am troubled and mourn and my Soul is grieved within me O thou Heavenly Physician of Souls from thy Pity alone I expect my cure I am miserable and undone without thy Compassion and expect no relief but from the Treasure of thy Grace I must perish and sink under the burden of Sin if thy merciful hand do not save me and lift me up I am intangled and insnar'd by the Devil and my Lusts and without thy Succour can never hope to get free O Lord forgive my Sin and heal my Soul Deliver and save me for thy Mercies sake May I not yet hope in thy Mercy Thou hast mercifully born with me hitherto thou callest me to repent thou commandest me to return and promisest to forgive those Sins which are confessed and forsaken O do not cast me out of thy Sight and Presence now I desire from the bottom of my Heart to return to thee I abhor my self in dust and ashes for my past Iniquities But alas such is the hardness of my Impenitent Heart that I am even asham'd of my humblest Repentance how much more may God despise and reject it But hast thou not given thy Blessed Son to dye for Sinners and exalted him to this very end to be a Prince and a Saviour to give Repentance and Remission of Sins And by the word of thy Grace thou beseechest all even the Greatest Sinners to accept of mercy and art more willing to pardon than we can be to Repent 'T is thy Delight and Glory agreeable to thy Nature and declared Name as a God gracious and merciful slow to Anger and of great Kindness forgiving Iniquity Transgression and Sin. O Pardon mine Iniquity for it is great and receive an humble Penitent who implores thy Grace according to the Tenor of thy new Covenant flying to the arms of thy Mercy through the merits of Jesus Christ who is able to save to the uttermost all that come unto God by him Lord hear my Prayer and let not the mixture of my weaknesses and unworthiness turn it into Sin but graciously vouchsafe to look upon a returning Prodigal and cause me to hear the voice of Joy and Gladness that my sorrowful Heart may be comforted and my life be directed to thy Praise Lead me into the path of life that I may no longer err from the way of thy Commandments Teach me to do thy Will O God and write thy Law upon my Heart that I may never more return to Folly. I am convinc't of the Evil of Sin of thy Right to govern me of the Equity and Justice of thy Law of the sweetness and rewards of keeping thy precepts O sanctifie my Heart and make me Sound in thy Statutes that I may hate every false way and be devoted to thy Fear the remainder of my Life If there be any particular Lust or Wickedness which through the power of Temtation and the deceitfulness of Sin you have fallen into that hath wasted Conscience and rob'd you of your Peace and provok't God to write bitter things against you be sure to humble your self without delay in an especial manner for that Backsliding Confess it freely with its aggravations Consider whether it was not after some special manifestation of God's Love after some special warning some strong Conviction under or soon after some great Affliction from God or some more than ordinary kindness of his Providence c. And impress such Thoughts to humble your self the lower search into the grounds and causes of such Apostacy such as the abatement of your Watchfulness the neglect of serious closet Devotion making bold with Temptation too great compliance with vain Company venturing too far in lawful or indifferent Things toò much Confidence in your own Wisdom Strength and stedfastness not fearing sufficiently the Approaches and Beginnings of Sin or avoiding the fuel incentives and occasions of it c. Palliate and disguise nothing that may make your sin exceeding sinful lest by some little Art of the Devil you deceive your self by an half-Repentance and the Evil Spirit you think to be cast out return again with seven worse than himself and so your latter end be worse than your Beginning For if the sin be not truly hated but only cover'd over with penitential Ashes it will quickly flame out again when it meets with combustible matter and a strong blast of Temptation But if you are griev'd to the very Heart and abhor the Sin and resolve to quit it you need not doubt of God's readiness to receive you to Mercy His Spirit is yet striving with you if you are willing to Repent and return to God. He sought you and call'd you to return when you were wandring as a lost sheep in the broad way and can you think he will not be found of you if you seek him with your whole Heart Therefore renew your Repentance and beg more earnestly a Spirit of Humility Holy Fear and Watchfulness And every morning implore Divine succours against that Sin and all Temptations to it Which as much as possible you must avoid Constant and fervent Prayer after Repentance must be your refuge and your Remedy If you let fall your hands this Amalek will prevail again As soon and as far as you fail in the constancy and fervency of that Duty your Sin will get strength and successfully attempt you another Time. But by this practise God may turn Evil to work for Good make you gain by your loss stand the faster by your Falls and become stronger by the discovery of your weakness and so be better establisht for the future But take heed that you pervert not the Grace of God and encourage your self to sin again by the supposition that if you should Fall 't is but to Repent and renew your Resolutions and all will be well This is a subtle Artifice of Satan but such methinks as should take with none who have ever known by Experience what it is to Repent Who have felt the burden of Sin to be heavier than a Millstone than Luke 23. c. 30. 17. c. 2. the weight of a Mountain Who have tasted how evil and bitter a thing it is to depart from God. Who have loathed and abhorr'd themselves with deep Remorse and Sorrow and Anguish of Spirit wishing with all their Hearts that they had not sinn'd and if it were in their power would give all the world to retrieve it and would rather dye than commit that Folly again they then repented of Let those who have not their own Experience to confirm this read over and consider the case of David when he wrote the Penitential Psalms How many like him have roar'd and cried out under the sense of sin of stings and furies in their Conscience of the poison'd Arrows in their Souls and his Terrors surrounding them whereever they went from the sense of sins Malignity the apprehensions of God's Anger and the consequent Fears of his Wrath. Serious Repentance after great Transgressions is
