and with thy blessed Apostle that I know assuredly that the sufferings of this life shall work for me a far greater and more exceeding weight of glory in that to come To thee therefore O thou blessed Guardian of my sinfull soul and wretched body doe I addresse my self for safety and protection I confesse O Lord there is no one minute of my whole life can be safe without thy gratious providence and yet so wretched have I been that few or none of them have been devoted to thy service Lord I am not worthy of the least of all thy mercies and of all thy truth thou hast afforded me even the very best of all my actions hath justly merited the very worst of all thy punishments and yet thou daily loadest me with thy blessings allthough I hourly sin against thee by my great transgressions Forgive me my unmindfulnesse of these thy mercies my great unthankfulnesse for all thy favours and fix my sinfull soul more willingly more joyfully more fervently more constantly on thy service Teach me to keep a catalogue of thy mercies to let none passe without a thankfull and devout acknowledgement to set some daies apart from the year some hours from each day to praise thee for them Forgive the pride of my prosperity my carelesnesse of thee my coldnesse unto thine my crossenesse unto others my cruelty to my self Lord pardon my repinings in adversity my distast of thy power my distrust of thy providence my deniall of thy wisdome my refusall of thy love my contempt of thy favour my neglect of thy grace my despair of thy goodnesse O give me such a blessed frame of heart that I may chearfully and joyfully content my self to walk in whatsoever paths thy blessed providence shall lead me to O hold thou up my goings in those paths that my feet slip not teach me to make a gratious and a sweet improvement of these outward crosses a blessed and a wise advantage of thine inward graces Lord lead me by thy counsell here and afterwards receive me to thy glory Amen CHAP. 16. Upon sinfull Anger and the great disturbance thereof Lord WHen I consider of thy patience and long-suffering towards me a miserable sinner of the lowlinesse of thy Saints and of the great humility and meeknesse of my Saviour in his sufferings I much deplore the wofull weaknesse of mine own infirmities and more admire the richnesse of thy goodnesse in admitting me to speak unto thee What pleasure Lord canst thou take in that service which is all sin how canst thou delight in that which thou abhorrest thou art a God of pure eyes and canst not behold iniquity if all my righteousnesse be in thy sight as filthy rags and menstiuous clothes how full of uglinesse and deformity will my sins then appear before thee Ah Lord thou hast often seâ—n how easily how suddenly how wretchedly I have been swallowed up of sinfull passion how I have violated that invaluable peace which thou hast given me by revengefull thoughts by despightfull words by disturbing actions I know nothing in my corrupt nature but to know my self miserable I see nothing in this misery but terrour and confusion affliction to my body destruction to my soul all occurrences of this life should have rather added to my growth of grace than disturbance of nature I have hitherto been grossely mistaken in calling that a defect of my body which is in truth an error in my soul Nature was at first created pure no disobedience was then in the passions Man hath marred it by his Fall all the Streams that are now troubled flow from this Fountain this barren excuse therefore is so far from lessening sin that it makes it bigger I am now so much the more stained by committing actuall sin as I should have been more holy and am not since original Lord let this teach me to deal truly with my soul to uncloath my self of all sinfull excuses that so sin may appear truly what it is and may become out of measure sinfull that mine Anger may be holy my application of it happy that nothing may disturb me but sin that I may be a Lyon in thy cause a Lamb in mine own that when I hate the sin I may love the person when I rebuke the offence I may pray heartily for the offender so shall I zealously enjoy thee my God religiously embrace my neighhour patiently possess mine own soul And now Lord as thou hast given me an heart to confess my sins of impatience before thee so give me a sweet assurance in my Saviour that by him I have assured pardon for them If thou Lord for my sinfull Anger shalt inflict upon me thy severe wrath and for my long continuing in my sins the long duration of thy punishments yet let not thy severitie exceed the measure of my Christian charity though thou continuest my miseries yet withdraw not thy mercies O make me more and more humble unto thee my God and more and more meek amongst thy children conform me to that blessed pattern of true piety and patience that as a sheep in thy hands my blessed Shearer so I may be dumb and not open my mouth against thee Lord banish from me all desires of revenge let Patience have its perfect work to quiet me here and crown me hereafter I confess my self to be a great and grievous sinner and yet I am thy creature my body is thine and my soul is thine both were joyned in thy creation and both are joyned in my devotion both have sinned against thee O let them both be humbled before thee not to satisfie thy Justice but to implore thy Mercy not to merit thy Grace but to magnifie thy Goodness Lord make me truly sensible of the greatness of thy misery that I may the more devoutly the more sincerely sue to thee for mercy Forgive the many violent erupcions of my sinfull passions give me a meek and humble spirit that I may happily enjoy thy presence and mine own content Lord grant that I may patiently and joyfully imbrace the wrongs and injuries of this life for thy sake who hast been patient even to death for mine Let that be made easie unto me by thy grace which by nature is impossible that nothing may delight me but thy love nothing grieve me but thy displeasure nothing offend me but thy dishonour Amen CHAP. 17. Upon mans inordinate love to the Creature WO is me that I am constrained to live in Meshech and to dwell in the tents of Cedar wo is me that I was conceived in sin that I was born in sin and that I have so long been captive to the power of sin How vain am I how wretched to beguil my self of rest and quietness O how unworthy to defile my Mariage vows to prostitute my love to these unclean and false embraces of a sâ—nfull world to dig unto my self these broken Cisterns of impure and empty joys and to forsake those living waters of
favour to tremble at thy frown to submit to thy rod to think nothing too dear to part withall to purchase thy grace to promote thy glory Thou O Lord lovest not a cowardly Christian if I prefer any thing to thy love I am most unworthy of it that friendship is too dearly bought which cannot be enjoyed without the loss of thy favour If my brother offend me I will labour to restore him with the spirit of meekness lest whilst I study to rebuke another I become guilty my self No sin shal pass me without some shew of distast without some feeling of my Makers injury and my brothers misery If I be not moved with compassion for anothers sin I shall never be moved with contrition for mine own such comfort as I can willingly afford another I may well hope shall be graciously conferred on my self In my reproof of sin I will observe these holy cautions lest while I endeavour to become serviceable unto thee I prove injurious to my neighbour Private sins shall not have publique reprehensions neither shall publique sins be undecently reproved by me a private person Piety must not confound Charity nor Religion Policy Lord I may easily transgress even in my best intentions how grievously have I then failed in my rebellious actions when I have not feared thee with that sincerity of heart which becometh thy child when I have not loved thee for that beauty for that richness for that goodness which thou art but for those outward blessings which I enjoy from thee when I serve thee for base and by respects such and so unbeseeming my profession so far below that soul which thou hast given me that thou mayst justly now withhold thy blessings from me when I have hitherto sought but my self in thee when my thoughts have been carnall my words hypocriticall my service deceitfull To thy glory Lord and mine own deserved shame I willingly confess that I have not only sinned through the frailty of my nature but I have sinned allso with an high hand sin hath not onely surprised me at unawares but I have obeyed it in the lusts thereof with willingness with greediness with joyfulness I have not onely corrupted mine own wayes before thee by mine own sins but I have allso foolishly contracted others faults by hearing and seeing thee my God dishonored in vain and sinfull discourse in more vain and sinfull excess without shew of dislike without thought of reproof yea Lord I have added unto others sins by mine example while I have feared to reprove that which I have known to be distastfull unto thee while I have seemed to love that which hath been hatefull to mine own soul With those time-pleasing Rulers in the Gospel I have believed in thee but because of the Pharisees because of outward respects I have feared to confess thee and have loved the praise of men more than the praise of God But thou Lord who art infinitely good and ever ready to forgive whose wise and over ruling Providence is only able to produce the greatest good out of the greatest evill Pardon and pass by my many and my weak compliances of sinfuâ—l nature supply my defects accept my desires incourage my endeavours Let thy power be magnified in my weakness thy love in my willfulness thy grace in my sinfulness Suffer me not O Lord to run from thee by a base and servile fear of thy Justice O let me rather run into the bosom of thy love by a filiall fear in sweet and safe assurance of thy mercy Lord make me to see the fearfulness and ugliness of sin by the bright rayes of thy celestiall beauty O let me patiently and joyfully and thankfully endure thy sweet chastisements for it and speedily and constantly withdraw my longings from it Give me an yearning and relenting soul for grieving thy good Spirit give me O Lord that chast and blessed fear belonging onely to thy children that I may not fear thee to tremble at thee but to love thee to honor thee to delight in thee to enjoy thee Lord make me jealous of every deed of every word of every thought that may displease thee and truly penitent for all those sins by which I have so much dishonoured thee Indue me with a loyall heart to love thee truly as I ought strengthen this love with holy confidence and happy perseverance that may for ever hanish this unholy fear that so my joyfull soul may live above the reach of humane misery that I may be capable of no fear but of offending thee and that I may not onely fear thee my self but be jealous allso of thy fear in others Lord let nothing in this life withdraw me from a zealous and a constant love to thy service from a faithfull and devout indeavour to promote thy glory that so I may be ever found truly obedient unto thee my God religiously acquainted with the affairs of this life piously affected to the good of mine own soul Amen CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our consciences and the benefits lost thereby COnsider O my soul how venomous the nature of sin is if thou canst afford to sleep in small sins thou wilt not stick to welcom greater Sin is of an incroaching nature if thou suffer it to sleep in thy bosom it will expect to dwell there Little sins are harbingers to bigger ones if thou lodgest these those will challenge entertainment Let each evening therefore take a strict accompt of that daies action and where thou findest thy self failing pray heartily for pardon In thine entrance upon this holy course thou wilt surely find three potent oppositions Satan will tell thee that God requireth no such strictness at thy hands the World will tell thee thou hast this or that employment to consider of thine own Corruption will perswade thee that nature will abhor this discontented course that thy spirits will be too much dulled and thy life will prove uncomfortable Alass my soul these are delusions to betray thee to a greater mischief As there are degrees of Sanctification so there are of Pollution no man becometh evill in an instant from hence it is that sometimes the soul can start even at the very thought of that sin which by degrees it can digest without disturbance If holy David had accounted with his conscience after his lustfull looks on Bathsheba doubtless those fearfull sins of his had never been committed O let not any vain pretences deter thee from this task but the blessed benefits allure thee if the entrance be harsh the progress will be safe the continuance sweet the end happy By this enquiry thou shalt see thy sins those great disturbers of thy pâ—ace arraigned convicted condemned and by the mercy of thy Saviour dayly dying in thee Satan repulsed the gifts and graces of Gods holy Spirit strengthened thy mournings comforted thine infirmities susteined thy conscience quitted thy rejoycings exalted the holy Angels delighted and thy heavenly Father well
therefore for if thy faith be weak yet it is living if it be languishing it will assuredly recover more strength if there be blossomes now there will be fruit hereafter these happy beginnings will have gratious proceedings blessed câ—dings Consider what thy God hath promised by his holy Prophet I will not break the bruised reed nor quench the smoking flax Isay 42.3 Let not the smarting therefore of thy conscience trouble thee remember who it is that searcheth it I have wounded thee saith God and I will heal thee I have broken thee and I will bind thee up Thou art therefore wounded that thou mayst be healed thou art therefore broken that thou mayst be bound up That sore which is insensible is ever most dangerous and that wound which smarteth most is most capable of remedy Blessed Lord I now feel to mine unspeakable comfort that thou hast wounded me with the terrours of thy Law that thou mayst heal me with the comforts of thy Gospell that I am therefore bruised with the burden of my sins that I may be ever eased by the merits of my Saviours sufferings all my imperfections are his all his righteousness is mine I may boldly chalenge it thou wilt not deny it I may safely plead it thou canst not refuse it Consider yet further O my Soul what thy blessed Saviour saith unto thee I am the resurrection and the life he that believeth in me though he were dead yet shall be live and whosever liveth and believeth in me shall never dye Ioh. 11.25 26. How canst thou doubt now O my Soul when thy Saviour biddeth thee believe and live what canst thou fear when thou hast his promise for thy safety Heaven and Earth shall pass away but not one tittle of his Word shall fail Let not the number of thy sins affright thee for it is his bloud which clenseth us from all iniquity 1 Ioh. 1.7 9. Let not the nature of thy sins amaze thee for though they were red as scarlet yet he will make them white as snow Let not the long continuance of them stagger thee for At what time soever a sinner doth repent him of his sins from the bottome of his heart I will blot them out of my remembrance saith the Lord Ezech. 18. Thy Coâ—â—cience shall not trouble thee for Being justified by faith we have peace with God Rom. 5.1 The Devill cannot hurt thee for Who shall lay any thing to the charge of Gods elect it is God that justifieth who is he that condemneth it is Christ that died yea rather that is risen again who is even at the right hand of God who allso maketh intercession for us Rom. 8.32 33. Nay which is the sum of all God himself in Iustice cannot condemn thee for There is no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit Rom. 8.1 his lustice is satisfied his Mercy magnified his Name be for ever glorified Lord let this teach me to rely with comfort on thy blessed promises and to walk worchy of them in my religious performances to manifest my increase of grace by my increase of goodness to fix my heart wholly upon thee to love thee to fear thee to honour thee and assuredly to rest in thee when thy grace shall enable me to delight in thy fear my sins can never perswade me to despair of thy favour my peace will be then inviolable my joy unutterable my happiness unalterable Blessed Lord God When I consider of the wretchedness of mine own corruptions in nature I am even ready to despair of thy love But when I look upon the blessedness of my condition in Christ I am then encouraged to sue to thee for mercy and forgiveness Allthough thy justice be severe against ane as I am a grievous sinner yet thy mercy is most sweet unto me in my Saviour I now tremble at thy judgements yet I rejoyce in thy promises allthough thy Law speak never so terribly thy curses be never so many thy plagues be never so grievous thy wrath never so tempestuous yet in the sweet mercy of my Saviour I am able to abide them all O Lord my God I abhor my self I accuse my self I condemn my self I am now ready with thy wrath to seize upon my sinfull soul and cast it down to everlasting misery Lord unto thee onely I appeal for mercy and forgiveness sweet Jesus accept of me and interpose thy blessed merits for me inrich my soul with thy sufferings be ever present with me and eternall comfort to me O holy and for ever blesssed Spirit thou that sanclifiest the souls of thine Elect assist and strengthen me quicken and revive my drooping saith increase my hope cherish my love foment those dying sparks by the sweet breathings of thy blessed Spirit that they may zealously break forth into a pure and fervent flame of holy affections to thy great glory and mine own eternall happiness Amen CHAP. 30. Upon the great Neglect of the duty of Prayer Lord WHen I serionsly consider how manifold and great my failings are when I think of the shortness and uncertainty of life of the solemnity of death of the eternity of happiness or misery after death and by all these of the necessity usefulness and excellency of Prayer I may well wonder that I am ever from my knees My life is all sin and had therefore need to be all sorrow the greatness and continuance of my sins have added to the greatness and continuance of my misery and there is none but thou O Lord that can relieve me there is no coming to thee but by Prayer and no Prayer powerfull with thee but that which is fervent This is â—hat eye of my affection that woundeth the heart of thy compassion this is that holy violence that taketh Heaven by force that surpriseth thy Mercy that manicles thy Justice that wrestles with thy Love and will not let thee goe without a blessing This is my strong armour to defend me my daily food to sustein me my safe repose to refresh me my sweet content for ever to delight me Blessed Lord how wonderfull is thy desire to man how graciously doest thou provide for him how daily art thou mindfull of him Thy words instruct me thy promises allure me thy graces sustein me thy sacraments strengthen me thy visits comfort me thy embraces ravish me And as if all this were not yet enough to manifest thy favour towards me so unspeakable is thy love so earnest thy desires unto me that thou hast even given me thy self to be overcome by me Lord thou art all love when I strive with thee for mercy I overcome thee by thy self how great is thy goodness how tender are thy mercies unto man for whose sake thou contendest even with thine own Essence Thou hast given thy Son to die for me and in him thy self to be overcome by me Lord let this teach me to renew my acquaintance often with thee to
