Message which I believ'd Raillery because she ought to have been more cautious of a Married Man's Love if serious Sly wanted but Intreaty He consented and we met but not to my Comfort tho' the Expence was mine he had the Profit She was not easie unless he sat nigh her she talk'd to him star'd at him did every thing to shew she was pleas'd whilst I by a Notion of Pride wou'd pretend nothing for fear I shou'd not have all For Gad Madam I don't love being baulk'd thus Several times we met but all as little to the purpose Undoubtedly she saw I lov'd her but wou'd not see because I was of Use in her Affair with Sly The whole Town talk'd of our approaching Wedding and I began to be Fool enough to resolve on 't through Sly's Persuasion who continually extoll'd her Honour and Vertue and tickl'd my Pride with the News of her Love but that she wanted a Declaration from me before I cou'd expect a Confession from her I told him I wou'd think on 't and so we parted That Night as Chance wou'd have it I pass'd along by the House where she liv'd and I found the Gate open I know not what Devil of Curiosity carry'd me in and when in to go to her Chamber I did both unseen and conceal'd my self behind the Bed which I saw fitted for Night I resolv'd to wait till she shou'd be in Bed and then to take Advantage of her Woman's Absence who lay in the Antichamber and there to declare my Love and offer her Marriage Long I had not waited Though Gad Madam I was very impatient and thought every Minute Seven when the charming Fair came from her Dressing-Room with nothing on but her Night-Gown and Slippers which were soon thrown off and the Goddess appear'd more beauteous than the naked Queen of Love The happy Bed soon receiv'd her and she cry'd Haste and bring my Lover to me At these Words her Woman went into the Antichamber and return'd softly with Sly who flew to her Arms sigh'd kiss'd and dy'd there Imagine my Surprize 'T was so great I cou'd not in a long time shew my self to interrupt 'em At length seeing him undress for Bed Gad Madam my Patience was quite expir'd Traytor said I in shewing my self Is it thus thou preservest thy feign'd Duty to thy Wife I laid my Hand upon my Sword and he did the like on his and we had certainly drawn had not the Amorous Fair thrown her self out of Bed between us and conjur'd us on her Knees to make no noise else she was lost for ever I rais'd her naked Beauties and carry'd them whence they came but complain'd at my hard Fortune which had made me the Instrument of my own Ruin She saw I was extreamly touch'd at it and after her Shame and Surprize was a little over You have no Reason Sir said she to complain of me I cou'd have no Engagements with a Man who never pretended to love me Tho' you have given me the Glory of refusing you as a Husband in the Eyes of the Town it cou'd not but nettle me to know there was nothing serious on your side but done like a Gentleman to secure my Reputation amongst Ill-bred Fools who know not the Charms of Conversation and won't permit it without Censure to those that do But Gad Madam answer'd I your Ladiship is not so dull but to know I lov'd you All my Assiduities Vneasiness Sighs and Oaglings must have inform'd you Our Sex dares hardly believe yours she reply'd when you take pains to speak And sure 't were an unpardonable Vanity to draw such Consequences without it Those Circumstances you pretend I have found common to all Gentlemen Therefore must I conclude the whole World is in Love with me and deny my self to those who tell me they are my Servants for the vain Imagination that another is silently so Gad Madam answer'd I I can't possibly forgive the Preference of a dull silly sober Married Man to an Airy Well-dress'd Young Amorous one I 'll be gone to London by Break of day for fear I shou'd not conceal my Resentments and so injure your Ladyship irreparably For Gad Madam I must repeat again you were to blame to slight all the Pains I took to breed you for nobler Game ' This last I confess broke my Splenetick Silence and I cou'd not hold laughing heartily which amply paid my Squire for the Pains he had taken in his Relation He concluded it with telling me his Journey to London and short Stay there only to accouter his Design of visiting a Lady-Sister marry'd into Devonshire And clos'd with Lauds to his good Fortune that had thrown him into a Coach with a Lady of my Charms and Sense to whom he had sacrific'd the Relicks of Lady Conquest the first Minute that he saw me I answer'd him That I found Experience had made him resolve against losing a second Mistress for want of speaking He had Manners sufficient or rather Conscience to think he had given me enough of his Beaux-self for one Day and withdrew I cou'd not forbear late as it was sending you an Account If you laugh in your Turn I am paid for my Pains as well as the Squire 'T is now past Eleven and they 'll call us by Two Good Night I am going to try if I can drown in Sleep that which most sensibly affects me the cruel Separation we have so lately suffer'd Hartley-Row Jun. 22. 