Humble Acknowledgments but to live in my Sin is as inconsistent with my Happiness as it is with thy holy Laws Therefore O my Soul he that desires thy Felicity will not forgive the old Score unless thou cease to run further in Debtâ— Dost thou not see that whil'st thou goest on in Sin thou art in the Way unto Eternal Death and beside art already dead to all Divine Comforts as to the sense of them and Buried alive in Lusts and Pleasures thy Flesh intombs thy precious Soul that is thus made wretched and the Grave-Cloths of vile Affections binds the Hand and Foot from moving towards God or breathing in the pure Air of Heavenly Meditations and canst thou like to stay in this filthy Place still when thou didst not see thy Misery no wonder if thou countedst this Dungeon and Vault a Pallace but now thou must abhor it when Jesus calls and saith Lazarus come forth Dost thou find the more thou followest these the less thou lovest God hast seldom any Converse with him slower Motions towards him and meaner Thoughts of him return then from these Evil Paths for now thou knowest the dead are there do not only seek a Pardon from him but desire a Communion with him who is thy Strength and Life thy Joy and Happiness and will be glad of thy Recovery that forgetting all thy Unworthiness formerly he will make thee happy hereafter there is nothing can hinder thee unless thou lovest thy Sins so well that thou wilt not forsake them and carest so little for God that thou hadst rather dye without him than live with him Holily here and Eternally Happily hereafter it had been well with my Soul if all this while my safty had been equal to my Confidence for none ever thought themselves more secure tho there was no other ground for it but only because I was not resolved to take the pains not to behold my Danger I have multiplyed my Transgressions and lived in Sins unamended yea un-repented of and therefore have had the drawn Sword of Divine Vengeance hanging over my guilty Head by the slender thread of my uncertain Life which every thing can snap in sunder yet have I wilfully shut mine eyes choosing rather to feel the Eternal Smart of it than to behold the dreadful sight which would have long time terrified me into an amendment and have snatcht me from under the approaching Ruine What prodigious Folly hath seized on me What stupid Lazines hath benummed me Are the Pains of escaping greater than the Pains of Suffering Or will the Blow be the lighter because I resolve neither to see it nor avoid it Awake my Soul while there is a Possibility to prevent thy Ruine thy Sins are so numerous and so hainous that thou canst not be ignorant of them the Threatnings of Gods Wrath are so plain and positive that thou mayst see plainly that they aim at thee thy Conscience cryes so loud that thou canst not but hear it and Gods Holy Spirit pleads still so powerfully that thou must take so much Pains to exclude these Friends as would serve to turn out thy Enemies surely God gave me not Wit and Understanding to make a plauceable Cover for the eyes of my Conscience or to contrive Bulwarks of Excuses to entrench my sins in safety and yet I unhappy Wretch have been ingenious in nothing so much as in plotting the Ruine of my precious Soul and designing to perish undisturbed behold and blush to see how and where holy David lies covered with Shame and drowned in his Tears quite overwhelmed with Sorrow not able through Fear and Sorrow to take his Eyes off that one Offence whil'st thou a far greater Sinner art careless and unconverted he sets his sins before his own Face and God he throws them behind his Back when the sight of them will not conduce to the obtaining of my Pardon but the Aggravation of my Eternal Misery the sight of them indeed is most unpleasant the Object odious and ungrateful but the Benefit will most abundantly recompence the Trouble and if I behold them now so as to repent of them I shall see them no more for ever I will Imitate therefore this holy Man and ever view the Guilt and Danger of them that I may humbly confess them with Sorrow and obtain a Pardon for them my wretched Heart hath taken pleasure in the Committing them and it shall have Vexation in Reflecting on them for I will not take my eyes off from them till the horrid Aspect of my grievous Iniquities have humbled my Soul for them and turned my
true Repentance unto Salvation never to be repented of and for Jesus sake accept a Morning Sacrifice of Prayer and Praise which I do desire at this time in all sincerity to offer to thy Divine Majesty humbly begging the Assistance of thy Grace O Eternal Almighty and most Glorious Lord God in whom I Live Move and have my Being thou art the Mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth thou art the great Creator and Governour of all Things who didst make all Things by the Word of thy Power and dost uphold the same by thy Providence who art the Omnipotent God Dwelling in the highest Heavens and hast Eternity for thy Habitation in that Light which is inaccessable to whom no mortal Eye can approach Infinite in all thy Attributes before whose Glorious Presence the Angels Cherubims and Seraphims those spotless Creatures do cover their Faces the Elders do cast down their Crowns Worshipping thee continually thou art Glorious in Majesty Fearfull in Praises doing Wonders God over all Blessed for evermore from Everlasting to Everlasting Infinitely Happy in the Injoyment of thine own Perfections and needest not the Services of any of thy Creatures and hast an innumerable Company of Angels Arch-Angels Cherubims Seraphims with the Spirits of Just Men and Women made Perfect all the Heavenly and Coelestial Host continually Celebrating thy Praise crying Holy Holy Holy Lord God Almighty which Was which Is and which is to come O where shall I appear that am Vile Sinful Dust and