fold_n 1._o â—o_o let_v go_v sin_n not_o only_o in_o action_n but_o â—n_a affection_n also_o and_o 2._o to_o lay_v hold_n on_o christ_n as_o one_o undo_v without_o he_o thus_o come_v this_o bless_a soul_n to_o be_v break_v off_o from_o the_o wild_a olive_n rom._n 11.24_o in_o his_o let_n go_v and_o â—aying_v down_o of_o sin_n as_o the_o great_a evil_n and_o by_o grace_n become_v graft_v â—nto_o that_o bless_a and_o bleed_a vine_n â—he_v lord_n jesus_n john_n 15.1_o 2._o who_o ever_o after_o his_o happy_a graft_v time_n become_v a_o fruit_n bear_v branch_n have_v juice_n and_o nourishment_n administer_v abundant_o to_o he_o from_o the_o â—ree_a of_o life_n jesus_n christ_n as_o the_o sequel_n will_v manifest_v in_o almost_o unparallelled_a instance_n thus_o far_o in_o short_a for_o his_o experience_n in_o his_o first_o conversion_n now_o come_v we_o to_o treat_v more_o large_o of_o his_o whole_a conversation_n some_o part_n whereoâ—_n shall_v be_v reduce_v to_o the_o three_o follow_a head_n his_o exercise_n his_o examination_n of_o himself_o and_o his_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n which_o he_o attainâ—â—_n unto_o etc._n etc._n chap._n ii_o now_o after_o his_o thorough_a aâ—â—_n sound_a conversion_n follow_v 〈◊〉_d holy_a conversation_n which_o appearâ—â—_n to_o be_v much_o in_o heaven_n by_o his_o converse_v so_o much_o with_o god_n and_o with_o 〈◊〉_d own_o heart_n in_o his_o due_a preparation_n for_o and_o true_a participation_n of_o thâ—â—_n great_a of_o ordinance_n the_o lord_n sâ—â—per_v as_o be_v manifest_a by_o those_o experience_n write_v with_o his_o own_o hand_n upon_o that_o subject_n which_o with_o no_o small_a trouble_n yet_o with_o great_a delight_n be_v here_o transcribe_v now_o that_o he_o be_v breed_v and_o make_v a_o new_a creature_n by_o his_o effectual_a call_n he_o find_v and_o feel_v a_o necessity_n that_o he_o must_v also_o be_v feed_v so_o ask_v council_n about_o the_o concern_v of_o his_o soul_n and_o learn_v those_o divine_a lesson_n which_o he_o record_v as_o 1._o the_o lord_n supper_n be_v so_o call_v because_o our_o lord_n ordain_v it_o at_o his_o last_o supper_n instead_o of_o the_o passover_n 2._o it_o be_v the_o duty_n of_o beleiver_n to_o receive_v it_o else_o they_o do_v slight_a his_o love_n and_o disobey_v his_o command_n 3._o and_o to_o receive_v it_o often_o according_a to_o christ_n command_n and_o the_o apostle_n practice_n 4._o that_o be_v dull_a and_o doubt_v under_o my_o spiritual_a want_n say_v he_o i_o must_v give_v all_o diligence_n toprepare_v my_o heart_n for_o so_o great_a a_o work_n all_o be_v natural_o unfit_a god_n will_v come_v and_o view_v his_o guest_n i_o have_v to_o do_v with_o the_o son_n of_o god_n etc._n etc._n 5._o this_o preparation_n must_v be_v make_v by_o a_o narrow_a search_n of_o my_o own_o heart_n concern_v my_o sin_n my_o want_n and_o my_o grace_n and_o by_o fervent_a and_o solemn_a prayer_n 6._o the_o grace_n i_o must_v go_v to_o god_n and_o get_v from_o he_o be_v knowledge_n faith_n love_n repentance_n and_o new_a obedience_n 7._o i_o must_v have_v knowledge_n for_o without_o it_o the_o heart_n can_v be_v good_a nor_o can_v i_o know_v myself_o nor_o discern_v the_o lord_n body_n i_o must_v know_v how_o man_n be_v create_v and_o how_o he_o fall_v and_o i_o in_o he_o how_o we_o be_v recover_v by_o christ_n how_o renew_v after_o the_o image_n of_o god_n in_o knowledge_n etc._n etc._n till_o then_o my_o understanding_n be_v dark_a and_o ignorant_a my_o conscience_n benumb_v my_o affection_n out_o of_o order_n and_o set_v upon_o wrong_a object_n my_o memory_n brittle_a my_o eye_n full_a of_o adultery_n and_o my_o whole_a frame_n out_o of_o frame_n the_o knowledge_n of_o those_o thing_n will_v help_v to_o break_v my_o heart_n that_o such_o a_o filthy_a lump_n of_o sin_n as_o i_o be_o shall_v see_v and_o feel_v the_o arm_n of_o christ_n embrace_v i_o 8._o i_o must_v have_v faith_n whereby_o i_o may_v hearty_o receive_v he_o as_o my_o lord_n and_o redeemer_n and_o rely_v upon_o he_o alone_o both_o for_o safety_n and_o salvation_n without_o faith_n it_o be_v not_o possible_a to_o please_v god_n and_o i_o may_v not_o displease_v he_o at_o his_o own_o table_n when_o i_o go_v thither_o for_o the_o food_n of_o my_o soul_n 9_o i_o must_v have_v repentance_n because_o i_o must_v judge_v myself_o that_o i_o be_v not_o judge_v i_o must_v both_o mourn_v for_o sin_n and_o turn_v from_o sin_n when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o lord_n table_n etc._n etc._n 10._o i_o must_v have_v love_n too_o because_o the_o apostle_n say_v without_o love_v all_o be_v nothing_o it_o be_v uncomfortable_a to_o sit_v down_o at_o the_o table_n of_o a_o enemy_n who_o we_o love_v not_o and_o who_o love_v not_o we_o but_o it_o be_v dreadful_a and_o dangerous_a to_o sit_v down_o in_o our_o enmity_n 11._o i_o must_v have_v new_a obedience_n also_o else_o i_o come_v in_o my_o rebellion_n and_o for_o some_o sinister_a end_n not_o out_o of_o obedience_n i_o must_v here_o renew_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n and_o be_v as_o serious_a as_o if_o i_o be_v to_o die_v both_o in_o beg_v to_o be_v rid_v of_o that_o sin_n which_o most_o disturb_v the_o peace_n of_o my_o soul_n and_o to_o have_v that_o mercy_n which_o will_v do_v i_o most_o good_a in_o a_o die_a hour_n etc._n etc._n 12._o i_o must_v quicken_v and_o draw_v forth_o into_o act_n all_o these_o forename_a habit_n of_o grace_n when_o i_o come_v to_o the_o lord_n table_n there_o meditate_v upon_o the_o great_a work_n of_o man_n redemption_n god_n severity_n against_o sin_n in_o the_o death_n of_o my_o surety_n &_o saviour_n the_o preciousness_n of_o my_o soul_n that_o cost_v such_o a_o price_n and_o the_o privilege_n purchase_v for_o i_o thereby_o for_o which_o i_o must_v be_v thankful_a etc._n etc._n have_v thus_o solemn_o prepare_v his_o soul_n for_o this_o great_a and_o tremendous_a ordinance_n from_o july_n 22._o 1681._o to_o august_n the_o 7h_n before_o he_o be_v yet_o twenty_o year_n old_a he_o sit_v down_o the_o first_o time_n upon_o that_o day_n at_o the_o lord_n table_n upon_o this_o first_o sacrament_n he_o receive_v august_n the_o seven_o thus_o he_o write_v before_o i_o sit_v down_o and_o at_o my_o first_o approach_n to_o the_o table_n something_o of_o fear_n and_o tremble_v seize_v upon_o i_o but_o soon_o after_o i_o have_v some_o sweet_a sight_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n i_o see_v he_o by_o faith_n how_o he_o stand_v with_o his_o arm_n wide_o open_a to_o receive_v i_o and_o how_o he_o be_v pierce_v that_o the_o blood_n come_v out_o of_o his_o bless_a and_o bleed_a side_n i_o have_v then_o a_o clear_a sight_n of_o my_o god_n through_o my_o redeemer_n and_o of_o his_o bless_a angel_n this_o be_v ravish_v and_o oh_o how_o refresh_a but_o can_v not_o get_v my_o heart_n inflame_v enough_o with_o love_n to_o christ_n i_o lay_v open_v my_o sin_n and_o beg_v