The husbands dutie is to loue their wiues as themselues of which loue the loue of Christ towards his Church is a liuely patterne And because many husbands pretend the infirmities of their wiues to excuse their owne hardnesse and crueltie the Apostle willeth them to marke what manner of Church it was when Christ ioyned it to himselfe and he doth not onely not loath all her filth and vncleannesse but ceasseth not to wipe the same a way with his cleannesse vntill he haue wholly purged it and made it holy And seeing that euery man loueth himselfe euen of nature Therefore saith the Apostle the husband shall striue against nature if he loue not his wife which he proueth first by the mysticall knitting of Christ and the Church together and then by the ordinance of God who saith that the husband and wife are one that is not to be diuided The husband is alwayes to remember that he be not fierce rigorous hastie nor disordered with his wife for then there will neuer be vnitie and concord betwixt them If the wife do not learne to keepe silence and the husband to haue patience it shall rather be the dwelling of fooles then the house of friends For where the husband wanteth wisedome to gonerne and the wife patience to suffer they shall be forced it is to be feared in continuance of time to part house or else euery day to be iarring and brawling Euery married man ought also to remember this that either his wife is wise and religious or else she is foolish and irreligious If he be matched with a wife that is sottish foolish and ignorant of God and his word it will little auaile or profit him to reprehend or chide her and if he be married to one that is wise and religious and knoweth her dutie out of Gods word then one sharpe and discret word is sufficient because if a woman be not corrected by that which is wisely and discretly said she will neuer amend by that which is threatned When the wise shall be inflamed with ire wrath malice or enuie the husband ought to suffer her and after the heate is somewhat cooled and the flame quenched then mildly to admonish her for if she once begin to lose her shamefastnesse in the presence of her husband then it is likely that there wil often follow brawlings and quarrels betwixt them And as the husband ought at all times to shun brawlings and quarrellings with his wife so much more he ought to auoid the same when they shall be newly married For if at the beginning she shall haue cause to abhorre and hate him then late or neuer will she returne to loue him faithfully Therefore at the beginning of their marriage the wise and discret husband ought to vse all good meanes to winne the good liking of his wife towards him for if then their loue be fixed and truely setled one towards the other although afterwards they come to some houshold words and grudgings yet it proceedeth but of some new vnkindnesse and not of old rooted hatred and therefore the sooner remedied For loue and hatred be mortall enemies and the first of them that taketh place in the heart there it remaineth a dweller for the most part all the dayes of life in such wise that the first loue may depart from the person but yet it will neuer be forgotten at the heart But if the wife from the beginning of marriage do take the heart to loath and abhorre her husband then a miserable life wil follow to them both For although the husband shall haue power to force his wife to feare and obey him yet he shall neuer haue strength to force her to loue him Some husbands do boast themselues to be serued feared and obeyed in their houses because the wife that abhorreth doth feare and serue her husband but she that indeed liketh doth loue him and cherish him As the wife ought with great care to endeauour and by all good meanes to labour to be in fauour and grace with her husband so likewise the husband ought to feare to be in disgrace and disliking with his wife for if she do once determine to fixe and settle her eyes and liking vpon another then many inconueniences will ensue and follow The husband ought not to be satisfied with the vse of his wiues body but in that he hath also the possession of her will and affections for it sufficeth not that they be married but that they be well married and liue Christianly together and be very well contented And therefore the husband that is not beloued of his wife holdeth his goods in danger his house in suspition his credite in ballance and also sometimes his life in perill because it is 〈◊〉 to beleeue that she desireth not long life vnto her husband with whom she passeth a time so tedious and irksome And if any vnkindnesse or displeafure should happen to be at any time betwixt the husband and the wife yet neither of them ought to impart or to make it knowne vnto any one of their neighbours for if they be such as wish them euill they will reioyce at it and if they be such as wish them well then they minister matter whereof to talke That husband that is matched and doth encounter with a wife that is a dizzard a foole a babbler light ofbehauiour a glutton a chider slothfull a gadder abroad vntractable iealous or dissolute c it were better for him to be a slaue to some honest man then a husband to such a wife The best rule that a man may hold and practise with his wife to guard and gouerne her is to admonish her often and to giue her good instructions to reprehend her seldome neuer to lay violent hands on her but if she be good and dutifull to fauour her to the end she may continue so and if she be shrewish and way ward mildly to suffer her to the end that she waxe not worse But some husbands be of so sowre a nature and so vnpleasant in their behauiour that they can hardly be loued no not of their wiues their countenance is so lowring their company so currish that they seeme angry euen when they are best pleased they cannot speake faire scarce will they laugh when their wiues laugh vpon them a man would say they were borne in an angrie houre This is also a dutie not to be forgotten namely that 〈◊〉 be diligent and carefull to make prouision for their houses to cloath their wiues decently to bring vp their children vertuously and to pay their seruants duely because that in voluntary matters men may be negligent but the necessities of the house do neither suffer negligence nor forgetfulnesse The duty of the husband is to get goods and of the wife to gather them together and saue them The duty of the husband is to trauell abroad to seeke liuing and the wiues dutie is to keepe the
vnnecescary blazing of other mens 〈◊〉 by lying slandering 〈◊〉 taunting if any shew himselfe care lesse to 〈◊〉 the motions and enticements vnto sinne and the lust of the same and he wil vse the meanes following to redresse them The manner of correcting must like wise be looked vnto for to faile in that maketh correction hurtfull oftentimes but alwayes 〈◊〉 For this point then we must know that correction must be Ministred in Wisedome and Patience Wisedome is that by which we obserue comelinesse in euery action that is to say by which we obserue what we do how in what place at what time before whom that all things may be done in a conuenient place time and manner Wisedome will 1. Find out the right party that cōmitted the fault that he that is innocent be not vniustly burthened 2. Consider of what sort and nature the fault is 3. Weigh circumstances of ages discretion occasions that moued the party and whether it be customary or a slip by ouersight 4. Looke to the mind of the doer whether negligence frowardnesse or simplicity want of wisdom brought him to it And according to these things wisdome will teach a man to measure out correction or to be sparing in it Besides wisedome will not correct before the fault be euident or before she be able to winde the offender out of all shifting holes For when the offender is not throughly conuinced he shifteth off the shame of the fault and of the correction which is a part of the purgation to cure his disease and besides he will be bold to open his mouth against his ruler and seeke to bring him into hatred or contēpt with the rest of the inferiours for correcting vniustly Wisedome therefore will winke at a fault a while and make as though she saw it not that she may haue a fitter opportunitie to correct yea towards some of a good nature wisedome will shew that she seeth a fault but yet for loue of the partie and desire to haue him amend of his owne accord she will passe ouer the euill Moreouer wisedome will neuer reproch the offender by reuiling or taunting him with the fault but minister correction in loue and desire to haue his sore cured and his credit salued For the casting of faults in their teeth and disgracing them especially before others which is common in the world maketh them lay off shame of offending by little and little whereas if they saw thee carefull of their credite they would haue much more regard to it themselues Lastly wisedome will auoid partialitie and deale with all in the same case after the same manner Patience is also needfull that through anger or hastines a man do not fight nor chide before he hath made the fault manifest to the offender that if it may be his conscience may be touched for it Againe by patience one must heare what the offender can say in his defence and not disdaine to heare him modestly alledging for himselfe and when his defence is made by equitie to allow or disallow the same So did Iob Iob. 31. 13. And Balaam had no reason to disdaine the defence of his beast Num. 20. 30. c. This patience will also keepe a man from bitternesse which might sooner make the party angrie then draw him to amendment which thing the Apostle would haue auoided in superiours towards those that be vnder them For want of this many are but a word and a blow many first correct and then tell the fault many lay on loade or raile and reuile brawle and scold without measure Lastly this patience will keepe thee from immoderate anger a thing dangerous in a corrector For he that cometh to reforme with too much anger shall hardly keepe a measure in rebuking or chastising Now for the seuerall kinds of correction the first is rebuking which is a sharpe reproofe for a fault committed measured according to the nature of the fault Example whereof we haue in Iacob Gen. 30. 2. Ioh. 2. 10. Our Sauiour Christ to Peter Mat. 16. 23. and to Iames and Iohn Luk. 9. 55. So Eli 1. Sam. 2. 23. c. rebuked his sonnes but not according to the quality of their fault which turned to his and their ruine This reproofe may haue some threatning of chastisement ioyned with it if need be to the end to make it sinke the deeper Prou. 19. 19. Be thou verie angrie when thou pardonest a fault saying that thou for sparing him now wilt punish him the soarer if he transgresse againe But threatenings must not be vaine words without effect but alwayes if amendment follow not thou must performe what was threatned lest thou become light and vaine in the offenders eyes Chastisement is when with a sharpe rebuke punishment is also laid vpon the offender according to discretion If any man thinke fighting vnmeete for Christians or be loth to foile their hands lest they should get themselues an ill name let them know that Gods ordinance is not a matter of an ill report but onely among fooles that know not what is good and meete Now that houshold-chastisement is agreeable to Gods will is euident out of the Prouerbs where the wisedome of God doth very often commend it to vs as Chap. 13. 24. He that spareth the rod hateth his sonne but he that loueth him chasteneth him betimes Where he requireth that it be not deferred till it be too late that is till the offender be hardened in ill but giuen in time before he be past recouery Secondly he saith that it is a fruit of true and pure loue to correct in due time and very loue in parents and care of their children must draw them to it Thirdly he saith that such parents know not what true loue of children meaneth but embrace fondnesse and foolish pittie in stead of it who do spare to correct when correction is deserued Fourthly that this fondnesse and foolish affection is indeed hatred and not loue The reason why it is to be counted hatred is set downe Prou. 19. 18. Chastise thy sonne while there is hope and let not thy soule spare him to his destruction Where he plainely saith that fond pittying and sparing of children is to worke the destruction of them And is it not a token of great hatred to be a meanes of anothers destruction Elsewhere he sheweth the necessitie of correction and the good which it doth Prou. 22. 25. Foolishnesse is bound in the heart of a child but the rod of correction shall remoue it farre from him As if he should say much folly and 〈◊〉 is couched in a childs heart which if it be not purged will burst forth into foule enormities and therefore a purgation is but needfull and what may that be but the rod of correction The same is commanded Prou. 29. 17. Correct thy sonne where also he sheweth what benefit commeth thereby to the parents He shall giue thee rest yea he will giue pleasures to thy soule
