Selected quad for the lemma: master_n
Text snippets containing the quad
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ID |
Title |
Author |
Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) |
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A25900
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The Art of cuckoldom, or, The intrigues of the city-wives
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1697
(1697)
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Wing A3790; ESTC R10574
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49,098
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100
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into his hand the young Artist went off with flying Colours The next Morning our young Spark sent a more able Operator whom he rewarded with a brace of Crowns to go in his stead and make an excuse for him that he was faln Ill and was afraid of the new Fever and for that Reason had sent his Deputy One Evening at the end of the Week the Ladies Maid came to his Lodging from her Mistress to tell him That the morrow Morning following the Coast would be clear for her Husband was to be out the whole Forenoon And therefore she desired his Company remembring him withal to bring his Tools along with him Ay Chicken reply'd the Spark I never go to a fair Lady without ' em Nay reply'd the Girl I mean your Corn-cutting Tools for you must come in that Habit again So the Gentleman repaying her former Favours he presented the Girl with ten Guineas and promised to be punctual at the Assignation c. The next Morning he made his Visit at Eight when the Lady in a loose Dress a Dishabilee only her morning Gown c. and in her own Chamber was ready to receive him And here he continued till near Noon for the Lady had very private and important Affairs with him for her Fondness would not yield to part with him till the last Minute when she was forced to lose him nor was he Idle all the while for no doubt she found Work enough for so dear an Operator Between Eleven and Twelve the Husband returned and the Corn-cutter was dismis'd the Maid attending him down to the Shop door It happened that the Husband had brought home with him a very eminent Citizen a Banker in Lumbard-street who seeing a Face pass by him that he was so very well acquainted with catch'd hold of our young Spark why how now crys the Cash-broker What have we got here my good old Friend Sir William in Masquerade Sir William Sir answer'd the Landlord somewhat surpriz'd why Sir do you know this Man Know him Sir reply'd the Banker ay Sir I think I have Reason to know him for I have Six Thousand Pounds of his in my Hands Lord have Mercy upon us crys the old Man lifting up his Eyes to Heaven and turning as pale as Death a Sir William and Six Thousand Pound and my Wives Corn-cutter Oh! I a Sir William answer'd the young Spark and Six Thousand Pound faith Master woul'd you would make your words true I gad if I had but half that Mony I 'd build one of the Steeple's of Pauls I beg your Pardon honest Fellow reply'd the Goldsmith finding he had done Mischief and smelling a Trick now I hear thee speak I find my mistake thou hast a Face as like a Bedfordshire Baronet as one Apple's like another but thy Voice is no more like his than a Bagpipe to a Recorder And so the young Spark scrap'd him a Leg and march'd off Lord Sir continu'd the Banker how two Faces may be alike I remember I read a Story of a Shooe-maker of Maidstone in Kent in Harry the Eighths Reign that was so like the King that he was sent for up to Court and in one of the King's Vests past through the whole Court at Whitehall saluted for the King and undiscovered by all his Guards and coming to the King's Presence the King saw his own Picture so exactly that he ask'd the fellow Jocosely If his Mother had never been at Court No reply'd the noble Cordwainer but my Father has been there The King was so very well pleased with so smart and ingenious a Repartee that he setled a very fair Estate upon his Royal Representative and made him that little Prince of a Crispin a Degree above his Awle or his paring Knife The good old Gentleman was mightily pleased with this Story thanked the kind Banker for the Relation laugh'd at his own groundless surprize making all the due Application of the Story to his own Case and went off with all the intire Satisfaction and Peace like a true City Husband with full Faith and Confidence in his innocent Yoke-mate and her honest Corn-cutter INTRIEGUE III. ABOVE a year before the