Righteousness is more satisfactory and pleasing unto God than all the Sinners Wickedness is injurious and displeasing to him O this is a very sweet and comfortable Consideration indeed There is no such Evil in Sin to damn thee as there is Merit in Christ's Blood to save thee IX To despair of Mercy is a greater Sin than all thy other Sins This makes thee like the Devil himself It is the Glory of Divine Grace to triumph over all the Sinner's Unworthiness Resolve therefore I will yet follow God tho' I have offended him come on me what will I know he is God and not Man who can help nay will help if I come unto him Isa 57. 16. I will not contend for ever nor be always wroth for the Spirit would fail before me and the Souls that I have made Isa 41. 17. When the poor and needy seek water and there is none and their tongue faileth for thirst I the Lord will hear them I the God of Israel will not forsake them When it comes to failing fainting sinking dying then comes help Be much in Prayer and hold on waiting God may make you seek and wait a long time aye but he will certainly come and that will make amends for all X. How shall one be willing to die that hath not a sense of God's Love I answer when we can see our Love to God tho' we cannot see God's Love to us What are the Actings of our Soul towards God when we can see no Love in his Dispensations towards us As that good Man under great Afflictions and Dissatisfaction about the Love of God at last breaks out If I did not love God why do I follow him and mourn after him If thou lovest God here is ground of Comfort thou couldst not love God if he did not first love thee It was a memorable Answer of Mr. Dod to a godly Minister that said to him a little before his Death What will you say to me who am going out of the World and can find no Comfort He replied What will you say to our Saviour that was going out of the World and found no Comfort but he cried out My God my God still This Speech much refreshed that godly Minister Others of God's Children have wanted sensible Comfort at their Death yet they have been able to act Faith and to say My God my God still Tho' God's sensible Presence is not still the same yet his Word and Promise is he speaks as comfortably in his Word as ever he cannot deny his own Word God sometimes withdraws Comfort that we may prize his Word more and depend more upon that You please and honour God most when you can venture your Souls on his bare Word and Promise A Faith of Recumbency on Christ in the want of Comfort doth more honour God than the highest Faith of Assurance Why should Death be a Terror to them that fear God none need to fear Death that are escaped from the Dominion of Sin and the Devil Can you say you do not love Christ and that you do love Sin then there is cause enough for fear but this were to bely the blessed Spirit The godly hath hope in his Death A hope of Life even at the Point of Death A godly Man's hope can never fail him he may want sensible Comfort but he doth hope still Death 't is a going to God and shall a godly Man be afraid of going to his God Again it is a Sleep a Rest are weary Men afraid of rheir Rest and of going to sleep If Death be an Enemy 't is a slain Enemy Christ hath been the Death of Death And why should that have Terror in it that hath no Life in it A godly Man is a real Gainer by Death He gains more by his Death than ever he got all his Life long viz. Happiness and Joy that shall never end Again tho' Death separates Relations here yet Death can never separate the godly Man's Soul and Body from Christ Both still continue united unto Christ They sleep in Jesus God is still their God and therefore let not the Saints of God be afraid of Death XI Psal 147. 11. The Lord taketh pleasure in them that fear him in them that hope in his mercy Then our Prayers please God when they are put up to him in Faith and hope of his Mercy Poor trembling Souls that meditute nothing but Terror little think how it would please God to see them to hope in his Mercy They are conscious to themselves how they have displeased God but hope in God's Mercy and he will take pleasure in thee They bring most Honour to God that are most admiring and magnifying of his Mercy His Heart is most set on Mercy in all the Manifestations of it Therefore let poor drooping Souls still maintain hope in the Mercy of God through Christ XII This is certain in every afflictive Providence to Believers there is more Mercy than Wrath nay 't is all Mercy in the Issue and not in revengeful Wrath but paternal Anger They have Supports under all sometimes they may be under desertion and no comforts of God come into their Souls they are ready to say Lord why casteth thou off my Soul But then they have this to support them they can love God and mourn after his Favour tho' he seems to be gone from them they can look after him and long for his Return and this is such an effect of Grace that is more worth than the whole World Sustentation saith Mr. Baines I thank God I have tho' Suavities I have none Sickness and Sorrow and Death that are the Fruits of Sin none can be exempted from but Grace doth this for Believers The Curse the Hurt the Venom of all is taken away they are Gainers by all 2 Cor. 4. 