when the winde is downe and the weather calme he letteth it hang easily so when husbands will as it were perforce wrest away their wiues infirmities many of them will obstinately resist yet contrariwise by sweete wordes and louing exhortations they might be wonne voluntarily to forsake them Thirdly the husband must seeke diligently to remoue the occasion and stone whereat his wife stumbleth and taketh occasion of griefe So when Sarah was moued against Abraham because of Agar and obiected vnto him albeit wrongfully that he was the eause that she contemned her bearing with his wife 〈◊〉 remoued the cause of the contentation in suffering her to turne Agar out of doores He must also take heed that he himselfe be not tainted with the same vice which he reproueth in his wife lest she stop his mouth with a reproach of the same fault but rather by giuing her example by the contrarie vertue let her be induced and led to follow him In reprouing the wife the husband must alwayes vse such discretion that she be not brought into contempt and therefore it should neuer be done in the presence of moe then themselues For as it is meere follie for an husband to praise and commend his wife in company so is it as dangerous to checke and reproue her before witnesse For indeed thereof it commeth that women not being able to beare that disgrace will reply and so ptouoke strife and dissention in open presence which will redound to great reproach and offence And therefore as the husband must not flatter his wife so he must not reproue her before strangers A wise husband and one that seeketh to liue in quiet with his wife must obserue these three rules Often to admonish seldome to reproue and neuer to smite her Let the husband also remember that the infirmities of his wife must be either taken away or borne witball So that he that can take them quite away maketh his wife farre more commodious and fit for his purpose and he that can beare with them maketh himselfe better and more vertuous The husband is also to vnderstand that as God created the woman not the head and so equall in authoritie with her husband so also he created her not of Adams foote that she should be troden downe and despised but he tooke her out of the rib that she might walke ioyntly with him vnder the conduct and gouernment of her head And in that respect the husband is not to command his wife in such manner as the maister his seruant but as the soule doth the body as being conioyned in like affection and good wil. For as the soule in gouerning the body tendeth to the benefit and commoditie of the same so ought the dominion and commandement of the husband ouer his wife to tend to reioyce and content her To conclude as God hath testified his singular goodnesse vnto man in creating him an helper to assist him so let him consider in how many sorts she is to him an helper to passe ouer this life in blessednesse And let this daily seeking of such a benefit receiued at the hands of God induce and stirre him vp to render thanks and to dispose himselfe to vse it well to his owne comfort and saluation and not to abuse it to the destruction both of himselfe and his wife But if he chance as many do vpon troubles and afflictions in marriage let him remember that the same doth proceed not properly from marriage but from the corruption of the parties married and for his part let him studie to amend his infirmities and faults by amendment of life and withall pray to God to grant the like grace vnto his wife to the end that the more they recouer the Image of God the more feeling they may haue of the felicitie of marriage which Adam and Eue had enioyed had they continued as they were created in the Image of God And the particular duties of the wife to the husband are principally these First that she be a helper vnto him Secondly that she be obedient vnto him c. These speciall duties are partly touched before and partly afterwards As loue matrimoniall is greatly allowed of God and much commended of all good men as an ordinate holy and godly loue so contrariwise hatred dissention strife debate vnquietnesse and frowardnesse in marriage highly displeaseth God and much grieueth all good and godly men And therefore the diuell the enemie of all vnitie concord and agreement laboureth by all meanes he can specially at the first comming of the married folkes to dwell together to sow dissention and discord and to cause them not to agree but to dislike one of the other against whom they must diligently watch by seruent and earnest prayer to God that the diuel preuaile not against them by such too early disagreement For as two boords if at the first they be not well coupled and ioyned together are neuer fastened right afterwards but if the first coupling and ioyning together be good then can there afterward no violence driue the boordes asunder yea the whole boord doth sooner breake then the glewing of them together euen so the husband and wife must be very carefull and diligent that their first cohabitation and dwelling together be louing delectable and friendly and not separated through any spitefull contention or discord so shall the whole estate of their marriage be more comfortable and prosper the better so long as they shall liue And though there happen to arise any sparke of discord betwixt them yet let them beware that at the last there be not too much displeasure disdaine and inconuenience kindled thereby For if at the first dwelling together there shall fall out such vnto wardnesse and vncomely discord then will it now and then be breaking out Euen as it fareth with great wounds and broken legges or armes which seldome are so throughly healed but sometimes they haue paine at the change of the weather so likewise if married folkes behaue themselues thus vntowardly and vnhonestly the one towards the other at the first and if larres and discord be once begun betweene them the old canker of hatred will breede againe though it be scaled afterward Let the one therefore learne betime to be acquainted with the nature and condition of the other and to apply themselues according to the same in as much as they must needs dwell together one to enioy another and the one to liue and die with the other and so stedfastly and vnfainedly to loue one the other that neither of them haue any thing so deare which they cannot be content to giue and bestow one vpon the other yea euen their owne life if need require And therefore husbands and wiues must euen at the beginning of their marriage giue their diligence that all iniuries offences may be auoided for tender and lost loue is soone dissolued and broken So that this new loue and coniunction of the mind must be nourished
keepe them vnder a seruile or slauish awe subiection by too much feare but rather be a child-like and reuerend feare which both the subiects owe vnto their Princes and children vnto their parents and which both the one and the other easily obtaine at the hands of such as are vnder their gouernment by their equall vpright and modetate behauiour towards them It doth therefore stand parents greatly in hand that in making choise for their children they be free from all sinister and corrupt affection and that for luker and couetousnesse they seeke not to thrust such matches vpon their children as they cannot brooke nor like well of Yea and in this most graue and weightie cause it is a thing earnestly to be wished that all Christian parents would not take this matter and businesse lightly in hand as it were but a toy or a ieast but that they begin it with prayer that in the whole action they may in such sort be directed that they do nothing against the word of God or vnbeseeming the same authoritie the which God himselfe in this cause hath imposed or laid vpon them And thus doing God no doubt will adde a blessing vnto their godly endeuour and holy care and worke obedience in the hearts of their children as he framed the heart of Isaack with entire affection to embrace Rebecca whom his father Abraham had by his steward prouided for him Gen. 27. 7. c. The third point that appertaineth to parents is to be themselues examples of all godlinesse and vertuousneste to their children So that they must remember that they themselues do not say or do any thing that is euill or offensiue in the presence of their children For it is certaine that children follow and learne nothing so much and so soone as that which they see their father and mother do or say For the vertue thriuing and prosperitie of children is for the most part wrought by the fathers and mothers good examples and instructions and contrariwise for that which is done by examples the inferiours will thinke they may lawfully do the like As good examples do edifie and vphold so ill examples do destroy and confound For humanity is taught by the law of nature If therefore parents by their example should teach the contrarie what do they else but indeuour to transforme men into beasts beginning first to performe it in their owne children They must be circumspect that their children do not fight and iniurie one another and if they sweare curse lye or speake any bawdie or ribaldous words or sing any 〈◊〉 rimes or vnchristian songs then to reprooue them sharply for it And let all parents alwayes labour that their children may rather feare them for loue and reuerence then for fearé of punishment For children that obey their parents for feare of correction commonly feare them no longer then the stripes endure Before all things it is needfull that parents should shew themselues vnto their children as a manifest patterne or example not onely by not sinning and offending God any wayes but also by liuing godly and by doing all things honestly that so their children may look into their liues and peruse themselues as in a glasse And therefore if parents