this most vgly sinne That I in heauen among thy Saints the lowest place may winne The last and lowest place of all O Lord of thee I craue Giue grace to wash and make me cleane that I that place may haue Forgiue me all my sinnes though they most grieuous be and great Forgiue me all for Christ his sake I humbly thee intreat Then I will sing to thee with ioy my song it shall be this No wight so wicked as I was hath place in heauenly blisse To Father Sonne and holy Ghost All glorie be therefore Yea honour worship praise and thanks henceforth for euermore ¶ About three of the clocke in the afternoone I must say the same prayer which I said about nine in the forenoone O Almightie Lord God who louest holinesse c. ¶ My afternoone Psalme to the Suffolke tune O Blessed and most glorious God whose throne is set on high I sinnfull and most wretched man to thee for mercy crie Confessing that thy great goodnesse thy patience wonderfull And long forbearance doe me mooue my sinnes to disanul But wo is me my naughtie heart to sinne is still so bent That in my selfe I finde no meanes entirely to repent This world also wherein I liue with sinne doth ouerflowe And meetes me with temptations which way soe'er I goe Satan that mighty euill spirit so full of subtiltie Doth practise all the meanes he can that I in sinne may die Therefore I crie to thee O Lord whose power is ouer all Beseeching thee to free me from this sinnefull deadly thrall With true repentance and right faith mine heart and soule fulfill That I may hate all wickednesse and cleane fast to thy will From all this worlds temptations and Satans practising Keepe thou me safe I humbly pray O gracious heauenly King Then will I praise with heart and voice and magnifie thy name When thou hast saued my poore soule from endlesse paine and shame All glorie honour praise and thankes be alwaies giuen to thee O Father Sonne and holy Ghost one God in persons three My prayer at night before I goe to bed O most mightie and most gracious Lord God I wretched man the worst of the world doe crie thee mercie for all the sinns which this day or at any time before haue come out of my heart by way of deede word or thought I heartily thanke thee for all the blessings which thou hast graciously and plentifully giuen me I humbly praise thine holy name for that it hath pleased thee to preserue mee from many euills to deliuer me out of great dangers I beseech thee to endue me with such a measure of thy grace that I may henceforth foreuermore bee acceptably thankefull vnto thee through Iesus Christ Be mercifull also I humbly pray thee vnto all those for whom I ought to pray giue them and vnto me I beseech thee all the graces which thine only sonne hath taught vs to pray for in his name saying O our father which art in heaaen hallowed be thy name c. When I lay me downe in my bed I will say O blessed Lord God here I lie downe not knowing what shall come vnto me this night I humbly betake both bodie and soule vnto thee beseeching thy most gracious goodnesse to receiue me into thy keeping through Iesus Christ thine onely Son my Lord and Sauiour Amen When I settle my selfe to sleepe I will say O good Lord God vouchsafe to be mercifull vnto this feeble bodie that it may haue a little comfortable rest and be thereby made the more seruiceable vnto thee through thine onely Sonne my deare Lord and Sauiour Amen If I cannot take rest I will say thus O most gracious Lord this body cannot take rest because I haue wickedly disordered it I beseech thee therefore to pardon me all my wickednesse and now teach my poore soule how it shal find euerlasting rest in thee thorough thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Iesus Christ Amen About midnight whether I haue slept or not I will pray thus O most glorious Lord God the Father of lights no darkenes can hide me from thee for thou seest so clearely at midnight as at mid-day yea thou beholdest all my thoughts Therefore I humbly present my selfe before thy blessed Maiestie beseeching thee to look graciously vpon me a most vngracious wretch and to saue me from the workes of darkenes that I may haue the lowest place within the kingdome of thy glorie Graunt this most mercifull Father for thine onely Sonnes sake in whose name I pray further for my selfe and for all other folke as he hath taught me saying O our Father which art in heauen hallowed bee thy name c. So often as I haue had any sleepe when I awake I will say thus O most mercifull Father God almightie I humbly thanke thee for the rest which thou hast now giuen vnto this naughty bodie I bequeath both it and my soule into thine hands to bee disposed of according vnto thy will to the glorie of thy name through Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen When I arise in the morning I will say O good Lord God with all mine heart I thanke thy blessed maiestie for that it hath pleased thee mercifully to keep me all this night nowe I arise out of this bed in thy name O Father in thy name O Iesus Christ in thy name O holy Ghost O most holy vndiuided vnseparable three persons in one God one God in three persons for thy glorious names sake vouchsafe to be mercifull vnto me a sinner Amen This is my third rule My last rule Fourthly