but by dying and my Saviour hath dyed for me and he that believes in him shall never see death He lives who was once dead yea he lives for evermore and hath promised that I shall be with him to behold his Glory He hath the Keys of Death and Hell He is the Resurrection and the Life he hath removed the sting of Death and I need not fear a conquered Enemy If I dye this Year I must quit the Company of all my dearest Friends on Earth but I shall go to better Company above and if they are the Friends of Christ we shall shortly meet again and love one another in a better manner than now and never more be parted I may dye this Year my Friends and Enemies may dye too Let me enjoy the one as mortal dying Persons that must e're long leave me or I them and not fear the other who may so soon Perish and quickly be uncapable of doing me or others Mischief I may dye this Year let me not then think much of Temporal Sufferings of any Evils which may so soon be over Oh what would condemned Sinners in the other World give to be able to believe and say so of their Sufferings I may dye this Year and can I wonder that I am sometimes Sick and in Pain and that my Body is out of order Am I not Mortal and dwell in an house of Clay which must shortly moulder into Dust and is it any thing strange that such a crasy Building doth sometime shake and need repair and threaten a dissolution 'T is a greater wonder I am any time well That such a Body compounded of so many little parts and so easily disordered by innumerable accidents should be in Health is hardly less to be admired than that an Instrument of a thousand strings should be kept in Tune I thank thee O Heavenly Father for the many advantages of Sickness to weaken the power of Sin to humble my Pride and cure my Worldliness and Sensuality to reduce me from wandering to empty me of Self-conceit to awaken the consideration of Death and Judgment to impress the Thoughts of the Vanity of this World and the Eternity of the next to assist me to mortifie the Flesh to rule my Passions to exercise Patience and quicken Prayer and try my Faith and Love and excite my diligence to redeem Time and convince me of the Worth and Uncertainty of it and thereby promote my Preparations for my final change The Great Apostle by dying daily had as many victories over this World as he lived Days Oh that I might so far walk by the same Rule as every day to think of providing for my last and in Health to do that which in Sickness I shall wish I had done I may dye this Year It may be by some tedious painful Sickness some troublesome and loathsome Disease But God hath promised his Grace shall be sufficient he will make my Bed in my Sickness and put under his everlasting Arms for my support and not suffer me to be tempted above what I am able he will encrease my Patience and carry me thro' the pangs of Death and the dark valley and when Heart and Flesh fail be the strength of my Heart and my Portion for Ever I may dye this year What if it should be by an hand of Violence if for Righteousness sake in defence of the Truth for a good Cause and a good Conscience and my Peace be made with God and I am accused for doing well or innocent of the Evil which is laid to my charge there is ground enough for encouragement and support Thousands of my Betters have met with the like whose names are precious and renowned Innumerable Christians have dyed by the Sentence of a Judge with more Chearfullness and Joy than others or it may be than they themselves would have done by the sentence of the Physician The Torture of many Diseases is unspeakably more formidable as to the meer Pain and for all else the Righteous Lord who loveth Righteousness will clear my Integrity if it may best subserve his own Great and Holy ends at least he will stand by and help me when all forsake me and if he speak Peace and give inward Consolation who can speak Trouble and his final Judgment which is near at hand will distribute rewards and Punishments to all according to their works Suppose farther that I should want a Sepulcher after Death There is nothing I could better be without If God receive my Soul and will raise my Body at the last day whether it putrifie and consume under ground or above it is no great matter They who are alive will be more concerned in that than I shall be Graves are for the sake of the Living rather than the Dead The Sun the Rain the Air Birds Beasts Worms will all contribute to give me Burial if Men deny it The only difference is that it will be a little longer ere I am buried If my Soul rest in the Bosom of my Saviour and by persevering in the love and practice of the Truth I have secured my Reputation with wise and good Men I need not be sollicitous what become of my Body My Almighty Judge will raise me a glorious Body like his own and reunite it to my Soul As easily as certainly as for any of those whose Bodies were preserved in Caves and Vaults in proud Sepulchers and under stately Monuments I may dye this Year and shall not then have the satisfaction to see my Children or nearest Kindred educated and provided for setled and disposed of But is not the Everliving God the same cannot he as well take care of them when I am gone as now answer all my Prayers after my decease and exercise that Fatherly Care Wisdom and Love which shall dispose of their conditions save them from Temptations and supply all their wants and exceed all my desires in reference to them and fulfill his Covenant promise from Generation to Generation to the Childrens Children of them that fear him O how weak is my Faith that cannot trust God in so common and plain a case Lastly I may dye this Year and not live to see the ruin of the Antichristian Kingdom and Interest and the accomplishment of many Excellent Promises which concern the Rest and Peace and Purity and Glory of the Churches of Christ on earth in the latter days But have I not deserved by my provoking Unbelief Ingratitude and Disobedience to dye in the Wilderness and not behold behold the promised Land or see the Peace of Jerusalem and will not the struglings of Satan to support Babylon infer a dismal night of darkness and distress before the expected Morning of Deliverance so that it may now if ever be truly said Henceforth Blessed are the Dead who dye in the Lord. And if God will take me to himself in the other World I cannot possibly be a loser tho' I should not see the Beginnings of a