1694. LETTER III. DOn't you think I am more constant than your Friendship cou'd hope or mine pretend to I think it a great Proof of it amidst the Fatigues of a West-Country Journey to give you thus duly an Account of my insignificant self and Travels We parted from Hartley-Row at Three this Morning through a Croud of Beggars who watch your Coach for Alms and will never leave it unbless'd Hence my Beaux took Occasion of Simile Bid me to observe how wakeful those Wretches were for small Charities That he wou'd do the like in hopes of greater And that my Divine Idea had so fill'd his Sight he cou'd not resolve to let Sleep intrude for fear of shutting me out I perceiv'd he took pains to be thought uneasie and I have more good Manners than to disappoint him Mrs. Moyoress now she is acquainted has all the low disagreeble Familiarity of People of her Rank She entertain'd us all the Morning with a sorry Love-business about her Second Husband Stuff so impertinent I remember nothing of it Beaux continues his Assiduities I think none was ever so plagu'd with dying Eyes his are continually in that posture and my Opposites that I am forc'd to take a good deal of pains to avoid ' em The two other Fellow-Travellers were never so promoted before and are much troubl'd their Journey is to last no longer and wish the four Days four Months I hope every Jolt will squash their Guts and give 'em enough on 't But they are Proof
in a little better Humour than when I writ my last Our Landlord is a perfect Beaux and most exquisitely performs the Honours of his House I am in pain for his Assiduity I can't fetch a Step no not to the Window from the Table c. but he is Squiring me and so dress'd and so conceited that nothing but Serving a loose Apprenticeship cou'd have set him up a Master in the Trade of Foppery He was a Goldsmith's Apprentice where he studied more his Pleasure than Profit This House fell to him and he wisely resolv'd to keep it himself with the Help of his Sister who is a neat houswifely obliging sort of Woman I suppose 't is by much the best Entertainment this Road affords They have a tollerable Cook and I was glad to find something I cou'd eat at Three-a-Clock for we came in here at Two and I can give you a little better Account of my Fellow-Travellers The Sir I spoke of is a Baronet's Son as he has carefully given me to understand I take it for granted he likes me and wou'd have me do the same by him As he came in he put off his Travelling Suit for a Coat and Vest design'd to dazzle the Curate and all his Congregation The Way I took to mortifie his Foppery was not to speak a Word of the Change which made him extream uneasie At length out of all Patience he desired my Opinion If his Taylor had used him well What the Brocade was worth a Yard How many Ounces of Silver-Fringe And recommended to my Curiosity the exquisite Workmanship of the Loops and then gave me the Sum Total of his Cost I answer'd him That Finery was lost upon me I neither was nor pretended to be a Judge He pertly answer'd He perceiv'd by my Sullenness that I had a great deal of Wit though I understood he had but little by his Remark Well all this did not do He wou'd fain have had me enquir'd into his Family Intrigues and Fortune which when he perceiv'd I had no Curiosity for 'Faith Madam said he I beg your Ladyship's Opinion if I am not the most unfortunate Man breathing I 'll tell you a most mortifying Adventure Nay you must hear me I vow this Indifferency does not look natural to you your eyes promise us much more Fire I 'll shut 'em thought I for ever rather than such a Fop shall find any thing to like them for What! no Answer Madam said he I perceive your Attention by your Silence Gad I love a Person of your Breeding that know themselves better than to interrupt a good Story Perhaps Madam is not well with her Journey answer'd Mrs. Mayoress of Tatness Alas I wonder Riding in the Coach shou'd not have got you a better Stomach Poor Gentlewoman she has