againe Afterward beeing very much wearied I had a minde to goe and refresh my selfe in company the bane of Sabbath day keeping and went first to one house then to another ending the day very heathenishly Monday after supper my minde pretended reason to draw me abroad therefore out I went To ease my strangurie I dranke at one house much beere at an other whaie in stead of beere Thursday a great heate with a deadly faintnesse came vpon me my left kidney was sore pained and thereupon I was grieuously tormented in the passage of my water The 29. of May beeing Sabbath I took a course â—ore easie for my selfe and as I verily beleeue more profitable for the parish In the forenoone I preached a sermon and at euening prayer after the second lesson I asked a youth who was well prouided to answer three or fowre questions touching the foundation of Religion Then I made those short answers plaine and prooued them out of the Bible in halfe an houres space I humbly aduise all young Preachers that they will not imagine they can build Ierusalem suddenly for sudden buildings will soone fall downe I maruell how it commeth to passe that in some places euen where learned Preachers haue killed themselues with sore labours the greater number of people are grossely ignorant yea I say it againe and can prooue it very grosly ignorant I trust I am vnder protection and that maketh me the bolder to speak my minde in the feare of God and loue of my Countrey The common sort is much neglected for neither matter of doctrine nor manner of speach is fitted vnto their lowe and small capacitie Most people for some three quarters of an houre if they vnderstand the words and perceiue the matter concerning their saluation to be plainely prooued out of the booke of God which for ought I know is of greater reuerence with them then with many of higher degree and greater vnderstanding I say if they bee plainely and briefly taught out of Gods booke they will giue very diligent eare But if the Preacher confound their vnderstanding or be longer then ordinarie they leaue all and thinke thus When will yonder man haue done he hath no reason to make an ende The next Sabbath the fift of Iune I did follow the same order which I tooke the Sabbath before Thursday following I was drawne to a feast and so into much sinne for no sawce is so common at a feast as sinne Sinne maketh all the company merrie Sathan also hath his factors who beginne some one or other vngodly kind of merriment I am naturally such a one yea worse then the worst of them that are so disposed yet this I say While you liue blesse you froÌ„ those which are speciall ringleaders in matter of vnholy pastime for the deuil himselfe setteth them a worke Friday I dined with certaine strangers and so fell into forgetfulnes of God afterward comming into my chamber I prayed thus O Lord God how is it possible for him which seeth thee not to keep company with thee I beleeue that I am before thy face what aileth me then that I do not professe and shew foorth this my beleefe because there is no company to be had with most people if this beleefe be acted put into practise I my selfe should take it for an vncouth thing if an other in my companie should appeare to present himselfe before thy face Our disposition abhorreth to bee awed our mindes are full of vanitie wee are like vnto foolish schollers that loue not to haue their schoolmaster in their companie yea we are worse then they for when their master is with them though it be sore against their wil yet they acknowledge his presence and if he be a wise man tempering masterly grauitie with fatherly gentlenesse he shall in time winne those rude ones to be glad of his companie and very reuerently to loue him as the parent of their good education So wouldest thou graciously worke vpon vs if we would acknowledge thy presence but this is quite contrarie to the bent of our hearts O good Lord I beseech thee to be mercifull vnto vs. Amen That day in the afternoone I went to Church to bury an olde man named Richard Duke and thence I went into the town where beeing in companie I forgat God and what any man perceiued in my behauiour I knowe not Thence I came home and after some idle communication with some which I found in the house comming into my chamber my spirit was so ashamed to speake vnto God that I went prayerlesse to bedde The morrow beeing Whitsunday-eue I was so grieuously tormented that I dranke besides much beere foure quarts of water Whitsunday one preached in my place both forenoone and afternoone Munday by reason of ouerfull diet taken the day before the winde cholike began in my bowels which held mee all day and all night in sore paine yea though I vsed both purges and clisters it hung vpon me welnigh all the weeke following I must not tell how vnpatiently how abominably I behaued my selfe as I laie tormented with that fit O most holy Lord forgiue mee I beseech thee and of thine exceeding great mercy free me from the wicked bondage of my sinnes Amen Trinitie Sunday I should haue preached a sermon at Kirk-Ireton some eight miles from Derbie where one M. Storer sometime a baker in London hath giuen a sermon to be preached and certaine monie distributed that daie yearely for euer whether because the towne of Derbie is bound to see that worke performed I had beene sent as I remember foure times But my filthie strangurie now so vexed me that I could not ride Wherefore tarying at home I preached twise to mine own charge Were I able I would giue so much vnto the parish of Alhallowes in Derbie for euer as should keepe their owne Minister at home among them for it is a great company of people and hath great neede of continuall carefull guidance in the way of God The sixe and twentieth of Iune beeing Sabbath though in the morning I was sore troubled with the strangury yet God of his mercy inabled me to preach in the forenoone and catechize in the afternoone He that had seene how I studied mondaie and tuesday for matter of prayer and Psalmes vnto God in desire hope of deliuerance out of the bondage of sinne and after all that how quite contrarily I bent my course would verily be perswaded that he had seene not one man but two men in one outward likenesse the one with many teares pitifully crauing mercie at the hands of God and the other turning his backe to God and running away from him Tuesday euening I was at a place in the towne prophanely pleasing my selfe Beeing returned home and sitting downe in my chamber my minde left mee and went backe to the same place againe At last with much adoe I started vp and falling downe vpon my knees before the face of God