that as our sins have provoked thee to anger so our tears may move thee to compassion that thy mercy may be magnified our miseries relieved our sorrows comforted O let not these bitter aggravations of thy judgements extort from us the least measure of impatience nor beget in us the least degree of distrust let us neither complain of thy justice nor despair of thy mercy but quietly and thankfully rely upon thee and in thy blessed hour enjoy a sweet inlargement by thee Lord pity the forlorn condition of thy sons and daughters in affliction repair their outward losses by thine inward graces that what is wanting to them of these earthly comforts may be abundantly supplied in thy heavenly joyes Forgive the great disturbers of the peace of this thy Sion Lord open their eyes that they may see how much they have erred from thy waies Lord sanctifie their hearts that they may speedily return unto thee and be for ever gratiously accepted of thee O that thou wouldst give us one heart and one voyce that we might serve thee without ceasing that we may be all truly humbled before thee and truly joyfull in thee Restore me for thy rich mercy sake unto that blessed union of Love which is the bond of Peace that as thou our God art one so thy distressed Church may be one thy divided people one their wishes and desires their prayers and tears their actions and endeavours one for thy glory the Churches safety and the Nations happiness That we may have peace with thee our God peace with our enemies peace with our own souls and everlasting peace with thee in thy Kingdome Amen A comfortable PRAYER to bee used at the point of death by the Visitors of the Sick O Eternall Almighty most mercifull and for ever blessed Lord God of Heaven and Earth wee thy poor and most unworthy creatures miserable and distressed sinners in all humility of heart and dejectedness of spirit are here prostrate before thee Lord we confesse that we are utterly unworthy to approach thy glorious presence Blessed God we are confounded and ashamed to lift up our sinfull eyes unto thee whose gracious goodnesse we have so much neglected whose patience and long-suffering so long abused whose anger and indignation so justly provoked whose wrath and fury so wretchedly deserved Lord we are heavy laden with the burden of our sinnes and thou alone art able to relieve us to thee therefore we addresse our sinfull souls for mercy and forgivenesse O thou that art the blessed Shepheard of our erring soules that camest into the World to seek and to save those that are lost have mercy upon us O thou that hast espoused us unto thy self and hast given us thy love have mercy upon us O thou that callest us to come unto thee and embracest us when we are come receive our prayers Lord give us prepared hearts to meet thee in this holy duty Quicken our benummed soules with holy fervencie that our devotions may ascend unto thy gracious presence Lord thou hast promised to be near unto all those which call upon thee with sincerity and faithfulnesse of heart for thy blessed promise sake we most humbly beseech thee let our humiliations be comfortable our prayers acceptable In full assurance of the sweetnesse of thy mercy towards us wee are now bold to become Petitioners unto thee for this thy sick servant whose life is drawing near unto the grave Blessâ—d Lord God it is thou that killest and makest alive that bringest down to hell and raisest up again we most meekly beseech thee therefore for thy rich and tender love sake to thine Elect to mitigate that bitter curse which thou hast layd upon us all in Adam Lord look upon his affliction and his travail and forgive him all his sinnes give him sure patience to endure with meekness whatsoever thou art pleased to inflict upon him Lord lay no more upon his feeble body than thou shalt make him able for to bear impose no more upon his wounded spirit than thou in mercy shalt support him under Forsake him not O Lord our God be not thou far from him let him remember that this chastisement of thine is common to thy dearest children that thou hidest thy face from him but for a small moment but with everlasting kindnesse thou wilt have mercy on him Lord settle and compose his thoughts for thy Kingdom let no disturbance of this life distract those blessed meditations which invite the weary soul to rest and quietnesse let him now see and joyfully beleeve that thou wilt order all these outward things to thine own glory and the good of those that have relation to him let him freely forgive all injuries on earth and heartily desire to meet his greatest enemies in heaven O let his soul be now transported with the sweetnesse of thy love and favour towards him Lord qualifie this bitter potion which thy holy providence hath alotted to him let him now remember that the sufferings of this present life are not worthy of that glory which shall be suddainly revealed in him and when the outward man is drawing nearest to its dissolution Lord Jesus strengthen and rejoyce the inward man with comfort and assured confidence of thy salvation To this end O Lord we most humbly beseech thee to illuminate his understanding that he may see the sadnesse of his own condition in himself that â—he may deny and utterly abhor himself that he may disclame all sinfull confidence in his own actions and endeavours and wholly cast himself upon the righteousnesse of him in whom alone thy wrath is fully satisfied Lord give him a serious and a true remorse of conscience for his many and his great offences Lord Jesus grant that they may not now appear unto the terror and amazement of his sinfull soul O let him now remember that it is thy precious blood which purgeth him from all iniquitie that thou O blessed Saviour art become unto him righteousnesse and holinesse and sanctification and redemption Lord comfort and assist him in this last and greatest tryall of his faith And because the sensible decay of his infirm body and the violent disturbance of his sicknesse will not suffer him to call upon thee with digestednesse of mind and quietnesse of spirit we therefore humbly pray thee to sustein and comfort him even in his greatest weaknesse and extremity Blessed God let the sorrowfull sighing of thy sick prisoner now come before thee O let thy blessed Spirit which is in him put up humble supplications to the Father for him O satisfie him with thy mercy and that soon Let those happy sighs and groans which cannot be expressed become a pleasing sacrifise of thankfulnesse to thee and a sweet savour of eternall rest to his departing soul O thou that art the God of power protect him from the fury of that roaring Lion who is now seeking to devour him O thou that art the blessed Saviour of the sinfull world compassionate his
Lord WHen I call to mind how many daies have past me without bending of a knee how many nights I have gone prayerless to bed I may well wonder that I am this hour alive to speak unto thee I have been too unmindfull of thy holy providence and am therefore utterly unworthy of thy mercifull protection Few and full of evill have my dayes been in the house of my pilgrimage I know not how soon I may goe hence and yet I still live as if I knew not why I came hither I am many wayes invited to my heavenly home how sweetly doest thou wean from the miseries of life by the blessedness of death By this Evenings rest of my body I am put in mind of that eternall rest of my soul This dayes ending tells me that the end of all things is at hand that the fashion of this world passeth and that all things shall become new As this hour is the Evening to this day so this day for ought I know may be the Evening to my whole life I cannot challenge to my self one minute more how vain am I to promise dayes and years Lord in the whole current of thy Sacred Story I find but onely one that durst presume upon so large a reckoning and him thou brandest with the name of Fool Let his folly Lord be my instruction so shall I account each day my last and neither care to live nor fear to dye How many have been snacht out of this life how suddenly and to mans eye how fearfully How unspeakable is thy mercy unto me to spare me for repentonce how often and how earnestly hast thou invited me to mercy how coldly and how carelesly have I refused these thy gracious offers still I sin and still thou forgivest and which is the height of my impiety I therefore am more and more evill against thee because thou art more and more gracious unto me and it were now most just with thee even this very moment to put a period to my sinfull life Lord Let this teach me to improve the short remnant of my dayes to thy service and that I may endeavour so to doe I will prescribe my self these following rules Each evening shall take a strict account of that dayes traffique for my soul and where I find my self a loser I will labour for supply When I awake my first thoughts shall begin with thee from whom I have my first being Nothing will more truly represent me to my self than the first view of mine affections if my first thoughts be seasoned with grace my following actions will savour of goodness My care shall be more to dress my soul than to trim my body I will think no pains too great no ornaments too rich to make her beautifull One devout sigh from a contrite heart is of more worth in thy sight than an hours task of Lip-devotion My affections are the soul of my words without which I speak onely but pray not when my prayers are cold my hopes may well be comfortless My set hours for Devotion shall be constant no pretence of nature shall debar me of this happiness The Lovers eyes are often glancing on the pleasing object that delights him if my affections be sincere my looks will be amorous I shall often steal a sweet Ejaculation to satisfie the longing of my Love-sick soul When I can thus bring the day to an end my life will be comfortable my death happy and I may then say with holy David that I will lay me down in peace and take my rest for it is thou Lord onely that makest me dwel in safety Blessed Lord in the morning of my Creation thou gavest me unto my self in the evening of my Redemption thou gavest thy self unto me My Creation was wonderfull my Redemption astonishing As this dayes light is obscured for the rest of my body so wert thou the blefied and eternall Light for the rest of my soul Thou O blessed Saviour art my light to direct me my heat to comfort me my sweet and safe repose eternally to refresh me Gracious God With humble and dejected heart I ask forgiveness of the many failings of my sinfud life past recall my sinfull thoughts to my remembrance Lord as the burthen of them is intollerable so let my grief for them be unutterable Lord open mine eyes that I may see the foulnes and the filthiness of sin and apprebend the greatness of thy wrath against it Forgive those actuall sins which this dayes light hath witnessed Lord give me a godly sorrow for them a perfect batred against them a fixed and a constant resolution to forsake them Lord cleanse me from my secret and unknown sins and keep me for thy mercy sake that daring and presumptuous sins may never have dominion over me Make me a carefull Steward of that pretious time which thou haft given me withdraw my affections from the vain pleasures of this sinfull life and grant that all the dayes of my appointed time I may wait readily and chearfully untill my change shall come CHAP. 5. Upon our approaching unto Gods House Lord THere is no mortall man worthy to stand at thy door much less to appear in thy presence and yet how often have I presumed to approach unto thee without that preparedness of heart without that dejection of soul without that true and holy reverence that becometh thy child I am now going out of Egypt into Canaan out of Bondage into Freedom The sinfull troubles of this life are my souls Taskmasters to load it with a burthen insupportable and this is that place of sacrifise that Mount of God to ease and solace it Consider therefore O my soul in what relation thou now standest to thy God If thou art a true Israelite thou wilt look back upon thy drudgery and despise it and offer up thy self a living sacrifice with cheerfulness with thankfulness of heart If thou art Gods child thou wilt love to be in Gods house Long for Gods presence thirst for his favour delight in his Word and rejoyce to be often at his Table Thou wilt make it thy chiesest joy to be often in that place from whence thou mayst expect thy chiefest good Lord by thy grace assisting I will now uncloath my self of all earthly affections I will call to mind unto whose presence I approach and wherefore that I am going from this Church Militant to that Triumphant that thou Lord art as truly present here in Grace as there in Glory unless therefore I am in love with misery I will leave behind me all earthly-mindedness and carry with me a pure heart and heavenly thoughts a lowly mind and reverend gesture Lord if I go not cheerfully to thy Throne of Grace I may well fear I shall never go joyfully to that of Glory The lowest room in thy House shall content me Divine Worship admitteth not of disparity of persons we are all sinners and as we are in nature most impure in thy sight the
