and_o trouble_v upon_o my_o spirit_n and_o well_o it_o may_v be_v so_o for_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o day_n have_v be_v very_o great_a my_o heart_n have_v not_o answer_v the_o expression_n of_o thanks_o which_o have_v be_v utter_v by_o the_o mouth_n of_o those_o that_o speak_v they_o to_o god_n no_o no_o my_o heart_n have_v not_o stir_v and_o be_v draw_v out_o towards_o my_o god_n the_o thought_n of_o his_o love_n have_v not_o ravish_v my_o soul_n alas_o i_o scarce_o feel_v any_o holy_a spark_n to_o warm_v my_o soul_n this_o day_n this_o day_n which_o be_v a_o day_n of_o the_o great_a mercy_n of_o any_o in_o all_o my_o life_n the_o day_n in_o which_o i_o have_v have_v a_o opportunity_n to_o give_v thanks_o for_o all_o the_o mercy_n of_o my_o life_n and_o thanks_o itself_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n than_o the_o rest_n all_o other_o mercy_n be_v to_o prepare_v for_o this_o this_o be_v the_o work_n of_o a_o glorify_a saint_n even_o a_o saint_n in_o heaven_n before_o the_o bless_a face_n of_o god_n it_o be_v his_o everlasting_a business_n to_o sing_v the_o song_n of_o thanksgiving_n and_o praise_n to_o the_o most_o high_a but_o my_o thought_n have_v not_o be_v fill_v with_o the_o sweet_a foreta_v of_o this_o bless_a work_n which_o i_o may_v have_v have_v this_o day_n o_o god_n i_o beseech_v thou_o forgive_v my_o sin_n and_o lay_v not_o my_o deadness_n to_o my_o charge_n but_o overlook_v all_o my_o transgression_n and_o look_v on_o i_o in_o jesus_n christ_n my_o saviour_n i_o be_o thou_o lord_n and_o not_o my_o own_o this_o day_n i_o have_v under_o my_o hand_n and_o seal_n in_o the_o presence_n of_o witness_n nay_o in_o thy_o own_o presence_n who_o art_n witness_v sufficient_a be_v there_o no_o eye_n to_o see_v i_o or_o ear_n to_o hear_v i_o thou_o lord_n that_o know_v all_o thing_n know_v that_o i_o have_v devote_v my_o all_o to_o thou_o take_v it_o and_o accept_v my_o sacrifice_n help_v i_o to_o pay_v my_o vow_n will_v thou_o not_o accept_v i_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o more_o sincere_o and_o believe_o o_o lord_n i_o unfeigned_o desire_v to_o do_v it_o aright_o o_o will_v thou_o strengthen_v my_o weak_a desire_n i_o believe_v lord_n help_v my_o unbelief_n thou_o that_o can_v make_v i_o what_o i_o be_o not_o o_o make_v i_o what_o thou_o will_v have_v i_o be_v in_o thou_o there_o be_v all_o fullness_n and_o to_o thou_o i_o desire_v to_o come_v by_o christ._n will_v thou_o now_o cast_v i_o off_o because_o i_o do_v it_o not_o unreserved_o lord_n i_o confess_v the_o devil_n tempt_v and_o the_o flesh_n say_v spare_v something_o what_o let_v all_o go_v and_o i_o find_v in_o i_o a_o carnal_a selfish_a principle_n ready_a to_o close_v with_o the_o temptation_n but_o thou_o can_v prevent_v and_o conquer_v all_o and_o speak_v death_n to_o these_o corruption_n and_o bid_v the_o tempter_n be_v go_v it_o be_v thy_o pleasure_n here_o to_o suffer_v thy_o dear_a child_n to_o be_v tempt_v but_o fuffer_v not_o temptation_n to_o prevail_v against_o thy_o spirit_n and_o grace_n if_o temptation_n be_v like_o a_o torrent_n of_o water_n to_o smother_v quench_v or_o hide_v the_o flame_n yet_o will_v thou_o never_o let_v all_o the_o spark_n of_o thy_o grace_n be_v put_v out_o in_o the_o soul_n where_o once_o thou_o have_v true_o kindle_v it_o but_o lord_n suffer_v not_o such_o flood_n to_o fall_v on_o my_o soul_n where_o the_o spark_n be_v so_o small_a already_o that_o it_o be_v even_o scarce_o discernible_a o_o quicken_v it_o and_o blow_v it_o up_o to_o a_o holy_a flame_n most_o gracious_a god_n o_o do_v it_o here_o who_o have_v do_v it_o for_o many_o a_o soul_n o_o what_o have_v i_o say_v that_o i_o have_v a_o spark_n of_o grace_n why_o the_o least_o spark_n be_v worth_a ten_o thousand_o time_n more_o thanks_o than_o i_o can_v ever_o express_v and_o i_o have_v be_v dead_a and_o unthankful_a as_o be_v before_o confess_v and_o be_v that_o a_o sign_n of_o grace_n unthankful_a dead_a and_o dull_a i_o have_v be_v and_o still_o be_o but_o yet_o it_o must_v needs_o be_v from_o god_n gift_n in_o i_o that_o i_o have_v any_o desire_n after_o he_o and_o that_o this_o day_n i_o have_v desire_v to_o devote_v myself_o to_o he_o and_o that_o i_o can_v say_v i_o will_v be_v more_o holy_a and_o more_o heavenly_a even_o as_o the_o lord_n will_v have_v i_o be_v nay_o i_o do_v know_v the_o time_n when_o i_o have_v none_o of_o these_o desire_n and_o have_v no_o mind_n to_o god_n and_o the_o way_n of_o godliness_n and_o do_v i_o not_o know_v that_o there_o be_v many_o in_o this_o condition_n who_o have_v no_o desire_n after_o christ_n and_o holiness_n here_o then_o be_v matter_n of_o comfort_n give_v i_o from_o he_o that_o do_v accept_v the_o desire_n of_o his_o poor_a creature_n even_o the_o lord_n christ_n who_o will_v not_o quench_v the_o smoke_a flax_n nor_o break_v the_o bruise_a reed_n i_o see_v then_o that_o i_o have_v yet_o matter_n of_o rejoice_v and_o must_v labour_v to_o be_v so_o humble_v for_o my_o remain_a sin_n as_o may_v tend_v to_o my_o future_a joy_n in_o believe_v but_o not_o so_o as_o to_o be_v discourage_v and_o frighten_v from_o god_n who_o be_v long-suffering_n and_o abundant_a in_o mercy_n rouse_v up_o thyself_o then_o to_o god_n my_o soul_n humble_o but_o believe_o repent_v that_o thou_o have_v be_v so_o unthankful_a and_o insensible_a of_o the_o benefit_n this_o day_n receive_v up_o up_o and_o lie_v not_o down_o so_o heavy_o god_n have_v hear_v prayer_n for_o thou_o and_o give_v thou_o life_n and_o opportunity_n to_o serve_v he_o he_o have_v give_v thou_o all_o the_o outward_a mercy_n thy_o heart_n can_v desire_v he_o have_v give_v thou_o dear_a godly_a able_a friend_n such_o as_o can_v help_v thou_o in_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n yea_o he_o have_v set_v they_o to_o beg_v spiritual_a mercy_n for_o thou_o who_o prevail_v for_o temporal_a for_o thou_o and_o oft_o for_o many_o other_o why_o then_o shall_v thou_o not_o watch_v and_o pray_v and_o wait_v in_o hope_n that_o he_o have_v hear_v their_o prayer_n this_o day_n for_o thy_o soul_n as_o former_o for_o thy_o body_n they_o be_v thing_n command_v of_o god_n to_o be_v ask_v and_o we_o have_v his_o promise_n that_o seek_v we_o shall_v find_v it_o may_v be_v this_o night_n many_o of_o god_n dear_a child_n will_v yet_o pray_v for_o my_o soul_n i_o doubt_v not_o some_o will_n and_o shall_v i_o not_o be_v glad_a of_o such_o advantage_n i_o hear_v this_o day_n that_o i_o must_v not_o forbear_v thanks_o because_o the_o mercy_n be_v yet_o imperfect_a else_o we_o shall_v never_o give_v thanks_o on_o earth_n though_o therefore_o my_o grace_n be_v yet_o but_o a_o spark_n and_o weak_a my_o body_n weak_a my_o heart_n sad_a all_o these_o administer_v matter_n of_o thanks_o and_o praise_n as_o well_o as_o of_o supplication_n let_v i_o therefore_o keep_v close_o to_o both_o they_o be_v the_o life_n of_o my_o life_n while_o i_o live_v here_o and_o have_v daily_a need_n of_o supply_n from_o god_n let_v i_o daily_o be_v with_o he_o and_o live_v as_o in_o his_o presence_n let_v he_o be_v the_o chief_a in_o all_o my_o thought_n my_o heart_n and_o life_n and_o let_v i_o remember_v to_o be_v earnest_a for_o my_o poor_a relation_n and_o dear_a friend_n and_o the_o church_n and_o people_n of_o god_n in_o general_n and_o let_v i_o strive_v to_o keep_v such_o a_o moderate_a sense_n of_o sorrow_n on_o my_o soul_n as_o occasion_n require_v i_o have_v now_o cause_n of_o sorrow_n for_o part_v with_o my_o dear_a friend_n my_o father_n my_o pastor_n he_o be_v by_o providence_n call_v away_o and_o go_v a_o long_a journey_n what_o the_o lord_n will_v do_v with_o he_o i_o can_v foresee_v it_o may_v be_v he_o be_v prepare_v some_o great_a mercy_n for_o we_o and_o for_o his_o praise_n i_o know_v not_o but_o such_o a_o day_n as_o this_o may_v be_v keep_v here_o on_o his_o account_n the_o will_n of_o the_o lord_n be_v do_v for_o he_o be_v wise_a and_o good_a we_o be_v his_o own_o let_v he_o do_v with_o we_o what_o he_o please_v all_o shall_v be_v for_o good_a to_o they_o that_o love_n god_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o have_v be_v so_o unprofitable_a under_o mercy_n and_o mean_n it_o may_v grieve_v i_o now_o he_o be_v go_v that_o there_o be_v so_o little_a that_o come_v from_o he_o leave_v upon_o my_o soul._n o_o let_v this_o quicken_v and_o stir_v i_o up_o to_o be_v more_o diligent_a in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o remain_a help_n and_o mean_n and_o if_o ever_o i_o shall_v enjoy_v this_o mercy_n again_o o_o let_v i_o make_v it_o appear_v that_o this_o night_n