I not been told by Heathens as well as Christians that 't is not the length of time but its improvement that doth really make a Long Life If I have answered the ends for which I were born 't is not too soon to dye No Man ever miscarried as to his Everlasting Interest because his Life was short but Evil. He that is prepared for Death he that dies in the Lord hath lived long enough and should thank God for a speedy call to the possession of that Felicity which the Holiest Saints on Earth desire and breath after Gideon lost nothing by returning from Victory while the Sun was yet high He hath fought long enough who hath gained the Victory If I have wrought but a few hours in a Vineyard and done but a little Service for my Lord and Master and yet am dismist and rewarded before the rest of my Fellow Labourers shall I repine and think my Lord doth not befriend me If he hath any farther Service for me he will prolong my days and make me diligent I hope and contented Otherwise I pray he would make me ready to dye and make me willing and desirous to depart this Life For to be only content to dye that I may be perfectly Holy and fully Blessed is methinks too low for a Christian who acts like himself believing the Certainty of his avowed Principles and Hopes and knowing that while we are present in the Body we are absent from the Lord. XVI The contemplation of our approaching Change may assist us to mortifie the Lusts of the Flesh the Lust of the Eyes and the Pride of Life to cure Ambition and promote Contentment ALL that is in the World saith the Apostle is the Lust of the Flesh the Lust of the Eyes and the Pride of Life The Dust and Ashes of our own Mortality duly considered and applied will help to deaden and extinguish each of these By Pride of Life we lift up our selves against Heaven and despise our Maker by the lust of the Flesh we overlove and indulge the Body and study to gratifie the sensual Appetite by the lust of the Eyes our Desires are immoderate after Temporal and External Goods the thought of our approaching end hath a tendency to oppose and mortifie these Lusts to humble us before God to take us off from the inordinate love of the Body and to moderate our Passions to Earthly Things It may help us against Pride by shewing us the infinite distance between the Eternal self-sufficient God and such poor Dust as we who are but of yesterday and if he uphold us not and maintain our Souls in Life shall be laid in the dust to morrow It will mind us of his Justice against Sin the Parent of Death and of all the miseries of our mortal State and convince us of our weakness to resist his Will or avoid his Wrath. As to our fond Affection to the Body it may instruct us that it deserves not to be so much accounted of it will open our Eyes to discern the Preference of our immortal Souls and what concerns them to the interest of a perishing Body It may convince us that we are Cruel and unkind to our very Bodies by overloving them because we thereby contribute to their Eternal Sufferings and so teach us to love and use our Bodies as Servants to our Souls in this World and as expecting to share in Glory with them after the Resurrection It may also help to moderate our Desires after Earthly Good and so cure the Lust of the Eyes by letting us see the vanity uncertainty and short duration of these things and their insufficiency to make us Happy and give us true Content The Thoughts of an approaching Change may if any thing will do it damp the mirth of the Luxurious Epicure and strike him into a fit of trembling as did Belshazzar's handwriting on the wall It may discover the distraction of living in Pleasure and of care to please the Senses and the fleshly Appetite when the End is so near It may likewise check the folly of Ambitious Designs that Men should make so much ado to get into slippery places from whence they may so easily fall Where being puft up with vain applause they forget themselves and their latter end till their Life and Glory expire together Where are now the Great and Mighty and Honourable who have made such a noise in the world What is now the Difference between the Dust of an Alexander or Caesar and that of their meanest Slaves or Captives Could their Dignities and earthly Glory preserve any of them from the stroke of Death or the Judgment of God or without Repentance from his condemning Sentence Think O my Soul how little it will shortly signifie whether I have been known and honoured among Men or no any farther than God may be glorified by it How should it suppress vain Glory to think of being one day esteemed and worshipt reverenced and applauded by dying Men and laid in the Grave the next Let me rather seek that Glory and Honour to which Immortality is annext and labour to be accepted with God at whose Bar I most be judged endeavouring to keep the testimony of a good Conscience and then it is not much whether I pass through good Report or evil Report no contempt or frowns or threatnings of Men need then discourage me Tho' I should be trampled on by the foot of Pride while others are happy in a dream for a little while and it may be have a prosperous passage to damnation I 'le rather thank God for delivering me from their Temptations and giving me the opportunity and call to hasten my Preparations for a better World. Let God dispose of my Condition here and Reputation too as best shall please his Sovereign Will only be pleased to keep me upright and to preserve me from everlasting Shame and Confusion of Face after the general Resurrection and final Judgment Vouchsafe me a Portion now in thine approving Love and own me for Thine at last in the Great and terrible Day of Reckoning that then I may hear the Blessed Euge and enter into my Lord's Joy XVII The same Argument considered farther as dissuasive from Worldliness and Earthly mindedness and as proper to confute the vanity of long Projects and great Designs for this World. ARE the Years of my Life but few and they hastening to a Period and may this be my last Let me not then greedily covet Riches and abundance and waste my little time to scrape together large Provisions for many years to come when I have no assurance to see the end of this Is it becoming such a belief to toyl from day to day that I may lay up that which I must so soon leave as if I were to spend an Eternity here on Earth and in the mean while neglect the one thing necessary Am I not upon the shore of Eternity May not the next Tide carry me off And shall I
