reconciled me unto thee when thou didst abhor me for my sins thou didst send him from heaven to me to shew that thou art ready to heare him for us therefore in him I come unto thee in him I will call upon thee O my Redeemer Preserver and my Saviour to thee be praise with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever Amen Who shall stay mee from my Father and my Brother and my Comforter I Owe God a death as his Son died for me ever since I was borne I have been sayling towards this Haven and gathering patience to comfort this houre therefore shall I be one of those guests now that would not come to the banquet when they were invited what hurt is in going to Paradice I shall lose nothing but the sense of evil and anon I shall have greater joyes then I feele pains for my head is in Heaven already to assure me that my soule and body shall follow after O Death where is thy sting why should I fear that which I would not escape because my chiefest happiness is behind and I cannot have it unlesse I go unto it I would goe through Hell to Heaven and therefore if I march but through death I suffer lesse then I would for God my pains do not dismay me because I travell to bring forth eternall life my sins do not affright me because I have Christ my Redeemer the Judge doth not astonish me because the Judges Son is my Advocate the Devill doth not amaze me because the Angels pitch about mee the grave doth not grieve me because it was my Lords bed O that Gods mercies to me might move others to love him for the less I can expresse it the more it is the Prophets and Apostles are my forerunners every man is gone before me or else he will follow after me if it please God to receive mee into Heaven before them that have served him better I owe more thanks to him and because I have deferred my repentance till this houre wherby my salvation is cut off if I should dye suddenly lo how my God in his mercifull providence to prevent my destruction calleth me by a lingring sickness which stayeth till I be ready and prepareth me to my end lik a Preacher and makes me by wofull pains wery of this beloved world lest I should depart unwillingly like them whose death is their damnation so he loveth me whilst he beateth mee that his stripes are Plaisters to salve me therefore who shal love him if I forsake him this is my whole desire now to strengthen my body with my heart and to be contented as God hath appoynted untill I glorifie him or he glorifie mee If I live I live to sacrifice if I die I die a sacrifice for his mercy is above my iniquity therefore if I should fear death it were a signe that I had not faith nor hope as I professed but that I doubted of Gods truth in his promise whether he will forgive his penitent sinners or no. It is my Father let him doe what seemeth good in his sight Come Lord Jesus for thy servant commeth I am willing help my unwillingnesses For the Morning NOw that the day star doth arise Beg we of God with huÌ„ble cries Hurtfull things to keep away While we duly spend the day Our tongues to guide so that no strife May breed disquiet in our life To shut and close the wandring eye Lest it let in vanity To keep the heart as pure and free From â—â—nd and troubled fantasie To tame proud flesh while we deny it A full cup and wanton diet That when the day light shall go out Time bringing on the night about We by leaving worldly wayes May in silence sing God prayse Amen Come Holy Ghost our soules inspire And lighten with celestiall fire Thou the anointing spirit art Who dost thy sevenfold gifts impart Thy blessed unction from above Is comfort life and fire of love 〈…〉 with perpetuall light The … nesse of my blinded sight Anoâ—â—t and cheere my soyled face With the abundance of thy grace Keep 〈◊〉 my â—oes give peace at hom Where thou art guide no ill can com Teach mee to know the father son And thee of both to be but one That through the Ages all along This may be my endles song Prayse to thy Eternall Merit Father Son and Holy Spirit A Prayer for the Morning O Lord be mercifull unto mee a miserable sinner O Lord I beseech thee let thine eares bee attentive unto the prayer of thy servant that desires to feare thy name and prosper I pray thee thy servant this day And good Lord I beseech thee send thy holy Spirit into my soule so to teach mee to pray unto thee that both my selfe and my prayers may be acceptable in thy sight O Lord my strength and my Redeemer And good Lord I beseech thee to remove all my sinnes out of thy sight that they may neither hinder my prayers from ascending up unto thee nor thy mercies from descending downe upon me And good Lord I humbly beseech thee to banish out of my heart and soule all evil thoughts and desires all fond love and affection all carnall lust and concupiscence and whatsoever else may any way hinder mee from the true love and worship of thy divine and sacred Majesty O Eternall God maker and high possessour both of Heaven and Earth looke downe I humbly beseech thee with pity and compassion upon a poor miserable distressed sinner who am not worthy to lift up my eyes towards the throne of thy divine and sacred Majesty much lesse worthy of any of thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast beene pleased to bestow upon mee for O Lord so many and so mighty are my sinnes wherewith I have offended thy divine and sacred Majesty both in thought word deed and desire that if thou shouldst enter into judgement with mee and deale with mee according to thy justice and my desert I must expect nothing but eternall death and damnation But I most humbly beseech thee for Jesus Christ his sake that it wil please thee to have mercy upon me and to pardon me all my sinnes and offences and to remove all those judgements away from mee which my sinnes have deserved and give mee grace ever heerafter to amend my ungodly life and to love and serve and honour thee truly faithfully and unfeignedly without pride presumption vaine glory and hypocrisie from these and all other deadly sinnes good Lord deliver me And good Father I give thee most humble thanks for all thy mercies and gracious blessings which continually from time to time thou hast been pleased to bestow upon me more especially for that it hath pleased thee this night past to preserve me from all evills notwithstanding all my sinnes and ill deserts Lord thou mightest have made my bed my grave and throwne my soule into the deep pit of hell hadst thou dealt with mee according