do giue good examples they shall reape the fruite thereof in the life behauiour manners and prosperitie of their children For children loue and delight to do as their parents did before them All Christian fathers ought to be most carefull in nourishing and maintaining naturall loue and concord amongst the children and family and in no wise to suffer any sparke of hatred to enter into their hearts lest it kindle a fire in their breasts much lesse ought they themselues to cast in coales of discord among them by vnkind or iniurious examples of dealing For the state of a family if it be in due order is like to a frame of ioyning worke or building whereof if some one peece be out of his place it tendeth to the disordering of all the rest and one disorder following another all becommeth out of ioynt and falleth into confusion very dispraiseable So that parents therefore ought to be carefull to maintaine their children in peace concord and amitie for if discord and contention be dangerous and pernicious among all men how much more betweene brethren and sisters Likewise if it be hard quenching of stomacke and debate betweene those that are not enioyned in kindred it is farre more difficult to revnite brethren because enmitie amongst them is mightie and strong like iron-barres to keepe them asunder Neither is there any thing more slipperie or of greater efficacie to subuert a family then dissention among brethren It is an old saying by concord small things do grow but by discord great things come to nought Againe how dangerous it is for parents to shew more loue and affection to one child then to another except vpon iust and great cause the example of lacobs children doth testifie For what was the originall of their enuie and crueltie executed against their brother Ioseph Geneses 37. 3. Moses there saith that Iacob louing Ioseph better then his brethren made him a partie-coloured-coate and thereof they tooke occasion to hate him and to speake roughly vnto him Parents therefore to the end to preuent the like inconueniences are to vse equalitie among their children so neare as may be whether in their ordinary vsage or in the diuision of their goods For as all men naturally are inclined but too much to the loue of earthly goods so the vnequall sharing and diuiding of the same doth oftentimes breede great brawles and pernicious debate betweene brethren and sisters Therefore all fathers and mothers are with great diligence to take heede what they say or do in their houses and that they do not commit any leude or wicked deed whereby their children may be moued to imitate and follow the same neither that they vtter or speake any bawdy or ribaldous words or vse to sweare or lie in their presence for euill speakings or communication saith the Apostle corrupteth good manners Seruants also are to be looked vnto and sharply rebuked if they do commit or shew any leud trickes or vnhonest behauiour in the presence of children either in word deede or gesture For if they be iustly called murtherers that kill the children being new-borne and kill but the bodie how great wickednesse is it then to kill the mindes of children through euill example Deserue not such seruants seuerely to be punished by law thinke you that bewitch young children and hurt their weake bodies with poysons What then do they deserue which corrupt the chiefe parts of Infants with most vngracious venime we meane by filthy talke and leude conuersation of life Yet it is a lighter matter to kill the bodie then the mind and soule Further parents ought to be circumspect and warie that their children do not haunt or vse euill companie nor vse
alwaies be open to speake ill to misconster thy actions and to blaze abroad thy infirmities and scapes He that would haue no enemies must make himselfe none by vniust vnkind or vnneighbourly dealing but he must rather by couttecusnesse of speech helpfulnesse and good neighbourhood win the loue and liking of men yet a man may be too wise in this point Many being Ioth to incurre any mans displeasure will not seeke to vphold right and equitie they will not speake for the poore nor stand out to maintaine Gods cause when he is dishonored by open sin as swearing lying rayling and such like Many to keepe in with all vse all companies alike for auoiding a mans company breedeth a grudge But the good will of men is neuer to be purchased with forsaking of duty Such things as may iustly be ill taken auoyde for peace sake Whereof the Wiseman noteh some as medling in others mens matters He that medleth with a strife that belongeth not to him is as he that taketh a dog by the cares that is casteth himselfe into dangers 2. Be not hasty to go to Law no not in a right cause but agree at home For besides that a man doth seldome scape without great losse in which respect it is also to be auoided as an enemy to thrift thy neighbour is openly put to reproach he becometh thy mortall enemy and will alwayes watch to do thee hurt 3. Sometime to seeke recompence of a wrong breedeth greater malice in the authour of the wrong aud maketh him double it as a man spurreth his horse for kicking when he was spurred Say not I will recompence euill but wait vpon the Lord and he will saue thee 4. Ost haunting of another mans house may bring thee into mislike wherfore the Wiseman saith Withdraw thy foote from thy neighbours house lest he be wearie of thee and hate thee If by carefull auoiding of all iust occasions thou canst not auoide ill will as the world loueth none but her owne neuer seeke to win fauour by departing from duty but commit thy self to God and turne thy mind to make vse of thine enemy Let enmitie which is alwayes prying and seeking occasions to hurt by word or deed make thee to walke not more closely but more vprightly and then mayest thou defie thine enemy For be that walketh vprightly walketh boldly Another enemy to thrift which is also a breaker of peace and good will among men is much borrowing He that is to borrow doth spend much time and le ts slip many occasions of doing his businesse in the due season he must repay in better measure then he borrowed or else ill words or ill will will follow If it be a matter of any value which is borrowed then as Salomon saith The borrower is seruant to the lender that is beholding to him and in his danger The thriftiest men loue least to be beholding to others and therefore seldome seeke and often refuse euen when they be offered to receiue benefits at others mens hands He that goes a borrowing goes a sorrowing and euery deniall he receiues where he thinkes he should speed is the seed of grudge in the minde of the denyer of him who is denied But of all borrowing to borrow vp on vsury is the dearest buying and the rankest poyson to thrift When Dauid would wish a sore plague to his enemy he prayeth that he may be giuen into the vsurers hand Let the vsurer eate him vp If the vsurer be a deuourer woe be to them that come in his hands To auoide borrowing a good husband must cut off all vnnecessary expences that he may haue all necessaries in his house To auoide borrowing of money take heed of suretiship of dealing in bargaines which you are not fully able to compasse of dealing with many things and hauing too many irons in the fire at once Looke how you may compasse matters before you enterprise them Prouide long before against any day of payment and haue not money to seeke vpon the sudden for that driues a man to borrowing yea to vsury or to sell Robbin Hoods peny-worths Besides he must keepe none in his house idle or halfe set to worke none more then needes must Let euery one haue his charge that will throughly occupy him Also looke that they do their taskes euery one in his place and haue an often eye vnto them whether they haue done as they should do The maisters eye maketh a fat horse so also the mistris eye maketh a friendly dairy Except you haue rare seruants such as truly feare God and haue good consciences trust them not further then you see them except necessitie driue you Hitherto of the duties that be belonging to the chiefe ruler os the familie that is the husband touching honest prouision for it Now seeing that God hath ioyned the wife to her husband as an helper she must help him in the prouision for her family so much as lieth in her power and is meete for to do And indeed her industrie and wisedome may do much herein that though her husband should be much wanting in his dutie yet she might hold in the goale Thus many haue done and so Salomon saith the wise woman will do A wise woman buildeth her house But it is not euery womans case because that all are not wise as she that Salomon speaketh of This wise woman is els-where called a gracious woman Prou. 11. 16. And a vertuous woman Prou. 12. 4. because many graces and vertues meete together in her For she is To her husband dutifull faithfull and louing Towards those of her familie wise and prudent In her businesse diligent painfull Towards her neighbour modest humble kinde and quiet First if she be not subiect to her husband to let him rule all the hous-hold especially outward affaires if she will make against him and seeke to haue her owne wayes there will be doing and vndoing Things will go backward the house will come to ruine for God will not blesse where his ordinance is not obeyed This is allowable that she may in modest sort shew her mind and a wise husband will not disdaine to heare her aduice and follow it also if it be good But when her way is not liked of though it be the best way she may not thereupon set all at sixe and seuen with what should I labour and trauaile I see my husband taketh such wayes that he will bring all to nothing This were nothing else but when she seeeth the house falling to helpe to pull it downe faster Salomon saith The wise-woman buildeth her house much more then doth she vnderprop it and hold it vp that by her husbands vndiscreet dealing it be not pulled downe She must not thinke her selfe freed from dutie because he walketh not in his dutie but hold her place and labour for her part to vphold all and so God will either blesse the workes of her hands
