Religious Matters and I assure you I am otherwise Your Affectionate Humble Servant W. Fleetwood PROVERBS xiii 24. He that spareth the rod hateth his son but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes THE Education of Children is and hath always been accounted a thing of such Importance that all who have at any time discoursed or written of Government have found themselves obliged to dwell particularly on that Subject Aristotle thinks it a matter of such moment that he positively determines it ought not to be left to the Parents choice but that the Publick whose especially the Children are should be entrusted only with that Charge and Plato lays down such severe Rules that 't is a question whether they were ever practicable or only fitted to his fansied Commonwealth And indeed considering that they are the Seed of Empires Kingdoms Corporations and Families and that the Good and Wellfare of them all depends entirely on them there can't be too much care employed about their bringing up there are so many hazards from the sensible and tender dispositions of these nice Plants from noxious Airs inclement Seasons and their own natural Luxuriancy that it requires a great deal of skill to cultivate them as they should and as they well deserve And it is with this prospect and a larger one besides the World to come that the Spirit of God hath inserted so many positive Commands and so many wise Rules of training Children up into the Holy Scriptures For though One were enough when found there to make it our Duty yet there are Many to enforce it farther and though the Spirit of God inspir'd a-like the Herdsman's Son with Solomon the King's and made them a like infallible in what they should deliver to the World yet in compliance may be with our Weakness and the fond Conceits we have of human Reason and Understanding it is so contriv'd that there are more Precepts concerning Childrens Education found in Solomon alone than all the Scriptures else that they who take no notice of the Inspiration might yet be moved by the Authority of the greatest Wisdom and the best Experience and the thing however done I am to confine my self to that of my Text which is as comprehensive as any and will First Explain the Terms of it And Secondly Shew the Truth of the Propositions contain'd therein And Lastly Make what Application may be seasonable and useful And First of the Terms To spare the Rod in the first Clause being oppos'd to chastening in the second by the Rod must needs be meant not only that particular Instrument of Punishment but every thing besides that may prove the Means of our Correction and Amendment And so in Job 33. 19. He is chastened with pain upon his bed And so in Psal 69. 10. I wept and chastened my soul with fasting And so in Isa 53. 5. The chastisement of our peace was on him by which is meant the Miseries Afflictions Pains and Torments that our Lord endured both in Life and Death for our sakes and so in a great many other places So that by Chastisement is here intended every Instrument of Correction every Means of effecting what we intend by chastising And to spare the Rod is not to use those Means not to employ those Instruments for the correcting and amending what we see amiss in Children which are proper to their Age suited to their Dispositions and proportion'd to their Faults whether it be Reproof and sharp Admonition Restraint of Liberty Disappointment of their Wills or corporal Punishment to do in a word whatever is necessary convenient or becoming the Children and the Parents in their respective circumstances is to chasten and to neglect the doing it is to spare the Rod. Let us see in the next place what it is to love and hate one's Son which are the rest of the Terms By loving and by hating is not here meant the exerting actually those Passions in the Heart for then the Text would be untrue it is by no means likely that an indulgent Parent sparing of his Child should actually hate it in his Heart or that the punishing it should be the Effect or Sign of natural Love for the contrary to this is mostly true the Sparing it is the Fruits of natural Fondness and Affection and the Correcting it is not the choice of the Heart but the effects of a Necessity impos'd by Prudence and Consideration and Hopes and Fears of what may come to pass By loving and by hating therefore is to be understood the acting agreeably to the Reason and not the Blindness of those Passions the producing such effects as are in God's Accounts and wise Mens too and in our own when freed from partial Prejudices the Consequence and Fruits of Love and Hatred acting regularly such as are commonly esteemed the Effects of those two Causes whether they indeed proceed from them or no So that to love and hate ones Children is to behave ones self so towards them that they and others may be convinc'd we love or hate them by such Fruits as reasonably and ordinarily are the Products of those two Passions whether those Passions actually possess the Heart or no of which we can convince none but our selves From the Terms thus explain'd it will not be difficult to shew in the second Place the the Truth of the two Propositions how and in what Sense he may be said to hate his Son that spares the Chastisement of him and how he loves him who chastiseth him betimes For if we are to reckon of Love and Hatred by the Effects then it is easie to discern when Parents hate their Children namely when either through Neglect or Fondness they permit them to enter on at first or afterwards continue in such Courses as will bring them to inevitable Ruine when by their want of Care Instruction or Correction those Children fall into such Miseries as the utmost Hatred of their most profest inveterate Enemies could neither wish nor make them greater whatever Love there may be at the bottom What signifies the crowning of a Victim with a Garland when it is still drest up to Death That Mother is as much a Murtheress who stifles her Child in a Bed of Roses as she that does it with a Pillow-bear The End and Mischief is as great tho' the Means and Instrument be not the same And where two Causes will produce the same Effect with equal Certainty 't is no great Matter which of them it is nor whether you give it a hard or gentle Name It is all one as if a Parent truly hated his Child if through his Default he fall into those Evils which will naturally work his Mischief or Undoing that Fault has the same effect that downright Hatred would have had And then for the Will tho' he can't be said to will downright the Evil of his Children yet if he will the Means which have a natural tendency to produce that End he is understood in