the_o pardon_n of_o they_o may_v be_v seal_v i_o promise_v to_o live_v up_o to_o this_o obligation_n etc._n etc._n concern_v the_o second_o sacrament_n he_o receive_v sept._n 4._o 1681._o he_o give_v this_o account_n i_o have_v not_o due_o prepare_v my_o heart_n for_o so_o great_a a_o work_n and_o ordinanance_n but_o bless_v for_o ever_o bless_a be_v the_o lord_n who_o do_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o according_a to_o my_o unpreparedness_n which_o if_o he_o have_v do_v i_o have_v not_o be_v here_o but_o be_v banish_v from_o his_o presence_n and_o so_o be_v under_o the_o death_n of_o death_n but_o he_o be_v please_v to_o give_v i_o a_o sight_n of_o himself_o which_o i_o esteem_v above_o life_n and_o likewise_o a_o sight_n of_o god_n and_o christ_n confer_v about_o man_n redemption_n i_o see_v the_o lord_n as_o it_o be_v say_v come_v you_o holy_a angel_n behold_v man_n be_v fall_v see_v if_o you_o can_v find_v a_o way_n for_o his_o recovery_n which_o they_o can_v not_o but_o christ_n take_v upon_o he_o man_n salvation_n and_o i_o see_v myself_o as_o it_o be_v in_o hell_n where_o i_o have_v for_o ever_o lay_v but_o christ_n come_v and_o draw_v i_o out_o than_o i_o embrace_v he_o as_o my_o prophet_n priest_n and_o king_n and_o become_v willing_a to_o forsake_v the_o world_n and_o all_o for_o christ_n o_o that_o i_o may_v do_v it_o more_o and_o more_o and_o never_o have_v this_o frame_n wear_v off_o but_o that_o while_o i_o be_o below_o with_o my_o body_n my_o soul_n may_v be_v above_o with_o my_o god_n etc._n etc._n the_o three_o sacrament_n be_v october_n 2d_o 1681._o on_o which_o he_o write_v thus_o as_o the_o minister_n in_o administer_a be_v say_v so_o that_o you_o be_v unfeigned_o willing_a to_o receive_v christ_n and_o who_o nothing_o will_v satisfy_v but_o he_o i_o bid_v come_v and_o welcome_a
word_n with_o he_o for_o his_o promise_n be_v but_o with_o the_o silver_n of_o this_o life_n but_o his_o payment_n be_v with_o the_o gold_n of_o a_o better_a life_n solon_n say_v 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d 〈◊〉_d who_o god_n love_v dye_v young_a he_o be_v take_v away_o from_o the_o evil_a to_o come_v 2_o king_n 22.20_o isa_n 57.1_o he_o have_v live_v long_o enough_o that_o can_v say_v not_o i_o have_v marry_v my_o child_n to_o good_a husband_n as_o worldling_n say_v but_o i_o have_v marry_v my_o precious_a soul_n to_o the_o bless_a bridegroom_n this_o be_v his_o joy_n yet_o can_v be_v content_a to_o pass_v out_o of_o the_o midst_n of_o this_o joy_n on_o earth_n to_o possess_v a_o better_a and_o great_a iâ—_n heaven_n and_o o_o that_o we_o may_v enter_v into_o our_o master_n joy_n as_o he_o have_v do_v as_o a_o post_n that_o have_v deliver_v his_o packet_n to_o god_n a_o ship_n that_o be_v lay_v up_o in_o the_o haven_n of_o heaven_n &_o a_o eagle_n now_o feed_v on_o the_o carcase_n of_o christ_n finis_fw-la a_o brief_a relation_n of_o the_o first_o conversion_n and_o after_o that_o of_o the_o whole_a conversation_n of_o that_o precious_a young_a man_n mr._n john_n draper_n draw_v out_o of_o his_o experience_n exercise_n examination_n of_o himself_o and_o his_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n all_o writ_n with_o his_o own_o hand_n in_o character_n etc._n etc._n chap._n i._n have_v diligent_o peruse_v what_o a_o prodigious_a account_n he_o give_v of_o himself_o with_o â—is_n own_o handwriting_n i_o can_v not_o but_o stand_v astonish_v that_o one_o so_o young_a and_o a_o servant_n too_o and_o who_o have_v so_o much_o business_n on_o earth_n in_o his_o master_n service_n shall_v redeem_v so_o much_o time_n to_o make_v religion_n his_o business_n in_o serve_v his_o great_a master_n christ_n and_o in_o secure_v heaven_n for_o his_o soul_n though_o it_o seem_v almost_o incredible_a yet_o it_o be_v most_o certain_o true_a that_o he_o mellow_a much_o and_o ripen_v fast_o for_o abraham_n bosom_n as_o appear_v by_o the_o sequel_n this_o holy_a young_a man_n may_v be_v a_o very_a eminent_a pattern_n of_o piety_n to_o old_a as_o well_o as_o young_a man_n in_o a_o fourfold_a respect_n 1._o for_o his_o experience_n 2._o for_o his_o exercise_n 3._o for_o his_o self-examination_n and_o 4._o for_o his_o excellent_a character_n and_o evidence_n of_o his_o interest_n in_o a_o better_a world_n all_o which_o i_o find_v very_o strenuous_o state_v in_o his_o own_o handwriting_n though_o in_o character_n yet_o by_o the_o help_n of_o a_o key_n be_v make_v both_o legible_a and_o intelligible_a and_o now_o publish_v for_o public_a good_a i._o for_o his_o experience_n they_o fall_v under_o a_o twofold_a head_n the_o former_a relate_v to_o his_o first_o conversion_n and_o the_o latter_a to_o his_o whole_a conversation_n his_o conversion_n i_o understand_v be_v effectual_o wrought_v notwithstanding_o his_o strict_a and_o religious_a education_n and_o former_a conviction_n hereafter_o mention_v etc._n etc._n by_o a_o sermon_n preach_v from_o matth._n 5.25_o 26._o agree_v with_o thy_o adversary_n quick_o while_o thou_o be_v in_o the_o way_n etc._n etc._n about_o december_n the_o 8_o 1678._o from_o whence_o he_o learn_v those_o bless_a truth_n follow_v and_o not_o only_o have_v they_o fix_v upon_o his_o heart_n and_o seal_v upon_o his_o soul_n but_o also_o i_o find_v his_o own_o soul_n fix_v in_o wax_n upon_o they_o to_o express_v the_o great_a veneration_n of_o they_o for_o their_o be_v so_o ravish_v and_o refresh_v in_o the_o hand_n of_o christ_n to_o his_o spirit_n the_o great_a truth_n that_o have_v a_o abide_a work_n upon_o his_o heart_n when_o this_o time_n of_o love_n come_v upon_o he_o be_v these_o i._o that_o god_n and_o man_n be_v at_o variance_n through_o sin_n they_o be_v at_o a_o distance_n ii_o it_o be_v man_n wisdom_n to_o make_v his_o peace_n with_o god_n his_o adversary_n iii_o this_o must_v be_v do_v quick_o while_o man_n be_v in_o his_o way_n before_o he_o be_v bring_v to_o the_o judge_n house_n by_o death_n etc._n etc._n iv_o there_o be_v great_a danger_n in_o delay_v or_o defer_v this_o agreement_n but_o sinner_n shall_v take_v up_o with_o god_n before_o it_o be_v too_o late_a etc._n etc._n v._o that_o god_n have_v a_o action_n of_o debt_n for_o which_o to_o arrest_v every_o sinner_n etc._n etc._n vi_o this_o debt_n of_o sin_n be_v strange_o circumstance_v 1._o it_o be_v a_o hereditary_a 2_o a_o universal_a debt_n both_o every_o man_n be_v bear_v in_o this_o debt_n and_o no_o man_n live_v be_v exempt_v from_o it_o 3._o it_o be_v a_o increase_a and_o a_o grow_a debt_n the_o long_a it_o run_v on_o in_o a_o man_n life_n etc._n etc._n 4._o it_o be_v a_o infinite_a debt_n and_o therefore_o insoluble_a it_o can_v be_v pay_v etc._n etc._n no_o finite_a creature_n can_v ever_o pay_v this_o infinite_a debt_n to_o the_o infinite_a creator_n those_o bless_a truth_n the_o lord_n speak_v with_o a_o strong_a hand_n as_o isa_n 8.11_o to_o this_o young_a man_n heart_n and_o make_v he_o consider_v