and lastly I must in the sight of God conscionably detest and resist my sinnes faithfully endeauouring that I may in very truth sa◠with Dauid Psalm 18.23 I was also vpright before him and I kept my selfe from mine iniquitie First therefore beeing alwaies mindfull of Gods presence I must carefully intend to know and to doe his will Secondly when any motion commeth vnto mine heart quietly vnpartially diligently consider whether it be good in the sight of God yea or no If it be good I must willingly yeeld vnto it But if it be euill I must steadfastly purpose to refuse it yea and remooue my selfe so farre as possible from all danger of beeing tempted vnto it If I be strongly tempted to yeeld vnto any sinne I must earnestly pray vnto God for deliuerance thus O most holy and blessed Lord God I the worst of all sinners being now as thou seest strongly tempted to sinne against thee and not able to resist the temptation by reason of the long setled wickednesse of my heart doe humbly beseech thee to be so mercifull vnto me as to saue me from this great danger thorough thy almightie grace in Iesus Christ thine onely Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Hauing thus praied yea and praied againe and againe if need require I must with a good courage put on the mind that I wil
c. God is a single spirit farre excelling the singlenes of any Angel for an Angel as also the soule of man or woman hath three wants of perfect singlenesse First in euery angel there is a beeing for it is a certain seuerall thing There is also in the same angel a possibilitie to bee changed into some other thing yea into nothing because the angel is vnder God and God can doe vnto it whatsoeuer hee will But there is no possibilitie of change in God because hee is vnder none Secondly euery angel is that which it is in seuerall and thereby he differeth and is knowne from all other angels And yet the same kinde of nature whereby hee is that which he is is also in other angels But the nature of God whereby hee is that which he is is wholly and onely in himselfe and therefore it is altogether one and the same with that which he is Thirdly in an Angell vnto his spirituall nature diuerse things are added and ioyned which may also be taken or put away as wisedome holynesse power c. But all perfections are in God as in the fountaine and though they seeme diuerse vnto vs yea some appeare to be quite contrary one to the other as most seuere iustice and most pitifull mercie yet all these things in God are but only one thing and that is his most single nature essence and beeing The truth of this we may in some sort perceiue by the shining sun for it appeareth vnto our eies to bee a very single pure thing all that we can see in it is nothing els but light most exceeding pure cleare and peircing light yet many sundry vertues are in this light It shineth it heateth it quickneth man beast foule fish fruit yea it seemeth to worke contraries as softning wax hardening clay These and many other things worketh the single light of the shining sunne Much more excellent is the God that made the Sunne In his most single nature is all vertue abilitie and efficacie His name be blessed Amen God is a durable spirit not onely without ending for so hath he made Angels and soules yea and so he will make the bodies of men women and children to be after the resurrectiō but also the Lord God is without beginning Therefore Dauid saith vnto him Psalm 19.2 From euerlasting to euerlasting thou art God God is vnmeasurable that is of such an exceeding infinitenes that he filleth yea surpasseth the whole compasse of heauen and earth Ier. 23.24 2. King 8.27 Yet not so that one part of him is one where and an other els where but God is wholly in all the whole world and wholly in euery part and place of the world Then why is it said that God is in heauen And why are we willed to lift vp our hearts towards heauen when we pray vnto him Because his pleasure is to manifest himselfe in glory cheifely in heauen and from heauen Why doth the Bible say that God is with good folke and not with bad Because he doth graciously acquaint himselfe with those that serue him but he will not be knowne that he is in the company of naughty people because he hateth their behauiour Yet he is where they are heedfully marketh all that they thinke say or doe purposing to call them to an account and to give iudgement vpon them accordding to the practise of their liues God is mightie most mighty almightie He is well able to doe any worke of power either by himselfe without meanes as hee made the world or by means as he drownd the world with water Sometime his pleasure is to worke by meanes but aboue the nature power of the meanes as when he clensed a man frō the leprosie by the water of the riuer Iordan 2. Kin. 5.14 Sometime he stoppeth the power of the meanes as when three of his seruants were by a tyrant cast into a most hot burning fierie furnace for hee tooke such order that the extreame burning heat had no power vpon them though it mischeiued those which put them into the furnace Dan. 3 God can work in what measure of power he will The least measure of his power is stronger then all the power of man 1. Cor. 1.25 Hee is able to make the least bit of bread to giue so much nourishment as a whole loafe It pleaseth him sometime to work more by one man then by another yea more by some one then by many other 1. Cor. 15.10 The power of God is endlesse limited onely by his owne will for whatsoeuer his pleasure is to doe that he doth Psal 135.6 This the poore leperous man beleeued when hee said vnto the sonne of God Matth. 