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A14992 A care-cloth: or a treatise of the cumbers and troubles of marriage intended to aduise them that may, to shun them; that may not, well and patiently to beare them. By William Whately, preacher of the word of God in Banbury, in Oxfordshire. Whately, William, 1583-1639. 1624 (1624) STC 25299; ESTC S107622 140,887 282

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then shall all begin suffering for that is a sure proofe that sin is come to his full growth and that the measure of mans wickednesse is replenished euen to the brim Indeed what is there then remaining that can in any reason be thought able to moue the mercy of God to longer forbearance When none bewayleth or as good as none when none supplicateth when none pleade the causeat the barre of his mercy how can Iustice but raise it selfe vp and smite the abusers of former mercies with so much greater seueritie by how much they haue been longer borne withall And further They shall perish in the common destruction it will come to passe from this letting sinnes slip away by them without sorrow that the children of God if any few graines of Wheate bee found hidden in the huge heape of chaffe shall perish in the common destruction and bee smitten with the rest because they mourned not for the rest but did rather partake of their sinnes by not opposing them for none is in mercy marked for the day of deliuerance but a mourner Though a man be for the generall vpright and godly yet if in that particular hee doe so farre degenerate from the rules of godlinesse that he remaine sorrowlesse for the dishonour done to God by others this vngrieuing disposition hath so deepely ingaged him into the guilt of those sinnes that it will very hardly stand with the truth and wisdome of God to let him goe free but he must cause him for the good of his owne soule by the smart of crosses to grieue for such euils as else he would not grieue for So mischiefe vpon mischiefe breakes in when teares and mourning stand not vp to preuent the same A mans selfe is infected he becomes carelesse of reforming euill God smites the whole societie for the sinnes now committed by all and lamented by none and then hee that mourned not must himselfe also smart for company Shall we not seeke to stop the way against all and each of these euils by intrenching our selues as it were within these Riuers of waters And so Brethren you haue reasons great store to prooue the dutie and perswade vnto it If you loue God whom sinne grieueth if you loue your neighbour whom sinne hurteth and if you hate sinne it selfe which all ought to hate that loue God and their neighbour if you consider how loathsome and grieuous a thing sinne is how offensiue to God yea and iniurious how harmefull also to mankind both to him that dares practise it whose soule it tumbleth to the bottome of hel besides other crosses of all sorts which attend it for the present and also to the Countrie where it is suffered causing the Lord to send out Sword Pestilence Famine and all manner of dolefull miseries against it If you consider that this mourning wil surely cause the Lord to reprieue the whole Countrie and that it will keepe the soule of the mourner free from infection and stir him vp to al due meanes of redressing sin and so saue his own soule at least frō the cōmon calamity when it can now be longer no deferred And lastly if you remember that where this mourning is absent a mans soule will surely be infected he wil grow careles of doing that which he ought to doe for redresse of euill and so sin growing mighty will infallibly and ineuitably procure a common iudgement in which himselfe shal also as a man not signed for deliuerance be taken away among the rest If I say you doe acknowledge and confesse all these things as they are all manifest and doe seriously lay them to heart you cannot chuse but yeeld in your very consciences that you all ought to doe as the Prophet here professeth to the Lord that himselfe was wont to doe euen cause Riuers of waters gush out of your eyes because men keepe not the Law of God CHAP. VI. Containing the first vse of the point a reproofe of them that doe neglect this duty Vse 1 BVt alasse alasse my Brethren Reproofe of those that mourne not for common sinnes how slow and backward haue wee all been to this so plaine and needfull a dutie Ah it is most euident that we deserue most sharpe reprehension for being so scant in teares for that for which this man of God did weepe so abundantly For where is there my brethren alacke where is there to be found one man amongst vs that hath imitated so precious and withall so manifest example Where is his dwelling whose face is couered with these teares and cheekes made wet with this weeping In what corner may we meete with him or her that is able to professe in truth before the Lord and his owne soule O Lord Riuers of water haue run downe mine eyes because they keepe not thy Law O no no we are sold ouer to mirth and iollitie Behold slaying of Oxen and killing of sheepe eating and drinking and calling to hang sorrow as once among the Iewes Behold piping and dancing and minstrelsey behold making out harts fat and iouiall as in a day of slaughter But alas Ah alasse the sinnes of the Land are not laid to to heart by almost any of those that inhabite the Land and for a thousand sinners