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majesty_n call_v captain_n master_n 4,434 5 10.4502 5 true
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ID Title Author Corrected Date of Publication (TCP Date of Publication) STC Words Pages
A34159 The Complaisant companion, or, New jests, witty reparties, bulls, rhodomontado's, and pleasant novels 1674 (1674) Wing C5627; ESTC R20756 109,488 244

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hope it was not on Good-Friday as they call it no said the other but it was on Ash-Wednsday as they call is why that 's as bad said the other but hear the truth Brother I did eat so much on Shrove Tuesday as they call it that I could not eat a bit the day after On a Seaman A Seaman unaccustomed to ride was mounted on a curvetting horse which reard a loft hey day quoth he I never expected to have met with billows that be thus tost on land before On a fatman and a leane Horse A Fat man riding on a leane Horse was askt why he was so fat and his hose so lean said he I took to my self but my man to my horse An ingenious complaint A Foolish Wench meerly out of revenge complained to a Justice that such a man would have ravisht her what did he doe says he he tied my hands so fast I could not stirr them and what else Why Sr. said she he would have tied my legs too but I had the wit to keep them far enough asunder A merry conceit A Man having a candle in his hand said by this light wife I dreamed last night thou madest me a Cuckold she having a piece of bread in her hand said by this bread Husband but I did not eat the bread then says he nay says she eat you the candle for you swore first A mistake A Gentleman riding near the Forrest of Whichwood in Oxford-shire askt a fellow what that Wood was call'd he said Which-wood Sr. Why that Wood said the Gentleman Whichwood Sr Why that Wood I tell thee he still said Which-wood I think said the Gentleman thou art as senseless as the Wood that grows there it may be so replyed the other but you know not Which-wood On two in a Tavern ONe Gentleman desired another to drink more then his stomack would bear and therefore he refused the other swore if he did not drink off that glass he would run him through nay rather then that said the other I will run my self through and pledge you after wards and so running through the door downstairs left the other to pay the reckoning On a Dog-killer A Man walking with a Pike-staff in his hand it chanced that a Dog came running at him open mouth'd hereupon he thrust the sharp end of the Pike down his throat and killed him the Dogs master askt the fellow why he did not save his Dog by striking him with the blunt end of the staff so I would said he if he had run at me with his tail On a Painter ONe askt a Painter how he could draw such excellent Pictures and yet get such ugly children it is said he because I make the one in the night and the other in the day On a little Wife ONe asked his friend why he being so proper a man would marry a woman of so small a stature O friend said he of-all evills the least is to be chosen On a Gentlewoman whose name was Field A Gentleman walking early in the morning met his friend coming from his Mistress whose name was Field Sr. said he how came you in this wet pickle In troth Sr. I am thus bedewed by coming over younder Field nay said the other I had rather believe it was by lying all night in yonder Field On a great Wine-drinker A Gentlman that was a great Tavern hunter askt his friend to go with him and drink a glass of wine the other refused saying his face was red enough already and drinking wine would make it worse a pox on that face quoth the other that makes the whole body fare the worse Another said that was a very great drinker when he dyed he would leave fifty pound to be drank in wine in manner and form following at these Taverns ten pound at the Wonder in Ludgate-street for honest men and no Brewers ten pound at the Castle for Military men ten pound at the Miter for Clergy men ten pound at the Horn Tavern for Citizens and ten pound at the Divell tavern for Lawyers On a Bastard and a Legitimate ONe having two sons one legitimate and the other illegitimate he made the Bastard his Hei●he Fathe●● 〈◊〉 the 〈◊〉 falling out the one twitted the other that he came in at a window by stealth true said he I did but it was to keep you out of the house Another Bastard told his friend that he was as much beholding to such a man as to his own Father yes said he but I believe you are more beholding to your Mother to chuse you such a Father then to your Father to chuse you such a Mother On a Gamester borrowing money A Gamester borrowed five pound of a Gentleman lost it at play thereupon sent to borrow five pound more by the token that he owed him already five pound Pray said the Gentleman bid your Master send me the token and I le send him the five pound On nothing A Gallant standing in a maze a Lady askt him what he was thinking on he said of nothing what do you think on said she when you think on nothing faith says he then I think on you and the inconstancy of your Sex On an hungry Gentleman A Gentleman having been abroad in the fields came hungry home and called for his dinner Sir said his man it is early day yet the clock having but just now struck ten push says he don't tell me of ten by the clock when it hath struck twelve by my stomach On a Drawer SOme Gentlemen in a Tavern wanting attendance one took the pint pot and threw it down stairs presently up came a quart then he flung the quart down and up came a pottle is it so said the Gentleman then I will have one throw more and so flung the Drawer down stairs saying I will see whether thou wilt come up double too On a Constable and a handsome Wench A Handsome Wench and very gentile in habit was brought by a Constable before a Justice late at night the Justice finding no matter of fact onely bare suspition in favour of her bid the Constable take her home to his house for that night that I shall do Sir says he if your worship will be pleased to commit my wife till the morning On a Soldier in fight with the Dutch A Soldier being quartered at a Gun an unhappy shott came in at the Porthole and took off his leg as he lay looking about him he saw his leg lye ' pray-thee Gunner said he take it up and clap it into the Gun and send it among those roguing Dutch that it may kick their arses for the injury they have done its master Another THe same man had the hard fortune to loose in the folloing engagement not only the other leg but both his arms as he was carrying down to the Chyrurgeon he called to his Captain Sir said he if you live and I live pray tell His Majesty that he hath a faithfull subject who