that thou shouldst raine downe fire and brimstone from out of heaven to devoure me or to open the earth under mee to swallow mee up quicke into hell but thou art gratious and full of compassion and rich in mercies therefore do men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings I have none in Heaven to flie unto but thee nor in Earth of whom I may receive any comfort but at thy favourable hands which are stretched out day and night to receive all that by earnest repentance turne to thee being ready to ease all those that are laden with the burden of their sinnes and to refresh their distressed consciences In the multitude of thy mercies I approach unto thee O Lord desiring hee to looke downe from the height of thy sanctuary upon mee poore and wretched sinner and to wipe away all mine offences and to blot out all my misdeeds especially these my ungratious uncleane and ungodly sinnes which I have confessed unto thee O Lord oh let them not come up in remembrance before thee nor be imputed to me for ever for thy sonnes sake O Lord in whom thou art well pleased in whom thou wast fully satisfied upon the Crosse for my sinnes grant mee free pardon and remission of that I have so foolishly by my exceeding frailty committed against thy divine Majâ—sty and worke in my heart an utter detestation of all my sinnes that I may ever heerafter keep my selfe pure and unspotted for thy kingdom Thou that art able to make of stones children to Abraham mollifie I pray thee my stony heart that all maner of son-like affections may bee imprinted therein pluck up O good Father these roots of bitterness that no unsavory fruit may come off the tree which then by thy owne hand hast planted I desire I looke I call I cry for thy assistance that I may conquer all my unruly and disordinate motions and desires and affections O blessed Saviour that hast granted so many Petitions upon earth to them that were carefull for the body fulfill I pray thee this my desire not for health nor strength nor riches nor honour nor for food nor apparrell but for thy heavenly grace and inspiration yea let mee lose all those rather then be left in my sinfull flesh that I should be ruled any longer thereby Mortifie in me good Father the old body of sinne and give unto mee a new body purged from dead works to serve the living God renew my spirit dayly that I may cast away the works of darknesse let it be enough O mercifull Father that my weaknesse heeretofore hath been made knowne unto mee lest I should be too proud Now let thy strength appeare in putting this my enemy under my feet that thereby I may be bold to put my confidence in thee Why should my body made by thy hand and my soule framed according to thy Image be given as a prey into the hands of Sathan Deliver mee O Lord from the snares of the hunter and preserve mee from the hands of mine enemy who lieth in wait for my spirituall life and laboureth my everlasting destruction so shall I prayse thee for thy goodnesse and magnifie thy Name for giving mee conquest over my adversary that is too strong for mee To thee I â—…ie for succour till this tempest be overpast hide me I pray thee under thy shield and buckler that noâ—e of the fiery darts of Satan take hoâ—â— of me Good Lord for the lovâ— thou bearest to mankinde for thy Sonnes sake who hath taken our nature upon him grant that I may not bee tempted above my strength and that in all temptations I may flie unto thee giving thee most humble and hearty thankes for that thou hast given a desire to withstand my sinfull flesh which thy worke I beseech thee for thy Name sake to perfect and fully accomplish Amen A Meditation of the glory of the new Jerusalem VNto the spring of endles life My fainting soule doth thirst Full faine the cloyster of her flesh With speed she wisheth burst She seeks she sues she strives exild Her Countrey to obtaine Wailing that nothing heer she finds But misery and paine Contemplating the glory which She when she sinned lost Her woes increas her grief the more To think how dear they cost For who can utter with what joy That happy peace delights Wher Palaces stand stately rear'd With living Margarites With gold the lofty turrets shine And chambers glittering bright And all the frame with only jems And pretious stones is dight The streets the City out are pav'd With gold as crystall cleene Where dirt nor raies nor dung annoyes Nor any filth is seene Stormy winter scorching summer Come never there to brawle Rose flowers spring continually With spring continuall Lillies still white and saffron ruddy And balsome sweating growes Meads alwayes green corn alwayes grown And hony in rivers flows Sweet spices breath out fragrant smells Rich liquors and perfumes Fair orchards overshaded stand With fruit that neer consumes No varying course of sun or moon Or stars comes in their sight The Lamb is to that happy City A never fayling light Nor night nor morn nor time is there But a continuall day Wher Saints in glory shine like