he_o all_o my_o day_n 2._o and_o a_o humble_a heart_n that_o i_o may_v be_v teach_v of_o god_n who_o look_v on_o the_o proud_a afar_o off_o 3_o and_o a_o tender_a conscience_n that_o i_o may_v fear_v to_o offend_v he_o and_o hate_v all_o sin_n 4._o and_o strength_n so_o to_o resist_v temptation_n that_o i_o be_v not_o lead_v by_o satan_n to_o dishonour_n god_n or_o to_o provoke_v he_o 5._o and_o a_o meek_a and_o quiet_a frame_n of_o spirit_n that_o i_o may_v be_v content_v to_o bear_v the_o affliction_n that_o god_n shall_v lay_v i_o under_o without_o murmur_v or_o repine_v §_o 3._o this_o be_v that_o which_o she_o give_v we_o in_o i_o find_v under_o her_o hand_n this_o secret_a renewal_n that_o same_o day_n of_o her_o covenant_n with_o god_n which_o i_o annex_v this_o be_v a_o day_n set_v apart_o for_o return_v thanks_o to_o god_n for_o his_o mercy_n in_o deliver_v i_o from_o the_o gate_n of_o death_n these_o people_n be_v they_o that_o have_v earnest_o supplicate_v the_o throne_n of_o grace_n on_o my_o behalf_n i_o here_o now_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o almighty_a god_n and_o resolve_v by_o his_o grace_n to_o endeavour_v to_o get_v and_o keep_v a_o fresh_a sense_n of_o his_o mercy_n on_o my_o soul_n and_o a_o great_a sense_n yet_o of_o my_o sin_n i_o resolve_v to_o set_v myself_o against_o my_o sin_n with_o all_o my_o might_n and_o not_o take_v its_o part_n or_o extenuate_v it_o or_o keep_v the_o devil_n counsel_n as_o i_o have_v do_v to_o the_o wrong_v of_o god_n and_o the_o wound_a of_o my_o own_o soul._n i_o resolve_v by_o god_n assistance_n to_o set_v upon_o the_o practice_n of_o know_a duty_n and_o not_o to_o study_v shift_n and_o evasion_n to_o put_v off_o those_o which_o be_v either_o troublesome_a chargeable_a or_o likely_a to_o render_v i_o dishonourable_a and_o vile_a in_o the_o eye_n of_o the_o carnal_a person_n of_o the_o world_n and_o this_o i_o do_v upon_o these_o consideration_n and_o for_o these_o reason_n 1._o my_o life_n have_v be_v a_o life_n of_o great_a mercy_n god_n have_v preserve_v it_o more_o than_o this_o once_o and_o have_v do_v exceed_v great_a thing_n for_o i_o which_o engage_v i_o more_o than_o many_o other_o though_o all_o rational_a creature_n be_v oblige_v to_o live_v to_o god_n their_o maker_n 2._o god_n have_v not_o only_o give_v i_o life_n but_o in_o some_o measure_n ability_n and_o opportunity_n to_o do_v he_o service_n yea_o and_o already_o some_o encouragement_n in_o the_o hope_n of_o the_o success_n of_o some_o of_o my_o poor_a endeavour_n i_o suppose_v on_o some_o of_o her_o servant_n 3._o god_n have_v more_o engage_v i_o to_o himself_o by_o take_v i_o into_o his_o family_n and_o plant_v i_o in_o his_o garden_n and_o water_v i_o with_o the_o dew_n from_o heaven_n he_o have_v set_v i_o in_o a_o fruitful_a soil_n he_o have_v give_v i_o the_o high_a privilege_n of_o a_o part_n in_o the_o heart_n and_o prayer_n of_o his_o people_n and_o i_o may_v say_v that_o i_o live_v to_o speak_v it_o that_o god_n be_v a_o god_n hear_v prayer_n and_o have_v hear_v and_o answer_v they_o though_o the_o tempter_n be_v busy_a to_o make_v i_o think_v diminitive_o of_o this_o mercy_n yet_o i_o must_v not_o but_o must_v acknowledge_v the_o greatness_n of_o it_o 4._o as_o all_o these_o and_o more_o engagement_n be_v upon_o i_o so_o i_o be_o already_o engage_v by_o the_o baptismal_a covenant_n to_o god_n the_o father_n son_n and_o holy_a ghost_n as_o my_o god_n and_o chief_a good_a and_o only_a happiness_n and_o as_o my_o redeemer_n head_n and_o husband_n and_o as_o my_o sanctifier_n and_o comforter_n and_o i_o have_v renew_v it_o in_o the_o sacrament_n of_o the_o lord_n supper_n and_o how_o can_v i_o go_v back_o that_o have_v thus_o far_o engage_v myself_o and_o daily_o receive_v from_o god_n more_o obligation_n yea_o god_n will_v expect_v more_o from_o i_o than_o from_o many_o other_o let_v i_o therefore_o see_v that_o i_o be_v in_o good_a earnest_n with_o god_n and_o think_v not_o to_o put_v he_o off_o with_o hypocrisy_n let_v i_o not_o deceive_v myself_o for_o god_n will_v not_o be_v mock_v what_o i_o sow_v i_o shall_v reap_v if_o i_o belong_v to_o god_n though_o i_o suffer_v whilst_o i_o be_o in_o the_o body_n they_o will_v be_v but_o light_a affliction_n and_o but_o for_o a_o moment_n but_o the_o everlasting_a kingdom_n will_v be_v my_o inheritance_n and_o when_o this_o life_n be_v end_v i_o shall_v reign_v with_o christ_n i_o shall_v be_v free_v from_o sin_n and_o suffering_n and_o for_o ever_o rejoice_v with_o saint_n and_o angel_n but_o shall_v i_o prove_v a_o hypocrite_n i_o lose_v my_o labour_n i_o lose_v my_o god_n and_o damnation_n with_o devil_n and_o damn_a one_o will_v be_v my_o reward_n for_o ever_o and_o rhi_v the_o great_a as_o my_o mercy_n have_v be_v abundant_a and_o great_a therefore_o i_o here_o desire_v this_o day_n to_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n and_o to_o beg_v the_o prayer_n of_o this_o people_n that_o god_n will_v not_o leave_v i_o to_o myself_o but_o help_v i_o by_o the_o sufficient_a grace_n of_o christ_n to_o keep_v the_o covenant_n which_o i_o have_v make_v and_o i_o intend_v to_o keep_v this_o paper_n by_o i_o to_o help_v to_o remember_v i_o and_o quicken_v i_o to_o duty_n and_o hinder_v i_o from_o sin_n and_o encourage_v i_o to_o go_v on_o cheerful_o against_o temptation_n look_v still_o to_o christ_n who_o forsake_v not_o those_o that_o by_o faith_n and_o repentance_n come_v to_o he_o to_o all_o this_o let_v i_o add_v these_o consideration_n of_o the_o vanity_n of_o the_o creature_n and_o of_o all_o false_a hope_n it_o be_v contrary_a to_o the_o nature_n of_o the_o creature_n to_o be_v our_o peace_n they_o be_v our_o discomfort_n and_o trouble_n further_o than_o they_o help_v to_o lead_v we_o to_o the_o creator_n let_v i_o not_o forget_v the_o time_n when_o i_o seem_v near_o death_n what_o comfort_n have_v i_o then_o in_o creature_n what_o ease_n from_o they_o be_v not_o all_o my_o hope_n in_o god_n all_o creatute_n show_v i_o that_o side_n on_o which_o vanity_n be_v write_v and_o they_o have_v nothing_o that_o can_v satisfy_v my_o soul_n though_o i_o have_v as_o much_o mercy_n in_o mean_n and_o friend_n as_o i_o can_v possible_o desire_v yet_o all_o this_o be_v nothing_o to_o i_o the_o trouble_n of_o part_v with_o they_o be_v much_o more_o than_o the_o comfort_n of_o enjoy_v they_o and_o so_o it_o will_v be_v with_o i_o still_o which_o shall_v teach_v i_o to_o keep_v my_o heart_n loose_v from_o the_o creature_n and_o not_o overlove_v any_o thing_n on_o this_o side_n heaven_n why_o shall_v my_o heart_n be_v fix_v where_o my_o home_n be_v not_o heaven_n be_v my_o home_n god_n in_o christ_n be_v all_o my_o happiness_n and_o where_o my_o treasure_n be_v there_o my_o heart_n shall_v be_v come_v away_o oh_o my_o heart_n from_o vanity_n mount_v heavenward_o and_o be_v not_o dead_a or_o dull_a if_o thou_o will_v be_v free_a from_o trouble_n and_o taste_v of_o real_a joy_n and_o pleasure_n have_v not_o experience_n yet_o teach_v thou_o that_o creature-comfort_n though_o they_o may_v be_v rose_n have_v their_o prick_n can_v not_o thou_o be_v content_a to_o look_v on_o they_o and_o smell_v they_o at_o a_o distance_n and_o covet_v no_o other_o use_n while_o thou_o be_v in_o the_o garden_n where_o they_o grow_v and_o be_v content_a to_o leave_v they_o there_o behind_o thou_o if_o thou_o must_v needs_o have_v they_o in_o thy_o bosom_n thou_o must_v scratch_v thy_o finger_n to_o get_v they_o and_o when_o thou_o have_v they_o though_o the_o smell_v a_o while_n delight_v thou_o they_o will_v quick_o wither_v and_o be_v go_v away_o then_o o_o my_o carnal_a heart_n retire_v to_o god_n the_o only_a satisfy_a object_n there_o may_v thou_o love_v without_o all_o danger_n of_o excess_n let_v thy_o love_n to_o god_n be_v fix_v and_o transcendent_a amen_n §_o 4._o though_o these_o be_v the_o strive_n of_o her_o heart_n towards_o god_n her_o fear_n and_o trouble_n do_v not_o so_o pass_v away_o settle_v peace_n of_o soul_n do_v seldom_o come_v quick_o to_o young_a convert_v though_o their_o sincere_a resolution_n may_v be_v settle_v i_o find_v among_o her_o paper_n yet_o more_o of_o that_o day_n work_v upon_o she_o after_o examination_n and_o review_v bear_v with_o the_o length_n if_o i_o transcribe_v it_o as_o i_o find_v it_o under_o her_o hand_n christ_n say_v in_o the_o world_n you_o shall_v have_v trouble_n in_o i_o you_o shall_v have_v peace_n something_o of_o both_o now_o i_o find_v at_o this_o time_n this_o night_n after_o return_v thanks_o to_o god_n for_o my_o recovery_n i_o find_v my_o heart_n sad_a
