were as many paied vse for loue as doe in these dayes pay vse for money Then should they be no whit impouerished lesse in the vsurers books more in Gods and so would it be a better world Min. Whereas you say you loue the godly it may be that is onely because they are friendly to you or because you receiue or hope to receiue some outward kindnes and benefit from some such if your loue be no other than this it is but selfe-loue beeing grounded meerely vpon your owne priuate commoditie and this kinde of loue may bee found in an vnregenerate and carnall man Con. It is not so with me for though happily I may regard some such for some such respects as you name yet if I should not loue the child of God for his own sake and for his and my fathers sake more than I loue my worldly friend for my cōmodities sake or my kinsman for neerenesse of bloud I should bee void of any sparke of true heauenly loue therfore I chiefly loue the godly for their goodnes and godlinesse sake the ground of my loue vnto them is the image of god in them This is that diuine load-stone which drawes my affection toward them Minist How can you make it appeare that you loue them with a right affection Con. Thus 1. because I loue some such in the * In abstracto abstract euen when they are seuered and separate from all externall respects and grounds of loue to mee-ward as 4 Notes of true loue to Gods children when I heare or reade of the zeale piety constancy heauenly vertues and gracious endeauours of the worthy seruants of God such as I neuer knew nor had any dealing with yet I finde that I loue them and feele the affection of my heart spreading it selfe towards them to embrace them which cannot be for carnal respects nor worldly hopes for it may bee some of them are dead and gone and thus I loue the Saints departed which are now in heau'n sometimes also I haue knowne and loued some worthy Christians who then haue flowed with worldly prosperity but after haue fallen to a very low ebbe of great aduersity when the world hath bidde them adieu friends wealth goods haue altogether taken their leaues yet then haue I loued them as dearely as euer I did before whereby it appeared that my loue was not grounded vpon worldly regards which all forsooke them but vpon their goodnes and godlines which still continued with them Secondly I much affect the godly and delight exceedingly in their cōpanie yea of such as are nothing of kin vnto mee that e Ro. 1.12 wee may bee edified through our mutual faith whereas I care not for the company of others wanting true godlinesse though they may be perhappes of my very neere kindred So that I can truely say f Psa 16.3 As for the Saints that are in the earth and the excellent in them is all my delight but as for others I haue hated the assembly of euill doers and will not sit with the wicked and if of necessitie I bee forced to bee in their company then am I readie to wish with the Prophet O that I had wings lik a Doue then would I flie away and be at rest or if this ô will not set mee at libertie then I take vp woe to expresse my misery Woe is me that I soiourne in Mesech that I dwell in the tents of Kedar 3. I haue a fellow-feeling of the miseries of the Saints my deare Christian brethren and sisters which works in mee compassion and makes my heart euen ake and bowels yearn within me to see their grief and behold them in necessitie Whereby I perceiue that I haue the true affection of a fellow-member for if one member suffer all the members suffer with it Fourthly I finde in mee a willingnesse in some measure to impart my selfe vnto them in life and goods soule and bodie so far as I canne to affoord them helpe and succour for as it is truely said of faith that * Fides toto copulatiua it is wholly copulatiue wholly employed in coupling vs to Christ so may it as truly bee said of loue that it is * Charitas communicatius wholly communicate imployed in imparting it selfe and what it hath to others for their good Faith is as the leads and pipes to bring in and loue is as the cock of the conduit to let out Now for as much as my loue is thus communicatiue to the children of God because they are his children heereby I also see that it is of the right kinde Min. Alledge some other sure signe of your saluation For the more the better man the richer you are in the true treasure the more comfort may you haue thereby Con. The Lord hath promised to fulfill the desire of them that feare him The eleuenth sign of saluatiō taken out of Psal 145.19 that he wil heare their cry and will saue them Now I finde in some measure in mee the true feare of God and though I say not of my selfe as the Scripture saith of Obadiah that g 1 Kings 18.3 hee feared God greatly yet this I can say that I desire to feare God greatly and