might now prevail with thee to repair the losse of thy presence in my sinfull soul Lord let the greatnesse of my folly in sinning extoll the richnesse of thy mercy in forgiving Restore me to the joy of thy salvation and stablish me with thy free Spirit so shall I have the comfort and thou the praise of my deliverance If thou Lord wilt give me understanding to delight in thy Law I shall allso have a sweet assurance that thou wilt delight in me to doe me good Accept of my desires strengthen my endeavours perfect my performances pardon my weaknesse assist my willingnesse forgive my sinfulnesse nourish the good motions of thy holy Spirit in me and for thy mercies sake remove all dangers and temptations from me that when the short and wretched race of my imperfect holinesse is ended here I may solemnize that eternall Sabbath with thy blessed Saints and Angels in thy Kingdome and rest with thee in the perfection of true happinesse for ever Amen CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due Preparation for receiving of the blessed Sacrament of the Lords Supper Lord WHen I look upon the inestimable value of that gift which I am this day to receive when I consider of the Majestie of thee the Giver of the misery of me the Receiver of the vast difference between corruption and eternity of thy strict commands for preparation to the Passcover under thy Law of thy blessed precepts for due receiving of thy Sacrament under the Gospell of thine own example in washing thy Disciples feet and thereby symbolizing the eternall washing of their souls of thy Saints practice in their solemn preparations unto holinesse by pulling off their shoes when they approached thy presence of thy severe judgements against Vzza for heedlesse touching of thine Ark against the Bethshemites for curiousnesse in looking in against those rash Corinthians whereof for want of holy preparation some were weak some sick some fallen asleep and lastly of that dreadfull sentence against unworthy commers to thy Wedding Feast pronounced by thine own mouth I tremble at my bold approaches to thy blessed Table I wonder at thy goodnesse that I am yet alive to say there is yet mercy with thee that thou mayst be scared How many blessed opportunities of coming to thy Table have I sinfully neglected How many abused by my sinfull resort thither by my wandring and idle thoughts there by my wicked and profane actions after I returned thence Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse How long Lord how long shall I wander in these wofull waies of wickednesse I am weary of the sins and miseries of this life and willing to embrace this heavenly comfort for my soul I confesse my self a great and grievous sinner and yet I know Lord thou camest not to call the righteous but sinners to repentance I am hungry and poor and blind and naked and miserable destitute of all hope of all help but from thee alone Lord I am unworthy of thy crums yet thou admittest me to thy Table the sinfulnesse of my corrupt nature hath made a wofull separation between us but the richnesse of thy sufferings hath for ever made a sweet conjunction of us all my sins are thine all thy righteousnesse is mine thou art now my well-beloved and I am thy chosen one and in this blessed Union is my sweet and safe repose for ever Who can enough deplore that more than wofull separation Who can enough admire this more than wonderfull conjunction this more than happy reconciliation Here is Justice undeniable Mercy incomprehensible Wisdome unutterable Love unimitable O let my soul now lose it self in the unknown paths of heavenly contemplation let me this day apprehend thee O my Saviour fasting praying weeping groaning sweating bleeding fainting dying for my sake and now pleading to my God for mercy for me Let me now tast the sweetnesse of that mercy by a lively faith the fulnesse of this sweetuesse by a blessed hope the fruition of this fulnesse by eternall love Lord how unworthy am I of these embraces if I bewail not if I abhor not if I forsake not all the wretched failings of my sinfull life past if I rejoyce not with joy unspeakable and glorious to be admitted to so great a mercy if this inflame not mine affections with unspotted love to thee my God with earnest longings for thy presence of Grace in this life of Glory in that to come And now Lord since thou in thy rich love hast freely forgiven me my pounds I will allso most willingly and heartily forgive my brother his pence I will have nothing to doe with malice that had so much need of mercy I will unfeignedly and freely and fully forgive all injuries on earth I will love all those that hate me and pray for all those that despightfully use me and all this for thy sake who hast freely loved me and layd down thy life for me to whom be Glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord God Look down in mercy and compassion on me thy poor distressed suppliant whom thou now vouchsafest to admit unto thy heavenly Banquet Illuminate my blindness by the blessed light of thy most sacred Word satisfie my hunger with the sweet refreshings of thy gracious presence inrich my poverty with the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit cover my nakedness with the precious robes of thine own righteousness swallow up the depth of my misery by the height of thy mercy that I may this day appear before thee with a sincere heart and happy soul Lord strengthen and support my feeble faith make me joyfully to trust in thee constantly to rely upon thee thankfully to sacrifise my soul in praises to thee Vouchsafe dear Lord that I may worthily approach thy blessed Table that I may this day be so united to thee that all my joy and comfort may hereafter bee for ever with thee Amen CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving Lord THis art that blessed Bread by which my soul is nourisht to eternall life thou art that fruitfull Vine from which doth flow those gladding comforts to my fainting spirit Thou wert broken for my sins thou wert bruised for my transgressions and the chastisement of my peace was upon thee Lord by thy stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Thou tookest into thy hand the cup of trembling thou drankest out the very dregs thereof and thy precious blood was poured out like water for my sake Sweet Jesus sustain me by this Bread refresh me with this Wine recover me with this Potion cleanse me by this Effusion that I may this day receive joyfully return thankfully live righteously and dye happily CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving I Am this day joyfully delivered from the bondage of Sin and Satan and happily restored unto the glorious liberty of the sons of God I have rellished the sweetness of his heavenly promises and received the seal of
his gracious performances I now enjoy that blessed Peace of God which passeth all our understanding My deliverance is wonderful my freedom absolute my peace unalterable my joy unutterable My conscience is now quieted my spirit ravished mine enemies vanquished and my God wel-pleased To thee therefore O thou blessed Fountain of eternall sweetness do I address my joyfull soul to love and honour thee to my lives end Lord Jesus accept of me and so powerfully and graciously assist me that I may savingly behold thee in thy blessed promises that I may happily enjoy thee in thy holy Ordinances that I may clearly see and joyfully confess what great things thou hast done for my poor soul that I may be dayly ravished with apprehension of thine exceeding love and hourly husied with recounting thy endless praise Lord make me to forsake the sins and miseries of this life make me more watchful over my corrupt heart more zealous of thy glory and thy childrens good that I may never willingly offend thee but wholly sacrifise the short remainder of my dayes unto thee that so my heart and my flesh may triumphantly rejoice in thee the living God Mortifie my corruptions support my weakness accept my willingness Let this my humiliation before thee be a pleasing sacrifice unto thee for his alone sake whose precious life thy rich mercie hath sacrifised to thy Justice for me Lord hear me and have mercy on me for his alone sake whom thou hast freely given unto me that I may truly love thee devoutly serve thee earnestly imbrace thee eternally enjoy thee Amen CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken and the many dangers incident thereunto I Am now going from mine own home and know not whether I shall ever return God I know hath set a pâ—riod to my dayes beyond which I cannot pass but when or where or how my life shall end I am uncertain Many are the dangers that attend this sinfull life and many more my sins that have deserv'd them I can neither number the one nor foresee the other this is the wretched and the sad condition of my body and without unfeigned sorrow for my sins the much more wofull case of my distressed soul Lord there is nothing so sweet as thy love nothing so safe as thy protection and yet I have carelessy neglected the one and thou mayst now justly deny me the other thou hast woed me to mercy and I have refused to come thou hast graciously invited me by thy continuall preservations by thy fatherly sustentations by thy gentle corrections by thy faithfull promises and thy rich performances Blessed Lord how wonderfull are thy compassions towards me when I am unthankfull for thy many favours when I am unmindfull of mine own miseries even then thou graciously providest for me and yet for all this I have not hitherto resolved seriously to come unto thee Such and so many are my sins so great is my unthankfulness that I now tremble to appear before thee and yet so tender is thy mercy to me that thou again allurest me to comfort and contentment Lord into the blessed bosom of thy love I cast my self for safety and protection and in the midst of danger even in death it self will joyfuliy rely upon thee For thou O Lord art my strong rock and fortress unto which I will alwaies resort Lord keep me as the apple of thine eye hide me under the shaddow of thy wings Strengthen my weak faith against the strong assaults of Satan support and comfort me in all the fears and terrors of mine own accusing conscience protect and keep me in this present journey let thy holy Angels be my blessed Guardians to protect me in life to preserve me in death to assist me after death O let me never grieve those blessed Spirits which though invisibly yet most assuredly are my attendants Lord as thou hast given them readyness and cheerfulness of mind to watch my preservation and further my salvation so give me carefulness and constancy of soul to joy them in my life and conversation And seeing Lord I cannot know my hour of dissolution O teach me so to number my days that I may apply my heart unto heavenly wisdom that I may obtain a sweet assurance of thy love in Christ unfeigned sorrow for my sins a sincere and constant heart to thy service and a cheerfull readiness at thy call Amen CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey I Am now by Gods gracious providence returned safe unto mine earthly home but am still travelling to my heavenly There is nothing in this life but labour and sorrow nothing in that but rest and happiness and yet I dote upon the one and neglect the other Lord if my treasure were with thee my heart would be there allso When thou givest me more knowledge of thee I shall have more desire to come unto thee When my sins have made me more sensible of mine own misery thy Grace I trust will make me more capable of thy sweet mercy Lord if this vain unquietness be so refreshing to my mortall body how truly blessed will thy heavenly rest be to mine immortall soul When thou Lord wilt wipe away all tears from mine eyes all akings from my heart when there shall be no more death neither sorrow nor crying nor any more pain when soul and body shall triumphantly and joyfully repose themselves in thee for ever when they shall drink freely of the rivers of thy pleasures and be for ever satisfied with the fatness of thy house I confess my self unworthy to enjoy this outward rest in this mine earthy home much more unworthy to enjoy that inward rest that sweet assurance of a lively hope to be partaker of eternall rest How wretched is my body without this outward quietness How much more wre ched is my soul without thee Thou O Lord art my shield to defend me my staff to uphold me my food to sustain me my wine to glad me my beloved to embrace me my pleasure to delight me my joy to ravish me my sweet and sate repose for ever to refresh me Let this teach me Lord to fix my thoughts on heaven and heavenly things to use this world soberly in thee and to thee to view it truly as it is a barren wilderness a transitory vain and empty thing far inconsistent with my reall happiness to desire nothing to enjoy nothing in the creature but onely in and unto thee the great Creator so shall no vain pleasure bewitch me no unjust profit beguil me no sudden sorrow dismay me no terrors of conscience affright me To thee O thou soveraign of my soul do I devote the remnant of my sinfull dayes to love thee to praise thee to honour thee to rest in thee for ever Lord wean me from the sins and miseries of this life and raise my thoughts to immortality Let the sweetness of thy heavenly joyes relieve the harshness of my worldly sorrows that misery may
eternall life O wofull cateif if I well consider what I am but sar more wofull if I seriously consider what I should be Lord when I was in my blood thou saidst unto me Live when I was cast out and none eye pittied me then thou hadst mercy on me when I was naked thou clothedst me when I was wounded thou healedst me nay more Lord thou didst uncloath thy self for me and by thy wounds I am healed when I was loathsom in mine own eyes I was beautifull in thine and when all this is not yet enough to manifest thy wonderfull compassions towards me thou feedest me at thine own Table thou lodgest me in thine own bosom thou makest me partaker of thine own inheritance Blessed God what couldest thou have done more for me that thou hast not done And yet for all this I forsake thee I neglect thee I abuse thee I adulterate those many vows and promises I made unto thee And now Lord when I am even ashamed to present my self before thee when my false heart hath been so great a stranger to thy blessed bosom that I am even afraid to kneel to thee for mercy thou graciously forgivest me thou bemoanest my sin thou hidest my shaure thou makest love unto me and to the wonder of my soul delightest still to set thy love upon me Thou O my blessed Saviour hast told me that if I were of this World it would love me but now I am not of this World that the World hateth me Lord what madness is this in me to love mine utter enemy to delight in her bosom which hunteth for my precious life to forlake thee the pleasant Lilly of the Vallies the sweet Refreshments of Eternity to weary out and wound my soul amongst the Bryars of this barren Wilderness Thou Lord hast sayd unto me Arise my Love my Fair one and come away thou invitest me from the showers and tempests of a stormy Winter from the cares and troubles of a discontented life to the sweet dews of thy graces the gentle breathings of thy Spirit the tender buds of thy love the lovely blossems of thy goodness the pleasant fruit of thy promises the joyfull crop of thy performances And notwithstanding all this I still cry yet a little more sleep yet a little more number yet a little more folding of the hands together yet a little more sin yet a little more shame yet a little more sorrow Ah Lord what is there in the creature that thus strangely bewitcheth me or rather what is there not in it that is not every minute ready to betray me and dispoyl me of those precious ornaments of soul which thou hast given me the cares and crosses of this life asflict me the pleasures besot me the profits disturb me pride puffeth me up and even mine own heart deceiveth me by calling good evill and evill good by making that sweet in the expectation which is bitter in the fruition Lord while I have sought the creature I have lost my self my body in distempers my soul in distractions That precious Faith which is the ground of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen whose end is the salvation of my soul which is thy gift who art the God of truth is now drowned in a sea of error and justly given up to believe dreams and delusions and doctrines of Devils to trust wholly in vanity and to follow after lying That saving knowledge by which I was formerly enlightned in thy sacred Truths is now blinded with the soggy mists of sin and ignorance This Lord is my great aggravation and just condemnation that light is come into the world and I have loved darkness better than light That glorious hope which maketh not ashamed but exspecteth an inheritance eternall in the heavens which fadeth not away is now become a vain and empty hope delighted with sin rewarded with shame Those blessed affections by which my happy soul was wont to walk in thy wayes and to delight it self in thy commands are now wearied out in wayes of wickedness and that heart which hath so often promised obedience unto thee any thy Laws hath now forsaken thee the living God and made a covenant with death and hell Thus am I robbed and spoyled of all and am become poor and wretched and blind and naked and miserable my whole head is sick and my whole heart is faint I have sown in iniquity and must reap in asfliction I am intoxicated with the wine of Errour that stings me like a Scrpent and bites me like a Cockatrice and yet when I awake such is the sadnesse of my present condition I say I will seek it yet still Lord he that is once out of thy path knoweth not the length of his journey and may well fear to lose himself for ever And now Lord what is my hope truly my hope is even in thee thou seest my weaknesse and acceptest my willingnesse thou that knowest it impossible that the world should be overcome by me biddest me be of good comfort because thou Lord hast overcome the world for me if I fight not against thee though I am often foyled yet I am more than conquerour in thee O let this teach me joyfully to rely upon thee to make thee the height of my joy the end of my desires the onely happy and eternall object of my sinfull soul Lord I heartily defire thee I thankfully embrace thee and doe for ever vow my soul and body to thee Suffer me not to wander from thy blessed presence let me not longer dally nor dissemble with my soul O let me not think that I then love thee when I love but my self in thee make me now at last to know those blessed things that belong to my peace lest they be for ever hid from mine eyes Lord by thy rich mercy I can now plainly see the vanity and emptinesse of all these earthly objects the folly and misery of those that rest in them the rest and quietnesse of those that least rely upon them in this tranfitory beauty of the Creature I can now behold the ravishing perfections of the great Creatoâ—r Lord I now exceedingly desire to know thee that I may for ever love thee that I may be sick of love till I enjoy thee that I may joyfully rest in thee and be eternally united to thee For thou Lord art infinitely sweeter than the sweetnesse of thy Creatwes they are all but emptinesse and vanity but in thy presence is the fulnesse of joy and at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore O thou blessed Fountain of eternall goodnesse forgive me mine offences cover my sins and fix my soul upon the sweetnesse of thy heavenly joyes give me constancy and steadinesse of heart to cleave unto thee and for thy mercy sake remove all vain desires that may betray me from thee O thou blessed Saviour of my sinfull soul by whose persect obedience all my disobedience is forgiven me who hast given
