and when they went abroad they cast on their cloakes which hid their leather cloathes and made them seeme comely and handsome so if thou canst but get some old greafie cast sustian sute to weare within dores this coate will serue thee to cast on to iet abroad in and doe thee credit Wherefore good Tom I exhort thee to keepe thee whilst thou art in good case thou art well apparelled it may bee thou presently wilt bestowe a coate of mee doe not so all thy coates are threed-bare and I neede them not though thou hast many for I know thou hast three or foure coates ready made like a saleman for some body then to which soeuer thou sowest but a patch or two coÌ„cerning me that coat shal serue me thou puttest diuers stuffe into one coate and this is thy vse in all thy confutations as in this thy book thou bringest into the partie against whom thou wrâ—â—est his brothers which argueth as I sayd before want of inuention but it skils not thou art priuiledged neuer to goe from the matter it might as well bee permitted in thee as in the historian that promising to speake of the faith of the Iewes made a long tale of Nâ—lus but as I said be a good husband Tom and keep thy coate to thy selfe thou wilt need thâ—m al and when this coate which which I bestowe on thee shall waxe threed-bare I will dresse it for thee the second time and giue it thee againe This I speak not to wage discord against thee but rather to make an end of all iarres that as wife husband will brawle and be at mortall fewde al the day long but when boord or bed time come they are friendes againe and louingly kisse one an other so though hetherto we haue disagreed and beene at oddes yet this one coate shall containe vs both which thou shalt weare as the cognisaunce of my singuler loue towards thee that wee liuing in mutuall loue may so dye and at last louing like two brothers Castor and Pollux or the two sisters Vrsâ— maior and Vrsa minor wee may bee carried vp to heauen together and there translated into two starres Finally these thinges considered aright in loue I beseech thee that thou maist see I am not past grace to suffer mee to retort thy grace and so to end which my selfe will follow for you you suing sub forma pauperis A Grace in the behalfe of Thomas Nashe TO all ballet-makers pamphleters presse hanters boon pot poets and such like to whom these presents shall come greeting Wheras Tho Nashe the bearer heereof borne I know not where educated sometime at Cambridge where being distracted of his wits he self into diuers â—â—sdemeanors which were the first steps that broght him to this poore-estate As namely in his fresh-time â—ow he florished in all impudencie toward Schollers and abuse to the Townsmen insomuch that to this daye the Townes-men call euerie vntoward Scholler of whome there is great hope a verie Nashe Then being Bachelor of Arte which by great labour he got to sheâ— afterward that he was not vnworthie of it had a hand in a Show called Terminus non terminus for which his partener in it was expelled the Colledge but this foresaid Nâ—she played in it as I suppose the Varlet of Clubs which he acted with such naturall affection that all the spectâ—tors tooke him to be the verie same Then suspecting himselfe that he should be staied for egregâ—e dunsus and not attain to the next Degree said he had commenst enough and so forsooke Cambridge being Baâ—chelor of the third yere Then he raisd himselfe vnto an higher Câ—ime no lesse than London could serue him where somewhat recouered of his wits by the excrements thereof for the space of nine or ten yere hee hath got his belly fed and his backe cloathed As also I hope you are not ignoraunt how hee hath troubled the Presse all this time and published sundrie workes volâ—mes which I take with me as humble fellow-suters to you that you being all in one straine and that very low he in a highe-key â—ou would vouchsafe to take him as your graduate Captain generall in all villanie to which villanie conioyn your voyces and in which villanie praye and say together Viuat â—â—â—iatur Nashe To these premisses that they are true and that hee among yoâ— all is onely worthie this title I as head Lecturer put too my hand Richard Lichfield But Tom thy selfe art past grace for some of thyne owne faction enuying thy proficiencie and honour to which thou aspirest hath pocketted thy Grace O enuie catterpiller to vertue But let him know that thou hast a Patron will sticke to thee and that thou art gracious in more Faculties than one I will put vp another Grace for thee wherein he shall haue no voyce and one onely man an old frend of thine shall strike it dead A Grace in the behalfe of Thomas Nashe to the right woâ—shâ—pfull and grand Commander of all the