nethermost hell it is so high that b Ps 36.5 it reacheth to the heauens it is of such admirable length bredth that it c Ps 103.12 remoueth our fins as farre from vs as the East is from the West And the cause why the sinnes of all the world are not pardoned is not because Gods mercy cannot pardon them but because they cannot repent that they might bee pardoned So then I make no doubt but that God of his mercy is able to forgiue my sinnes bee they what they will bee yea and further vpon my vnfained repentance hee will forgiue them if I repent he will forgiue for wee cannot be so sinfull as hee will be mercifull if for our sinnes wee bee heartily sorrowfull For this hee hath promised and by this his promise is become indebted to vs whereas we onely by our sinnes were debtors to him so that now he is not only a mercifull creditor to vs content to release the debts of our sinnes but also by his promise become our debtor vpon our repentance to giue vs a pardon and vpon our pardon to giue vs heauen O vnspeakable mercy Well sure I am he is a true debtor and will pay what he hath vndertaken therefore I am perswaded hee will forgiue my sins for seeing when hee knew all the sinnes that euer I should commit hee would notwithstanding in loue send his sonne to be my Sauiour whereas he hath now by his death made full satisfaction for them shall I thinke the Lord will stick at the pardon of them Now as concerning the hardnes of my heart I see I neede the lesse to feare it in regard I haue a sight and sense thereof and vnfainedly bewaile the same For like as it is with a greene wound if it bleede well when it is made there is the lesse feare of rankling more good hope of curing so for as much as I feele my heart bleed in bewayling the hardnes of it I see there is the lesse dāger of festering inwardly to the destruction of my soule For my weaknes in the seruice of God though Sathan would hereby take occasion to keep me from the word prayer and Sacraments perswading mee that I doe but take the name of God in vaine and prophane his worship and increase my own condemnation yet I am resolued to try masteries with him and not to neglect Gods seruice and these holy exercises at any hand for if hee could once get mee at this bay hee would triumph indeed and I further consider to my comfort that God measureth the obedience yeelded to him rather by the * Deus magis delectatur affectu quam effectis desire and will to obey than by the large and exact performance thereof Though therefore I doe not all the good I would yet seeing in loue I desire to doe it and though I bee not wholly rid of all the euill I hate yet seing in hatred thereof I desire to be rid of it God will accept of that which I doe and will impute vnto me that which I desire Min. What is it else that doth disquiet your minde and interrupt your peace Con. Sometimes I feare that all the grace which I haue conceiued to bee in me Doubting proceeding from fear of hypocrisie answered and all that I do at any time in the seruice and worship of God and the holinesse which I make shew of is but all in hypocrisie which my conceit growes the stronger on mee because I see sometimes some who haue been accounted very rare Christians farre excelling mee in knowledge seeming-zeale forwardnesse and other gifts and yet haue fearefully fallen away from the grace of God and so fowly discouered themselues that it hath appeared euidently they neuer had the soundnes of grace in them Min. This is a slie temptation indeed for thus the Diuell transformes himselfe into an Angell of light as though hee loued sincerity and would haue men sincere whereas hee hates nothing more and therefore while hee thus goes about to condemne you of hypocrisie hee shewes himselfe a damned hypocrite but how deale you with this subtile suggestion Con. First I see I haue no warrant to take so neere to heart the fearefull examples of backsliding hypocrites as to question mine owne estate therefore for tho some earthy comets and muddie meteors are drawne aloft sometimes and make a great blaze than the true starres of light but after a short time vanish away yet the true stars must not therefore nor will not leaue their place or shining and though the wolues somtimes goe in sheeps clothing * Non debet ouis pellensuam deponere quod lupi aliquādo se ca cōtegāt Aug. yet must not the sheepe therefore forgoe their clothing and thinke themselues to bee wolues Secondly I consider that to see feare and shun hypocrisie is to bee sincere Whiles then I feare it I haue the lesser cause to feare the danger of it and am the further from it Thirdly I desire rather to be good than to seem to be so and to do good rather than to seeme to doe it therefore I am not an hypocrite for hee desires the contrary he lookes chiefly to the outside I to the inside to my heart I haue an eye to that to keepe it in good temper The good temper of the heart especially in two respects 1. Supple and soluble that is alwaies humble for else I cannot bee long in spirituall health and 2. alwaies hungry keeping in my heart an appetite vnto Christ by faith and vnto all