losse of their goods is more then the losse of their health But this thing doth not arise nor happen of the goods or money it selfe but because some man doth perswade himselfe that to lose his goods is a thing intolletable And yet for all that goods are not of more estimation then is life or health but it is a mans affection that doth rule in this thing and therfore it seemeth lesse to some to be driuen out of a kingdome then to other some to lose a small portion of their possessions Some will reuenge a word most cruelly and some other well beaten and buffeted will not reuenge it at all All these things do proceed and come of the soule which is most in wardly ioyned and knit vnto a man and hath more power in him then the body If it be then of so great importance what 〈◊〉 of friend thou haue to liue commodiously or incommodiously withall which shall none otherwise dwell or be in the selfe-same chamber bed or house with thee but that thou mayest shake him off at thy pleasure how much more oughtest thou to take heed when thou chusest thee a wife which must be continually conuersant with thee at thy table in thy chamber in bed in thy secrets and finally in thy heart and breast If thou go from home thou doest commit thy house thy familie thy goods and thy children of all other things the most pleasant vnto her she is the last that leaueth thee at thy departing and the first that receiueth thee at thy returning thou departest from her with sweete embracements and kisses and with sweete kisses and embracements she receiueth thee at thy returne home vnto her thou disclosest thy ioy and heauinesse So that it is an heauenly life to be conuersant and in company with those that a man delighteth in and loueth But it is a calamity infernall to be bound and forced to see those things that a man doth greatly hate and abhorre or to be in company with those that a man would not be withall and yet cannot be separated nor depart from them Hereof commeth as we do see in some marriages so great ruines so wicked and vile deeds as maimes and murthers committed by such desperate persons as are loath to keepe and yet cannot lawfully refuse nor leaue them Therefore yong folkes ought not to be too rash and hastie in their choise but to haue the good aduice and direction of their parents and trustie friendes in this behalfe who haue better iudgement and are more free from the motions of all affections then they are And they must take heed lest following the light and corrupt iudgement of their owne affections and minds they change not a short delectation and pleasure into a continuall sorrow 〈◊〉 repentance For we learne by great and continuall vse and experience of things that the secret contracts made betweene those that be yong do seldome prosper whereas contrariwise those marriages that are made and established by the aduice of wise and religious parents do prosper well But especially and before all things such as purpose to marrie must faithfully with feruentnesse and stedfast beleefe without ceassing make their intetcession and prayer vnto God to whom all hearts are open and knowne that he would not suffer them to go amisse but as a tender father helpe and direct them to make a right choise so as they may liue honestly and prosperously as good Christians ought to his glorie and their owne comfort For this purpose there is a notable example of Eleazar Abrahams seruant who being sent to get and make choise of a wife for Isaacke his maisters sonne beginneth his matter with prayer Gen. 24. 12. c. So did Isaacke also as it appeareth in the same Chapter verse 60. When any haue determined with themselues to marrie and haue vsed all diligence thereto required they must desire of God by humble and earnest prayer good and prosperous successe in whose hand and power it is to giue it so doubtlesse he will effect it if they aboue all other things shall haue an vndoubted hope and confidence in him For if they after they haue setled themselues and haue satisfied their appetites shall then resort vnto God by prayer desiring him that they may obtaine the thing that they most desire it appeareth that they would make him the minister of their voluptuous desires and pleasures and so doing their vowes and prayers become most manifest blasphemie And therefore a man should not come vnto marriage as vnto a prophane thing with a loose and vnprepared heart but with a quiet and well purged minde as to a thing most sacred and holy For Matrimonie doth not consist onely in the coniunction of the body neither yet in dauncing nor banketting proceeding and brought vnto vs with many other things from the Gentiles but it should rather beseeme Christians most studiously to pray vnto God that so waightie a thing as Matrimonie is might haue good and prosperous successe For Matrimonie is a thing sanctified of God the which willeth the matrimoniall imbracements to be chast the bed to be vndefiled and their progeny vnspotted and it is after the mind of S. Paul a signe of the great mystery wherewith Christ doth in dissolubly vnite himselfe vnto his Church Therefore thou oughtest so much as shall lie in thee to lift vp thy mind and to remember how great and worthy an image thou doest represent and that thy wife shall be vnto thee as the Church and thou vnto her as Christ therefore thou shouldest shew thy selfe vnto her as Christ shewed himselfe vnto his Church The loue of Christ vnto his Church is incredible and thy loue also to thy wife ought to be most effectuall Society and to liue together is the most surest and strongest knot to knit and ioyne amity and loue among men and beasts themselues There can be no greater societie or companie then is betweene a man and his wife whose house whose goods whose chamber c. is common their children are common and they themselues partakers of all good and euill successe of prosperitie and aduersitie the which society and fellowship were sufficient to stirre and prouoke him that loueth not his wife to loue and beneuolence And what company or loue shall a man looke to haue of him that loueth not his wife There are that in loue and amity looke for gaine as the vile Epicures do vnworthy to be beloued men which loue themselues and not their friends And if we haue regard vnto commoditie and profit there is nothing that giueth so much as doth a good wife no not horses oxen seruants or farmes for a mans wife is the fellow and comforter of all care and thoughts and doth more faithfull and true seruice vnto him then either maid-seruant or man-seruant which do serue men for feare or else for wages but thy wife will be led onely by loue and therefore she doth euery thing better then
is no stable and stedfast friendship vnlesse it haue his beginning from God and therefore must godlinesse needes shine before the rest For when couples haue determined to obey God all things afterwards become more easie 2. Vertue and honest conditions breede mutuall delight betweene man and wife For when vertue is exercised it maketh conuersation of liuing more amiable 3 Mutuall forbearing whereby we take in good worth one anothers conditions and faults is very needfull For in this weaknesse of nature there happens many scapes which will breede strife if they be not couered by mutuall forbearing 4. Mutuall loue hauing his beginning of godlinesse and true vertue maketh the husband and wife not to be too sharpe-sighted in spying into one anothers fauits but that many things either they mark not or if they marke them they couer them with loue For loue couereth a multitude of sinnes 1. Peter 4. 8. Prou. 10. 12. 5. Dutie performed godlily caresully and cheerefully on both sides maketh the marriage-yoke light and sweet For when man and wife marke one another and finde like heedfulnesse and buxomnesse in their dutie both their companie is made more pleasant and they are the more stirred vp on both sides to render dutifulnesse that the one may requite the otheralike Where these fiue duties be not the companie of their life is both loath some and bitter or rather more sharpe then death Therefore the godly couples must do their endeuour that these vertues may be seene in their life continually for euer Now we will through Gods assistance say something concerning the three seuerall points contained in this dutie and mentioned in the beginning hereof and so end this dutie 1 The first whereof is that the husband must liue with his wife according to knowledge This point of doctrine is most plainely proued by the Apostle Peter where he saith a Ye husbands dwell with your wiues as men of knowledge giuing honour vnto the woman as vnto the weaker vessell euen as they which are heires together of the grace of life that your prayers be not interrupted Whereby he teacheth the husband his dutie to wit that the more vnderstanding and wisedome God hath endued him with the more wisely and circumspectly he ought to behaue himselfe in the bearing those discommodities which through his wiues weaknesse oftentimes cause some iarre and dislike one to the other Neuerthelesse though she be by nature weaker then he yet she is an excellent instrument for him made for very profitable vse whereupon it followeth that she is not therefore to be neglected because she is weake but on the contrarie part she ought to be so much the more cared for Like as a vessell the weaker it is the more it is to be fauoured and spared if we will haue it to continue euen so a wife because of her infirmities is so much the more to be borne withall of her husband 1. Peter 3. 7. And for so much as the husband and wife are equall in that which is the chiefest that is to say in that gracious and free benefit whereby they haue euerlasting life giuen them though otherwise I confesse vnequall as touching the gouernance and conuersation at home the wife is not be despised although she be weake And besides all brawlings and chidings must be eschued and cast away because they hinder prayers and the whole seruice of God whereunto both the husband and the wife are equally called Also for the more confirmation of this point the Apostle Paul likewise saith Let the husband giue vnto the wife due beneuolence and likewise also the wife vnto the husband The wife hath not power ouer her owne bodie but the husband and likewise also the husband hath not the power of his owne body but the wife Defraud not one another except it be with consent for a time that ye may giue your selues to fasting and prayer and againe come together that Sathan tempt you not for your incontinencie Which is as if the Apostle should say the parties married must with singular affection entirely loue one the other for that they are each in others power as touching the bodie so that they may not defraud one another except the one abstaine from the other by mutuall consent that they may the better giue themselues to prayer wherin not withstanding they must consider what is expedient lest by this long breaking off as it were from marriage they be stirred vp to incontinencie The second point is that the husband should not be bitter fierce or cruell vnto his wife which point is approued by the said Apostle saying Husbands loue your wiues and be not bitter vnto them First and aboue all things the husband must be circumspect to keepe the band of loue and beware that there neuer spring vp the roote of bitternesse betwixt him and his wife If at any time there happen to arise any cause of vnkindnesse betwixt them as it is impossible alwayes to be free from it then he must be carefull to weede vp the same with all lenitie gentlenesse and patience and neuer suffer himselfe nor his wife to sleepe in displeasure Ephesians 4. 26. And if he shall haue occasion to speake sharpely and sometimes to reproue he must beware that he do not the same in the presence of others but let him keepe his words vntill a conuenient time which is the point of a wise man and then vtter them in the spirit of meekenesse and in the spirit of perfect loue and he must not let sometimes to couer faults and winke at them if they be not too great and intollerable Whatsoeuer losse or mischaunce shall happen vnto them let him take it patiently and beare it cheerefully yea though the same should come partly through his wiues negligence yea rather let it be a louing warning to take better heed in time to come then a cause to sorrow for that which is past and cannot be holpen Euery wise-man by his owne experience knoweth that he is in his life subiect to many inconueniences and that of nature he is prone to displeasure and readie to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle and especially with his best friends yea soonest with his louing wife who is lothest to displease him Let him therefore beware of this cankered corruption and consider that he ought most of all in loue to beare with his wife according to Christs example towards his Church who gaue himselfe for it That he might sanctifie it clense it by the washing of water through the word That he might make it vnto himselfe a glorious Church not hauing spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holie and without blame so ought men to loue their wiues as their owne bodies he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe For no man yet euer hated his owne flesh but nourisheth it and cherisheth it euen as the Lord doth the Church As if the Apostle had said