superrants subâ—ercubants of Englands great Metropolis the Prouâ—st Marshall of London FOrasmuch as Thomas Nash sundrie and oftentimes hath been cast into manie prisons by full authoritie for his mis-behauiors and hath polluted them all so that there is not one prison in London that is not infected with Nashes euill and being lately set at libertie rangeth vp and downe gâ—â—hering poyson in euerie place whereby he 〈◊〉 â—he common aire I am to desire you that as you tender the common good of the weale publike and as the vertue of your office requireth which is to clense the City of all vitious and vnruly persons when this aboue named Nâ—she shall happen into your presinctes or dioces of your authority you would giue him his vnction in the highest degree and clense vs quite of him which you shall effect thus Send him not to prisons any more which are corrupted by him already but commit him to the Procter of the Spâ—â—tle where hee shall not stay long least hee breed a plague among them also but passe froÌ„ him to Bull who by your permission hauing ful power ouer him and being of such amiable and dexterious facility in discharging his duety will soone knit the knot of life and death vpon him stroÌ„ger then that Gordian knot neuer to bee loosed and by that pritty tricke of fast and loose will loose your Cittie from him and him from all his infections and will hang him in so sweet cleer a prospect as that it wilbe greatly to your credit to see the great concourse thether of all sect of peopleâ— as first I with my brethren the Baâ—ber-Chirurgions of London wil be there because we cannot phlebotamize him to anatomize him and keep his bons as a chronicle to shew many ages heereafter that sometime liued such a man our posteritie hauing by tradition what he was and you in some part migh be chronicled as well as S. George for destroying this serpenâ— theÌ„ there will flock all the Cunniâ— catchers of London to see the portraiture of the arch architectour of their arte lastly al the Ballad-makers of London his very enimies that stayed his last grace will be there to heaâ—e his confession and out of his last words will make Epitaphes of him afterward Ballads of the life and death of Thomas Nash. Let this grace passe as soone as may bee if not for any perticular loue to him yet as you are a Magistrate of the Cittie and ought to knowe what tis to prefer a publike commodititie 〈◊〉 this grace passe not hee is like to bee stayde finally till the next yeere This head-lecturer present him to you Richard Lichfield Thus curteous Gentlemen I haue brought you â—o the ende of his trimming though he be not so curiously done as he deserueth hold mee excused hee is the first man that euer I cut on this fashion And if perhaps in this Trimming I haue cut more partes of him than are necessâ—rie let mee heare your censures and in my next Cut I will not be so lauish but as the Cuâ—ate who when he was first instald into his Benefice and among other Iniunctions being inioynd as the order is to forewarne his Parish of Holy-daies that they might fast for them and thinking all those Holy daies which hee saw in hys Calender written with red letters on a time said to hys Parishioners You must fast next wensday for Saint Sol in Vâ—â—go which is on thursday because he saw it in red letters Which mooâ—â—d laughter to the wise of the Parish who presently instructed him that ouer what red words soeuer he saw Fast written those heâ— should bid Holi-dayes so in short time he became expert in it In like manner I hauing but newly taken Orders in these affaires if heere I haue been too prodigall in 〈◊〉 snaps tell me of it limit me with a Fast and in short time you shall see me reformed FINIS O eloquence Item for you Wel put in How hardly I leaue this common place Nashum “ where caÌ„ you tell That is that wold folow thee 〈◊〉 to the gallowes All your parts None but Barbers meddle with the head Marke this secret allegorie Trochilus philosophy How I bewich thee with facâ—â—ditie Ha ha a rage borrowed from your owne dunghill A medicine for a stinking breath Pag 6. de kâ— Mucuâ— snotte Leaning on a â—est Spirit walks Apostrophe Apuleius Continuata Metaphora Cropt earâ— A proclamation for T. Nashe The dog-starre The dog-fish Ha ha ha 〈…〉
