your Majestee wont let a me be sheated for no speak good English James By no means my Lord and you have my Royal Word for 't Lausun Begar me no take a de word Dey say you no so good as your word dey say dat had a you kept your Promise wid a your Subject you no need of come here Begar me ave it under a your Hand and Seal Begar or me no Fight un stroke a Begar James My Lord I shall take order to give you all the Satisfaction you can desire La Hoquette Please your Majestee you must expect to be troubled with more Petishioners o dis kind but as you have many to ask so you have much to dispose of All your Subject vill be de Traytors Begar James And I 'll swinge 'em off for a Company of Hereticks too if ever I get among 'em again But they that serve me in my Extremities shall eat Gold they shall not ask so fast as I 'll give Can you think of nothing Monsieur La Hoquette Sir me beg by de book me beg de Gran Shansellors place James That 's for a Lawyer not for a Man of the Sword La Hoquette Den gi' me de Arshbishop de Canterbury's place James That 's for a Divine La Hoquette O Sir me put in de fine Deputees me get de monee me no care for de Law nor de Gospel neder De Leri My Suit is for de Gran Treasurers place and I make no doubt but wat wid my Pansion and wat me shall sheat your Majestee me shall do vell anough I would not give a rush for de Treasurer that knows not how to lick his own Fingers James Look ye my Lords I don't love much trouble ' een be your own Carvers your selves Do you but take care of me and my Little Son and then take and do what ye will For to tell you the Truth I don't care a Farthing what becomes of my Subjects De Leri Wy Sir you know y 'ave made our Master a Promise to destroy de Heretic and Begar your Subject be de Grand Heretic I 'de Varle James 'T is very true and therefore do you act your parts like Men of Valour and then Boys If by your Courage I am e're restor'd I 'll make 'em know that I can keep my word ACT II. SCENE I. K. James Tyrconnel Nugent Powis Tyrconnel reading a Letter THE P. of O. has certainly compleated his Levies and will be in Ireland in less than a Fortnight In the mean time King James's Friends are hard at work In the mean time the Cock-match goes on the Black-coats promise and you would not think how briskly the young Fry Gabber at Samm's Coffee-house So soon as the P. is got over the Water we fairly begin We have great hopes the E. of T. will fail their Expectations and leave 'em i' the Lurch when they least expect it 'T will be such a Blow as will make their Hearts ake The King of France's Declaration has wrought strange Effects and reconcil'd him to abundance of Gulls The Five Bishops stand stoutly to their Pan-pudding Come come Sir 'T is a long day that never has an end 'T is Mony that makes the Mare to go He that has the longest Sword governs the World And a light Wind shakes no Corn To King James Thus you see Sir all things go trim and trickfie for you in England Your work will be done to your hand James Ay Ay But what shall we do with this same Prince of Orange I fear me you will find him a Sower Crab Orange I ha found him so to my Cost and you know the Proverb Hang a Dog upon a Crab-tree and he 'll never love Varjuice And for my part I am forced to abstain from Veal least they should bring Oranges to the Table the very sight of 'em makes me ready to Puke Nugent Oh Sir the Queen of Heaven is a' your side James I had rather have another Joan of Arque o' my side by half One Amazon upon Earth is worth twenty she Saints in Heaven 'T is true she was burnt for a Witch but for all that she turn'd the Fortune of France Nugent Heavens Sir we never heard you talk at this rate before James I tell ye I am angry with the Virgin Mary because she would not give a Blessing to my Endeavours upon my Wife and yet I gave her the best Bodkin that ever she wore in her Life So that had not some been wiser than some I might have digg'd up all the Parsley Beds i' the Kingdom before I should have lit upon a Boy so fit for my purpose I am discompos'd Powis What think you Sir of retiring back to France for a while For some People have made an Observation that none of your Designs thrive where you are in Person You have found the one pretty true by Experience try tother way and let us alone to Fortune by our selves James Fortunes a Whig and a Draggle-tail If St. Patrick won't assist his own Teagues and St. Denis stand by his own Country men I am lost Powis This Despair of yours will discourage your Souldiers James No no my Lord I don't despair neither You see I venture my Person among you and that I think is sufficient to shew that I have Courage Tyrcon Sir I have read i' the Story of Richard the