to at last When even the little Good that remains is ready to dye May I not ask such Christians or desire them to ask themselves What is already the effect and consequence of this Declension Is not God's Spirit removed and the Light of his Countenance Eclipsed Yea as to many of them are they not under sad apprehensions of God's displeasure Do they not feel the terrors of the Lord Do they not walk heavily from day to day They that could once converse with God on all occasions as a Friend and a Father do now think of God and are troubled Thick Darkness doth incompass them round about They have lost the sense of his Love the comforts of his presence and their Song in the night and see no relief This is a more hopeful case however than theirs who are under great Backslidings and Desertion and hardly sensible of it To awaken and assist both Consider I beseech you whence you are fallen and what you have lost and what will be the issue of this if Sickness or some smart Affliction overtake you or if you should dye in this condition And inquire seriously and presently into the cause of all this Evil for a few transient thoughts will not affect the Heart and persuade to Action And do it presently because by every delay your work will be the harder your danger the greater and your recovery the more difficult Reflect upon the Sinfulness as well as Affliction of this case Know that you have displeased God and run from him neglected his Presence and griev'd his Spirit and in what Instances you have done so that hath made him weary of his dwelling what Ordinances you have slighted what Duties you have omitted what sins you have given way to in order to Repentance and deep Humiliation Can you contentedly sit still with this dismal State of things while God hath somewhat yea a great deal indeed against you for having left your first Love Will you not endeavour to remove that which hath made such a separation between God and you and brought you thus low What Communion with God what Communications of his Grace what Influences of his Spirit and Evidences of his Favour have you lost And will you not acknowledg your Iniquity and abase your selves in the Dust and return to the Lord and do your first works that he may heal your Backslidings and receive you graciously that you may again take hold of his Covenant and be at Peace with him But to be at Peace with God is not the whole of your Concern you need not only a Pardon but a Physician to heal you as doth a Malefactor that is not only liable to the Law but desperately sick Your State is sinful and dangerous as well as troublesome From performing duties in such a manner as you now do you may quickly be Tempted to let them altogether alone God may be so far provok'd to suffer Satan to make attempts upon you of that kind and he is forward enough to make use of such an opportunity to try all his Snares and Stratagems against you till he prevail with you to think hardly of God himself * Vid. Mr. Gilpin of Temptation p. 2. chap. 6. unthankfully to overlook all his former kindnesses to put the worst Interpretation that can be upon all his Providences to distrust and quarrel with him as if his faithfulness had failed and his Mercy were clean gone for ever and there were no hope left for one in your case and so run into Desperation and through the subtlety and violence of Satan's Temptations try the most foolish and unlawful means for ease and cure either open Licentiousness or it may be Self-Murder Therefore speedy present Repentance is necessary to find out and mortifie every Corruption and that especially which Conscience tells us you have most indulg'd from whence your Distress doth principally arise Confessing your sin freely fully and without reserve and waiting on God in the diligent use of all means for the recovery of that which you have lost and Justifying God in his Righteousness Truth Wisdom Holiness in all his Rebukes That you may regain a Spirit of Prayer and taste the sweetness vertue and efficacy of every Duty and of every Ordinance and God may give you the Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness and the Joy of the Lord may be your Strength for future service and suffering In the mean time do not cast away your Hope but tho you have too justly depriv'd your self of the Faith of Assurance yet indeavour to maintain and exercise the Faith of Adherence (a) Vid. Dr. Owen on Ps 130.2 Say unto God that because there is forgiveness with him therefore he is to be feared My sin is not too great to be forgiven 'T is not the Vnpardonable Sin for I desire to repent and am resolv'd to return I will still cleave to the Lord and wait upon him and follow hard after him and take no other course for Deliverance and Comfort Mine is not a single Case I am not the only Soul that hath been so distressed and yet found relief by seeking unto God. 'T is therefore good for me to hope and quietly wait for the Salvation of God (b) Lam. 3. c. 26. I will draw near to God I will lye at his foot and continue in all ways of Worship and Duty wherein I may hope to meet with the quickning and comfort of his Spirit I will seek relief from no other I will keep as near him as I can whither else shall I go he alone hath the words of Eternal Life he alone can create what is the fruit of his own lips Peace Peace * Vid. Mr. Baxter's Method for Peace of Conscience I will encourage my self in the consideration of his General Grace and the probabilities of his special Love I will recollect my former Experiences when I had some good hope through Grace concerning my Adoption I will remember the years of the right hand of the most High. If God will give me so much Grace as to continue waiting I will hope still and though I walk in darkness and see little or no Light I will stay my self upon the Lord. And if by the want of sensible Consolation he will make me more humble and keep me in a greater Submission to his will I will bless his holy Name and derive more comfortable hope from thence than from the most sweet and sensible Considerations I ever had and look upon Humility Self-denial Dependance on God Resignation to him and Hatred of sin as a better sign of his Love than the highest fervors of Affection in his service can be Oh that I had formerly done as much for Holiness as I have for Comfort by the enjoyment of the one I should have had more of the other the Exercise of Grace would have discover'd the Truth of it Let me therefore accuse and condemn my self but still trust and love
