to that iourney for that onlie purpose For himself told me afterwards that he had no occasion at all to come but only by haueing heard of this busines and that he grew to know of it meerly by chance He stayed heer as long as was necessarie and when he was returning home he procured by certaine meanes which he vsed that our Father Prouincial should giue leaue both that I and some others also might come to stay at our new Monasterie which yet seemed a kind of impossible thing for him to grant so soone yea and that I might also doe the office of teaching and instructing such as were there already But the day when I got thither was of extreame comfort to my hart For being in Prayer in the Church before I entred into the Monasterie and being in a kind of Rapt I saw Christ our Lord appeare and me thought he receaued me with great loue and put a Crowne vpon my head gaue me thākes for the Seruice which I had done to his Mother At another time also we being all in the Quire and in Prayer after Compline I saw our B. Ladie in excessiue glorie with a white Mantle vpon and about her and she seemed to shelter and protect vs all vnder that Mantle and I vnderstood how high a degree of glorie our Blessed Lord would vouchsafe to the Religious of that House When we came once to celebrate the Office of the Church the deuotion which the people beganne to carrie towards vs was very great and already there grew to come more Religious to vs and our Lord beganne also to incline euen them to doe vs most fauour and most bountifully to impart all things to vs who had persecuted vs most And they came to approue that which they had misliked before and so by little and little they let their Suite fall And they sayd that now they were come to vnderstand that it was the worke of Almightie God since his Diuine Maiestie had been pleased that it should proceed and prosper in despight of so great contradiction Yea now there is not a Creature who conceaues that it had been well done to desist from the Worke and accordingly they take much care to prouide vs with Almes euen without our desiring anie thing at anie time of anie bodie So that it seemes our Blessed Lord stirres them vp to send it to vs of themselues and so we passe without the want of anie thing in the world which is necessarie and I hope in our Blessed Lord that it shall for euer be so For being so few as we are if withall we shall doe our dutie as now his Diuine Maiestie giues vs grace to doe I make my self very sure that we shall want nothing and so haue no occasion to be troublesome or importunate towards anie Creature but that as I was saying our Lord will take care of vs heerafter as he hath been pleased to doe hitherto And for me it is an excessiue comfort to see my self setled heer with such Seruants of Almightie God as are so totally vntyed from all the persons and things of this world Their conuersation and discourse is only how they may be able to proceed best and fastest in the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie Solitude is the greatest Solace they can enioy and to thinke that they shall see anie Creature but only such as may assist them towards the enkindling and inflaming their harts to the loue of their Spouse is the greatest trouble they haue yea though it should be from the neerest kindred they know And so there comes no bodie hither but such as loue to treat of that busines for neither would he content them nor they him And their language being only to speake of our Blessed Lord as it is they neither vnderstand nor be vnderstood vnlesse the same language be spoken We keepe and obserue the Rule of our B. Ladie of Carmel and this entirely as it ought to be without anie manner of relaxation but iust as it was ordained by Albertus Patriarch of Ierusalem and confirmed by Pope Innocentius the Fourth in the Fifth yeare of his Pontificate and in the yeare of our Lord God 1248. So as now me thinkes all the troubles and vexations which haue been endured about this Busines will fall out to haue been very well employed And though the Rule be of some rigour for they neuer eate Flesh without necessitie and they Fast eight moneths in the yeare and obserue such other things also as may be seen in the Originall Rule yet most of the particulars seem to be of little difficultie to the Religious they obserue also other things which haue seemed necessarie to vs for the more exact performance of the sayd Rule And I hope in our Blessed Lord that this which is begunne will proceed and prosper according to what his Diuine Maiestie hath told me The other House which the Beata of whome I spake before procured to erect is now already made in Alcalà and there wanted not also oppositions and great afflictions and troubles to them who laboured in it I know that all Religious Obseruance is performed there according to the first Institution of this our Rule and I beseech our Blessed Lord that all may turne to his honour and praise and of the Glorious Virgin Marie whose Habit we weare Amen I well beleiue that your Reuerence will haue been wearyed with the long Relation which I I haue made you of this Monasterie which yet in some respect will fall-out to haue been but very short considering the manie afflictions which were endured and the great wonders which our Blessed Lord wrought therein whereof there are manie witnesses who can auerre them by Oath And now I beseech your Reuerence for the loue of our Lord that howsoeuer you may teare what you will of all the rest that I haue written your Reuerence will keepe safe what I send you heer concerning this Monasterie and that when I shall be dead you will deliuer it ouer to the Religious heer For it will greatly serue to animate such as shall succeed in the Seruice of Almightie God and to make them procure not to let that fall to the ground which is begunne and so to be still passing further and further on when they shall see how carefully his Diuine Maiestie blessed it in the erection thereof by meanes of so wicked and base a Creature as my self And since our Blessed Lord hath shewed in so particular a manner that he was resolued to fauour both the beginning and finishing of this Monasterie it seemes to me that they shall doe very ill and that they will be seuerely punished by Almightie God who shall endeauour at all to slacken the perfection of this Rule For heer our Blessed Lord hath already begunne so to assist and strengthen vs as that this kind of Crosse is carried with extraordinary suauity and is very well discerned to be tollerable enough and that
giue me light by her meanes as I will now declare THE THIRD CHAPTER VVherein she treates hovv her falling into vertuous companie vvas the occasion of her returning to avvake good desires in herself And hovv our Lord beganne to giue her some light of the errour vvherein she had formerly been BVt now I beginning to take gust in the good and holie conuersation of this Religious woeman was ioyed to heare how well she was wont to speake of Almighty God for she was both very holie and very discreet Of this I conceiue confesse I did neuer at anie time giue ouer to â—â—â—â—ery glad to heare She began one day to tell nâ—â—â—â—ow she was growne to be a Religious woman by the onlie reading of that place of the Ghospell That manie are called but fevv are chosen And she spake much to me of the reward which our lord is wont to giue to such as leaue all things for the loue of him In a word this good societie of hers beganne quickly to put to flight those customes and condiuons which ill companie had brought vpon me and restored the desire of eternall blessings to my thoughts yea and to stripp me in some part of that great enmitie and opposition against becominge a Religious woemaÌ„ which formerly had been very extreame But now if I chanced to see anie one who shed manie teares for her sinnes or els that she abounded in other vertues I carried a kinde of enuie towards her though as for this hart of mine it was so very hard and euen impenetrable in this kinde that if I should haue read ouer the whole Historie of the Paision of our Blessed Sauiour I was not able to shed a teare and this put me to a great deale of paine In this Monasterie did I remaine a yeare and a half and I was much improued there I beganne to say manie Vocall prayers and I procured of all the Religious that they would recommend me much to Almightie God to the end that he might place mee in such a way of Life as wherein I might be likelie to serue him best But still I did euen desire that I might not be a Religious woman and that this might not be the state which God would giue me though yet still I was afrayd to be married But now at the end of the time when I was there I already beganne to be more inclined to be a Religious woeman though yet not in that verie House where I was then in regard of those actions of extraordinarie vertue and pennance which I vnderstood they vsed and which seemed to me of too much rigour Yet there were some of the yonger sort of themselues who encouraged me towards those formet more imperfect thoughts for if they all had been of one opinion it would haue been much to my true aduantage I had also a great friend in another Monasterie and this was partly a reason why if I would be a Religious woman I would not yet be so in anie other place then where that friend of mine was For I carried more respect to my sensualitie and vanitie then to the benefit which I might bring to my soule These good thoughts of being a Religious woman were often coming to me by times but they were instantly sent away againe and I could not yet persuade myself to be one At this time though my self were not altogether vvithout care of my cure yet our Lord vvas much fuller of desire to dispose me for that state vvhich vvould be best for my soule He then gaue me so great a sicknes that I vvas forced to returne home to my Fathers house And vven once I vvas recouered they conducted me to giue a Visit to one of my Sisters in the Countrie for the loue vvhich I bore her vvas extreame and by her vvill I should neuer haue parted from her Her Husband did also loue me very much and at least he regaled me highly And euen for this also am I obliged to our Blessed Lord since in all places vvhere I haue been I was euer treated after this manner notwithstanding that I haue been as vnthankefull to him for it as for his other fauours Now by the way towards my Sister I had an Vnckle my Fathers Brother vvho vvas a very aduised man and of great vertue He vvas a Widdower and our Lord vvent disposing him for his owne seruice and vvhen he grew on to be of yeares he left the vvorld and became a Religious man and ended his life in such sort that I belieue he is now enioying the Vision of Almightie God But he vvould needs haue me as I passed remaine with him some dayes His vsuall exercise vvas to reade good Bookes in the Spanish toung and his discours vvas most commonly of God and of the vanitie of the world and those Bookes vvould he also make me reade And though I had no great liking to this yet I pretended that I had for in the point of giuing contentment to others I had euer an extreame kind of care how deare soeuer it might cost me So that the same thing vvich had been vertue in others was a great fault in me because I often carried my self therin vvith much indiscretion O my God! By vvhat vvaies did thy Diuine Maiestie goe disposing me for that state in vvhich thou vvert pleased that I should serue thee since thou didst euen force me thus as it vvere against my vvill to force my self Be thou blessed for all eternitie Amen Though I stayed not long in that place yet by the effect vvhich the vvords of Almighty God wrought in my hart whether they vvere read or heard by me together vvith so good companie as that vvas vvherein I found my self then I came to vnderstand this Truth vvhich I had learnt when I was yet but a Child That namely all was nothing and how great the vanitie of the vvorld vvas and that all vvould be shortly at an end and that I might iustly feare least dying in that condition wherein I vvas I might chance goe dropping downe into Hell And though my vvill did not yet entirely resolue me to make my self a Religious vvoman yet I vvell discerned that it vvas the better and more secure state and so by little and little I determined to force my hart to embrace it In this battaile I remained three moneths constraining my self at last by this following discours and reason that the troubles and afflictions of being a Religious vvomaÌ„ could not be greater then the paine of Purgatorie And that I hauing so vvel deserued Hell it vvas not to be esteemed too much if I remained vvhilst I should liue heer as in Purgatorie so that afterward I might goe streight to heauen For this was my desire But yet euen in this inclination of mine to take this state vpon me I doubt I vvas more moued by a kinde of seruile Feare then by Loue. The Diuel in the meane time represented to me that I would neuer
things for by meanes of such blessings as these doth our Lord impart that Fortitude to vs which we lost by our Sinnes And he should but vnluckily desire and exhort a man to despise and abhorre the world and encourage him to acquire all those great vertues which Christians of high perfection vse to possesse if he were not vpheld therein by a Liuelie Faith and by his hauing also felt some assurance of the loue which our Lord was pleased to beare him For naturally we are so very dead that we looke not after anie thing but that which we see at the present and so these verie Fauours are the things which awake strengthen our Faith I say not but that it may very well be that I being so very wicked am apt to iudge of others by my self that those others may need no more then the verie light and truth of Faith for the making their workes very perfect but I as very miserable haue beē in need of all possible helps Others may well say what they please but I relate what hath occurred to me as they who haue power ouer me cōmand and if he to whome I send it doe not like it he may teare it as knowing better then I what is vnfitt Whome I humbly beseech euen for the loue of our Blessed Lord that whatsoeuer I haue sayd hitherto concerning my wicked Life and my Sinnes he will publish it and from this instant I giue leaue both to him and all them who haue been my Ghostlie Fathers of which number he is to whome this goes addressed that they doe it euen now whilst I am liuing to the end that euen now I may deceaue the vvorld no longer vvhich els perhaps may thinke that there is some good thing in me and really and very really I speake truth to the best that I can novv vnderstand of my self that he shall giue me great comfort if he vvill doe it But as for that vvhich shall follovv heerafter in this Discourse I allovv him no such libertie at all nor vvill I by anie meanes giue vvay that if they chance to shevv the thing to anie Creature they declare vvho that person is vvith vvhome it passed nor vvho vvrote it and for this reason haue I forborne to name either my self or anie other vvho hath interuened to the Storie But I haue done the best I could to vvrite it so as that I may not be knowne and I desire for the loue of our Lord that it may euer remaine as a Secret For it vvill suffice that there are so learned and graue persons as may authorize anie thing vvhich is good if our Lord vvill giue me grace to relate it and if there be it must be his and not mine for they only vvho command me to vvrite it knovv that I vvrite it and at the present they are not heer and I vvrite it also as it vvere by stealth and vvith vvant of time and vvith some trouble because I am kept from spinning and I liue in a poore House and haue busines enough and if our Lord gaue me more abilitie and memorie of both vvhich I haue very little I might yet by meanes thereof serue my self of vvhat I had heard or read So that if I say anie thing vvhich is good our Lord vvill serue himself of it for some good end but vvhatsoeuer is ill sayd vvill be mine owne and that your Reuerence may blot out And both for the one and for the other there vvill be no reason at all to declare my name During anie bodies life it is cleare that the good he doth is not to be related and after death it vvill also serue for nothing in this case but only to make it loose all authoritie and credit for hauing been recounted by a person so base and so vvicked as my self And because I hope you vvill doe that vvhich I say and I humbly beg it of you euen for the loue of our Lord and of those others also vvho are to see it I write as you see vvith all libertie and clearnes for otherwise I should haue great scruple to doe it but only for the meer declaration of my Sinnes and in that I haue none at all As for other things it is enough that I am a woemā to make my wings fall downe flatt by my sides and hovv much more then since I am not only a weoman but a wicked woeman And therefore whatsoeuer your Reuerence shall finde heer beyond the bare relation of the course of my Life you must take to be only for your self since you would needs importune me so farre as to make you some declaration of the Fauours which our Lord had been pleased to doe me in Prayer supposing euer that you hold them to be in conformitie with the Truths of our Holie Catholick Faith for if not you are instantly to burne it and to this Direction I will stand So that I will declare what passed with me in this kinde to the end that if it shall proue conforme to Catholick truth it may be of some seruice to you and if not that you may be the better able to vndeceaue my Soule and so the Diuel may get nothing by that whereby I tooke my self to gaine For our Lord knowes that I euer haue procured to meet with persons who might giue me light as I shall shew afterward But how clearly soeuer I shall striue to declare these things concerning Prayer it will fall out to be obscure enough for such as haue no experience therein I will touch also vpon some impediments which according to my way of vnderstanding vse to oppose themselues against such persons as are walking on in this way and I will also point at some others in which there may be some danger according to what our Lord hath taught me by experience And I haue since treated with great learned men and persons who had giuen themselues to Spirit manie yeares and they see that his Diuine Maiestie hath vouchsafed me in seauen and twentie yeares wherein I haue vsed Mētall Prayer though I haue walked on so ill with so manie stumbling blocks in the way that experience which he hath not allowed to others in seauen and thirtie yea and in seauen and fourtie yeares whilst yet they had spent their liues in Pennance and euer in a course of Vertue Let him be Blessed for all and I be seech his Diuine Maiestie euen by what he is himself that he will vouchsafe to be serued by me For my deare Lord knowes very well that I pretend no other thing by this but only that he may be a little the more exalted and praised when you see that he would needs plant a Garden of so sweet Flowers vpon and in a Dung-hill so fowle and filthie and of so very ill fauour as I am I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie that I returne not through my fault to pluck them all vp by the rootes and so become againe
times to vnderstand things but iust so as we haue a minde to vnderstand them our selues and euen they are wrested much from the true sense And so we also doe in things of this world and we will needs make our selues beleiue that we must tax euen our owne profit in Spirit according to the measure of the time wherein we haue had anie exercise of Prayer Nay it seemes that we haue had a minde to put a tax and limit vpon him who by no meanes will be subiect to anie when there is question of imparting his Fauours which he is wont to dispose when he will and who can impart more benedictions to one in six moneths then to another in a great multitude of yeares And this is a most certaine truth which I haue seen so expresly verifyed euen with my verie eyes vpon the instance of manie persons that I wonder how we can so much as detaine our selues in the least doubt thereof But I am very apt to beleiue that a man who hath anie talent in trying and knowing Spirits and to whome our Blessed Lord shall haue giuen true Humilitie will not be able to fall and continue in this errour For such a man will iudge of things by the effects and by the strong purposes and firme resolutions and loue of the party who is chiefly concerned And besides our Lord is wont to giue such a person light whereby he may be able to vnderstand it and by that verie light he also discernes the profiting and proceeding forward of Soules and not by the number of yeares wherein they haue attended to these things Because some one Soule may as I sayd before haue obtained that in six moneths which another shall not haue been able to get in twentie yeares For as I sayd also before our Lord bestowes those things to whome he will and commonly he doth it to such as dispose themselues best to receiue them And in proofe heerof I see that there come now to this House of ours certaine Gentlewoemen and Ladies who are very young and yet when our Blessed Lord vouchsafes once to touch their harts and to giue them a little Light and Loue and when in a very short time he is pleased to allow and impart some Regalo and gust of Spirit to them they haue not stayed and pawsed nor was anie difficultie able to offer it self against them which could stopp them but they would be going on without so much as remembring that they were to liue by eating their meate and they shut themselues vp for euer in a House without hauing so much as anie Reuenue vpon which to liue like persons who put no manner of esteem vpon anie thing of this world for the loue of him who they know loues them And they giue ouer euen all things all at once nor haue they anie will at all which is meerly their owne nor doe they vnderstand it to be possible that euer they can receaue disgust by enduring such a straight shutting vp but all of them offer-vp their whole selues in Sacrifice to the honour and glorie of Almightie God And now how willingly and iustly doe I allow them to haue gotten the Start of me heerin and how mightily ought I to be ashamed and euen confounded in the presence of Almightie God to see that what his Diuine Maiestie could not finish in my Soule through my fault in such a multitude of yeares since I vsed Prayer and wherein he beganne to doe me Fauours he hath yet been able to accomplish in them within three moneths yea and euen with some of them in three dayes with doing them also farre lesse Fauour then to me Though yet withall it be very true that our Blessed Lord payes them so well for their paines that they are all very farre from being sorrie to haue done whatsoeuer they haue done for the loue of him For this purpose I could wish that we might call to minde how manie yeares they are since we made our Profession and haue vsed Mentall Prayer Not yet for the giuing them anie trouble by making them turne back who haue made a great deale of way in a short time and to get them to goe but our pace which is as much as it would be to make them who flye like Eagles through the Fauours which it hath pleased Almightie God to doe them to walke the slow dull pace of a shackled Hen but to the end that we may grow to carrie the honour of his Diuine Maiestie in our eye And then if we find these Sisters of ours to be humble whome we see to be so forward in the way of Spirit that we should giue them still the raynes For certainly our Blessed Lord who hath done them so great Fauours already will neuer suffer them to breake their necks by falling downe as from some dangerous rock They commit and trust themselues in the hands of Almightie God for this benefit doe they reape by the truth which Faith teaches them and shall not we also trust them there but must we limit and confine them by our narrow measure according to the meannesse straightnes of our owne poore mindes No no this must not be but rather if our selues cannot ariue to be owners of those strong affections and firme resolutions which abound in them for these things cannot be well vnderstood without experience let vs procure to humble our selues and not condemne them For els by seeming to haue a care of their aduantage and profit we shall depriue our selues of our owne and we shall also loose the occasion which our Lord shewes vs so faire for our owne greater humilitie and that we may the better vnderstand how much is wanting to vs as also how much more absolutly those other Soules are likelie to be vntyed and freed from worldlie things then ours and how much neerer they are approached to Almightie God then we since we see that his Diuine Maiestie is come so much closer vp towards them then vs. For my part I can vnderstand no more in this case neither indeed haue I anie desire to vnderstand more then that I had rather haue such Prayer as hauing been obtained and exercised but a short time might be found to haue great effects and which instantly appeare for it is impossible that a Creature should be content to throw away a whole world at once vpon the onlie reason of pleasing Almightie God without a mightie force of loue then such an other kind of Prayer as should haue continued manie yeares and yet neuer in fine haue made an end of resoluing vpon anie more at the last then at the first to doe aniething for the pure loue of Almightie God vnlesse it be some poore little fidling bable which is no bigger then a graine of Salt which hath neither bulke nor weight but is such as that anie Bird might be able to carrie it away in her Bill For I confesse we hold it not for a matter
in the exercise of bounty Her compassion vvas most eminent to vvards the releife of all Creatures in miserye so especially vvas her sollicitude to consolate regale all such in all occasions as vvere intrusted to her care vvhilst yet she vvould needs be vnkind and euen as it vvere cruell to her selfe alone Aboue all things she was a most perfect Louer of Truth so full of matchless candour sincerity in all expressions vpon all occasions that she vvould no more haue euen so much as but disguised it and much lesse varyed from it in the least kind especially vvhen the question had any vvay concerned her owne aduantage then she vvould haue sold her selfe for a Slaue These I say vvere the conditions of this admirable Creature and these were the parts of her Minde vvhich yet I consider but in the nature of Fruits But they grew from these Roots vvhich follow A most profound Humility A most inuiolable Chastity A most strict loue of Pouerty A most vnshaken and inuincible Patience in despight of sharpe Sicknesses tormenting paines and endlesse persecutions A most ardent and inflamed Charity both towards God man which bred an eager and insatiable appetite to winne Soules An vndaunted Fortitude high Courage and that no less in the endeauouring great things then in the suffering hard things A constant continuall Supernaturall most Eleuated course of Prayer and Contemplation Such a kind of excellent Creature was this But yet whē I ouerlooked the little vvhich I had heer set downe I confess it seemed at the first euē in mine owne eye to be a very extraordinary Elogium of her Vertues and parts and as if it might perhaps haue had more in it of the Panegerick then of a iust Praise And therefore before I vvould giue it passage to the Print I looked attentiuely back vpon vvhat I had read of her concerning her resolutions and heroicall actions recorded in authenticall manner by diuerse graue and vvise Authours and in seuerall places also of her owne Workes and particularly vpon what is deliuered by Father Ribera in the Historicall Relation of her vvhole Life But when I came back from thence compared that kind of Descant vvith my Plaine-Song concerning the Saint I found my selfe to haue rather falne much too short then to haue any way ouer-short in this kind and that the particulars recounted with great authority els vvhere for the proofe of how she professed her selfe after a high most Heroicall manner in the practise pursuite of Vertue in order to all sanctity perfection to vvhich she aspired where by God's great mercy she ariued vvould haue no less auowed then encouraged my Penn to haue done her much more honour that is more right if it had not been employed by so vveake a hand as mine But in the meane time I haue considered the Example of the holy S. Hierome vvho vvriting of his S. Paula to Eustochium her Daughter hath these vvords I take Iesus and his Saints to vvitnes as also that particular Angell vvho vvas the Guardian and Companion of this admirable vvoeman That I vvill say nothing of her for fauour nothing after the custome of Flatterers but that vvhatsoeuer I am to deliaer shall be as if it vvere vpon mine Oath and yet still it vvill fall short of her merits And now this shall authorise mee also to take our Blessed Lord to witnesse that to the best of my poore vnderstanding I haue not mistaken my selfe about the celebration vvhich heer I make of our Saint in the point of haueing praised her too much but rather that I am growne to be her Debtour then her Creditour heerin For if euer there haue been in the whole vvorld many vvoemen of more admirable parts perfections both in their Intellectualls their Moralls which I account to be as the Simples of a Soule in the vse also thereof whereby those Simples grow to be mixed and whether wee shall consider them in the Naturall or Supernaturall way it is more then I haue been able to know either by reading or els by Discourse yet I haue been carefull enough to enquire But now the certainty of this truth will yet euen further appeare when I shall tell you that which followes And it is That when the Saint made obseruation had experience of the world 's great frailtie and lesse perfection and that the Religious Order and House vvhere she had entred had obtained certaine Relaxations and Dispensations from diuerse strict Clauses and Conditions of the first Institute and when she had also mett with some Customes through which euen her self had receiued disaduantage by dissipation and diminution of Spirit as namely in regard of great publique resort to the House and a multitude of vnnecessarie Conuersations and especially for that they were not bound to continuall Clausure but had libertie to goe abroad though yet only by leaue of their Superiours to visit their Parents and neer kinred at some times she grew into a full resolution That if euer it should be in her power to free her self from that course and to set more limited bounds vpon her wayes and to inuite others also by her example to expresse their great desire to gaine and perfect Soules she would not faile to put that purpose of hers in execution And so after the expiring of some time the encountring of manie impedimēts and the ouercoming a vvorld of difficulties she grew to expresse her loue to our B Lord but in the person of such Creatures as for whome he dyed to such a proportion and in so high a kind as to proiect and perfect so great and hard a vvorke as that perhaps no Woeman will be seen to haue euer procured and performed the like For to reforme a Religious Order and to reduce it to the first strict Institute is a matter of much more difficultie then to Found one And for a Woeman vvho vvas of no absolute power to command to passe through so manie impediments and to vvinne the Prize and to adorne euen that Originall Rule it self vvith so manie holie and wise Documents and Constitutions of her owne for the raising and true refining of Spirit according to the necessities and exigēces of those present most depraued times makes the busines become yet more hard and strange on the one side and more vsefull also more excellent on the other For as I conceaue it to be a truth that there is no one approued Order of Religious people in the Holie Catholique Church vvhich is not of the best of all others in that vvay of Spirit for which it was cheifly instituted by Almightie God and especially for those times in which it was instituted So is it not only pietie but euen prudēce also to beleiue that since this Blessed Woeman was stirred-vp by God's holie Spirit in this Age of ours for the redresse of our moderne great disorders that his Diuine Maiestie