scarce eat any thing I 'll recompence that by a Feast of the Mind answer'd my Fop. How say you Madam Shall I begin the Regalio I had as good consent quoth I With or without my Leave I see you are resolv'd upon 't Well then Madam said he since you are disposed to be delighted I 'll about it instantly ' It happen'd at Oxford three Months ago where I often came my Father's Estate being not far distant I saw a Lady and fell in Love with her â—y Gad Madam downright in Love with her She was a Person Gentilely bred had seen the Beaux Monde made the Tour of all the Places of Gallantry shin'd in the Drawing-Room languish'd in the Boxes adorn'd the Park in a Word was all a Man of my Circumstances cou'd desire in one he was resolv'd to make an Oblation of his Heart to But as her Honour was my Care and not Marrying my Design I search'd for a dexterous Pretence to visit and be happy I took Mr. Sly with me a Gentleman of the Town who had a Wife To give you the Character of my Friend He was naturally amorous had a handsom Person and Strains of natural Wit beyond whatever I saw in the most Acquir'd and your Ladyship must allow me to be a Judge of Wit by so dexterously finding out yours Maugre your Silence ' I bow'd for this extraordinary Compliment and thought I cou'd not more agreeably return it than by continuing my Silence and as the Poet has it left him to his dear Mistake ' Mr. Sly continued he was to propose a Marriage between me and my Lady Conquest to the old People her Relations whom she was just come to live with But as soon as he saw her if I was her first Oxford-Victim he was certainly the second and as I found presently took with her She had a very fine Hand which Mr. Sly according to the Country-Liberty kiss'd and then with Cleveland said So soft t is Air but once remov'd Tender as 't were a Jelly Glov'd She gave him a Look which seem'd to say she wonder'd in that Place at such a Piece of Gallantry and then pursuing with her Wit the Victory of her Eyes charm'd my Friend to that Degree that he told me he must enjoy her or die Gad Madam was not this a very odd Turn I carried him to speak for me and he comes to make me the Confident of his Designs We agreed tho' as Friends shou'd to keep our mutual Confidence secret from her and to endeavour each of us to make himself happy and faithfully to relate the Progress of our Amours But because the Country is much given to Tatling the Pretensions of Marriage went on Lady Conquest was Airy and Coquet lov'd Company and Gallantry if they cou'd be purchas'd with Safety But she knew so well how to manage every body that none durst speak to her more than she had a mind to hear I was one of the aw'd Fools Gad Wou'd you believe Madam that Love cou'd make so great an Ass of a Man of my Vnderstanding And yet 't was not altogether that neither my Pride was concern'd I was resolv'd not to serve for her Diversion till I was sure she was consenting to be mine but cou'd no more keep out of her Company than I cou'd hang my self I desired her to walk She consented with a Crony she pick'd up upon Condition I wou'd engage Mr. Sly of the Party I was jealous but to no purpose either my Rival's Company or not my Mistress's Sly pretended Fear of his Wife that he durst not appear in publick with any other Woman for she already began to have Apprehensions of my Lady Conquest whose Way of Living was remote to those of Country-Gentlewomen's and therefore he was resolv'd to think no more of her tho' infinitely pleasing to him for his Fortune depended in a great measure upon his Wife's Mother I came back with this doleful News to Lady Conquest Go tell him answer'd she He who has pretended to love me shou'd fear nothing more than not being belov'd and that I command him to meet us at the appointed place I ran like a Fool to do her
stuff in a Love-Letter Truly it might have thunder'd lighten'd and rain'd or it might have been very pleasant delightful Weather for ought I know for I am not capable of making any Remarks of that kind But this I can inform you being too sure of the Truth of it that it has been very stormy Weather in my Eyes ever since your Departure and until you return the only Sun whose Influence can disperse these Clouds I fear 't will ever be tempestuous This Account it may be pleases you more than if I had sent you Word the ill weather had reach'd our Country demolish'd our Monastery set me at Liberty and I was in pursuit of you Then then how I wou'd glut my Revenge by the Incursions of my Love For it should haunt you