my self once more to be the Lord's more unfeignedly more firmly than ever I have hitherto done that the Bonds of God upon me may be strengthned and my Soul more throughly ingag'd to be the Lord's O help me to do it with the greatest seriousness as the most important Affair of my whole Life by thine aid and Grace alone shall I be sincere and cordial in this surrender and Dedication of my self O breathe upon my Soul most Holy Spirit the Power of the Highest that there may be no Hypocrisie or Reservation in this so weighty and solemn Transaction between God and me O most Blessed and Glorious TRINITY Father Son and Holy Spirit Thy favor is my Life and thy Lovingkindness is better than Life Thy Will should have been my Rule thy Word my Law thy Glory my end to please thee my principal Business and to injoy thy Love and Presence my ultimate Felicity But I am one of thy revolted Creatures who have lost thine Image and rebell'd against thy Law slighted thy Authority and rejected thy Grace and deserve to be cast out of thy sight and banisht from thy Presence for ever Nevertheless O most merciful God and Father upon thy gracious invitation and call I now return to thee my rightful Lord acknowledging thee as my Almighty Wise and bountiful Creator my absolute Owner my Righteous Governour my End my Happiness and Chief Good. I now accept thine offer'd Mercy I now submit to the Scepter of thy Grace and give up my self to Thee as my King and my God to rule and sanctify me now and be my Everlasting Portion I desire to be no longer my own but Thine to whom of right I belong and ought to be devoted I yield my self to Thee O my Lord Accept and possess that which is thine own I lay my self at thy Foot at all Times and in all Conditions to be at thy dispose and in every thing to acquiesce in thy Good Pleasure Deliberately resolving with unfeigned and free consent of my Will to walk before Thee in Holiness and Righteousness all the days of my Life Hereby I consecrate and devote my self to be thy perpetual Avowed Servant Lord I am thy servant I am thy servant the Son of thine Handmaid Though other Lords have had dominion over me I will now make mention of thy Name and of thy Righteousness only by Jesus Christ O Blessed Jesus my All-sufficient Saviour Thy dying Love infinite Condescention and matchless Grace hath at last overcome me and constrain'd me to resolve to be wholly Thine who hast redeem'd and bought me with thy most precious Blood. I now acknowledg and own Thee as my Lord and my Jesus my Prophet Priest and King my Sacrifice Surety and Ransom to satisfy for my Sins and reconcile me unto God to instruct me in his Will and teach me the Mysteries of his Kingdom and the way to the Father How often hast thou open'd thine arms and called me yea beseecht me to come unto thee and accept of Life but I refused to come I adore thy merciful Condescention that yet thou wilt receive me on such easy Terms O thou Lord of Life and Glory now accept of an unworthy helpless Sinner who flies to Thee as his only Refuge and Hope who is convinc't that None but Christ None but Christ can make his Peace with God and save from wrath to come I acknowledg thy Title to me and my obedience and to all I have by dying for me I desire to take thy Yoke upon me for it is Easie and thy Burthen which is Light. I desire to be intirely and for ever thine in an Everlasting Covenant never to be broken to take up the Cross and follow thee whithersoever thou shalt lead me through the straight Gate and the narrow way I will reserve no Lust refuse no Labour grudge at no Suffering stick at no difficulty so I may please and honour thee and continue in thy Love. O shed abroad more of thy Love in my Heart to make all Things easie for his sake who hath loved me and washed me from my Sins in his own Blood. O God the Holy Ghost I acknowledg Thee as my Great Teacher and Sanctifier and give up my self to Thee as the Author of all saving Knowledg and Holiness By Thee I have been convinc't of my Sin against the Law of God and the Gospel of Christ and of my necessity of his Merit Satisfaction and Righteousness to justify my guilty Soul by procuring the Forgiveness of Sin and my acceptance with God and of the freeness of his Love the Riches and alsufficiency of his Grace towards all who come unto God by Him. I adore Thee O most Blessed Spirit as proceeding and sent from the Father and the Son to renew all the Powers of my Soul and restore the Divine Image there to enlighten my mind to know and receive the Truth as it is in Jesus and purify my Heart and to sanctify all the Members of my Body and make them Instruments of Righteousness unto Holiness which before were Servants unto Sin and gradually to deliver me from the power the defilement and abode of Sin as from the Guilt and Punishment by the Blood of Jesus And as the Witness of God to the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and as the Great Paraclete to comfort and establish the Hearts of Believers sealing them up to the day of Redemption and giving them the Earnest of the Heavenly Inheritance O blessed Spirit be thou my Witness that though I have violated the Law of God and defac'd his Image and formerly undervalu'd the Love of Christ and the Grace of the Gospel yet by thine Aid I now accept what I have so long neglected and thankfully devote my self henceforward to be the Lord 's in a Covenant Relation But fearing and distrusting my self I give up my self entirely to the conduct of thy Grace depending upon it for my establishment and perseverance O form my Heart into an obediential Frame that in every thing I may endeavor to answer the Ends and Obligations of this Devoted State. To this One God I have once again dedicated and resign'd my self to serve and please and honour Thee in Thought Word and Act to the last moment of my Life in the Performance of all Duties even those which I have been most averse from in the mortification of every Lust and the forsaking of every Sin even those which I was once most addicted to Resolving deliberately to allow my self in nothing great or little secret or open which I shall know or believe to be contrary to thy holy Will making it my business to be fruitful in good Works to the praise of my Redeemer waiting in the use of all his appointed means for higher measures of Grace and Holiness to be more victorious over inward Lusts and outward Temptations still pressing towards the mark for the prize of my high and holy Calling even Eternal Life I call Heaven and Earth O Lord
