with me as to worldly Matters I was not a little comforted and refreshed also by the last Verse of that Psalm which saith Surely Goodness and Mercy shall follow me all the Days of my Life and I will dwell in the House of the Lord for ever I am sure Goodness and Mercy have followed me to this very Day therefore I will not distrust the merciful Kindness of God to me to my Life's End But if I should be stripp'd of earthly Blessings I beg I may have the Liberty of God's House here and the Happiness of dwelling with him for ever hereafter If I should with Lazarus be clothed with Rags and fed with Crumbs all my Days if my Body should be full of Sores yet if God will own me and approve me and at Death receive me to himself I may with tolerable Patience bear the Inconveniencies of my Pilgrimage-state knowing that they will not last long And that I may with the more Confidence cast my poor fatherless Children upon God I will call to mind those Places that did quiet me under the Loss of my dear and loving and tender Father which were these that God was pleased to promise to be a Father to the Fatherless and that when Father and Mother forsake then the Lord would take them up God hath bidden poor Creatures to cast their Burden upon him assuring them that he takes Care of them and sustains them And the forementioned Place Isa. 41. 10. is a sufficient Cordial to keep any Soul from fainting and sinking under any Distress whatsoever therefore I hope and trust and believe that the good God who hath been so bountiful so merciful and so kind to me to extend so many Favours to me will also take pity of my fatherless Babes With him the Fatherless find Mercy Lord I therefore commit them into thy Hands as unto a faithful Creator and Redeemer and beg that thou wouldst here guide them with thy Counsel and afterwards receive them to Glory Sometimes when my Children have been taken very ill so that there was no room for hope of Life to outward Appearance yet even then hath my good God supported me by some comfortable Portion of his Holy Word Once one of my Children being given over I was in great Perplexity of Mind that Place came to my Thoughts Call on me in the day of Trouble and I will deliver thee and thou shalt glorify me I was extremely revived at the Consideration of that Place for that was then a Time of Trouble to me And then being incouraged that if I called upon God he would deliver me I did then with firm Hopes and Confidence rely upon my merciful God and Father whom I have found ready to help and deliver me out of many Distresses Blessed and for ever blessed be his Name who was pleased to hear the Cries and Groans of his poor unworthy undeserving ill-deserving and Hell-deserving Creature And seeing God was pleased to deliver me from my great Fears my next Inquiry should be how I may glorify this good God Lord help me to make it the Care and Business and Study of my Life how I may please thee and honour thee and serve thy Blessed Majesty the remaining part of my Days Amen Amen PAPER VII WHat a Cordial to the Godly is the first of Peter the first Chapter the second Verse and so on Where we find that God intends Heaven for them and is graciously pleased to reserve and preserve them for it it being a reviving Consideration to me sometimes to see how God deals with his poor Children and what Steps he takes to bring them to Glory I will for the Benefit of my too often desponding Soul ruminate on this Place of Scripture where I find these Words of Peter an Apostle of Iesus Christ who writes to the Strangers scattered throughout Pontus Galatia Cappadocia Asia and Bithynia Elect according to the Fore-knowledg of God the Father through Sanctification of the Spirit unto Obedience and sprinkling of the Blood of Iesus Christ Grace unto you and Peace be multiplied In this Verse I observe how the whole Trinity are imployed in the Salvation of Sinners God the Father he elects he fore-knoweth whom he will bring to himself then the Spirit sanctifieth those whom God hath elected and makes them obedient to their Heavenly Father and they are sprinkled with the Blood of Jesus Christ their Sins for his sake are all done away therefore the Apostle may well say Grace unto you and Peace be multiplied for who can want Grace or Peace whom God the Father Son and Spirit are contriving how to bring them to Glory We may well go on with the Apostle blessing God for his unspeakable Mercies saying Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Iesus Christ which according to his abundant Mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively Hope by the Resurrection of Iesus Christ from the Dead to an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away reserved in Heaven for you who are kept by the Power of God through Faith unto Salvation O Blessed Blessed Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Here in this Life we want Time and Hearts to bless the Lord for his abundant Mercy towards us Eternity will be little enough to sing forth the Praises of the King of Kings for giving us a lively Hope that one Day we shall be so happy to be admitted into the Heavenly Society that are continually viewing the Face of