16. Tho' our outward man c. All works for their good Others have Comforts with a Curse but Believers have Crosses with a Blessing The Guilt of Sin the Grace of God in Christ doth quite take away from all Believers Heb. 8. 12. Pardoning Mercy clears the Soul of Guilt What Comfort is this to such that by the Grace of Justification through Christ they are in God's account righteous And upon the account of Christ their Righteousness they may come into God's Presence with as assured Welcome as Adam in Paradise or the Angels now in Heaven This thou may'st be assured of that Christ will not break the bruised Reed nor quench the smoaking Flax. Tho' thy Faith be so small that it yields not Light to others nor Heat to thy own Heart yet Christ discerns and accepts it But can a Man have the Exercise of Grace and not know it fear God and not discern it I answer Yes some Graces may then be acted and discerned by others as well as at any other time He may fear God as truly and as much as ever and yet his Grace may not have Light to discover it self to him It may have a Being and working in the Heart when it 's not clear in thy Apprehension XIII Hearken unto the Voice of God O poor doubting disconsolate Sinner Why dost thou pass Sentence against thy self Thou say'st O my Sins are very many Well but the Mercies of God are far more O but my Sins are very great True but the Meroies of God are far greater O but my Sins are of long continuance True but yet thy Sins are but Sins of Time his Mercies are the Mercies of Eternity O but my Sins are greater than you are aware of they are Crimson Scarlet Sins How great are they Are they as great as the Sins of Manasseh that was a Wizard that filled Jerusalem with Blood yet God pardoned him Are they greater than the Sins of Mary Magdalen out of whom were cast seven Devils and yet God had Mercy for her O but I fear the Stock of Mercy is quite spent No his Mercy endures for ever it is from everlasting to everlasting But I have exceedingly abused Mercy yet remember that tho thou hast sinn'd against his Mercy yet thou hast not sinned above his Mercy Isa 55. 8. My thoughts are not as your thoughts nor my ways as your ways as the heavens are above the earth so are my thoughts above your thoughts and my ways above your ways FINIS * My Honoured Friend Mr. Joshua Gearing Sen.
of it the Devil Thanks be to God who hath given him and assured us of the Victory through our Lord Jesus Christ To him be Glory throughout all the Churches for ever Amen THE Character and Trial OF A REAL CHRISTIAN Now follows out of his own Papers the manner of his examining his Heart and Life State and Frame and the Result thereof recorded and written for his Support in After-Difficulties Some may be excited by it to an Imitation and others find Encouragement by what reliev'd him against his Doubts and Fears and enabled him to persevere even without full Assurance HENRY GEARING THO' I have been under much Hardness and Deadness for many Years yet I thought good for my Encouragement here to record God's Goodness to me sometimes By looking over my Books in which I have wrote down in Short-hand every Night how it was with me in the Day I find that I have sometimes been quickned and affected in Prayer often in Family-Prayer at Night on the Lord's Day Tho' I began very much indisposed yet it pleased God to draw out my Heart in Earnest Desires and I have had some Meltings more than usual At other times in Family-Prayer at Night I have been more than ordinarily affected And sometimes under the Word preach'd Once at the Morning Lecture when I heard a Sermon of buying the Pearl of Price At other times I find I was affected greatly in Family Prayer so as scarce to be able to speak for weeping At another time I have recorded how I was quickened by hearing a Sermon of Mr. Swinnock on that Text He will not break the bruised Reed At several other times have had lively Affections in secret Prayer Often in my Walk to Clapham I have had my Heart drawn out in earnest fervent Desires after God Once repeating on a Lord's Day Evening a Sermon on that Text Behold I stand at the Door and knock and whosoever opens to me I will come in and sup with him I was so affected I could not go on for Tears but was fain to lay down my Book At another time the like in repeating a Sermon of the Redemption of Time At other times I find recorded that on the Lord's Day I went to Family-Prayer very sad but God did greatly assist me and my Soul was melted so that I could not proceed or speak for Tears At other times in Prayer and sometimes in singing of Psalms But for the most part I have been a great Stranger to Joy and Comfort ever since the Days of my Youth These Things I wrote March 18. 