to consist in gaining ground vpon Vertue by a holie kind of emulation and competition vvith one another And so also on the other side your Spouse keepes very close correspondence vvith you by infusing so very great strength of delight and ioy into your Soules as that you possesse the treasure of true Alacritie euen in your verie being depriued and stripped of all those things vvhich are wont to giue contentment to poore-harted people in this life And so you also with great generositie tread all vvorldlie things vnder your feet as persons vvho be as it vvere exempted euen from the lawes thereof or at least are growne superiour to them all For neither doth trouble or labour vvearie you nor Clausure afflict you nor infirmitie discourage you not euen death amaze or fright you but rather yeild himself vp to be conquered by you But that vvhich in the midst of all these particulars serues to make the vvonder very extreame is the great facilitie and gust vvherewith you goe through all these things which of themselues are hard enough to be performed For Mortification is matter of solace to you Resignation as a kind of Sport Pennance a Passe-time And you goe putting that in execution which turnes Nature into admiration and you conuert the exercise of the most Heroicall Vertues into a pleasant kind of entertainment and all this as it vvere in a sporting and reioycing way vvhereby in fine the certaintie of those vvords of Christ our Lord that His yoake is svveet and his burthen light growes to be found effectually true Since no Secular Ladie takes so much pleasure in her ornaments and attires as your Reuerences find it to be a thing of great ioy and gust for you to lead the life euen of Angells And such doe you seem really to be not only in the perfection of your liues but in the vnion also resemblance of mindes vvhich you maintaine therein vvith one another Since no two things are more like one another then you are all amongst your selues and euerie one to euerie other in your speech in your modestie in your humilitie in your discretion in your sweetnes of Spirit and finally in your whole proceeding and conuersation For as the self same vertue and vvay of Life animates you all so doth it also frame you all after one manner and vve see in you all as in so manie pure Christall glasses one kind of face and countenance vvhich is that of your Holie Mother Teresa deriued downe and stamped vpon her Daughters By meanes vvhereof I see her now as I vvas saying at the first vvith more euidence and clearnes euen vvithout hauing formerly seen her because her Daughters are not only the liuelie pictures of her internall features but the assured testimonies also of her perfections And these are communicated to you all and they passe from one of you to another with so great speed vvhich makes the Third Miracle-vp that in the space of twentie yeares for this falls-out to be the time since she founded her first Monasterie till now Spaine alone is growne to be so full of her Monasteries that aboue a thousand Religious persons are daily seruing Almightie God in this Countrie amongst vvhome your Reuerences vvho are the Religious Woemen of that Order shine brightly and that vvith as much difference as the greater and fairer Starres exceed the lesser For as it was a happy Woeman who gaue beginning to this Reformation so it seemes that the Woemen are they who in all things haue aduantage of others and not only are the great guiding Lights of the Order but are withall the verie honour of our Nation and the glorie euen of the Age wherein we liue And in fine yow are those faire Flowers which beautifye the great barrennes of the Times and are certainly the most rare and choice parts of the Church of God liuelie testimonies of the efficacie of Christ our Lord and the euident proofe of his Soueraigne vertue finally the expresse patterns vvhereby vvee take the daily experience of vvhat is promised vs by our Faith And this is now as much as concernes her Daughters vvhich is the former of those two Images or Pictures of your Holie Mother vvhereof I spake Nor is the second Image or Picture a whitt lesse Miraculous then that former it consists in her Writings Bookes vvherein vvithout anie question at all the Holie Ghost vouchsafed and resolued that holie Mother Teresa should remaine as a rare example to the vvorld c. All these are the verie words of Doctour Levvis de Leon. By this you therefore see what iudgement vvas made at that time of this admirable Creature our Glorious Saint But by way of full cōclusion to as much as I now intend to speake of her excellencies I must needs add a Clause or two vvhich I find deliuered by another eminent vvise learned Authour it was Father Ribera a Father of the Societie of IESVS vvho vvrote her vvhole Life at large together with it indeed as a very part thereof he published certaine Exclamations or lowde Aspirations vvhich her enamoured Soule vvas wont to make to Almighty God together with certaine Aduertisments also concerning the sense and feeling of Spirit vvhich she found in her self vvith a signification how she vvas affected towards his Diuine Maiestie and finally how she behaued her self then in the growth of Prayer and Perfection Now all this Account of her self had been deliuered by her in her owne hand to her Ghostlie Father though one part of it about a yeare sooner then the other for the enabling him the better to direct her and she did it all vvhilst she vvas yet in the Monasterie of the Incarnation vvhere she vvas placed first before she had setled her owne Order way of Life according to the primitiue Institution thereof though yet she had euen then begunne to serue our Blessed Lord in great earnest And then also did his Diuine Maiestie rayne downe abundance of Supernaturall Fauours vpon her happie Soule as the same exact Authour declares But that iudgement which he made vpon her I will heer deliuer to you since it is so very short and withall so very highly significant For thus he saith By this you may discerne to how great perfection this happie Soule ariued in so short a time which deserues to cast the world into admiration For since she in her beginnings got-vp towards the verie top of that Perfection which is wont to be acquired in this Life euen by Saints to what passe would she arriue in the space of two or three and twentie yeares which she liued afterwards whilst she daily went encreasing in the loue of Almightie God by receauing so manie high Fauours from his Diuine Maiestie by performing so manie Pennances by enduring so great afflictions tormets through sicknes togeather with manie persecutions and troubles by founding so manie Monasteries by gaining so manie Soules by possessing so
my Parents but by the way of Vertue My Father was a man of much charitie towards poore people and of compassion towards the sick yea and he had so much pittie euen of his seruants that he could neuer resolue to keepe anie slaues for the tendernes which he had towards them And there being once a slaue in his house who belonged to a Brother of his he caused him to be treated and fed as if he had been one of his owne Children and sayd through his great compassion that he could not endure to see such as he was vnless they might be made free He was a man of much truth nor did euer anie creature heare him either detract or sweare He was exeedingly honest and chast My Mother also was enriched with manie Vertues and she passed through this life of hers with grieuous sicknesses Her chastitie and puritie was great in the verie highest degree and though she had an abundance of Beautie yet was it neuer so much as heard that she gaue occasion for the world to conceaue that she made anie account of it at all For comming afterwards to dye when she was but three and thirtie yeares old the order of her attire had yet been such as might haue well become a person of Age. She was of a most sweet disposition and yet vvithall of a very solid vnderstanding The afflictions vvhich she sustained in this life vvere great and she made a most Christian end when she dyed VVe vvere three Sisters and nine Brothers and all through the goodnes of Almightie God vvere like our Parents in being vertuous except myself though yet I vvas the most beloued of them all by my Father and truly till I beganne to offend Almightie God he might seeme to haue had some reason For it goes to my verie hart to remember and consider those good inclinations vvhich our Lord had giuen me and the very little I knew how to serue myself thereof My Brothers also vvere such in their proceeding and vvay of life as that they did not by anie meanes dis-assist me from seruing Almightie God One of them vvas almost of my yeares and I loued him best of them all though yet I loued them all very much as they also did me But vve tvvo ioyned much togeather in reading the Liues of Saints and when I saw the Martyrdomes through vvhich some of them had passed for the loue of our Lord me thought they had bought Heauen vvhere they vvere to see and enioy his Diuine Maiestie very good cheape And myself also desired much to dye so though not yet for the loue vvhich I found and felt my self to beare him but rather that I might come by so compendious a vvay to enioy those great felicities which I had read to be imparted in Heauen I associated my self therefore to this Brother of mine to consider vvhat meanes there might be for our obtaining this end And so vve grevv to resolue that vve vvould goe into Barbarie amongst the Mores and begg by the vvay as vve vvent that so vve might come by degrees to loose our liues there for our Lord. And it seemed that he gaue vs courage enough for this purpose euen in that tender age of ours if vve could haue found anie meanes to sett it on foot but our euen hauing of Parents seemed to be the greatest hindrance vve had We found our selues much amazed to perceaue in those things vvhich vve read that both the Paine and Glorie of the next life vvas to last for euer and vve chanced to speake often of this particular and vve tooke pleasure in repeating these vvords many times For euer For euer For euer and by continuing to pronounce them long and often our Lord vvas pleased to imprint the way of Truth vpon my hart in that verie infancie of mine But novv vvhen I savv it vvas impossible for me to goe where they might put me to death for the loue of our Lord my Brother and I proiected how to become Heremits at home and so in a certaine Garden vvhich belonged to the house vve procured to set vp some little Oratoryes or Chappels after the manner of Heremitages the best we could and vve assembled little stones for that purpose vvhich vvould instantly be falling downe againe and so vve met vvith no meanes to put out good desires in execution But in the meane time I am not vvithout some feeling of deuotion to consider hovv soone it pleased Almightie God to giue me this kinde of tendernes towards him vvhich aftervvards I grevv to loose through mine ovvne fault I gaue Almes as vvel as I could though it vvere but little I procured to be much alone for the better doing my deuotions vvhich vvere manie and especially that of the Rosarie to which my Mother vvas much affected and she endeauoured also to make vs so I tooke particular contentment vvhilst I vvas playing vvith other Children like myself to frame certaine little things like Monasteries as if vve had been Religious woemen and me thought I desired to be one though yet not vvith such vehemencie of affection as I did those other things vvhereof I spake I remember that vvhen my Mother dyed she left me a little less then tvvelue yeares old and as soone as I beganne to vnderstand hovv great a losse I had sustained by loosing her I vvas very much afflicted and so I vvent besore an Image of our Blessed Ladie and I humbly besought her vvith manie teares that she vvould vouchsafe to be my Mother And though I performed this little action but in a plaine and simple manner yet me thinkes I may vvel conceaue that it hath serued me to verie good purpose for I haue most euidently found the fauour of this Soueraigne Virgin concerning all things vvherein I haue recommended myself to her care and in fine she hath brought me about to her self It afflictes me to the very hart to see and consider hovv poore those impediments vvere vvhich kept me from remaining entire and constant in those good desires vvhich I beganne to haue But O my deare Lord since it seemes thou vvilt vouchsafe to saue me and I beseech thy Diuine Maiestie that it my be so and to shevv me so great fauours as thou hast donne me might it not please thee not for my interest and profit but for that high reuerence vvhich is due to thy self to take order that this house of my hart vvherein thou shouldst for euer remaine might be no more defiled Nay it goes O Lord to my verie soule euen to say thus much because I knovv and feele that the fault therof vvas vvholy mine for as for thee I finde clearly enough that there wanted nothing at all on thy part to secure me for being totally thine ovvne euen from that tender age of mine And if I vvould be content to seeke some colour to complaine of my Parents vvith as little reason also can I doe that since I could neuer discouer any thing in
be able to suffer the difficulties and troubles of a Religious life because formerly I had been vsed so delicately and vvas so nice But yet against this also I defended my self as vvell as I could by the afflictions vvhich Christ our Lord endured for me and that so it vvould not be much for me to endure some for him I ought also to haue considered that he would giue me help to beare them Yet I remember not whether I had this last consideration or no but I am sure I had temptations enow about that time I then also grew to haue great fitts of fainting by a burning Feauer into wich I fell for I alwaies had little health But it gaue mee euen my life at that time that already I was growne to loue good Bookes and so I came to reade the Epistles of S. Ierome which holpe me to such hart and courage as to make me resolue that I would impart my purpose to my Father which in effect was euen as much for me as to take the verie Habit vpon mee For I was euer so affected to maintaine the point of Honour that mee thinkes I could neuer haue turned back againe vpon any tearmes when I had first engaged my selfe by speaking any one word to the contrary But he loued me to so strange a proportion that by no meanes I could winne his consent nor was the intercession of such persons as I procured to moue him in order to my end of anie power at all to preuaile The most that I could get at his hands was that when he should be dead I might doe what I listed with my self But as for me I was in doubt of mine owne great weaknes as fearing that I might loose ground and fall back againe And so I thought it was not fitt for me to content my self with the offer which he made and I procured therefore to obtaine my end by another meanes which I will now declare THE FOVRTH CHAPTER VVherein she relates hovv our Lord assisted her to force herself to take the Habit of Religion And of the manie infirmities vvhich he began to bring vpon her IN these dayes whilst I was walking on with my hart in such determinations or strong purposes as I haue heer described I perswaded one of my Brothers to become a Religious man discoursing to him vpon the vanitie of the world and so we both of vs agreed to goe very early together one morning to the Monasterie where that friend of mine remained who was she to whome I carried so great affection though yet in this last firme purpose of mine I was growne to be of such resolution that I vvould liue vvhereseuer I thought I might serue God best or my Father should desire most that I might be for now I sought more earnestly for the good of my soule and made no account at all of rest or ease And I remember to the verie vttermost of what I am able to call to minde and according to the verie rigour of truth that whilst I was going out of my Father's house I belieue not that the sharpnes of sense will be able to be greater euen in the verie instant or agonie of my death then it was then For it seemed to me as if euerie bone which I had in my bodie had been disioynted from all the rest And there being no such loue of God in me at that time as vvas able to quench that loue vvhich my hart carried to my Father and Friends all that vvhich then I did vvas vvith so mighty a violence that if God had not giuen me great help mine owne consideration would neuer haue beē able to carry me on but heer he allowed me such courage euen against myself that I had power to put my purpose in execution At the instant of my taking the Habit our Lord gaue me vvell to vnderstand hovv highly he fauours them vvho offer themselues violence for the doing him anie seruice though yet no bodie had found by me but that I entred into the vvay of Religious Obseruance vvith much facility and good liking But at that verie instant I tooke so great cōtentment to put my self into that manner of life as hath neuer failed me once till this verie hower And God changed that drynes vvherein my soule had formerly been into an extreame tendernes and all the obseruances of Religion gaue me great delight yea and it is a most certaine truth that vvhilst I vvas sometimes going vp and downe to sweepe the house at such howers as before I had been vvont to employ vpon the gallanterie and regalo of my person and vvent considering that now I vvas free from that subiection it gaue me a particular ioy and that so very great that it amazed me nor vvas it in my power to vnderstand from vvhence the same should come VVhen I remembred and cōsidered this there could be nothing how grieuous soeuer vpon vvhich if it vvere sett before me I should not haue ventured to attempt For I haue already good experience of things enow to assure me that since God did help me in the beginning to resolue to doe such things as these vvhich being only donne for the loue of God he ordaines for our greater merit afterward that our soules should be in some trouble and terrour at the first and the greater that trouble is the greater and the more sauourie also vvill the reward therof fall out to be if vve goe through vvith the busines his Maiestie vvil also be pleased to recompense them highly vvel euen in this life by such vvayes as he only vvho enioyes them can vnderstand This I say I haue found true by experience in manie particulars of great moment And therefore if I vvere a person vvho might be vvished to giue my opinion I vvould neuer aduise anie Creature that vvhen anie good inspiration did often moue and set vpon a soule it should giue it ouer for feare of not performing the vvorke For if one goe on meerly and purely for the onlie loue of our Lord there must be no feare at all of good successe since the same Lord is powerfull enough to preuaile in all things And let him be euer blessed Amen These fauours vvhich thou hadst hitherto bestowed vpō me out of thine owne meer goodnes and greatnes might vvell haue been sufficient O thou my Soueraigne Good and repose of my soule to draw me towards thee by so manie vvindings and turnings to so safe a vvay of life and to a House vvhere there are so manie seruants of thine of vvhome I might learne to grow vp in pleasing thee But heer I know not how I can passe on to thinke of anie thing els vvhen I consider the manner of my Profession and the great resolution and gust vvherewith I made it and the Espousalls vvhich I perfected vvith thee For I cannot speake of this vvithout teares which were to be euen of bloud and not vvithout the breaking of my verie hart vvhich
committ manie offences against thy Diuine Maiestie euen without my vnderstanding it And it also seemes to me that there could not so hard a thing be set before me which I would not execute for loue of thee with great resolution and sometimes thou hast so assisted me therein as that such things haue taken effect and for my part I care not a whitt for the whole world no nor for anie creature which is in it nor can I find that anie thing at all giues me gust which swarues from thee and euerie thing which is not thou seemes no less then a very heauie crosse to my hart Yet I may easily deceaue my self heerin and so I thinke I doe for I doubt that I possesse not all this whereof I speake but yet thou seest well O my Lord forasmuch as I am able to vnderstand that I doe not lye And I am fearing and that with very much reason that perhaps thou maist yet leaue me once againe for I am not now to be told how short a way mine owne strength is able to carrie and conduct me and how little vertue I haue in case thou be not euer at hand to allow me thy benedictions and succours to the end that so I may neuer forsake thee yea and I beseech thy Diuine Maiestie that euen now I be not already forsaken by thee whilst yet I am thinking thus of my self For my part I know not how wee can desire to liue since all things are so vncertaine heer It seemed to me O my Lord to be already euen an impossible thing that I should so entirely forsake thee but since I haue forsaken thee so often I cannot but feare the like againe because when thou hast retired thy self neuer so little from me all fell instantly downe to the ground Blessed be thou for euer O Lord for howsoeuer I forsooke thee thou wouldst not yet so entirely forsake me but that still thou gauest me thy hand that so I might be able to rise againe though manie times O Lord I would not take hold by it nor would I vnderstand how thou vouchsafedst to call me againe very often as I will now declare THE SEAVENTH CHAPTER She shovves by vvhat degrees and meanes she vvent loosing the fauour vvhich our Lord had donne her and hovv ill she beganne to liue And she also declares the harme there is in not maintaining Clausure in the Monasteries of Religious vvomen I Beganne from one pastime to another from one vanitie to another and from one occasion to another to cast my self deeply into very great occasions and to carrie my soule so disordered vpon manie absurdities that already I grew euen ashamed to approach towards God with so particular a kind of friendship and familiaritie as frequent Prayer requires and I was forwarded in that ill way by this That as my sinnes grew to be encreasing the gust which I had taken and the regalo which I had receaued from the exercise of vertue beganne to faile me I perceaued very clearly O my Lord that these good things are wanting to me now because I had first beē wanting to thee But yet this was in the meane time the most terrible cosening kind of wrong which the Diuel could possibly put vpon me when he made me beginne to feare to make Prayer because forsooth I saw my self so destroyed and me thought it was better for me to proceed as the multitude did since I was amongst the worst of them who are wicked and to pray but as much as I was bound and that but vocally and that a person who deserued to be with the Diuel was not to vse Mentall Prayer and to hold so streight commerce with Almightie God and that if I did I should but seeke to deceaue the world because exteriourly I made shew of vertue Yet in the meane time vpon this reason the House wherein I liued did deserue no blame at all because I procured with so much cunning and craft all that while that they should haue me in good opinion Neither did I all this of set purpose by counterfeyting a better Soule then I had for touching this point of Hypocrisie and Vaine-glorie I humbly thanke Almightie God that I remember not my self to haue offended him therein for ought I can perceaue for vpon the verie first approach of motion to committ that kind of sinne I euer receaued and felt so much trouble that the Diuel was wōt to goe away with losse and I remained with gaine and therefore he would neuer tempt me much in this kind though yet perhaps if God had permitted him to endeauour it as strongly in this as he did in some other things I should also haue falne into this sinne But his Diuine Maiestie hath been pleased hitherto to preserue me heerin for which let him be eternally praised Nay rather it troubled me much that they should hold me in good opinion considering what I knew in priuate of my self The true reason of their belieuing me not to be so wicked proceeded from this That they saw me being so young to retire my self manie times and vpon seuerall occasions to Solitude and to pray and read much and talke of God That I loued to make the picture of our Blessed Sauiour be set vp in manie places and to haue an Oratorie and to procure to put such things there as might cause deuotion and not to speake ill of anie and other things also of this nature which carried a kind of apparance of vertue with them and I knew well enough so vaine I was how to winne esteem for my self by those things which the world is wont to prize Vpon these obseruations of theirs they allowed me as much yea and more libertie then to the more antient Religious woemen of the House and they were confident of me in all things for as for my taking liberties to my self or to doe anie thing at all without leaue yea or to speake with anie bodie in corners or holes or by night me thinkes I could neuer haue resolued my self euen so much as to talke of anie such thing as this in a Monasterie neither did I euer so because our Lord held me vp in his hand For it seemed to me who reflected much and with much attention vpon manie things that to put the honour of so manie Religious woemen in hazard whilst they were good because I was wicked had been a very vnworthie part in me as yet perhaps I should haue done by makeing strangers thinke that they vsed also to doe the like But why doe I speake of my auoyding to doe ill things as if any thing which I did had been well donne Though yet the truth be withall that the euill which I did was not performed by me with so much reflection and aduertence as this would haue required though yet it were with too much For this reason I am of opinion that it brought me hurt enough that I was in a Monasterie not enclosed
sometimes not so soone And since of late I am growne able to receaue the B. Sacrament more often it proceeds from this that these vomits come to me at night before I goe to bed and they put me to much more paine and then I must procure to hasten and facilitate them by the vse of feathers and such other things because if I haue not those vomits the sicknes vvhich I feele is extreame But indeed I am me thinkes almost neuer without manie kindes of paine and sometimes they are very sharp ones and especially at my verie hart though yet withall it be also true that the cruel Palsie and other infirmityes of Feauers which were wont to come very thick vpon me are now found to oppress me more seldome so that manie times I am well in those respects and I haue made so little account of these miseries for these eight yeares togeather that sometimes I am euen glad I haue them as conceauing that our Lord may be peraduenture serued in some sort thereby This was my discourse And now my Father belieued that this which I told him heer was indeed the true cause of my omission for himself neuer vsed to lye and considering in what sort and of what matter I was then discoursing to him he had no reason to thinke but that I sayd true and to the end that he might belieue me the better I told him also then that I well saw my self not to be without some fault and that I had enough to doe to be able to assist in the Quire though yet in verie deed euen this reason of corporall sicknes was no sufficient cause to make me giue anie good thing ouer for there is no need of corporall strength for such things as these but only of loue and custome since our Lord affords vs alwaies opportunitie if we will ourselues I say alwaies because though infirmities and other occasions my hinder one sometimes from spending manie howers in Solitude yet there will not want some other time wherein we may haue health enough for this busines yea and euen in other occasions as also in the midst of sicknes it self the truest Prayer may be made since it is the Soule which loues by offering vp that paine to Almightie God and in remembring for whome it is endured and in conforming ones self to God's holie will therein and in a thousand such other things as will occurr And thus may one exercise Loue for there is no necessitie at all for a person either to be in Solitude or els that there must be no Mentall Prayer at all If we will take a little care we may arriue to obtaine great blessings at those times when our Lord euen takes time for Prayer from vs by meanes of our sicknesses and paine and my self had found this to be true as long as my Conscience was pure and good But my Father through the opinion which he held of me and the loue he bore me belieued all that I had sayd or rather he not only belieued but had also pittie of me though yet being then growne to find himself in so eminent and high a state of Spirituall Life he remained not with me very long And therefore hauing visited me he returned home as holding his stay there to be losse of time and I who was willing to spend it vpon other vanities was not troubled very much at his departure It was not only with him but with other persons also whome I procured that they should addict themselues to Mentall Prayer euen whilst I was walking on in those vanities for still as I found them apt to vse Vocall Prayer I told them how they should grow to haue the vse of Meditation and I did them good and gaue them Bookes for I had still a good desire that others should serue Almightie God euen from the verie first time that I vsed Mentall Prayer as I haue related heer It seemed to me that since now I serued not our Lord my self so well as I should yet I liked not that that light should be lost which his Diuine Maiestie had bestowed vpon me but that others might also serue him by my meanes And this I heer recount that so the great blindnes wherein I was may be the better seen which induced me to make me loose my self whilst yet I went procuring to doe good to others About this time my Father fell into the sicknes whereof he dyed shortly after But I went to attend and recouer him whilst my self was more sick in Soule then he was in Bodie through manie vanities of mine though yet not in such sort as that according to my vnderstanding I was in Mortall Sinne euen in all this worst wickedest time whereof I speake for certainly if I had conceaued otherwise I should by no meanes haue continued therin I endured some affliction and trouble in his sicknes and I thinke I also made him some part of poore amends for the paines which he had taken with me in mine for now being ill enough in my self I yet strained very hard to doe him seruice and besides I well considered that by the onlie losse of him all my comfort and regalo was to be lost for it all was shut vp in onlie him I animated my self also so much towards the not shewing him that I was in anie paine and in continuing so euen till he expired as if I had felt no trouble at all though yet it be very true that when I saw him come to be vpon the verie point to loose his life it seemed to me as if mine owne verie Soule had then been torne out of my Bodie for I loued him much It was a thing to make our Lord be highly praised to see the death which my Father dyed togeather with the desire which he also had to dye and the counsel which he gaue vs after he had receaued extreame Vnction and how he charged vs to recommend him to God and that we should begg mercie of him for his Soule and that we must serue him euer and consider that all this world must come to end With teares he also told vs how sad he was at the hart for not hauing serued his Diuine Maiestie better That he wished he were some Religious man I meane that he had been so and that of the most strict who were in the world And I hold it for very certaine that some fifteen dayes before our Lord gaue him to vnderstand that he was not to liue because before that verie time he did not thinke he was sick though yet he were so in good earnest But afterwards though he seemed to mend much in point of health and though the Doctours bad him belieue that there was no danger at all yet he made no account of that but only attēded to put his Soule in good order That sicknes of his beganne with a very grieuous paine round about his shoulders which neuer left him and sometimes it pressed him