house The duty of the husband is to get money and prouision and of the wiues not vainely to spend it The dutie of the husband is to deale with many men and of the wife to talke with few The duty of the husband is to be intermedling and of the wife to be solitarie and withdrawne The duty of the man is to be skilfull in talke and of the wife to boast of silence The duty of the husband is to be a giuer and of the wife to be a sauer The duty of the man is to apparell himselfe as he may and of the woman as it becommeth her The dutie of the husband is to be Lord of all and of the wife to giue account of all The dutie of the husband is to dispatch all things without dore and of the wife to ouersee and giue order for all things within the house Now where the husband and wife performeth these duties in their house we may call it a Colledge of quietnesse The house wherein these are neglected we may terme it a hell It is to be noted and noted againe that as the prouision of houshold dependeth onely on the husband euen so the honour of all dependeth onely of the woman in such sort that there is no honour within the house longer then a mans wife is honourable And therefore the Apostle calleth the woman The glorie of the man But heere it must be noted and remembred that we do not intitle honourable to such as be onely beautifull comely of face of gentilitie of comely personage and a good huswife but onely to her that is vertuous honest of life temperate and aduised in her speech 3. The last point is that the husband loue cherish and nourish his wife euen as his owne body and as Christ loued his Church and gaue himselfe for it to sanctifie it And this point is plainely proued by the Apostle Paul as is sufficiently declared in the second point There are few husbands or wiues that know in truth how they should loue one the other If a man loue his wife onely for these respects because she is rich beautifull noble or because she contenteth and pleaseth him after the sensuall appetite of the flesh and for such like causes that is no true loue before God for such loue may be among harlots and whoores yea among bruite beasts But a Christian husband must loue his wife chiefly because she is his sister in the 〈◊〉 of the sound and Christian religion 〈◊〉 so an inheritour with him of the kingdome of heauen And he must also loue her for her vertues as for her shamefastnesse modestie chastitie diligence patience faithfulnesse temperance secrecie obedience and such like Christian qualities and graces of God yea although she be but hard fauoured of poore parentage But as we would that the man when he loueth should remember his superioritie so we would that when he ruleth he neither forget to loue nor to temper his loue with grauitie And when he doth think himselfe to be the head and the soule and the woman as it were the flesh and the body he ought in like manner to remember that she is his fellow and companion of his goods and labours and that their children be common betweene them bone of the bones and flesh of the flesh of man And thus there shall be in wedlocke a certaine sweet and pleasant conuersation without the which it is no marriage but a prison a hatred and a perpetuall torment of the mind So that the husband must let his wife perceiue and know that for the good opinion that he hath of her he doth loue her simply and faithfully and not for any vtilitie or pleasure For who so doth not perceiue that he is beloued for his owne sake will not lightly do the same to another for the thing that is loued loueth againe If mony or nobilitie could perceiue and vnderstand that they were beloued they would if they had any feeling at all of loue requite it with loue but when the soule is loued in as much as it may loue it giueth loue for loue and loueth againe The breaker of horses that doth vse to ride and pace them doth handle the rough and sturdie colt with all craft rigour and fiercenesse that may be but with the colt that is more tractable he taketh not so great paines A sharpe and shrewd wife must be pleased and mitigated with loue and ruled with authority and the more gently thou doest vse and shew thy selfe vnto her that is meeke and honest the more benigne and meeke thou shalt find her But she that is noble and of a stout minde and stomacke the lesse thou doest looke to be honoured the more she will obey and honour thee But yet the wise husband shall neuer set himselfe so farre in loue that he forget that he is a man the ruler and gouernour of the house and ofhis wife and that he is set as it were in a station to watch and diligently to take heed what is done in his house and to see who goeth out and in And although the husband by Gods ordinance be the head ouer his wife yet he may not abuse or despise her but most louingly defend and keepe her from all iniuries and all euils as his owne body For like as the head 〈◊〉 and heareth for the whole body ruleth and guideth the body and giueth it strength of life or as Christ doth defend teach and preserue his Church and is the Sauiour comfort eye heart wisedome and guide thereof euen so must the husband be head vnto his wife in like manner to shew her like kindnesse and after the same fashion to guide her and rule her with discretion for her good and preseruation and not with force and wilfulnesse to intreat her but to be her defender instructer teacher and comfort So that when the husband hath obtained that his wife doth truely and heartily loue him there shall then need neither precepts nor lawes for loue shall teach her moe things and more effectually then all the precepts of all the Phylosophers He ought therefore to endeauour and more force himselfe that his wife may loue him then that she may feare him When his wife shall offend or displease him he may nor hate her or quarrell with her but patiently and mildly admonish her For no man euer hated saith the Apostle his owne body but cherisheth it and maketh much of it So then he that loueth his wife loueth himselfe for thereby he enioyeth peace and comfort and helpe to himselfe in all his affaires therefore in the same verse Paul counselleth husbands to loue their wiues as their bodies And after in the 33. verse as though it were too little to loue them as their bodies he saith Let euery one loue his wife as himselfe that is as his body and soule too For if God commanded men to loue their neighbours as themselues much
he will trust her and so open and disclose his loue and shew her greater signes and tokens of loue and beneuolence manifesting that to be borne and nourished through the experience of her vertue and through hope to be continued and kept that in time to come she may be like her selfe and striue to ouercome herselfe with vertue As the husband ought to loue his Wife tenderly so from her as from a fountaine he must extend his loue also vnto her parents and kinsfolkes to the end that they may well know and perceiue how greatly their cousin doth aide and helpe them and that she in like manner may vnderstand that his beneuolence and loue to her is such that it redoundeth among her friends and parents and of this he shall receiue no little profit at home And seeing he loueth his wiues kinsemen for her sake how much more ought he then to loue her children that she in like case may loue his if he haue any And thus the one seeing the mutuall loue of the other they shall knit and couple themselues in good and stedfast loue vnto their liues end The duties which are to be performed of the husband and the wife are either pertaining to pietie and godlinesse or else mutuall seuerall duties concerning the parties themselues 1. The first common dutie is prayer that they pray together by themselues For as they are to pray with others in their families for things which concerne their houshold so there are certaine things which belonging to themselues are not to be mentioned in their families but priuately as namely for a godly posterity and that in the birth the childrn be comely and not monstrous in comming forth like monsters which might be a griefe vnto them or an occasion that the wicked should speake euill of the Gospell c. And further they are to pray that they may haue comfort by them in their well-carriage and good behauiour as likewise for their houshold and diuers other affaires which they cannot so commodiously pray for in their publike familie As Isaack and Rebecca besides the prayers in their house which they vsed with Abrahams family did also pray together priuatly as Gen. 25. 21. it is said Isaack prayed before his wife for so the words signifie that they might haue children 2. A second dutie of pietie is that they admonish one another As the husband is to admonish the wife and also to teach her so the wife is to admonish the husband in her place admonishing bringing sufficient reason is to be heard For euen as the maister is to counsell the seruant and likewise to heare the good counsell of his seruant as Naaman 2. King 5. 13. 14. heard his seruant which counselled him to wash in Iordan according to the saying of the Prophet so in like manner the husbands duty is to counsell and to admonish his wife yet so as when he faileth in duty he is to heare her good counsell and admonition either concerning heauenly matters or earthly affaires she notwithstanding considering her estate and condition vnder him and in humility confessing her selfe to be the weaker vessell 1. Pet. 3. 7. Their mutuall and seuerall duties pertaining to themselues are First the holy familiarity which ought to be betwixt man and wife wherby they haue a more familiar vsage one of another and do more familiarly behaue themselues in a comely sort one to another then any other parties whatsoeuer in regard whereof Abimelech king of Gerar after that Isaack had said of Rebecca his wife She is my sister seeing Isaack playing and sporting with her familiarly knowing that familiarity which ought to be betweene the husband and the wife and knowing that Isaack was a godly religious man and therefore would not vse that kind of behauiour to any other woman saue to his wife discerned thereby and concluded certainely that she was his wife howsoeuer he had denied it before Noting that a woman is not to be familiar after that sort with any other man saue her husband and contrary that the husband ought not to vse this familiaritie with any other woman which he doth with his wife And therefore Pro. 5. 19. we see that the wife should be to him as the louing Hinde namely delightfull one in whom he may delight that as the Hart delighteth in the Hinde so the wife should be a delight vnto her husband and so in like manner she ought to take delight in him 2. Againe there is another mutuall dutie pertaining to themselues to wit that neare coniunction euen in regard of their bodies for an holy procreation of children in respect whereof the Apostle saith The husband hath not power ouer his owne body but the wife c. Onely when it is with the wife as is common to women Ezech. 