1689 being Remarks in general of near Twenty Years past As to what I have written in this little Book it was first in Short-Hand and never intended to be transcribed But afterwards I considered that many things in it might be of use to me by another's reading of it if it should please God to lay his Hand upon me that I could not my self read my Short-Hand And I know not but something in it may be useful to others I hope and pray it may be so unto many if the like serious Spirit accompany every Reader in the Perusal of the following Papers as he had in writing them Beg it of God and then begin to read Anno 1676 March 28. HAving had in my Thoughts sometimes to keep a secret â—ast in my Closet chiefly to search and try the State of my Soul this Day I did it and hope I did set about it in the Integrity of my Heart My chief Design was to examine how the Case stood between God and my Soul whether I had indeed a Work of saving Grace wrought in me And that I might get Corruption that is strong more mortified especially the Sin I most inclined unto and that I might be enabled from God to carry it better in my Christian Course both in my Family and in secret Retirements to the Glory of God After Prayer that God would help me to try my self I went to the Work of Self-Examination by the Characters that Mr. Ambrose hath given and by some Characters my Cousin Calamy laid down and others of Mr. Allen Mr. Nalion and Mr. Swinnock I spent a good deal of time herein and hope I desired to deal impartially with my self and did beg of God heartily that I might make a right Judgment of my self I endeavoured to keep my Heart close to the Work and tho' I could not meet with great Comfort yet upon serious Search I cannot find but that God hath wrought true Grace in me blessed be his Name I hope I may have recourse to this Day while I live for Support in any Case I did also read over the Covenant I entred into with the Lord about nine Years since and renewed my Covenant and gave up my self afresh to the Lord and took him for my God and Portion I hope in the Lord that I was sincere and upright I found some Ease and Quiet in my Mind afterwards O that I may not now grow careless but live answerably and remember I have renewed my Covenant with the Lord and if he hath in any wise spoke Peace to my Soul let me not again return to Folly for the Lord Jesus Christ's sake An. 1676 July 27. Looking over my Book where I enter at Night how it is with me every Day I find I have been out of order many times in Duty since the Trial of my self mentioned here but hope I did desire to have my Heart with God And the Lord was pleased sometimes in Duty to draw out my Soul in earnest and hearty Desires after him My Heart through Mercy hath been sometimes tho' too seldom in a good Frame the Lord have Mercy on me and grant I may be sincere and upright with him He is pleased still as for many Years past to withdraw from me and I do not meet with much Comfort in his Ordinances But I remember what Mr. N. used to say that Grace is better than Comfort God grant that I may make sure of Grace and act and exercise Grace and wait upon him for Comfort It is worth waiting for all the Days of my Life The Lord help me tho' I sit in Darkness and see no Light to trust in the Lord and stay my self on my God The Lord help me to keep up Faith and Hope in him through Christ to wait and trust and hope and believe still against Hope of Sense to believe in Hope of a Promise The Lord make me careful to mind his Glory and doing my Duty in the Place in which he hath set me for I am apt to be troubled lest I should fail of my Duty towards those committed to my Charge The Lord in Mercy grant I may set to his Work with all my Might and get my Work done before my Day of Life be ended and that my Heart may be throughly taken off from this World and I may prepare for publick Calamities which are much feared by reason of the
of God in it at least some Quicknings and Drawings out of my Heart after him in earnest Desires and Longings and Pantings after him yet I am apt to be cast down my Conscience is apt to accuse me that I do not my Duty and am fearful lest Death come of a sudden and find me unready and thereupon am greatly troubled and not knowing what to do methinks I would not be wanting in my Duty and often pray that God would shew me my Duty and help me to do it yet when I think to go about any thing there comes such a multitude of things into my Mind to do this and to do the other and all cannot be done together that I am sometimes almost discouraged and tempted to let all alone The Lord in infinite Mercy look upon me for Christ's sake and help me against this Temptation of Satan and my own wicked Heart and enable me to remember the Lord is gracious and merciful and accepts of the willing Mind where there is Truth and Sincerity The Lord help me also to remember and believe tho' I must be doing yet I am not justified for it if I could do never so much The Lord help me to renounce all and trust wholly to Jesus Christ for Acceptance for Justification and Salvation Now this Morning being in my Shop and having nothing to do Trading