me to see a Soule so pertinacious and so vngratefull towards him who had vouchsafed it so great Fauours And I wish I could get leaue to declare that multitude of times that I failed of my obligation to Almightie God in this number of yeares by reason that I was not applyed to and supported by the strong pillar of Prayer I passed through this tempestuous Sea almost twentie yeares between these fallings and risings though I rose il-fauourdly enough since I returned againe so quickly to fall in this kind of life tending towards perfection but yet in so base a way as that I made no account at all of Veniall Sinnes and for such as were Mortall it is true that although I feared them yet I did not euen that as I ought since I absented not my self from the danger therof but I will be bold to say that it is one of the most painefull kindes of life that can possibly be imagined For I neither enioyed the sweetnes of God nor yet the satisfaction of the world When I found my self in the contentments of the world the remembrance of what I owed to God gaue me paine and whilst I was conuersing with his Diuine Maiestie the inclinations affections of the world gaue me disquiet And this is a kinde of warre so very painefull that I know not how it was possible for me to finde meanes to endure it for one moneth and much more how I could doe it for so manie yeares notwithstanding that I yet clearly see the great mercie which Almightie God shewed me heerin since I was to treat of manie things in the world that still I should haue the courage to giue my self to Prayer I say courage for as for me I see not what one thing there is of so manie as are to be found in the whole world wherein there is need of a greater then to treat of committing Treasons against a King and to know that he knowes it well and yet neuer to goe out of his presence For howsoeuer it be very true that we are alwaies in the presence of Almightie God yet me thinkes that they who conuerse with him in Prayer are in his presence after a more particular manner for they are seeing then that he sees them whereas others may perhaps remaine some dayes in his presence and yet without remembring that he lookes vpon them True it is that within that time there were I beleiue manie moneths and sometimes peraduenture a whole yeare that I kept my self from offending our Lord and gaue my self much to Mentall Prayer and I also vsed some yea and manie diligences that I might neuer grow more to offend him And because all that which I write now is to be deliuered with entirenes of truth I declare my self heer as you see But I remember little of those good dayes and therefore it may be thought they were few and the ill ones manie yet few of those few passed away without my allowing a good long time for Prayer vnlesse I were either very sick or extreamly busie The worse I was in my health the more I was vnited with God and I procured that such persons as vsed to be with me at those times might be so too and I begged it of our Lord and we spake very often of him And so vnless it were that one yeare of which I haue spokē in eight and twentie yeares which haue passed since I beganne first to vse Mentall Prayer I haue endured this battaile and strife of treating both with God and the World more then eighteen yeares In those other yeares whereof I am yet to speake the cause of the warre was changed though of it self it was no inconsiderable thing but in regard that I was then as I conceaue in the seruice of Almightie God and in a knowledge of the vanitie of whatsoeuer this world can be it did all proue delightfull and pleasant as I will shew heerafter Now the reason why I haue related all this is First as I was saying before to the end that the mercie of Almightie God togeather with my ingratitude may be well discerned And Secondly that it may be also vnderstood how great a blessing Almightie God doth to that Soule which he disposes to vse Mentall Prayer with a good affection and will though yet it should not be so very well disposed for it as were fitt for in fine if he perseuer therein what Sinne soeuer he committ and whatsoeuer Temptation be offered and whatsoeuer Falls be giuē him in a thousand strāge fashions by the Diuel I hold in fine for certaine that our Lord will draw him at length out of the Storme into the Port of Saluation as now by all apparance he hath drawne me and I humbly beseech his Diuine Maiestie that I may neuer returne againe to be lost Manie holie and good men haue written of the benefit which he obtaines who exercises himself in Prayer I meane Mental Prayer and glorie be to Almightie God for being the cause thereof and yet if that were not true though I haue little humilitie yet am I not withall so insolent as that I would presume to speake vpon this subiect But of that whereof I haue some experience I may vet presume to say somewhat and it is this That whosoeuer hath begunne to frequent the vse of Prayer I wish him not to giue it ouer whatsoeuer sinnes he committ in the meane time since this is the meanes by which he may recouer himself againe which he will find to be of much more difficultie without it And let not the Diuel tempt him to leaue it as he did me vpon a pretence of humilitie but let him firmly belieue that his words can neuer want truth who sayd That if we will repent our selues in good earnest and resolue to offend the Diuine Maiestie no more he restores vs to the same friendship which we had before with him and doth vs the same fauours vvhich he did vs before and sometimes they proue to be much greater if the repentance deserue it And vvhosoeuer hath not yet begunne this exercise I beseech him for the loue of our Lord that he vvill no longer depriue himself of so great a benefit There is nothing to be feared heer but much to be desired For though a man should not proceed so farr as to striue to gaine such perfection as may prepare and as it vvere deserue those gusts and regalo's vvhich God is vvont to giue to such persons yet the least vvhich he shall get vvill be that he shall be going on in the vvay to Heauen And I know so much of the mercie of Almightie God that I may conclude for certaine enough that no bodie euer tooke him for a friend whome he did not well requite for his paines For Mentall Prayer is no other thing in my opinion then a Treatie about making Friendship with Almightie God and a frequēt and priuate Commerce hand to hand with him by
what I was before And this doe I intreat your Reuerence that you will beg of our B. Lord for me since you know with more clearnes what I am then heer you haue giuen me leaue to expresse THE ELEAVENTH CHAPTER She declares in vvhat the fault consists of not obtaining to loue God vvith perfectiō in short time She beginnes to deliuer it by a Comparison vvhich containes Foure degrees of Prayer And she treats heer of the First vvhich is very profitable for beginners and for them also vvho haue no sensible delight or gust in Prayer NOw to speake of them who beginne to be Seruants of our Blessed Lord for Loue and to me it seemes to be nothing els to resolue to follow him by this way of Prayer who loued vs so much I find it to be a thing of so great dignitie that I regale my self after a strange manner euen by the very thought thereof For seruile feare will instantly flye away if we carrie ourselues as we ought in this first degree of Prayer O thou Lord of my Soule and my eternall Good how comes it to passe that when a Soule resolues to loue thee and to doe the vttermost she can to leaue all this world that so she may the better employ her self vpon this loue of thee thou art not pleased that she should instantly enjoy the getting vp to possesse this perfect loue But I haue sayd ill for I ought indeed to haue sayd that I complaine against our selues because it is wee who will not possesse it since all the fault is ours for not instantly obtaining this true loue of God with perfection which carries all kindes of blessings in company thereof For the matter is that we set so high a price vpon our selues and we are withall so slow in giuing our harts totally to God that as his Diuine Maiestie on the one side will not permitt that we should enioy so pretious a thing without paying well for it so on the other we neuer make an end of disposing our selues therein as we ought I am able to see well enough that there is nothing at all in this world with which so great a treasure can be bought but yet if we did indeed what we could by not fastning our selues to anie thing of this world but that all our cares and considerations were sent-vp to Heauen I am confident that this blessing would be imparted to vs with very great speed if speedily and entirely as I was saying we disposed our selues to the receauing thereof as some Saints haue done But the miserie is that we thinke we giue God all and the truth is that we offer his Diuine Maiestie but the yearlie Rents or Reuenues and Fruits our selues remaining still with the rootes and possession of the Land We resolue to make our selues poore for God's sake and it is a point of great merit to doe so but yet we returne manie times to take care and to vse diligences enow that nothing may be wanting to vs I say not of that which is necessarie but sometimes also euen of that which is superfluous and to be procuring also to make friends who may help vs to it and so put vs still into more care yea perhaps into more danger too that so we may grow to want nothing then euen we had before when we were the possessours of our owne estates It seemes also that when we came to be Religious or as soone as we beganne to lead a Spirituall life and to aspire towards perfection we gaue-ouer to care for the honour of this world and yet as soone as euer anie Creature beginns but to touch vs in that kind we forget that we had already giuen it away to Almightie God and we resolue sometimes to snatch it againe out of his hands and runne away with it euen after we seemed to haue voluntarily made him the entire Lord therof And iust thus doth it also happen sometimes in other things Now this indeed is a very delicate fine foolish ridiculous way of seeking the loue of Almightie God when togeather with this pretence we will as a man may say haue our hands still full of the same imperfect inclinations and affections vvhich vve had before since vve doe not procure indeed to effect our owne former good desires and still vve endeauour not at length to raise them vvholy vp from the earth and yet vve vvill needs expect the while to enioy manie Spirituall comforts and delights But this seemes not to be of a Suite nor doth the one Stuffe sitt well vvith the other and therefore because vve vvill not once resolue to giue our selues totally vp to Almightie God vve come not totally to enioy this Treasure And I pray God it may please his Diuine Maiestie to vouchsafe to grant it to vs though it should be but by drop and drop and though it should grovv to cost vs all the labours and troubles of the vvhole vvorld A very great deale of mercie doth our Blessed Lord shevv to that person to vvhome he giues the firme purpose and grace to resolue vpon procuring this blessing vvith all his power for certainly if such an one shall perseuer Almightie God vvill deny himself to no Creature but will by little and little goe enabling that Soule in such sort as that at length it shall find it self to be victorious But I sayd that the Partie must haue courage because the Diuel doth ordinarily in the beginnings dispose himself to represent yea and frame very great difficulties to the end that so we may not hold-on this way in good earnest as one who knowes very vvell vvhat preiudice is like to grovv to him by it not only through his loosing the Soule of that Partie but of manie others also if he vvho beginns to serue God endeauour once by his fauour to ariue to the perfection therof For I belieue that such an one will neuer goe alone to Heauen but will carrie very manie with him and that like a good Captaine he shall finde that God will giue him a faire Companie So that since the Diuel will be sure to lay such dangers and difficulties in his way there will be need of very great courage and resolution to keep one from running away yea and also there vvill be need of much and much and very much fauour and mercie of Almightie God for this purpose Now therefore to speake of the beginnings of such as be already resolued to goe in search after so great a blessing and to obtaine vvhat they aspire to in the end for as for that vvhereof I vvas going once to speake concerning Mysticall Theologie for so I thinke it is called I vvill treat thereof afterward the great and greatest trouble consists euer in these verie beginnings For those are they which cost most when a Soule comes to giue our Lord the whole Stock And in the other degrees of Prayer which follow the most part of that which passes is
continued to remaine in a very inferiour degree in this way nor neuer also anie one cowardlie Soule though yet withall it had the safegarde of Humilitie which was able to make so much way in manie yeares as I haue found those others doe in very few I am euen amazed when I consider how much it workes in this kinde for one to animate himself towards the doing of great things though instantly he may perhaps not haue force where with to performe For the Soule puts herself to make a Flight and ariues to be in a high place though yet like some young Bird she be not so well feathered yet and therefore as being wearie she can but pause and houer In former time I often remembred and considered what S. Paul affirmes of himself Namely That he could doe all things in God vvho comforted him for as for me I knew well that I could doe nothing of my self But that Saying of his did me very much good so also did this other of S. Augustin Giue me O Lord vvhat thou commandest and then command me vvhat thou vvilt And for my part I thought also manie times that S. Peter had lost nothing by the bargaine when he cast himselfe headlōg into the Sea though yet he were afrayd afterward In a word these first strong purposes and resolutions are a great matter though yet in this First Degree and State it is fitt that we goe detaining our selues and hold our selues fast tyed to the discretion and disposing of a Directour but then we must procure that he may be such an one as will not teach vs to leape heauily and dully like certaine Toades nor be content that our Soules dispose themselues to hunt those little weake beasts called Lizards Only Humilitie must euer goe before that so we may besure to vnderstand that this strength doth not grow from our selues But heer it will be necessarie for vs to know what kinde of Humilitie this of ours must be and I am very apt to thinke that the Diuel does much hurt towards the making such as exercise Prayer not to aduance themselues very much in their way by causing them to mis-vnderstand Humilitie and by procuring to make vs belieue that it is but a kinde of pride to haue Heroicall desires and to pretend to imitate Saints and to desire to be Martyrs For vpon this he tells vs and makes vs thinke that the actions of Saints are fitt to be admired but not to be imitated by vs who are Sinners This doe I also say as well as he only we must consider what in particular is fitt for admiration and what for imitation For it would be no way conuenient that a person who were sick and weake should put himself vpon great Fasts and sharp Pennances or should betake himself to the Wildernes where he might neither be able to sleep nor yet could get what to eate or the like But yet we ought to thinke that we may well endeauour earnestly by God's Fauour to hold the world in great contempt and not to esteem earthlie honour and not to remaine tyed-vp to the care of riches But we really haue harts so very poore and straight that it seemes to vs as if we could not haue ground enough to goe vpon if once we should lay the care of our Bodie neuer so little aside to giue it to the Soule It seemes therefore heer already that euen for the better enioying of Recollection it will be good that we be in no want of necessarie things for anie kinde of care will be able to disquiet men in Prayer And I am hartily sorry that we should haue so little confidence in God and so much loue of our selues as that we should be disquieted by this thought But the truth is that wheresoeuer men haue made so small progresse as this in the way of Spirit certaine fooleries will trouble some as much as greater and more substantiall matters will doe others and yet still in our way of vnderstanding we will needs presume our selues to be Spirituall persons It seemes to me that this kinde of way of proceeding shewes a desire in them to put the Bodie and Minde into such a concurrence and correspondence as that we would faine finde meanes to take our ease in this world and yet enioy God in the next and that conceipt will proue to be true if we liue according to Iustice and continue to stick close to Vertue but yet still this is but the pace of a Henn and it will neuer be able to bring vs on to enioy true Libertie of Spirit This seemes indeed to be a good way of proceeding for such as are in state of Marriage who are to carrie themselues according to their Vocation but for anie other state then that I doe by no meanes desire anie such kinde of profiting in Spirit as this nor shall they euer make me beleiue that it is a good one for I haue tryed it long enough and I had euer continued in that way if our Lord through his infinit goodnes had not shewed me another and a shorter cutt though yet withall it be true that I had euer great desires but I procured as I haue sayd to vse Prayer though yet still to liue withall at my pleasure But really I conceaue that if anie bodie would haue encouraged me to flye a higher pitch I should haue striuen hard to make those desires proue deeds But alas it is true that through our Sinnes there are so very few and may so quickly be counted who haue anie more discretion then is necessarie for such occurrences as these that I belieue it is a great part of the cause why such as are beginners can get no faster on towards great perfection for our Lord doth neuer faile on his part but it is we who are still the faultie and miserable Creatures They may also be able to imitate the Saints in procuring to vse Solitude and keep Silence and to exercise manie other vertues which will yet by no meanes murder this miserable Bodie which they desire to preserue with such curiositie care though it should turne to the disorder of the Soule And now the Diuel is carefull enough to helpe to render vs the more vnable for when he sees but a little inordinate feare he desires no more then to make vs apprehend that euerie thing will be apt to kill vs or at least to depriue vs of our health yea and if we be accustomed to haue teares he will put vs into a feare that we shall be blinde My self haue passed by this Walke therefore I know it and I know withall that I cannot tell what better kinde of life or health we can possibly desire then to loose them both vpon such an occasion My self being so sicklie as I was till I resolued to make no account at all of my health and of my bodie was euer tyed vp and was good for nothing and euen now it is
for the making a little more Prayer we shall out-stripp them who yet are subiect to so great Pennance Blessed be thou O Lord who hast made me so vnprofitable and vn-vsefull but yet I praise thee after an extraordinarie manner in regard that thou awakest so very manie who may awake vs. And we should doe well to make very continuall Prayer for them who giue vs light for what would become of vs without them in the midst of so great tempests as are now in the Church If some men haue been wicked the good will shine the brighter by their meanes I beseech our Lord to hold them vp with his hand that he may help such as help vs Amen I haue trauailed farr out of the way from that which I was going to say but all will serue the turne for beginners to the end that they may so put themselues vpon this high way that it may also proue to them a true way Returning therefore to what I sayd of meditating vpon Christ our Lord at the Pillar it is good to discourse a while and to thinke vpon the paine which he felt there and why he felt it and who it is that felt it and the Loue wherewith he felt it yet let not the Partie wearie himself by going about to seeke all this but let him remaine still there with a calme and quiet kinde of vnderstanding If he can let him employ himself vpon cōsidering who lookes vpon him and let him accompanie him and beg of him and humble himself before him and regale himself with him and in fine let him remember that our Lord deserued not to be there Whensoeuer you shall be able to doe this though it should fall out to be at the verie beginning of your Prayer you will find great benefit by it nay manie benefits are acquired by this manner of Prayer and at least my Soule found it so I know not whether I hitt right in declaring my self but your Reuerence will consider of that and I beseech our Blessed Lord that I may hitt right in euerlastingly pleasing him Amen THE FOVRTEENTH CHAPTER She beginnes to declare the Second Degree of Prayer vvherein our Lord is already pleased to giue the Soule more particular gusts vvhich she relates to the end that she may make them be vnderstood to be Supernaturall This Discourse is very much to be noted SInce now it is already declared with how much labour this Orchard is watered and how by the strength of the arme the Water is to be gotten out of the Well we must say somewhat of that Second way of drawing-vp this Water which the Lord of the Garden hath ordained that so by this artifice of the Wheele with those little Buckets which belong to it the Gardner may draw out more water and with lesse trouble and may be able to rest now and then and not be continually in labour Now this way being applyed to Prayer which is wont to be called Quiet Prayer is that whereof now I will treat The Soule doth heer beginne to recollect and as it were shut it self vp And it touches a little heer vpon the Supernaturall because the Powers thereof can by no meanes gaine this for it self by all the diligences which it can possibly vse It is true that sometimes she may seem to haue wearled her self in going round about the Turne and to haue laboured hard with the Vnderstanding and so to haue filled-vp the little Bucketts but heer the Water is growne-vp to be higher and so she labours much less then she did in drawing it out of the Well I say the Water is growne neerer to her because Grace giues it self now to be more clearly knowne by the Soule This is a kind of recollecting and as it were a shutting-vp of the Powers of the Soule into her self that so she may be able to enioy the contentment which then she hath with more gust But yet the vse of the Faculties is not lost nor doe they sleep but only the Will is employed and possessed in such sort that it is growne to be captiued though yet it self know not how only it giues consent that Almightie God may put it in Prison as one who vnderstands now very well how to let it self be made Prisoner to whome it loues O my deare Iesus and my Lord of how much worth is thy loue to vs in this case since it holds our loue fast in so strong chaines that it leaues vs not euen libertie at that instant to loue anie other thing then thy self The other two Faculties which are the Vnderstanding and Memorie are then assisting the Will to the end that they may goe enabling it to enioy so great a good although now and then it happen that howsoeuer they be euen thus vnited to the Will they yet are apt enough sometimes to dis-assist it much But in this case let not the Will make any great account of that but remaine still in her quietnes and ioy For if she shall persist in resoluing to recollect those other Faculties to herself both they and she will loose by the bargaine For they are then as so manie Doues who cōtent not themselues with the food or baite which the Lord of the Doue-House presents without their labouring for it but they goe to seek it in other places though yet they soone grow to finde it so bad that they quickly returne againe and so come and goe to see whether the Will may be brought to bestow anie part of that vpon them which it enioyes And if our Lord please to cast them anie food they stay and if not they goe againe to seeke it and all this while they conceaue that they are euen of vse and benefit to the Will it self though yet sometimes both the Memorie and Imagination euen whilst they haue a desire to represent that better to her which she enioyes fall out to doe her hurt in stead of good Let her therefore be content to carrie her self so towards them as I shall heer aduise since all that which passes heer is of extreame consolation and is obtained with so little labour that Prayer neuer wearies one heer though it chance to last very long because the Vnderstanding goes working now at great leasure and walkes as it were foot by foot and brings-vp another manner of quantitie of water then formerly it drew out of the Well and the teares which God giues in this case come already with very great ioy which howsoeuer we feele yet we procure them not This Water of the Well which imports the great Blessings and Fauours which our Blessed Lord shewes vs heer makes our vertues encrease incomparably more then that other of the former Degree of Prayer did because now the Soule is already beginning to get vp away from her owne miserie and already she growes to be allowed to haue some small notice euen of the gusts of glorie And this I thinke makes her thriue and
of Quiet Prayer She treats hovv manie Soules come to ariue to this Degree of Prayer and that fevv passe beyond it The particulars vvhich are touched heer are not only very profitable but very necessarie LEt vs now returne to our purpose This Quietnes and Recollection of the Soule is easily perceiued by the satisfaction and peace which is infused into her with a very great contentment and calmnes of the Powers of the sayd Soule togeather with a very great delight And now it seemes to her because she is not come yet anie further that already she hath nothing left to desire and that with a very good will she could make the same suite with S. Peter That her aboade might be euer there She dares not stirr or moue nay she would hardly giue her self leaue so much as to take her breath for feare least so that Good should be flying away out of her hands And the while the poore little Soule vnderstands not that as by her owne power she could doe nothing for the drawing of that good to her self so is she of lesse abilitie to detaine it there anie longer then our Lord shall be pleased to grant it I haue already declared that in this first Recollection and Quiet the Powers and Faculties of the Soule are not wanting but yet she is so fully satisfyed with God that as long as this occasion lasts howsoeuer those two other Powers may discompose themselues yet the Will remaining vnited with Almightie God that Quiet and calme rest is not lost but rather by little and little the Will againe recouers and recollects the Vnderstanding and Memorie For howsoeuer the sayd Will be not yet totally ingulfed yet is she so employed without knowing how that how diligent soeuer they be they know not how to depriue her of her contentment and ioy but rather she goes helping her self without anie trouble at all of her owne to the end that this little sparke of the Loue of Almightie God may not be quenched in her I beseech our Lord to allow me grace that I may giue this to be well vnderstood for there are manie and very manie Soules which ariue to be in this Degree or State and few which get beyond it and I know not who may be in fault thereof only I am sure enough that there is none in Almightie God For since his Diuine Maiestie doth a Soule the Fauour that she may be able to ariue to this point I cannot beleiue that he would cease to carrie her much further if it were not for some fault of her owne But now it imports the same Soule very much that when she ariues thus farre she may well vnderstand the great dignitie wherein she is and the great Fauours which our Lord hath donne her and how in all good reason she were no longer to be as of the Earth because it seemes now already that his goodnes makes her an Inhabitant of Heauen if it be not her fault and wretched shall she be if she turne back and I belieue it would be then to goe downe low enough whither I was going if the mercie of our Lord had not made me turne yet back againe For the most part in my opinion they giue ouer for very greiuous faults of their owne nor is it possible for anie Creature to quitt so great a good without the blindnes of being subiect to committ some very great ill And therefore I humbly beseech those Soules euen for the loue of our Lord to whome his Maiestie hath done so great a Fauour as to make them able to reach this Degree and State that they will know themselues yea and that they will hold themselues in great account with an humble and holie presumption that so they may neuer returne againe to the Flesh-Potts of Egipt And yet that if through their weaknes and wickednes and through their naughtie and miserable condition they should chance to fall back as I did they will euer be yet representing to themselues the great good which they haue lost and that also they will grow into suspicion of themselues and walke along with Feare as they haue really great cause to be afrayd And if they returne not to Prayer they will be sure to goe from bad to worse for this indeed doe I call a true Fall when one comes once to abhorre that verie way whereby they purchased so great a good and it is with such Soules that I am speaking now For I say not that Soules will neuer offend God nor that they will neuer committ anie Sinne though yet still it were but reason that whosoeuer had begunne to receaue such Fauours as these should be very carefull to keep themselues from committing anie But in fine we are miserable Creatures and that which I aduise very earnestly is that they will not giue-ouer their Prayer for there shall they come to know what they are doing and there shall they gaine sorrow for hauing left our Lord and strength to rise againe And let that Soule beleiue and let her doe it home that if she depart from Prayer she growes in my opinion to runne great hazard I know not whether I hitt right in what I say but at least I iudge of others by my self But now in the meane time this kinde of Prayer is a certaine Sparke of the Fire of that true Loue which our Lord beginnes to kindle in a Soule and his pleasure also is that the same Soule shall goe vnderstanding what kinde of thing this Loue is and what kinde of great Regalo and delight it brings This Quiet and Recollection and little Sparke if indeed it be of the Spirit of God and not a gust either giuen by the Diuel or yet procured by our selues though yet still one who hath experience cannot possibly but vnderstand at the verie instant that it is no such thing as can be acquired saue that euen in our verie Naturall condition we are so greedie of all that which is sauourie that we will needs tast of all but if as I sayd it be of the Diuel we quickly grow againe to be very cold And how much soeuer we our selues may beginne to make this Fire also burne for the procuring of this gust we seem to haue indeed a minde to doe no other busines heerby then to cast-on water enough to quench it whereas if in verie deed this little Sparke were of Diuine Loue and were conveyed by Almightie God into the Soule how small and poore soeuer it be it would find some shift or other to make a mightie noise And if the Soule doe not quench it by her owne fault this proues that verie thing which beginnes to make a huge kinde of fire and sends forth great flames from it self as I shall declare in fitt place of that mighty loue of God which his Diuine Maiestie is gratiously pleased that perfect Soules should enioy And this verie Sparke is a certaine kinde of signe and euen pawne