hardly haue we one weeper As for the common multitude why they would thinke him euen quite out of his wits whose face they should see blubberd with weeping in a corner And why forsooth Because his neighbours be wicked and ill liuing men and keepe not Gods precepts Why would they think and say what is that to him Shall he beare other mens burdens or answere for other mens sinnes Or can hee mend their faults by sighing and weeping for them Why then should hee vexe himselfe for that which will bere neuer a whit the better if hee should vext his heart out at it This would be the censure of the common and ordinary man of such a mourner as the Text speakes of they would count his teares ill spent and himselfe a foole for his labour And as is their iudgement such is and such needs must bee their practice They neuer in all their liues wept one tenth part of a teare for all the sinnes and abominable deeds that euer they heard of or saw committed vnlesse it haue falne out that the same thing haue been an hurt vnto themselues or some other man whose case they haue tendred and so bemoned the person not bewailed the sinne been sorry for it as an injury against man not as a transgression of Gods precepts But this neglect is not found alone with the vulgar sort of men Nay those that haue gotten some good measure of knowledge and of vertue and doe exercise themselues with some due care to keep themselues vnsported of the wicked world euen these also for the most part haue eyes altogether drie and tearelesse in regard of other mens offences Who of those that seeme to know and feare God to delight
like the fruitfull Vine comfortable aswell as fruitfull His children like the Oliue plants profitable and beneficiall as well as many Godlinesse is good for all things it hath the promises of this life and of that which shall bee and these promises must needs bee fulfilled An holy conuersation of life a well ordred and religious carriage in the whole frame of life this makes life sweet all the comforts of life cōfortable If thou walke in Gods wayes he hath vndertaken to make all you do prosperous Lo a sure way of attaining as much happinesse as this lower world can yeeld For why doth God send troubles but to correct sin and to redresse disorders and to draw men to godlines If they follow godlines of their owne accord by hearkning to the coūsel of his Word fewer afflictions will be needfull and fewer shal be sent for he corrects not willingly but as Parents giue bitter draughts to their children euen for the health profit of their children But secondly the man wife that would liue cheerefully must loue each other tenderly and plentifully Much heartie and holy loue to one another will sweeten all crosses and keepe out the worst and greatest crosses Let the husband loue his wife as Paul enioyneth and let wiues be louers of their husbands as the same Apostle prescribeth charity wil couer al things and hope al things beleeue all things and suffer all things and so wil mend very many things y● else would surely go amisse Wherefore striue more to store thine heart with loue to thine yoke-fellow then to fill thy coffers with gold and siluer for grace is more auaileable to felicity then wealth and charitie is the King of graces And that you may loue each other in large quantity and after a spirituall manner pray often each with other and each for other that will breed much loue Do much good to the soules of each other and you shall not chuse but be kindly affectioned one to another Thirdly instruct your children and seruants in the feare and knowledge of God labouring to make them Gods children and seruants and then they will proue to you good children and seruants or if they proue otherwise the testimony of your consciences that your diligence hath not been wanting to make them such will comfort you much in their badnesse Dutifulnes and obedience to God wil come attended with dutifulnes and obediēce to you care of pleasing God will breed care of pleasing you a good cōscience towards their chief Gouernor wil beget a good carriage to you their inferior gouernors If pietie dwell in your hearts and houses it will chase the greatest troubles out of dores keep the rest from breeding much vexation And if you seek to plant and water it in your families it will likely grow there or if it should not yet the doing of dutie wil comfort the hart though successe be wanting to endeauour Lastly for your estates let your harts be moderate your hands diligent Labour about the things of the world else an idle person must walke vpon an hedge of thornes Loue not the things of the world else a person greedy of gaine shall trouble his owne house The diligent hand will bring sufficiencie and the moderate heart will bring contentment and then the troubles of a mans estate must needs be made few and easie He that for Gods sake applieth his calling and not for wealths sake shall haue Gods fauour in his calling and either shall not be crossed or shall not be vexed by crosses So haue we shewed you as good directions as we could to keepe afflictious out of doores But no care will altogether shame them You must therefore set your selues in the second place to beare them patiently and not to faint vnder them nor to be distempered by them Neuer vnwish marriage for the cumbers of marriage Had-I-wist is seemely in no mans mouth O that I had neuer