Ashes For Jesus Sake have Mercy upon me I confess that I am very sinful by Nature and more vile by Practice who am of the Seed of Evil Doers and have been a Transgressor from the Womb that I was Conceived in Sin Brought forth in Iniquity and my Life hath been as a continued Act of Sinning against thee as if I had been born for no other Purpose but to dishonour displease and disobey the God that Made me and to destroy that Immortal Soul for whom Christ dyed and the Lord world Save thou hast been very Gracious and Merciful to me in my Creation and Preservation but above all in the Lord Jesus Christ the Fountain and Foundation of all my Mercies and through whom I have Hopes of Eternal Salvation It is a Faithful Saying and worthy all Acceptation That Jesus Christ came into the World to Save Sinners Of whom I am chief and I am never able sufficiently to Admire Adore and Magnifie thy great Name for thy Infinite Love in the Lord Jesus thy Mercy Goodness and Condescention hath appeared in this that thou who art the Mighty Majesty of Heaven and Earth a God of all Power Omnipotency it self shouldest find out a way to reconcile those great Attributes of thy Mercy and Justice through the Blood of thy Onely Begotten Son that so poor lost and undone Mortals might be Eternally Saved and this thou hast declared unto me Jesus Christ Crucified and for me who am less than the least of thy Mercies and this thou hast made known by thy Holy Gospel O the Height Length Depth and Breadth of thy Love in Jesus Christ it is above my Apprehension and Comprehension it is past my finding out lâ—t it be Matter of Eternal Praise in the Heavens and through him thou hast been pleased to afford me the meanes of Grace and Salvation in very plentiful manner thy Sabboths thy Word and Ordinances thy Holy and Blessed Spirit to assist me the Checks of my own Conscience and the Light of Nature to instruct me I have had Line upon Line Precept upon Precept here a little and there a little often hearing a Voice within and behind me saying This is the Way walk in it Thou hast lengthened out my Days and afforded me a large time to Repent in exercising thy Patience and Long-suffering towards me I have had large Experience of thy Goodness to lead me to an Amendment of Life and though in all Times Ages and Places thou hast shewed thy self highly displeased with Sin and Sinners yet thou hast been pleased to spare me and I have aggravated my Sins with hainous Circumstances the Angels when they sinned were cast down and are reserved in Everlasting Chains of Darkness made Monuments of thy Justice Wrath and Fury and there was never any Meanes found out for their Recovery Jesus Christ took not upon him the Nature of Angels but the Seed of Abraham my first Parents were banished out of Paradice for their Transgressions and the Old World for their Sin were drownded Sodom and Gomorhea once famous Places for their Sins felt the Divine Vengeance by Fire from Heaven and were consumed with an utter Overthrow yet thou hast spared me the chief of Sinners O Lord grant that thy Severity towards others and thy Goodness towards me may lead me to an Amendment of Life or how shall I escape to neglect such great Salvation O Lord thou hast been very gracious unto me by keeping me Mercifully in my Infancy Child-hood Youth Riper Age Manhood and Age thou hast taken Care of me when I took none of my self I have been Fed Cloathed and Led along by thy good Hand of Providence thou hast given me a Healthy Body a Sound Mind and a Large Memory my Diseases have been Cured I have been Fed both with the Vpper and Nether Springs thou hast not only given me Things convenient for this Life hut likewise the Mercies of Grace and Salvation leading to a better Life even to Life Everlasting thou hast preserved me in Prison beyond my Desert contrary to my Expectation when the World frowned upon me and I was forsaken by my Relations then the Lord was a Sun to comfort and a Shield to defend me thou hast been my present Help in time of Trouble my exceeding great Reward my All in All my God Alsufficient thou hast compassed me about with thy Salvation Songs of Deliverance thy Special Favours yea thou hast prevented me with thy very Loving Kindness I have been both Loaded and Cloathed with thy Mercies as with a Garment and they are more in number the very kinds of them than I am able to reckon up O Lord thou hast not only given me a Being but a comfortable and well Being to make me the more fit to Serve thee thou hast kept me from many Deaths and Dangers in the time of War thou didst preserve me from the Peril of the Bloody Sword when I deserved as much as any to have been cut off the Land of the Living thou hast preserved me by Land and by Water and in Forreign Parts from many Evils that I have been subject to thou hast kept me in the Times of Centagion and Visitation from the Noysom and Devouring Pestilence and other Distempers many that lived with me are gone to the Grave before me and as they are dead I am dying not knowing what a Day may bring forth my Breath is in my Nostrils and goes out every Moment and whensoever it shall be stopt I must dye