and also to giue such a measure of thy grace into mine vncharitable heatt that I may most freely forgiue euery one that either hath been or shall be a trespasser against me O Lord I haue displeased and discontented many folke I beseech thee to pacifie and quiet them O giue grace that I may humbly seek for and they may gently yeeld vnto a Christian reconcilement O Lord I am of a froward disposition apt to displease and disquiet euery one I beseech thee to breake me from this vnkind vnpeaceable condition O keepe me from giuing cause of displeasure vnto any and keep others from taking displeasure against me that so farre as is possible with a good conscience I may liue and die in peace with all thy creatures O Lord thou mightest iustly set all thy creatures to sight against mee because I am most rebelliously disobedient against thee But contrariwise thou dost most mercifully giue vnto me the comfortable vse of many things and the fauourable amitie of many people O gracious Lord I humbly thanke thee beseeching thine Almightie goodnesse so to sanctifie thy blessings vnto me that I may blessedly employ them to the glory of thy grace the good of all people and the hurt of nothing but onely of sinne O Lord I owe a speciall dutie vnto my kinred and acquaintance I beseech thee to be gracious vnto them and specially vnto those with whom I stand charged as the minister of their saluation O giue vnto euerie one of them I most humbly pray thee all those blessings which a good minister of thy Gospel should be a meanes to procure vnto them Amen Amen O Lord Christened people who of thy Sonne Christs name are named Christians be verie wretchedly entangled with differences of beleefe and wickednesses of life I beseech thee to send forth such a power of thy Sonnes grace as shall ioyne them all together in the right Christian faith and make them to abound in the fruits thereof to thy glorie and their mutuall benefiting one another Specially O Lord as dutie bindeth mee I pray for those two Ilands Brittain and Ireland beseeching thee to powre thy graces continually vpon thine anointed seruant King Iames and vpon his Queene and Children and subiects that hee and all his may be euery way pleasing vnto thee and euermore blessed of thee Amen Amen O Lord many nations and people are vnchristians they beleeue not in thy Sonne Christ and therefore they are in the way of damnation I beseech thee to be mercifull vnto them all and specially vnto the Iewes and Israelites the naturall children of thine old faithfull seruants Abraham Isaac and Iacob So soone as it possibly may bee with thine owne good pleasure I humbly pray thee to conuert them vnto the true Christian faith that they may be saued and therein thy Sonne Christ glorified Amen Amen O Lord some people are diseased in bodie some are troubled in minde and some are cumbred with outward aduersitie I beseech thee to giue them the grace that they may forsake all manner of sinne and wholly submit themselues vnto thee O then they shall be most tenderly cherished in all their necessities verie timely remooued out of all their miserie into perpetuall blessednes Amen Amen For these and for all other mercies which I or any child of my father Adam doe or shall need my desire is O Lord I beseech thee giue mee grace to pray acceptably vnto thy glorious maiestie in thine onely Sonne Iesus Christs name as hee hath taught mee saying O our Father which art in heauen hallowed be thy name c. Glorie and honour and praise and thankes with all diuine worship and humble seruice be giuen vnto thee O God the Father the Sonne and the holy Ghost And vnto the poore children of the man Adam be vouchsafed from thee thorough the man Iesus deliuerance from sinne and miserie henceforth for euermore Amen Amen That I might sing vnto my good Lord in some tuneablenesse I bought the whole booke of Psalmes with tunes in foure parts And I bestowed now and then a little time to learne the notes of the tenor part My skill is verie small but yet I would not forgoe it for a great gaine because it helpeth my dull deuotion This vnder correction I say of musicke Vpon an holy affection it hath an heauenly working but contrariwise contrarily ¶ My forenoone Psalme to the tune of Attend my people and giue eare O Vt of the deepes of miserie O blessed Lord I cry to thee Vouchsafe for thy Sonne Christ his sake to hearken graciously to me To me the worst of all the folke which here vpon thine earth doe dwell A wretch most fit to be cut off and cast downe headlong into hell For mercie Lord to thee I crie for mercie and for sauing grace To pardon all my wickednesse and my corruptions to deface Good Lord giue me repentance that I may indeed vnfainedly Enforce my selfe for euermore my sinnes to kill and crucifie Lord guide and leade me all this day in euery thought and word and deed To doe thy will and blesse thou me that I may alwaies haue good speed And when thou shalt most mightily haue freed me from sinnefull thrall To praise thy blessed Name with me I will entreat thy people all Both now and henceforth I will praise thy Name O God right thankefully Because thou wilt not suffer me in gracelesse state to liue and die O Father Sonne and holy Ghost one onely God in persons three All glorie honour praise and thankes be yeelded euermore to thee Amen My noone prayer O most holy most good and gracious Lord God I the most vncleane and most defiled wretch of all the world doe humbly beseech thy most blessed and glorious