first_o that_o till_o this_o agreement_n be_v make_v my_o god_n be_v my_o adversary_n and_o i_o have_v better_o have_v all_o the_o world_n my_o enemy_n the_o maker_n of_o the_o world_n who_o if_o a_o friend_n can_v make_v my_o enemy_n friend_n etc._n etc._n second_o i_o can_v stand_v it_o out_o with_o the_o great_a god_n who_o will_v burn_v up_o those_o briar_n that_o set_v themselves_o against_o he_o isa_n 27.4_o three_o it_o be_v no_o frivolous_a thing_n to_o be_v do_v or_o undo_v but_o it_o be_v a_o matter_n of_o great_a moment_n eternal_a weal_n and_o woe_n hang_v upon_o it_o etc._n etc._n four_o i_o must_v agree_v etc._n etc._n because_o there_o be_v no_o other_o way_n in_o all_o the_o world_n to_o take_v up_o this_o prodigious_a debt_n but_o by_o agreement_n etc._n etc._n five_o it_o will_v not_o always_o be_v my_o privilege_n to_o make_v a_o agreement_n time_n will_v not_o last_v always_o for_o take_v up_o the_o controversy_n for_o when_o death_n come_v than_o it_o be_v to_o late_a etc._n etc._n six_o if_o my_o cause_n come_v before_o the_o righteous_a judge_n i_o be_o sure_a to_o be_v cast_v because_o it_o be_v a_o bad_a cause_n and_o that_o judge_n will_v not_o be_v bribe_v with_o any_o thing_n in_o the_o day_n of_o judgement_n seven_o it_o i_o be_v cast_v in_o my_o cause_n i_o shall_v be_v deliver_v up_o by_o the_o judge_n to_o god_n gaoler_n and_o executioner_n to_o wit_n the_o devil_n eight_o if_o i_o be_v deliver_v over_o to_o god_n officer_n of_o justice_n he_o will_v cast_v i_o into_o prison_n that_o be_v drag_v i_o into_o hell_n nine_o if_o once_o i_o be_v cast_v into_o the_o prison_n of_o hell_n there_o must_v i_o lie_v till_o i_o have_v pay_v the_o uttermost_a farthing_n which_o can_v never_o be_v do_v i_o must_v be_v always_o pay_v the_o debt_n yet_o never_o have_v pay_v it_o by_o these_o soul-awaking_a consideration_n the_o lord_n help_v he_o through_o his_o grace_n to_o conclude_v with_o himself_o that_o it_o be_v the_o high_a wisdom_n in_o the_o world_n to_o agree_v quick_o with_o god_n his_o adversary_n as_o he_o be_v a_o child_n of_o wrath_n by_o nature_n eph._n 2.3_o and_o it_o will_v be_v the_o most_o sublime_a folly_n for_o he_o any_o long_a to_o defer_v it_o etc._n etc._n hereupon_o the_o lord_n have_v thus_o open_v his_o eye_n touch_v his_o heart_n and_o break_v down_o window_n into_o his_o dark_a soul_n upon_o further_a inquiry_n he_o learn_v that_o this_o vast_a debt_n he_o be_v owe_v to_o divine_a justice_n no_o less_o than_o ten_o thousand_o talent_n mat._n 18.24_o which_o be_v no_o less_o than_o a_o king_n ransom_n can_v never_o be_v compound_v for_o this_o just_a judge_n will_v have_v either_o all_o or_o none_o and_o till_o a_o agreement_n be_v make_v god_n be_v a_o angry_a adversasary_n and_o better_o i_o shall_v anger_v all_o the_o witch_n in_o the_o world_n and_o all_o the_o devil_n in_o hell_n than_o anger_n the_o great_a god_n i_o must_v agree_v with_o he_o then_o the_o inquiry_n be_v make_v how_o this_o may_v be_v do_v the_o answer_n be_v there_o be_v something_o lay_v on_o god_n part_n and_o something_o on_o you_o that_o on_o god_n part_n be_v 1._o to_o find_v a_o arbitrator_n or_o days-man_n one_o more_o than_o a_o man_n for_o what_o can_v a_o mere_a man_n do_v with_o a_o angry_a god_n 2._o god_n find_v a_o ransom_n a_o surety_n to_o satisfy_v the_o debt_n with_o the_o travel_n of_o his_o soul_n job_n 33.24_o heb._n 7.22_o and_o isa_n 53.11_o 3._o god_n make_v the_o sinner_n heart_n wilâ—ing_v to_o accept_v of_o this_o way_n of_o agreement_n phil_n 2.13_o that_o which_o â—ays_v on_o man_n part_n be_v two_o
to_o take_v he_o than_o be_v my_o thought_n fix_v upon_o christ_n though_o they_o have_v be_v wander_v two_o day_n before_o and_o i_o have_v lose_v my_o belove_a yet_o nothing_o can_v give_v i_o peace_n till_o i_o here_o find_v he_o and_o sweet_a communion_n with_o he_o wherein_o i_o hear_v he_o say_v to_o my_o soul_n thy_o sin_n small_a and_o great_a be_v pardon_v and_o thy_o pardon_n be_v seal_v i_o see_v as_o it_o be_v his_o precious_a blood_n spurt_v out_o of_o his_o side_n into_o my_o heart_n oh_o my_o soul_n ever_o for_o ever_o love_v this_o lovely_a lord_n admire_v and_o adore_v he_o who_o have_v seal_v thy_o pardon_n never_o sin_n more_o but_o walk_v suitable_o to_o all_o this_o etc._n etc._n the_o four_o sacrament_n be_v november_n 6._o 1681_o whereof_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v long_v for_o this_o ordinance_n because_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_a sin_n such_o as_o pride_n that_o i_o have_v long_o groan_v under_o which_o make_v i_o long_o for_o the_o sprinkle_n of_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n blood_n to_o wash_v they_o away_o i_o be_v also_o pester_v with_o passion_n as_o well_o as_o pride_n with_o unbelief_n with_o wander_a thought_n and_o some_o time_n with_o blasphemy_n o_o curse_a curse_a sin_n and_o o_o wicked_a wicked_a heart_n once_o to_o think_v whether_o god_n be_v or_o no_o when_o thou_o have_v have_v such_o clear_a evidence_n of_o a_o deity_n these_o be_v my_o five_o deadly_a odious_a sin_n which_o i_o beg_v may_v be_v purge_v from_o i_o o_o that_o i_o may_v never_o see_v nor_o feel_v they_o more_o at_o this_o ordinance_n i_o find_v relief_n and_o feel_v the_o wine_n fall_v down_o low_o and_o low_o i_o desire_v it_o may_v carry_v of_o all_o my_o filth_n so_o as_o to_o leave_v none_o remain_v and_o there_o do_v i_o resolve_v through_o grace_n to_o leave_v those_o five_o sin_n and_o never_o have_v any_o thing_n to_o do_v with_o they_o etc._n etc._n the_o five_o sacrament_n be_v december_n 4._o 1681._o wherein_n say_v he_o i_o do_v again_o lay_v my_o sin_n before_o the_o lord_n fear_v their_o return_n upon_o i_o do_v desire_v a_o meek_a and_o humble_a heart_n against_o my_o pride_n and_o passion_n i_o do_v again_o resign_v myself_o to_o god_n have_v break_v covenant_n with_o he_o and_o beg_v with_o the_o syrophaenician_a woman_n to_o touch_v the_o hem_o of_o christ_n garment_n that_o i_o may_v be_v cleanse_v from_o my_o issue_n of_o sin_n but_o can_v not_o at_o that_o instant_n get_v so_o nigh_o he_o but_o afterward_o have_v i_o a_o clear_a representation_n of_o christ_n suffering_n in_o the_o garden_n where_o he_o bear_v the_o wrath_n of_o god_n sweat_a drop_n of_o blood_n through_o his_o clothes_n in_o a_o cold_a season_n so_o that_o he_o come_v as_o from_o bozra_n with_o die_v garment_n than_o i_o see_v the_o crown_n of_o thorn_n upon_o his_o head_n and_o his_o head_n beat_v with_o the_o soldier_n iron-glove_n which_o make_v the_o thorn_n wound_v his_o holy_a head_n in_o 72._o place_n so_o that_o the_o blood_n run_v down_o upon_o his_o body_n i_o see_v also_o the_o heavy_a weight_n of_o the_o cross_n lay_v upon_o he_o and_o how_o he_o be_v spit_v upon_o revile_v and_o deride_v this_o bless_a sight_n prevent_v wander_v thought_n till_o the_o last_o prayer_n though_o i_o do_v not_o