18. 6. or that she be sicke of her disease he is not then to haue the vse of her body c. Such as do aspire and purpose to enter into the holy estate of matrimony are to beginne in prayer and holinesse to God And hauing attained to that estate ought to vse the benefit of marriage as an holy ordinance of God in all godlinesse and puritie for a remedie against the weakenesse of the flesh and not for the prouocation and lust to intemperancie True it is that honesty of marriage grounded vpon Gods ordinance doth couer the shame of incontinencie yet not so as that married folkes should defile and pollute that holy estate by admitting all things but that they should so vse it as there might be no excesse in dissolutenesse neither any intemperancie contrarie to the holinesse thereof So that to abuse it in lasciuious excesse is fornication When God created the woman he said It is not good that man should be alone I will make him a helpe meete for him but whatsoeuer is said of the woman that she should be an helpe to the man must also be put in practise and exercised by the husband to wards his wife according to the doctrine of the Apostle Saint Paul 1. Cor. 7. whether in auoiding fornication whether in procuring generation and the education and bringing vp of children whether in maintaining a family or for the seruice of God and saluation of soules Hereby it euidently appeareth that the dutie common both to the husband and wife importeth that the one should aide and helpe the other First that they may leade their lines in chastitie and holinesse Next to auoide fornication So that the dutie of the husband and the wife consisteth in this that they liue together in all chastitie and purenesse and that they take great heed and beware of breaking the bond and infringing and violating the saith of marriage by fornication or adulterie which is a detestable sinne in the sight both of God and man If such as wanting the remedy of marriage by committing fornication do incurre an offence worthy euerlasting damnation what may those deserue who hauing
with benigne sweete and gentle conuersation vntill it be so increased and fastened that no great storme be able to dissolue and breake it And all suspition must be at all times but especially at the beginning of matrimony eschewed and shunned lest they should first begin to hate or euer they begin to loue yea and they must beware they do not faine any suspition nor conceiue it of any light occasions and coniectures for vnto such they in no wise must giue eare although there were some shew and great apparence of likelyhood And this will be a good meanes to effect and worke this namely if they 〈◊〉 themselues to speake kindly and cheerefully one to the other For as the ancient Counsellors of King Salomon gaue wise aduise and counsell vnto Rehoboam King ofIsraell to the end that he might winne the loue and good liking of the people Speake kindly vnto them said they and they will serue thee for euer after which counsell not being followed great inconuenience and mischiefe after befell vnto him Euen so likewise if the husband be 〈◊〉 to procure the loue ofhis wife and to winne her to God or if the wife be desirous and would also procure the loue of her husband and winne him to God then they must draw on one another with sweet and gentle words ofloue speaking kindly one to another because gentle words do pacifie anger as water quencheth fire But if they shall vse taunts or words of reproach and despite one against another much hurt then may ensue thereof For a little leauen sowreth the whole lumpe And therefore let them vse to giue one to the other their dutifull names and titles and to eschue and shunne the contrary For example like as the spitefull Iewes which hated the Lord Iesus would not vouchsafe to giue him his name when they talked of him or with him but to shew their vtter dislike of him they vsed to say Is this he or Art thou he that will do such a thing Is not this he c. Againe Whither will he go that we shall not finde him they would not say Is not this Iesus Christ or the Sonne of God but they vsed a most despitefull kind of speaking which did bewray abundance of malice that was hidden in their hearts euen so it sometimes falleth out betwixt the husband and the wife betwixt the father and the sonne betwixt the maister and the seruant c. that they could speake dutifully one to another but contempt and disdaine anger and malice will not suffer the one to affoord vnto the other their due names and titles lest they should be put in minde of those duties which those names require Whereout Sathan sucketh no small aduantage whereas many times the very name of husband or wife father or sonne maister or seruant c. doth greatly helpe to perswade the minde and to winne the affection yea the very mentioning of these names doth oftentimes leaue a print of duty behind in the conscience Husbands must not forget this point namely that it is not sufficient for them to declare and outwardly make a shew of a good life in words and precepts onely but also in life and deed So that two things are very necessary for them to rule withall to wit wisedome and example and that they themselues fulfill the thing that they command to be done The life and outward conuersation of a man whether it be good or euill doth not onely perswade but also constraine and enforce We do see how mighty and auaileable this or the like exhortation of a Captaine is in the time of warre and battell Oh my souldiers do that ye shall see me do the which contempt of death in the Captaine doth so creepe through the whole host that there is not one be he neuer so feeble and weake-hearted that doth esteeme his life for the which he perceiueth that his Captaine careth so little Thus did Christ with his Apostles and Martyrs draw the world vnto the Christian faith Leuit. 11. 44. and 19. 2. and 20. 7. and 21. 8. Ioh. 13. 15. Phil. 3. 17. 1. Tim. 1. 16. 2. Thessal 3. 9. For as they liued so they spake and as they spake so they liued Therefore if the husband would haue his wife to be temperate quiet chast painfull in her calling religious c. then he must be carefull that he be not distemperate vnquiet no whoremonger nor carelesse in his calling nor irreligious c. So that if he command any thing to be done he must looke that he deny not to do the same himselfe and so shall his wife and family obey the same and be the more readie and willing to do it being both honest and lawfull to be done The very name of a wife is like the Angell which stayed Abrahams hand when the stroke was comming If Dauid because he could not expresse the commoditie and comfort of vnitie and brotherly loue was faine to say Oh how good and ioyfull a thing it is for brethren to dwell together in vnitie Then let husbands weigh and consider how harsh and bitter a thing it is for them and their wiues to dwell together in enmitie and strife For the first yeare after marriage God would not haue the husband go to warre with his enemies to the end that he and his wife might learne to know one anothers conditions and qualities and so afterwards liue in godly peace not warre one with another and therefore God gaue a law and appointed that the new married husband that yeare should stay at home and settle his loue that he might not warre and iarre after for the God of peace dwelleth not in the house of warre As a kingdome cannot stand if it be diuided so an house cannot stand if it be diuided for strife is like a fire which leaues nothing but dust smoke and ashes behind it We reade in the Scriptures of maisters that strooke their seruants but neuer of any that strooke his wife but rebuked her Lot was drunk when he lay with his daughters in stead of a wife and so is he which striketh his wife in stead of his seruants The law sheweth how a bondman should be corrected the wife is like a Iudge which is ioyned in commission with her husband to correct other Wilt thou strike one in his owne house no more shouldst thou strike thy wife in her house She is come to thee as to a Sanctuary to defend her from hurt and canst thou hurt her thy selfe Therefore Abraham said to Lot Are we not brethren that is May brethren iarre But they may say are we not one can one chide with himselfe can one fight with himselfe He is a bad host that welcomes his guest with stripes Doth a King trample on his crowne Salomon calleth the wife The crowne of her husband Therefore he which woundeth her woundeth his owne honour She is a free Citizen in thine house
and hath taken the peace of thee the first day of her marriage to hold thy hands till she release thee againe Adam saith of his spouse This is flesh of my flesh But no man saith Paul euer hated his owne flesh So then if a man aske whether he might strike his wife God saith nay thou mayest not hate thy wife For no man hateth his owne flesh shewing that he should not come neare blowes but thinke his wrath too much Some husbands are wont to say that they will rule their wiues whatsoeuer they be or howsoeuer they came by them and that it is in the hand and power of the husband what and of what qualities and conditions she shall be True it is that a great part of this doth rest and lie in the husband so that he vnderstand as he ought to do that marriage is the supreme and most excellent part of all amitie and friendship and that it farre differeth from tyranny the which doth compell men to obey Truly it may force the bodie but not the will in the which all loue and amitie doth consist and stand the which if it be drawne and forced doth resist and bow like a Palme tree to the contrary part And the husband may assure himselfe that there cannot be any quiet marriage or vnitie where he and his wife do not agree in will and minde the which two are the beginning and seate of all amitie and friendship And such husbands as do bragge and thinke themselues able to rule and ouer rule their wiues by that time they haue proceeded and gone a little further they shall well feele and perceiue themselues to be beguiled and finde that thing to be most hard and intricate the which to be done they esteemed most light and easie Some husbands there be that through euill and rough handling and in threatning of their wiues haue and vse them not as wiues but as their seruants And yet surely they are but very fooles that iudge and thinke matrimony to be a dominion For such as would be feared do afterwards pitiously lament and complaine that they can find no loue in their wiues whose loue and amity through their owne crueltie and hard dealing they haue turned into hatred And whereas at the beginning they gloried and cracked thus cruelly that they were their wiues maisters they haue now purchased vnto themselues a most miserable and lamentable life in time to come all loue and pleasure being now cast aside and compassed with feare and suspition hatred and sorrow Surely if a husband as nature reason and the holy Scriptures do witnesse be the head ouer his wife and God their Father there ought to be betweene them such society and fellowship yea and greater then is betweene the father and the sonne and not such as is betweene the maister and the seruant And amongst many reasons that may be vsed to perswade the husband and wife to liue together louingly quietly and Christianly this is not