Revolution a young Gentleman whom wee 'll call Peregrine of very Honourable Birth and Education the second Brother to an eminent Baronet in the West of England fell passionately in Love with a young Country Gentlewoman the Off-spring of a Father who bating his over-much Inclination to Avarice even to a Fault was a very accomplish'd Man and the Master of many eminent Virtues It unhappily fell out if we may venture to Arraign the distribution of Providence that this young Lover though with the too slender Fortune of a younger Brother was a Person of that Gallantry Wit Spirit and Courage so much beyond the weaker Merit and the more cloudy Intellects of his elder Brother that swept the whole Estate from him that 't is much to be pitied that no other Title but the start of a year into the world before him should load this Saturnine elder Birth with above Two Thousand per Annum and the Sprightlier younger Brother should carry little more than as many Hundreds This young Lover with the foremention'd Accomplishments made a very fortunate Attack upon the young Ladies Heart with a success even to his own utmost Wishes and when the mutual Faith was plighted and not till then there remaining nothing now but Obedience to be consulted the Fathers consent was ask'd to the Marriage being now told that he had long lov'd his Daughter the fair Vrania for that shall be her Name and there was nothing wanting but his paternal Assent and Blessing to Crown their mutual Felicity The Father seem'd much surpriz'd at this Narration and fell into a very great Passion at the Boldness of his Daughter to receive and encourage a Suiter without giving him an earlier Account of the Matter urging that it was the highest Breach of her filial Duty to keep any thing of this kind conceal'd from a Parent it being his equal Right to have a concurrence as well in the disposal of her Heart nay even her very Looks as of her Person In short here was the paternal Authority infringed and nothing could pacify the angry Father But all this Out-cry which indeed was but the pretence was really Founded upon a more heinous Disgust Neither the Quality nor Person of the young Lover were any ways Faulty nor the private Commerce of Love so long manag'd betwixt the young couple was the true capital Crime No her Father was able to give her half Five Thousand Pound Portion and the poor young Gentlemans worldly Circumstances did not deserve such a Fortune If the elder Brother 't is true had been her humble Servant the infringement of the paternal Power had then been a more venial Sin A Baronet and Two Thousand a year might have woo'd won nay and worn her too without half this Quarrel To shorten this part of my History 't
laid under the Bolster it was the Maids Post to be watchful in the Morning when the Husband rose for he was always an early Man that he should not go in there for fear of waking her Mistress But there was no danger of that for the first thing he did was to go down into his back Shop and there in a small Closet or Counting-house to settle his Shop-books At this Opportunity the young Gallant made hast to rise and was led down by the Maid The Master happening then to be in the Fore-Shop very hastily askt her who she had got there To which the Maid dropping a low Courtesy made answer only a Corn-cutter Sir When came he hither reply'd the old Spark I brought him in Sir answered the Wench when you went first into your Counting-house for some occasion I had for him A Corn-cutter Replied the old Spark you are come in good time Friend I shall use you my self I have a troublesome Corn on my left foot and a Toe-nail that grows into the Flesh But take him up again Hussey and give him a Glass of our Drink till I finish my Accounts and come up to him Ay and thank you noble Master replied the Spark in Quirpo I was Prentice to old Stephens and I thank Heave am as able to serve you with a whip and a flash at a Foot 's End as neatly as any Man in Towne And so the Maid carried him up Stairs As soon as he got up again he was under some present Consternation how to behave himself for he fancied himself but a damnable awkward Corn-cutter and as bad provided with Tools for it However a sudden thought came into his Head to carry it off very heroically and therefore he desired the Maid to get him a Penknife for one of his Corn-cutting Tools But above all to help him to a piece of Plastering which the House at that time not furnishing she presently be thought her of two large Velvet Temple Patches that she wore for the Head ach for