Third how Henry the Seventh fought Richard the Third and slew him James And so my Lord you 'd have me fight the P. of O I thank ye my Lord for your Parallel I 'll do any thing in Person but that You know that Richard the Third was accounted a Tyrant as I am accounted and Henry the Seventh the Deliverer of the People Now then my Lord if the Parallel hold 't is the P. of O. that must Kill me and Not I the P. of O I thank ye my Lord for your good Advice but I shan't take it Is there no way to beat the P. of O. but by my fighting him in Person Must I do your Drudgery for ye As if there were not anow to fight him in Person besides me Gad do you fight him in Person your self if you like fighting in Person so well Tyrcon Sir if you let him pass the Newry he 'll presently be with ye at the Boyne and if he get over that Passage then farewel Frost Y' faith James Your Bodies are the Walls I trusted to to guard those Passes and because I did not think ye all Guy's of Warwick St. Georges and Palmerins of England I got my Brother of France to assist ye What would ye have me do 'T is not for Kings to expose their Royal Persons If I am lost all 's lost Tye all the cursed Protestants Neck and Heels together and Pile 'um up i' the way as high as the middle Region Surely that will stop his Highness for some time If that won't do the Lord have Mercy upon us However if the worst come to the worst I
that you will be known by your very Deaths Wounds Why look ye Dear Joys in whom do you believe 1. Officer We believe in the Virgin Mary and St. Pautrick 4. Priest And don't you believe the Cause of the holy Mother the Church to be a good Cause 2. Officer Yesh by my shoule do we 4. Priest Why then y' are worse than Turks if ye don't fight to the last gasp in a good Cause For the Turks believe they never shall dye till their time appointed be come and that has made 'em so victorious if your time be come it matters not whether you be slain by a Bullet or a fall down Stairs in your Vsquebah if your time be not come all the Bullets in the Kingdom can never touch ye 3. Officer By my shoule Father if the whole Army were as well shatisfied as we they would fight like so many Lyons for their Preys what say you Dear Joys Omnes We say as you say and we say as the Fathers say and the Fathers have made great shatisfassions upon us by St. Pautrick Hall You speak like noble Champions of the Church go then and inculcate these things into the minds of your Fellow Dear-Joys and we 'll be sure to be with you every day to confirm you in your Resolutions Exeunt Officers and Souldiers 4. Priest Look ye my Lord this is the only way to make these People fight For if the considerations of future Beatitude so sensual as we make it won't do nothing else I am sure will do it And therefore my Lord you see we have made it as sensual as that of Mahomets Primate I like your way very well Fathers therefore come to me and I 'le let ye have Pardons by the Bushel you may get what you can from the Commanders but let the Common Souldiers have 'em for nothing Brass Money signifies little at Rome Nugent There is one way more we have forgot which is the Turkish way to intoxicate their Souldiers with Opium before they engage for since the most Christian King makes use of the Turkish Force we may as well make use of the Turkish Policy Put Opium in their Snush and they rush into Battel and sight for a time like Game-Cocks so that the Enemy will never be able to withstand their Lubberly Multitude Tyrcon This way or that way or any way so we can but get 'em to stand the Brushes they are like to endure And therefore Fathers try the force of your Divinity-Magick 4. Priest We 'll do all that lyes in our Power you may be sure my Lord. 'T was we that made 'em formerly rebell And now we hope to make 'em fight as well ACT. II. Scene 9. Lauzune Lutterel Tyrconnel Lauzune WOuld you not have the King Sir keep his Agreements with my Master You know that when your self together with the Lord Mayor and Aldermen Addrest him about this Business in hopes that he would still conside in you and them to govern Dublin the King made answer that he had past his Word to his Brother Lewis that I should have the Government of Dublin and therefore could not recede from it Tyrcon Sir I am as yet chief Governour of this Kingdom under my Master King James and believe the Town to be already in safe hands Lutt What Contracts our Master made when he was abroad under your Masters Power are invalid in his own Dominions Lauzun Is it so Then 't is time for me to return home again with my Masters assistance Tyrcon Of what Lauzun Of five thousand old beaten Souldiers Tyrcon For which you had the same Number of new raised Men