maiestie that euen for that right deare loue which is betweene thee and thine onely begotten Sonn the Lord Iesus Christ God and man crucified thou wilt vouchsafe to make knowne thy wonderfull grace in cleansing me from the most abhominable defilement of my sinnes To this ende I humbly pray thee to make me alwaies very mindefull of thy presence fearefull of thy displeasure and desirous of thy fauour O most mercifull Lord grant mee this mercy this exceeding great mercie and then doe vnto mee euery way that which shall bee most to thine own good pleasure and to thy owne glory Yea blessed Lord God vnto thee bee all good pleasure praise honour worshippe and glory in Iesus Christ now and for euermore Amen Amen ¶ My noone Psalme to a tune which in Cambridge was called Mr. Perkins tune O Holy holy holy Lord the purest of all things the blessefull glorious Maiesty frō whence all goodnes springs Looke downe from thy most holy place behold good Lord and see A sinfull wofull wretched man most loathsome vnto thee Most foule and filthie is my sinne Ah! fie vpon me fie O Father of all holinesse to thee for grace I crie For grace to wash and make me cleane from
this most vgly sinne That I in heauen among thy Saints the lowest place may winne The last and lowest place of all O Lord of thee I craue Giue grace to wash and make me cleane that I that place may haue Forgiue me all my sinnes though they most grieuous be and great Forgiue me all for Christ his sake I humbly thee intreat Then I will sing to thee with ioy my song it shall be this No wight so wicked as I was hath place in heauenly blisse To Father Sonne and holy Ghost All glorie be therefore Yea honour worship praise and thanks henceforth for euermore ¶ About three of the clocke in the afternoone I must say the same prayer which I said about nine in the forenoone O Almightie Lord God who louest holinesse c. ¶ My afternoone Psalme to the Suffolke tune O Blessed and most glorious God whose throne is set on high I sinnfull and most wretched man to thee for mercy crie Confessing that thy great goodnesse thy patience wonderfull And long forbearance doe me mooue my sinnes to disanul But wo is me my naughtie heart to sinne is still so bent That in my selfe I finde no meanes entirely to repent This world also wherein I liue with sinne doth ouerflowe And meetes me with temptations which way soe'er I goe Satan that mighty euill spirit so full of subtiltie Doth practise all the meanes he can that I in sinne may die Therefore I crie to thee O Lord whose power is ouer all Beseeching thee to free me from this sinnefull deadly thrall With true repentance and right faith mine heart and soule fulfill That I may hate all wickednesse and cleane fast to thy will From all this worlds temptations and Satans practising Keepe thou me safe I humbly pray O gracious heauenly King Then will I praise with heart and voice and magnifie thy name When thou hast saued my poore soule from endlesse paine and shame All glorie honour praise and thankes be alwaies giuen to thee O Father Sonne and holy Ghost one God in persons three My prayer at night before I goe to bed O most mightie and most gracious Lord God I wretched man the worst of the world doe crie thee mercie for all the sinns which this day or at any time before haue come out of my heart by way of deede word or thought I heartily thanke thee for all the blessings which thou hast graciously and plentifully giuen me I humbly praise thine holy name for that it hath pleased thee to preserue mee from many euills to deliuer me out of great dangers I beseech thee to endue me with such a measure of thy grace that I may henceforth foreuermore bee acceptably thankefull vnto thee through Iesus Christ Be mercifull also I humbly pray thee vnto all those for whom I ought to pray giue them and vnto me I beseech thee all the graces which thine only sonne hath taught vs to pray for in his name saying O our father which art in heaaen hallowed be thy name c. When I lay me downe in my bed I will say O blessed Lord God here I lie downe not knowing what shall come vnto me this night I humbly betake both bodie and soule vnto thee beseeching thy most gracious goodnesse to receiue me into thy keeping through Iesus Christ thine onely Son my Lord and Sauiour Amen When I settle my selfe to sleepe I will say O good Lord God vouchsafe to be mercifull vnto this feeble bodie that it may haue a little comfortable rest and be thereby made the more seruiceable vnto thee through thine onely Sonne my deare Lord and Sauiour Amen If I cannot take rest I will say thus O most gracious Lord this body cannot take rest because I haue wickedly disordered it I beseech thee therefore to pardon me all my wickednesse and now teach my poore soule how it shal find euerlasting rest in thee thorough thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Iesus Christ Amen About midnight whether I haue slept or not I will pray thus O most glorious Lord God the Father of lights no darkenes can hide me from thee for thou seest so clearely at midnight as at mid-day yea thou beholdest all my thoughts Therefore I humbly present my selfe before thy blessed Maiestie beseeching thee to look graciously vpon me a most vngracious wretch and to saue me from the workes of darkenes that I may haue the lowest place within the kingdome of thy glorie Graunt this most mercifull Father for thine onely Sonnes sake in whose name I pray further for my selfe and for all other folke as he hath taught me saying O our Father which art in heauen hallowed bee thy name c. So often as I haue had any sleepe when I awake I will say thus O most mercifull Father God almightie I humbly thanke thee for the rest which thou hast now giuen vnto this naughty bodie I bequeath both it and my soule into thine hands to bee disposed of according vnto thy will to the glorie of thy name through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen When I arise in the morning I will say O good Lord God with all mine heart I thanke thy blessed maiestie for that it hath pleased thee