which his Diuine Maiestie giues to that Soule to shew that he chooses her out for great things if she will make her self fitt to receaue them I say this is a mighty guift yea and farre greater then I am anie way able to expresse And it is matter of much greife to me that as I was saying I know manie Soules which ariue thus farre and that yet there are so very few which passe further at least as they ought to passe that I am euen ashamed to confesse it I say not that there are so very few who passe on for it may very well be that there are manie for God doth not sustaine vs for nothing but I only speake of such as I haue seen For my part I would earnestly wish them not to hide their Talent since it seemes Almightie God chooses them out for the profit of manie others and especially in these times when it is so necessarie that his Diuine Maiestie should haue strong freinds to support and vphold such as are weake And let them all who finde that they haue receaued this great Fauour at our Lord's hands esteem themselues for strong if they know how to correspond well with the lawes which a firme and fast freindship euen of this verie world requires And if they will not let them apprehend very much and feare that they shall doe themselues a great deale of hurt yea and I pray God that it may be to none but themselues That which the Soule is to doe in these times of enioying this Quiet is but only that with suauitie and without noyse she employ the Will to vnderstand with much calmnes and discretion that the Soule is not to negotiate with Almightie God by the strength of the Arme. I call it noyse if the Vnderstanding goe seekingout manie words and considerations to giue thanks for this benefit and to make vp a mightie heape of her defects and sinnes to shew that she deserues not this Fauour For all is in motion now and the Vnderstanding represents many things to vs and the Memorie is boyling vp and really these Powers of the Minde are wont to giue me trouble enough at times and in regard that I haue but a weake Memorie I cānot in these cases subdue them But those other considerations and mentall discourses be indeed no better then as so manie great loggs of wood which are layd with small discretion vpon that little Sparke of fire to quench it And therefore let her know and say with great humilitie O Lord what am I able to doe heer What hath this Seruant or Slaue to doe with the Lord of Heauen and Earth Or els she may vse such other words as shall present themselues then in the way of Loue. But note heer that she must be very very well grounded vpon knowing that to be true which she saith Now as for that which concernes the Vnderstanding let the Soule consider it no otherwise then meerly as if it were a Miller and if she will needs giue it part of that which she enioyes or shall labour to recollect it also to her self she will find that it is not to proue well with her For manie times it is seen that during this Vnion and repose or rest in the Will the Vnderstanding is still much out of order and if the Will cannot be be able to arrest it it is better to let it alone then that she should still goe hunting after it I say the Will But let it remaine enioying that Fauour and be recollected and shut-vp in it self like a wise Bee for if no one of the Bees should goe into the Hiue but all be gadding abroad so to be still ferching one another home there would little store of hony be made And so a Soule will loose very much if she be not well aduertised of this and especially if the Vnderstanding be quick and sharp For if once such an one beginne to put discourses in order and light vpon some prettie reasons to the purpose she will if they be handsomly sayd beginne to thinke that shee performes some great exploit But the discourse which is to be vsed heer must be a knowing clearly and confessing plainely that there is no other reason at all why Almightie God should euer doe vs so great a Fauour then his owne onlie goodnes and to consider that we are now approached so neer to him and to begg Fauours of him and to beseech him also for his Church and for all such as haue recommended themselues to vs and so also for the Soules in Purgatorie and this not by the noise of words but only by a feeling desire to be heard by his Diuine Maiestie This is a Prayer which comprehends very much and we shall obtaine more thereby then by multiplying much rowling discourse by way of the Vnderstanding But let the Will stirr-vp her self by some reasons which will easily represent themselues to her then when she findes her self to be so very much improued to quicken-vp her Loue and to make her performe certaine amourous acts of how great things she would be glad to doe for one to whome she owes so verie much without admitting and permitting as I sayd that the vnderstanding part should make a noise in the search and pretence of doing high and mightie matters For heer anie few little poore strawes presented and offered-vp with Humilitie and they may be sure enough to be strawes if we bring them will make a great deale more to the purpose and will help to kindle a good fire more quickly then a great deale of bigg loggs of wood will be able to doe I meane reasons which in our opinion shall be very sure to quench and put-out the fire euen in the turning of a hand This is good for learned men who command me to write all this for through the goodnes of God it may be hoped that all of them ariue hither and it might perhaps so happen amongst them that this time would passe away in applying some places of Scripture But though that kinde of knowledge could not faile to be vsefull to them both before such occasions as these and also after yet at these verie times of Prayer there would be little occasion to vse it in my opinion vnlesse they had a minde to coole the feruorous employment of the Will For the Vnderstanding findes it self then to possesse such an excessiue kind of claritie by being so neer to Light it self that euen I with being so poore and miserable as I am seem to be another kinde of Creature And it is most certainly true that it hath hapned to me being in this kind of Quiet and without vnderstanding in effect anie thing of the Prayers which are recited in Latin and especially of the Psalter that not only I vnderstand the Verse in Spanish but I passe also yet further on and delight my self highly in considering what the meaning of that Spanish is I speake not
I may neuer conuerse more with any Creature or els finally O Lord giue order that I may haue nothing to doe in this world or at least take me out of it quite For now already O my God this Seruant of thine is no longer able to endure so great afflictions as she feeles to come vpon her by her being thus without thee And if she needs must liue she desires to haue no ease in this life nor indeed dost thou giue her anie for it is death to her to see her self eat she is afflicted by the sleep she takes she findes that her whole life is spent and past through in Regalo's and yet that now there is nothing but thy self who can indeed regale her So that it seemes I liue now euen against nature since now I would faine not liue in my self but only in thee O thou my true Lord and my Glorie how delicate and yet how hugely heauie is that Crosse which thou hast prepared and prouided for such as ariue to this State It is delicate because it is incredibly sweet and it is heauie because there grow to be certaine times when there is not patience enough in the whole world to enable vs to endure it and yet the Soule would neuer desire to be free from it vnlesse it were to the end that she might find her self once to be with thee And when also the same Soule remembers that she was neuer able to doe thee seruice in anie thing and that by continuing to liue it may yet perhaps be possible for her to serue thee she would be glad if she might lye vnder a very much more heauie burthen then the former yea and that she might also neuer dye euen till the verie end of the world She values not anie manner of repose or rest so much as to the weight of one haire in comparison of doing thee anie poore little seruice nor doth she know what more to desire but she is only sure of thus much that she desires nothing but thy self O my Sonne for you to whome this is directed and who haue commanded me to write it are so humble that you will needs be called by that name let these things be only for your self when you see that I am gone out of all limits for there is no kind of reason which suffices to keep me from leauing the vse of humane reason when our Lord is pleased to draw me thus out of my self Nor doe I know or belieue that it is I who am speaking thus euer since I receaued the B. Sacrament this morning For me thinkes I doe but dreame of what I see and I would be glad not to see anie other then such as are sick of that verie same disease which is now vpon me I humbly beseech your Reuerence that we may all become like madd fooles for his loue who was content to be called Foole for the loue of vs. And since your Reuerence sayes that you wish me so cordially well I desire that you will shew it by disposing your self in such sort as that our Lord may doe you this Fauour For I see there are very few men who haue not more witt then euen they need for the effecting such things as they hold to concerne them but now perhaps I may haue more then they all But doe not you suffer this my deare Father since you are so as well as my Sonne because you are my Confessarius to whose hands I haue committed the care of my Soule but vnbeguile me by telling me truth though truths be now a-dayes seldome told And now I would be very glad that we Fiue who at the present loue one another in Christ our Lord That I say as others meet in secret against the Seruice of his Diuine Maiestie for the ordering of their wickednes and their Heresies we also might procure sometimes to meet for the disabusing one another and to conferr how we might reforme our selues and giue Almightie God more gust For there is no Creature that knowes himself so well as they doe who looke vpon vs so that it be with true loue and care of our amendment I speake of this as a Secret and in your care for now already no such language as this is vsed when euen Preachers themselues goe so composing their Sermons as that they may be sure to giue men no disgust by them But their intention forsooth is so good as that the fruits will be answerable to it and so we see how few grow to mend their liues But how comes it now to passe that they are not very manie who giue ouer to be publique in following vice by meanes of those Sermōs which are made Shall I tell what I thinke It is because the Preachers make themselues too wise Not yet that they are indeed without witt by reason of any great fyre of the Loue of Almighty God which is in their harts as the Apostles were and so their flame falls-out to giue but very little heat I say not that I expect that it should be so great as theirs was but yet I hartily wish that it were greater then I can now find it is Your Reuerence knowes in what very much would consist Namely in hauing this life of ours in detestation and honour in very little estimation and that rather then faile both to speake truth and to maintaine it for the glorie of Almightie God we would be as well contented to loose all as to gaine all For whosoeuer is resolued in very good earnest to put it all to hazard for the loue of our Blessed Lord will be as well content with the one as with the other I say not that I am anie such Creature but I hartily wish I were O great and gallant Libertie to esteem it for a direct captiuitie to be bound to liue and conuerse according to the Lawes of this World For when this is once obtained at the hands of Almightie God there is not so base a Slaue vpon Earth as would not venture all that so he might redeem himself and returne home to his owne Countrie And since this wherein we are is the true way there is neither cause nor colour why we should desire to loyter in it For we shall neuer finish the gaining of so great a treasure till our Lord giue vs his grace to doe it well I humbly pray your Reuerence to teare this which I haue written if you thinke fitt and pardon me for I haue presumed too farre THE SEAVENTEENTH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Argument about this Third Degree of Prayer And finishes the declaration of the effects vvhich it vvorkes and declares also the disaduantage vvhich the Memorie and Imagination are vvont to bring in this case I Haue already spoken to some good proportion of this manner of Prayer and of that which the Soule is to performe therein or rather of what God doth in her for now it is himself who takes the Office of Gardner
haue already shewed that there is then no power at all to doe anie thing that I expresse my self to his Diuine Maiestie much after this manner O Lord consider well what thou dost forget not my so very greiuous Sinnes so very soone and though thou haue forgotten them so farre as to vouchsafe to forgiue them yet remember them also I humbly beseech thee so farre as to make thee put some limits vpon those Fauours which thou art pleased to bestow vpon me Powre not O my Creatour so pretious a liquour as that into so broken a vessell as this since already thou hast seen how often I haue scattered and spilt it O lodge not and trust not such a treasure as this where the appetite and affection to all the consolations of this life is not yet so totally lost and spent as it ought to be for if thou doe it will be vtterly wasted How canst thou find in thy hart to deliuer the strength of this Cittie and euen the verie keyes of the Fort into the hands of such a cowardlie Commander who is likelie not to faile to giue the Enemie entrance vpon the first Assault which he shall make Let not O my Eternal King thy loue to me be so great as that it should make thee put such pretious Iewels as these into hazard And to me it seemes O my Lord that thou mayst giue the world occasion heerby to vndervalue these great Fauours of thine since thou puttest them into the custodie and power of a Creature who is so wicked so base so weake so miserable and of so little worth in anie kinde Who though I now beginne to labour that I may not vtterly loose them through thy fauour which also hath no need to be little considering what kind of thing I am shall yet be neuer able to gaine anie other Creature to thee by meanes thereof In fine I am a woeman and no good woeman but a very wicked one and it seemes that these Talents of thine are thus not only to be hidden by this meanes but euen to be quite buried vp since thou puttest them into so vngratious and vnluckie a Soyle Thou art not wont O Lord to impart such Fauours and Greatnesses as these to anie Soule but when there may be hope that she will be able to gaine manie others to thy Seruice And thou knowest O my God already that I haue sometimes begged this Fauour and still I begg it of thee with my whole hart and with the entire affection thereof and I am resolued to thinke it fitt to be content to loose the highest blessing which can possibly be enioyed vpon earth to the end that thou maist vouchsafe it to some other who will profit more by it that so thine owne glorie may be encreased Both these and such other things as these hath it occurred to me to vtter manie times but yet afterward I perceaued mine owne great follie heerin togeather with my little humilitie for our Lord knowes very well what is fittest for euerie Creature and that there was not to be strength enough in my Soule whereby she might euer grow to be saued if his Diuine Maiestie had not enriched her with so great Fauours But I also now pretend to declare the graces and effects which remaine by this Prayer in the Soule and what that is which she may be able to doe of her self and if she may anie way conduce towards the bringing her self to this high State It happens that this Eleuation of the Spirit or Vnion come both of them with a Celestiall kind of Loue. For according to my way of vnderstanding this Vnion is a different things from Eleuation though yet the Soule be eleuated in this verie Vnion Whosoeuer hath not tried and felt this last will be of a different conceipt but yet in my opinion though euen it should be all one yet our Lord workes therin after a different manner And by the encrease which the Soule hath of being able to vntye her self from the loue of all Creatures she seemes to be very much greater in that Flight and Eleuation of the Spirit And I haue clearly seen that this is a distinct and particular Fauour although the things themselues may be all one as I say or at least may seem so But a small fire is as truly and really Fire as a great one and yet still we see difference enough between the one and the other for before a little iron can be able to be made red hot in a small fire a good space of time will be spent but now if the fire be great the iron though it be also great will loose the apparance of iron very quickly Iust so doth it seem to me to happen in these two sorts of Fauours from our Blessed Lord and I know that whosoeuer may euer haue ariued to be in Rapt will vnderstand me well but such as haue had no experience therin will hold all that to be impertinent which I haue sayd Perhaps also it is so indeed and so as he will haue had reason who beleiues it For how shall such a thing as I presume to speake of such a thing as this and to giue some part of that to be vnderstood which it seemes impossible euen to beginne to declare with anie words So that it is not strange a whitt if I talke idly But yet I beleiue this of our Blessed Lord because his Diuine Maiestie knowes that next to this act of Obedience my intention is no other then to make Soules euen as it were gluttonous after the obtaining of so high a good that he will be pleased to assist me heerin and I am sure I will say nothing whereof I haue not had much experience And it is a reall truth that when I beganne to write of this Water I conceaued it to be a more impossible thing for me to treat of it then to speake Greeke so very hard did I finde it Vpon this I gaue it ouer and went to receaue the Blessed Sacrament But our Lord be euer praised who doth so great Fauours to ignorant persons O vertue of Obedience which art able to doe all things For Almightie God did illuminate my vnderstanding sometimes by helping me to the verie expresse words which I was to vse and at other times by representing the manner to me how I should declare the thing So that as his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to doe in the former Degree of Prayer it seemes that he will also heer declare what I neither can nor know how to expresse But that which now I say is a most literall truth and so that which shall be good is his instruction and doctrine and whatsoeuer falls-out to be ill it is cleare that it proceeds and flowes from this deep Sea of mischeif and Sinne which is my self And therefore I heer affirme that if anie haue ariued to these points and particulars of Prayer wherein our Lord hath done so great Fauour
my self hauing receiued so great Fauours from Almightie God could euer procure to come to Mentall Prayer and that for me it would suffice if I sayd those Vocall Prayers to which I was bound as others did but that since now I did not euen thus much well what sense was there that I should pretend to doe more and that this was to expresse little reuerence to Almightie God and to vnderualue his Fauours It was fitt to thinke and know all this but to put it in execution had been extreamly ill done And be thou Blessed O Lord who broughtst me the remedie For this temptation seems to haue been no lesse then a beginning to that other which the Diuel brought vpon Iudas but that Traitour the Diuel durst not tempt me so openly but would faine haue come by little and little to set vpon me as he did vpon him And now for the loue of our Lord let all them who vse Mentall Prayer consider that which followes very well Let them know that during the time when I forbore it my life was much worse then before And let it be well considered what a fine kind of remedie the Diuel brought me and what a daintie ridiculous Humilitie it must be which could fill me with so deep a disquiet For indeed how could this Soule of mine appease it self The ignorant foolish Creature went away as fast as she could from her true repose and rest She had her Fauours and Regalo's present to her memorie and she found that the contentments of this world were so loathsome as euen almost to prouoke a Vomit But I am amazed how I could endure it though belike it was with some kind of hope that at the worst hand I might be able to remaine free from Sinne for I neuer as I remember though yet it be now more then one twentie yeares agoe gaue-ouer a being resolued to returne to Prayer But O how ill-grounded and addressed was this hope of mine For the Diuel would faine haue turned me ouer till the Day of Iudgement that so from thence he might conduct me to Hell But yet now afterward I frequenting Prayer Reading which was indeed the way to see reall Truths looking downe vpon that wicked course which I was holding and often importuning our Blessed Lord with manie teares I was yet so very wretched that I knew not by anie meanes how to help my self But then againe on the other side I growing to giue-ouer these good things and employing my self vpon certaine idle pastimes and exposing my self to manie occasions of ill and enioying very few helps and I may rather venture to say none at all but only such as might help mee to fall for what might I euer hope but what I haue sayd I beleiue that a certaine Religious man of S. Dominick's Order who was very learned hath great merit in the sight of God for he awaked me out of this sleep And he made me as I thinke I haue already expressed receaue the B. Sacrament euerie Forthnight And so my miserie being then not altogeather so great I beganne to come back againe into my self though yet withall I forbore not to commit some offences against our Lord. But because I had not lost my way I went still on with falling rising though yet but by little and little And he who neuer giues-ouer to goe forward will ariue at length by going softly though it be late For my part I conceaue that for a Soule to loose her way and to leaue her Prayer is indeed but one and the self same thing and our Lord deliuer vs from it for his owne Mercies sake It is heervpon to be inferred and I desire euen for the loue of our Lord that it may be much obserued that although a Soule shall come to such passe as that our Lord may doe her great Fauours in Prayer she must not yet be confident of her self since she may yet come to fall againe And let her not by anie meanes expose her self to occasions of Sinne. Let her be carefull to consider thus much for the deceipt of which the Diuel is wont to serue himself in this occasion is very great For though the Fauour which was imparted to the Soule were most certainly from Almightie God yet the Traytour will not faile to serue himself of that verie Fauour in whatsoeuer he can and especially for the disaduantage of persons who are not strong in vertue and mortification nor are absolutly vntyed and loose from all things belonging to this world For men in fine must know that they are not by meanes of this Prayer sufficiently strengthned and fortifyed as I will declare afterward for the putting themselues into occasions and dangers how great desires and resolutions soeuer they may haue This is an excellent Doctrine and it is not mine but taught by Almightie God himself and so I shall be glad that all ignorant persons like me may learne it For though a Soule be neuer so high in this State yet must she not trust her self so farre as to goe out to combat but she will haue acquitted her self well if she can defend her self So that in this State and condition it will be necessarie for her to carrie Defensiue Armes against the Diuel for yet she hath not strength enough wherewith to assault him and much lesse to tread him vnder foot as yet they will be able to doe who shall find themselues in that State whereof I will discourse afterward But this is that deuise and cosening-Trick whereby the Diuel is wont to take vs That when once he sees a Soule ariue to be so very neare to our Lord and which can iudge so very well of the difference between the blessings which belong to this life and the next and of the Loue which our Lord beares to that Soule from this very Loue he makes such a kind of confidence and securitie grow as that she shall neuer forsooth be able to fall from that which she is enioying at that time And she also seemes there-vpon to eye her reward so very clearly that she is easily brought to hold it euen impossible for her to quitt that which is so very delightfull and gustfull euen in this life for so base and filthie a thing as worldlie pleasure is Now by meanes of this vaine confidence doth the Diuel grow to depriue her of the distrust which otherwise she would haue of her owne strength and thus she exposes her self as I was saying to danger and beginnes with a foolish kind of good zeale to be giuing the Fruits of her Garden away to others without anie limits as beleiuing now that she hath no more cause so to be afrayd concerning her self and that this is not forsooth out of pride for the Soule vnderstands well enough that she is able to doe nothing of her self but through the much confidence which she hath in Almightie God Yet all this is without discretion because
mee a very great deale of harrassing wearines to my self iust so as if some ordinarie person had been fighting with some strong Giant afterward I should finde my self very weary But at other times it was altogeather impossible for me to hinder it for my Soule would be carried absolutly away and ordinarily euen my head as it were after it yea this sometimes so farre as that my whole Bodie would be transported so as to be raised-vp from the ground This last hath happened rarely to me but once it was vpon the very point to ariue whilst we all were assembled togeather in the Quire and I being then vpon my knees as at the point of going to receaue the Blessed Sacrament it put me to an extremitie of trouble because it seemed to be a very extraordinarie thing and that instantly there would be much note of it and so I commanded my Religious-woemen for at that time I was growne to be Prioresse that they should not speake of it to anie creature But at other times when I beganne to discerne that our Lord was going about to doe the same againe and once in particular when diuers principall Ladies were present and it was vpon the Feast of our Vocation when there was a Sermon I did euen spread my self all along vpon the ground and though the Religious woemen came then about me to keep my Bodie downe yet the thing was easily perceiued Vpon this I humbly prayed our Lord in most particular manner that by no meanes he would doe me anie such Fauours as might carrie anie of these exteriour demonstrations with them for already I was very wearie of being necessarily so wary and watchfull ouer my self for that such kind of Fauours could not possibly be done me by his Diuine Maiestie but so that euerie bodie would come to know it And it seemes that through his goodnes he hath been pleased to heare my Prayer for since that time I neuer had anie Rapts of that kinde and to that proportion but it is true that it is notlong since I had the last But yet now so it is that when I had a minde to resist these Rapts there seemed to be somewhat of so mightie force vnder my feet which raised me vp that I know not to what to compare it but it came with much more impetuositie then anie of these other things of Spirit and so I was euen torne as it were to peices for the combat and strife is great but in fine all helped little for when our Lord hath a minde to doe anie thing no power is able to stand against it At other times he is pleased to content himself with letting vs see that he is disposed to doe vs that Fauour and that there is no auersion in his Diuine Maiestie and that we opposing our selues for Humility's sake there follow yet the self-same Effects as if we had wholy consented Now these Effects are great For first the mightie power of our Blessed Lord is made apparant thereby and that when his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to dispose of things otherwise we are no more able to detaine our Bodies then our Soules nor are we Lords therof but we must in despight of our harts acknowledge that there is a Superiour and that these Fauours come from him and that of our selues we can doe nothing in nothing and so a great impression of Humilitie is made vpon the Soule by this meanes And further I confesse that it bred also a great feare in me and at the first an extreame great one to see that a massie Bodie should be taken-vp from the earth For though the Spirit be that which drawes it after it and though it be with great suauitie and delight if it be not resisted yet our Senses are not lost thereby at least I for my part was so perfectly in my Senses that I was able to vnderstand that I was raised There doth also heerby appeare so great a Maiestie in him who can doe this that it makes euen the verie haire of the head stand on end and there remaines a mightie feare to offend so great a God but yet so as that it is wrapped vp in an excessiue kind of loue which she beginns to conceaue euen newly and freshly againe towards him whome she finds to carrie so great a loue to such rotten wormes as we are For now he seemes not content with drawing the Soule only to himself in so particular and so certaine a manner but that he will needs also draw the verie Bodie too euen whilst it is so very mortall and composed of so filthie earth as we haue made it by our Sinnes This also leaues in the Soule a very strange kind of loosning and casting it self off from all the things of this world whereof I know not how to expresse well what it is but me thinkes I may well say that it is not only in some sort a different but also a greater kind of thing then those others which worke vpon the onlie Spirit import For though in those other Visitations also there be a kind of totall vntying and loosning it self from all things for as much as concernes the Spirit yet heer it seemes our Lord is pleased that euen the Bodie also it self shall put this point in practise And it breeds in anie Creature such a new kind of shynesse and mislike in order to the things of this world that it makes euen our verie life much the more painefull to vs. It giues also such another paine as we can neither tell how to procure when we haue it not nor free our selues from the same when we haue it And I would be extreamly glad to be able to giue this to be vnderstood but I belieue I shall not know how to doe it though yet I will say somewhat if I be able But now it is to be noted that these things come vpon me when I am as it were in the verie Euening of the day after all those Visions and Reuelations whereof I will write after the time when I vsed to hold that Prayer wherein our Lord was wont to allow me so great Regalo's and gusts And though yet these things doe not cease with me at some times yet doth this Paine more often and more vsually seaze vpon me which I will now declare It hath sometimes of the more and sometimes of the lesse and now I will apply my self to speake of it as when it hath of the more For though I will treat heerafter of those great impetuosities which they vsed to bring vpon me before our Lord was pleased to giue me those Rapts yet they had in my opinion no more to doe by way of Comparison one with another then there is between things Corporall and Spirituall And I beleiue that I doe not exaggerate the matter a whitt by saying so because that Paine seemes to be such as that although the Soule doe feele it yet it feeles it