i_o be_v sensible_a of_o my_o neglect_n of_o it_o and_o now_o here_o be_v comfort_n that_o i_o have_v to_o deal_v with_o a_o god_n of_o mercy_n that_o will_v hear_v a_o poor_a repent_a sinner_n a_o god_n that_o will_v in_o no_o wise_a cast_v out_o those_o that_o come_v to_o he_o but_o love_v who_o he_o love_v to_o the_o end_n this_o be_v the_o god_n who_o i_o have_v choose_v and_o take_v for_o my_o portion_n the_o same_o god_n be_v his_o god_n his_o guide_n and_o comforter_n the_o whole_a world_n be_v but_o a_o house_n where_o god_n child_n dwell_v a_o little_a while_n till_o he_o have_v fit_v they_o for_o the_o heavenly_a mansion_n and_o if_o he_o send_v they_o out_o of_o one_o room_n into_o another_o to_o do_v his_o work_n and_o try_v their_o obedience_n and_o if_o he_o put_v some_o in_o the_o dark_a corner_n of_o his_o house_n to_o keep_v they_o humble_a though_o he_o separate_v those_o that_o be_v most_o belove_v of_o each_o other_o it_o be_v but_o that_o they_o may_v not_o love_v 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these_o be_v of_o so_o small_a weight_n that_o a_o cross_n like_o you_o will_v weigh_v they_o down_o and_o that_o you_o will_v not_o rejoice_v in_o all_o the_o promise_n of_o life_n eternal_a till_o your_o cross_n be_v remove_v ii_o if_o it_o be_v sin_n it_o be_v either_o past_a or_o present_a if_o past_a why_o do_v you_o not_o repent_v and_o thankful_o accept_v your_o pardon_n if_o present_a it_o be_v inward_a corruption_n or_o outward_a transgression_n which_o ever_o it_o be_v if_o you_o love_v it_o why_o do_v you_o grieve_v for_o it_o and_o groan_v under_o it_o if_o you_o grieve_v for_o it_o why_o be_v you_o not_o willing_a to_o leave_v it_o and_o be_v holy_a if_o you_o be_v willing_a to_o leave_v it_o and_o will_v fain_o have_v god_n grace_n in_o the_o use_n of_o his_o mean_n to_o make_v you_o holy_a this_o be_v the_o true_a nature_n of_o repentance_n and_o why_o then_o be_v you_o not_o thankful_a for_o grace_v receive_v for_o pardon_n adoption_n and_o your_o part_n in_o christ_n 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will_v do_v more_o against_o it_o than_o many_o year_n secret_a trouble_n and_o dejection_n alone_o will_v do_v 3._o if_o it_o be_v doubt_n of_o your_o sincerity_n and_o grace_n why_o do_v you_o refuse_v to_o reason_v the_o case_n and_o say_v what_o it_o be_v that_o persuade_v you_o that_o you_o be_v graceless_a that_o we_o may_v try_v it_o by_o the_o word_n of_o god_n what_o evidence_n be_v it_o that_o you_o want_v you_o have_v confess_v that_o sometime_o you_o be_v convince_v of_o sincerity_n and_o can_v you_o so_o easy_o deny_v what_o you_o have_v find_v as_o to_o conclude_v yourself_o so_o miserable_a as_o you_o do_v shall_v all_o do_v
just_a advice_n and_o that_o i_o will_v speak_v my_o reason_n and_o heart-rising_n against_o any_o thing_n that_o be_v propound_v to_o i_o which_o i_o judge_v unmeet_a and_o i_o resolve_v when_o i_o see_v my_o duty_n cheerful_o to_o do_v it_o and_o keep_v a_o sense_n of_o the_o sweetness_n and_o obligation_n of_o god_n love_n and_o mercy_n iii_o i_o resolve_v to_o pray_v and_o labour_n for_o a_o true_a sense_n of_o the_o sin_n of_o this_o nation_n in_o general_a and_o in_o particular_a of_o the_o sin_n of_o my_o relation_n and_o of_o my_o own_o and_o that_o till_o it_o please_v god_n to_o give_v i_o cause_n of_o rejoice_v on_o the_o behalf_n of_o my_o relation_n and_o of_o my_o own_o soul_n recovery_n and_o spiritual_a welfare_n i_o will_v continue_v with_o humiliation_n to_o supplicate_v the_o lord_n and_o though_o i_o will_v not_o shut_v out_o a_o great_a duty_n by_o a_o lesser_a yet_o i_o will_v avoid_v all_o manner_n of_o feast_n as_o much_o as_o i_o well_o can_v and_o all_o 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can_v sweeten_v with_o his_o presence_n if_o not_o why_o do_v i_o not_o content_o thank_v god_n for_o what_o i_o have_v already_o have_v i_o can_v say_v it_o be_v better_a that_o i_o have_v never_o have_v it_o than_o now_o to_o leave_v it_o no_o i_o must_v be_v willing_a to_o submit_v to_o god_n and_o be_v humble_v in_o the_o sense_n of_o my_o abuse_n of_o mercy_n so_o far_o as_o it_o may_v quicken_v i_o to_o diligence_n for_o the_o time_n to_o come_v and_o if_o ever_o god_n more_o trust_v i_o with_o such_o treasure_n as_o once_o i_o have_v i_o will_v strive_v to_o show_v that_o i_o better_o know_v the_o worth_n of_o it_o than_o i_o do_v before_o my_o thought_n often_o tell_v i_o that_o if_o i_o be_v but_o in_o a_o condition_n in_o which_o i_o have_v opportunity_n to_o serve_v god_n with_o more_o cost_n to_o the_o flesh_n than_o i_o here_o do_v it_o will_v either_o show_v my_o hypocrisy_n or_o give_v i_o more_o assure_v evidence_n that_o i_o be_o indeed_o sincere_a §_o 10._o and_o it_o 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then_o he_o will_v not_o depart_v from_o i_o §_o 11._o i_o will_v conclude_v this_o chapter_n with_o a_o country_n poem_n of_o her_o honest_a kinsman_n mr._n eleazar_n careswell_n of_o sheffnall_a in_o shropshire_n who_o i_o never_o know_v to_o poetrize_v but_o now_o that_o tender_a love_n and_o passion_n teach_v he_o it_o signify_v these_o though_o it_o want_v the_o flowery_a part_n her_o danger_n of_o death_n so_o near_o to_o her_o conversion_n be_v very_o grievous_a to_o he_o margaret_z charlton_n anagram_n arm_v to_o late_a change_n the_o prudent_a soul_n refine_v from_o earth_n do_v ever_o arm_n to_o her_o late_a change_n and_o fear_v it_o never_o those_o glitter_a monarch_n who_o seem_v to_o command_v this_o ball_n shall_v be_v by_o death_n impartial_a hand_n put_v out_o and_o doom_v to_o a_o eternal_a state_n no_o mortal_a sinner_n can_v decline_v this_o fate_n death_n conquer_v scepter-swaying_a king_n but_o i_o shall_v conquer_v death_n be_v now_o arm_v to_o die_v arm_v soul_n 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a_o breviate_v of_o the_o life_n of_o margaret_z the_o daughter_n of_o francis_n charlton_n of_o apply_v in_o shropshire_n esq_n and_o wife_n of_o richard_n baxter_n for_o the_o use_n of_o all_o but_o especial_o of_o their_o kindred_n there_o be_v also_o publish_v the_o character_n of_o her_o mother_n true_o describe_v in_o her_o publish_a funeral_n sermon_n reprint_v at_o her_o daughter_n request_n call_v the_o last_o work_n of_o a_o believer_n his_o passing-prayer_n recommend_v his_o depart_a spirit_n to_o christ_n to_o be_v receive_v by_o he_o london_n print_v for_o b._n simmons_n at_o the_o three_o golden_a cock_n at_o the_o west-end_n of_o st._n paul_n 1681._o to_o the_o reader_n reader_n god_n have_v call_v away_o to_o his_o bless_a rest_n and_o glory_n the_o spirit_n of_o the_o most_o dear_a companion_n of_o these_o last_o nineteen_o year_n of_o my_o life_n or_o near_o i_o find_v in_o her_o last_o will_v a_o request_n that_o i_o shall_v reprint_v five_o hundred_o of_o her_o 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of_o no_o understanding_n therefore_o he_o that_o make_v they_o will_v not_o save_v they_o etc._n etc._n the_o doctrine_n of_o conversion_n as_o i_o preach_v it_o as_o now_o in_o my_o treatise_n of_o conversion_n be_v receive_v on_o her_o heart_n as_o the_o seal_n on_o the_o wax_n whereupon_o she_o present_o fall_v to_o self-judging_a and_o to_o frequent_a prayer_n and_o read_v and_o serious_a thought_n of_o her_o present_a state_n and_o her_o salvation_n §_o 2._o a_o religious_a maid_n that_o wait_v on_o she_o take_v king_n notice_n of_o this_o for_o she_o keep_v all_o her_o matter_n so_o secret_a to_o herself_o as_o be_v her_o great_a hurt_n all_o her_o life_n acquaint_v her_o mother_n with_o it_o and_o when_o it_o will_v be_v hide_v no_o long_o but_o her_o frequent_a closet-prayer_n be_v sometime_o overhear_v and_o her_o change_a course_n of_o life_n discern_v her_o mother_n who_o as_o far_o as_o i_o can_v discern_v before_o love_v her_o least_o of_o her_o three_o child_n begin_v to_o esteem_v she_o as_o her_o darling_n and_o all_o her_o religious_a friend_n and_o neighbour_n be_v glad_a of_o so_o sudden_a and_o great_a a_o change_n §_o 3._o i_o will_v here_o give_v you_o one_o of_o her_o self-judging_a paper_n which_o i_o find_v since_o her_o death_n upon_o she_o then_o sad_a conviction_n when_o i_o have_v on_o rom._n 8._o 9_o tell_v they_o how_o it_o may_v be_v know_v whether_o we_o have_v christ_n spirit_n or_o not_o she_o thus_o repeat_v the_o sign_n with_o her_o self-condemnation_n mark_v 1_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n be_v the_o author_n of_o the_o scripture_n and_o therefore_o suit_v your_o disposition_n to_o it_o and_o guide_v you_o by_o it_o judgm_n 1._o i_o fear_v than_o i_o have_v not_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n for_o i_o yet_o feel_v no_o love_n to_o god_n word_n nor_o closure_n with_o it_o as_o suitable_a to_o i_o but_o i_o be_o question_v the_o truth_n of_o it_o or_o at_o best_o quarrel_v with_o it_o mark_v 