which a Winters Discipline would soon make as fit for service as the best Men in your Masters Army Lauzun Did not my Master furnish you with Wine Frute Brandy Hops Tobacco and other Commodities Tyrcon And did not you carry off our Butter Cheese Wool Raw Hides and Tallow and did not the King release seven pound ten shillings upon every Tun of your Wine Lauzun That 's nothing to the purpose if you quarrel with my Master you 'll lose the best Card in your Pack and therefore I demand the Keys of the City and Castle as by agreement between my Master and yours Tyrcon Not so fast Sir who 's King in Ireland your Master or ours Lauzune I know no King in Ireland but my Master K. Lewis and therefore once more in his Name I demand the Keys of the Castle and City Lutt One would think the Keys of the City should serve your turn there 's room enough to quarter your handful of men Lauzun Sir My Master does not use to be contented with Cities unless he may have the Citadels that command ' em Tyrcon Then it seems your Master intends to make a Conquest of this Kingdom marry so far as hitherto it comes easie enough to him Lauzun I know not what my Master intends to do I am nor of his Council but this I am sure of that private Men never lend great Sums but upon good Security Tyrcon Thus Prodigal Heirs when hungry sell their Birth-Rights for a Mess of Porridge Enter K. J. K. J. Why so much colour in your faces here my Lords This is no time for Heats and Quarrels Lutt Here 's General Lauzune Sir demands the Keys of your City and Castle of Dublin I know not how I have trangress'd in my sidelity to your Majesty but that I may be still entrusted with them as well as He Does your Majesty intend the French shall make a Palatinate of Ireland James Peace Lutterel you are too hot Lutt Would it not vex Sir any Man of Mettle to be degraded from his Honour to oblige an Alien Give him the rest too and save nothing for your self but empty Name James Intreague of State above thy reach and private Contract between my Brother Lewis and my self command thy swift Obedience Lutt Then take your Keys Sir and dispose of 'em at your pleasure it shall never be said that my hand ever did so poor an Act however give a loser leave to speak Had you kept your word but half so well with your English Subjects as you do with the French you had never been reduc'd to this Exit Lutt James to Lauzune My Lord Losers will sometimes be in passion tho' they lose their money never so fairly He 's honest tho' forgetful of his Duty at this time Besides Severity would be unseasonable at such a Juncture as this 'T is sufficient for you that I have kept my Promise with your Master You see the Keys are yours you may now go take possession when you please Excunt ACT. II. Scene 10. Lauzune Solus BEgar me dank de King for noting He delivre me de Key of dis Gran Citee and of de Chastel dat command it begar because he know no vich vay to elp imself begar me Maitre tank a de King vor noting begar he dare as vel tack a de Bear a
Countries without People and that made him Depopulate the Palatinate and the rest of his Conquests in Germany Nay you see how he Dispeoples his own France it self By the way he learnt that piece of Policy of the Turk And so if he could but get footing in England you should soon see what a Hunting field K. J. and He would make of it La Hoquette Mortbleu there 's reason for that 't is a Hive of Hereticks that ought to be smoak'd to Death with Brown Paper and wet Straw But do you believe the P. of O. is a coming indeed Lausun Our Master you see believes it and trembles already for his Brother of England Leri I don't like that same Diabolical Faith of our Master 't is ominous La Hoquette Nor do I love Fighting in an Island 't is like Scanderbag and the Gyants Fighting in a Sawpit I love the Continent-Liberty where a Man may run as far as he pleases Leri However our Master could not have given us a fairer pretence to run away with Honour had he study'd five years Nor indeed do I see any reason why we should venture our Lives and our Limbs with an English King that won't venture with us Lausun In short Gentlemen we are bound to fight for our Honour and we must save the King to obey our Master Leri But if I be kill'd how can I save the King Lausun Therein you must use your Discretion A good Souldier may fight with Discretion and make an honourable Retreat both at the same time La Hoquette And you shall see Noble General how discreetly we 'll split a Hair between our Martial Honour and our Obedience to our Master our Lives for yours we 'll either Fight discreetly or retreat discreetly But a Pox of retreating I scorn to retreat Now I think on 't I can kill a hundred at a time for