THE MERRY VVIVES OF WINDSOR With the humours of Sir Iohn Falstaffe As also the swaggering vaine of Ancient Pistoll and Corporall Nym. Written by William Shake-Speare Newly corrected LONDON Printed by T. H. for R. Meighen and are to be sold at his Shop next to the Middle-Temple Gate and in S. Dunstans Church-yard in Fleet-street 1630. THE MERRY VVIVES OF VVINSOR Actus primus Scena prima Enter Iustice Shallow Slender Sir Hugh Euans Master Page Falstoffe Bardolph Nym Pistoll Anne Page Mistresse Ford Mistresse Page Simple Shallow SIr Hugh perswade mee not I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it if he were twenty Sir Iohn Falstoffe hee shall not abuse Robert Shadow Esquire Slen. In the County of Glocester Iustice of Peace and Coram Shal. I Cosen Slender and Cust alorum Slen. I and Rotulorum too and a Gentleman borne Master Parson who writes himselfe Armigero in any Bill Warrant Quittance or Obligation Armigero Shal. I that I doe and haue done any time these three hundred yeeres Slen. All his successors gone before him hath don 't and all his Ancestors that come after him may they may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate Shal. It is an olde Coate Euans The dozen white Lowses doe become an olde Coat well it agrees well passant It is a familiar beast to man and signifies Loue. Shal. The Luse is the fresh-fish the salt-fish is an old Coate Slen. I may quarter Coz Shal. You may by marrying Euans It is marring indeed if he quarter it Shal. Not a whit Euan. Yes per-lady if hee ha's a quarter of your coate there is but three Shirts for your selfe in my simple coniectures but that is all one if Sir Iohn Falstaffe haue committed disparagements vnto you I am of the Church and will be glad to doe my beneuolence to make attonements and compremises betweene you Shal. The Councell shall heare it it is a Riot Euan. It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot there is no feare of Got in a Riot The Councell looke you shall desire to heare the feare of Got and not to heare a Riot take your viza-ments in that Shal. Ha o' my life if I were yong againe the sword should end it Euans It is petter that friends is the sword and end it and there is also another deuice in my praine which peraduenture prings goot discretions with it There is Anne Page which is daughter to Master Thomas Page which is pretty virginity Slen. Mistris Anne Page shee has browne haire and speakes small like a woman Euans It is that ferry person for all the world as iust as you will desire and seuen hundred pounds of Moneies and Gold Siluer is her Grand sire vpon his deaths-bed Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections giue when she is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old It were a goot motion if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles and desire a marriage betweene Master Abraham and Mistris Anne Page Slen. Did her Grand sire leaue her seauen hundred pound Euan. I and her father is make her a petter penny Slen. I know the young Gentlewoman she has good gifts Euan. Seuen hundred pounds possibilities is goot gifts Shal. Wel let vs see honest Master Page is Falstaffe there Euan. Shall I tell you a lye I doe despise a lyer as I doe despise one that is false or as I despise one that is not true the Knight Sir Iohn is there and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers I will peat the doore for Master Page What hoa Got-plesse your house heere Master Page Who 's there Euen Here is go 't's plesting and your friend and Iustice Shallow heere young Master Slender that peraduentures shall tell you another tale if matters grow to your likings Master Page I am glad to see your Worships well I thanke you for my Venison Master Shallow Shal. Master Page I am glad to see you much good doe it your good heart I wish'd your Venison better it was ill killed how doth good Mistresse Page and I thanke you alwaies with my heart la with my heart M. Page Sir I thanke you Shal. Sir I thanke you by yea and no I doe M. Pa. I am glad to see you good Master Slender Slen. How do's your fallow Greyhound Sir I heard say he was out run on Cotsall M. Pa. It could not be iudg'd Sir Slen. You 'll not confesse you 'll not confesse Shal. That hee will not 't is your fault 't is your fault 't is a good dogge M. Pa. A Cur Sir Shal. Sir hee 's a good dog and a faire dog can there be more said he is good and faire Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe heerr M. Pa. Sir hee is within and I would I could doe a good office betweene you Euan. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake Shal. He hath wrong'd me Master Page M. Pa. Sir he doth in some sort confesse it Shal. If it be confessed it is not redressed is not that so M. Page he hath wrong'd me indeed he hath at a word he hath belecue me Robert Shallow Esquire saith hee is wronged Ma. Pa. Here comes Sir Iohn Fal. Now Master Shallow you 'll complaine of me to the King Shal. Knight you haue beaten my men kill'd my deere and broke open my Lodge Fal. But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter Shal. Tut a pin this shall be answer'd Fal. I will answer it strait I haue done all this That is now answer'd Shal. The Councell shall know this Fal. 'T were better for you if it were known in Councell you 'll be laugh'd at Eu. Pauca verba Sir Iohn good worts Fal. Good worts good Cabidge Slender I broke your head what matter haue you against me Slen. Marry sir I haue matter in my head against you and against your cony-catching Rascals Bardolf Nym and Pistoll Bar. You Banbery Cheese Slen. I it is no matter Pist How now Mephostophilus Slen. I it is no matter Nym. Slice I say pauca pauca Slice that 's my humor Slen. Where 's Simple my man can you tell Cosen Eua. Peace I pray you now let vs vnderstand there is three Vmpires in this matter as I vnderstand that is Master Page fidelicet Master Page and there is my selfe fidelicet my selfe and the three party is lastly and finally mine Host of the Garter Ma. Pa. We three to heare it and end it between them Euan. Ferry goo't I will make a priefe of it in my note-booke and we will afterwards orke vpon the cause with as great discreetly as we can Fal. Pistoll Pist He heares with eares Euan. The Teuill and his Tam what phrase is this hee heares with eare why it is affectations Fal. Pistoll did you picke M. Slenders purse Slen. I by these gloues did he or I would I might neuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else of seauen groates in mill-sixpences and two Edward Shouelboords that cost me two shilling and two pence a peece of Yead Miller by
the little Page and truely Master Page is an honest man neuer a wife in Windsor leades a better life then she do's do what shee will say what she will take all pay all goe to bed when shee list rise when she list all is as she will and truly she deserues it for if there be a kinde woman in Windsor shee is one you must send her your Page no remedie Fal. Why I will Qui. Nay but doe so then and looke you hee may come and goe betweene you both and in any case haue a nay-word that you may know one anothers minde and the Boy neuer heede to vnderstand any thing for 't is not good that children should know any wickednes old folkes you know haue discretion as they say and know the world Fal. Farethee-well commend mee to them both there 's my purse I am yet thy debter Boy goe along with this woman this newes distracts me Pist This Puncke is one of Cupids Carriers Clap no more sailes pursue vp with your fights Giue fire she is my prize or Ocean whelme all Fal. Saist thou so old Iacke goe thy waies I le make more of thy old body then I haue done will they yet looke after thee wilt thou after the expence of so much money be now a gainer good Body I thanke thee let them say 't is grossely done so it bee fairely done no matter Bar. Sir Iohn there 's one Master Broome below would faine speake with you and be acquainted with you and hath sent your worship a mornings draught of Sacke Fal. Broome is his name Bar. I Sir Fal. Call him in such Broomes are welcome to me that that ore'flowes such liquor ah ha Mistresse Ford and Mistresse Page haue I encompass'd you goe to via Ford. ' Blesse you sir Fal. And you sir would you speake with me Ford. I make bold to presse with so little preparation vpon you Fal. You 'r welcome what 's youâ—â—ill giue vs leaue Drawer Ford. Sir I am a Gentleman that haue spent much my name is Broome Fal. Good Master Broome I desire more acquaintance of you Ford. Good Sir Iohn I sue for yours not to charge you for I must let you vnderstand I thinke my selfe in better plight for a Lender then you are the which hath something emboldned mee to this vnseason'd intrusion for they say if money goe before all waies doe lye open Fal. Money is a good Souldier Sir and will on Ford. Troth and I haue a bag of money heere troubles me if you will helpe to beare it Sir Iohn take all or halfe for easing me of the carriage Fal. Sir I know not how I may deserue to bee your Porter Ford. I will tell you Sir if you will giue mee the hearing Fal. Speake good Master Broome I shall be glad to be your Seruant Ford. Sir I heare you are a Scholler I will be briefe with you and you haue beene a man long knowne to me though I had neuer so good meanes as desire to make my selfe acquainted with you I shall discouer a thing to you wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection but good Sir Iohn as you haue one eye vpon my follies as you heare them vnfolded turne another into the Register of your owne that I may passe with a reproofe the easier sith you your selfe know how easie it is to be such an offender Fal. Very well Sir proceed Ford. There is a Gentlewoman in this Towne her husbands name is Ford. Fal. Well Sir Ford. I haue long lou'd her and I protest to you bestowed much on her followed her with a doating obseruance Ingross'd opportunities to meete her free'd euery slight occasion that could but nigardly giue mee sight of her not onely brought many presents to giue her but haue giuen largely to many to know what she would haue giuen briefly I haue pursu'd her as Loue hath pursud mee which hath beene on the wing of all occasions but whatsoeuer I haue merited either in my minde or in my meanes meede I am sure I haue receiued none vnlesse Experience be a Iewell that I haue purchased at an infinite rate and that hath taught me to say this `` Loue like a shadow flies when substance Loue pursues `` Pursuing that that flies and flying what pursues Fal. Haue you receiu'd no promise of satisfaction at her hands Ford. Neuer Fal. Haue you importun'd her to such a purpose Ford. Neuer Fal. Of what qualitie was your loue then Ford. Like a faire house built on another mans ground so that I haue lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it Fal. To what purpose haue you vnfolded this to me Ford. When I haue told you that I haue told you all Some say that though shee appeare honest to mee yet in other places shee enlargeth hir mirth so farre that there is shrewd construction made of her Now Sir Iohn here is the heart of my purpose you are a Gentleman of excellent breeding admirable discourse of great admittance authenticke in your place and person generally allow'd for your many warlike court-like and learned preparations Fal. O Sir Ford. Beleeue it for you know it there is money spend it spend it spend more spend all I haue onely giue me so much of your time in exchange of it as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife vse your Art of wooing win her to consent to you if any man may you may as soone as any Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection that I should win what you would enioy Methinkes you prescribe to your selfe very preposterously Ford. O vnderstand my drift she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honor that the folly of my soule dares not present it selfe she is too bright to be look'd against Now could I come to her with any detection in my hand my desires had instance and argument to commend themselues I could driue her then from the ward of her purity her reputation her marriage vow and a thousand other her defences which now are too-too strongly embattaild against me what say you too 't Sir Iohn Fal. Master Broome I will first make bold with your mony next giue me your hand and last as I am a Gentleman you shall if you will enioy Fords wife Ford. O good Sir Fal. I say you shall Ford. Want no money Sir Iohn you shall want none Fal. Want no Mistresse Ford Master Broome you shall want none I shall be with her I may tell you by her own appointment euen as you came in to me her assistant or goe betweene parted from me I say I shall be with her betweene ten and eleuen for at that time the iealious rascallyknaue her husband will be forth come you to me at night you shall know how I speed Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance do you know Ford Sir Fal. Hang him poore Cuckoldly knaue I know him not yet I wrong him to