married is a most vndecent thought in an husbands hart a fond word in his lips Why should our wils oppose Gods will when he hath made it knowne vnto vs Paul saith before Art thou joyned to a wife seeke not to be loosed A valiant souldier doth neuer repent of the battaile because he meetes with strong enemies he resolues to be conquerour and then the more and stronger his foes the greater his honour So must the husband and wife resolue to conquer the troubles of marriage and vse the buckler of patience against the blowes of aduersitie that they may conquer But here also you will aske how and I must tell you how The meanes to get patience in the cumbers of the wedded estate are chiefely these first to resolue you must and will bee patient secondly to pray that you may bee patient thirdly to consider your comforts as well as your crosses and fourthly to looke vp to God as the Author and Heauen as the end of your troubles A firme purpose of will to doe or suffer any thing doth greatly fortifie the soule Hee that often thinkes I am bound to beare my part of trouble quietly seeing euery man aliue hath his portion in troubles and seeing we haue brought troubles vpon our selues and seeing these troubles are but short and light in comparison of those we haue deserued and therefore I wil euen buckle my shoulders to the burden and not giue way to shrinking this man shall find that an hard loade will lye lighter vpon a resolute heart then an easier burden vpon an irresolute spirit Whatsoeuer a Christian man doth constantly tell himselfe that hee hath great reason to doe shall haue much good by doing and must needs doe or doe worse and therfore inacts this statute in his mind By Gods helpe I will doe it that shall he be able to doe in good measure and God will passe by his failings Doe thus much for the matter of patience inure your minds to thinke much of the reasons that should induce you to it and vpon those reasons to conclude that through the gracious assistance of God you will be patient and you shall be so But resolutions without prayer are presumptuous and God doth vse to chastice presumption by making it find its owne weakenesse Wherefore you must pray much and often as well as resolue Strong resolutions ioyned with strong supplications cannot bee in vaine Lord must thou say by nature I am impatient apt to fume and fret or else to faint and quaile but O let me be strengthened with all might according to thy glorious power vnto all long-suffering and patience with ioyfulnesse Lord strengthen me against all infirme and impotent fallings of heart against all furious and violent risings of spirit and seeing thou hast brought me into marriage inable mee to beare the burdens of marriage The frequent renewing of such acknowledgements of our owne feeblenesse and petitions to be fortified by the might of Gods Spirit will cause that wee shall find the grace of God
Saints ought to abound in fernent loue to the diuine Maiestie in regard both of those infinite excellencies which are in his holy nature and the innumerable demonstrations thereof as also of those great and many benefits which they themselues doe receiue from him This loue cannot be separated from an earnest desire that he may be honored serued obeyed and in word and deed acknowledged and respected according to his owne worth and greatnesse and the multitude and greatnesse of his mercies Now there is such a naturall sympathy betwixt the affections of mans heart and they are so mutually subordinated each to other in their workings as it is not possible but that loue to any person and desire that he should be well dealt withall must needs rayse vp griefe and sorrow vpon the beholding of the quite contrarie For loue must needs beget hatred and abhorring of those things that tend to thy hurt and dishonour of the partie loued because he that loueth cannot choose but esteeme and account them euill yea and very euill and if that thing bee present with any man which he hateth and reputeth euill it must of necessitie stirre vp in him a measure of sorrow proportionable to his hatred Wherefore this griefe must beare witnesse to the truth of that loue which we say wee beare vnto the liuing God and must iustifie all those protestations which wee are ready to make of hauing abundant good will vnto him For it is in vaine to say we loue if we bring not forth the effects of loue It is but painted and imaginarie fire which yeeldeth forth neither heate nor light so it is but tongue-loue and lip-affection which is good for nothing but to beguile our selues and make vs better conceited of our selues then there is cause that produceth not the true and proper fruites of loue Furthermore wee doe know and confesse Loue to men that our loue to God must alwayes bee ioyned with the loue of our brethren euen of all that are made of the same flesh with our selues I meane our hearts must bee settled in a liking of them and desire of their welfare as of Gods creatures to whom he hath pleased to vnite vs in many bonds For though the Lord doe allow yea and command vs to hate the workers of iniquitie as they well deserue because they commit hate-worthy actions yet this hatred must not be any habituall inclination or motion of the will to their hurt but alone a stirring vp of the affection of dislike against them or not brooking them in regard of the euill which they commit