my own share and fight with discretion Leri Nay if ye go to that I know not how many hundred I may kill when I am thoroughly heated for I remember I kill'd Forty once with my own hand in cold Blood No I 'll never retreat unless I 'm hard put to 't but if the Devil and Necessity drive me then I must obey my Master 'T is Honour we seek and Honour we 'd have But with your kind Grace They search the wrong Place That look for it in the Grave SCENE VI. James Tyrconnel Herbert Powis D'Avaux Nugent James The Critical Juncture's near at hand Now my Lords your best Advice For my part I believe that besides the Enemy that threatens us from the other side of the Water we have a Shoal of Hereticks lurking in our Bosoms here at home I could wish with my Brother Caligula they had All but one Neck and then I 'd make quick dispatch with 'em Herbert I am apt to believe they are all disarm'd by This Sir James That 's nothing as long as they have Arms to their Shoulders the Rogues will be doing Mischief They have Plough-shares and Plough-tails and I 'm afraid too many rusty Sithes still left Pox a' those Sithes They had like to have ruin'd me in the West of England I would not have my Men mow'd down a second time by Barley-cutters Powis I don't believe Sir there 's a Considerable Protestant but what is in Jayl they tell me the Prisons are stov'd with 'em as thick as Loaves in a Brown Bakers Oven I am sure the Priests are abroad in every Nook and Corner under your Majesties Jurisdiction and the Devil 's in 't if a Protestant Thrasher escape 'em I am certain they want neither Diligence nor Malice James I 'm afraid the Rogues don't starve fast enough in Jayl Nugent I know of nobody that relieves 'em some of 'em were carry'd naked to the Dungeon and tho they begg'd but the covering of an old Blanket to cover their Nakedness it would not be granted More than this the Jaylors have order to feed 'em as if they had been sentenc'd for standing mute at their Tryals There 's nothing wanting that Catholick Zeal and Providence can do James Are they not Chain'd Nugent No Sir They are kept weak and low enough I 'll warrant ye You may trust 'em Male and Female together without any danger of Procreation James This is something to the Point I must confess But what must we do to disperse the main Cloud that hangs over our Heads Nugent May it please your Majesty I have read of a Story somewhere I can't at present remember where but I am sure I have read it of a certain King of the Moabites that being afraid of the Children of Israel sent for one Balaam a Conjurer to curse 'em Is there never a Trithemius or an Agrippa of a Jesuit that could Summon up all the Plagues of Egypt together to help a dishessed Prince at a Dead Lift One Star of the first Magnitude well unhing'd by an expert Charmer would squeeze the whole Camp of the Herericks into Pancake-Batter I have heard of Showres of Wheat and Showres of Fire that have formerly fallen at the first word of a devout Saint James I have said it and will say it again there is no more trusting to Heaven in these cases for I find by my Wives last Miscarriage that Wonders from Heaven are ceast and that there is a General Embargo upon Miracles in the Upper Regions Herbert A desperate Disease must have a desperate Cure Did your Majesty ever make use of the Lower Regions yet James I believe I have sent some that way in my time but they were my Enemies and perhaps did me more harm than good Herbert We read that Ulysses who was the cunningest Dry-boots of his time and Eneas who was the Greatest Hector in Europe and a Pious Prince to boot when they were both at their Wits end took a short Fegary to Avernus and having there consulted the greatest Politicians of that place return'd again so well freighted with Council and Advice that they got quit of all their Enemies and dy'd i' their Beds Your Majesty has as short a Cut to Avernus as any of those Heroes here in your own Kingdom through St. Patrick's Hole You may take Father Hall along with you and be back in three days at farthest There you will meet Matchiavel Richlieu Mazarine Sixtus Quintus my Lord Jefferies and several others that will be ready to aid you with their Advice for nothing And this I hold to be the wisest Course your Majesty can take as being the only Remedy that preserv'd those Hero's when all other means fail'd James Would you be willing to bear me company my Lord Herbert With all my Heart and would be contented your Majesty should leave me behind with my Preach cleaving to a Stone as Theseus left his Friend Pirithous if it might be to your Majesties Advantage James A very great Complement indeed my Lord but you know I have done so many ill things by your Lordships Advice that I