by those beames you will find it to be all full of moates This Comparison is very literally true for before the Soule is in this Extasis she conceiues her self to haue been very carefull not to offend Almightie God that she performed it according to the vttermost of her power but yet being come once so farre as that this Sunne of Iustice shines vpon her which makes her open her eyes she then sees so many moates therin that she would be glad if she could tell how to shut them againe for she is not yet become so true an Eaglet of this swift and strong Eagle which bred her as that she can be able to looke earnestly vpon this Sunne But how little soeuer she chance to hold them open she sees her self all impure and calls that Verse to minde which saith VVho shall euer be iust in thy presence When once she beholds this Diuine Sunne her sight is dazled by the brightnes of it but when she lookes in vpon her self her eyes are stopped vp with clay and so this poore Doue is blind yea and it happens manie times that she also remaines blind for good and all as being absorpt amazed and as it were out of her witts with so manie mightie greatnesses as she is then growne to see Heer finally is true Humilitie acquired not careing anie way at all either to speake well of her self or yet that others should doe it And our Lord deuides and disposes of the Fruit of this Garden not she and so there sticks nothing of it to her fingars All the good which she hath goes on as still addressed to Almightie God and if she be drawne to say anie thing of her self it is also directed to his glorie for she knowes that she hath no interest therin and cannot be ignorant therof euen though she would as discerning it by the verie sight of her eyes which are shut towards the things of this world but which are still kept open for the vnderstanding of Truths almost whether she will or no. THE ONE AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes and finishes this last Degree of Prayer She declares vvhat the Soule finds therein vvhen she returnes to liue againe in the vvorld and the Light also vvhich our Lord giues concerning the deceipts and errours of the same vvorld This Chapter deliuers excellent Doctrine I Will therefore now finish that which I was saying That namely there is heer no more now anie need that the Soule should giue anie new consent since already she hath giuen it all and knowes that she hath voluntarily deliuered her self wholy vp into his hands and that she cannot deceiue him who is the knower of all things for it is not as things passe heer in this world where all this life of ours is full of nothing but duplicities and deceipts and when you thinke you haue fully gotten the good will of anie Creature by the shew he makes you quickly come to vnderstand that all is tricks and lyes and that no bodie can tell how to liue in a world of so much odd busines especially if there be anie little interest of the Parties But blessed is that Soule which our Lord comes once to draw to the knowledge of such things as are reall Truths O what a condition and fortune were this for Kings and how much would it import them more to gaine this great aduantage then to get large Dominions and States What rectitude would there be foūd in the Kingdome How manie mischiefs would haue been forborne already would also be forborne heerafter For heer there is no feare of loosing life or honour for the loue of Almightie God but rather such losses as these would goe for a great blessing amōgst such as find thēfelues carrie another māner of respect to the honour of our Lord then to all them to whome they are lesse obliged For Kings are the men whome those others follow and in this case these Kings would loose a thousand Kingdomes and they would haue great reason to be glad to doe so rather thē to loose the meanes of making one stepp further towards the augmentation of the Holie Catholick Faith or the procuting some light for Hereticks for it is another manner of busines to purchase and get such a kind of Kingdome as will neuer end And what Soule soeuer shall come to tast but one single dropp of this water all the rest of this whole world will be but fitt euen to turne the stomack But now if the Soule of such a person should fall out to be once ingulfed into this water what strange effects would it produce Deare Lord if thou shouldst draw me to such a condition as that I might be able to publish this truth with a lowd voice they would yet beleiue mee no more then they doe others who know how to publish the same after a much better manner But yet at least I should giue satisfaction to my self and me thinkes I should esteem euen my verie life but at a little rate vpon condition that I might be able to giue but some one of these single Truths to be well vnderstood And yet I know not what I should be able to doe with my self afterward for there is no trust at all to be had in me I being that miserable creature which I am Yet still I haue so great impulses to vtter and declare these things to such as be in authoritie and command that me thinkes they doe euen annihilate and consume me And yet now since I can doe no more I returne O my Lord towards thee to seeke remedie for all inconueniences for thou O my Lord knowest well how highly glad I would be to dispossesse my self euen of all these verie Fauours which of thy goodnes thou hast vouchsafed to doe me prouided alwayes that I might still remaine in condition neuer to offend thee more and to resigne them vp to Kings and Princes for then it is very certaine that it would be wholy impossible for them either to permit that those things should be done which are permitted or yet that they should faile to receiue extraordinarie blessings at thy hand O make them my God vnderstand to how much they are obliged since thou wert pleased by what I haue heard to honour them in such sort vpon earth as that when thou takest anie of them away there is some kind of signification therof euen in the Heauens And when I thinke of this it breeds a kind of deuotion in me that thou O my King maist be pleased to make them euen heerby vnderstand that they ought to imitate thee in their life since there grow in some sort to be certaine apparances and signes in Heauen at their death as there was when euen thy self camest to dye I see well that I am presuming very farre but I beseech your Reuerence teare it if you mislike it and beleiue that I would be glad to speake it better if I were present
not being able to thinke of anie thing for this was that of which I spake most that Namely I could not thinke of anie thing in distinct manner when I had that Prayer and I marked and noted those places with certaine lines wherein that passage was contained and then I deliuered him the Booke to the end that both himself and that holie Priest and Seruant of God of whome I spake before might consider it and make me know what I was to doe and whether perhaps they might be of opinion that I was to giue-ouer my Prayer altogeather For in fine to what purpose was I to thrust my self into those dangers if now after I had vsed this Prayer for almost twentie yeares togeather I had made no other benefit thereof but to be subiect to the deceipts of the Diuel and that therefore it were better for me not to vse this Prayer at all though yet it be also true that this shewed it self as a very sad and hard case to me since already I had found by experience how ill it went with my Soule without the exercise of Prayer So that now I could see nothing but miserie on all sides like one who were cast into a Riuer and to which side soeuer he should goe he might still haue the more danger to feare and were so come to the verie point as it were of drowning This is a very mightie affliction and of this kind I haue endured manie as I shall declare afterward For though perhaps it may seem not to import yet peraduenture it may indeed proue to be of vse towards the vnderstanding of how a Spirit is to be tryed For certainly the affliction which vses to be endured in these cases is very great and there is need of a nice hand and of a warye foot especially when men treat with woemen for our weaknes is very great and much mischeif may chance to ariue by telling vs that such or such a thing is certainly the Diuel without considering it first very well and remouing vs from those dangers which may occurr and aduising vs to keep things very priuate and that they also be carefull thereof themselues for this is fitt And heerin it is I who speake as one who haue endured affliction enough for not hauing had fitt persons with whome I might conferr about my Prayer but by asking first one and then another what might doe me good which hath done me hurt enough For now diuerse things haue growne to be publique which might well haue remained very priuate since they are not for euerie bodie 's vnderstanding and besides it may haue seemed as if they had been diuulged by me I well beleiue that those others did it without anie fault in them but that our Lord was pleased to permit it to the end that I might suffer by it I am farre from saying yea or so much as thinking as if anie of them related anie such particular as had passed from me to them in Confession for there was no such matter but yet in regard it came from me to such persons as to whome in the way of conference I gaue account of my feares to the end that they might assist me with giuing me light me thinkes they might haue kept my counsaile But how soeuer I durst neuer conceale anie thing from such persons in such occasions as those I say therefore that such as I was then must be counsailed with much discretion and animated and time must be expected for our Blessed Lord will helpe them as he did me which if he had not done the preiudice which I should haue suffered would haue been extreame by reason of my being so full of apprehensions and feares and especially considering to how great palpitations of hart I was subiect I wonder how this other accident did me not more hurt When therefore I had deliuered this Booke and made a relation of my Life and of my Sinnes the best I could though yet in grosse for I did it not in the way of Confession in regard he was a Secular person though yet still I made him vnderstand how wicked I was those two Seruants of Almightie God considered with great charitie and loue what might be conuenient for me to doe Now the Answer being readie which I expected with feare enough and I hauing recommended my self at that time to manie persons that they might recommend me ouer to Almightie God and my self also hauing been much in Prayer with affliction enough of hart to my self the Cauallier came to me at length and told me that in the opinion both of himself and of the other it was the Diuel and that the thing which would be fitt for me to doe was to treat about this busines with a certaine Father of the Societie of IESVS who if I would call him to me declare that I was in necessitie of his helpe would not faile to come and that I should giue him an account of my whole life by way of making a Generall Confession as also otherwise of my condition and that I must proceed in all things with much clearnes and that then in vertue of the Sacrament of Confession Almightie God would giue him more light where with to direct me and that they were men of great experience in matter of Spirit but that I should doe well to be very carefull not to swarue a whitt from what he sayd for that I would find my self in much danger if I wanted one to gouerne and direct my Soule As for mee he put me now into so great feare and paine that I knew not what to doe with my self and now there was nothing with me but weeping And being one day very much afflicted in an Oratorie I fell vpon reading a certaine Booke which it seemes our Lord brought to my hands and S. Paul is cited there saying That God is very faithfull and that he neuer suffers them vvho loue him to be tempted aboue their strength This comforted me very much and I beganne to consider about making my Generall Confession and to put in writing all the Sinnes and Blessings with the course and proceeding of my whole life the most clearly that I vnderstood and knew how to doe without leauing anie little thing out And I remember that when I read ouer what I had written and saw so manie Sinnes to haue been committed by me and in effect no good at all to haue been done it gaue me an extreame affliction and sorrow of hart It also put me to some trouble that they of the House should see me treat and conuerse with so holie people as they of the Societie of IESVS are for I was afraid of mine owne wickednes and me thought I should be obliged by that meanes to be wicked no more and to giue-ouer my entertainments and passe-times and that if I did not this it would be worse with me So that I procured both with the Portresse and with the Sacristin that
distinct and cleare that not one single syllable of all that which is sayd can be lost And yet these things happen sometimes when the Vnderstanding and indeed the whole Soule is in so great distraction disorder that it would neuer be able to hitt right in the framing of one little peice of good discourse but she findes in this other way certaine great and weightie sentences which are imparted to her so strangely well ordered and dressed that though she were neuer so deeply recollected she were not able to reach them and yet at the verie first word thereof as I was saying they beginne to make a totall mutation of her Soule And especially if she be brought into Rapt when the Powers of the Soule are suspended how shall those things euer come to be vnderstood by her after a naturall way which were neuer exposed before to her Memorie as they come to be then when it workes not in effect at all and when her Imagination is now vpon the matter as it were all turned foole But heer it is to be vnderstood that whensoeuer either Visions are seen or anie of these Supernaturall Words or Speeches be heard it is neuer in my opinion at such times as when the Soule is wholy vnited in the Rapt it self for at those times as I thinke I declared already in my Discourse of the Second Water all the Powers of the Minde are entirely lost and so we cannot at such times as those either see or heare or vnderstand For the Soule is wholy in the power of another at that time which yet vses to last very little and me thinkes our Lord leaues her not in libertie to doe anie thing at all But when that short time is past the Soule remaining still in the Rapt this happens whereof now I speake because the Powers remaine in such sort at that time And though they be not lost yet in effect they operate and act nothing at all but are as if they were absorpt and no way able to discourse by the assembling and composing of reasons But there are so manie wayes to vnderstand the differeÌ„nce which occurrs heer between the true and the false that if the Soule should chance to be deceaued some once she would not be so very often Nay I say further that if the Soule haue had anie experience and be carefull to obserue what passes she will euidently discerne this truth For besides all other meanes whereby that will appeare which I haue sayd these strained words will worke no effect at all neither will the Soule euer admit them as yet she must these other true ones whether she will or no. Nor giues she anie credit to the thing at all but rather findes and knowes that it is but a kind of idle imagination iust so in effect as we would not make account of anie thing which were sayd to vs by a frantick person But this other is as if we heard some person speake who were very holie and learned and of great authoritie and such an one as we are sure would not lye Yea and this is but a meane and base Comparison because indeed these verie Words doe bring with them sometimes so great a Maiestie that euen without so much as reflecting vpon who it is that speakes them if they be words of reprehension they make men tremble and if they concerne the Loue of God they make Soules euen dissolue and as it were annihilate themselues in loue And they are things in fine which as I haue sayd already are very farre then from our remembrance and there vse to be so high and so great sentences so clearly and so suddainly pronounced as that there would haue been need of a very great deale of time for the putting them in order and for my part I thinke it is wholy impossible that then such things as those should be euen conceiued by vs to haue been made or framed by our selues So that there is no cause at all why I should detaine my self heerin anie longer for it would looke like a kind of wonder in mine eye if anie experienced person should be able to be deceiued heerin vnlesse he would euen haue a minde to deceiue himself It hath hapned to me very â—â—â—en not fully to beleiue that which these VVords tell me if I be in anie doubt at all thereof but to conceiue that it was no more then mine owne fancie This I doe when the occasion is past for at the present it is impossible but I haue seen it fulfilled long after because our Lord is pleased that the same should remaine still in the memorie for it is not possible to forget it Now that which is wont to proceed from our owne Vnderstanding is in effect but the first motion of our thoughts which quickly passes away and is forgotten whereas this other is a VVorke rather then a vvord And though some part of it may be forgotten in a long tract of time yet the Memorie cannot loose it so farre as not to know that it was sayd vnlesse the time may haue been very long or els if they be VVords of Fauour or of Doctrine and Instruction but if they be of Prophesye they neuer happen in my opinion to be forgotten at least this neuer hapned to me though yet I haue a very ill memorie And now I returne to say that me thinkes if a Soule be not as it were so base and wicked as euen in effect not to be a Soule and vnlesse it would counterfeit and feigne which were mischief and miserie enough and would say that she vnderstands things when yet really there were no such matter it is impossible but that she should see clearly that it is she her self who composes and frames those Words and speakes them to her self especially if she haue had anie vnderstanding at all of the Spirit of God for if she haue not she may very well remaine in this abuse or errour all the dayes of her life and may perhaps conceiue that she vnderstands those Words as spoken by some other though yet for my part I confesse that I cannot ariue to know how this should be done for either this Soule will vnderstand them or not If she be dismissing her self of that which she vnderstands and would faine vnderstand no part of it for a thousand feares besides manie other reasons which she may haue to continue quiet in her Prayer without such accidents as these how comes she to allow so much time to the Vnderstanding as may serue for the composing of these reasons For in fine there must be time for that But now in this other way we remaine instructed without anie losse of time at all yea and we grow to vnderstand certaine things at an instant when yet otherwise a moneth would haue been time little enough to ordaine them Yea and the Vnderstanding remaines no lesse then amazed at some things which we vnderstand This is the verie truth and whosoeuer
and so make those Wretches tremble For already we know well enough that the Diuel is not able to stirre vnlesse our Lord permit him What then may be the ground of all these disorders It is certainly that I am more afrayd of them who are so frighted by the Diuel then of the Diuel himself for he is vtterly vnable to doe me hurt whereas these others especially if they be Ghostlie Fathers may put Soules to much disquiet and for my part I haue passed some yeares through so great trouble that now I am euen amazed to consider how I haue been able to endure it But Blessed be our Lord who hath assisted me in so good earnest Amen THE SIX AND TWENTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse and goes relating and declaring such things as hapned to her vvhich made her loose feare and to be strengthned in a beleif that it vvas a good Spirit vvhich spake to her I Esteem the courage which our Lord hath vouchsafed to giue me against all the Diuels of Hell to be one of the great Fauours which it hath pleased his Diuine Maiestie to doe mee since for a Soule to goe cowardly on and to be fearefull indeed of anie thing but only to offend the Maiestie of Almightie God is an extreame inconuenience For since we haue a King who is Omnipotent and so great a Lord that he can doe what he listes and who brings all things into subiection vnder himself there is no feare at all to be had and therefore as I was saying we haue no cause to doubt so that we walke sincerely and with puritie of conscience in the presence of his Diuine Maiestie And in order to this end I shall be glad to haue all the feares in the world to offend him in anie one instant of my whole life who is able in the verie self-same instant to destroy and annihilate vs all As long as his Diuine Maiestie is pleased with vs there is no Creature who can stand against vs without hauing his head broken for his paines You will peraduenture say that this is very true but yet now on the other side where shall we find that Soule which stands so streight as that she may be wholy pleasing to him and because she is not so she is in feare I answer that I am sure that that pure and innocent Soule is none of mine which indeed is very wretched and vnprofitable and surcharged euen with a thousand miseries But yet still we haue this comfort that Almightie God doth not proceed with such rigours as men doe for he knowes and considers our frailties and the Soule hath wayes of vnderstanding and finding in it self by great coniectures whether really she loue his Diuine Maiestie or no for in such as ariue once to this state our loue to him is not now a kind of dissembled or disguised loue as it vses sometimes to be in the beginnings but it is accompanied with so great impulses and euen impetuosities of desire to see Almightie God as I shall afterward declare or rather as I haue declared already and all things are wont to afflict all things to wearie tyre and all things doe euen torment her vnlesse it be only God or for God There is not so much as anie repose which doth not displease her because she findes her self absent from her true repose and so it falls-out to be very euident that things passe not heer in a dissembling way It hath hapned to me in former times that I found my self in great tribulations and I was subiect to manie detractions by occasion of a certaine busines whereof I may haue cause to speake afterward from all that House where I liue yea and from my Order and I was afflicted vpon manie accidents which occurred then at which time it pleased our Lord to vtter these expresse words to me Of vvhat art thou afrayd Dost thou not knovv that I am Omnipotent I vvill accomplish all that vvhich I haue promised thee And indeed he accomplished it afterwards very well But euen instantly there remained such a kind of strength in me that me thought I could presently haue put my self to aduenture vpon other things though they should cost me much more trouble for the doing him seruice and could haue suffered also much more for him And this verie self same thing hath hapned to me so often that I am not able to count the times and he hath made me and makes me still such reprehensions by occasion of those imperfections which I commit sometimes that they are able euen as it were to annihilate the Soule At least they bring so much in their company as that she is mended by them for his Diuine Maiestie as I haue sayd doth not only giue vs the counsaile but the remedie At other times he brings back to me the memorie of the Sinnes of my former life and this he most ordinarily vses to doe whensoeuer he intends to vouchsafe me anie extraordinarie Fauour And he doth it in such sort that the Soule discernes her self as if she were really planted at the verie Day of the Last Vniuersall Iudgement and the truth is represented to her with such a kind of perspicuitie and claritie that she knowes not what to doe with her self At other times he is pleased to informe me of certaine dangers concerning both my self and others about things which doe not happen till three or fowre yeares after but they all were euer fulfilled and some of them might also be named if there were cause So that there are so manie particulars whereby it may be vnderstood that these things are of Almightie God as that in my opinion they cannot but be knowne and acknowledged The most secure proceeding consists in that such a person doe not faile to impart her whole Soule to her Ghostlie Father and that he be a learned man and that she doe entirely obey him At least this is the course which I take and without this I could haue no rest nor were it indeed fitt that we woemen should haue anie since we haue no learning and there can be no hurt at all in this but manie aduantages and benefits as our Lord himself hath told me manie times I say manie times I had once a Ghostlie Father who mortifyed me very much and sometimes he did euen afflict me and brought me a great deale of trouble and disquieted me in extraordinarie manner and yet it was he who in my opinion did me the most good of them all And though I loued him very much yet I had some temptations to leaue him for it seemed to me that I was much preiudiced by those inconueniences which he was wont to giue me concerning my Prayer But yet euer when I was determining to doe this I instantly vnderstood that I was to forbeare it and I receiued such a reprehension from our Lord as defeated and as it were annihilated me more then all that which my Ghostlie Father could
this end some little poore good workes which I did if I did anie I became deuoted to some Saints to the end that by their meanes I might be deliuered from the Diuel I performed the Deuotions of Nine Dayes I recōmended my self to S Hilarion and to S. Michael also the Archangell for I had lately applyed my self to him for this purpose and I importuned also mame other Saints that our Lord might be pleased by their intercession to conduct me in the way of Truth I say that they would find some meanes to perfect this busines of mine with his Diuine Maiestie In fine after the end of two yeares which both I and other persons had wholy employed with all their prayers and mine in order to this end that our Lord might be pleased either to conduct my Soule by some other way or els vouchsafe to declare that this way wherein I went was right for now those VVords and Speeches which I haue related that our Lord would be vttering to me sometimes were growne very ordinarie euen continuall that chanced and occurred to me which I will now declare As I was in Prayer one day and it was vpon the Festiuitie of the Glorious S. Peter I saw standing very neer me or rather to say better mee thought I felt for indeed I saw nothing at all with the eyes either of my Bodie or of my Minde that Christ our Lord was close by me and I found in fine that it was he in my opinion who was speaking to me But now I who was extreamly ignorant till then that there might be anie such thing in the world as such a Vision fell at the first into a mightie feare and I could doe nothing but weepe though yet through his giuing me assurance by his speaking but one onlie word I found my self as I had formerly been not only without feare and very quiet but euen with Regalo and delight Me thought that Christ Iesus our Lord went euer close to me on one side but the Vision not being Imaginarie or represented in any Forme I perceiued not in what shape he was But as for his being euer on my right side I found and felt that very clearly and that he was the witnes of whatsoeuer I did and that I could not be recollected though it were neuer so little or rather indeed vnlesse I were much diuerted or distracted but I must needs in fine vnderstand that he was very neer me I then went immediatly to my Ghostlie Father being sufficiently vexed and greiued that I must let him know it He asked me what Forme or Figure he had when I saw him and I told him that I had not seen him Vpon this he enquired then how I knew that it was Christ our Lord. To this I answered that I knew no more but that I could not possibly faile or forbeare to vnderstand and know that he was close to me and that I found and felt it plainly and that now the recollection of my Soule in Prayer of Quiet was farre greater and more continuall that the effects were very different from those others which I had formerly found and that the thing was very certaine and cleare For my part I could doe no more but bring diuerse Comparisons whereby to giue my self to be vnderstood but yet certainly in my opinion there is none which can suite very well to expresse this kind of Vision For as this is one of the highest kind as I was told afterwards by a certaine holie man and of great Spirit called Fray Pedro de Alcantara whome I shall mention afterward more at large and the same hath been also told me by other great learned men and that this is one of those Fauours where the Diuel can least intermeddle or intrude himself of all others so haue we heer no words or tearmes at all wherewith to declare it at least we who know so little though such as are learned will peraduēture be able to doe it better For when I say that I neither saw this with the eyes of the Bodie nor of the Minde because it was no Imaginarie Vision how come I to vnderstand and how can I vndertake and affirme more clearly certainly that Christ our Lord was standing neer me then if I had seen him with my verie eyes For it seemes indeed to be as if a person were in the darke who sees not another that stands by him or as if the same person were blind Some resemblance I say this carries though yet not very much For in this last case a man may come to know it by the way of seuerall Senses because he may heare the other speake or stirre or he may touch him But heer there is nothing of all this nor is there heer anie darknes at all but only the thing is represented to the Soule by a certaine notice which is more cleare then the Sunne I say not that anie Sunne is seen nor anie clearnes or brightnes at all but only a certaine light which illuminates and informes the Vnderstanding though yet without seing anie light to the end that the Soule may enioy so high a good Now this brings great benefits with it Yet is it not like such a Presence of God as manie times is felt in the Minde and especially by such persons as be ariued to Vnion and Quiet Prayer who in resoluing to beginne to make that Prayer seem to find the person readie at hand to whome to speake and we seem to vnderstand that he heares vs by the effects and spirituall feelings which we find of great Loue and Faith and other firme purposes and resolutions accompanied with much tendernes of Denotions This is a great Fauour of Almightie God and let him esteem it much who hath it for it is a very eleuated and high Prayer but yet it is no Vision but heer it is vnderstood that Almightie God is there by the effects which as I haue sayd he workes in the Soule for in this manner of Prayer doth his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafe to giue hemself then and there to be felt But now heer it is clearly found that Christ Iesus the Sonne of the Virgin is present In that other manner of Prayer there are certaine influences of the Diuinitie represented but heer togeather with them we find that the most Sacred Humanitie also of Christ our Lord doth accompanie vs to doe vs fauour My Ghostlie Father then asked me this question VVho told you that it vvas Iesus Christ Himself told me so answered I and that manie times but yet euen before he told me so it was im printed vpon my Vnderstanding that it was he yea and euen before this he told me so and yet still I saw him not If anie man whome I had neuer seen but only had heard newes of him should come to speake with me I being either blind or in the darke and should tell me who he were I should beleiue him and yet I could not so