and turn to dust then after Death there is no Repentance this is the Opportunity of Life the Day of Grace and Salvation which if neglected I can never have another it is therefore of everlasting Concernment to improve the present Opportunity because it is appointed for all Men and Women once to dye and then to Judgment and as Death leaves Judgment will find as the Tree falls so it lies there is neither Desire nor Invention in the Grave where I am going O Lord thou hast been very merciful to preserve me in the Calamities of Fire and hast wonderfully Protected and Provided for me ever since and thou hast been merciful to me indeed to preserve me against my own Will. I am a Living Monument of thy Mercies a Brand snatcht out of the Burning Flame thou hast given me my Life for a Prey and I have not lived to thy Praise but like a Vile Wretched Vuworthy and most Vngrateful Creature I have sinned against thee both in Thought Word and Deed. The Sins of my Thoughts have been more than I can think those of my Words more than I am able to express and the Sins of my Deeds have been innumerable my Life hath been an Act of open Rebellion against thee I am guilty of Sins by Omission Commission Ignorance and Wilful Disobedience Having left undone those Things which I ought to have done and committed those Things whith I ought not to have done I have sinned against Heaven Thee my Relations and against the Motions of thy Blessed Spirit having made a Shew of Godliness I have denyed the Power of it and have called upon the Name of Christ but have not departed from Iniquity I have given evil example unto others by living conâ—rary to what I have Professed and have quenched and grieved the Mations of thy Holy Spirit which should have sealed me up unto the day of Redemption I have Committed all Impieties with Greediness and have aggravated my Transgressions with hanious Circumstances for I have sinned not only against the Law but against the Gospel not only Ignorantly but Wilfully and very presumptiously against the Checks of my Conscience and the Light of Nature insomuch that my own Heart doth condemn me and thou art greater knowing all Things I have abused thy Mercies despised thy Judgments and turned thy very Graces into Wantonness insomuch that my Iniquities are gone over my Head and my Sins have covered me I have nothing to plead for my self but Guilty Guilty Guilty of the Breach of all thy most Holy and Righteous Laws I have forfited my Right to all that is Good have made my self liable to all Evils both Temporal Spiritual and Eternal it is even a Miracle of Mercy that I had not long ago been taken off in my Sin and for my Sins and have been made so Hellfull as I have been sinful and have had my Portion given me with Hyppocrites Vnbelievers and those that loveth and maketh a Lye in that Lake which burns with Fire and Brimstone there to be tormented with Devils and Damned Spirits for evermore that instead of praying unto thee and calling on thy Nâ—â—e in Mercy I am not howling amongst the Damn'd in an irrecoverable State that thy Patience is not ended toward me and the Dâ—or of Grace shut everlastingly against me thou mightest justly long ago have said unto me I would have healed thee and thou wouldst not I would have Saved thy Soul but thou hast despised my Salvation I would have made thee happy and thou hast refused therefore thou that art filthy be filthy stâ—ll there remains no more Sacrifice for Sin but a fearful looking for of Judgment Fiery Indignation and the Fierce Anger of the Lord the Most Mighty God therefore go thou Cursed into Everlasting Fire prepared for the Devils and their Angels It had been but just with thee O Lord thus to have dealt by me and thou mightest have Glorified thy Justice in my Just Condemnation and Eternal Damnation but there is Mercy with thee that thou mayst be feared and thy tender Mercies are over all thy Works and Mercy pleaseth thee it is because thy Compassions fail not that I am not consumed O what shall I say unto thee thou Preserver of Men Whether shall I go or to whom shall I fly 'T is thou alone that hast the words of eternal Life and there is nâ— Name under Heaven by whom I can be Saved but by the Name of Jesus Christ and 't is against thee O Father thee O Holy Jesus thee O Holy Blessed Spirit that I have sin'd against the Holy and Blessed Trinity in Vnity and Vnity in Trinity Jesus Christ was wounded for my Transgressions that by his Stripes I 〈◊〉 be healed and I have wounded him afresh by my Sins Tâ—e Chast sement of my Peace hath been upon his Shoulders and he that knew no Sin was made a Curse unto Sin for me that I might be made the Righteonsness of God in him He was pierced thorow with many Sorrows and his precious Side was pierced with a Sphear and his most precious Blood was spilt that my Soul might be Eternally Saved and I have pierced him again by my Sins Jesus was Crucified and dyed the bitter and Cursed Death of the Cross that I might be Blessed and Everlastingly Saved and I have Crucified the Lord of Life afresh have put him to open shame O help me to look upon him whom I have pierced and mourn over him that I may be in bitterness of Spirit and gâ—ieve because I cannot grieve enough for my Sins and because I have grieved the Motions of thy Holy Spirit Oh work in me a hatred of all sin which is the cause of all Evil and help me to avoid the very Appearance of it O Lord thou hast given some Encouragement for poor penitent Sinners to come unto thee and graciously invited them saying Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy Laden and I will give you Rest seek and ye shall find knock and it shall be opened unto you call upon me in the Day of Trouble and I will hear thee and deliver thee and thou shalt glorifie me Oh Lord I come I seek I call I cry beseeching thee for Jesus Christ his sake to let me find rest unto my Soul Open unto me the Gates of Salvation and be ye opened ye Everlasting Gates that the King of Glory may come in and deliver me from the Intollerable Burthen of my Sins Help me to Glorifie thee here that I may be Glorified with thee to all Eternity Lord thou hast promised that Thou wilt not break the Bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax nor despise the day of small Things but hast mercifully stiled thy self to be a God hearing Prayers and none of the Sons of Jacob ever sought thy Face in vain And thou hast graciously declared thy self to be the Lord Merciful Gratious of Patience and great Goodness who pardoneth Iniquity Transgressions and