mercifully to keep me all this night nowe I arise out of this bed in thy name O Father in thy name O Iesus Christ in thy name O holy Ghost O most holy vndiuided vnseparable three persons in one God one God in three persons for thy glorious names sake vouchsafe to be mercifull vnto me a sinner Amen This is my third rule My last rule Fourthly and lastly I must in the sight of God conscionably detest and resist my sinnes faithfully endeauouring that I may in very truth sa◠with Dauid Psalm 18.23 I was also vpright before him and I kept my selfe from mine iniquitie First therefore beeing alwaies mindfull of Gods presence I must carefully intend to know and to doe his will Secondly when any motion commeth vnto mine heart quietly vnpartially diligently consider whether it be good in the sight of God yea or no If it be good I must willingly yeeld vnto it But if it be euill I must steadfastly purpose to refuse it yea and remooue my selfe so farre as possible from all danger of beeing tempted vnto it If I be strongly tempted to yeeld vnto any sinne I must earnestly pray vnto God for deliuerance thus O most holy and blessed Lord God I the worst of all sinners being now as thou seest strongly tempted to sinne against thee and not able to resist the temptation by reason of the long setled wickednesse of my heart doe humbly beseech thee to be so mercifull vnto me as to saue me from this great danger thorough thy almightie grace in Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Hauing thus praied yea and praied againe and againe if need require I must with a good courage put on the mind that I wil
rather endure any losse or dammage then yeeld vnto that sinne And I must assure my selfe that how stronglie soeuer I am tempted God will most certainly enable me to endure that temptation vnlesse I basely consent vnto it When by the grace of God I am freed frō any temptation I must praise him thus O the Father of mercy and the fountaine of power I a most weake wretch not able to resist the least motion of sinne that may be do heartily thanke thee for this gracious deliuerance which thou hast vouchsafed to giue vnto mee O good Lord I beseech thee to continue thy grace towards mee that I may alwaies be more and more thankfull vnto thee thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen If thorough want of heed or by weake resistance I fall into any sinne I must so soone as I know it make my confession and prayer vnto God thus O most holy and righteous Lord God I most damnable sinner haue now sinned against thee thus and thus c. I crie thee mercy O most mercifull Father beseeching thee to giue mee true repentance pardon and freedome from this and from all my sinnes thorough thine onely Sonne Iesus Christ my Lord and Sauiour Amen Moreouer because I am much giuen to sinne openly that is in the sight or in the hearing of some one or many of Gods people which is a great meanes to draw them into sinne or to hardē them in sinne or at least to discourage those which make conscience of their conuersation vnto euery one that shall heare or see me sinning I must so soone as I perceiue my sinne with all possible conuenient speed very plainly and repentingly confesse it thus Such a thing you saw me doe or Such a thing you heard me say I beseech you for Gods sake to take great heed that it cause no euil effect in you for it was a sinne against God and therefore I cry God mercy for it Thus I must confesse any open fault yea if it be commited in preaching writing or howsoeuer A pulpit fault in the same pulpit and to the same company must bee confessed These be my rules for the practise of zealous reformation that I may be in very deed a member and minister of the reformed Church Now I will declare vnto you how I endeauoured to bring my selfe into those foure Rules and with what successe All the rest of Aprill I in a manner lost endeauouring very little or nothing but I could haue no quietnesse in minde longer then I intended that busines The first of May died in our parish a gentleman one M. Villers of the same tormenting disease which I haue he had bin long time very greiuously pained with it Euery day specially in the morning it plagued me Wherefore to ease the paine I dranke much small drinke and sometime water yea now and then mine own water because I was told that so I should be cased But though I dranke neuer so much after it was passed thorough my bodie the paine came againe Yet notwithstanding all this I could not keep my selfe in the company of God specially when I was together with any body for then I fell into a deale of idle vnholy communication The eight of May beeing Sabbath day in the euening these foure were together M. Sidney Zouch M. Mathew Bate Philip Aram Richard Kilby we dranke at M. Matth. Bates house who at the parting said thus vnto vs It is great oddes that not all wee foure shal be aliue this day twelue moneth I roundly took the words to my self iudging that the first which must be gone was I and that god had put into his mind to say those words for my monishment Yet see the setled wickednesse of mine heart after my departure from thē I met with other company and so merily delighted my selfe with prophane talke that when I came into my chamber I was forced to goe prayer-lesse to bedde because my soule was confounded and ashamed to looke vp towards God The morrow morning I prayed thus O blessed Lord God most maruelous art thou in goodnesse and patience Is it possible that thou canst forbeare the powring of thy iust and wrathfull vengeance vpon mee O Lord it is exceedingly enough that thou hast thus long forborne mee Cut off I beseech thee this most cursed course of my sinne and doe vnto mee that which is most pleasing to thy holy will O Lord is there yet any hope that I should be saued Yea with condition of repentance Woe is mee there is no possibilitie of my repentance I cannot steadfastly continue in the purpose of resisting my sinnes yea so long as thy pleasure is to preserue me aliue thou callest mee vnto thee O God I would come but I cannot