of bodie minde and viewing ouer all the imprest images of men in the memoriall cell of my braine at last I espied your selfe more liuely ingrauen than the rest and as it were offring your selfe to this purpose Then presently I made choice of you that like an asse you might beare your burden patronize your owne scourge as dooth the silly hedge-sparrow that so long fostereth vp the cuckow in her neast till at length she bee deuoured of her or the Viper that is destroyed of her owne whelpes All England for a Patron But to this sodaine ioy for sodaine ioy soone ends this crosse happened That knowing it to bee my duetie to gratulate my Patrone with the first hereof but not knowing where to finde you for that you the Worlds Citizen are heere and there you may dine in this place goe supperlesse to bed if you know where to haue your bed you maye bee in one prison to day and in another to morrow so that you haue a place but as a fleeting incorporeall substaunce circumscribed with no limits that of your owne you haue not so much as one of Diogenes his poore cottages You haue indeed a terminus a quo as we Logicâ—ans speake but no terminus ad quem Now sir for the vncertaintie of your mansion house you hauing all the world to keepe Court in and being so haunted with an earthquake that in what house soeuer you are one daye you are shaken out the next my little Booke might kill three or foure porters that must run vp and downe London to seeke you and at the last might dye it selfe for want of succour before it comes to your hands Yet it might bee that in your request you are insatiable you will take no excuse your will is your reason nay may not be admitted Well it shall be yours for your Epistles sake haue at you with an Epistle To the polypragmaticall parasitupocriticall and pantophainouden deconticall Puppie Thomas Nashe Richard Leichfield wisheth the continuance of that he hath that is that he want not the want of health wealth and libertie Mitto tibi Nashum prorâ— N puppi hum que carentem GOD saue you right glossomachicall Thomas The vertuous riches wherewith as broad spread Fame reporteth you are indued though 〈◊〉 as saith the poet which I confirme for that shee is tam fictâ— pranique tenax quam nuncia veri as well saith Master William Lilly in his Adiâ—ctina verbalia in ax I say the report of your rich vertues so bewitched me toward you that I cannot but send my poore Book to be vertuously succoured of you that when both yours my frends shall see it they may for your sake vertuously accept of it But it may be you denie the Epistle the Booke is of you the Epistle must be to some other I answer you are desirous of an Epistle Did not Caesar write those things himself which himselfe did and did not Lucius that golden Asse speak of himself which was the Asse will not you though an Asse yet neither golden not siluer patronize that which others tooke paines to write of you Caesar and Lucius for that shall liue for euer and so shall you as long as euer you liue Go too I say he is an ill horse that will not carrie his owne prouender But chiefly I am to tell you of one thing which I chuse to tell you of in my Epistle both because of Epistles some be denuntiatorie as also considering that wise saying elswhere of the precise Schoolemaster If thy frend commit anie enormious offence toward thee tell him of it in an Epistle And truly this is a great and enormious offence at which my choller stands vpright neither will I put it vp Therefore in sadâ—es prouide your Lawier I haue mine it will beare as good an action as if you should haue come into another mans house and neuer say Hoâ— God be here that is you wrote a foule Epistle to mee and neuer told me of it before you might haue said By your leaue sir. I warrant you I write but this small Epistle to you and I tell you of it as long before as the Epistle is long But now I remember me there was no hatred between vs before and therefore twould be prooued but chauncemedley Let it euen alone it cannot be vndone for a thing easely done neuer can be vndone and a man may quickly become a knaue but hardly an honest man And thus maleuolent Tom I leaue thee From my chamber in Camb. to your Yours in loue vsque ad aras Rich Lichfield YOu see howe louingly I deale with you in my Epistle and tell of your vertues which God forgiue me for it is as arraâ—t a lye as euer was told but to leaue these parergasticall speeches and to come to your trimming because I will deale roundly with you I wil cut you with the round cut in which I include two cuts First the margent cut Secondly the perfect cut The margent cut is nothing els but a preparation to the perfect cut wherby I might more perfectly discharge that cut vpon you for as in a deep standing poole the brinks thereof which are not vnfitly called the margents being pared away we may the better see thereinto so the margents which fitly we may terme the brinkes of your stinking standing poole for it infects the eare as doth the stinking poole the smell being cut away I may the better finish this perfect cut and rid my selfe of you To the margent cut When first your Epistle came into my hands I boldly opened it and scaling the margents of it I espied a