this I dare say in despight of the diuell that I feare GOD truely Therefore I shall be saued certainly according to Gods holy word of truth Min. St. IOHN telles vs that there is no feare in loue but that perfect loue casteth out feare Seeing then you loue God how can you bee said to feare him how can these two stand peaceably together Con. Very well for there is a two-fold feare of God the first is a slauish and seruile feare in horrour to dread his maiestie as a seuere reuenging Iudge eyther executing his iudgements or readie to take vengeance on his enemies Thus all impenitent persons and the Diuels feare him and onely thus and therefore hate him wishing there were no God And this is the meaning of Saint Iames when hee saith h Iam. 2.19 The Diuels beleeue and tremble The second is a childe-like feare in awefull reuerence and loue toward God to be carefull not to offend him now this feare is the true naturall birth of loue being bred and brought forth of it Looke then as Sarah cast out Ismael the seed of the bond-woman but would not cast out her owne deare sonne Isaac euen so the loue of GOD doth cast out of mee by degrees the seed of bondage the slauish feare but not her owne birth the awefull and holy feare of God but cherisheth and nourisheth this continually in mee and is as a nurse vnto it so that now I feare not so much that God will condemne me as that I may not offend him so good so louing a father to mee euen as a good ingenious childe feares to offend his father for very loue but feares not that his father will cut his throat or murder
him seeing hee knowes he loues him dearely Min. Many say they feare God and yet doe but lye against the truth how know you that yours is this true childe-like feare of God Con. First as I haue 6 Notes of the true feare of God said because it followes vpon the former signe of saluation namely the loue of GOD and is an inseparable companion thereof as another Ruth i Ruth 1.16.17 hanging vpon her mother Naomie for loue in feare and feare in loue is a sound testimony of the true feare of GOD. Secondly it worketh in me maruellous humiltie towards God and causeth mee in awfull respect vnto his glorious maiestie to abase my self as sinnefull dust and ashes before his blessed presence as Iacobs feare of his brother Esau made him humble himselfe k Ge. 3.3 bow to the ground 7. times before him Thirdly it makes mee afraid of sin to flee from it as l Exo 4.3 Moses fled from his rod when it became a serpent it makes me feare to commit sinne secretly as well as openly for though no eye doe see me m Ps 16.8 I set the Lord alwaies before me as it kept n Ge. 39.9 Ioseph from committing foly though hee might haue done it closely and couertly enough Fourthly it makes me hate sinne for o Pr. 8.13 The feare of the LORD saith Salomon is to hate euill yea inward corruptions which sticke in the cranies of the soule and cannot be descried but but a very narrow search it causeth my heart to rise vp against rebellious lusts which lie lurking within as secret Atheisme pride vaine-glory hypocrisie enuy and the like Fiftly it makes mee p Pro. 3.7 depart from euery euill way and from iniquity to breake off the practise of sinne in the course of my life to be a discontinuer in the q Psal 1.1 way of sinners and a resident in the paths of righteousnesse Sixtly this true feare of God dispelleth so farre as it preuaileth in me all other false feares as feare of men of pouerty of disgrace of death c whereas men voide of the feare of God are full of fond and foolish feares they feare the crossing of an Hare the howling of a Dog the crying of a Rauen Fairies yea fancies and their owne shadowes as therefore the wicked man may iustly feare euery thing because hee feares not God so contrariwise the righteous man needs fear nothing else because hee feares him This one thing then wil I fear that I may feare nothing but GOD and that I may rightly feare him O knit my heart so neer vnto thee O Lord that I may feare thy Name Min. I am glad to see you so well stored of this diuine grace and rare cōmodity the fear of God oh I would many thousands had more of this good ware in their store-houses their hearts But how else are you assured that you shall be saued Con. The Lord of his goodnes hath giuen mee to taste of the first fruits of the heauenly Canaan already as a pledge of the plenarie possession thereof heereafter he hath giuen me that spiritual ioy which is a heauen vpon earth And like as the r Num. 13.23 cluster of grapes broght from the Brooke Eshcol with other fruits was an Earnest to Israel of the future inheriting of the earthly Canaan euen so is this ioy to me of inheriting that goodly that heauenly Land whereof this is some of the right fruit the kingdome of glory The twelfth