in all Places and Countries And since it wore so much the Visage of an Evil Spirit in your Conceit here as to make you quit the Place I wou'd try whether Change of Air wou'd alter its Complection and Features so as to force you into a better Opinion of it and be throughly reveng'd on you that Way For to love I find is the Unhappiness you wou'd avoid above all other Things But your Appetite and Taste is as much deprav'd as my Project is vain and impracticable I find the Sowr of France gratifies your Palate above the Sweets of Portugal and a French Lady with her distant Regards to your Address and at last counterfeit artificial Acceptance shall engage you much more than the Loyalty Integrity Truth and Freedom of my unlimited Passion Will not the World swear we are both mad You for preferring a Counterfeit because it glisters before the true Metal it self which is known to every Child by its Weight I for my Fidelity to so much Ingratitude But let the World blame us as it pleases I am resolv'd to be as true to you as you to your unnatural Inconstancy To what a Degree of Bliss shou'd I be advanc'd if I cou'd find you complaining of the Remisness of my Love and admiring how intense was your own And I shou'd be but too happy if that Fault was not found on your side as Alas to all the World too visibly it is And the same Conceptions you make of an Immensity will but just serve you to fathom my Zeal which altho' cherish'd and prun'd after the most careful manner is productive of nothing but the most bitter sowr and unpleasant Fruits imaginable Your unkind Dealings and Actions to me are the Fruits of my extraordinary Passion What Soul cou'd imagine such dissonant Notes shou'd spring up to interrupt the Harmony of my Affection In what had you been the worse if my extream Kindness you had retaliated with but a little of yours and altho' more than a little be my due yet with the least Grain I cou'd have wrought my own Contentment But you are so unjust to deny all and leave me to the harassing of a miserable Despair one Hour's Torment of which I wou'd not wish you shou'd endure Ages to come to be set free my self and yet no otherwise fond of my Condition but as it is a Gift of yours and which for any thing less than your Love I will never part with Barbarous Barbarous to deny me that which you take more pains to throw away upon another than I can do to obtain it You shall not use me thus indeed you must not 'T is I say it but you regard not that so insensible you are of my Condition which tho' never so unfortunate as to my own particular yet is aggravated with Cares for your Welfare who are the sole Cause of my Unhappiness How you will relish this Letter I know not I fear you will think there are too many Invectives against your Tyranny in which I will agree with you my self and ask your Forgiveness But alas they are as gentle as I cou'd possibly persuade my Pen to drop for since you take so much pleasure in a hard Heart I wou'd not for the World any ways cross you by making you less obdurate so tenderly I value your Satisfaction and so little for your sake my own But Oh! the infinite Pleasures you wou'd find in Love if you thought them worth the looking after Love as it is or is not mutual is the truest Epitome of the Supernatural States If mutual the Joys are lasting and never cloy if not the Torments are intolerable yet must be endur'd Oh that any thing I cou'd say might dissolve you to a Sense of my miserable Life or indeed rather your own And yet if it cou'd in the least enter into my Thoughts that you are altogether at Repose I assure you I wou'd never interrupt you no Noise of my Afflictions shou'd ever be your Disturbance But I am very much mistaken if you are altogether without Remorse for the Sufferings you have brought upon me I remember you once was flexible and of a compassionate Nature and your Behaviour very like a Gentleman whatever has mis-guided you to the Abuse of my Favours which if I have Knowledge of my Heart were at first much more for your sake than my own you were the Aggressor and not I and whatever Kindness I shew'd you was more to make me happy than your self that by Charity to a Serpent I at last was stung 'T is said that venomous Creatures have a Balsamick Quality in themselves to cure the Wounds they make But you more unnatural than all the rest have none at least most cruelly with-hold it from me O Heaven That I had but Power to contain my felf That I had but Temper to be a little calm But 't is a Condition I have long