the Lamb and contemplating his Glory This inestimable Privilege is only procured and purchased by the Sufferings Death and Resurrection of our alone Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ who hath provided an Inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that fadeth not away O the Emphasis of these Words an Inheritance What a poor Mortal to be an Heir of Heaven And this Inheritance is incorruptible not subject to Corruption Alteration or Change and it is undefiled The Things of this World are defiled with Sin they are vile contemptible and vain nay Vanity it self but this Heavenly Inheritance we see is incorruptible and undefiled And to compleat our Fruition it fadeth not away but continueth throughout all Successions of Ages There is no Probability nor Possibility of Decay or End for the Immutable and Eternal God hath assured us that they fade not away but are reserved in Heaven a secure Place beyond the reach of Men or Devils It is not in the power of Friend or Foe to dispossess the Children of God of this Heavenly Inheritance When I consider the Happiness the inconceivable Felicity of the Saints above that are now Possessors of this Inheritance that is incorruptible undefiled and that will never fade away I am apt to say with Austin's Mother when she had heard a Discourse of the Glory above What do I here then So am I reflecting What do I here in this defiling World sinning against and offending God when many are got safe beyond
Deal with me as thou usest to do to those that love thy Name Lord I hope I love thee Lord I desire to love thee and to be beloved by thy blessed Majesty and then all the Afflictions that I meet with will make no Breach between thy self and my poor Soul Thou art pleased to afflict me very sore but I do not I dare not I will not say unto thee What dost thou for thou givest no Account of thy Matters It is my Duty to submit admire not to quarrel at thy Providences therefore with all humble Submission I acquiesce to thy Sovereign Will saying as my Blessed Saviour Not my Will but thine O Lord be done PAPER VI. I Am willing to recount some of those many Mercies God hath been pleased to bestow upon me to excite my Self to Thankfulness and to incourage me still to trust in and wait upon that good God who hath bestowed so many Mercies upon me the least of which I am altogether unworthy of I may say with David While I live will I praise the Lord I will sing Praises to my God while I have any Being to that God who hath bestowed my Life Health my Strength my Memory my Reason my Understanding and all the Blessings of this Life upon me and hath through Grace given me Hopes of dwelling with himself in Glory when this miserable Life shall be ended O my Soul praise thou the Lord O give Thanks unto the Lord for he is good for his Mercy endureth for ever Remember the Goodness of God to thee from the very Womb to this very Day nay before thou hadst a Being in this World God was pleased to form thee and write all thy Members in a Book or else what an imperfect Creature might I have been if there had been an Eye or an Ear or any part wanting O that I could be truly thankful for these Mercies I desire with Thankfulness to remember the Dealing of God to me in my Infancy and Childhood How many Dangers and Accidents have I been liable and exposed to and yet God hath been pleased to take Care of me and preserved me from innumerable Mischiefs that have compassed me about I look upon it as no small Blessing that I was born of Christian Religious and Pious Parents such as did truly fear God and did what in them lay to instruct their Posterity in early Piety they were those that frequently addressed themselves to the Throne of Grace the Benefit of whose Prayers I hope to reap both in Life and Death I desire with Thankfulness to own the Goodness of God in taking Care of me and providing for me when I was left motherless in my tender Age when I was uncapable of minding my self yet then was God pleased to raise me up Friends that were careful kind and tender of me some of which did instruct me in the best things and were very solicitous for the Good of my poor Soul and did daily counsel instruct and admonish me to mind my Creator in the Days of my Youth and to live continually as one that must one Day give an Account of all the Good or Evil done in the Body And that you may see how the Goodness of God hath followed me all my Days I will endeavour to recollect those many comfortable Places of Scripture which have been of most excellent Use to me to comfort support and incourage me in many Difficulties and Troubles I have met with some of which I hope will ever keep my Spirits from sinking In my younger Years being seized on by a severe Fit of Illness that comfortable Place was a Support to me Heb. 13. 5. Be content with such things as you have for he hath said I will never leave thee nor forsake thee I was well satisfied with my present Condition though painful and sick enough hoping that God would not leave me nor forsake me Some time after being in great Fear and Danger of some approaching Evil that incouraging Place was brought to my Mind Isa. 41. 