resolutly affirme him to be that person as if I had seen him But yet now in this other case I could for heer there is imprinted so cleare a notice of him in the Minde without seeing him that it seemes a kind of impossibilitie to doubt it for our Lord will haue it so engrauen vpon the Vnderstanding that it can no more be questioned then euen that which we see no nor yet so much for in things which we see there remaines sometimes a suspicion whether we might not haue fancied such a thing and so mistaken it But heer though vpon the suddaine and as it were by way of surprise one may beginne to fall vpon a kind of suspicion or doubt yet still vpon the whole matter we remaine in so great a certaintie as that the doubt continues not to haue place And so also doth it fall out though yet in a different manner that God instructs the Soule speakes to it but yet without speaking at all in such sort as I haue already declared This is a certaine kind of language which hath so much of the Celestiall in it that it cannot well be giuen to be vnderstood by vs heer how much soeuer we may desire it vnlesse our Lord himself be pleased to teach it by experience For our Blessed Lord conueyes and places that in the most interiour part of the Soule which he is pleased that the same Soule shall vnderstand and know and there doth he represent it without either anie image of his person or anie forme of words but only after the way of that kind of Vision which I haue already touched And now let this manner of Almightie God's making the Soule vnderstād what he will in the way of great Truths and mysteries be much obserued For manie times that which I vnderstand when our Lord declares anie Vision which his Diuine Maiestie is pleased to represent to me is after this manner and me thinkes it is in such occasions as where the Diuel is least able to intermeddle or intrude himself for these reasons and if they be not found I am likelie enough to be deceiued Now this kind of Vision and language is so inwardly a thing of Spirit that heer there is no kind of springing or euen stirring in anie of the Powers of the Minde nor yet in anie of the Senses of the Bodie in my opinion by which meanes the Diuel may be able to make himself the gainer Thus I say it happens sometimes as namely when it lasts but a very little while For at some other times me thinkes that neither the Powers of the Minde are suspended nor yet the Senses of the Bodie disabled but that they are all at home and in vse The other happens not alwayes in this degree of Contemplation but rather very seldome I say that when they are so lost we neither operate anie thing nor doe anie thing but all seemes to be the worke of our Lord. It is as when a food is already conueyd into the stomack without either our hauing eaten it or so much as knowing who layd it there but only we vnderstand well that there it is though in that case it be neither knowne what the food is nor who carried it thither But heer it is very differet for here the food is knowne though yet how it got thither I cannot tell for neither did I see it nor vnderstand it nor was I euer moued to desire it nor had it euer come to my knowledge before that such a thing could possibly be In the Speech vpon which I touched before Almightie God makes the Vnderstanding obserue and reflect vpon that which is sayd whether it desire to vnderstand or no. For there it seemes that the Soule hath some other kind of eates wherewith to heare that he makes her harken and not the while to thinke of somewhat els as if one who could heare well were not suffered to stopp his eares and that they cryed out alowd to him who would therefore be faine to heare them whether he would or no but somewhat in fine he doth since he is attentiue to vnderstand what they say But heer the Soule doth inst nothing for euen that little which was done in the former way and which was only to harken is taken from her now for now she findes all dressed to her hand yea and all eaten by her too So that now there is nothing to be done by her but to enioy Iust so as anie one who without euer hauing learnt or so much as endeauoured to read and much more without anie studying at all should find that whole Science already possessed by himself and that without knowing at all either how or whence it came since he had neuer procured to acquire it with so much as learning his A. B. C. And this last Comparison me thinkes declares some part of this Celestiall guift for the Soule findes her self heer to be growne wise vpon a suddaine and that the Mysterie of the most Holie Trinitie and other most sublime Articles are so exactly declared to her that there is not anie Theologue or Diuine in the world with whome she might not aduenture to dispute concerning the truth of those high points The Soule remaines heer in such an amazement that some one such Fauour as this suffices to worke a totall change in her and to make her loue nothing but only him who without anie labour at all of hers hath made her capable of so vnspeakable blessings and to whome he communicates his secrets and whome he treats with arguments of so great and deare friendship and loue that they endure not so much as to be written For he doth some such kinds of Fauour as might euen bespeake a kind of suspicion and doubt in the hearer in regard that they are of so great admiration and haue been imparted to a person who hath deserued them so very ill And in fine if we bring not a very Liuelie and euen lusty Faith with vs they cannot be beleiued and therefore I resolue to speake of few of those which our Lord hath been pleased to vouchsafe me vnlesse I be expresly commanded and vnlesse it be of some few Visions which perhaps may ferue to doe good in some kind To the end that anie such persons as to whome our Lord may be pleased to impart the like may not wonder and thinke it impossible as I did or els that so I may declare the manner and way by which it hath pleased our Lord to conduct my Soule that being the verie thing which they haue commanded me to write Returning therefore now to this manner of vnderstanding these kinds of things me thinkes our Lord is pleased that by all meanes this Soule of ours should haue some notice heer euen of that which passes in Heauen and that as Soules doe there vnderstand one another really without speaking which for my part I neuer knew before and this is most certainly true till our
Lord through his goodnes made me see it and shewed it me in a certaine Rapt of mine So also should it be heer in this world and that so Almightie God and the Soule might be able to vnderstand one another and that vpon this sole cause and reason in regard that his Diuine Maiestie is pleased that they shall doe so without anie other artifice or meanes that so the mutuall loue which these two deare freinds carrie to one another may be giuen by them to be mutually vnderstood Iust so as in this world when two persons loue one another very dearly and be endued with a good vnderstanding and witt they seem able to vnderstand themselues together euen without so much as signes and by only looking well vpon one another Thus ought it to be in our case since without our knowing expresly how these two Louers looke earnestly vpon one another in the face as the Spouse saith to his Beloued in the Canticles for so I thinke I haue heard that it is expressed there O admirable benignitie of thee O Lord who permittest thy self to be looked vpon by those eyes which haue abused their sight so much as these of my Soule haue done At least O my deare Lord let them now be accustomed after this sight of thee to looke no more vpon anie inferiour and base Obiects nor let anie thing be able to please them out of thee O great ingratitude of mortall Creatures how farre wilt thou be able to atiue For now I know euen by experience that this is litterally true which I am saying That whatsoeuer is possibly able to be expressed by me is no more then the verie least part of that Fauour which thou impartest to anie such Soule as thou vouchsafest to bring to such a State as this O Soules which haue begunne to vse Prayer and you who haue really Faith and firme Beleif what blessings and benefits are you possibly able to seeke and get which may anie way be compared euen to the least of those which are obtained by the Seruants of Almightie God euen in this mortall life of ours And consider for it is most certainly true that Almightie God imparts himself thus euen heer to such as forsake all things for loue of him For he is no accepter of persons and he loues all men nor hath anie one of them anie excuse how wicked soeuer he may haue been since our Lord hath proceeded after this manner euen with me and aduanced me to such a condition as you see Consider also that this which I am saying now is not so much as a little Cipher of that which were to be sayd but only so much is heer deliuered as is necessarie for the giuing this manner of Vision and Fauour which Almightie God is pleased to doe to a Soule to be in some sort vnderstood But now it is in no power of mine to declare that which she findes and feeles when our Lord is pleased to impart those secrets and greatnesses of his togeather with that delight which is so highly superiour to all those others which can possibly be imparted by this world and that they doe with a mightie deale of reason make them who possesse the same euen abhorre all the pleasures of the earth which when they be all clapt togeather are no better then meer dung and durt nay it is after a sort euen to giue one a Vomit to bring these into anie comparison at all with those others euen though they should be able to last for euer And yet of these Celestiall ioyes what kind of poore proportion of them is that which he is pleased to impart in this world No more then as it were one slight single drop of water of that huge full flowing Riuer which is prepared for vs in Heauen It is a verie shame scorne and really I employ it all against my self and if it were possible for Soules to be affronted euen in Heauen I should haue cause to find my self ashamed when I were there more then anie Creature to thinke that we should expect to enioy so great benedictions and delights and glorie as is to be infinit in that next Life and all at the onlie cost of our deare Lord IESVS And shall we not weep perhaps at least with the Daughters of Ierusalem since we will hot helpe him to carrie the Crosse as Simon Cyreneus did Or can we euer thinke of coming to enioy that by the way and meanes of pleasures and passe-times which he vouchsafed to get and gaine for vs vpon the price of his owne most pretious Bloud This is absolutly impossible And can we thinke by our aspiring to vaine Honour that we may be able to remedie and redresse that huge contempt and scorne which he endured for vs There is no manner of sense in anie such cōceipt No no the course is vtterly mistaken and we shall neuer be able to ariue at that iourneys end by anie such erroneous way as this Your Reuerence must cry-out alowd to make these truths be heard and beleiued by the world And since it hath pleased Almightie God to take this power and libertie from me I would alwaies be crying them out to my self but both he heard me and I came also to vnderstand him so very late as may be seen by what I haue written heer and it is no lesse then matter of extreame confusion to me to speake of it and therefore I will now hold my peace and for the present will only say that which I haue been considering sometimes which is that I humbly beseech Almightie God to bring me once to such tearmes as that I may enioy this immense Good O what an accidentall glorie and gust will it be for the Blessed Saints of Heauen who enioy this felicitie when they shall find that although it were late yet at length they left nothing vnperformed which it was possible for them to doe for the loue of Almightie God Nor did they faile to present him with the verie vttermost of whatsoeuer they could offer in all kindes according to the power which they had and to the condition wherein they were placed he giuing them still more who had more How rich will he then find himself to be who left all the riches he had for Christ our Lord How full of honour who reiected all honour and tooke no pleasure in anie other thing then to find himself abased and despised for the loue of him How wise will he see himself then who reioyced to see the world hold him for a foole since they called Wisdome it self by that name But how few of such as these are there now in the world by reason of our great Sinnes Alas it seemes that all they are spent and gone long agoe whome the world was wont to esteē for madd fooles when they saw them performe those heroicall acts of true Louers of Christ our Lord. O world O world How dost thou goe gaining Honour
by procuring that few may haue the witt to vnderstand thee right But now to what a passe are we come since some will needs conceiue that God is the better serued by them when they get themselues to be held for discreet and wise yea this indeed must needs be so as now we are growne to vnderstand the word Discretion For now we will needs make our selues beleiue that it is matter forsooth of small edification not to goe vp and downe the world with great authoritie and composition of cloathing and dressing euerie one according to his condition Nay euen to the Fryer and Preist and Nunne some are now growne to be of opinion that to weare anie thing which is old or peiced were a kind of noueltie and a giuing scandall to the weake and so it is also now if they liue with much recollection and vse Mentall Prayer To such a passe the world is growne But the studie and practise of Christian Perfection the great impulses which the Saints were wōt to haue for the obtaining thereof is the thing which I beleiue doth more harme to the miserable wretched actions which are cōmitted by euill men in these times then it could possibly be of scandall to anie Creature that such as are Religious should publish that to the world by their workes of which they talke by their words to the end that so Mankinde might grow to hold this world in meane accoūt For out of such kindes of scandall as these our Lord would draw great seruice for himself good for them And if some men would needs be scandalized at it others would yet haue remorse at least we should remaine with some little designe or draught of that which Christ our Lord his Apostles endured for vs since we haue now more need of it then euer But O what an excellent example did Almightie God take lately from vs in the person of that Blessed man Fray Pedro de Alcantara The world was now no longer able euen to endure such a Perfection as his for now forsooth they say that the health of men is growne weaker and that now we doe not liue in those former times But that holie man liued in this time and yet he had as full and great Spirit towards Almightie God as men had in the dayes of old and so he trode the world downe vnder his feet And though euerie bodie doe not goe bare-foot nor performe so sharp and strict pennance as he yet are there manie other wayes as I haue sayd before whereby a man may treade the world vnder his feet and our Lord will teach vs these wayes when he findes that a man's minde is fitt and well-prepared for them And how great an one did Almightie God bestow vpon this Saint of whome now I speake to goe through seauen and fourtie yeares of his life with so sharp and rigourous pennance as is generally knowne And I will say some little thing of it because I know that it is all most certainly true He told me a certaine particular and so he also did an other from whome he was as little curious to conceale himself as from me but as for me the only reason why he did it was the loue he bore me because our Lord would haue it so to the end that he might help me and encourage me also in a certaine time of so great necessitie as I haue related And now I will declare how to the best of my remembrance he said that he had slept but one hower and a half in the foure and twentie howers of day and night for two and fourtie yeares togeather and that it was the greatest mortification and trouble of pennance that he had felt in those beginnings to ouercome himself in point of sleep and that in order also to this end he was alwaies at other times either standing vpon his feet or els kneeling and that only when he slept he satt and that with his head leaning aside vpon a certaine little peice of wood which was fastned for that purpose in the wall To extend his bodie at length in his Cell was not possible for him though he should haue a minde to it for it is knowne to haue had but foure foot and a half in length In all these two and fourtie yeares he neuer put on his Capouch or Hood how hot soeuer the Sunne or how great soeuer the rayne might be nor did he euer weare anie thing vpon his feet nor was his bodie clad but only with a Habit of thick course Sackcloath without anie other thing at all vpon him and this was so very straight as that he might be only able to put it on with a little short Mantle of the same vpon it He told me that when the weather was extreamly cold he was wont to put off his sayd Mantle and to leaue also the doore and the little window of his Cell open that so when afterward he put the Mantle on againe and shut his doore he might giue his bodie so much contentment by it as that it might be quieted without more cloathing It was a very ordinarie thing with him not to eat till the third day after he had eaten last and he told me by way of answer to the wonder in which I was at it that this was a thing very possible for one who would accustome himself to it And a certaine Companion of his also told me that it hapned for him sometimes not to eat anie thing at all in eight dayes but that perhaps might happen when he was in Prayer for he vsed to haue great Rapts and vehement impulses or impetuosities of the loue of Almightie God whereof my self was once an eye-witnes His pouertie was extreame and so also was his Mortification euen from his youth For he told me that in his time it had hapned to him to liue three yeares in some one House of his owne Order and yet not to know anie one of the Religious of the same House but only by their speech for he neuer lifted-vp his eyes and so whensoeuer he was to goe of necessitie to anie place either in the streets or vpon high-wayes he could by no meanes tell how to doe it but by following the other Religious As for woemen he neuer looked vpon anie of them for the space of manie yeares and told me that it was iust all one with him to see anie bodie or not to see them When I came at length to know him he was very old and his weaknes and leanenes so extreame that he seemed not to be composed made but as euen of the verie rootes of trees With all this sanctitie of his he was very affable though yet he were wont to expresse himselfe in very few words vnlesse it were by occasion of some questions which might be asked him and in that case he was excellent companie for he had a very choice Vnderstanding I could haue a minde to
himself vouchsafed to tell me that they would so take care of me as that I might not be deceiued And accordingly I haue often seen and that very clearly though yet not by way of anie Imaginarie Vision or represented person these two Glorious Saints who are so much my good Patrons standing by me vpon my left hand and that after a very euident manner But now this order of those others to make signes of contempt and scorne whensoeuer I had that Vision of our Blessed Lord did put me to a mightie kind of paine for when I saw him present before mine eyes it was impossible for me to beleiue that it was the Diuel though they should haue torne me into a thousand peices to make me doe it and therefore it was a strange kind of Pennance which they put vpon me But now to the end that I might not be so perpetually Crossing my self I tooke a Crosse into my hands and this I did in effect alwaies but indeed I vsed not those signes of scorne so very often for that afflicted me too much For I well remembred the affronts iniuries which the Iewes had put vpon our Lord so I humbly besought him to pardon me if I did the like since I did it by way of Obedience to them whome he had appointed in his owne place and I prayed him not to lay it to my charge since they were the persons whome himself had placed in his Church He told me then that I should not be troubled at it and that I did well in obeying them and that he would bring them at length to vnderstand the truth But when they for bad me to vse Prayer me thought our Lord was growne angrie at it yea and he bad me tell them that this was a verie tyran̄ie in them and he gaue me also wayes how to make me know that this was not a worke of the Diuel and I will touch vpon some one of them afterward When once I had the Crosse in my hand which was at the end of my Rosarie he tooke the same into his and when he gaue it me againe it consisted of foure great Stones incomparably more pretious then Diamonds for there is no such thing in this world as that which goes in the Supernaturall way and a Diamond is but an imperfect and counterfeit kind of Stone in comparison of those others whereof I speake Now these Stones had the Fiue Wounds of our Blessed Lord in them after a most curious makeing and he told me that I should see him iust so from that time forward and so I did and now I no longer saw the wood whereof the Crosse was made but only these pretious Stones and yet so as that no other saw them but my self When they beganne to command me to make these tryals or proofes and to vse resistance to those Fauours they grew on to a higher encrease for though I might haue a minde to diuert my self yet I neuer was out of Prayer nay me thinkes I was in Prayer euen whilst I slept for heer all was growing-on and growing-vp in the loue of our Blessed Lord and the making also of a pittifull kind of complaints which I vttered to him and my not being able to endure it nor was it in my power though I had desired it and least of all when I procured it to giue ouer my thinking vpon him But yet still I obeyed them as well as I could though yet I were able to doe little or nothing therein Now our Lord did neuer free me from obeying them but howsoeuer it be true that he commanded me to doe as they bad me he yet gaue me assurance otherwise yea and instructed me also about what I should say to them and the same he doth also to this day and he taught me so concluding reasons of all things that they gaue me all sufficient assurance And now his Diuine Maiestie hath begunne very lately to performe what he had been pleased to promise me before as namely to assure me yet better that it was he for there grew in me so great a loue of Almightie God that I knew not how it could get into my hart and it was of a very Supernaturall kind nor was it I who procured it I then found my self euen as it were to dye through a desire wherein I was to see Almightie God nor could I come to know how I might be able to seeke-out this kind of life but by the way of death There came vpon me so great impetuosities or impulses of this loue that howsoeuer they were not so insupportable not yet altogeather of so high value as those others were which I related before yet knew I not what to doe with my self for nothing could now giue me satisfaction nor was I able euen to containe my verie self but really it was with me as if my Soule had been directly torne out of my Bodie O most admirable kind of artifice of our Lord what manner of choice and delicate industrie is that which thou art pleased to vse towards this miserable Slaue of thine For thou didst hide thy self from me and yet withall didst euen then presle vpon me so very close with thy loue by giuing me such a delightfull and sauourie kind of death as that the Soule by her good will would neuer be deliuered from the same Whosoeuer hath neuer tryed and felt these so great impetuosities of Diuine Loue it is impossible that he should be able to vnderstand them for this is not a kind of restlesnes of the breast or hart nor anie of that kind of deuotions which are wont sometimes as it were to stop the breath in such sort as that the Soule is not able to containe her self But this is an inferiour kind of Prayer to that and heerin we are to procure to remoue such kind of promptitudes and vehemences as those and to endeauour to retire them sweetly into themselues so to appease and calme the Soule For this is in some sort as when little Children cry and sobb sometimes so thick as that they are euen readie to choake and when the Nurse giues them drinke that excesse of their passion and expression beginnes to cease And so in this case also is Reason to take the bridle into the hand for perhaps the verie naturall condition and constitution of the person himself may be the thing which contributes somewhat to this state of minde at that time And therefore let consideration be vsed for feare least all should not be perfect and least a very great part thereof fall out to haue some what of the Sensuall in it and let this Child be stilled by some Regalo or other of Loue which may induce it to exercise and expresse the loue it self which he also beares by a moregentle and sweet kind of way and not thus as it were by going to cuffes But let them goe retiring that verie loue of theirs into the more inward part
of the Minde and not suffer it to passe on and out so farre like some Pott which doth first so boile vp and then so boile-ouer as that the broth or water is quite spent and lost because no discretion was vsed in the quantitie of wood or coales which was put vnder it And thus let them procure to appease and slake the flame which is fed by that vehement fire with sweet and gentle teares but not with such as are forced or painefull as they are wont to be which proceed from such a vehement kind of sense as I haue formerly expressed for such are wont to be of very great inconuenience to the Partie My self vsed to haue such as these in my beginnings and they would euer leaué my head in such disorder and my Spirit in such a wearines and weaknes that I was not able sometimes for a day yea and sometimes for more dayes then one to returne to the exercise of Prayer So that we are to vse great discretion in those beginnings of ours to the end that all may goe on with much sweetnes and that the Spirit may be taught the way of operating and exercising it self inwardly and we must diligently procure that the exteriour may be auoided as much as we can But now these other impetuosities and impulses are of a most different kind and condition for heer it is not we who bring-in the wood but the fire seemes to be made already to our hands and instantly we are readie to cast our selues into it that so we may be wholy consumed The Soule doth not heer procure to make her self feele the wound which growes to be made in her by the absence of our Lord but they driue sometimes a sharp Arrow into the verie liueliest part of the hart in such sort as that the Soule her self is not able to tell distinctly either what she ayles or euen what she desires only she knowes very well that she desires and loues our Lord and that the sayd Arrow seemes to be toucht and rubbed-ouer with some bitter hearbe or other to make her euen hate her self through the loue of this Lord and to wish with all her hart that she might loose her verie life for his sake It is not in our power to expresse and much lesse to relate with aduantage the manner how God approaches and ariues to such a Soule as this or the excessiue paine that he giues which makes her not to know euen what to doe with her self But yet this verie paine is such a sauourie kind of thing withall that there is no delight in this whole world which is able to giue her more gust For the Soule as I was saying would alwaies be very glad if she might be euer dying of this Disease This paine and glorie togeather did carrie my Vnderstanding into such such distraction and disorder that I knew not how they both could possibly consist togeather O what a thing it is to see a Soule so wounded for it is iust in such sort as that one may very well affirme it to be wounded and that for a most excellent cause for now she sees very clearly that she her self did contribute no part of the reason why this Loue should grow but only it seemes that some little Sparke fell downe vpon her from that immense Loue of our Lord which set her so totally on fire O how often doe I remember that Verse of Dauid whensoeuer I find my self in this case Quem admodum desider at ceruus ad fontes aquarum ita desiderat anima mea ad te Deus meus As the Hart desires to plunge himself into the Springs of vvater so doth my Soule desire thee O my God For really me thinkes that this is euen litterally fulfilled then vpon my self Whensoeuer this comes not vpon me with great violence me thinkes I can a little appease my Soule and at least she is prouing to find some remedie For as for the performing of certaine Pennances she findes not almost in that case for what they serue for they all are felt by her no more nor puts it her to anie more paine to shed her bloud then it would if she were directly dead But in that case she is in earnest search after the finding-out some new wayes or meanes how she may be able to suffer much for the loue of our Lord but so great is that other former greif of minde that I know not what Corporall torment can possibly be able to drowne it for the remedie thereof consists not in such things as these since these medecines are of too inferiour a kind for the perfect cure of so deeply-rooted a Disease We receaue indeed some little ease and the affliction passes away to some small proportion by this meanes and by begging also the remedie of her miserie at the hands of our Blessed Lord though yet for her part she knowes not how to find anie at all but only in death for by that meanes she hopes entirely to enioy her Soueraigne Good At other times this paine falls vpon a Soule so feircely that neither this nor anie thing els can be done for it peirces the whole bodie through and through and neither can the hands or feet be stirred nay if we chance to be on foot and may happen sometimes to sit downe we doe it like a kind of transported Creatures Nor can the Soule so much as breath but only vtter certaine profound lamenting sighes which yet are not great in shew because she is not able to expresse them though yet they be very great in themselues It pleased our Blessed Lord that I should haue sometimes this following Vision I saw an Angell very neer me towards my left side and he appeared to me in a Corporeall forme though yet I am not wont to see anie thing of that kind but very rarely For though Angells be represented often to me it is yet without my seeing them but only according to that other kind of Vision whereof I spake before But in this Vision our Lord was pleased that I should see this Angell after this other manner He was not great but rather little yet withall he was of very much beautie His face was so inflamed that he appeared to be of those most Superiour Angells who seem to be all in a fire and he well might be of them whome we call Seraphins but as for me they neuer tell me their names or rankes yet howsoeuer I see thereby that there is so great a difference in Heauen between one Angell and another as I am no way able to expresse I saw that he had a long Dart of gold in his hand and at the end of the iron below me thought there was a little fire and I conceaued that he thrust it some seuerall times through my verie Hart after such a manner as that it passed the verie inwards of my Bowells and when he drew it back me thought it carried