since abandon'd and till I see you again will never re-assume In the Rage I am in I cou'd think you as many unkindnesses as by and by the Fury of Love wou'd find a Task to unravel for if one Half Hour I blame you in the next I call it Injustice So careful I am that no ill Thought of you appear deserving that were you worse than you are my Pleasure wou'd consist in being flatter'd that you are better than I think you Nay Sometimes I persuade my self that you are a Man of the greatest Justice in the World and that 't is not even in your Nature wilfully to do an unequal Thing But 't is most certain I am doom'd to a fruitless Love without the least Possibility of a Deliverance Indeed formerly I had a faint Prospect as I thoght of being in some measure restor'd but I look'd through false Glasses that presented me with a wrong Object and since that I have done the great Work of learning to be well satisfied with my intolerable Condition Did my Love run parallel with what is commonly found in the World it wou'd not be so desperate Happy they who in a Pett or upon some small Disgust can recede from their Passions and set up for new ones elsewhere and whatever they
pretend Self-is the greatest Thing This is the Way of Amouring most in Fashion This is that Imposture that prevails upon so many tender Hearts And in Cases of Denial very artificially can usurp Languishing Eyes want no expressive passionate Insinuations counterfeit Melancholy and Distraction and all to serve some base by-End If this had been the Quality of my Love the Vengeance you assign me had then been merited I verily believe if it had had but the least Tincture of Treachery I shou'd have won your Heart shou'd have made you jealous And that Temper would have been very inconsistent with your Resolutions to make a thorough Conquest Nothing less than which to a Man of Prowess like you cou'd have been a real Pleasure Yes yes 't is very plain If my Passion had been forg'd and bore a false Accent it wou'd certainly much better have agreed with yours as being much nearer related but the fatal Consequence of a true Fervency return'd with fair Assurances and foul Actions none knows but the wretched solitary I. Upon the whole I think verily I love you because you make me miserable If that be true go on be signaliz'd to the World for your Unkindness that the more I may be so for my unaccountable Affection That I love you Heaven knows you know else I shou'd see you here again cringing out the feign'd Allegations of your Sincerity tho' much more distant than we are Oh that we were to begin again What Course wou'd I then take I fear e'en fool my self as I have done for since I know no greater Pleasure than the Love of you I shou'd too willingly run the Risk of any Disadvantage that cou'd happen by it I die a Thousand Deaths every Hour and still revive to die them o'er again Adieu What cou'd not I endure for your sake I have at this Moment so lively an Idea of you that I almost fancy you here in Person Methinks how very kind you are How affectionately you condole me for the Torments I have suffer'd in your Absence and how thankful I am to you for them How you press my Hand and swear you will never part with me And Ah Monsieur How I believe you for being hitherto so faithful Once more Adieu I think I never writ to you in my Life but their Length made 'em stay'd for The Post at my Request has waited a great while and I am now sent to I wonder else when I shou'd give off You may judge a little of my Condition when you see even hurrying Post-haste it self can admit of a Delay to please me The Actions of all People that see me are designedly kind and of a Desire to divert me One takes me by the Hand begging of me to be chearful and leave my unprofitable Thinking shewing me good Reason for it But Alas I find Reason and Love two very separate Things not at all influencing each other To Day a Sister brought me Variety of the best Fruits of which nothing but a piece of a Pomgranate cou'd I be persuasuaded to eat 'T is possible I might thank her but am not sure I had so much Manners Every Body excuses my Ill Breeding but much wonder at my Alteration The Rigour and Severity of our Religion can dispence with many great Faults in me that it will not allow in others What shall I do Well I have only one thing more besides a Thousand to say to you which is That if you can have regard for any one Sentence in this Letter it may be too this last I implore you to let me see you in Portugal before I die Adieu Adieu FINIS