to young Master Fenton He capers he dances he has cies of youth he writes verses he speakes holliday he smels Aprill and May he will carry 't hee will carry 't 't is in his buttons he will carry 't Page Not by my consent I promise you The Gentleman is of no hauing he kept companie with the wilde Prince Pointz hee is of too high a Region hee knows too much no hee shall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my substance if he takes her let him take her simply the wealth I haue waits on my consent and my consent goes not that way Ford. I beseech you heartily some of you goe home with me to dinner besides your cheere you shall haue sport I will shew you a monster Master Doctor you shall goe so shall your Master Page and you Sir Hugh Shal. Well fare you well We shall haue the freer woing at Master Pages Cai. Go home Iohn Rugby I come anon Host Farwell my hearts I will to my honest Knight Falstaffe and drinke Canarie with him Ford. I thinke I shall drinke in Pipe-wine first with him I le make him dance Will you go Gentles All. Haue with you to see this Monster Exeunt Scoena Tertia Enter Master Ford. Master Page Seruants Robin Falstaffe Ford Page Caius Euans Mis Ford. What Iohn what Robert M. Page Quickly quickly Is the Buck-basket Mis Ford. I warrant What Robin I say Mis Page Come come come Mi Ford. Heere set it downe M. Page Giue your men the charge wee must be briefe be ready here hard by in the Brew house and when I sodainly call you come forth and without any pause or staggering take this basket on your shoulders that done trudge with it in all hast and carry it among the Whitsters in Dotchet Mead and there empty it in the muddie ditch close by the Thames side Mis Page You will do it M. Ford. I ha told them ouer and ouer they lacke no direction Begone and come when you are call'd M. Page Here comes little Robin Mis Ford. How now my Eyas Musket what newes with you Rob. My M. Sir Iohn is come in at the backe doore Mist Ford and requests your company Mis Page You little lack-a-lent haue you bin true to vs. Rob. I I le be sworne my Master knowes not of your being heere and hath threatned to put mee into euerlasting liberty if I tell you of it for he sweares he 'll turne me away Mis Page Thou' rt a good boy this secrecy of thine shall be a Tailor to thee and shall make thee a new doublet and hose I le go hide me Mis Ford. Do so go tell thy Master I am alone Mistris Page remember you your Qu. Mis Page I warrant thee if I do not act it hisse me Mis Ford Go too then we 'l vse this vnwholsome humidity this grosse-warry Pumpion we 'll teach him to know Turtles from Iayes Fal. Haue I caught thee my heauenly Iewell Why now let me die for I haue liu'd long enough This is the period of ambition O this blessed houre Mis Ford. O sweet Sir Iohn Fal. Mistris Ford I cannot cog I cannot prate Master Ford now shall I sinne in my wish I would thy Husband were dead I le speake it before the best Lord I would make thee my Lady Mis Ford. I your Lady Sir Iohn Alas I should be a pittifull Lady Fal Let the Court of France shew mee such another I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond Thou hast the right arched-beauty of the brow that becomes the Ship-tyre the Tyre-valiant or any Tire of Venetian admittance Mist Ford. A plaine Kerchiefe Sir Iohn My browes become nothing else nor that well neither Fal. Thou art a tyrant to say so thou wouldst make an absolute Courtier and the firme fixture of thy foote would giue an excellent motion to thy gate in a semi-circled Farthingale I see what thou wert if Fortune thy foe were not Noture thy friend Come thou canst not hide it Mist Ford. Beleeue me ther 's no such thing in me Fal. What made me loue thee Let that perswade thee Ther 's something extraordinary in thee Come I cannot cog and say thou art this and that like a manie of thess lisping hauthorne buds that come like women in mens apparrell and smell like Bucklers-berry in simple time I cannot but I loue thee none but thee and thou deseru'st it M. Ford. Do not betray me sir I feare you loue M. Page Fal. Thou mightst as well say I loue to walke by the Counter-gate which is a hatefull to me as the reeke of a Lime-kill Mis Ford. Well heauen knowes how I loue you And you shall one day finde it Fal. Keepe in that minde I le deserue it Mist Ford. Nay I must tell you so you doe Or else I could not be in that minde Rob. Mistris Ford Mistris Ford heere 's Mistris Page at the doore sweating and blowing and looking wildly and would needs speake with you presently Fal. She shall not see me I will ensconce mee behinde the Arras M. Ford. Pray you doe so she 's a very tatling woman What 's the matter How now Miist Pag. O mistris Ford what haue you done You 'r sham'd y' are ouerthrowne y' are vndone for euer M. Ford. What 's the matter good mistris Page M. Page O weladay mist Ford hauing and honestman to your husband to giue him such cause of suspition M. Ford. What cause of suspition Mis Page What cause of suspition Out vpon you How am I mistooke in you Mis Ford. Why alas what 's the matter Mis Page Your husband's comming hether Woman with all the Officers in Windsor to search for a Gentleman that hee sayes is heere now in the house by your consent to take an ill aduantage of his absence you are vndone M. Ford. 'T is not so I hope Mist Page Pray heauen it be not so that you haue such a man heere but 't is most certaine your husband's comming with halfe Windsor at his heeles to serch for such a one I come before to tell you if you know your selfe cleere why I am glad of it but if you haue a friend here conuey conuey him out Be not amaz'd call all your senses to you defend your reputation or bid farwell to your good life for euer M. Ford. What shall I doe There is a Gentleman my deere friend and I feare not mine owne shame so much as his perill I had rather then a thousand pound he were out of the house M. Page For shame neuer stand you had rather you had rather your husband 's heere at hand bethinke you of some conueyance in the house you cannot bide him Oh how haue you deceiu'd me Looke heere is a basket if hee be of any reasonable stature hee may creepe in heere and throw fowle linnen vpon him as if it were going to bucking Or it is whiting time send him by your two men to Datchet-Meade
I ne're made my Will yet I thanke Heauen I am not such a sickely creature I giue Heauen praise Anne I meane M. Sender what would you with me Slen. Truely for mine owne part I would little or nothing with you your father and vncle hath made motions if it be my lucke so if not happy man be his dole they can tell you how things goe better then I can you may your father heere he comes Page Now Master Slender Loue him daughter Anne Why how now What does Master Fenton here You wrong me Sir thus still to haunt my house I told you Sir my daughter is disposd of Fen. Nay Master Page be not impatient Mist Page Good Master Fenton come not to my child Page She is no match for you Fen. Sir will you heare me Page No good Master Fenton Come M. Shallow Come sonne Slender in Knowing my minde vou wrong me M. Fenton Qui. Speake to Mistris Page Fen. Good Mistris Page for that I loue your daughter In such a righteous fashion as I do Perforce against all checkes rebukes and manners I must aduance the colours or my loue And not retire Let me haue your good will Anne Good mother do not marry me to yond foole Mist Page I meane it not I seeke you a better husband Qu. That 's my master Master Doctor Anne Alas I had rather be set quicki'th earth And bowl'd to death with Turnips Mist Page Come trouble not your selfe good Master Fenton I will not be your friend nor enemy My daughter will I question how she loues you And as I finde her so am I affected Till then farewill Sir she must needs go in Her father will be angry Fen Farewell gentle Mistris farewell Nan. Qu. This is my doing now Nay saine I will you cast away your childe on a Foole and a Physitian Looke on Master Fenton this is my doing Fen. I thanke thee and I pray thee once to night Giue my sweet Nan this Ring there 's for thy paines Qu. Now heauen send thee good fortune a kinde heart he hath a woman would run through fire and water for such a kinde heart But yet I would my Master had Mistris Anne or I would Master Slender had her or in sooth I would Master Fenton had her I will doe what I can for them all three for so I haue promised and I le be as good as my word but speciously for Master Fenton Well I must of another errand to Sir Iohn Falstaffe from my two Mistresses what a beast am I to slacke it Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Falstaffe Bardolfe Quickly Ford. Fal. Bardolfe I say Bar. Heere Sir Fal. Go fetch me a quart of Sacke put a tost in 't Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow of butchers Offall and to be throwne in the Thames Wel if I be seru'd such another tricke I le haue my braines ' tane out and butter'd and giuen them to a dogge for a New-yeares gift The rogues slighted mee into the Riuer with as little remorse as they would haue drown'de ablinde bitches Puppies fifteene i' th litter and you may know by my size that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sinking if the bottome were as deepe as hell I should downe I had beene drown'd but that the shore was sheluy and shallow a death that I abhorre for the water swelles a man and what a thing should I haue beene when I had beene swel'd I should haue beene a Mountaine of Mummie Bar. Here 's M. Quickly Sir to speake with you Fal. Come let me poure in some Sacke to the Thames water for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snow-bals for pilles to coole the reines Call her in Bar. Come in woman Qui. By your leaue I cry