little occasion to press you with the Authority of the Text and to insist upon it that 't is King Solomon inspir'd by God that says That he that spareth the Rod hateth his Son It will be somewhat clearer by considering the other Clause in the Text and seeing what are the effects of Love which is early Chastisement He that loveth his Son chasteneth him betimes I have already made appear that Love and Hatred in these cases can only be securely judged of by the Effects not by the Feelings Motions and Affections of the Parents Heart but by the Fruits and Consequences of which the Children must be sensible themselves and all the World be Judges For the ground of all this mischief is that Parents commonly consult with no body but themselves to know if they love their Children and finding quickly by the Reply their Hearts make that they love them as they love their Eyes they rest contented with the Answer and use them indeed as tenderly whereas they should enquire of Strangers and of wise Men impartial and unprejudic'd they should take their Informations from Reafon and good Sense from the Experience of the Aged and such as study more particularly this Affair and they would shew them by the effects alone whether they lov'd or no the Marks and Tokens of Affection would be visible in Manners and Instruction beyond the Power of being deceived and if this be too much let them learn the Truth from the Pity of some and the Reproach of others and from the common Rumours of the Neighbourhood Every body but themselves will tell them that Love of Children must appear by its Effects and Fruits and no other thing can possibly convince another of that Love though they themselves are never so persuaded that they do and to confirm it could be content to die But of this enough already and also what it is to chasten it remains that I say a word or two of the proper Season and that is betimes he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes either betimes with respect to his Age or with respect to his Faults First with respect to his Age. It is in every thing of great Importance how we begin what Grounds we lay and what Foundation 't is we build upon if this be not right the rest is but Time and Pains mispent and will end in Loss and Disappointment It is as a Man that sets out false every step that he proceeds is so much out of his way and he must return and begin again And so it is with the Journeyings of Life if in our early Youth we set out false fall into evil Practices or be corrupted with pernicious Maxims it is either a great chance that we never see our Errour at all but blindly still proceed at all adventure or if we do we find our selves constrain'd to begin a-new to return to the place from whence we first fet out to our intollerable trouble and vexation What a deal of human Life is spent not in weaving a new web but in unravelling the old not in learning new Lessons of Truth and Vertue but in unlearning those of Vice and Falshood in forgetting of evil Principles and laying down old Prejudices in stripping our selves of our accustom'd Habits in parting with our old Acquaintances in forsaking our old Friends and in a manner tearing out our Vitals and rending of our Hearts asunder all which might in great measure be prevented by an early Seasoning in the ways of Goodness It was in prospect of this that one of the Ancients would have Children accustom'd to love and praise with delight all vertuous Actions and detest all Vices even before they attain'd the Use of Reason he would have them constantly observe know them compleatly and form in their Minds perfect Idea's of them and observing that Children are first of all affected with the Sense of Pleasure and of Pain he would have them used though never so little and young to take or think there is no Pleasure but in Goodness Vertue Temperance Justice and the like nor feel or think there is any great Pain but in those things that are truly evil Vice and Sin The thing is carried certainly too high and the Lesson too refin'd and subtil to be put in practice but the thing he means is this that the Preventions and Prepossessions of Vertue Goodness and Religion should answer at least the Prejudices of our natural Corruption and that Propensity and Inclination to Folly and to Sin we bring along with us into this World that the Artificial Principles of Education might be of equal poise with our original Corruption till the use of our Understanding bear down the Scale on the right side and if it be better to prevent than cure an Evil to save from Danger than deliver out of it then it is better to begin betimes with chastening of our Children to make them wise at our expence to let them know no Sin but by description to hinder them from making an Experiment so very unprofitable at best and fatal in the Event most commonly But Secondly betimes is also to be understood with respect to the Fault the first respecting Age would if 't were possible prevent the evil this latter is to put a speedy stop to it to hinder it from growing any farther the first Advice is to take all care imaginable that no corrupt or noxious Weeds should spring up in that pure and tender Soil the second is to root them out betimes if once they come so that to chasten betimes is to see that Punishment do constantly attend the Crime before it be forgotten and before an evil habit be contracted by the frequent repetition of evil Acts. First Before it be forgotten as well that it may not appear to proceed from a delight in Punishment or to be the effects of studied and deliberate Cruelty as also that the Fault being fresh in Memory the Justice and Reasonableness of the Infliction may the better appear and make the deeper Impression on the Mind and raise the greater Aversation and Abhorrence of the Thing that Impunity may not breed Security in Sin and that Children may not argue as older People often do that because Sentence is not speedily executed against an evil Work therefore their Hearts should be fully set in them to do Evil. 'T is a false and vicious Way of Arguing but because 't is obvious natural and too too easie it should be silenc'd quickly and convicted of its Falsehood that it may not impose on them a second Time But Lastly and most especially for fear of evil Habits being contracted the Dread of Punishment is the most natural Restraint upon the Mind t is the most powerfull Motive to Obedience the very Life of all Laws and without which they would be but a dead Letter and all the Reason in the World they should be so for who would obey against his Interest or who would practice against his