2._o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n 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thus_o that_o have_v not_o constant_a apprehension_n of_o their_o evidence_n and_o who_o assurance_n be_v hinder_v by_o imperfectious_a you_o have_v hear_v the_o contrary_n but_o suppose_v that_o you_o have_v yet_o no_o saving-grace_n or_o part_n in_o christ_n why_o stand_v you_o complain_v while_o christ_n stand_v entreat_v you_o to_o accept_v his_o mercy_n ishe_v not_o in_o good_a earnest_n the_o offer_n be_v free_a it_o be_v not_o your_o purchase_n and_o merit_n but_o consent_n that_o will_v prove_v your_o title_n why_o do_v you_o complain_v and_o not_o consent_v even_o to_o the_o baptismal_a covenant_n or_o if_o you_o consent_v why_o do_v you_o complain_v as_o if_o christ_n promise_n be_v not_o true_a or_o as_o if_o consent_n be_v not_o a_o a_o proof_n of_o saving-faith_n if_o you_o confess_v that_o you_o shall_v not_o doubt_v and_o be_v deject_v on_o such_o term_n methinks_v the_o cure_n shall_v be_v half_o wrought_v dare_v you_o indulge_v it_o while_o you_o know_v it_o to_o be_v your_o sin_n have_v you_o not_o sin_n enough_o already_o and_o be_v it_o not_o unkindness_n to_o deny_v so_o great_a a_o mercy_n as_o the_o converting-grace_n which_o you_o so_o late_o feel_v and_o to_o suspect_v his_o love_n who_o be_v love_v itself_o and_o have_v so_o large_o express_v his_o love_n to_o you_o will_v you_o easy_o believe_v that_o your_o mother_n will_v kill_v you_o for_o such_o defect_n as_o you_o fear_v that_o god_n will_v damn_v you_o for_o yea_o though_o she_o be_v perfect_o just_a and_o holy_a be_v it_o congruous_a to_o hear_v minister_n tell_v man_n from_o christ_n that_o he_o beseech_v they_o to_o be_v reconcile_v to_o god_n and_o will_v refuse_v none_o that_o be_v willing_a of_o his_o grace_n and_o cure_v and_o at_o the_o same_o time_n to_o hear_v such_o as_o you_o almost_o ready_a to_o despair_v as_o if_o god_n will_v not_o be_v reconcile_v nor_o give_v grace_n to_o they_o that_o fain_o will_v have_v it_o but_o will_v be_v incline_v to_o reject_v humble_v 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that_o comfort_n be_v your_o interest_n right_a and_o duty_n and_o than_o you_o will_v do_v more_o to_o comfort_v for_o it_o yourself_o than_o i_o be_o endeavour_v when_o i_o chide_v you_o for_o your_o fear_n sure_o sinful_a sorrow_n be_v no_o desirable_a thing_n nor_o to_o be_v plead_v for_o you_o dare_v do_v nothing_o to_o the_o murder_n of_o a_o friend_n no_o nor_o to_o his_o grief_n and_o you_o be_v bid_v to_o love_v your_o neighbour_n as_o yourself_o away_o then_o with_o your_o weaken_v grief_n and_o trouble_n lest_o they_o prove_v a_o degree_n of_o self-murder_n if_o you_o care_v for_o yourself_o the_o comfort_n of_o your_o mother_n and_o friend_n and_o the_o honour_n of_o the_o unspeakable_a riches_n of_o god_n grace_n at_o least_o own_o it_o to_o be_v your_o duty_n to_o oppose_v sinful_a fear_n and_o to_o rejoice_v in_o god_n and_o serve_v he_o with_o delight_n and_o cheerful_a praise_n and_o do_v your_o best_a against_o all_o that_o be_v against_o this_o duty_n and_o suffer_v 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to_o be_v holy_a i_o will_v therefore_o stir_v up_o my_o soul_n to_o thankfulness_n and_o be_v humble_v that_o i_o can_v be_v no_o more_o thankful_a i_o will_v acknowledge_v the_o mercy_n i_o have_v receive_v and_o the_o probability_n of_o future_a mercy_n and_o this_o by_o god_n assistance_n the_o devil_n shall_v not_o hinder_v i_o from_o do_v §_o 8._o i_o will_v add_v one_o of_o her_o paper_n contain_v her_o resolution_n after_o her_o recovery_n in_o some_o few_o particular_n decemb._n 30._o be_v my_o worst_a day_n i_o do_v not_o then_o think_v to_o be_v alive_a this_o day_n i_o ought_v not_o to_o forget_v it_o on_o jan._n 1._o new-years-day_n i_o first_o bleed_v at_o the_o nose_n large_o and_o after_o mend_v the_o four_o day_n be_v keep_v in_o humiliation_n for_o i_o april_n 10._o be_v a_o day_n of_o thanksgiving_n when_o i_o think_v i_o shall_v die_v i_o be_v more_o than_o ordinary_o sensible_a of_o my_o unprofitable_a life_n and_o have_v such_o conviction_n as_o usual_o people_n in_o my_o condition_n have_v and_o i_o then_o make_v many_o resolution_n as_o in_o such_o case_n other_o do_v i_o remember_v that_o i_o have_v hear_v much_o of_o the_o promise_n that_o many_o make_v in_o sickness_n which_o they_o never_o perform_v and_o i_o think_v it_o be_v gross_a hypocrisy_n to_o speak_v now_o of_o that_o which_o i_o be_v past_o perform_v as_o i_o think_v but_o that_o i_o be_v better_o write_v down_o my_o purpose_n and_o discover_v they_o if_o god_n recover_v i_o that_o they_o may_v be_v as_o strong_a a_o engagement_n on_o i_o as_o if_o i_o have_v speak_v they_o to_o man_n i._o i_o resolve_v that_o i_o will_v endeavour_v to_o get_v and_o keep_v a_o sense_n of_o that_o great_a mercy_n of_o god_n restore_v i_o from_o the_o peril_n of_o threaten_a death_n in_o answer_n of_o prayer_n which_o be_v the_o great_a in_o that_o god_n threaten_v to_o take_v i_o hence_o when_o i_o be_v but_o in_o the_o birth_n and_o have_v scarce_o well_o begin_v to_o live_v this_o mercy_n i_o 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any_o thing_n be_v perfect_a here_o or_o that_o it_o be_v better_o do_v nothing_o than_o do_v it_o imperfect_o or_o as_o if_o you_o will_v have_v no_o comfort_n till_o you_o can_v perform_v such_o duty_n and_o obedience_n as_o have_v no_o need_n of_o pardon_n and_o a_o saviour_n and_o so_o no_o man_n live_v may_v have_v any_o comfort_n in_o any_o thing_n that_o he_o do_v 2._o that_o when_o unreasonable_a fear_n and_o trouble_n be_v upon_o you_o and_o trouble_v thought_n be_v still_o upon_o your_o mind_n you_o say_v that_o you_o can_v help_v it_o nor_o turn_v your_o thought_n away_o to_o any_o thing_n else_o i_o know_v you_o have_v not_o a_o absolute_a power_n over_o your_o thought_n but_o some_o you_o have_v why_o else_o have_v god_n make_v a_o law_n for_o our_o thought_n and_o lay_v so_o much_o duty_n on_o they_o and_o forbid_v their_o sin_n so_o much_o much_o may_v be_v do_v if_o you_o will_v be_v resolute_a think_v whether_o christ_n come_v from_o the_o father_n to_o bring_v 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that_o your_o righteousness_n must_v exceed_v that_o of_o the_o pharisee_n and_o the_o unrighteous_a shall_v not_o inherit_v the_o kingdom_n of_o god_n and_o that_o he_o that_o do_v righteousness_n be_v righteous_a but_o at_o what_o bar_n or_o tribunal_n only_o at_o that_o of_o grace_n which_o suppose_v the_o reconcile_a pardon_v righteousness_n of_o christ_n it_o be_v not_o at_o the_o bar_n of_o rigorous_a justice_n according_a to_o the_o law_n which_o require_v innocence_n to_o justification_n there_o christ_n only_o be_v your_o righteousness_n and_o you_o have_v none_o and_o must_v dream_v of_o none_o but_o that_o which_o flow_v from_o his_o and_o stand_v in_o subordination_n to_o it_o and_o be_v your_o title_n to_o it_o and_o improvement_n of_o it_o even_o your_o thankful_a accept_v a_o free-given_a saviour_n head_n and_o lord_n and_o pardon_v and_o the_o spirit_n to_o sanctify_v you_o more_o and_o fit_v you_o for_o communion_n with_o god_n and_o for_o glory_n esteem_v most_o 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god_n have_v call_v you_o to_o to_o honour_v his_o grace_n and_o propagate_v to_o all_o about_o you_o as_o you_o be_v able_a a_o joyful_a thankful_a hope_v and_o praise_v frame_n of_o soul_n and_o to_o stir_v up_o all_o to_o the_o delightful_a praise_n of_o god_n as_o minister_n must_v do_v it_o by_o preach_v all_o must_v do_v it_o by_o conference_n and_o example_n and_o be_v your_o deject_a sadness_n the_o performance_n of_o this_o §_o 6._o when_o she_o desire_v to_o be_v pray_v for_o she_o write_v down_o this_o answer_n which_o i_o find_v now_o in_o her_o paper_n it_o be_v well_o if_o you_o know_v what_o prayer_n to_o put_v up_o or_o what_o to_o desire_v i_o will_v pray_v for_o you_o according_a to_o the_o best_a of_o my_o judgement_n and_o i_o will_v tell_v you_o for_o what_o that_o you_o may_v know_v what_o to_o pray_v for_o for_o yourself_o first_o i_o will_v pray_v that_o your_o thought_n may_v be_v turn_v to_o the_o magnify_v of_o god_n love_n and_o you_o may_v remember_v that_o he_o be_v as_o good_a as_o he_o be_v great_a and_o that_o you_o may_v be_v more_o sensible_a of_o his_o mercy_n than_o of_o your_o own_o unworthiness_n 2._o i_o will_v pray_v that_o you_o may_v have_v so_o lively_a a_o apprehension_n of_o your_o everlasting_a felicity_n as_o may_v make_v you_o long_o to_o be_v with_o christ._n 3._o that_o you_o may_v have_v more_o self-denial_n and_o that_o humility_n which_o make_v you_o