8.2 Lord if thou wilt thou canst make me cleane whereunto he graciously answered saying I will be thou clean and presently the Lord touching him with his hand the foule disease was cleane gone God is wise he onely is wise Rom. 16.27 The wisedome of Angels and men is his gift It is hee that giueth wisedome to the wise and knowledge vnto them that know vnderstanding Dan. 2.21 There is no number of his vnderstanding it is endles Psal 147.5 From the beginning of the world he foreknew all things which should come to passe euen vntill the ende c. Act. 15.18 He knew what was the very best way to be takē in making continuing altering doing or suffering any thing Psal 104.24 Though he may doe what he will because he is the most high Soueraigne Lord of all things yet he doth nothing hee suffereth nothing without most excellent good reason and yet I must not thereupon presume to sinne for as hee hath reason to suffer a man to sinne so hee hath reason moouing him to punish the partie that sinneth yea such reason that S. Peter saith the righteous be scarcely saued 1. Pet. 4.18 God will beat sinne out of them before they die God is holy most holy altogether holy pure cleane and free from any staine of euill He cannot be tempted with euill Iam. 13. Then how came it to passe that so many angels sinned and turned to be deuils Also how came mā to be a sinner God made the Angels and the first man and woman very holy and well able to haue kept themselues so if they would Yea but why did he suffer them to sinne seeing that sinne is most contrarie vnto his holy nature Because he thereupon took occasiō to shew his dreadfull iustice in punishing some and the most wonderfull ioyning of mercy and iustice in sauing others The iustice of God requireth that euery Angel man woman and child be tried and iudged by that which is in them whether it be righteousnesse or sinne Rom. 2.11 the righteous to be saued and the sinner damned So hee condemned all the sinning Angels and so he will condemne a great many of Adams children He might haue cast them al away because they are a guiltie corrupted brood not only children of a traytor
had done enough and enough my heart being farre from God and not once assaying to come neere vnto him Here I would aske a question of the common sort of people young and old I would aske you for no harme Is not this your religion I meane to say your praiers to heare seruice I will not put in to say seruice without any special stirring of your heart not actually minding that you are in talke with God nor so affected as they who perceiue themselues to be so neere vnto euen before the face of that Almightie King who is terrible vnto the Kings of the earth they are his seruiters I take that blessed God to witnesse against my soule if I speake vncharitably or idlely I am perswaded that I haue good reason to feare that a great many of you haue little religion in your hearts but content your selues with saying and hearing and some outward ceremonies Then I can tell you what religion is the fittest for you Euen that which you call the old religion for that wil so furnish you with outward workes and ceremonies that you shall not dreame of medling with your heart You see the deuoutest of them can swallowe downe into their soules lying forswearing murther and treason They make no bones of such matters And why Because the ceremonie-law of Rome serueth their turne I speake vpon my conscience for the glorie of my Lord God and for the good of my countrey It pleased God that specially by the meanes of M. William Olney of Tachbrooke neere Warwicke who tooke me from my poore parents I was in some sort continued at schoole About foureteene or fifteene yeares of age I fell into acquaintance with diuerse that fauoured the Popes religion among whom one lent me a booke thus intituled A defence of the censure giuen vpon two bookes of William Charke and Meredith Hanmer ministers which they wrote against M. Edmund Campian priest of the societie of Iesus and against his offer of disputation This little booke beeing one of the most dangerous bookes that euer I read for they bee little ones that either doe good or harme vnto the greatest number of people did thoroughly distast me with the Protestant-religion before religion was in mine heart A principall case of my distast was the many euill reports which with great pretence of truth it signifieth touching the liues of Luther Caluin and Beza bringing in this reason withall that the authors and beginners of an extraordinary reformation in the Church of God should at the least be ordinarie honest men in life and conuersation which those men were not if that booke be true Here I humbly entreat all people to take knowledge of two things which I haue found true by experience First it is not safe for a man to betake himselfe to this or that side