good things in loue thereof and for the maintaining of my heart in this good temper I vse a daily good diet of the soule namely watchfulnes meditation prayer reading conference c. I am chiefly desirous and carefull to know how my estate indeed stands before God and therefore take paines to examine my selfe soundly and throughly and am very willing to bee tryed by others this working thorow-stitch the hypocrite cannot brooke 4. The hypocrite doth not vse to goe to God in d Mat. 6.5.6 secret by prayer when hee thinks none knowes sees or heares him and that in conscience being acquainted with the distresse of his owne soule and priuie to his owne corruptions to bewaile them to God and to cry for grace but this I doe neither yet would I haue once mentioned this my practice vnto you for feare of vaine-glory but that I now stand vpon my triall and must in this case produce all the witnesses I can Fiftly I finde in my selfe that I should bee full sorie that all should be but in hypocrisie in me O I would not for all the world it should be so yea I desire from my very heart that it may be in sincerity hereby I am perswaded that it is not in hypocrisie but in sincerity Min. You say well how else doe you withstand this temptation Con. I may perceiue in my greatest feare and doubting that some of the signes
off by sunne-set will not fit him down or lay himself to sleep but get on horse-backe and be riding onward on his way and he that hopes to liue long will not starue himselfe but vse the best diet for preseruing his life 4. It makes me fit my selfe by holinesse for that which I hope for namely the full fruition of the glorious ous presence of the perfectly-pure and holy God in heauen according to that of the Apostle Å¿ 1 Ioh. 3.3 Euery one that hath this hope in him purifieth himselfe euen as God is pure not vnlike to one who hoping to get accesse into the presence of the King with his petition doth addresse himselfe in all sutabe manner both in apparell behauiour and speech for the presence of his Soueraigne Min. It appeares your hope is found and good euen that t Rom. 5.4 which maketh not ashamed and the God of hope fill you therewith and grant that you may abound therein through the Holy Ghost But by what other signe doe you know that you shall bee saued Con. I finde in my heart a true loue of God now I haue learned out of the word that the Lord hath promised the crowne of life to them that loue him c. I make no question but hee will bee as good as his word who neuer failed therein since the world began therefore I know that the crowne of life is mine Min. All say they loue God and professe great friendship to him neuerthelesse most flatter him with their mouth and lye vnto him with their tongues for their heart is not right with him How know you then that you loue him in truth Con. 7. Notes of true loue of God Whereas there are three things in loue affection to the thing beloued a desire of coniunction with it and a well-pleasing contentment taken in the enioying of it all these I find in some measure in mee toward my God so that I know I loue him truly which I further proue by these notes First because I prize and estimate him aboue all worldly things yea mine owne life so that I can truely say with that blessed Martyr Ignatius Eus l. 2. c. 36. I esteeme no visible thing nor yet inuisible so that I may haue Christ u Phil. 3.8 yea doubtlesse I count all things but losse in comparison of him and do count them but dung that I may winne him Neither is this a mercenarie loue hired with the wages of reward for though there were no heauen O Lord I would loue thee but seeing there is a heauen I will account of it and labour to obtaine it yet still will I loue thee for thy goodnesse sake O Lord for thou thy selfe art reward enough though there were no more Secondly I am carefull and vnfainedly desirous to please the Lord in all things euen as we see that men are loth to crosse or displease those whom they entirely loue and affect Heerupon I giue my selfe to loue that which hee loueth and to hate that which he hateth * Ps 45.7 He loueth righteousnes and hateth wickednes and so doe I though not in equality for that is impossible yet in similitude and conformity for it is required and expected as the Prophet saith * Ps 9.10 They that loue the Lord hate euill thus I endeuour my selfe y 1 Ioh. 4.17 as God is euen so to bee in this worldr Thirdly a man may knowe his loue to any thing by the zeale and heat of affection whereby he is carried to that thing which hee loueth Thus euery man is transported and as it were eaten vp with one zeale or other some with the zeale of pleasure as Esau was who for a messe of pottage sould his birth-right some with the zeale of honour as Absalom was who for to gette a kingdome sought to draw bloud of his owne father some with the zeale of money as Iudas was who for his thirty peeces sold his Lord Sauiour By my zeale I know my loue to God for tho I bee not eaten vp with zeale as z Ps 69 9. Dauid was oh I would I were so too yet I feele it burning within mee as a Ier. 20.9 Ieremiah did my heart is hot