you mercy Giue your worship good morrow Fal. Take away these Challices Go brew me a pottle of Sacke finely Bard. With Egges Sir Fal. Simple of it selfe I le no Pullet-Spersme in my brewage How now Qui. Marry Sir I come to your worship from M. Ford. Fal. Mis Ford I haue had Ford enough I was thrown into the Ford I haue my belly full of Ford. Qui. Alas the day good-heart that was not her fault she do's so take on with her men they mistooke their promise erection Fal. So did I mine to build vpon a foolish Womans Qui. Well she laments Sir for it that it would yern your heart to see it her husband goes this morning a birding she desires you once more to come to her betweene eight and nine I must carry her word quickely she 'll make you amends I warrant you Fal. Well I will visit her tell her so and bidde her thinke what a man is Let her consider his frailety and then iudge of my merit Qui. I will tell her Fal. Do so Betweene nine and ten saist thou Qui. Eight and nine Sir Fal. Well be gone I will not misse her Qu. Peace be with you Sir Fal. I meruaile I heare not of Master Broome he sent me word to stay within I like his money well Oh heere he comes Ford. Blesse you Sir Fal. Now M. Broome you come to know What hath past betweene me and Fords wife Ford. That indeed Sir Iohn is my businesse Fal M. Broome I will not lye to you I was at her house the houre she appointed me Ford. And sped you Sir Fal. Very ill fauouredly M. Broome Ford. How so sir did she change her determination Fal. No M. Broome but the peaking Curnuio her husband M. Broome dwelling in a continnall larum of ielousie comes me in the instant of our encounter after wee had embrast kist protested and as it were spoke the prologue of our Comedy and at his heeles a rabble of his companions thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper and forsooth to search his house for his wiues Loue. Ford. What While you were there Fal. While I was there Ford. And did he search for you and could not find you Fal. You shall heare As good lucke would haue it comes in one Mist Page giues intelligence of Fords approach and in her inuention and Fords wiues distraction they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket Ford. A Buck-basket Fal. Yes a Buck-basket ram'd mee in with foule Shirts and Smockes Socks foule Stockings greasie Napkins that Master Broome there was the rankest compound of villanous smell that euer offended nostrill Ford. And how long lay you there Fal. Nay you shall heare Master Broome what I haue suffered to bring this woman to euill for your good Being thus cram'd in the Basket â— couple of Fords knaues his Hindes were cald forth by their Mistris to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes to Datchet lane they tooke mee on their shoulders met the iealous knaue their Master in the doore who asked them once or twice what they had in their Basket I quak'd for feare lest the Lunatique Knaue would haue search'd it but Fate ordaining hee should bee a Cuckold held
Ephesian cals Fal. How now mine Host Host Here 's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the comming downe of thy fat-woman Let her descend Bully let her descend my Chambers are honourable Fie priuacy Fie Fal. There was mine Host an old-fat-woman euen now with me but she 's gone Simp. Pray you Sir was 't not the Wise-woman of Brainford Fal. I marry was it Mussel-shell what would you with her Simp. My Master Sir my master Slender sent to her seeing her go thorough the streets to know Sir whether one Nim Sir that beguil'd him of a chaine had the chaine or no Fal. I spake with the old woman about it Sim. And what sayes she I pray Sir Fal. Marry shee sayes that the very same man that beguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine cozon'd him of it Simp. I would I could haue spoken with the Woman her selfe I had other things to haue spoken with her too from him Fal. What are they let vs know Host I come quicke Fal. I may not conceale them Sir Host Conceale them or thou di'st Sim. Why sir they were nothing but about Mistris Anne Page to know if it were my Master fortune to haue her or no. Fal. 'T is 't is his fortune Sim. What Sir Fal. To haue her or no goe say the woman told me so Simple May I be bold to say so Sir Fal. I Sir like who more bold Simp. I thanke your worship I shall make my Master glad with these tydings Host Thou are clearkly thou art clearkly Sir Iohn was there a wise woman with thee Fal. I that there was mine Host one that hath taught me more wit then euer I learn'd before in my life and I paid nothing for it neither but was paid for my learning Bar. Out alas Sir cozonage meere cozonage Host Where be my horses speake well of them varletto Bar. Run away with the cozoners for so soone as I came beyond Eaton they threw mee off from behinde one of them in a slough of myre and set spurres and away like three Germane-diuels three Doctor Faustaffes Host They are gone but to meete the Duke villaine doe not say they be fled Germanes are honest men Euans Where is mine Host Host What is the matter Sir Euan Haue a care of your entertainments there is a friend of mine come to Towne tels mee there is three Cozen-Iermans that has cozened all the Hosts of Readius of Maidenhead of Cole-brooke of horses and money I tell you for good will looke you you are wise and full of gibes and vlouting-stocks and 't is not conuenient you should be cozoned Fare you well Cai. Ver'is mine Host de Iarteere Host Here Master Doctor in perplexitie and doubtfull delemma Cai. I cannot tell vat is dat but it is tell-a-me dat you make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie by my trot der is no Duke that the Court is know to come I tell you for good will adieu Host Huy and cry villaine goe assist me Knight I am vndone fly run huy and cry villaine I am vndone Fal. I would all the world might bee cozond for I haue beene cozond and beaten too if it should come to the eare of the Court how I haue beene transformed and how my transformation hath beene washd and cudgeld they would melt mee out of my fat drop by drop and liquor Fishermens-boots with mee I warrant they would whip mee with their fine wits till I were as crest-falne as a dride-peare I neur prosper'd since I forswore my selfe at Primero well if my winde were but long enough I would repent Now Whence come you Qui. From the two parties forsooth Fal. â—â—e Diuell take one partie and his Dam the other and so they shall bee both bestowed I haue suffer'd more for their sakes more then the villanous inconstancy of mans disposition is able to beare Qui. And haue not they suffer'd Yes I warrant speciously one of them Mistris Ford good heart is beaten blacke and blew that you cannot see a white spot about her Fal. What tell'st thou mee of blacke and blew I was beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Rainebow and I was like to be apprehended for the Witch of Braineford but that my admirable dexteritie of wit my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer'd mee the knaue Constable had set meith ' Stocks i th' common Stocks for a Witch Qui. Sir let me speake with you in your Chamber you shall heare how things goe and I warrant to your content here is a Letter will say somewhat good-hearts what a-doe here is to bring you together Sure one of you do's not serue heauen well that you are so cross'd Fal. Come vp into my Chamber Exeunt Scoena Sexta Enter Fenton Host Host Master Fenton talke not to me my minde is heauy I will giue ouer all Fen. Yet heare me speake assist me in my purpose And as I am a gentleman I le giue thee A hundred pound in gold more then your losse Host I will heare you Master Fenton and I will at the least keepe your counsell Fen. From time to time I haue acquainted you With the deare loue I beare to faire Anne Page Who mutually hath answer'd my affection So farre forth as her selfe might be her chooser Euen to my wish I haue a letter from her Of such contents as you will wonder at The mirth whereof so larded with my matter That neither singly can be manifested Without the shew of both fat Falstaffe Hath a great Scene the image of the iest I le show you here at large harke good mine Host To night at Hernes-Oke iust 'twixt twelue and one Must my sweet Nun present the Fairie Queene The purpose why is here in which disguise While other lests are something ranke on foote Her father hath commanded her to slip Away with Slender and with him at Eaton Immediately to Marry She hatst consented Now Sir Her Mother euen strong against that match And firme for Doctor Caius hath appointed That he shall likewise shuffle her away While other sports are tasking of their mindes And at the Deanry where a Priest attends Strait marry her to this her Mothers plot She seemingly obedient likewise hath Made promise to the Doctor Now thus it rests Her Father meanes she shall be all in white And in that habit when Slender sees his time To take her by the hand and bid her goe She shall go with him her Mother hath intended The better to deuote her to the Doctor For they must all be mask'd and vizarded That quaint in greene she shall be loose en-roab'd With Ribonds pendant flaring'bout her head And when the Doctor spies his vantage ripe To pinch her by the hand and on that token The maid hath giuen consent to go with him Host Which meanes she to deceiue Father or Mother Fen. Both my good Host to go along with me And heere it rests that you 'l procure the Vicar To stay for me at Church 'twixt twelue and
you scowre With iuyce of Balme and euery precious flower Each faire Instalment Coate and seu'rall Crest With loyall Blazon euermore be blest And Nightly-meadow-Fairies looke you sing Like to the Garters-Compasse in a ring Th'expressure that it beares Greene let it be Mote fertile-fresh then all the Field to see And Hony Soit Qui Mal-y-Pence write In Emrold ruffes Flowres purple blew and white Like Saphire-pearle and rich embroidery Buckled below faire Knight-hoods bending knee Fairies vse Flowres for their characterie Away disperse But till 't is one a clocke Our Dance of Custome round about the Oke Of Herne the Hunter let vs not forget Eu. Pray you locke hand in hand your selues in order set And twenty glo-wormes shall our Lanthornes bee To guide our Measure round about the Tree But stay I smell a man of middle earth Fal. Heauens defend me from that Welsh Fairy Lest he transforme me to a peece of Cheese Pistoll Vilde worme thou wast ore-look'd euen in thy birth Qui. With Triall-fire touch me his finger end If he be chaste the flame will backe descend And turne him to no paine but if he start It is the flesh of a corrupted hart Pist A triall come Euan. Come will this wood take fire Fal. Oh oh oh Qui. Corrupt corrupt and tainted in desire About him Fairies sing a scornfull rime And as you trip still pinch him to your time The Song Fie on sinnefull phantasie Fie on Lust and Luxirie Lust is but a bloudy fire kindled with vnchaste desire Fed in heart whose flames aspire As thoughts do blow them higher and higher Pinch him Fairies mutuall Pinch him for his villanie Pinch him and burne him and turne him about Till Candles and Star-light and Moone-shine be out Page Nay doe not flye I thinke wee haue watcht you now Will none but Hern◠the Hunter serue your turne M. Page I pray you come hold vp the iest no higher Now good Sir Iohn how like you