in controuersie of religion vntill his heart and life bee setled in some vprightnesse of obedience vnto God Can a man iudge of colours before he bee borne No. Then how can a man rightly discerne the truth in questions touching the mysterie or secret of godlines he not beeing renewed by the spirit of God Although he haue great learning or depēd vpon the iudgement of great learned men yet Sathan the deuill will haue an hand in him because they which doe not conscionably obey God are subiect to be wrought vpon by him Eph. 2.2 The second thing that I would desire you to take knowledge of is this When a man is well assured that he is entred into a conscionable course of obeying the commandements of God which is the practise of repentance to settle his iudgement touching this or that controuersie in religion hee must not bee lead by the sermons or books or liues of men but principally hee must apply himselfe vnto the grounds of his faith which are two God and Gods word How shall he apply himselfe vnto God By verie often humble and earnest prayer that he will vouchsafe for Iesus Christs sake to giue him the spirit of reuelation the inlightening of minde to perceiue the holy truth S. Paul telleth vs plainly that the secrets of God cannot be rightly known but by the spirit of God 1. Cor. 2.10.11 And our Lord Iesus hath giuen vs this assurance that if we doe earnestly pray vnto God for the holy Ghost hee will giue him vnto vs Luk. 11.5 6 7 8 c. How shall a man apply himselfe to the word of God In following the example of the Iewes that dwelt at Berea who when S. Paul preached vnto them receiued the word with all readinesse But how They searched the Scriptures dayly whether those things which S. Paul deliuered vnto them were so as he said yea or no Act. 17.11 And for your encouragement see what followed Act. 16.12 Therefore many of them beleeued If any say hee cannot vnderstand the word of God I answer he may bee sorrie and ashamed to say so for to what end hath God giuen his word but to be vnderstood euen of very simple folke for of all the books in the world there is none that hath more plainenesse in it then the booke of God hath Many fine schollers haue no minde to reade Gods word because it is so plaine It is certainely one of the maine drifts of Sathan the deuill to make people beleeue that Gods word is hard to bee vnderstood because he would not haue them to vnderstand it for he knoweth that nothing in all the world is so great an hinderance vnto him as Gods word beeing vnderstood Now I will goe forward in my confession I went first to Oxford and then to Cambridge At Oxford I was in Gloster Hall about foure yeares first and last at Cambridge I was in Emanuel Colledge not so long but to that Colledge I am singularly bound Afterward I tooke vpon me to be a schoolemaster and then entred into the ministerie in the yeare of our Lord one thousand fiue hundred nintie and sixe The next yeare after vpon the commendation of diuerse reuerend Ministers in Kent namely my fatherly friend Doctor Milborne of Seuenoke M. Bust of Penshurst M. Deiose of Chiddingstone M. Smith of Chelfield I obtained of Archbishop Whitegift a generall licence to preach I haue beene a minister eighteene yeares and so much more as since the sixeteenth day of May last for as vpon that day Doctor Young Bishop of Rochester gaue mee orders at Bromeley in Kent All this while vntill this verie yeare one thousand sixe hundred and foureteen my heart continued in that inward behauiour wherwith it was first possessed in my childhood Now let me goe backe againe and make report how the Father of mercie hath striuen with me from my youth yea and nowe in good and comfortable measure blessed be his name vanquished the setled wickednesse of mine heart Euer since I had any vnderstanding of Gods will something hath been working vpon my mind perswading me very earnestly to forsake sinne and wholly to submit my selfe
rather endure any losse or dammage then yeeld vnto that sinne And I must assure my selfe that how stronglie soeuer I am tempted God will most certainly enable me to endure that temptation vnlesse I basely consent vnto it When by the grace of God I am freed frō any temptation I must praise him thus O the Father of mercy and the fountaine of power I a most weake wretch not able to resist the least motion of sinne that may be do heartily thanke thee for this gracious deliuerance which thou hast vouchsafed to giue vnto mee O good Lord I beseech thee to continue thy grace towards mee that I may alwaies be more and more thankfull vnto thee thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen If thorough want of heed or by weake resistance I fall into any sinne I must so soone as I know it make my confession and prayer vnto God thus O most holy and righteous Lord God I most damnable sinner haue now sinned against thee thus and thus c. I crie thee mercy O most mercifull Father beseeching thee to giue mee true repentance pardon and freedome from this and from all my sinnes thorough thine onely Sonne Iesus Christ my Lord and Sauiour Amen Moreouer because I am much giuen to sinne openly that is in the sight or in the hearing of some one or many of Gods people which is a great meanes to draw