being very dead I thought with my self what to set about and tho' I have examined my self before yet knowing I cannot be too much in this Work I resolved to go to it again and altho' I cannot so solemnly search my Heart as if I were in secret yet I hope I find something of Mr. Naltion's Characters which I shall here note Question How may we know Christ is ours and we are his Ans 1. Do you highly prize Jesus Christ 2. Are you made new Creatures 3. Do you find the Power of Corruption in some measure abated in you 4. Are you desirous to have Christ rule over you as well as save you 5. Dost thou lament after the Lord and mourn over a crucified Saviour 6. Do you feel Sin a Burden and would you willingly be rid of it Quest How may I know I love Christ Answ 1. If you love Jesus Christ you will be content with nothing but his Love again All the World will not content you without the Love of Christ 2. If you love Jesus Christ you will delight to think and speak of Christ 3. If you love Christ you will be affraid to offend him 4. You will love the Saints and Followers of Christ 5. You will delight to be where Christ is in his Ordinances and rejoice in his Presence when you meet with him 6. Love to Christ will make you seek the Honour of Christ 7. Your Lives will run out in lively actings and exercise of Grace upon Christ 8. If you love Christ you will not think any thing too much to do for Christ or to part with him If you love me keep my Commandments saith Christ so that if I keep Christ's Commandments it is a Sign that I love him Now follow some Characters that Mr. Nalton laid down of true Faith in Jesus Christ but before these he gives some Rules to help us in trying our selves 1. If you would judge aright of your Faith be sure you do not trust to your own Hearts 2. Examine your Hearts when you are in a calm quiet composed Frame 3. Take heed you do not err in the nature of Faith to think there is no true Faith where there is no Assurance 4. Judge not of your Faith by some legal Troubles that have been in your Spirits as a fore-runner of Faith but judge by the Consequents of these Troubles whether they bring Christ and your Souls nearer together 5. Tho' you must judge your Faith by the Fruits of it yet they are in some of a higher degree some of a lower degree Joy in Tribulation is a high Fruit of Faith that every Man cannot attain unto Let not a Man say I have no Faith because I cannot sing in a Prison but if there be but any Fruit of Faith that discovers to thee thou art a Believer tho' not a strong Believer thou hast cause ro rejoice Now I hope my Desire is to try my self by these Marks of true Faith following The Lord grant I may find them in my Soul for Christ's sake 1st True Faith may be known by the efficient or principal Cause of it which is no other but the holy Spirit of God All the Angels in Heaven and Saints on Earth cannot perswade my Heart to believe till the Spirit of God draw my Soul to Jesus Christ Now hath the Spirit of God drawn thee to Christ Have you found the mighty Power of the Spirit of God overcoming the Pride and Stubbornness of your Wills to make you willing to accept of Christ on his own Terms Then you have a true Faith 2dly True Faith may be known by the manner of Production the Spirit of God hath a previous or foregoing Work upon the Soul 1. The Spirit of God convinces the Sinner this goes before believing the Spirit of God lets a Sinner see the inside of himself Thou art a Sinner saith the Spirit of God so that the poor Sinner sees himself in a lost and undone Condition in himself by reason of Sin 2. After convincing the Spirit of God humbles the Sinner he is humbled to the Dust This Sorrow and Humiliation is in some more in some less but in all there is so much Sense of Sin and Misery as to drive the Sinner out of himself and to let him see he must perish for ever without Christ 3. There is also an incouraging Work of the Spirit of God having convinced and humbled the Sinner he revives him by some Heart-chearing Considerations as 1. That there is a Christ an All-sufficient Saviour by whom he may be delivered from Wrath to come 2. The Spirit of God makes a particular Proffer of Christ and Pardon and Grace to him and tells him the Promises of the Gospel are made to him as well as others and that God invites him poor Sinner and that there is Mercy for him if he accept it 3. The Spirit of God doth sometimes secretly whisper to the Soul of a Sinner by a Voice within him inviting him and drawing him to come to Christ Come to me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you Rest Ho every one that thirsteth come to the Waters Art thou a thirsty Soul Thou art he that is invited saith the Spirit of God therefore stand out no longer 4. The Spirit of God doth work Faith by bowing the Will making it pliable to come and taste how good Christ is Well saith the Soul I am resolved to come to Christ tho' I know not how I shall speed I will cast my Soul into the Arms of Christ and if I sink I will sink with a Saviour in my