suns And glittering beams display In triumphs crownd together they With joy conjubilate And the battels of their vanquishd foe Secured now relate Purg'd clean from either blot or spot They grudge of flesh seele none For flesh made now spirituall With the spirit grees in one Abounding with untroubled peace No scandalls them annoy Who freed from mutabilty Their center re-enjoy Where now they present see that truth Which mortall eyes neer saw And from the everlasting spring A living sweetnes draw Where ere they goe they still retain The same unaltred state Fair lively cherefull subject to No change of chance or fate Whose health no sicknes doth decay Whose youth no age doth waste Whose being without passing is For passing now is past They spring they bloom they florish still From all corruption free Mortality is swallowed up By Immortality Who knowing him who all doeth know Can ignorant not be Who in each others patent breasts All inmost secrets see The same they will the same they nill One mind the same of all Though according to their severall paines Their guerdon's severall Thus what 's anothers Charity By love so makes her owne That what is proper to every one To all is common growne Wher ere the body's the Eagles there Are duly congregated And with it are those blessed soules And Angels recreated One bread both Country Citizens Doth feed one bread they crave Still hungry and yet alwayes full Still wishing what they have Whom no saciety doth cloy Whom hunger doth not bite With apetite they ever eat And still have appetite There the melodious singing voyce New harmonies concents Their ears are lull'd with sweetest sounds Of rarest Instruments To him by whoÌ„ they conquered have Due praises there they
innocency though thou didst appoint it me unto judgement for thou art just O Lord and righteous in all thy judgements for thou rendrest to every one according to his works and I feare all mine because they are the workes of darkness And I have been a worker of iniquity from the beginning and have alwaies willingly followed the works and paths of unrighteousness I have wallowed in sin as the Swine in filthiness and as the Prodigall was fed with Husks so was I delighted with filthy and evill words and grieved with earnest and profitable sayings I did communicate with those that wrought iniquity and did banquet with the chief of them and did glory in sin Being mighty in iniquity I loved to excuse and could not accuse my selfe and made heavy my heart and the more incurable is my sinne for that I did not thinke my selfe to be a sinner Neither did I not onely seek a medicine for my soule which was sick unto death but refused it being offered yea with an unreverent and untamed minde was wroth against them that would minister it unto me I despised them that reproved me and imbraced them that spake pleasing unto me and delighted in their speeches that had not their hearts right unto me I studied devices and lies in all things and loved rather darkness then light Behold O Lord I have delivered my selfe unto thee this is the course of my life wherein I have deserved thy wrath this will I answer unto thee when thou shalt ask of me But do not remember the offences of my youth nor my ignorances O Lord and enter not into judgement with thy servant for no living creature shall be justified in thy sight but if thou wilt enter because thou art a God that loveth judgment doe judgement unto me but not justice and judge me according to the judgement of those that love thy name that I may sing unto thee mercy and judgement Remember O Lord that though I am wicked yet I am thy servant and the son of thy handmaid and do not looke into the multitude of my sinnes but unto the greatness of thy mercies and when thou shalt be angry with me for my wickednesse remember thy mercy and be not angry with me for ever but have mercy upon thy afflicted servant that my soule may praise thee and confess thy mercifulness CHAP. III. VVOE unto mee wretched man because I have made my Redeemer angry with me and I have rebelliously neglected his Law and I have willingly forsaken the right way and as a sheepe that refuseth the shepheard I have been carried far and wide round about through dry unwatered places wandring in the wildernesse of wickednesse and not in the right way I have gone to all rough and unaccessible places and every where was anguish and tribulation I have beene wearied in the way of iniquity and perdition and have walked in hard wayes seeking rest and finding none because I did not seek thee O Lord but was in a barren land in the country of Death where is no rest but continuall labor affliction of spirit dwelleth there I dwelt in anguish with pleasures and amongst thornes did I make my bed and sleep in death and hoped for rest in torments now therfore what shal I doe whither shall I turne my selfe in these great dangers All the hopes of my youth are faln down and I am like one that suffereth shipwrack who having lost all his wealth swimmeth away naked being tost with the wind and sea and am driven far from the haven of happiness and doe not take hold of the way of salvation but am carried away on the left hand the enemy had placed nets for me which way soever I went and snares for my feet and I despised them and walked securely in slippery places and flattered my selfe in sins I thought youth was not held by the lawes of death and being deceived by this confidence I followed the filthy desires of the flesh and gave the reines beyond the measure of sensuality following it wheresoever the force thereof did carry me and sayd like a foole in my heart Wherefore doest thou think of the end before the middle thou hast many dayes yet remayning and mayst bee