inclination without fear and who would fear without Punishment according therefore to the Degrees of Impunity which Men can find or fansie will their Obedience to the Laws or Disobedience prove And so it is even in the smallest Matters that relate to Children they naturally incline the wrong Way and are kept strait by forcible Coercion the Dread of Punishment is the Restraint that lies most powerfully upon them 't is the Consideration of that that is their Motive to Obedience and the Discouragement that keeps them from offending and he that removes that Bar lays them expos'd and open to every Danger and Temptation But nothing does this more effectually than suffering them to sin at first without Reproof and Punishment this strangely lessens the Guilt and Horrour of their Faults within their own Minds gives them Degrees of Confidence in Wickedness and makes them think it no such hainous Matter and venture on it frequently and freely till it at last becomes habitual and is rooted firmly in them and then the Danger is a thousand times the greater and the Pains of remedying all these Mischiefs infinitely more So that allowing that they must some time or other root these Evils out free them from the Bondage and Captivity of their Lusts and Passions and rid them of all their bad and foolish Principles and set them in the Ways of Virtue and Sobriety again allowing I say that this must needs be done that they cannot possibly be Safe or Happy withont it nay that they must be miserable here and more than so hereafter Allowing of all this it is demonstrable that it is not only a Piece of the greatest Wisdom to set about it betimes but of the greatest Mercy and Compassion in the World even in the Judgment of the tenderest and most pittying Mother 'T is like putting one to Death to save a Hundred by the Terror of the Example which may be Justice to the Offender but is in truth a Kindness to the rest If one Reproof and Admonition will prevent the Occasion of twenty more each one as sharp and terrible it would be Cruelty to spare it If an early restraint of undue Liberty will prevent Licentiousness hereafter which must be restrain'd with Chains and Dungeons who would not think it a Mercy to be restrain'd betimes It is better sure to break us of our Wills betimes and to deny us our Satisfactions in small and trifling Things before we can have set our Hearts upon them than to let our Wills and Inclinations gather Strength and our Affection settle and grow firm 〈◊〉 and then begin to fall upon us the one is only as the bending the other as the breaking of an Arm. A little Pain and Trouble and Uneasiness will serve at first to set us right again when a Continuance in our Evil State and a contracted Habit will require a great deal of Patience and put us to a great deal of Torment A little Care and a little Strength will serve to keep a young and tender Graft in uprightness and order which if permitted to grow awry for some time must suffer violence and great distortion before it will be strait again The older we grow in evil Practices and evil Maximes the older they grow too and take the faster hold and root the deeper in us and consequently are remov'd with greater difficulty So that allowing that there is an absolute Necessity of their being removed at length it is plain and manifest beyond denyal that it is not only better both for Parent and for Child that it be done betimes but that it is a Piece of Cruelty both in the one and to the other to deferr it till the vicious Habit is contracted and consequently that the Truth of the Proposition in the Text does visibly appear that he that loveth his Son chastneth him betimes And having done with that I am now to make Application of what hath been said and it shall be to the Parties here concern'd First The Parent Secondly The Children and to both in short First To the Parent To shew you the necessity there is of bringing up your Children under an early and severe discipline the Spirit calls the doing of it Love which is a Term so fit and so expressive that Nature seems to have appropriated it to Parents in such manner that they are fond of the Name even when they have not the Thing they would be thought to love even when they don't it lookes so like their own and what they should do and the Neglect of this he calls hatred a Term from which all Parents naturally abhor But that you might not be deceived and make your Judgments from the Passions and Affections of your own Hearts he describes this Love and Hate by such Effects as are not usually the Products of those Passions in the Hearts of Parents but such as are so in God's Accounts and wise Mens and Childrens themselves when they grow up to Years of Understanding and therefore that you should not set the movings of your Hearts and your own fond Opinions and conceits of Kindness against the Reason Judgment and Experience of the whole World and oftentimes your own But freeing your selves as much as may be from the Partialities of Nature and your Pâ—arental Prejudices deal with your own as freely and as wisely as you would with the Children of a Forreigner and Stranger believing there is need of equal Care and equal Rigour in treating with your own as you can visibly discern there is in treating with anothers This is the