I will assaie O I haue no faith This is that which commeth of long liuing in sinne Yet who can tell what thou wilt doe if I but offer to assay Without assaying there is no turning without turning no saluation Therefore I will assay Good Lord I cannot How vncouth How strange How beyond all possibilitie doth the practise of a conscionable life seeme vnto mee O Lord besides mine owne inward vnrepentance the violent streame of this world hindereth mee Most folke further mee in sinne some one way some another But a very few holp mee to enter in at the little doore of repentance Men may talke much and professe great matters but it is repentance that shall try what kind of people they be O how easie a thing it is to make an outward shewe if that would serue the turne The heart must be vpright with thee and the spirit must cleaue fast vnto thee else it is no bargaine no couenant betweene thee and the party In the name of Iesus I wil assay O Iesu help me for thy most comfortable names sake Amen That very same day I comming into company turned from God Tuesday I prayed thus O Lord God I do plainely perceiue that to pray vnto thee for the grace of repentance and not to enforce my selfe to practise the meanes is a kind of mockery and a fearefull prouoking of thy displeasure Earnest praier and diligent practise will mutually thorough thy grace strengthen each other But neglect of practise sheweth cold deuotion Therefore I purpose to force my selfe vnto this businesse O good Lord be mercifull vnto mee Amen My intolerable paine grew worse and worse yet I could not frame my selfe to take any sure hold vpon the grace of repentance Munday the sixteenth of May I prayed thus O Lord God had I not been a stony hearted sinner this deadly windines might haue terrified mee from sinne aboue sixe yeares a gone O how blessed should I now haue beene had I but these sixe last yeares in singlenesse of heart serued thee Now my time is gone mine heart is dead within me And though I should liue a while this hellish strangury quite disableth me yet were I turned vnto thee thou wouldest
not Also I spake too farre Therefore comming into my chamber I confessed and prayed thus O my good Lord I haue doubly offended in medling with other folkes busines in speaking beyond the compasse which any whome it concerneth ought to haue kept himselfe within Good Lord conuert me and forgiue me Amen The 17. of Iuly being Sabbath I was in the morning sore tormented with the strangurie yet by the goodnes of God in the forenoone I preached Also after dinner I went and prayed with an olde aged good woman widow Milborne the mother of my faithfull friend Raph Milborne deceased At euening prayer after the second lesson I asked a youth three or foure questions touching a foundation-point of religion and briefly made plaine his answers After all this I was in great danger of a relapse for I was intreated to go thither where I should very grieuously haue displeased God and that through mine owne wickednesse But by the grace of God much against mine owne will I refused to goe Whereas I made mention of my faithfull freind Raph Milborne I intreat the gentle reader and hearer to take knowledge from me of certain notable properties that were in him very plainly to be seene He was religious towards God and that not by way of schisme dissention I meane but in peace Hee loued his minister yea he loued all ministers that were for the present state of the Church and of conscionable behauiour Hee was dutifully kind vnto his aged parents for he sustained them both vntill his fathers death then his mother vntill his owne death and by his will tooke order for her maintenance so long as it should please God to giue her the continuance of life At his death he gaue portions vnto many brothers and sisters to a many of their children He was of behauiour very temperate discreet and patient He was farre from the disposition to drinke and domineere in tauernes and ale-houses he did often chide me because I was sometimes forward to goe and other times easie to be drawen vnto such places It were pittie that the memorie of these vertues should haue bin buried with him for I knew hardly any one of his rank euery way for goodnes matchable with him Some may be ready enough to commend themselues though an indifferent man shall haue much adoe to find any thing that is worthy of commendation in them Therefore at his buriall I took this text Prou. 20.6 Most men will proclaime euery one his owne goodnesse but a faithfull man who can find Wednesday the 20. of Iulie I was so beyond measure tormented in the water passage and so burned in the soles of my feet that I was forced to stand barefooted and barelegged yea hauing a vessell of new drinke standing by me with a bagg of purging powder in it for my body could not els be kept from deadly costiuenes I drank glasse after glasse kneeling vpon my knees and calling very lamentably vpon the name of God They that at any time haue drunke healths kneeling had they seene me vpon my knees weeping and praying and drinking would haue bin terrified from that barbarous fashion of theirs Friday the 22. of Iulie I was in the afternoone taken with a deadly paine vpon my left side and therewithal an extreame windie faintnes oppressed the lower parts of my breast so that mine heart was continually ready to faile This held me vntill it was wel nigh midnight I lying full of pain and calling vpon the name of the Lord. Then had I some rest vntill morning and then it beganne againe This praier I oftentimes made vnto the Lord while I was in torment O most gracious God if it be thy good pleasure that I shall in most humble and zealous repentance glorifie thy name vouchsafe for Iesus Christs sake to rebuke this my disease But if it please thee not to make that vse of me because I am most exceedingly vnworthy and vnfit to doe thee any acceptable seruice then most blessed Lord withdraw thine hand from me and let me die For why should we liue any longer to displease and dishonour thee and to cause any more euill vnto