and small Beer are much at one May they be accurst and never taste strong Drink more for their small-Beer Fighting Mess On the other side the Danes and Dutch in a great Body took the stream like so many shag Spaniels and fighting up to the middle in the Water beat off our Men and gaining the Land routed all before 'em Sarsf The Devil take 'em for a Company of Sons of Water-Dogs Where was Lauzune all this while Mess Why Sir at the same time the P. of O. passing the River at the head of a great Body of Horse attacked Lauzune with a Bravery to be extold tho' in an Enemy and forc'd him to give way and at length to retire finding himself abandon'd by the Foot 'T is true he retreated in good Order after the loss of General Hamilton taken Prisoner but the rest disperst and broken some ran one way some another leaving all our Baggage and eight Pieces of Cannon as a Pray to the Victors All that prov'd lucky to us in this Battel was this that Duke Schomberg was slain with a Carbine-shot at the head of his Men advancing to observe Lauzune's motions D. of B. Where was my Royal Father all this while Mess He stood upon a rising ground i' the Rear out of harms way where with Tears in his Eyes for a while he beheld the bad Condition of his Affairs till at length my Lord Tyrconnel crying out with a despairing Voice Sauvez le Roy and his Majesty seeing his Army all in disorder took care to save himself and fled with all speed to Dublin D. of B. What was our loss Mess The loss of the whole Kingdom an 't like your Grace D. of B. I mean what our particular loss Mess About fifteen hundred slain and a great number of Prisoners I forgot to tell you Sir there was one whole Regiment ran away without so much as taking up their Arms from the ground where they had Regimentally laid 'em Sarsf Those were Sparks of Venus I 'le warrant ye Sir such as had rather fight in a Brothel-House than in a pitch'd Field a blessed story Now the Devil take me if all these Fellows do not deserve to be fairly hang'd out of the way that we may have no more of the breed of 'em Oh Yonder I see some of the Rascals coming hither for shelter The Scene discovers a great number of Fugitives running to Sarsfield 's Body for security Enter half a score dusty Teagues Sarsf Scoundrels where have you left your Arms 1. Souldier By my shoule dear Joy we have left 'em behind us 2. Sould. By my shoule dear Joy we made great fire upon the Enemies till they came so near us that we were afraid they would have taken us Prisoners by St. Pautrick 3. Sould. By Creesh dear Joy I club'd out the Brains of no less than seven Hereticks at one time yesh marry did I Sarsf I warrant they were dead before 3. Sould. Yesh indeed were they dear Joy but they made such fear upon me as they lay that I resolv'd to kill 'em again 4. Sould. By Creesh now 't was in my Thoughts to have fought like a Devil but the Rogues sent us word that if we did they would give us no Quarter and so when all run I run for good Company Sarsf The Deaths of drown'd Kittens in a Horse-Pond attend ye all What encouragement has a Man of Courage to entrust himself with such Vermin I 'de trust my self as soon in a Hare-Warren against a Heard of Wolves 5. Souldier By my shoule dear Joy you do us wrong we did as much as Men could do but we met with Men that were more than Men You know dear Joy it is a hard matter to row against the Stream but these Men fought against the Stream and yet beat us They stood i' th' Water like Stakes and fir'd so fast out of the Water upon us that we could not stand upon the dry Land D. of B. Come Colonel there 's no help for no Remedy 'T is my Royal Father's Misfortune to work with bad Tools and the best Artist in the World can never make a Silk Purse of a Sows Ear. Sarsfield However there 's Life in a Muscle still the Hereticks have not done all their Work yet we have something still left that will hold 'em play for some time and if we can but get fresh Succours from France we may be able to turn the Scales or else at least to make an honourable Composition for our selves ACT III. Scene 4. King J. Tyrconnel Herbert Mayor of Dublin and others K. J. TO Day a Man to Morrow a Mouse Herbert I must confess I was in hopes I might have had a Mace carryed before me as well as my Capital Enemy Jefferies Tyrcon Lose all in one day without hopes of ever having a Back Game to play What will the World think of us They 'l say surely we were either very Improvident or very Confident Gamesters to hazard all at one Throw K. J. I must confess I long mistrusted the Issue of this day and therfore it was that I sent away Trant to prepare Ships for my return into France before the Fight Herbert 'T was