only true and lasting Kindness you can do them all other Tokens of your Love but that of good Discipline will die with you or may be taken from them by sundry Chances and Misfortunes This is the only Treasure and Possession you can leave them of which they cannot be depriv'd by Thieves and Robbers out of the Power of Chance and above the Reach and Malice of the subtilest and most formidable Enemy This alone without any other Accession often proves the Foundation of a lasting Happiness but every thing besides without this signifie at least nothing but are most commonly the Instruments of greater Mischief and the Occasions of greater falling And though it can't be done without reluctancy and some uneasiness on both Parts yet it must needs be done however It is but like removing Knives and Instruments of Danger out of their Way for fear of hurting them notwithstanding all their cryings and impatience after them or like the administring severe Physick to prevent a growing Sickness notwithstanding all their loathings and resistance Your Fondness seldom hinders you from this and yet severe and early Discipline is but an equal crossing of their Wills an exercising of their Patience and applying as uneasie Remedies to Evils much more dangerous and to effect a Good much more considerable than that of Health it self It is not easie to determine how far Childrens Faults are chargeable upon their
Parents there are too many and too intricate Circumstances to be consider'd before one can decisively pronounce on such Matters But neither of them are the safer for this Uncertainty and Doubt The Children shall unquestionably suffer for their own Sins and the Parents as unquestionably for their Neglect They have both of them Guilt enough and both of them shall have enough of Punishment the one for not having done what they shou'd the other for doing what they shou'd not Not that after all the Care and Discipline and early Chastisement the Parent is secure of the Event but secure of himself and his Design He has done his Duty and must leave the issue in the hands of of God he has taken the natural ready reasonable and usual and appointed Means and if the Strength of Temptations and the Violence of the Children's Passions or the Perverseness of their Wills obstruct and hinder these Means from attaining of their good End he has freed his Soul the Parent may be after that sad and unfortunate but has remov'd his Guilt and Punishment and next to the effecting what we would is the satisfaction of having done what one should And so much for Application to the Parent A word or two to the other Party and I have done and that not to persuade you that Reproof Restraint and Punishment are things eligible or no such grievous and uneasie States as they are fansied for they are undoubtedly uneasie States and just as bad as you experience them to be there is no arguing against sense or persuading against feeling but that you would believe since they proceed from People of the greatest Love and Tenderness and sore against their Inclinations that they are the most natural and necessary Means of effecting the greatest Good and preventing the greatest Evils in the World and so designed by those that do inflict them It is true what St. Paul observes in another case Heb. 12. I1 that no chastisement for the present seemeth to be joyous but grievous nevertheless afterwards it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of Righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby You cannot love Correption and Restraint but when you shall hereaster see and feel the Effects of all this careful Discipline in the Fear of God in the Government of your Passions in Temperance in Chastity in Patience under evils in bearing Disappointments in the Joys of Innonence and the Comforts of a good Conscience then you will bless your Parents and Instructors who by their Admonitions seasonable Reproofs and early Chastisements delivered you from the Snares of Sin and Death from the Plague of a guilty Mind from an uneasie Remembrance of what is past and a fearful looking for of Evils to come which you will then desire to have avoided though with the utmost Pain and Torment and curse the Indulgence that prevented it You will have other Notions and Opinions of the Love of Parents and Instructors than you now have and therefore in the mean time let the Reason Wisdom and Experience of all Ages convince you that the Courses taken to make you good and happy are not only fit and suited to your Age and Tempers but necessary and unavoidable tho' for the present they appear so grievous and unacceptable and therefore ben't so hasty and impatient under them nor covet so to be deliver'd from them be not so fond of immature Manhood only because you think it is a State of Freedom from the Bondage of your Discipline That Age has no such Charms in it as you imagine and when aspir'd to so ambitiously and so unseasonably 't is only to perfect your Destruction and complete your Misery the sooner it is according to the good or ill Improvement of this your Season of Discipline that Manhood shall prove more or less comfortable the Ground is now a cultivating the Seed is now a sowing that shall spring up to lasting Honour and Advantage or to your lasting Shame and Ruine And therefore though the Heats of Fancy the Vigour of your springing Youth and Fervour of Complexion may suggest both strange and forward things yet trust them not nor listen to them It is but like the Gaiety that springs up from the Fumes of New Wine that warm and delight Men for a moment but soon evaporate and leave the Heart in greater Damps and Melancholy You will quickly find the Mischiefs of forsaking Discipline and all those gay Expectances will vanish and conclude in lamentable Disappointments but the trouble is that then Repentance comes too late the Time is irrecoverable and the Evil is irremediable And therefore to conclude learn to be wise in this your hour the Wisdom at least of suffering others to be wise and careful for you in things of which you have as yet no Knowledge or Experience and yet so necessary to you that thereupon depends the Welfare and Felicity of all your Lives FINIS