10. Fear thou not for I am with thee be not dismayed for I am thy God I will strengthen thee yea I will help thee yea I will uphold thee with the right Hand of my Righteousness This Place vanished all my Fears and caused me to put my Trust and Confidence in the Almighty God who never faileth those that rely on him Afterwards when I came to part with Children though this Affliction was very heavy God was pleased to mitigate it by the Consideration that there was a Name better than that of Sons and Daughters and though God saw fit to deprive me of them for wise Reasons I doubt not yet he was pleased to silence me under his Hand by the Considerations of Heb. 12. 5 6. My Son despise not thou the chastening of the Lord nor faint when thou art rebuked of him for whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth every Son whom he receiveth I have sometimes thought that if I were assured of the Love of my Heavenly Father I could then bear any Affliction Lord I beg I may be truly humbled that I have deserved so many severe Scourges and yet Lord I would be thankful that thou art pleased though by the Rod to bring me home to thy Blessed Self When my dear Husband hath met with many Losses and Crosses I have been apt to be desponding and cast down but God hath mercifully composed me by the Consideration of Matth. 6. 25 26 c. There I see that God clothes the Grass and feeds the Fowls and hath bidden poor Creatures not to be anxious for these outward things assuring us that our Heavenly Father knoweth we have need of these things and that he will graciously supply the Wants of those that seek to him Phil. 4. 6. He hath bidden me to be careful for nothing but in every thing by Prayer and Supplication with Thanksgiving to let my Request be made known unto him and God hath incouraged poor Souls to cast their Care on him letting them know he careth for them What should I go to for Comfort if I had not the Word of the Eternal God to fly to It would be endless to reckon up the thousand Parts of those refreshing comforting and quickning Places that are to be had in the Word of God to comfort poor disconsolate Souls in all Conditions of Life and it ought to be took notice of how God is pleased to sute them to our present Conditions of Life I was once so perplexed with groundless Fears of Troubles that I was for some time unfit for any thing but my good God was pleased to fix upon my Mind Psal 23. 1. The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want There was then no room left for any tormenting Fears but they all vanished away at the Consideration of the Happiness of those that have so careful a Shepherd It is my earnest Request that God will own me as one of his Flock however he deal
Interest in thy Son my only Saviour and Redeemer and do thou graciously give thy Holy Spirit to direct guide quicken counsel and comfort me the remaining part of my sojourning here How few Days may put a Period to my Life I know not In all probability it will not be long before I leave the Stage of this World and be summoned before the Bar of God to give a strict and impartial Account of my past Life O it is an awful thing to die and come to Judgment I beg O Lord I beg that I may be made meet for the Inheritance of the Saints in Light Sanctify me wholly let my whole Spirit Soul and Body be preserved blameless unto the Coming of my Lord Jesus Christ. O be thou pleased to preserve me unto thy Heavenly Kingdom Many Fears and much Ground for Fears have I that I shall never enter into Rest But blessed Lord do not exclude me from thy comfortable Presence hereafter Do thou make me fit to be a Member of those blessed Inhabitants of the New Ierusalem Though I am altogether unworthy yet if thou O Lord please to account me worthy I may then be so happy as to stand before the Son of Man with Courage and Comfort Keep thou me by thy Almighty Power through Faith unto Salvation Let me be preserved from fainting sinking and desponding in my last Conflicts and Agonies Let me see thee who art invisible and with an Eye of Faith look within the Vail whence I look for the Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ to change this vile Body of mine that it may be fashioned like to his glorious Body Let this Saviour be my Saviour and Redeemer even the Lord Jesus Christ and let me be assured that he is mine and I am indeed his and that this vile contemptible wretched Body shall be changed and made like to his glorious and blessed Body This is such an Honour and Privilege that I have hardly a Face to ask But I find a Warrant in thy Word to look long expect pant and wait for so happy a Day and Time as to be in a sinless State and Condition where we shall see our Saviour and be like him where earthly Troubles and Sorrows shall vanish and decay where the World the Flesh and the Devil shall have no Power to tempt molest or disturb those that thou O Lord God Almighty shalt admit into thy Heavenly Kingdom and Glory O blessed Souls that are here owned by thee approved by thee and shall at last be received by thee into those Eternal Mansions above Lord I humbly put in for a Share in these inestimable Mercies and Privileges Earthly things cannot content me