seely note quasi conuersant about heads I sayd not a word but turning ouer a leafe or twoo more to see if you continued in those simple animaduersions and indeed I saw you to bee no changling for there I espied barbers knâ—cking of their fingers lowsie 〈◊〉 as foolish as the other semper ideâ— thought I might be your mot and so you will dye then I began to marke the note which you adioyned to your notes that they might be noted there tossing and turning your booke vpside downe when the west end of it hapned to be vpward me thought your note seemed a D ah Dunce Dolt Dotterell quoth I well might it be a D. and for my life for the space of twoo houres could I not leaue rayling of thee all in Ds. Now to the perfect cut I cannot but admire you in the tittle you allow me seeing wee admire monsters as well as vertuous men and a foole as oft I haue heard Scholers dispute in mine office as a monster other Barbers like not the title it pleaseth me and all the Dukes in Spaâ—â— cannot shew the like and I thinke that halfe a yeeres study did not bring it out of thy dunsticall hammer-headed scalpe but thou dost to disgrace mee and thinkst thy title decketh a Barber and that a Barber
for that small good turne it would worke them a more displeasure so thou art suffered to be quiet and not wrote against not for that thou canst not bee aunswered but that by aunswering thee they should but giue more fodder to thy poison put more casting to thy gorge and hee that intends to meddle with dung must make account to defile his fingers Thus thou art quite put downe thou art drawne drie me thinkes I perceiue thee wish for some Moderatour that should crie Egregie Nash or you great asse satisfecisti of 〈◊〉 tuum And now for want of a Moderatour my selfe for fault of a better will supplye that roome and determine of our Disputation And herein it shall not bee amisse the Question so requiring and you also requiring it in that place of your Epistle where you lay wit to my charge first to tell what a good wit is And whereas thou burthenst me to say that much extraor dinarie descant cannot be made of it thou lyest For how vniust were mens wits not to affoord vs extraordirie descant of that which giueth vs descant for euerye thing A good wit therefore is an affluent spirit yeelding inuention to praise or dispraise or anie wayes to discourse with iudgement of euerie subiecte Mistake me not I pray you and think not that I thinke all those to haue good wits that will talke of euerie subiect and haue an oaâ—e as we say in euerie mans boate for manie fooles doo so and so doost thou These talke not with iudgement they be like the Fellow who swearing by God and one standing by correcting him said Fie on thee how thâ—n talkest What skills it said hee so long as I talke of God So I say thou carest not how without iudgement thou talkest on euerie thing A good wit is it that maketh a man and hee is not a man that hath not a good wit The verie brutish and sauage beasts haue wit Oxen and Asses by theyr wit choose out the best Pasture to feed in and thou art no better for diuers men will say and especially Northeren men to one that dooth anie thing vnhandsomely whaten a Nâ—sh it is for what an asse it is and an asse all men know hath not a good wit Thuâ— by these descriptions the definitiue sentence of my determination in this Nashe thou hast not a good wit thou art a â—â—lly fellow and more silly than Syr Thomas of Carleton who beeing a little sicke and the bell â—olling to haue him goe read Seruice the Clarke of the Parish going to him and telling him that the bell toaâ—de for him meaning to goe Read he went presently and made his Will because the bell toaâ—de for him and so doo thou plye thee makâ— thy Will and dye betimes before thou beest killd for thine owne wit wâ—ll kill thâ—e and call you that a good wit that kills a man All the Wisemen of Greece and Gotam neuer came to the miserie that thy good wit hath brought thee too My minde presageth the great confusion that thy good wit will bring vppon thee For as the Cammell that come hee into neuer so cleare a Fountaine cannot drinke of the Water till hee hath royled and fowled it with his feete so whatsoeuer thy wit goetâ— about it first defiles it and so brings destruction to thâ—â—e owne bodie Thy wit thy wit Tom hath roddes in pâ—sse for thee twil whip thee twâ—ll worke thine ouerthrow twill quite destroye thee Acteon as wise a man aâ— you no wayes could escape it for all his loue to his hâ—unds and swâ—fe flight when he saw their felnes but was deuoured of his owne dogs But why then maist thou say doo I oppose my selfe against an Asse seeing now I doo no more than all could doo for all the beasts in the field can insult and triumph ouer