Windsor wiues See you these husband Do not these faire yoakes Become the Forrest better then the Towne Ford. Now Sir who 's a Cuckold now Master Broome Falstaffes a Knaue a Cuckoldy knaue Heere are his hornes Master Broome And Master Broome he hath enioyed nothing of Fords but his Buck-basket his cudgell and twenty pounds of money which must be paid to Master Broome his horses are arrested for it Master Broome M. Ford. Sir Iohn wee haue had ill lucke wee could neuer meete I will neuer take you for my Loue againe but I will alwayes count you my Deere Fal. I doe begin to perceiue that I am made an Asse Ford. I and an Oxe too both the proofes are extant Fal. And these are not Fairies I was three or foure times in the thought they were not Fairies and yet the guiltinesse of my minde the sodaine surprize of my powers droue the grossenesse of the foppery into a receiu'd beleefe in despight of the teeth of all rime and reason that they were Fairies See now how wit may bee made a Iacke-a-Lent when 't is vpon ill imployment Euans Sir Iohn Falstaffe serue Got and leaue your desires and Fairies will not pinse you Ford. Well said Fairy Hugh Euans And leaue you your iealouzies too I pray you Ford. I will neuer mistrust my wife againe till thou art able to woo her in good English Fal. Haue I laid my braine in the Sun and dri'de it that it wants matter to preuent so grosse ore-reaching as this Am I ridden with a Welch Goate too Shall I haue a Coxcombe of Frize T is time I were choak'd with a peece of toasted Cheese Euan. Seese is not good to giue putter your belly is all putter Fal. Seese and Putter Haue I liu'd to stand at the taunt of one that makes Fritters of English This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the Realme Mis Page Why Sir Iohn doe you thinke though wee would haue thrust vertue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders and haue giuen our selues without scruple to hell that euer the deuill could haue made you our delight Ford. What a hodge-pudding A bag of flax Mis Page A puftman Page Old cold wither'd and of intollerable entrailes Ford. And one that is slanderous as Sathan Page And as poore as Iob Ford. And as wicked as his wife Euan. And giuen to Fornications and to Tauernes and Sacke and Wine and Metheglins and to drinkings and swearings and starings Pribles and prables Fal. Well I am your Theame you haue the start of me I am deiected I am not able to answer the Welch Flannell Ignorance it selfe is plummet ore me vse mee as you will Ford. Marry Sir wee 'l bring you to Windsor to one Master Broome that you haue cozon'd of money to whom you should haue bin a Pander ouer and aboue that you haue suffer'd I thinke to repay that money will be a biting affliction Page Yet be cheerefull Knight thou shalt eat a posset to night at my house where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife that now laughes at thee Tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter Mis Ford Doctors doubt that If Anne Page be my daughter she is by this Doctour Caius wife Slen. Whoa hoe hoe Father Page Page Sonne How now Sonne Haue you dispatch'd Slen. Dispatch'd I le make the best in'Glostershire know on 't would I were hang'd la else Page Of what sonne Slen. I came yonder at Eaton to marry Mistris Anne Page and she 's a great lubberly boy If it had not beene i' th Church I would haue swing'd him or hee should haue swing'd me If I did not thinke it had beene Anne Page would I might neuer stirre and 't is a Post-masters Boy Page Vpon my life then you tooke the wrong Slen. What neede you tell me that I thinke so when I tooke a Boy for a Girle If I had beene maried to him for all hee was in womans apparrell I would not haue had him Page Why this is your owne folly Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter By her garments Slen. I went to her in greene and cried Mum and she cride budget as Anne and I had appointed and yet it was not Anne but a Post-masters boy M. Page Good George be not angry I knew of your purpose turn'd my daughter in white and indeede shee is now with the Doctor at the Denerie and there married Cai. Ver is Mistris Page by gar I am cozoned I ha married oon Garsoon a boy oon pesant by gar A boy it is not An Page by gar I am cozened Mis Page Why did you take her in white Cai. I bee gar and 't is a boy be gar I le raise all Windsor Ford. This is strange Who hath got the right Anne Page My heart misgiues me here comes Master Fenton How now Master Fenton Anne Pardon good father good my mother pardon Page Now Mistris How chance you went not with Master Slender Mis Page Why went you not with Master Doctor maid Fen. You do amaze her heare the truth of it You would haue married her most shamefully Where there was no proportion held in loue The truth is she and I long since contracted Are now so sure that nothing can dissolue vs Th' offence is holy that she hath committed And this deceit looses the name of craft Of disobedience or vnduteous title Since therein she doth euitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed houres Which forced marriage would haue brought vpon her Ford. Stand not amaz'd here is no remedie In Loue the heauens themselues do guide the state Money buyes Lands and wiues are sold by fate Fal. I am glad though you haue tane a special stand to strike 〈◊〉 that your Arrow hath glanc'd Page Well what remedy Fenton heauen giue thee ioy What cannot bee eschew'd must be embrac'd Fal. When night-dogges run all sorts of Deere are chac'd Mis Page Well I will muse no further Master Fenton Heauen giue you many many merry dayes Good husband let vs euery one go home And laugh this sport ore by a Countrie fire Sir Iohn and all Ford. Let it be so Sir Iohn To Master Broome you yet shall hold your word For he to night shall lye with Mistris Ford. Exeunt FINIS
these gloues Fal. Is this true Pistoll Fuan No it is false if it is a picke-purse Pist Ha thou mountaine Forreyner Sir Iohn and Master mine I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe word of deniall in thy labras here word of deniall froth and scum thou liest Slen By these gloues then 't was he Nym. Be auis'd sir and passe good humours I will say marry trap with you if you runne the nut-hooks humor on me that is the very note of it Slen. By this hat then hee in the red face had it for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunke yet I am not altogether an asse Fal. What say you Scarlet and Iohn Bar. Why sit for my part I say the Gentleman had drunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences Eu. It is his fiâ—e sences fie what the ignorance is Bar. And being fap sir was as they say casheerd and so conclusions past the Car-eires Slen. I you spake in Latten then to but 't is no matter I le nere be drunke whilst I liue againe but in honest ciuill godly company for this tricke if I be drunke I le bee drunke with those that haue the feare of God and not with drunken knaues Euan. So got udge me that is a vertuous minde Fal. You heare all these matters deni'd Gentlemen you heare it Ma. Page Nay daughter carry the wine in wee 'll drinke within Slen. Oh heauen This is Mistresse Anne Page Master Page How now Mistris Ford Fal. Mistris Ford by my troth you are very well met by your leaue good Mistris Master Page Wife bid these gentlemen welcome come we haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner Come gentlemen I hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse Slen. I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke of Songs and Sonnets heere How now Simple where haue you beene I must wait on my selfe must I you haue not the booke of Riddles about you haue you Sim. Booke of Riddles why did you not lend it to Alice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last a fortnight afore Michaelmas Shal. Come Coz come Coz wee stay for you a word with you Coz marry this there is as 't were a tender a kinde of tender made a faire-off by Sir Hugh here doe you vnderstand me Slen. I Sir you shall finde me reasonable if it be so I shall doe that that it reason Shal. Nay but vnderstand me Slen. So I doe Sir Euan. Giue care to his motions Master Slender I will description the matter to you if you be capacity of it Slen. Nay I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies I pray you pardon me he 's a Iustice of Peace in his Countrie simple though I stand here Euan. But that is not the question the question is concerning your marriage Shal. I there 's the point Sir Eu. Marry is it the very point of it to Mist Anne Page Slen. Why if it be so I will marry hervpon any reasonable demands Eu. But can you affection the'o man let vs command to know that of your mouth or of your lips for diners Philosophers hold that the lips is parcell of the mouth therefore precisely can you carry your good will to the maide Shal. Cosen Abraham Slender can you loue her Slen. I hope sir I will doe as it shall become one that would doe reason Euan Nay got's Lords and his Ladies you must speake possitable if you can carry-her your desires towards her Shal. That you must Will you vpon good dowry marry her Slen. I will doe a greater thing then that vpon your request Cosen in any reason Shal. Nay conceiue mee conceiue mee sweet Coz what I doe is to pleasure you Coz can you loue the maid Slen. I will marry her Sir at your request but if there be no great loue in the beginning yet Heauen may decrease it vpon better acquaintance when wee are married and haue more occasion to know one another I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content but if you say mary-her I will mary-her that I am freely dissolued and dissolutely Euan. It is a fery discretion-answere saue the fall is in the'ord dissolutely the ort is according to our meaning resolutely his meaning is good Sh I I thinke my Cosen meant well Slen. I or else I would I might be hang'd la Sh. Here comes faire Mistris Anne would I were yong for your sake Mistris Anne An. The dinner is on the Table my Father desires your worships company Sh. I will wait on him faire Mistris Anee Euan. Od's plessed-will I will not be absence at the grace An. Wil 't please your worship to come in Sir Sl. No I thanke you forsooth hartely I am very well An. The dinner attends you Sir Sl. I am not a hungry I thanke you forsooth goe Sirha for all you are my man goe waite vpon my Cosen Shallow a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a Man I keepe but three Men and a Boy yet till my Mother be dead but what though yet I liue like a a poore Gentleman borne An. I may not goe in without your worship they will not sit till you come Slen. I faith I le eate nothing I thanke you as much as though I did Anne I pray you Sir walke in Slen. I had rather walke here I thanke you I bruiz'd my shin th' other day with playing at Sword and Dagger with a Master of Fence three veneys for a dish of slew'd Prunes and by my troth I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since Why doe your dogs barke so be there Beares i th' Towne An. I thinke there are Sir I heard them talk'd of Slen. I loue the sport well but I shall as soone quarrell at it as any man in England you are afraid if you see the Beare loose are you not An. I indeede Sir Slen. That 's meate and drinke to me now I haue seene Sackerson loose twenty times and haue taken him by the Chaine but I warrant you the women haue so cride and shrekt at it that it past But women indeede cannot abide'em they are very ill-fauour'd rough things Ma. Pa. Come gentle M. Slender come we stay for you Slen. I le eate nothing I thanke you Sir Ma. Pa. By cocke and pie you shall not choose Sir come come Slen. Nay pray you lead the way Ma. Pa. Come on Sir Slen. Mistris Anne your selfe shall goe first An. Not I Sir pray you keepe on Slen. Truely I will not goe first truely-la I will not doe you that wrong An. I pray you Sir Slen. I le rather be vnmannerly then troublesome you do your selfe wrong indeede-la Exeunt Scena Secunda Enter Euans and Simple Euan. Go your wayes and aske of Doctor Caius house which is the way and there dwels one Mistris Quickly which is in the manner of his Nurse or his dry-Nurse or his Cooke or his Laundry his Washer and his Ringer Si. Well Sir Euan. Nay it is petter yet