of afflictions which either sin or Satan life or death can bring upon me scourge me launce me bruise me break me doe what thou wilt with me here so thou spare me for ever Lord allthough thou killest me yet will I trust in thee for I know assuredly that all these outward things shall work together for the best for me and that my present sufferings thou hast sent in mercy to me to humble me for sin to preserve me from shame I kisse them I embrace them and am sincerely thankfull for them Lord let me clearly see for what sin thou hast inflicted this punishment that I may bewail it abhor it forsake it implore thy pardon for it when I am thus armed I shall be able to encounter thy fiercest affliction if I am found naked the weakest will foyl me To thee O Lord whose wise and over-ruling hand disposeth all occurrences of life and sweetly guides them to the good of thy children doe I addresse my sinfull soul for mercy and protection Lord open mine eyes that I may see and believe the constancy of thy love in the mutability of mine outward condition Give me a patient and a willing heart to welcome all the changes of this present life to be humble under them to rejoyce in them and be thankfull for them Forgive the pride of heart and prodigality of hand attending on my prosperous estate my great repinings and ungodly passions incident to my declining happinesse and increasing misery As thou hast weaned me from the pleasures of this life by the rod of thine afflictions so wean me allso from the sins of this life by the staff of thy consolations that so my heart may be wholly taken off from all earthly enjoyments that I may become even as a weaned child to forgoe willingly what thou deniest me to receive quietly what thou providest for me What I want of these outward blessings supply â—nto me by thine inward comforts which are inâ—finitely better for me and shall be therefore â—ver dearer to me Lord furnish me with graces suitable to all events and able to encourage me in all afflictions Lord sanctifie this present sorrow to my sinfull soul so sweeten it by thy grace that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteousnesse Make it a sure pledge of thy fatherly affections towards me let it daily and hourely draw me nearer to thy presence let it wean me from the miseries of sin and at last bring me to the sweet fruition of eternitie Amen CHAP. 24. Upon Unchearfulness in Christianity with incouragements to avoyd it AH Lord from whence is my uncheerfulness my dulness in my Christian calling how much below that glorious hope which thou hast given me When I consider of the richness of thy love in Christ I find thee to be all in all unto me and may well wonder at mine own unthankfulness and ignorance that is stll doting on this worlds nothing and uncertainty Thou O Lord art truly and eternally good and therefore able to derive eternity of happiness Before I was created I was thine and when I was not mine own thou becamest mine thou O my Saviour who hast given me thy sâ—lf canst deny me nothing What is too good too great too glorious for that soâ—â— which thou hast redeemed at so dear a rate â—s the price of thine own blood and espoused to thine own bosom Thy creatures are at peace with me thy holy Angels attend me guard me fight for me rejoyce at my conversion thy Saints triumphant pray for me the Devils fly from me and thou O Lord by thine all-mighty power and gracious providence art ever with me thou carest for me from the cradle to the tomb Thou art about my bed and about my paths and spyest out all my waies Yea Thy mercy embraceth me on every side when I sleep I am safe when I awake joyfull in prosperity I have thy rod to afflict me in adversity thy staffe to comfort me Lord while I am in thy favour I can look no way but to happiness if I walk not answerable to it I may well fear to be deprived of it And doubtless O my soul those eyes which look so graciously upon thee in this life will behold thee with a more earnest with a more endeared love in that to come these transitory glances are but the faithfull pledges of those future embraces Those arms of mercy which now support thee in thine often failings shall then encompass thee with glory those blessed hands which now chastise thee for thy rebellions will then wipe away all tears from thine eyes and that relenting heart which sometimes is most unwillingly withdrawn from thee for thy Apostasie will then unite it self to thine for ever Lord who can be a Christian and be sad who can believe all this and not triumph in joyfull exaltation and not insult over the sorrows of this life and not contemn the joyes of this bewitching world and not resist these cloudy discontented thoughts these close assaults of Satans never-resting malice Millions of Worlds Miriads of Angels cannot restore that cursed spirit to this happiness which thou now enjoyest and yet so slightly regardest O let this teach thee to abhor his foul temptations to consider of thy worth in Christ and to raise thy self above the reach of earthly misery to love thy God faithfully to serve him cheerfully to persevere joyfully to be patient in tribulation to rejoyce in hope to pray continually to thirst after the sweetness of his grace and earnestly to long for the consummation of his glory Blessed God How unworthy am I to be called thy servant who have so long been subject to the worlds commands how undeserving of the glorious liberty of thy Sons who have so willingly been fetter'd by mine own corruptions how uncapable of thy heavenly comforts that can rejoyce in nothing but these earthly vanities Lord open mine eyes that I may see the richness of the price of my high calling in Christ Jesus and endeavour to walk worthy of it that I may earnestly desire thee joyfully embrace thee and constantly and cheerfully devote my service to thee Forgive my drowsiness my dulness my backwardness to holy duties awake my sinfull soul from sensuallity and raise it to the blessed thoughts of sweet eternity Compassionate my weakness accept my willingness forgive my sinfulness quicken my dulness correct my untowardness Lord bring me to such a blessed frame of heart that I may willingly forgo the sins and miseries of this life and frequently delight my self with contemplation of thy joyes in that to câ—me CHAP. 25. Upon Mans sinfull frailtie in the hour of Temptation with motives to make resistance I Am now in the lists with Satan and this hour to fight the Lords battail God seeth me and his holy Angels see me I have long professed my self to be Christs souldier and he hath now brought me to the field to prove me now is
will be attending on thee O let this teach thee to bewail the misery of this frail life which is onely prone to evill and that continually let it humble thee for thy many failings and invite thee to a more hearty and sincere affection to thy Saviour by whose absolute and perfect obedience all thine imperfections shall be done away and lastly to a more earnest longing for thy bodies dissolution Comfort thy self in this that all the miseries of this life shall work together for the best to thine advantage nothing can befall thee without his holy providence that so dearly loveth thee even thy very sins shall further thee to Heaven if thou hast now fallen through the infirmity of thy corrupt nature God will raise thee by this fall of thine to more perfection in goodnesse to more vigilance to more holinesse to more courage to more constancy in thy Christian calling for The Lord ordereth a good mans goings and maketh his way acceptable unto him though he fall he shall not be cast away for the Lord upholdeth him Psal 37.23 24. and if that evill one be powerfully malicious the greater shall thy joy and triumph be when thou art happily victorious Lord how truly blessed is the condition of thy Saints who compellest even the rage of earth and hell to work for their advantage Why art thou then so sad O my Soul and why art thou so disquieted within me still trust in God for he is the help of thy countenance and thy God Psal 42.15 Lord how sad is my condition without thee thou who alone knowest the secrets of all hearts knowest that I love thee that I long for thee that I desire nothing in compare of thee my God and yet thou findest nothing but pollution in me sometimes I beg to be at union with thee and sometimes live as if I cared not for mercy from thee still I sin and still thou forgivest yea I am therefore the more ready to rebell against thee because thou Lord art most ready to be mercifull unto me and yet for all this such are thy bowels of compassion towards me thou bemoanest mine iniquity thou invitest thou compellest me to mercy Lord wilt thou still suffer me to abuse thy goodnesse I have oftâ—n run from thee by relapsing into grievous sins and thou O Lord as often hast received me to favour and afforded me the sweet refreshings of thy holy Spirit I confesse my self unworthy to enjoy that blessed Spirit which I have so often grieved O let this teach me to be truly and sincerely thankfull unto thee to love thee more heartily praise thee more joyfully serve thee more faithfully to my lives end For thou O blessed Lord art all in all unto me thou art strength in my weaknesse love in my wilfulness life in my sinfulnesse thou alone knowest under what great evils of sin under what sad pressures of sorrow I daily groan and thou hast promised to ease those weary souls that cry to thee for succour and relief Lord save me or I perish Lord ease me of this heavy burden that I sink not to eternall misery give me thy saving grace to guide me from these wofull waies of wickednesse O let this hour put an end to this sin Lord lead me unto thy paths and uphold me there that my feet slip not suffer me not to feed upon these empty husks O satisfie me with thy mercy and that soon before I goe hence and be no more seen My spirit is willing O Lord but my flesh is weak have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery Lord cover my sins Lord pardon mine infirmities Lord Jesus accept of me and interpose thy blessed merits for me Lord raise me from this wretched fall support my weaknesse renew my repentance increase my faith quicken my zeal that so by thy gracious assistance I may be raised to more purity to more perfection in my Christian calling that where sin hath abounded there grace may abound much more to thy great glory and mine own endlesse comfort O Lord hear O Lord forgive O Lord consider and doe it defer not for thine own sake O my God Amen CHAP. 27. Upon Desertion WHile I am in this pilgrimage of sin I cannot be without this portion of sorrow why complain I of that which I have so justly deserved how often hath my God afforded me the gracious visits of his blessed Spirit and yet how easily have I regarded them Lord I am not worthy of the least of all thy mercies much lesse of this invaluable favour to enjoy the kisses of thy sacred mouth as I am now grieved for the losse of thy presence so I have too often grieved thee by mine own rebellious absence this is the sad condition even of the best of thy Saints in this life as they have had their aberrations from grace so they have had their fluctuations in woe these sad departings of thy blessed Spirit have ever been the just memorials of their present griefs and former miseries I see thy holy servant David sadly bemoaning this great losse and allmost despairing of the enjoyment of thy gratious presence I hear him crying out in bitternesse of soul Will the Lord absent himself for ever and will he shew no more favour Is his mercy clean gone for ever doth his promise fail for evermore Hath God forgotten to be gratious hath he shut up his tender mercy in displeasure Psal 77.7 8 9. How grievous was this complaint how gratious thine answer even in the very minute of distresse even by the very lips of the distressed for it follows in a breath And I said this is my death but I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High Jonah's extremity was thy blessed opportunity even when Jonah thought himself in most danger of perishing he then found thy mercy most ready in relieving when he thought himself cast out of thy sight even then he found himself looking to thy presence and ready to be received into thy favour Jonah 2.4 Lord if thou givest me but the least measure of true faith I shall be able to remove the greatest mountains of sin and know assuredly to my souls exceeding comfort that thou hidest thy face from me but for a moment in this life that thou mayst gather me to everlasting kindnesse in that to come Comfort thy self in this therefore O my Soul that God will never leave thee that he will never forsake thee that he will never leave thee totally nor forsake thee finally that he hath not now withdrawn his gratious presence from thee but the present comfort of his grace from working in thee as there are sad desertions so there will undoubtedly be gratious visits thou mayst be forsaken in sin in the suffering of punishment for sin in the severity of that punishment in the fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this severity but assure thy self O my soul thou shalt never be forsaken
in the finall execution of this wrath in the eternall duration of this final execution Lord if my hopes of heaven were grounded on the weak foundation of mine own abilityes If mine Election were but temporary I might justly fear this desertion would prove eternall but now my comfort is that Christ is my strong rock on whom I am safely built that nothing can separate me from his love that his Decree of mine Election is particular sweet sure and eternal that the happy means appointed to this blessed end is faith holiness righteousness and sanctification holiness to obey thy precepts saith to embrace thy promises righteousness to enjoy thy Saints and sanctification to possess my self Thy blessed Decree O Lord is so far from giving me liberty to commit sin that it most undoubtedly restrains me from it If I cannot make my calling and election sure by thy decreed means of sanctification I shall never make my comfort sure by my vain hopes of glorification If I look upon Noah Lot David Jonah Christ himself I shall there see the several and the sorrowfull degrees of this Desertion Noah and Lot fearfully sinning David a long time resting in sin and wofully deprived of Gods gracious presence for sin Jonah even doubting of Gods favour in the suddenness and the sharpness of his punishment and thou O my blessed Saviour affrighted with the fierceness of thy Fathers wrath for sin and for a time as thou wert man despairing of his gracious prefence Be not afraid therefore O my soul for as thou art deferted for thy sins sake so thou art beloved for thy Saviours sake though he hide himself behind the wall of thy corruption yet he will graciously look through the lattice of thine humiliation Cant. 2.9 Even this thy present sadness will afford thee some refreshings some gracious glimpses of his holy Spirit and though thy heart be now disquieted within thee thou shalt again assuredly receive the voice of joy and gladness Lord let this teach me to abhor those sins that have deprived me of thy presence to seek earnestly to enjoy thee to rise early to find thee whom my soul loveth to settle mine affections upon thy beauty mine actions upon thy service that I may be guided by thy grace in this life and encompast with thy glory in that to come For thou O my blessed Saviour art infinitely dearer to me than the choicest of these earthly vanities their love is false and uncertain but thine true and eternall abundantly sufficient to rejoice me here to enrich me hereafter O Lord my God my soul longeth for thee I am weary of the sins and miseries of this life and nothing can relieve me but thy blessed presence O make thy face to shine upon me and save me for thy mercy sake My God my God look upon me why hast thou forsaken me and art so far from the words of my complaint O satisfie my longings for thou knowest Lord that I love thee Hear my prayer O Lord and hide not thy face from my supplications O hide not thy self from me nor cast thy servant away in displeasure Thou hast been my succour therefore leave me not nor forsake me O God of my salvation Make thy face to shine upon thy servant and save me for thy mercy sake O lead me from the bondage of sin into the blessed liberty of thy children that I may be comforted in the sweetness of thy promises and thou mayst be delighted in the zeal of my performances Give me the comfort of thy help again and stablish me with thy free Spirit O hide not thy face from thy servant for I am in trouble make hast and hear me Lord I am defiled with sin and disquieted with sorrow I am daily vexed with temptations and hourly overcome with vanity I am wretchedly infolded in the miseries of mine own corruptions and wofully beguiled by the devils subtilties O wretched man that I am who shall deliver me Lord I bewail my misery and implore thy mercy O that I were this hour at union with thee that I might hereafter joyfully adhere unto thee be graciously accepted of thee and for ever gloriously exalted by thee Amen CHAP. 28. Upon the apprehension of sudden danger BLessed God I know that nothing can befall me without thy holy providence even this present danger is by thine appointment and what thou hast designed it unto I know not I enquire not Lord give me a sweet and safe assurance that I am thine and then doe with me what thou wilt O let me live and I shall praise thee and thy judgements shall help me but if thou haft appointed me this hour to dye O let me then goe home unto thee and be united in a safer in a sweeter union with thee Lord hear me and have mercy on me for my dear Saviours sake who hath given his precious life a ransom for me Preserve me O God for in thee have I put my trust forsake me not O Lord my God be not thou far from me Lord strengthen and support my wavering faith forgive me all my sins and suffer not my soul to be surprised in my last extremity Hast thee to help me O Lord God of my salvation for thy names sake for thy promise sake for thy precious blood sake Into thy hands I commend my spirit for thou hast redeemed me O Lord thou God of truth CHAP. 29. Upon the weaknesse of Faith and sinfulness of Thoughts tending to Despair HOW much art thou mistaken O my Soul to think thy self then farthest off from God when thou art nearest unto him to suppose thy self then most wretched when thou art nearest to the paths of happiness He that never doubted never truly believed and he that hath least assurance in himself will have most certainty in Christ Thou hast sinned and thou art sorrowfull thou hast committed great and grievous sins and thou abhorrest them thou forsakest them thou heartily desirest pardon for them if thou hadst not a godly sorrow thou couldst not have this godly desire if thy sorrow were for punishment it would cause thy death but now it is for sin it will lead thee to repentance if thou grievest not so much for the severe sentence of an incensed Judge as for the displeasure of a good and gratious Father as thou sowest in tears thou shalt reap in joy nay thou shalt have great joy even in these tears thou shalt have much sweetness even in this sorrow and if thy seed-time be sweet how blessed will thy harvest be hear what thy Saviour saith Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted in sorrows here in eternity of joyes hereafter who can curse where God hath blessed what Devill can deject where God will exalt Thou art grieved for offending thy gratious God and thou implorest him for mercy comfort thy self in this that God is near unto all those which call upon him yea that call upon him faithfully Psal 105.18 Be not afraid