those Soules whereof I speake it is necessary that they be bringing wood how deare soeuer it may cost them to the end that this fire may not goe out For my part I am so miserable a Creature that I would be content if I had but strawes to cast in And so it happens to me sometimes yea and very often that one while I would be laughing and at other times much afflicted For a certaine interiour motion and impulse which I haue is euer inciting me to serue God in somewhat and since I am not fitt for greater matters to doe it by gathering Flowers and making Posies and applying them in decent manner to holie Images and Pictures to sweep or dresse-vp some Oratorie or in doing such other little and poore things as gaue me confusion to see that they were no greater And so also if I chanced to doe anie Pennance it was all so very little and so poorely done that vnlesse our Lord should vouchsafe to accept the Desire for the Deed I saw plainely that I was good for nothing and in a word I did euen laugh at my self But now it giues no small trouble to such Soules as it pleases Almightie God through his goodnes to endue with the fire of his Loue in great abundance if they be in want of corporall health and strength whereby they may be able to doe somewhat for him since this giues a very great paine For in regard that we want strength to carrie still more and more wood to this fire and such Soules doe euen dye for the feare they haue least the Fire should goe out it seemes to me that she doth euen consume and burne her self vp into ashes or els euen dissolue her self into teares and so breath her selfe away into nothing and this is a strong kind of torment though it leaue not to be sauourie withall Let such a Soule as this giue great thankes to Almightie God if she haue ariued to this state and if our Lord haue giuen her person corporall strength to doe pennance or if he haue imparted Learning and talents and power to Preach and heare Confessions and winne Soules to Almightie God For she knowes not nor vnderstands not the great benefit which is possessed by her vnlesse she be growne so farre as to feele the affliction which it brings to be euer receauing much at the hands of our Lord and neuer to be able withall to be doing his Diuine Maiestie anie Seruice Let him be euer Blessed for all and let the Angells giue him glorie Amen I know not whether I doe well to be writing of so manie little things but since your Reuerence hath commanded me yet againe not to esteem it anie trouble to enlarge my self and that I must be sure to omit nothing I therefore goe discoursing with clearnes and with truth of as much as I can call to mind And it is impossible but that I should omitt manie things for els it would grow to cost me much more time whereof I haue very little as I haue sayd and then when all were done it would perhaps be of no benefit at all THE ONE AND THIRTIETH CHAPTER She treats of certaine exteriour temptations and representations of the Diuel and of the torments vvhich he gave her She speakes also of other things vvhich are very fitt for the aduise and instruction of such persons as are vvalking on in the vvay of Perfection AS I haue spoken of sorne interiour and secret temptations and disturbances which the Diuel brought vpon me So now will I speake of some others which in effect were publique and wherein I could not be ignorant but that it was he I was once in a certaine Oratorie and he appeared to me on my left side in an abominable kind of figure and in particular I obserued his mouth because he was speaking to me and it was of a most vglie forme It seemed to me that a huge flame came out of his bodie and it was all a very bright one without anie obscuritie at all He told me after a most hideous manner that howsoeuer I had freed my self once out of his hands he would yet find meanes enow to fetch me back againe I was in a mightie feare but I blessed my self as well as I could and so he vanished a way but yet he instantly returned and this hapned to me two seuerall times Nor did I know in the world what to doe only I had Holie-water neer at hand and so I sprinkled it towards the part where he was and he neuer returned to me anie more Another time he was some fiue howers togeather tormenting me with very terrible paine and both exteriour and interiour disquiet in such sort that it was euen past enduring The woemen who were then at hand were astonished to see what passed but neither could they tell what to doe nor I how to serue my self of their helpe My custome is whensoeuer anie corporall sicknes or paine is very intollerable to make certaine Acts within my self the best I can beserching our Blessed Lord that his Diuine Maiestie will giue me patience and that if it shall redound to his Seruice I may continue to suffer so euen till the very end of the world And therefore now when I found my self put to suffer with so much rigour I applyed my self to get help by making some such acts as those and diuerse good purposes also that so I might beare the burthen the better And our Lord was pleased then that I should clearly vnderstand it to be the Diuel for I saw a certaine little abominable Negro or Black-More hard by me gnashing his teeth euen like a despairing wretch but yet in fine he lost by what he hoped to gaine for as soone as I saw him I fell a laughing and had no feare of him at all but there were some persons by who knew not what to doe in this case nor how to procure anie remedie for such paine as they saw me endure the blowes being so great which he made me giue my self both vpon my Armes and my Head and my whole Bodie and I not hauing anie power at all to resist him yea and which was worse then this I was subiect to so great an inward kind of restlesnes and disquiet as I could by no meanes appease no nor yet durst I so much as call for Holie-water for feare of giuing them apprehension who were there and so to make them know what the matter was For my part I haue found by much experience that there is not anie thing from which the Diuels doe so certainly fly and so as to returne no more as from Holie-Water They fly also from the Crosse but in that case they will presently sometimes returne againe So that certainly the vertue of Holie-water is great and for my part my Soule finds a particular and euident kind of comfort when I take it and really and vsually I feele such an ease and pleasure
that state and condition wherein then it was But now the thing being giuen ouer all that former imputation was confirmed Namely that it was nothing but an impertinencie of woemen and their murmurings came particularly vpon me though till that time the Prouincial had commanded it to be done In the meane while I grew to be very ill beloued in the Monasterie because I went about to make a new one which might be of more strict Inclosure For they sayd That I affronted them by it and That God might be as well serued there and That there were better amongst them then my self and that now they discouered well enough that I carried no true loue to that House That it had been much better done to procure to get Reuenues and Rents for that place then for anie other Yea and now there wanted not some who aduised that I might be carried to Prison and there were but very few who did in anie kind take my part As for me I saw that they had reason in very much of what they sayd and sometimes I would be making my excuses though yet I were not able to tell them the cheif motiue thereof which was that I had been commanded to doe it by our Blessed Lord. I knew not therefore well what to say and so I thought it fitter to hold my peace At other times it pleased our Lord to doe me very great Fauours for this of the Monasterie put me now to no disquiet at all but I gaue it ouer with as much facilitie and gust as if it had neuer cost me anie paines or care Yet this could no Creature beleiue no not euen those persons of Prayer with whome I conuersed but they conceaued that I was full of trouble yea and of shame and euen my Ghostlie Father himselfe did not absolutly beleiue the contrary But as for me when I considered that I had done whatsoeuer I could on my part I thought I was no further obliged to the effecting of what our Lord had commanded me I remained still in the Monasterie and I found my self with much contentment and gust yet euen still I knew not well how to imagine but that the thing would be done sooner or later and of this I had no feare at all though I knew not either how or when but only I beleiued that it would be certainly done That which troubled me extreamly was that once my Ghostlie Father gaue me a great Mortification as if I had done somewhat against his will But it seemes our Lord was pleased that I should be in some affliction euen by occasion of that which was most tender and deare to me For whilst I was in this multitude of persecutions when I expected that some kind of comfort would be coming towards me he wrote me a Letter to this effect That now he hoped I saw by what occurred that all had been nothing but a Dreame That I should doe well to reforme my self heerafter so farre as not to pretend to meddle anie more with any busines nor to be talking any more of this in particular for that I could not but see well enough what a scandall was growne vpon it and other things he also sayd which did all serue for nothing at all but only to put me to paine This I confesse gaue me more trouble then all those other things put togeather as conceauing or at least as doubting whether I might not haue been the occasion of all the ill which had hapned and whether I might not haue committed some such errour as whereby Almightie God might haue been offended nay whether these Visions of mine had not been Illusions and so consequérly whether my whole course of Prayer had not been of the Diuel and whether finally I were not then in a plaine state of errour and perdition This I confesse oppressed me with so great extremitie that I grew to be all in disorder and subiect to extreame affliction But our Lord who was neuer wanting to me in all those troubles of mine which I haue expressed was often pleased to comfort and strengthen me though I need not stand heer to relate it And he told me also then that I should not vex my self That I had greatly serued his Diuine Maiestie in that busines and not offended him at all That for the present I should doe what my Ghostlie Father had commanded me in holding my peace till it should be fitt to renew the busines And in the meane time I remained full of contentment and consolation and I held all that persecution for nothing which had come vpon me till then But now by this meanes I was taught by our Blessed Lord what a very great benefit it is to endure troubles and persecutions for his sake For so much was the loue of Almightie God encreased in my Soule by this meanes as were also manie other vertues that I was amazed at it and this in fine is the reason why I cannot but desire afflictions and troubles But the while those other persons thought that I was extreamly out of countenāce with what had hapned and certainly I should haue been so indeed if our Lord had not been pleased to comfort me so highly with that great Fauour But then did those strong impulses and impetuosities of the Loue of Almightie God whereof I haue formerly spoken beginne to encrease more and more and I also came to haue greater Rapts though yet I acquainted no Creature with the gaine which I had gotten by it In the meane time that holie man the Dominican did neuer giue-ouer to beleiue that the busines would be sure to take effect euen as well as I beleiued it my self But I would take no knowledge of that because I was resolued not to swarue from what I had been commanded by my Ghostlie Father The Dominican negotiated also the Busines together with my Companion and friend and they wrote about it to Rome and made their Propositions there And the while did the Diuel heer by carrying things from one person to another procure to make it knowne that I had had some Reuelation in this busines Vpon this some came to tell me with a great deale of apprehension and feare that I should doe well to looke to my self and that the times were strict and shrewd and that perhaps men might lay some things to my charge and goe on euen to the Inquisitours by way of complaint But this I confesse made me sport and I beganne to laugh at it for it was neuer my case to be affraid of anie such thing as this as knowing very well of my self that in all things which concerned Catholique Faith yea euen to the least Ceremonie of the Church I was totally for it and that also for the least word of Holie Scripture I would expose my self a thousand times to death And therefore I desired them not to trouble themselues concerning me in this point and that my Soule were miserable enough and
kind of inclination to know in what condition or state that Soule was for I desired that he might be a very great Seruant of Almightie God I rose then from siting where I was that so I might be going towards him but yet hauing been already recollected in Prayer it seemed to me then afterwards that it would be no better then lost time and what forsooth had I to doe with him and so I then disposed my self to sit downe againe and as I now remember I did the verie same thing no lesse then three seuerall times In fine the good Angell was stronger then the ill and I went and required him to be called and so he came I then beganne to aske him diuerse questions as he did me because manie yeares had slipt away since we mett last concerning the seuerall Liues of one another And I beganne to tell him that as for mine it had been subiect to manie afflictions of Minde Vpon this he pressed much to know what those afflictions might be and I told him that it was neither greatly pertinent to be knowne nor very fitt for me to relate But he replyed that since the Father of S. Dominick's Order knew them that Father whome I had affirmed to be so much his freind would presently let him know them and therefore that I needed not trouble my self to relate them But in fine the Case grew to be this that neither was it in his power to forbeare to importune me nor in mine to forbeare to declare my self heerin to him For with all that trouble and shame which I vsed to haue whensoeuer there was discourse of things like this yet when I treated of them with this man and with the Rectour also of the Societie of whome I spake before it put me to no trouble at all but rather it was of comfort to me I therefore vnfolded my selfe to him but yet vnder the Seale of Confession and me thought he was more aduised then euer though I alwayes held him to be a man of very great vnderstanding I considered the manie talents and parts he had wherewith to doe a huge deale of good if he would giue himself entirely to Almightie God And it is true that I haue had this qualitie for diuerse of these latter yeares that I cannot see anie Creature who contents me much but I must instantly desire to haue him wholy giuen to Almightie God and I wish it euen with such an extremitie of appetite that I know not almost in those cases what to doe with my self And though it be very true that I would faine haue all the world doe him Seruice yet I desire with very great impulse and euen impetuositie that the persons who please me best should doe it most and so I often vse to importune our Lord extreamly in their behalf But as for that Religious man of whome I was speaking he besought me that I would recommend him earnestly to Almightie God but that was more then needed for already I was so gone with the man that I could not possibly doe otherwise And so I went to the place where I was accustomed to put myself in Prayer all alone and being then in deep recollection I beganne to deale with our Blessed Lord and it was in a stile so very familiar that it was euen halfe foolish for I treat with him manie times without knowing almost distinctly what I say For then it is not so properly my person as my Loue which speakes and the Soule is so alienated euen from her self that I scarce discerne the difference which then there is between Almightie God and me For the great loue which my Soule knowes that his Diuine Maiestie beares her makes her forget what she is in her self as conceauing that she is then in him And so as if both she and he were one and the self-same thing without diuision or distinction she vtters but impertinencies and roauings I remember that I told him thus much after I had begged of him with abundance of teares that the Soule of that Religious man might apply it self to his Seruice in great earnest That although I held him already for good yet that would not serue my turne for I must haue him very good and accordingly I sayd further thus in plaine tearmes O Lord thou must not denye me this favour but consider that this man vvill be very fitt to make afreind for vs both O great Humanitie and Bountie of Almightie God! nor doth he so much consider our words but the desires and affections wherewith they are spoken But now how can he come to endure that such a miserable Creature as I should speake to his Diuine Maiestie with so much boldnes But let him be Blessed for euer The while I remember well that in those howers of Prayer wherein I exercised my self that night our Lord gaue me a great affliction by my doubting whether I were in his fauour But now I desired not so much to know that as I did euen desire to dye rather then to continue in such a life as wherein I might not be sure whether I were dead or no. For it were not possible for me to endure a sharper death then to thinke that I had offended Almightie God And this paine put me into such straights that being all regaled as I was and euen melted and dissolued in teares I humbly besought his Diuine Maiestie that he would not permit it And so I came then to vnderstand that I might well be comforted and confide that I was in state of Grace for that such loue of Almightie God and the imparting of such Fauours and feelings as his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed to me were not compatible with anie such Soule as should be in Mortall Sinne. But in the meane time I grew into a kind of assured hope that our Lord would grant the thing to that other person which I humbly begged at his hands He commanded me also to deliuer certaine words to him But at this indeed I was troubled much as not knowing how I should be able to vtter them For the point of carrying a message to a third person in such sort as I was saying is a thing which doth alwaies afflict me especially when I know not how it will be taken or whether the person will not laugh at me for my labour This put me to a great deale of trouble but yet in fine I thinke I was so farre perswaded as to promise Almightie God that I would not forbeare to impart them and through the great confusion and shame wherein I was I wrote them and so deliuered them to him And now this well appeared to be an action of Almightie God by the great effect it wrought For he resolued to giue himself to Prayer after very a serious manner though yet he did it not so very soone But yet our Lord designing to make him wholy his owne was pleased to declare certaine truths to him by my meanes
desired for foure or fiue yeares togeather before her end and then she dyed vpon a suddaine without being so much as visited and much lesse Confessed But the happines was that according to the custome which she had held there was little more then eight dayes expired after her last Confession This made me a very glad woeman when I knew of her death and she stayed a very short time in Purgatorie Nor is it yet aboue eight dayes since our Lord appeared to me after I had receaued the Blessed Sacrament and was pleased to let me see how he carried my Sisters soule into glorie In all these yeares from the time when the particular concerning her was told me till her very death I forgot not that which had been giuen me to be vnderstood concerning her as neither also did my Companion For as soone as she had heard of my Sisters death she came towards me with much admiration to see how all had been fulfilled Let our Lord be praised for euer who vouchsafes to take such care of Soules to the end that they may not perish Amen THE FIVE AND THIRTIETH CHAPTER She prosecutes the same Discourse about the Foundation of this House of our Glorious Father S. Ioseph She speakes of the degrees by vvhich our Lord came to appoint that holie Pouertie should be ordained there and of the cause vvhy she came from that Ladie vvith vvhome she vvas and of other things also vvhich succeeded BVt now whilst I was with that Ladie of whome I haue spoken and with whome I had remained more then half a yeare our Lord did so ordaine that a certaine holie woeman of our Order fell out to come from a place which was no lesse then three-score and then leagues off from this and to ariue heer and to lengthen her way by some leagues on purpose to speake with me Our Lord had moued her to this in the self-same yeare when he moued me to make another Monasterie of this Order And as soone as she had entertained this desire she sold whatsoeuer she possessed and went her self bare-foot to Rome to get and bring-away the Dispatch of this Busines This woeman is a person of much Pennance and Prayer and our Lord did her manie Fauours and our B. Ladie appeared to her and required her still to doe what she was doing and she serued our Blessed Lord so incomparably beyond anie thing that I could doe that I was in confusion euen to appeare in her presence She shewed me the Dispatches which she brought from Rome and in those fifteen dayes which she stayd with me we tooke order how we would make these Monasteries and till I had spoken with her it neuer had come to my knowledge that our Rule till it was relaxed did euer command that none of the Religious Houses of our Order should haue anie proprietie in anie goods Nor had my self had anie purpose to found anie Monasterie at all without Reuenue for my intention was that we should be free from the care of procuring anie such thing as we might be in necessitie to vse But this Blessed Woeman hauing been instructed by our Lord was growne to vnderstand that truth very well without being able so much as to read of which truth I was ignorant euen after haueing taken so much paines to read ouer the Constitutions of our Order And as soone as she acquainted me with her purpose I liked it well though yet I was afrayd that it would not be yeilded to but that they would say perhaps that these were but impertinencies and wish that I would not doe anie thing whereby others might be put to suffer through my fault Though yet in very deed if I had been alone I would not haue been detained one minute from doeing it since it would be a Regalo to my Soule to obserue follow the Counsailes of Iesus-Christ our Lord for really his Diuine Maiestie had already giuen me great desires to obserue Pouertie So that for my part I made no doubt but that this was best yea and I had long desired that it might be possible and compatible with my state that I might goe begging my bread for the loue of God without hauing so much as a house or anie thing els But only I was in feare that if our Blessed Lord should not giue the self-same desires to others which he gaue to me they would liue perhaps with disgust and consequently that it might proue a cause of some distraction or diuision For I saw that there were some poore Monasteries which liued not with much recollection and I considered not that their not being recollected was the cause of their being so poore and not their Pouertie the cause of their want of Recollection For distraction makes them not more rich nor is euer Almightie God wanting to such as serue him In fine my Faith was weake which that of this Seruant of God was not But now I who would be taking the opinion of so manie persons for euerie thing which I was to doe could find no bodie of this minde no nor euen my Ghostlie Father himself nor yet those other learned men whome I consulted in the case but they brought me so manie reasons against it that I knew not which way to turne my self For I for my part who knew already that it was the Rule of the order and knew also that it was a point of more perfection could not perswade my self to haue Reuenue And though sometimes they conuinced me towards their opinion yet still when I returned to Prayer and considered Christ our Lord so very poore and naked vpon the Crosse I was not able so much as to find patience for being rich But I humbly besought him with teares to ordaine things in such sort that I might be poore like him And I found so manie inconueniences euen in hauing Reuenue and found it to be so great a cause of disquiet yea and euen of distraction also that I did nothing but dispute the busines with those learned men I wrote also about it to that Religious man of S. Dominick's Order who assisted vs and he sent me two sheets of Paper which he had written by way of contradiction to me and he grounded himself in Theologie for the perswading me not to doe it yea and he told me that he had studied the point very well To which I answered him that for not following my Vocation and for not performing the Vow which I had made of Pouertie and embracing the Counsailes of Christ our Lord in all perfection I meant not to make vse of his Theologie nor of his Learning and therefore that in this case he might be pleased to excuse me For my part I was very glad when I found anie Creature who woud helpe me and the Ladie with whome I was assisted me particularly heerin There were others also who told me instantly at the first that they liked it well but afterward when they considered it better they
found so manie inconueniences in it that they were earnest in perswading me not to proceed therein But now I told them heervpon that if they changed their opinion so soone I would hold my self fast to the first At this time vpon my entreatie and because this Ladie had neuer seen that holie man Fray Pedro de Alcantara our Lord was pleased that he should come to her house and he being so great a louer of Pouertie and hauing obserued and practised it so manie yeares was not ignorant of the riches which it contained and so he assisted me much and commanded me that I should by no meanes forbeare to carrie-on my desire And now through his opinion and helpe he being a person who could best giue counsaile in it as vnderstanding the matter in hand by long experience I resolued that I would goe seeking no further And being one day recommending the matter earnestly to Christ our Lord it pleased him to tell me expresly That I should by no meanes forbeare to make the Monasterie poore That this was both his Father's will and his and That he would help me in it Now there were so great effects heerof in a Rapt which I had that I could by no meanes doubt but that it was of Almightie God Another time he told me that there was confusion in hauing Reuenue and he sayd also other things in praise of Pouertie assuring me that no such thing as was necessarie for the life of man should euer be wanting to such as serue him of which want as I was saying I neuer was in feare for my part Our Lord did also turne the hart of the Religious man of S. Dominick's Order of whome I sayd that he wrote to forbid me to make the Monasterie without Reuenue And now I was very well pleased vpon the vnderstanding of this and vpon hauing also got some other Votes me thought I possessed all the riches in the world by resoluing to liue on Almes for the loue of our Lord. About this time did my Prouinciall discharge his commandment vnder Obedience which he had imposed vpon me for staying there and left it in mine owne choyce either to returne or els to stay for a certaine time But there was now an Election of a Prioresse to be made in our Monasterie and they aduertised me that there were manie who desired to impose that Charge vpon me whereof the onlie thought was of so great torment to me that I could easily haue resolued my self to endure anie other Martyrdome in the whole world for the loue of God but by no meanes perswade my self to this For besides the great trouble in regard that they are so very manie in the House which point I neuer liked and for other reasons also which did occurr besides that I neuer loued to haue Office but did euer refuse them all it seemed to me that it was to put my Conscience it self in great hazard And so I blessed Almightie God for my not being present in the place I wrote also to some freinds of mine that they would not giue me their Vote But when now I was so much pleased not to find my self there in that noise our Lord told me that I should by no meanes forbeare to goe And that since I desired a Crosse there was now a good great one prouided for me and that I must not throw it away but goe on with resolution and courage and that he would help me and therefore that I must instantly goe At this I was mightily troubled and did nothing but weepe for I thought it had been the Crosse of being Superiour and as I was saying before I could not perswade my self that this could possibly be good for my Soule in anie kind nor could I find anie reason at all to induce me to it I related all this Storie to my Ghostlie Father and he commanded me to be gone for it was euidently of more perfection to doe so but only because the heates were great I might yet stay where I was some few dayes for feare least els the iourney might doe me harme and that in substance it would suffice if I were there when the Election should be made But our Blessed Lord hauing ordered things otherwise the busines of my iourney was instantly to be dispatched and done For the restlesnes which I had in my self was very great togeather with my euen wanting power to make my Prayer and it seemed also to me withall that I fell short in the performance of what our Blessed Lord had expresly commanded me and the while I did but passe my time there in ease and pleasure That it might seem as if I had no minde at all to labour and suffer and That all was vpon the matter but talking whensoeuer there grew to be question of seruing Almightie God For els I being able to be where it was more perfection for me to find my self why did I forbeare to effect it And if I should dye by the way in God's name let me dye But in the meane time besides all the rest I found my self with a great pressing vpon my verie hart and our Lord had wholy depriued me of all kind of gust in my Prayer In a word I was brought to such a condition as that now I was in a great deale of torment and I humbly prayed the Ladie where I was that she would allow me her leaue to be gone For already my Ghostlie Father when he found me to be in that case willed me also to beginne my iourney and our Lord had also moued him as well as me But the Ladic had so great a sense of trouble for my departure that the same grew also to be another torment to me For she spoke of how much trouble it had cost her to obtaine this fauour of leaue at the hands of the Prouincial by meanes of a great deale of importunitie And really I held it for a kind of very strange thing that she would be content to giue way heerin considering how very much she was troubled at it saue only that I considered her as a very great Seruant of Almightie God And so I telling her once that my going imported his Seruice much with manie other things of that kinde and letting her also know that it was possible that I might returne to see her againe she grew with trouble enough to be yet content at last that I should goe But now I for mine owne part had no difficultie at all in doing it For when once I came to vnderstand that the thing was of more perfection and that it more imported the Seruice of Almightie God that I should goe then stay I did by the contentment which it gaue me to content him passe easily ouer the paine of leauing that Ladie whome I saw so much troubled at my iourney as manie other persons also were to whome I was obliged there very much and especially to my Ghostlie Father who was of the