signe of Saluation taken out of 1 Pet. 1.8.9 and I can bring St. Peter to be bound for my truth in this point for thus hee speakes of them that reioyce with this ioy vnspeakable and full of glory that they shall receiue the end of their faith euen the saluation of their soules Min. True Ioy I hold well is a good pledge of heauen but how proue you that yours is true ioy for who seeme more merry more frollicke or iocund than ignorant worldly yea vngodly men they seeme to haue as light hearts as any and indeed in my iudgement too light to be poized and settled with the weight of grace in a word too light to be good Con. Well haue you said that they seeme so ioyfull and now haue you spoken the best you can of them for indeed they seeme and doe but onely seeme so their ioy is like the laughing of a man in his sleepe who dreaming of some very pleasing delights reioyceth in his imagination thereat but when hee awaketh hee findeth no such cause euen such is the ioy of the wicked they doe but laugh in their sleep and the diuell shall giue them such a greeting and good-morrow one day as shall make it manifest And therefore well saith Salomon of such ſ Pr. 14.13 Euen in laughter the heart is sorrowfull and the end of that mirth is heauinesse Now therfore 6 Notes of the true ioy that mine is not this base-borne ioy but of a nobler descent but sound and good I proue it thus 1. Because shee is an hand-maide to the right noble and renowned Lady Faith she neuer goes alone but is alwaies following her For first I beleeue through faith that I am reconciled to GOD and then heereupon I reioyce being thus at peace with him and for this cause it is called t Phi. 1.25 the ioy of Faith 2. It issueth out of the right veyne and fountaine it springeth out of the bitter root of godly sorrow and griefe of heart for sinne neither can any come to drinke of this water of life this heauenly Ioy till they haue first drunke of the waters of Marah bitter yet godly sorrow as our Sauiour tells his Disciples u Ioh. 16.20 your sorrow shall bee turned into ioy 3. It is fastned vpon the right obiects for I chiefly reioyce in heauenly and spirituall things as in God himselfe I can say with the Prophet He is * Ps 43.4 my exceeding ioy and x Psal 4.7 Lord lift vp the light of thy countenance vpon me hereby thou hast put gladnesse in my heart I reioyce also in the word of God as one that findeth a great spoile yea it is the very y Ier. 15.16 ioy and reioycing of my heart yea then when it searcheth me euen to the quicke herein I finde an hony-combe I reioyce in the grace of God wrought in me and others as also in my own and their z Ps 51.12 saluation I reioyce in the a Rom. 5.2 hope of the glory of God in the comfortable vse b 2 Chro. 30.21 of the sacraments in prayer christian conference in Psalmes and spirituall songs making melodie to the Lord. I am glad when they say vnto me let vs goe into the house of the Lord. I reioyce in the welfare of Sion yea I can prefer Ierusalem aboue my chiefe ioy 4. It is the fruit of c Ga. 5.22 the Spirit not of the flesh as
gaines and pleasures hee fetcheth vs in againe then hee begins to hamper and shackle vs with sundry crosses to keepe vs better within compas to make vs minde home better and to make vs better husbands for our soules that so wee may thinke of him in time of aduersity who had almost forgotten him in time of prosperity sometimes hee sees that wee trust to the arme of flesh and leane too much to some outward meanes then by a crosse he takes it away that so wee might wholly and onely relie on him Manifold corruptions and much filth of sinne doe wee gather by walking in this dirty world the Lord doth vse the waters of affliction as a bath to cleanse purge vs from those corruptions in bringing vs thereby to a sight thereof and humiliation for the same in these the like respects well may affliction bee tearmed Gods purging physicke Sometimes he also vseth it for strengthning physick when as he doth afflict his seruants for their triall for the strengthning of their faith patience loue zeale holy desires c. for these and the like graces the more they are exercised the more they are confimed and the stronger they grow and euen inward afflictions of the minde serue greatly to these good ends O blessed rod of God that dost so much good Did I thinke the Lord loued mee not because his rod lay on mee oh how could I bee without it Surely it is as needfull for mee as my meat and drinke and much more needfull too * Hic vre his seca vt in aeternum pareas domine Aug. O scourge mee and launce me here O Lord that thou maiest spare mee for euermore hereafter Sixtly as touching outward calamities I haue learned at length a little wisedome by Gods word for the right demeaning of my selfe therein not to