them into sinne or to hardē them in sinne or at least to discourage those which make conscience of their conuersation vnto euery one that shall heare or see me sinning I must so soone as I perceiue my sinne with all possible conuenient speed very plainly and repentingly confesse it thus Such a thing you saw me doe or Such a thing you heard me say I beseech you for Gods sake to take great heed that it cause no euil effect in you for it was a sinne against God and therefore I cry God mercy for it Thus I must confesse any open fault yea if it be commited in preaching writing or howsoeuer A pulpit fault in the same pulpit and to the same company must bee confessed These be my rules for the practise of zealous reformation that I may be in very deed a member and minister of the reformed Church Now I will declare vnto you how I endeauoured to bring my selfe into those foure Rules and with what successe All the rest of Aprill I in a manner lost endeauouring very little or nothing but I could haue no quietnesse in minde longer then I intended that busines The first of May died in our parish a gentleman one M. Villers of the same tormenting disease which I haue he had bin long time very greiuously pained with it Euery day specially in the morning it plagued me Wherefore to ease the paine I dranke much small drinke and sometime water yea now and then mine own water because I was told that so I should be cased But though I dranke neuer so much after it was passed thorough my bodie the paine came againe Yet notwithstanding all this I could not keep my selfe in the company of God specially when I was together with any body for then I fell into a deale of idle vnholy communication The eight of May beeing Sabbath day in the euening these foure were together M. Sidney Zouch M. Mathew Bate Philip Aram Richard Kilby we dranke at M. Matth. Bates house who at the parting said thus vnto vs It is great oddes that not all wee foure shal be aliue this day twelue moneth I roundly took the words to my self iudging that the first which must be gone was I and that god had put into his mind to say those words for my monishment Yet see the setled wickednesse of mine heart after my departure from thē I met with other company and so merily delighted my selfe with prophane talke that when I came into my chamber I was forced to goe prayer-lesse to bedde because my soule was confounded and ashamed to looke vp towards God The morrow morning I prayed thus O blessed Lord God most maruelous art thou in goodnesse and patience Is it possible that thou canst forbeare the powring of thy iust and wrathfull vengeance vpon mee O Lord it is exceedingly enough that thou hast thus long forborne mee Cut off I beseech thee this most cursed course of my sinne and doe vnto mee that which is most pleasing to thy holy will O Lord is there yet any hope that I should be saued Yea with condition of repentance Woe is mee there is no possibilitie of my repentance I cannot steadfastly continue in the purpose of resisting my sinnes yea so long as thy pleasure is to preserue me aliue thou callest mee vnto thee O God I would come but I cannot I will assaie O I haue no faith This is that which commeth of long liuing in sinne Yet who can tell what thou wilt doe if I but offer to assay Without assaying there is no turning without turning no saluation Therefore I will assay Good Lord I cannot How vncouth How strange How beyond all possibilitie doth the practise of a conscionable life seeme vnto mee O Lord besides mine owne inward vnrepentance the violent streame of this world hindereth mee Most folke further mee in sinne some one way some another But a very few holp mee to enter in at the little doore of repentance Men may talke much and professe great matters but it is repentance that shall try what kind of people they be O how easie a thing it is to make an outward shewe if that would serue the turne The heart must be vpright with thee and the spirit must cleaue fast vnto thee else it is no bargaine no couenant betweene thee and the party In the name of Iesus I wil assay O Iesu help me for thy most comfortable names sake Amen That very same day I comming into company turned from God Tuesday I prayed thus O Lord God I do plainely perceiue that to pray vnto thee for the grace of repentance and not to enforce my selfe to practise the meanes is a kind of mockery and a fearefull prouoking of thy displeasure Earnest praier and diligent practise will mutually thorough thy grace strengthen each other But neglect of practise sheweth cold deuotion Therefore I purpose to force my selfe vnto this businesse O good Lord be mercifull vnto mee Amen My intolerable paine grew worse and worse yet I could not frame my selfe to take any sure hold vpon the grace of repentance Munday the sixteenth of May I prayed thus O Lord God had I not been a stony hearted sinner this deadly windines might haue terrified mee from sinne aboue sixe yeares a gone O how blessed should I now haue beene had I but these sixe last yeares in singlenesse of heart serued thee Now my time is gone mine heart is dead within me And though I should liue a while this hellish strangury quite disableth me yet were I turned vnto thee thou wouldest
