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will_v save_v or_o damn_v i_o at_o last_o i_o know_v not_o neither_o do_v i_o think_v it_o possible_a for_o i_o ever_o to_o have_v know_v that_o except_o it_o be_v by_o some_o extraordinary_a way_n which_o very_o few_o do_v attain_v unto_o but_o by_o degree_n i_o begin_v to_o stay_v upon_o some_o promise_n through_o such_o consideration_n as_o these_o first_o i_o think_v it_o can_v not_o stand_v with_o the_o goodness_n of_o god_n to_o damn_v a_o poor_a soul_n that_o have_v such_o heart-working_n and_o desire_n after_o he_o as_o i_o have_v have_v much_o in_o my_o thought_n those_o word_n of_o sampsons_n mother_n judges_z 13._o 23._o i_o think_v that_o if_o he_o do_v intend_v to_o destroy_v i_o he_o will_v never_o have_v give_v i_o such_o desire_n after_o he_o &_o preserve_v i_o till_o now_o and_o then_o that_o promise_n mat._n 5._o 6._o do_v much_o support_v i_o for_o i_o think_v that_o if_o ever_o poor_a creature_n do_v hunger_n and_o thirst_n after_o righteousness_n i_o do_v these_o 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will_v be_v nothing_o at_o all_o to_o i_o yet_o my_o hope_n be_v great_a than_o my_o fear_n and_o i_o be_v resolve_v if_o i_o perish_v i_o will_v perish_v here_o at_o the_o foot_n of_o christ_n and_o now_o i_o do_v not_o only_o see_v that_o possible_a which_o before_o i_o think_v impossible_a but_o i_o have_v great_a hope_n and_o much_o confidence_n most_o time_n this_o apprehension_n though_o it_o be_v that_o which_o be_v far_o below_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o gospel_n yet_o it_o do_v present_a christ_n very_o lovely_a to_o i_o and_o do_v produce_v in_o i_o a_o real_a love_n to_o he_o as_o i_o dare_v not_o but_o so_o judge_n consider_v how_o i_o stand_v affect_v to_o and_o delight_v in_o whatever_o i_o know_v to_o be_v his_o will_n though_o i_o must_v confess_v i_o think_v at_o the_o first_o the_o great_a wheel_n that_o carry_v all_o about_o be_v my_o own_o good_a yet_o i_o be_o very_o confident_a that_o at_o this_o time_n i_o have_v a_o real_a love_n to_o &_o delight_n in_o the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n and_o his_o commandment_n be_v not_o grievous_a to_o i_o but_o i_o do_v approve_v of_o they_o to_o be_v the_o most_o excellent_a thing_n because_o approve_v of_o by_o the_o lord_n and_o i_o well_o remember_v i_o be_v so_o far_o take_v off_o from_o delight_v in_o sin_n that_o i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v i_o do_v hate_v it_o with_o a_o perfect_a hatred_n as_o that_o which_o be_v in_o itself_o the_o only_a object_n of_o hatred_n as_o it_o be_v against_o god_n and_o all_o my_o delight_n be_v to_o be_v with_o those_o that_o i_o think_v do_v excel_v in_o virtue_n and_o i_o can_v not_o bear_v wicked_a person_n but_o their_o way_n and_o practice_n be_v odious_a to_o i_o yet_o still_o i_o say_v my_o condition_n at_o this_o time_n be_v a_o condition_n of_o extreme_a bondage_n and_o below_o the_o gospel_n i_o shall_v say_v no_o more_o of_o it_o but_o only_o this_o that_o what_o i_o have_v here_o write_v i_o think_v i_o may_v say_v be_v not_o the_o hundred_o part_n of_o the_o labour_n and_o travel_n of_o my_o soul_n while_o i_o live_v in_o that_o condition_n and_o if_o i_o shall_v go_v about_o to_o write_v it_o all_o i_o know_v not_o how_o nor_o when_o to_o make_v a_o end_n but_o god_n be_v please_v in_o mercy_n to_o free_v i_o from_o that_o bondage_n by_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n through_o his_o son_n to_o who_o be_v all_o praise_n and_o glory_n for_o ever_o more_o amen_n some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o