looke downeward on the rushing and roaring streames of miseries and troubles which run so swiftly vnder mee for then I should bee taken with a giddinesse in the head which would make mee thinke and speake an aduisedly of Gods dealing and my owne estate and so I should bee in hazard of being drowned and ouerwhelmed therein but this I doe I fasten my eies vpon the sure stay by which I am vpheld that is God all-sufficient and stedfastly behold his promise in the middest of all miseries thus I praise God I passe ouer many a dangerous deep h Ps 42.6 when one deepe calleth another or the noise of the water-spouts when one trouble comes on the necke of another I passe ouer or wade through safe sound Seuenthlie as I desire to prepare for affliction before it commeth so do I resolue in like manner aforehand to hold fast my assurance of the loue of God and so to beare it as comfortably as may bee when it shall come obseruing that it is the work of Sathan to make mee vtterly discomfortable in tribulation that heauen our country and holinesse the way thereto might both be brought out of credit by my meanes that others beholding my vncomfortablenes might bee discouraged from entring or proceeding in the happy way to life By the grace of God Sathan shall not make mee his scar-crow in the way to heauen to keep others out nay rather by my sweet and lightsome deportment of my selfe therein I will allure others what I may rather to choose the way of the crosse the way to the kingdome than for fear of the crosse to lose and forgoe the kingdome Min. It is a good resolution and surelie it is not for any ill-will that the Lord corrects his children whether with inward afflictions of minde or outward of bodie friends children goods good name or howsoeuer else his loue is neuer the lesse vnto them and he is neuer the further from them and though they greatly feare sometimes yet they haue no more cause to feare than the Disciples had when Christ came walking to them vpon the sea thinking that they had seen a spirit to whom our Sauiour answered i Math. 14 26.27 Bee of good cheere it is I bee not affraid euen so when the raging windes and blustering stormes of afflictions doe cause an earthquake in our hearts the Lord sends forth a calme quiet voyce to the comfort of his children It is I bee not affraid which all they may easilie heare that will but lay their eare to the word of God and listen thereunto for so hee speakes vnto them therein Now if there be any other matter that troubles your minde alledge it if you will for conclusion of all lest I bee also one of them that trouble you Con. Doubting proceeding from feare of death answered Why then if you thinke good wee will end with that that shall end our liues namely death I greatly feare sometimes that I am not as I should bee because I finde in my selfe such strugling w i th the thoghts of death and that I am so affraid yea and vnwilling to die Min. How do you to repell and ouercome this assault Con. First I consider that they which are truly in Christ by faith and liuing members of him may haue and haue all of them some feare of death for all that though it can do them no harm like as man that seeth the sting of a serpent plucked out before his eyes therefore knowes it can not hurt him yet hath some fearefulnesse in him to handle it and put it into his bosome because of that naturall enmitie and antipathie that is between him and it the sting of death is sinne which Christ hath pluckt out in being made sinne for vs and satisfying fully for it so that well may we say O death where is thy sting and yet we are affraid of the very lookes of death but more affraid to come nigh it because wee naturally hate death this therefore is no good reason to make mee thinke my selfe none of Christs because I haue some feare of death no more than it is to proue a man no man or reasonable creature because hee is loth to put a snake in his bosome when the sting is pluckt out Secondlie I take vp such meditations as may make mee better and more familliarly acquainted with death and may make mee better conceited of it and to take better liking to it as first that it is the common lot of k Heb. 9.27 all the sonnes of Adam none exempted no not the Worthies of the world and holie Patriarcks and should I then desire to bee exempted Death hath his warrant to take hold of euery sinner therefore none can bee spared for all haue sinned but before hee comes himselfe hee sends forth many summons to warne men to appeare at Court before God euery ache paine sicknes faintnesse wearinesse yea euery wrinkle or gray haire or dead coarse is deaths summons to warne vs appearance but because we are too regardlesse make too light hereof at length hee comes personally with a special Writ from the