the clouds that they rain no rain upon it Esay 5.5 6. and how gastly doth that place look which is thus fore-let and forsaken by God This consideration made me think it is time for England to look about them gray hairs are here and there upon us yet we consider it not Hosea 7.9 we may see many a withering branch and dying Christian amongst us fetching the last gasp that formerly seemed flourishing fat and in good liking when men employ not their talents well no wonder if God take from them that which they seemed to have this is verified in many that have had fresh and fragrant parts and gifts and have formerly excelled others but these parts are withered for want of use and the diligent Christian formerly below them now excels them and the unprofitable servant is reserved for utter darkness and how ill favoured do those look that are thus withered nay have we not great cause to fear God is leaving his garden in England seeing he hath transplanted so many of his choisest flowers into America and of late hath taken so many into his own bosome and there are so few left that really flourish and so many are on the dying hand and reall holiness and the power of godliness is so scarce oh my soul art not thou one of these dead or at least withering plants art thou fallen from thy first love where are the love of thy espousals or these affections and the zeal manifested in thy younger years hath thy age encreased thy wisdome and is that seen in growing more strange with thy God and more luke-warm in his service and in having less care of thy soul and in taking less pains for heaven time was thou wast more fresh and flourishing and like to a green bay-tree but now thou growest old and dry and little sap and vigour doth appear is this the fruit of all the pains God hath bestowed upon thee is it to make thee more dry and barren the trees of righteousness planted by the rivers of water should never want fruit nor leaf yea should bring forth fruit to old age yea thy fruit in age may be expected to be more and mellower ripened by age and a more mature judgment thou hast born the burthen and heat of the day and wilt thou now quit the vineyard or cease and slack thy work when thou shouldst come and receive thy wages if thou turn back Gods soul will have no pleasure in thee if thou put thy hand to the plow and look back thou art not fit for the kingdom of heaven neither will thy righteousness be remembred in thy sin thou shalt dye thou art ready to go off the Stage of the world and wilt act thy last scene worst and be hist at in the end wilt thou lose all the pains that ever thou hast taken in heavens way and at last remit thy zeal when thou shouldst double thy diligence is it not he that holds out to the end that shall be saved didst thou ever yet repent of any pains thou didst take for heaven and dost thou think thou shalt ever have cause to repent hereafter art thou affraid thy reward will be too great or thy crown of glory too heavy or that God will love thee too well or that thou shalt make heaven too sure if not why dost thou slack thy pace dost thou expect a better master or better work or better wages if not take heed by thy negligence lest thou force God to put thee out of his service oh my God keep my heart upright in thy service and direct my steps that I turn not aside keep me from the rage of satan that I be not captivated by him he seeks my soul to undo it and fain would make me lose my reward Lord make me faithfull to the death and then give me a crown of life Upon the unknown vertues of many vegetables 31. Med. WHen upon the strictest search and scrutiny that I could possibly make I could not finde out the natures properties vertues operations ends and uses of several vegetables and other simples nor indeed the full use vertue and benefit of any one of them and I suppose I have cause to think that the greatest artist in natures garden cannot do it nay if all pretenders to this art should join heart and hand in the work and combine themselves together and use their utmost diligence yet would they fall short of making a perfect discovery of it though I know every age makes some further progress in it then the preceding did yet very many things lie hid from the choisest wits this made me admire the wisdome of the Creator that hath made nothing in vain and hath put such admirable vertues into such despicable weeds that did we know their worth we should prize them at a higher rate that now we despise and if we cannot finde out the vertues and operation of those things which we are every day conversant with no wonder if we are ignorant of God of the Trinity of the Incarnation of Christ and those more abstruce points of Religion more remote from our sences and above our capacity he that cannot attain to know the nature of his own soul no wonder if he be ignorant of the nature of angels my thoughts upon this account roved further and I considered several small seeds so much resembling one another that my eye could scarcely difference them the one from the other and yet I saw when those were sown together in the same plot nourisht in the same mould refreshed with the same Sun and watered with the same showers they produced plants much differing in nature colour scent quantity quality vertue and operations this made me cry out the finger of God that hath put such vertues in so small despicable seeds it minded me also of the Apostles words God hath given to every seed his own body 1 Cor. 15.38 wheresoever these vegetables are sown planted or replanted still the species are continued neither do they degenerate into another kinde When I considered that such efficacy and vertue should be virtually included in so small a seed I thought it matter of admiration yea that so small a thing as a nut or acorn or the kernel of an apple or pear should produce so great a tree of so vast a bulk as the Oak the apple-tree or the pear-tree this made me to admire the wisdom power and providence of the great God which Christ himself seems to take notice of in the mustard seed which being so very small produceth a plant of such a bigness that the birds build their nests in the branches this minded me also of the nature of grace and sin which from small beginnings come to great perfection and whereever they are they become fruitful grace proceeds from a grain to a tree and as a little leaven leaveneth the lump so grace encreaseth till it makes a universal change in the whole man it makes a man