ill foreboded an 't please your Majesty but by this you have acquired the Honour of being the greatest Prince in the World happy in your Misfortunes to be both a King a Priest and a Prophet which is more than your Brother Lewis can pretend to A King without contradiction a Priest as being of the Order of Loyola and the Prophet of your own Afflictions Fer. I wish I might have prov'd a false Prophet tho' it had cost me the spoiling of your Compliment my Lord But there 's no staying here They are in quick pursuit I warrrant ye after us therefore send for the Mayor and Aldermen Herbert They attend without Sir Enter Mayor and Aldermen K. J. Gentlemen I had a very good Army in England but when I had the greatest Occasion for them they deserted me When I came into this Kingdom I found my Roman Catholick Subjects well equipped and prepared to defend my Cause And tho' I had been often told that when it came to the touch they would never bear the brunt of a Battel I would never believe it till now 'T is true they did not desert me as in England yet when it came to a Tryal they basely fled the Field and left the Spoil to my Enemies So that hence forward I never more desire to head an Irish Army and now am resolv'd to shift for my self and so must you too So Gentleman Farewell Mayor Now is my Heart as heavy as a six Pounder fit for nothing but a Grocer's Scales to weigh Plums withal and therefore to keep it from sinking to the bottom of my Belly I hope my Brethren and I shall endeavour to lighten it this Night with your Majesties Health before the Enemy comes amongst us 'T is the last thing that we
do for the departed and so may Heaven grant you success with the same Benevolence as we shall drink it with fidelity to your Cause Herbert A pretty rough draught of Cordial Allegiance yet something better than Grief in one hand and Sorrow in the other Withal my Lord Mayor I must tell ye that tho' it has been often debated in Case a Revolution should happen whether upon deserting of Dublin the City should not be fir'd the King has consider'd of it and thinks it too Barbarous to be done for tho' he affects the French Modes in all other things in that he does not Tyrcon You see what a gracious Prince you were like to have had and therefore let it be the last Act of your Obedience to repress all Insolencies of the Rabble and keep all things quiet till your new Guardians come and then let them alone Mayor And I think too the Protestants may be all let out of their Confinements without any Orders of the Lieutenancy Tyr. Ay Ay my Lord or else they 'l let out themselves farewel my Lord K. J. Now my Lords let us post the next way to Waterford for I 'me resolv'd not to sleep till I get a Ship-board Herbert Please your Majesty I intend to bear you Company K. J. With all my heart my Lord I always love to have Justice o' my side ACT. III. Scene 5. The Released Protestants and Papists meet in the Streets the Papists fawn upon ' em Papist OH Neighbour well met I am heartily glad to see you at liberty again By my shoule Neighbour you cannot imagine how sorry I was at your Confinement By Creesh Neighbour I did all that lay in my Power for you went and spoke in your behalf till I was so snubb'd for my pains that I was forc'd to pull in my Horns for fear of being taken for one of you Protestant Ay Neighbour I heard what pains you took and I thank you for it most heartily Papist Truly Neighbour 't was always my Opinion that our Clergy were somewhat too severe I wish they had been more mild it might perhaps have been better for 'em I told 'em of their Rigour many times but then they were presently Cock a Hoop What are you a favourer of Hereticks and then my Mouth was presently stopt Protestant Well Neighbour 't is past now and I pray God forgive 'em for my part I do 2. Papist O Neighbour How I am overjoy'd at your deliverance I protest Neighbour I offer'd to be your Bail and carryed another along with me but it would not be taken I think the Devil was in 'em to be so Cruel I knew ye to be an Honest Man and a just Dealer and I would have paun'd all the Reputation I had in the World for ye if they would have taken it Protestant I thank you kind Neighbour I am very well satisfied in the Truth of what you say and I wish they would have taken your security for I was almost stifl'd we were so crouded together 3. Papist Neighbour I protest I joy to see you out of your Trouble did you never receive some inconsiderable trifling parcels of Money by a private hand I know they were not worth speaking of but I 'le assure you upon the Word of a Christian 't was I that sent 'em Protestant I 'le assure you Neighbour they were very acceptable and I most cordially thank you