the silly Asse as well the creâ—ping Snayle to her power as the fiercest Tyger A sinus ascdendâ— because euerie Childe can ride an asse therefore tis rather a reproachfull shame for mee to meddle with thee and by that I get more discredit â—hen thâ— two Gods got dishonors that conspired the downe fall of one sâ—ely weake vnable woman The reason is I onely am left to tell thee thou art an Asse and if thâ—u shouldst not be tolde it thou wouldst not beleeue that thou art an Asse Thereâ—ore nowe at length knowe thâ—â—e owne strength and knowing that thou art but feeble and hast no strength blush and be ashâ—â—ed and then thou shalt see that all the Country hath seene thy ignorance though kept it in silence and howe this many a yeere thou hast gâ—ld them but they gentle minded auditors still still expecting better tooke all in good part whilâ—â— thou like a cowardly vnskilfuâ—l hoâ—seman mounâ—ed on a â—ade coruâ—ttest and shewest thy Crankes aâ—ong a company of valorous famous captaâ—nes whose stirâ—op thou art not worthy to holde alight and listen vnto me and I euen I that neuer till now was acquainted with the presse and acknowledge my selâ—e farre vnfit for those thinges thou professest I I say will read thee a Lecture harken in my gibbâ—idg as thou termst it I wil conster thee this shorte distich which though it wants an author wants no authoritie Thaâ—dâ—te crediâ— duxisse sed 〈◊〉 Dâ—ana est Namque Actoeoneuâ— dat tibi Caura capuâ— Ingenuously thou thee complâ—â—st an Iâ—us pooâ—e to be But thou art Mâ—das for thou art an Asse as well as be Or thus Some sayes Nashe is 〈◊〉 but I say he is chast For he by chacing after whores 〈◊〉 bâ—ard away hath chast Otherwise Who saies Nash riots day night about the streets doth lye For he inprison day and night in fetters fast doth lye Againe You say I am a foole for this and I say you say true Then what I say of you is true for babes and fooles say true Now I giue not euery word their litterall sence and by that you may see how I presume of your good wit to see if by allusions you can picke out the true meaning but I vse a more plaine demonstration and apply it to your selfe for if you will vndeâ—stand any thing a right you must euer apply it to your selfe It may bee thou likest not these veries for that they want riming words and I ende both the verses with one word no Tom noe thinke not so bewray not so thy poetry for that distich is best contriued and moste elegant that endes both verses with one word if they import a diuers sence but now I see thou art no versifier thou hast only a prose tongue with that thou runst headlong in thy writing with great premeditation had before which any man would suppose for the goodnes to be extempore and this is thy good wit come I say come learne of me Ile teach thee howe to pot verses an houre together Thou nothing doubtest as thou sayâ—st of the pratronage safe condâ—ct of thy booke and indeed thou needest not doubt
Here let mee giue a cut or two on thy latest bred excrements before I goe to the finishing of the perfect Cut. A littie lumpe of lead while it is round will lye in a small roome but being beaten it will spread broad and require a larger place to containe it and a roape bound fast vp might easily be couered but vnfolded drawne out at length it hardly can bee hidden so you simply considered are of no report but if you bee vntrust and beaten out your actions all vnfolded your name cannot be limitted And now you hauing a care of your credite scorning to lie wrapt vp in obliuion the moth of fame haue augmented the stretcht-out line of your deedes by that most infamous most dunsicall and thrice opprobrious worke The Ile of Dogs for which you are greatly in request that as when a stone is cast into the water manie circles arise from it and one succeedeth another that if one goeth not round the other following might be adioyned to it and so make the full circle so if such infinite store of your deedes are not sufficient to purchase to you eternall shame and sorrow there arise from you more vnder then to helpe forward and last of all commeth this your last worke which maketh all sure and leaueth a signe behinde it And of this your last worke I must needes say somewhat for seeing that this my first work off-spring hath remained in my womb beyond the time allotted it must needs be growen greater and if it become a monster it must needes be in excesse O yes O yes if there bee anie manner of man person or persons can bring anye tidings of Tho Nashe Gentleman leâ—hym come and giue knovvledge thereof hee shalbe plenteously revvarded Hearke you Thomas the Crier calls you What a fugitiue how comes that to passe that thou a man of so good an education so wel backt by the