nothing flourisheth but weeds and nothing appears but confusion and the whole appearing more like a wilderness then a garden This sight brought to my minde the state of the poor soul when it is neglected and not heedfully observed then all run to ruine and tends to confusion nothing that good is prospers nothing that is bad but flourisheth corruption and sin get the upper hand and grace is kept under the fence is let down the watch is neglected and the devil that wilde boar of the forrest destroys the tender vines roots up every good inclination spoils every good motion intention and resolution and lays all waste how many have I known who when they have been under good Masters good parents good Ministers have been very hopeful and towardly and were likely to have made good instruments in the Church for Gods glory if not pillars in the house of God while their graces and good inclinations were well watered and they received encouragement in their religious courses then the flowers of grace seemed to flourish and good desires holy intentions and resolutions to bud forth and hopeful beginnings shewed themselves and promising parts gave hopes of future encrease But when these fire-sticks not well kindled were once removed from those that set them a burning they were soon extinguished when they had changed their habitations their company when they were left to themselves or to those that were careless of them they went out of themselves and vanished in a smoak or in a snuff then their corruptions soon gathered head and their graces were at an under they soon grew rude and bruitish and given to sensuality and the hearb of grace for want of rain and nourishment watering and weeding was soon suffocated by vice and in short time these men lost that which they seemed to have and their souls looked no more like a watered garden but a barren wilderness or a dunghill covered with noysome weeds and the dam which religious education had erected being broken down the stream ran more violently and it is not unusual to see vice so much prevailing that they turn persecutors of what before they profest oh my soul is not this in part thy case are there not sensible decays of love in thee is not thy zeal for God abated and thy courage in his cause decayed are not thy graces choaked with weeds and the wheat overrun with tares where is the kindeness of thy youth and the love of thy espousalls when thou wentst after God in the wilderness hast thou not with the Church of Ephesus lost thy first love dost thou not grow more strange with thy God and doth not God grow more strange with thee where is that heart and fervour which did appear in thee that life and activity in his service hath not the cooling winde of the world abated this and thou beginnest to be as the world calls it more moderate or as God calls it more lukewarm the weeds of sin begin to overtop the hearb of grace do not these grow rank and flourishing when grace grows weak and feeble grace like the house of Saul grows weaker and weaker when sin like the house of David gathers strength well beware betimes if thou grow lukewarm God will spew thee out of his mouth if thou bear wilde grapes he will pluck down thy fence and lay thee waste if thou art barren he will cut thee down and cast thee into the fire oh my God without thy assistance I shall bring forth no fruit or worse then none wilde grapes grapes of sin and disobedience my sins like a bloud-hound will dog me at the heels and finde me out the weeds of sins and the thorns of cares will suffer no good herb nor flower to flourish if God weed them not out Oh pluck up those weeds keep under those thorns and make up those decays in this thy garden let the north-winde and the south blow upon my garden that the spices thereof may flow out Cant. 4.16 that I may be serviceable to thee and profitable to man let my fruits be ripened my graces greatned by the breathing of the Holy Ghost then shall I serve thee with thy own and give thee of thy own 1 Chron. 29.14 Upon the fading of Beautifull flowers 13. Med. WAlking in the garden I fixed my eyes upon the flowers there growing I considered the variety beauty and splendour of them how glorious they appeared after a cooling shower of rain and the refreshing beams of the shining Sun how pleasantly they lookt how sweet they smelt filling the ambient air with their sweet savour delighting the beholders senses with their colour shape and scent and when on the other side I considered how vain and fading all this glory was how transitory these beautifull creatures were and how their glory past was as the morning dew which when the Sun in his glory appears quickly vanisheth when I considered that the same day I saw them in the heighth of their pride and in their lowest debasement to day they are saith Christ and to morrow they are cast into the oven the same day ofttimes sees them both admired and despised hug'd in the bosome and cast out upon the dunghill me thought this did lively resemble the vanity of all humane felicity how transitory it is and uncertain and how little solidity is to be found in any thing under the sun Now they flatter and seem beautifull to the eye and suddenly they wither vanish and disappear If we look upon their little Lord and the owner of these things we shall finde him as frail and brittle as fading and transitory as these this day you may see him in the strength of his youth and his bones full of marrow and to morrow death seizeth upon him and the worm sweetly feeds upon him Job 24.20 they are cut down as the grass and wither as the flower of the field Psal 37.12 13. How frequent is it in Scripture to compare man to grass and to a fading flower Esay 40.6 7. all flesh is grass and the glory thereof as the flower of the field the grass withereth the flower fadeth because the spirit of the Lord bloweth upon it surely the people is grass Psal 92.7 when the wicked springeth as the grass and when the workers of iniquity flourish it is that they may be out off for ever and as man is thus frail and brittle fading and transitory so are all these sublunary things there is no stability no sollidity in them they are like the moon every day shewing a new face now waxing now waning or like the Sea sometimes ebbing sometimes flowing now a full sea and a few howers after low water we may see many men flourish like green bay-trees and suddenly taken away and the place that knew them shall know them no more now in the height of honour and suddenly in the gulph of disgrace now flourishing in riches and quickly pincht with poverty our age can witness all