without some Hopes some Prospect some Glimpse of thy Love and Favour If thou afford me this I may then bear the Inconveniencies the Hardships and ill Usage I meet with here in this howling Desart Let not my Unworthiness be a Bar and Hindrance to hinder good things from me Look not on me as in my self a vile polluted wretched undone Creature but behold me in and through thy well-beloved Son and for his sake alone be gracious and merciful to me I have been guilty of black and horrid Sins and Millions of Sins have I been committing daily without Sense Sorrow or Remorse O may such a Sinner as I find Mercy Lord I sometimes doubt and despair and conclude there is no Hopes for me I fear Heaven-Gate is shut against me and though I cry and knock it may all be in vain Lord I cannot bear such a Thought as to think I am rejected forsaken and cast off by thee I e'n cry out with the Jailor What shall I do to be saved What shall I do to obtain Eternal Life I find many comfortable Promises in thy Word to repenting and returning Sinners that those that come to thee thou wilt in no wise cast out and that the Blood of Jesus Christ thy Son cleanseth from all Sins Lord I desire to come to thee and come in a right manner and humbly beg thou wilt not cast me out nor cast me off as one whom thou no more canst love Let me have the Benefit of that healing cleansing Peace-speaking Blood of the Lamb of God which taketh away the Sins of the World I find in thy Word a black Catalogue of Sins and Sinners too who have been guilty of gross Offences whose Crimes would certainly exclude them Heaven unless thy unlimited Mercy and Compassion had inclined thee to look with Pity on them When the Apostle had mentioned those foul and horrid Sins that should deprive poor Souls of the Joys of Heaven he immediately for the Benefit of After-Ages and the Comfort of desponding Souls adds But such were some of you but ye are washed but ye are sanctified but ye are justified in the Name of the Lord Iesus and by the Spirit of our God Lord thou alone knowest what numberless Numbers of Sins I am guilty of and for which e're long I shall be summoned to give a strict and severe Account Lord I have nothing to plead for my self why I should not be condemned but I humbly cast my self at the Throne of thy Grace and implore Mercy Mercy Lord Mercy I need without this I cannot live comfortably nor die safely O let me even me be washed let me be sanctified let me be justified in the Name of the Lord Jesus let me be a Partaker of the Benefits of his Death Resurrection Ascension and Intercession and let me be assured I am one of those that shall live and reign with him World without end In my sorest Distresses and last Agonies and Conflicts let me see thee a God in Covenant and reconciled to me Let not my Evidences for Heaven be then to get When I come to die let me have nothing to do but to die and surrender up my Soul into the Hands of that God who gave it me Let not the Foresight or Prospect of Death be so terrifying as to overwhelm me and cause me to fall from thee Be with me when I pass through the dark and dismal Passage of Death When Flesh Heart and all Creature-Comforts fail and forsake me O Blessed Lord be thou the Strength of my Heart and my Portion for ever-more PAPER XI WORK while it is Day the Night is coming in which none can work Now is the Day of God's Patience and Forbearance this is the only time that God hath allotted for Work and Service He that doth the Work for which he came into the World faithfully and carefully shall in the Evening of the Day receive a bountiful Reward but if he neglects his Opportunity and squanders away his Time in Idleness and Sloth the Night will surprise him and then it will be too late to begin that Work which before he would not be perswaded to set about This Counsel is serious and grave every one hath Work to do O that all would be convinced of this great Truth we have Souls to
save Heaven to secure an Interest in Christ to get and yet we are stupid and negligent as if this were a Matter of no great moment O my God give me Wisdom that I may see the Necessity of looking after my Soul that it may go well with that however it fare with the Body and worldly Concerns Now is the Day now is the Time to provide for a happy Eternity to Day if you will hear his Voice to Morrow may be too late therefore now set about this Work in good earnest see how it stands with thy poor Soul Is God and thy Soul Friends or are they still at a distance Is God dearer to thee than all the World Dost thou think thy self happier in being a Child of God an Heir of Heaven than if thou wert possessed of all the things of this lower World Dost thou not prize and value God as thy Chief Friend and rather have his Favour and Friendship than to have the greatest Monarchs on thy side Dost thou humbly resolve to be the Lord's and his only and that thy Time thy Heart and Strength thy Memory Understanding shall be all exercised in thy Maker's Service Study his Mind and Will and then readily comply with his Commands fear his Threatnings believe his Promises obey his Precepts and resolve with Iob that though he slay thee yet thou wilt trust