learn'd in some measure what Sin is by the sorrows and anguish of an Hearty Repentance now I have discovered so much of the Snares and Devices of Satan whereby I have formerly been betraid now I am sensible of the dangerous and powerful influence and infection of bad Company the Treachery of fleshly Lusts the bewitching Temptations of the World and have tasted a little by my own Experience of the Pleasantness of Wisdom's Paths the Peace and Satisfaction of Devotedness to God by the present Rewards of a calm Conscience the communications of Divine Grace and the Encouragement of an Holy Hope c. and am persuaded of the Stability of his Word and the Certainty of Eternal Life to all who continue in well-doing shall I after all this ever break with God again Shall I ever cancel this Engagement violate this my Vow and falsifie so many repeated Promises and Resolutions Oh that his Power may rest upon me and his Grace work in me both to will and to do that this God may be my God for ever and my Guide unto Death Let me never reassume this Gift and Surrender of my self or defraud God of his Right and Propriety His I am and Him I will serve living wholly to Him using all I have for him being willing he should do what he list with his own and consequently dispose of me and of all that any way belongs to me as shall seem Good in his Eyes I am Thine O Lord save me Command me my work appoint me my Duty direct my Station order my Condition Let me be Thine tho imployed in the meanest service and the most laborious self-denying work Tho I should be but a Doorkeeper in thine House an Hewer of Wood or a Drawer of water Tho I must pinch the flesh and swim against the Tide and renounce what before I valued yet This God shall be my God for ever By this means when I come to Dye if God should add more years to the little number I have past besides this I have now begun I may be able to say with Upright Hezekiah Remember Lord how I have walked before Thee in mine Integrity That in the face of Death and the Grave in the view of another World and the near prospect of Eternity I may be able to Rejoyce in Hope and Say Lord Jesus Receive my Spirit Thou art my Saviour and I have waited for thy Salvation I have sought Thee with my whole Heart I have chosen thy Favour rather than Worldly Grandeur and Prosperity I have prized thy Love and endeavour'd to obey Thee as the best Expression of my own tho with many Imperfections which I bewail I have delighted more in thy Service and Presence than in the Pleasures of Sin and vanity thy Testimonies have been the Joy of my Heart I took no delight in the Company of the ungodly after I was devoted to Thee O let me not have my Portion with them in the other World Fortifie me now against the King of Terrors strengthen me in this my last Conflict enable me to triumph over Death by the Cross of Christ my victorious Redeemer and carry me through the dark valley at the divorce of Soul and Body and grant me an abundant entrance into thine heavenly Kingdom Let me be numbred among thy Chosen and my Body wait in Hope 'till the general Resurrection that I may then see thy Glory and dwell with Thee for ever I gave up my self to Thee and do not Repent my Choice acknowledg me now for Thine and do not lose that which is thy own Lord Jesus Thou hast paid my Ransom to deliver me from Satan and from Eternal Wrath oh do not now reject me and cast me off Is it not thine Office and Covenant to save those that Trust in thee Oh remembr thy Word unto thy Servant wherein thou hast caused me to Hope when I ventur'd my Salvation on thy Promise and trusted to thy Gracious Word for Eternal Life Thy Love hath already overcome the greatest impediments of my Salvation 'T is as easie now to receive me as to Love me Thou hast prepared Glory for thy Redeemed ones and hast bid me believingly to follow thee and wait for thy Salvation Thou hast begotten me to a lively hope by the Incorruptible Seed of the Word Let me not now be depriv'd of the Inheritance Can that Love that pitied me in my Blood and fetcht me from the Gates of Hell now suffer me to fall into it Oh Crown thy Grace and perfect thy Preparatory Mercy with Everlasting Mercy By voluntary Consent and Choice thou art my God and thy Presence in Heaven my ultimate Felicity I have trusted to thy Gracious Promise to prepare me for it and bring me to it O fulfil thy Word unto thy Servant wherein thou hast caused me to hope and mercifully receive my departing Soul that seeks Thee that loves Thee that breathes after Thee and desires nothing but to know Thee better and love Thee more and be more entirely conform'd to thine Image and live always in thy Blessed Presence Thou hast called me out of the World plac'd thine Image upon me enabled me to make it my Business though with many Imperfections to serve and please and honour Thee Oh Receive me to the fulness of thy Love and Grace and present me faultless before the Presence of thy Glory with exceeding Joy. Amen Holy Father be it unto me according to thy Word through the Merits and Intercession of my Alsufficient Saviour Jesus Christ the Faithful and True Witness in whom all thy Promises are Yea and Amen XXX Thanksgiving to God for his Innumerable Benefits and Mercies particularly in the Year Past with some Direction and Advice concerning it HOW precious and delightful are the Thoughts of thy Benefits O Lord how great is the sum of them Should I count them they are more in number than the Stars Shall I not observe and consider them maintain a grateful sense of them and publickly acknowledg them on all occasions that I may Bless the Lord at all Times and his Praise be continually in my mouth More especially should I conclude and begin the Year with solemn Praises to my Great Benefactor and Preserver I ought to begin and close every Day with it thereby to make the outgoings of the Morning and the Evening to rejoice in God. Every Year every Day every Hour every Moment offers me an occasion to praise Him because he is every minute gracious and hath been so ever since he gave me my Being Almost one half of my Time hath been spent in Sleep when I remember not God nor my self yet doth He who never slumbers or sleeps remember me in Mercy and watch over me for good Yea though in the other half by Day I have forgotten him in a worse sense by casting off his Fear and not remembring that his Holy Eye is upon me yet hath he not forgotten to be Gracious Therefore I will praise the name