little_a in_o your_o own_o eye_n 4._o that_o you_o may_v be_v much_o less_o tender_a and_o liable_a to_o commotion_n and_o disquiet_v of_o mind_n and_o less_o sensible_a of_o unkindness_n and_o of_o bodily_a danger_n yea_o and_o of_o sin_n itself_o while_o the_o sense_n of_o it_o hinder_v the_o sense_n of_o mercy_n a_o meek_a and_o a_o quiet_a and_o patient_a spirit_n be_v of_o great_a price_n in_o the_o sight_n of_o god_n i_o will_v pray_v that_o you_o may_v be_v deliver_v from_o too_o much_o inward_a passion_n of_o fear_n grief_n or_o discontent_n 5._o i_o will_v pray_v that_o no_o creature_n may_v seem_v great_a better_a or_o more_o regardable_a or_o necessary_a to_o you_o than_o it_o be_v and_o that_o you_o will_v look_v on_o all_o as_o walk_a shadow_n vanity_n and_o liar_n that_o be_v untrusty_a further_o than_o you_o can_v see_v god_n in_o they_o or_o they_o lead_v you_o up_o to_o he_o that_o they_o may_v never_o be_v overloved_n over-feared_n over-trusted_n or_o their_o thought_n too_o much_o regard_v 6._o above_o all_o i_o will_v pray_v that_o you_o may_v be_v less_o self-willed_a and_o not_o to_o be_v too_o passionate_o or_o unmovable_o set_v upon_o the_o fulfil_n of_o all_o your_o will_n but_o may_v have_v a_o will_n that_o be_v compliant_a with_o the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o can_v change_v as_o he_o will_v have_v it_o and_o will_v follow_v he_o and_o not_o run_v before_o he_o and_o can_v endure_v to_o be_v cross_v and_o deny_v by_o god_n and_o man_n without_o discomposedness_n and_o impatient_a trouble_n of_o mind_n 7._o i_o shall_v 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with_o your_o dear_a friend_n be_v so_o far_o below_o the_o quiet_a compose_a fortitude_n which_o you_o shall_v have_v that_o you_o ought_v not_o to_o give_v way_n to_o it_o if_o you_o be_v at_o the_o command_n of_o your_o impatience_n how_o be_v you_o obedient_a to_o the_o command_n of_o god_n it_o be_v a_o great_a work_n to_o bring_v your_o mind_n and_o will_n to_o the_o will_n of_o god_n than_o to_o change_v place_n or_o apparel_n or_o run_v away_o as_o jonah_n in_o discontent_n o_o for_o a_o mind_n and_o will_n that_o need_v no_o more_o to_o quiet_v it_o than_o to_o know_v what_o be_v the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o our_o duty_n and_o in_o every_o estate_n therewith_o to_o be_v content_a when_o you_o know_v your_o duty_n
do_v it_o resolute_o and_o cheerful_o and_o scorn_v to_o run_v away_o and_o turn_v your_o back_n that_o you_o may_v do_v it_o without_o censure_n where_o you_o be_v unknown_a use_v well_o the_o mean_v god_n here_o vouchsafe_v you_o and_o do_v your_o duty_n with_o a_o quiet_a mind_n and_o follow_v god_n in_o your_o remove_n §_o 8._o much_o more_o of_o such_o counsel_n she_o transcribe_v but_o i_o forbear_v recite_v more_a she_o end_v those_o paper_n with_o these_o word_n the_o best_a creature-affection_n have_v a_o mixture_n of_o creature-imperfection_n and_o therefore_o need_v some_o gall_n to_o wean_v we_o from_o the_o faulty_a part_n god_n must_v be_v know_v to_o be_v god_n our_o rest_n and_o therefore_o the_o best_a creature_n to_o be_v but_o a_o creature_n o_o miserable_a world_n how_o long_o must_v i_o continue_v in_o it_o and_o why_o be_v this_o wretched_a heart_n so_o loath_a to_o leave_v it_o where_o we_o can_v have_v no_o fire_n without_o smoke_n and_o our_o dear_a friend_n 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it_o now_o reserve_v among_o her_o paper_n but_o i_o can_v tell_v whether_o she_o ever_o use_v it_o have_v affection_n and_o freedom_n of_o expression_n without_o it_o i_o have_v think_v to_o have_v annex_v it_o for_o the_o use_n of_o afflict_a penitent_n but_o it_o will_v be_v but_o a_o digression_n in_o this_o narrative_a chap._n vi_o of_o our_o marriage_n and_o our_o habitation_n §_o 1._o the_o unsuitableness_n of_o our_o age_n and_o my_o former_a know_a purpose_n against_o marriage_n and_o against_o the_o conveniency_n of_o minister_n marriage_n who_o have_v not_o sort_n of_o necessity_n make_v our_o marriage_n the_o matter_n of_o much_o public_a talk_n and_o wonder_n and_o the_o true_a open_n of_o her_o case_n and_o i_o and_o the_o many_o strange_a occurrence_n which_o bring_v it_o to_o pass_v will_v take_v away_o the_o wonder_n of_o her_o friend_n and_o i_o that_o know_v we_o and_o the_o notice_n of_o it_o will_v much_o conduce_v to_o the_o understanding_n of_o some_o other_o 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speech_n and_o countenance_n be_v always_o kind_a and_o civil_a whether_o she_o have_v any_o thing_n to_o give_v or_o not_o and_o all_o her_o kindness_n tend_v to_o some_o better_a end_n than_o bare_o to_o relieve_v people_n bodily_a want_n even_o to_o oblige_v they_o to_o some_o duty_n that_o tend_v to_o the_o good_a of_o their_o soul_n or_o to_o deliver_v they_o from_o some_o strait_n which_o fill_v they_o with_o hurtful_a care_n and_o become_v a_o matter_n of_o great_a temptation_n to_o they_o if_o she_o can_v hire_v the_o poor_a to_o hear_v god_n word_n from_o conformist_n or_o nonconformist_n or_o to_o read_v good_a serious_a practical_a book_n whether_o write_v by_o conformist_n or_o noncon_n formist_n it_o answer_v her_o end_n and_o desire_v and_o many_o a_o hundred_o book_n have_v she_o give_v to_o those_o end_n but_o of_o these_o thing_n more_o hereafter_o this_o be_v here_o but_o to_o answer_v the_o foresay_a objection_n and_o to_o lead_v on_o to_o the_o follow_v particular_a passage_n of_o her_o life_n §_o 6._o while_o i_o be_v at_o acton_n her_o carriage_n and_o charity_n so_o win_v the_o people_n there_o that_o all_o that_o i_o ever_o hear_v of_o great_o esteem_v and_o love_v she_o and_o she_o be_v earnest_o desirous_a of_o do_v good_a prepare_v her_o house_n for_o the_o reception_n of_o those_o that_o will_v come_v in_o to_o be_v instruct_v by_o i_o between_o the_o morning_n and_o evening_n public_a assembly_n and_o after_o and_o the_o people_n that_o have_v never_o be_v use_v to_o such_o thing_n account_v worldly_a ignorant_a person_n give_v we_o great_a hope_n of_o their_o edification_n and_o reformation_n and_o fill_v the_o room_n and_o go_v with_o i_o also_o into_o the_o church_n which_o be_v at_o my_o door_n and_o when_o i_o be_v after_o remove_v the_o people_n hear_v that_o i_o again_o want_v a_o house_n be_v ten_o mile_n off_o they_o unanimous_o subscribe_v a_o request_n to_o i_o to_o return_v to_o my_o old_a house_n with_o they_o and_o offer_v to_o pay_v my_o house-rent_n which_o i_o take_v kind_o and_o it_o be_v much_o her_o win_a conversation_n which_o thus_o win_v their_o love_n §_o 7._o when_o i_o be_v carry_v thence_o to_o the_o common_a goal_n for_o teach_v they_o as_o aforesaid_a i_o never_o perceive_v she_o trouble_v at_o it_o she_o cheerful_o go_v with_o i_o into_o prison_n she_o bring_v her_o best_a bed_n thither_o and_o do_v much_o to_o remove_v the_o removable_a inconvenience_n of_o the_o prison_n i_o think_v she_o have_v scarce_o ever_o a_o pleasant_a time_n in_o her_o life_n than_o while_o she_o be_v with_o i_o there_o and_o whereas_o people_n upon_o such_o occasion_n be_v not_o unapt_a to_o be_v liberal_a it_o be_v against_o her_o mind_n to_o receive_v more_o than_o necessity_n require_v only_o three_o person_n give_v i_o just_a as_o much_o as_o pay_v lawyer_n and_o prison-charge_n and_o when_o one_o offer_v i_o more_o she_o will_v not_o receive_v it_o but_o all_o be_v far_o short_a of_o the_o great_a charge_n 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to_o live_v on_o the_o charity_n of_o stranger_n §_o 18._o when_o warrant_n be_v out_o from_o sir_n thomas_n davis_n to_o distrain_v of_o my_o good_n for_o fine_n for_o my_o preach_v she_o do_v without_o any_o repine_a encourage_v i_o to_o undergo_v the_o loss_n and_o do_v herself_o take_v the_o trouble_n of_o remove_v and_o hide_v my_o library_n a_o while_n many_o score_n be_v so_o lose_v and_o after_o to_o give_v it_o away_o bonâ_fw-la fide_fw-la some_o to_o new_a england_n and_o the_o most_o at_o home_n to_o avoid_v distrane_n on_o they_o and_o the_o danger_n of_o imprisonment_n and_o pay_v 40._o l._n for_o every_o sermon_n be_v so_o far_o from_o incline_v she_o to_o hinder_v or_o discourage_v i_o from_o any_o one_o sermon_n that_o if_o she_o do_v but_o think_v i_o have_v the_o least_o fear_n or_o self-saving_a by_o fleshly_a wisdom_n in_o shrink_v from_o my_o undertake_a office_n work_v it_o be_v so_o great_a a_o trouble_n to_o she_o that_o she_o can_v not_o hide_v it_o who_o can_v too_o much_o hide_v many_o other_o §_o 19_o she_o be_v exceed_v impatient_a with_o any_o nonconform_a minister_n that_o shrink_v for_o fear_n of_o suffering_n or_o that_o be_v over-querulous_a and_o