second_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v the_o person_n by_o who_o my_o experience_n in_o these_o thing_n begin_v which_o be_v one_o as_o i_o judge_v not_o right_o call_v or_o send_v to_o preach_v the_o gospel_n he_o not_o be_v relate_v to_o a_o true_a church_n though_o otherwise_o i_o hope_v a_o godly_a man_n according_a to_o that_o measure_n of_o light_n he_o have_v receive_v from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v possible_a for_o a_o godly_a man_n in_o time_n of_o ignorance_n and_o darkness_n to_o be_v a_o minister_n of_o a_o false_a church_n second_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v not_o the_o work_n of_o a_o false_a ministry_n neither_o be_v it_o the_o way_n of_o god_n to_o convert_v soul_n by_o yet_o accidental_o or_o providential_o something_o may_v be_v do_v that_o way_n by_o they_o especial_o in_o time_n of_o persecution_n where_o there_o be_v not_o a_o true_a ministry_n abroad_o as_o indeed_o i_o be_o much_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o this_o time_n and_o that_o for_o these_o reason_n first_o because_o now_o be_v the_o day_n of_o god_n power_n noâ—_n only_o to_o make_v i_o willing_a but_o there_o be_v some_o change_n wrought_v in_o the_o whole_a soul_n and_o every_o faculty_n of_o it_o which_o before_o be_v dead_a have_v now_o some_o life_n and_o motion_n in_o thing_n relate_v to_o god_n and_o godliness_n as_o the_o understanding_n be_v open_v so_o the_o will_n 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uphold_v my_o spirit_n be_v the_o lord_n jesus_n christ_n though_o my_o apprehension_n of_o he_o be_v not_o according_a to_o the_o gospel_n as_o to_o the_o glory_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n therein_o contain_v a_o three_o reason_n be_v from_o the_o consideration_n of_o that_o fruit_n which_o do_v appear_v at_o that_o time_n which_o be_v a_o entire_a love_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o conversation_n suitable_a thereunto_o according_a to_o the_o light_n then_o receive_v for_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o do_v good_a but_o a_o love_n to_o it_o and_o delight_n in_o it_o and_o there_o be_v not_o only_o a_o forbear_n evil_a
believe_v that_o as_o justification_n and_o sanctification_n be_v inseparable_a 2_o thes_n 2._o 13._o and_o that_o as_o one_o end_n of_o christ_n death_n be_v as_o well_o to_o redeem_v his_o people_n from_o all_o iniquity_n and_o the_o power_n of_o sin_n as_o from_o the_o punishment_n of_o sin_n so_o the_o power_n of_o grace_n be_v more_o strong_a and_o able_a to_o keep_v i_o from_o sin_n than_o all_o the_o legal_a band_n and_o slavish_a fear_n in_o the_o world_n tit._n 2._o 11._o and_o though_o possible_o i_o may_v meet_v with_o some_o temptation_n of_o that_o nature_n yet_o to_o the_o praise_n of_o his_o grace_n i_o can_v true_o say_v i_o never_o find_v my_o heart_n more_o engage_v for_o god_n and_o godliness_n and_o more_o disengage_v from_o sin_n than_o now_o which_o the_o lord_n keep_v i_o so_o and_o all_o his_o amen_o some_o brief_a observation_n from_o this_o three_o note_n of_o experience_n first_o concern_v my_o confidence_n in_o my_o former_a condition_n before_o i_o know_v these_o thing_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o person_n may_v be_v very_o confident_a on_o false_a ground_n and_o that_o it_o be_v not_o the_o confidence_n that_o make_v the_o condition_n good_a but_o the_o ground_n of_o it_o for_o though_o still_o i_o say_v i_o be_o incline_v to_o own_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n to_o be_v begin_v in_o i_o at_o that_o time_n before_o say_v by_o some_o accidental_a or_o providential_a scatter_n