of God with a Song and will magnify him with Thanksgiving and never forget his benefits With which Sacrifice he is better pleased than with an Ox or Bullock that hath horns and hoofs He hath prolonged my Life this last Year when so many others of his more useful Psalm 69. v. 30. Servants have been remov'd by Death and given me farther Time and Space to Repent when multitudes have been surpriz'd in their Impenitence Yea it was He who formed me in the Womb and brought me safely into the World by whose Providence I have hitherto been supplied in Him I live and move and continually exist To his undeserved Goodness I am beholding for all the Good of any kind which I ever enjoy'd To his Bounty I am indebted for all that I now have and must depend upon it for whatever I can hereafter expect Through Infancy and Childhood he was pleas'd to preserve me favouring me with many advantages in my Birth and Education providing for me a Competent Livelihood disposing the Circumstances of my Condition Relations Places of Abode c. more advantageously than he hath done for Thousands affording me many Helps for the Improvement of my mind and the increase of Knowledg and preventing my Necessities and even my Desires with numberless Blessings which I never so much as askt for He hath caused several of my Relations to yield me Comfort when they might have been sore Afflictions He hath raised up Strangers to befriend me and show me kindness How many favours have I receiv'd from God by the Instrumentality of other Men to whom God gave the Will and the Power the Opportunity and the Inclination How often hath he deliver'd my Soul from Death mine Eyes from Tears and my Feet from falling by seasonable Preservations so that I do yet walk before him in the Land of the Living He hath rescu'd me from the brink of many a Precipice which through Ignorance or Inadvertency I did not apprehend or Fear When I knew not which way to turn he hath made my Path plain Under sinking Disappointments he hath commanded Succor and been a present Help in the time of Trouble In Great Perplexities his Eye hath been my Guide and his own Arm hath brought Salvation it may be by the Ministry of his Holy Angels obeying his order and giving unusual Intimations of very great and otherwise unsuspected Dangers or sending Relief and Deliverance by such small unlikely and unexpected Means as carried the name of God visibly ingraven on them Innumerable Calamities he saves me from which others groan under and as many Blessings am I favour'd with whereof they are destitute He Spreads my Table and fills my Cup and gives me All Things richly to enjoy when many Excellent Persons of whom the World is not worthy are fed with the Bread of Affliction and the Water of Affliction Others have only Necessaries or but few Conveniencies in Comparison with the Plentiful Provisions God hath made for my Chearful Obedience to Him. And shall I not Praise Him for (a) Deut. 33. v. 13 14. the precious Things of Heaven the blessings of the Earth the dew and the deep and more especially for the Good-will of Him who dwelt in the Bush to sanctify and sweeten all Whereby Common Mercies become the pledge and fore-runner of better Things as the fruit of his Special Kindness the witness of his Truth and the seed of Peace and Joy and Righteousness and Praise by reason of his Blessing on all that I possess which otherwise would prove a Snare and a Temptation and be intermixt with a Curse And besides the ordinary and Continued Bounty of every Day in the midst of how many Difficulties and Dangers have I felt the dear obligations of his Preserving Mercy abroad and at home in Foreign Countries as well as my own in the midst of Enemies and among Friends in all Places and at all Times He hath prolonged my Health or made my Bed in Sickness He hath often granted the Desires of my Heart when ever it was for his Glory and contradicted my Wishes and disappointed my Endeavours in other Instances when it was more to my Advantage From how many Mischiefs hath he sav'd me by such Things as I deprecated and would have hinder'd How many Evils hath he turn'd for Good He hath heard my Cry in the day of Adversity and set my feet in a large Place He hath Chasten'd me for my Profit His Rod and his Staff have comforted me He hath spoken comfortably to me in the Wilderness Affliction hath been useful and necessary Physick made an Instrument of Vertue and so a token of his Love. Therefore (a) Psalm 89. v. 1. I will sing of the Mercy of the Lord for ever and with the voice of Thanksgiving will I make known his Faithfulness He hath all along conducted me by his Wisdom guided me by his Providence and the Angel of his Presence hath directed my Path and ordered all my Goings He hath been a Cloud to me by Day and a Pillar of Fire by Night he hath helped me in my Straits and supply'd my Wants and comforted me in all my Sadnesses His powerful and gracious Presence hath been my constant Guard and his Soveraign never-failing Goodness hath compast me about with Mercy on every side For which O most Merciful Father my Soul and all that is within me desires to speak thy Praise The advantagious Circumstances of many divine Favors do raise their value and deserve to be particularly observ'd and acknowledged How suitably how seasonably how wisely hath he conferr'd his Benefits with what Tenderness and Kindness with what Freedom and Readiness Of his own bounty and good will without any Necessity or Obligation on his Part without any Desert and Sometimes without so much as a Prayer on mine And what is more notwithstanding my Ingratitude and Forgetfulness of Him and great Provocations heightned by the abuse of so much Mercy demanding nothing after all in requital of so much Kindness but my Acceptance of his Love and grateful sense of his Goodness and the sweetest and most reasonable Expressions of it by Thankful Obedience More especially would I bless the Lord for Inlightning my mind in the Great Mysteries of Religion disposing in wonderful Wisdom the several means and methods whereby he brought me to the Knowledg of the Truth by Parents Ministers Friends Acquaintance Books Afflictions c. Beginning with me in Childhood awakening and cultivating the inbred Notions of God and natural Religion of Good and Evil Rewards and Punishments by the careful Instructions of Parents or others concern'd in my Education giving me the advantage of Good Examples Counsels and Encouragements to know and do well with more assistance and less hindrances and diversions than to many Others Particularly for the Excellent Privilege and inestimable Blessing of his Holy Word and Sacraments the liberty of the Christian Religion in the Purity of it in most of those Places