may not happen to me as it did to Lucifer who lost all by his owne fault Doe not permit this O my Lord I humbly pray thee euen by all that which thou art for it is no small feare which I haue sometimes though yet at other times yea and vsually the mercie of Almightie God giues me a very confident hope that since he hath been pleased to draw me out of so manie Sinnes he will not forsake me so now as to let me be lost And this doe I humbly pray your Reuerence that you will euer desire in my behalfe But in the meane time me thinkes that those precedent Fauours were not so very great as this which I will now apply my self to relate and that for manie reasons manie blessings also and in particular for that great courage strēgth which haue still remained in me vpon that account And therefore if those former may be considered euerie one by it self this other which I am going to relate will be found to be so very great as that there will be no comparison at all between them I was one day and the same fell out to be vpon the Vigil of Pentecost or VVhitsontide after Masse and I went to a more remote place where I often vsed to pray and I beganne to read in a certaine Booke of this Feast which had been written by a Carthusian And meeting there with those signes which both Beginners and Proficients and Perfect Soules vse to haue and how they may come to vnderstand whether the Holie-Ghost doe inhabit their harts or no as soone as I had read these three States it seemed to me that Almightie God through his goodnes did not leaue or faile to be present with me after a particular manner for as much as I might be able to vnderstand And whilst I was praising his Diuine Maiestie for that blessing I remembred that I had read the same thing formerly when I wanted very much of that condition of minde and then I saw that I wanted it as plainly as now I vnderstand the direct contrarie concerning my self But thus I came to know the great Fauour which our Blessed Lord had done me and from thence I grew also to consider the Place which my Soule had deserued in Hell for my Sinnes and I gaue great praise to Almightie God in regard that now me thought my Soule was so extreamly changed that I could hardly almost conceaue it to be the verie self-same thing which it had been before Being then in this consideration there came a great impulse or impetuositie vpon me without my being able to vnderstand the occasion thereof Me thought my verie Soule had a minde to get instantly out of my Bodie for now she could not possibly containe her self any longer nor found she her self at that time to be able to stay anie longer heer in the painefull expectation of so great a Good Now this was so excessiue an impulse or impetuositie that I could not possibly tell euen what to doe with my self nor so much as what I ayled so extreamly was I growne to be in disorder And though I were sitting then yet was I not able euen to sitt and so I applyed my self a little to leane for I found that all my naturall forces began to faile me But perceauing my self to be in this case I saw a Doue vpon mine owne head but such a Doue as was very different from them of this world for she had not of our kind of feathers but the wings were as of certaine little shells which darred a huge splendour from themselues This Doue was much greater then any ordinarie Doue and me thought I heard a noise which she made with her wings for she was fluttering about the space of an Aut Maria. But my Soule was already in such condition that growing to loose her self she also lost the sight of the Doue My Spirit did then beginne to quiet it self vpon the entertaining of such a Guest as she had gotten though yet for my part I imagined that so wondrous an encounter and accident as that was might well haue disquieted and frighted it But she beginning already to enioy layd quickly all feare aside and togeather with the self same ioy grew to haue quietnes withall but yet still remaining in the Rapt Now the glorie of this Rapt was extreamly great and I remained during the most part of the whole Festiuitie of Pentecost so stunned and euen as it were besorted and befooled that I knew not what to dot with my self nor was I able by anie meanes to vnderstand how so high and great a Fauour as this was could possibly find a resting place in me I neither heard nor saw in effect by reason of the great excesse of my interiour ioy I vnderstood how from that day forward my Soule remained with a very great encrease of improuement by enioying a more sublime loue of Almightie God and that my vertues also had gained a great encrease of strength Now let him be blessed and praised for all eternities Amen I saw also at another time the same Doue vpon the head of a certaine Father of S. Dominick's Order saue that me thought both the beames and the brightnes of the verie wings did spread and extend themselues much further and it was giuen me then to vnderstand that he was to winne Soules to God Another time I saw our Blessed Ladie putting a white long Garment vpon the back of a certaine Graduate of the same Order of whome I haue spoken formerly diuerse times and she told me that she had giuen him that Mantle for hauing assisted in the Busines of this House and that his Soule should be defended and preserued for the future in such puritie as that he should not fall into Mortall Sinne. And I assure my self it proued so for he dyed within few yeares after yea and he did both line and dye with so great Per nance and sanctitie that there can be no doubt thereof for anie thing that we are able to vnderstand And a certaine Religious man who had been at his death told me that S. Thomas of Aquin had been with him and that he dyed both with great ioy and with desire also to be deliuered from this bannishment wherein he was Since that time he hath appeared to me in very much glorie and told me diuerse things He was a man of so great Prayer that when a little before he dyed he would gladly haue forborne the exercise thereof through his great weaknes he was not able to doe it for euen then he had manie Rapts He wrote to me a little before he dyed about what course I thought he were best to take for helpe because euer as soone as he had done Masse he vsed to fall into Rapts which would last long without his being able to forbeare them But our Lord gaue him at length the reward of the great Seruice he had done him during his whole life Of
considering whether they were not those of the Euangelists But yet I neither saw how the Throne was seated nor who was sitting in it but only a great multitude of Angells about it which seemed to me of much more beautie beyond comparison then those others which I had seen in Heauen before And I haue been thinking whether they might not haue been Seraphins or Cherubins for they are very different in point of glorie and they seemed to be mightily inflamed And as for the glorie which then I felt in my self it can neither be written nor spoken nor is anie one able euen to thinke it but such as had been made partakers of it by seeing it But I vnderstood that absolutly all that which possibly can be desired was there and that all togeather I there saw nothing at all distinctly but they told me yet I know not euen who they were that the thing which I might there be able to doe was to vnderstand that I could vnderstand nothing but that I might see from thence the direct Nothingnes of all things in comparison of that And really it is very true that my Soule from that time forward hath found it self as if it were extreamly affronted and confounded to obserue that it was able to pause at all vpon anie thing created and how much more then to be affected either by it or to it For all things seem to me euer since to be neither better nor more then the verie nest of an Ant. But I Communicated and was at Masse though yet I knew not how I could be so I conceiued that the time had been very short and wondered when the Clock struck and so found that it was two howers wherein I had remained in Rapt and glorie I was amazed after this to know how by approaching so neer to this Fire which seemed to come from aboue out of the true loue of Almightie God it was yet in no power of mine at all to get the least sparke thereof but only when his Diuine Maiestie was pleased to impart it For how much soeuer I desire it and how earnestly soeuer I procure it and would defeate and euen destroy my self for it there is yet no meanes at all to obtaine it But now this Rapt of mine seemes euen to haue consumed the faults and lukewarmnesse and miseries of the old man as the Phenix is sayd to doe her self out of whose ashes when she is burnt springs another Phenix For iust so doth a Soule become absolutly an other kind of thing with desires wholy different and with a courage so encreased that now she seemes not to be what she was before but now beginnes to walke with a new kind of puritie in the way of our Lord. And I iust then beseeching his Diuine Maiestie that it might proue to be so in my case and that I might now at least beginne as vpon a new account to doe him seruice he spake these words to me Thou hast made a good Comparison and see that thou forget it not that so thou maist euer procure to improue thy self And being once in the self-same doubt whereof I spake euen now whether these Visions were of God or no our Lord appeared and spake these words to me with some rigour Hovv long O yee Sonnes of men vvill yee continue to be hard of hart And he also willed me then to examine my self well vpon this one Interrogatorie VVhether I vvere entirely giuen to him for his or no and that if I vvere giuen so and vvas so I should beleiue that he vvould not suffer me to be lost And whereas I afflicted my self much vpon his vttering that exclamation aforesayd he returned with great tendernes and Regalo and told me that he would not haue me afflict my self and that he knew already that I for my part would not faile to apply my self wholy to that which might be for his Seruice and that so he would also doe all that which I desired of him against Illusions and so he was pleased to doe that thing in particular which then I humbly begged at his hands For he willed me to looke in vpon the Loue which went encreasing daily in me for thereby I might best vnderstand that the Diuel had no part in it and that I must not thinke Almightie God would consent that the Diuel should haue so much power ouer the Soules of his Seruants as to be able to giue me such a claritie of vnderstanding togeather with such a depth of repose of minde as I possessed And he gaue me also further to vnderstand that such and so manie men hauing told me that these Visitations were of Almightie God I should doe ill if I did not beleiue them Being also another time in Prayer vpon S. Athanasius's Creed of Quicumque vult c I was giuen to vnderstand the manner how there was one onlie God and three Persons and this in so perspicuous and cleare a kind that I was no lesse comforted by it then amazed at it This also did me very much good towards the giuing me encrease of knowledge concerning the greatnes of Almightie God and of his wonders and for all such occasions also as wherein I thinke of the Blessed Trinitie or heare speech thereof And now me thinkes I conceaue how all that Mysterie stands very well and it contents me much One day vpon the Assumption of our B. Ladie the Queen of the Angells our Lord was pleased to doe me the Fauour in a certaine Rapt that her rising vp into Heauen was represented to me togeather with the solemnitie and ioy of that Celestiall Court wherewith she was receiued as also the place which she held To tell what kind of thing this was I am no way able The glorie which euen my Spirit had to see that hers is so great was euen extreame and I remained with great effects and improuements by it towards a wish of vndergoing yet greater afflictions for the loue of our Lord. And so it also gaue me encrease of desires to serue our B. Ladie since both her dignitie and merit was so great And being one day in a Colledge of the Societie of IESVS and the Brothers of that House being then in act of receauing the B. Sacrament I saw a very rich Canopie ouer their heads and this at two seuerall times but yet when others Communicated there I saw it not THE FOVRTIETH CHAPTER She proceeds in the same Discourse by relating the great Fauours vvhich our Lord shevved her vvhereby good instruction is to be gotten And vvith the end of this Chapter she ends also the Discourse of her Life BEing once in Prayer the delight and gust which I felt within my self was so great and I found my self so vnworthie of so high a Fauour that I beganne vpon that occasion to consider how much better I had deserued to possesse that place in Hell which was prepared for me for I could neuer forget in what manner I had seen my self
there And now by meanes of this consideration my Soule beganne to be so much more inflamed that my Spirit grew to be in Rapt and so as that I know not how to expresse it For me thought I was put and plunged into that Maiestie which I had formerly vnderstood but yet so as that I know not how to declare it In this Maiestie a certaine Truth was giuen me to be vnderstood which indeed is the accomplishment of all Truth but yet still I know not how to relate it For I saw nothing at all distinctly but they told me these words though yet I saw not who spake them only I knew that it was the verie Truth This vvhich I doe for thee is no small matter but rather it is a thing for vvhich thou ovvest me much because one of the mischeifs vvhich grovves to the vvorld proceeds from not knovving the Truths of Scripture vvith cleare truth but one tittle thereof shall not faile Now as for me I conceaued that my self had alwaies beleiued this yea and that all Catholiques had also beleiued it But then he sayd to me againe Alas my Daughter there be fevv vvho loue me according to Truth for if they did I vvould not conceale my secrets from them But dost thou knovv vvhat it is to loue me according to Truth It is to knovv that all is a Lye vvhich is not acceptable to me Thou shalt be able to see this clearly vvhich novv thou dost not vnderstand by the profit vvhich thy Soule shall get And so accordingly I haue seen it performed our Lord be euer praised for it For all things which are not addressed to the seruice of Almightie God doe of late seem to me so hugely to be vanitie and a lye that I am no way able to expresse how much I vnderstand thereof And it moues me to deep compassion to see men liue in so great obscuritie and ignorance as they are in of thy Truth but by this meanes I haue benefited my self in manie kindes whereof I will heer relate some and some I shall not be able to relate But our Lord sayd one word to me heer in particular with very great fauour though I know not also how this was For I saw nothing but I remained in such sort after it as I know not also how to declare euen that Only I am sure I remained by this meanes with a very great kind of fortitude and firme purpose of accomplishing euen the least part of Holie Scripture with the vttermost of all my power And nothing me thinkes could offer it self to me through which I would not passe for the making this good There remained also a truth of this Diuine Truth which was now represented to me though yet still I know not how so deeply engrauen in my hart that it made me carrie a new kind of profound reuerence to Almightie God For it imparts a notice of his high Maiestie and great Power after such a manner as cannot be described but I can only vnderstand that it is a mightie kind of thing I now remained also with a very great desire neuer to speake at all but of things which were substantially true and which might iustly take precedence of all that which vses to be treated of in this world And so I then began to find it paine enough euen to liue in it This Vision left me with a Regalo of great tendernes and with humilitie also It seemed to me that our Blessed Lord did giue me to vnderstand much in this vision though yet without my vnderstanding the manner of it but at least I was satisfyed well enough that it was no Illusion I saw nothing but yet I vnderstood the great benefit which there is in not making account of anie thing which brings vs not neerer to Almightie God and so I came to vnderstand what kind of thing it is for a Soule to walke in Truth in the presence of the same Truth That which I vnderstood is that our Lord gaue me to vnderstand That he is verie Truth it self And all these things at which I haue now pointed heer I vnderstood sometimes by their being spoken to me and at other times without speech but yet some of this latter sort with more clearnes then those others which were imparted to me by words I vnderstood very great truths of this Truth and better then if manie learned men had taught me and at least it seemes to me that they could by no meanes haue so imprinted them in my minde nor so clearly haue giuen me to vnderstand the vanitie of this world This Truth which I say was giuen me to be vnderstood is verie Truth in it self and it is both without beginning and without end and all other Truths depend vpon this Truth and all other Loues vpon this Loue and all other Greatnesses vpon this Greatnes though yet all this be deliuered by me with much obscuritie in comparison of that clearnes wherewith our Blessed Lord was pleased to impart it And how very well doth this become the great power of that Maiestie to leaue such things as these imprinted vpon the Soule whereby such aduantages are obtained and that in so short a time O Greatnes and Maiestie of my Omnipotent Lord What is it which thou art doing Consider who it is to whome thou art vouchsafing such Soueraigne Fauours Dost thou not remember how this Soule hath been a verie Abysse of Lyes and euen a deep Sea of vanities and all this through faults of mine owne For notwithstanding that thou gauest me an inclination which naturally did abhorre lying yet I made my self apt to treat in manie things after a deceiptfull kind of manner How art thou able O my God euen to endure me and how can so great goodnes of thine be shewed to one who hath so ill deserued it and how can so much Sinne against thee be compatible with such Fauours as these Being once reciting the Howers of the Diuine Office with all the rest of the Religious my Soule beganne to be suddainly recollected and it seemed to me that it was like some cleare and pure Looking-Glasse without hauing anie thing either on the back or on the sides or yet either aboue or below which was not all extreamly cleare And in the very Center thereof Christ our Lord was represented to me iust so as I am accustomed to see him It seemed to me that I saw him clearly in all the parts and portions of my Soule as in a Looking-Glasse and so also though I know not how our Blessed Lord himself was engrauen therein with such a certaine kind of enamoured communion or communication of himself as I cannot possibly expresse Only I know that this Vision hath been of very great benefit to me and is so whensoeuer I remember it and especially after I receaue the B. Sacrament But it was giuen me heerby to vnderstand that the being of a Soule in Mortall Sinne is to make this Glasse be couered
I had to conuerse with them But our Lord did euer counsaile me in all things yea so farre as euen to tell me how I should carrie my self towards weake persons and some others also and he neuer layes the care of me aside But I am much troubled to find that I am good for so little in his Seruice as also that I can doe the lesse through my spending more time then I wiâ—h vpon so weake and wasted a bodie as mine is As I was once in Prayer and the hower of our going to rest came on I found my self in a great deale of paine and knowing that my ordinarie Vomits would ariue and obserueing my self to be so tyed-vp to these cares and the Spirit on the other side desiting to haue some time for it self I grew to be euen so tired that I beganne to be greatly afflicted and to weepe much and that happens very often to me And this condition puts me to such a kind of anger that me thinkes I doe in those times euen abhorre my self though yet it be true withall that I doe not abhorre my self indeed nor yet am wanting in what is necessarie for me and I rather pray God that I take not more care of my self then I should and so I feare I doe But now whilst I was in this greif our Lord appeared to me and regaled me very much and told me that I must endure these troubles and goe-through with them for loue of him and That my Life vvas necessarie yet And so me thinkes I neuer see my self in anie very great paine which I value since I resolued to serue this Lord and Comforter of mine with all my power For though he permitted me to suffer a little yet would he still be assisting me so withall that I esteem not my selfe to doe much in desiring to suffer afflictions for his sake So that now me thinkes there is no reason why we should euen desire so much as to liue but only to the end that we might suffer and accordingly this is the thing which I begg with most affection of Almightie God And sometimes I am saying to him with my whole hart O Lord let me either suffer or dye for I begg no other thing of thee for my self And now it vses to comfort me to heare the Clock strike for so me thinkes I am growne a little neerer to the seeing of God though it be but a little because one hower more of my life is past At other times I find my self in such sort that I neither take much pleasure in liuing nor yet me thinkes haue anie great minde to dye and so in the meane time I remaine with a kind of stupiditie and darknes of minde in all things and manie times I also haue some troubles And since our Lord was pleased that those Fauours should be publiquely knowne which his Diuine Maiestie vouchsafed to shew me as he himself had told me some yeares agoe that they should be which gaue me vexation enough and it is not a little that I haue endured therein as your Reuerence knowes for euerie bodie will vnderstand things as he listes I comfort my self yet with this that it hath not ariued by my fault because I neuer spake of anie such thing but either to my Ghostlie Fathers or others who I knew euen by them had vnderstood thereof For of this I was very warie euen to extremitie though yet perhaps I abstained not so much for respect of humilitie as in regard that I had paine enough to tell euen my Ghostlie Father thereof and therefore how much lesse would I impart things of this nature to others But now I earnestly desire that Almightie God may receaue glorie by it howsoeuer there be some who murmure at me very much vpon this occasion though euen yet I thinke they may peraduenture doe it with good zeale And there are others who are afrayd euen to treat with me in anie kind yea and euen to receaue the Confession of my Sinnes and others say also other things But how soeuer since I vnderstand that it hath pleased our Blessed Lord to reduce manie Soules by this meanes and because I see clearly and remember continually how much himself would be pleased to endure for the gaining of one Soule I allow my self to take little trouble for anie thing which men can say of me And I know not whether or no this may not haue been a part of the cause why his Diuine Maiestie hath placed me in this little Corner of the world where I am so shut vp and where I thought there would be no more memorie of me then of a thing which was dead But their forgerfulnes was not so great as I wished and so I haue been constrained to speake sometimes with some persons Yet howsoeuer I am not now where the world may easily see me for it seemes that our Lord hath been pleased to driue me from Sea to this Port and I trust in his Diuine Maiestie that it will proue a very safe one for me And since now I am out of the world and find my self in the companie of few but they holie Creatures I looke downe vpon the world as from a place which is very high and so it is growne to be of little moment with me what they below doe either say or thinke And I would make much more account to vnderstand that anie one Soule should haue profited to the weight of one little graine in God's Seruice by my meanes then of all which can be sayd of me in anie kind For since I haue found my self in this place our Lord hath been gratiously pleased that all the desires of my hart might haue no other ayme but this And he hath also giuen me euen a kind of sleep in this life which makes me find that whatsoeuer I see is but dreaming nor am I able to say that I reape either much contentment or trouble by anie thing of this world And if yet some things giue me anie it passes away with so very great speed that I euen wonder at it and it makes but iust such a kind of impression vpon me as a thing would doe whereof I had dreamt And it is a most perfect truth that although I should afterward haue a peice of a minde either to be glad of anie contentment or to be sorrie for anie mis-accident and trouble it is really no more now in my power but iust so as anie man who were discreet would take either trouble or ioy from a dreame of his owne For now our Blessed Lord hath already been pleased to awake and open the eyes of my Soule from out of that follie wherein it was And whereas by my not being mortifyed nor dead to the things of this world I was wont to haue much feeling of such things as hapned his Diuine Maiestie is pleased now that I should loose my true sight no more In this sort Sir doe I liue now and I
neer them vvith hallovved Candles * An excellent Aduise Take heed of this great danger * Consider this point much and often * Note this good Conclusion vpon the Praemises * Note this very vvell for nothing imports more thē this * A great and gross errour * A point of very great importance * Note * This vvas the beginning of many great blessings * Her entrance into the receaueing Supernaturall Fauours * It vvorkes not indeed by vvay of vsing Discourse or makeing Inferences but yet it vvorks by vvay of Contēplation and Admiration of the Infinite Obiect being God vvho is set before it * Note * A great foolish errour * Behold heer the true great impediment * This Saint is admirable in all the Comparisons vvhich the vses * This is a kind of Engine vvith certaine little leather Buckets fastned to the sides of a very great vvheele vvhich dra vves vp very much vvater vvith great ease In Spanish it is called a Noria * A good Lesson * A consideration of much comfort * A hard question most clearly and excellently ansvvered * Marke vvell these masculine and massye vvords * Note * This suspending of the Thought or Vnderstanding of vvhich the Saint speakes is a presenting a multitude of Supernaturall and Diuine Obiects before it together vvith a copious infusion of Light vvich is decerned by it after a kind of intuitiue vvay at once vvithout discourse or trouble And this Light rests not there but passes-on to the VVill and grovves to be as so much Fyre for the inflameing it in the Loue of our Lord. And the Soule doth more properly suffer heer then act And novv the Saint giues great vvarning that people be not so foolish as to offer at these things of themselues A great truth * A dangerous provvd foolish errour * Obserue the generous vvay of this great Saint * Note this very vvell * A great praise of a large hart * Hovv Saynts are to be imitated hovv admired * Note this vvell * A necessary Aduise * Our daily Bread * A description of a good Directour in matter of Spirit * Note * Hovv the VVill is to carry it selfe to the other Faculties of the Minde * The blessings of Quiet Prayer * Note * Note * Hovv the Soule is to carry it selfe in Quiet Prayer * Note * A true happy Comparison * The good Spirit very easily discerned from the bad * Note this point aboue all * A most necessary Document * A great blessing by meanes of this Prayer * These are the more generous mindes * As vvhen one is dyinge * This is an admirable State of Minde * The true State of the Povvers of the Minde in this Prayer Hovv there is an Vnion in this Prayer hovv there is none * The great effects of this high Prayer * The difference betvveē Eleuatiō and Vnion * She proceeds in declaring the great effects of this high Prayer * A Cōsideration of strange comfort * This is strange indeed * The strong Pillar of Prayer * Consider this very vvell * Take heed * A most dangerous temptation * Consider and admire this passage * The manner nature of Rapts * The Effects of Rapts * The strangest state of Minde vvhich perhaps is described in the vvhole Booke * The effect of Rapts * This Saynt it admirable in her Comparisons * Other great effects of true Rapts * Her great zeale for the conuersion of Kings * She alludes to Comets and blazing Starrs * A rare expression * Anopinion vvhich is more probable then true * This seems to haue been a foolish and ill-fauoured kind of errour in those others * That vvas by seuerall Visions * A svveet and iust cōplaint and vvorthie of the Saint vvho made it * By Vision * Beleiue and consider this most certaine Truth * A doubt vvhich cannot easily be solued * She grovves novv to make serious enquiry after a good Directour * The only excellent course * This holy mā enters often into the Story of our Saynt * This vvas no improbable opinion though it vvere no true one * So good a begining vvas almost a kind of perfecting the vvorke * The Saynt begann heer to be happy * This vvas a vvise man likely to vvorke vvonders vpon a Soule * He lost nothing by leaueing to be a Duke for Gods sake * This must needs haue been a holy and a vvise man * A little of this goes farr * So true it is that God is God * The mighty force and povver of any one Supernaturall vvord * The infinit differēce betvveē Supernaturall vvords of God all other * A strange encounter * Great povver of our Lord. * Hovv quickly she gott courage against the Diuells * A most certaine truth * This vvas a very ill aduise indeed * The incredible deare svveetnes of our B. Lord to a Soule * Obserue this vvell * This Saint yovv see vvas certainly no Protestant * The Masque of Pride * An admirable example of Pennance * Humane frailty and celestiall glory are not compatible * Imaginary Visions represented to by the senses are of the lovvest ranke most subiect to danger * The great effects of an admirable and most sublime Vision * The differēce is easily found both betvveen a true Vision and a false and betvveen a true Vision and a Fancy * A plaine demonstration * In order to the guideing of others a Directour may easily haue too meane an optnion of himselfe * This Saint vvas hugely vexed by the insatisfaction vvhich she receiued from many Spirituall men * This is very fitt to be knovvne * This is a true Fortiter sed Suauiter * This Saint vvas most strangely familiarly and supernaturally visited by our B Lord. * A strange Taske vvhich vvas put even by holy men upon this Saint * The more she vvas discountenanced euen by good men so much the more highly vvas she fauoured by our Lord. * A rare Comparison * Still more more excellent comparisons * An excellent most necessary Aduise * A strange mixture of affections but such as God knovves hovv to giue * This greife is after the rate of the loue * A very safe and vvise vvay of proceeding * This is a most certaine truth * Heer follovves a vvhole vvorld of sad temptations troubles * The differēce betvveē Diuine and Diabolicall greife of minde * The vvay manner of a great desolation * A pretty humour * A happy State * She makes along Discourse of the Diabolicall Temptations troubles to vvhich she vvas subiect * The excellency of Holy VVater * A great and iust consolation * A question vvorthy of him that askt it * This is a very great Truth but the Accent must be put vpon the vvord Indeed * And though she should haue continued to aske it I dare say our Lord vvould not haue graunted it * A must certaine truth * A vvise solid Truth * Exercise of Prayer and loue of Honour agree not vvell together * This is not to be litterally vnderstood for the Diuell can prepare no place for a Soule in Hell but by the Decree of Almighty God vpon the particular Iudgement giuen at the death of the Party * The Sinnes of Ingratitude discorrespondence and inordinate affection to Creatures vvhich she did committ and the greater and mortall Sinnes vvhich she vvould most certainly haue committed if the Mercy of our Blessed Lord had not preuented and vvithheld her * Hell is represented to her in Spirit after a most subtile manner and it vvas shevved to her and described by her in such sort as that such Creatures may be capable thereof as are indued not only vvith Mindes but vvith Bodyes * The excellent fruits vvhich this Saint did gather from this great Fauour vvhich seems to be the sole cause vvhy our B. Lord vvas pleased to impare this Fauour * The great benefit of this Fauour * Vide supra fol 471. * A svveet Effect of a sad Cause * A sad and strange proceeding * Hovv one suspition u vvont to thrid it self close vpon another * A holy vvise man * All these things and the like as namely Darts or Chaines or Crovvnes or Ievvells c. are not to be vnderstoood after a grosse materiall vvay but yet that really they haue truth in their being represented distinctly clearly to the Imagination of the Partyes and they cheifly serue as testimonies Signes of those interiour graces vertues vvhich vse to be imprinted vpon Soules at those very times by the mercy of our B. Lord. * She meanes her selfe * This Saint vvas an excellent person to make a freind of * A very strange demonstration of a most ciuill noble and freindly hart * Our Blessed Lord is still as good as his vvord * The great Charity Humility of the Saynt * Hovv deuout this deare Saynt is * They vvere very noble though they vvere poore * The Diuell is still himselfe * This is such a kind of vvorld as vvherein things vvill euer goe thus * A true ansvver to all the Diuells Obiections * Note the description vvhich the Saynt makes heer of her Religious * This Fast of the Order is not so strict and rigorous as that of the Church but is rather a forbearance of halfe the Meale then a Fast * This Point of haueing so very fevv in a Monastery vvas partly meant for them vvho vvere to liue in any place on Almes and partly because the Saint had seen some disorders by haueing too many Religious in other Hovvses and yet the Saint her selfe came aftervvard to admit of tvventy in stead of tvvelue and vvould perhaps haue admitted more if she had found reason for it * She inueighs vvith much reason against vaine Complements and especially amongst Religious people * An excellent most vsefull Document * A true noble most generous hart * Great effects of a Vision