of_o the_o seed_n of_o the_o gospel_n yet_o through_o false_a teach_n those_o seed_n be_v so_o bury_v under_o the_o ash_n of_o legal_a righteousness_n that_o there_o be_v a_o great_a power_n require_v to_o blow_v off_o those_o ash_n and_o to_o carry_v on_o that_o work_n than_o if_o it_o have_v never_o be_v begin_v according_a to_o that_o forementioned_a place_n matth._n 21._o 31._o how_o hard_o then_o must_v it_o need_v be_v to_o begin_v that_o work_n where_o there_o be_v only_o such_o a_o righteousness_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o legal_a righteousness_n where_o the_o work_n of_o conversion_n be_v begin_v in_o a_o soul_n be_v a_o great_a obstruction_n to_o the_o carry_v on_o and_o perfect_v of_o that_o work_n second_o concern_v the_o manner_n of_o the_o deal_n of_o god_n with_o i_o in_o the_o manifestation_n of_o his_o love_n and_o grace_n which_o be_v at_o this_o time_n by_o read_v as_o indeed_o however_o god_n be_v please_v to_o deal_v with_o other_o yet_o with_o i_o i_o can_v say_v but_o what_o i_o have_v receive_v i_o have_v always_o receive_v by_o and_o through_o some_o mean_n from_o whence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v good_a to_o wait_v on_o god_n in_o the_o use_n of_o all_o mean_n for_o though_o the_o holy_a one_o of_o israel_n be_v not_o limit_v yet_o ordinary_o he_o work_v by_o mean_n and_o leave_v no_o ground_n in_o holy_a scripture_n to_o expect_v he_o out_o of_o mean_n three_o concern_v my_o idolize_v those_o forementioned_a minister_n be_v keep_v by_o it_o from_o read_v or_o hear_v any_o other_o doctrine_n but_o they_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o it_o be_v a_o dangerous_a thing_n to_o esteem_v of_o person_n above_o what_o be_v meet_v and_o to_o be_v implicit_o lead_v by_o they_o in_o spiritual_a thing_n four_o concern_v my_o not_o receive_v the_o doctrine_n of_o free_a grace_n for_o fear_n of_o carnal_a liberty_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o such_o as_o be_v ignorant_a of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n be_v subject_a to_o this_o mistake_n to_o think_v it_o the_o way_n to_o sin_n when_o indeed_o there_o be_v no_o true_a holiness_n without_o it_o five_o concern_v its_o be_v so_o hard_o to_o i_o to_o lay_v down_o my_o own_o righteousness_n etc._n etc._n and_o yet_o that_o i_o shall_v do_v it_o with_o so_o much_o joy_n when_o i_o see_v clear_o the_o righteousness_n of_o christ_n to_o excel_v all_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o though_o it_o be_v a_o very_a hard_a thing_n for_o person_n eminent_a in_o legal_a righteousness_n to_o lay_v it_o down_o and_o submit_v to_o the_o righteousness_n of_o god_n by_o faith_n yet_o the_o appearance_n of_o the_o transcendent_a excellency_n of_o christ_n righteousness_n will_v make_v they_o do_v it_o with_o joy_n six_o concern_v my_o be_v so_o much_o affect_v with_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n at_o my_o first_o receive_v it_o that_o i_o can_v not_o but_o declare_v it_o to_o other_o from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o the_o glad_a tiding_n of_o the_o gospel_n be_v apply_v by_o the_o spirit_n of_o christ_n so_o glad_v the_o heart_n that_o when_o the_o soul_n first_o receive_v it_o its_o like_a fire_n that_o can_v be_v hide_v seven_o concern_v the_o effect_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n upon_o my_o heart_n engage_v i_o more_o to_o himself_o and_o disingage_v i_o more_o from_o sin_n from_o thence_o i_o observe_v that_o there_o be_v no_o engagement_n so_o strong_a to_o keep_v the_o soul_n from_o sin_v against_o god_n as_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n