God forgive I beseech thee my carnal confidence trusting to the arm of flesh both in reference to my body and soul let me see the vanity of all creature-confidences how little they can avail without thy blessing and however thou crossest my designes for the world Lord succeed my designes for heaven with thy blessings leave me not to the teaching of man but teach me thy self water me with the dew of heaven and let thy clouds drop fatness incline my heart to thy testimonies and not to coveteousness Upon flowers seemingly dead in winter yet flourishing in the spring 23. Med. WHen I observed some flowers in the garden that all the winter long when the sun was remote in the Southern climate hid their heads withered seemed to die and to be extinct and buried themselves in their mother earth yet at the return of the year when their beloved smiled upon them when the sun came to the aequinoctial and began to court them and shine upon them with a more direct ray and warmer gleam they crept out of their grave revived sprang again and flourished like a love sick woman killed with a frown and recovered with a smile those that before go in their mourning-weeds now put on their best apparel This consideration made me compare it to the state of a poor soul in desertion when God the Sun of righteousness her beloved hides his face and stands at a remote distance then it is winter with the soul then it droops hangs down the head and is ready to die and cry out with the spouse stay me with flagons comfort me with apples I am sick of love but there may be life in the root when it appears not in the branches when the Sun of righteousness ariseth in the soul with healing in his wings Mal. 4.2 these dry bones will live these dead branches will bud these swouning fainting souls will revive and these buried flowers will spring out again though they are in the shadow of death light shall spring out to them The hearb of grace will not die in a hard winter when the spring comes it will bud and break forth the best of Saints oft have had their fainting-fits David that man after Gods own heart though well acquainted with the incomes of the spirit the smiles of God and spirituall consolations yet had many qualms and fainting-fits upon the apprehension of Gods departure but God though he seem to be long absent will not forsake those that are not willing to leave him Esay 4.14.15 but Zion said the Lord hath forsaken me and my Lord hath forgotten me can a woman forget her sucking-childe that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb yea they may forget yet will not I forget thee A father sometimes hides himself behinde the wall to try the affections of his little son to see whether he will miss him what moan he will make in his absence or whether he minde his play and be content without him when yet he is so far from forsaking him that every tear goes to his heart so God in his withdrawings from his people is much concerned in the moan they make and his bowels yearn at their complaints as he did at Ephraims when he bemoaned himself Jer. 31.18 19 20. I have surely heard Ephraim bemoaning himself c. Is Ephraim my dear son is he a pleasant child for since I spake against him I do earnestly remember him still therefore my bowels are troubled for him I will surely have mercy upon him saith the Lord who is among you saith the prophet that feareth the Lord and walketh in darkness and hath no light let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay himself upon his God Esay 5.10 Here we see a man may fear God and yet be in darkness sometimes the Sun may he ecclipsed sometimes clouded but it will break forth again those that have their eyes enlightned shall see it though the blinde discern not between day and night light and darkness the greatest part of the world know not what it is to have the Sun of righteousness to arise in their hemisphere But it is the greatest grief to a believer that ever befell him in his life to have the face of his beloved to be clouded from him and his sun to set at noon then he goes with the spouse seeking him sorrowing did ye see him whom my soul loveth Cant. 3.3 when they seek him and cannot finde him when they call him and he gives them no answer Cant. 5.6 they seek from ordinance to ordinance from Minister to Minister and enquire after him every room in the house may witness their moan and their complaint but when they finde they rejoyce with the Martyr Oh Austin he is come he is come oh my soul how stands the case with thee art thou apprehensive of the approaches and departures of God from thy soul dost thou rejoyce in his presence as these poor flowers in the presence of their beloved dost thou mourn at his absence as they do and hide thy head dost thou hunger and thirst after him as the thirsty man for drink or the thirsty land for drops of rain if thou make little matter of him it is a signe thou hast little benefit by him or little love to him or never knewest what it was to have communion with him he is the chiefest of ten thousand therefore the virgins love him get as strong an apprehension of his love to thee and thine to him as possibly thou canst this will keep the soul from stragling thou wilt never leave him whom thou lovest and he will never leave one that loves him his withdrawings are but to try thy affections and he oft loves dearly those he seems to loathe if thou forsake not him he will never forsake thee and an evidence of his love will bear up the heart above trouble the Psalmist when he was so troubled that he could not speak yet comforted himself in considering the days of old and the years of ancient times and calling to his remembrance his songs in the night Psal 77.4 5 6. when there is a calm and tranquillity in the soul examine thy self by Scripture-evidences whether there be the truth of grace in thy soul or no and if thou finde it lay up these records against a stormy-day when the sun is clouded and out of sight then when thou canst not reade thy own heart or see grace in thy soul yet maist thou say at such a time in such a place I examined my self by such and such marks grounded upon such and such Scriptures and plainly and impartially judged my graces were true now true grace cannot be lost and therefore I know there is fire though under the ashes and true grace though buried under corruption and he that then loved me will love me to the end yea with an everlasting love oh my God assist me in this work of examination and not only give