sensible_a of_o their_o want_n or_o danger_n and_o will_v have_v no_o man_n be_v a_o minister_n that_o have_v not_o so_o much_o self-denial_n as_o to_o lay_v down_o all_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n and_o count_v no_o cost_n or_o suffer_v too_o dear_a to_o serve_v he_o she_o great_o hate_v choose_v or_o use_v the_o sacred_a ministry_n for_o wealth_n ease_n or_o honour_n or_o any_o worldly_a end_n serve_v the_o flesh_n under_o the_o name_n of_o serve_v christ_n and_o look_v to_o be_v reverence_v and_o honour_v in_o this_o take_n of_o god_n name_n in_o vain_a §_o 20._o according_o after_o some_o year_n wherein_o a_o lager_n course_n have_v be_v take_v she_o be_v against_o my_o persuade_a parent_n to_o devote_v their_o child_n to_o the_o ministry_n that_o have_v but_o good_a wit_n and_o part_n and_o be_v not_o profane_a though_o my_o success_n with_o some_o do_v much_o encourage_v i_o to_o it_o heretofore_o but_o her_o sense_n of_o the_o sin_n and_o mischief_n of_o bad_a minister_n make_v she_o persuade_v all_o that_o in_o that_o case_n she_o have_v to_o do_v with_o to_o take_v heed_n of_o devote_v their_o son_n to_o the_o ministry_n till_o they_o have_v good_a reason_n to_o judge_v they_o true_o godly_a and_o as_o she_o will_v not_o have_v pious_a person_n to_o marry_v such_o as_o be_v not_o pious_a on_o pretence_n of_o hope_n that_o god_n will_v convert_v they_o so_o much_o less_o will_v she_o have_v such_o hope_n that_o have_v no_o promise_n from_o god_n pretend_v for_o devote_v unsanctified_a lad_n to_o the_o sacred_a office_n she_o see_v how_o many_o even_o of_o good_a man_n child_n profane_v the_o ministy_a and_o turn_v to_o any_o course_n that_o do_v but_o serve_v their_o worldly_a interest_n that_o she_o be_v vehement_o against_o addict_v any_o to_o that_o office_n that_o have_v not_o beside_o good_a wit_n and_o part_n so_o great_a a_o love_n to_o god_n and_o soul_n as_o to_o come_v to_o it_o with_o absolute_a self-denial_n resolve_v to_o serve_v christ_n at_o the_o dear_a rate_n and_o take_v his_o acceptance_n and_o the_o win_n of_o soul_n for_o their_o benefice_n she_o be_v not_o willing_a to_o entice_v any_o into_o the_o way_n of_o the_o ministry_n as_o a_o common_a trade_n to_o live_v by_o in_o the_o world_n and_o will_v have_v have_v two_o or_o three_o reading_n write_v and_o catechising-school_n set_v up_o instead_o of_o one_o grammar-school_n and_o she_o will_v not_o have_v parent_n make_v scholar_n of_o bad_a child_n nor_o send_v they_o to_o the_o university_n lest_o when_o they_o have_v a_o little_a wordy_a learning_n they_o shall_v make_v themselves_o minister_n whether_o their_o parent_n will_v or_o not_o and_o so_o a_o swarm_n of_o such_o as_o have_v be_v a_o few_o year_n at_o the_o university_n shall_v think_v a_o benefice_n their_o due_a and_o take_v the_o charge_n of_o the_o soul_n of_o many_o that_o never_o know_v the_o worth_n of_o one_o nor_o how_o it_o must_v be_v qualify_v and_o guide_v §_o 21._o her_o expectation_n of_o liberality_n to_o the_o poor_a from_o other_o be_v too_o high_a and_o her_o displeasure_n too_o great_a towards_o they_o that_o deny_v she_o whereupon_o when_o she_o see_v a_o worthy_a person_n in_o debt_n or_o prison_n or_o great_a want_n she_o will_v promise_v to_o gather_v they_o such_o a_o sum_n and_o sometime_o she_o be_v put_v to_o pay_v most_o of_o it_o herself_o but_o a_o fortnight_n or_o month_n before_o she_o die_v she_o promise_v to_o get_v 20._o l._n towards_o the_o relief_n of_o one_o of_o know_a name_n and_o worth_n and_o can_v get_v but_o 8._o l._n and_o somewhat_o over_o of_o it_o and_o pay_v all_o the_o rest_n herself_o §_o 22._o her_o judgement_n be_v that_o we_o ought_v to_o give_v more_o or_o less_o to_o every_o one_o that_o ask_v if_o we_o have_v it_o and_o that_o neighbourhood_n and_o notice_n and_o ask_v next_o to_o know_a indigence_n and_o great_a worth_n be_v the_o mark_n by_o which_o to_o know_v to_o who_o god_n will_v have_v we_o give_v i_o think_v that_o beside_o these_o we_o must_v exercise_v prudence_n in_o discern_v the_o degree_n of_o need_n and_o worth_n but_o she_o practise_v as_o she_o think_v and_o special_o to_o they_o in_o prison_n for_o debt_n and_o blame_v i_o if_o i_o deny_v any_o one_o §_o 23._o alas_o i_o know_v many_o poor_a widow_n and_o oother_n that_o think_v they_o have_v now_o lose_v a_o mother_n and_o be_v leave_v desolate_a who_o i_o can_v wish_v some_o that_o be_v able_a will_v help_v instead_o of_o the_o help_n which_o they_o have_v lose_v §_o 24._o she_o be_v much_o more_o liberal_a to_o many_o of_o my_o own_o poor_a kindred_n than_o i_o be_v but_o her_o way_n be_v not_o to_o maintain_v they_o in_o idleness_n but_o to_o take_v child_n and_o set_v they_o to_o some_o trade_n or_o help_v they_o out_o of_o some_o special_a strait_n §_o 25._o to_o her_o own_o kindred_n she_o bear_v a_o most_o tender_a love_n but_o her_o care_n be_v most_o to_o get_v they_o to_o be_v good_a and_o save_v their_o soul_n and_o next_o to_o settle_v they_o well_o in_o the_o world_n i_o have_v ever_o be_v great_o averse_a to_o motion_n marriage_n yet_o she_o even_o compel_v i_o first_o satisfy_v my_o reason_n to_o be_v a_o motioner_n of_o a_o wife_n to_o her_o only_a brother_n son_n who_o it_o be_v say_v be_v worth_a to_o he_o above_o 20000._o l._n and_o her_o sister_n child_n she_o love_v as_o if_o they_o have_v be_v she_o own_o especial_o three_o daughter_n §_o 26._o there_o be_v some_o thing_n charge_v on_o she_o as_o fault_n which_o i_o shall_v mention_v 1._o that_o she_o busy_v her_o head_n so_o much_o about_o church_n and_o work_n of_o charity_n and_o be_v not_o content_a to_o live_v private_o and_o quiet_o but_o this_o be_v but_o just_a what_o profane_a unbeliever_n say_v against_o all_o zeal_n and_o serious_a godliness_n what_o need_v there_o all_o this_o ado_n do_v not_o paul_n call_v some_o woman_n his_o help_n in_o the_o gospel_n he_o that_o know_v what_o it_o be_v to_o do_v good_a and_o make_v it_o the_o business_n of_o his_o life_n in_o the_o world_n and_o know_v what_o it_o be_v to_o give_v account_n of_o our_o stewardship_n and_o to_o be_v doom_v as_o the_o unprofitable_a slothful_a servant_n will_v know_v how_o to_o answer_v this_o accusation_n §_o 28._o another_o accusation_n be_v that_o she_o be_v wasteful_a and_o imprudent_a in_o leave_v i_o so_o much_o in_o debt_n to_o that_o i_o answer_v 1._o let_v any_o one_o that_o read_v what_o go_v before_o consider_v what_o she_o do_v and_o he_o will_v not_o wonder_v at_o her_o debt_n it_o be_v not_o to_o pamper_v she_o own_o body_n she_o use_v mean_a clothing_n and_o a_o far_o mean_a diet_n for_o she_o own_o person_n i_o think_v much_o less_o than_o cornario_n and_o lessius_n proportion_n 2._o and_o she_o go_v into_o no_o debt_n but_o by_o mortgage_n or_o otherwise_o she_o give_v the_o creditor_n good_a security_n for_o 3._o but_o i_o confess_v she_o and_o i_o differ_v in_o this_o i_o think_v i_o be_v to_o give_v but_o all_o my_o income_n and_o not_o to_o borrow_v to_o give_v unless_o in_o some_o public_a or_o extraordinary_a case_n she_o think_v otherwise_o that_o while_o she_o can_v give_v security_n she_o ought_v to_o borrow_v to_o relieve_v the_o poor_a especial_o the_o most_o worthy_a nor_o do_v she_o draw_v upon_o we_o any_o debt_n but_o what_o there_o be_v not_o only_o sufficient_a security_n for_o but_o also_o a_o fair_a prospect_n of_o ourselves_o have_v a_o competency_n