within me and the fire kindled my zeale carrieth mee to God Fourthly I loue his b Ps 119.97 Qui diligit legem diligit regem word and sacraments prayer and all other holy exercises whereby as I haue gracious intercourse and heauenly conference with the blessed Trinity so in especiall with Christ my wel-beloued who therin causeth mee to heare his sweet voyce and to see his louely countenance for which cause I also loue the house of God so that I can no lesse heartily than merrily sing the note of the Prophet Dauid O Lord I haue loued the habitation of thine house and the place where thine honour dwelleth and another of the same O Lord of Hostes how amiable are thy tabernacles my soule longeth yea euen fainteth for the Courts of the Lord my heart and my flesh cryeth out for the liuing GOD. Fiftly I loue his c Mat. 10.40 messengers and embassadors the Preachers of his word which are sent vnto mee from God to treat about conclusions of peace beseeching mee in Christs stead to bee reconciled to God O how beautifull are the feete of him that bringeth these good tidings that publisheth peace that bringeth good tidings of good that publisheth saluation to me Sixtly I long for the comming of Christ not as though I could no longer beare for impatiencie the miseries of this life which are but light in comparison of the weight of glory but that I might bee married for euer vnto Christ my Loue in perfect ioy and harts delight being now but espoused onely to him and that I might be perfectly freed from all sinne whereby I grieue both him and my selfe and alwaies praise his name in heauen How long Lord how long thou hast d Re. 22.20 said Surely I come quickly Amen Euen so come Lord Iesus Min. Thus it appears that the loue of God will warrant a man as it doth you no les than heauen but what say you now of loue to Gods people may not that bee ranked among the euidences of your saluation Conuert Yes without doubt For The tenth signe of saluation taken out of 1 Ioh 3.14 heereby we know saith S. Iohn that he haue passed from death vnto life because we loue the brethren these doe I loue that is the children of God and such as are godly and these will I loue for euer knowing that loue is such a debt as I shall be alwaies owing and yet I must and will bee euer paying I will striue to be rather a creditour than a debtor heerin and will not only returne to the Saints of God the loue of loue the same measure that I receiue from them but euen vsury and aduantage of loue and I would to God there
were as many paied vse for loue as doe in these dayes pay vse for money Then should they be no whit impouerished lesse in the vsurers books more in Gods and so would it be a better world Min. Whereas you say you loue the godly it may be that is onely because they are friendly to you or because you receiue or hope to receiue some outward kindnes and benefit from some such if your loue be no other than this it is but selfe-loue beeing grounded meerely vpon your owne priuate commoditie and this kinde of loue may bee found in an vnregenerate and carnall man Con. It is not so with me for though happily I may regard some such for some such respects as you name yet if I should not loue the child of God for his own sake and for his and my fathers sake more than I loue my worldly friend for my cōmodities sake or my kinsman for neerenesse of bloud I should bee void of any sparke of true heauenly loue therfore I chiefly loue the godly for their goodnes and godlinesse sake the ground of my loue vnto them is the image of god in them This is that diuine load-stone which drawes my affection toward them Minist How can you make it appeare that you loue them with a right affection Con. Thus 1. because I loue some such in the * In abstracto abstract euen when they are seuered and separate from all externall respects and grounds of loue to mee-ward as 4 Notes of true loue to Gods children when I heare or reade of the zeale piety constancy heauenly vertues and gracious endeauours of the worthy seruants of God such as I neuer knew nor had any dealing with yet I finde that I loue them and feele the affection of my heart spreading it selfe towards them to embrace them which cannot be for carnal respects nor worldly hopes for it may bee some of them are dead and gone and thus I loue the Saints departed which are now in heau'n sometimes also I haue knowne and loued some worthy Christians who then haue flowed with worldly prosperity but after haue fallen to a very low ebbe of great aduersity when the world hath bidde them adieu friends wealth goods haue altogether taken their leaues yet then haue I loued them as dearely as euer I did before whereby it appeared that my loue was not grounded vpon worldly regards which all forsooke them but vpon their goodnes and godlines which still continued with them Secondly I much affect the godly and delight exceedingly in their cōpanie yea of such as are nothing of kin vnto mee that e Ro. 1.12 wee may bee edified through our mutual faith whereas I care not for the company of others wanting true godlinesse though they may be perhappes of my very