for it I knew Neighbour 't was your Charity by the private mark you us'd to give your Money Papist And did not at other times the same private hand bring you meat and drink Protestant Yes Neighbour I must needs acknowledge it Papist I 'll assure ye 't was I that sent it for I could not endure Men should be so cruelly us'd Protestant I was not ignorant of your kindness Neighbour I knew the Meat by the dressing and the Drink by the taste for I knew you had your meat always well drest and kept good Drink in your House I hope I may live to retaliate your Courtesies 4. Papist Your most humble Servant Mr. Clommell Protestant I do not know you Sir Papist It may be so Sir but were not you for two years together most violently tormented with the Head-ach Protestant Yes Sir I was so but when King James was here coming over Essex Bridge late i' th' Night from visiting some Protestant Relations some body or other without the least provocation in the World gave me a cut o' the Head about seven Inches long to my great ease as it prov'd for the Pain has never troubl'd me since the Cure Papist I 'le assure ye Sir upon the word of a Christian 't was I gave you that Cut for by my skill in Surgery I knew there was no other way to Cure ye And I did it unexpectedly for fear you would have been unwilling to have undergone the Cure had you been told of it beforehand Protestant Truly Sir 't was a very great kindness more than I deferv'd and a very great Cure and I 'le assure ye Sir I shall recommend ye for a Curer of the Head-ach to all I know that are in the same Condition that I then was Exeunt Papists Protestants meet together 1. Protestant Who lately thought of an Alteration like this so sudden and so Comfortable I could not reconcile my Bones to the hard Boards for my life they will hardly endure a Feather Bed yet they are so sore 2. Protestant How did you find your House at your return I 'm sure they left me nothing but bare Walls 1. Protestant Truly Neighbour I have not heard a Mouse stir in my House yet I believe they all went after our Provisions to the Popish Habitations and then for my Wares and Goods they are all vanished and yet I am sure when I left 'em they were all Corporeal Substances that had they not been taken away would never have mov'd of themselves Certainly Carriage was very dear during our Confinement and I am apt to think they would have carry'd a way the very bare walls too had they had time to pick down the Mortar 3. Protestant Certainly since the Parisian Massacre never did Prince permit so much Barbarism to be committed in the Metropolis of a Kingdom 5. Protestant And yet now I cannot but smile to hear our late Persecutors and Slanderers tell us what private friends they were to us in our necessities to curry favour with us for fear of the same usage But for my part I don't believe a tittle they say only I give 'em cheap good words 6. Protestant That it was debated whether they should fire the City or no in case they were forc'd to desert it is apparent by by the King 's own confession and it was no less plain that those thoughts were laid aside more out of fear of the little Mercy to be expected from an Enemy so enrag'd than out of any Kindness to us and therefore now we are free let us have a care
Night to teize Heav'n with their Caterwawling for your sake James I know not that I ever gave them any cause since my Conversion to mistrust me For tho I ne're regarded the keeping my word with Hereticks I was always true to them Hall Half the Revenue of this Island will be hardly sufficient to reward them for the great care they take of your Affairs James I intend them no less for I mean if God prosper me to have but two sorts of Subjects in the World Church-men and Slaves the One to ride me the Other to be ridden by me Hall Some People tell me Sir that I smell very strong of an Archbishoprick And when I ask 'em what sort of smell that is they Laugh But then I tell 'em I know not how an Archbishoprick smells only that I serve a Good and Gracious Pious and Religious Master a dutiful Son of the Church a Promise-keeping Prince And then a great many Laugh agen but then I tell 'em let them Laugh that win Did I not tell 'em right an 't like your Majesty James Nothing can stemm thy Prophetick Spirit but my downfall Thou might'st have told 'em 't was not the smell of an Archbishoprick but of a Cardinals Hat with Tossels But heark thee me Hall art not thou Confessor to the Lady Lancarty Hall Yes an 't please your Majesty for want of a better James I dye for love of that Lady and you must use all the Charms of that Sacrament to bring her into my Embraces Else I tell thee I shall dye and then all your Fat is in the Fire Hall My