which the Gentleman immediately dismantled a large Snush-box of half an ounce of Spanish and clapping in the two Plaisters was intirely accommodated with a Salvatory and indifferently well set up for the Manual Management Our young Corn-cutter was no sooner equipt with his necessary Implements but up came the old Gentleman and sitting down in an Elbow-chair as he pull'd of his Shoe and Stocking he began to ask him some Questions Well Friend says he what Country-man art thou Northwest Sir answers our Corn-cutter Northwest Friends Corn. Ay Sir I was born at Pancrass Old Gen. Pancrass From Cheapside Troth I think that 's Northwest indeed But Friend thou say'st thou wert Stephens's Prentice does thy Occupation take Prentices Prentices Sir replied the Corn-cutter ay and all the reason in the World Lord Sir we intend to petition the King for a Charter build a Hall and set up a Corporation of the Right Worshipful Corn-cutters Nay Friend answers the Don I believe thou art Stephens's Prentice indeed he was just such another joking Wag as thou art Ay Sir says he my Master before me was an ingenious Dog and I am a true Whelp of his own Breeding Old Gent. But Friend are you Master of his Art too Corn. Never fear Sir my Master was too good a Commonwealths-man to let his Talent dye with him And tho' I say 't as should not say 't I scorn to turn my Back to the best manual Operator in the whole Mystery Old Gent. Most learnedly spoken then you are sure you are very dextrous at Corn-cutting Corn. Dextrous at it Ay Sir I 'll cut your Corns and pare you Horns with the best Master of the Art in Kent or Christendom Old Gent. My Horns Friend Corn. Your Nails Sir your Nails Horns and Nails are of the same natural homogeneal Growth as the famous Paracelsus the great Doctor of our Chair has very learnedly observed in his Treatise of Anatomy Why this Fellow replies the Lady that stood by talks like a Philosopher Corn. Ay Madam I have Read Aristotle's Problems If your Ladyship never saw it I 'll lend it you Lady Nay troth this is a merry Fellow indeed Corn. Merry Madam why 't is the best Tool of my Trade my Master got half his Estate by it Estate reply'd the Mercer I thoguht he had dy'd in Sutton's Hospital Corn. Ay Sir no matter for that he had good Lands and Livings to my Knowledge Old Gent. Lands and Livings prethee in what part of the World Corn. Why in Gypsey Land We Corn-cutters are mungril Gypsies Our Lands and our Livings Are of other Folks givings And so rubs the World away Lady Troth my Dear I like this Fellow well I care not if I come under his Hands Corn. Truly Madam I shall use you very gently for I have a very neat Hand at Womens Work Lady Now I think on 't I have a kind of a soft Corn on the inside of one of my great Toes that dos so pain me Corn. A Pain between your two great Toes You are not the first fair Lady that has been troubled with that Malady But Madam if I don 't presently ease you Lady Sayst thou so then call some Morning towards the end of the Week and I 'll take a Cast of your Office By this time the old Gentleman was ready for the manual Operation and had shew'd where his Grievance lay Well Sir says the Corn-cutter shall I go through stitch with you and take out your Corn Root and Branch or shall I leave some few strings of it behind me to have your Custom another time Nay Friend replies the Don if you have an Art to take it off Root and Branch that it will never grow again pray use your best Skill though I pay you double Fees for 't Corn. Why then I 'll tell you I have a Plaister here in my Box that will so ripen it in one 24 Hours that by to morrow Morning when I shall come again I 'll make such clever Work on 't that I 'll lay my Life to a half penny worth of Butter-milk you shall never hear more on 't Old Gent. Sayst thou so Then prithee lay on thy Plaister But what a Velvet Plaister Corn. Ay Sir I always suit my Surgery to my Customers Your Worship has past your Brass Chain and your plush Jerkin and your rich Batchelorship and may live to be an Alderman And so a Velvet patch to a Velvet jump is all secundum artem Having reserved the Corn-Cure for the Morrow the old Gentleman however desired the other part of his Office viz. The paring of his Nails but our Corn-cutter to shorten the Story excused that too till to morrow Morning for want of an extraordinary Tool that he said he had at the Grinders which he would bring with him and which shou'd do it much more easily than any of his present Implements he had about him And so the old Spark stealing a Shilling