the least namely that neither of them is certaine how long they shall liue together then the partie that ouer-liueth and purposeth to marrie againe hauing bene churlish froward c. with his former wife or she with her first husband their so hard dealing one with the other before being knowne will no doubt be an occasion that they shall not speed and match so well as otherwise they might if they had behaued themselues peaceablie and dutifully in their first marriage What the dutie of a wife is toward her husband THis duty is comprehended in these points First that she reuerence her husband Secondly that she submit herselfe and be obedient vnto him And lastly that she do not weare gorgeous apparell beyond her degree and place but that her attire be comely and sober according to her calling The first point is proued by the Apostles Peter and Paul who set forth the wiues duties to their husbands commanding them to be obedient vnto them although they be prophane and irreligious yea that they ought to do it so much the more that by their honest life and conuersation they might winne them to the obedience of the Lord. Now for so much as the Apostle would haue Christian wiues that are matched with vngodly husbands and such as are not yet good Christians to reuerence and obey them much more should they shew themselues thankfull to God and willingly and dutifully performe this obedience and subiection when they are coupled in marriage with godly wise discreet learned gentle louing quiet patient honest and thrifty husbands And therefore they ought euermore to reuerence them and to endeuour with true obedience and loue to serue them to be loth in any wise to offend them 〈◊〉 rather to be carefull and diligent to please them that their soule may blesse them And if at any time it shall happen that the wife shall anger or displease her husband by doing or speaking any thing that shall grieue him she ought neuer to rest vntill she haue pacified him and gotten his fauour againe And if he shall chance to blame her without a cause and for that which she could not helpe or remedy which thing sometimes happeneth euen of the best men yet she must beare it patiently and giue him no vncomely or vnkind word for it but euermore looke vpon him with a louing and cheerefull countenance and so rather let her take the fault vpon her then seeme to be difpleased Let her be alwaies merry and cheerfull in his company but yet not with too much lightnesse She must beware in any wise of swelling powting lowring or frowning for that is a token of a cruell and vnlouing heart except it be in respect of sinne or in time of sicknesse She may not be sorrowfull for any aduersitie that God sendeth but must alwayes be carefull that nothing be spilt or go to wast through her negligence In any wise she must be quicke and cleanly about her husbands meare and drinke preparing him the same according to his diet in due season Let her shew her selfe in word and deed wise humble curteous gentle and louing towards her husband and also towards such as he doth loue and then shall she leade a blessed life Let her shew her selfe not onely to loue no man so well as her husband but also to loue none other at all but him vnlesse it be for her husbands sake and the Lords Wherefore let the wife remember that as the Scripture reporteth she is one bodie with her husband so that she ought to loue him none otherwise then her selfe for this is the greatest vertue of a married woman this is the thing that wedlocke signifieth and commandeth that the wife should reckon to haue her husband for both father mother brother and sister like as Adam was vnto Eue and as the most noble and chast woman Andromache said her husband Hector was vnto her Thou art vnto me both father and
is the want and neglect of the wise discreet and good gouernment that should be in the husbands besides the want of good example that they should giue vnto their wiues both in word and deed For as the common saying is such a husband such a wife For so much as marriage maketh of two persons one therefore the loue of the husband and wife may the better be kept and increased and so continued if they remember the duties last spoken of as also not forget three points following 1. They must be of one heart will and mind and neither to vpbraide or cast the other in the teeth with their wants and imperfections any wayes or to pride themselues in their gifts but either the one to endeuour to supply the others wants that so they both helping and doing their best together may be one perfect body 2. It doth greatly increase loue when the one faithfully serueth the other when in things concerning marriage the one hideth no secrets nor priuities from the other and the one doth not vtter or publish the frailties or infirmities of the other and when of all that euer they obtaine or get they haue but one common purse together the one locking vp nothing from the other and also when the one is faithfull to the other in all businesse and affaires Likewise when the one hearkeneth to the other when the one thinketh not scorne of the other and when in matters concerning the gouernment of the house the one will be counselled and aduised by the other the one of them being alwayes louing kind courteous plaine and gentle vnto the other in words manners and deeds 3. Let the one learne euer to be obsequious diligent and seruiceable to the other in all honest things And this will the sooner come to passe if the one obserue and marke what thing the other can away withall or cānot away withall and what pleaseth or displeaseth them and so from thence-foorth to do the one and to leaue the other vndone And if one of them be angry and offended with the other then let the party grieued open and make knowne vnto the other their griefe in due time and with discretion For the longer a displeasure or euill will rages in secret the worse wil be the discord And this must be obserued that it be done in a fit and conuenient time because there is some season in the which if griefes were shewed it should make great debate And if the wife would go about to tell or admonish her husband when he is out of patience or moued with anger it should then be no fit time to talke with him Therefore Abigail perceiuing Nabal her husband to be drunke would not speake to him vntill the morning Both the husband and wife must remember that the one be not so offended and displeased with the manners of the other that they should thereupon forsake the company one of another for that were like to one that being stung with the Bees would therefore forsake the bony And therefore no man may put away his wife for any cause except for whoredome which must be duly prooued before a lawfull Iudge But all godly and faithfull married folkes are to commend their state and marriage to God by humble and feruent prayer that he for his beloued Sonnes sake would so blesse them and their marriage that they may so Christianly and dutifully agree betweene themselues that they may haue no cause of any separation or diuorcement For like as all manner of medicines specially they that go nighest death as to cut off whole members c. are very loathsome and terrible euen so is diuorcement indeed a medicine but a perillous and terrible medicine Therefore euery good Christian husband and wife ought with all care and heedfulnesse so to liue in marriage that they haue no need of such a medicine As the holy Scripture maketh mention of many wiues and women that were wicked and vngodly as partly may be seene by these quotations 1. King 1. 2. Prou. 7. 27 and 22. 14. and 25. 24. and 27. 15. Eccles. 7. 28. So contrariwise the same sacred Scripture also commendeth vnto vs many women that haue bene deuout religious and vertuous as partly is manifest by that which hath bene already said and also by these places of Scripture Ruth 2. 11. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Pro. 14. 1. and 31. 10. Mat. 28. 1. 8. 9. 10. Luke 8. 2. 3. and 23. 55. 56. Acts 1. 14. and 17. 4. and 9. 36. 39. 2. Ioh. 1. 2. Tim. 1. 5. And whosoeuer shall obserue it in the reading of the word of God shall find that it speaketh of the praise of as many and mo good women then men Yea and I am perswaded that if at this day a due suruey should be taken of all the men women throughout his Maiesties dominions there would be found in number moe women that are faithfull religious and vertuous then men Now if a wife be desirous to know how farre she is bound to obey her husband the Apostle resolueth this doubt where he saith Ephesians 5. 22. Wiues submit your selues vnto your husbands as to the Lord. As if he had said wiues cannot be disobedient to their husbands but they must resist God also who is the author of this subiection and that they must regard their husbands will as the Lords will But yec withall as the Lord commandeth that which is good right so she should obey her husband in good and right or else she doth not obey him as the Lord but as the tempter The first subiection of the woman began at sinne For when God cursed her for seducing her husband when the serpent had deceiued her he said He shall haue authoritts ouer thee And therefore as the man named all other creatures in signe that they should be subiect to him as a seruant which commeth when his maister calleth him by his name so he did name the woman also in token that she should be subiect vnto him likewise And therefore Assuerus made a law that euery man should beare rule in his owne house and not the woman Because she sinned first therefore she is humbled most and euer since the daughters of Sarah are bound to call their husbands Lord as Sarah called her husband that is to take them for heads and gouernours Amongst the particular duties that a Christian wife ought to performe in her family this is one namely that she nurse her owne children which to omit and to put them foorth to nursing is both against the law of nature and also against the will of God Besides it is hurtfull both for the childs body and also for his wit lastly it is hurtfull to the mother her selfe and it is an occasion that she falleth into much 〈◊〉 thereby First nature giueth milke to the woman for none other end but that she should bestow it vpon her child