found the yong man he would haue beene horne-mad Ca. Fe fe fe fe mai foy il fait for chando le man voi a le Court la grand affaires Qu. Is it this Sir Ca. Ouy mette le au mon pocket de-peech quickly Vere is dat knaue Rugby Qu. What Iohn Rugby Iohn Ru. Here Sir Ca. You are Iohn Rugby and you are Iacke Rugby Come take your Rapier and come after my heele to the Court. Ru. 'T is ready Sir here in the Porch Ca. By my trot I tarry too long od's-me que ay ie oublie dere is some Simples in my Closset dat I vill not for the varld I shall leaue behinde Qu. Ay-me he 'll finde the yong man there and be mad Ca. O Diable Diable vat is in my Closset Villaine La-roone Rugby my Rapier Qu Good Master be content Ca. Wherefore shall I be content-a Qu. The yong man is an honest man Ca. What shall de honest man do in my Closset here is no honest man dat shall come in my Closset Qu. I beseech you be not so flegmaticke heare the truth of it He came of an errand to mee from Parson Hugh Ca. Vell. Si. I forsooth to desire her to Qu. Peace I pray you Ca. Peace-a-your tongue speake-a-your Tale. Si. To desire this honest Gentlewoman your Maid to speake a good word to Mistris Anne Page for my Master in the way of Marriage Qu. This is all indeed-la but I le nere put my finger in the fire and neede not Ca. Sir Hugh send-a you Rugby ballow me some paper tarry you a littell-a while Qu. I am glad hee is so quiet if hee had bin throughly moued you should haue heard him so loud and so melancholly but notwithstanding man I le doe yoe your Master what good I can and the very yea and the no is that French Doctor my Master I may call him my Master looke you for I keepe his house and I wash ring brew bake scowre dresse meate and drinke make the beds and doe all my selfe Simp. 'T is a great charge to come vnder one bodies hand Qui. Are you a uis'd o' that you shall finde it a great charge and to be vp early and downe late but notwithstanding to tell you in your eare I would haue no words of it my Master himselfe is in loue with Mistris Anne Page but notwithstanding that I know Ans mind that 's neither heere nor there Caius You Iack ' Nape glue-'a this Letter to Sir Hugh by gar it is a shallenge I will cut his troat in de Parke and I will teach a scuruy Iack-a-nape Priest to meddle or make you may be gon it is not good you tarry here by gar I will cut all his two stones by gar he shall not haue a stone to throw at his dogge Qui. Alas he speakes but for his friend Caius It is no matter'a vâ—r dat do not you tell-a-me dat I shall haue Anne Page for my selfe by gar I vill kill de Iacke Priest and I haue appointed mine Host of de Iarteer to measure our weapon by gar I will my selfe haue Anne Page Qui. Sir the maid loues you and all shall bee well Wee must giue folkes leaue to prâ—te what the good ier Caius Rugby come to the Court with me by gar if I haue not Anne Page I shall turne your head out of my dore follow my heeles Rugby Qui. You shall haue An-fooles head of your owne No I know Ans mind for that neuer a woman in Windsor knowes more of Ans minde then I doe nor can doe more then I doe with her I thanke heauen Fenton Who 's with in there hoa Qui. Who 's there I troa Come neere the house I pray you Fen. How now good woman how dost thou Qui. The better that it pleases your good Worship to aske Fen. What newes how do's pretty Mistris Anne Qui. In truth Sir and shee is pretty and honest and gentle and one that is your friend I can tell you that by the way I praise heauen for it Fen. Shall I doe any good thinkst thou shall I not loose my suit Qui. Troth Sir all is in his hands aboue but notwithstanding Master Fenton I le be sworne on a booke shee loues you haue not your Worship a wart aboue your eye Fen. Yes marry haue I what of that Qui. Well thereby hangs a tale good faith it is such another Nan but I detest an honest maid as euer broke bread wee had an howres talke of that wart I shall neuer laugh but in that maids company but indeed shee is giuen too much to Allicholy and musing but for you well goe too Fen. Well I shall see her to day hold there 's money for thee Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe if thou seest her before me commend me Qui. Williâ— I faith that wee will And I will tell your Worship more of the Wart the next time we haue confidence and of other wooers Fen. Well fare-well I am in great haste now Qui. Fare-well to your Worship truely an honest Gentleman but Anne loues him not for I know Ans minde as well as another do's out vpon 't what haue I forgot Exit Actus Secundus Scoena Prima Enter Mistris Page Mistris Ford Master Page Master Ford Pistoll Nim Quickly Host Shallow Mi. Page What haue I scap'd Loue-letters in the holly-day-time of my beauty and am I now a subiect for them let me see Aske me no reason why I loue you for though Loue vse Reason for his precisian hee admits him not for his Counsailour you are not young no more am I goe to then there 's simpathie you are merry so am I ha ha then there 's more simpathie you loue sacke and so doe I would yout desire better simpathie Let it suffice thee Mistris Page at the least if the Loue of Souldier can suffice that I loue thee I will not say pitty mee 't is not a Souldier-like phrase but I say loue me By me thine owne true Knight by day or night Or any kinde of light with all his might For thee to fight Iohn Falstaffe What a Herod of Iurie is this O wicked wicked world One that is well-nye worne to peeces with age To show himselfe a young Gallant What an vnwaied Behauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt with The Deuills name out of my conuersation that hee dares In this manner assay me why hee hath not beene thrice In my Company what should I say to him I was then Frugall of my mirth heauen forgiue mee why I le Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downe of men how shall I be reueng'd on him for reueng'd I will be as sure as his guts are made of puddings Mis Ford. Mistris Page trust me I was going to your house Mis Page And trust me I was going to you you looke very ill Mis Ford. Nay I le nere beleeue that I haue to shew to the contrary Mis Page 'Faith but
you doe in my minde Mis Fords Well I doe then yet I say I could shew you to the contrary O Mistris Page giue mee some counsaile Mis Page What 's the matter woman Mis Ford. O woman if it were not for one trifling respect I could come to such honour Mis Page Hang the trifle woman take the honour what is it dispence with trifles what is it Mis Ford. If I would but goe to hell for an eternall moment or so I could be knighted Mis Page What thou liest Sir Alice Ford these Knights will hacke and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy Gentry Mis Ford. Wee burne day-light heere read read perceiue how I might be knighted I shall thinke the worse of fat men as long as I haue an eye to make difference of mens liking and yet hee would not sweare praise womens modesty and gaue such orderly and welbehaued reproofe to all vncomelinesse that I would haue sworn his disposition would haue gone to the truth of his words but they doe no more adhere and keepe place together then the hundred Psalmes to the tune of Greene-sleeues What tempest I troa threw this Whale with so many Tuns of oyle in his belly a'shoare at Windsor How shall I be reuenged on him I thinke the best way were to entertaine him with hope till the wicked fire of lust haue melted him in his owne grease Did you euer heare the like Mis Page Letter for letter but that the name of Page and Ford differs to thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions heer 's the twyn-brother of thy Letter but let thine inherit first for I protest mine neuer shall I warrant hee hath a thousand of these Letters writ with blancke space for different names sure more these are of the second edition he wil print them out of doubt for he cares not what he puts into the presse when he would put vs two I had rather be a Giantesse lye vnder Mount â—elion Well I will finde you twentie lascioious Turtles ere one chaste man Mis Ford. Why this is the very same the very hand the very words what doth he thinke of vs Mis Page Nay I know not it makes me almost readie to wrangle with mine owne honesty I le entertaine my selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall for sure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee that I know not my selfe hee would neuer haue boorded me in this furie Mis Ford. Boording call you it I le be sure to keepe him aboue decke Mis Page So will I if hee come vnder my hatches I le neuer to Sea againe Let 's be reueng'd on him let 's appoint him a meeting giue him a show of comfort in his Suite and lead him on with a fine baited delay till hee hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter Mis Ford. Nay I will consent to act any villany against him that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty oh that my husband saw this Letter it would giue eternall food to his iealousie Mis Page Why looke where he comes and my good man too hee 's as farre from iealousie as I am from giuing him cause and that I hope is an vnmeasurable distance Mis Ford. You are the happier woman Mis Page Let 's consult together against this greasie Knight Come hither Ford. Well I hope it be not so Pist Hope is a curtall-dog in some affaires Sir Iohn affects thy wife Ford. Why sir my wife is not young Pist He wooes both high and low both rich and poore both young and old one with another Ford he loues the Gally-mawfry Ford perpend Ford. Loue my wife Pistoll With liuer burning hot preuent Ot goe thou like Sir Acteon he with Ring-wood at thy heeles O odious is the name Ford. What name Sir Pist The horne I say Farewell Take heed haue open eye for theeues doe foot by night Take heed ere sommer comes or Cuckoo birds doe sing Away sir Corporall Nim. Beleeue it Page he speakes sence Ford. I will be patient I will finde out this Nim. And this is true I like not the humor of lying hee haue wronged mee in some humors I should haue borne the humour'd Letter to her but I haue a sword and it shall bite vpon my necessitie he loues your wife There 's the shâ—â—t and the long My name is Corporall Nim I speak and I auouch 't is true my name is Nim and Falstoffe loues your wife adieu I loue not the humour of bread cheese adieu Page The humour of it quoth'a heere 's a fellow frights English out of his wits Ford. I will seeke out Falstaffe Page I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue Ford. If I doe finde it well Page I will not beleeue such a Cataiâ—â— though the Priest o'th'Towne commended him for a true man Ford. 