my brother and sisters the children of Adam Holy Lord yet I heartily wish glory vnto thy name and all good vnto thy people So I bequeath my selfe vnto thy pleasure My sinne be destroyed thy will be done and blessed for euer be thy name Amen Amen Towards night I felt some ease in my side and breast but was pained in my kidnies The foure and twentieth of Iuly beeing sabbath one supplyed my place at Church and I kept at home That day some came vnto me with whom I fell in talke and by that meanes forgat both the presence of God and the holinesse of the day Monday morning I was sore tormented so that my feete burned very painfully specially the right foote I dranke great plenty of small beere and yet burned stil In this sore torment I praied thus O the fountaine of right goodnes kindnesse and mercy I the most hainous of all thine enemies vpon earth in this my greiuous misery haue none to flie vnto for help but onely thee O holy Lord I haue sinned against thee I haue sinned O I haue sinned and most vnsufferably prouoked thine Almighty maiesty to destroy mee with most wrathfull vengeance And doe I now in my selfe-wrought misery come a begging to thee for ease yea blessed Lord for I haue no whether else to goe therefore I throw my selfe down before thy face humbly crying thee mercie and saying O righteous Lord here lieth thine enemy a great traytor to thy kingdome and glory crauing mercy at thy most mercifull hands and beseeching thee not onely to pardon me thine owne vengeance but also to releeue me in this tormenting misery which I in sinning against thee haue brought vpon my self euen by the wicked disordering and distempering of my bodie Againe me thinkes thou sayest vnto me Ah thou wretched man doe not I shewe thee great mercy in sustaining thy dying life and calling thee vnto me Why doest not thou come nearer vnto me why doest thou not continually set me before thy face and submit thy selfe vnto my pleasure Thou knowest thou art short of this and therefore if thou expectest grace from me come nearer vnto me for thou art yet too farre off to receiue comfort into thy soule O my Lord God I come drawe mee and I will come I will continually minde thee feare thee and call vpon thee Amen Thursday the 28. of Iuly I beeing horribly tormented prayed thus O most gracious God thou seest that this painfull and loathsome disease will greatly hinder me in thy seruice O therefore that it would please thee to ease me of it and to lay some other iudgement vpon me so great as this but not so shameful and hinderous Me thinkes I heare thee say yet againe I tell thee thou sinner when thy seruice pleaseth me my grace shall be euery
would not faile to put my selfe vnto open shame for euery sinne which thenceforth I should openly commit in word or deede Yea I said thus much vnto him That open sinne which I shall wittingly let passe without open confession do thou neuer forgiue I doe humbly craue aide of euery Christian which shall read or heare this As my disease is very tormenting so my state is too too vncomfortable Eccles 4.10 Woe to him that is alone when he falleth for hee hath not another to helpe him vp I must sit and endure my griefe with silence For to whom shall I complaine Or what shall I ease my selfe by complaining The prouerbe is not more olde then true Euery man is for himselfe and God for all If the latter part held not very true I were woe begone for the first is too true But what aide doe I craue of the Reader or hearer I beseech you that euen for the loue of Christ and Christianitie you will very earnestly intreat our Lord God to bee mercifull vnto me and if it may possibly stand with his holy will to grant mee ease of this irkesome torment Amen Amen That Sabbath day at night I hauing somewhat more conscionably kept that Sabbath day then euer before praised God thus O most mercifull Father with all mine heart I humbly thanke thee for this verie little entracne into the way of saluation Good Lord my soule is yet wretchedly tangled in sinne Free me for thy mercies sake and humble mee to the very vttermost that may be thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Amen Then also I beganne to sing mine euening Psalme which is not in double meeter as that vnto whose tune I haue set it because I neither had leasure nor minde to be so curious ¶ Mine euening Psalme to the tune of All people that on earth doe dwell O God that art most wonderfull the fountaine of all blessednesse I most vnfit to sing to thee yet needes thy mercie must confesse Needes must I for I am most bound therefore O Lord I thee intreat For to prepare mine heart and tongue thy mercies duely to repeat So soone as I into this world by birth was borne thou causedst mee To be baptized in thy Name In signe of my deliuery Deliuerie from Sathans thrall and from the house of bondage hell That with thee and with thy Christ in euerlasting blisse might dwell And when I was of age to learne thou didst acquaint me with thy grace Moouing mine heart to turne from sinne and thy saluation to embrace But I most foolishly did loue this world and gaue my selfe to sinne Deferring time from day to day and to repent would not beginne Yet notwithstanding all my sinne and manifold iniquitie Yea such most hainous wickednes as alwaies did for vengeance crie So great thy mercie was to me that thou wouldst not my soule forsake But patiently didst vse all meanes to saue me from the burning lake And now at last with much adoe a little I am turn'd from sinne A little very small it is I doe repentance but beginne Yet Lord my soule doth trust that thou wilt small beginning not despise But grant me grace turning to thee by small degrees for to arise So be it O most gracious God be it euen so for Christ his sake I doe beleeue therefore I speake thy childe I trust thou wilt me make O Father Sonne and holy Ghost thou onely God and Lord of all Thy name be blessed euermore of all thy creatures great and small Amen Amen Amen say I Gods name for euer blessed be O heauen ô earth ô creatures all say ye Amen Amen with me I