labour to be powerfull in my prayers to study to be humble zealous earnest even importunate in my devotions to let no sinfull thought pass me without a sigh no sinfull action without holy contrition no divine favours without devout and thankfull acknowledgement That soul which is truly sensible of the burden of sin will hasten unto that heavenly help that can give it ease and that heart which is once truly inflamed with thy love will readily instruct â—he tongue to be zealous in thy praise Lord let me first seek mine own heart before I presume to come before thy Mercy seat lest if I recall it not from the vanities of this life my very prayers become sin and so while I expect a blessing I deserve a curse Let no vain excuse no barren pretence of this life perswade me to intermit this holy duty lest carelesness and coldness in devotion beget in me a loathing of that course which by constant practice will become my constant comfort I ord make me to consider of the sweetness of the excellency of this gift that I may dayly labour to improve it to my soules eternall happiness That when I often fall as I needs must through the weakness of the flesh thou O Lord in mercy mayst restore me through my blessed importunity of spirit With grief of heart Lord I confess that my great neglect of this holy duty hath most justly occasioned the great abatement of thy holy Spirit in me and long withholdings of thine outward blessings from me Lord give me yet an heart to serve thee and then take from me what thou wilt I desire nothing with out thee for I know assuredily that with thee I cannot but enjoy all things needfull for me O make me to bewail mine own unworthiness my drownsiness my dulness my carelesness my much untowardness in thy service Create in me a clean heart O Lord and renew a right spirit within me that I may praise thee with alacrity and fervency of soul that I may be daily ravished with contemplation of eternity and hourly satisfie my thoughts with apprehension of the sweetness of my present safety of my future glory Lord make me every day more earnest in this holy duty O give me such affectionate desires such holy longings such insatiate appetites such earnest importunities of heart for heavenly graces that I may not onely beg of thee but even wrestle with thee for this blessing although the sinfull desires of my corrupt flesh go halting to the grave Be mercifull unto me O Lord for my soul trusteth in thee and in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge untill these calamities of sins and miseries be overpast Lord hear the voice of my humble petitions when I cry unto thee when I hold up my hands towards thy Mercy seat shew thy servant the light of thy countenance and save me for thy mercy sake Ps 28.2 Ps 31.18 CHAP. 31. Upon the great neglect of Reading the sacred Scriptures ALass my soul how unbeseeming thy profession is this thy backwardness to holy duties how long wilt thou grovell on this element of earth how long be cheated with these counterfeit commodities these childish toys of outward enjoyments what sweetness canst thou find in those things which favour of corruption what comfort in those joyes which are but vain vexatious toylsom transitory whose seeming beauties are suddenly passing never returning O let this move thee to delight in that which cannot pass to remember whence thou art and whether thou art going that thou mayst thereby raise thy thoughts to immortality Look upon the beauty of those sacred leaves and thou wilt loath the falshood of this worlds embraces Thou mayst there find the sum of all that was or is or is to come conducing to thy reall happiness There is nature unbowelled hell opened and heaven unveiled Thou mayst there see the creature to be vanity thy self misery thy Saviour felicity Thou hast there his counsell to guide thee his wisdom to instruct thee his power to sustein thee his gifts to encourage thee his threatnings to admonish thee his mercies to allure thee his judgements to deter thee his holy Spirit to comfort thee There is antiquitie strangeness truth in history wonder in miracles amazement in prophecie foundness in precepts sweetness in promises each sillable contained in this Book is matter of eternall moment Take heed therefore that thou passest by no portion of thâ—s sacred volume lightly nor pryest into any presumptuously holy diligence is often blest with heavenly knowledge and humble ignorance with heavenly grace Lord seeing that thy word is in it self so excellently rich and in its use so absolutely good with what earnestnâ—ss of soul ought I to embrace it with what holy diligence peruse it with what devout cheerfulness and constancy of heart apply my self unto it These high perfectiâ—â—s shall religiously oblige me to repair my former neglects by my present promises of my future performances No day shall henceforth pass me without some time alotted for this holy exercise custoâ— will make it easie profit sweet if the troublesom affairs of this lise do sometimes to my soul grief distuâ—b me in it by thy grace assisting they shall never divert me from it what is borrowed from this blessed task by inforced necessity shall be repayed with advantage by the next happy opportunity Lord all is but vanity and meer nothing in compare of thee and thy service If I cannot be willingly holy I shall never be joyfully happy Blessed Lord So sanctifie my sinfull soul that I may joyfully perform those promises I make unto thee that I may daily dedicate some part and portion of my sinfull houres to read some portion of thy sacred Scriptures O let them ever be the joy of my joy the life of my life the light of mine eyes and comfort of my heart Lord turn away mine eyes from these outward enjoyments lest they behold vanity and quicken me in thy way Give me an humble soul that I may read thy blessed lines with holy fear and awfull reverence that I may be piously delighted with them and happily instructed by them Give me a discerning soul that I may see the wonderfull things of thy law that I may truly love it and delight in it that my heart may be inflamed by it and my tongue be ever talking of it O let thy Statutes be my song in the house of my pilgrimage that I may walk in thy wayes with constancy that I may run in thy race with fervency Amen CHAP. 32. Upon the neglect of Divine Meditation WHat doest thou here on earth O my soul why art thou so perplexed with the cares and sorrows of this sinfull life so careless of the joyes in that to come Who can judge him likely to inherit Heaven that loves not to think of it Thou mayst measure thy degrees of Grace by thy desires of Glory If thy thoughts be not often and earnestly taken up
with this subject thou hast just cause to suspect thy loving to fear thy enjoying it for Where thy treasure is there will thy heart be also If thou livest the life of Pleasure thou art so much worse than a beast by how much thou oughtest by reason to be better if of Action thou art so much nearer to happiness as reason is beyond sense and yet so much farther off as Grace is beyond Nature if the happy life of heavenly Meditation thou art so far above vanity as heaven is above earth as immotality above nature as glory above corruption O how sweet are those thoughts which lead me to Eternity which raise my soul above the reach of humane misery that can support me under all the heavy pressures of sin under all the grievous burdens of sorrow under all the sharp assaults of Satan that 〈◊〉 make me merry in life and triumphant in death Nothing can more truly represent me to my self and inform me that I am all earthly than the dullness and backwardness of my thoughts to be heavenly Who can ever hope to be an inhabitant of that City whose language hee cannot speak Lord when my thoughts are more zealously affected with thy heavenly joys I shall then hope to be more frequently acquainted with thy heavenly visits by my careless neglect of the one I am now justly deprived of the sweet enjoyments of the other while I am wedded to this wretched world my thoughts must needs favour of corruption But if thou Lord wilt once open mine eyes to see the glorious beauty of my heavenly home I shall then know and joyfully confesse that one hour thus spent will adde more comfort to my fool more true content to my desires than all these outward blessings and I shall then account and joyfully confess with thy Apostle that all things are but loss and dung in compare of the richness of thy love in Christ Jesus For thou O blessed Saviour art the blessed Fountain of eternall happiness the joy of my heart the triumph of my joy the comfort of my life the safety of my body the rest of my soul without thee I am far worse than nothing and with thee I enjoy all things for thou art in the Father and I in thee and thou in me and in this happy union is contained that fruition is enjoyed that for ever-blessed vision in which the souls and bodies of thy Saints eternally delight themselves O thou soveraign of my soules eternall comfort how unworthy am I to enjoy thee that have been hitherto so much unâ—indfull of thee how undeserving to behold thee in thy glory that am so daily guilty of thy great dishonour Lord raise my thoughts to immortality and fix my soul upon the love of sweet eternity let my chiefest joy be ever to contemplate thee who art my chiefest good Pardon those wretched hours that have been lost in search of outward happiness O make me to redeem them by abandoning the creature and placing mine affections wholly on the beauty of the great Creatour expatiate my sinfull soul with daily meditations of my future joyes that I may love thee more fervently fear thee more dutifully desire thee more earnestly long for thee more heartily embrace thee more faithfully and think of thee more joyfully to my lives end Amen CHAP. 33. Upon unchristianlike Dejectedness in Poverty WHY doe I excruciate my soul with apprehension of a seeming evill how unworthy am I of this life which I hold from that God whom I dare not trust will God feed me with the delicates of heaven and not give me bread will he give me full draughts of the rivers of his eternall pleasures and not afford me temporall refreshments shall my death be precious in his eyes and my life uncomfortable in mine own can there be any evill and the Lord hath not done it shall he doe it and shall I complain if poverty be evill in it self yet it is good for me the evill of sin hath drawn upon me this evill of punishment so this evill is from nature and the good from grace By this affliction I am weaned from the world and made desirous of my heavenly home I am now put in mind that my treasure being there my heart should be there allso I am now fully assured by my patience and humility under this affliction and by the quiet fruits of righteousness it daily bringeth forth in me that I am Gods child that as I am now made partaker of my Saviours sufferings so I shall be hereafter of his glory that I part with earthly contentments to enjoy heavenly comforts Lord when thou lendest me thy staff of consolation I shall be well able to endure thy rod of affliction all though my body be worse I shall then find my soul to be much better my present condition happy my future blessed In what estate soever I am I will think that best because thou Lord hast put me there if my calling be low my account will be the less if I discharge this faithfully I shall not lose my reward Thou O Lord lookest not upon my greatness but my goodness my faithfulness in thy service A pin in thy materiall Temple was as usefull as a stone if I be any thing in thy spirituall it is enough yet let me not content my self with easiness and indifferency in heavenly blessings but labour to supply mine outward wants by inward graces so shall this earthly bitterness be turned into spirituall sweetness and eternall blessedness Thou O Lord hast alotted me my portion in this life most agreeable to thy Divine Wisdome most suitable to my frail condition and why take I then thought for to morrow sufficient unto the day is the evill thereof Thou allowest me lawfull means for increasing of it thou forbiddest me repining thoughts to distrust thee in it Lord let me first seek thy Kingdome and the righteousness thereof and then I know assuredly that all things needfull for me shall be added to me O thou blessed Saviour of the world who for my sake wert willing to endure the scornfull poverty of this life to purchase my redemption teach me by thine example and for thy sake to undervalue all the glorious pomps of these enticing vanities that though my body be despised by the world my sinfull soul may be accepted with thee and both soul and body may eternally be happy where thou art Lord by how much by thy great sufferings thou wert made the vilder for me by so much by thy rich mercy let thy love be ever dearer to me O give me graces suitable to all events let not prosperity puff me up nor adversity too much deject me but for thy mercy sake let happiness in Christ be all in all unto me make me humble in the one patient in the other thankfull in either bappy in both Grant Lord that no ungodly care or sinfull sorrow may disturb me but that I may with willingness and thankfulness and