'T was a good sensible fellow well Page How now Meg Mis Page Whither goe you George harke you Mis Ford. How now sweet Frank why art thou me lancholy Ford. I melancholy I am not melancholy Get you home goe Mis Ford. Faith thou hast some crochets in thy head Now will you goe Mistris Page Mis Page Haue with you you 'll come to dinner George Looke who comes yonder shee shall bee our Messenger to this paltrie Knight Mis Ford. Trust me I thought on her shee 'll fit it M. Page You are come to see my daughter Anne Qui I forsooth and I pray how do's good Mistresse Anne Mis Page Go in with vs and see wee haue an houres talke with you Page How now Master Ford Ford. You heard what this knaue told me did you not Page Yes and you heard what the other told me Ford. Doe you thinke there is truth in them Page Hang em slaues I doe not thinke the Knight would offer it But these that accuse him in his intent towards our wiues are a yoake of his discarded men very rogues now they be out of seruice Ford. Were they his men Page Marry were they Ford. I like it neuer the better for that Do's he lye at the Garter Page I marry do's he if hee should intend this voyage toward my wife I would turne her loose to him and what hee gets more of her then sharpe words let it lye on my head Ford. I doe not misdoubt my wife but I would be Ioath to turne them together a man may bee too confident I would haue nothing lye on my head I cannot be thus satisfied Page Looke where my ranting-Host of the Garter comes there is either liquor in his pate or mony in his purse when hee lookes so merrily How now mine Host Host How now Bully-Rooke thou' rt a Gentleman Caueleiro Iustice I say Shal. I follow mine Host I follow Good-euen and twenty good Master Page Master Page will you go with vs we haue sport in hand Host Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice tell him Bully-Rooke Shal. Sir there is a fray to be fought betweene Sir Huge the Welch
call him poore They say the iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money for the which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd I will vse her as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer ther 's my haruest home Ford. I would you knew Ford sir that you might auoid him if you saw him Fal. Hang him mechanicall-salt-butter rogue I will stare him out of his wits I will awe-him with my cudgell it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns Master Broome thou shalt know I will predominate ouer the pezant and thou shalt lye with his wife Come to me soone at night Ford's a knaue and I will aggrauate his stile thou Master Broome shalt know him for knaue and Cuckold Come to me soone at night Ford. What a damn'd Epicurian-Rascall is this my heart is ready to cracke with impatience who saies this is improuident iealousie my wife hath sent to him the howre is fixt the match is made would any man haue thought this see the hell of hauing a faire woman my bed shall be abus'd my Coffers ransack'd my reputation gnawne at and I shall not onely receiue this villanous wrong but stand vnder the adoption of abhominable termes and by him that does me this wrong Termes names Amaimon sounds well Lucifer well Barbason wel yet they are Diuels additions the names of fiends But Cuckold Wittoll Cuckold the Diuell himselfe hath not such a name Page is an Asse a secure Asse hee will trust his wife hee will not bee iealous I will rather trust a Fleming with my butter Person Hugh the Welshman with my Cheese an Irish man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding then my wife with her selfe Then she plots then shee rumiuates then shee deuises and what they thinke in their hearts they may effect they will breake their hearts but they will effect Heauen bee prais'd for my iealousie eleuen o'clocke the howre I will preuent this detect my wife bee reueng'd on Falstaffe and laugh at Page I will about it beter three houres too soone then a mynute too late fie fie fie Cuckold Cuckold Cuckold Exit Scena Tertia Enter Caius Rugby Page Shallow Slender Host Caius Iacke Rugby Ru. Sir Caius Vat lothe clocke Iack. Rug. 'T is past the howre Sir that Sir Hugh promis'd to meet Caius By gar he has saue his soule dat he is no-come hee has pray his Pible well dat hee is no-come by gar lack Rugby he is dead already if he be come Rug Hee is wise Sir hee knew your worship would kill him if he came Caius By gar de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him take your Rapier Iacke I vill tell you how I vill kill him Rug. Alas sir I cannot fence Cai. Villanie take your Rapier Rug. For beare heer 's company Host ' Blesse thee bully-Doctor Shal. ' Saue you Master Doctor Caius Page Now good Master Doctor Slen. ' Giue you good morrow sir Caius Vat be all you one two tree fowre come for Host To see thee fight to see thee foigne to see thee trauerse to see thee heâ—re to see thee there to see thee passe thy puncto thy stocke thy reuerse thy distance thy montant Is hee dead my Ethiopian Is he dead my Francisco ha Bully what saies my Esculapius my Gallen my heart of Elder ha is he dead bully-Stale is he dead Cai. By gar he is de Coward Iack-Priest of de vorld he is not show his face Host Thou art a Castalion-king Vrinall Hector of Greece my Boy Cai. I pray you beare witnesse that mee haue stay sixe or seuen two tree howres for him and hee is no-come Shal. He is the wiserman Master Doctor he is a curer of soules and you a curer of bodies if you should fight you goe against the haire of your professions is it not true Master Page Page Master Shallow you haue your selfe beene a great great fighter though now a man of peace Shal. Body-kins M. Page though I now be old and of the peace if I see a sword out my finger itches to make one though wee are Iustices and Doctors and Church-men Master Page wee haue some salt of our youth 〈◊〉 vs we are the sons of women Master Page Page 'T is true Mister Shallow Shal. It will be found so M. Page M. Doctor Caius I am come to fetch you home I am sworn of the peace you haue show'd your selfe a wise Physician and Sir Hugh hath showne himselfe a wise and patient Churchman you must goe with me M. Doctor Host Pardon Guest-Iustice a Mounseur Mocke-water Cai. Mock-vater vat is dat Host Mock-water in our English tongue is Valour Bully Cai. By gar then I haue as much Mock-vater as de Englishman scuruy-lade dog-Priest by gar mee vill his eares Host He will Clapper claw thee tightly Bully Cai. Clapper de claw vat is dat Host That is he will make thee amends Cai. By gar me doe looke he shall clapper-de-claw me for by-gar me vill haue it Host And I will prouoke him to 't or let him wag Cai. Me tanck you for dat Host And moreouer Bully but first Master Ghuest and M. Page and eeke Caualeâ—ro Slender goe you through the Towneto Frogmore Page Sir Hugh is there is he Host He is there see what humor hee is in and I will bring the Doctor about by the Fields will it doe well Shal. Wee will doe it All. Adieu good Master Doctor Cai. By-gar me vill kill de Priest for he speake for a Iack-an-Ape to Anne Page Host Let him die sheath thy impatience throw cold water on thy Choller goe about the fields with me through Frogmore I will bring thee where Mistris Anne Page is at a Farm-house a Feasting and thou shalt wooe her Cride-game said I well Cai. By-gar me danck you vor dat by gar I loue you and I shall procure'a you de good Guest de Earle de Knight de Lords de Gentlemen my patients Host For the which I will be thy aduersary toward Anne Page said I well Cai. By-gar 't is good vell said Host Let vs wag then Cai. Come at my heeles Iack Rugby Exeunt Actus Tertius Scoena Prima Enter Euans Simple Page Shallow Slender Host Caius Rugby Euans I pray you now good Master Slenders seruingman and friend Simple by your name which way haue you look'd for Master Caius that calls himselfe Doctor of Phisicke Simp. Marry Sir the pittie-ward the Parke-ward euery way olde Windsor way and euery way but the Towne-way Euan. I most fehemently desire you you will looke that way Simp. I will sir Euan. ' Plesse my soule how full of Chollors I am and trempling of minde I shall be glad if hee haue deceiued me how melancholies I am I will knog his Vrinalls about his knaues costard when I haue good oportunities for the orke Plesse my soule To shallow Riuers to whose falls melodious Birds sing Madrigalls There will wee make our Peds of Roses and a thousand fragrant
posies To shallow ' Mercie on mee I haue a great dispositions to cry Melodious birds sing Madrigalls When as I sat in Pabilon and a thousand vagram Posies To shallow c. Sim. Yonder he is comming this â—ay Sir Hugh Euan. Hee 's welcome To shallow Riuers in whose fals Heauen prosper the right what weapons is he Sim. No weapons Sir there comes my master Master Shallow and another Gentleman from Frogmore ouer the stile this way Euen Pray you giue me my gowne or else keepe it in your armes Shal. How now Master Parson good morrow good Sir Hugh keepe a Gamester from the dice and a good Studient from his booke and it is wonderfull Sâ—en Ah sweet Anne Bage Page ' Saue you good Sir Hugh Euan. Pleasse you from his mercy-sake all of you Shal. What the Sword and the Word Doe you study them both Master Parson Page And youthfull still in your doublet and hose this raw-rumaticke day Euan. There is reasons and causes for it Page Wee are come to you to doe a good office Master Parson Euan. Fery-well what is it Page Yonder is a most reuerend Gentleman who be-like hauing receiued wrong by some person is at most odds with his owne grauity and patience that euer you saw Shal. I haue liued foure-score yeeres and vpward I neuer heard a man of his place grauity and learning so wide of his owne respect Euan. What is he Page I thinke you know him Master Doctor Caius the renowned French Physician Euan. Got's will and his passion of my heart I had as liefe you would tell me of a messe of poriedge Page Why Euan. Hee has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen and hee is a knaue besides a cowardly knaue as you would desires to acquainted withall Page I warrant you hee 's the man should fight with him Slen. O sweet Anne Page Shal. It appeares so by his weapons keepe them a sunder here comes Doctor Caius Page Nay good Master Parson keepe your weapon Shal. So doe you good Master Doctor Host Disarme them and let them question let them keepe their limbs whole and hacke our English Cai. I pray you let-a-mee speake a word with your eare vherefore vill you not meet a me Euan. I Pray you vse your patience in good time Caius By gar you are de Coward de Iacke dog Iohn Ape Euan. Pray you let vs not be laughing-stocks to other mens humors I desire you in friendship and I will one way or other make you amends I will knog your Vrinal about your knaues Cogs-combe Cai. Diable Iack Rugby mine Host de Iarteer haue I not stay for him to kill him haue I not at de place I did appoint Euan. As I am a Christians soule now looke you this is the place appointed I le be iudgement by mine Host of the Garter Host Peace I say Gallia and Gaule French and Welch Soule-Curer and Body-Curer Cai. I dat is very good excellant Host Peace I say heare mine Host of the Garter Am I politicke Am I subtle Am I a Machiuell Shall loose my Doctor No he giues me the Potions and the Motions Shall I loose my Parson my Priest my Sir Hugh No hee giues me the Prouerbes and the No verbes Giue me thy hand Celestiall so Boyes of Art I haue deceiu'd you both I haue directed you to wrong places your hearts are mighty your skinnes are whole and let burn'd Sacke be the issue Come lay their swords to pawne Follow me Lad of peace follow follow follow Shal. Trust me a mad Host follow Gentlemen follow Slen. O sweet Anne Page Cai. Ha'do I perceiue dat Haue you make-a-de sot of vs ha ha Euan. This is well he has made vs his vlowting-stog I desire you that we may be friends and let vs knog our praines together to be reuenge on this same scall scuruycogging-companion the Host of the Garter Cai. By gar with all my heart he promise to bring mee where is Anne Page by gar he deceiue me too Euan. Well I will smite his noddles pray you follow Scoena Secunda Mist Page Robin Ford Page Shallow Slender Host Euans Caius Mist Page Nay keepe your way little Gallant you were wont to be a follower but now you are a Leader whether had you rather lead mine eyes or eye your masters heeles Rob. I had rather forsooth goe before you like a man Courtier then follow him like a dwarfe Mis Page O you are a flattering boy now I see you 'l be a Ford. Well met mistris Page whether go you Mis Page Truly Sir to see your wife is she at home Ford. I and as idle as she may hang together for want of companie I thinke if your husbands were dead you two would marry Mis Page Be sure of that two other husbands Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cocke Mist Pa. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of what doe you cal your Knights name sirrah Rob. Sir Iohn Falstaffe Ford. Sir Iohn Falstafe M. P. He he I can neuer hit on 's name there is such aleague between my goodman and he is your Wife at home indeed Ford. Indeed she is Mis Page By your leaue sir I am sicke till I see her Ford. Has Page any braines Hath he any eies Hath he any thinking Sure they sleepe hee hath no vse of them why this boy will carrie a letter twentie mile as easie as a Canon will shoot point-blanke twelue score hee peeces out his wiues inclination hee giues her folly motion and aduantage and now she 's going to my wife and Falstaffes boy with her A man may heare this showre sing in the winde and Falstaffes boy with her good plots they are laide and our reuolted wiues share damnation together Well I will take him then torture my wife plucke the borrowed vaile of modestie from the so seeming Mistris Page divulge Page himselfe for a secure and wilfull Acteon and to these violent proceedings all my neighbors shall cry aime The clocke giues me my Qu and my assurance bids me search there I shall finde Falstaffe I shall be rather praisd for this then mock'd for it is as possitiue as the earth is firme that Falstaffe is there I will go Shal. Page c. Well met Master Ford. Ford. Trust me a good knotte I haue good cheere at home and I pray you all go with me Shal. I must excuse my selfe Master Ford. Slen. And so must I Sir We haue appointed to dine with Mistris Anne And I would not breake with her for more mony Then I le speake of Shal. We haue linger'd about a match betweene Anne Page and my cozen Slender and this day wee shall haue our answer Slen. I hope I haue your good will Father Page Page You haue Master Slender I stand wholly for you But my wife Master Doctor is for you altogether Caius I be-gar and de Maid is loue-a me my nursh-aQuickly tell me so mush Host What say you
his hand well on went hee for a search and away went I for foule Cloathes But marke the sequell Master Broome I suffered the pangs of three seuerall deaths First an intollerable fright to bee detected with a iealious rotten Bell weather Next to bee compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circumference of a Pecke hilt to point hee le to head And then to bee stopt in like a strong distillation with stinking Cloathes that fretted in their owne grease thinke of that a man of my Kidney thinke of that that am as subiect to heate as butter a man of continuall dissolution and thaw it was a miracle to scapesuffocation And in the height of this Bath when I was more then halfe stew'd in grease like a Dutchdish to bee throwne into the Thames and coold glowing hot in that serge like a Horse-shoo thinke of that hissing hot thinke of that Master Broome Ford. In good sadnesse Sir I am sorry that for my sake you haue sufferd all this My suite then is desperate You 'll vndertake her no more Fal. Master Broome I will bee throwne into Eâ—ta as I haue beene into Thames ere I will leaue her thus her Husband is this morning gone a Birding I haue receiued from her another ambassie of meeting 'twixt eight and nine is the houre Master Broome Ford. 'T is past eight already Sir Fal. Is it I will then addresse mee to my appointment Come to mee at your conuenient leasure and you shall know how I speede and the conclusion shall bee crowned with your enioying her adiew you shall haue her Master Broome Master Broome you shal cuckold Ford. Ford. Hum ha Is this a vision Is this a dreame doe I sleepe Master Ferd awake awake Master Ford ther 's a hole made in your best coate Master Ford this 't is to bee marryed this 't is to haue Lynnen and Buck-baskets Well I will proclaime my selfe what I am I will now take the Leacher hee is at my house hee cannot scape mee 't is impossible hee should hee cannot creepe into a halfe-penny purse not into a Pepper-Boxe But lest the Diuell that guides him should aide him I will search impossible places though what I am I cannot auoide yet to bee what I would not shall not make me tame If I haue hornes to make one mad let the prouerbe goe with mee I le bee horne-mad Exeunt Actus Quartus Scoena Prima Enter Mistris Page Quickly William Euens Mis Page Is he at M. Fords already think'st thou Qui. Sure hee is by this or will bee presently but truely hee is very couragious mad about his throwing into the water Mistris Ford desires you to come sodainely Mis Page I le be with her by and by I le but bring my yong-man here to Schoole looke where his Master comes 't is a playing day I see how now Sir Hugh no Schoole to day Euans No Master Slender is let the Boyes leaue to play Qui. ' Blessing of his heart Mis Page Sir Hugh my husband saies my sonne profits nothing in the world at his Booke I pray you aske him some questions in his Accidence Euans Come hither William hold vp your head come Mis Page Come-on Sirha hold vp your head answere your Master be not afraid Euans William how many Numbers is in Nownes Will. Two Qui. Truely I thought there had bin one Number more because they say od's-Nownes Euan. Peace your tatlings What is Faire William Will. Pulcher. Qu. Powlcats there are fairer things then Powlcat sure Euans You are a very simplicity o'man I pray you peace What is Lapis William Will. A Stone Euan. And what is a Stone William Will. A Peeble Euan. No it is Lapis I pray you remember in your praine Will. Lapis Euans That is a good William what is he William that do's lend Articles Will. Articles are borrowed of the Pronoune and be thus declined Singulariter nominatiuo hic haec hoc Euan. Nominatiuo hig hag hog pray you marke genitiue huius Well what is your Accusatiue-case Will. Accusatiue hinc Euan. I pray you haue your remembrance childe Accusatiuo hing hang hog Qui. Hang-hog is latten for Bacon I warrant you Euan. Leaue your prables o'man What is the Focatiue case William Will. O Vocatiuo O. Euan. Remember William Focatiue is caret Qui. And that 's a good roote Euan. O'man forbare Mis Page Peace Euan. What is your Genitiue case plurall William Will. Genitiue case Euan. I. Will. Genitiue horum harum horum Qui. Vengeance of Ginyes case fie on her neuer name her childe if she be a whore Euan. For shame o'man Qui. You doe ill to teach the childe such words hee teaches him to hic and to hac which they 'll doe fast enough of themselues and to call horum fie vpon you Euan. O'man art thou Lunaties Hast thou no vnderstandings for thy Cases and the numbers of the Genders Thou art as foolish Christian creatures as I would desires M. Page Pre'thee hold thy peace Euan. Shew me now William some declensions of your Pronounes Will. Forsooth I haue forgot Euans It is Qui que quod if you forget your Quies your Ques and your Quods you must be preeches Goe your waies and play go M. Page He is a better scholler then I thought hee was Euans He is a good sprag memory Farewel Mis. Page Mis Page Adeu good Sir Hugh Get you home boy Come we stay too long Exeunt Scoena Secunda Enter Falstaffe M. Ford Mist Page Seruants Ford Page Caius Euans Shallow Fal. Mis Ford Your sorrow hath eaten vp my sufferance I see you are obsequious in your loue and I professe requitall to a haires bredth not onely Mistris Ford in the simple office of loue but in all the accustrement complement and ceremony of it But are you sure of your husband now M. Ford. Hee 's a birding sweet Sir Iohn Mis Page What hoa gossip Ford what hoa Mis Ford. Step into th' chamber Sir Iohn Mis Page How now sweet heart whose at home besides your selfe Mis Ford. Why none but mine owne people Mis Page Indeed Mis Frod No certainly Speake louder Mis Page Truly I am so glad you haue no body here Mist Ford. Why Mis Page Why woman your husband is in his olde lines againe he so takes on yonder with my husband so railes against all married mankind so curses all Eues daughters of what complexion soeuer and so buffettes himselfe on the for-head crying peere-out peere-out that any madnesse I euer yet beheld seem'd but tamenesse ciuility and patience to this his distemper he is in now I am glad the fat Knight is not heere Mis Ford. Why do's he talke of him Mis Page Of none but him and sweares hee was caried out the last time hee search'd for him in a Basket Protests to my husband he is now heere and hath drawne him and the rest of their company from their sport to make another experiment of his suspition But I am glad the Knight is