neere kindred So that I can truely say f Psa 16.3 As for the Saints that are in the earth and the excellent in them is all my delight but as for others I haue hated the assembly of euill doers and will not sit with the wicked and if of necessitie I bee forced to bee in their company then am I readie to wish with the Prophet O that I had wings lik a Doue then would I flie away and be at rest or if this ô will not set mee at libertie then I take vp woe to expresse my misery Woe is me that I soiourne in Mesech that I dwell in the tents of Kedar 3. I haue a fellow-feeling of the miseries of the Saints my deare Christian brethren and sisters which works in mee compassion and makes my heart euen ake and bowels yearn within me to see their grief and behold them in necessitie Whereby I perceiue that I haue the true affection of a fellow-member for if one member suffer all the members suffer with it Fourthly I finde in mee a willingnesse in some measure to impart my selfe vnto them in life and goods soule and bodie so far as I canne to affoord them helpe and succour for as it is truely said of faith that * Fides toto copulatiua it is wholly copulatiue wholly employed in coupling vs to Christ so may it as truly bee said of loue that it is * Charitas communicatius wholly communicate imployed in imparting it selfe and what it hath to others for their good Faith is as the leads and pipes to bring in and loue is as the cock of the conduit to let out Now for as much as my loue is thus communicatiue to the children of God because they are his children heereby I also see that it is of the right kinde Min. Alledge some other sure signe of your saluation For the more the better man the richer you are in the true treasure the more comfort may you haue thereby Con. The Lord hath promised to fulfill the desire of them that feare him The eleuenth sign of saluatiō taken out of Psal 145.19 that he wil heare their cry and will saue them Now I finde in some measure in mee the true feare of God and though I say not of my selfe as the Scripture saith of Obadiah that g 1 Kings 18.3 hee feared God greatly yet this I can say that I desire to feare God greatly and this I dare say in despight of the diuell that I feare GOD truely Therefore I shall be saued certainly according to Gods holy word of truth Min. St. IOHN telles vs that there is no feare in loue but that perfect loue casteth out feare Seeing then you loue God how can you bee said to feare him how can these two stand peaceably together Con. Very well for there is a two-fold feare of God the first is a slauish and seruile feare in horrour to dread his maiestie as a seuere reuenging Iudge eyther executing his iudgements or readie to take vengeance on his enemies Thus all impenitent persons and the Diuels feare him and onely thus and therefore hate him wishing there were no God And this is the meaning of Saint Iames when hee saith h Iam. 2.19 The Diuels beleeue and tremble The second is a childe-like feare in awefull reuerence and loue toward God to be carefull not to offend him now this feare is the true naturall birth of loue being bred and brought forth of it Looke then as Sarah cast out Ismael the seed of the bond-woman but would not cast out her owne deare sonne Isaac euen so the loue of GOD doth cast out of mee by degrees the seed of bondage the slauish feare but not her owne birth the awefull and holy feare of God but cherisheth and nourisheth this continually in mee and is as a nurse vnto it so that now I feare not so much that God will condemne me as that I may not offend him so good so louing a father to mee euen as a good ingenious childe feares to offend his father for very loue but feares not that his father will cut his throat or murder
gaines and pleasures hee fetcheth vs in againe then hee begins to hamper and shackle vs with sundry crosses to keepe vs better within compas to make vs minde home better and to make vs better husbands for our soules that so wee may thinke of him in time of aduersity who had almost forgotten him in time of prosperity sometimes hee sees that wee trust to the arme of flesh and leane too much to some outward meanes then by a crosse he takes it away that so wee might wholly and onely relie on him Manifold corruptions and much filth of sinne doe wee gather by walking in this dirty world the Lord doth vse the waters of affliction as a bath to cleanse purge vs from those corruptions in bringing vs thereby to a sight thereof and humiliation for the same in these the like respects well may affliction bee tearmed Gods purging physicke Sometimes he also vseth it for strengthning physick when as he doth afflict his seruants for their triall for the strengthning of their faith patience loue zeale holy desires c. for these and the like graces the more they are exercised the more they are confimed and the stronger they grow and euen inward afflictions of the minde serue greatly to these good ends O blessed rod of God that dost so much good Did I thinke the Lord loued mee not because his rod lay on mee oh how could I bee without it Surely it is as needfull for