converted when thou listest so waxed I old in sin and a most wicked custome was turned into nature and now as a bondslave to sinne I serve as it were chayned and as a mad man haling his owne flesh seeketh to hurt himselfe all reason of deliberation being quenched so I more grievously and dangerously have hated my owne soule for the impenitency of my heart and obstinate wilfulnesse hath layd violent hands upon me and hath distracted and disturbed my poore distressed soule and so having brought unto my selfe the horrour of Hell every day more and more according to the hardnesse of my impenitent heart I doe heap up wrath against the day of wrath I have made triall sometimes to shake off the old yoke but am not able because it cleaveth to my bones Oh that at length it may fall from my necke that I may love thee though late It shall surely fall away if thou command O Lord and send me help from above I confesse I have not deserved it but thou O most gracious giver who makest the Sun to rise indifferently upon the good as also upon the bad and grantest temporall blessings to the unworthy even when they aske them not how canst thou deny spirituall things to those that require them have mercy upon me therfore O Lord and fulfill the desires of a poore penitent sinner thou that art rich in mercy and wont cheerefully to have mercy and doest purge the will from evil custome and hearest the groanings of those that are bound and loosest us from the bonds which wee have made to our selves unlesse wee refuse thy mercy Give thy right hand unto the worke of thy hands that when I fall I may not be bruised and that I may not be drawn into the deep pit of perdition Deliver mee from the mouth of the cruell Lion that is ready for the prey and gapeth for my soule that hee may devour it for thou onely art my protector and my deliverer and in thy mercy is my hope let thy mercy therefore be shewed unto me as I have trusted in thee Lord in thee do I put my whole trust and confidence Lord let me never be confounded CHAP. IV. MY nights pass away in grief and vex mee with innumerable terrors my Conscience shaketh mee while I am awake and I am tormented therewith as if I were wounded with a two edged sword my sleep is troubled with divers illusions bringing me no rest but travell I watch all night in my thoughts and when as being wearied I do endeavour to give some sleep to my eye-lids by and by sleep departeth from my eies and when I sleep I sleep alwayes in sorrow being wakened with an unquiet weariness from the Care of the day and all
that trust in thee and deliverest the poore from the mighty and from the hands of them that are stronger then he Hide not therefore thy face from mee O Lord neither despise me my saving God my strength and my deliverer for I am poor and in misery and thine eies look upon the poore and if thy justice seeke me hide me in the bosome of thy mercy wherin thou hast with long suffering beene with me and invited me to repentance for thou art long suffering and very patient and exceeding mercifull above all my wickedness yea nothing is more proper to thee O Lord then to spare and therefore thou hast mercy upon all and drawest the sonnes of men to repentance because thou canst do all and thou sparest all because they are thine O Lord thou lovest souls turn me therefore unto thee and deliver my poore afflicted soule from danger that my mouth may bee filled with thy praise and say unto thee Blessed be thou O Lord who hast not suffered me to be delivered into the hands of my adversaries except thou O Lord hadst been my Helper they had swallowed me up quicke my soule as a sparrow was delivered from the snare of the Fowler the snare is broken and I am delivered CHAP. VI. O Wretched man that I am what shall doe for the great wild Beast hath almost devoured my soule and I have been made a prey to the enemy he hath spoyled me of all those goods wherewith thou O Lord hast beautified me and I am afraid to appear before thee I departed rich and beautifull from thy face and went wandring after filthiness in a corrupt way and in the wickednesse of my heart my soule is made black and the excellent colour thereof is changed and I have so impoverished and deformed my self by wearing the foul garment of sinne according to the likeness of Adams offence as thou O Lord wilt not know mee according to the image wherein thou hast created mee and wilt not suffer mee as a scab'd sheepe to dwell among the sheepe of thy pasture How then shall I presume to returne to the presence of thy Divine Majesty in whose sight the Heavens are not cleane but empty vile and unclean or how shall I presume to communicate amongst thy chosen people being made foolish by offending I desire to return unto thee though ashamed and afrayd trusting to thy mercy for thou art a sweet Father to thy Sonne that did travel into a farre Countrey be more sweet to him when he returneth from a long pilgrimage O my God I want power to come to thee for I am kept fast bound by a most cruell robber not with strong iron but with iron of my own will wherof the enemy hath made a chaine for me and bringeth my heart into sorrow slavery and bitterness my refuge is far from mee for salvation is far from sinners and I am compelled to die in most miserable bondage unless thou O Lord looking down from Heaven dost help me I stick fast in the slimy filth of the earth and a tempest of temptations even like the wavs of the cruel sea hath overwhelmed me and almost drowned me so that I am in despair of avoyding these eminent dangers unless thou O Lord shalt take me up for the more I endeavour to rise the more I am bruised I am both within and without troublesome to my selfe and every where I do find domestick