prayed thus O my creator thou seest how it is with mee Thy goodnesse is most wonderfull my wickednesse is most vncurable and vnsufferable O make a speedie end of my sin which way soeuer it pleaseth thee blessed for euermore be thy Name Amen The morrow I straggled not abroad but mine affections were very vnruly yea and that which is strange I could not frame my mind to take any deep conceit of the wickednesse of mine heart Thus it is when a mans heart is setled in the loue of any euill he is not able to thinke so of it as it is Friday the first of Iuly I dined with a guest a learned friend of mine who tooke occasion to speake somewhat sharpely against Precisians This I thought he did the rather because some informed him that I was too familiar with such people Therefore to satisfie both that minister all others whom it may concerne I most humbly craue the benefit of modest libertie to speake without offence what my poore soule in the sight of God thinketh touching this diuision It hath bin a meanes of great aduantage both to Poperie prophanenesse yea this wretchednes is caused by it Vpon either side diuerse haue nothing else to commend them but only this that they are of that side yea and the side is glad to make vse of them Is it not a lamentable case that some appeare to haue almost no conscience but against ceremonies others none but for ceremonies The Precisian doth in my conscience not without great cause crie out against ignorant idle and prophane ministers But where is the fault The coast had been well cleared by this time of the daie had not Satan caused church-gouernment to be both by way of sobernes and in the fashion of maddenes verie fiercely assailed But to what end to reforme the Church No to deforme it This is my beleefe concerning Church-gouernment Can any man truely say Such a lord Bishop doth not seeke his own worldly commoditie but the edifying of his Diocesse and the glory of Iesus Christ Doth it euidently appeare that his whole bent is in the diligent discharge of his office to approoue himselfe vnto God and vnto euery conscience of men in the sight of God Then will I conclude vpon my soules perill There is the Apostolicall Church-gouernement of Iesus Christ If any such there be who cannot in some good measure be truely so reported of the calamitie is great the iudgement very fearfull Yet because of personall faults to destroy a diuine ordinance and bring in confusion the calamitie would be greater the iudgement more fearefull Indeede Church-discipline is not reuerenced for want of holy seuerity The punishment of fornication and adulterie c. is little else but large fees A filthie gaine fie vpon it I would intreat leaue to speake once more Touching the ministerie besides what I haue by the way signified already I humbly pray great Schollers and all that seeke after riches and advancement in the Church to ponder these my words The Gospel of the Sonne of God must and will first throwe downe Pride and Couetousnes before it worke an vniuersall good in this kingdome Those two great sins cannot be vpheld any way but only by Popery for they must be accompanied with a superstitious conceit that pomp is religion which when all haue said what they can say the Gospel wil not endure So I haue done The same friday after that I had dined it came into my mind to goe into the towne as formerly I had done But I felt in mine heart no desire to goe Therefore comming into my chamber I beganne to wonder at my selfe what should aile me fearing least some secret deadlinesse had seazed vpon mine heart At last I brake out into these words Whatsoeuer is the cause blessed be the name of God O good Lord let whatsoeuer come vpon me so that my spirit may be setled in this disposition And I shall be bound to praise thee most ioyfully for euermore Amen That day I kept my selfe within and the morrow and the Sabbath day hauing gotten one to supply my place All the next weeke I continued so and the Sabbath following my place beeing supplied by one preacher in the forenoone and an other in the afternoone Wednesday the thirteenth of Iuly I still keeping within prayed thus O most holy and dreadfull Lord God with what face can so hainous a sinner as I am dare to speake vnto thy most glorious Maiestie or be so bold to aske any thing of thee Thy most wonderfull goodnesse emboldeneth me And yet still me thinkes I am past grace because sinne doth so abound in me O Lord my sinnes are as the sand of the sea vnnumberable therefore my soule must needs be thorougly and thoroughly stained for euery sinne so often as it is yeelded vnto worketh a black blemish into my soule Woe is me my soule is wholly ouerrun with a most foule filthy leprosie This is all my comfort that thy seruant saith Rom. 5.20 Where sinne abounded grace did much more abound The more deadly the disease the more soueraign the medicine the more excellēt the Physitian that cureth it O God thou art able to doe whatsoeuer powerfull work thou wilt yea thou canst do infinitly more then thou wilt But here is the greatest wonder that thou shouldest vouchsafe to worke a most admirable cure vpon him vnto whom thou mayest most iustly say Away from me thou most damnable sinner Away out of my light I will not pardon thee