mee as my meat and drinke and much more needfull too * Hic vre his seca vt in aeternum pareas domine Aug. O scourge mee and launce me here O Lord that thou maiest spare mee for euermore hereafter Sixtly as touching outward calamities I haue learned at length a little wisedome by Gods word for the right demeaning of my selfe therein not to looke downeward on the rushing and roaring streames of miseries and troubles which run so swiftly vnder mee for then I should bee taken with a giddinesse in the head which would make mee thinke and speake an aduisedly of Gods dealing and my owne estate and so I should bee in hazard of being drowned and ouerwhelmed therein but this I doe I fasten my eies vpon the sure stay by which I am vpheld that is God all-sufficient and stedfastly behold his promise in the middest of all miseries thus I praise God I passe ouer many a dangerous deep h Ps 42.6 when one deepe calleth another or the noise of the water-spouts when one trouble comes on the necke of another I passe ouer or wade through safe sound Seuenthlie as I desire to prepare for affliction before it commeth so do I resolue in like manner aforehand to hold fast my assurance of the loue of God and so to beare it as comfortably as may bee when it shall come obseruing that it is the work of Sathan to make mee vtterly discomfortable in tribulation that heauen our country and holinesse the way thereto might both be brought out of credit by my meanes that others beholding my vncomfortablenes might bee discouraged from entring or proceeding in the happy way to life By the grace of God Sathan shall not make mee his scar-crow in the way to heauen to keep others out nay rather by my sweet and lightsome deportment of my selfe therein I will allure others what I may rather to choose the way of the crosse the way to the kingdome than for fear of the crosse to lose and forgoe the kingdome Min. It is a good resolution and surelie it is not for any ill-will that the Lord corrects his children whether with inward afflictions of minde or outward of bodie friends children goods good name or howsoeuer else his loue is neuer the lesse vnto them and he is neuer the further from them and though they greatly feare sometimes yet they haue no more cause to feare than the Disciples had when Christ came walking to them vpon the sea thinking that they had seen a spirit to whom our Sauiour answered i Math. 14 26.27 Bee of good cheere it is I bee not affraid euen so when the raging windes and blustering stormes of afflictions doe cause an earthquake in our hearts the Lord sends forth a calme quiet voyce to the comfort of his children It is I bee not affraid which all they may easilie heare that will but lay their eare to the word of God and listen thereunto for so hee speakes vnto them therein Now if there be any other matter that troubles your minde alledge it if you will for conclusion of all lest I bee also one of them that trouble you Con. Doubting proceeding from feare of death answered Why then if you thinke good wee will end with that that shall end our liues namely death I greatly feare sometimes that I am not as I should bee because I finde in my selfe such strugling w i th the thoghts of death and that I am so affraid yea and vnwilling to die Min. How do you to repell and ouercome this assault Con. First I consider that they which are truly in Christ by faith and liuing members of him may haue and haue all of them some feare of death for all that though it can do them no harm like as man that seeth the sting of a serpent plucked out before his eyes therefore knowes it can not hurt him yet hath some fearefulnesse in him to handle it and put it into his bosome because of that naturall enmitie and antipathie that is between him and it the sting of death is sinne which Christ hath pluckt out in being made sinne for vs and satisfying fully for it so that well may we say O death where is thy sting and yet we are affraid of the very lookes of death but more affraid to come nigh it because wee naturally hate death this therefore is no good reason to make mee thinke my selfe none of Christs because I haue some feare of death no more than it is to proue a man no man or reasonable creature because hee is loth to put a snake in his bosome when the sting is pluckt out Secondlie I take vp such meditations as may make mee better and more familliarly acquainted with death and may make mee better conceited of it and to take better liking to it as first that it is the common lot of k Heb. 9.27 all the sonnes of Adam none exempted no not the Worthies of the world and holie Patriarcks and should I then desire to bee exempted Death hath his warrant to take hold of euery sinner therefore none can bee spared for all haue sinned but before hee comes himselfe hee sends forth many summons to warne men to appeare at Court before God euery ache paine sicknes faintnesse wearinesse yea euery wrinkle or gray haire or dead coarse is deaths summons to warne vs appearance but because we are too regardlesse make too light hereof at length hee comes personally with a special Writ from the