enemies that doe beat mee down I looke on the right hand and on the left and see none to whom I may commit my selfe in safety but every where feare doth shake me and to whomsoever I come I find not a faithfull friend and how should I find any when my selfe doe not keep my faith given to my God I have sought meanes to comfort mee in my afflictions and calamities and there was none of my deare friends that would comfort mee but I met with friends that were full of words nay dumb rather and therefore dumb O my God because thy word did not sound from their lips who did condemn my wants without Compassion and did falsely provoke strife against me I have often consented to foolish deceivers and swerving from the right Path I ignorant agreed to their opinions and by little and little was brought to such toyes and madness as though by the helpe of thy Grace I never departed from thy true Religion yet I did believe in many fables which makes me unexcusable for that when I knew thee to bee alwaies a God in truth I did not worship thee in spirit and in truth but changed this truth into lies and served the creature rather then the Creator and sought my selfe and my pleasures in corruptible things But thou O Lord and my Saviour proceed on and as thou hast made me by true faith to acknowledge thee awaken me up from the sleep of sin that I never sleep unto death lighten kindle and lift up my heart unto thee that in thy light I may behold the everlasting light the unquenchable light that never faileth the sweet and delightfull light that I may see and rejoyce and covet that light and to know that nothing is to be loved besides thee but in thee and for thee Thou O Lord art the true light that dost illuminate all men comming unto thee cause this light to rise in my darkness and make me to desire to see thy salvation that my soule being melted away with the force of love may attain to thy saving health and thirst after thy delights My soule I say but let me not call it thine because thou didst make it and give iâ— unto mee and mine because I receiced it from thee keep therefore thy creature which thou hast especially framed according to thine owne Image and suffer not thy precious gift which thou hast purchased with thy most precious bloud to perish but upon my body and members worke what it pleaseth thee let my flesh be cloathed with rottennesse and my bones consumed with worms but I beseech thee O Lord onely to spare my soul and stretch not out thy hand against it but bring me back againe into the way before the going down of the Sun for it groweth towards the evening of my age wherefore compell me to come unto thee if to call bee too little compell mee as it pleaseth thee so I may come and not perish not for my selfe who have so often abused thy mercy and made my selfe unworthy thereof but for thy holy name sake take from mee a stony heart and give unto me a heart of flesh and place thy spirit in the midst of mee that I may walke in thy Precepts and keep thy Judgements I come too late unto thee O Lord I confesse I would to God I had come sooner but I know and am assured that thou prescribest no time to those that come so they come at last and thou receivest the last as gently as thou dost the first for although thou hatest sin
I am often angry with my selfe because I am weary to live when I am not weary to sinne I know my folly and am confounded and being confounded I reproove my selfe saying O carnall lover why doest thou so long walke in the mire of concupisence why art thou so carefully busie for earthly things and doest so earnestly desire those goods that shall perish or by what reason callest thou them goods which thou gainest with so much labour and the great hurt of thy soule and being gayned possessest in feare and being possessed losest with griefe and sorrow O my soule why dost thou forget thy own proper estate and nobility and art not ashamed to endure a miserable and shamefull bondage under the corruption of thy corporall sence why art thou deceived with the unfaithfull promises of the world the chiefest good whereof is a mist or vapour that appeareth but a little season and vanisheth as vanity of vanities Blush and be ashamed O miserable sinner how often hast thou departed from thy Creator and turned to deceitfull creatures and comming againe to thy selfe behold with the sight of thy minde how cruelly thy soule hath bowelled her selfe of her owne bowells whilest with an inordinate desire catching at a vile prize of Flies she hath like the Spider made nets for her owne selfe of her owne bowels againe and againe I say blush at that where thou hast had no fruite and lament thy lost time and yeeld thy soule unto God with these speeches I rayle against my self when being inwardly admonished I enter into my selfe and consider with my heart what I have lost and what I have found and I finde that I doe not that good which I like but the evill that I will that I doe for my Enemies hold my will and doe keepe me being fashioned according to the former desires of ignorance captive under the law of sinne but thou O Lord of vertues and the tower of my strength doe not withdraw thy help from me looke Lord unto my defence and protect mee under thy wings left I fall in the sight of my adversaries and my enemies rejoycing against me say I have prevayled against him Breake the bonds of my reproach under which I have beene made crooked and loose the cords of my sinnes wherewith I am strongly bound O most mighty Lord and make knowne thy power to thy enemies that I may offer unto thee a sacrifice of gladnesse saying who shall speake to the power of the Lord or what shall declare his prayses that delivereth my soule from death and my feet from sliding