which may well stand and must euer be ioyned with the vertue of Christian charitie whereby out of a liking of them as Gods creatures we are alwayes prompt and ready to wish and seeke their good Now if we do thus loue them must it not needs grieue vs to see that which we know to be harmefull and mischieuous to them Loue cannot choose but breed a fellow-feeling compassion a sympathizing commiseration and sensiblenesse of the losse euill damage miserie of the partie loued Wherefore sinne being as in the next reason we are to shew a most dangerous and hurtful thing to the soules of them that commit it it cannot but call for our sorrow yea much sorrow and many teares whensoeuer we behold it Againe Loathing of sin euery Christian man should haue his heart possessed with a loathing detestation and hatred of sinne that being indeed the first and principal and most immediate obiect of hatred we may call it the chiefe odious thing in regard of which alone it is lawful to hate other things neither is any thing further hatefull then as it doth some way or other participate of sinne misery being alone hatefull so farre as it is an effect and concomitant of sinne from which if it be separated as in the case of suffering for wel-doing it is euen louely and desireable but whatsoeuer doth sauour of sinne in as much as it is sinfull is hatefull also and therefore the Word of God commands vs to be haters of euill And if a man doe neuer so much forbeare sinne out of other considerations of the inconueniences that insue it not out of a loathing of it in as much as it is a contrariety to the will and glory of God the chiefe good for indeed sinne alone is properly contrarie to God as hauing no manner of dependance vpon him nor similitude of him nor any other relation to him but alone as contraries be relatiues and as crimes haue reference to the Iudge that is to punish them I say if in this respect of loathing sinne as sinne wee forbeare it not our forbearance of it is not a thing formally good it is not truly nor sincerely good but alone good inshew a practice of hypocrisie a carcasse or painting of goodnesse It being then a thing so absolutely needfull to hate sinne as that wee cannot say we haue Gods Image vnlesse we resemble him in this for hee hateth sinne with a perfect hatred it is therfore also necessarie that we grieue for sinne for the presence of a thing lothsome and detested cannot be separated from griefe griefe being nothing else but a contraction and paining of the heart at an euill thing present and that must needs bee confessed euill which is accounted hatefull So then we shall falsely affirme that we hate euill if we sorrow not to see it committed There are some things which in nature a man abhorreth and cannot away withall as some cannot endure a Cat some a Mouse some a Frog or the like now when such a loathed thing doth of force and whether he will or no draw neere to any person experience will tell vs how grieuous it is vnto him hee cryes and shreekes and starts and shewes an extremitie of the passion of sorrow and if he cannot flie from it his whole body will weepe as it were in a kind of cold sweat as if the weeping of the eye were too little So if sinne be amongst the number of things that we cannot away withall that we do loath detest and haue in abomination we shall surely testifie our abhorring it by a sadnes heauines deiectednesse contraction contrition troublednesse falling melting and mourning of our spirits when wee cannot choose but see it committed for betwixt grace and sinne there is as true an antypathy as betwixt a mans nature and a toade And therefore so much grace I meane sanctifying Grace as we haue in vs so much sorrow must we needs haue for sinne So haue you the first reason of the point consider the second which wee fetch from the nature of sinne CHAP. III. Containing another reason of the doctrine gathered from the nature of sinne Reas 2 SInne is of all things in the World the most and greatest euill From the nature of sinne which separating the person in whom it ruleth from the Sea and Fountaine of goodnesse We may call it after a sort the
offender then he that doth vtterly forbeare all paines to performe it Now so it is with most of vs I thinke I may say with most of vs wee haue bestowed no paines nor time to digge vp these fountaines of teares we haue not set our thoughts that way nor laboured the matter with our owne hearts to make them grieued and sorrowfull in this behalfe Againe and againe therefore let vs compare our selues with this Prophet and wonder at the difference that he had floods of teares and we haue scarce at all one teare to shed for the breach of Gods Law which is so notoriously broken amongst vs. There is I acknowledge a generation of fault-finding men that make vs farre worse then wee be their sharpe-sighted eyes can see no lawfull Ministry no true Word Church Sacraments nor prayer amongst vs and yet of these captious People and carping Nation that ouerlash so much in accusing there is scarce any that mourneth for the things hee carpeth at for they so spend themselues in false accusing that they haue no leasure to bestow in true bewailing of our sinnes But tho wee may not nor must not acknowledge our selues so bad as they would make vs for a body may liue tho he be sicke and diseased and Iob was a true and liuing man tho couered ouer