in him Resolve to follow God through all Difficulties beg of him to own thee for his to avouch thee to be one of his peculiar People Secure a Title to Heaven this World is passing away apace the Day is spending and the Night approaching in which I cannot work I am sensible of the Greatness of my Work and know not how short my Time may be it may be shorter than I or the World imagine My Work is so great and difficult that in my own Strength I can do nothing Lord Jesus I implore thy Aid and Assistance for thy Merit sake let my Sins all be done away let me be sanctified justified pardoned and be made meet to be received into those blessed Mansions that are prepared for thy Redeemed Ones Let me have those Qualifications that are requisite in all those whom thou admittest to live and reign with thee for ever that Holiness of Life that Purity of Heart that Sincerity that Heavenly-mindedness that Weanedness from this World and worldly Injoyments which is required in all those that love and fear thee Let me have those Divine Qualities that may render me amiable in the Eyes of my Judg. O blessed Jesus let thy Righteousness be imputed unto me and my Sins washed away with thy precious Blood Deny me not an Interest in thy meritorious Death and Sufferings I cannot be happy here nor hereafter without some comfortable Hopes that I do belong to the Election of Grace Lord if it be thy Will let me know assuredly that I am one of them for whom Christ died seeing he died for Sinners let me never die in my Sins And as I trust Christ died for me so let thy Holy Spirit live and reign in me Let me be guided directed counselled comforted strengthned and supported the remaining part of my Days that whether they be few or many they may be so spent that when I come to lie upon a sick and Death-bed I may lift up my Head with Joy unspeakable hoping my Redemption draws nigh In my last Agonies be not thou far from me thou art now and I am sure wilt be then my only Hope therefore be not a Terror unto me Let me then find that the Eternal God is my Refuge and that underneath are his everlasting Arms. I do expect to have my Flesh and my Heart within a little while to fail me but Lord be thou the Strength of my Heart and my Portion for ever Lord I hope I have chosen thee long ago for my Portion and am resolved by thy Grace enabling me to stick to my Choice therefore be thou pleased to be with me in my sorest Conflict at the Hour of Death and in the Day of Judgment Let me not then be left by thee or forsaken and rejected by thee the Great Judg of all the World whose irreversable dreadful Sentence will e'r long be pass'd upon all those that forget and neglect thee in which Number I beg I may not be found Seeing Time is posting away and Eternity appoaching and none knows how soon Death may arrest them it is highly necessary to be often considering what will do us most good and stand us most in stead at a dying Hour when this World and all its Injoyments will as Iob saith of the White of an Egg have no Relish nor 〈◊〉 in them When we come to the Brink of Eternity all our earthly Comforts will vanish and disappear our Friends and nearest and dearest Relations will bid as adieu they cannot help us nor hinder Death one Moment Our Riches though we had gained never so much cannot ease one Pain nor find one Remedy for our mortal Disease the Serjeant Death will not be bribed to stay till another Year or Day or Hour no they must be gone nill they will they they must into the other World Let me O Lord be in a Posture of Readiness that when thou shalt summons me to appear before thy dreadful Throne I may not be found naked but may be found in Christ and not in my Sins Let me by every Sabbath Sermon Prayer and Sacrament be brought nearer to thy self whose I am and whom I hope to serve here and injoy hereafter in thy Heavenly Kingdom where are an innumerable Company of Angels and the general Assembly and Church of the First-born which are written in Heaven where is God the Judg of all and the Spirits of just Men made perfect and Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant and the Blood of Sprinkling that speaketh better things than that of Abel Who can think of these glorious Inhabitants and not long to be with them O happy and blessed Souls are they that are safe got home and are now with God and his Angels and this Assembly and Church of the First-born whose Names were written in Heaven Who would not desire to be with the Spirits of the just Men who are made perfect O the Goodness of God to make Men perfect and then receive them to himself because they are so O what Thanks should be ascribed to our dear Lord Jesus the Mediator of the New Covenant for purchasing at so dear a rate such inestimable Privileges and Blessings for such vile Worms as Men This Blood of Sprinkling cries louder for Mercy than the Blood of Abel did for Vengeance These holy Ones have washed their Robes and made them white in the Blood of the Lamb. The Lamb's Blood can wash the foulest Sinner white therefore are they brought before the Throne of God and serve him Day and Night in his Temple and he that sitteth on the Throne shall dwell among them they shall