who hath saved me from the Lions mouth and from the devouring Dragon To whom shall I flie but to thee O Lord upon whom all our Fathers have called and have beene saved to thee I say who never deceivest them that trust in thee and let any mans hand be against me for I will feare no evill because thou art with me O Lord all my desires are before thee blot out and put away whatsoever is displeasing unto thee renew create and confirme whatsoever thou hast given me that casting away all carnall and unprofitable desires the sinner may bee accepted in the desires of his heart and coveting to enjoy thee the onely treasure my request may come before thy face and I may bee confident to say unto thee Grant unto mee O God the desire of my soule for I know and am assured that no man can desire thee but by thy selfe nor come to thee unlesse thou draw him draw me therfore O Lord and grant unto mee that I may begin in a good desire that I may end and perfect it in a good worke before my old custome oppresse my new desires and my former will strengthned by age conquer my new will cloth me therfore O Lord I humbly beseech thee in the precious garment of thy salvation and put off the vile clothing of my wicked life wherein being deprived of thee I walke according to the ancient conversation of the old man but being newly clothed in thee and become a new man I may with a new spirit serve thee in a new life and in the sweet smell of thy oyntments running unto thee I may rejoice in Jesus my Saviour CHAP. VIII O Lord Jesus Christ the sonne of the living God who with thy hands stretched forth on the Crosse hast drunke the cup of thy Passion for the redemption of all mankind succour mee this day I beseech thee behold O Lord I that am needy doe come to thee that art wealthy I that am full of misery do approach to thee replenished with mercy suffer mee not therefore to depart voyd or as one worthy to be despised I begin hungry let me not end empty I approach as one hunger starved let mee nor depart unfed and if I sigh before I eat grant that I may eat at least after I have sighed first therefore O blessed Saviour I confesse against my selfe mine iniquity behold O Lord for that I was conceived and born in sinne and thou hast washed and sanctified me from the same and I after this have defiled my selfe with greater offences because those sins wherin I was borne were of necessity but those in which I afterward lay wallowing were voluntary this notwithstanding thou not being unmindfull of thy mercy and goodness hast drawne me from wickednes and from the fellowship of sinners inspiring mee with thy grace to follow thee in the company of those that seeke thy face who walke the direct way that leadeth to felicity but I ungratefull and forgetfull of so many benefits received have after my entrance into a Religious way committed many sinnes and abominations and where I ought to have amended my faults and to have repented for them in stead therof I have added sin upon sin these O Lord are the faults by which I have dishonored thee and defiled my selfe to wit Pride Presumption Vain-glory and Hypocrisie and many other sinnes almost infinite by which my unhappy soule is troubled and afflicted rent and destroyed Behold O Lord mine iniquities have overwhelmed my head being unto me a grievous burthen unsupportable to be endured insomuch as if thou whose property is to pardon and to shew mercy doe not lift mee up with the right hand of thy mercy I shall wofully sink down into the gulph of eternall misery behold O Lord God and see how my ghostly enemy doth insult over mee saying God hath forsaken him I will pursue and take him because there is none that can deliver him how long O Lord wilt thou thus leave me turn back and deliver my soul O save me for thy mercy sake take pitty of me thy son whom thou hast begotten in the great grief of thy passion and doe not so looke to my wickednesse that thou forget thy goodnesse what Father is there that seeing his son in danger doth not endeavour to set him free or what son is there whom his Father doth refuse to correct with the
staffe of his pitty wherefore O Lord and Father albeit I am a sinner yet I doe not cease to be thy Son because thou hast made me and new made me again like as I have sinned so correct mee and amend me commit me to the care and custody of thy only begotten Son Jesus Christ our Lord Is it possible for a woman to forget the childe of her own wombe and albeit she should forget it yet thou O most mercifull Father hast promised not to forget the same Behold I cry and thou dost not heare mee I am afflicted with griefe and thou dost not comfort me what shall I doe or say being in this extream misery alas I am altogether comfortless and which is worse am chased from thy presence wretch that I am from how great good into how great evill am I fallen whither did I attempt to go and whither am I come where am I and where am I not how is it that I that did sigh after Heaven do now sigh through so great tribulation I have sought comfort and have found affliction and truly it is better for me not to be then to be without thee O sweet Saviour It is better not to live then to live without thee the onely true life where are now O Lord Jesu thine accustomed mercies wilt thou bee displeased with me alwaies be appeased I beseech thee and take pitty of me and turne not away thy loving face from me who to redeeme mee hast not turned away thy face from those that did mocke and spit upon thee I confesse that I have sinned and my conscience doth adjudge mee worthy of damnation neither is my repentance sufficient to make satisfaction nevertheless it is a thing infallible that thy mercy doth surmount all offences whatsoever be