deserve_v the_o least_o crumb_n of_o comfort_n for_o unpreparedness_n to_o so_o great_a a_o work_n which_o have_v god_n deal_v out_o my_o desert_n will_v have_v be_v no_o less_o than_o hell_n etc._n etc._n the_o six_o sacrament_n he_o do_v partake_v of_o be_v january_n the_o first_o 1681_o 2._o upon_o which_o he_o make_v these_o remark_n i_o have_v be_v some_o day_n before_o more_o than_o ordinary_a in_o my_o preparation_n and_o prayer_n for_o a_o profitable_a receive_n and_o when_o i_o come_v to_o it_o i_o be_v sore_o afraid_a that_o i_o shall_v lay_v stress_n upon_o preparatory_a act_n therefore_o beg_v i_o of_o god_n that_o he_o will_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o according_o i_o labour_v to_o act_v my_o requisite_a grace_n as_o 1._o repentance_n lay_v open_a before_o the_o lord_n all_o my_o old_a year_n sin_n to_o that_o new-year_n day_n and_o labour_v to_o mourn_v for_o they_o more_o than_o former_o especial_o for_o my_o deadly_a deadly_a sin_n spiritual_a pride_n passionateness_n wander_v thought_n in_o holy_a duty_n unbeleif_n worldliness_n etc._n etc._n and_o i_o hope_v god_n give_v there_o both_o pardon_n of_o they_o and_o power_n against_o they_o 2._o my_o thankfulness_n i_o actuate_v as_o well_o as_o i_o can_v for_o so_o rich_a a_o mercy_n beg_v for_o it_o both_o hard_a and_o always_o 3._o my_o love_n though_o i_o have_v much_o too_o little_a experience_v the_o sweet_a kiss_n of_o christ_n mouth_n and_o embrace_n of_o his_o love_n i_o see_v christ_n on_o the_o cross_n embrace_v i_o as_o well_o as_o i_o he_o and_o say_v to_o god_n i_o have_v pay_v a_o ransom_n for_o he_o this_o man_n be_v he_o etc._n etc._n this_o be_v so_o sweet_a that_o i_o can_v embrace_v the_o stake_n or_o even_o go_v into_o hell_n so_o i_o may_v thus_o enjoy_v he_o who_o my_o soul_n love_v and_o when_o i_o hear_v the_o minister_n say_v mourn_v for_o your_o sin_n that_o murder_v your_o lord_n i_o answer_v within_o myself_o how_o can_v the_o child_n of_o the_o bride_n mourn_v while_o the_o bridegroom_n be_v with_o they_o twice_o do_v wander_v thought_n offer_v themselves_o but_o be_v by_o grace_n suppress_v at_o the_o first_o rise_n have_v now_o oblige_v my_o understanding_n will_n memory_n affection_n conscience_n yea_o all_o to_o attend_v god_n service_n while_o thus_o fill_v with_o this_o enjoyment_n i_o long_v to_o be_v in_o heaven_n and_o desire_v that_o welcome_a welcome_o friend_n death_n that_o i_o may_v sing_v with_o the_o holy_a saint_n and_o angel_n hallelujah_n to_o to_o the_o lord_n then_o say_v i_o o_o my_o soul_n let_v nothing_o draw_v thy_o love_n from_o thy_o lord_n for_o the_o world_n friend_n relation_n pleasure_n profit_n all_o thing_n put_v together_o can_v never_o give_v such_o joy_n to_o thou_o as_o thou_o have_v find_v from_o lovely_a lovely_a jesus_n in_o this_o bless_a ordinance_n therefore_o lay_v not_o out_o thy_o love_n upon_o any_o thing_n beside_o he_o who_o have_v do_v and_o be_v do_v great_a thing_n yea_o and_o will_v do_v great_a for_o thou_o such_o be_v my_o warm_n warm_a love_n at_o this_o supper_n the_o seven_o sacrament_n be_v february_n the_o 3._o 1681_o 2._o upon_o which_o he_o remark_n thus_o when_o i_o find_v my_o heart_n not_o full_o fix_v by_o my_o new_a year_n day_n sacrament_n but_o notwithstanding_o all_o my_o strive_v i_o be_v yet_o trouble_v with_o distraction_n in_o duty_n i_o long_v for_o this_o ordinance_n very_o much_o and_o think_v it_o long_o till_o it_o come_v that_o account_n may_v be_v make_v even_o between_o god_n and_o my_o poor_a soul_n i_o be_v dull_a for_o 2._o or_o 3._o duty_n before_o and_o can_v not_o get_v my_o heart_n raise_v whereby_o i_o see_v that_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o though_o wander_v thought_n press_v upon_o i_o yet_o be_v they_o cut_v short_a 2_o or_o 3_o time_n &_o i_o find_v relief_n from_o those_o sin_n i_o have_v lay_v open_a before_o the_o lord_n in_o the_o forego_n sacrament_n i_o bewail_v my_o break_a covenant_n my_o distraction_n my_o deadness_n and_o coldness_n in_o duty_n etc._n etc._n and_o at_o this_o sacrament_n my_o dear_a redeemer_n meet_v i_o &_o say_v to_o i_o i_o have_v pardon_v those_o thy_o sin_n at_o thy_o request_n this_o much_o affect_a and_o inlve_v i_o in_o love_n to_o he_o see_v he_o then_o as_o it_o be_v come_v from_o heaven_n to_o the_o earth_n and_o from_o earth_n to_o the_o cross_n shed_v his_o precious_a blood_n for_o i_o and_o from_o the_o cross_n into_o glory_n and_o methinks_v christ_n say_v to_o i_o go_v sin_n these_o your_o sin_n no_o more_o which_o oblige_v i_o to_o a_o close_a walk_n and_o to_o be_v more_o watchful_a than_o before_o all_o this_o month_n the_o lord_n keep_v i_o from_o pride_n but_o alas_o my_o other_o sin_n return_v to_o foil_v i_o the_o eight_o sacrament_n be_v march_n 5._o 1681_o 2._o upon_o this_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v more_o than_o ordinary_a communion_n with_o god_n before_o it_o and_o have_v not_o have_v a_o sweet_a season_n for_o a_o long_a time_n which_o make_v i_o long_o till_o it_o come_v in_o this_o ordinance_n i_o see_v my_o dear_a redeemer_n as_o it_o be_v dead_a with_o a_o company_n of_o holy_a angel_n hold_v of_o he_o and_o a_o great_a darkness_n over_o all_o the_o place_n this_o be_v grief_n to_o my_o soul_n but_o present_o he_o that_o be_v dead_a i_o see_v he_o alive_a again_o and_o come_v into_o the_o midst_n of_o we_o to_o see_v
see_v much_o sin_n in_o my_o best_a service_n so_o beg_v god_n will_v not_o deal_v with_o i_o as_o i_o deserve_v which_o will_v have_v be_v hell_n and_o destruction_n but_o come_v to_o partake_v i_o have_v great_a hope_n of_o his_o presence_n so_o soon_o as_o i_o have_v plead_v with_o god_n my_o last_o year_n engagement_n than_o find_v i_o some_o reviving_n and_o hear_v the_o two_o great_a point_n of_o the_o covenant_n that_o god_n will_v be_v our_o god_n &_o we_o shall_v be_v his_o people_n open_v then_o do_v i_o resign_v up_o myself_o to_o god_n with_o a_o more_o than_o ordinary_a resignation_n my_o end_n in_o come_v to_o this_o ordinance_n be_v to_o geâ—_n the_o partition_n wall_n betwixt_o i_o &_o my_o god_n cast_v down_o which_o i_o hope_v be_v attain_v my_o pride_n and_o other_o sin_n be_v pardon_v provide_v i_o do_v not_o run_v into_o they_o again_o i_o cleave_v close_o to_o christ_n and_o will_v not_o let_v he_o go_v without_o his_o blessing_n which_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n give_v i_o though_o satan_n present_v many_o thing_n to_o prevent_v i_o thereof_o the_o lord_n say_v here_o to_o i_o i_o will_v he_o thy_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n say_v i_o do_v engage_v to_o he_o one_o of_o thy_o people_n leave_v all_o that_o come_v in_o competition_n with_o my_o sweet_a saviour_n etc._n etc._n the_o fifteen_o sacrament_n be_v october_n 5._o 1682._o he_o begin_v thus_o blessing_n praise_n and_o honour_n be_v ascribe_v unto_o my_o god_n and_o