joyfulness of heart contentedly rely upon thee Enrich my heart with heavenly thoughts give me that better part which cannot be taken from me Lord what thou deniest me of these outward comforts make good unto me by thine inward mercies that all these earthly things may work together to the best to mine advantage so shall my present poverty be an undoubted earnest of my future glory Amen CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat AS every good and perfect gift is from above so is allso every punishment for sin by every proportion of sorrow For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Iob 1.5 6. That Divine Goodness which wisely and affectionately disposeth all things to the good of his chosen by his holy providence hath suited their degrees limited their powers and appointed their ends every pain in sicknesse every pang in death have their just number weight and measure I't is the Lord let him doe what he will nothing can befall me but by his Divine allowance nothing shall dismay me that my God inflicteth on me if my visitation be grievous I am sure it is safe For He chastiseth me for my profit that I may be partaker of his holiness Blessed be that sorrow which allureth me from sin blessed be that misery that inviteth me to mercy 〈◊〉 kiss it I embrace it and with humbleness of heart I joyfully and patiently submit unto it The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh blessed be the name of the Lord Iob 1.21 I humbly confess Lord that my great and grievous sins have most justly deserved this great and grievous affliction that thou mightest long since have deprived me of my life for depriving thee of thine honour that I am most unworthy of this thy gentle visitation for I am full of rottenness and corruption and therefore can expect no other but to be fill'd with sorrow and affliction thou hast given me a body for thy service but I have defiled it with sin and wickedness thou gavest me a soul enriched with thy heavenly graces but I have defaced it with unthankfulness and disobedience no faculty of my soul no member of my body but are most impure and sinfull in thy sight Thou O Lord knowest all my foolishness and my faults are not hid from thee thou seest how vainly I have mis-spent my pretious time how carelesly abused that continued health which thou hast given me how seriously been busied on the Creature how wretchedly neglected thee the great Creatour Thou hast often weaned me from sin by thy blessed motions by thy gratious admonitions by thy gentle visitations by a wasted body and a wounded soul and yet I still sin without ceasing without sorrowing without repenting such are my faults so grievovs mine offences that I now blush to name those sins before thee by which I have so often and so foolishly rebell'd against thee and now after all this allthough thou hast with lasting patience waited my return and art inforced to withdraw thy present mercy yet thou art moved to behold my present misery evâ—n in thy very wrath thou hast compassion on me Habac. 3.2 while thou seemest by this present sickness to withhold thy favour from me thou gratiously intendest by this blessed means to shew thy self more lovingly unto me for I know Lord that thy judgements are just and that thou of very faithfulnesshast caused me to be troubled Psal 119.75 Theresore Though thou killest me yet will I trust in thee Iob 13.15 Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death yet will I fear no evill Psal 23.4 Behold Lord I am willingly and joyfully and thankfully in thy hands doe with me what thou wilt if I live I shall praise thee if I dye I trust I shall goe home unto thee and be for ever blessed with thee O thou Father of mercies and God of all consolations behold me thy sick servant with thine eye of pity and compassion O remember not my former sins but have mercy upon me O Lord and that soon for I am come unto great extremity O Lord my God I am troubled I am bowed down greatly I goe mourning all the day long thou writest bitter things against me and makest me possess the iniquities of my youth O let the sweetness of thy mercy qualifie the sharpness of thy Fatherly correction consider me O Lord that I am but dust full of frailties and infirmities forgive me for thy mercy sake Remember not the sinfull failings of my youth but according to the richness of thy goodness be thou mindfull of me O righteous Father look not on the multitude and hainousness of mine offences but look upon the bitter passion of thy blessed Son he was wounded for my transgressions he was broken for mine iniquities O by his blessed stripes let my sinfull soul be healed Enable me to suffer this thy gentle visitation with that meekness and contentedness of soul that becometh thy child and so bless it unto me that it may bring forth in me the quiet and the happy fruits of righteousness that it may drive my thoughts to immortality and fix my soul upon eternity Blessed Lord my hope is in thee my soul trusteth in thee and under the shadow of thy wings shall be my refuge untill this misery be overpast O Lord consider my complaint for I am brought very low Let my present anguish more prevail with thee to move thee to compassion than my former foolishness to stir thy wrath and indignation O enter not into judgement with thy servant for no flesh is righteous in thy sight Lord I confess my wickedness and am sorry for my sin for thy Names sake O Lord be mercifull unto my sin for it is great my confusion is daily before me and the shame of my face hath covered me my heart is disquieted within me and the fear of death is fallen upon me Lord I am thine O save me for thy mercy sake into thy hands I commend my self for thou hast redeemed me O Lord thou God of Truth Forsake me not O Lord my God be not thou far from me hast thee to help me O Lord God of my salvation O spare me for thy mercy sake that I may recover my strength before I goe hence and be no more seen Amen CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessedness of Death I am a Pilgrim and a Stranger here as all my Fathers were I am wearied out with travell and long to be at rest I am lodged here but with great cost and greater danger this seeming sweetnesse hath cost me much true sorrow many bitter sighs and aking hearts disturbance of body distraction of soul I have sought for help here below but can find none no creature on earth to relieve me none to support me I have seen pleasure to be folly and laughter madness men of low degree to be vanity of high degree a lye their understanding vain their labours vain
towards me I am much grieved at the coldness and the carelesness of my affections towards thine each object of charity is an opportunity of mercy If I neglect it I am unkind to thee my Saviour cruel to my neigbour injurious to mine own soul I am not â—ord but Steward of thine outward blessings and it were now just with thee to call me to a strict account If any of thy Saints suffer which thou sendest unto me for relief their sufferings thou wilt surely require at my hands as each cup of cold water which I have given in thy name shall not lose its reward so each farthing which I ow unto thee in thy members will assuredly require its everlasting punishment I have been too carefully solicitous for the things of this life too caresly negligent of the treasures in that to come I have had many wayes to deprive my self of my present comfort of my future happiness when my talent hath been large I have had no leisure when little no ability to works of mercy The present necessities of thy Saints have been daily neglested upon the false pretence of future opportunities and those future opportunities again put off by the dilatory plea of mine own present necessities Thus have I long kept my self in a circulation of self-couzenage and have so lived here as if I were never to go hence and were utterly ignorant for what cause I came hither From whence is this my great neglect of charity towards my brethren but from my greater want of love to thee my God and from whence my disobedience to thy precepts but from mine unbelief of thy promises Thou biddest me Give and hast promised it shall be given unto me good measure shaken together pressed down and running over Luke 6.38 Thou commandest me not to be weary in well doing and hast promised that in due time I shall reap if I faint noâ— Ephes 6.9 If I did beleeve the one I should gladly perform the other and whose word shall I take Lord if I dare to question thine All thy blessed promises are Yea and Amen the begining sweet the end certain as thou hast a bottle for my tears and a bag for my transgressions so thou hast allso a book for mine Alms-deeds Acts 10.4 Not one of them shall be forgotten but even the very least of them shall be â—raciously accepted gloriously rewarded not for my work sake but for thy promise sake no for mine own sake but for my Saviours sake Lord I can merit nothing at thy hands but by thine own mercy And now Lord let me examine What I have gained by my want of charity I have exchanged Heaven to enjoy earth I have parted with thee my Saviour in whom are all the treasures that are true and crernall for the very basest part of earth which is vain and uncertain I have lost those blessed opportunities of doing good which can never be recalled and together with them those rewards of thine which shall never be enjoyed I have offended thee my God grieved thy Saints burdened mine own conscience and been an utter enemy to mine own salvation As my affections have been frozen towards others so have I justly found the gifts and graces of thy holy Spirit decaying daily in mine own soul my love cold to thy law mine ears deaf to thy precepts my mouth dumb to thy praises my faith dead to thy promises my hope fainting my zeal languishing my joy perishing These are the sad and sure effects of want of charity the beginning sinfull the progress dangerous the end desperate Lord if those heavenly spirits whose very names import their ardency of love to thy glory are yet found cold enough in thy sight with what horror and confusion of face will those wretched souls appear before thee who have not been so much as lukewarm in thy service By thy grace Lord I will therefore henceforth make a godly improvement of all future opportunities of doing good wharsoever thine allowance is unto me of these outward blessings I will dedicate some due proportion of it unto works of mercy and cheerfully and thankfully trust thee my God with the sustentation of my body upon whose blessed protection I safely relie for the eternall preservation of my soul my heart my hand my tongue mine actions shall be allwaies ready to relieve the necessities to promote the good of thy children and as this happy resolution hath had its beginning from thy grace so shall its aim be wholly at thy glory Blessed Lord Such is thy gratious goodnesse unto thine that thou even preventest them with thy blessings while they call upon thee thou art ready to answer and before they speak unto thee thou art willing to hear Lord I am thy child and am therefore bold to crave a blessing of thee and what is now more suitable to my necessities than the sweet infusion of thy holy Spirit for I now find to my grief of heart that the forein heat of the pleasures and profits of this life have extracted from me the inward heat of my desires and longings for thy blessed presence the adventitious heat of the love of this world hath quite consumed in me the naturall heat of my zeal to thy kingdom Lord kindle in me those decaying sparks of thy grace that they may now grow up into a bright flame of fervent affections to thy glory and thy childrens good Teach me to know that godlinesse is great gain and that the truest treasures are those which are layd up with thee in thy Kingdom Lord pardon my neglects of holy duties forgive my deadnesse and my dulnesse unto works of mercy repair my sinfull breaches by thy present graces O let the fervour of my future charity become a pleasing sacrifise to expiate my former misery to reconcile my soul in Christ to endless mercy Amen CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulness of the heart in the performance of holy duties NOthing is more common amongst Christians than to be deluded by the shew of holy actions the heart of man is deceitfull above all things who can know it holy performances are usually accompanied with hellish temptations when the Ship of our soules is under sail and hath the freshest way for heaven we have then most need to look to our steerage to have an eye to the compass and land-marks Which of our holy duties which are the ships we sayl in to the port of happiness have not their rocks to split upon or Remoraes to hinder them or cross winds to divert them or leaks to sink them or seas to overwhelm them when we arrive at any small measure of goodness we many times rest in it and grow secure upon it if grace carry us on farther we are too apt to beleeve that we are far better than our neighbours that we are highly in Gods favour and cannot but deserve his fatherly protection his liberall remuneration and so by this secret insinuation of pride in our hearts wee have
depraved nature this sin had doubtless been a sad memoriall to my grave such is the power of sin once grown habituall O let my sorrowfull confession be the readers usefull instruction that thou mayst have the glory I the shame of my mis-doing Lord I have often sinned against thee by my wretched violation of the truth in envious detractions from the good of my neighbour vain-glorious aggravations of mine own abilities censorious taxations of my brethrens infirmities indulgent diminutions of mine own iniquities I have often grieved thy good Spirit by which thou hast sealed me up unto the day of redemption by my vain and idle communications by my rash and sinfull exprobations by my weak and froward objurgations to the great dishonour of thee my God to the cominuall grief of thy Saints to the sad disturbance of my self All this to my hearts grief have I often done and by all this I may now plainly see how much I have hitherto been the servant of sin and Satan how great an enemy to thy glory and to the good of mine own soul But now Lord by thine assistance my speciall care shall henceforth be to allow my self no liberty of speech but what is aiming at Eternity if my heart be heavenly my words will be gratious my actions holy mine end happy and that all this may be so indeed by thy grace Lord I will observe with carefulness and constancy these following cautions 1. Before I speak I will consider that I am in thy blessed presence that what is once â—pâ—kâ—n can never be recalled but is recorded for eterternity 2. That each idle word must be accounted for and that my whole life hitherto hath been little else but vain and empty discourse tending much to thy dishonor the hurt of my neighbour and without mercy in Christ the destruction of my own soul 3. That there is no truer testimony of a graceless heart than a licentious tongue that if I be not holy in my discourse I can never be happy in mine actions 4. That it is impossible for those prayers to be pleasing to God which are offered up with that sinfull member that is so shamefully defiled with evill and corrupt communications amongst men 5. That if I make a mock at Christianity by having onely a form of godliness in mine outward actions but denying the power thereof in my usuall conversation God will one day pay me home by shewing me the richness of his sufferings but denying me the benefits thereof and the sweet enjoyments thereby 6. That without helinesse no man shall see the Lord and that such as is my common and most accustomed discourse in my life I may well fear will be my last and most uncomfortable expressions at my death 7. Unto all this I will adde the shortnesse misery and uncertainty of a sinfull life the horrour and amazement of a wretched death the extremity and eternity of torments after death Lord when my heart is thus guarded by thy grace my lips I trust will be ever open to thy praise Blessed God If thy holy Angell durst not give railing accusations against the devill if thy Sainss in patience possesse their own soules and their speeches he seasoned with salt administring grace to the hearts of the hearers if thou the blessed Saviour of the world when thou wert reviled reviledst not again but as a lamb before the shearers so openedst thou not thy mouth with what comfort can I now appear before thee with what confidence expect a blessing from thee With grief and sorrow I confesse that my heart hath ever been full of corruption and naughtinesse my mouth full of cursing and bitternesse my daily discourse full of folly and uncleannesse the whole course of my life full of misery and wickednesse O that my head were water and mine eyes a fountain of tears that I might weep day and night that I might mourn continually for mine own and others sins Lord purifie my heart and rectifie my tongue that both may be accepted of thee and now and ever graciously directed by thee Lord I acknowledge my faults and my sin is ever before me O let the sorrowfull remembrance of my sins invite thee to a sweet remembrance of thy mercies that thou mayest have the praise and I the comfort of thy gracious pardon Lord let my heart be inflamed with thy love and my mouth filled with thy praise that I may sacrifile my oul unto thee that I may sanctifie my soul before thee by devout thoughts by gracious words and godly actions that so I may with joyfulnesse and thankfulnesse appear in thy fight not onely all the day long but even all my life long that thou my God mayst be glorified thy Saints delighted and my sinfnll foul eternally comforted Amen CHAP. 39. Upon holy revenge for sin with motives and encouragements thereunto Lord I Have ever been too apt to revenge the smallest injuries offered unto me by others in relation to mine outward condition and too remiss in that holy revenge of those great and insufferable wrongs which I daily and hourly obtrude upon mine own soul this plainly sheweth me to have been too much savouring of flesh and blood too little mindfull of thy kingdom and the righteousness thereof That soul which is truly sensible of its own injury will by thy grace be dayly minding of its own redresle and that sinner which is uncapable of slight offences will in time become insensible of greater My greatest enemies are those of mine own houshold The world may allure me the devill perswade me but it is mine own false heart alone that betrayes me and mine own corrupt nature that enslaves me my greatest care shall therefore be to bend my strongest force against mine own corruptions to labour much to subdue mine affections and to take an holy revenge upon my sinfull actions not to satisfie thy justice but to implore thy mercie that I may thereby truly manifest my perfect hatred against sin and the sincerity of my soul to thy service There need none other motives to invite me to this holy duty than the wofull breaches sin hath daily made in my soul such as without mercy will never be repaired this is too sadly proved by the sensible decay of goodnesse and the too powerfull growth of ungodlinesse in my corrupt heart as it is easie for that Castle to stand a close siege that is well fortified man'd and victualled so is it impossible for that Fort to hold out long which maketh no resistance Lord as mine own spirituall ruins have hitherto been caused by mine own neglects so by thy gratious assistance mine own repairs shall be begun and finished by my present desires and future endeavours That time which I have lost by former carelesnesse and coldnesse in Religion I will endeavour to redeem by holy vigilance and Christian fortitude and that I may sincerely be what I intend with willingness of heart I offer up this solemn Vow unto