Muses shuldst prooue a fugitiue But alas thy Muses brought thee to this miserie you and your Muses maye euen goe hang your selues now you may wish that he that first put the Muses into your head had knockt out your hornes But seeing it hath so happened call for your Thalia among your Muses let her play some musique and I will dance at your hanging But twas prouidence in thee to foresee thy woe and to labour to eschew it if not by auerring what you haue said and standing too it yet by shewing your heeles For as is the Prouerbe Vbi leoâ—â—na peliâ—s insufficiens est vulpina astutia assuenda est If by strong hand you cannot obtaine it light heeles are to be required for one paire of legs are worth two payre of hands And of all the partâ— of thy bodie thy legges are thy most trustie seruants for in all thy life when as thou couldest not obtaine of anie of the parts of thy bodie to effect thy will yet legs thou hadst to commaund for to walke and flee whether soeuer was thy pleasure neither now in this extremitie doo they deceiue thee O how much art thou beholding to thy legs Bankes was not so much beholding to his Horse that serued to ride on and to doo such wonderfu'l crankes as thou art to thy leggs which haue thus cunningly conuayed thee If euerie begger by the high wayes side hauing his legs corrupted and halfe destroyed with botches byles and fistulaes maketh much of them getteth stilts and creepeth easily on them for feare of hurting them because they maintaine them and prooue better vnto them than manie an honest Trade then why shouldest not thou by an argument a malo in peius make much of thy legs which by speedie carriage of thee from place to place to get thee victualls do not onely maintaine thy life but also at this time haue saued thy life by their true seruice vnto thee Wherefore these things considered thou canst not chuse but in all humilitie offer thy old shooes for sacrifice to Thetis for thy swiftfeet And twas wisely done of that high dread Liech Apollo to appoint Pisces the Signe to the feete to shew that a man should be as swift as a fish about his affaires Nerethelesse can I accuse you of lazines for all this time of your vagation with you I thinke the Signe hath been in Pisces Now in this thy flight thou art a night-bird for the day wil bewray thee the Bat and the Owle be thy fellow trauellers But to come roundly vnto you this cannot long continue the Owle sometime is snarld in the day season and old Father Time at length will bring you to light Therefore were you as well prouided to continue your flight as is the beast Ephemeron which because shee hath but one day to liue hath manie legs foure wings and all what Nature can affoord to giue her expedition to see about the world for her one dayes pleasure or as Pegasus that winged Horse which in swiftnes equalleth the Horses of the Sunne which in one naturall day perambulate all the world or as the beast Alce which runneth on the snow with such celeritie that she neuer sinketh vnto the ground Were you I say as swift as anie of these you shall be catcht such is your destinie and then your punishment shall be doubled on you both for your flying and your other villanie Since that thy Ile of Dogs hath made thee thus miserable I cannot but account thee a Dog and chyde and rate thee as a Dog that hath done a fault And yet doo not I know why I should blame Dogs for Can which signifieth a Dog is also a most trustie Seruant for that Dogs are faithfull Seruants to whome their Masters in the night time giue in charge all their treasure They are at commaund to waite vpon their Masters whether they bend their iourney to fight for them against their Enemies and to spend their liues to defend them and to offend their aduersaries as we read of King Cazament who beeing exilde brought with him from banishment two hundreth Dogges which with wonderfull fiercenesse waâ—red against their resistants in whom hee reposed much more confidence hope of victorie again to be seated in his throne thâ—n if hee had been defended by a mightie hoast of armed men And â—asons dogge his master being dead neuer would eate anie meate but with great griefe and hunger died for companie Tycius the Saâ—ine had a dogge which accompanied hym to prison and when he was dead he remained howling by the carcasse to whom when one cast meate he laid it to the mouth of his dead master to reuiue him againe and when his corpes was throwen into the riuer Tybris the dogge leapt after it so that all the people wondered at the loue of this faithfull creature Pâ—â—rhus the King going a iourney came by a dogge which kept the bodie of a dead man which when hee saw he comaunded the bodie to be buried and the dogge to bee brought home with him