not heere now hee shall see his owne foolerie Mis Ford. How neere is he Mistrs Page Mist Page Hard by at street end he will be here anon Mist Ford. I am vndone the Knight is heere Mist Page Why then you are vtterly sham'd and hee 's but a dead man What a woman are you Away with him away with him Better shame then murther Mist Ford. Which way should he goe How should I bestow him Shall I put him into the basket againe Fal. No I le come no more i' th Basket May I not goe out ere he come Mist Page Alas three of Master Fords brothers watch the doore with Pistols that none shall issue out otherwise you might slip away ere hee came But what make you heere Fal. What shall I doe I le creepe vp into the chimney Mis Ford. There they alwayes vse to discharge their Birding-peece creepe into the Kill hole Fal. Where is it Mis Ford. Hee will seeke there on my word Neyther Presse Coffer Chest Trunke Well Vault but hee hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places and goes to them by his Note There is no hiding you in the house Fal. I le goe out then Mist Ford. If you goe out in your owne semblance you die Sir Iohn vnlesse you go out disguis'd Mis Ford. How might we disguise him Mis Page Alas the day I know not there is no womans gowne bigge enough for him otherwise he Might put on a hat a muffler and kerchiefe and so escape Fal. Good hearts diuise something any extremitie rather then a mischiefe Mis Ford. My Maids Aunt the fat woman of Brainford has a gowne aboue Mis Page On my word it will serue him shee 's as big as he is and there 's her thrum'd hat and her muffler too run vp Sir Iohn Mis Ford. Go go sweet Sir Iohn Mistris Page and I will looke some linnen for your head Mis Page Quicke quicke wee 'le come dresse you straight put on the gowne the while Mis Ford. I would my husband would meete him in this shape he cannot abide the old woman of Brainford hee sweares she 's a witch forbad her my house and hath threatned to beate her Mis Page Heauen guide him to thy husbands cudgell and the diuell guide his cudgell afterwards Mis Ford. But is my husband comming Mis Page I in good sadnesse is hee and talkes of the basket too howsoeuer he hath had intelligence Mis Ford. Wee 'l try that for I le appoint my men to carry the basket againe to meete him at the doore with it as they did last time Mist Page Nay but hee 'l be heere presently let goe dresse him like the witch of Brainford Mist Ford. I le first direct my men what they shall doe with the basket Goe vp I le bring linnen for him straight Mist Page Hang him dishonst Varlet We cannot misuse enough Well leaue a proofe by that which we will doe Wiues may be merry and yet honest too We do not acte that often iest and laugh 'T is old but true Still Swine eats all the draugh Mist Ford. Go Sirs take the bas basket againe on your shoulders your Master is hard at doore if he bid you set it downe obey him quickly dispatch 1 Ser. Come come take it vp 2 Ser. Pray heauen it be not full of Knight againe 1 Ser. I hope not I had liefe as beare so much lead Ford. I but if it proue true Master Page haue you any way then to vnfoole mee againe Set downe the basket villaine some body call my wife Youth in a basket Oh you Panderly Rascals there 's a knot a gin a packe a conspiracie against mee Now shall the diuel be sham'd-What wise I say Come come forth behold what honest cloathes you send forth to bleaching Page Why this passes Master Ford you are not to goe loose any longer you must be pinnion'd Euanâ— Why this is Lunaticks this is madde as a mad dogge Shal. In deed Master Ford this is not well indeed Ford. So say I too Sir come hither Mistris Ford Mistris Ford the honest woman the modest wife the vertuous creature that hath the iealous foole to her husband I suspect without cause Mistris do I Mist Ford. Heauen be my witnesse you do if you suspect me in any dishonesty Ford. Well said Brazen-face hold it out Come forth sirrah Page This passes Mist Ford. Are you not a sham'd let the cloths alone Ford. I shall finde you anon Euan. 'T is vnreasonable will you take vp your wiues cloathes Come away Ford. Empty the basket I say Mis Ford. Why man why Ford. Master Page as I am a man there was one conuay'd out of my house yesterday in this basket why may not he be there againe in my house I am sure hee is my Intelligence is true my iealousie is reasonable plucke mee out all the linnen Mist Ford. If you find a man there hee shall dye a Fleas death Page Heer 's no man Shal. By my fidelity this is not well Master Ford This wrongs you Euans Master Ford you must pray and not follow the imaginations of your owne heart this is iealousies Ford. Well hee 's not heere I seeke for Page No nor no where else but in your braine Ford. Helpe to search my house this one time if I find not what I seeke shew no colour for my extremity Let me for euer be your Table-sport Let them say of me as iealous as Ford that search'd a hollow Wall-nut for his wiues Lemman Satisfie me once more once more serch with me Mist Ford. What hoa Mistris Page come you and the old woman downe my husband will come into the Chamber Ford. Old woman what old woman 's that M. Ford. Why it is my maids Aunt of Brainford Ford A witch a Queane an olde couzening queane Haue I not forbid her my house She comes of errands do's she We are simple men wee doe not know what 's brought to passe vnder the profession of Fortune telling She workes by Charmes by Spels by th' Figure and such dawbry as this is beyond our Element wee know nothing Come downe you Witch you Hagge you come downe I say Mis Ford. Nay good sweet husband good Gentlemen let him not strike the old woman Mis Page Come mother Prat Come giue me your hand Ford. I le Prat-her Out of my doore you Witch you Hagge you Baggage you Poulcat you Runnion out out I le coniure you I le fortune tell you Mis Page Are you not a sham'd I thinke you haue kill'd the poore woman Mis Ford. Nay hee will do it 't is a goodly credit for you Ford. Hang her witch Euan. By yea and no I thinke the o'man is a witch indeede I like not when a o'mans has a great peard I spie a great peard vnder his muffler Ford. Will you follow Gentlemen I beseech you follow see but the issue of my iealousie If I cry out thus vpon no traile neuer trust me when I open
one And in the lawfull name of marrying To giue our hearts vnited ceremony Host Well husband your deuice I le to the Vicar Bring you the Maid you shall not lacke a Priest Fen. So shall I euermore be bound to thee Besides I le make a present recompence Exeunt Actus Quintus Scoena Prima Enter Falstaffe Quickly and Ford. Fal. Pre'thee no more pratling goe I le hold this is the third time I hope good lucke lies in odde numbers Away go they say there is Diuinity in odde Numbers either in natiuity chance or death away Qui. I le prouide you a chaine and I le do what I can to get 〈◊〉 a paire of hornes Fal. Away I say time weares hold vp your head and mince How now Master Broome Master Broome the matter will be knowne to night or neuer Bee you in the Parke about midnight at Hernes-Oake and you shall see wonders Ford. Went you not to her yesterday Sir as you told me you had appointed Fal. I went to her Master Broome as you see like a poore-old-man but I came from her Master Broome like a poore-old-woman that same knaue Ford her husband hath the finest mad diuell of iealousie in him Master Broome that euer gouern'd Frensie I will tell you he beate me greeuously in the shape of a woman for in the shape of Man Master Broome I feare not Goliah with a Weauers beame because I know also life is a Shuttle I am in hast go along with mee I le tell you all Master Broome since I pluckt Geese plaide Trewant and whip◠Top I knew not what'twas to be beaten till lately-Follow me I le tell you strange things of this knaue Ford on whom to night I will be reuenged and I will deliuer his wife into your hand Follow strange things in hand Master Broome follow Exeunt Scena Secunda Enter Page Shallow Slender Page Come come wee 'll couch i' th Castle-ditch till wee see the light of our Fairies Remember sonne Slender my Slen. I forsoothe I haue spoke with her and wee haue a nay-word how to know one another I come to her in white and cry Mum she cries Budget and by that we know one another Shal. That 's good too But what needes either your Mum or her Budget The white will decipher her well enough It hath strooke ten a clocke Page The night is darke Light and Spirits will become it well Heauen prosper our sport No man meanes euill but the deuill and we shall know him by his hornes Le ts away follow me Exeunt Scoena Tertia Enter Mis Page Mis Ford Caius Mist Page Master Doctor my daughter is in green when you see your time take her by the hand away with her to the Deanerie and dispatch it quickly goe before into the Parke we two must goe together Cai. I know vat I haue to do adieu Mist Page Fare you well Sir my husband will not reioyce so much at the abuse of Falstaffe as he will chafe at the Doctors marrying my daughter But 't is no matter better a little chiding then a great deale of heart-breake Mis Ford. Where is Nan now and her troope of Fairies and the Welch-deuill Herne Mist Page They are couch'd in a pit hard by Hernes Oake with obscur'd Lights which at the very instant of Falstaffes and our meeting they will at once display to the night Mis Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him Mis Page If he be not amaz'd he will be mock'd If he be amaz'd he will euery way be mock'd Mis Ford. Wee 'll betray him finely Mist Page Against such Lewdsters and their lechery Those that betray them do no treachery Mi. Ford. The houre drawes-on to the Oake to the Oake Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Euans and Fairies Euans Trib trib Fairies Come and remember your parts be pold I pray you follow me into the pit and when I giue the watch-'ords do as I pid you Come come trib trib Exeunt Scoena Quarta Enter Falstaffe Mistris Page Mistris Ford Euans Anne Page Fairies Page Ford Quickly Slender Fenton Caius Pistoll Fal. The Windsor-bell hath stroke twelue the Minute drawes on Now the hot-bloodied Gods assist mee Remember loue thou was 't a Bull for thy Europa Loue set on thy hornes O powerfull Loue that in some respects makes a Beast a Man in some other a Man a beast You were also Iupiter a Swan for the loue of Leda O omnipotent Loue how nere the God drew to the complexion of a Goose a fault done first in the forme of a beast O Ioue a beastly fault and then another fault in the semblance of a Fowle thinke on 't Ioue a fowlefault When Gods haue hot backes what shall poore men doe For me I am heere a Windsor Stagge and the fattest I thinke i' th Forrest Send me a coole rut-time Ioue or who can blame mee to pisse my Tallow Who comes heere my Doe M. Ford. Sir Iohn Art thou there my Deere My male-Deere Fal. My Doe with the blacke Scut Let the skie raine Potatoes let it thunder to the tune of Greene-sleeues haile-kissing Comfit and snow Eringoes Let there come a tempest of prouocation I will shelter mee heere Mis Ford. Mistris Page is come with me sweet heart Fal. Diuide me like a brid'd-Bucke each a Haunch I will keepe my sides to my selfe my shoulders for the fellow of this walke and my hornes I bequeath your husband Am I a Woodman ha Speake I like Herne the Hunter Why now is Cupid a child of conscience he makes restitution As I am a true spirit welcome M. Page Alas what noise M. Ford. Heauen forgiue-our sinnes Fal. What should this be M. Ford. M. Page Away away Fal. I thinke the diuell will not haue me damn'd Lest the oyle that 's in me should set hell on fire He would neuer else crosse me thus Enter Eairies Qui. Fairies blacke gray greene and white You Moone-shine reuellers and shades of night You Orphan heires of fixed destiny Attend your office and your quality Crier Hob-goblyn make the Fairy Oyes Bist Elues list your names Silence you aiery toyes Cricket to Windsore-chimnies shalt thou leape Where fires thou find'st vnrak'd and hearths vnswept There pinch the Maids as blew as Bill-berry Our radiant Queene hates Sluttery Fal. They are Fairies he that speaks to them shall die I le winke and couch No man their workes must eie Euan. Wher 's Bede Go you and where you finde a maid That ere she sleepe has thrice her prayers said Raise vp the Organs of her fantasie Sleepe she as sound as carelesse infancie But those as sleepe and thinke not on their sins Pinch them armes legs backes shoulders sides and shins Qu. About about Search Windsor Castle Elues within and out Strew good lucke Ouphes on euery sacred roome That it may stand till the perpetuall doome In state as wholsome as in state 't is fit Worthy the Owner and the Owner it The seuerall Chaires of Order looke