it never so abhominable wherefore O most mercifull Lord I beseech thee enter not into judgement with thy servant but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out mine iniquities wo be to me at the day of judgement when the Bookes of our Consciences shall be opened wherein our actions are registred when of mee it shall be openly proclaimed see here the man and his deeds committed what shal I do O Lord my God at that dreadfull day when the Heavens shal reveal my iniquities and the earth shal bear witnesse against me verily I shal be mute and able to say nothing but holding downe my head through shame and confusion I shall stand before thee shaking and blushing alas what shall I say I will call and cry unto thee O Lord my God why am I consumed being silent nevertheless if I speake my griefe will not cease and if I hold I shall inwardly be tormented with unspeakable bitterness weep O my soule and make lamentation as a yong married woman for the death of her new married husband weep and bewaile thy misery for that thy Bridegroome which is Christ hath forsaken thee O anger of the Almighty rush not upon mee because thou canst not be contained in me verily there is nothing in me that is able to contain thee take pitty of me lest I despaire of thy mercy that by despairing of my selfe I may finde comfort in thee and albeit I have done that for which thou mayest justly condemne me yet thou hast not lost thy accustomed property of shewing mercy and pitty thou O Lord dost not desire the death of sinners neither dost thou take pleasure in the perdition of those that die nay rather that those that were dead might live Thou thy selfe hast died and thy death hath been the death of that death that was due to sinners and if thou dying they have lived grant O Lord I beseech thee that thou living I may not die let thy heavenly hand help mee and deliver mee from the hands of those that hate me lest they insult and rejoyce over me saying we have devoured him How is it possible O blessed Saviour that ever any one can despaire of thy mercy who when wee were thy enemies hast redeemed us with thy most precious bloud and reconciled us to God Behold O Lord protected with the shaddow of thy mercy I run craving pardon to the throne of thy glory calling and knocking untill thou take pitty on mee for if thou hast called as to pardon even when wee did not seek it by how much more shall we obtaine pardon if we ask it remember not thy justice O blessed Saviour towards mee thy creature remember not thine anger towards mee guilty but bee mindfull of thy mercy towards me in misery forget my Pride provoking thee to displeasure and weigh my wretchedness imploring thy favour for what doth thy sacred Name Jesus signifie but only a Saviour wherefore O Saviour Jesu be thou my succour and protection and say unto my soule I am thy salvation I doe presume very much of thy divine bounty because thou thy selfe dost teach us to aske seeke and knocke at the doore of thy mercy wherefore I doe aske seeke and knock at thy doore as by thy word thou hast commanded mee to do thou therefore that willest me to aske grant that I may receive thou that dost bid me seek grant me likewise to find thou that dost teach me to knock open unto mee knocking at the doore of thy mercy recover me being diseased repair me being crazed raise mee being dead vouchsafe likewise so to direct and governe all my sences thoughts and actions in that which is pleasing unto thee that I may from henceforth faithfully serv thee and that I may live and give my selfe wholely unto thee I know O Lord that by reason thou hast made me I do owe my selfe unto thee and by reason thou hast redeemed me and hast been made man for me I do owe if I had it to give thee much more then my self unto thee by how much greater then mee thou art who hast given thy self for me I have nothing else to give thee neither can I give thee this without thee take mee therefore and draw mee unto thee that I mâ—y be thine by immitation and affection like as I am by condition and creation CHAP. IX TAke pity O Lord take pity O mercifull Saviour of mee a most miserable sinner doing things worthy of blame and worthily suffering for the same being by thee daily afflicted for that continually I am found to offend if I ponder the evill which I daily commit that which I endure is nothing in comparison of it that which I have done being much more grievous then my affliction thou art just O Lord and right is thy judgement all thy judgements are just and true thou O Lord our God art just and full of goodness neyther is there in thee any wickedness because when we doe offend thou doest not unjustly and cruelly afflict us who when wee were not hast powerfully made us and when for our sins wee were guilty of damnation thou hast by thy wonderfull mercy and goodness set us in a state of
Jesus I most humbly beseech thee to indue me with thy holy spirit that I may forget all my wicked inclinations and that I may offend thee no more but remain constant to my good intentions proposed at this time I confesse unto thee O Lord that it was thy meer mercy and goodness that thou hadst not cut me off many times before this in the height of my horrid sins and cast me immediatly into Hell for all eternity O Lord thou hast had mercy upon me being but poore dust and ashes and thou art pleased at this instant to reforme my deformities and to keep me from sudden death and despaire lest I should bee swallowed up in the deep O Lord I humbly confesse that before thou didst give me a sight of my sinnes and hearty sorrow and repentance for them I was going headlong to Hell carrying all my sins along with mee but thou O my Lord and my God didst call me back unto thee