temptation if the World frown upon them they can chearfully say and faithfully believe that A small thing which the righteous hath is better than great riches of the ungodly Psal 37.16 if it smile that They then account all things but loss and dung in compare of Christ Jesus if outward blessings be present they are humble under them and thankfull for them if absent They can patiently tarry for the Lord for they know he is their help Psal 33.14 and that No good thing will he withhold from them that love him Psal 34.10 if sickness seize upon them The Lord is about their bed and about their path and spieth out all their waies their waies of sin and their waies of sorrow yea He maketh their beds in their sickness by ease to their bodies comfort to their souls if famine threaten them they have God's promise to maintain them For the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him and upon all those that put their trust in his mercy To deliver their souls from dearth and to feed them in the time of security Psal 33.17 18. if sudden danger approach them they have heavenly succour to defend them for The Angell of the Lord tarrieth about all them that fear him to deliver them yea even Death it self is an advantage to them and therefore no waies able to affright them for Pretious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his Saints and therefore Though the Lord kill them yet will they trust in him Iob 13.15 Lord if thy mercy be thus great unto me while I am yet in my sinfull flesh how unspeakable shall I find thy love when my body is become spirituall my joy eternall From these outward enjoyments may well be derived their inward contentments but by their inward refreshments is enjoyed that incomparable inconceivable unutterable sweetness that blessed peace of God and joy in the holy Ghost which passeth all our understanding God's holy Spirit witnessing with their spirits that they are his children and most pretious in his sight and they are now fully perswaded with his blessed Apostle that Neither Death nor Life nor Angels nor Principalities nor Powers nor things present nor things to come nor height nor depth nor any other Creature shall be ever able to separate them from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord Rom. 8. 37 38. How full of solid comfort is this blessed assurance how are our souls ravished with apprehension of the sweetness of our present comforts of the fulness of our future joyes these blessed earnests of that ever blessed Spirit are the faithfull pledges of his future embraces far above the reach of Malice to disturb or Devill to destroy Hence it is that our faith is pretious our hope lively our joy glorious our lives safe our deaths blessed and from hence arise those many and those rich endowments of the Saints their zeal burning their love wonderfull their desires earnest their longings insatiate their petitions for enjoyings importunate Lord what can I desire more of thee than what I enjoy from thee I have thy mercy without me and thy mercy within me thy mercy in life and thy mercy in death thy mercy from the beginning thy mercy to the end and thy mercy without end I am even crowned and encompassed with mercy O let me now say with holy David I will allwaies give thanks unto the Lord and his praise shall be ever in my mouth Psal 34.1 Let me not onely praise thee my self but with him allso invite others to praise thee O praise the Lord with me all ye his Saints and let us magnifie his name together Psal 34.3 O tast and see how gratious the Lord is blessed is that man which putteth his trust in him Be glad O yee righteous and rejoyce in the Lord and be joyfull all yee that are true of heart Psal 32.12 And now Lord having had a tast of the sweetness of thy Saints happiness on earth I willingly forsake all to follow them I have too long been straying in the strange pastures of impiety and am now joyfully desirous to be led home to thy fold that I may feed in the green and fresh pastures of thy sacred precepts and drink freely of those waters of comfort in thy blessed promises that I may so drinle that I may never thirst but be fully satisfied with thy grace in this life with thy glory in that to come O let this evill world neither allure me to its vanities nor betray me from thy mercies but as thou hast overcome the world for me so by thy grace assisting it may be allso overcome by me Thou hast indeed told me that I shall mourn in it but my mourning shall be turned into joy and that my joy shall no man take from me Lord I believe help my unbeliefe I embrace thy cross I despise the shame for that glory which is set before me of which I have a safe assurance by the blessed earnest of thy holy Spirit in me To thee O Father Son and holy Spirit one eternall infinite incomprehensible and ever blessed Goodness be all possible praise honour and glory now and for ever Amen O thou great God who hast tender bowels of compassions and multitudes of mercies for us miserable sinners who art not easy to be provoked but ever ready to forgive who sufferest not thy whole displeasure to arise against us but even in thy very judgements remembrest mercy and art then moved with the sight of our misery have mercy upon me a great and grievous finner Lord I have sinned I have transgressed I have done foolishly in departing from thy judgements But righteousness belongeth unto thee O Lord and unto me shame and confusion of face O let thy bowels of compassions remove out thy sight my multitudes of transgressions that I may now appear before thee with a joyfull heart and happy soul Let thy words be sweeter to me than the hony and the hony comb than the vain pleasures and false profits of this life O let my chiefest joy be in thy service my greatest delight to walk in thy waies and all false waies of pollution and uncleanness let me utterly abhorr Give me that inward peace that quietness of conscience which the world cannot take from me that when I am afflicted by it I may not be condemned with it Lord let me faithfully believe and gratiously improve the constancy of thy love in the worlds great unconstancy the richness of thy mercy in this wretched ages misery O that my eye might drop without ceasing that my heart might break forth into complaints and my soul be melted into sorrows for mine own and others sins that have occasioned these heavy judgements these sad complainings of thy people Lord as I have been a great and grievous sinner amongst them so let me be a constant and a true mourner for them as thou hast beheld us sinning so now allso behold us sorrowing
frailties commiserate his infirmities forgive his iniquities Lord purge him by thy pretious blood cloath him with thine own righteousnesse inrich him with thy blessed merits and plead them to thy Father for him O thou holy and for ever blessed Spirit who art the pure fountain of eternall love be present with him relieve and comfort him in all these bitter pangs of his last hour indue him with a willingnesse and cheerfulnesse to leave this transitory life and crown him with eternity of joyes in that to come And now O Lord we come unto thee for our selves who are here at this time upon our sinfull knees before thee Lord open our eyes that we may seriously consider of that last and solemn hour of our departure Lord sanctifie our hearts that while we are encompassed with sinfull flesh we may lament our often failings and infirmities and every day be more and more desirous to goe home to thee who art the God of spirits Lord give us grace that we may walk soberly and righteously and holily as becometh thy children that at the resurrection of the just our soules and bodies may enjoy the blessed consummation of their endlesse happinesse Lord hear our prayers and let our cries come unto thee for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy blessed Sons sake Amen The Conclusion BLessed Lord God by whose onely mercy I have finished this imperfect Work as I began it by thy goodnesse so I desire to end it with thy praise Lord accept of it and graciously afford thy blessing to it Let not the weaknesse and the sinfulnesse of me the Instrument be the Readers discouragement but give glory and honour to thee the Agent for of thee and through thee and to thee are all things to thee be praise for ever Amen SOLI DEO GLORIA For the comfort and assistance of those that are ready to depart this life I have hereunto added the dying Confession of Mr. Anthâ—ny Sadler Minister of Gods Word at West-Thorock in Essex of which I was an Ear-witness Obiit vicesimo die Maii Anno 1643. THE Lord hath laid a gratious and a gentle visitation on me I doe acknowledge with a thankfull heart that this weakness of body this languishing of nature these painfull daies and nights are from him For misery cometh not out of the dust neither doth affliction spring out of the earth Job 5.6 Ah my friends little doe men think how much the great disturbances of sickness how much he pains and infirm ties of a dec ying body distract those blessed thoughts those sweet and happy meditations which the troubled soul desires The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak Lord Jesus strengthen the inward man and lay no more upon this sinfull bâ—dy than thou in mercy shalt enable it to bear I am now verily perswaded that God hath purposed to determine my daies his blessed will be done even so Lord Jesus come quickly He that looketh into his life past that ransaketh his soul and calleth to minde the sinfull failings of his youth will finde it very hard and difficult to make his calling and election sure I have earnestly desired to leave no corner of my soul unsearcht and I finde my self to be a very great and wretched sinner I have committed grievous sinnes very grievous sinnes such sinnes as are not fit to be named before God's Saints I have examined my soul by each particular Commandment and I finde my self guilty of the breach of all and that in an high manner especially considering that weighty Function God's providence hath called me unto I have not onely sinned against mine own soul but against the soules of others too whom I have corrupted by my ill example and that very often And now when I look upon the glasse of the Law and there see mine owne vildnesse I finde Gods justice and mine own deserts even ready to surprise and cast me down into the nethermost hell and that most righteously But O see the goodnesse of a gratious God! I now come to lay hold upon the promises but how not without repentance not presumingly I apply them not in a generall but particular way I doe not onely believe that Christ Jesus came iâ— to the World to save sinners but I believe allso that he died for my sinnes and rose again for my justification God hath promised and all his promises are Yea and Amen that he will not forsake those which trust in him nay he hath bound himself unto it by an oath by two immutable things which cannot fail his Truth and his Holinesse Heb. 6.18 and God hath said That he which confesseth and forsaketh his sinnes shall finde mercy 1 Joh. 1.9 I acknowledge them I confesse them I am grieved for them I forsake them I abhorre themwhat should I doe more God requireth not more of me These pauses were supplied with tears and yet for all this I cannot find my self assured of his favour methinkes this sorrow is not so hearty as it ought to be and yet I know and stedfastly believe that if God did not work with me this sorrow could not be and where he worketh there can be nothing wanting I know that the most righteous man alive cannot perform this work so perfectly as he ought and therefore I believe that he which is ascended up on high hath done it for me in that full and ample manner which is able to appease his Father's wrath and I now trust that by his perfect obedience this imperfect worke of mine shall find a gratious acceptation This is my hope and this my beliefe Nay I can goe yet a little further to strengthen my assurance that my peace is made with God I every day and every houre doe pray unto my Saviour to intercede his Father for me and if I implore him he will intercede his Father and if he intercede his Father he cannot be denied O my God impute my sinnes to him transferre his righteousnesse to me and then I know I shall appear a glorious soul before thee Amen FINIS THE CONTENTS CHAP. 1. UPon the sinfulnesse of our thoughts touching the sacred Deity with holy cautions to order our devotions aright pag. 2. CHAP. 2. Upon the consideration of God's love and man's unthankfulnesse A Meditation suited to the morning pag. 9 CHAP. 3. Upon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for noon pag. 14 CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulnesse shortnesse and uncertainâ—y of life A Meditation suited to the evening pag. 17 CHAP. 5. Upon our approaching unto God's House with necessary cautions for our behaviour there pag. 20 CHAP. 6. Upon our returning from God's House and the neglect of private duties pag. 24 CHAP. 7. Upon the want of due preparation for Receiving of the Lord's Supper pag. 27 CHAP. 8. Containing pious Ejaculations at the time of Receiving pag. 30 CHAP. 9. Containing a brief Meditation and pious Thanksgiving after our Receiving pag. 31 CHAP. 10. Upon a Journey undertaken and the many dangers incident thereunto pag. 32 CHAP. 11. Containing pious Meditations and zealous Ejaculations after a Journey pag. 34 CHAP. 12. Upon the great danger of Security pag. 37 CHAP. 13. Upon the great danger of Prosumption pag. 41 CHAP. 14. Upon quenching of the motions of God's holy Spirit pag. 47 CHAP. 15. Upon the consideration of God's peculiar Providence to his Children pag. 51 CHAP. 16. Upon sinfull Anger and the great disturbance thereof pag. 55 CHAP. 17. Upon Man's inordinate love to the Creature pag. 58 CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleaness with Incouragements to avoid it pag. 63 CHAP. 19. Upon immoderate Mirth and the great Inconveniencies thereof pag. 67 CHAP. 20. Upon the great danger of deferring the hour of Repentance pag. 75 CHAP. 21. Upon Servile Fear and the danger thereof pag. 79 CHAP. 22. Upon the great neglect of reckoning daily with our Thoughts and the benefits lost thereby pag. 84 CHAP. 23. Upon Unchristian-like Dulnesse in Affliction pag. 87 CHAP. 24. Upon uncheerfulnesse in Christianitie with Incouragements to avoyd it pag. 91 CHAP. 25. Upon mans sinfull frailty in the hour of Temptation with Motives to make resistance pag. 94 CHAP. 26. Upon the Infirmitie of the Saints pag. 97 CHAP. 27. Upon Desertion pag. 101 CHAP. 28. Upon sudden danger pag. 106 CHAP. 29. Upon the weaknesse of Faith and sinfulnesse of Thoughts tending to Despair pag. 107 CHAP. 30. Upon the great Neglect of the duty of Prayer pag. 111 CHAP. 31. Upon the great neglect of Reading the sacred Scriptures pag. 114 CHAP. 32. Upon the neglect of Divine Meditation pag. 117 CHAP. 33. Upon Unchristian-like Dejectedness in Poverty pag. 119 CHAP. 34. Upon Sickness and ungodly repining thereat pag. 122 CHAP. 35. Upon the misery of Life and blessednesse of Death pag. 126 CHAP. 36. Upon the great neglect of opportunities in doing good to the Saints pag. 131 CHAP. 37. Upon the deceitfulnesse of the heart in the performance of holy duties pag. 135 CHAP. 38. Upon the unrulinesse of the Tongue with necessary cautions to restrain it pag. 140 CHAP. 39. Upon holy revenge for sin with motives and incouragements thereunto pag. 144 CHAP. 40. Upon the blessed condition of the Saints with motives and encouragements unto Godlinesse pag. 147 A comfortable Prayer to be used at the point of Death by the Visitors of the Sick pag. 157 FINIS