most heartily desire that euery one that hath not more experience in deuotion then I will take this my counsell Accustome your selfe to pray to sing oftentimes vnto God let your prayer and song be such matters as is fitting for one in your state to speake vnto God whether it be confession of sinnes begging of pardon and cleansement from sinne or thanksgiuing c. And that which you speake vnto the Lord by way of praying or singing let it not onely be word of mouth but lift vp the thought of your heart and thinke euery word directly vnto God as you would do if you did see his glorious maiesty with your bodily eyes Be well assured and stedfastly minded that he lookes full vpon you and marketh all your behauiour yea and aboue all things taketh most heedful insight of your thought and affection for longer then you steadfastly thinke vpon him your words in prayer please him not and vnlesse your desire be very earnest he will not regard your petition Therefore enforce your mind to thinke very intendingly vpō God and labour to haue an hungry and thirstie desire of that which you pray for You see that I haue often set downe the word Amen yea and sometime doubled it My reason is because I would be very earnest and effectually feruent in my desire Our Sauiour sheweth vs how earnest and importunate we should be in praying vnto God I pray you consider his words Luk. 11.5 Which of you hauing a friend and shall go vnto him at midnight and say vnto him Friend lend me three loaues 6. For a friend of mine in his iourney is come vnto me I haue nothing to set before him 7. And he from within shall answer and say Trouble mee not the doore is now shut and my children are with me in in bed I cannot rise and giue thee 8. I say vnto you though he will not rise and giue him because he is his friend yet because of his importunitie hee will rise and giue him so many loaues as he needeth Our Lords meaning is that as many a man in his necessitie will haue no deniall but is so importunatly earnest that the partie to whom he maketh suit hath no other way to be quiet but onely by granting his request so ought we to behaue our selues in prayer to God most vehemently crying vnto him for mercie and euer and anone praying againe and againe as Christ himselfe did in the garden not ceasing vntil he doe as certainly he wil shew himselfe very mercifull vnto vs. If we ought to pray so earnestly and so often wo is my heart for many a poor soule that seldome or neuer prayeth but when he is laid downe in his bed and then saith his Paternoster and Creed between sleeping waking making none other reckoning but this that the very bare saying of those things serues the turne Surely it is Popery that hath brought the world to this senceles state by teaching folke to pray in an vnknowne tongue and to say praiers by set number and tale as folke buy and sell apples and peares When I was a child I now and then lay with some elder body who beeing in bed would beginne to say the Lords prayer by and by slumber then awake and begin againe and presently fall asleepe againe If this be true as I take the Lord God to witnes that very true it is what doth it shew Surely this that the common sort of people runne snuggling all day after their worldly busines and then at night kennell vp themselues like so many bruit beasts little or neuer a whit minding that which they should principally intend their conuersion from sinne and their reasonable vnderstanding seruing of God in all that they thinke say or doe Whosoeuer is in this slumbring state I beseech you that for Gods sake you will awaken your soule and doe as the Lord Iesus willeth you Matth. 6.33 Seeke ye first the kingdome of God and his righteousnesse and then all other necessaries shall bee added vnto you The things of this world are like vnto the vantage which many times is giuen into a bargaine Therfore let your cheife care be to make sure your saluation and then your good heauenly Father will not suffer you to lack any thing that is good for you O I pray you beleeue it and build vpon it for he hath giuen his word and promise Heare him what he saith Heb. 13.5 I will not leaue thee nor forsake thee Accustome your selues as I said before to pray often and earnestly vnto God and by the grace of Iesus Christ you shall finde that he will most graciously and kindly acquaint himselfe with your soule O then you will remember these my words say Now Gods blessing light vpon that same poor minister which gaue me this counsel I would not that I had missed it for all that this whole world is worth yea you will most heartily praise the Lord God that it pleased him by so simple a man as I am to set you into the way of vnutterable blessednesse By no meanes suffer your priuate praiers to be heard of others for then it is a hundred to one that the deuill and the priuie pride of your owne heart will marre all and make your deuotions loathsome in the sight of God If you be an house-keeper and haue a wife or any child or seruant vse to pray together with them daily vnles you meane to make them heathen people such as haue none acquaintance with God This matter is so far out of request that many will laugh them to scorne which pray with their houshold whereby a man of any vnderstanding may consider into what a wretched state the world is come Now Christian soule whosoeuer you are the grace mercy of God be with you for euer Thus much I am exceedingly desirous to haue printed before I die If God vouchsafe to giue any increase of life and grace you may be sure that I will doe what I can to acquaint you with it The will of God be done and blessed bee his Name for euermore Amen FINIS