godliness_n as_o they_o come_v and_o such_o as_o be_v true_o convert_v with_o we_o she_o love_v as_o child_n §_o 16._o one_o infirmity_n make_v she_o faulty_a in_o the_o omission_n of_o much_o of_o her_o duty_n she_o be_v wont_a to_o say_v that_o she_o have_v from_o her_o childhood_n imprint_v a_o deep_a fear_n and_o hatred_n of_o hypocrisy_n on_o her_o mind_n that_o she_o can_v never_o do_v the_o outside_n of_o her_o duty_n as_o to_o the_o speak_a part_n for_o fear_v of_o hypocrisy_n i_o scarce_o ever_o meet_v with_o a_o person_n that_o be_v able_a to_o speak_v long_o for_o matter_n and_o good_a language_n without_o repetition_n even_o about_o religious_a thing_n and_o few_o that_o have_v more_o desire_n that_o it_o be_v well_o do_v and_o yet_o she_o can_v not_o do_v it_o herself_o for_o fear_n of_o seem_v to_o be_v guilty_a of_o ostentation_n in_o good_a company_n she_o will_v speak_v little_a of_o that_o which_o she_o most_o desire_a to_o hear_v when_o i_o be_v at_o any_o time_n from_o home_n she_o will_v not_o pray_v in_o the_o family_n though_o she_o can_v not_o endure_v to_o be_v without_o it_o she_o will_v private_o talk_v to_o the_o servant_n and_o read_v good_a book_n to_o they_o most_o of_o the_o open_a speak_a part_n of_o religion_n she_o omit_v through_o a_o disease_a enmity_n to_o ostentation_n and_o hypocrisy_n but_o of_o late_a year_n when_o she_o see_v i_o and_o other_o too_o spare_v in_o profitable_a speech_n to_o young_a and_o ignorant_a people_n she_o confess_v that_o she_o see_v her_o error_n and_o that_o even_o a_o hypocrite_n use_v but_o the_o word_n and_o outside_n of_o religion_n be_v better_a to_o other_o than_o silence_n and_o unprofitable_a omission_n be_v §_o 17._o her_o houshold-affair_n she_o order_v with_o so_o so_o great_a skill_n and_o decency_n as_o that_o other_o much_o praise_v that_o which_o i_o be_v no_o fit_a judge_n of_o i_o have_v be_v breed_v among_o plain_a mean_a people_n and_o i_o think_v that_o so_o much_o wash_v of_o stair_n and_o room_n to_o keep_v they_o as_o clean_o as_o their_o trencher_n and_o dish_n and_o so_o much_o ado_n about_o cleanliness_n and_o trifle_n be_v a_o sinful_a curiosity_n and_o expense_n of_o servant_n time_n who_o may_v that_o while_n have_v be_v read_v some_o good_a book_n but_o she_o that_o be_v otherwise_o breed_v have_v somewhat_o other_o thought_n §_o 18._o her_o great_a tender_a impatiency_n lie_v much_o in_o her_o ear_n she_o can_v not_o bear_v without_o great_a reason_n a_o dispute_a contradiction_n nor_o yet_o to_o hear_v sad_a tiding_n nor_o any_o hard_a prognostic_n and_o it_o be_v because_o she_o feel_v the_o weakness_n of_o her_o own_o head_n and_o for_o twenty_o year_n live_v in_o too_o great_a fear_n of_o the_o overthrow_n of_o her_o understanding_n and_o i_o be_v apt_a to_o think_v it_o be_v but_o a_o passionate_a fanciful_a fear_n and_o be_v too_o apt_a to_o be_v impatient_a with_o her_o impatiency_n and_o with_o every_o trouble_n of_o her_o mind_n not_o enough_o consider_v how_o great_a tenderness_n in_o all_o our_o discourse_n she_o need_v though_o i_o remember_v nothing_o else_o that_o ever_o i_o show_v impatience_n to_o she_o in_o but_o ever_o since_o her_o first_o danger_n and_o strong_a affection_n i_o can_v hardly_o bear_v any_o signification_n of_o her_o displeasure_n and_o discontent_n and_o she_o be_v wont_v oft_o to_o say_v it_o be_v a_o great_a mercy_n of_o god_n not_o to_o know_v what_o will_v befall_v we_o in_o this_o world_n nor_o how_o we_o shall_v be_v sick_a or_o suffer_v or_o die_v that_o our_o foreknowledge_n may_v not_o anticipate_v our_o sorrow_n though_o in_o the_o general_n we_o shall_v be_v always_o ready_a §_o 19_o she_o be_v the_o great_a honourer_n of_o her_o mother_n and_o most_o sincere_o love_v she_o that_o ever_o i_o know_v a_o child_n do_v to_o a_o parent_n she_o believe_v the_o promise_n of_o the_o five_o commandment_n and_o believe_v that_o it_o do_v imply_v a_o answerable_a curse_n to_o they_o that_o break_v it_o and_o that_o as_o honour_v parent_n have_v even_o the_o promise_n of_o blessing_n on_o earth_n so_o the_o dishonour_v they_o be_v like_a to_o bring_v a_o curse_n upon_o the_o person_n or_o family_n that_o be_v guilty_a of_o it_o and_o that_o how_o great_a soever_o their_o present_a prosperity_n may_v seem_v it_o be_v come_v and_o will_v overtake_v they_o either_o in_o their_o body_n child_n or_o estate_n prov._n 30._o 17._o the_o eye_n that_o mock_v at_o his_o father_n and_o despise_v to_o obey_v his_o mother_n the_o raven_n of_o the_o valley_n shall_v pick_v it_o out_o and_o the_o young_a eagle_n shall_v eat_v it_o and_o such_o by_o moses_n law_n be_v to_o be_v put_v to_o death_n deut._n 27._o 16._o curse_a be_v he_o that_o set_v light_n by_o his_o father_z or_o his_o mother_n and_o let_v all_z the_o people_z say_v amen_o and_o will_v god_n suspend_v it_o till_o the_o sinner_n say_v amen_o o_o no._n and_o what_o be_v that_o person_n case_v that_o live_v under_o this_o curse_n of_o god_n if_o the_o body_n escape_v it_o and_o posterity_n escape_v it_o and_o the_o estate_n escape_v it_o yea_o and_o a_o sear_a conscience_n escape_v it_o few_o year_n the_o soul_n will_v not_o escape_v it_o for_o ever_o without_o deep_a and_o through_o repentance_n for_o christ_n have_v redeem_v none_o but_o sincere_a penitent_n from_o the_o curse_n yea_o even_o such_o seldom_o escape_v the_o temporal_a sharp_a chastisement_n and_o very_o worthy_a be_v her_o mother_n of_o her_o love_n and_o honour_n all_o her_o letter_n to_o she_o when_o she_o be_v from_o home_n i_o find_v now_o lay_v up_o by_o she_o as_o a_o treasure_n sure_a i_o will_v transcribe_v part_n of_o some_o of_o they_o that_o you_o may_v perceive_v her_o plain_a and_o honest_a care_n of_o her_o child_n soul_n §_o 20._o in_o one_o 1657._o to_o this_o daughter_n at_o oxford_n she_o write_v thus_o i_o can_v but_o put_v you_o in_o mind_n of_o your_o duty_n you_o owe_v to_o god_n i_o mean_v that_o you_o see_v that_o you_o lose_v not_o your_o time_n if_o you_o be_v where_o you_o may_v improve_v your_o time_n for_o grace_n and_o get_v down_o sin_n i_o shall_v give_v you_o my_o consent_n for_o your_o stay_n with_o her_o brother_n upton_n canon_n of_o christ_n church_n but_o be_v sure_a you_o do_v not_o deceive_v yourself_o herein_o for_o god_n will_v not_o be_v mock_v he_o that_o do_v righteous_o and_o live_v to_o christ_n shall_v enjoy_v all_o the_o blessing_n promise_v by_o god_n to_o they_o that_o trust_v he_o and_o obey_v he_o i_o bless_v my_o god_n i_o have_v my_o health_n as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v wish_v and_o my_o heart_n run_v out_o whole_o to_o god_n in_o seek_v a_o blessing_n for_o child_n and_o child_n child_n o_o that_o i_o may_v prevail_v by_o prayer_n to_o see_v such_o hope_n of_o you_o all_o upon_o good_a ground_n as_o will_v be_v a_o gracious_a return_n to_o my_o prayer_n this_o be_v my_o work_n be_v not_o you_o want_v to_o yourselves_o your_o endeavour_n and_o prayer_n also_o be_v necessary_a who_o know_v but_o god_n will_v give_v you_o that_o one_o thing_n necessary_a which_o if_o you_o shall_v make_v it_o your_o chief_a choice_n shall_v never_o be_v take_v from_o you_o let_v the_o word_n of_o god_n dwell_v plentiful_o in_o you_o that_o it_o may_v be_v the_o rule_n of_o your_o life_n which_o be_v the_o prayer_n of_o your_o true_o love_v mother_n mary_n hanmer_n §_o 21._o in_o another_o 1657._o thus_o i_o know_v not_o why_o you_o shall_v write_v in_o tear_n because_o of_o a_o apprehension_n of_o my_o displeasure_n and_o that_o you_o can_v see_v it_o at_o so_o great_a a_o distance_n be_v strange_a to_o i_o if_o your_o information_n be_v of_o god_n to_o who_o you_o appeal_v look_v to_o it_o if_o of_o man_n believe_v it_o not_o many_o false_a fear_n may_v arise_v for_o want_v of_o the_o true_a fear_n of_o offend_v a_o good_a and_o gracious_a god_n all_o your_o fear_n and_o all_o your_o joy_n must_v be_v found_v in_o he_o or_o else_o your_o life_n here_o will_v be_v very_o uncomfortable_a have_v not_o i_o my_o comfort_n from_o my_o god_n and_o not_o only_o in_o the_o creature_n i_o have_v sink_v long_o since_o and_o often_o in_o despair_n take_v my_o experience_n or_o rather_o hear_v the_o word_n of_o god_n which_o say_v it_o be_v better_a to_o trust_v in_o god_n than_o to_o put_v confidence_n in_o riches_n it_o be_v better_a to_o trust_v in_o god_n than_o to_o put_v confidence_n in_o man_n be_v well_o acquaint_v with_o the_o will_n of_o god_n and_o be_v sure_a in_o all_o thing_n to_o please_v he_o and_o then_o all_o other_o care_n and_o fear_n will_v be_v of_o no_o value_n to_o you_o o_o let_v it_o be_v
duty_n for_o they_o beside_o the_o time_n and_o perhaps_o care_v thought_n that_o all_o his_o family_n expense_n and_o affair_n will_v require_v and_o then_o it_o will_v disquiet_v a_o man_n mind_n to_o think_v that_o he_o must_v neglect_v his_o family_n or_o his_o flock_n and_o have_v undertake_v more_o than_o he_o can_v do_v my_o conscience_n have_v force_v i_o many_o time_n to_o omit_v secret_a prayer_n with_o my_o wife_n when_o she_o desire_v it_o for_o want_v of_o time_n not_o dare_v to_o omit_v far_o great_a work_n 2._o and_o a_o minister_n can_v scarce_o look_v to_o win_v much_o on_o his_o flock_n if_o he_o be_v not_o able_a to_o oblige_v they_o by_o gift_n of_o charity_n and_o liberality_n and_o a_o marry_a man_n have_v seldom_o any_o thing_n to_o spare_v especial_o if_o he_o have_v child_n that_o must_v be_v provide_v for_o all_o will_v seem_v too_o little_a for_o they_o or_o if_o he_o have_v none_o housekeep_v be_v chargeable_a when_o a_o single_a man_n may_v have_v entertainment_n at_o easy_a rate_n and_o most_o woman_n be_v weak_a and_o apt_a to_o live_v in_o fear_n of_o want_n if_o not_o in_o covetousness_n and_o have_v many_o want_v real_a or_o fancy_v of_o their_o own_o to_o be_v supply_v 3._o in_o a_o word_n st._n paul_n own_o word_n be_v plain_a to_o other_o but_o concern_v minister_n much_o more_o than_o other_o man_n 1_o cor._n 7._o 7_o etc._n etc._n