who art the way the truth and the life and didst inlighten my cloudy mind with the brightness of thy light that seeing my relf at the brink of Hell thou hast pulled mee backe by thy divine mercy and providence that I may live to see thy glory what shall I therefore render unto thee my most mercifull Saviour for the marvellous waies that thou hast used to correct and direct my waies into the way of salvation I was carried away with vanities O my God and made my waies farre from thee but thou O Lord moved with mercy didst call back my filthy life from the durt of earthly pleasures and didst restraine my untamed minde with the bit and bridle of the calamities and labour of this wretched world that I might understand my own misery and come unto thee I will therefore glory in my infirmities and afflictions that thy grace may dwell in mee O Lord to whom I owe all that I am for that thou hast forgiven me many heynous and grievous sins and for those great benefits and most holy blessings by which my poore soule shall be saved I doe give unto thee most humble thanks upon the knees of my heart and in gratitude for thy gracious favours I doe most willingly offer my poor life to be sacrificed for thee my liberty and all my worldly substance and my most humble prayers saying Bless the Lord O my soule and doe not forget all his benefits who is mercifull to all thine iniquities and healeth all thine infirmities who hath redeemed thy life from death who crowneth thee with loving kindnesses and tender mercies Behold O Lord how I am comforted with thy mercies and thou hast so inlightened me that I now desire to imbrace thee before all the pleasures which have waited upon my miserable life therefore I humbly beseech thee O most mercifull Father not to faile in helping me that I also by thy grace may not faile in confessing thy mercy unto me and I desire thee to accept of my broken and contrite heart and my sorrowfull soule for my sins past and grant unto me thy fear that I may never do any thing to displease thee but conceiving hope by thy promises of thy mercy I may henceforth bee cherished and delighted with heavenly things O Lord protect mee under the shaddow of thy wings and cherish me in the bosome of thy mercy for while I live in this valley of tears I will cry unto thee O my God and my helper in time of trouble and need that thou deliver mee from all temptations unto the end and that thou wilt nourish mee as thy childe who having received the strength of thy vertue so long as I shall run in the course of this world forgetting that which is behind and earnestly bending my selfe to thy holy blessings by thy grace and protection I may goe on to the appointed place that thou hast prepared for those that love Christ Jesus our Lord who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit God world without end Amen A Preparative to Prayer WHen to thy God thou speak'st O creature mean Lift up pure hands lay down all foul desires Fix thoughts on heaven present a conscience clean Such holy Balme to mercies throne aspires Confesse faults guilt crave pardon for thy sin Tread holy Paths call grace to guide therein It is the spirit with reverence must obey Our Makers will to practise what he taught Make not the flesh thy Councell when thou pray 'T is enemy to every vertuous thought It is the foe we dayly feed and cloath It is the Prison that the soule doth loath Even as Elias mounting to the sky Did cast his mantle to the earth behind So when the heart presents the prayer on high Exclude the world from traffique with the minde Lips neare to God and ranging hearts within Is but vain babling and converts to sin Like Abraham ascending up the Hill To sacrifice his servants left below That he might act the great Commanders Will Without impeach to his obedient blow Even for the soule remote from earthly things Should mount salvations shelter mercies wings Nothing more gratefull in the highest eies Nothing more firme in danger to protect us Nothing more forcible to pierce the skies And not depart till mercy do respect us And as the soule life to the body gives So prayer revives the soule by prayer it lives A Prayer BEcause I have sinned O Lord and done wickedly in thy sight and provoked thee to anger by my abominable wickednesse making my body which thou hast ordayned as a vessell of thy honour an instrument of most detestable filthinesse O Lord be mercifull unto me and pardon me this great wickednesse looke not upon me good Father with the eyes of justice neither do thou draw against me the sword of judgement for now shall I that am but dust stand in thy presence when thy wrathfull indignation commeth foorth as a whirlewind and thy heavy displeasure as a tempest seeing the earth trembleth the depths as discovered and the very heavens are shaken when thou art angry Exercise not therefore thy fury against me that am but chaffe before the winde and as stubble before a flaming fire though I have sinned grieuously in thy sight preferring my wicked desire before thy holy commandements esteeming the pleasure of a moment before eternall and everlasting joyes nay which is worse making more account of vileness and vanity and extreame folly and madnesse then of the glory and majesty of the most excellent wonderful and blessed God nothing dreading his displeasure whose wrath maketh the Divels to quake and burneth unquenchable unto the bottomles pit of hell whose might is so great that by the breath of his nostrills hee can in the twinkling of an eye destroy a thousand worlds yet am I bold prostrating my self before the throne of thy Majesty heartily to beseech and humbly to intreat thee that thou wilt not deale with mee according to my merits for I have deserved