c. God is a single spirit farre excelling the singlenes of any Angel for an Angel as also the soule of man or woman hath three wants of perfect singlenesse First in euery angel there is a beeing for it is a certain seuerall thing There is also in the same angel a possibilitie to bee changed into some other thing yea into nothing because the angel is vnder God and God can doe vnto it whatsoeuer hee will But there is no possibilitie of change in God because hee is vnder none Secondly euery angel is that which it is in seuerall and thereby he differeth and is knowne from all other angels And yet the same kinde of nature whereby hee is that which he is is also in other angels But the nature of God whereby hee is that which he is is wholly and onely in himselfe and therefore it is altogether one and the same with that which he is Thirdly in an Angell vnto his spirituall nature diuerse things are added and ioyned which may also be taken or put away as wisedome holynesse power c. But all perfections are in God as in the fountaine and though they seeme diuerse vnto vs yea some appeare to be quite contrary one to the other as most seuere iustice and most pitifull mercie yet all these things in God are but only one thing and that is his most single nature essence and beeing The truth of this we may in some sort perceiue by the shining sun for it appeareth vnto our eies to bee a very single pure thing all that we can see in it is nothing els but light most exceeding pure cleare and peircing light yet many sundry vertues are in this light It shineth it heateth it quickneth man beast foule fish fruit yea it seemeth to worke contraries as softning wax hardening clay These and many other things worketh the single light of the shining sunne Much more excellent is the God that made the Sunne In his most single nature is all vertue abilitie and efficacie His name be blessed Amen God is a durable spirit not onely without ending for so hath he made Angels and soules yea and so he will make the bodies of men women and children to be after the resurrectiō but also the Lord God is without beginning Therefore Dauid saith vnto him Psalm 19.2 From euerlasting to euerlasting thou art God God is vnmeasurable that is of such an exceeding infinitenes that he filleth yea surpasseth the whole compasse of heauen and earth Ier. 23.24 2. King 8.27 Yet not so that one part of him is one where and an other els where but God is wholly in all the whole world and wholly in euery part and place of the world Then why is it said that God is in heauen And why are we willed to lift vp our hearts towards heauen when we pray vnto him Because his pleasure is to manifest himselfe in glory cheifely in heauen and from heauen Why doth the Bible say that God is with good folke and not with bad Because he doth graciously acquaint himselfe with those that serue him but he will not be knowne that he is in the company of naughty people because he hateth their behauiour Yet he is where they are heedfully marketh all that they thinke say or doe purposing to call them to an account and to give iudgement vpon them accordding to the practise of their liues God is mightie most mighty almightie He is well able to doe any worke of power either by himselfe without meanes as hee made the world or by means as he drownd the world with water Sometime his pleasure is to worke by meanes but aboue the nature power of the meanes as when he clensed a man frō the leprosie by the water of the riuer Iordan 2. Kin. 5.14 Sometime he stoppeth the power of the meanes as when three of his seruants were by a tyrant cast into a most hot burning fierie furnace for hee tooke such order that the extreame burning heat had no power vpon them though it mischeiued those which put them into the furnace Dan. 3 God can work in what measure of power he will The least measure of his power is stronger then all the power of man 1. Cor. 1.25 Hee is able to make the least bit of bread to giue so much nourishment as a whole loafe It pleaseth him sometime to work more by one man then by another yea more by some one then by many other 1. Cor. 15.10 The power of God is endlesse limited onely by his owne will for whatsoeuer his pleasure is to doe that he doth Psal 135.6 This the poore leperous man beleeued when hee said vnto the sonne of God Matth. 8.2 Lord if thou wilt thou canst make me cleane whereunto he graciously answered saying I will be thou clean and presently the Lord touching him with his hand the foule disease was cleane gone God is wise he onely is wise Rom. 16.27 The wisedome of Angels and men is his gift It is hee that giueth wisedome to the wise and knowledge vnto them that know vnderstanding Dan. 2.21 There is no number of his vnderstanding it is endles Psal 147.5 From the beginning of the world he foreknew all things which should come to passe euen vntill the ende c. Act. 15.18 He knew what was the very best way to be takē in making continuing altering doing or suffering any thing Psal 104.24 Though he may doe what he will because he is the most high Soueraigne Lord of all things yet he doth nothing hee suffereth nothing without most excellent good reason and yet I must not thereupon presume to sinne for as hee hath reason to suffer a man to sinne so hee hath reason moouing him to punish the partie that sinneth yea such reason that S. Peter saith the righteous be scarcely saued 1. Pet. 4.18 God will beat sinne out of them before they die God is holy most holy altogether holy pure cleane and free from any staine of euill He cannot be tempted with euill Iam. 13. Then how came it to passe that so many angels sinned and turned to be deuils Also how came mā to be a sinner God made the Angels and the first man and woman very holy and well able to haue kept themselues so if they would Yea but why did he suffer them to sinne seeing that sinne is most contrarie vnto his holy nature Because he thereupon took occasiō to shew his dreadfull iustice in punishing some and the most wonderfull ioyning of mercy and iustice in sauing others The iustice of God requireth that euery Angel man woman and child be tried and iudged by that which is in them whether it be righteousnesse or sinne Rom. 2.11 the righteous to be saued and the sinner damned So hee condemned all the sinning Angels and so he will condemne a great many of Adams children He might haue cast them al away because they are a guiltie corrupted brood not only children of a traytor