redeemer_n who_o have_v neither_o forget_v nor_o forsake_v i_o though_o i_o do_v deserve_v it_o and_o god_n wrath_n too_o for_o my_o manifold_a sin_n whereof_o murmur_v in_o some_o measure_n i_o be_o afraid_a be_v one_o &_o seek_v praise_n among_o man_n be_v another_o though_o sense_n of_o sin_n have_v too_o little_o be_v upon_o my_o heart_n this_o last_o month_n yet_o now_o be_v it_o more_o than_o usual_a but_o less_o than_o my_o sin_n require_v i_o plead_v with_o god_n that_o he_o command_v i_o to_o believe_v to_o this_o i_o have_v great_a comfort_n return_v and_o after_o much_o struggle_v the_o lord_n assure_v i_o my_o sin_n be_v pardon_v then_o have_v i_o such_o representation_n of_o my_o redeemer_n as_o i_o have_v oft_o before_o when_o god_n justice_n implead_v i_o for_o my_o sin_n my_o sweet_a saviour_n do_v then_o answer_n i_o have_v dye_v and_o satisfy_v for_o he_o at_o this_o the_o devil_n envy_v tell_v i_o all_o this_o be_v but_o a_o fable_n and_o will_v have_v divert_v i_o but_o by_o grace_n i_o overcome_v he_o o_o how_o be_o i_o oblige_v to_o love_n god_n who_o have_v give_v i_o smile_n when_o i_o deserve_v nothing_o but_o frown_n shall_v not_o i_o be_v more_o careful_a to_o please_v he_o and_o more_o fearful_a to_o offend_v he_o he_o end_v as_o he_o begin_v blessing_n praise_n and_o honour_n be_v to_o my_o god_n and_o my_o redeemer_n for_o ever_o etc._n etc._n the_o sixteenth_o sacrament_n be_v november_n 5._o 1682._o on_o which_o he_o say_v thus_o i_o have_v break_v my_o covenant_n with_o god_n for_o the_o last_o month_n by_o fall_v into_o these_o sin_n i_o engage_v and_o resolve_v against_o before_o dulness_n in_o duty_n and_o distraction_n return_v upon_o i_o have_v not_o strive_v so_o much_o against_o they_o as_o i_o shall_v and_o have_v little_a communion_n with_o god_n my_o deadly_a sin_n prevail_v wherefore_o nothing_o but_o fearful_a look_v for_o of_o judgement_n be_v before_o i_o be_v remiss_a in_o my_o preparation_n yet_o god_n deal_v not_o with_o i_o according_a to_o my_o desert_n for_o than_o have_v i_o be_v set_v up_o as_o a_o monument_n of_o divine_a displeasure_n among_o man_n but_o before_o i_o sit_v down_o i_o strive_v to_o raise_v my_o repentance_n yet_o can_v not_o mourn_v as_o my_o case_n require_v i_o plead_v god_n promise_n that_o his_o son_n be_v send_v to_o save_v such_o as_o i_o be_o etc._n etc._n i_o run_v over_o christ_n suffering_n in_o my_o mind_n particular_o and_o seat_v my_o soul_n at_o the_o foot_n of_o my_o bleed_a saviour_n on_o the_o cross_n that_o his_o precious_a blood_n may_v cleanse_v away_o all_o my_o load_n of_o sin_n i_o do_v justify_v god_n in_o all_o his_o deal_n with_o i_o and_o his_o withdrawment_n from_o i_o than_o do_v i_o receive_v christ_n as_o my_o king_n resolve_v to_o forsake_v all_o for_o he_o and_o to_o follow_v he_o through_o all_o some_o wander_n trouble_v i_o in_o christ_n wine-cellar_n but_o be_v soon_o cut_v off_o etc._n etc._n as_o to_o the_o sacrament_n in_o december_n he_o acknowledge_v his_o omission_n of_o it_o by_o his_o own_o negligence_n and_o folly_n the_o seventeen_o sacrament_n be_v on_o january_n 7._o 1681_o 3._o where_o he_o write_v thus_o i_o do_v endeavour_v to_o prepare_v yet_o but_o alittle_o for_o this_o great_a ordinance_n and_o can_v not_o for_o a_o long_a time_n get_v my_o affection_n inflame_v as_o former_o with_o love_n to_o the_o lord_n jesus_n however_o i_o cast_v my_o sin_n at_o his_o foot_n to_o be_v wash_v away_o that_o the_o difference_n may_v be_v take_v up_o and_o god_n may_v reconcile_v to_o my_o poor_a soul_n again_o which_o bless_v be_v the_o lord_n be_v hopeful_o accomplish_v i_o do_v bewail_v my_o fearful_a break_a covenant_n the_o return_n of_o my_o multitude_n of_o sin_n especial_o my_o deadly_a sin_n pride_n i_o again_o view_v over_o distinct_o the_o suffering_n of_o christ_n how_o he_o be_v scourge_v etc._n etc._n and_o all_o for_o poor_a i_o this_o set_v i_o upon_o mourning_n but_o i_o can_v not_o shed_v tear_n yet_o complain_v of_o the_o hardness_n of_o my_o heart_n and_o beg_v that_o christ_n precious_a blood_n may_v both_o soften_v and_o cleanse_v it_o than_o i_o think_v i_o see_v christ_n upon_o the_o cross_n stoop_v to_o i_o and_o give_v i_o his_o hand_n when_o he_o see_v i_o can_v not_o get_v up_o my_o heart_n to_o he_o hereupon_o i_o clasp_v about_o my_o dear_a redeemer_n who_o have_v reconcile_v god_n to_o i_o than_o i_o resolve_v in_o his_o strength_n never_o to_o fin_n in_o the_o like_a manner_n any_o more_o and_o be_v angry_a with_o myself_o for_o deal_v so_o unkind_o with_o so_o kind_a a_o father_n who_o have_v rather_o a_o sinner_n shall_v repent_v than_o die_v god_n be_v love_v to_o i_o who_o can_v look_v for_o nothing_o but_o fury_n in_o the_o high_a measure_n for_o my_o backslide_n my_o heart_n will_v have_v wander_v but_o by_o god_n goodness_n those_o wander_n be_v take_v short_a i_o here_o solemn_o engage_v to_o walk_v more_o close_o with_o god_n for_o the_o future_a all_o my_o say_v which_o if_o i_o do_v not_o o_o how_o great_a will_v be_v my_o sin_n how_o vast_a will_v be_v my_o unworthiness_n beyond_o what_o my_o tongue_n can_v express_v upon_o the_o whole_a as_o our_o lord_n say_v of_o the_o good_a centurion_n i_o have_v not_o find_v so_o great_a faith_n no_o not_o in_o all_o israel_n so_o â—m_n i_o like_v to_o say_v of_o this_o gracious_a youngman_n i_o have_v not_o find_v such_o savoury_a soul-experience_n on_o record_n â—o_o not_o in_o all_o england_n this_o will_v further_o more_o full_o appear_v by_o the_o sequel_n in_o his_o exercise_n self_n examination_n and_o evidence_n chap._n iii_o after_o his_o experience_n come_v in_o the_o second_o place_n his_o exercise_n which_o be_v twofold_a first_o concern_v â—iety_n second_o concern_v impiety_n both_o before_o his_o effectual_a vocation_n and_o after_o it_o those_o before_o he_o take_v with_o his_o own_o hand_n these_o memorial_n follow_v 1._o about_o the_o year_n 1671._o have_v read_v jehosephats_n life_n i_o be_v a_o little_a startle_v and_o grow_v melancholic_a that_o be_v the_o first_o time_n i_o have_v a_o mind_n to_o pray_v and_o desire_v another_o to_o join_v with_o i_o in_o it_o but_o he_o tell_v i_o that_o he_o can_v not_o pray_v without_o help_n of_o some_o form_n no_o more_o i_o say_v can_v i_o but_o use_v a_o form_n in_o a_o spell_a book_n which_o i_o pray_v often_o but_o very_o negligent_o then_o go_v to_o epson_n where_o i_o have_v a_o good_a master_n who_o pray_v morning_n and_o evening_n with_o his_o family_n and_o religious_o instruct_v we_o which_o do_v bring_v i_o to_o pray_v without_o a_o form_n yet_o can_v not_o dâ—_n it_o with_o seriousness_n though_o i_o be_v exhort_v to_o it_o both_o by_o my_o master_n and_o by_o 〈◊〉_d minister_n that_o come_v oft_o thither_o 〈◊〉_d this_o place_n i_o begin_v to_o be_v willing_a to_o heaâ—_n the_o word_n though_o i_o little_a mindeâ—_n what_o i_o hear_v till_o i_o read_v the_o pilgrim_n progress_n which_o make_v i_o again_o grow_v melancholic_a the_o former_a be_v wear_v off_o to_o the_o observation_n of_o other_o then_o the_o good_a providence_n of_o god_n bring_v to_o my_o hand_n mr._n baxter_n call_v