wise man as euer was any before him or after him God hath endued him with heauenly gifts and had set him vp as a figure of his Sonne Christ yet when he had married with Pharaohs daughter and others of an other religion and strangers from the commonwealth of Israell he then fell from worse to worse till at the last he fell to miserable idolatrie 1. King 11. 4. What was the cause that Ahab king of Israell did worse then all the kings before him a man euen sold to worke wickednesse in the sight of the Lord aboue all his idolatries and walking in the most wretched wayes of Ieroboam the Scripture layeth this to his charge euen as his greatest 〈◊〉 that he tooke the daughter of the king of the Sydonians to his wife 1. King 16. 29. 30. 31. 23. 33. And lest such parents as either haue or hereafter shall marrie their children to Papists should thinke their case to be better then his because though they marry them to Papists or to Atheists yet they do not marry them to any Pagans let them consider what the Scripture teacheth them more Iehoram King of Iudah married neither with anie Sydonian nor AEgyptian neither with Pagan nor Infidell but with one of his owne people and of the Tribe of Israell yet because she had corrupted her religion in her fathers house the Scripture sheweth this to to be the cause of all Iehorams sinne He did euill in the sight of the Lord because the daughter of Ahab was his wife 2. Kings 1. 18. Yea the Scripture maketh this sinne so great that Iehosaphat a good King was yet defiled with it and it is reported as a great blemish of his vertuous doings that euer he suffered his sonne Iehoram so dangerously to marrie 2. Chron. 1. 18. When God would blame the idolatrie of his people of Israel shewing both how greatly he did hate it and what plagues he would bring vpon them for it he reuealed it vnto the Prophet 〈◊〉 this parable bidding him take vnto himselfe a wife of fornications that is a wife full of spirituall whoredomes such a one as a papist is that in such a marriage as in a glasse he might behold how lothsome the peoples idolatries were Hos. 1. 2. c. Parents haue further to remember that they haue not this rule and authoritie ouer their children that they may chuse whether they will let them marrie or no or when they list and whom they list but fathers and mothers must consider that they haue rule ouer their children vnder the Lord so that the Lord is aboue them and therefore parents must deale with their children according to the will and minde of God which will of God is reuealed vnto vs out of his word Now God by his Apostle saith To auoide fornication let euery man haue his owne wife and let euery woman haue her owne husband Whereby all parents may see that God commaundeth them to permit and suffer euery one to marrie that is disposed to marrie Now if they may not forbid any man or woman to marrie much lesse their owne children whom if they suffer not to marrie not hauing the gift of continencie then they breake and resist Gods ordinance For we reade that when Isaack forbad his sonne Iacob to marrie any of the daughters of Canaan he did not restraine him altogether from marriage and therefore he directed him where and with whom he should marrie Likewise the parents of Sampson when he asked a wife of them did not simply forbid him to marrie but they reproued him for because he would marrie an Insidell and a prophane woman Therefore such parents as be godly will haue aduised consideration and regard of the infirmities of their children and whether they can liue continent and chast or no and if they shall make choise and haue a good liking to such as be honest religious and godly hauing craued their parents consent although they be not so rich and wealthie as they would wish them to matc h with yet they ought not to hinder 〈◊〉 and forbid their children to marrie onely for want of goods and substance Parents ought to be carefull that their children do marrie in such an age wherein they should vnderstand whom they choose and very well perceiue what they take in hand and that they do not seeke to match themselues in marriage aboue their degree And it is very expedient that parents admonish their children to make their choise according to their complexion and condition This is a most vnnaturall and cruell part for parents to sell their children for gaine and luker and to marrie them when they list and to whom they list without the good liking of their children and so bring them into bondage And therefore if parents shal force and compell their children to marrie contrarie to their minde and liking then the sorrowfull children may not say they haue married them but for euer they haue marred and vndone them And therefore to the end that marriages may be perpetuall louing and delightfull betwixt the parties there must and ought to be a knitting of hearts before striking of hands The places of Scripture are many and diuerse by which it may plainely appeare that all godly and Christian parents are charged by God himselfe that they should be carefull in time to make meete choise of husbands for their daughters and fit wiues for their sonnes amongst many these quotations do sufficiently proue it Deut. 7. 3. Nehemia 13. 23. 24. Ierem. 29. 6. 1. Corinth 7. 36. 37. 38. Genesis 24. 10. c and 28. 1. 2. and 4. 4. and 38. 6. 8. Iosua 15. 16. 17. 2. Samuel 13. 23. Iudges 14. 1. c. Let fathers and mothers therefore on whom this charge by God his Commandement lyeth to take wiues for their sonnes and to prouide husbands for their daughters take diligent heed hereunto that they abuse not their power and authoritie ouer their children but as in other cases they are willed by the Apostle that they deale not in such sort to wards them that they thereby be dismayed discouraged so especially in this matter of greatest moment and value of all other worldly things whatsoeuer let them abstaine from all rigour and roughnesse and beware that they turne not their fatherly iurisdiction and gouernment into a tyrannicall sowrenesse and waywardnesse letting their will go for a law and their pleasure for a reason For the rule of parents ouer their children ought to resemble the gouernment of good Princes towards their subiects that is to say it must be milde gentle and easie to be borne For as they so likewise parents so farre as concerneth them and lyeth in their abilitie to performe must carrie such an euen and vpright hand in their gouernment that they may by loue seeke to winne the hearts of those ouer whom they are set to be firme and sure towards them and not to
21. 2. Tim. 3. 2. 3. 4. 5. 2 The riches of the body Beautie Chuse a wife for vertue onely Pro. 19. 14. Seek no match in marriage aboue thy 〈◊〉 Equalitie in marriage to be respected Of the choise of a wise A good wife is aboue all things to be craued of God by prayer Heb. 13. 4. Ephes. 5. 25. 26. 27. Three causes of marriage Psal. 51. 5. The second cause wedlocke lawfull for such as haue not the gift of chastitie The third cause This is often found most true that such as are contemners of marriage are most offenders against marriage and liue most vnchastly 21. Pet. 2. 7. By honour is meant that the husband is to sustaine and relieue the wants of his wife to support vphold beare with her infirmities as the weaker vessell Besides the prayers had with their family they must pray priuately Gen. 25. 21. 1. Cor. 7. 3. 4. 5. Col. 3. 19. Anger in a husband is a vice The roote of bitternesse to be weeded out by the spade of patience How when the husband ought to reproue Faults sometimes must be couered with loue Not to take vnkindnesse for euery trifle Ephe. 5. 25. 26 27. 28. 29. The husband is to the wife in Gods stead Husbands may 〈◊〉 be rigorous 〈◊〉 their wiues especially when they be new married Prou. 20. 3. The wife is not to be vsed or intreated as a handmaid or seruant but as a fellow Prou. 8. 7. 14 9 15. 5. 18. 2. 27. 22. Prou 9. 9. 19. 25. Gen 16. 6. The falling out of louers is a renewing of loue That man is miserable that is married vnto a foolish woman Husbands must prouide things necessarie for the house A mans house will continue by prouision before hand and by order in his expences 1. Tim. 5. 8. But where disorder is in a house it cannot endure Spare in time and spend in time for sparing is a rich purse The honour of the husband dependeth on the wife 1. Cor. 11. 7. The third point Can. 4. 9. 10. 1. Cor 9. 5. 1. Pet. 3 7. 1. Cor. 11. 3. Ephes. 3. 23. Ephes. 5. 28. 29 1. Sam. 1. 8. Gal. 6. 2. Gen. 1. 28. Gen. 2. 18. The causeswhy the husband should loue his wife The husband must loue his wiues kinsfolkes Gen. 26. 8. 9. 1. Cor. 7. 4. Duties common both to the husband the wife 1. Cor. 7. 2. Gen. 1. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 5. Ephes. 5. 15. Tit. 2. 5. Mat. 5. 44. Gen. 6. 2. Psal. 38. 22. Mat. 19. 5. Ephes. 5. 31. Gen. 31. 4. 5. c. Math. 19. 6. Pre. 2. 27. Mal. 2. 14. Mat. 19. Leuit. 20. 10. Ioh. 8. 5. Mat. 19. 8. Mat. 19. 6. 1. Cor. 7. 12. 1 Cor. 7. 11. Obiection Answer 1. Cor. 7. 29. 1. Pet. 3. 7. 1. Pet. 3. 7. Gen. 30. 1. 1. Sam. 1. Gen. 16. The best pollicie in marriage is to begin well 1. King 12. 7. 8. c. Iudg. 19. 3. Prou. 15. 1. Gal 5. 9. Gen. 22. 11. Psal. 133. 1. Leuit. 24. 5. Mat. 12. 25. Gen. 19. 33. Gen. 18. 3. Pro. 12. 4. Gen. 2. 23. Ephes. 5. 29. 1. Pet. 3. 1. Ephes. 5. 22. Col. 3. 18. 1. Cor. 7. 2. Wiues must be seruiceable obedient vnto their husbands and stand in a reuerend awe of them Ephes. 5. 24. Cheerefull in countenence Gen. 27. 9. Gen. 2. 23. 24 Math 19. 5. 1. Cor. 6. 16. Eihes 5. 31. How the wife ought to behaue her selfe vnto her husband Rom. 12. 15. 2. King 2. 6. Gal. 6. 2. 1. King 21. 5. 1. King 14. 4. Gen. 12. 1. Gen. 2. 18. 1. Cor. 1. 27. 1. Pet. 3. 1. 2. King 5. 3. 49. Hest. 7. 3. 〈◊〉 32. 21. 〈◊〉 10 19. Prou. 5. 18. 19. 1. Sam. 16. 23. 1. Sam. 25. 3. Gen. 38. 4. Gen. 33. 1. Why wiues are called huswiues Tit. 2. 5. Pro. 7. 12. 2. King 30. Gen. 18. 9. 2. King 4. 22. Ephe. 5. 22. 23. 〈◊〉 Cor. 11. 14. 34. Gen. 18. 12. 1. Pet. 3. 6. Ephes. 5. 24. Gen. 3. 1. 1. Tim. 2. 14. Num. 30. 7. Pro. 14. 1. 18. 22. 19. 14. 31. all The wife must keepe a good tongue When the wife doth hold her peace she keepes the peace The cause of domesticall combats Silence becometh a woman Lacke of knowledge of Gods word is the principall cause why wiues do not their duties to their husbands One heart and one will How the loue faithfulnesse and dutie of married folkes may be kept increased They must secretly keepe no euill will in their minds but tell their griese 1. Sam. 25. 36. 37. 1. Cor. 7. 10. 11 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. Mat. 19. 6. Mat. 19. 9. Luke 16. 18. The wife ought to obey her husband in all things that be honest and agreeable to Gods word Gen. 3. 16. Hest. 1. 20. 22. Numb 30. 7. 8 9. 1. Pet. 3. 6. It is a speciall dutie of a mother to giue her children sucke her selfe 1. Tim. 5. 10. Gen. 22. 7. 1. Sam. 1. 23. Exod. 8. Cant. 8. 1. Psal. 22. 9. Mat. 2. 14. Luke 2. 7. 12. 1. Tim. 5. 10. Stepfathers stepmothers their duties The husband must so praise his first wife she her first husband as it be not done to the offence or reproch of either to the other Iealousie which is the suspecting of adulterie in the married parties ought wisely and carefully to be suppressed in both parties without apparent matter The very name of stepfather stepmother teacheth them their dutie 1. King 12. 13. 2. Sam. 2. 7. As wiues ought to go comely plainly and handsomly in their 〈◊〉 so they must in any wise beware of pride riot or excesse therein Pride is hatefull before God and man be not therefore proud for thou art but dust ana ashes Prou. 16. 18. Titus 1. 3. Temperance in apparell The dutie containeth foure points Namely in teaching or instructing them in religion in manners good example of life and skill of an occupation The first point The children of Christians ought not to be called by any papish name We are neither better nor worse in respect of our names Iosua 10. 3. The name profiteth none in whom vertue is not conuinced Luk. 1. 59. 2. 21. Proper names are also giuen vnto vs for this vse and end that is to distinguish between man man Instructing correcting prayer make good children and happy parents Deut. 6. 7. 8 4. 9. 11. 19. Psal. 78. 5. 6. 78. Iosu 4. 6. Exod. 12. 26. 27. Gen. 18. 19. 1. 〈◊〉 28. 9. Act. 10. 2. 2. Tim. 1. 5. Parents must performe their dutie to their children moderately with great grauity and authority Which is done by example Fruits are wont to take their shape nature of the tree Deut. 6. 5. 6. 7. 31. 13. 1. King 17. 10. c. 2. King 4. 1. c. Ioh. 4. 53. Luke 19. 9. Act. 10. 44. 2. Tim. 1. 5. 3. 15. Ezech