dreaded Liege I am not of that Opinion that we must not do evil that good may come of it James By the way Hall she 's marry'd Hall That 's no Impediment at all Sir Aside Now I smell a Cardinals Hat indeed You are a Prince so Brave so Generous so Valiant so Renown'd so Vertuous so Pious so punctual an Observer of that Maxim do as you would be done to that 't is Pitty the World should not be stockt with your Royal Breed Upon the Word of a Priest Dread Sovereign the Sacrament of Confession shall lore Bonnet to all other Considerations but this The Sacrament of Confession shall serve you to the uttermost of its Power Who would be such an Infidel as not to Pimp for the Holy Church James Tell her Hall Tell her my Liege I 'll tell her 't is the Queen of Heavens Pleasure and she must do it James Were it nothing else this Complacency of thine will raise thee go and be speedy in the Affair Hall She Confesses to morrow James The sooner the better But be sure of Secrecy S'life if my Tyranness should know it I should never be able to protect the first Perriwig I appear'd before her in and perhaps another Black Eye to boot Hall I see the Rock and shall avoid it Sir SCENE VII Lausun La Hoquette Count de Leri Nugent Nugent To Lausun having a Book in his hand What my Lord Bookish this Morning I suppose there 's no body here that needs to hear Lectures of Martial Discipline Lausun Begar Millord me ha sold de very great Estate vor de King of Englan's sake and me must get de very great Estate by do King Begar dis booken shew me de very fine tings 't is de Present Estat of Englan Begar me no beaga without Booka me kenow vat me Beaga bevore me open my Mout Begar me no be deny'd me no Fight de stroke bevore de King make me de Promise under his Haund of de great Matre Begar here be de Lord High Mareschall vat is dat de value Nugent That 's a place of much more Honour then Profit Lausun Begar me no care vor de great Onor me be vor de Profeet La Hoquette So be mee too Begar Let me see your Book a delittle Millord Lausun Hold Let me shooze in de first place a den take a de Book among you Here is de Lord Shanselour's place de Fee 848 Pound per de year Begar me no accept of de eight hundred vorty eight Pound by de year Me ha sold a great deal mush more Begar La Hoquette Begar den me vil ave it Begar me get a nautre and a nautre if dat vill not serve a Nugent The Lord Chancellor's place and the Judges are only for Lawyers my Lord they must be left for such as us to share La Hoquette Begar me no care for de Law me put in de Deputy vor de Law Begar de King himself is but our Maitre's Deputy Begar and de English and de Iris be no more den de Deputies to de Franshe Man de Mereet Count de Leri Here is de Lord Brevie de Seale Fee vifeteen hundred poun par l'an Nugent My Lords you had better look among the Men of Great Titles there you will find Forfeitures anow to beg These Places are but for Life but Land will descend to your Posterity Lausun Begar here is de Duke a de Beaufort Nugent Ay now y'have hit it there 's a Man enjoys more Land of his own than Forty Marquisses of France Lausun Den here is de Earl of Bedford Nugent Ay marry Sir there 's another has more than all the Peers of France put together but 't is a great part of it Abby Lands perhaps the King will restore it to the Church Lausun Begar me no care de rush for de Shurch let dem take a de Lord Shancellors and de Lord Privy Seals places dat vill me ave de Duke of Beauforts and de Earl of Bedfords places Begar Nugent What both Lausun I Begar boat Begar me go presantly to de King an me beaga dese two places Begar And Begar he give em me too or me no Fight a stroke Begar SCENE VIII K. James Lausun La Hoquette Count de Leri Lausun Begar Sir me be come here me leave a me Native Country to serve your Majestee me sell very much Land Begar for your sake me come here to restore you to your Trone Begar me deserve de very much Recompanse James Gratitude my Lord is a Virtue which I always boasted to be Master of and therefore you may rest assur'd of a Reward answerable to your Services Lausun Begar Sir me no love de General me love to come to de Particular James My Lord any particular Request of yours in reason is granted Lausun Why den an please your Majeste me sall expect for my good Service de Duke of Beauford's and de Earl of Bedford's places Begar dose two places me expect or me no Fight a stroke Begar James I know no places they ever had Sir Indeed the one was President of Wales but that 's more Honour than Profit my Lord Lausun Begar me be told dey ave a more Land den all de Peers de France a. James Oh now I understand you You beg the Estates of these two Persons Lausun I Begar de Estates me hope