stewardship_n which_o he_o desire_v himself_n and_o other_o may_v give_v up_o with_o joy_n twelve_o his_o desire_n to_o be_v dissolve_v and_o to_o be_v with_o christ_n this_o he_o repeat_v often_o in_o all_o his_o paper_n earnest_o long_v to_o be_v out_o of_o this_o totter_a tabernacle_n and_o to_o be_v clothe_v upon_o with_o immortality_n and_o glory_n which_o desire_v of_o he_o god_n speedy_o grant_v find_v he_o full_o ripe_a for_o heaven_n before_o he_o be_v at_o age_n of_o 21._o to_o lay_v claim_n to_o his_o portion_n here_o upon_o earth_n chap._n vi_o after_o these_o solid_a soul-searching_a evidence_n which_o he_o find_v in_o himself_o do_v follow_v the_o many_o fair_a character_n that_o his_o intimate_a friend_n yet_o without_o flattery_n give_v of_o he_o record_v by_o other_o the_o first_o character_n be_v from_o a_o gracious_a youngman_n his_o altar_n ego_fw-la who_o write_v thus_o i_o be_v well_o acquaint_v with_o mr._n john_n draper_n for_o some_o year_n and_o the_o more_o i_o know_v he_o the_o more_o i_o admire_v he_o as_o one_o of_o the_o choice_a saint_n that_o ever_o i_o know_v or_o ever_o expect_v to_o know_v while_o i_o live_v among_o many_o other_o excellencye_n i_o take_v notice_n of_o he_o for_o these_o follow_v first_o for_o his_o solemn_a and_o frequent_a dedication_n of_o himself_o to_o god_n this_o he_o do_v from_o the_o pure_a flame_n of_o divine_a love_n and_o from_o a_o clear_a vision_n of_o the_o beauty_n of_o holiness_n etc._n etc._n second_o for_o his_o frequent_a and_o silent_a elevation_n of_o heart_n heaven-ward_n evidence_v by_o the_o often_o lift_v of_o his_o eye_n upward_o conjoin_v with_o the_o sweet_a smile_n of_o his_o countenance_n when_o he_o think_v none_o observe_v it_o etc._n etc._n three_o for_o his_o constant_a retirement_n to_o hold_v communion_n with_o his_o god_n which_o be_v so_o sweet_a and_o satisfactory_a to_o he_o that_o he_o will_v sit_v up_o therein_o till_o one_o or_o two_o in_o the_o morning_n as_o his_o own_o manuscript_n manifest_a etc._n etc._n four_o for_o his_o daily_a and_o diligent_a examination_n of_o himself_o by_o mr._n allens_n and_o by_o pythogera_n rule_n take_v special_a notice_n what_o mercy_n he_o daily_o receive_v what_o be_v his_o omission_n of_o good_a and_o commission_n of_o evil_n that_o his_o present_a day_n practice_n may_v amend_v the_o forego_n day_n error_n etc._n etc._n hereby_o he_o ascend_v to_o be_v eminent_a etc._n etc._n five_o for_o his_o victory_n over_o temptation_n wherewith_o though_o so_o strict_a and_o one_o of_o the_o high_a form_n in_o christ_n school_n he_o be_v great_o exercise_v i_o well_o know_v it_o cost_v he_o much_o pain_n to_o conquer_v his_o constitution-sin_n which_o through_o the_o majesty_n of_o god_n upon_o he_o as_o he_o use_v to_o say_v he_o prevail_v over_o and_o his_o other_o sin_n at_o their_o first_o rise_n etc._n etc._n sixthly_a for_o his_o admirable_a mortification_n the_o pleasure_n treasure_n and_o honour_n of_o the_o world_n be_v as_o dung_n and_o dross_n to_o he_o use_v all_o creature-comfort_n in_o a_o mortify_a manner_n so_o that_o it_o be_v hard_o for_o his_o friend_n to_o draw_v he_o to_o any_o diversion_n his_o wean_a soul_n dislike_v unnecessary_a visit_n etc._n etc._n seven_o for_o his_o delight_n in_o holy_a duty_n o_o what_o time_n he_o spend_v in_o prayer_n and_o praise_n he_o be_v unwearied_a in_o those_o heavenly_a repast_n and_o angelical_a employ_v never_o content_v with_o do_v duty_n till_o he_o find_v his_o god_n in_o duty_n and_o if_o divert_v by_o business_n at_o any_o time_n from_o duty_n he_o be_v restless_a till_o he_o can_v come_v at_o it_o and_o if_o he_o meet_v not_o god_n therein_o which_o be_v but_o seldom_o he_o find_v the_o more_o of_o god_n presence_n afterward_o in_o the_o next_o etc._n etc._n eighthly_a for_o his_o choice_n of_o and_o carriage_n among_o his_o companion_n as_o he_o be_v very_o careful_a with_o who_o he_o do_v associate_v so_o his_o speech_n be_v very_o savoury_a among_o his_o associate_n o_o the_o many_o gracious_a discourse_n i_o have_v hear_v from_o his_o mouth_n as_o once_o he_o say_v this_o to_o myself_o let_v us_o be_v burn_a light_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o a_o perverse_a generation_n and_o in_o all_o company_n he_o will_v be_v very_o attentive_a to_o any_o good_a discourse_n and_o retain_v for_o practice_n what_o he_o judge_v fit_a and_o his_o speech_n be_v a_o powerful_a charm_n to_o other_o ever_o improve_n his_o lord_n talon_n etc._n etc._n nine_o for_o his_o holy_a zeal_n earnest_o solicit_v his_o associate_n evermore_o to_o steadfastness_n in_o the_o good_a old_a way_n as_o he_o use_v to_o call_v it_o have_v fervent_a love_n to_o god_n image_n where_o ever_o he_o see_v it_o among_o differ_a persuasion_n ten_o for_o his_o great_a patience_n and_o resignation_n in_o his_o last_o sickness_n whereof_o i_o be_v a_o eye-witness_n and_o hear_v he_o say_v that_o all_o this_o visitation_n be_v to_o bring_v he_o near_o god_n and_o that_o divine_a love_n sweeten_v all_o his_o pain_n and_o bodily_a decay_n never_o do_v i_o hear_v god_n more_o thank_v by_o any_o man_n for_o the_o high_a confluence_n of_o please_a providence_n than_o be_v by_o he_o for_o his_o affliction_n nay_o never_o do_v he_o magnify_v god_n more_o in_o his_o health_n than_o now_o in_o his_o sickness_n to_o conclude_v he_o be_v such_o a_o careful_a redeemer_n of_o precious_a time_n that_o he_o do_v not_o only_o not_o do_v nothing_o but_o also_o not_o do_v little_a so_o that_o his_o diligence_n in_o holy_a duty_n be_v a_o presage_n of_o his_o speedy_a translation_n into_o a_o better_a world_n his_o hasty_a dispatch_n of_o his_o heavenly_a work_n can_v not_o long_o want_v its_o reward_n the_o second_o character_n i_o find_v of_o he_o be_v from_o another_o associate_n and_o familiar_a of_o his_o who_o give_v this_o description_n of_o he_o first_o his_o natural_a temper_n be_v so_o sweet_a and_o his_o carriage_n so_o amicable_a as_o if_o nature_n have_v open_v her_o treasure_n to_o adorn_v he_o second_o though_o this_o be_v all_o that_o some_o attain_v to_o yet_o can_v not_o he_o be_v satisfy_v with_o this_o as_o his_o portion_n nor_o with_o his_o descent_n of_o godly_a good_a parent_n but_o he_o beg_v to_o be_v heavenborn_a and_o to_o be_v eminent_a for_o holiness_n see_v inestimable_a beauty_n in_o the_o way_n of_o god_n three_o i_o have_v admire_v to_o see_v he_o keep_v daily_o a_o sensible_a communion_n with_o god_n in_o the_o midst_n of_o his_o worldly_a affair_n be_v careful_a that_o all_o his_o act_n have_v a_o tendency_n to_o god_n honour_n four_o when_o he_o hear_v vain_a discourse_n from_o other_o he_o will_v drive_v they_o out_o of_o it_o