where God has been pleas'd to cast my Lot. Causing me to lay down in green Pastures and leading me beside the still Waters Instructing me in the Revelation of his Will and Grace by Jesus Christ acquainting me with the sublime Principles and Articles Precepts and Rules Promises and Hopes of the Gospel in order to Eternal Life I bless Thee O Lord and shall for ever do so that with any or all these Advantages and Helps thy Holy Spirit hath taught me to know the Truth as it is in Jesus heartily to believe and obey it That by thy Grace I have been convinc'd of Sin and brought to Repentance shewing me the necessity of a Saviour to make my peace with Thee the all-sufficiency of his Grace the fulness of his Merit the freeness of his Love and his readiness to receive me to Mercy inviting and calling me to it and enabling me to accept his gracious Invitation and obey his compassionate Call making me willing by a Powerful and Victorious Grace drawing me with Cords of Love and so effectually persuading me to consent to thy Covenant and comply with thy Message on the gracious terms of the Gospel Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ who through his abundant Mercy hath begotten me again to a lively Hope having humbled my proud Heart and conquer'd the perverseness of my stubborn Will and brought my Soul to an entire subjection to himself who took pity on me when he saw me in my Blood spread his Skirt over me cast a Mantle upon my Nakedness wash'd me from my Sins and put his own Comliness upon me by Sanctification who open'd my eyes when I was leaping blindfold into the Pit of Destruction who healed my Soul when I was sick unto Death who rescu'd and recover'd me from the Slavery of the Devil when I was led Captive by him at his will. Shall not a ransom'd redeemed Slave be thankful to his Deliverer Shall not a miserable undone Sinner who is received to Mercy be thankful for a Pardon Awake O my Soul and utter a Song of Praise to him * Psal 103. v. 3. who forgiveth all thine Iniquities and healeth all thy Diseases who redeemeth thy Life thy Soul from Destruction and crowneth thee with loving-kindness and tender Mercies Hath he made thee Partaker of his own renewed Image and Likeness given thee his Son his Grace his Spirit and taken such a wretched Creature into so near a relation to Himself and promised to be thy God and Guide thy Portion and thine Inheritance thy Friend and thy Physician thy Sun and thy Shield and thine exceeding great Reward and shall not my Soul speak aloud his Praise Hath he been * Isa 43. v. 14. merciful to my unrighteousness and blotted out my sins Hath he gathered me with his Arm and carried me in his Bosom Hath he been my Saviour and Redeemer adopted me into his Family and promis'd to make me Blessed in his Glory with the holy Angels the Curse being removed and the Hand-writing against me cancell'd the Price paid the Breach made up the Mouth of Justice stopt and the condemning Sentence of the Law exchang'd for a gracious Pardon through the Sacrifice of my Blessed Lord Jesus and shall I not praise his ineomprehensible Love and Grace I likewise thank Thee most holy Father for saving me from Guilt and Ruine when assaulted by powerful and dangerous Temptations that by preventing Mercy or restraining Grace thou hast kept me from many scandalous and presumptuous Crimes I thank Thee for making the Sins of Others a Warning and a Caution to Me an Argument to Humility and a Motive to Watchfulness for preserving my Judgment from many Errors and Delusions by which others are seduced for enabling me to improve any Opportunities of doing Good and making me in any thing useful to Others yea I thank thee for all thy Mercies to other Christians for all the Gifts and Graces and usefulness of any of thy Servants wherein as a Member of the same Body I desire to rejoyce for any Support and Comfort to me or any of them under honourable Sufferings for thy Names sake I desire unfeignedly to bless Thee for any Succour Relief and Victory with respect to the Snares and Buffetings of Satan and the vilest of his Temptations When he hath tempted me to Apostacy and Infidelity in Speculation and Practice to question the Truth of the Holy Scriptures and the Life to come to doubt of the foundations of the Christian Faith or to despair of the Mercy of God and give up the Reins to sensual Lusts or to draw me from God by the love of the World and the praise of Men by Evil Company Intemperance secret Wickedness c. I Bless Thee with my whole Soul for calling me back from any of my Wanderings and by infinite Goodness recovering me after great Falls enabling me to return when I had gone astray and seek thy forfeited favour that thou maist heal my Backslidings giving me in order to it a deep sense of my own Sin and of thy Sovereign Grace leading me to a Saviour whose Blood cleanseth from all sin when my guilty defiled Soul so much needed its pardoning and cleansing Virtue awakening me to make holy Vows and calling upon me by thy Word and Spirit and Providence to perform them I Bless Thee who hast guided my feet into the way of peace when by the terrors of an accusing Conscience and the sense of unpardon'd Sin and the apprehensions of thy deserved Wrath I was ready to despair that though thou didst most justly hide thy Face at any time it was but for a little while but didst seasonably and in Mercy return to wipe off my Tears restore the Joy of thy Salvation and chace away the clouds and darkness on my Spirit by the reviving presence of thy own Thou who art the Author wilt be the Finisher of my Faith and therefore though thou hast visited mine Iniquities with a Fatherly Rod yet thy loving-kindness thou hast not taken from me or suffer'd thy faithfulness to fail or thy Covenant of Peace to be removed but hast refreshed me with hidden Manna after great Perplexities saying unto my Soul I am God even thy God making me to hear thy Voice which was sweet and to taste thy Love which is better than Wine enabling me to say with thine Apostle Thomas My Lord and my God and to have any Communion with thee since in publick or private Duties For all these innumerable Mercies I desire to praise Thee which yet are but in order to greater to Everlasting Kindness in Heaven These are but the taste and Earnest of what thou wilt bestow hereafter O how great is his Goodness that he hath laid up for those that fear him And now Lord what wait I for my hope is even in Thee I thank thee who hast thus put it into my Heart to render thee solemn Praise and once more to renew my Covenant with Thee