i_o will_v that_o all_o man_n be_v as_o i_o myself_o it_o be_v good_a for_o they_o they_o abide_v even_o as_o i_o 28._o such_o shall_v have_v trouble_n in_o the_o flesh_n 32._o i_o will_v have_v you_o without_o carefulness_n he_o that_o be_v unmarried_a care_v for_o the_o thing_n that_o belong_v to_o the_o lord_n how_o he_o may_v please_v the_o lord_n but_o he_o that_o be_v marry_v care_v for_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n how_o he_o may_v please_v his_o wife_n this_o be_v true_a and_o believe_v it_o both_o care_v for_o the_o thing_n of_o the_o world_n and_o care_v to_o please_v one_o another_o be_v business_n and_o troublesome_a business_n care_v for_o house-rent_n for_o child_n for_o servant_n wage_n for_o food_n and_o raiment_n but_o above_o all_o for_o debt_n be_v very_o troublesome_a thing_n and_o if_o care_v choke_v the_o word_n in_o hearer_n they_o will_v be_v very_o unfit_a for_o the_o mind_n of_o a_o student_n and_o a_o man_n that_o shall_v still_o dwell_v on_o holy_a thing_n and_o the_o please_a of_o a_o wife_n be_v usual_o no_o easy_a task_n there_o be_v a_o unsuitableness_n in_o the_o best_a and_o wise_a and_o like_a face_n be_v not_o so_o unlike_a as_o the_o apprehension_n of_o the_o mind_n they_o that_o agree_v in_o religion_n in_o love_n and_o interest_n yet_o may_v have_v daily_o different_a apprehension_n about_o occasional_a occurrence_n person_n thing_n word_n etc._n etc._n that_o will_v seem_v the_o best_a way_n to_o one_o that_o seem_v worst_a to_o the_o other_o and_o passion_n be_v apt_a to_o succeed_v and_o serve_v these_o difference_n very_o good_a people_n be_v very_o hard_a to_o be_v please_v my_o own_o dear_a wife_n have_v high_a desire_n of_o my_o do_v and_o speak_v better_o than_o i_o do_v but_o my_o badness_n make_v it_o hard_o to_o i_o to_o do_v better_o but_o this_o be_v my_o benefit_n for_o it_o be_v but_o to_o put_v i_o on_o to_o be_v better_a as_o god_n himself_o will_v be_v please_v that_o its_o hard_a to_o please_v god_n and_o holy_a person_n be_v only_o our_o fault_n but_o there_o be_v too_o many_o that_o will_v not_o be_v please_v unless_o you_o will_v contribute_v to_o their_o sin_n their_o pride_n their_o wastfulness_n their_o superfluity_n and_o childish_a fancy_n their_o covetousness_n and_o passion_n and_o too_o many_o who_o have_v such_o passion_n that_o it_o require_v great_a skill_n to_o please_v they_o than_o almost_o any_o the_o wise_a can_v attain_v and_o the_o discontent_n and_o displeasure_n of_o one_o that_o be_v so_o near_o you_o will_v be_v as_o thorn_n or_o nettle_n in_o your_o bed_n and_o paul_n conclude_v to_o be_v un-married_n be_v the_o better_a that_o we_o may_v attend_v the_o lord_n without_o distraction_n v._o 35_o 38._o and_o what_o need_v we_o more_o than_o christ_n own_o word_n mat._n 19_o 10_o 11_o 12._o when_o they_o say_v then_o it_o be_v not_o good_a to_o marry_v he_o answer_v all_o man_n can_v receive_v this_o say_n save_v they_o to_o who_o it_o be_v give_v for_o there_o be_v some_o eunuch_n who_o be_v so_o bear_v from_o their_o mother_n womb_n and_o there_o be_v some_o eunuch_n who_o be_v make_v eunuch_n by_o man_n and_o there_o be_v eunuch_n which_o have_v make_v themselves_o eunuch_n for_o the_o kingdom_n of_o heaven_n sake_n he_o that_o be_v able_a to_o receive_v it_o let_v he_o receive_v it_o oh_o how_o many_o sad_a and_o careful_a hour_n may_v many_o a_o minister_n have_v prevent_v and_o how_o much_o more_o good_a may_v he_o have_v do_v if_o be_v under_o no_o necessity_n he_o have_v be_v soon_o wise_a in_o this_o §_o 18._o another_o use_n of_o this_o history_n be_v to_o show_v man_n that_o it_o be_v not_o god_n or_o our_o enemy_n afflict_v we_o in_o worldly_a loss_n or_o suffering_n especial_o when_o we_o suffer_v for_o righteousness_n sake_n which_o be_v half_a so_o painful_a as_o our_o own_o inward_a infirmity_n a_o man_n spirit_n can_v bear_v his_o infirmity_n of_o outward_a cross_n but_o a_o wound_a spirit_n who_o can_v bear_v my_o poor_a wife_n make_v nothing_o of_o prison_n distraining_n reproach_n and_o such_o cross_n but_o her_o burden_n be_v most_o inward_a from_o her_o own_o tenderness_n and_o next_o from_o those_o who_o she_o overloved_n and_o for_o my_o own_o part_n all_o that_o ever_o either_o enemy_n or_o friend_n have_v do_v against_o i_o be_v but_o as_o a_o flea-biting_n to_o i_o in_o comparison_n of_o the_o daily_a burden_n of_o a_o pain_a body_n and_o the_o weakness_n of_o my_o soul_n in_o faith_n hope_n love_n and_o heavenly_a desire_n and_o delight_n §_o 19_o and_o here_o you_o may_v see_v how_o necessary_a patience_n be_v and_o to_o have_v a_o mind_n fortify_v beforehand_o against_o all_o sort_n of_o suffering_n that_o in_o our_o patience_n we_o may_v possess_v our_o soul_n and_o that_o the_o dear_a friend_n must_v expect_v to_o find_v much_o in_o one_o another_o that_o must_v be_v bear_v with_o and_o exercise_v our_o patience_n we_o be_v all_o imperfect_a it_o have_v make_v i_o many_o a_o time_n wonder_v at_o the_o prelate_n that_o can_v think_v it_o the_o way_n to_o the_o concord_n of_o million_o to_o force_v they_o to_o consent_v to_o all_o their_o imposition_n even_o of_o word_n and_o promise_n and_o ceremony_n and_o that_o in_o thing_n where_o conscience_n must_v be_v most_o cautelous_a whereas_o even_o husband_n and_o wife_n master_n and_o servant_n have_v almost_o daily_a difference_n in_o judge_v of_o their_o common_a affair_n §_o 20._o and_o by_o this_o history_n you_o may_v see_v how_o little_a cause_n we_o have_v to_o be_v over-serious_a about_o any_o worldly_a matter_n and_o to_o mind_n and_o do_v they_o with_o too_o much_o intenseness_n of_o affection_n and_o how_o necessary_a it_o be_v to_o possess_v they_o as_o if_o we_o possess_v they_o not_o see_v the_o time_n be_v short_a and_o the_o fashion_n of_o this_o world_n pass_v away_o and_o how_o reasonable_a it_o be_v that_o if_o we_o love_v god_n ourselves_o yea_o or_o our_o friend_n that_o we_o shall_v long_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n where_o they_o be_v far_o more_o amiable_a than_o here_o and_o where_o in_o the_o city_n of_o god_n the_o jerusalem_n above_o we_o shall_v delightful_o dwell_v with_o they_o for_o ever_o whereas_o here_o we_o be_v still_o sure_a to_o stay_v with_o they_o but_o a_o little_a while_n and_o have_v we_o here_o know_v christ_n after_o the_o flesh_n we_o shall_v so_o know_v he_o no_o more_o whereas_o believe_v that_o we_o shall_v soon_o be_v with_o he_o even_o those_o that_o never_o see_v he_o may_v rejoice_v with_o joy_n unspeakable_a and_o full_a of_o glory_n §_o 21._o last_o here_o you_o may_v see_v that_o as_o god_n servant_n have_v not_o their_o portion_n or_o good_a thing_n in_o this_o life_n so_o they_o may_v have_v the_o same_o sickness_n and_o manner_n of_o death_n as_o other_o lazarus_n may_v lie_v and_o die_v in_o his_o sore_n among_o the_o dog_n at_o the_o door_n when_o dives_n may_v have_v a_o pompous_a life_n and_o funeral_n there_o be_v no_o judge_v of_o a_o man_n sincerity_n or_o of_o his_o future_a state_n by_o his_o disease_n or_o by_o his_o disease_a deathbed_n word_n he_o that_o live_v to_o god_n shall_v die_v safe_o into_o the_o hand_n of_o god_n though_o a_o fever_n or_o deliration_n hinder_v he_o from_o know_v this_o till_o experience_n and_o sudden_a possession_n of_o heaven_n convince_v he_o bless_a be_v the_o dead_a that_o die_v in_o the_o lord_n from_o henceforth_o yea_o say_v the_o spirit_n that_o they_o may_v rest_v from_o their_o labour_n and_o their_o work_n do_v follow_v they_o rev._n 14._o 13._o therefore_o in_o our_o great_a strait_n and_o suffering_n let_v we_o comfort_v one_o another_o with_o these_o word_n that_o we_o shall_v for_o ever_o be_v with_o the_o lord_n have_v i_o be_v to_o possess_v the_o company_n of_o my_o friend_n in_o this_o life_n only_o how_o short_a will_v out_o comfortable_a converse_n have_v be_v but_o now_o i_o shall_v live_v with_o they_o in_o the_o heavenly_a city_n of_o god_n for_o ever_o and_o they_o be_v there_o of_o the_o same_o mind_n with_o my_o forgive_a god_n and_o saviour_n will_v forgive_v all_o my_o fail_n neglect_v and_o injury_n as_o god_n forgive_v they_o and_o i_o the_o lord_n give_v and_o the_o lord_n have_v take_v away_o and_o he_o have_v take_v away_o but_o that_o upon_o my_o desert_n which_o he_o have_v give_v i_o undeserved_o near_o nineteen_o year_n bless_a be_v the_o name_n of_o the_o lord_n i_o be_o wait_v to_o be_v next_o the_o door_n be_v open_a death_n will_v quick_o draw_v the_o veil_n and_o make_v we_o see_v how_o near_o we_o be_v to_o god_n and_o one_o another_o and_o do_v not_o sufficient_o know_v it_o farewell_o vain_a world_n and_o welcome_a true_a everlasting_a life_n finis_fw-la