and_o persuade_v they_o to_o a_o love_n to_o the_o best_a thing_n if_o he_o can_v not_o prevail_v he_o will_v leave_v they_o five_o when_o in_o company_n with_o those_o from_o who_o he_o expect_v better_a discourse_n he_o be_v in_o pain_n while_o he_o meet_v with_o it_o tell_v they_o shall_v all_o our_o discourse_n be_v register_v o_o how_o shall_v we_o be_v ashamed_a etc._n etc._n hereby_o he_o shame_v they_o out_o of_o impertinency_n while_o he_o will_v spirituallize_v temporal_a object_n six_o he_o be_v one_o that_o set_v a_o high_a value_n upon_o the_o ordinance_n of_o god_n and_o be_v careful_a how_o he_o do_v approach_v to_o they_o especial_o the_o lord_n supper_n confer_v with_o other_o for_o fit_v himself_o and_o they_o for_o it_o and_o every_o sabbath_n he_o use_v to_o run_v over_o the_o head_n of_o sermon_n he_o hear_v with_o i_o etc._n etc._n seven_o he_o be_v much_o affect_v that_o his_o sickness_n detain_v he_o from_o hear_v so_o that_o though_o his_o physician_n persuade_v he_o to_o keep_v in_o yet_o will_v he_o venture_v say_v he_o get_v no_o harm_n thereby_o eigthly_a he_o have_v a_o high_a estimation_n on_o the_o light_n of_o god_n countenance_n and_o if_o at_o any_o time_n he_o apprehend_v frown_n he_o will_v give_v no_o sleep_n to_o his_o eye_n etc._n etc._n though_o he_o sit_v till_o midnight_n till_o he_o recover_v the_o smile_n of_o god_n face_n again_o daily_o cast_v up_o his_o account_n with_o god_n nine_o he_o say_v to_o i_o when_o i_o see_v workman_n tremble_v when_o they_o come_v to_o cast_v up_o their_o account_n for_o fear_n they_o be_v not_o right_a i_o think_v how_o sinner_n will_v tremble_v at_o the_o great_a day_n of_o account_n ten_o he_o meditate_a much_o on_o redemption_n and_o cry_v o_o eternity_n eternity_n etc._n etc._n arise_v you_o dead_a and_o come_v to_o judgement_n still_o sound_v in_o his_o ear_n etc._n etc._n which_o make_v he_o keep_v a_o diary_n to_o observe_v how_o grace_n increase_v and_o sin_n decrease_v etc._n etc._n last_o in_o a_o word_n i_o want_v expression_n and_o be_o ashamed_a
the_o morning_n he_o give_v a_o high_a encomium_fw-la of_o godliness_n to_o strengthen_v she_o in_o love_n to_o the_o good_a way_n of_o god_n say_v it_o be_v the_o great_a work_n we_o have_v to_o mind_n in_o this_o low_a world_n therefore_o need_v we_o to_o meet_v help_n to_o forward_o one_o another_o therein_o it_o be_v not_o a_o small_a thing_n or_o a_o by-business_n to_o be_v forget_v etc._n etc._n it_o be_v the_o best_a riches_n that_o can_v be_v take_v from_o we_o as_o there_o be_v all_o good_a thing_n in_o it_o so_o there_o be_v no_o danger_n to_o loose_v it_o yet_o find_v i_o a_o proneness_n to_o be_v trifle_v and_o tamper_n with_o transitory_a vanity_n while_o the_o true_a riches_n be_v neglect_v o_o this_o heart-work_n be_v hard-work_n and_o the_o way_n to_o heaven_n be_v up_o the_o hill_n but_o our_o captain_n if_o we_o follow_v he_o close_o will_v make_v it_o easy_a help_v we_o to_o hold_v on_o and_o to_o hold_v out_o to_o the_o end_n not_o only_o as_o live_v but_o also_o as_o lively_a christian_n not_o loiter_v in_o the_o way_n of_o sin_n but_o lusty_o run_v our_o race_n seat_v ourselves_o under_o god_n eye_n all_o low_a person_n and_o thing_n be_v changeable_a relation_n may_v be_v our_o friend_n to_o day_n and_o they_o may_v be_v dead_a to_o morrow_n or_o they_o may_v live_v yet_o their_o love_n may_v die_v and_o our_o delight_n to_o day_n may_v be_v our_o sorrow_n and_o our_o horror_n to_o morrow_n etc._n etc._n but_o still_o in_o godliness_n we_o have_v a_o unchangeable_a god_n our_o thought_n of_o this_o must_v be_v bellows_o to_o blow_v up_o the_o flame_n of_o our_o desire_n and_o the_o spur_n to_o our_o dull_a affection_n in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o young_a sister_n which_o come_v also_o to_o my_o hand_n o_o what_o a_o travel_a spirit_n be_v upon_o he_o that_o christ_n may_v beform_v in_o she_o say_v to_o she_o my_o heart_n desire_n and_o prayer_n 〈◊〉_d that_o you_o may_v be_v save_v conâ—â—der_v your_o sad_a estate_n by_o nature_n you_o be_v a_o slave_n of_o satan_n a_o stranger_n to_o god_n and_o if_o you_o die_v in_o that_o estate_n you_o be_v undo_v for_o ever_o o_o that_o you_o may_v see_v in_o this_o your_o day_n the_o thing_n that_o belong_v to_o your_o everlasting_a peace_n lest_o they_o be_v for_o ever_o hide_v from_o your_o eye_n for_o judgement_n will_v certain_o find_v you_o where_o death_n do_v leave_v you_o if_o you_o die_v in_o a_o unregenerate_a slate_n you_o will_v be_v banish_v from_o the_o presence_n of_o god_n and_o a_o eternity_n of_o horror_n and_o terror_n be_v to_o be_v endure_v etc._n etc._n but_o if_o you_o make_v your_o call_n and_o election_n sure_a then_o may_v you_o expect_v nay_o you_o will_v have_v everlasting_a bliss_n o_o think_v much_o on_o these_o thing_n you_o have_v now_o time_n to_o make_v your_o peace_n put_v it_o not_o off_o if_o you_o love_v your_o soul_n no_v not_o till_o to_o morrow_n as_o too_o many_o young_a person_n do_v think_v it_o soon_o enough_o yet_o and_o yet_o but_o know_v you_o may_v be_v dead_a before_o the_o morrow_n pray_v therefore_o for_o conveâ—â—ing_a grace_n and_o for_o power_n to_o cast_v off_o sin_n especial_o that_o which_o lay_v near_a your_o heart_n for_o if_o the_o heart-sin_n be_v love_v better_a than_o christ_n it_o will_v undo_v you_o for_o ever_o let_v but_o your_o lord_n have_v your_o chief_a love_n and_o you_o will_v soon_o find_v more_o pleasure_n in_o way_n of_o holiness_n than_o in_o all_o the_o way_n of_o sin_n in_o another_o letter_n to_o his_o kinswoman_n i_o find_v he_o very_o warm_a in_o his_o exhortation_n say_v now_o be_v the_o time_n of_o stir_v up_o one_o another_o to_o prepare_v for_o approach_a evil_n see_v the_o cloud_n thicken_v and_o look_v black_a over_o our_o head_n we_o have_v need_v to_o have_v our_o rock_n ready_a to_o fly_v to_o and_o to_o have_v our_o evidence_n for_o heaven_n clear_v to_o have_v our_o loin_n gird_v and_o our_o lamp_n burn_v and_o to_o sit_v loose_a from_o those_o low_a thing_n that_o seem_v now_o to_o be_v leave_v we_o o_o that_o sweet_a word_n draw_v nigh_o to_o god_n and_o he_o will_v draw_v nigh_o to_o we_o for_o the_o end_n of_o this_o dispensation_n be_v to_o drive_v uâ—_n further_o off_o from_o sin_n and_o near_a god_n and_o o_o sweet_a word_n in_o the_o world_n you_o shall_v have_v tribulation_n but_o in_o christ_n peace_n who_o will_v not_o travel_v through_o a_o world_n of_o trouble_n to_o find_v that_o peace_n in_o christ_n this_o kinswoman_n be_v so_o touch_v with_o his_o line_n that_o she_o cast_v in_o this_o character_n of_o he_o after_o his_o death_n say_v god_n take_v he_o from_o i_o because_o i_o be_v unworthy_a of_o he_o he_o tell_v i_o it_o be_v better_o to_o want_v time_n than_o to_o want_v a_o heart_n for_o do_v good_a he_o cry_v oft_o hear_v the_o clock_n strike_v o_o time_n time_n i_o be_o so_o much_o near_a