nor_o nothing_o more_o endear_v the_o heart_n to_o god_n yet_o doubtless_o where_o there_o be_v nothing_o but_o only_a the_o notion_n of_o it_o there_o be_v the_o great_a advantage_n to_o satan_n that_o can_v be_v and_o usual_o such_o person_n be_v the_o worst_a of_o all_o other_o for_o though_o gospel_n bond_n be_v the_o best_a to_o be_v tie_v from_o sin_n by_o yet_o in_o many_o respect_v its_o better_a to_o be_v tie_v by_o legal_a bond_n than_o none_o at_o all_o yet_o for_o saint_n to_o be_v so_o tie_v be_v not_o only_o carnal_a and_o below_o their_o privilege_n but_o a_o great_a dishonour_n to_o christ_n and_o a_o undervalue_v of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n which_o above_o all_o thing_n ought_v to_o be_v exalt_v by_o we_o as_o that_o alone_a by_o which_o we_o be_v true_o exalt_v and_o therefore_o aught_o to_o lie_v as_o the_o strong_a engagement_n on_o saint_n heart_n to_o keep_v they_o from_o sin_n and_o see_v all_o that_o we_o be_v have_v or_o ever_o shall_v have_v as_o to_o happiness_n here_o or_o glory_n hereafter_o be_v all_o of_o grace_n i_o desire_v for_o ever_o to_o admire_v it_o and_o to_o live_v in_o the_o glory_n of_o it_o by_o faith_n but_o this_o i_o find_v of_o all_o other_o the_o hard_a lesson_n yea_o so_o hard_a that_o unto_o this_o day_n i_o have_v cause_n to_o complain_v of_o a_o unbelieve_a heart_n in_o many_o thing_n and_o i_o have_v often_o experience_v that_o to_o bring_v over_o the_o heart_n to_o believe_v and_o to_o keep_v it_o up_o in_o believe_v be_v no_o less_o than_o the_o mighty_a power_n and_o gift_n of_o god_n john_n 6._o 65._o phil_n 1._o 29._o ephesi_n 1._o 19_o yet_o in_o this_o i_o have_v strong_a consolation_n that_o i_o be_o keep_v by_o his_o power_n 1_o peter_z 1._o 5._o and_o he_o have_v say_v i_o will_v never_o leave_v thou_o nor_o forsake_v thou_o hebrew_n 13._o 5._o and_o as_o the_o lord_n once_o say_v to_o peter_n though_o satan_n shall_v desire_v to_o winnow_v i_o like_o wheat_n yet_o he_o have_v pray_v for_o i_o and_o my_o faith_n shall_v not_o fail_v and_o though_o the_o very_a reason_n why_o some_o person_n do_v not_o believe_v be_v for_o want_v of_o a_o clear_a understanding_n of_o the_o free_a grace_n of_o god_n in_o the_o general_a tender_n of_o it_o to_o sinner_n yet_o all_o that_o have_v that_o understanding_n do_v not_o believe_v john_n 12._o 17._o there_o be_v some_o who_o heart_n be_v harden_v that_o they_o can_v not_o believe_v and_o act_n 13._o 41._o it_o be_v say_v of_o the_o jew_n they_o shall_v in_o no_o way_n believe_v the_o work_n of_o god_n though_o a_o man_n declare_v it_o to_o they_o that_o be_v to_o say_v though_o they_o do_v understand_v it_o and_o as_o faith_n be_v wrought_v in_o the_o soul_n by_o god_n so_o it_o be_v that_o by_o which_o we_o most_o honour_n he_o and_o without_o which_o it_o be_v impossible_a to_o please_v he_o faith_n work_v many_o way_n and_o it_o be_v a_o excellent_a thing_n to_o be_v strong_a in_o faith_n as_o we_o may_v see_v in_o those_o worthy_n hebrew_n 11._o it_o be_v the_o very_a life_n of_o saint_n galatian_n 2._o 20._o and_o without_o it_o there_o be_v no_o life_n in_o they_o john_n 6._o 53._o and_o as_o there_o be_v no_o life_n without_o it_o so_o there_o be_v no_o life_n above_o it_o till_o grace_v be_v swallow_v up_o in_o glory_n for_o the_o just_a shall_v live_v by_o faith_n hebrew_n the_o 10._o verse_n 38._o but_o though_o faith_n act_v many_o way_n and_o about_o many_o thing_n yet_o it_o must_v always_o act_v in_o free_a grace_n and_o there_o be_v no_o room_n for_o it_o elsewhere_o for_o when_o we_o go_v to_o exercise_v faith_n out_o of_o free_a grace_n it_o be_v weak_a and_o feeble_a and_o ready_a to_o