because thou hast most grieuously displeased and vnpardonably dishonoured me in breaking the lawes of my kingdome in refusing my proffered grace in taking vpon thee to be a preacher of my righteousnes and denying the power therof Yet blessed Lord so long as the Iudge doth not giue order that the condemned prisoner bee taken from the barre the poor wretch cries for his precious life saying Mercie good my Lord Iudge mercie for Iesus Christs sake The name Iesus with an earthly Christian Iudge cannot but be of great force must needs mooue him very much for it is the name of his deare Sauiour the onely name whereby he trusteth to be saued But of all and aboue all the name Iesus is most precious in thy sight beeing not superstitiously parrated but mournfully presented vnto thee Therefore though a thousand thousand seuerall inditements be found against me and though the lawes of thy kingdome do condemne me yet seeing that it is thy good pleasure to suffer me to stand in thy presence and not to bee taken out of this world I crie vnto thee saying Mercie Lord God almighty mercie for thine onely begotten Sonnes sake Iesus Christ God man crucified for the loue of him blessed Lord be mercifull vnto me the worst of all sinners Amen Amen Towards euening I being punished with the hotte passage of my water painfulnesse about the left kidnie and burning of the right foote was much afraid of a deadly
would not faile to put my selfe vnto open shame for euery sinne which thenceforth I should openly commit in word or deede Yea I said thus much vnto him That open sinne which I shall wittingly let passe without open confession do thou neuer forgiue I doe humbly craue aide of euery Christian which shall read or heare this As my disease is very tormenting so my state is too too vncomfortable Eccles 4.10 Woe to him that is alone when he falleth for hee hath not another to helpe him vp I must sit and endure my griefe with silence For to whom shall I complaine Or what shall I ease my selfe by complaining The prouerbe is not more olde then true Euery man is for himselfe and God for all If the latter part held not very true I were woe begone for the first is too true But what aide doe I craue of the Reader or hearer I beseech you that euen for the loue of Christ and Christianitie you will very earnestly intreat our Lord God to bee mercifull vnto me and if it may possibly stand with his holy will to grant mee ease of this irkesome torment Amen Amen That Sabbath day at night I hauing somewhat more conscionably kept that Sabbath day then euer before praised God thus O most mercifull Father with all mine heart I humbly thanke thee for this verie little entracne into the way of saluation Good Lord my soule is yet wretchedly tangled in sinne Free me for thy mercies sake and humble mee to the very vttermost that may be thorough Iesus Christ thine only Sonne my Lord and Sauiour Amen Amen Then also I beganne to sing mine euening Psalme which is not in double meeter as that vnto whose tune I haue set it because I neither had leasure nor minde to be so curious ¶ Mine euening Psalme to the tune of All people that on earth doe dwell O God that art most wonderfull the fountaine of all blessednesse I most vnfit to sing to thee yet needes thy mercie must confesse Needes must I for I am most bound therefore O Lord I thee intreat For to prepare mine heart and tongue thy mercies duely to repeat So soone as I into this world by birth was borne thou causedst mee To be baptized in thy Name In signe of my deliuery Deliuerie from Sathans thrall and from the house of bondage hell That with thee and with thy Christ in euerlasting blisse might dwell And when I was of age to learne thou didst acquaint me with thy grace Moouing mine heart to turne from sinne and thy saluation to embrace But I most foolishly did loue this world and gaue my selfe to sinne Deferring time from day to day and to repent would not beginne Yet notwithstanding all my sinne and manifold iniquitie Yea such most hainous wickednes as alwaies did for vengeance crie So great thy mercie was to me that thou wouldst not my soule forsake But patiently didst vse all meanes to saue me from the burning lake And now at last with much adoe a little I am turn'd from sinne A little very small it is I doe repentance but beginne Yet Lord my soule doth trust that thou wilt small beginning not despise But grant me grace turning to thee by small degrees for to arise So be it O most gracious God be it euen so for Christ his sake I doe beleeue therefore I speake thy childe I trust thou wilt me make O Father Sonne and holy Ghost thou onely God and Lord of all Thy name be blessed euermore of all thy creatures great and small Amen Amen Amen say I Gods name for euer blessed be O heauen ô earth ô creatures all say ye Amen Amen with me I most heartily desire that euery one that hath not more experience in deuotion then I will take this my counsell Accustome your selfe to pray to sing oftentimes vnto God let your prayer and song be such matters as is fitting for one in your state to speake vnto God whether it be confession of sinnes begging of pardon and cleansement from sinne or thanksgiuing c. And that which you speake vnto the Lord by way of praying