eternity_n and_o o_o the_o love_n of_o christ_n that_o purchase_v a_o eternity_n of_o weal_n for_o i_o be_v there_o any_o love_n like_o christ_n &c._n &c._n in_o another_o i_o find_v these_o short_a rule_n comprise_v in_o verse_n very_o useful_a to_o he_o when_o time_n will_v not_o permit_v he_o to_o make_v any_o use_n of_o large_a help_n let_v not_o soft_a sleep_n thy_o weary_a eye_n invade_v before_o the_o same_o confine_n with_o the_o night_n shade_n thy_o thought_n retire_v and_o make_v it_o their_o last_o task_n of_o the_o day_n deed_n three_o question_n thus_o to_o ask_v wherein_o have_v i_o transgress_v this_o day_n what_o good_a deed_n have_v i_o wrought_v and_o what_o have_v i_o forbear_v to_o do_v which_o to_o have_v do_v i_o ought_v or_o thus._n what_o have_v i_o do_v amiss_o this_o day_n what_o well_o what_o good_a have_v i_o omit_v conscience_n tell_v this_o distich_n as_o his_o who_o send_v he_o they_o intimate_v comprehend_v all_o our_o thought_n word_n and_o deed_n and_o by_o ponder_v and_o improve_n they_o due_o and_o daily_o they_o both_o reap_v great_a benefit_n etc._n etc._n in_o another_o i_o find_v that_o the_o method_n of_o correspodency_n betwixt_o his_o friend_n a_o gracious_a young_a man_n and_o himself_o be_v carry_v on_o by_o a_o communication_n of_o experience_n or_o practical_a and_o profitable_a discourse_n upon_o the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n the_o love_n of_o god_n in_o christ_n the_o second_o come_v of_o our_o lord_n the_o evil_a of_o sin_n etc._n etc._n as_o to_o the_o first_o of_o those_o point_n the_o joy_n of_o heaven_n their_o intercourse_n make_v this_o mention_n the_o glory_n which_o we_o ought_v to_o have_v our_o faith_n fix_v on_o for_o our_o comfort_n be_v call_v in_o scripture_n comparison_n a_o crown_n of_o life_n of_o righteousness_n and_o of_o glory_n a_o incorruptible_a inheritance_n a_o rest_n for_o the_o people_n of_o god_n the_o recompense_n of_o reward_n a_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n a_o excellent_a place_n which_o the_o eye_n have_v not_o see_v etc._n etc._n the_o city_n of_o the_o live_a god_n the_o heavenly_a jerusalem_n the_o holy_a kingdom_n the_o bless_a hope_n and_o end_n of_o our_o holy_a race_n the_o city_n who_o builder_n and_o maker_n be_v god_n the_o house_n not_o make_v with_o hand_n the_o heavenly_a country_n the_o strait_a gate_n etc._n etc._n the_o contemplation_n of_o all_o these_o diune_n comparison_n afford_v strong_a consolation_n to_o both_o their_o soul_n etc._n etc._n no_o less_o comfortable_a be_v their_o interchange_n of_o communion_n about_o the_o other_o point_n of_o christ_n second_o come_v which_o be_v likewise_o call_v in_o scripture_n a_o day_n of_o consolation_n and_o of_o coronation_n a_o harvest_n day_n a_o marriage_n day_n and_o a_o day_n of_o admiration_n wherein_o christ_n will_v be_v admire_v of_o all_o his_o saint_n at_o his_o glorious_a appearance_n though_o now_o we_o be_v despise_v by_o the_o world_n as_o our_o dear_a redeemer_n himself_n be_v yet_o this_o be_v our_o joy_n our_o redemption_n day_n draw_v nigh_o etc._n etc._n in_o another_o letter_n he_o have_v this_o passage_n i_o suppose_v to_o some_o minister_n say_v sir_n though_o i_o be_v a_o stranger_n to_o you_o yet_o can_v nay_o dare_v not_o hoâ—â—_n any_o long_o from_o speak_v to_o you_o for_o ask_v my_o own_o heart_n whether_o i_o be_v fit_a to_o die_v it_o be_v answer_v that_o can_v not_o be_v till_o account_n be_v clear_v concern_v the_o sin_n i_o groan_v under_o between_o god_n and_o my_o soul_n about_o this_o sir_n my_o present_a address_n be_v for_o your_o profitable_a advice_n therefore_o i_o beseech_v you_o search_v i_o thorough_o to_o the_o very_a inward_o of_o my_o heart_n etc._n etc._n many_o more_o such_o savoury_a line_n all_o season_v with_o the_o salt_n of_o sincerity_n and_o sanctity_n i_o may_v add_v out_o of_o several_a other_o of_o his_o letter_n which_o must_v be_v omit_v to_o avoid_v prolixity_n to_o conclude_v upon_o the_o view_n of_o the_o whole_a i_o must_v only_o add_v this_o though_o we_o have_v not_o his_o picture_n drawnin_n paint_v by_o some_o skilful_a limner_n for_o refresh_v the_o memory_n of_o relation_n and_o to_o prefix_v before_o this_o book_n yet_o it_o be_v limn_v to_o the_o life_n in_o black_a and_o white_a both_o by_o private_a christian_n and_o public_a minister_n he_o be_v without_o flattery_n a_o mirror_n of_o piety_n especial_o in_o make_v so_o strict_a a_o scrutiny_n over_o all_o his_o own_o step_n and_o take_v so_o serious_a a_o prospect_n over_o all_o his_o own_o work_n both_o upon_o sabbath_n day_n and_o upon_o every_o weekday_n between_o they_o that_o he_o may_v keep_v his_o heart_n with_o all_o diligence_n prov._n 4.23_o o_o how_o exact_a be_v he_o in_o self-examination_n as_o well_o in_o civil_a and_o secular_a as_o in_o sacred_a affair_n i_o have_v be_v young_a and_o now_o be_o old_a yet_o never_o in_o all_o my_o acquaintance_n find_v i_o so_o much_o faithful_a self-tryal_n which_o be_v indeed_o a_o most_o necessary_a but_o alas_o a_o much_o neglect_a duty_n and_o i_o be_o confident_a most_o christian_n be_v at_o a_o great_a lose_v in_o their_o inner_a man_n by_o the_o omission_n hereof_o as_o to_o my_o own_o part_n i_o be_o utter_o ashamed_a to_o behold_v myself_o now_o a_o old_a minister_n of_o forty_o year_n stand_v in_o the_o ministry_n so_o far_o out_o strip_v by_o so_o young_a a_o man_n not_o attain_v the_o three_o part_n of_o my_o age_n and_o so_o private_a a_o christian_n as_o a_o apprentice_n will_v to_o god_n we_o can_v all_o young_a and_o old_a minister_n and_o people_n imitate_v this_o pattern_n of_o piety_n call_v our_o faithless_a heart_n to_o a_o faithful_a account_n daily_o and_o ever_o keep_v upon_o our_o watch-tower_n etc._n etc._n this_o will_v be_v a_o bless_a mean_n to_o keep_v in_o the_o fear_n of_o god_n all_o the_o day_n prov._n 23.17_o to_o live_v much_o more_o in_o a_o little_a time_n as_o he_o do_v from_o 1678._o to_o 1683._o to_o be_v neither_o ashamed_a to_o live_v nor_o afraid_a to_o die_v like_v he_o who_o live_v his_o little_a short_a life_n with_o christ_n in_o this_o low_a world_n and_o now_o reign_v with_o christ_n in_o the_o upper_a and_o better_a world_n finis_fw-la thâ—_n i_o do_v diligent_o correct_v every_o sheet_n yet_o for_o want_n of_o some_o revise_v these_o fault_n with_o some_o other_o have_v escape_v errata_fw-la in_o the_o epistle_n page_n 5._o line_n 18._o deal_n 6_o p._n 6._o l._n 24._o read_v get_v p._n 36._o l._n 18._o to_o wit_n trans_fw-la p._n 49._o l._n 9_o for_o three_o r._n threefold_a p._n 63._o l._n 20._o for_o heaven_n r._n haven_n p._n 77._o 1._o 21._o for_o soul_n r._n seal_n p._n 79._o 1._o 17._o r._n than_o p._n 108._o 1._o 6._o r._n get_v p._n 116._o 1._o 21._o r._n jeer_v and_o 1._o 24._o r._n that_o p._n 150._o 1._o 12._o for_o to_o r._n i._n for_o by_o r._n because_o p._n 170._o 1._o 9_o for_o 82._o r._n 83._o