not only safety inviolable but peace untterable safety in life and sweetness in death And now Lord when I enquire for what cause thou givest me all this I find nothing but thy meer love unto me when I ask what thou requirest for all this I hear thee demand no thing but the return of love what is more easy what more sweet than love and what object more aimable than that glorious being that is the perfection of al love that love the beauty of al perfection Thou canst not give Lord what thou hast not the glory of thy creation is but a glimps of that grater glory of thine essence Lord who can deny thee Love how sweet is this yoak how light this burden when I love thee I enjoy thee and my self in thee I possess thee I rest in thee for ever O my God all that thou givest mee all that thou requirest of mee is to make mee happy to thee be glory for ever Amen Blessed Lord All this I joyfully confess thou hast done for mee and yet the whole course of my corrupt life hath been nothing elce but a continued Rebellion against thee mine Eyes full of Adultery my tongue of Corrupt communication my hands of oppression mine eares open to iniquity my heart full of hypocricy my feet Lame in thy paths and swift to walk in the wayes of sinners my whole man nothing elce but the very body of death and destruction I have sinned against precepts against promises against mercies against judgments against the checks of mine own conscience and the blessed motions of thy holy Spirit I have even tempted my temptations by making daily and hourely provisions for sin and have been so farr from sorrowing for all this that I have resolved to continue yet still And yet so great is thy compassion towards mee that still thou storest up new mercies for mee Lord I bewail my weakness I lament my willfulness I abhorr my filthiness I heartily desire and earnestly endeavour to unrip my soul to ransack my heart to unlock the very secrets of my thoughts that I may have all my sins continually before mee even in their worst appearances and I may loath them and leave them and obtain thy gratious pardon for them I confesse Lord that I am utterly unworthy to enjoy this blessed light which I have so much abused to thy great dishonour much more the light of Grace by which thou leadest me to that of Glory and that it were more just with thee for ever to deprive me of these happy lights and to expose me to the terrours of eternall darknesse Lord I have finned and cannot chuse but sin I am a great and grievous sinner and yet I am thy child have pity upon me have pity upon me for I am in misery into the bosome of thy tender love I thrust my sinfull soul for safety and protection O let not thy justice triumph in my ruine but thy mercy in my deliverance so shalt thou have the glory and I the sweetnesse of mine eternall happinesse Hear me O Lord and help me for thy name sake for thy promise sake for thy Sons sake Amen CHAP. 3. Vpon the consideration of Divine Providence A Meditation for Noon Blessed God WIthout thy holy providence no creature can subsist by thine Allmighty power they were created out of nothing and if thou shouldst not sustain them they must needs return to nothing how wisely how wonderfully doest thou guide and govern these inferiour creatures All things are at once disposed of by thee and move successively to their appointed ends but above all how gratiously hast thou provided for the good of man what varieties of food how secretly how sweetly disposed it to sustentation No creature can be nourishing without thee and with thee I enjoy not onely nutriment but delectation how sweet is this thy goodnesse to my body how much more sweet thy mercy to my soul and if thy temporall refreshments are so good how ravishing is that celestiall food with which thy Saints and Angels are delighted Lord how undeserving am I of these thy many favours Thou givest rain to the earth and it becometh fruitfull thou loadest me daily with thy blessings and loe I am unthankâ—â—â— even those creatures that are insensible are daily nourisht into augmentation and man alone whom thou hast made to live for ever contents himself with daily diminution This wofully appears by my deadness and dulness in my Christian calling by my back wardness to Holy Duties by my carelesnesse and coldnesse in prayer wearinesse in reading irkomenesse in meditation by my faint Hope sick Faith luke-warm Love frozen Charity lame Patience languishing Zeal and all those other visible decayes of Goodness which are none other than the very symptomes of a dying soul Ah now Lord how miserably deformed must I needs appear in thy fight that am thus ugly in mine own Thou that hadst compassion on me when I was in my blood and then saidst unto me Live that hast washed me clean from sin and pollution and espoused me into thine own bolom wilt thou allso love me in death Wilt thou court me in the grave How justly mightest thou for ever leave me to mine own ruin that can so easily so willingly forsake thee for the pleasures of sin and yet how sweetly how affectionately doest thou order all things for me Even my very sins invite me to a more happy to a nearer Union with thee To thee therefore O my God the life of my life the very being and assured comfort of my sinfull soul and wretched body do I address my self for mercy and forgiveness I confess my self unworthy of thy gracious providence in sustaining this frail and infirm body much more unworthy O Lord of thine unspeakable love in reviving relieving imbracing my deformed soul Blessed Lord who am I of whom thou art thus tenderly compassionate When I was in the womb I was defiled with sin when I came out of it I was covered with shame the World bewitched me the Flesh besotted me the Devill beguiled me Lord when no eye pittied me then thou badst mercy on me and now at last when I am run from thee when I have adulterated my first Love when I am become poor and wretched and miserable and blind and naked thou freely forgivest me thou callest me thy fair one and givest me thy love O my God I admire thy Goodness I deplore and abhor mine own wretchedness O let the sweetness of thy love in Christ inflame the dying sparks of my benummed soul to praise thee without ceasing Expatiatc my narrow thoughts with day'y contemplation of my heavenly home with joyfull expectation of the sweet fruition of Eternity O give me such a blessed raptasie of soul that I may live above the reach of humane misery and reign with thee hereafter in immortall glory CHAP. 4. Upon the consideration of the sinfulness shortness and uncertaintie of life A Meditation suited to the Evening
thy self for me and to me give me allso unfeigned repentance that I may heartily bewail the sinfulnesse of my life past that I may make a gratious improvement of my life present and faithfully perform the vows and promises which I make unto thee for the short remainder of my life to come O blessed and eternall Comforter of all those sinfull souls that put their trust in thee give me a sweet and full assurance of thy love in Christ withdraw my wretched heart from vanity inflame it with an earnest and affectionate desire to thee open mine eyes that I may see some glimps of thy celestiall joyes prepared for me make me often to think of them earnestly to long for them and readily and chearfully to part with all these earthly pleasures to enjoy them Lord make me able to encounter and withstand the strong assaults of Satan and this evill world give me thy saving grace and take from me what thou wilt without thy blessed presence all these outward joyes are wearinesse and emptinesse without thee even life it self is bitternesse unto me without thy love I ask it not of thee yea I rather beg thee Lord to take it from me that so I may be joyfully released from the bondage of a sinfull body that I may love thee with a pure and spotlesse soul that all mine imperfections may be done away that so I may securely dwell with thee in perfect holinesse and endlesse happinesse Amen CHAP. 18. Upon the sin of Uncleannesse with encouragements to avoid it COnsider O my Soul in what a blessed relation thou now standest to thy God thou hast lately grieved for thy sins and God hath allso gratiously accepted of thy sorrow and thou art now at peace and union with him his holy Spirit is thy Comforter his holy Providence thy Guide his holy Angels thy Guardians his holy Saints thine Assistants the Creatures without thee are at league and union with thee and thy Conscience within thee is a continuall feasâ— unto thee while thus thou continuest thy safety is inviolable thy joy unutterable thy peace unalterable Who can expresse the blessednesse of this condition how ravishing is this reviving presence of the gladding Spirit by which thou art sustained sweetly here by which thou shalt be joyfully refresht hereafter Wilt thou now lose all this O my Soul for this false this foul this momentany pleasure wilt thou lodge this beastly sin where thou now lodgest thy Redeemer Consider how vain it is how bitter it will be think how many sad thoughts how many aking hearts how many wounding sighs this fall of thine will cost thee what distempers of body what disturbance of soul what unquietnesse of sleep what checks of conscience what inward sadnesse in thy greatest merriment and which is worst of all what a fearfull apprehension of Gods wrath in this life and wofull expectation of judgement and suffering of extremity of pains in Hell for ever Let not the vain hope of Gods mercy flatter thee for while he is mercifull he will be just yea his mercy shall provoke his justice if his patience and long-suffering doe not lead thee into timely repentance his wrath and fury shall surely lead thee out to greater condemnation If custome perswade thee let custome allso reclame thee if thy flesh murmur thy spirit will rejoyce O how happy wilt thou find this opposition how glorious this victory even but one blessed thought of amendment is of more value than an age of sin Holy Saint Augustine who was wont to nourish his lascivious flesh and thought it then impossible to live without the lustfull kisses of his Roman Dames when once he had but relished the ravishing embraces of eternity brake forth into this sweet and most divine expression How truly sweet is the losse of this earthly sweetnesse those transitory joyes which I was formerly afraid to lose I now rejoyce to banish it was thou O Lord who didst thrust them out it is thou O Lord who art entred in who art sweeter than all sweetnesse c. Lord let this example move me to a blessed imitation of this blessed Saint to take heed of holding conference with Satan to labour to repell the very first motions to sin if I delight in his discourse I shall soon consent to his counsell if he feel me resist I shall find him give ground Lord let me remember what I fight for and follow my advantage with courage and successe that when my daies of warfare shall determine I may say with joy and comfort with thy blessed Apostle I have fought a good fight I have kept the faith I have finished my course from henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousnesse which the Lord the righteous Judge shall give me at that day and not unto me onely but unto all those that love and expect the day of his appearing 2 Tim. 4.7 8. Lord Thou hast often seen the weaknesse of thy sinfull servant how willingly how wretchedly I have been yeelding to the false allurements of my sinfull flesh how basely I have given ground even upon the very first assault without desire of resistance without care of repentance I have hitherto been so far from sorrowing for this sin that I have much delighted in it and often grieved thee my God in framing of excuses for it Blessed God how rich is that peace which I enjoy by thee how glorious that hope which I possesse in thee how wonderfull that mercy I obtain from thee and yet how carelesly how coldly have I parted from thee Lord forgive what is past restrain what is present prevent what is to come O let me enjoy no sweetnesse but in thee who art nearer to me than I can be to my self who art sweeter to me than the sweetnesse of these earthly pleasures O give me such a blessed frame of heart such Angel-like integrity of soul that my thoughts may be chast my desires holy my words gratious my actions good Give me a double portion of thy blessed Spirit that I may double my obedience to thy sweet commands that I may tast the comforts of thy heavenly joyes and utterly abhor the false allurements of this sinfull world Let the sweet showers of thy distilling graces allay these motions of concupiscence extinguish these devouring flames of lust that I may constantly and happily oppose this darling sin to my last hour and joyfully triumph with thee for ever Amen CHAP. I. Upon immoderate Mirth and the sinfull inconveniencies thereof Lord IF I were this day to dye If thou shouldest now say unto me Give an account of thy Stewardship for thou shalt be no longer St ward if mine Audit were at this instant to be given up and all mine actions this present hour to be accountâ—d for how sadly should I look upon that lost time which hath been spent in sin how many vain Items must needs appear to my deserved shame and ondless forrow So many minutes wasted in
be swallowed up of mercy and frailty of eternity Vnite me in a blessed union with thee that I may constantly adhere unto thee and be for ever graciously accepted of thee O give me a sweet complacency of soul in thy service and a willing and a dutifull obedience unto thy commands Lord give me a thankful heart for all thy mercies to me for thy continuall preservation for thy blessed supportation for the injoyment of thy needfull comforts in this life and for the glorious hopes of those in that to come Blessed God so sublimate my sinfull soul that I may see the richness of thy love in Christ that I may soberly enjoy thy blessings here and faithfully exspect thy joyes hereafter Lord all that I have without thee is meer emptiness and nothing meer vanity and worse than nothing my glory shame mine honor ignominy my health ruin my riches poverty my gain loss my pleasure pain my laughter madness Thou O Lord art all in all unto me O grant that nothing may withdraw my service from thee that no inticing pleasure may allure me that no distracting care or sinfull sorrow may disturb me but that my soul may now and ever safely and contentedly rely upon thee Lord thou seest all my desires and my continuall groanings are not hid from thee Thou alone knowest how weary I am of the sinful travailes of this life how earnestly I long to be at rest with thee Lord pardon all my sins and put an end to all my miseries Come Lord Jesus come quickly wipe away all tears from mine eyes and bring me to that rest of thine which never shall have end Amen CHAP. 12. Upon the great danger of Security DEceive not thy self O my Soul it is not so easy a matter to inherit Heaven as thou imaginest there will be much fighting sweating bleeding much compunction of soul subjection of body hard pressing towards the mark for the price of the high calling in Christ Iesus before this happy conquest can be gained Consâ—der therefore in what condition thou now standest what ground thou hast gained of thy corrupt nature how much better thou art this day than the day past than the year past than thy whole life past nay rather how much worse by adding sin unto sin by drinking in iniquity like water by treasuring up wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of thy righteous judgement Philosophy will tell thee that in all naturall motions the nearer they are to ending the more violent their motion is Divinity will tell thee that in old age thou wilt be fat and well liking what increase of love hast thou to Gods Law what growth of hatred against sin what bosome-sin hast thou parted with what gratious improvement hast thou made in Knowledge Faith Repentance Love and all those other gifts and graces which concur to thy perfection Holy Saint Anselm was often heard to say If I could from hence behold the pains of hell from thence the horrour of sin I would rather embrace those pains than this horrour O what growth of grace was here how far am I from this degree of holinesse how easily perswaded to delude my self with shews and shadows of perfection There is no attaining unto happinesse without holy violence without beating down my body without cherishing my soul if I conquer not here I cannot triumph hereafter Lord when I look into the strictnesse of the lives of thy Saints I much lament the folly of mine own I see holy David in sackcloth and ashes consuming whole daies and nights in mourning for sâ—n washing his bed with his tears afflicted in body tormented in soul grieving crying roaring for unquietnesse of heart Blessed Paul subduing his body by fasting watching praying toyling in the Ministry and thou my blessed Saviour in continuall labour and sorrow for my sake how vain is my trust how false my hope how great my errour to believe I run when I stand still to expect a triumph without a victory a victory without a combat Lord if many that strive to enter in at the strait gate yet shall not be able what shall become of me who am so far from coming to thee that I every day am running from thee who am not onely opposite unto thee but even enmity it self against thee Sometimes I feel the stings and gripings of a wounded conscience I know my self to be a grievous sinner but I quiet my disturbances by thee my Saviour I willingly accept of mercy from thee but grudgingly repine at service to thee thou biddest me indeed to drink freely of the waters of life but thou commandest me allso to make my calling and election sure to work out my salvation with fear and trembling thou ordainest not the end without the means if I rebelliously neglect the one thou mayâ—st most righteously deny me the other Lord what can it profit me to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season when I deprive my soul of happinesse for ever O let this teach me to deplore my dangerous condition to goe on chearfully in the waies of godlinesse to think no cost too much no pains too great no grief too good to purchase Heaven to consider seriously that time once past can never be recall'd that this hour may be my last and bring me to eternity of torments where the stream is stillest there the chanell is deepest where there is least distrust there is usually most danger Satan therefore disturbs me not because I sleep in death But when thou Lord shalt open mine eyes to see the subtilty of this Deceiver I shall then find that the waters of sin are gone over my soul that I am wofully drowned in the great depth of security and can expect nothing without mercy but Satans cruelty and mine own endlesse misery To that sweet mercy therefore I appeal with earnestnesse of soul and humblenesse of heart bemoaning my sinnes bewailing my transgressions O Lord my God when I consider of thy gratious goodnesse and mine own vilenesse I am utterly ashamed to appear in thy presence Thou hast often called me to repentance but I have not hearkned unto thee thou hast lovingly invited me to mercy but I have wilfully refused thou hast clothed me with thine own garment and I have shamefully defiled it thou hast enriched me with thy grace and I have robbed thee of thine honour All this and infinitely more than this thou hast freely done for me the worst of sinners and yet for all this I have rebelliously forsaken thee and most ungratiously been most unmindfull of thee And now Lord seeing that I am dead and putrified in sins and rotten in corruptions what else can I expect from thee but to be buried out of thy sight and yet thou still sayest unto me live O thou blessed Fountain of eternall good convey those happy streams of comfort to my sinfull soul that may revive me from the grave of misery open mine eies that I may see thee in thy