or singing let it not onely be word of mouth but lift vp the thought of your heart and thinke euery word directly vnto God as you would do if you did see his glorious maiesty with your bodily eyes Be well assured and stedfastly minded that he lookes full vpon you and marketh all your behauiour yea and aboue all things taketh most heedful insight of your thought and affection for longer then you steadfastly thinke vpon him your words in prayer please him not and vnlesse your desire be very earnest he will not regard your petition Therefore enforce your mind to thinke very intendingly vpō God and labour to haue an hungry and thirstie desire of that which you pray for You see that I haue often set downe the word Amen yea and sometime doubled it My reason is because I would be very earnest and effectually feruent in my desire Our Sauiour sheweth vs how earnest and importunate we should be in praying vnto God I pray you consider his words Luk. 11.5 Which of you hauing a friend and shall go vnto him at midnight and say vnto him Friend lend me three loaues 6. For a friend of mine in his iourney is come vnto me I haue nothing to set before him 7. And he from within shall answer and say Trouble mee not the doore is now shut and my children are with me in in bed I cannot rise and giue thee 8. I say vnto you though he will not rise and giue him because he is his friend yet because of his importunitie hee will rise and giue him so many loaues as he needeth Our Lords meaning is that as many a man in his necessitie will haue no deniall but is so importunatly earnest that the partie to whom he maketh suit hath no other way to be quiet but onely by granting his request so ought we to behaue our selues in prayer to God most vehemently crying vnto him for mercie and euer and anone praying againe and againe as Christ himselfe did in the garden not ceasing vntil he doe as certainly he wil shew himselfe very mercifull vnto vs. If we ought to pray so earnestly and so often wo is my heart for many a poor soule that seldome or neuer prayeth but when he is laid downe in his bed and then saith his Paternoster and Creed between sleeping waking making none other reckoning but this that the very bare saying of those things serues the turne Surely it is Popery that hath brought the world to this senceles state by teaching folke to pray in an vnknowne tongue and to say praiers by set number and tale as folke buy and sell apples and peares When I was a child I now and then lay with some elder body who beeing in bed would beginne to say the Lords prayer by and by slumber then awake and begin againe and presently fall asleepe againe If this be true as I take the Lord God to witnes that very true it is what doth it shew Surely this that the common sort of people runne snuggling all day after their worldly busines and then at night kennell vp themselues like so many bruit beasts little or neuer a whit minding that which they should principally intend their conuersion from sinne and their reasonable vnderstanding seruing of God in all that they thinke say or doe Whosoeuer is in this slumbring state I beseech you that for Gods sake you will awaken your soule and doe as the Lord Iesus willeth you Matth. 6.33 Seeke ye first the kingdome of God and his righteousnesse and then all other necessaries shall bee added vnto you The things of this world are like vnto the vantage which many times is giuen into a bargaine Therfore let your cheife care be to make sure your saluation and then your good heauenly Father will not suffer you to lack any thing that is good for you O I pray you beleeue it and build vpon it for he hath giuen his word and promise Heare him what he saith Heb. 13.5 I will not leaue thee nor forsake thee Accustome your selues as I said before to pray often and earnestly vnto God and by the grace of Iesus Christ you shall finde that he will most graciously and kindly acquaint himselfe with your soule O then you will remember these my words say Now Gods blessing light vpon that same poor minister which gaue me this counsel I would not that I had missed it for all that this whole world is worth yea you will most heartily praise the Lord God that it pleased him by so simple a man as I am to set you into the way of vnutterable blessednesse By no meanes suffer your priuate praiers to be heard of others for then it is a hundred to one that the deuill and the priuie pride of your owne heart will marre all and make your deuotions loathsome in the sight of God If you be an house-keeper and haue a wife or any child or seruant vse to pray together with them daily vnles you meane to make them heathen people such as haue none acquaintance with God This matter is so far out of request that many will laugh them to scorne which pray with their houshold whereby a man of any vnderstanding may consider into what a wretched state the world is come Now Christian soule whosoeuer you are the grace mercy of God be with you for euer Thus much I am exceedingly desirous to haue printed before I die If God vouchsafe to giue any increase of life and grace you may be sure that I will doe what I can to acquaint you with it The will of God be done and blessed bee his Name for euermore Amen FINIS