from head to foote with boyles and Vlcers that his friends knew him not yet neither can wee deny our selues to bee a people very wicked and disordered to whom the Prophets words may fitly bee applied Ah sinfull Nation Ah people laden with wickednesse a corrupt Seede And againe We haue deepely reuolted from the Lord and our sinnes are gone ouer our heads and they reach vp to Heauen And in another sense we may say as he The whole head is sicke the whole heart is heauy from the crowne of the head to the soles of the feete there is little to be seene but wounds and swellings and yet ah yet we lament not those that feare God lament not those that come to Church and loue the Word lament not those that desire otherwise to walke vprightly and conscionably lament not so that it may wel be a question whether most of vs euer read this sentence or heard it read with any consideration and aduisement If the eyes of sinners were only found drie if teares were absent alone from the cheekes of those that work wickednesse it were not much who could expect any thing but stonie hardnesse from stony-hearted men But euen the people of God his owne children that should haue hearts of flesh within them these also haue continued hard in regard of other mens faults and euen forgotten that it is a dutie to make Riuers of waters descend from their eyes because men keep not Gods statutes Now Brethren if this were a fruit of a kind of naturall vnfitnesse to mourne because we were made of a firmer mettle then that sorrow could melt vs we might then lay the blame vpon the body rather then the mind And yet if nature had denied vs teares it hath not denied vs sighs groanes it hath not denied vs the power of sitting in heauines and of making our selues sad and pensiue Though wee could not weepe so plentifully as this Prophet yet we might end our hearts and earne in our bowels and ake within and sigh and grind our very soules to powder which yet alas wee neither doe nor striue to doe As the outward demonstrations of sorrow I meane wet eyes are absent from vs so is also the substance thereof I meane the inward tumbling of the soule vp and downe disquietly the hearts beating it selfe as it were against it selfe and causing it selfe to be pained So then we neither mourne outwardly nor yet inwardly wee neither weepe with our eyes nor grieue with our hearts and what can wee say in our owne defence For certainely brethren it is not the want of aptnesse to weepe that makes vs not to weepe for our eyes are ready enough in other cases and for other matters to yeeld forth euen Riuers of waters Let but an husband or wife or child or friend lye sicke and be ready to die let but fire come and consume some part of our goods let any man but coozen and deceiue vs of some summes of money yea let any friend shew himselfe vnkind and disrespectfull of vs yea let any enemy reproch vs with froward and bitter speeches yea let a Gouernour chide and shent vs as we thinke without our fault or but an equall take vs vp ouer-cuttedly in termes or any almost the least thing befal that wrongs vs in body goods or name O then how we melt like waxe before the fire What flood-gates be our eyes How do teares push themselues forward like a breach of the sea and will not bee stopped Then we cannot speak but we weepe and sob and hardly can speake for weeping O foolish man and vnwise Canst thou haue while and heart to weepe so much for the evuill words spoken against thee for the discourtesies offred vnto thee for the losses and crosses that do befall thee and canst thou not weepe at all for the sinnes committed against God for the thousands and ten thousands of oathes and blasphemies that are darted at his Name for the wofull sacrilege committed against his Church for the ignorance blindnesse hypocrisie profanenes of the multitude and in a word for all the numberlesse abominations that are daily hourely minutely committed amongst vs O heart possessed with self-selfe-loue and prizing its owne ease and welfare aboue Gods honour and glory and making more account of its self then of its Maker Here now if in any thing we should enlarge our selues in speaking against our selues and in reproouing shaming condemning our selues and this if any thing we should most vehemently presse vpon our selues as an extreme and vnansweerable aggrauation of our hardnesse which by this we know not to be naturall but sinfull Say to thy selfe I came to such a place such a time and found the countenance of my parent brother sister or friend estranged from me and his words and carriages vnlouing towards me It put me in my dumps for a day or two after and made mee water my plants and moysten mine hands and handkerchiefe with teares I went not long after into another place and heard fortie foule oathes and a number of horrible execrations and raylings and one or two drie sighes serued the turne at this wickednesse or scarce so much was done by me to shew my sorrow O Lord O Lord how aboundeth mine heart with ouer-high conceits of my selfe How doe I ouer-value my self and vnder-value thee What to be more troubled at a crosse word or two against my selfe at the denying of some small request at any discourtesie any iniury then at so many oathes lyes curses raylings as I haue heard without trouble I know not whether I should be more ashamed of mine excessiuenes of teares in the one case or my